Stemme Issue 3 by Stemme Magazine

where stud meets femme. a magazine for queers. Issue 3

l fest BLAGsS queerdom zayn phallic queer cinema FUCHsIA von steel her vs grindr

Cover art by ellan parry

march 2018

Welcome... In this quarter’s issue, delve into the lives of some of our inspirational writers - they’re talking mental health, polyamory and transitioning. We’ve put some focus on the worries of addiction in this edition, as it’s a serious issue for many of us in the LGBTQ+ community. Get your culture fix with interviews and updates from our favourite artists and events around Brighton & Hove, including the fabulous Fuchsia Von Steel, Zayn Phallic, and the team behind Queerdom, and in our Fringe and Festival events guide too. As ever, this is a magazine for all of us. Read, discuss, get angry, and laugh. That’s what we’re here for and we’d be nothing without our writers, supporters and, of course, you lovely lot giving the magazine a read. Welcome to the third edition of Stemme. Freya Hughes Editor

Mimi Kraft by Ellan Parry

Stemme Magazine - we’re looking for contributors, get in touch! stemmemagazine@gmail.com @stemmemagazine

stemmemagazine.co.uk

Editor - Freya Hughes Design - Rosie Blackwell-Sutton Contributors - Rosie Blackwell-Sutton, Lisa Smith, Kezia Dwyer, Jane MacDonald, Alex Adams, Jane Postlethwaite, Jules Haydon Guaitamacchi, Alice Howard, Nailor Swift, Audrey Denne Cover Art - Ellan Parry Additional Artwork - Kid Squid Illustration - kidsquidillustration.com With special thanks to everyone involved. We’re always looking for writers, artists and advertisers. Drop us an email at stemmemagazine@gmail.com

Queer dating: HER vs Grindr by lisa smith A cold January saw two queers in a coffee shop searching for love... A tale inspired by Lisa and Luke Most days are the same, but recently we have noticed a change. Maybe it was the January blues? Maybe we were all so poor after the extravagance of Christmas? Or maybe it’s because so many people were taking part in dry January? For whatever reason, the humble coffee shop seems to be the ideal place for dates. People kissing over soy lattes or holding hands next to a long black and a cinnamon bun, romance is everywhere… Except behind the counter.

Surely our perfect match would be nothing more than a swipe away… right? He set up Grindr, a dating app aimed at people identifying as male. Grindr consists of setting up a profile which includes your age, height, weight, body type, hobbies and interests, what you are looking for, and your tribe (12 categories including Bear, Daddy, Twink, Otter, etc). You add your best pictures and, looking at most profiles, a shirtless picture is a must! You then see grids of people and it gives you their information and location. Unlike other dating apps you don’t have to ‘like’ each other to be able to message each other.

We work for a Brighton chain of coffee shops and apart from finding ground coffee everywhere (seriously, it even gets in your socks!), the thing we find most frustrating is serving these happy couples when we are both single, eligible and make a great morning coffee.

She set up HER, a dating app aimed at people identifying as female. Your profile consists of basic information including your age, gender, relationship status and sexuality. You then have a small box to write a headline or a couple of whimsical comments but no in-depth information. You can then upload your

We decided to do something about it and took on the world of online dating. If anyone could find us true love it would be a trusty app.

messages to come through. As the saying goes, the path to true love never does run smooth. It seemed on all the dating apps it was quite hard to get people to actually meet up. There were a few messages back and forth and then people seemed to disappear, or maybe they came for coffee and saw us from a normal angle? After tendonitis from too many swipes we eventually both got dates. We both picked out our best outfits, the one we all own that says, “hey, look at me! I am interesting and I have great assets”, and… She got stood up. He, however, was early. He eyed eagerly up and down the road checking each passerby against the picture he had become accustomed to. From his peripheral vision, he heard someone meekly say, “hello”. To the creator of filters we salute your artistry; he looked nothing like his picture. There was one date where the person came straight from the pub and was already slurring words, another date that after one drink we were invited back to theirs for fun with them and their partner, we had three no shows in total and many people who had dated our exes. And so, we decided that after January being about as useful as an artisan chocolate teapot, during the spring we would do things a little differently.

favourite filtered pictures with great lighting and angles. You then swipe to like one way, or dislike the other, and if you have a mutual like you can message each other. Unlike other dating apps if you ‘match’ and don’t start a conversation, the app will send you a question to get the party started. Her favourite was, ‘Do you like carbonated water or does it just make you gassy?’ We then both decided to set up Tinder just to make sure all bases were covered. Tinder consists of your age, location, job and not much else. You then add pictures again with the best filters and clothing optional. Similar to HER, swipe left and right on potential matches and can only message people you match with.

He now has her dating app, and she has his. We are setting each other up on dates and are even inviting people to attend double dates. Since we clearly cannot be trusted to make our own dating decisions, maybe we can help each other succeed in the turbulent road to love? So, queer folk of Brighton, if you receive a message inviting you on a double date or a setup, it’s not a joke, it’s just a pair of lonely baristas looking for the perfect foam to our macchiato.

To be Continued…

We then waited for the matches and

queer cinema by kezia dwyer

2017 was in many ways a great year for queer cinema. Kicked off by Moonlight, it went from strength to strength. A glance at the Guardian’s top UK films of 2017 reveals the growing popularity of queer films, with four of the top 15 spots being given to LGBTQ films: Call Me By Your Name, Moonlight, The Handmaiden and God’s Own Country. On the festival circuit, the Cannes Grand Prix award went to BPM (Beats Per Minute), the authentic and absorbing story of Parisian AIDs activists of the 90s; while Fantastic Woman, a Chilean story of a transwoman under suspicion of her lover’s death, scooped a number of international film festival awards, as well as being Oscar-nominated at the 90th Academy Awards. Yet, the reality of the situation is that very few of these films made it to the major multiplexes. Venturing outside the liberal Guardian list, and looking at the top 50 highest grossing films they’re nearly all heterocentric. Hollywood, once again, is still remarkably behind the curve with their representation of LGBTQ people. Advancements are only slowing being made with just a small number of hints and ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ gay narratives in major

blockbusters (apart from the wonderfully refreshing Battle of the Sexes). The reality is unless you are really looking and are willing to go to a film festival or search for indie house showing, finding somewhere showing the amazing breadth of queer film can be quite a challenge. And on-screen representation is critical. Studies have shown that what people consistently see in the media creates our understanding of ‘normal’. Without getting too academic, there is a body of research called symbolic annihilation which is based on the idea if you don’t see people like you in the media it means you must somehow be unimportant. One hard hitting line from the research 1 explains “representation in the fictional world signifies social existence; absence means symbolic annihilation.” This is why projects showing queer films and creating spaces for these marginalised voices are so important. In 2012, Jonathan Hyde started the Eyes Wide Open Cinema, a queer film strand based in Brighton. The cinema hosts regular screenings across the city, exploring the lives and work of sexual and gender minorities in film. Eyes Wide Open Cinema is centered around the understanding that cinema can

hold the radical potential that challenges status quo, resists hegemony and subverts established norms. Jonathan explains, “As exhibitors we have an obligation to present a diverse selection of stories and bring visibility to the margins. In my position as a cinema manager I felt well-placed to use that platform to organise screenings of films that shone a light on LGBTQ voices. Audiences in Brighton and beyond clearly responded to this extra choice and highlighted the importance to seeing lesser-told stories on the big screen.” The programme is a mix of old and new queer cinema with previous screenings including the radical arthouse Multiple Maniacs, the South Korean The Handmaiden and a raft of great documentaries like Kiki, along with one-offs such as Orange is the New Black season two marathon. The much-anticipated first screening of the year is Hope Along the Wind, a biopic of Worthing-born Harry Hay, who founded the earliest homophile organisation, the Mattachine Society, and the queer group the Radical Faeries. Following the screening there will be a Q&A with Harry’s long-time personal friend Joey Cain, visiting from San Francisco. The rest of this year’s programme promises to be a wide variety of queer cinema with last year’s programme featuring an impressive 45% of films directed by people of colour and less than 43% of films directed by men. This year’s programme pledges to include an increase of films directed by women and representation of disabled queer people, asexual and aromantic people and intersex people. The Eyes Wide Open spring programme promises not only to be an enjoyable night unveiling the brilliant creative queer films of the past and present, but also giving an important space to those overlooked by mainstream. eyeswideopencinema.co.uk 1976 paper titled ‘Living with Television,’ researchers George Gerbner & Larry Gross 1

BLAGsS by jane macdonald I thought I’d extol the benefits of getting and keeping fit, losing weight, getting out more, meeting new people, etc, but, of course that’s the case for a LGBTQ sports society. So, instead I’ll tell you about what I know, and hopefully whet your appetite to find out more. BLAGSS (Brighton Lesbian and Gay Sports Society) started 21 years ago and now has around 400 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender members from across Brighton & Hove, Sussex and beyond. Members are all different shapes, sizes, ages and abilities, and participate in sports as varied as badminton, tennis, squash, golf, table tennis, running, tenpin bowling, football, cycling, and many, many more. My favourite activity is walking. There are usually three or four walks per month, ranging between five and 15 miles. Because BLAGSS is a member-led society, different members of the group lead the walks. There are usually between eight and 18 people on each walk and a good mix of women, men and age ranges. I’m writing this article sitting on the sofa after an eight mile walk upon the Downs, past Ditchling Beacon and back to Stanmer village. Each year there are a couple of weekends away too. Dieppe was great fun, and we’ve also been to Canterbury, Whitstable and Weymouth - highly recommended! The trips are reasonably priced, and BLAGSS itself is good value too, with an annual subscription of just £15. If you’re interested you can try BLAGSS for free but in some cases court charges may apply. There’s also discount offered at a number of local businesses including Nick Rivett Sport, Cotswold Outdoor, Tidy Paws Dog Grooming Service and The Jog Shop. Football tends to attract a younger crowd, while tennis and tennis virgins are popular groups too, both

appealing equally to men and women. I would urge you to give these a try out if you wish to know more! I’ve been on the easy and social cycle rides that take place throughout the summer. Not being a young woman, I have found my forte with petanque. In fact I am now co-host of the group that meets weekly in the summer. We play on the petanque terrain on the seafront by the Peace statue. The petanque team came into its own by winning the 2017 BLAGSS pub quiz tournament! There are over 700 sporting and social meetings every year. 2017 saw the try out of croquet - great fun, and who knew it could be quite so vicious! Netball taster sessions are going to be trialled this year too. Golf is another very active group. They’ve created a pathway from beginner (beginner and rusty irons lessons, pitch and putt, range balls) through to expert (nine and 18-hole events, plus bigger competitions). I’m still at the beginner stage, pitch and putt at Roedean. Others with more experience and skill go for weekends away and play serious sport. As it’s BLAGSS’ 21st anniversary this year, big celebrations are planned; BLAGSS has an active social side. My favourite includes a companionable drink in Velvet Jacks after sports sessions. Last year we organised a dance at the Holiday Inn, a very posh affair with candelabras on tables. There’s also an annual ten pin bowling event, which is always well attended. There’s a lot going on with BLAGSS throughout the year. It’s a very inclusive society, and as a member led non-profit making organisation, there are sports development officers on hand to help. If you can’t find the sport you’d like to play you can set up your own group, anything from archery to Zumba. blagss.org

“Our aim is to encourage LGBT people to play sport. It’s as simple as that.”

- what’s on - festival edition -

We love Brighton Fringe and Brighton Festival at Stemme Magazine - there’s nothing like Festival season in the city. We’ve had a virtual flick through the listings to pick out our queer highlights so you don’t have to spend hours looking through more than 800 events! All tickets are available at brightonfringe.org or brightonfestival.org. Got any other queer events you’d like us to publicise? Email stemmemagazine@gmail.com.

a robot in human skin 11, 12 May The Marlborough Theatre

before i step outside (you love me) 12 May Brighthelm Centre

sexxes 19, 20 May The Marlborough Theatre

An evening of black trans poetics with one of the UK’s leading trans voices. Combining spoken word with soundscapes, projections and animation in collaboration with Daniel Braithwaite Shirley, Travis Alabanza presents a feature performance from their acclaimed debut book.

Fancy a roller-coaster, time-travel ride about sex and gender? From the ancient past, where our hermaphrodite ancestors enjoyed the gender-free life, to the present, where harsh binary seems to be dominating. What could the future hold? Mamoru Iriguchi helps teenagers swim in the incredibly fluid ocean of gender.

Award-nominated Nicole Henriksen presents the follow-up to her critically-acclaimed theatre debut. Henriksen is known for tackling difficult subjects with grace and wit, and A Robot In Human Skin is no exception. It’s a fresh, truthful and heartfelt look at mental health and the ways we treat and understand it.

- what’s on - festival edition -

dollywould 22 - 25 May The Old Market

Brownton abbey 25 May Brighton Dome Concert Hall

Oh look, Sh!t Theatre are back. Known for their multi award-winning, politically-conscious, sell-out shows, this time they have a bold new show about country legend Dolly Parton. It’s also about cloning, branding, immortality and death.

For this pastoral performance party, celestial beings from queer dimensions will transform Brighton Dome into a kaleidoscopic off-world temple. Congregate with your fam, drench yourself in contemporary ritual, and get transcendental on the dance floor!

Sass, Sex and surrealness 25 May, 1 June Latest Music Bar

boxes 31 May - 2 June Purple Playhouse Theatre

How can one be sassy, sexy and surreal? The trans masc bear cub of the drag scene, Sammy Silver shows you exactly how through talk, song, video and dance.

Are you black or white... girl or boy... straight or gay? Well? Or doesn’t it matter? Oh, it matters! Purple Theatre explore the world of race and gender neutrality, the ‘no man’s land’, of identity. Boxes drops you into the world of two people, faced with the task of organising a loved one’s affairs.

Warning: this article talks about mental health, depression and suicidal thoughts

Jane postlethwaite

A film begins with a woman in her 30s returning to her childhood home. A familiar scene with a bird’s-eye view of the removal van on a winding road complimented by a moody soundtrack. We’re groomed to expect one of a few things to happen to her. Horrific memories return in dreams, there’s a haunting, or there’s a murder. If the film is particularly bad, all three things will happen. So, you will understand why I was slightly nervous last September on my birthday when I loaded up a van with my belongings and said goodbye to living in Brighton after 13 years. I was moving back to my childhood home in Cumbria where I could focus on being an artist, performer and writer. Cue music and bird’s-eye view of the road ahead... It sounds romantic to move back to where you grew up to focus on your art - but realistically the decisions that lead to this point started with hitting a level of rock bottom. Like most artists, I had a day job to support myself. In January 2017 I got tonsillitis. Twice. The second time, the doctor asked how I was ‘really’ feeling. I surprised myself revealing how I was thinking about death every day, worried my parents were going to die or I was going to die, having crippling anxiety from thinking about sitting in the office at my day job, I was crying every day, I wasn’t sleeping, had nightmares,

felt empty and like there was a huge, heavy weight in the pit of my stomach. I was immediately signed off work. I’m no stranger to mental health. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder five years ago and put on mood stabilisers which saved me. This was after 15 years of numerous doctors saying I was ‘just a bit sad’ and getting antidepressants (which never worked) thrown at me like pick ’n’ mix. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my brain is trying to kill me. Bipolar is a brain disorder and it means I’m at high risk of killing myself. Bipolar causes extreme shifts in mood, energy and has an impact on day-to-day tasks. The right meds stop me having intrusive suicidal thoughts and acting on them. I take really good care of myself to stay well. No alcohol, drugs or smoking. Only healthy eating, exercise, massive amounts of self help, creativity and meditation. Now here’s something: if I’d been signed off for a broken leg my work would have sent me a hamper of delicious food, a card and bunch of flowers. Instead, when I was signed off with work related stress, anxiety and depression I got a manager sending stressful emails and coworkers I’d worked with for nearly eight years ignoring me. I felt lonely and I felt guilty. Here’s a tip for anyone working with staff with mental health issues - don’t make getting them

back to work the number one priority. They need to get to the point where they can do simple things like get out of bed, shower or eat first. Months of stressful occupational health and doctors meetings made it obvious that my day job was making me mentally and physically ill for various reasons. I was told to do the things that made me happy, like seeing friends and perform when I could. To someone who isn’t a performer it may seem scary enough getting on stage when you are ‘well’, so they are often confused as to why someone who is suffering with mental health issues would perform. This is where we try to find a comedian or performer who has NO mental health issues. I’ve yet to find one. It’s almost perverse that someone feeling suicidal is on stage wanting to make a room full of people laugh, but it happens more than you know. Performing often saves us. After time off and countless sleepless nights I knew I couldn’t go back to the toxic day job. When you are mentally ill it’s hard to trust yourself and your decisions. Luckily, I have supportive friends and parents. I quit work in August. I know I’m lucky to have somewhere to move home to, but it wasn’t without sacrifice. It was the best yet hardest decision I ever made. Moving away provided a big shift on how I see myself and what I want from life. I also want to start conversations about mental health in my art. My new Brighton Fringe show, Last Night at the Circus, is about dealing with rock bottom moments, suicide and mental health issues and funnily enough it’s a comedy. It’s been months now since moving back home. The only horrific memories or hauntings are about my old day job. Turns out there was a murder. I killed the day job before it killed me.

Last Night at the Circus is at The Warren, Mon 7, Sat 19 & Sun 20 May. janepostlethwaite.com All photos by Andy Hollingworth

l fest by annabel pribelszki Cindy Edwards, L Fest Festival Director, is no stranger to events management. Running Stanstock Sevens Women’s Football Tournament for eight years, the event attracted hundreds of women who enjoyed football, camping and evening entertainment. From this, the idea for L Fest was born. But L Fest is not exclusively for lesbians; it welcomes everyone who supports the festival. The average age of attendees is 42, as well as families with young children, couples, solos and friends. When a child asked: ‘Mum, can I go to L Fest every weekend? Everyone has two mums and nobody gets picked on’, Cindy realised: “the children’s area was much more than keeping them entertained on a play level, it’s such an important thing for them to be around many other kids, who share the same family set up. “We do not exclude men; those that attend (less than 1% of festival goers) are there to help because they support the festival, whether its my brother on the door, or the wonderful staff at the farm. ”L Fest is now in its eighth year, having grown from the two

hundred women that attended the first festival, to over one thousand in 2017. “We have moved the event around, starting in Shrewsbury, then moving to Uttoxeter and Loughborough. L Fest 2018 will be in North Wales, with a fantastic site on a farm on the sea front, in Llandudno.” What can a first timer expect? “A fantastic time! The ticket holders are by far our best marketing tool, with many coming to the event once and then it’s the most important date in the diary for the following year! There’s music, arts, dance, theatre, workshops, cabaret, sports, DJs and a whole load of women, in the middle of a farm field!” L Fest presents a diverse music and arts programme. It nurtures up and coming/ unsigned acts, providing a springboard to their careers. “It was great to see Lucy Spraggan open our main stage in 2012 as an unknown artist, then come back four years later as the Lucy Spraggan everyone knows and loves.” The Arts Programme includes author readings and panel discussions, which have showcased some of the top lesbian authors, including

“L Fest is the UK’s only lesbian music, arts and comedy festival. Its ethos is to provide a safe, fun, interactive space where people can come and be themselves for the weekend, without fear or prejudice.” Sarah Waters, Stella Duffy and Jackie Kay. “Many new authors have started on the stage as unknown and have now grown an international fan base, like Kiki Archer.” Laughing Cows Comedy always gets a wonderful turnout at the end of a hectic weekend. “I’ll always remember Barbara Nice, a sixty year-old comedian saying she was going to stage dive and crowd surf at the end of her set; she surfed the length of the room!” Cindy is currently ranked at number 40 on the DIVA Power List. “It’s wonderful to be nominated for awards. Knowing that people recognise the hard work I put into running the event is an amazing feeling. I know how important it is for people, it’s more than just a festival, it’s a lifeline for some.” Festival goers stay in touch across the year and make a real difference to their community. “In 2014 two young girls in Ireland were beaten up walking home, as they were holding hands. L Fest ticket holders created a Gofundme page, which paid for the girls’ tickets, passports and flights to attend the festival.” L Fest is by no means a

one-woman enterprise; there is a large team that ensures L Fest happens, each year. Cindy says, “I set up the event and pull it all together, working all year round, but there are many people who help to make the event happen. The L Fest Crew are volunteers who programme, co-ordinate, market and promote the festival. We have such fantastic camaraderie.” Is summer sun, sea and women an appealing combination? If so, then L Fest del Mar (now in its fifth year) may be for you! L Fest on a beach - what’s not to love? “With my background working in the property business in Spain, I knew the perfect location. We take over a whole hotel with two hundred women, with pool parties, live music, European DJs and fun days out.” lfest.co.uk or lfestdelmar.co.uk

L Fest: Fri 13 - Mon 16 July 2018 L Fest Del Mar: Fri 1 - Fri 8 June 2018 All photos by Cathie Heart

roni guetta traumfrau Traumfrau was born in Brighton, out of the need for something new: somewhere we’d want to go to ourselves, a place to meet likeminded humans, other women, fellow queers. All the potential was there, the people had to be somewhere, yet the city felt dormant, a collection of gay bars, saunas we weren’t allowed into, and little more. This was six years ago, a city you’d struggle to remember or recognise, if you are queer. Those were the years of Revenge and nothing else - no Trans Pride, none of the many amazing queer club nights. Today things are so different, queer events every night of the week, drag kings, queens, weirdoes, the city caters for all. But it wasn’t always like that. So yes, we were living in Brighton and keen to find those we wanted to connect with, and gather them all in one big room!

you; I could speak of the healing experience of having your trauma validated by people who understand it. Or I could speak of the importance of meeting other people who because they know your pain, are actively engaged and committed to supporting and encouraging you. The queer community as I

Have you always wanted to be in events management? On and off, but not really in events. I have always been engaged in politics and community. And that’s what Traumfrau crosses over with. It’s an event company, but first and foremost it revolves around community, inclusion, connection, identifying who is being left out, what needs to be done, and trying to do it. Why is it important for you to create a safe space for the LGBTQ community? This would take so long to answer… I could speak of the psychological benefits of having a space where you feel like you are not ‘other’, a space where you are not different or having to be alert that someone might offend

know it, is an incredible place. A place that literally saves lives. Where people find new homes, new families, where people find the kind of love that gets you through the day. The safe spaces I know are an incredible source of positive support. They are beautiful.

even the format. Some have DJs only, some focus a lot more on live acts, some are longer in the form of a mini festival. We move around different venues all the time: some people like a club, some others would never set foot in one. We like to travel around, treating every new space like a curatorial challenge. We program around having or not having a stage, around having a secret extra room for one-on-one experiences, around having a garden or not. You are almost guaranteed that if not this month, the next one will be a party you want to come to. We are having a Bingo show-game-party for International Women’s Day, on March 10th. Yet another totally brand new idea, which we are very excited about. Mixing a party with DJs, with a game, and shows. All in one space. Wish us luck..!

Tell us a bit about Traumfrau... What’s the dream? The concept truly is simple. We want people to meet and have a good time, but try to step out of the usual drunken, and therefore often a little isolating and alienating, dancefloor experience. Which is why we introduced both an element of performance, and an activity that people carry out during the night. Both are aimed at making sure that people have an excuse to talk! Connect around something. Maybe meet while painting a big collective poster, and have an excuse to chat about the show they have just seen.

How do you find the artists and DJs that perform in your shows? We give priority to those who would not find stage as easily elsewhere. We try to find work that is political, empowering, inspiring. We try to have women on stage as much as possible, all women, being careful and mindful that women have such different experiences, and that some are more marginalised than others. And then we give people complete artistic freedom, as much as the space and time allows, to use the night as a platform for trying out new work, experimenting, finding confidence.

Another reason we have performances on stage is because in queer culture live entertainment is a really important element of having your experience staged, and validated. Seeing someone on stage who is more like you, is powerful! We are surrounded by role models, celebrities, musicians, actors, that not always model something we can relate to. And then you go to a queer club night, and the star of the night is someone like you, they are not enacting straight love or other normative tropes, and they are on stage, and you can see yourself. That alone is empowering. Add into the mix that often the work is around relevant political themes, the hetero-patriarchy, body, shame, race, gender, class, society… you can see why it becomes so important to be watching someone on stage raging about something you don’t quite know how to put into words yourself.

Anything else you’d like to get out there? I guess, as always: fight the patriarchy, be nice to people who need your allyship, look after yourself.

The next Traumfrau event takes place on 10 March at The Spire, Kemptown traumfrau.co.uk

Every party is different. Entirely different from the one before. The theme, the venue, and

fuchsia von steel by freya hughes Drag has become unstoppable in recent years, becoming tremendously popular and smashing through into the mainstream. But it hasn’t always been this way. First experimenting with drag at the tender age of 13, Fuchsia Von Steel remembers a time when drag in the UK was far more rigid; only high-camp comedy queens really seeing success. Presenting her very own style, a blend of 1950s inspired film noir and horror, in the early days not many fans understood her form of the art. Growing and evolving within the Brighton scene, though, Fuchsia has built something of a cult following. Her namesake comes from “a trilogy of books called Gormenghast, written between the wars. The character was really tragic, she was stupid, privileged but oppressed - from a noble family with nobody to be married off to, not attractive or intelligent and always daydreaming. I always felt if things had been different for her she could have been an amazing person.” Allowing this tragic character to live on in the present day, the addition of the name Steel changes her discourse. A nod to the flexible yet strong metal, versatile at its core, it suits Fuchsia down to a tee. And she’s known for tight-lacing steel boned corsets, a signature at this juncture of her career. There’s a clear passion in what Fuchsia does. She’s adamant that the significance of drag doesn’t get undermined by a more general audience, nor lose its significance in our past. With Drag Race and other shows being consumed globally, there’s a ferociousness in Fuchsia’s eyes as we discuss queer history. We get to talking about the Manhattan Stonewall Riots in 1969. “The title of king or queen is something that in my

opinion is something that is earnt. Anyone can mess around with gender, and that’s great, it’s fine and cool, but there’s a certain role that kings and queens fill in LGBTQ society. That is the role of a shaman, a priest, something like a spiritual leader, without being a spiritual person.” With icons such as Sylvia Rivera fighting for our rights as a unified community, it’s clear that to Fuchsia, performance is just one of many hats that drag artists wear. In Fuchsia’s shows, audience members are treated to her embracing of where drag comes from. She tells me, “There’s this shared connectivity, which is one of the most important things about a drag show.” And that’s not all. Her tenure on the Brighton circuit has given life to three types of performance: “I have the ones everyone gets and knows; I have my kind of dramatic jazzy, burlesque-inspired numbers, which most people understand; and then, I’ve got my weird as fuck stuff.” It’s not always been easy, however, as Fuchsia began performing before drag really took off in the UK. What’s come from this independent growth is a level of imagination not many other drag artists ever achieve. “It’s safe to say Fuchsia is one of the reptilian overlords - I’m really into conspiracy theories - and partly a 1920s socialite fighting over the same body. I’ve got some quite primal acts really, with blood, antlers... Along the lines of horror, bad vintage horror movies: I don’t want to be pretty, I want to be otherworldly.” Mission accomplished, and that’s clear in her other ventures too. Sleep Paralysis, every third Sunday of the month at the Caroline of Brunswick, is Fuchsia’s newest event. It came about because in early 2017 she gave up drinking. Moving away from often

“I don’t want to be pretty, I want to be otherworldly .”

booze-fuelled nights in Brighton, being on the planning side of events has changed her focus. Fuchsia tells me, “I wanted to be more professional with my drag and pursue it as a career. After I gave up drinking I realised I can actually do this: I have the ability, knowledge and skills to set up my own event and for it to be successful. And now I have the drive, the energy, and the time - drinking is time consuming!” There’s an undercurrent of hedonism at LGBTQ events, its volume dependent on what kind of evening you’re attending. So many queer events are based in pubs or bars, so it can be difficult to maintain sobriety. The dream is to own a cabaret coffee house. Steering the LGBTQ community away from this constant exposure to alcohol and

drugs, Fuchsia knows there’s so much more to life than partying. It’s clear she worries for the community. Looking thoughtfully down at her coffee, it’s clear personal experience is a huge motivator for re-establishing the guidelines of drag shows. “People get dragged down the hole: chem sessions, ketamine coming out of your eyeballs, and G. I don’t condone or glorify drug use at all; I’ve had my time with drugs. There’s this massive culture of drinking, combined with some mental health issues some of us have, and cheap alcohol. All our venues are drinking establishments. We need to change this.” @fuchsia_von_steel

queerdom by alex adams Brighton has been blessed in recent years with more drag and queer events popping up across the city and Queerdom is the latest of those to open its doors, upstairs at the Caroline of Brunswick every other month. An idea born by Rosie Blackwell-Sutton and partner Lauris Day (producers of drag king night, Kingdom), Queerdom will bring together a whole range of queer performers for a variety-filled night embracing all art forms.

Queerdom will be hosted by Sammy Silver, one of the leading drag kings in the UK. He told us why he thinks Queerdom needed to happen: “Queer visibility is always important and showcasing and celebrating a queer cast needs to be done more. It’s also going to be a great opportunity to meet more queers and network, especially for me as I’m quite new to Brighton. It’s also exciting to have a drag king hosting a show, it’s quite a rare occurance for that to happen.”

We caught up with Rosie to talk about why she wanted to get Queerdom up and running: “I am so excited by the drag scene in Brighton at the moment, it has truly blossomed and grown. When we started Kingdom back in 2014, it was hard to find other drag shows (especially ones with kings in!), but now there’s something on pretty much every week. With Queerdom we wanted to spread our wings a little and give opportunities to other performers who don’t necessarily do drag. As soon as we announced the night we had queer musicians thanking us!”

With the first Queerdom recently done, Rosie is already thinking about the future and what she hopes the show will achieve. “Bringing together all these wonderful queer people and queer performers is going to be exciting! I hope we can help facilitate some new collaborations, friendships and ideas. We want to keep the venue open after the show to allow our audience to chill out with the performers, talk about their acts and share thoughts and ideas. “I think it’s quite rare to have this kind of show on a Saturday night. I guess we’re kind of offering an alternative to your typical ‘going-out-getting-smashed’ Saturday night. Personally I hate going ‘out-out’ so in a way I’m creating the space I wish I’d always had growing up – somewhere to see great performances with some super cool people!”

So what exactly can we expect from a Queerdom show? Well, Rosie tells us a bit of everything! “Our first show has two spoken word artists – Sea Sharp and Sebastian Causton, short films from the queer strand of the Oska Bright Film Festival and of course drag (we couldn’t stay away!) from Tayris Mongardi, Violet Valentine and Max Legroom. Over the next few shows we’ll be having some burlesque, comedy, live music and more! We don’t really want to limit the type of performance we can have at Queerdom – so if you have some weird idea that you’ve conjured up in your bedroom that you’d like to perform, get in touch!”

Queerdom takes place on the last Saturday of every other month, the next shows are on 28 April and 30 June. facebook.com/queerdombrighton

Top photo by Emma Bailey, bottom photo by Kaleido Shoots

zayn phallic and the koc initiative by freya hughes Aside from gracing every LGBTQ stage in the south, Zayn Phallic has been a busy boi, working away on a hell of an idea - the Kings of Colour Initiative. Affectionately known as KOC, Zayn’s creating the scene he wanted to be part of. He estimates that with approximately 80 to 100 drag kings performing in the UK, there are only 10 to 15 kings of colour. This staggering figure really shows how important the KOC Initiative is to balance things out. It all started back in April 2017. “Zayn isn’t really a character for me, he’s part of my personality. It’s just what happens if you put a moustache on me: a really extreme version of myself, taking the mick out of hyper masculinity.” But getting to this point has been a rollercoaster experience. BOiBOX, London, stole his drag show virginity. He remembers, “I went and the show was really good. I didn’t realise you could go to such extremes with drag! Amazing costumes, magic tricks even - I was like ‘this is amazing!’ I was really into it but the entire lineup was white.” After the show, Zayn confronted curator Adam All, who agreed and encouraged Zayn to make a change through performing. Just four months after Zayn’s first performance, the KOC Initiative was born: “it was a takeover of BOiBOX - they basically handed their show over to me so I could put on an all poc night.” It’s growing month on month, with huge plans for 2018, including a Kingdom Brighton takeover. Taking a moment to explain why it’s important to create new safe spaces, Zayn says drag kings aren’t always taken as seriously as they should be, and being a poc drag king is a

double bind. “There’s this gulf between drag queens and kings where you have people thinking kings just make penis jokes, or claiming that all drag kings are terrible without even having seen one. It’s that kind of ridiculous attitude we’re facing. As we’re generally female bodied, we’re already fighting the inherent sexism and misogyny in the scene that creates such a pay gap between performers perceived to be male and performers perceived to be female. Add racism to mix and you can see why so few of the incredibly talented poc kings on the scene are getting the recognition they deserve.” With some queens dominating mainstream now, there’s a distinct lack of kings making it big. And it’s not just fame or recognition that needs examining. The legitimacy of bookings comes under fire by some poc performers, which is why KOC is such a trailblazer: “When you’re the only poc drag king, you’re the ‘token one’ and to fill someone’s quota. Even in some drag king nights it can be frustrating because you wonder if you were booked for being you, or because their poster would have been whitewashed without you. We’re screwed no matter what as people of colour, largely female-bodied ones, and performing masculinity of all things - we’re quite badass when you think about it!”

The more interest that’s generated by raising awareness, the better, and it works in everybody’s favour. Zayn tells me, “This is how we build queer communities, it’s how you make queer families. Drag shows give you something to talk about, that we can use to connect with each other. ” It’s beautiful when a community can grow out of a shared love and excitement for something, or someone. To ensure the comradery that’s been built continues, Zayn has some exciting plans for the rest of the year. Thoughtfully cocking his head, I was a little taken aback when he proudly announced, “Come the summer, I think I’d like to get the kings out to the park for sandwiches and drag chats. We can call it a dicknic.”

There are plans already in motion to excite and inspire a new legacy of kings of colour. “We’re also looking at doing some mentoring. Like a big brother thing.” There will be more experienced kings on hand to help newbies with mixing tracks, answer questions and help in a general sense. Also inviting other kinds of performers to the KOC events, Zayn’s hoping to establish some great contacts and potential crossovers, introducing more poc performers to drag kinging. There will even be a non-drag poc performer recruited into the shows, tasked with trying out a drag set for the first time ever.

You can see The KOC Initiative takeover Kingdom at The Marlborough on 13 April. @ZaynPhallic Photos by David Smith

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08/02/2018 19:24

ashamed by jules guaitamacchi

My hope with this is to come across as sincerely as I can about myself and my experiences. The ability to articulate in this way has given me strength and had a profound effect on my life. I don’t claim to be an expert when it comes to mental health, but I struggled due to an extremely chaotic childhood and fortunately had the opportunity to receive the kind of help to turn my life around when I was very young. Now I share my experiences professionally as well as running workshops and teaching life skills to people all over the country and abroad. Predominately I work with young people, but have worked with people of all ages and there is nothing more rewarding than witnessing the power of your own story touching the life of another, especially those struggling with a similar experience, to watch their eyes begin to open as they start to acknowledge their internal world.

As a child I experienced the physical and emotional absence of my parents, having the support of a loving family, I always say they did the best they could with what they had but unfortunately I slipped through the net. Instead of following a path to a bright future, the result was that I followed a path of self destruction that landed me in rehab twice before the age of 21. I didn’t do too badly for someone who struggled their way through school, but I wasn’t present for much of my education and even had to skip university to check into treatment. So my vocabulary isn’t particularly broad and I often feel inadequate when I compare myself to writers or fellow speakers. This has sometimes caused me to give up for fear of ‘not being good enough’ - story of my life, and yet I have come to the realisation that I don’t have to base my worth on comparing

myself to others. In order to break this debilitating pattern I need to go against the stream and fight the fear of being seen. A significant part of my recovery has been owning my worth by learning to take responsibility and knowing where to direct accountability, learning what’s mine and what isn’t. In reality there were conditions imposed upon me before I even left the womb, the moment my parents found out my sex and chose a name for me.. I was a ‘tomboy’ because I preferred what was considered to be more masculine, like football, climbing trees and dressing up in ‘boys’ clothes. When I came home from school I’d take off my school skirt, slick my hair back, put on a pair of trousers, a shirt and a tie and I was back to feeling me again, but those times were few and far between. I am reminded of Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in The Wall Pt.2, as children are moulded and shaped into identical products of a cruel education system. A clear reflection of the division between adults and children and partly the reason I have refused a version of adulthood that I think is incredibly dysfunctional. I have found myself growing down into childhood and a need to discover a much younger, more authentic version of who I really am, a self that I lost over the years. I was told that the difference between guilt and shame is that guilt means ‘I have done wrong’ and shame means ‘I am wrong’. I have lived most of my life full of shame. Growing up with an identity that didn’t fit me, in a body that was growing in a way that became increasingly uncomfortable and if I dared to be different I’d get bullied and laughed at. My short hair meant I was ‘a boy’, my personality meant I was ‘a freak’, my obvious lack of attraction to the opposite sex meant ‘er you are such a lesbian’ and this happened on a daily basis.

Life at 11 was hell. Every day I would wake up with the anxiety of the day ahead, knowing that I’d be the subject of these words that cut through me deeper than a knife. When I finished school I’d have to attend an after school club, as my mum worked desperately hard to provide for the both of us because my father didn’t pay any maintenance. He just saw me during the holidays, pretending that he was the better parent, poisoning my young and naive mind. I believed him and began to resent my mother. All I could see was her struggle, her stress and depression. I was neglected as she worked virtually through the night to keep us both alive. I’d pretend to be ill so I didn’t have to face the bullying at school, and so that my mum would go to work, leaving me at home on my own, where I felt the safest. My isolation became my safe place at that time, but I felt so unsafe that I began to suffer from paranoid delusions and slept with a baseball bat in my bed, fearing for my life. Studies have shown that childhood trauma can cause neurological changes in the brain, including lower serotonin production, which to me makes total sense and why I was more susceptible to self-medicating, or the symptomatic issue our society refers to as ‘addiction’. If I want to better understand my mental health I need to reflect on my history. As the years went by the consequence of this chaotic background resulted in complete rebellion. I changed everything about myself so that I could fit in with you and seek the connection from people that I craved so badly. I put on my survival costume and modelled myself on the people that hurt me. During my teens I barely drew a sober breath, attempting to scribble maths equations on a white board, stoned out of my mind at 9 o’clock in the morning, until out of frustration my teacher would shake her head and ask me to sit back down.

This behaviour worked perfectly as a performance that I played as this so-called rebel, that didn’t care, that seemed untouchable. Anything other than being the quiet, shy, vulnerable one, who always got attacked, the real me that I couldn’t possibly show you. If you’re unsafe as a child, you will find any way to protect yourself and unconsciously find ways to survive. This was survival at work but the only problem was that it was actually doing the opposite and about to destroy me. I think we all wear a survival costume or a mask, we just don’t really question it. I had to take mine off because it was killing me…

I am a big believer in removing stigma and acknowledging the fact that people hurt and life is painful. I believe we all suffer with this thing called mental health, influenced by our experiences, predispositions and hurt we face in life. I developed so many unhealthy patterns of behaviour, all of which I have vowed to tackle ever since. Finally I reached a time in my life in Brighton, surrounded by people so incredibly diverse, and it was as though for the first time I was allowed to be different. Finally I started to question all the times that I had wanted to express myself in a certain way and what that meant. Nine months ago I came out as non-binary. The term non-binary seems to be very confusing - some claim that it doesn’t exist (I pinch myself)… Nope, I’m definitely still here. This identity fits me perfectly.

I began to get closer to the idea that it might be easier to stop trying. All I wanted was some kind of peace. I exploded into my teens and the trail of destruction resulted in broken teeth, cigarette burns, stab marks to my shoulder and hand, 16 stitches where I cut through half of my arm, scarred legs, a fractured skull, hospital beds, ambulance drivers knowing me by name, school suspensions, black eyes and bloody noses. This may sound dramatic, but it’s important to highlight that I treated myself with utter contempt.

I am currently in my 14th week of taking testosterone and mentally I have felt better than ever. I resent having to choose a gender, so I swing my legs on the fence with the attitude of why should I have to? Why can’t we allow people to be who they are without this black and white notion of gender? The effect of this socially constructed mayhem has caused me so much grief. My experiences are definitely not isolated, and a reason we really need to start talking more about how to support mental health in the LGBTQ+ community.

After leaving rehab I was presented by this idea of being a ‘woman’ I couldn’t identify with. Even though I focused so hard on my recovery, working towards a career, slowly starting to accept my sexuality, I kept hitting a brick wall, having breakdown after breakdown.

Jules Haydon Guaitamacchi is a presenter and facilitator in mental health.

Coming through this and living what I consider a reasonably functional life, controversially I won’t ever label myself as mentally ill. I have the scars and sometimes I may need the medication, but I see myself as a survivor. If you live in the world I lived in, the response I had was completely understandable - it was the way many people would have responded in those circumstances, but this is not the essence of who I am.

julesguaitamacchi.com If you are affected by any of the issues discussed in this piece visit facebook.com/wearesmalltalks All photos by Kaleido Shoots

be quiet and drive by kid squid illustration

three is the magic number by alice howard

My first threesome was at the start of my sexual revolution. For nine years I absentmindedly followed the well-trodden path of find a man, fall in love, home, family, future. And then I met a woman who made all my absences present. My sexuality was rudely awoken. 18 months later, after my home, music collection and bank account were unpicked and sexuality was untethered, I decided to sleep with a man again, “Just to check.” And check I did with an accommodating male friend. Therein followed a month of going out on a pulling spree, being wing-man/woman for each other and shagging each other if pickings were slim. During one late night we identified a type of woman that worked for both of us and a plan was hatched. Neither of us had had a threesome and a growing urgency developed between our legs. We set about recruiting a third. Several ‘nearly’s and ‘not quite’s later, we were bringing a consenting woman back to my friend’s large flat in south east London one murky autumn evening. My friend had unwisely left me in charge of her pristine abode along with two cats and a rare wine collection. I pompously pretended the place was mine, and the scene was set. There was a lot of pretending that night. And total disregard for property and possessions.

The line was crossed after the first bottle of expensive wine was downed, hesitantly at first, then cockily. This led to more wine, a hidden stash of something illegal and bath water dripping into the basement flat below (yeah, when two people get into a bath, and then a third, maybe think about how much water gets displaced.) Amongst the melee, three people bouncing around uncomfortably, pretending to be cool, trying to connect but missing the point. The evening finally ended with me and my mate shagging while our lover-for-the-night felt worse than left out - she felt indifference. Fast-forward to a recent threesome. All cards on the table. All three of us on the table. All bases (un)covered. And afterwards, a shared sense of connection, a pile of new images for the wank-bank. Of course, there are many variables that can influence things. Who has already slept with whom and any established power dynamics are biggies. Also, experience, location, safety and use of equipment. It all starts to sound like an outward-bound exercise. And in some ways it is… a journey into the unknown leaving you satiated in exquisitely new ways.

Alice Howard writes for various queer publications. She writes plays, blog entries and Aldi shopping lists. Her interests are sexuality, gender and inclusion. @TheAliceHoward

DRAGONY UNClE nailor swift Nailor Swift is the host of Kingdom and now Stemme’s very own Dragony Uncle. He sits down to tackle your questions, dishing out advice on everything from love, dating and sex to addiction and depression.

If you need some advice, Nailor is here to help. Submit your questions to stemmemagazine@gmail.com. Partying used to be fun but now i’m worried I’m becoming addicted to drink and drugs. How can I stop? I know it sounds cliche, but the biggest step in any kind of addiction is to acknowledge it. This is a really complex issue and I would invite you to check out with those closest to you (but not just your party friends) if they have noticed any changes in your behaviour. I know it can feel intimidating to seek help, or to accept it, but confronting an addiction can be tough, and you don’t have to go it alone. There are a range of agencies that specialise in substance abuse issues and I would highly recommend reaching out to them and getting their advice on which service may work best for you. I can hear that you want to stop, and you’re being brave by taking this first step. You are not alone and whichever agency you choose to approach will help you to better understand what is going on for you, and meet people who have similar experiences and courage.

possible to be addicted to many other things e.g. work, the internet, shopping etc. There are a number of reasons why people get addicted to certain activities, some of it is the physiological impact some substances have on our bodies, and sometimes it’s the psychological ‘high’ the behaviour creates. Addiction is treatable, and you can seek advice from your GP. If you’d like advice from a more specialised service then below are some links to local and national agencies that can help: talktofrank.com pavilions.org.uk alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk ukna.org

Photo by Lucy Le Brocq

Some information on addiction The most known types of addiction are; drugs, alcohol, nicotine and gambling, but actually it’s