7 minute read
This Is Not A (Traditional Love Story
The Western fairytale depicts the typical Cinderella story: the perfect prince, a bride in white and love at frst sight. These are all traditional signs of an event held in sacred regard: marriage, the legal joining and binding of romantic persons.
Or so says the defnition. Yet, the many drunken Elvis-ordained weddings and scandalous affairs between the groom and maid of
honor show that marriage does not mean the same to everyone,
nor does it serve the same purpose.
For many Asian Americans, it is about ensuring a successful future while also maintaining tradition and culture. This belief
results in arranged marriages, or marriages orchestrated by
third parties rather than the two partners. These third parties are
commonly parents, relatives or trusted friends of the prospective spouses. While vastly different from the rash decisions made in Vegas, arranged marriages still prove that the reasoning behind the sanctity of matrimony is varied.
For Palestinian senior Mona Soboh, studying political science at the University of Central Florida, the possibility of a matchmade partner is very real. While not fully committed, Soboh
understands the reasoning behind arranged marriages and is willing to consider her parents’ wishes for her future.
“I decided to submit and marry whoever they want me to marry, within the boundaries of what I want. I have standards,” Soboh said.
The decision to allow her parents’ involvement in her dating life was not easy for Soboh, who had been in love previously with someone her family disapproved of, even going as far as “hate” on her father’s part. Generational differences and values cause
conflict; for example, while Soboh is comfortable with being
romantically involved with non-Muslim boys, her relatives are not.
While said differences are often a result of upbringing, it is unfortunate that society continues to function in such a divisive
way. Experiences such as Soboh’s make it evident that the Asian community still has work to do towards acceptance of others.
Change starts with examining said differences that are often hard عروس حب to work past. Navigating the situation is tricky, but the Sobohs handle it through continuous conversation and honesty. “My mom understands that when you fall in love with someone, it is very hard to break that love,” Soboh said. “[But] she also understands that not all love is worth proceeding [with] and that you have to break away. She sees that there are priorities; making the majority happy is more important…”
िया गया 見合い結婚 犠牲 花嫁 愛 結婚式 The common root of marriage is love, but for every individual, family and culture, love varies. Soboh’s mother Reem is glad to pass on advice to her daughter and be involved in fnding someone for Soboh. While traditional weddings are based on the idea of “fnding the one,” and “true love,” Reem has learned throughout her marriage that love is not the grandeur that is presented in the media, despite being a self-proclaimed romantic. Instead, both partners must have a mutual appreciation with each other and grow throughout the relationship. This continuous growth is what she believes makes arranged marriages succeed.
“Some people believe that you have to fall in love frst, but I do not think it is falling in love frst that makes the marriage work. Love is not all flowers,” Reem said. “My husband is not a romantic, but
I love him. I know that he loves me. He respects me and I respect
him, so it works for me.”
The question of love reaps diverse responses, which is why the topic is so interesting and studied. Reem’s defnition of love is akin to respect, yet others’ may mean sacrifce.
Jane Patel*, a freshman biomedical sciences major at UCF, was raised by parents in an arranged marriage while being a part of a community believing in the tradition. She notes that the sentiment of sacrifcial love is clear in Indian culture. Though Patel acknowledges that it is possible to fnd attraction after marriage, she fnds it more diffcult in practice than in theory.
“It is defnitely a common belief... I won’t say it is not possible. I do know of people that are genuinely happy, but they have also had
During Pons’ lectures, the debate behind the ethics of arranged marriage often consists of arguments made on behalf of women’s rights versus those of cultural
respect and boundaries.
Western views on feminism and women’s
rights can sometimes lead to indirect
racism or xenophobia, something Reem believes stems from ignorance. Some
are strong believers in the independence of women, whether women want it or not.
While some believe arranged marriage is
completely healthy and normal, others find it to be barbaric and oppressive,
even if it is not. to sacrifce a lot of things they wanted to do career-wise or their own goals they set out for themselves,” Patel said. “Especially with my mom, she has to give up some of her personal beliefs and interests. It is a
very male-dominated household.”
This resignation is saddening to hear.
Misogyny is rampant in many marriages,
not just those that are arranged, and the impact of matrimony on potential friends, careers and development of oneself is
frightening. “It has been fltered out of my family. I think it is an outdated cultural practice that does
not really have a place in our progressive
society,” Shah said.
Heritage and religion heavily influence the perception of arranged marriages. Some fnd it to be a culturally signifcant tradition, and others view the practice as
misogynistic and abusive.
Both sides are correct in different
situations, and without taking time to understand distinct characteristics of
each, it is impossible to ever have a valid
opinion on the subject. Consent, however, is the top priority and it should be continually given, even during a marriage. Violating one’s autonomy is a serious crime and should be considered as
such, no matter the culture or religion.
Not all arranged marriages are forced; many are completely consensual. One’s excitement for raunchy bachelorette
parties and white gowns could translate to another’s joy for henna appointments and
red saris.
For Reem, her marriage has allowed her to travel the world, raise a family, and continue practicing her faith. Soboh adds that her father treats Reem “like a princess.” Soboh
hopes her eventual marriage will be just as healthy as that of her parents, despite
having lost past love.
“I believe that if an arranged marriage
For this reason, Patel ultimately insists on fnding relationships on her own. Whereas Soboh feels like she has her mother and
father’s support and respect, Patel’s
parents are stricter about imposing their own wishes and Patel feels like her voice
would be drowned out.
Differing parenting styles especially highlight the diverse ideas and philosophy
surrounding arranged marriage. Reem and her husband allow Soboh to freely
converse and share concerns about her
love life, while Patel’s family treat romance like a taboo, much less the idea of an
actual relationship at Patel’s age.
Unlike Soboh and Patel’s family, arranged On one hand, it is true that arranged marriages can be dangerous for its participants. Dr. Irene Pons, an associate lecturer at the UCF Department of Legal studies and family law attorney, reflects
on a case she handled involving a
sexual assault victim who was carrying
her husband’s child, noting that it was incredibly traumatic for her client. Pons
could not legally do anything involving the marriage due to the difference between
U.S. laws and Mexican laws; however, she
was able to charge the man with several accounts of rape. is done properly with all parties happy, satisfed, and given enough time to decide if the person is the right person,
then an arranged marriage is much like your parents helping you fnd a person they think you would be compatible with,”
Soboh said.
marriage is not an option in the household of Saagar Shah, a biomedical sciences student at UCF. His parents are against the idea for both him and his siblings. Growing up in an American environment, Shah feels that their view on romance and relationships have become more Westernized; the Western take on romance often stipulates that love can be casual, without the need for labels or tradition.
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In a 2017 International Labor Organization report, around 37% of forced marriage victims were under 18, while in Asia, “... an estimated 2 persons per 1000 were victims of forced marriage.” Arranged marriages that are forced upon young girls without the consent of both individuals can be especially dangerous.
