By Matt Knight
Should We
“Cure”
Autism?
Have I got your attention with this clickbait title?
Good, because this is a question that everyone on the spectrum should consider. Granted, “curing” autism is not something that can be achieved right now. I see autism as a divergent operating system derived from atypical neurological development via genetic and environmental factors, and we don’t know nearly enough about those factors yet. But it is something that I have been thinking about [at least theoretically] lately. While I have made more progress in spite of my autism than my parents may have ever thought possible and was fortunate to never really have to deal with the bullying that many others go through, I still have lots of issues related to this disorder. This is especially true when dealing with overwhelming sensory input and a lack of self-esteem. Being high-functioning, I have always felt torn between having and/or wanting a stronger connection to neurotypicals (NTs) while also being envious of them for not having to deal with any combination of the following: 1. Being unable to truly understand the set of unspoken rules about “the way things are supposed to be.” 2. Not having to “mask” all of the time, which consists of the following (at least for me): · Paying careful attention to facial expressions and body language of others in order to interpret their “intent” more correctly. · Monitoring my own facial expressions and emotional tone, so I don’t offend someone else. · Attempting to anticipate what people will say and/or do so that I can say and do the “right” things for each specific situation (so I won’t get “punished”).
10
July 2022
· Controlling/disguising stimming behaviors or just attempting to use more acceptable ones (e.g., fiddling with pens/pencils, twirling keys, using squishy balls). · Hiding or minimizing personal interests/thoughts (i.e., pretending to be a “yes man” and never saying what I really think at any given moment, etc.). · Attempting (and usually failing) to push through bad/intense sensory discomfort (including, but not limited to, loud/sharp noises and bright lights). 3. Not having weird sensory issues in the first place (i.e., hating light touching, bright lights, loud noises, certain tastes/textures in food, etc.). 4. Having inconsistent sleep.
Like many other autistic people, I’ve always struggled with the cultural message that I’m supposed to “be myself” but also “one of the group,” so I don’t upset those who want everyone to behave the same way that they do. This lifelong conflict still makes me feel like I’m walking on a tightrope over a canyon, where just one wrong move will result in my life being essentially over/worthless, no matter what I do to rectify said mistake. Even to this day, I don’t really fit in with anybody (even other autistic people, for that matter), nor do I really want to. I just get too tired after socializing for an hour or more. Listening to people talk about random stuff I couldn’t care any less about, in addition to thinking of acceptable responses and dealing with background noise (depending on the circumstances, of course), just becomes too much. However, that isn’t to say that “curing” my autism would come without negative side effects. The lists below pretty much summarize the changes that would likely occur if I were to “cure” my autism:
