A Rock ‘n Roll Love Story Script by Peter Cann, Jay Turner & Catherine Mundy Music By Jay Turner At the dawn of rock‘n’roll, a penniless, charismatic, young mechanic arrives in a sleepy English town. Against all odds, he dares to reach both for stardom and for the heart of his bigotted boss’s beautiful daughter. Drama, comedy and brilliant original music by the Buckett-load. You’ll be rockin’ in the aisles!
Billy Buckett by Peter Cann, Jay Turner and Catherine Mundy © Cann, Turner & Mundy 2013. All Rights Reserved This script may not be copied or transcribed by any means electronic, optical, or mechanical without the prior permission of the copyright owners or their agent. Photocopying or printing more than one copy of this script without a suitable license is strictly prohibited. This musical is a work of fiction. The characters words and actions are entirely the product of the authors’ imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. ‘Billy Buckett’ is fully protected under the international laws of copyright which are enacted in the UK as the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. Peter Cann, Jay Turner and Catherine Mundy have asserted their rights to be identified as the intellectual owners of the work in accordance with the above Act. While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this musical play, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the material contained herein. Published, and worldwide rights managed, by : Stagescripts Ltd, Lantern House, 84 Littlehaven Lane, Horsham, West Sussex, RH12 4JB, UK Telephone : 0345 686 0611 International : +44 700 581 0581 sales@stagescripts.com www. stagescripts.com Publication History: November 2015 :
First Edition Stagescripts Ltd Registered in England and Wales No. 06155216
ROYALTY FEES A royalty fee is payable every time ‘Billy Buckett’ is performed in front of an audience irrespective of whether that audience pays for attending or not. Producing organisations MUST obtain a ‘Licence To Perform’ from Stagescripts Ltd prior to starting rehearsals. Producing Organisations are prohibited from making video recordings of rehearsals or performances of ‘Billy Buckett’ without the prior permission of Stagescripts Ltd or their agent. NOTE : The act of preparing material in quantities sufficient to rehearse a performance of ‘Billy Buckett’ will be taken as intent to stage such a performance should litigation be necessary in the event of non-payment of Royalty Fees later found to be due.
SA-0302
Rev E
Characters (5m, 5f) Principals (3m, 3f) Billy Buckett: Mechanic and part-time singer & songwriter. 19 years old. Musically gifted. Poor, scruffy, but oozes a cool rock’n’roll charisma, which hides a deep hurt from his childhood. A rough diamond. Takes his guitar ‘Lizzie’ everywhere with him. Awesome singing voice along the lines of Eddie Cochrane, Elvis & Cliff Richard. Janette Burns: Vivacious and beautiful daughter of Arthur Burns. 18 years old, just graduated from an exclusive girls’ boarding school. Now working for her father in the office of his chicken factory. Soprano-Belt singing voice. Big Ted: Lead ‘Garridge Lad’: Head Mechanic and Panel-Beater at Burns & Wilkins Garage. 25 years old. An affable relic of the fading Teddy-Boy era, enjoys dressing up in full Ted gear to go out boozing and chasing women (although his bravado covers a oncebroken heart). Bluesy Tenor singing voice. Maureen: aka Mo’. Boarding-school friend of Jan’s, a rebel and motorcycling enthusiast. Nearly 19 years old, but mature beyond her years. Flamboyant, independent and free-spirited. Gutsy Alto singing voice. Arthur Burns: Businessman, Father of Jan. Chicken factory owner and half-owner of Burns & Wilkins garage. 45 years old. Dominant, cold, controlling, obsessed with success, pragmatist, a snob. Loves his daughter but expresses this through over-protectiveness. Fears the poverty that he feels people like Billy Buckett represent. Commanding Tenor singing voice. Helen Burns: Gentle wife of Arthur. 40 years old. Sweet-natured, well-bred, a loving mother, but totally dominated by her controlling husband. She sighs for the old days when Jan was little. Well-trained Alto singing voice with an emotional bitter-sweet quality. Support (2m, 2f) Marty:
Shirley:
Brian:
Betty:
aka ‘Sparky’, a ‘Garridge Lad’: auto-electrician at Burns & Wilkins garage. 20 years old. Mean, sarcastic, insecure and prone to jealousy, but funny and somehow likeable. Enjoys playing practical jokes and bullying Brian. Baritone singing voice (or Tenor if doubling as Solomon Goldstein), strong harmony singer. Chicken factory worker and Marty’s girlfriend. 18 years old. Brassy, brash, bored, flirtatious, speaks her mind. Can double as a Doo-Wop Girl. Soprano or alto harmony singer. aka ‘Pimples’, a ‘Garridge Lad’: apprentice at Burns & Wilkins Garage. Boyfriend to Betty. 17 years old. Very young and naïve, states the obvious, clutzy and awkward, like a puppy. Pop-muisc geek. Adores Betty. Tenor or baritone harmony singer. Office worker at the chicken factory. 17 years old. Smart, a dreamer. Enjoys Brian’s adoration of her but is irritated by his immaturity. Dreams of becoming a writer and living in London. Can double as a Doo-Wop Girl. Alto harmony singer.
(NB: Shirley & Betty need to be a Soprano-Alto duo. Marty & Brian need to be a Tenor-Baritone duo).
Chorus & Incidental Roles: (2m, 1f, 1m/f) Solomon Goldstein: aka ‘Goldy’. Discovers Billy, signs him up to his first record deal (Speaks & Sings) Male Customer: Served by Maureen at ‘Runwell Motorcycles’ (Speaking Only) Zeros Niteclub MC: (m/f) Could be played by a member of the band (Speaking Only) Voices Off: Band Leader / Radio Voice x 2 / Mr Wilkins (Northern English accent) Sanatorium Matron At the private Swiss clinic where Jan stays (Could double with Shirley or Betty) A&R Man: From Parlophone Records. (Non-speaking role. Could played by Arthur) Male Chorus: Teddy Boys / Garridge Lads Dancers/singers/actors for ensemble Female Chorus: Judies / Factory Girls / Doo-Wop Girls numbers and crowd scenes NB: all the chorus and incidental roles could be played by members of the Principal and Support cast.
i
Synopsis Nineteen-year-old mechanic Billy Buckett oozes musical talent, rock‘n’roll charisma and seemingly, a ‘couldn’t care less’ cool. Abandoned as a baby during the Blitz and raised in an orphanage, Billy’s salvation has been his beloved guitar ‘Lizzie’, with which he writes highly infectious pop songs. The struggling musician-cum-mechanic yearns to swap his overalls for ‘fame and fortune and mass adoration’, hoping to gain the love and acceptance he has been denied all his life. When Billy meets Janette Burns – a beautiful, but equally lost ‘poor little rich girl’ - each unexpectedly finds a soul-mate. Her controlling father, Billy’s new boss, ‘self-made man’ Arthur Burns is not amused and forbids Billy to go near his daughter. At first Billy and Jan manage to keep their relationship hidden from Arthur, but when the secret slips, the consequences are devastating. Billy fights back the only way he knows how - through rock’n’roll. But can he find the happiness he craves? Not if Arthur Burns can help it. Filled with fabulously 1950s-inspired original songs, ‘Billy Buckett’ tells a timeless story whilst exploring the social conditions of a bygone era with drama, pathos and a delightfully daffy British sense of humour.
Setting It's 1959 in Wickford, a small town in Essex, England. This is the colourful era of Teddy Boys and Judies - with milk bars & coffee houses, quiffs & bouffants, drape jackets, drainpipe trousers & crepesole boots, crinoline dresses & flatties - just as the world is awakening to the teenage revolution and the music that drives it wild: rock'n'roll!
Musical Items The Band (aka The Asteroids). Comprising: Drum-kit, Bass Guitar (or Double Bass), Acoustic Rhythm Guitar, Electric Lead Guitar (à la Hank Marvin), Piano, Keyboard: strings/organ, (often optional): xylophone, glockenspiel, cow-bell, extra snare, tambourine, chimes. Act One 1) MC01: Mind Over Matters Blues Billy (with Doo-wop Girls) 2) MC04: Wot’s Work? Big Ted, Marty & Brian (with Garridge Lads) 3) MC06: Self-Made Man Arthur (with Helen & Garridge Lads) 4) MC08: Daddy Jan (with Shirley, Betty & Factory Girls) 5) MC10: A Girl Is Like A Car Big Ted & Billy (with Female Chorus as Calendar Girls) 6) MC14: Restless Shirley & Betty (with Marty, Brian, Judies & Teddy-Boys) 7) MC15: Who Were You With? Billy (with Jan, Maureen, Ted, Brian, Marty, Judies & Teddy-Boys) 8) MC16: Tender Is The Night Billy & Jan (with Maureen, Ted, Shirley, Marty, Betty, Brian & Chorus) 9) MC18: Rock’n’Roll Heart Billy & Jan (with Doo-wop Girls) 10) MC21: Steppin’ Out Instrumental (The Asteroids) 11) MC23: Feather On The Wind Maureen (with Doo-wop Girls) 12) MC27: What’ll I Do? Billy & Jan (with Doo-Wop Girls plus Ensemble, except for Helen & Arthur) Act Two 13) MC28: Mr Cool Jan (with Doo-wop Girls, Nurses, and Judies as Mr Cool fans) 14) MC30: Wreck Out Of My Heart Billy (with the Band) or Ensemble 15) MC33: Dynamo Ted & Maureen (with Shirley, Marty, Betty, Brian & Teddy Boys & Judies) 16) MC35: Photographs And Memories Helen 17) MC37: Tender Is The Night (Reprise) Billy & Jan 18) MC42: Self-Made Man (Reprise) Arthur, Billy & Goldy 19) MC45: She Believes In Me Company 20) MC47: Dynamo (Encore) Company NB: the ‘MC’ numbers refer to ‘Music Cue’ numbers in the scores
ii
Scenes Act One Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 Scene 5 Scene 6 Scene 7 Scene 8 Scene 9 Scene 10 Scene 11 Scene 12 Scene 13 Scene 14 Scene 15
The stage at a barn-dance, Crays Hill Farm (near Wickford), Essex. ‘Burns & Wilkins Garage’ workshop in Wickford, Essex. An industrial locker room at ‘Burns’ Chickens’ factory. ‘Burns & Wilkins Garage’ workshop in Wickford, Essex. ‘Burns & Wilkins Garage’ workshop in Wickford, Essex. The Two-D’s Coffee Bar, Market Place, Wickford, Essex. The alley behind the Garage. ‘Burns & Wilkins Garage’ workshop in Wickford, Essex. Vignettes: Southend Pier; Outside a theatre; A picnic rug in the country. The street outside ‘Burns’ Chickens’ factory, Wickford, Essex. ‘Runwell Motorcycles’ shop, Wickford, Essex. The Burns’ Family Living Room. ‘Burns & Wilkins Garage’ workshop in Wickford, Essex. A public phone box. The corner of ‘Lover’s Lane’, Wickford, Essex.
Act Two Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 Scene 5 Scene 6 Scene 7 Scene 8 Scene 9 Scene 10 Scene 11 Scene 12
A private room in a Swiss Sanatorium. A Soho, London night club / bar. The Burns’ Family Living Room. A hotel bedroom in Edinburgh, Scotland. The Two-D’s Coffee Bar, Market Place, Wickford, Essex. The Burns’ Family Living Room. The corner of ‘Lover’s Lane’, Wickford, Essex. The Burns’ FamilyLiving Room. Brighton Esplanade. The Burns’ Family Living Room. A bench on a rainy street / The Burns’ Living Room / A London night club / bar. ‘Burns & Wilkins Garage’ workshop in Wickford, Essex.
iii
Glossary Of Terms & Pronunciations: Aldwych Billericay Blancmange Bonce Brighton Bundle Corvette Dansette Doncha Eh? Garridge Giblets Git Job Judies Luton Nosh Ponce Rayleigh Sat-dee Southend Teddy Boys
Torque-wrench Tupp’nny Wickford Wotsit
(Pron: All-dwitch). A London Underground Station, used as an air-raid shelter during the Blitz in WW2 (Pron: Bill-er-ick-ee). A small town in South-East Essex. (Pron: Bler-monj). A popular (originally French) custard-topped jelly dessert. (Pron: Bonss, with ‘on’ as in ‘on top’). A human head. (Pron: Bry-t’n). A seaside resort on the South Coast of England, popular as a TeddyBoy hang out in the 1950s. (Pron: Bun-dawl). Essex slang for a brawl, with a sense of excitement. (Pron: Corr-vett). An expensive 1950’s American sports car, made by Chevrolet. (Pron: Dan-set). A portable record player, popular in the UK in the 1950’s. (Pron: Dohn-char). Slang for ‘Don’t you’. (Pron: Ayee). Slang for ‘What?’, ‘Pardon?’, ‘Please repeat.’ etc (Pron: Ga-ridge. Slang Correct Spelling: Garage). A place to get motorcars repaired or serviced. (Pron: Jib-lets). Chicken entrails. (Rhymes with: hit). A derogatory term, meaning ‘illegitimate’. (Rhymes with: globe). Used in Act 1, Scene 2 it is the name of a Biblical character who was stricken by boils. (Pron: Jew-dees). aka Teddy Girls. The female counterparts to Teddy Boys. (Pron: Loo-tun). A semi-industrial town in Bedfordshire. (Rhymes with: posh). Slang for Food. (Pron: Ponss with ‘on’ as in ‘on top’). A derogatotory term for an actor or performer. (Pron: Ray-lee). Another small Essex town, between Wickford and Southend. Colloquial, short for ‘Saturday’. (Pron: South-End. Essex dialect: Sarf End). Short for Southend-on-Sea, an Essex town on the estuary of the River Thames. aka Teds. A British subculture typified by young men wearing clothes inspired by the styles worn by dandies in the Edwardian period. The subculture started in London in the 1950s, and rapidly spread across the UK, soon becoming strongly associated with American Rock-a-Billy and Rock’n’Roll. (Pron: Talk-rench). A long-handled adjustable wrench. (Pron: Tupp-nee). ‘Worth Tuppence’: something having the value of two predecimalisation pennies. (Prior to 1971 there were 240 pennies to a pound). (Pron: Wick-f’d). Another small Essex town, between Rayleigh and Billericay. Colloquial shortening of ‘What is it?’. Often used to replace a noun if the correct word cannot be brought to mind.
iv
ACT ONE Scene 1 Open to a stage in darkness. SFX #01: A heart beating loudly is heard, which is then overlaid with Billy’s voice (live or recorded) giving himself a pep-talk before going on stage to perform.
Billy
(Voice-Over). Tonight’s the night. Tonight’s the night! Parlophone Records are out in the
audience. Parlophone Records! We’re gonna show this guy just how good we are. We’re gonna nail this record deal. Fame, fortune, mass adoration… ours for the taking. Let’s go! MUSIC CUE #01: ‘MIND OVER MATTERS BLUES’ (BILLY & DOO-WOP GIRLS WITH THE ASTEROIDS) Lights up to reveal The Asteroids band and Doo-Wop Girls on stage. They begin the rhythmic drum and skiffle bass intro to ‘Mind Over Matters Blues’. A sign says: BILLY BUCKETT & THE ASTEROIDS.
Band Leader
(Addressing the audience). Welcome to Crays Hill Farm Midsummer Barn Dance! Are you here to have a good time? (A moderate cheer rises assisted by the Ensemble’s Teddies and Judies in the audience). I said: “Are you here to have a good time?” (The crowd cheer more loudly). Clap your hands! (The Doo-Wop Girls lead the chorus in clapping to the off-beat, encouraging the theatre audience to join in). Laydees and Gentlemen, please welcome to the
stage, the best thing to come out of Rayleigh since the bus to Billericay… Mister… Billee… Buckett!! The chorus crowd goes wild. Lights up on Billy at a microphone, centre stage; his hair is greased into a quiff, à la 1959 pop idol style. He is slightly scruffy, wearing tight jeans and a denim jacket. A battered acoustic guitar is slung over his shoulder. He struts his stuff back and forth across the stage and sings.
Billy
Well he’s a man with a mission, Full of indecision Yeah, he’s got if’s and but’s and only’s, And he’s crowded, but he’s lonely, Well he’s got motion and velocity And things he couldn’t possibly do if he tried, He’s just as long as he is wide And as tall as he achieves and if that’s all that he believes, He’s got the Mind Over Matters Blues. He’s all dressed up for playing, But the orchestra keeps saying ‘Who?’ and ‘What?’ and ‘Where?’ And mostly ‘Why-hy-hy?’ So he says it doesn’t matter, Says he doesn’t mind, Then he looks around and tell me now, What does he find?
Doo-Wops
Billy & DW’s He finds a man with a mission Full of indecision Well he’s got if’s and but’s and only’s And he’s crowded, but he’s lonely He’s got motion and velocity And things he couldn’t possibly do but he tries, ‘Cos he’s as long as he is wide.
Billy
And as tall as he believes and if that’s all that he achieves, He’s lost the Mind Over Matters… Blues…sah!. 1
Ooooh… …ooooh Ooh. … Why-hy-hy? Ooooh… …ooooh
The song ends to screams and applause. The Judies rush to the stage, followed by the Boys. One jealous Teddy Boy shoves his girlfriend back and jumps up on the stage to attack Billy, but is pushed away by another boy. They begin to fight. Someone shouts: “Bundle!”, and an all-in brawl ensues. The band, seeing the affray, strike up a spirited instrumental version of ‘Mind Over Matters Blues’.
MUSIC CUE #02: BUNDLE Billy busily tries to protect his guitar and avoid being hit whilst somehow managing to make eyes at admiring Judies. Amidst the mayhem, a man approaches Billy and taps him on the shoulder. Thinking he’s being attacked, Billy lashes out without looking. The man falls to the floor. The band stops playing abruptly and the fight stops.
Band Leader
(Shouting). Hey, Billy! Ain’t that the bloke from Parlophone Records?!
The band gasps. The chorus all freeze. Billy looks down at the fallen figure and out into the audience in disastrous recognition. Lights down.
MUSIC CUE #03: BUNDLE CODA
Scene 2 The Garage. It is Friday afternoon in Wickford, Essex. There is a sign saying: BURNS & WILKINS GARAGE –‘YOU BEND ‘EM, WE MEND ‘EM’. Big Ted, sitting on a moveable bench, is wheeled to centre stage by Marty and Brian. If used, the Garridge Lads set up their workspace.
MUSIC CUE #04: ‘WOT’S WORK’ (BIG TED, BRIAN & MARTY WITH THE GARRIDGE LADS) Brn, Mty & Lads Wot’s Work? Big Ted It’s a four-letter definition of what you don’t wanna do Brn, Mty & Lads Wot’s Work? Big Ted It’s an ugly intermission that leaves you singin’ the blues Brn, Mty & Lads Wot’s Work? Big Ted It’s a plot between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Brn, Mty & Lads Wot’s Work? Big Ted It’s what you have to do with your time When you’d much rather be happy It’s a downright, Brn, Mty & Lads … downright, outright shame. outright shame. Well, that’s Work! Well, that’s Work! Brn, Mty & Lads Wot’s Work? Ted It’s what you do instead of fishin’ or sleepin’, or both Brn, Mty & Lads Wot’s Work? Ted It’s what you want in the least and end up gettin’ the most Brn, Mty & Lads Wot’s Work? Ted Just when you’re feelin’ good, it’s gonna happen to you Brn, Mty & Lads Wot’s Work? Ted Some fool will spoil it all by givin’ you somethin’ to do Big Ted Well… Don’t tell me Brn, Mty & Lads Don’t tell me It’s Monday it’s Monday ‘Cos that’s Work! ‘Cos that’s Work! Wot’s Work? It’s the rank outsider in the Race to havin’ some fun
Oooooooh. Wot’s Work?
The odds are nine to five and It won’t leave you alone 2
Oooooooh.
Wot’s Work? It’s the place you’d never go If you thought you had to stay
Oooooooh. Wot’s Work?
It’s an imposition and it Won’t let you get away Well, Tell me it’s necessity And there ain’t no other recipe, But man you’re just depressin’ me ‘Cos that’s Work
Oooooooh Oooooooh Oooooooh Oooooooh ‘Cos that’s Work
[SFX #02: Mr Wilkins Voice-Over (1), on an intercom, over music: “Wot’s all that flaming racket? Wot’s goin’ on down there?”]
All
Ted
Good Lord, here comes the Guv! Let’s Work! ‘Cos that’s Work!
Back to your benches lads, the boss has spoken!
The lads all scurry back to their work. SFX #03: Mr Wilkins Voice-Over (2) on the intercom: “It might be Friday afternoon, but you’re paid to work until five o’clock. The only tunes I want to hear down there are the notes from purring engines”.
Marty Brian Ted Marty Brian Marty Brian Marty Brian Marty
The Guv’nor makes a joke! The workers laugh. (Exaggeratedly). Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! (He shoves Brian). Laugh, Pimples! Why doesn’t Mr Wilkins ever come down from his office now and then instead of, you know, speaking through that intercom thing and that? Because big bosses should be heard and not seen. And always keep their pinkies clean! Hey, he’s like God, isn’t he? The Unseen Presence. Yeah! And we’re like Moses. You what? You know, in the Bible and that. I think you’re more like Job; he was the one with the pimples. Leave off! You know what I mean. He gives us the Commandments. Thou shalt not clock in after 8 o’clock. Thou shalt not leave before 5 o’clock. Thou shalt not be a thick little git. Ooh, look! (He sticks his finger in Brian’s chest and when Brian looks down, he tweaks Brian’s nose whilst making a honking noise). Gotcha! (He laughs like a hyena, thumping Brian on the back).
MUSIC CUE #05 : BILLY’S ENTRANCE TAG #1 Billy enters in time to the music (like it’s playing in his head), carrying a duffel bag, a battered acoustic guitar and a Dansette record player with a small case of 7inch singles. He oozes confidence and cool as he drags a newspaper cutting from his pocket.
Marty Ted Billy
Blimey! Guitar, record player, case of 45’s… God’s sent us a human jukebox. Oi, Sparky; be nice. Can I help you, mate? A job. Advertised in the paper? For a mechanic.
Marty snorts in derision.
Ted Brian Ted Brian
Oh, right. Pimples, go and see if God will grant him an audience. Eh? (Patiently). Tell Mr Wilkins there’s a bloke here about the job. Ohhh, right. (He exits). 3
Ted Billy Marty
I’m Ted. Big Ted. Head mechanic and panel-beating. This is Marty, known as ‘Sparky’ on account of he’s the electrician. Nicknames, you know, bit of fun. (Offering Ted his hand). Name’s Billy. Billy Buckett. Buckett with two ‘t’s. And this here’s Lizzie. (Indicating his guitar). (Snorting again). Bucket? Yeah mate, I thought you looked a bit… pail.
Marty guffaws at his own joke. Billy gives him a ‘heard-it-all-before- look.
Brian Ted Marty Billy Brian Billy Brian Marty Billy
(Entering. To Billy). Mr Wilkins says he’s with a customer, but if you don’t mind hanging
on a bit, he’ll see you when he’s done. And this is our apprentice: Brian. Known as ‘Pimples’, cos he’s got ‘Thick Little Git’ written all over his face. In Braille! (He guffaws, thumps Brian on the back and turns his attention mockingly to Billy). Hey, I’ve seen you somewhere, ain’t I? You and your gee-tar. I’ve been singing with a band over in Rayleigh, we got around a bit. Cor, what sort of music? Rock‘n’Roll. Jeepers creepers… the chicks all love singers! Oh, bit of a ladies man, are yah? Well… the band broke up.
Brian is disappointed.
Ted Billy Ted Billy Brian Billy
So, you’re a mechanic? Been workin’ for Fred Jones, over in Rayleigh. ‘Til we had an argument about pay and conditions. And he fired you? Nope. I fired him! How d’you do that?
(He assumes a gunfighter’s pose, the guitar under his arm pointing like a rifle, and puts on an American accent). I don’t wanna work for you no more, Mr. Jones! Ted & Brian (Appreciatively). Yeah! SFX #04: Mr Wilkins Voice-Over (3) on the intercom: “If that young man is still here, I’ll see him now.”
Billy Ted Billy
Can I leave my gear here? Sure, we’ll keep an eye on it. It’s up the stairs and to the right. Thanks.
He makes to exit and passes Marty who sticks a foot out to trip him up. Billy stumbles.
Marty
(Smirking). Enjoy yer trip.
Billy straightens himself coolly as though nothing has happened, and exits. Ted gives Marty a dark look and faces up to him. They produce what look like dangerous flick knives. They flick them out into combs, then turn to face the audience and proceed to tend their quiffs. Brian sighs with relief, then geekily combs and pats his own hair into place. Enter Arthur Burns, followed by Helen Burns. They are well-dressed and obviously wealthy.
Marty
(Seeing Arthur, he says conspiratorially). On your knees lads, it’s God’s Senior Partner.
The lads rush back to work. Arthur walks up to Marty who works studiously. Arthur looks round at the others, who work with lowered heads. He walks towards Ted and trips over Billy’s guitar. The others laugh, then stifle it.
Arthur Brian Ted
What the hell is this? (Helpfully). It’s a guitar, Mr Burns. Yeah, someone must’ve brought it in for a tune-up!
The others laugh, including Helen. Arthur stares around at all of them. Everyone stops laughing.
Arthur
(Coldly). Very funny. Strangely, though, I’m not laughing. Because in my position, a
Ted Helen
sense of humour is as dispensable as any one of you are. Understood? Yes, Mr Burns. How you keeping, Mrs Burns, alright? Very well, thank you Edward. And how are… 4
Arthur Ted Arthur Helen Arthur Ted Arthur
(Interrupting Helen). Is my wife’s car ready?
You said tomorrow morning. If it was to be ready for then, it should be ready now, shouldn’t it? Oh, it’s really not… (Motioning Helen to stay out of it). Well? I didn’t expect you in before ten, Mr Burns. (Calmly superior). Of course you didn’t. Can’t see beyond the end of your tool-bench, can you? Just do enough to get through to Friday when you can trade in your beer vouchers. That’s why grease-monkeys like you work for people like me!
MUSIC CUE #06 : ‘SELF-MADE MAN’ (ARTHUR WITH HELEN, TED, BRIAN, MARTY & THE GARRIDGE LADS) Helen, Ted, Brian & Marty join in the singing and dancing. If used, the male chorus gradually enters during Verses 1 & 2.
Arthur
Well I’m a Self-Made man, that’s what I am And I’m proud of my achievements, proud of what I am, A Self-Made Man, Backing Self-Made Man Self-Made Man Self-Made Man. Well I’m a self-styled guy And you can tell by the look in my eye That when I say: “Jump!”, You’d better jump quick Do yourself a favour Make sure you stick to the plan
Self-styled guy Look in his eye… …… …… …… … eye. Stick to the plan
Of this Self-Made Man Self-Made Man Self-Made Man Self-Made Man Well, busy, busy, busy all day long Work, work, work ‘em on the night-shift People think it’s easy, but you gotta be strong If you wanna maintain the upper hand, The upper hand, Yeah!
Aaaaaah Aaah. Night shift? Aaa aaah Aaah. Upper hand … Yeah!
Well I’m a Self-Made Man And ever since the world began There’s been those who follow and those who lead Those who fail and those who succeed And that’s the difference between you and me Understand?
Self-styled man World began Aaaaaah Aaa aaah Aaaaa… …aah. Understand!
‘Cos I’m a Self-Made Man, Self-Made Man Self-Made Man I’m a Self-Made Man Well, keep up with me if you can… A Self-Made Man,
Self-Made … … Man. Self Made Man Self-Made Man
5
Arthur
I’m a Self-Made Man, yeah
… Yeah!!
At the end of the song, the Lad’s chorus fast-exit back to work.
Arthur
Billy Ted Billy Arthur Billy Arthur
(To Ted). Mrs Burns and I are going away for the weekend, so I suppose my daughter Janette will have to come and collect the car in the morning. (Billy enters and picks up his guitar). Around ten o’clock… make sure it’s ready. (To Billy, tapping the guitar). So it’s
yours is it? I tripped over that! Oh! (He checks the guitar, then gives Arthur a ‘no worries’ wink). That’s OK, mate; she ain’t damaged. (Grinning now at Ted). Mr Wilkins says I can start on Monday. Er, Billy, this is Mr Burns. Owns the local chicken factory. (Then, meaningfully). And half this garridge. Ohh, right. (He offers his hand which Arthur ignores). How d’you… Starting Monday, are you? You’d better be good. (He turns and starts to exit). (Nonchalantly). Hey, Mr Burns… I’m not just good. I’m terrific! (Turning back, ironically). Well, I hope you stay long enough to prove it. (Sharply). Helen?
Helen has been chatting quietly to Brian and they both jump at Arthur’s ‘command’. As Helen turns, her bag falls off her shoulder to the ground. Arthur motions to Helen to leave and he exits, ignoring the bag. Billy picks up the bag and hands it gently to Helen.
Helen Billy Arthur Helen Brian Billy Brian Ted
(Smiling). Thank you.
You’re welcome, ma’am. (Shouting from offstage). He-len! Coming, dear. (She waves to the lads and exits smartly). (Open mouthed, to Billy). Whoa! Weren’t you scared of him? Why would I be? Jeepers Creepers, this cat is cool! Yeah, Mr Cool! Hey… found your nickname! Welcome to the monkey-house, Mr Cool!
Ted and Brian shake hands with Billy, then Marty shakes with a joke buzzer hidden in his hand.
Billy Marty
(Leaping back, suprised). Ouch!!! (Revealing the hand-buzzer). Gotcha! (To Brian). After you. (He ‘accidentally’ pushes Brian into Billy). Watch it, Pimples… you wouldn’t want to ‘kick the bucket’!
Marty guffaws and exits. Brian apologetically follows Marty off. Ted and Billy shake their heads.
Ted
Got a minute? I’ll give you a quick tour.
Billy and Ted exit together. Scene change.
MUSIC CUE #07: ‘SELF-MADE MAN’ TAG #1 SFX #05: Factory Siren #1
Scene 3 The female staff locker room / changing area at the Chicken Factory, that same Friday afternoon. A sign says: ‘BURNS’ CHICKENS - WE PLUCK AND STUFF ‘EM’. The siren signals the end of the working day. Betty, wearing thick horn-rimmed spectacles and a quirky fifties frock, is hiding in the changing room, crying into a hanky. Enter Janette Burns, in a simple but elegant office dress, looking worried.
Jan Betty Jan
Oh, Betty; there you are, poor thing! (She rushes over to comfort Betty). Don’t take too much notice of Daddy. It’s the third time the production line has broken down this month and he’s even more stressed than usual. It’s not your fault. (Sniffling). You’re so nice, Jan. You’re not a snob like your father. Oh! (Covering her mouth). Sorry! That’s OK. It’s been a hard week for us all… (Enter Shirley in blood-stained gloves and chicken-plucking apron, followed by any other factory girls. Jan wrinkles her nose and coughs).
Oh, goodness me! 6
Shirley Jan Shirley Jan Shirley Betty Shirley Betty Jan
What’s the matter? (Waving the air). That smell… Giblets! I beg your pardon? Giblets! Chicken guts! (Waving her work gloves under Jan’s nose). They do pong a bit, but you’ll soon get used to it. Bit different to life in that posh boardin’ school, innit, Jan? Stuck workin’ in that stuffy office all summer… … with Arthur Burns breathin’ down your neck every minute God sends. Oh! No offence, Jan. None taken. But you know, I’m actually really glad to be here. Daddy didn’t want me to work at all, but I refuse to end up like my mother. I want to do something with my life. We had a big argument about it. This job is his idea of a compromise.
MUSIC CUE #08 : ‘DADDY’ (JAN, WITH SHIRLEY, BETTY & FACTORY GIRLS) Jan
Sometimes I know he seems cruel. And he likes everybody to know that he’s nobody’s fool. But he loves me in a special way. And it’s something he doesn’t have to say… D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy
Girls D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy,
He worries that I’ll be alright
…Ooooh Oo-la-la-la-la He keeps on saying: Ooooh… “Baby, baby, it’s a big bad world outside” …oooooh-la-la-la-la Oo-la-la-la-la He says “This whole planet is out of control Ooooh… Too much-a high-heels, Too much-a high-heels, Make-up and Rock & Roll” Make-up and Rock & Roll D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy
D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy,
We fight and we shout And we misunderstand And nothing I do is right
Ooooh… …ooh. Misunderstand. Ooooh. Is right.
He just can’t see that I have grown And he cares so much he can’t let go
Ooooh. I have grown. He can’t let go.
Oh, let me go… Oh, let her go! One day soon he’s gonna see That his little girl has gone And in her place there is a brand-new me
…Ooooh Oo-la-la-la-la Ooooh… …oooooh-la-la-la-la Oo-la-la-la-la
With decisions to make that are all my own, Ooooh… About high-heels, About high-heels, Make-up and Rock & Roll Make-up and Rock & Roll
7
D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy
D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Daddy,
The Factory Girl’s chorus (if used) exit, heading home.
Jan
(To Shirley and Betty). Tell you what. Let’s head down to Toodies for a coffee. That’ll
Betty Shirley Betty Shirley Jan Betty Shirley Jan
cheer you up, Betty. (Dreamily). Oooh, yes; a nice strong espresso. Or a sinful chocolate sundae. (Shocked). Shirley!!! You know it’ll go straight to your thighs. Well, we deserve a treat after the week we’ve just had! Speaking of treats, a good friend of mine is coming to stay for the weekend. Boardin’ school chum is it? (To Betty). Bet she’s far too stuck-up for the likes of us. Maureen… stuck up? She might surprise you. Come on, ladies, my shout.
Scene change.
MUSIC CUE #09 : ‘DADDY’ TAG The girls exit, giggling like a gaggle of chickens.
Scene 4 The garage. Enter Billy and Ted.
Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted
This place is bigger than it looks, what with the diesel-shop out the back. (Picking up his record player, Lizzie etc). Well, thanks, Ted. See you Monday. Those all your worldly belongin’s? Yeah. I had a furnished room over Jones’ garage, so… (Interrupting). So when you ‘fired’ him, you handed in your rent card too. If you’re stuck for a place to kip, you can always stay at mine. Sleepin’ bag on the couch alright? You sure? Just ‘till you get settled, like. (He gets an idea). Shirley! Shirley? Sparky’s girlfriend. Her mum takes in boarders. You can always try there if you’re gonna stick around for a while. (Beat). Anyway, that’s me ‘till the morning. But tomorrow’s Sat’dee. I gotta service that Mini outside. Burns’ daughter is picking it up at ten. I’ll give you a hand, if you like. Thanks, mate. (Tending his quiff). Tonight, though, is Friday Night. Let’s go hunting! (Giving him an ‘Are you serious?’ look). Hunting? Yeah, hunting… for skirt! Two Romeos like you and me should be able to pick up a couple of lucky dolls to hang onto our arms and our every word! No steady, then? Steady? Nah. Dipped me toe in the river of love once. It got bitten off. (Brightening). Anyway, why buy a book when there’s a library in town? It can only be a branch library in a town this small! (Pontificating). To me, a girl is like a car. There are so many models available, it’s a sin to drive one of them into the ground! MUSIC CUE #10 : ‘A GIRL IS LIKE A CAR’ (TED & BILLY WITH FEMALE CHORUS)
Political correctness is thrown out the door as the female chorus appear one by one in spotlights. They are (un)dressed like pin-up models à la 1950s mechanics’ calendars in sexy poses with stylised ‘car-parts’, (eg cardoors, bonnets, wheels, hub caps, steering wheels etc). The girls eventually come together to cheesily form a whole ‘car’. The girls clearly control the lads in this routine. Billy & Ted are the only ones who fail to see any irony.
8
Ted
She might be a Ford, or a Cadillac, She’ll take you way out there, may not bring you back, You better watch out boy, it’s a nat’ral fact, If you don’t see her comin’, she’s gonna knock you flat! Because a girl is like a car
Well, check out the finish, the upholstery, Just what attracts you, ain’t no mystery Caught by the perfume, the look and the feel – There’s more to transportation than The invention of the wheel! Doo-Wops Ted & Billy Because a girl is like a car, Billy Yeah! Ted Yeah! Billy Yeah! Ted & Billy Oh yes she is Yes a girl is like a car Billy Ted
Because she’s Built for speed and built to last And built to set you free, But she can leave you standin’ by the road in misery
…Aaaaah. Oooh…Aaah… …aaah… …aaah… …aaah… …aaah. Oooh…Aaah… Ooooh… …oooh. Aaaah.
She could be a Chevvy Ooh. Billy
She could be a Porsche, Ooh.
Ted
She could be a Rolls-Royce Ooh.
Billy Ted
[Spoken] Or
Billy
She’ll often confuse you,
Ted
Even drive you mad –
[Spoken]
a Fiat… …of course! Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
Ted & Billy But she could be the wildest dream You ever had. Because a Girl is like a car,
Aaaaaah. Oooh…Aaah Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah Oh yes she is… Yes a girl is like a car… Whooo! The calendar girls exit.
Billy Ted
So where do we start? Well, there are three pubs in town…
They exit. Fade to black.
MUSIC CUE #11 : ‘HUNGOVER’ TAG 9
Oooh…Aaah Whooo! Just like a car!
Scene 5 The Garage, next morning. Billy and Ted are in their work clothes, and very hung-over; wincing with every loud noise as they work on some engine parts. They move slowly and delicately.
Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted
(In a hoarse whisper). So, what’s she like?
What? (Slightly louder). What’s she like?
Don’t shout, eh? Sorry. I was just asking. What’s she like? The girl? What girl? The car? Burns’s daughter. Jan? Young, pretty. Smart. Sports-Model? Look mate, when you know a car’s outside your price range, don’t spend too much time with your nose pressed up against the showroom window. Know what I mean? (Non-commitally). Mmm. (Beat). You seen the torque-wrench? You had it in your hand last time you ran to the loo to puke…
Exit Billy. SFX #06: A knock at the door is heard. Ted reacts as though it’s an avalanche.
Ted Jan Ted
Yeah, OK, no need to knock the bloomin’ door down! (Entering brightly, in a sensual figure-hugging dress). Morning, Ted. Is mum’s car ready? ‘Morning, Miss Burns. Yeah, it is. I’ll get you the keys. (He gets the keys from a bench).
Enter Billy, torque-wrench in hand.
Jan
Hello. I don’t think we’ve met!
Billy stands awestruck at the sight of her and does not reply. There is a short awkward silence before Ted rescues the situation.
Ted Billy
Er, sorry! Miss Burns, this is Billy Buckett. Billy, Miss Janette Burns. (Pointedly). Daughter of Mr Burns. Garridge owner? (Beat). Don’t mind him, luv; he donated his brains to medical research last night. (Regaining the power of speech). Buckett, with two ‘t’s. Pleased to, erm…
He holds out his hand, but it contains a torque-wrench. He tries to retract the wrench and wipe his hand at the same time, but only succeeds in dropping the wrench on his toe. He hops about in pain.
Ted Jan Ted Jan Ted Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan
We call him ‘Mr Cool’… (Wryly). Do you? Our Billy here sings and plays rock‘n’roll! They reckon he’s a bit of a lady-killer. Really? I must be missing something. He’s, ah… not quite himself this morning. (Recovering enough to see his opportunity, he grabs the keys from Ted). Er, the Mini’s round the back. Do you want me to show you… It’s OK, I have been here before. (Billy grins and stares dreamily at her). The keys? Oh yeah, sorry. (He hands the keys to her). Here you are. Thanks. (Their eyes meet). Do us a favour though. Don’t jangle them, eh? (Laughing). Goodbye, Mr Cool! (She exits, jangling the keys loudly as Billy grimaces and holds his head).
Ted Billy Ted Billy
Mr Flaming Cool! Mr Fool, more like. God bless us and save us, you should’ve seen yourself. That’s the best impression of a blancmange I’ve ever seen! You said she was ‘pretty’! She’s stunning! (Stopping his antics). She’s out of reach. Married? 10
Ted Billy
Might as well be, as far as you’re concerned. If Arthur Burns catches you sniffing around his darling daughter, your nose will be just one of the things he cuts off. We’ll see.
11
Ted
(Tending his quiff). I don’t think you need to bother about it after the show you just put on.
You see ‘a girl is…’ Billy Ted
(Completing Ted’s sentence). ‘…like a car’. Yeah, you said.
No, no, you gotta drive them, not let them drive you. I tell you what. You ever catch me making a fool of myself like that in front of a girl, I’ll… I’ll eat that torque wrench! MUSIC CUE #12 : ‘MO’S THEME #1’
Enter Maureen, tightly-clad in biker’s leather pants. She slams a motorcycle chain down on Ted’s bench as the music stops.
Maureen Billy
Chain clips. (Neither lad answers, they are both gobsmacked). The chain’s come off my motorbike. I need a clip for it. (Recovering First). Er, yeah; I s’pose we might have one here somewhere. (He takes the chain and goes to look. Ted is still rooted to the spot. Maureen circles Ted, speculatively. Billy tries to rescue the moment). Girl on a motorcycle, eh?
Maureen Billy Maureen Billy Maureen Billy Maureen Billy Maureen Ted Maureen
That’s right. What kind of bike… BSA Bantam? Norton Dominator. (Ted makes a noise as if the air is being forcibly sucked out of him). Takes me where I want to go. Here today and gone tomorrow. Like a feather on the wind! Not from round here, then? Not likely. Can’t imagine what would keep me in a one-horse town like this. I’m here to meet a girlfriend of mine at The Two D’s Coffee Bar. Do you know it? I’ve only been here a day. You’ll have to ask Big Ted. Does he speak? I thought he’d been stuffed and mounted to make the place look busier. (Grinning). He’s, uh… not himself today. (Turning to Ted). The Two D’s? (Waking abruptly from his reverie). Yeah, Toodies. It’s ah, just ah, down, ah… Perhaps you could write it down for me? (Ted looks wildly around for a piece of paper. Maureen nonchalantly offers her wrist. Ted grabs it and writes on her arm, while Billy places the new clip and her chain in her other hand). So, it’s Saturday. Anything interesting happening
around town tonight? Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen
(Partially regaining his nerve). Dance. Town Hall, 8 o’clock.
Sounds promising. (Plucking up courage). Do you…?
Ye-es? Would you… (lamely) like us to put that on for you? I can manage, thanks. Maybe see you at the dance tonight?
MUSIC CUE #13 : ‘MO’S THEME #2’ She circles Ted once during the music and exits.
Ted Billy
Right! (Obviously feeling he’s scored). Right! (Putting an oily rag over his arm, he picks up the torque-wrench and, offering it to Ted, he speaks in a posh English butler’s accent). Excuse me, sir, would you like salt and pepper
with this?
12
Scene 6 The Two-D’s coffee bar, later that night. A sign says: THE TWO-D’S COFFEE BAR: BEST ESPRESSOS & MILKSHAKES – NO RAZORS, SPITTING OR BAD LANGUAGE. There is a bar/counter, some tables and chairs and a juke box. If used, the chorus of Teddy Boys and Judies are hanging out. Enter Shirley and Betty in a huff, with Marty and Brian quickly behind them.
MUSIC CUE # 14 : ‘RESTLESS’ (SHIRLEY & BETTY WITH CHORUS) Shirley
There’s nothin’ to do, nothin’ to say, Life keeps goin’ on in the same old way, I’m restless, Betty Yeah, I’m restless Well, I’m restless Livin’ in a one-horse town
I’m restless, Yeah, I’m restless Well, I’m restless Livin’ in a one-horse town
Betty
There’s nowhere to go, no-one to see Won’t somebody please come and rescue me? I’m restless, ShirleyI’m restless, Yeah, I’m restless Yeah, I’m restless Well, I’m restless Well, I’m restless Livin’ in a one-horse town Livin’ in a one-horse town
Boys Girls All
We don’t want no trouble, we don’t wanna fight We just wanna go out where the lights are shinin’ bright We don’t want excuses, we don’t wanna know We just wanna get out on the road and go… ‘Cos we’re restless… restless… restless… restless! [Instrumental, 8 bars]
Boys Girls All
We don’t want no trouble, we don’t wanna fight We just wanna go out where the lights are shinin’ bright We don’t want excuses, we don’t wanna know We just wanna get out on the road and go… ‘Cos we’re restless… restless… restless… restless!
At the end of the dance, they all flop down around the coffee tables, bars, etc.
Brian Marty Shirley Marty Betty Shirley Marty Brian
Never mind, Betty, maybe we could go to the pictures in Southend instead? I’d rather go for a drink. (Suggestively advancing on Shirley). Or a drive. (Staving him off). We were expectin’ to go dancin’ at the Town Hall! It ain’t my fault the band didn’t turn up, Shirley. We got all dolled-up an’ all. I put my new lipstick on, special. We can always test-drive that later. Betty, would you like me to get you a… Jeepers Creepers!
Brian stops mid-sentence as Maureen and Jan enter.
Marty
Well, well. Check out the boarding-school babes…
All heads turn towards them. Jan is dressed in tight-fitting dress and stiletto heels. Maureen now wears a fitted leopard print jacket over her black leather biker pants and has changed into stiletto boots. Shirley and Betty grab their boys by the hair and turn their faces back towards them.
Jan
(To Maureen, laughing). They must have really got plastered last night. It’s not often Big
Maureen Jan
Ted is stuck for words. He’s actually kind of a hunk… (In mock shock). Maureen!! (They giggle). I’ll get the coffees. 13
Jan waves to Shirley and Betty then goes to the counter. Maureen finds a table next to Betty and Shirley. Enter Billy, now in a better condition than earlier, with his guitar over his shoulder.
Shirley Betty Marty Shirley Brian
(Noticing Billy). Ooh, who’s the new arrival? He’s a dish!
Scrummy! (Disparagingly). Just a new grease-monkey at the garridge. Reckons he’s a bit of a
Casanova. Ooh… I can imagine. We call him Mr Cool.
Marty boffs Brian on the head. Enter Big Ted (dressed in full teddy-boy drapes).
Ted
(Spotting Maureen, he speaks to Billy). Hey, there she is. Now that I’ve properly recovered,
you’ll see the real Big Ted in action. Ted and Billy saunter over to Maureen. Betty and Shirley start preening and try to get a closer look at Billy.
Maureen Ted Maureen Ted
Ah, it’s the garrulous mechanic. I hope you’re not going to talk me to death again. Like the man said, I wasn’t meself this morning. Me and Billy had been out celebrating your arrival. In advance. And what did your crystal ball say about the dance being cancelled? Dancin’ ain’t the only fun you can have around here.
Jan arrives with the coffees. She makes eye contact with Billy and there’s a noticeable energy-shift between them.
Maureen Ted Billy Betty Shirley Billy
Oh, Jan, we’re going to be shown a good time by big ‘Ed here. Ted… Big Ted! (Grinning at Jan). We could have the dance right here. They’ve got a jukebox. (Butting in). Nah, we’ve heard everything on it a thousand times. (Moving closer to Billy, flirtatiously). Yeah, Noah used to play them records to his animals. (Swinging his guitar round). Well, here’s one you won’t have heard!
MUSIC CUE #15 : ‘WHO WERE YOU WITH LAST NIGHT?’ (BILLY & CHORUS) Billy strums the intro and works the crowd, getting them grooving to the beat. Billy starts to sing and all join in, dancing and singing. Maureen makes eyes at Ted, while Jan watches Billy with interest, but pretends not to be. Shirley flirts with Billy, trying unsuccessfully to make him notice her. Marty is clearly jealous. Betty tries to keep Shirley out of trouble as Brian tries to impress Betty with his dancing prowess.
Billy
Tell me who Chorus
Who-wah.
A-were you with Who-wah. A-last night Who-wah. Who-wah. When you Who-wah. Should’a been Who-wah. Home sleepin’ Who-wah. Who-wah. Tell me who Who-wah. A-were you with Who-wah. Last night Who-wah. 14
When you Who-wah. Should’a been Who-wah. Home sleepin’ Who-wah. Who-wah. Ohhhhhh!
Tell me all the secrets you’ve been keepin’ All
Under the moonlight; you naughty, naughty girl, Under the moonlight; rockin’ all round the world Under the moonlight; and baby, you weren’t alone Under the moonlight; when you should’ve been at home
Billy
Tell me who Chorus
Who-wah.
A-were you with Who-wah. Last night Who-wah. When you Who-wah. Should’a been Who-wah. Home sleepin’ Tell your Papa quick, ‘cos your Mama’s weepin’
Who-wah. Who-wah. Ohhhhhh!
[Instrumental, 16 bars]
Billy
Hmmm, tell me who Chorus
Who-wah.
A-were you with Who-wah. Last night Who-wah. When you Who-wah. Should’a been Who-wah. Home sleepin’ Tell me all the secrets you’ve been keepin’ All
Who-wah. Who-wah. Ohhhhhh!
Under the moonlight; you naughty, naughty girl, Under the moonlight; rockin’ all round the world Under the moonlight; and baby, you weren’t alone Under the moonlight; when you should’ve been at home So tell me who were you with last night? Who were you with last night? Who?
Everyone cheers. Shirley, Betty, Brian, Ted and the Judies gather admiringly around Billy. Shirley, Betty, Brian speak almost all at once.
Shirley
(Pushing in close to Billy). That was fantastic!
15
Brian Betty Billy Ted Billy Brian Ted Billy
Jeepers Creepers! What record label is that on? Who sings it? It’s not on a label. It’s mine… I wrote it. You pulling my wotsit? What are you doing piddling about in a garage halfway up the backside of nowhere then, eh? You should be a star! Fame, Fortune and Mass Adoration. (Wryly). I’m working on it… You gotta go to London! That’s where it all happens. You got any more songs like that tucked away in your bonce? A few. (He looks over at Jan, and gets an idea). I’ve got this one…
MUSIC CUE #16 : ‘TENDER IS THE NIGHT’ (BILLY & JAN WITH BACKING VOCALS) Other couples start to slow dance in the shadows, including Ted and Maureen. At the start, Jan is pretending to be blasé, but as the song progresses she is drawn in, as Billy bares his soul through the music.
Billy
Tender is the night, when I am holding you Tender is the night, and perfect is the view. Here we are dancing, the way that lovers do, Can’t you feel it darling? The time has come for me and you There’s a power that surrounds us and it’s stronger than any wall It’s the magic of love and the spell can make prisoners of us all. Tender is the night, when I am holding you Tender is the night, and perfect is the view. [Instrumental, 16 bars. Billy is completely absorbed in the music as he plays the instrumental. Jan now ‘sees’ him for the first time. Spellbound, she begins to sing].
Jan
Tender is the night, when I am holding you Tender is the night, perfect is the view [Billy swings Lizzie behind his back and Jan moves in to dance with him. The ensemble join in singing].
All
And here we are dancing in each others’ arms at last, Moving slowly to the music, while our hearts are beating fast. This power that surrounds us is stronger than any wall It’s the magic of love and the spell can make prisoners of us all
Tender is the night, when I am holding you, Tender is the night… Billy & Jan …and perfect is the view. At the end of the song Billy and Jan linger in each other’s arms. She touches his face, he closes his hand over hers. Arthur Burns walks in unseen by them both. He taps Billy on the shoulder.
Arthur Jan Arthur Billy Arthur Billy Arthur
Get your filthy hands off my daughter. (Nervously). You’re back early, Daddy! (To Jan). I’ve told you before. This place is a bin. And there’s only one thing that goes in bins. (He glares pointedly at Billy). I’m not rubbish, Mister Burns. (Coldly). I know what you are. I know exactly what you are. I can buy and sell you, my lad. And I’ll tell you something for nothing. One word from me, you’ll be out of that garage so fast, your feet won’t touch the ground. Do you understand? (Matter-of-factly). Perfectly. Janette, I want you home, immediately! (He turns his attention to Maureen. Billy takes advantage of this opportunity to sneak over and whisper to Jan who hesitates, but nods a ‘yes’).
And if this young lady thinks she’s staying at my house tonight, she’d better come too. 16
Maureen faces Arthur defiantly for a moment, aware that she’s acting as a diversion for Billy and Jan. She breaks her stand-off with Arthur by blowing Ted a cheeky kiss which he catches. The two girls exit past Arthur, who glares at Billy, then follows them off-stage.
Ted
(Clutching the ‘kiss’ in his fist). Did you see that? I reckon I’m in with a chance there, mate! (Appreciatively). And you, Mr Cool, you just love living on the edge don’tcha? You’ll
really have to watch your step with Burns now. Ted, you’re confusing me with someone who gives a damn.
Billy Ted
(Checking his watch). Pub crawl? (Yawning). You go, mate. I need some air. Think I’ll go for a walk. See you later. (Exits).
Billy
MUSIC CUE #17 : ‘WHO WERE YOU WITH’ TAG Exeunt.
Scene 7 Later the same evening in the alley behind the garage. Billy stands holding Lizzie, nervously waiting. Enter Jan, who looks around warily.
Billy Jan Billy
Hi! (He grins at her). Thought you might not be coming after all. I had to climb out of my bedroom window! If my Dad finds out… (Interrupting). It’ll be the first job I got fired from, before I started!
They laugh. He moves towards her and holds her hand.
Jan Billy Jan
Billy Jan Billy Jan
Yes… look, I really just came to apologise for my father’s behaviour tonight. Please don’t take it personally. It’s just that he’s got this thing about poor… (Interrupting). Poor people? (He laughs and drops her hand). Nice. And what would your dad know about ‘poor people’? Oh, he knows. His parents struggled terribly to make ends meet. His mother became very ill and she died because of the awful conditions they lived in. That’s why he works so hard. He just wants me to have the best of everything. It’s all part of what Daddy calls his ‘Grand Plan’. And let me guess: someone like me don’t fit. (Smiling wryly). No, not at all actually! He’s got this saying: “When Poverty walks in the door, Love flies out the window”. Oh, and I’m ‘poverty’, am I? No! I mean… look, that might be how he sees things. But I’m not like him. I try not to judge a book by its cover. And tonight, when we danced, I… (She steps towards to him, remembering. Billy moves to hold her. They gaze into each other’s eyes. Jan pulls away, laughing nervously). Why am I telling you all this? Maybe I should know more about you.
Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy
Maybe there ain’t much to tell. Oh, there must be! Your surname for a start; Buckett with two ‘t’s. That’s really unusual. Is it French or something? (Smiling wryly). Nah, not French. So, where does it come from? (Pulling away). It’s just a dumb name. End of story. Well, what about your parents then? (He turns away). They’re… Don’t you see them much? It’s - complicated. Did you grow up around here? I - (He shrugs). We - moved around. Come on, Mister Cool! What’s the big secret? (Putting on the cool act). Like I said, there just… ain’t… 17
Jan
I see. Well, it’s been nice talking to you, but I really think I should be going now! (She turns to leave).
Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy
No! No, Jan, wait! (Reluctantly ). OK, OK! I’ll tell you... I grew up in an orphanage. I don’t know who my parents are. According to the records, I was a new-born baby left at Aldwych Underground Station in London, during the Blitz. 1940. An Underground Station? They used it as an air-raid shelter. I was found in a fire-bucket. A bucket? (The penny drops. Gently and kindly). With two ‘t’s? Some pen-pusher’s idea of a joke, I s’pose. No one ever came looking for you? Nope. How awful not knowing where or to whom you belong. When I was first at boarding school, I was so terribly lonely - but you must have felt that way your whole life! (Shrugging). I learned not to need no-one. Especially if they didn’t need me. And I don’t need anyone’s pity, least of all yours. It’s not pity! Anyway, I wasn’t lonely. Not once I’d got Lizzie. Lizzie? (Showing his guitar to Jan with pride). This lovely old girl was lyin’ broken in a broom cupboard at the orphanage. Matron said if I could mend ‘er, I could keep ‘er. And then Lizzie and me, we found Rock’n’Roll… MUSIC CUE #18 : ‘ROCK’N’ROLL HEART’ (BILLY & JAN WITH DOO-WOP GIRLS)
Billy throws on the guitar and begins to sing. Starting as a slow blues, the tempo picks up and Jan joins in. The Doo-Wop Girls back them from the bandstand.
Billy
Bed number Twenty-Three, second floor dormit’ry, The kid from the Blitz with a joke for a name, yeah, that was me. Until one rainy day, this six-string came my way And I fixed it up and I strummed a chord and I swear I heard it say. “You got a rock’n’roll heart, Yeah, yeah, You got a rock’n’roll heart, Yeah, yeah, You got a rock’n’roll heart, A rock’n’roll heart”
Jan
Ooooh Yeah, yeah, Ooooh Yeah, yeah, Ooooh… …oooh. Aaah. Bah-da-dah.
Room number Sixteen, north wing mezzanine. Poor little rich girl, further from love than I’d ever been. I hid the radio under my pillow And I kept it turned on all night long to the Late, Late Show.
Billy & Jan You got a rock’n’roll heart, Yeah, yeah, You got a rock’n’roll heart, Yeah, yeah, You got a rock’n’roll heart, A rock’n’roll heart Jan Billy
Doo-Wops
Doo-Wops
Bet you got ‘Lipstick On Your Collar’ Well ‘Pretty Women’ walked my way
How many times did you whisper ‘Sweet Nothin’s’? Billy & Jan Well ‘I Guess It Doesn’t Matter Anymore’ 18
Ooooh Yeah, yeah, Ooooh Yeah, yeah, Ooooh… …oooh. Aaah. Oooooh. Bah-da-da-dah Bah-da-da-dah Oooooh Oooooh
[A pause, where Billy and Jan draw close and are about to kiss… until the drums kick in and interrupt the moment].
Billy Billy & Jan Jan Billy & Jan
‘Blue Suede Shoes’… Yeah, yeah. ‘Three Steps to Heaven’… Yeah, yeah. Do you remember?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you remem-ber? Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah! Billy & Jan You got a rock’n’roll heart, Yeah, yeah, You got a rock’n’roll heart, Yeah, yeah, You got a rock’n’roll heart, You got a rock’n’roll Heart Yeah, Yeah, You got A rock’n’roll Yeah, Yeah, You got A rock’n’roll Yeah, yeah, Yeah!
Doo-Wops
Ooooh Yeah, yeah, Ooooh Yeah, yeah, Ooooh… You got it, yeah Baby You got
It You got it, yeah Baby You got It You got it, Yeah, yeah, Yeah!
The song ends with Billy and Jan sharing a joyous laughing embrace; they have each found a soul mate. The moment melts into tenderness and they share a lingering kiss.
MUSIC CUE #19 : ‘ROCK ’N ROLL HEART’ TAG #1
Scene 8 Friday night, two weeks later at the garage. Billy is distractedly scribbling on a scrap of paper and humming to himself. Enter Ted, combing his quiff, getting ready to leave work.
Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy Ted Billy
How’s it goin’ down at Shirley’s mum’s place? You all settled in? (Engrossed). Yeah, it’s cosy… the grub’s good, too. (Grabbing the paper from Billy). What’s this? Oi! (Holding it up to read) . Poetry?! A song. Third one this week. They’re pouring out of me, Ted! If God upstairs catches you scribblin’ during work hours… I know, but I just can’t stop it. Anyway, I’ve decided to take your advice. Good lad! (Then, mystified) . Which was? You said it’s time I stopped muckin’ about, and you’re right. I’ve booked myself a recording session tomorrow, down in Southend. Gonna make a ‘demo’. Demmo? A recording. Of me, singin’ and playin’. I might’ve lost my band, but if I send some of me new songs off to the record companies in London, maybe I’ll get a deal. You know, Fame, Fortune, Mass Adoration?! (Almost to himself) . Then nobody’ll look down on me. Well, knock me over, Mr Cool! This calls for a celebration! Pub crawl? Tonight? No, ta. I’ve, er, got something else on. (He picks Lizzie up). 19
Ted Billy Ted
In this town? What? You won’t be on your own for long, mate, I guarantee it. Ta-ra. (He exits). Mysterious beggar.
SFX #07: a motorcycle arriving (#1).
MUSIC CUE #20 : ‘MO’S THEME #3’ Enter Maureen.
Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted
Hey there. (Startled). Maureen?! (Suddenly cool). Hey there yerself, little Miss ‘Feather-On-TheWind’. Been wonderin’ if the breeze’d blow you back this way. Have you got a warm jacket? (Mystified). Eh? It gets cold on the back of the Dominator. Oh! (Still clueless). Right… Have you seen ‘Romeo and Juliet’? Who? ‘Romeo and Juliet’! Shakespeare’s play? It’s on in Colchester and I’ve got two tickets. You wanna take me, on the back of your bike, to see a play? Yeees. Don’t you want to? (Eagerly). Yeah, yeah! Er, (more nonchalantly) yeah. But, I’d have thought that was more up Jan’s street. Uh, she’s got something else on. Oh, somethin’ else… (The penny drops). Billy! That stupid little berk. I told him, Burns has told him. If that lad ain’t careful, he’ll be out on his ear! Mister Burns won’t find out. Jan is watching a performance of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ in Colchester tonight, isn’t she? (Looking disappointed). So I’m just part of an alibi, am I? I could have gone on my own. I want to go with you. (Eagerly). Honest? (Casually). Yeah, yeah. Right. (Getting into the idea). Never been to the theatre before. Never been on the back of a bike driven by a girl before, either! A whole new world is opening up before you. (She exits). I’ll start the bike. (To the audience). Stone me! She’s a Rolls-flamin’-Royce!
SFX #08: a motorcycle starting up. Ted grabs his jacket and begins to exit at a trot, then stops and saunters off with a swagger.
MUSIC CUE #21 : ‘STEPPIN’ OUT’ (INSTRUMENTAL)
Scene 9 A series of vignettes showing the Friday night dates of the young couples. Each couple is lit in a single special area on a different part of the stage to allow for quick transitions from one vignette to the next. Vignette 1: Billy and Jan are at the Southend-On-Sea pier, strolling hand-in-hand. Jan is holding a toffee apple, which they are sharing. They come across a photo booth and snuggle in together behind the curtain, making several very silly faces, laughing their heads off as the camera flashes. She kisses Billy playfully on the cheek then gets up and runs away, giggling. He goes to follow her, but remembers the photos. He runs back to collect them, admires the pictures, punches the air with exuberance, then runs off to find her. Vignette 2: Ted and Maureen have just come out of the theatre. Ted is acting out a fight scene from ‘Romeo & Juliet’ with his quiff-comb as a sword. Maureen joins in the duel. She wins. Ted sinks to the ground in mock agony. Maureen laughs, but then Ted is so convincing, she worries she’s done damage. She leans over him, concerned. Ted leaps up and scares her. They laugh and run off together.
20
Vignette 3: Billy and Jan are sitting on a picnic rug. Billy is giving Jan a guitar lesson. He reaches around her from behind, showing her how to strum a rhythm. Jan is concentrating studiously but becomes distracted when Billy starts gently kissing her neck. The music lesson dissolves as Jan melts into Billy’s body. A pause; Jan pulls away from Billy, overwhelmed by her feelings and tries to control them. She turns and studies him from a short distance. Jan makes her decision and, pushing Lizzie aside, she pulls Billy into a steamy embrace. The music ends. Lights out. SFX #09: Factory Siren (2)
Scene 10 Three months later, on the street outside the Chicken Factory. The Factory Girls Chorus (if used) pour onto the stage like an excited flock of chickens, saying goodbye, shouldering handbags and rushing off together in various directions. Shirley and Betty enter wearing winter coats, Betty with her nose in a book.
Shirley Betty Shirley Betty Shirley Betty Shirley Betty Shirley
(Exhausted). Blimey, that was a long shift! There must be more to life than stickin’ me hand up the bums of a hundred dead chickens every day. (Snatching Betty’s book). Wotcha
readin’? Careful! It’s a library book. And it’s dead romantic. Set in Verona. (Peering into the book). Is that near Luton? No! (She snatches the book back). It’s in Italy! Honest, Shirl, the things you come out with! (Pause). Talkin’ of romance, what does Marty think about Billy Buckett boardin’ with you and your Mum for the last few months? He’s dead jealous. Keeps goin’ on about it. I told Marty, if he doesn’t trust me, it’s too bad. I’ll probably dump him, anyway. His practical jokes are drivin’ me nuts. (Making a ‘that’s no surprise’ face, then, probing). But still, you and Billy must be, you know, alone together sometimes. Chance would be a fine thing. Apart from breakfast, we never see him. Whatever Billy Buckett is interested in, it ain’t me. (Sighing). No. Nor me. Come on, dreamer; beat you to the chip shop!
They start to run off, giggling, but slow down as Billy enters and passes them.
Betty Shirley Billy Both Girls
Oh! Hello Billy! (Flirtatiously). Mr Cool! You comin’ home soon? Oh, nearly forgot. (She rummages in her handbag). Another letter came for you. Mister Popular, ain’tcha? Er, yeah. Thanks, Shirl! See ya, Mr Cool! (They exit, giggling mischievously).
Billy rips open the letter expecting good news. It’s not. He reads the letter again, irritably. Enter Jan from the factory, looking a bit flat.
Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan
Hi, doll. (He looks to see if they are alone, then kisses her; just a peck). How’s it goin’? I’m a bit tired today, actually. Your Dad’s working you too hard. Don’t worry, I’ll pop into see Doctor Brandon in the morning and ask him for a pick-meup. (Indicating the letter). Bad news? The demos I’ve been sending off. It’s another rejection letter. Decca Records. (He passes the letter to her). Look, this one ain’t even signed! (Reading). “No unsolicited material accepted”. What does that mean? It means it’s not how good you are, it’s who you know that matters. But, Billy… you’re so brilliant, it’s only a matter of time. I believe in you, someone else will too. I suppose you just keep collecting ‘no’s’ until you get a ‘yes’? (Agitatedly). Right now I’d settle for a little ‘maybe’. Maybe I need to move to London. Leave Wickford? If I want to be more than a tupp’nny grease-monkey all me life. But what about us? 21
Billy
You said it yourself; I don’t fit your father’s ‘Grand Plan’. I have to make something big happen, otherwise he’ll never accept me. I don’t care what my parents think. Oh, yes you do. Otherwise you’d have told them about us. It’s not like that. Tell me what it is like then! Because right now, it feels like I’m on the outside of everything. Billy, it’s been a long day and I really don’t want to fight with you. One of these days, Jan, you’re going to have to work out how I fit into your world. I can’t spend the rest of my life sneaking around Lover’s Lane! (Beginning to cry). Well, Billy Buckett, you go off and do whatever you think you have to do and I will too. I just can’t do this right now. I have to go. (Moving off). (Following her). See you here tomorrow night? No, not tomorrow. When, then? I don’t know. ‘Bye Billy. (She exits). Jan! (He slumps over in despair).
Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy Jan Billy
MUSIC CUE #22 : ‘TENDER IS THE NIGHT’ TAG #1
Scene 11 Maureen’s motorcycle shop. The next day. A sign says: WICKFORD MOTORCYCLES – COOL WHEELS, HOT DEALS. Maureen is polishing a motorcycle. SFX #10: an old-fashioned shop ‘tinkling’ door bell. A male customer walks in and is surprised to see a woman behind the counter.
Customer Maureen Customer Maureen Customer Maureen
(Sleazily). Hello! You’re new, aren’t you? (Sighing, eyes to heaven). Nearly. Can I help you, sir? (Condescendingly). Do you know what piston rings are? I need a set for my Bonneville.
Customer
The T120 or the TR6 Trophy version, sir? (Flabbergasted). Oh! It’s, the, er… the, er, TR6. (Going to a shelf and reaching for the part). There you are, sir; that should sort you out. Two pounds, two and sixpence, please (Incredulously). Well! Thanks! (He pays and exits with the piston rings. SFX #11: the shop
Maureen
door bell ‘tinkles’ again). (Shaking her head). What am I doing here?
MUSIC CUE #23 : ‘FEATHER ON THE WIND’ (MAUREEN & DOO-WOP GIRLS) Maureen
Like a feather on the wind, Where I land is where you’ll find me. Seems to me I’m searching, But for what I couldn’t say, oh-oh Hold me tonight, but It’s on the understanding. I’m here today and gone tomorrow, Like a feather on the wind. But here I’ve found such love and joy and laughter. And I’m as close to Heaven as I’ve been. Now in this unlikeliest of places, There’s no reason I can find to leave… Like a feather on the wind, Where I land is where you’ll find me. Seems to me I’m searching, But for what I couldn’t say, oh-oh 22
Doo-Wops Oooooh… ooooh… ooooh… ooooh. Oh-oh.
Hold me tonight, But it’s on the understanding. I’m here today And gone Tomorrow, Like a feather on the wind.
Hold me tonight, … Oooh… …day And gone Tomorrow,
Sometimes a typhoon overcomes me. Next thing I know I’m torn out by the roots. Sometimes a gentle breeze will find me drifting. And staring down in wonder at the road beneath my shoes… Like a feather on the wind, Where I land is where you’ll find me. But I’m no longer searching, And here is where I’ll stay, oh-oh Hold me tonight, And for all of my tomorrows Catch me While I’m falling Like a feather on the wind. Catch me While I’m falling I’m a feather on the wind. Oh-oh Catch me While I’m falling Like a feather… on the wind.
Doo-Wops Oooooh… ooooh… ooooh… ooooh. Oh-oh. Hold me tonight, … Oooh… Catch me While I’m falling Catch me While I’m falling Catch me While I’m falling … wind.
SFX #12: the shop doorbell ‘tinkles again. Jan enters carrying a couple of sandwiches or cakes in a paper bag. She has just come from a doctor’s appointment.
Jan Maureen Jan Maureen Jan Maureen
Jan
Lunchtime! Jan! (They hug). What did Doctor Brandon say? (Non-committally). He says I’m… fine. How’s the job? Apparently, sales are up three hundred percent since I started. Can’t think why. I never imagined I’d be coming to live in this one-horse town! I’m so glad you have. How’s Ted? Ted? Well, he’s just a revelation! You know he acts like the word ‘serious’ isn’t in his vocabulary, but ever since I took him to see ‘Romeo and Juliet’, I can’t keep him away from the theatre. (They laugh). And what about you and your secret love? What are you and Billy going to do? (Hesitating). Actually, I think we’ve already done it.
MUSIC CUE #24 : ‘SELF-MADE MAN’ TAG #2
Scene 12 The Burns’ living room, late the next day. Jan is dreamily gazing at the strip of photo booth pictures. Enter Helen. Jan quickly hides the photo strip in her handbag, pulls out some make-up and starts touching up her face.
Helen Jan Helen Jan
How about a quick snack before you go out? You used to love my cheese and cucumber sandwiches. (She sighs wistfully). Now you never seem to be home for meals. Or home much at all… Not hungry, thanks. A cup of tea, then Oh, Mum… don’t fuss! 23
Helen Jan Helen Arthur Helen Arthur
Jan, darling; I don’t mean to, it’s just that I do miss those days when you were little. We used to go everywhere together. The school holidays when it was just me and my little Jan! (She sighs). Now here you are living at home again and I hardly see you. Well, I’m not a child any more. (Sighing). No. Where is it again that Maureen’s taking you tonight, dear? (Arthur enters looking perturbed, carrying a suitcase). Oh, hello, Arthur! I had a very interesting conversation at the golf club today. (Beat). With Doctor Brandon. (Jan freezes and he notices. Then, to Helen). When were you going to tell me? Tell you what darling? That she’s pregnant.
There is a stunned silence. Both Jan and Helen are shocked.
Jan Arthur Helen Jan Arthur Jan Arthur Jan Arthur Helen Jan Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Jan Arthur Helen & Jan Arthur Helen & Jan Helen Jan Arthur Jan Arthur Jan Helen Jan Arthur Helen
But Dr Brandon shouldn’t have… (Interrupting again; turning to Helen). You knew about this? (Protesting). No!!
Don’t start picking on Mummy! This is about me. My life. Until you’re twenty-one, young lady, your life is ours. Now, who is the father? (Defiantly). Daddy, I love him. He’s wonderful and he loves… What would you know about love? Pop records and Teen Magazine! Now, who is he? No-one you know; he’s not from around here. How dare you bring this shame on our family! Now I will ask you one last time and you will answer me or, so help me I’ll… (He raises his hand to strike her). (Screaming). Arthur, no! (Shrinking back, terrified). It’s Billy. Billy Buckett. (Flabbergasted). What?! That worthless grease-monkey? Haven’t you listened to anything I ever told you? When Poverty walks in the… Right. I’m going to fix this. Fix it? How? Brandon says there are clinics in London that deal with this sort of thing. No! Not that! (Emphatically). I’m having this baby. In that case, Brandon has an alternative. Switzerland. Switzerland!? There’s a clinic in Zurich where she can stay until she’s had the baby. Far enough away from here so that no-one will know. No! Arthur, surely we don’t have to send Jan away? Not again! We’ll get married! Oh, the grease-monkey proposed, did he? Stop calling him that! No, Billy hasn’t proposed. He doesn’t even know yet, but I’m going to tell him when I meet him tonight and I know he’ll be… You’re not meeting anyone, young lady. You and I are leaving for London Airport, in five minutes. Helen, you help her pack. I’ve got some phone calls to make. No, Mummy; please!? Arthur, wait! I’m not going anywhere until I’ve spoken to Billy. Out of the question. You can write him a message on the plane; I’ll see he gets it. Helen, while I’m away, you will hold the fort. If anyone asks, Jan is abroad with me on business. Do you understand? (He exits). Yes, Arthur, but can’t we just…
Helen follows Arthur offstage. Jan is left looking for a way out of the situation.
24
MUSIC CUE #25 : ‘SELF-MADE MAN’ TAG #3
Scene 13 The garage at the end of the day. Marty is clearing up his bench. Billy enters, puzzled.
Billy Marty Billy Marty Billy Marty Ted Billy Marty
You seen Lizzie? I left her by my locker, but she ain’t there now. Maybe she’s gone lookin’ for new friends. New friends? Yeah. I mean, you’re all cosy up at Shirley’s place, aintcha, Romeo? And you’re the Golden Boy round ‘ere. Lizzie’s probably gettin’ lonely. (Grabbing Marty by the collar and swinging him around). Is this another one of your stupid practical jokes? Keep your overalls on! (Entering, holding Lizzie). Look who I found out by the bins! (Letting go of Marty and taking the guitar). Thanks, Ted. (He glares suspiciously at Marty). I wonder how she got out there. (Ominously). Maybe you should take better care of your gear, mate. (He fixes his quiff). Well, I’m outta this grease-hole. Seeya, monkey-boys.
As Marty exits, Maureen enters passing him. Marty mockingly starts la-la-ing: ‘Here Comes The Bride’, at her.
Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Billy Ted Maureen Billy Maureen Ted Billy Ted Maureen Billy Ted
(Pointedly, to Ted). You said…
I haven’t told anyone, honest! Sparky’s just taking the mick! Can I tell Billy, now; can I, hey? (Indulgently). Go on then. Bill? We’ve, er, got somethin’ important to tell you. (Looking up from his work). Yeah? Oh, hi, Mo. As Shakespeare would say… (He falls to one knee, quoting Romeo And Juliet). “We met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow”. He’s trying to tell you that last night, we decided to get married! That’s smashing! So, when’s the Happy Day? Six months or so. The first weekend in Spring. Listen Bill, we’d like you and Jan to be the Best Man and Maid Of Honour. You can decide between yourselves which you want to be. Well, I’d be honoured. We’re going to do it properly, you know. Dead traditional. Everyone in drapes; pink Cadillac for the wedding car; reception at Toodies for the gang; honeymoon… (he pauses for dramatic effect) …in Brighton. (He and Maureen exchange a smouldering look). We’re just hopping round to tell Ted’s Mum now. I’ll phone Jan on the way. Better be quick, she’s meeting me in half an hour; the message I got said she’s got somethin’ important to tell me, too. Off you go. I’ll lock up. (Paraphrasing Shakespeare). Good night, good night, Best Man! Parting is such sweet sorrow. (He kisses Billy’s hand).
MUSIC CUE # 26 ‘RESTLESS’ TAG
Scene 14 Lights up on Maureen in a public phone box, dialling. Ted listens whilst combing his quiff outside.
Maureen Ted Maureen
Oh, hello, Mrs Burns, it’s Maureen. Is Jan there? … … … She’s gone where?! With her father? … … … Ohh. A business trip. I see. Any idea when she’ll be back? … … … OK. Well, I’ll just wait to hear from her then … … … ‘Bye. (She hangs up, perplexed). What was that all about? I’ll explain on the way. We need to find Billy! 25
They exit. SFX #13: a motorcycle leaving.
Scene 15 Billy is on the corner at ‘Lover’s Lane’, strumming his guitar, waiting for Jan. SFX #14: a motorcycle arriving (#2). Enter Ted and Maureen.
Billy Maureen Billy Maureen Billy Ted Maureen Billy Ted
Ted, Mo’! You seen Jan? Er, Jan won’t be coming, Billy. (Worried). What d’you mean? Why not?? Billy, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but... (Pause. He makes a rash guess). She’s dumped me, hasn’t she? And she sent you to tell me? Billy, wait… Let me just explain… If she’s chucking me, then just say so! ‘Cos I don’t need anyone who doesn’t need me! Mate, give Mo’ a chance!
Enter Shirley, breathless.
Shirley Billy Shirley Billy Shirley
Billy! Thank goodness I’ve found you, I’ve looked everywhere! Someone’s been in our house and taken everything out of your room! What!? All your stuff. It’s disappeared! My record player. What about my record player? (Shrugging). Gone.
Billy groans as if this is severe blow.
Maureen Ted Billy
Billy, that’s the least of your worries… I’ll get you another record player! It’s not the record player. It’s what was in it. (Beat). It’s where I’ve been keeping my savings. Everything. Stupid, so stupid! Don’t you see? He’s found out about Jan and me. Arthur bloody Burns. He’s got someone to nick my gear! This has: ‘Stay away from my daughter’ written all over it. Next thing, he’ll sack me. My girl, my gear and my job. Gone, in one go!
Shirley begins to cry.
Maureen Ted Billy Ted Maureen Ted
Billy, I don’t think… Yeah, mate, you don’t know… (To Ted, pushing him away) . Don’t tell me what I don’t know, man! I don’t need your pity! Just get away from me, all of you! Come on ladies, the man needs some space. (He pulls Shirley and Maureen away). (Trying to get back to Billy). But Ted! (Firmly). Later, Maureen, later!
Exit Ted, Maureen and Shirley. Billy takes a deep breath.
Billy
(To Lizzie). Well, old girl, looks like it’s just you and me again. And I thought she believed in me. (He shivers and pulls his jacket around him).
MUSIC CUE #27 : ‘WHAT’LL I DO’ (BILLY & JAN WITH DOO-WOP GIRLS AND ENSEMBLE) Jan and Arthur appear at London Airport in a split scene with Billy. A sign says: LONDON AIRPORT – DEPARTURES. Jan has a suitcase and is dressed in a coat and scarf. Arthur motions to her to ‘wait here’ and then exits. As Billy and Jan sing, the Doo-Wop Girls join from the band-stand. The ensemble enters as commuters in winter coats and hats with suitcases, umbrellas, etc at the middle of the song.
26
Billy
What’ll I do without you?
Jan
What’ll I do without you?
Doo-Wops
What’ll I do, what’ll I do? What’ll I do, what’ll I do?
Billy & Jan No-one else can see me through, Oh, oh What’ll I do without you? What’ll I do, what’ll I do? Billy
What’ll I do when you’re gone? What’ll I do, what’ll I do?
Jan
How can I carry on? What’ll I do, what’ll I do?
Billy & Jan Love will never seem so true, Oh, oh What’ll I do without you? What’ll I do, what’ll I do? Oh, oh, oh… Billy
With you I could be A clown or a king,
Jan
With you It’s a foregone conclusion,
Billy & Jan With you I could do Anything,
Oh, la-da-da-da, la-da-da-da … clown or a king. Clown or a King, La-da-da-da, la-da-da-da Oh, oh, oh… Oh, la-da-da-da, la-da-da-da … do anything. Do any-thing What’ll I do
But what’ll I Do without
What’ll I do You? What’ll I do What’ll I do. Billy
What’ll I do when you’re gone?
Jan
How can I carry on?
What’ll I do, what’ll I do? What’ll I do, what’ll I do? Billy & Jan Guess I’ve never been so blue, Oh, oh What’ll I do without you? What’ll I do, what’ll I do? What’ll I do without you? What’ll I do, what’ll I do? What will I do without… You?
You.
Lights out on Jan. The ensemble freeze. Billy exits at a trot, leaving town for good. Fade to black.
END OF ACT ONE INTERVAL 27
ACT TWO Scene 1 A private room in a Swiss sanatorium. It is night-time of the day Jan left England. Arthur enters with a dispirited Jan, followed by the Clinic’s Matron who holds a clipboard. Arthur shows Jan to a chair then takes the Matron aside. Jan takes a letter out of her purse.
Arthur
(Condescendingly). Now, you understand the need for complete discretion? No telephone
calls or letters, in or out, except through me. Is that clear? The Matron nods, then exits.
Jan Arthur
(Holding out the letter). You’ll give my letter to Billy? He’ll want to see me. (Taking the letter). Yes, of course. (Beat). Well, I’ll let you get settled in. (He tenderly kisses Jan’s forehead). Mummy and I will visit in two week’s time. Now be good. (He exits).
MUSIC CUE #28 : ‘MR COOL’ (JAN WITH NURSES) The Matron and some Nurses enter gradually and start singing backing vocals at Verse 3. Optional: Judies join in for verse 4. Optional: During the song, ‘Movietone’ news headlines are projected onto a screen, charting the rise and rise of Billy Cool, pop star.
Jan
They call him Mr Cool, but I know he isn’t, Under the cool, there’s a heart of gold. He’s just a boy who grew up much too fast and too tough. If you can’t see, then I’m sorry for you, But I can’t help it, I’m in love with Mr Cool. They say he’s had girls by the dozen, For all I know it could be true. But somehow one day, they all let him slip away. That’s something I know I won’t do, ‘Cos I can’t help it, I’m in love with Mr Cool. Each time we touch, I just melt away, Though they say we’re too young and this is madness. But a lifetime from now, I’ll still feel the same, So why should I waste it alone? They say he’s Cool, but he’s warm and tender, Doo-Wops Ooooh They say he’s Fast, but he’s Aaaah Waiting for me Waiting for ooh. Aah… And as soon as I can, I’ll run to my man … aaah. Ooooh… And hold him my whole life through, …ooooh. Mister Cool. I can’t help it, Mister Cool. I’m in love with Mr Cool. Oooooh.
People say we’re too young But my heart tells me So why should I waste it alone? Doo-Wop Jan
They say he’s cool, but he’s warm and so tender, So warm and tender 28
Each time they touch She just melts away, Oooooh… …ooooh. That a lifetime from now, She’ll still feel the same, Ooooooh. Ohhh!
Doo-Wop Jan
They say that he’s fast, but he’s waiting for me Waiting for me And as soon as I can, Doo-Wops And as so-oo-oon I’ll run to my man, ooh-ooh-ah-ooh And I will hold him, … and hold him I will hold him, … her whole I can’t wait for my Life through Arms to enfold him Mister Cool Oooh, I can’t help it, No I can’t help it, Mister Coo-oo-oo… …oo-ool, I’m in love with Mister Cool I’m in love with Mister Cool, Mister Cool
‘Cos she can’t help it, She’s in love with Mister Cool, Mister Cool No she can’t help it She’s in love with Mister Cool Mister Cool Mister Cool, Mister Cool
MUSIC CUE #29 : ‘SELF MADE MAN’ TAG #4
Scene 2 Four weeks later at a London night club / bar. A sign says: ZEROS NITE CLUB, SOHO … TALENT NIGHT. A sparse crowd is standing around a bar. Slightly apart, sits Solomon Goldstein, aka ‘Goldy’ wearing a flashy suit. He is an impresario/talent scout. The MC and house band are on stage. Billy appears, nervously waiting beside the stage, holding Lizzie.
MC
Billy
As you all know, here at Zeros Night Club, we‘re always finding fresh talent and tonight we’ve got someone who’s been in London for just a few weeks, chasin’ the Big-Time and playin’ his songs to anyone who’ll listen! Let’s have a big Soho welcome for Billy… Billy, er… (He/She looks at his/her paper). (Stepping up to the microphone). It’s Billy Cool.
SFX #15: Mic feedback. Everyone groans.
MC Billy
Mr Billy Cool, ladies and gents. (Sparse applause. He/She leaves the stage). Hi everyone. (Noticeably lacking the confidence he had in Act One). Yeah, um, I write my own stuff. (The audience ignore him, chatting etc). Here’s one I started on the train coming up…er, (Realising no-one is listening). …it’s called: ‘Wreck Out Of My Heart’. (He calls out to the band) …a one, two, three! MUSIC CUE #30 : ‘WRECK OUT OF MY HEART’ (BILLY & OPTIONAL ENSEMBLE OR BAND BACKING VOCALS) Billy
Young girl, pretty girl, comin’ round here Drive me up the wrong road And then she disappear into the night. She says she ain’t comin’ back. Oh, but young girl, pretty girl comin’ round again Says she’s gonna love me but she don’t know when She’s got time to spare And room to manoeuvre. She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart And a wreck outta me. 29
Well young girl, pretty girl, got no shame Touches me tenderly, says It’s just a game of give and take And she takes it all and leaves. She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart And a wreck outta me.
Ensemble Wreck out of my heart Wreck out of my heart Wreck out of my heart
She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart And a wreck outta me.
Wreck out of my heart Wreck out of my heart Wreck out of my heart
Well, she tends to get reckless But she’s still in control Yeah, she tends to get reckless But she’s still in control I said she tends to get reckless But she’s still in control of me.
Ooooo… … ooooh Ooooo… …ooooh Ooooo… …ooh. Aah.
She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart And a wreck outta me.
Wreck out of my heart Wreck out of my heart Wreck out of my heart
She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart She’s gonna make a wreck out of my heart And a wreck outta me… woooh!.
Wreck out of my heart Wreck out of my heart Wreck out of my heart
The song finishes to raucous applause. As the crowd clamours around Billy, Goldy shoulders his way to stand beside him, clearly impressed.
Goldy Billy Goldy
Great song, kid. What did you say your name was? Billy. Billy Cool. Good name, Good name. (He hands Billy a business card). Solomon Goldstein. Call me Goldy. We’re always looking for hot, new talent at Fontana Management. And baby, that’s you! Let’s talk business, Billy Cool!
Billy and Goldy shake hands and exit together.
MUSIC CUE #31 : ‘MIND OVER MATTER BLUES’ TAG
Scene 3 The Burns’ living room, a week later. Helen is in evening dress getting ready to go out. Enter Arthur in a Dinner Jacket.
Helen Arthur Helen Arthur
Helen Arthur
Have you found Billy Buckett yet? No. He’s vanished. Completely and without trace. According to his cronies at the garage, he could have gone to London, but they’re just guessing. He could be anywhere. This is terrible! How will he ever find out about the baby? He won’t, Helen; don’t you see. He’s done us a favour. Better for Jan to have no illusions about him from the start. This way it’ll be easier to persuade her to give up the child. The sooner she can put this little mistake behind her, the sooner we can get the ‘Grand Plan’ back on track. Can’t she do that from home? In her condition? Don’t be stupid, Helen. 30
Helen Arthur
Helen Arthur Helen Arthur
Arthur, she needs us, I know she does. And if that awful boy’s run off, we’re all she’s got. Helen, you don’t seem to understand what’s at stake here. I can’t fix the production line anymore. Most of that machinery at the factory needs replacing immediately and I’m at a critical stage negotiating a loan from the bank. Do you think anyone in this town will take me seriously as a businessman if news of this pregnancy leaks out? Couldn’t Jan at least stay somewhere closer to home? I can’t take any risks. I’ve worked too hard all these years just to throw it all away now. It just feels all wrong. (Briskly reassuring). Jan will be back before you know it. The pregnancy issue will be dealt with in Switzerland, no one here will know. And then we can make sure she gets introduced to some decent young men with good family backgrounds. Young men with prospects. Believe me, Helen, this is the right thing for Jan, for the family and for the business. Now, let’s go.
They exit.
MUSIC CUE #32 : ‘LET’S GO BLUES’
Scene 4 Six months later. A hotel room in Edinburgh, Scotland. SFX #16: hysterical screams are heard from outside, a mob of teenage girls. Billy and Goldy rush in. Billy’s expensive jacket is in tatters, they are both out of breath. Goldy struggles with a sack full of fan-letters and another expensive suit coat on a hanger.
Billy Goldy Billy Goldy
Billy Goldy Billy Goldy
Oh, that was too close! How the hell do they find out where I’m staying? We go miles around back-streets, change cars twice and still can’t shake ‘em off! That’s what two Number One records in six months will do for you, kiddo! Billy Cool is public property now. And the girls all want a piece of you. (Inspecting the ruin of his jacket). Well tonight, they got most of my clothes! (Ruefully). This was my favourite jacket, too. (Exchanging the ripped jacket for for the new one) . Lucky for you we have a spare! Hotel security will keep everyone out for now. Wait a couple of hours and we’ll smuggle you out of the service entrance. Your car’s out the back for a quick getaway. Meanwhile, I’ll go and find you a wig, some glasses and an overall. (Goldy makes to leave). We make all this money and I have to disguise myself as a mechanic?! That’s rock’n’roll, baby! Enjoy it while it lasts. Most guys’d give their right arm to be you tonight. You sure you don’t want me to let that pretty dark-haired girly in? You might even get the rest of your jacket back! Not tonight, Goldy; I’m exhausted! But I won’t bother trying to sleep if we’re getting out of here. (Indicating the mail bag). Answer some of your fan-mail. The office can’t keep up. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Back as soon as I can!
Goldy exits with the torn jacket. As the door opens, SFX #17: Less enthusiastic screaming. The door slams and the screaming stops. Billy reluctantly goes over to the mail bag and picks up two bunches of letters. He flicks through them wearily, puts them aside. He reluctantly picks up a third bunch and suddenly realises that one letter is from someone he knows. He opens it, reads and smiles.
Billy
Blimey! (He looks around and exits through a window).
31
Scene 5 Next day at the Two D’s coffee bar. SFX #18: wedding bells. A festive banner says: ‘Congratulations Ted & Mo!’. There is a table laid out with a wedding cake, champagne glasses and champagne bottles etc.
MUSIC CUE #33 : ‘DYNAMO’ (TED & MAUREEN WITH ENSEMBLE) Led by Ted and Maureen, the wedding party enter including Marty & Shirley as Best Man and Maid Of Honour, with Teddy Boys & Judies. Ted is wearing spectacular over-the-top Teddy Boy gear, Maureen is wearing an exotic red wedding dress.
Ted & Mo
Ted Mo Ted & Mo
Like a dynamo, you got A straight line into my heart My heart, my heart, Woo-hoo-hoo Like a dynamo, you got A straight line into my heart My heart, my heart, Woo-hoo-hoo Like a river of love, Rollin’ from the very start
Ensemble
My heart, my heart, Woo-hoo-hoo My heart, my heart, Woo-hoo-hoo Aaaah... …aaaah.
You got eyes, you got lips, You got legs, you got hips, That smile, that look, One kiss I was hooked, Whatever you’ve got, You’re really getting through to me, yeah! Like a dynamo, you got A straight line into my heart My heart, my heart, Woo-hoo-hoo Like a dynamo, you got A straight line into my heart My heart, my heart, Woo-hoo-hoo Like a river of love, Rollin’ from the very start
Ensemble
My heart, my heart, Woo-hoo-hoo My heart, my heart, Woo-hoo-hoo Aaaah... …aaaah.
[Instrumental, 12 bars]
Marty All
Ted & Mo Ensemble Ted & Mo Ensemble Ted & Mo
Well, wind me up and let me go. Wind me up and let me go. Wind me up and let me go. Wind me up and let me go. But look out honey, I’m hummin’ like a dynamo, yeah!
All
Like a dynamo, you got a straight line into my heart My heart, my har-har-har-heart. Like a dynamo, you got a straight line into my heart My heart, my heart, woo-hoo-hoo May the river of love, never let us drift apart.
Ensemble
(Raising a glass). A toast to the happy couple… Maureen and Ted Maureen and Ted! (They all cheer).
32
Aaaaah… …aaaah.
Ted
As Shakespeare would say: “Love is a smoke raised by the fume of sighs”. (Maureen snuggles in to Ted, as everyone ‘Awws’ romantically). But we still gotta eat, so dig in you lot, there’s plenty of nosh. (He and Maureen break away downstage. Brian has a Box Brownie camera and takes photos of everyone & everything. Then, to Maureen as a King to a Queen).
Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted
That went well, m’lady (Joining in the spirit). A goodly wedding, Sir… all things considered. (Now himself again). Yeah, Nice of Sparky and Shirl to step in to do the honours, but still, it wasn’t the same without Billy and Jan. ‘Paper says Billy’s touring Scotland this week. I don’t think there was ever much hope of him coming. D’you reckon he got any of your letters? Who knows! Jan’s back, though. Poor thing. Called me at the shop yesterday. How is she?
Maureen is about to answer when Billy enters. He has been driving all night and looks a little tired and strained.
Shirley Billy
(Shrieking). It’s Billy Cool!!
Hi, everyone.
The girls scream and clamour around Billy, who is joined by Brian. Marty hangs back.
Brian Billy Shirley Billy Betty
So, how’s Fame, Fortune and Mass Adoration?! (Unenthusiastically). It’s… alright. Oooooh, sharp threads, Mr Cool! (Off-Hand). Just a different sort of overall, Shirley. No Lizzie?
Before he can answer, Ted and Maureen reach Billy through the throng.
Ted Billy Maureen Billy Marty
Give the man some space! (The group dissipates. Maureen hugs Billy. Ted extends his hand to Billy, neutrally). This is… unexpected. (Billy and Ted shake hands). Yeah. Sorry man. I know I should’ve… look, congratulations, you two! (He kisses Maureen on the cheek). Maybe I’d better go… No, no… Billy, please stay. It’s fantastic to see you. But aren’t you supposed to be on tour? Yeah, but the management brought me some fan-mail last night and as fate would have it, your wedding invite was on top. Next thing I know, I’m here, outside Toodies. (Interrupting). Hey Buckett-bonce… that your Corvette?
The group streams out, excited hubbub, leaving Billy, Ted and Maureen alone. Billy looks around the room.
Ted Billy Maureen Billy Maureen Billy Ted Maureen Billy Ted Billy Maureen Billy Maureen Billy
She’s not here, Billy. She? She who? Jan. Why would I care? You didn’t get my letters? Just the wedding invitation. Oh, boy, have you got a big surprise comin’! So you don’t know about the baby? Baby?! (Patting Maureen’s tummy). Oh guys, that’s great!! Not our baby, you big plonker! Yours and Jan’s. What!!? What the hell are you talking about? Jan! She’s had a baby… your baby! What! (Trying to take it all in). Why didn’t she tell me? Burns dragged her onto a plane to Switzerland before she could… (Interrupting). Switzerland?! 33
Maureen Billy Maureen Billy Maureen Billy
She’s been in some sort of clinic all this time. Gave birth to a little boy four days ago. She came home yesterday. With the baby? (Reluctantly). Er, he’s still in Zurich. Why?! Taken away, to be adopted, or to go to an orphanage. Oh, no! Oh, no he won’t. No child of mine is going to an orphanage!
The others rush back in. Though Marty hangs back, Brian, Betty & Shirley clamour around Billy, preventing him moving. They all talk at once.
Shirley Betty Marty Brian Billy Maureen Billy Maureen Billy Ted Maureen Ted
Will you sign my handbag, Billy? And my book, please? Man, you must be raking it in. Corvettes don’t go far on a gallon. Can I get a picture of you, Billy, with your arm around Betty and that? (Shouting). No!! (They all step back in shock). Look, I’m sorry. (He makes to go). Where are you going? To see Jan. Wait, Billy. Right now she’s really upset, confused and All the more reason! The Burns’ place is like Fort Knox. You can’t exactly waltz through the front door like the Prodigal Son. He’s right Billy. You won’t get to Jan without some inside help. (Enquiringly). Ted? What? (Realising what she is suggesting). Alright, go on then. But hurry back! Honeymoon in Brighton, remember?
Maureen gives Ted her smouldering look.
Billy Shirley
Let’s go! (He and Maureen exit together). Mo! You forgot the bouquet!!!
Maureen throws the bouquet from offstage. Betty catches it and delightedly shows it to Brian.
Betty Brian
Ooh, Brian, look! Ah-ha-ha-ha! (Brian laughs nervously, hands Betty his camera as a distraction, takes the bouquet in exchange and quickly moves away from her, looking for somewhere to hide it).
Ted tries to cover up the unexpected departure of the bride by distributing glasses of champagne.
Ted Brian
Everybody got a glass? Come on, let’s have a Toast. To, to… (Unable to think of anything). (Trying to be helpful). Absent friends!?
Brian accidentally hits Marty in the face with his extended hand, which still holds the bouquet. Marty hits Brian on the back of the head. Brian prat-falls forward, flat on his face. Betty captures his downfall on the camera and giggles.
MUSIC CUE #34 : ‘DYNAMO’ TAG
Scene 6 The Burns’ living room. Jan is sitting alone, pale, sad and seething. Enter Helen.
Helen Jan Helen Jan Helen Jan
(Forcedly cheerful). Kettle’s on! We’ll feel much better after a nice hot cuppa. Tea or
coffee, darling, which would you prefer? I’d prefer to be left alone! By everyone, especially you. Oh, Jan! I know these last few months have been hard for you, for all of us… Hard for you? Sitting here in your ivory tower with the drinks cabinet!? Pretending it’s all ‘business as usual’? I needed your help! Why didn’t you stand up to him? Well, I… Daddy snaps his fingers and you jump like his little puppet. 34
Helen Jan Helen Maureen Helen Maureen
That’s not fair! I didn’t want you to go away, I … (Interrupting). If you’d supported me instead of just caving in like you always do, I need never have gone. I might still have my baby. And maybe Billy, too. (She starts to cry). (Rushing to her, trying to hug her). Oh, Jan! I really did try, I begged Arthur to bring you home, but… (SFX #20: The door intercom buzzer sounds, insistently. Helen reluctantly picks up the handset). Hello, who is it? (Voice-over). It’s Maureen, Mrs Burns. Oh, hello dear. I’m sorry, but can you come back later? We’re… (Voice-over). No! Mrs Burns, please. I need to see Jan. Urgently!
Helen looks around at Jan.
Jan Helen
(Sniffing back her tears). She’s supposed to be at her wedding! Alright Maureen; come on through. (She presses a button on the intercom (SFX#20). After a moment, Maureen enters. She is still in her wedding dress). Oh, don’t you look lovely, dear! (SFX #21: Kettle whistle). Kettle’s boiled! I’ll fetch the tea, shall I? (She exits).
Jan Maureen
Mo, what are you doing here? Jan, I’ve been so worried about you.
They embrace.
Jan
I’m sorry I didn’t come. I just couldn’t face seeing everyone. (Her face crumples as though she’s about to cry again).
Maureen Jan Maureen Jan
Oh, Jan… My parents told me Billy just ran away and I didn’t believe them. Not my Billy! (She laughs bitterly). But now I know. He was off chasing his ‘Big Dream’ all along. He couldn’t have cared less about me. How could I have been so stupid? Jan, you couldn’t be more wrong. That’s what I’ve come to tell you. Billy turned up at our reception. Until fifteen minutes ago, he didn’t know anything about you being pregnant, or about Switzerland. He… he didn’t? (She stares at Maureen, then shakes her head, about to cry again). Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy…
Meanwhile Helen enters with a tray of teacups, a milk jug & teapot.
Helen Maureen Jan Helen Jan Helen Jan Maureen Helen Maureen Helen / Jan Maureen Helen Maureen
(Putting down the tray). It breaks my heart that you’re still obsessed with that awful boy. (To Maureen). You’re Jan’s best friend. Can’t you explain that he’s gone for good and he’s
never coming back? I’m afraid I can’t do that, Mrs Burns. (Quietly). Because he is back, Mother. (Looking panicked). What! Where? (To Maureen). You haven’t brought him here? Not Billy Buckett! Billy Cool. He’s a chart-topping Rock’n’Roll star now. Whatever he calls himself, I will never forgive that boy for what he’s done to us. What he’s done to us? What about what you did to him? We’ve done nothing to him! Taking Jan away was nothing? Sending some thugs to steal his belongings, all his savings, that was nothing? What are you talking about? / What?!! Then taking his baby son away? That was nothing too, I suppose? What do you do when you really want to hurt somebody, Mrs Burns? That boy got Jan into trouble and ran off instead of standing by her. Arthur said. Just abandoned her, Arthur said… (Interrupting). You don’t know Billy! And you don’t seem to know much about your husband, either. 35
Helen Jan Maureen Jan Helen Jan
I know that Arthur does what he thinks is right. He’s a good man. So is Billy! (To Jan). And he’s waiting outside for you, right now! (Standing up and moving towards the door). Right. No! Janette! (Going to restrain her, they are now eye to eye). Don’t you dare! (Helen is shocked) .Whatever anyone said and however bad things looked, I should never have stopped believing in him.
Jan pushes past Helen and exits. There is an awkward pause.
Maureen
Well! Cheerio then, Mrs Burns. Got to go. Honeymoon… in Brighton!
Maureen exits. Helen is left, stunned. She picks up the tea tray on auto-pilot, moves to a sideboard, and lets it clatter down. There, she picks up a photograph album and, looking at the pages, she moves downstage into a tight spotlight. Optional: Photos of the Burns family during Jan’s childhood could be projected onto a screen while Helen sings.
MUSIC CUE #35 : ‘PHOTOGRAPHS AND MEMORIES’ (HELEN) Helen
Photographs and memories are all that I have left to me Photographs, memories, fragments of a dream I remember the laughter, “Happy ever after”, That’s what we’d say Somehow, long ago, Everything we used to know changed and now Photographs and memories are all that I have left to me Photographs, memories, fragments of a dream I recall how we used to sing: “Jack and Jill came tumbling” Now that’s all gone. The vision that was once so clear Is fading now and I can’t hear the song… [Instrumental, 8 bars. A photo of Jan as a little girl in a ballerina’s tutu is projected on a screen. A young girl as Little Jan enters and dances a ballet with a long bright-pink ribbon. Helen then dances with her. As the instrumental draws to a close the little girl twirls off stage. The ribbon trails after her, slips through Helen’s hands and is gone.]
Photographs and memories are all that I have left to me Photographs, memories, fragments of a dream Pieces of yesterday, things we lost along the way Photographs, memories, fragments of a dream. As the song ends, she turns the last page and an envelope falls to the floor. She picks it up, opens it and begins to read the document inside, then looks up with an astounded look on her face.
MUSIC CUE #36 : ‘PHOTOGRAPHS AND MEMORIES’ TAG
Scene 7 Sunset, the same day, at Lover’s Lane. Billy and Jan have given Maureen a lift back to the reception and gone on to their old haunt. They walk on side by side, awkward with each other.
Billy
(Tentatively reaching out for Jan’s hand). There is so much I need to say to you and so much
Jan
I have to apologise for. I don’t know where to begin. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you… for our baby. I had no idea… (Gently putting a finger to his lips). You’re here now. That’s all that matters. 36
MUSIC CUE #37 : ‘TENDER IS THE NIGHT’ REPRISE (JAN & BILLY) Jan Billy Jan Billy Both
Tender is the night, when I am holding you Tender is the night… Tender is the night… And perfect is the view… And perfect is the view… This power that surrounds us is stronger than any wall It’s the magic of love and the spell can make prisoners of us all. Tender is the night, when I am holding you Tender is the night, and perfect is the view.
They kiss and embrace.
Jan Billy
But what are we going to do? (She starts to cry). Oh, Billy, I let them take our baby… (Wiping away her tears). Jan, love; we’ll get him back. Now we’re together again, nothing will stop us. MUSIC CUE #38 : ‘TENDER IS THE NIGHT’ TAG #2
Scene 8 The Burns’ Living Room, later that evening. Helen sits alone, studying the document she previously picked up at the end of Scene 6. She is energised, excited, on edge. She has an idea. Arthur enters, his coat over his arm, abruptly breaking Helen’s ruminations. She hides the document.
Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen
(Hanging up his coat). Evening, Helen. How’s Jan? Feeling a little better, I think. (Arthur makes for the stairs). Arthur, you said Billy Buckett
left his job at the garage and just vanished. You didn’t tell me you made him leave. What? What are you talking about? He didn’t just disappear, did he Arthur? What do you mean? He wasn’t part of your ‘Grand Plan’, so you ‘fixed him’, didn’t you? But it hasn’t worked. He’s back. And Jan’s gone off with him. Good Heavens, woman! What were you thinking, letting her go out? Wasn’t it enough keeping her locked away for six months in that place in Zurich? Surely you don’t expect me to be her jailer, here in her own home? (Arthur starts putting his coat back on). Where are you going, Arthur? To fix this mess once and for all. You’ve done enough. I’m going to make sure that boy doesn’t hurt this family anymore. Our daughter’s in love with ‘that boy’. She’s infatuated with him, of course she is. How else could he have seduced her? It’s not just infatuation. They’re in love. With each other. Billy Buckett! (He snorts and throws his coat on a chair). Twenty years old and not a penny to his name. He’ll make her life a misery. ‘When Poverty walks in the door, Love flies out of the w…’ (Interrupting). Then it isn’t love. And anyway, he isn’t a penniless mechanic anymore. He’s a rock and roll star! (Sarcastically). Oh, well, that makes all the difference! Why didn’t you say so before? We’ll have a party, invite the neighbours to meet our future son-in-law, the here-today, gone-tomorrow, caterwauling ponce. That’s what’s important to you? What people think? Yes. Yes, it is as a matter of fact. More important than Jan’s happiness? 37
Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur Helen
Of course not! Then you need to help her. And Billy. Help them!? In what way? Get their baby back. Don’t be ridiculous! Helen, believe me, I know what’s best. Well, this time, Arthur, you’ve got it wrong! The subject is closed. I’m not listening any more of this… (Interrupting, with new found courage). You will listen to me Arthur Burns. You took my only child away, sent her to boarding school and made her a stranger. Now you’ve taken her child…. (Shouting). That’s enough… (Shouting back). Not nearly! (Regaining her determination, she waves the previously discovered document at him). Do you know what I found today? A Deed of Transfer. For the chicken factory and the house, into my name. Got you out of trouble with the taxman, did it? Where the hell did you find that? Give it to me! (Laughing defiantly). No! It’s mine! Just like the house. And the factory. Nominally. Legally, unless your lawyer got it wrong, and I don’t think he did. (Emphatically). Now you can get out of my house. And you can keep away from my factory, too. (Coldly and calmly). Until Jan and Billy get their baby back, Arthur Burns; you’re fired! Wha-a-at!?! (He moves towards her, beligerently). Don’t make me call the police! (Shoving him back, towards the exit). Here’s your coat. There’s the door. Use it!
Arthur exits, stunned.
MUSIC CUE #39 : ‘SELF MADE MAN’ STING
Scene 9 MUSIC CUE #40 : ‘STEPPIN OUT’ TAG #1 The next day. Sunday lunchtime on Brighton esplanade. It is sunny. SFX #22: seagulls, and waves washing on a pebbly shore (throughout the scene). Ted and Maureen enter, strolling along holding hands. Ted is wearing shorts with luminous lime green socks, his crepe-soled boots and a white knotted hanky on top of his head. Maureen wears a full skirt and flat shoes.
Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen Ted Maureen
(Sniffing the air). Ahhh. Smell that breeze. Sea-weed, candy-floss… (making a face) jellied eels.
Lovely! I was beginning to think we’d never get away. I hope Billy and Jan will be OK. They’ve got Arthur Burns to deal with, so it’s hard to say. I know your parents weren’t that keen on us getting married, but at least they didn’t try to stop us. They gave up trying to stop me doing what I wanted long ago. (Becoming serious; a rare occasion). Maureen, thank you for marrying me. (He kisses her). Time was I thought I’d never marry anyone. What changed your mind? I met this bloke and somehow I knew he’d never hurt me, or try to tie me down. Didn’t we pack the handcuffs? And I was lookin’ forward to… (Maureen shuts him up with a kiss) … mmmmmmm. (He surfaces for air with a thought). Shame your folks didn’t turn up for the wedding, though. D’you think they’ll ever come round? My parents have never been around, so it doesn’t matter either way. Still, it was nice of them to send us all that money. (Getting an idea). Just enough money for us to buy that motorcycle shop you work in! Ha! Whad’ya reckon? (Grinning widely). I reckon it’s time we got back to the hotel, big boy. 38
Ted
Again?! (Pretending to hold up a skull, feigning exhaustion). Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio…
Maureen takes Ted’s other hand and leads him offstage.
MUSIC CUE #41 : ‘STEPPIN OUT’ TAG #2
Scene 10 The same day in the Burns’ Living Room. Helen, Jan and Billy are gathered together, drinking cups of tea.
Jan Helen Billy Jan Helen Billy Helen Billy Jan Billy Helen
(Admiringly). I just can’t believe you kicked Daddy out last night!
And I can’t believe he went! I feel like a new woman! It’s quite marvellous! (She and Jan giggle). The trouble is, Arthur’s the only one who knows which adoption agency took Little Billy. Yes. If we’re to stand a chance of getting him back, we need to act fast. Mummy, Billy and I have a proposal for you. (Interestedly). Oh? Well, since you’re the owner of the chicken factory and I’ve got all this money doin’ nothin’… (He takes a deep breath). (Delighted). I’m all ears. Do go on. Let’s set up a meeting with both our solicitors for tomorrow morning. Maybe we can come up with some sort of business arrangement that will allow me make Arthur Burns an offer he can’t refuse. Something that’ll give him no choice but to tell us where Little Billy is. And in the meantime, you and I can start calling Zurich, to see if we can trace him ourselves. A twopronged attack. What do you think? (Reaching out to hold both their hands). My dears, this is my grandson we’re talking about. I’ll do anything I can to help.
Scene 11 That night, a bench on a rainy street. SFX#23: thunder and rain. Arthur, sad and deflated, appears in a single spotlight. He’s been walking the night streets, thinking. He sings slowly, reflectively.
MUSIC CUE #42 : ‘SELF MADE MAN’ REPRISE (ARTHUR, BILLY & GOLDY) Arthur
When you’re a Self-Made man, you work every hour you can You cut a few corners to make a return By your own hands you fly, or you crash and burn, It’s the way you learn…
Lights down on Arthur. Billy appears in the Burns Living Room on the phone to his manager. Goldstein appears in a split scene. The band picks up the tempo and plays a verse of ‘Self-Made Man’ quietly under Billy’s speech.
Billy Goldy Billy Goldy Billy Goldy Billy Goldy Billy Goldy Billy
Goldy? It’s Billy. Billy! Where the hell are you?! I’m worried to death! Yeah, I’m sorry! But something important came up. Important?! As in? As in ‘life or death’. I need a few days more. Billy, we’ve got sold out shows! Can’t you shift the dates? What, are you crazy?! Look, you know I wouldn’t… You’re asking the impossible! Get the lawyers to work it out. I don’t actually need to be slogging my guts out on the road anymore. My songs are earning me a fortune in royalties alone. 39
Goldy Billy Goldy Billy
What does that mean? It means, Goldy, that I have to do this! Billy, if these venues sue the management, the management will sue you! Well, if that’s the way it has to be, I’ll see you in Court. (He hangs up).
Lights back up on Arthur. Billy, Arthur & Goldstein sing the rest of the song together.
B, A & G
Arthur Billy Arthur B& G Arthur B, A & G
Worry, worry, worry, all day long, Will we even make it to the night-shift? Find a way of fixing every thing that goes wrong, And still you survive another day, another day, Well… I’m a Self-Made Man, Self-Made Man It’s too late to change what I am That’s what I am But I’ll make this work, I know that I can, Take an idea, Make it expand The answer still lies within the palm of my hand ‘Cos I’m a Self-Made Man Self-Made Man, I’m a Self-Made Man Well I’ve got a future to plan The Self-Made Man, I’m a Self-Made man… Yeah!
MUSIC CUE #43 : ‘WOT’S WORK’ TAG
Scene 12 A couple of days later at the garage. Marty is working, but Brian is skiving, reading a comic book. Ted enters and catches him.
Ted Brian
(Looking at the Jobs Book). Pimples, did you put your hours down in the book for that last job? (Pause, no reaction). That is what Shakespeare would call a rhetorical question.
Which means I already know the answer to it. (Getting a bit uppity). Don’t talk to me like I’m still an apprentice. Mr Wilkins promoted me before you went away honeymooning. Just remember, I’m a mechanic now. (Ted points out that Brian’s fly is down. Brian quickly zips it up).
Ted Marty Ted Marty Brian Announcer
For a probationary period, which means… You thick little git… That if you make a cock-up… When you make a cock-up… (Quickly changing the subject, consulting his watch). Oh, look at the time… we’ve nearly missed the Chart Show! (He switches on the radio). (Voice Off: SFX #24). “Now for this week’s Number One. For the third time this year Billy
Cool tops the pop charts, winning yet another silver disc for sales of over two hundred and fifty thousand records. (Enter Arthur, tired and dishevelled). It’s the song you’re all loving to hear… ‘Who Were You With…”
40
Brian quickly turns the radio off, but Arthur hasn’t noticed; he seems completely preoccupied. He tries to make a phone call, dials, but gets no answer. He puts the phone down distractedly. He picks up the Jobs Book and exits. The lads look at one another incredulously, and burst out laughing.
Marty Ted
What side of the bed did he get out of this morning? Whichever side it was, he’s not sleeping in his own bed anymore, is he? For lo, his wife sayeth unto him: “Get thee gone from mine house.” Marty And Lo, off he buggereth! Ted And from the chicken factory, forsooth! And he descendeth into the wilderness of this garage to hide his shameful head… Brian We shouldn’t really be talking like this. Marty (Pushing Ted on). Ye be a blasphemous sinner and shall be struck down by righteous lightning! Ted No… I’m OK. I’ve got me crepe-soled boots on! Brian What I mean is, he didn’t even make it into work these last couple of days. Maybe we should feel, you know, sorry for him. Ted/Brian/Marty (A brief pause. They then look from one to another). Naaah! MUSIC CUE #44 : ‘BILLY’S ENTRANCE’ TAG #2 Billy enters in a smart suit, carrying a briefcase full of documents. If used, The Garridge Lads chorus begin to appear, wanting to catch sight of Mr Cool again.
Billy Ted Brian Marty Billy Ted
Working hard, boys? Billy! Mr Cool! (Sourly). I thought you’d be back on tour. Tour’s on hold. I’m here on business. Business, eh? Buying a bigger record player to stuff your earnings into?
At the mention of the record player, Marty looks uncomfortable.
Billy Ted Brian Billy
Sort of. This morning I became the proud owner of a chicken factory. Local chicken-factory, is it? (Billy nods). Jeepers, what do you need a chicken factory for? It’s called ‘leverage’.
SFX #25: A factory siren wails in the distance.
Marty
Hullo, it must be 5 o’clock.
Shirley and Betty enter.
Shirley Betty Brian Shirley
It’s five o’clock! ‘Lo Brian. (Confidently). ‘Lo Betty. (Seeing Billy). Oh! Billy! (She looks at Marty who squirms uncomfortably). Come on Marty, time to stop fiddling with your big end.
Enter Arthur Burns with the Jobs Book.
Billy Arthur Billy Arthur Billy Arthur Billy
(Quietly). Hello, Mr Burns. (Taking a deep breath). Billy Buckett. I need to talk to you.
I’m here to let you know… I own your chicken factory now. So Helen sold it. To you. For peanuts, I suppose? Let’s just say… I bought it for a song. (The others hold back sniggers). And what are you going to do now? Close it down? Put a load of people out of work as revenge on me? (Everyone gasps). I’m not going to close it. I’m going to swap it. 41
Arthur
Swap it! For what?
Jan and Helen have entered with Maureen in tow, unseen by Arthur and Billy.
Billy
Arthur Jan Helen Jan
Look Mr Burns, you’ve hurt me, hurt me badly, but, well, I’m beginning to understand just what a bloke might do to protect his family. Mrs Burns says that factory is like a child to you. So I’m offering you a deal. (He holds the documents out to Arthur). Your child for mine. Tell me where my son is. (Shaking his head). You’ve wasted your money. (Choking on tears). He’s right Billy! We were too late. We finally found the right agency, but the baby was already gone. They wouldn’t say where.
Billy and Jan fall into each other’s arms. Helen stomps over to Arthur.
Helen Arthur Billy Jan Arthur Helen Arthur Helen Arthur
How will I ever forgive you for this? Our grandson! Please, Helen, listen… (Devastated). I hope you know what you’ve done, Mr Burns. (Fighting back the tears, she takes Billy’s arm). Let’s go, Billy. No! Jan… please! I’m trying to tell you. (Pause. He’s now got eveyone’s attention). I’ve got the little fellow! (The ensemble gasps, louder than before). He’s back at my hotel, with a Nanny. Arthur, if this is a trick… It isn’t, I swear! It’s just that… Helen you did me a favour when you threw me out. Gave me time to think more clearly than I have in years. I realised I was throwing away everything I’d always worked so hard for. (Scornfully). Your factory. My family! You and Jan. And, whether I like it or not, Billy Buckett. He’s part of our family now. So, Billy, Jan, you have my blessing. (Jan rushes to hug him. Arthur extends his hand to Billy, who pauses, and looks at Jan. She nods. The men shake hands. Helen hangs back but eventually she softens, placing her hand on Arthur’s shoulder). Billy, I know you think I
was responsible in some way for the loss of your savings and belongings. But I honestly don’t know who did it, or why… Marty tries to sidle off.
Betty Shirley Marty Ted Marty Arthur Marty Arthur/Ted
But we do! Tell them, Shirley. (Looking reluctant, but blurting it out). It was Marty! One of his stupid practical jokes. He
got drunk a few nights ago and let it slip. (Aghast). I didn’t know the Dansette was full of dosh. I was gonna put everythin’ back the next day. (To Billy). But then you disappeared! You idiot! (To Ted). I was crazy jealous of Billy staying at Shirley’s! I just wanted him out. Well, now you can get out, before I call the police! (Desperately pleading). But Mr Burns, I’ve still got everything. The record player’s in the boot of me car, cash ‘n’ all. Well, go and get it then!
As Marty leaves, he passes Brian, who is scornfully shaking his head. Marty half-heartedly goes to punch him, but Brian catches the punch, deftly twists Marty’s arm up behind his back and propels him out the door. Brian turns and dusts his hands off exaggeratedly. Betty rushes to him.
Betty Brian Jan Billy Jan
(Gazing up at him admiringly). Oooh, Brian! (Striking a pose). Karate classes! (Everybody laughs). (To Billy). Let’s go and get Little Billy.
I can’t believe it. My son! I’ve never been part of a family before. Well, you are now! 42
Brian Billy Shirley & Betty Ted Billy Maureen All
You’ll wanna go live in London though, I bet. Why would I? ‘Cos you’re Billy Cool! And this town is still halfway up the backside of nowhere. But I’ve got everything I need right here! The girl I love… my best friends… a chicken factory. (Everybody laughs). What more could a bloke want? Fame, Fortune… … and Mass Adoration! (General laughter).
MUSIC CUE #45 : ‘SHE BELIEVES IN ME’ (BILLY, JAN AND COMPANY) The remaining cast enter during the first chorus. Marty also re-enters with the record-player during the first chorus and hands it to Billy during the mid section. Billy hands it to Jan, who sets it down.
Billy Jan Billy B&J All
I made my share of bad mistakes Taken wrong turns with no foot on the brakes But my girl tells me that it’s all in the game When you’re on the road to fortune & fame And she/he believes in me, Yeah she/he believes in me Yeah, she/he believes in me, And I can do anything if she/he believes in me.
Ensemble Helen & Arthur Ensemble Ted & Maureen Ensemble All Lead Men Ensemble All Speaking Roles
Ba-da-da dum. There have been moments of deepest doubt Ba-da-da dum I couldn’t break in, and I couldn’t break out Ba-da-da dum But to my woman, it’s just part of the deal Ba-da-da dum Making me strong and keeping me real.
All Women All Women All Women All
And she/he believes in me, La-da-di-dah Yeah, she/he believes in me La-da-di-dah Yeah, she/he believes in me, La-da-di-dah And I can do anything if she/he believes in me. So much faith and so much feelin’ I can feel my spirit healin’ So much faith and so much feelin’, I can feel my spirit healin’ I’ll keep on playin’ this game of life I’ll get it wrong as much as I get it right But I’ll be fine because deep in my soul Let me tell you people, I got Rock’n’Roll!
All Women Men Women All
And she/he believes in me, Every day Yeah, he believes in me In every way She believes in me, Oh, can’t you see And I can do anything if she/he believes in me. 43
Women Men Women Men All B&J All Others All B&J All
And he believes in me, Every day, She believes in me, In every way, He believes in me, Oh, can’t you see? And I can do anything if she/he believes in me Yes, I can do anything if she/he believes in me… Oh, I can do… I can do… A-a-a-nything… If she/he believes in Me… Yeah!
Fade to black.
MUSIC #46 : BOWS/CALLS (‘ROCK’N’ROLL HEART’ MID 2 + LAST 2 CHORUSES) MUSIC #47 : ENCORE (‘DYNAMO’) MUSIC #48 : RUN OFF / PLAYOUT (‘ROCK’N’ROLL HEART’)
THE END
44