Stellar Day Magazine, February Issue, 2016

STELLAR DAY ISSUE 6 | FEBRUARY 2015

The

February Issue

NEED A CROWD PLEASING DINNER OPTION? Look no further ! We ' ve got Stress Free Lasagna Soup !

FRIENDSHIP HEARTS Sharing from the heart about being a good friend , fighting for friendship , working with friends and God ' s love in it all .

stellar day table of con tents 03 Soul Sisters 05 Book Club Mafia 06 Go-To Granola Bars 07 Making Friends As A New Mom

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08 Junk In The Trunk Interview with Coley & Lindsey 11 Financially Fit By Swimsuit Season | Pt 2 12 Stress Free Lasagna Soup

13 Long Distance

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14 Being A Good Friend 16 February Book Club 18 Drawn To Love 19 Fighting For Friendships 21 Friendors 22 A Friendship Monologue

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stellar day magazine www.stellardayblog.com

SOUL SISTERS

By Jessica Williams

Friendships can be messy. They can be hard and ridden full of unrealistic expectations, past hurts that have been left unforgiven, and feelings that haven't been communicated.

And gossip. I HATE gossip.

Do you ever feel like you in a room full of people, screaming at the top of your lungs, but no one can hear you? Do you feel like you don't have anyone in your life who truly gets you? Like, someone who sees your heart, flaws, imperfections, and hears what you're really saying but loves you anyway? And not only loves you, but pushes and shoves you toward your dreams and potential?

And that I could do the same and more, in return.

I sat on my bed one night with my knees tucked up to my chin and literally cried out to the Lord.

Salty, big tears, rolling down my cheeks desperately asking the Lord to provide deep friendships in my life. Not only friendships, but community. I felt Him strip me of all things I was holding onto in my expectations of friendships. I felt him say again to me, "Wait. I've got this area of your life too."

So I did. I waited a lonely season and spent a lot of time with just my kids without much community around me. Slowly, the Lord has brought me into a couple of circles of women who I know I was created to be in friendship with. The friends and the community I have now might not be what I once thought or assumed it would be, but it's what the Lord wants for me right now.

It's amazing how the Lord wants us to truly rely on Him for the desires of our hearts. I even think that this is true for our friendships. So often, I get it in my head that I want to be friends with a certain circle, or that I'm going to do life with the people I want to choose. When in reality, the Lord is just patiently waiting for me to give it

over to Him completely so He can move and mold me to where He wants. That's not always easy though, is it? I'm nearing the of a season where I thought I was supposed to be doing one thing, where the Lord has made it clear that I was not. Looking to the future, I see so much more in store for my family than what I had originally intended and hoped. Stripped of the passions and dreams that I had just enough to where I would need to rely fully on God for fulfillment.

He is faithful. He's taken me through mountains and valleys this year and often a lonely journey at that.

But since I said I was nearing the end of the season, and I think I am, I am coming out on the other side with a greater understanding. With friendships that are actually beginning to go deeper. With community that doesn't exclude or clique. Girlfriends who are standing beside me and lifting me up, championing me in my dreams, encouraging me when I feel Satan attacking me, and there to catch me when I trip.

Had the Lord not stripped me of all I held dear, I would never be where I am now.

Deep down and above all, I desperately desired friends who believed in me. Friends who wouldn't gossip about others. Friends who feel like sisters and not just for a season. Not just until they don't need or like you anymore. Friends who are family and for life. If you desire friendships like this, begin to pray. Ask the Lord to bring them to you.

Cry out to Him who created your heart. Then move forward, even if it's lonely for a time, and wait on Him to bring you those soul sisters.

Whether it's one or twenty, the Lord will provide. We weren't meant to do this life alone. We weren't meant to live alongside people who gossip about us and who aren't iron sharpening iron in our lives. We were meant for freedom in our relationships. Where you can truly be you with no apologies- mistakes and all. Where you are accepted and loved with no cold shoulders.

The Lord hears your cries and your desires, sweet friend. He is faithful and will answer your prayers.

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FROM THE EDITOR

I started praying for friends like this last year. I felt surrounded, but not heard. I felt like no one saw my potential or my dreams, and had no desire to try to help me get there. I felt alone. I heard God place a call on my life and knew that I would be going at this alone until I surrounded myself with people who understood me, believed in me, and would do anything to be there for me.

A TRUE FRIEND KNOWS YOUR WEAKNESSES

BUT SHOWS YOU your strengths.

BOOK CLUB MAFIA

By Esther Gallagher

Friendship is born out of childhood sandbox encounters, sleepaway camps, sorority shenanigans, stroller-friendly boot camps, Bunco, and for the trendy yet intelligently minded age 35 and over gal pals— book clubs.

Our relationship was born of a love for reading and for me, the need to have someone help me be accountable to actually finish the books. Get some women dying to get out of doing the dinner dishes and the dance carpool (this might be me), throw in

the shared love of good food and booze, and over time, an unlikely cast of characters come together as dear friends. We may not socialize very much outside of book club nights but this February, marks our 6th year together and I celebrate these things for our friend-iversary: 1. We don’t let anyone out. Once you’re in the club, you’re in for good baby. I know this is a weird thing to celebrate but I think it speaks volumes of how loyal we are to one another. There have been times where we’ve inadvertently hurt one another and shed some tears, but we’ve worked to recover from that. Once, we scheduled an ‘intervention’ for a friend who wasn’t so sure book club was the right fit for her anymore and basically told her she would leave over our dead bodies. Sound somewhat severe, you say? A little. But that’s how deeply we’ve come to know and love each other over our once-a-month meetings and winter cabin getaways. We’ve made a pact to stick it out, even if we have to get a little Mafioso on each other every once in a while. Maintaining friendships takes work so we work to make sure each knows they are an integral part of the group.

2. We mark milestones together. We’ve lamented the loss of loved ones, brought

each other meals during family illness and lice outbreaks, bonded over the vulnerable stuff like financial slumps and brokenness in our families, rattled the skeletons from our past, provided encouragement over marital trials and tribulations, and courageously bared emotional wounds that still sting. And we’ve shared in each other’s joys —celebrating new jobs, world travel adventures, new houses, kids’ graduations, and marriages, and even new fur babies.

3. We nerd out over books. We talk about which characters we loved and hated, which books left us hanging or craving for a sequel, which ones read like movies, how the story lines resonated with us personally, what emotions were awakened within us, what historical truths were learned, and which plots seemed too far-fetched. We understand the stories very differently, but seek to understand each other’s perspectives. We read in between the lines and relate to different quotes, and we take something from each other’s interpretation that we didn’t gather on our own.

Unknowingly, we enrich each other’s reading experience.

4. We’re kinda scared of each other.

Actually, we just take our busy calendars very seriously, recognizing that we are taking precious time away from our families and Bravo TV to be with one another. We rarely have a no-show on book club nights unless sickness of monumental proportions have hit our house, and rarely does anyone show up having not read the book.

Community is not an easy thing to build in adulthood unless you prioritize it and can be willing to share yourself in a real, rougharound-the-edges, imperfect way. For me, it takes a lot to let my guard down and form new friendships. So admittedly, 6 years ago, book club started as just an obligation to finish a book by a deadline with a couple acquaintances and strangers, but it’s transformed into a treasured circle of women that inspire, encourage, commiserate, and support each other. We’ve eaten rich food and created even richer memories. We’ve drank too much and we thirst for our next monthly get together. If it wasn’t for book club, I may not have otherwise been friends with these women, and I’m thankful that I’ve found an accepting, safe community among them. Check out page 16 for information about Stellar Day's newly launched book club!

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STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE

EASY RECIPES

GO-TO GRANOLA BARS

BY SARAH MANDEL

Why do I love this recipe? It's a super clean and healthy version of granola or granola bars. It can be a great little treat with your coffee or shared with your kiddos. I love that it will always remind me of the thoughtfulness of a friend and I especially love that it reminds me of the newborn days at home with our sweet third baby!

Ingredients & Directions 4 Tbsp coconut oil 1 Tbsp raw peanut butter or almond 1/3 C. raw local honey Simmer in a large saucepan over medium.

Remove from heat.

Stir in 2 C. organic oats.

1 Tsp vanilla Dash of sea salt 1 cup organic rice cereal (aka Rice Krispies) Spread on baking sheet, add mini chocolate chips.

Refrigerate.

Then try not to eat it all at once!

ABOUT SARAH After over 20 moves in 7 years for my husbands job, and two babies later. I had somewhat lost myself. I want to share my love of fitness and health with those around me. This is for everyone. WHOLE health is possible and will truly change you from the inside out.

Its not about a quick fix or dieting, its training your body to crave whats its meant to have: clean food, and good old fashion exercise. I am so passionate about these programs and Shakeology because it truly changed my life!

To visit her website and to learn more about the programs she uses, please click here!

Making Friends AS A NEW MOM

By Christine Cram

Can you make new friends as a mom?

Yes. The answer is yes. In fact, I have. Shocking since this time in my life as a mom is insanely busy and chaotic at times. The Lord has blessed me with some amazing women in my life, some new friends, and some I have had for awhile.

That’s the neat thing about being a mom. This season of life that I am living, I need other women. I need friends like never before.

Having other moms come along side me and help me and encourage me, and just walk through life with me has been such a breath of fresh air. They understand where I am at and still want to invest in me as well as love on my child. We need each other. There is no weakness in needing others.

Friendship, no matter where you are in life, is SO important.

It’s been such an awesome blessing to get to know the women God has placed in my life at just the right time. And He has been so creative with how He has brought people in my life. He never ceases to amaze me. Just being open to new friendships has been an awesome thing. You never know who He will place in your life and when. That is so exciting, and also a little nerve racking. I’m a hot mess. I still get nervous meeting a new friend.

I always go back to being in middle school, doubting myself; will they like me for me? It seems to be that we all can relate to each other in some form and that is so comforting. Knowing I’m not alone is such a blessing.

My friends are so special to me. I literally do not know how I would cope without them.

If you are in a place where you are praying for a special friend to come in your life, or to come back in your life, just give that to the Lord. He hears you and knows you, and gives you amazing gifts, in His time. He created community, so that is a pretty important thing to Him I believe. Keep your eyes open with how He will bless you. When He does, you will know it’s from Him. How cool is that?

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another”.

Proverbs 27:17 “

o7 | Stellar Day Magazine

JUNK IN THE TRUNK Vintage Market

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Interview By Jessica Williams Photographs by Breann Johnson from Red Poppy Photo I arrived at their office, welcomed in with big smiles and hugs. I pulled up a chair in their fabulously unconventional office where I suddenly felt like I was part of the team. It was just another work day for these girls, but they graciously took a couple hours of their time to catch up with me on life, business, friendship, and plans for the future.

These two girls inspire me. Having met them both early on into the planning of their markets, I have had the pleasure of watching their business explode from a far and turn into something that the community not only craves, but needs.

When I asked them if I could interview them about their friendship and running a business together, the response I got was full of excitement. These girls inspire me because it's obvious that they love people, they love community, and they love bringing people together. Their friendship is one of a kind. It's obvious that they love what they do and that they've clearly landed their dream jobs. I love watching Junk In The Trunk grow and expand across markets and beyond. The sky is the limit for these girls, and I'm thankful

to know them. Check out the interview I did with Lindsey and Coley about their business and how they remain such good friends at the same time. It CAN be done, people!

Q: How long have you guys been friends?

L: Coley and I first met in a young marrieds class at Scottsdale Bible Church, more than 8 years ago, she had just had her oldest and I was pregnant with my first.

C: We became friends 8 years ago when we were on a leadership team together at church.

Q: What are each of your strengths and weaknesses and how to they complement each other?

L: As the business has grown we have learned more about our strengths and weaknesses. One of Coley's strengths is her ability to communicate without fear regardless of the significance of the person or situation. Thankfully one of her strengths is a weakness of mine. As the business has grown I have found that my strength is the ability to manage all

S T E L1L8A R D A Y M A G A Z I N E | 9 of the small details that come with planning our events.

Thankfully my strength compliments Coley in an area that is not a natural strength for her.

C: Lindsey has great organizational skills and is really good at keeping everyone informed. I am a people-person and just love getting in front of people to tell our story. We balance each other out really well and can't do it without one another!

Q: How did you guys start Junk in the Trunk?

L: Well it all began on a vacation in the Canadian Rockies.

We were looking for a creative outlet and had thought about participating in a local event, however after that event didn't take place, our husbands encouraged us to host our own

market in a friends ’ backyard in Scottsdale. So after our vacation we got busy on Craigslist and Facebook and found 23 vendors who wanted to join us and 600 people showed up to shop! And that's how we started a business!

C: Lindsey and I wanted a place to sell the items we had been making (Lindsey made barn wood signs and I painted furniture). There wasn't much out there so we decided to do our own. We called a few people on Craigslist to join us and had 23 vendors in my friends backyard. 600 people showed up! We were shocked and our husbands knew we had started a business. I think Lindsey and I were in denial for a while.

Q: What are some key things that you guys do to make sure your friendship stays in tact while maintaining your business together?

L: I think the most important thing is to ensure that the foundation of the business is built upon a genuine friendship.

We always take a couple minutes when we first get the office to catch up before getting to business and most importantly make sure that we spend time outside of the office to hang out. Even if it is going to events together, we ride together so we have time to just chat and be friends and not always talk business.

C: It's really important to take time together that isn't about work. We try to do fun things together with our families or even just the two of us.

Q: Did you expect or hope that it would turn into the kind of event(s) and name for itself that it has in Arizona?

L: We had dreams of it being a destination, an event that

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to get caught up in

people put on the calendar and looked forward to all year!

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ourselves time to enjo

C: Not at first, but once we realized the need for this here in the valley, we started working towards that goal.

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~Coley

Q: What are each of your strengths and weaknesses and how to they complement each other?

L: As the business has grown we have learned more about our strengths and weaknesses. One of Coley's strengths is her ability to communicate without fear regardless of the significance of the person or situation. Thankfully one of her strengths is a weakness of mine. As the business has grown I have found that my strength is the ability to manage all of the small details that come with planning our events. Thankfully my strength compliments Coley in an area that is not a natural strength for her.

C: Lindsey has great organizational skills and is really good at keeping everyone informed. I am a people-person and just love getting in front of people to tell our story. We balance each other out really well and can't do it without one another!

Q: Do you find it challenging or easy to

my husband. He is always encouraging me in

maintain your friendship together while

everything I do to dream bigger!

running your business?

C: I am really inspired by design and mixing L: It is certainly challenging and has its

vintage and new in a home to make it feel warm

moments, but I think what's most important is

and inviting without it feeling like a garage sale.

being honest with each other. This is only

Emily Henderson is a huge inspiration to me in

possible for Coley and I because the foundation

the design world. I also am really inspired by

of our business is our friendship We are both

moms who work in the home, work out of the

very opinionated women, however we have

home, or own businesses and don't apologize

learned how to give and take.

for kicking butt in the world!

C: I think it is just about being intentional. It's

Q: How many kids do you have? What is the

easy to get caught up in work, not allowing

most challenging thing for you in being a

ourselves time to enjoy the friendship.

working mom?

Q: What is one big dream (that you can

L: I have 3 kiddos: Gavin is 7, Audra is 5, and

share) about Junk in the Trunk and where

Hadley is 4. Balance is the hardest part of being

you see it going in the future?

a mom and owning a business. So far, the greatest lesson that I have learned is to be

L: I want to continue to faithfully use the

intentional with my kids and the time that I

platform that the Lord has given me to bring

have.

"w I

ant to continue to

y

faithfull

use the

platform that the Lord

praise to Him. I am so incredibly honored that God would find me fit to have a small part of

C: I have three kids: Baylor is 8, Broden is 6,

encouraging those around me through this

and Benson is 3. The most challenging part

venture. A big dream of mine is to continue to

about being a working mom is the mom-guilt. I

expand our market locations beyond the state to

am so lucky to have a husband and kids that

other wonderful cities!

celebrate our successes and support me being gone nights and weekends when necessary.

has given me to bring

."

praise to Him

~Lindsey

C: We hope to keep expanding our brand

The kids are always the first to ask how my

beyond the markets. There are lots of fun

meeting was and tell me the awesome things

C: That's a tough one. Raising

things in store for 2016!

they got away with while I was gone.

children is really surreal. When did I

Q: I personally love what you guys do and

Q: What is your most favorite thing about

humans? I still think I'm 21

what you bring to the community! It's so

being a mom and wife?

sometimes. I love seeing my husband

become old enough to care for small

and my personalities peek out of the

inspiring! What's something/someone who really inspires you, personally or

L: I think that one of my favorite things about

kids. We just look at each other and

professionally?

being a mom is just seeing how God has made

laugh sometimes. Being a wife is hard

each of my children so unique. I love how their

and amazing all rolled into one.

L: Inspiration is so hard because I feel like it

personalities are so different and yet I can see

Knowing someone is always cheering

comes at different times and in different places.

little pieces of me and my husband in each of

you on and rooting for you is such an

I absolutely love traveling and getting away on

their personalities.

amazing feeling and makes me feel a

trips with my family. And to be honest I think I

little like superwoman sometimes!

am most inspired in these times and by

STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 10

Financially Fit

By Swimsuit Season | Part 2

For those of you who weren’t lucky enough to bring home the $1.5 billion Powerball, don’t worry, there is another jackpot out there just waiting to be claimed. I can’t promise that you will be able to quit your job, move to Tahiti, and drink pina coladas all day, but some is better than none right? Drum roll please… I’m talking about your savings! A penny saved is a lottery penny won! I know, not quite as glamorous as receiving a giant check and being covered in confetti on local news but I can assure that you will feel accomplished once you’ve hit your goals.

Saving money is not as easy as it sounds; it has to be intentional. Start by identifying your goals 3, 5, 10 years in the future. Do you want to buy a bigger home, save for your children’s college, or go back to school yourself? Maybe you want to donate more to your community. What are your financial priorities?

Let’s start with the basics, how much are you actually able to save? We adopted the 50/25/25 rule a few years ago and it has helped us look at our income through a more holistic lens. The first number, 50, is the percentage of your income that you should be spending on living expenses. Think your mortgage or STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 11

rent, utilities, car payments, groceries, clothing, etc. These are your most basic needs and should not cost you more than 50% of what you make. If you meet this goal, you can spend up to 25% of your income on entertainment. This includes traveling, hobbies, rose-gold measuring cups, and throw pillows (guilty), etc. The discretionary things you love.

The remaining 25% of your paycheck(s) should be immediately deposited into some type of savings vehicle. Your 401K contribution counts! If you are selfemployed or managing your retirement yourself, you should consider an Individual Retirement Account, or “IRA.” A Traditional IRA allows you to contribute pre-taxed dollars to your retirement via a tax deduction. A Roth IRA is another good option, the only difference being that you invest posttaxed dollars and receive tax-free distributions during retirement (after the age of 59 ½). If you believe your tax bracket will be higher when you are 59 ½ than what it is now and you have the means to front the tax bill, a Roth account would make sense for you. Once you feel satisfied with your retirement contributions, take a look at some investment options. If you have a low risk appetite, research funds that have a

higher percentage of bonds versus stocks. If you are willing to take on a little more risk, look into funds with a higher percentage of stocks or chose a specific industry/company to invest in. Make it fun! Start a friendly competition with your spouse or pick a stock with a friend and track your earnings together!

Disclosure: It is important to talk with a financial planner about your investment strategy. They will be able to walk you through the best options that align with your personal money goals.

Create a spending guideline that fits with your life and you’ll be surprised at how fast and easy saving money actually becomes!

Julia Hearon, CPA resides in San Fransisco, CA with her husband. She is a CPA and a financial guru for a large global retail company. She's hilarious, and fun fact: Jess photographed her wedding two years ago. She's the bees knees.

Photo by Jay & Jess

Stress Free! Lasagna Soup Article & Photos by Jennifer Stamps

I made this for the first time on New Year’s Eve. I was looking for something that was easy, tasty, and low­stress so I could enjoy being in and out of the kitchen with my family. And of course, if I can adapt a recipe to make it a healthier version, I’m on board. This soup is about half the calories as actual lasagna, tastes better, and is about a thousand times easier to make. Win, win, win!

Ingredients ½ lb sweet Italian chicken sausage, casing removed ½ lb hot Italian chicken sausage, casing removed 4 crushed garlic cloves 1/2 onion, chopped 2 tbsp chopped fresh parsley 3 cups low­sodium, fat­free chicken broth 2 1/2 cups water 2 cups crushed tomatoes 2 bay leaves cracked pepper 6­8 8 broken lasagna noodles fresh mozzarella cheese grated parmesan cheese Directions In a large soup pot over medium heat, cook the sausage until browned (6­7 minutes). Once browned, add the onion and garlic. Cook until you start to smell the garlic (about 4 minutes). Add the water, broth, crushed tomatoes, parsley, bay leaves, and pepper. Bring to a boil, cover, then reduce heat. Simmer for 30 minutes. Break the pasta in large pieces. Add the pasta to the soup mix. Follow the directions on the box to cook pasta (usually 10­12 minutes). Once cooked, scoop into bowl and add desired amount of mozzarella and parmesan cheeses! This makes about 6 servings. It’s GREAT as leftovers…I don’t know about you, but I always think Italian food tastes even better the next day. Leftovers are no longer in soup form. The pasta absorbs the soup mixture turning it into a tasty deconstructed lasagna! So yummy.

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LONG DISTANCE MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS DESPITE THE MILES We all know that to maintain our physical and mental health, it is important to have friends. Quality, lasting friendships that grow with the years. But, what happens when life takes you miles apart from each other? What happens when you move to a place where you have “no friends” and everyone you know and love is thousands of miles away? Well, thankfully in the digital world we live in today, maintaining friendships has gotten much easier! Not as easy as being in the same city, but definitely easier. Here are a few ideas to help maintain friendships despite the miles:

5. Remember their birthdays! Surprise them with a letter (plan ahead so it gets there in time!), or delivery of their favorites just make it work and don’t forget! Also, remember their kids’ birthdays!

1. Put that social media you look at on a consistent basis to good use! Post often to keep up with each other’s lives. Better yet, send personal messages and videos to each other on a regular basis. Just to see each other and the kids.

7. Go old school and write each other a letter. Snail mail is still a fun surprise to anyone!

2. Video chat! Even to just say hi…it is good to see each other’s faces and not just the phone screen! Grab a coffee, schedule a time to chat, and then sit down and Skype or FaceTime together just like you would have gone to Starbucks.

3. Schedule times to talk and stick to them! Times zones are unforgiving so if you miss your time, you may not be able to do it again for a while.

4. iMessage or WhatsApp work anywhere in the world and they are FREE! So, text anytime, every day. Even if it is random thoughts or quick sentences. Know the “small things” in each other’s lives.

6. Create something together so you have a project to work on that is yours. It gives you an excuse to talk regularly, but it is also fun! Read the same book so you can talk about it, sign up for the same online class, do a Bible study thru Skype, write a book…the possibilities are endless, get creative!

8. Plan a trip somewhere in between so that you can actually spend quality time together! You’ll also have a ton of fun planning it together!

9. Share secrets with each other. And keep them.

10. Dream together of the “one day” you will live next to each other again, what you will do, where you will live, and all that fun stuff!

By Kate Williams Kate and her family have traveled and lived all over the world. They are currently living in Indonesia.

BEING A GOOD FRIEND And teaching your kids how to be one too

by Susan Hoag

O

n New Year’s Eve, we had a fun dinner out with our four teenagers to celebrate the past year, and toast the exciting new chapters that will be happening in 2016. Instead of the usual discussion of resolutions for the New Year, I asked everyone to give a low, a high, and tell us the one thing they were looking forward to this year. One thing really struck me during this exercise, when I said my low of the past year had been the struggles I was having with a few friendships, they all agreed that it had been a low for them as well. It got me thinking about a few things, have I taught them how to push through rough patches with friends? More

importantly, have I shown them how to be a good friend? Sometimes, that is a tough pill to swallow. As your children get older, you will start to notice how they treat friendships, and in turn you will watch how they are treated as a friend.

Over time, it becomes harder to watch. In particular with my three daughters, I have noticed that when a friend really values them and is someone they rely on, I can look at the mom and see the same qualities. Unfortunately, the reverse is true most of the time as well. When they have been purposely left out, treated like they aren’t there, or have had “friends” talk about them behind their back, guess what? They learned it somewhere! No matter how old you are, you are still capable of not being a good friend. What an eye opener!

Why is it so easy for us to sometimes forget how to be a good friend? I wish I knew the answer to that question. Like anyone, I know I have my moments as well. I think the biggest hurt I have felt, and I believe my kids as well, is not feeling valued as a friend. That can mean so many things, I know.

We need community, all of us, and by making time for each other we provide that." "

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Think about that for a minute. Do I value my friends, and do they know it?

I could list all the ways I have not felt valued, but I would rather turn that around and talk about how we can show our friends how much they mean to us. The benefit will hopefully be your children learning to value friends from you!

1. When a friend seems distant, maybe they don’t reach out or return your call or text, don’t jump to the conclusion that they are unhappy with you. I think sometimes we are so self-focused that we forget it’s not about us! Pick up the phone, send a text, and ask how they are. Let them know you are thinking of them. We are all guilty of this one.

Resist the urge to tell them at that moment all the hard things going on in your life. Just be present in that moment for your friend, it will come back to you when you need it.

“

2. Life can be hard sometimes, and when you know that your friend is

dealing with something, a new baby, issues in their marriage, illness or death of family member, or maybe they are just struggling and can’t explain it because they don’t understand it themselves. Be there!

That is not a simple task sometimes.

Just try to remember people all react differently to stressors, and sometimes it isn’t pretty. I always tell my girls when they can’t understand why a friend is acting differently, “Love them thru it, and be there for them on the other side.” I struggle to practice what I preach some days.

3. Be happy for your friends when something great happens for them!

Celebrate with them, and tell them you are proud of them! Five words that are so powerful...”I am proud of you!”

Think about how you would feel if someone said that to you. A step further is being proud of their kids when great things happen for them! I am seeing as my kids get older, the competitiveness amongst parents is

and in doing so I have not done a good job of making time for my friends. You are patterning a great behavior for your kids by keeping up your relationships.

Over the next 18 months, I will be setting all four of my kids off into the next chapter of their lives, and I hope they will know how to be a good friend when I do. I know there have been circumstances where I have failed miserably, but they have the foundation in place. I’m realizing all the tears over hurt feelings or someone being mean..those were teaching moments for them and for me. My prayer is they will go out, have strong friendships, and value them..because I showed them how.

Susan Hoag is a wife to Brandon and a mom of four teenagers in Scottsdale, Arizona. She loves encouraging women, connecting people, and spending time with her family.

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out of control. I have seen it dramatically this year having seniors, but at some level it has always been there. When a friends’ child accomplishes something, try not to be jealous or compare, celebrate that with your friend! Even if they are bragging and it is annoying… wink, wink.

4. Make time for your friends! This seems so simple, right? It’s not simple in reality. We easily fall to the excuse “I am so busy," don’t be too busy for your friends. When you make time for someone, you are telling them they are important to you. Even if you just drop by their house for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine so they don’t have to get a sitter, or out of their PJ’s! Invite your friends to go shopping or for a fun night out. Even better, plan a girls trip to really show someone how much they mean to you! We need community, all of us, and by making time for each other we provide that.

The older my kids are the more selfish I have become of my time with them,

”

B O O K

CLUB FEBRUARY 2016

If you follow us on Instagram, you may have seen that we have announced and officially launched the Stellar Day Book Club! This is an exciting opportunity to gather a few girlfriends together, grab the book and READ. We are encouraging everyone to set up your own monthly book club meetings to discuss the book we are reading altogether!

This month, we have selected Audacious

by Beth Moore. Our hope is that this book encourages you, reaches you on a deeper level AND that it encourages community with others.

Stay tuned because I will be Periscoping towards the end of the month to discuss my thoughts on the book and to share what I'm learning in my own life. Grab the book and let's do this!

TO ORDER YOUR BOOK ONLINE, PLEASE CLICK HERE!

Find us on Instagram at @stellardaymagazine #stellardaybookclub

Drawn To

love

BY SARAH COSTA

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF JUST HOW MUCH YOU ARE LOVED BY CHRIST? JUST HOW ENCOMPASSING AND OUT OF THE NORM HIS LOVE REALLY IS FOR YOU? IT’S SO DIFFERENT THAN WHAT WE KNOW BECAUSE IT’S NOT JUST A FEELING HE “GETS” FOR US. IT IS SIMPLY WHO HE IS. AND WE CAN HEAR IT A MILLION TIMES, BUT IT DOESN’T REALLY IMPACT US WHEN WE JUST HEAR THE PHRASE “HE LOVES YOU” BECAUSE WE TIE IT TO OUR OWN EXPERIENCE OF LOVING SOMEONE. IT’S JUST A GLIMPSE OF LOVE, OUR VIEW. AND HOWEVER PROFOUND THE LOVE OF CHRIST IS, THERE IS NO END OR TRULY KNOWING ALL OF IT.

IN FACT, IT CAN SEEM HOPELESS TO TRY TO THINK OF HOW MUCH HE LOVES US BECAUSE IT IS JUST SO DIFFERENT FROM WHAT WE KNOW. BUT OUR GOD IS A RELATIONAL GOD. HE WANTS TO BE KNOWN AND HAS MADE THAT DESIRE FOR RELATIONSHIP PART OF OUR EXISTENCE. THINK BACK ON EVERY FRIENDSHIP YOU’VE HAD. IF YOU WANT TO SEE SOME OF THAT LOVE, TRY TO REMEMBER EVERY ENCOUNTER, WHETHER GOOD OR BAD. BECAUSE EACH PERSON WE’VE MET OR WILL MEET IS DRAWING US CLOSER TO JESUS AND REVEALING ONE MORE FACET OF HIS LOVE TO US. GRACE IS DEFINITELY A GOOD THING, AND I’M THANKFUL FOR CHRIST’S MERCY TO ME EVERY DAY. BUT HIS LOVE…NOW THAT IS SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY. AND I HAVEN’T STUDIED IT LONG ENOUGH TO CLAIM TO BE AN EXPERT, BUT WHEN I THINK OF EVERY FRIEND I’VE HAD THROUGH THE LENS OF “WHAT WAS THE POINT?” I KEEP COMING BACK TO CHRIST. YES, EVEN THOSE FRIENDSHIPS THAT WERE SHORT-LIVED AND ALMOST NONENCOUNTERS. IN THE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS, I’VE SEEN HIS LOVE DEMONSTRATED DIRECTLY TO ME. I’VE SEEN HOW HE REACHES OUT AND USES DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES, WORDS, SITUATIONS TO SHOW ME HOW MUCH I AM LOVED AND HOW DEEPLY HE WANTS ME TO KNOW THAT. I’VE THOUGHT FOR A WHILE “HOW TO REACT WHEN I AM GIVEN A GIFT” BECAUSE IT’S DIFFICULT TO SOMETIMES RECEIVE GIFTS, EVEN FRIENDSHIP. BUT I’VE REALIZED THE PROPER RESPONSE IS THANKFULNESS! (HOW SIMPLE, REALLY) WHEN FRIENDS POINT ME TO HIM DIRECTLY, IT’S OK FOR ME TO BE HUMBLED, THANKFUL, AND TO TELL THEM THAT. TO SIT WITH THEM AND OWN THAT LOVE BECAUSE HE DIED THAT I COULD HAVE IT. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TOUGH ONES? YOU KNOW, THOSE RELATIONSHIPS THAT YOU WALK AWAY FROM AND THINK, “WOW, I DO NOT GET THAT PERSON!” (OR MUCH STRONGER WORDS THAT JUST AREN’T LOVING AT ALL). DO THEY REALLY POINT ME TO CHRIST? ALL I FEEL IS ANGER, BETRAYAL, HURT, BITTERNESS, AND MOST DEFINITELY NOT LOVE. YES, EVEN THIS POINTS ME TO CHRIST. IT SHOWS ME HOW MUCH HE LOOKS PAST TO LOVE ME. HOW MUCH HIS LOVE IS NOT AFFECTED BY WHAT I DO? AND SHOWS ME HOW MUCH I CAN LEAN ON HIM WHEN I AM NOT LOVED BY SOMEONE ELSE. IN THOSE MOMENTS, I AM DRAWN TO HIM BECAUSE HE IS FAITHFUL IN THIS LOVE. WHATEVER SEASON EACH RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE IS IN, LOOK FOR HOW IT IS DRAWING YOU TO CHRIST. BE OPEN TO SEEING HIS LOVE FOR YOU IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT. BE WILLING TO ACCEPT HIS LOVE AND BE ENCOURAGED

BY IT TO ACT AS HE IS ASKING YOU TO. LET HIM TEACH YOU ABOUT HIMSELF AND BE HUMBLED, BOLD AND LOVE ACCORDINGLY.

DECEMBER 2016

FIGHTING FOR FRIENDSHIPS

by Robyn Baldwin

Sometimes we can be the most joyful, kind, thoughtful, gracious friend we know how to be and it’s still not enough. Fights still happen. Disagreements still arise. Tearful conversations still exist. Sometimes we can be the most joyful, kind, thoughtful, gracious friend we know how to be and we still don’t feel loved or respected. We can still feel invalidated and like we’re giving a lot more than we’re receiving. How we choose to react and respond to these feelings represents us a lot more than all the kindness and joyfulness we can muster.

I guess I’m just at a season in life where people are getting divorced. People are starting college; people are graduating

college. People are moving to new places; people are moving back home. It can be easy for me to feel lost in the midst of all my friends’ transitions. It’s in those moments we have to decide how we’re going to continue pursuing this friendship.

Sometimes our friends won’t understand.

Sometimes our friends won’t follow through on promises. Sometimes our friends keep hurt and resentment to themselves.

Sometimes our friends make decisions that hurt us. Sometimes our friends ask us for advice and then don’t listen. Sometimes our situations and choices can cause rifts in our friendship that erase some of the intimacy that was once there. Sometimes our friends stop following Jesus. Sometimes we’re just

"There is so much freedom in grace and forgiveness that it is truly restorative of even the deepest hurts."

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STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE in different seasons and places in our lives, and though it’s tough, we have to accept that not all friendships were meant to last forever. All of these things can make us feel invalidated in our friendships. And when we find ourselves in these predicaments, do we still choose to pursue that person and love them wholeheartedly or do we walk away because it’s gotten too tough? Do we choose to relentlessly pursue them with love and grace even if they don’t receive it? Even if they don’t deserve it?

Forgiveness is a wonderfully hard thing. It hurts to give up your pride and lavish grace upon someone who doesn’t seem deserving in our eyes. But grace is this impeccable lifegiving thing. There is so much freedom in grace and forgiveness that it is truly restorative of even the deepest hurts (though the deeper the hurt the longer it may take to heal). Sometimes the Lord does give

us friendships for a season. The duration of the friendship is not proportional to the time and love we give; it doesn’t negate our responsibility to be a good friend. To listen, to walk with, to love on, to lavish grace upon, to forgive, to pray over, to cry with, to laugh with, to really do life with. Even if our thoughts, intentions, advice, or love isn’t well received (or received at all), how far are we willing to go for our friends when the Lord leads us to step out? It is my prayer and my hope that if I ever find myself in a place, job, relationship, or other unhealthy situation that my fellow-Believing friends would tenderly call me out. So I try to be that friend for my friends. Unfortunately, it is not always welcomed. There have been disagreements, tears, and long and multiple conversations along the way. Sometimes hearts are changed. Sometimes they are not. But guess what? I love that friend anyway. I choose to pursue that beloved in the same way that the

Lord chooses to pursue me even when I don’t listen to Him. Friendships are hard, sticky messes. They are not easy if they are authentic, and they are not truly valuable if they are inauthentic. Sometimes we do have to choose to walk away from unhealthy relationships and friendships but how much are we willing to fight for the healthy friendships?

One of my favorite series is The Lord of the Rings. In Return of the King (the third installment), Frodo becomes so engrossed and blinded by the one ring that he starts to believe the trickery of Gollum, whom he has known for a short period of time, over his best friend, Samwise Gamgee, whom he has known for years. Sam, however, sees Gollum for who he really is and after one particularly nasty fight about missing Lembas bread, Frodo tells Sam to go home. Tearfully and utterly rejected, Sam climbs back down the ‘Secret Stairs’ (it’s basically a rock wall) and attempts to make his way back to The Shire all by himself.

At a certain point on his trek back down, he trips and tumbles his way down these stairs and falls onto a ledge where he finds the missing Lembas bread. It turns out that Gollum had thrown it down in a (successful) attempt to create a rift between Sam and Frodo. Sam stands up with gusto and passion and quickly re-climbs the stairs he had just descended in pursuit of his best friend because Sam knows Frodo is in a lot of risk being alone with Gollum. Sam ends up saving Frodo several more times throughout the rest of the film. And though Frodo was not particularly happy with every saving act, one of the final things he says in the film is, “I’m glad to be here with you, Samwise Gamgee, at the end of all things.” I know that’s a huge geek-out moment for me but I have to wonder how radical, intimate, and authentic our friendships would be if we responded to hurt in the same way.

How would it look if in the midst of emotions and different perspectives and hurt feelings and invalidation and loneliness even near our dearest friends; that we would choose to pursue them, to forgive them, and to love them anyway?

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FRIENDORS

BY JESSICA WILLIAMS

YEP. YOU READ THAT RIGHT. "FRIENDORS" IN THE WEDDING INDUSTRY ARE OTHER BUSINESS PROFESSIONALS WHO YOU GROW TO KNOW AND LOVE TO WORK WITH. JASON AND I HAVE BEEN REALLY BLESSED TO WORK WITH SOME AMAZING PEOPLE THROUGHOUT OUR CAREER. WE HAVE ALSO HAD A HANDFUL OF RUN-INS WITH BUSINESS OWNERS WHO HELPED US REALIZE A VERY VALUABLE LESSON: NOT EVERYONE CAN BE AND SHOULD BE YOUR FRIEND. WHILE BEING RESPECTFUL AND HONORABLE TO EVERYONE IS ESSENTIAL, IT IS TOTALLY OK TO SET BOUNDARIES IN YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND LIFE WITH WHO YOU LET IN. IT'S OK TO BE SELECTIVE WITH WHO YOU STAND BEHIND AND PROMOTE. NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO SHARE YOUR SAME SPARK AND LOVE FOR WHERE YOU WANT YOUR BUSINESS TO GO. FIND YOUR TRIBE AND LOVE THEM HARD. TO ME, THIS ALSO APPLIES TO PEOPLE YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO WORK WITH AND PROMOTE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE. YOUR BUSINESS CAN STILL IMPACT THE MASSES EVEN IF YOUR CIRCLE IS MORE SELECTIVE THAN MOST. DECIDE WHO DOES LINE UP WITH YOUR VALUES AND WORK INCREDIBLY HARD TO MAINTAIN THOSE REALTIONSHIPS- FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE!

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A FRIENDSHIP MONOLOGUE

BY BRIANNA VANDERWEIDE In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” CS Lewis, The Four Loves “

Wow. Who says it better than CS Lewis? Friendship is THIS. I feel this. I know this to be true. And I have come to personally experience and appreciate the deep truths of friendship as described by CS Lewis in his writings, The Four Loves. Have you ever looked at the friendships in your life and thought, “some of these friendships feel picked for me?” I have.

I have had friendships that have started almost the

way of a romance. I feel a bit funny saying this but I think most people have experienced the same, at one point or another. The night I met my husband we talked for hours and we have been together ever since. I have had the same sparkish feeling when first meeting a friend. A moment when I thought to myself, Hold up. Where’d you come from? You’re my people. And minutes before this, I didn’t even know you! Or CS Lewis says it this way, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

For instance, I recently sat in my car with the engine running for an hour outside of a gal pal’s house after we had just gone out for a girls night. We’d only briefly met at church and now we were bearing our hearts and souls and laughing like we were old friends catching up. How does this happen? We just met! Why did we already feel such a kindred, such a safety to share our lives with one another.

Because the master of ceremonies loves us.

That is what I have come to know more truly this year than any other. God places these incredible women in my life, and I walk away from my time with them thinking, how did I not know I had a place in my heart that has been waiting just for you?

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I think this is when the master of ceremonies shows off the sovereign beauty in His introductions. He is actively providing us with people we don’t even know that we need.

People who need us, too. And His timing is perfection.

There’s more from Mr. Lewis in his rich friendship manifesto: “What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it.”

Sharing the “same truth” is what makes us connect in relationship.

But Lewis goes on to say that friendships that don’t share the same truth, don’t last. Sometimes our friendships last for a lifetime. But sometimes they are meant for a specific season or a reason.

Do you wrestle with that the way that I do? Can’t we ALL be lifetime friends? Can’t we all somehow share the depth of this friendship forever?

And with my deep desire for harmony, my inner Pollyanna says, “YES!” But then reality shakes its unicorn killing head and says, “Uh. No.”Reality says things like this:

necklace, and girl, go ahead and keep that. That’s priceless.)

Do you still talk to your college roommate that you swore would be your Maid of Honor? (You still have her favorite sweater, don’t you? It doesn’t fit anymore. Yeah, you should He gives. He takes away. probably give that back.)

And when we choose to trust Him I think you know what I’m getting at. with every relationship, we see that We sometimes can’t believe where each introduction, each friendship, life has taken us and how much has can serve a purpose. God knows changed. And most of the time it what we need. And God knows who happens so naturally, we don’t even we need. He concerns Himself with give it a thought. We may start to every relationship in our lives wonder why we lost touch but we because He knows who is going to know if we ran into that friend we’d help take us where He is leading. be so happy at the opportunity to catch up. But other times, it’s not so God knew who I needed in this easy. Sometimes it feels like a bad season. Each of the women I call breakup. And can I be real? I thought friend make my life full. They make when I got married I would never me a better woman, wife, friend, experience a breakup again. ministry leader and daughter of Jesus.

I was wrong. “Breaking up” with a friend is way harder than with a So there’s a bit of what I have dude. But Jesus showed me learned. Sure, CS Lewis could say it something through this loss. When better, but hey, this is my we hold on to monologue.

Do you still talk to your best friend from grade school? I mean, outside of Facebook, do you talk? (I know you still have your piece of that BFF

"He is actively providing us with people we don't even know that we need. People who need us too.

And His timing is perfection."

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anyone so tightly that we are anxious without them, we reveal an idol of our heart. And even the most precious of friendships needs to be placed in the care of the master. Our truest Friend.

Wanna Be Friends?

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Gratitude.

Editor in Chief Jessica Williams

We're Full Of It.

Associate Editor Jennifer Stamps Contributors Brianna VanderWeide Christine Cram Esther Gallagher Jennifer Stamps Kate Williams Rennai Hoefer Robyn Baldwin Sarah Costa Sarah Trapp Columnists Brianna VanderWeide Christine Cram Coley Arnold Esther Gallagher Jennifer Stamps Jessica Williams Julia Hearon Lindsey Holt Kate Williams Sarah Costa Sarah Mandel Robyn Baldwin Susan Hoag Special Thanks Jason Williams- Cover Photos Junk In The Trunk Vintage Market Anna Merrell, Rodan & Fields Living Proof Ministries Nine Retreat Jay & Jess Photography Yard Hop EDITORIAL OFFICES Located in sunny Scottsdale, AZ Want To Advertise With Us? Email Us! stellardaymagazine@gmail.com Stellar Day Magazine is published by Issuu and created in Canva. www.stellardayblog.com

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Magazine

EDITOR'S NOTE

Jessica Williams EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Originally, when I planned for this month's issue to be about Friendship, I was like, "Heck ya let's do this!!"

Then I sat down to write my piece and I was like, *crickets* Why? Because friendship, although lighthearted and fun, can also be ridden with pain, past hurts, grief, and much more. I myself am struggling with some of those as we speak.

Thankfully, pushing through the calling to write about friendship this month has brought me great JOY. It gave me an opportunity to step back and to reflect on those who ARE there for me. So often I focus on the friendships I've lost, the ones that never were, or the ones I thought were real that I forget to really take a good look at who is standing in front of me.

Find your tribe and love them hard. I think I'm going to adopt that motto for this next year and embrace all the beautiful friends that the Lord has blessed me with these past months.

May this issue bless you, whether you have one friend or one hundred friends. My prayer is that you find deep, sustaining, true relationships from people who really are in love with who you are and what you bring to the friendship.

We all deserve that.

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