Preparing & Presenting a Eulogy

by JOHN B. EARTHMAN

The purpose of a eulogy is to acknowledge and share information about a person’s life. It is a great honor for someone to present and it’s an important part of the grieving process for the presenter, as well as the audience.

A good place to start is to make a list of thoughts and memories you’d like to share. While others might not be comfortable or able to give their own eulogy, they might find great comfort in sharing memories with you that you could incorporate into the eulogy. Things you might include are stories, quotes, expressions of love or prayers, all of which can be delivered in a serious or humorous manner depending on what you feel is appropriate.

In an effort to have the audience connected and involved in your tribute, the eulogy can be compiled from private memories that your audience might not be aware of as well as personal traits and details of the loved one that all will remember. You will want to include any accomplishments or honors no matter how big or small that were especially important to your loved one. Memories shared should always acknowledge the person in a positive manner and recognize them for who they were accurately.

Once you are ready to write the eulogy, decide on how you will begin, then pick the main thoughts and memories that you wish to share and finally determine how you will close. You need to properly introduce yourself when you begin and have a summarizing statement to share when you close. You can read from your notes, but practice giving the eulogy and change any part that does not feel like natural conversation in your own words.

Presenting a eulogy can cause great anxiety. Stopping at any time to collect your thoughts or emotions and then continuing when you are ready is understandable and acceptable. If you decide that you cannot continue, simply skip to your final statement. It is the message about the impact of your loved that is important, not the delivery, so just be yourself.

final planning

hospice • funeral resources monuments • cremation services

Final Planning Resources

ADVANCE PLANNING DOCUMENTS

CaringInfo 800–658–8898 caringinfo.org Free Texas Living Will Form 877–881–0947 rocketlawyer.com Powers of Attorney, DNR, and Similar Documents texaslawhelp.org Preparing For End-Of-Life Care: Advance Planning Documents txcatholic.org Texas Advance Directive Form everplans.com Texas Health & Human Services hhs.texas.gov/laws-regulations/ forms/advance-directives

BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT

AARP aarp.org Aftertalk aftertalk.com Austin Center For Attitudinal Healing 512–327–1961 Austin Christian Fellowship 512–381–5700 Center For Grief And Loss 512–327–2286 Compassion and Choices End–Of–Life Support 800–247–7421 compassionandchoices.org Covenant Presbyterian Church 512–334–3003 Dignity Memorial L.I.F.T. 800–344–6489 Gateway Church 512–837–2162 Griefnet griefnet.org GriefShare griefshare.org Grieving.com grieving.com Hill Country Bible Church 512–331–5050 Hill County Memorial Hospital 210–997–1355 Hope Lutheran Church 512–926–8574 Hospice Austin 512–342–4700 hospiceaustin.org Life After Loss (American Cancer Society) 800–227–2345 National Widowers Association nationalwidowers.org Outreach Health Services outreachhealth.com St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church 512–345–8314 St. Paul’s Lutheran Church 512–472–8301

Soul Care Project soulcareproject.org The Austin Center for Grief and Loss 512–472–7878 austingrief.org The Christi Center 512–467–2600 christicenter.org The Compassionate Friends of Georgetown 512–869–0077 the light beyond thelightbeyond.com Westlake United Methodist 512–327–1335

DONATION OF A BODY

Baylor College of Medicine 713–798–3858 BIOGIFT 866–670–1799 biogift.org Donate Life Texas donatelifetexas.org Science Care sciencecare.com

DONOR PROGRAMS

AGE of Central Texas (computers & medical equipment) 512–451–4611 ageofcentraltx.org Donate Life Texas 877–839–2755 donatelifetexas.org LifeGift 800–633–6562 lifegift.org Lone Star Lions Eye Bank 800–977–3937 lsleb.org National Kidney Foundation Donor Family Council 800–622–9010 kidney.org National Marrow Donor Program 800–526–7809 marrow.org Texas Organ Sharing Alliance (TOSA) 512–459–4848 txorgansharing.org The Living Bank 800–528–2971 livingbank.org Tissue Centers of Central Texas 512–206–1266 inyourhands.org United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) 804–782–4800 unos.org We Are Blood Tissue donation in Austin area. 512–206–1266 weareblood.org

END-OF-LIFE PLANNING

Caring Connections 800–658–8898 caringinfo.org Grave Talk churchofenglandfunerals.org Hospice Foundation of America hospicefoundation.org Kitchen Table Conversations Educating Central Texans to have end of life conversations and legally documenting their wishes. kitchentableconversations.org National Association for Home Care and Hospice nahc.org Continued

Final Planning Resources

National Hospice and Palliative Care 703–837–1500 nhpco.org Planning for a Graceful Exit epicenter.org/wc-end-of-life-planning

FUNERALS, BURIAL AND CREMATION Assistance in finding low-cost funeral arrangements

Affordable Burial & Cremation Service 512–354–2509 or 254–200–0400 centraltexascremation.com Funeral Consumers Alliance of Central Texas 512–480–0555 fcactx.org Holy Cross Catholic Church - Basic Needs Assistance 512–472–3741 Texas Funeral Service Commission 512–936–2474 tfsc.state.tx.us Texas Prepaid Funeral Contracts 877–276–5554 prepaidfunerals.texas.gov Travis County Indigent Burial Services 512–854–1440 traviscountytx.gov

For Veterans Central Texas State Veterans Cemetery 254–616–1770 cem.va.gov Government Headstone or Markers 844–698–2311 va.gov Heart of Texas Cremations & Burials 512–243–7277 heartoftexascremations.com Travis County Burial Services 512–854–9340 traviscountytx.gov Veterans Land Board 800–252–8387 glo.texas.gov/vlb/

GRIEF COUNSELING

Dignity Memorial – Dealing With Grief 800–343–4464 dignitymemorial.com Hospice Austin – Grief Support 512–342–4700 hospiceaustin.org The Austin Center for Grief and Loss 512–472–7878 austingrief.org The Christi Center 512–467–2600 christicenter.org

STAGES OF GRIEF

1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Understanding the five stages of grief grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief

DECEASED IDENTITY THEFT

To avoid identity theft of a deceased person, it is recommended that you take the following steps: • Scale back the obituary—don’t provide too much information • Notify banks and creditors • Contact credit reporting bureaus—request decedent’s credit report and flag as

“deceased” • Report death to Social Security; they will flag decedent’s number as inactive.

Also notify your local passport office, if applicable • To remove the deceased name from direct marketing lists, register as deceased Do-Not-Contact Web site ............ dmaconsumers.org/consumerassistance.html

DIRECTIONS FOR THE DISPOSITION OF REMAINS

A person may provide written directions for the disposition, including cremation, of their remains in a will, a prepaid funeral contract, or a written instrument called “Appointment of Agent to Control Disposition of Remains,” which is signed and acknowledged by the person who agrees to be responsible for the interment. tfsc.state.tx.us or Legal Hotline for Texans at 800–622–2520

SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFICIARY – REPORTING A DEATH

When a Social Security beneficiary dies, report the death to the Social Security Administration as soon as possible. They will require the name and Social Security Number of the deceased, the date and place of death, if there is asurviving spouse or an eligible child, and your name and address. A copy of the Death Certificate may be required. You will be given instructions on handling any forthcoming Social Security checks. A one-time death benefit of $255 is paid to a surviving spouse or eligible child. Social Security Administration ............................. ssa.gov | 800–772–1213

VITAL RECORDS Birth and Death Certificates

Texas Bureau of Vital Statistics............. dshs.state.tx.us/vs/ | 888–963–7111 Texas Law dictates that both birth and death certificates are deemed confidential for a set period of time. Birth certificates are confidential for 75 years, and death certificates are confidential for 25 years after the death has occurred. If a birth or death certificate is requested before this period of time elapses, certified copies of these documents can only be obtained by a qualified applicant. A qualified applicant can be an immediate family member (by blood or marriage), a legal guardian, or the legal representative of the person for whom the document is requested. If you are not a qualified applicant, you may request a verification of a birth or death record. Continued

Final Planning Resources

Certified copies of the birth and death certificates are issued with a state seal and are printed on security paper. Heirloom birth certificates have a different cost and are printed on special paper that boasts a design celebrating Texas. The heirloom certificate ($60) is only offered through Austin, Texas. Funeral homes will supply certified copies of a death certificate for a small fee if requested at the time funeral arrangements are made.

For obtaining a birth or death certificate

Austin Bureau of Vital Statistics......................................... 512–972–4784 austintexas.gov Bastrop County (County Clerk).......................................... 512–332–7234 co.bastrop.tx.us Blanco County (County Clerk) ........................................... 830–868–7357 co.blanco.tx.us Burnet County (County Clerk) ............................................ 512–756–5406 burnetcountytexas.org Hays County (County Clerk) ............................................. 512–393–7738 co.hays.tx.us Travis County (County Clerk)............................................. 512–854–9188 traviscountyclerk.org Williamson County (County Clerk)..................................... 512–943–1515 wilco.org

Verification of Birth and Death

The verification of a birth or death record is NOT a certified copy of the birth or death certificate, but a letter with the person’s name, date of occurrence, county where the birth or death took place and a state file number. Letters may not be available at all birth and death registrars. Verifications are available from 1903 to the present date. Fees for birth and death verification range from $22–$30. This fee is non-refundable for records that are not located.