ISSUE NO. 16
Ste[p12
gazine
MAY-JUNE 2016
TM
Carrying A Message of Hope in Recovery
Putting
Tools to Good Use
Super Freak by Suzanne Whang
Failure to Launch
by Judy Redman, PhD
INSIDE:
* Horoscopes * Puzzles * Recovery Resources * Humor Page * Newcomer’s Page
Using our Voice as a Tool
by Denise Krochta
Honesty as a Tool for Weight-Loss by Dr. Judi Hollis
Come to InterCoast!
Help others on the road to recovery.
Become a Drug & Alcohol Counselor Call us to Present to Your Group CERTIFICATE
Alcohol & Drug Counseling Studies
Now Enrolling
An education for life. Job Placement Assistance
ASSOCIATES IN APPLIED SCIENCES Substance Abuse Counseling
INTERCOAST.EDU
Financial Aid Available for those who Qualify
Riverside Campus 1989 Atlanta Avenue Riverside, CA 92507
Orange Campus 3745 W. Chapman Avenue Orange, CA 92868
West Covina Campus 2235 E. Garvey North West Covina, CA 91791
CONTACT US
(951) 779-1300 visit: INTERCOAST.EDU
For more information about graduation rates, the median debt of students who completed the program and other important information, visit www.intercoast.edu. Not all programs are available at all locations. Please call for more information. Financial aid is available to those who qualify.
2 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 3
Inside This Issue Columns Cover Story - “Putting Tools to Good Use” - 6 by Karen VanDenBerg
Honesty as a Tool for Weight-Loss - 8 Dr. Judi Hollis
Tooling Around - 10
Music as a Tool of Recovery - 25 by Karen VanDenBerg
Substance Abuse and PTSD - 26
by Dr. Keerthy Sunder - SUNDERstanding Addiction
Healing the Brain - 27 by Karen VanDenBerg
Scuba Diving: My Mental Health Tool - 30 by Roni Askey-Doran
by Lori Nelson
Promise #10 (The Promises Series) - 11 by Dan Griffin - Real Men, Real Recovery
10 Tips to Self-Love - 12
Changing Unwanted Behaviors - 31 by Kristin Wilhite
Your Secret has a Secret - 32
by Susan Jackson - The Seven Realities of the Addicted Family
Darlene Lancer on Codependency
Strength Training: A Revolutionary Tool - 14 by Batista Gremaud - Fortifying Your Strength Against Relapse
Getting to Know the Latest Thing - 15 by Karen VanDenBerg
Using our Voice as a Tool - 16
Exploring Sand Tray Therapy - 36 by Dr. Phyllis and Rev. Carrol Davis
The Write Way to Sobriety - 37 by Nora Slattery
From Collecting Cans... to Collecting Cans - 39 by Dave Benak
by Denise Krochta
Notice When Your Face Smiles - 17 By Terra Schaad - Mindfulness
What do You Expect? - 22
Failure to Launch - 40 by Judy Redman, PhD
Yoga Tools for Recovery - 42 by Kyczy Hawk
Dan Sanfellipo - Unlocked for Life
Tools for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse - 23
by Carol Teitlebaum - It Happens to Boys
Dear Petra Questions and Answers - 24
by Petra Hoffmann - Expert Answers about Hep-C and Addiction
Regular Stuff Letter from the Editor - 5 Quotes - 7 Letter from the Publisher - 9 Random Thoughts - 9 Metaphorically Speaking - 9 Newcomers Page - 18 Movie Reviews with Leonard Buschel - 20
Bath Salts, Plant Food, Jewelry Cleaner - 44 by Mendi Baron - Teen Corner
Super Freak - 46
by Suzanne Whang - It’s a WHANGderful Life
Self Assessment Questions - 21 Book Reviews - 25 Puzzles - 28 Resources for Families - 33 Reader Contributions - 34 Recovery Online - 38 We Asked, You Answered - 43 Humor - 47 Recovery Trivia - 49 Horoscopes - 50
Step 12 Magazine NEWS 50% of all Magazine Sale Proceeds Going Back to the Community.
The Mission
of Step 12 Magazine has always been focussed on carrying a message of hope, resources, and thought-provoking editorial mixed with a little fun.
This issue (November/December 2015) kicks off our 3rd year in publication. It is our continued mission to spread this magazine as far as possible to reach people who are still struggling and looking for some guidance and hope. So you’ll see a barcode on all issues going forward as we strive to be available in retail stores where family members and friends of loved ones can find us—and more importantly to find help! Starting with this issue, in celebration of our sincere gratitude for the honor of providing this service, we are donating 1/2 of all sales of the magazine and subscriptions back to the community. By purchasing a magazine or subscription, you are giving back, we are giving back, and that’s what Step 12 is all about.
4 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Letter from the Editor Here’s to finding the best tools,
Roni Askey-Doran
In my country, a “tool“ is an idiot. It’s an insult, used to deride a person, typically male, who lacks the mental capacity to understand that he is being used. Luckily for me, on the other side of the world, a tool (or ten) is a very useful thing to have in one’s emotional toolbox. Downstairs, in my girl-shed, I have a whole wall of tools; hammers, wrenches, pliers, a drill, a sander, and even a circular saw. A girl never knows when she might need to make a quick house repair, or knock something together to use in the garden. My father, who was a mechanical engineer, used to tell me that a girl who had her own drill would never have to wait for a man to come and fix stuff. He was right in more ways than one. Anyone equipped with the tools they need to get by in life will have much less difficulty than those who have no tools. Our toolboxes don’t all have to be filled with the same things, but they definitely need to exist. Without a set of tools at hand, we are unable to fix even the simplest things that go wrong. One of my favorite tools is writing, which I do daily, whether it’s one simple journal sentence, or a whole chapter in a book I’m working on. It helps me put what I’m feeling inside in a place outside myself where I can see it and examine it from a different perspective. Scuba diving is another wonderful tool I use to escape my messy mind. Whatever tools you employ, make sure you keep them sharp, and don’t forget to add a few useful new tools to your toolbox whenever you can.
Ste[p12 Magazine TM
Publisher:
Karen VanDenBerg karen@Step12magazine.com 760-898-8354
Editor:
Roni Askey-Doran editor@Step12magazine.com
Account Manager:
Buddy Purel bpurel@gmail.com 949-234-1281 Step12magazine@gmail.com
Mailing Address:
P.O. Box 5677 Oceanside CA 92052
How to Receive Step 12 Magazine Electronic Version
Sign Up for email delivery or Download at: www.Step12Magazine.com
Printed Copy
Pick up a copy at any distribution location (go to Step12Magazine.com for a listing) Subscribe for Home Delivery ($18/year) page 36 or online
3900 Prospect Ave., Suite E Yorba Lina, Ca. 92886 714-524-7800
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 5
Putting
Tools
We use tools every day in a thousand different ways. We don’t resist them. We don’t question whether or not they work. We just incorporate them in our daily lives. When we need to go somewhere, we employ a transportation tool (car, bus, train, bicycle, etc.) and frequently take for granted that we will get to our destination without incident or drama. When we sit down to a meal, we quite passively pick up a fork, knife, spoon and napkin to facilitate the natural process of feeding ourselves. It seems like the primary difference between a tool of every day life and a tool of recovery is CHANGE. “Recovery,” in the context of addiction is about restoring ourselves and our lives to a state of oneness and purpose; becoming the best possible versions of ourselves—imperfections and all; discarding self-centered and self-destructive ideas and behaviors in lieu of acceptance, service and growth. These changes can be uncomfortable and difficult. For a population comfortable in a groove of “instant gratification” and impatience, it would certainly be useful if there was a recovery tool that would yield instant results.
The good news is this: discontinuing our “drug of choice” instantly opens the door for recovery. Whether the “drug” is alcohol, relationships, gambling, heroin, sugar, nicotine or sex, the very first pre-step is admitting to our inner most selves that we have a problem. We stop using, and the journey begins. The bad news (if you’re looking for instant gratification) is this: recovery is about more than just abstinence. Abstinence is where recovery begins. There is no super-pill or invincibility-cloak to make recovery magically appear. Recovery takes work. Work requires tools. It would be very difficult to change a flat tire without a jack to lift the car, a lug-wrench to loosen the wheel, and a new tire to put in the dysfunctional tire’s place. Likewise, it is very difficult to achieve recovery without hope to lift us into believing that change is possible, the right tool to give strength to our efforts, and new behaviors to replace those ineffective and self-destructive habits and attitudes that served us well at one point, but are not useful to us now.
to Good Use
by Karen VanDenBerg
that because either we don’t have the tools, don’t have the knowledge, or believe it’s just “easier in the moment.” Not for long. The defects we strive to repair on the road of recovery are much less visible and glaring. Self-centeredness and dishonesty, vanity and jealousy, pride and prejudice, instant gratification and delusions of grandeur—these defects of character are often deeply rooted below the surface and drive us in the direction of self-loathing, undeserving and selfdestructive behaviors. Even with the right tools at our fingertips, we sometimes drive around unwilling to put them to use. Sometimes we think we’re beyond hope. Sometimes we’ve used a tool in the past and nothing changed. Sometimes we just don’t have the willingness to get out of our comfort zone and face whatever unknown elements lay waiting for us—we don’t want to get out of the driver’s seat, step into the open, reach for the tools, and sweat a little—to change the tire and reach our destination. Using tools without practice and training can be more difficult. However, changing a tire takes little effort after you’ve done it a few times. Likewise, picking up the phone gets easier every time we use it; prayer and meditation becomes more comfortable with each tick of the clock spent in mindful connection with our Higher Power; letting go of dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors brings more relief with every step of the journey shared with another human being. Whether your tool-of-choice is literature, fellowship, prayer, exercise, journaling, service, or professional counseling, keep grinding away. Recovery is a process. Getting out of the driver’s seat and selecting the right tool for the job-at-hand will yield beautiful results—it’s a promise.
Employing the tools of recovery is quite different than picking up a lug wrench. A flat tire is a tangible disability. In order to get anywhere, it must be fixed. There’s no cloud of delusion, no pretending it doesn’t matter, and no change without action. Sure, we could drive on a flat tire and create more damage that’s more difficult to repair—sometimes we do exactly
6 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Famous Quotes about TOOLS “I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.” Louisa May Alcott “Each new hour holds new chances for new beginnings, the horizon leans forward offering you space to place new steps of change” From Maya Angelou’s poem On the Pulse of Morning “In spite of everything, I still believe people are really good at heart.” Anne Frank “You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” s, tool Cormac McCarthy r u
us.
~J e
ez o s
We c ha n
n our tools ch ange and the
B ff
“‘What day is it?’, asked Winnie the Pooh. ‘It’s today,’ squeaked Piglet. ‘My favorite day,’ said Pooh.” A. A. Milne
o ge
“What is the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?” John Green
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…” Dr. Seuss
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 7
Experience, Strength, and Hope For People Struggling with Food Obsession
Honesty as a Tool for Weight-Loss
When people become desperate about their need to control and enjoy their eating, Twelve Step Programs offer a solution. Using the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the twelve steps have been adapted to assist people who have become obsessed with food. This solution is built on a foundation of honesty. Much like Alcoholics Anonymous, the grandfather of all twelve-step recovery programs, Overeater’s anonymous encourages complete and total honesty in all areas of a person’s life; emotional, spiritual, physical, and behavioral. In OA, however, the members are asked to take disclosure to a completely new level. Alcoholics are not asked to report regularly to their sponsor about every liquid they allowed past their lips—however many OA programs effectively use this micro-managed level of consumption on a daily basis. We plan our food for the day and report on it. We talk about how successful we were and where we were challenged. There is a direct correlation between the level of honesty in this process and a measurable success in weight release. Quite frequently, members of OA identify their emotional and behavioral connection to certain foods at certain times through this disclosure process. They become acutely aware of what moves and motivates them. This awareness, and heightened level of consciousness, helps as we work through the steps identifying our resentments, character defects and necessary amends. Some people are uncomfortable with the rigidity of this accountability. Most people don’t readily jump at the chance to identify every nut, berry, bagel or burrito they ingest. However, desperate situations call for desperate actions. For those who’ve suffered with unhealthy weight and countless failed attempts
to eat like a normal person, OA shines like a beacon of hope. In the beginning stages of OA recovery, a rigid food plan is necessary. Accountability to a sponsor about intention and consumption are exercises in honesty. We learn to think about every sliver, slice, or slab we consume; every drop of juice, soda, tea, coffee or water. We do this with the support, care, and objectivity of a trusted sponsor, and we do it without shame and/or guilt. This fact-finding exercise is designed to help us reach our optimal weight, and working the steps helps us maintain our newfound health. We change on a deep level, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The more honest we are about our consumption, reactions, emotions, and behaviors, the closer we become to the healthy, well-adjusted, well-functioning humans we are intended to be. We become someone who can keep the weight off. If you are recovering from other addictions (alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex) you may turn to food for emotional comfort to fill a void or help cope with all you are learning. There is no shame in reaching out for help in yet another Twelve Step Program. It works if you work it. And you’re worth it. Honestly.
Written by Karen VanDenBerg based on interviews with Dr. Judi Hollis
© 2015 Dr. Judi Hollis is a Licensed Family Therapist, author of several books and educational materials, motivational speaker, radio and television expert. Judi would love to hear from you! You can ask Judi questions and access her materials, at www.judihollis.com or call 1-800-8-ENOUGH
8 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Letter from the Publisher Happy Spring! This May/June issue has been so fun! I loved taking a look at all the tools available in recovery. In talking with people about their favorite tools, it warms my heart to see such amazing diversity. Sure, there are the standard “go-to” tools that everyone has in their “bag of tricks.” Beyond those, it seems like the world is our oyster. Whatever brings peace-of-mind, a connection to your higher power, and increased personal awareness is an effective tool of recovery—gardening, scuba diving, surfing, hiking, music, writing… the list is virtually endless. My personal favorite tool of recovery is people. My higher power speaks through the people in my life and sometimes I actually listen! I love the fellowship, the bonding, the laughter, the fun, and the imperfections. Active in my drinking, I didn’t think such honest relationships were possible. I didn’t expect to really have fun, laughter, and connection witout some sort of “tonic.” Sometimes it’s good when my expectations aren’t met! Maybe you’re surprised that my favorite tool isn’t my Higher Power. I considered that, then realized why that didn’t resonate with me. “I’m” the tool in that relationship to be used accordingly. Thank you for being a part of my recovery. My journey is easier because you’re on the road with me. Respectfully and Enthusiastically,
Karen VanDenBerg
Random Thoughts Tools!
I have an Allen Wrench, a Pipe Wrench, 5 different Screw Drivers, 2 different Hammers, a Metal File, a small Hacksaw, and several other items in my toolbox I hardly EVER use.
It’s sure nice to know the tools are there in case I ever need them. Wait… This Stud-Finder might
come in handy!
Metaphorically Speaking
By Karen VanDenBerg
Following Too Close
If I take what I learned in driver’s ed. and apply it to my life’s journey, I might see that the view is more When I was taking driver’s education class in high interesting if I follow from a safe distance and I’m a lot school, the teacher showed a film. Yes, we called them less prone to collision or unseen hazards. “films” back then (complete with a projector and a movie screen). Anyway, the film was only a couple minutes long but the view never changed, making it feel much longer and rather boring. The view was quite simply the back of a large eighteenwheeler as seen by the driver of a passenger car - at 55 miles per hour. The distance between the passenger car and the truck would fluctuate. Whenever the car moved closer to the big rig, it was more difficult to anticipate what was coming up on the road ahead - the car became more dependent on the behavior of the truck in order to make speed and directional decisions. In recovery, we are taught to follow the example of people in the program who have traveled the road before us. However, if we follow too close, we are probably missing the view along the way, and perhaps a little over-dependent on what their next moves might be. www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 9
By Lori Nelson
Why was there only one Phillips head screwdriver in the tool kit? With its end broken and warped, the job was impossible. In frustration, I looked again at the screw needing to be untightened. Impossible without the proper tool, the repair halted. Now what? I could run to the store and buy another screwdriver. I could hire someone to do the job for me. I could forget about it. Forget about it? No. Not me. Things left undone plague me with fixation, especially things that need fixing! There’s got to be another tool, another way, something I didn’t see in my toolbox. Look again. Dump it out and really look, because there is always another way. That’s how it is with life in general. That’s how it is with problems, addictions, obsessions, test, illnesses, relationships, empty bank accounts, wants and fears. Your life, anyway–not mine–because I have it all under control, right? Of course not. None of us have it all under control. All of us need a toolbox (neatly organized, thank you) with all kinds of useful and unusual tools to fix what needs fixing. More importantly, we need to periodically check that toolbox to make sure what’s in there is ready to go at a moment’s notice, and to see what may be missing that could update our collection. Yes, food, clothing, shelter; those three have been drilled in. But now we know better. Life is much more than those essentials. Much, much more.
Now that we’ve been screwed by friends, jobs, employers, loved ones, traffic jams, bad food, and the ubiquitous “bad hair days”, along with every other calamity, both real and imagined, we know we need “jaws of life” tools sometimes. Glass cutters for when we can’t break through the glass ceiling; pliers to ply the truth from people who hide it deep inside; a wrench to wrench that last donut from our bloated child; masking tape to conceal the tiny error; every size nail to be able to nail down the essential reality; and so on…. Heck, even judges have a hammer to hammer home exactly who is in charge in their courtroom. We all need tools. We all struggle to decide just which tool will be the right one at the right moment. And sometimes we only have one moment to get it right. Funny, but the best tools won’t fit in a toolbox. Friends, your local deli or Starbucks, that quiet place you’ve discovered by a faraway lake, the Ocean! for goodness sakes, a great book, deep, deep breaths, melodious music, ice cream (chocolate, please!), spring flowers, Chiluly glass, your dog (did you forget him?), okay … your cat, too (even though you need to limit yourself to less than twelve of them …), and the occasional birthday party without pointy hats. Lots of tools for tooling around. What happened to my repair? I let someone else figure it out. Unscrewing is not my specialty.
© Lori Nelson is an author, speaker, educator, and an international “edu-tainer” aboard cruise ships. She occasionally blogs (rants, really) at anotherloristory. blogspot.com. You can find Lori on Facebook. Her book, Torture: Broken Foot, Shattered Soul, is available on Amazon or Barnes & Noble, or email Lori at anotherloristory@gmail.com. Lori lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
Detoxifications l Residential l Men & Women with Children Perinatal Day Treatment l Adult & Adolescent Outpatient Youth Enrichment Services l Transitional Living l Intervention Most Insurance Plans Accepted l Private Pay l Financial Assistance Available
Contact Us Executive Offices
916 N. Mountain Ave. #A Upland, CA 91786 (909) 932-1069 (Residential Admissions)
Upland Recovery Center Outpatient (909) 949-4667
San Bernardino Recovery Center Outpatient (909) 889-6519
10 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Dan Griffin on
Real Men, Real Reovery
The Promises Series When I was young and just coming into recovery, I read these words on pages 83 and 84 and saw for the first time what my life could be some day. In the midst of my deep insecurity, shame, fear, and hopelessness, these words were a beacon. I took very seriously the fact that they are called the Promises, not the Maybes or the Might Happens. I went to meetings where men and women talked about how the promises had come true in their life and so I held onto them as a covenant between me and the fellowship. They have come true for me. And, they will come true for you, too—so long as you are willing to do the work. Promise #10: .Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave you Let me paint a picture to remind you of how it most likely used to be. On the outside, a lot of us looked like everyone else. Inside, we were terrified. There came a point when using seemed to be the only tool we had to interact with the world so we could feel as if we even somewhat belonged. As our addiction progressed, so did our fear of people. We were afraid because of how we were treating other people, what we did when we were using, and then, simply, as our brains changed from the excessive chemical use—there was just a general fear of people, places, and things. We began to live in a constant state of disconnection. Feeling anxious and frightened all of the time, I certainly felt like much less of a man. I walked around with a fear of people—fear of being attacked, beaten up, yelled at, laughed at, made fun of, rejected, disregarded, abandoned. Though I didn’t recognize it, nothing scared me more than the possibility that people would actually love me for who I am. Many of us are afraid of our power and of being powerful and knowing how to do
it in a healthy way. When we make peace with ourselves, our fear of others dissipates. We stop fearing people because we trust ourselves, we no longer need others’ approval, and, perhaps most importantly, we have found faith and safety through our constantly unfolding relationship with a Power greater than ourselves. And what about that fear of economic insecurity? Well, it took some time before I actually heard this Promise correctly. It does not say or imply anything about us discovering or having access to untold riches. What this Promise essentially tells us is that we will not have to worry about material needs. That we will find contentment and not be driven by scarcity or greed. We will have the opportunity to live from abundance and see that wealth is not measured in dollar signs. We will begin to value that which cannot be bought and realize the bottomless hole of material consumption. At the same time, we can let go of the fear of abundance and wealth. We can embrace it without attachment and without it defining us or our happiness. That, to me, is the Promise. And, I hope to get there someday. As Marianne Williamson stated so beautifully, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure.” What a gift when that fear leaves us. When we live in a world of service and abundance, knowing that we will always have what we need, there is almost nothing of which to be afraid. We are part of the human community and everyone is just as human and flawed as we are. We all seem to want the same experience of life: happiness and peace and we are all spinning on this amazing wheel of suffering. As the wise man once said, we are all just another bozo on the bus. Ride on!
© Dan Griffin, MA is a husband, father, and author and has been on his own journey of recovery since 1994. You can follow Dan at DanGriffin.com
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 11
Darlene Lancer
on
CODEPENDENCY 10 Tips to Self-Love
The word nurture comes from the Latin nutritus, meaning to suckle and nourish. It also means to protect and foster growth. A child must not only feel loved, but also that he or she is understood and valued as a separate, unique individual by both parents, who each want a relationship with him or her. Although we have many needs, I’m focusing on nurturing our emotional needs.
Emotional Needs
In addition to physical nourishment, including gentle touch, care, and food, emotional nurturing consists of meeting a child’s emotional needs. These include: Love Play Respect Encouragement
Understanding Acceptance Empathy Comfort
Reliability Guidance
The Importance of Empathy A child’s thoughts and feelings must be taken seriously and listened to with respect and understanding. Instead of judgment, a child needs acceptance and empathic understanding. Empathy is a deeper than intellectual understanding. It’s identification at an emotional level with what the child feels and needs.
Honor your feelings. When you have uncomfortable feelings, put your hand on your chest, and say aloud, “You’re (or I’m) ____.” (e.g.: angry, sad, afraid, lonely). This signifies acceptance of your feelings. Uncover the cause. Think and/or write about the cause or what triggered your feelings. Meet your needs. Once you discover the cause, think about what you need to make you feel better. Meeting your needs is good self-parenting. Express your feelings. Journaling about your feelings has been shown to alleviate depression and increases your selfknowledge. If you’re anxious, practice yoga or martial arts, meditation, or simple breathing exercises. Slowing your breath slows your brain and calms your nervous system. Exhale ten times making a hissing “sss” sound with your tongue behind your teeth. When you’re angry, do something active to release your emotions. Give yourself comfort. Write a supportive letter to yourself, expressing what an ideal parent would say. Have a warm drink. Studies show this actually elevates your mood. Swaddle your body in a blanket or sheet like a baby. This is soothing and comforting to your body.
It’s important for children to feel understood and accepted. Otherwise, they may feel alone, abandoned, and not loved for who they are. Many parents unwittingly harm their children by denying, ignoring, or shaming their child’s needs, actions, and expressions of thoughts or feelings. Good parents are also reliable and protective. They keep promises and commitments, provide nourishing food and medical and dental care. They protect their child from anyone who threatens or harms them.
Self-Nurturing Once grown, you still have these emotional needs. Self-love means meeting them. In fact, it’s each person’s responsibility to be his or her own parent and meet these emotional needs. Of course, there are times you need support, touch, understanding, and encouragement from others. However, the more you practice self-nurturing, the better your relationships will be. Here are some steps you can take: Identify your feelings. Pay attention to your inner dialogue. Notice your thoughts. Do they express worry, judgment, despair, resentment, envy, hurt, or wishing. Notice your moods. Are you irritable, anxious, or blue? Try to name the specific feeling. (“Upset” isn’t specific.) Do this several times a day to increase your feeling recognition.
Find pleasure, e.g., read or watch comedy, look at beauty, walk in nature, sing or dance, create something, or stroke your skin. Pleasure releases chemicals in the brain that counterbalance pain, stress, and negative emotions. Discover what pleasures you. Play. Adults also need to play. This means doing something purposeless that fully engages you and is enjoyable for its own sake. The more active the better, i.e., play with your dog vs. walking him, sing or collect seashells vs. watching television. Play brings you into the pleasure of the moment. Doing something creative is a great way to play.
Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and an expert on relationships and codependency. Contact Darlene directly at info@darlenelancer.com or follow her blogs on www.whatiscodependency.com, also on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/darlene.lancer, and on Twitter: @DarleneLancer.
12 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Darlene Lancer
Continued from Page 12
Coach yourself. Practice complimenting and encouraging yourself. Notice self-judgment for what it is, and be a positive coach. Remind yourself of what you have done and allow yourself time to rest and rejuvenate. Forgive yourself. Good parents don’t punish children for mistakes, and they don’t punish wilful wrongs repeatedly. Instead, learn from mistakes and make amends when necessary. Keep commitments. Honor commitments to yourself. When you don’t, you’re in effect abandoning yourself. How would you feel if your parent broke promises to you? Love yourself by demonstrating that you’re important enough to keep commitments to yourself.
A Word of Caution Beware of self-judgment. Remember, feelings aren’t rational. Whatever you feel is okay, and it’s okay if you don’t know why you feel the way you do. What is important is acceptance of your feelings and the positive actions you take to nurture yourself. Many people think, “I shouldn’t be angry (sad, afraid, depressed, etc.). This may reflect judgment they received as a child. Often it’s this unconscious self-judgment that is the cause of irritability and depression. See more on Self-Love at: www.whatiscodependency.com
FREE Subscription SereneSceneMagazine.com/subscribe A monthly magazine dedicated to those helping people to help themselves to a better quality of life.
Serene
Scene
Magazine for Long-Term Healthy Lifestyles of Recovery
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 13
Fortifying Your Strength
Against Relapse
by Batista Gremaud
Strength Training: A Revolutionary Tool
Is your teenager depressed? Having trouble in relationships, lonely and not sure which way to turn? Then, you must read this. Did you know the epidemic of drug abuse in teens is seen as the number one public health problem in the United States, according to a report by CASA Columbia, and that those who begin to use at a young age are more likely to develop a dependency as adults, adding to the ever growing addiction statistics? While recovery home and treatment centers are flourishing with continuous influx of new young patients, the statistics for long-term recovery are very slim. Could weight training serve as a helping hand in reversing the gloomy statistics? Strength training offers a revolutionary tool for kids and young adults, to strengthen the nervous system, enhance posture (also know as “text neck”) and show up with the selfconfidence they ought to have. Just as many women mistakenly fear weight lifting will make them bulky, a lot of parents and coaches avoid stirring young adults towards strength training because they think it is unsafe for kids, potentially leading to injuries such as growth-plate or joint damage. This isn’t a controversial claim anymore since it has long been proven that strength training, when done properly, is not only safe, it is extremely beneficial and recommended for teens and children as young as eight years old. According to the National Strength and Conditioning
Association, most injuries to young lifters are the result of poor training protocols, lifting too heavy, poorly designed equipment or lack of education, not a fragile anatomy because of age. Health benefits of a sensible strength-training program can be stupendous for young adults such as · Increase muscle strength and endurance · Strengthen bones · Improve sports related performance · Decrease sport’s related injuries · Improved cardiovascular health / blood pressure / cholesterol Strength training can also be an efficient activity for weight control. Overweight children who begin a strength training practice are more likely to continue than those who simply do cardio, because it is more fun. The fact is, very few kids choose to spend twenty to thirty minutes doing any kind of continuous endurance exercise, regardless of the benefits or incentives. Most youngsters prefer to play hard or run fast for short times, rest a minute or two, then repeat their performance. Fortunately, it is possible to provide such benefits with exercise programs through intelligent strength training and the effects and results typically exceed most people’s expectations. Poor self-image and lack of self-esteem, which affects many teens, can also contribute towards unhealthy addictive behaviors. Strength training is a sport that allows people of all ages to be the best they can be, either compared to others or relative to previous personal performance. It boosts self-confidence. Results are measurable in strength training and the benefits are quick to appear, which can satisfy the addictive brain that craves instant gratification. Changes such as height, posture, stature, and overall demeanor become noticeable quickly. Boys and girls alike enjoy seeing muscular definition appear, because it makes them feel strong and beautiful. It is hard to be depressed when the results appear as a toned attractive body, without underestimating the surge of neurochemicals to the brain, which is proven to fight depression and boost mood behavior.
© Batista Gremaud AKA Batista is a published author, empowerment speaker, entertainer and Co-founder of Body Design Formula and the International Institute of Body Design. She is a 7th Degree Master Teacher in Dr. Fitness USA’s protocols, Body Design. Her recent book, Feminine Body Design is now available at Amazon.com. You can contact Batista for more information at doc@DrFitnessUSA.com
14 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Getting to Know
The Latest Thing
By Karen VanDenBerg
Maybe your latest thing is yoga, or meditation, or a connection with angels. Maybe your latest thing is artwork that inspires hope, or small tokens of hope you can gift to a newcomer or carry in your own pocket. Maybe your latest thing is a scented candle coupled with a daily meditation providing inspiration and comfort for events of the day yet revealed. No matter what your latest thing is, if it has anything to do with recovery or spirituality, you will likely find it at The Latest Thing in Costa Mesa California or in their online store at www.LatestThing.com. Dreams really do come true. Since opening the shop in 1998, Kimberly and her mother Mary Lou set out on a mission to provide tangible goods that would support and encourage people in recovery and their loved ones. Nearly 27 years later, the store is a plethora of The Latest Things with a reach extending beyond Twelve Step recovery groups—well into the realm of mental health, spirituality, emotional well-being, and whimsy.
purchase a chip to acknowledge a recovery anniversary for their child. Spouses, friends, brothers, sisters, sponsors, and sponsees find ways to give hope and encouragement to each other, and I get to see the sparkle in their eyes.”
As she diligently works her own recovery program one day at a time, Kimberly feels like she’s answering the calling of God by sharing the gifts of recovery, on so many levels, with people who share the journey with her. “I love watching a parent’s heart swell with pride when he or she comes to
Maybe your latest thing is journaling, or jewelry, or speaker CD’s. Maybe your latest thing is t-shirts, ball caps, or prayer cards. Whether you’re shopping online or being delighted at every turn within the walls of the spacious Costa Mesa store, you are sure to find The Latest Thing that delights you.
kRecovery BookskStep WorkbookskGreeting CardskChipskHolderskMedallionskJewelryk
Open 7 Days a Week
Hours Mon-Fri 9-6 Sat 10-6 Sun 10-5
949-574-8900
LatestThing.
www.
com
We Ship Daily Wholesale ONLY: 949-574-8901 Recovery Mint
T-ShirtskHatskMugskBumper StickerskBookmarksk
1576 Newport Blvd. Costa Mesa, CA
kBook CoverskWallet CardskGod BoxeskAngelskJournalskRockskChrystalsk& Lots More www.step12magazine.com MAY-JUNE 2016 - 15
Using Our Voice as a Tool
by Denise Krochta
Statistics show that overdose deaths from prescription drugs and other opiates have surpassed car accidents as the number one cause of accidental death in most US states. America comprises 5% of the World population but uses 80% of its prescription drugs. 2014 had the highest levels of opioid overdose deaths ever. Which begs the question: Is there a prescription drug/opioid epidemic in this country? Most of the US population seems to be (or chooses to be) unconcerned by the rampant use and misuse of prescription drugs in this country. So, is Washington aware of the situation? Do they care? Michael Botticelli, our newest Drug Czar, seems to be concerned and is trying to be proactive. He is the first Drug Czar who openly speaks about his own past history with drugs and alcohol and about being in long term recovery. He is sensitive to the stigma that Substance Abuse carries with it and the problems surrounding the families and loved ones. He is often out in communities listening. Over the past six months I’ve had the opportunity to participate in some activities related to this “epidemic” where I found Mr. Botticelli quite engaged. In October there was a rally and march from the Washington Monument to the White House to address the issue of over prescribing drugs and drug education for doctors, as well as concern for FDA approval of so many different opiates developed by the drug companies. The majority of the crowd who rallied and marched were families and loved ones who had lost someone to an overdose or suicide attributed to prescription drugs. The White House was very aware of this show of “protest” and addressed the issue the next day at the Washington Monument during the Rally for Recovery, a celebration of the thousands of citizens in recovery today, like the drug czar, who are valuable members of our communities.
Just a few weeks ago Mr. Botticelli met via telephone conference with a group of moms of addicts to address their concerns and listen to our questions and requests. He says that he believes that parents/families are changing the conversation on drug use. He sees the conversation is more open and honest and less secret, and sees this as a good beginning to change the stigma. Here are just some of the actions taken recently by Washington to change the direction of this tragic epidemic: Health and Human Services released $94 million in new funding to 271 Community Health Centers towards treatment. SAMHSA (The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) is releasing $11 million to some states to increase Medically Assisted Treatment for opiate abuse. They are working to make evidence based residential treatment available to those in jails and prisons and access to good re-entry services. They have allocated $100 million in new funding to address the epidemic with more access to syringe service programs, supporting prevention, as well as more access for law enforcement to get drugs off the street and also to make Nalaxone, the overdose reversal drug, more available. They are working on ways to make records for drug offenders less used as a screening tool. Rehabilitation instead of Incarceration is a goal. Many believe this is not enough. I guess we need to start somewhere. Are they listening and “hearing”? Time will tell. In the meantime, life goes on for some and others will continue to die.
Denise, who has dealt with addicts in her family most of her adult life, moved into crisis mode when she discovered that her teenage son was addicted to prescription drugs along with alcohol and street drugs. Hers is a story of discovery and recovery. Her career in International business took her to places around the globe where meeting people and learning their values and traditions has become an integral part of her life. Websites: www.addictsfamilylifeline.com and www.denisekrochta.com
16 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Mindfulness with Terra Schaad
Often times, when we’re in pain, whether physical or emotional, we tend to think it is constant. In the practice of mindfulness, we move into the pain, study it, get curious about it. When we do this, we notice the intensity and sensation of pain actually ebbs and flows. Sometimes it’s stabbing, shooting, or throbbing and if we sit with it a little longer, the sensation begins to dull or even dissipate, if even for a second. This week, I will begin formal training for Ironman Boulder 2016 with Gage Total Training. This photo was taken in 2009 at my last Ironman. It was the day before I was supposed to fly out to get married, and my fiancé had recently called off our wedding. Nothing in me wanted to be there. That morning, I decided I had two choices; cry while sitting on the couch alone or cry while doing the race. I chose the latter. What I remember from that day is crying for 12 hours 33 minutes straight. On two separate occasions, on the 112 mile bike leg, I even got off my bike and stood on the B-Line Highway sobbing as his mom held me, encouraging me to go on.
Notice When
Your Face Smiles The moment captured in this photo is in the transition zone between the bike and entering the marathon. I remember the gratitude and relief I felt to be going into the marathon. There were hours more of tears after this transition and certainly more physical pain, but for a moment, I was relieved, joyous and ready to run. Perhaps, what is most important to note, is that even in my darkest grief, the course was lined with people who loved me. I was able to put one foot in front of the other and even managed to smile as I crossed the finish line. I haven’t competed in a full triathlon since that day and I am excited to begin this journey healed, hopeful, and full of joy.
© Terra is a zealous horse lover and the executive director of Hunkapi Programs, Inc. Terra holds a bachelor of science degree in pre-veterinary medicine from Texas A&M University and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from Arizona State University. She practices living mindfully, is an avid adventurer, yogi, and two-time Ironman Arizona finisher. She embraces her extraordinary life with mindful, contagious enthusiasm and gratitude.
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 17
Step 12 Magazine’s
Newcomer’s Page
Tools of Early Recovery The first time someone asked me, “What’s in YOUR toolbox?” I had no idea why they cared about my Phillip’s head screwdriver, my two hammers, my random screws and nails—all of which barely fit in the little red Coleman toolbox tucked away in the crawl space under my stairs at home. The toolbox wouldn’t actually close all the way. There were tools in there that I’d never even used and had no idea why they were there. I think the old-timer’s get their jollies by perplexing desperate newcomers with random questions that have secret meanings. Even more, I think everyone’s toolbox is unique to it’s owner. Even my overflowing toolbox under the stairs is probably not stocked exactly the same as anyone else’s. We get to choose which tools work best for us. I actually have two hammers. One works better than the other. It fits my hand better, has a more balanced feel to it … and it’s the first hammer I grab. Our recovery toolboxes are equally unique. Some tools work better for us than others. Some tools are just easier to use because we have more practice with them. Here are just a few options that are especially helpful in early recovery. Slogans: Just don’t drink (or use) no matter what; This, too, shall pass; one day at a time (pick your favorite and repeat it often) The phone: It really doesn’t weigh a thousand pounds. It’s true that people want to hear from you. You’re not bothering anyone. You can use a house phone, a cell phone, a pay phone; you can text or call! Just do it. We want you to. Meetings: Going to as many meetings as possible exposes you to more potential sponsors and sober friends. Being able to relate to another person in recovery makes the taste of early recovery a little less bitter. Love your sobriety date: You can never have that date again. You can get a new one, but you can never change your mind and get the old one back. Temporary sponsor: This is a person to help you get through the first three steps as early in your recovery as possible.
Literature: The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, Daily motivational readings, program pamphlets, spiritual writings, Living Sober, Living Clean, magazines, blogs, and so many more Prayer: (communicating with your higher power): The serenity prayer, the 3rd step prayer, expressing gratitude for surviving. Not everyone is comfortable with all the available tools. On an individual basis, we get to choose which ones work best for us. It’s wise to give them all a fair shake now and then, because as we grow in emotional sobriety and spiritual connection our challenges change—and we may need to dig deeper into the trusty toolbox for a more effective tool to handle the job-at-hand. So, what’ sin YOUR toolbox? And, are you keeping those tools dusted and available at a moment’s notice? Will they release you from the chatter in your head, the devil on your shoulder, and keep the drink/drug from your grasp? For now, that’s the goal.
Newcomer’s Checklist aDon’t Take That First Drink or Drug aMake Plenty of Meetings aCall Sponsor aHang out with People in Recovery aFocus on the Positive aTalk about your Feelings aBeware of People, Places, & Things 18 - MAY-JUNE 2016
aTake One Day at a Time aAsk Higher Power for Help aStay out of “Your Head” aMove a Muscle, Change a Thought aRead the Literature
Cultivate Your Recovery With The Best Tool for the Job!
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 19
provide a memorable centerpiece scene when Krisha—at last reunited with the bottle—attempts to bake a thirty-pound bird with the family members she’s so desperate to impress. “You are heartbreak incarnate” one character says to our heroine at one point which makes Krisha what I’d call a Thanksgiving turkey … without giving thanks.
A Thanksgiving Turkey Seeing writer/director Trey Edward Shults’s first independent feature, Krisha, [in select theaters] I didn’t know if I was at a horror movie or just a horrible movie. It’s about an untreated Alcoholic woman cum Prodigal daughter making yet another attempt to re-enter the good graces of the family unit she once came close to destroying. I found it relentlessly unpleasant and could barely stay in the auditorium for the entire 83 minutes it takes to knock this one back. Krisha is one bitter pill to swallow and I’d suggest you only take it if your sponsor suggests it. Or go together and you’ll probably be less likely to relapse after watching it. Krisha has a 96% positive rating on Rottentomatoes.com The sound design seems to be meant to annoy you, drive you out of the theater, or in my case, be happy the I’m deaf in one ear. The script seems like they used the first draft. Krisha Fairchild plays Krisha in Krisha and if you think that’s one too many Krishas for one movie, wait until you find out it all takes place in a single house and all the parts are played by the 27 year old Shults’ own family members. Krisha charts an untreated alcoholic and the material is handled in the style of a Cinéma vérité, where nothing seems vérité, rather than a conventional narrative and as such, to say the plot is a little thin would be like saying the gravy being served at this Thanksgiving family melodrama needs a little more corn starch if it’s going to have any real cohesion. There’s not enough story elements to make it worthwhile to those used to seeing films geared toward recovery. Shults does
Putting Krisha alongside such heavy-handed family infighting as Tracy Lett’s August: Osage Country, {Amazon Prime, $2.99} It’s hard not to hand it to Krisha which, with its topics of alcoholism and family discord, manages to out-Meryl Streep Meryl Streep (Shults’ real Aunt, Krisha Fairchild has been compared to a contemporary Gena Rowlands—but not by me). ...Osage makes attempts to deal with many more afflictions than it ever had time for in a satisfying way, but if you’re going to be cooped up in a house with a dysfunctional matriarch, it’s better to do with Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Juliette Lewis, Sam Shepard, Ewan McGregor with a sweet cameo by LA’s own Jerry Stahl, author of the classic Permanent Midnight. Osage was a great Tony Award winning play, the film is in love with long shots of birds in the sky, flying somewhere. God knows where. Krisha was shot in the family home and protecting that sensitive environment was a personal investment for its young director (and reluctant actor) along with everyone else in the truly familial cast. If you blindfolded these two films side-by-side and forced them into a game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey, it’s Krisha who has the best chances of hitting the intended goal—unpleasant though that may be. Still, all the platitudes in the world can’t make Krisha do three things that movies were invented for: to entertain, inspire and educate. How many of these critics who are so eager to throw their hats in the air for Krisha have had to deal with such an awkward homecoming personally? You can recommend the film to anyone with aspirations of turning their entire family into a self-contained cast and crew— but little else. To willingly send someone in recovery to see Krisha (either of these films really) is more an exercise in rubbing their nose in the mess they are usually well aware they’ve already made.
Leonard Buschel is the Founder and Director of REEL Recovery Film Festival www.reelrecoveryfilmfestival.org.
Recovering Couples Anonymous 12-Step Program for Couples
Recovering from Dysfunctional Patterns of Communication
www.Recovering-Couples.org
20 - MAY-JUNE 2016
781-794-1456 (WSO)
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
20 IMPORTANT Self-Assessment QUESTIONS For You or a Loved One
One of the oldest and most time tested dependency evaluation tools for chemical dependency has its origins from the Johnson Institute of Minneapolis. Many variations exist, but the basic questions are as follows: 1. Has anyone ever suggested you quit or cut back on your drug/alcohol use? Y / N 2. Has drinking or using affected your reputation? Y / N 3. Have you made promises to control your drinking or using and then broken them? Y / N 4. Have you ever switched to different drinks or drugs or changed your using pattern in an effort to control or reduce your consumption? Y / N 5. Have you ever gotten into financial, legal, or relationship difficulties due to drinking or using? Y / N 6. Have you ever lost time from work because of drinking or using? Y / N 7. Have you ever sneaked or hidden your use? Y / N 8. On occasion, do you feel uncomfortable if alcohol or your drug is not available? Y / N 9. Do you continue drinking or using when friends or family suggest you have had enough? Y / N 10. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed about your drinking or using or what you did while under the influence? Y / N 11. Has your efficiency decreased as a result of your drinking or using? Y / N 12. When using or drinking, do you neglect to eat properly? Y/N 13. Do you use or drink alone? Y / N 14. Do you use or drink more than usual when under pressure, angry, or depressed? Y / N 15. Are you able to drink or use more now without feeling it, compared to when you first started using? Y / N 16. Have you lost interest in other activities or noticed a decrease in your ambition as a result of your drinking or using? Y / N 17. Have you had the shakes or tremors following heavy drinking or using or not using for a period of time Y/ N 18. Do you want to drink or use at a particular time each day? Y/N 19. Do you go on and off the wagon? Y / N 20. Is drinking or using jeopardizing your job? Y / N Three or more “yes� answers suggest that you should more closely evaluate your drug and or alcohol use. Call for help today!
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 21
UNLOCKED For Life
with
Dan Sanfellipo
What Do You Expect? One of the steadfast emotional defenses I developed in prison was the practice of “expecting the worst, and hoping for the best.” This mindset began with my first arrest and was solidified in the many negative consequences I experienced throughout most of my life. At the time, it didn’t occur to me that if I changed my behavior, I might change the result. Instead, I kept repeating the same thing over and over, expecting different results—resulting in one disappointment after another. The actual behavior might have different characteristics; different drugs, different neighborhoods, different car, different stolen property. Essentially, the behavior was illegal and landed me before the judge and ultimately behind bars. Every time I went before the judge, I would expect the worst. All of my energy was focused on being angry for the outcome that I knew was about to shape the next few years (or more) of my life. I expected my rights and my freedom to be stripped away—and it was. The attitude continued during my incarceration. I expected my girlfriend to cheat on me. I expected my family to not visit. I expected everyone in the yard to be scheming against me. I expected to be cheated and abandoned and betrayed. This survival tool made it possible to endure the loneliness and disappointment. It was all about survival. I wasn’t alone in this attitude of ingratitude. Imagine a community of like minded suspicious, manipulative, scared, lonely, angry, frustrated human beings. There is a lot of negative energy being focused in one concentrated area. Negative energy yields negative results. Conversely, positive energy breeds positive results.
Back in the early 90’s, a group of spiritual people participated in a two-month experiment to reduce the crime rate in Washington DC through Transcendental Meditation with collectively focused energy (hands off). The tightly controlled study reduced the previously rising crime rate by more than 23%! (read the full research article here http://www. worldpeacegroup.org/washington_crime_study.html) This is a testament to the power of collective energy and channeling that energy in a specific way. This group of spiritually tuned individuals gave thanks that the town had already lowered it’s crime rate. They visualized the situation as a historical fact. The impact was measurable and impressive! When people believe, at the core of their being, that a positive outcome is not only possible but expected, our collective energy (consciousness) will manifest those positive results. Napoleon Hill said, ”Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” In prison, everyone in the yard is in survival mode. Even though the group does not intentionally feed into each other’s consciousness, it was unavoidable. There was a thick energy of negative expectation—a barrier against disappointment, a serious lack of trust, and a dominating cloud of fear. These tools of survival were learned, repeated and reinforced. When the day finally arrived, and I was released from prison for the last time, I took that brain with me. I took that prison mentality of “expecting of the worst” with me—hoping for a different result. I did not want to go back there. I said that before, but this time it was different. I became willing to open my mind and see that my life and my mind had been shaped by people in prison—in a war zone of negativity. I had to recognize that I was no longer in prison anymore. Feelings were no longer liabilities. I began to meditate with positive visualization and gratitude. I had to practice being less defensive (not defenseless). I had to practice emotional vulnerability. I started to expect the best and prepare for it. And good things started to materialize. I still get disappointed sometimes. Life does not always go exactly the way I expect it to. However, I have learned that life does always yield positive outcomes in direct proportion to my expectation and willingness to change my attitude. So when I am disappointed today, I feel it, express it, I learn from it, and move on as a perfectly imperfect human being and a productive member of society Written by Karen VanDenBerg based on interviews with Dan Sanfelliipo.
© Dan Sanfellipo received his education in the California State Penal system from the age of 13. A trauma survivor, author of the upcoming book “Unlocked for Life” and founder of support and coaching program of the same name, Dan is a practicing member of 12-step recovery and an international competitor in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Dan has dedicated his energy, experience, strength and hope to helping men and women find lasting freedom—from poverty, restriction, stigma, addiction, despair and prison. Dan can be reached at Dan@unlockedforlife.com
22 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Tools for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse
by Carol Teitelbaum, MFT
A definition of tools: a concept can be considered a tool. “Creativity is the tool which allows a child’s mind to grow.” A statement most therapists hear their offices on a daily basis is, “I don’t have the tools to deal with this.” How does a survivor lose hope for a good future? Statistics show that over 90% of perpetrators are someone the child knows and over 80% are family members. This creates some of the most damaging consequences; the loss of trust in other people. When a child cannot trust the people who have been entrusted with their safety, he has no tools to form good relationships or to function in social situations. Let’s look more closely at a survivor’s scenario. A young boy feeling comfortable in his home, a secure and happy child spends his eighth summer with his uncle Mike. Uncle Mike has always been so cool, fishing and doing sports together, a trusted family member. This year Uncle Mike does something unusual, he looks too long while the boy is getting undressed, he walks around in a towel way after his shower, sometimes the towel falls and he laughs. Something is not right, but this is Uncle Mike, it must be okay. The summer is drawing to an end; it is the last weekend they will spend together. This young boy is now wondering what will happen next summer when he comes back. Should he mention this to his parents or will they say he was being ridiculous? The boy goes home, he is happy to see his parents but he is conflicted about what to do and he becomes quiet, his studies start to slip, he doesn’t seem very happy. No one knows what could be wrong with him and when he is asked he says, “Nothing” because he lacks the tools he needs to communicate these confusing feelings.
I believe that our lives resemble the rings of a tree; you can tell how old a tree is by counting those rings. Let’s suppose during the third year of the tree’s life, when it is just a sapling, someone took an ax and cut a pie shaped hunk out of that tree. That pie shape will show up in each ring of the tree all the way till the tree dies. So it is with all of us, sexual abuse happens in a boy’s life and it continues to show up in the form of triggers the rest of his life. So many men, ashamed that they were abused, suppress these shameful feelings with drugs and alcohol, and they feel better for a moment or two; there are not enough drugs or alcohol to make these feelings stay away. What tools can men learn to put in their tool belt? The first step is helping men identify sensations in their body and to be able to label that sensation as a feeling; for example, many men feel tension in their jaw when they are angry, the jaw muscle begins to twitch, others feel burning in their gut, or get a headache, some flush from their chest up to their face. By identifying these body sensations and labeling the associated feeling, “Oh that means I am angry”, men can then practice communicating these feelings. It takes some time and lots of practice but it can be done. Understanding how to breathe, staying in the present moment, acceptance, forgiveness and most of all sobriety give the survivor more and more peace and help create healing in the wounded places inside.
© Carol Teitlebaum, MFT is a Psychotherapist in private practice in Rancho Mirage, Calif. She is also the founder of Creative Change Conferences and It Happens to Boys Program. She offers free group counseling to men and teen boys who have been sexually abused as children, and a yearly conference bringing well known experts in the field of trauma, addiction and recovery together creating a two day healing community. For more information go to CreativeChangeConferences.com or call 760-346-4606
Not Your Mother’s Podcast
1/3 page size
Real Internet Radio ~ Live & On Demand
GratiDoodle.com Positive Messages Hidden in The Energy of Gratitude
Visit us online for the
Latest Designs and Order Your Unique GratiDoodle Today!
Want To Tap Into This Vast Audience?
Contact: bill@starworldwidenetworks.com or 480.370.5189 www.step12magazine.com
Individual andWholesale Orders Welcome
admin@gratidoodle.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 23
Dear Petra...
Expert answers to your questions about Hep C and Addiction
What About The Stigma? Orange County, California Dear Petra: I have just been diagnosed with Hepatitis C and am so scared to tell my friends and family. I realize the stigma associated is the same as it was with HIV aids so long ago. I don’t think I got it using drugs, but am not sure. I am terrified about the way they will look at me now. What would you do in my case?
when infection is present.” As for the second part of your question: It is highly unlikely that the results will be wrong, as it is a separate blood test. However, approximately twenty percent of people infected with hepatitis C can clear the virus themselves within six months. Infants and young women are more likely to clear hep C spontaneously. Chronic Pain is Disease! New Orleans, Louisiana
Dear Terrified: I am glad you asked. In my own case, when I was initially diagnosed and became aware of the giant Stigma attached, it made me angry. After the initial shock wore off, I began to research everything I could about my disease, and got even angrier. I believe to this day that it was BECAUSE of the Stigma, that I set out to shout awareness and education from the rooftops! I allowed my disbelief and anger to carry my word forward. I have since lost my entire family (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and all of their families). They all turned their backs on me when I went public with my disease. It should not matter how we contract it. Does that make us less worthy of living? I have to say in all honesty that I still deem it was worth the many losses of “friends and family.” I figure that it is THEY who are not worthy of having me in their lives! I hope this helps. We all lose people through this illness, so brace yourself. How Accurate is the Blood Work at Clinics? Dear Petra: How accurate are the blood test at blood donation clinics? Is there ever a time when they say you have Hep C, and it not be true? I just got tested, waiting for results, and am feeling so very lost. Dear Lost: How does Canadian Blood Services test blood? Direct Quote: “We follow a two-stage testing method that is used in laboratories around the world. In the first stage, a sensitive screening test looks for the possible presence of infection. If the screening test shows no reaction, the blood is considered free of infection and no further testing is done. However, if the screening test is reactive, further testing is done to sort out whether the reactive result was due to infection in the blood or to interference with the test. This second test identifies markers in the blood that are found only
Dear Petra: 1. Tell the CDC (Centre for Disease Control) chronic pain is a disease and to stop taking away and reducing our opioids, one of our only life-lines. Please sign our petition! 2. I’m not on opioids, I’m doing this for my friends that depend on them. Dear Petition Advocate: 1. Chronic pain, first off, in NOT a disease. It is a dis-ease! Pharmaceutical opioids will not only steal your life in time, in fact they may well cost you your life! Please think about seeing a hypnotherapist to deal with chronic pain. I happen to specialize in this area and am a former opioid addict myself. Your friends also don’t need them. Please hear me when I tell you that most of my friends are dead. They all died from pharmaceutical drug overdoses, especially when mixing them with alcohol. The rest died of hepatitis c … truth. You are a public figure and people listen to you. Please rethink your approach! I May Be a Compulsive Gambler Oakland, California Dear Petra: If it turns out and I admit that I am a compulsive gambler, will I ever be able to gamble “normally” again? Dear Gambler: Great question! The answer though, is NO! If and when you get help with your gambling addiction, my friendly advice to you is to never enter another gambling facility again. It is no different than an alcoholic picking up a drink or a junkie putting a needle back in his arm. Please see that you get help, the sooner the better! Hepatitis C is a growing Global Pandemic! 1 in 12 people have viral hepatitis Globally.
© 2016 Petra aka Petrabilities is a Mental Health Counselor, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Card Reader, Speaker, Author and CEO of #HepCGI . Being an expert in her field and specializing in addictions, Petra is here to answer all your questions and concerns. Please send your questions anonymously via the contact form at www.Petrabilities.com or http://hepcgi.wix.com/hepcgi
24 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
The following book reviews are honest IMPRESSIONS of these newly released titles. Grab a copy and see if you agree... These are not “paid” reviews. Do you have any recommendations for books about recovery? Get in touch! email: editor@step12magazine.com
365 Ways to Have Fun Sober by Lisa M. Hann
Music as a Tool Of
Recovery
Young people effortlessly latch on to music no matter the circumstances. The melody and lyrics transport them into a completely “tuned in” mental and physical state of being. But wait! I was a young person once, and that part of my history still lives within me. My inner child still uses music as a form of mental escape and emotional release or validation. Music can enhance our emotions, spark a light of energy, and keep us company when we’re driving, cleaning, cooking, or exercising. Therefor it is no surprise that music can also be used as a tool of recovery. By identifying the emotions associated with different songs and/or types of music and what thoughts those emotions are linked, we can uncover otherwise hiding, or subconscious, resentments. Sometimes, music is just fun! And we are not a glum lot.
365 Ways to Have Fun Sober is mapped out month by month, with listed suggestions of how to have fun on each day of each month and also takes the seasons into account. From building a blanket fort, to doing a jigsaw puzzle, dancing in your underwear to coffee dates with the neighbors, and even designing your own t-shirt, there are tons of original and creative ideas, 365 of them to be exact, to help people have fun while staying sober. Inspirational and innovative, there is an amazing collection of suggestions, and not just for people in recovery. Everyone could benefit from this book, from bored teens to adults trying to find ways to embrace a new lifestyle. 365 Ways to Have Fun Sober has lots of fun and new things to try out. I’ll definitely be using lots of these ideas, especially over the coming summer. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IO0Q4L2
Let It Out: A Journey Through Journaling by Katie Dalebout
Katie’s book is a wonderful how-to guide for anyone interested in taking up the healing practice of journaling, mindfulness, or just the desire to get to know themselves better. It’s also a great book for people who already utilize journaling as a therapeutic tool, and are seeking out fresh new ideas for their daily jottings. Let It Out: A Journey Through Journaling is bursting with helpful tips, new practices and inspiring prompts, from buying your first journal to exciting daily, weekly and even monthly journaling strategies. Well-rounded and very practical, Katie’s exercises are interesting and thought-provoking, and range from light-hearted topics to serious selfdiscovery, allowing the reader to work at their own pace. It feels a bit like hanging out with a good friend who is cheering you on to be your best self as Katie explains each journaling exercise. Well worth the paper it’s written on.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/B01BLTD7T4
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 25
Substance Abuse and PTSD Symptoms of PTSD include nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance of things related to the event, severe anxiety, sleeplessness, aggressive behavior and angry outbursts. These symptoms can strike the individual at any time, most commonly when he or she is reminded of the events in question. The symptoms of PTSD can be divided into three general categories: 1) re-experiencing the traumatic incident, 2) avoiding experiences that evoke memories of the incident, and 3) symptoms of hyper-arousal, such as irritability, anger or extreme anxiety. People who experience these symptoms for at least one month may be diagnosed with PTSD. Alcoholism and drug abuse fall into the category of avoidance symptoms, as the individual may use these chemicals to avoid memories or to numb fear. When alcohol or drugs are used to manage PTSD symptoms, the symptoms of the disorder only become more severe. As a central nervous system depressant, alcohol can worsen What Is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? depression and anxiety and interfere with normal sleep PTSD is a condition in which an patterns. Under the influence of individual experiences tremendous alcohol, someone with PTSD is stress or anxiety after witnessing or PTSD Diagnosed Individuals Often more likely to engage in risk-taking being engaged in a traumatic event. behavior, such as driving under Any physical or psychological Experience Other Serious Disorders the influence, or to engage in an trauma that leaves the individual Such As: altercation with someone else. feeling powerless and out of Depression For this reason, PTSD and substance control may lead to PTSD. Some abuse often lead to legal problems, Attention Deficit Disorder of the most common causes of the incarceration, poverty, broken homes condition include: Chronic Pain and chronic unemployment. Getting Military combat Chronic Illness such as Diabetes, Liver the right treatment for this Dual Violent assault Disease, or High Blood Pressure Diagnosis may make the difference Natural disasters between whether or not an individual Sexual assault is able to lead a satisfying, healthy life. Childhood abuse The nightmares and flashbacks of PTSD typically involve crises that have never been fully resolved in the individual’s psyche. For instance, a soldier who was taken prisoner in a battle and couldn’t fight his captors might have flashbacks to the incident as a way to work through unresolved anger and fear. A child who felt powerless when she was sexually abused by an older relative might grow up living with intrusive feelings of helplessness and revenge. In women, sexual abuse is one of the most common causes of PTSD and addiction, according to the National Center for PTSD at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. Combat is another common reason for PTSD, especially in men. In Vietnam veterans seeking treatment for PTSD, between 60 and 80 percent also require treatment for substance abuse. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, can happen to anyone that experiences or witnesses a traumatic event. It causes severe anxiety that can be debilitating and make taking care of daily responsibilities impossible for some sufferers. Unfortunately, many of those with PTSD turn to substances like drugs and alcohol to help alleviate symptoms and to deal with their anxiety. As with other dual diagnoses, it is important to get treatment for both disorders in order to see significant improvement in either. Many individuals with PTSD will turn to drugs or alcohol as a way to numb their pain or to gain some measure of control in their lives. Chronic substance abuse creates a complicated Dual Diagnosis, or the co-existence of a serious psychiatric disorder and an addictive disorder. Recovering from this Dual Diagnosis requires a careful exploration of the causes of PTSD, combined with treatment for drug or alcohol addiction.
© Dr. Keerthy Sunder, MD is an accomplished Physician with extensive experience as a clinician, researcher, administrator, teacher, lecturer and writer. In Feb 2013, he was invited to join the Editorial Team of the prestigious Journal of Addiction Therapy and Research. He is Board Certified in Psychiatry and Addiction Medicine. Dr. Sunder currently serves as Medical Director for the Mind & Body Treatment and Research Institute and Brisas IOP in Riverside, California and Principal Investigator for CNS Clinical Trials at Clinical Innovations in Riverside, California. You can follow Dr. Sunder at www.asoundmindandbody.com and mbtrins.com or reach him at DrKeerthy@mbtrins.com
26 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Healing The Brain
By Karen VanDenBerg
I had the distinct honor of attending the Grand Opening/ Ribbon Cutting ceremony for Mind & Body Treatment and Research Institute located in Riverside, CA. During the festivities, I was fortunate to experience a 30 minute Neurofeedback session. That was the fastest, most relaxing (yet alert) 30 minutes I think I’ve ever experienced. Absolutely zero discomfort and I walked away feeling slightly refreshed after just that one short session. With repeated sessions of 30-45 minutes, my brain could effectively heal itself! This information alone made me hungry to learn more. I thought all brain dysfunction or damage was permanent. Dr. Keerthy Sunder opened his practice to effectively integrate his 20 years of psychiatric experience with his knowledge and experience in the field of neurobiology. Combining targeted brain boosting supplementation, customized mindful meditations and cutting edge neurofeedback technology is a unique personalized integrated approach in the treatment of addiction, PTSD, memory disorders, brain trauma, and more—with proven long-lasting results. is to be e learned th ve. Not v a h I , e c ti a c out my pra with the brain you h ally “Through k ctu c a tu n s a t c o re n , you true: you a improve your mind hat you can w ou only can y brain. Just imagine d, relaxed mind. r se u u c the change yo a healthy, clear, fo truly create h n it a c w u e v o y ie , ach rity place of cla erthy Sunder e From that K r. nt.” – D life you wa
Dr. Sunder is clearly breaking ground in the treatment of the mind and the physical brain. So passionate about his desire to help people overcome these challenges, Dr. Sunder has also created a convenient interactive and highly confidential program available online designed specifically to assist returning veterans overcome PTSD (go to www.beatptsd.com and www.mindandbodytreatment.com for more information). In his practice, with his staff, and with his colleagues, Dr. Sunder is a calming, compassionate, and highly experienced professional (Double-Board Certified). It’s exciting to know this effective groundbreaking treatment is available in such a loving non-judgmental environment—right in our own backyard! Like many people, my knowledge of the brain’s innerworkings is quite limited. I completely trust the knowledge, experience and compassion that Dr. Sunder brings to every interaction. In fact, I have put the wheels in motion to get my 77-year-old father started on a treatment plan to address early symptoms of memory challenges. “The mind is a terrible thing to waste” so I encourage you to contact Dr. Sunder and explore the possibilities (951-300-4905)
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 27
1
Puzzles
5
2
3
4
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15 16 17 18
19 21
20
22 23
24
25
Across The thousand-pound tool of recovery Across that everyone carries, yet so few employ Thehard-cover thousand-pound of recovery that everyone Tools 6carries, in ortool paper-back yet so few dial into The representative of athletes, 8 Tools in hard-cover or paper-back musicians, actors, and writers hired to and 9 The representative of athletes, musicians, actors, assistwriters withhired contract and and to assist negotiation with contract negotiation promotion promotion 10 A master activities/tactics designed to achieve a A master planplan of of activities/tactics specificto goal designed achieve a specific goal 11 Laboring in collaboration with the Earth to produce Laboring invegetation collaboration with the specific Earth12 toTradition produce vegetation 7: Wespecific are self-______ through our own Tradition 7: We are self-___________ contributions through our own contributions. 16 An exercise in mindful meditation and physical poses to strengthen the mind, bodymeditation and spirit An exercise in mindful and 17 The 1965 Beatles movie named physical poses to strengthenafter theone of their hit mind,songs body and spirit 18 Physical activity that moves muscles The 1965 Beatles Movie named after 22 Publicly support a cause; to speak or write “in favor of ” one of23their hitdocumenting songs. personal thoughts, feelings, and A tool for Physical activity that moves muscles behaviors The representative athletes, for a deed 24 The fruits of labor,of or compensation musicians, actors, and writers hired to assist with contract negotiation and 28 - MAY-JUNE 2016 promotion
Down Solution on Page 48 The act of regaining or saving 25 A process of making good pastin indiscretions something loston(or danger of becoming lost) Down 2 An item or experience used to assist the creation of something new. 1 The actwith of regaining or saving something lost (or in danger Thelost) act of clearing the mind and of3 becoming relaxing theused body 2 An item or experience to assist with the creation of something new. 4 A rendezvous or gathering of people 3 The actwith of clearing the mind and relaxing the body similar agendas 4A rendezvous or gathering of peoplethrough with similarthe agendas 5 A one-on-one guide twelve 5 A one-on-one guide through the twelve steps steps 7 The exertion of effort that of sometimes always) results Thecompensation exertion effort(not that sometimes in7monetary (notoralways) results in monetary 9 A physical emotional dependence on something that compensation has gotten out of control A physical or balanced, emotional on 129The experience of being settled,dependence and secure something thatwith has gotten out of 13 The act of communicating a Higher Power 14 Food,control vitamins, minerals—nourishment for the body 1512 ComeThe to terms with experience of being balanced, 20 The recurrence an illness that was previously in settled,ofand secure remission 13 The act of communicating with a Higher 21 TherePower are twelve of them in Alcoholics Anonymous 14 Food, vitamins, minerals – nourishment for the body Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354 15 Come to terms with 1
DOOHICKEY ENGINE GADGET GIZMO IMPLEMENT INVENTION JOB
MACHINE MEANS MECHANISM PROVISIONS RESOURCES SETUP SUPPLIES
TOOLS UTENSIL WEAPON WHATCHAMACALLIT Solution on Page 48
Solution on Page 48
Spot the 21 differences in these pictures
APPARATUS APPLIANCE BAGGAGE BELONGINGS CONTRAPTION CONTRIVANCE DEVICE
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 29
My Mental Health Tool Eight years ago, at a critical time when I was struggling with my mental health, I was “accidentally” introduced to scuba diving—I was hired to teach English to the staff in a dive shop. Under a master instructor, I took to diving like a fish to water, and never looked back. From the first moment I descended on my maiden dive, my eyes were opened. The wonderful serenity of diving drew me in, and my fascination with the infinite variety of marine creatures keeps me under. Each time I submerge, it’s just me and my bubbles. Every other internal and external problem dissolves in the water. When I am floating weightlessly, eighty feet underneath the sea, surrounded by massive sharks, turtles and rays, I am blissfully unreachable. Underwater, no one can talk to me. As I plunge backwards from the side a motor boat, equipped with nothing more than a wetsuit and fins, flotation and breathing devices and a full tank of air and my trusty mask, my mind becomes sharply tuned to my immediate environment. Society and its selfinflicted ills, its onerous demands, its over-critical and judgmental attitude, its constant pressure and its crazy schedules that are impossible to meet no longer exist. Hovering just above the sea floor, amidst lava rocks and coral formations, my usually over-active mind is clear. My thoughts fade into oblivion, my problems vanish, and the sheer awesomeness of this incredible underwater world is the only thing I can think about, if only for an hour at a time. I love that I am responsible for every move I make, and I am also fully aware that there is a direct, and possibly dire consequence if I screw it up. Down here, a single stupid mistake can mean death. Diving keeps my senses sharp, and yet it’s unbelievably relaxing. My favorite dive spot in the world is the Galapagos Islands, located six hundred miles off the coast of Ecuador. Below the surface, there is another world to experience, filled with magnificently silent marine life. Enormous manta rays (Manta birostris) block out the sun as they glide overhead; whale sharks (Rhincodon typus), the biggest fish in the sea, cruise by, letting remora fish clean dead skin and ectoparasites as they go; schools of spotted eagle rays (Myliobatidae),
30 - MAY-JUNE 2016
by Roni Askey-Doran
and weird-looking scalloped hammerhead sharks (Sphyrna lewini) coast past my eyes without a sound, their steely skin glistening in the water, minding their own business, going on their peaceful way with zero expectations. For these predators, apart from the unusual hullabaloo, I am barely worthy of a sideways glance. When I’m diving, the noisiest creature in the water is me, blasting out bubbles with each exhalation that can be heard by marine life for miles around. Of course, I don’t dive alone. There are usually six to eight of us in a dive group. Imagine the racket! Roly-poly Galapagos sea lions (Zalophus wollebaeki) slide down the volcanic slopes to come and play, mimicking when I blow bubbles from my regulator. Like underwater puppies, they wait excitedly for my breath, swimming around me in tight circles, then blow bubbles back at me when I exhale. I can almost hear them laughing as they frolic and roll, flipping upside down to impress me with their acrobatic flexibility, rolling back on themselves to bite my fins. A large lumbering mass, encumbered by my diving equipment, and not nearly as agile, I have no such skills with which to impress them, but instead feel the awe of their playful proximity, their lack of fear, and their adorable faces. From down here, the big black monster of depression cannot stretch out its lethal claws and smother me in its grim embrace. I am beyond its reach. I can’t hear my tinnitus down there either. Underwater, it’s magically gone. Pacific green sea turtles (Chelonia mydas) swing by to greet me, checking me out as a potential partner during mating season. Actually, it’s my own fault. Turtles don’t see or hear so well, so when I flap my arms out from my elbows to imitate their swimming motion, they think I’m one of them. Still, being hit on by a horny sea turtle seventy feet below the surface is probably the best proposition I’ve had from the opposite sex in many years. What a boost for the ego! As a tool to manage my mental health, to clear my mind, ward off depression and help me focus on matters outside my own messed up head, scuba diving has truly been a life saver. I can’t think of a better way to stay sane.
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Changing Unwanted Behaviors
by Kristin Wilhite, HHP
When we see a pattern that affects our neurology and causes us stress, we can choose for it to be the catalyst for positive change. To me, life is a constant state of reorganization. Reorganization of how I manage my time, behavioral patterns, and things. As I grow and learn, I’m continuously adjusting how I respond to people, situations and my own things. Recovering from being born and raised codependent, I noticed myself making excuses for being rude and sarcastic … sometimes I have a hard time believing that was me! I no longer wish to emanate that kind of energy. Now, I consciously choose to be kind and considerate (as much as possible) to create a safe environment for everyone I interact with. The capacity for it to come with ease happened once I dealt with my unresolved emotional issues, meanwhile, I chose to “Fake it ’til I make it”. The more I practice getting everywhere at least five to ten minutes early, the more relaxed my mind is and my anxiety about getting there is gone. Learning tools to reduce unnecessary stress is key to relapse prevention. Studying Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) helped me develop a deeper understanding how our brain’s neurology works. Each time we ‘run a pattern’, it reenforces that particular neural pathway. Some people hold the (limiting) belief that they cannot change or that change is hard. I disagree on the premise that there are tools that can assist you in making that change quicker and easier than we ever knew.
Many of you have heard of Hypnotherapy or hypnosis, it’s just one tool of NLP. Some people are apprehensive when they hear ‘hypnosis’, I believe it’s because they just don’t know how it works. As with anything we don’t understand, we often proceed with caution or avoid it. Let me explain; hypnosis is like a guided meditation that helps you relax to the point of where your unconscious (where your memories, learnings and patterned behaviors are stored) mind can connect with your conscious (in the moment intentional thought and action) mind can integrate. Have you ever seen a smoker light up a cigarette (unconscious behavior) while stating, “Yeah, I want/going to quit this nasty habit.” (conscious thought)? This is why hypnotherapy is the number one method for quitting. Hypnosis helps the conscious mind (the goal setter) get on board with the unconscious mind (the goal getter). NLP and Hypnosis are great tools to accelerate the process of clearing old, unwanted behaviors (that often create obstacles) and creating new desired behaviors that help us reach our goals. YES, it’s possible to make these changes without NLP / hypnosis, it just takes practice and a diligent mindset to stop, take a breath, know how you want to respond, then follow through with the new behavior. When changing any behavior, you must know: “What do you want to do instead?” Exercise: take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. Left-side: write down the unwanted behavior or old pattern. Right-side: write down the new, desired behavior you would like to do instead. Now, imagine yourself in these situations. See yourself doing these new behaviors and notice how you feel. Add to the list as needed. Fold it up and keep list in your pocket for when you are having an overwhelming moment or at a loss for what to do. The more you practice the ‘new pattern’, the more you strengthen these neural pathways. See the meditation video at: https://youtu.be/A0-WZdD8icE
om
.c es
om
www.SavingG
ra
ce
H
Kristin Wilhite, HHP is the Owner / Founder of www.SustainableHolistic.com DBA Progressive Holistic Living: Providing Professional Holistic Health Care Since 1995.
For Men
We Have a Bed for You
O ly $449n /Month
Moreno Valley Highland Includes: Comfortable Bed, Utilities, Big Screen TV, BBQ, Fully Equipped Kitchen Close to: Shopping, Transportation, Jobs, Meetings We Welcome: Parolees, Probationers, Court Mandated, & From Treatment Sober Living Coalition Member
www.step12magazine.com
Alano Club of Costa Mesa 2040 Placentia Ave. Costa Mesa, Ca 92627
For Meeting Schedules and Upcoming Events Please visit our Website
www.costamesaalanoclub.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 31
Realities of the Addicted Family
by Susan Jackson
The Second Reality: Your Secret Has a Secret Ah, the Abstruse! The secret’s….. secret! The second reality of the addictive family. Abstruse means hidden, out of conscious sight and incomprehensible. In the addictive family, the family secrets are deeply hidden and the family is unaware they exist. They are truly abstruse. Concealed secrets hide deeper secrets. Hiding secrets is the reality of living in an addictive family. The addictive family not only keeps secrets, they hide them deep inside their soul. The Abstruse Reality is the culmination of the addictive family experience. When the addiction takes over, family members often become the secret they hide. And that is the secret’s secret. This is partly due to the family scrimmage, where the rules are never spoken, yet are instinctively understood and played out over and over again during the “rough and vigorous struggle.” The family scrimmage is always confusing because the rules are assumed. The rules can and do change daily, based on the way members of the family behave, the positions they take, and the feelings they transmit. The ongoing self-destructive and self-defeating behaviors often indicate that the secret and the secret’s secret are begging to come out. There is a true genuine-self craving to be released. The secret’s secret is also the unknown damage, (because it is abstruse), that the individual experiences constantly, due to the stress of living with an alcoholic or drug addict. So often, I see this reality in the addict and the family members I work with. Feeling guilty about what they have done and what they have become due to the addiction, and not realizing there is a secret self, a true genuine-self that desperately wants to emerge but cannot because it is unaware that true genuineself even exists. Family members suffer from the secrets they hide which hold them hostage. They do not understand that the primary guilt and shame they experience is not what they have done or have become but what they have not been able to do or become. How does the abstruse become the reality in the addictive family? Often it is the ongoing denial of the true genuine-self and not realizing that the true genuine-self is usually being denied. The abstruse is a mystery. The family mystery. The abstruse can become the most powerful of all the realities if left unresolved. This is because its power lies within the nature of the reality which is; addiction effects the family in
an insidious way, so hidden that all other life experiences are tainted. It becomes our invisible measuring stick, making our decisions for us while blurring our ideas and thoughts. We are not always aware of the negative and t o x i c effects the addictive family environment has on us. We must find a solution. Finding a solution begins with becoming aware and identifying all the realities we have suffered through and have learned to cope with. Your successful resolve of each reality is the solution! When you are able to resolve a reality you will eventually come to appreciate the purpose that reality has served in your life. Remember, it is the adversity which created the wonder of you. You can now choose to live in the reality of recovery. True recovery, your own personal recovery will let you tell your story, share your experience, and be of service to others. Next issue we will explore the third reality: Synchronized Pathos. A look at how each family member suffers their own pathos with our pathos, together, synchronized!
© Susan Jackson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and Clinical Director for New Creation Healthcare Foundation/His House. Susan has contributed to the field of addiction, as distinguished Clinician, Clinical Supervisor, Director, and Author for over 28 years. She began her career working for the City of Chino, as a Gang Interventionist, Domestic Violence Counselor, and Prevention Specialist. Susan’s dedication and experience working with adolescents with substance use disorders, and their afflicted families, led her to Loma Linda University Behavioral Medicine Center, where she became the Family Therapist on the Chemical Dependency Unit.
32 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Experience The Twelve Steps Through Music!
Working the steps using the Twelve Songs Workbook with the Twelve Songs CD is a great way to experience Recovery Through Music. Each page of the workbook incldes the lyrics, a picture, and a series of questions that relate to the corresponding song (and step). This is an exciting, fun and affordable new way to enhance spiritual growth no matter what a person is recovering from on their journey
www.SobrietySongs.com Writers In Treatment Presents
Naranon Family Groups http://www.nar-anon.org/ Alanon Family Groups http://al-anon.org/ CODA for Co-dependents http://coda.org/ NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse) http://www.drugabuse.gov/ Drugfree.org http://www.drugfree.org/ Ask The Judge (answers for teens about the law) http://www.askthejudge.info/ TheFix.com https://www.thefix.com/ Addiction Inbox http://addiction-dirkh.blogspot.com/ Pathway to Prevention (teen use and abuse stops here) http://www.pathwaytoprevention.org/ CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) https://www.robertjmeyersphd.com/index.html GRASP (Grief support for those who have lost someone to addiction) http://grasphelp.org/ Camp Mariposa (For children who have addiction in the family) http://www.moyerfoundation.org/campmariposa
Laemmle NoHo
5240 Lankershim Blvd. No. Hollywood, CA 91601
FEATURES SHORTS DOCS FELLOWSHIP SPECIAL EVENTS
CALL FOR A FREE 7-DAY PASS 818-762-0461
www.step12magazine.com
Recovery Research Institute http://www.recoveryanswers.org/ The McAlister Institute (low cost/no cost treatment services) http://www.mcalisterinc.org/ Resource List from Denise Krochta at Addicts Family Lifeline, Inc.
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 33
CONTRIBUTIONS FROM OUR
FABULOUS READERS THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU
Please send your submissions to: editor@step12magazine.com. We’d love to hear from you.
Shine
by mark masserant
When Life’s winds blow their bitter breeze, That shake the roots of hollowed trees, Our fears may question, if and when, The sun will ever shine again. When Life’s storm’s passion runs ablaze, Dark clouds may linger on for days; But if you search, you’ll find the space Where guiding light is saving grace. And if down on your knees you pray, This too shall pass to better days; For just beyond those clouds you’ll find, The sun has never ceased to shine.
My Name Is Meth
by Blake Smasher Hatton
I destroy homes, I tear families apart, take your children, and that’s just the start. I’m more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold, The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. If you need me, remember I’m easily found, I live all around you - in schools and in town I live with the rich; I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. I’m made in a lab, but not like you think, I can be made under the kitchen sink. In your child’s closet, and even in the woods, If this scares you to death, well it certainly should. I have many names, but there’s one you know best, I’m sure you’ve heard of me, my name is crystal meth. My power is awesome; try me you’ll see, But if you do, you may never break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, But try me twice, and I’ll own your soul. When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie, You do what you have to—just to get high. The crimes you’ll commit for my narcotic charms Will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in your arms, your lungs your nose. You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad, When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised, I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways.
34 - MAY-JUNE 2016
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate friends. I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I’ll be with you always—right by your side. You’ll give up everything - your family, your home, Your friends, your money, then you’ll be alone. I’ll take and take, till you have nothing more to give, When I’m finished with you, you’ll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned - this is no game, If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane. I’ll ravish your body, I’ll control your mind, I’ll own you completely, your soul will be mine. The nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed, The voices you’ll hear, from inside your head. The sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see, I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart, That you are mine, and we shall not part. You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do, But you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen, many times you were told, But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away, If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I’ll be your master, you will be my slave, I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? It’s all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.”
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” -Douglas Adams
Message in a Bottle By Susan Hennessy, CADCII Drifting, drifting Always seeking, never finding. Separate even from The water That surrounds me— To infinity. Trapped in the vastness— Nowhere to go Nowhere to turn.
Then, something happened.
The bottle filled with water; I sank down to the depths, then Bobbed part way up, Have hope of a bright future— Sink down again.
Fitful, sleepless, sweaty nights; Sick days. Lost jobs, bills I couldn’t pay, Lost loves, suffering family, Damage done; can’t be un-done.
Then, something astounding happened. Something not expected, Yet known in my soul— They told me I had a problem, A problem they could fix.
With simple suggestions, And loving, helping hands, With a Great Spirit I could turn to When my own will failed.
www.step12magazine.com
They told it like They knew it deep within— They knew me better, Better than I did. Message in a Bottle They told me what I must do: I must turn to a Power, A Power greater than me, To the 12 Steps To the Big Book To fellowship and true friendship To serenity that I’ve never, ever known. Now, I get to share my experience, strength and hope Get to tell my story— how I found the real me. Imperfect, but patient, kind, and gentle with myself As I live each 24 hours without the bottle. The bottle that once was at the Center Of my life: My best friend, my all-in-all My courage My outgoing personality My Magic. Now, my magic is Out of the bottle, Just like this message— No longer tossed at sea, I have found my home.
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 35
Exploring “Sand Tray Therapy” by Dr. Phyllis and Rev. Carrol Davis
Exploring the many tools of recovery can be very confusing. Sorting through the many different kinds of therapies available as well as the therapists that practice these arts is a study in and of itself. There are many different tools therapists use depending on their training and education. Sand Tray Therapy employs an eclectic approach combining the use of many disciplines: behavior modification, play therapy, gestalt, psychotherapy, family systems, trauma resolution, and addiction. The more models the therapist is trained to use the more effective the Sand Tray Therapy.
sleeping, etc. Whatever action the client takes in working with the figures and the sand is okay. The therapist only observes and takes notes for processing later.
Sand Tray Therapy is a technique used to help clients resolve issues hidden from their conscious awareness. Examples of persons that might seek help for hidden issues might be:
This technique has been used in our practice to uncover and resolve issues of physical, sexual, emotional, and spiritual abuse. One client resolved many years of guilt over a spouse’s death. Another client remembered and resolved an issue of being kidnapped that was out of her conscious awareness and was creating marital difficulties. Marital conflicts have been resolved and many issues of abuse.
I have been in recovery for alcoholism, drug addiction for years, working a solid program, and yet: I can not stop yelling at the kids. I keep getting into destructive relationships. We fight over trivial things. I act out sexually. I want to resolve my issues prior to marriage. I keep relapsing. Why? My marriage is still in trouble. I am depressed and anxious. I recently developed an eating disorder. Sand Tray Therapy helps to encourage hidden emotions of sadness, fear, and anger to surface revealing the source of the pain. Once the memory has surfaced, the therapist can use other tools and techniques to help the client resolve the trauma and bring closure to the issue.
Working in the sand tray can evoke strong emotions and memories. We have found that it works well with clients that are very cognitive, and trying to rationalize and justify negative experiences, as well as with those clients that have no memory of their past, clients with speech and language difficulties, both children and adults.
An unusual and effective technique, Sand Tray Therapy should only be utilized by clinicians trained in this area and family systems work. Different from many therapeutic techniques, we focus on problem resolution at the heart or root cause of the issue and find that sand tray is very effective for resolution focused therapy. Pray for wisdom and discernment as you sort through the many disciplines and therapeutic tools available for your recovery, “It works if you work it.” God bless.
First, the client focuses on the issue they want to resolve. They talk briefly about the issue and the problems they are experiencing. Next the therapist prays for wisdom, guidance and revelation to resolve the problem. The actual technique involves the client’s choosing from hundreds of figures the ones they are drawn to. They may be repulsed by the figure, happy, sad, glad, or fearful. They may not even know why they noticed the figure out of hundreds of others. When the client feels they have chosen all of the figures they need for this particular exercise, they begin to make the sand tray. The figures are place in the tray and moved around at the client’s whim until they feel complete. Sometimes the figures are buried and resurrected. Sometimes the figures go through a process of what appears to be fighting, celebrating, eating, © Rev. Carrol graduated from Furman University, ordained in 1975. Honored in Who’s Who, Dr. Phyllis E. graduated from the Union Institute. Davis & Davis were awarded the Christian Authors Award for “Stop the Violence Seven Stages to Sanctify.” Participants give the book, “Journey of the Soul Cracked Pots and Broken Vessels,” and workshops five star reviews as they journey to resolve challenges of living life in a fallen world. www.thejourneypathwaystohealing.net
36 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
The
Write Way To Sobriety
by Nora Slattery
Start quickly and write quickly. It’s like being at the edge of a pool, if you hover too long you might not write at all. Then once you start, don’t fret the spelling or grammar. Sister Mary Whoever is not grading. Speed brings freedom of thought and imagination—there is more there than you think. Just quiet that inner critic; judgment is the enemy of journaling.
What if you could have a mentor, a therapist or a friend on call—24 hours a day—to help you with sobriety? What if it was free? This is what journaling offers. Journal writing is promoted in recovery, but nobody says how it works. Is it like a diary, recording daily events? Is it like writing an autobiography—or worse, a confession of past sins? Who wants to do that for long? It sounds like a slog or an exercise in sadness. Maybe it’s about recording IMPORTANT THOUGHTS, which may lead you to think, “I wouldn’t know what to say.” Untrue. We have words running through our heads every waking moment—if you aren’t sure, try meditating. Putting pen to paper allows us to catch those words and thoughts, to use them to reflect, to inspire, to find a way back to our best self. It’s a planning tool for life. There are a few simple tricks to journaling: Skip the fancy journals at stationery stores. The prettiness will seem to demand pretty thoughts, and that will kill the kind of free thinking most productive in journaling. Spring for an inexpensive spiral notebook—it will work just fine. Write every day, even if it’s just for five minutes. Like any muscle, you have to work it, in this case moving that stream of thoughts from your head to your hand. Think of it as a meditation that lets the words flow for as long as useful. Just don’t make it a chore, and if it feels like that, take a break and come back later. Also, date your entries—it is a way to keep track of your ideas, and trace your progress. But don’t re-read yesterday’s entry right away, let each day stand on its own.
Examine your past, but don’t dwell. This may be the most important point of all; too many times the journal becomes the judge and jury. Focusing just on the negative can put us back in that same hopeless pit we just climbed out of. Look back with honesty, of course, but also with compassion and kindness. And while you are looking back, see the good stuff, too. Even if it is just a remembered sunrise, or great conversation, or your grandmother’s apple pie; you do get to pick and choose what memories to carry forward. Now that you’ve got pen and paper and some guidelines, here are a few writing prompts to get you started: 1) Write a letter. This is a lost art in a world of Tweets and Snapchats, but this is not necessarily a letter you send. Write what you want or need to say to a friend, an old love, a parent or even yourself, past or future. Write with candor or fury if need be, just start with “Dear…” 2) Capture a moment. We all have moments that nurture the soul: the birth of a child, the day you were married, or just riding bikes with a friend. Let your pen take you back to that time, surrounded with the colors, the smells, the music playing, the wind rustling the leaves, the taste of that apple pie. Write as you remember it in every sense. There is both inhale and an exhale in this effort. 3) Create your own prayer. There are many meaningful prayers in the Twelve Step Program, but perhaps none as significant as the one you write for yourself. Take your hopes and dreams, and with humility consider how these can be part of a bigger life for yourself and the ones near and dear to you. It can be just what you hope for today, or tomorrow or what you believe you have learned from yesterday. Make an honest appeal, and once it is written down, it will be there when you need it. Journaling is like any tool; it gives to you what you give to it. So put pen to paper as often as you can and discover the friend, mentor, and therapist within. At any time and place, help is always right at hand.
Nora Slattery is a certified Journal to the Self™ instructor. She teaches a workshop created by the nationally renowned Center for Journal Therapy. A longtime professional business and speechwriter, she is currently working on a memoir in the UCLA Writer’s Program. For workshop information: njslattery@gmail.com.
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 37
RECOVERY ONLINE Alcohol Addiction Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org Secular Sobriety: www.sossobriety.org Women for Sobriety: www.womenforsobriety.org SMART Recovery: www.smartrecovery.org NIAAA: www.niaaa.nih.gov CDC: www.cdc.gov/alcohol/resources.htm Drug Addiction/Substance Abuse: Narcotics Anonymous: www.na.org NIDA: www.drugabuse.gov Recovery Program Search Engine: www.recovery.org Sex Addiction Sex Addicts Anonymous: saa-recovery.org Sex Addict Help: sexaddicthelp.com/Links/index.htm Healthy Mind: www.healthymind.com/s-index.html SASH: www.sexhelp.com/ Food Addiction Overeaters Anonymous: www.oa.org ACORN: www.foodaddiction.com Food Addicts: www.foodaddicts.org RFA: www.recoveryfromfoodaddiction.org Gambling Addiction: Gambling Anonymous: www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga Problem Gambling: www.problemgambling.com CCPG: www.calpg.org Other Addictions: Internet Addiction www.addictionrecov.org/ Addictions/index.aspx?AID=43 ReStart: www.netaddictionrecovery Support Groups for Family and Friends Al-anon: www.al-anon.org Al-ateen: www.al-anon.alateen.org/for-alateen Adult Children of Addicts: www.adultchildren.org Gam-Anon: www.gam-anon.org Codependency: Forums: http://www.onlinecoda.net/forums.html https://sites.google.com/site/codacall Mental Health Links SAMHSA: www.samhsa.gov Check out Step 12 Magazine on Social Media
https://www.facebook.com/Step12Magazine @Step12Magazine https://www.pinterest.com/step12mag/
38 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
by Dave Benak
Over the years, our children collected everything: baseball cards, match books/boxes, stamps, coins and bottle caps, but nothing compared to their collection of beer cans. Our oldest son, Ken, started his collection when he was 10 years old. He and his brother wanted to see how many different beer cans they could accumulate. The collection included over 550 cans from all over the world.
It turns out there were a lot of things I didn’t know about Ken: how he lived, what he did, where he hung out and who he was. The “homeless” community is a “tight knit” group. They look out for each other, share their dreams and what little they have. They don’t care if you are a drug addict or an alcoholic. They spend time talking about baseball, football, politics and the future.
Unfortunately, Ken discovered what was in those cans. He spent most of his adult life drinking. From job to job, apartment to apartment, he ended up homeless. At one point in AA, he got 100 days of sobriety. Shortly afterwards, he met his “true love” and was soon back to his old ways. As far as I know, 100 days is the most sobriety he ever achieved.
After seeing how Ken lived, it became clear his memorial service should be held in that Baptist Church with his friends and “family.” We booked the church, the Pastor and the community hall where he spent much of his time.
He would disappear for days, weeks, months, years. During his extended absences, we didn’t know if he was dead or alive. Occasionally, he would surface and contact his younger brother. The reports were never good. He vowed he would never give up drinking. He didn’t understand why we couldn’t accept him the way he was. As he continued to drink, his health deteriorated. Despite failed attempts at intervention, local and community outreach efforts, he held firm on his commitment to drink. He had a toe removed due to an untreated infection, he needed a hip replacement and used a shopping cart as a walker to get around. In late August, 2015 he was taken to Legacy Hospital in Portland, Oregon with chronic alcoholism and acute cirrhosis of the liver. His health declined and he was transferred to a Hospice. I flew from LA to Portland. I had not seen Ken in over three years. I arrived at 6:30pm Saturday, 3 October; and, he died at 10:30pm that night. I was at his bedside. While heavily sedated, he was aware I was there, just the two of us. I said my last “goodbye” and held his hand as he took his last breath. Nurses later told me oftentimes a person will wait for a loved one, relative or family member to arrive before they die.
The comments shared by his friends during the memorial service touched my heart in a special way. I can’t explain it. We talk about acceptance, turning things over, let go, let God. I’m here to tell you God orchestrated this whole thing from start to finish. There were so many details that just seemed to “fall into place.” We concluded the memorial service with eighty Subway sandwiches. Someone once asked my younger boys about their beer can collection. “Who drinks all that beer?” They smiled and looked at me. Today, I have 26 years of sobriety. I wish my son could have enjoyed a sober life. Ken was not a bad person trying to be good, he was a sick person trying to get well. His memorial taught me to love, not judge others. Ken is finally at peace, and if his passing helps one person get or stay sober, then his life was not in vain. So, a life that started out collecting beer cans as a hobby ended up collecting and recycling cans for cash.
Being at my son’s bedside hours before he passed away was a gift from God, but the story doesn’t end there. Planning the memorial turned out to be a “spiritual experience.” Within days, I found out Ken had been living next to a dumpster in the parking lot of a church in S.E. Portland. There are a lot of churches in S.E. Portland. The Pastor told us Ken attended his services on a regular basis. Ken also attended another service in the basement where local homeless people gathered. While we were there, several others passed by. Every one of them knew Ken. He was well-known in the area. Local merchants would save cans for him to recycle. “Canning” is a source of income for many who live on the streets.
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 39
Treatment Complete; Now What? In 2006, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey were probably hoping for overwhelming success in the release of their movie, Failure to Launch. Their wish was granted. The term became a popular way to describe individuals who were either unable or unwilling to launch their grand ideas and dreams into a series of actions that would yield success. In just a few short years since the phrase “failure to launch” gained popularity, it has evolved into a full-blown syndrome. Even though “Failure to Launch Syndrome” may not be a formal diagnosis, it identifies young men and women who seem to be stuck and unable to engage in the natural process of maturing. Whether this is caused by past trauma, bad habits, poor coping skills or low selfconfidence, the phenomenon seems to be especially high among people recovering from addiction and other selfdestructive cycles of behavior. Watching a loved one struggle with failure-to-launch syndrome can be extremely frustrating. When that loved one is also trying to kick an addiction, we often find ourselves facing an emotional dilemma. On one hand, fresh out of rehab, our son or daughter is staying clean and sober. On the other hand, they’re just sitting on the couch playing video games, watching TV, communicating through social media and complaining about being bored. It is such a relief to have some peace of mind over the drug/alcohol abstinence, the failure-to-launch is often overlooked (or ignored). However, the question is real, “Treatment complete; now what?”
By Judy Redman, Phd
According to Iris Unger, the executive director of Youth Employment Services, “More and more young people are experiencing mental health issues like stress, depression, and even suicidal thoughts as a result of their unemployment and underemployment.” Countless numbers of young people, unable to launch into a productive self-sufficient lifestyle, begin to spiral into depression, anxiety, and ill health. Often overwhelmed with the fear of applying for a job and being rejected, getting a job and hating it, or securing a job and failing to perform, keeps many young people stuck to the living room couch. Fear of their son or daughter relapsing into active addiction, due to the emotional trauma of rejection or failure, renders the parent trapped in their own personal paralysis. The scenario is sadly epidemic. One key to breaking through this vicious cycle of failure-to-launch, mental health instability, and recurring drug/alcohol-use lies in motivation. There are professional techniques for identifying a person’s motivation-button. Huge helpings of hope must be delivered with sensitivity, compassion, and a plan-ofaction. Dictating facts, breeding fear, and instilling force are motivational tools that have been proven ineffective with todays youth. Evidence based studies show that relating to the individual, repeating new thought and behavior processes in place of old, and reframing reality to gain a fresh new perspective are motivational techniques that have proven to yield much more positive results. Launch pads come in many shapes, sizes, colors and effectiveness. Everyone has unique motivations to be identified. The road to that launch pad begins in treatment, is supported by loved ones and professionals, and is not a recipe for failure. Today could be the day to start school, fitness training, or volunteer work. Vetting out the passion brings fuel to ignite action. We launch in 10 – 9 – 8 …
Dr. Judy Redman is a leading proponent of recovery. She has dedicated much of her personal and professional life to the betterment of the recovering community. She began her career as a Certified Substance Abuse Counselor in 2000. She began teaching AOD Counseling Studies in 2004 and is currently the Director of Education for New Creation College, Costa Mesa. Currently, Dr. Redman is completing her Dissertation; Motivational Interviewing’s Impact on Addiction Counselors.
40 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 41
Yoga Tools For Recovery
Read the book. Go to meetings, don’t drink (use drugs, gamble, buy, eat sugar) between meetings. Call your sponsor. Work the steps. Turn it (whatever “it” is) over to your higher power. These are some basic tools in my recovery toolbox. When I first came into the rooms of recovery they were new, they were difficult, they took time and discipline to practice. And they saved my life. As they say it’s “simple but not easy”. I had to use as much dedication to my recovery as I used for my scheming and lying and manipulating in my search for drugs and booze, for “him”, for the party. I redirected my energy to sobriety. I also have a home group. It is the meeting I seldom miss, the one where they know me best. I chair on my birthday of recovery. I love this group: we share a common history of jokes, members, and struggles. I have a home. After a few years in recovery I have found even more tools: they compliment my step work and the other basics of recovery. I discovered yoga as it helped me move what I had learned in recovery from my head to my heart. It helped heal my body and integrate me. This practice enhances my 11th step with practical meditation habits. Here are my new, additional tools.
by Kyczy Hawk
BREATH: Simple three part soothing breath: to help me inhabit my body, to be HERE NOW, to get grounded I get comfortable, sit up straight, feel the floor /chair surfaces underneath my feet, legs and bum. I bring attention the feeling of my breath for a few inhale/exhale cycles. I then actively and consciously breath into my lower abdomen, expand my ribs and then let the inhale lift my chest. Pause. On the exhale I let the chest fall, the ribs hug in and the belly move toward the spine. Pause. Repeat. I work toward doing this with as little effort as possible, but with as much definition and precision as I can. POSES: Tightness, tension, memories, and feelings take hold of my body in places known and unknown. With intentional movement, and compassionate observation of myself I work through poses discovering parts of my (body, mind or spirit) that I had locked away. I am able to observe my feelings and practice witnessing them without judgement. Leaving the critical words behind, I find union in body mind and spirit. What I learn on my mat applies to life outside the studio or my home. MEDITATION: There is no one way. Not all days are easy. Not all days are enjoyable. Meditation is just like life. For continuity and routine I have a space I use, a cushion I sit on and I have an altar. A small end table decorated with found objects, toys and gifts from friends and family reminds me I am part of a community. I sit. I practice breathing, I take some time away from my monitor and screens, my lists and calendars, my kitchen and my home duties. I sit. I sit when I easily meditate and I sit when it seems ridiculous and hard. I take this time to connect with my higher power and my role, my place, in the universe I inhabit. For a period of time I look at thoughts like leaves floating on a stream without purpose or destination. I surrender. With the traditional tools of recovery and my new found tools of yoga I have abundant resources to live a full life, a life of equanimity and a life of balance.
Kyczy Hawk is in long term recovery and is enthusiastic about her life in sobriety. She is the “secretary” of the “Yoga Recovery” meetings, Sundays 7am PST on In The Rooms ( http://www.intherooms.com/livemeetings/view?meeting_id=144&check=1 ). She is a yoga teacher and author of Yoga and The Twelve Step Path and Life in Bite Sized Morsels. For more yoga tools, visit her website at: http://yogarecovery.com/additional She is aided and amused by her family who keep her busy and humble.
42 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
authentically,laugh more often,
“What’s the first thing you reach for in your recovery toolbox and why?” ake ot to t n I y r t I sly, or seriou o s o u t rio myself ery se ve a v a king h o l lo il w d of e ir t he life. I’m cks, or for t t ro nt tha under ; I wa t h g g li n t eli . spo asy fe e l, u f e, MI peace Dunde , . M k ~ Mar
Gratit It’s wh ude diary. reach at I always for ~ Gia B.
for when Oven mitts, o hot. things get to ster on ~ Cookie M
Acceptance ~
A de Christopher A. I put on my then ep brea th shoes and run it m That y journ , I always turn to all out til it’s gone. al. way, m God first. Then I y em I ge ~ Jamie T. LA t usually write it out my c otions o onto hest an ff ~ Jennifer L., LA The old timer’s voices that are d pape alive t h r en f and dead, hearing their hope. My bed. It’s Indeed it eel b and my ~ helps tremendously at times. Krist etter ~ Laurie B. p lace. I can g safe in W . and hide, an o there d think and The phone. “The book Courage ju s t b e , a nd also feel my sponsor. I call safe from th to Change, because I’m new e world. in the room there’s one short s, so ~ Patricia M support is v ., TX it page for every day of ~ Edward J. al. , NY the year, it’s packed ally Pray er Power usu f h ig H y M e with so much wisdom ever r. It w good idea o or ythin gives me a and recovery, and there’s even an g. ~ ks for get through Sal M I’ll need to t a h w index to look up any topic you want!” hour or . t minute, or x e n e th really I pray,th ~ Suzanne Whang, actress and s when I’m en go e m ti t a y a . d t o a meet comedian, Los Angeles, California my sobriety ing or t ggling with Scuba d are so iving and w ri me of my fav ting tools f o o rite r reco keep m e sane very. They help m , on tr ack an e feel p d r oducti useful ve and . ~ Ro ni AD Ano alco ther spon holic, frie sor or recond in Fa very. quic st and k checreality my k to thin crazy ~ Li king! sa A .
he stru gym. ~ J SF, CA im W. ~ Peter K., I always st with my higart Daily Reflection h power askin er se reading and a quote u ca e b g Fellowship guidance an d for the day. I do this e ct e n d n co direction. Th it keeps me because it reboots e n . I f” o say the pray and a “part e any negativity I have LA Saint Franci r of ~ Karen V., s. woken up with. ~ Cindy V.
e ing els . Noth why I’m s ie r o s Mem d me remin the memorie o t s m see red to things compa he terrible , n a le r the t c of all , all fo g. I have self through a b y ink or I put m the next dr f is L. love o ~ Alex
www.step12magazine.com
~ Jodi S.
A roomful of kittens. There’s no better therapy than tiny, furry, purring kittens. After that, my next favorite tool is a can of whoop-ass; always makes me feel better. ~ Catwoman
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 43
Bath Salts, Plant Food, Jewelry Cleaner The latest designer drug sending teens to the ER Epsom Salt Soaking Solution, Dead Sea Salts, Organic Eucalyptus Sea Therapy Bath, Aromachologie Relaxing Bath Salts, that’s what comes to most parent’s mind when they hear the term “bath salts.” For the average consumer, Epsom salts are the cure all for aches and pains and bath salt from the sea or infused with lavender, eucalyptus, or spearmint provides skin soothing, nourishing stress-relief after a long day. But “bath salts” means something entirely different to many teens today and here’s why.
Bath Salts and The Brain
Parents take note, while soaking solutions are soothing to the average consumer, the “bath salts” that teens are swallowing, snorting, inhaling, injecting with a needle and mixing with alcohol and other drugs are nothing that resemble the real bath salts one puts in the bathtub to relax. The name “bath salts” is often referred on the street as “Ivory Wave,” “Purple Wave,” “Red Dove,” “Blue Silk,” “Zoom,” “Bloom,” “Cloud Nine,” “Ocean Snow,” “Lunar Wave,” “Vanilla Sky,” “White Lightning,” “Scarface,” “, Drone,” “ Energy-1,” “Ivory Wave,” “Meow Meow,” “Ocean Burst,” “Pure Ivory,” “Red Dove,” “Snow Leopard,” “Stardust,” “White Dove,” “White Knight” and “Hurricane Charlie,” “Ivory Wave,” “Bloom,” “Cloud Nine,” “Vanilla Sky,” “White Lightning,” Purple Wave and “Scarface.”
Not only are bath salts extremely dangerous as a recreational drug, they have a powerful addictive potential. Tolerance to the drug builds rapidly, causing the user to need higher and more frequent doses to attain a similar high. Once addicted, users begin to experience intense cravings, similar to that of a methamphetamine user.
This is another dangerous designer drug that is packaged and sold in powder, granules, or crystal form to resemble bath salts. Chemically, they are more like methamphetamine. Merchandized and sold through vibrant packaging, teens gravitate to bath salts for the high. Often bath salts are packaged to look like common household products, such as “plant food” or “jewelry or hookah cleaner,” and sold in drug paraphernalia shops with the warning, “Not intended for human consumption” on the label to avoid regulation. Unlike the bath salts found at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, the street version—a concoction of psychoactive chemicals are concocted at home, in illicit labs, or unregulated warehouses, mostly in China. The mind-altering ingredients that make up “bath salts” are a cheap substitute for stimulants such as methamphetamine or cocaine. Add bath salts to the growing list of synthetic crystals or powders that young people use to get high, but also send them to the Emergency Room.
According to a report from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), bath salts were responsible for 23,000 emergency room visits in 2011. Bath salts are often consumed with other dangerous synthetic drugs, such as Spice, with 52% of the emergency visits involving bath salts in combination with other drugs. Symptoms can include chest pains, increased blood pressure and heart rate, nausea, and suicidal thoughts
If your teen is showing signs of bath salts abuse, it is vital that you address this dangerous condition at once. Behavioral effects and symptoms of use can include: Agitation Change in eating habits, reduced intake Chest pain Confusion Delusions and hallucinations Increased blood pressure and heart rate Increased body temperature or chills
© Mendi Baron, LCSW, is the founder and CEO of Evolve Treatment Centers, a treatment Center for teens struggling with mental health and addiction issues, based in Southern California. A passionate advocate for teens in the field of mental health and addiction, Mendi is a go-to expert to start the conversation on critical issues that impact teens and their families. For more information go to www.evolvetreatment.com or email Mendi at Mendib@evolvetreatment.com.
44 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Teen Corner (Continued from page 40) Insomnia Irritability Kidney pain Change in eating habits, reduced intake Muscle tension Nausea| Sleep disturbances| Suicidal thoughts These dangerous synthetic drugs can cause serious adverse health effects such as heart problems, elevated body temperature, vessel constriction, seizures, muscle spasms and tremors, even death. If you discover or suspect that your teen is using bath salts, the Evolve team is available 24/7 to answer your questions and provide you any support you may need. Sources: http://www.drugs.com/illicit/bath-salts.html http://www.samhsa.gov/data/sites/default/files/spot117-bathsalts-2013/spot117-bath-salts-2013.pdf http://www.narconon.org/drug-abuse/signs-symptoms-bathsalts.html https://teens.drugabuse.gov/drug-facts/bath-salts
You Are That is than There is No One Alive Who is
Than - Dr. Seuss
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 45
ang h W e n Suzan
What a WHANGderful World! Super Freak
Years ago, I was dating a wonderful musician. For the purposes of this article, and to protect his anonymity, let’s call him … Sting. I had just started attending twelve-step meetings a few months prior to the beginning of our relationship, so the tools of the program were relatively new to me. We were on a date at a fun sushi restaurant that piped in a variety of retro music from the 1980s, and we were having a great time. The song “Super Freak” started playing in the middle of our meal, and I exclaimed, “Oh my God, I LOVE this song! Rick James is the best.” And Sting proclaimed, “This isn’t Rick James. This is James Brown.” What?? Suddenly, time stood still. They say that divinity exists in the pause before you respond to something someone says or does. Inside I was thinking, “Holy crap-waffle, are you kidding me?? Are you a freaking IDIOT? You call yourself a MUSICIAN, and yet you think this is JAMES BROWN? What is the matter with you?” The pre-twelvestep version of me would have looked it up on my cell phone, found the evidence that this is indeed RICK JAMES, and shoved it in his face. I would have done a superior dance around him like the Church Lady character on Saturday Night Live. I would have mocked him, emasculated him, and instantly ruined our evening. By the way, I’m Korean. And in Korean culture, education is of the utmost importance. Getting straight A’s was mandatory, so that’s what I did. In fact, I was valedictorian of my high school class in Virginia. In the world of academia, I was constantly being rewarded for knowing the right answers to questions on exams. I was praised for being right, so I thought of it as a character asset. Being right means that you’re smart, well-educated, and impressive. However, in a romantic relationship, it can lead to trouble.
Once in a twelve-step meeting, I heard the question, “Would you rather be happy, or right?” And I remember thinking to myself, “I’d rather be happy THAT I’m right. Why isn’t that an option?” Fortunately, after Sting declared that “Super Freak” was by James Brown, I paused, took a breath, and asked myself, “Would I rather be happy, or right?” I realized that in the big scheme of things this was a trivial topic, and I decided to choose happiness. So, I casually shrugged my shoulders, and just said, “Okay.” I was neither insisting nor acquiescing—I was just dropping the subject. Well, Sting got a quizzical look on his face, and he paused for a moment. Then HE reached into his pocket, HE pulled out HIS cell phone, and HE looked it up on the Internet. He smiled at me and said, “Hey, you’re right. It’s Rick James.” I smiled back, and we continued to have a lovely evening. This may seem like a small thing to you, but for me, it was nothing short of miraculous. I am so grateful that I’m learning to pick my battles. This is one of the many valuable tools I’ve learned during my twelvestep journey. Choosing to be happy rather than right is extremely liberating. It’s easier said than done, but my life is so much better when I remember to do it. My favorite Rumi quote is, “Out beyond all ideas of wrong-doing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” Mmmmm. Yes. Let’s all meet there.
© Suzanne Whang is best known as the host of HGTV’s #1 show, House Hunters, for almost a decade. She also co-hosted Bloopers with Dick Clark on NBC, and FOX After Breakfast with Tom Bergeron. Suzanne played Polly on NBC’s Las Vegas for four seasons, and she’s a double award-winning stand-up comedian. She’s a published author, keynote speaker, teacher, coach, political activist, and metaphysical minister. Suzanne has a B.A. in Psychology from Yale University, and a Masters in Cognitive Psychology from Brown University. She’s currently starring in the sitcom From Here On Out (Here TV), recurring on the new DirecTV series Kingdom, and starring in the hilarious upcoming feature film, A Weekend With The Family, in theaters April 1st. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @suzannewhang.
46 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Humor Page An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a specimen jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.” The next day the 85-yearold man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. “Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?” The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar.” Three people check into a hotel. They pay $30 to the new manager and go to their room. The manager then finds out the actual room rate is $25 and gives the bellboy $5 to return to the guests. On the way to the room the bellboy reasons that $5 would be difficult to split among three people so he pockets $2 and gives $1 to each person. Now, each person paid $10 and got $1 back. So they paid $9 each, totaling $27. The bellboy has another $2, adding up to $29. Where is the remaining dollar?
Q: Two girls were born to the same mother, on the same day, at the same time, in the same month and year and yet they’re not twins. How can this be? A: The two babies are two of a set of triplets. Q: A girl who was just learning to drive went down a one-way street in the wrong direction, but didn’t break the law. How come? A: She was walking. Q: What occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment, yet never in a thousand years? A: The letter “m”. Q: Why can’t a man living in the USA be buried in Canada? A: We don’t bury men who are still living. A: Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow’s sister? Why? A: No, it is not legal to get married if you are dead.
Q: A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All the sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by. What color is the bear? Why? A: The bear is white since the house is built on the North Pole. Q: If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? A: If you take 2 apples, then you have 2, of course. Q: How far can a dog run into the woods? A: The dog can run into the woods only to the half of the wood - than it would run out of the woods.
Each guest paid $9 because they gave the manager $30 and they were given back $3. The manager got $25 and the difference ($2), the bellboy has in his pocket. Therefore, it doesn’t make any sense to add the $2 to the $27, since the bellboy kept the $2.
www.step12magazine.com
Q: One big hockey fan claimed to be able to tell the score before any game. How did he do it? A: The score before any hockey game should be 0:0, shouldn’t it? Q: You can start a fire if you have alcohol, petrol, kerosene, paper, candle, coke, a full matchbox and a piece of cotton wool. What is the first thing you light? A: A match, of course.
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 47
Magaz i ne Ste[p12 TM
SUBSCRIPTION FORM
Guarantee that you won’t miss out on a single issue! Subscribe Today for only $18 per YEAR Postage/Handling Included Name _____________________________________ Address____________________________________ _____________________________________ City/State/Zip________________________________ _____________________________________ Contact Phone#______________________________ Contact Email:_______________________________
3 Ways To Order: Order online www.step12magazine.com or call 760-898-8354
Thank You!
48 - MAY-JUNE 2016
or mail check to Step 12 Magazine P O Box 5677 Oceanside, CA. 92052
Thank You!
Puzzle Solutions from Page 28 & 29
Carrying A Message of Hope
Thank You!
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Recovery Trivia, Messages
and things that make ya go “Hmmmm..�
www.step12magazine.com
70% of the drug problems in the United States of America can be attributed to Heroin and Cocaine.
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 49
May / June
Aries Mar 21 – Apr 19
Taurus Apr 20 – May 20
Gemini May 21 – Jun 20
Cancer Jun 21 –Jul 22
Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22
Virgo Aug 23 – Sept 22
2016
May- Your popularity is on a rapid upswing, and no wonder–you’ve been a good friend to so many people, and the word has spread! Your charm is in high demand, and you have to get organized if you want to take advantage of all the invitations coming your way. Not all the connections will last, but at least one will surprise you. Treat your new encounters with importance. Jun- You may feel like a Who in Whoville: your possessions are walking out the door. Pay attention to your finances, or you’ll be left with nothing but crumbs. Push on the 2nd and you will get your way. Emotional matters will surface on the 31st due to a run in with someone at work or in a position of authority. Be humble rather than make matters worse. May- Don’t make assumptions on the 27th. Question and research before you make a move. Emotions will surface if you make a mistake. Avoid joint money ventures or donations that leave you cash poor. Take care of business in the 1st week. You’ll be privy to valuable information. Recognize emotional blackmail on the 12th. Blow off steam by concentrating on personal improvement and physical activity. Jun- Engage in activities that broaden your outlook regarding cultural differences or spirituality. Aim for personal progress that leads to greater opportunities.You have drive, insight and the ability to make things happen. Change is coming and it will bring the experience, excitement and opportunity you’ve been longing for. Don’t be afraid to showcase what you have to offer and stay true to your heart. May- Look at the pros and cons of any situation you face before making a decision. Your ability may be questioned if you are impulsive. Don’t be fooled by someone painting a pretty but unrealistic picture. Protect your reputation and your physical well being. A constructive approach to getting things done will far exceed mincing words with someone offering a no win battle. A subtle change is favored. Jun- Don’t get stuck doing things you don’t want to do on the 13th. Following the crowd or being indulgent will be costly. Partnerships will not be easy around the 28th. Take a break, do your own thing and avoid getting into an argument. Socializing will lead to discord and foolish mistakes. Don’t let what others do lead you astray. Don’t make promises you won’t want to keep. May- Your work ethics and insightful way of putting things together will also bring you recognition and praise. Realize your potential and focus your time and energy on what you do best. An offer or opportunity will surface towards the end of the month that will tempt you but before you move forward check for any foreseeable problems. If something sounds too good to be true it probably is. Jun- A partnership will be iffy on the 31st and 1st. If you have to make too many concessions reconsider what’s on offer. Aim for equality or plan to move forward alone. Call in a favor on the 2nd or get involved in a cause that will introduce you to potential partners. You may be tempted to turn away from individuals in need of assistance so you can devote more of your attention to your own affairs. May- You may feel reckless, which could tempt you to take on risky challenges. Maybe your need to escape from the routine of daily life is bringing about a need to do something daring. Perhaps ask yourself why you feel it is necessary to do something hasty in order to infuse stimulation. This could be a good time to reflect on the consequences of your actions. Jun- Uncertainty leaves you at a loss that may jeopardize a friendship. You can’t buy love or favors on the 28th, 29th and 30th but you can earn respect and help if you’re fair and honest. Set your sights on a new position and fine-tune your resume to fit the criteria. Challenge yourself mentally and physically. Please someone you love on the 2nd and you will improve your relationship. May- Charm will bring the results you want, bringing positive change to important relationships. Plan to make personal life changes. An unexpected change in your finances will transpire, you will receive something from an unusual source, with conditions. Get it in writing and move forward leaving nothing to chance. Take part in events that will help save money. Don’t overspend on the 13th and 21st. Jun- We can only deal with our problems by reflecting upon our actions. This can be difficult, as it means we have to let go of pride. You’ll have the edge if you stand your ground. You’ll have options so wait and see what transpires and choose what works best for you. Not everyone will agree, but it’s best to look out for number one. Be cautious regarding partnerships.
50 - MAY-JUNE 2016
Libra Sept 23 – Oct 22
Scorpio Oct 23 – Nov 21
Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21
Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19
Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18
Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20
Horoscopes May- If you recently embarrassed yourself in front of someone important, have no fear! It is never too late to make a good impression when the energy of generosity is around you. People want to give you the benefit of the doubt. They want to see you succeed. This is a great time to make amends, put old feuds to rest, and apologize for past errors. No one is perfect, so they will understand. Jun- Feeling flirtatious? You’ll be a dynamo of romance and rowdiness as the month begins. Enjoy all the attention. Towards the end of the month, expect your focus to shift from people to things. Use your trademark diplomacy to adjudicate and adjust as necessary, and don’t be stingy with resources. Your intellect and ideas will have no equal. People will hang on your every (impressive) word. May- The whining of a co-worker or friend is getting on your nerves, so it might be time to say what you think. Unless you address it head on, it will become a growing obstacle. The good news is, the sooner you talk, the sooner the issue will be resolved. So get an early start and get it over with. Be as compassionate as possible, but tell them to stop. Jun- Storm clouds loom on your mental horizon as the month begins. You may need to take time out for yourself. Around the 4th and 5th, look for opportunities to tune out and turn inward. Decisions will come faster once you’ve had a chance to think. After the 18th, your mysteriousness and personal magnetism will be magnified–don’t be surprised to find yourself surrounded by admirers. May- Despite the less-than-jovial attitude of an anxious friend, you’re going to have lots of fun. Shower them with your positive outlook and help them see the bright opportunities the month offers. They will make an attitude adjustment and get on board. Your sense of humor is the most effective tool toward lighting up a tiny spark in their eye, so don’t be afraid to get them laughing. Jun- You’ll be obsessed with money and material things as the month begins. That doesn’t mean you need to be Scrooge. Find creative ways to pinch pennies (pack your own lunch?). On the 12th, others will be smitten by your charming, outgoing, confident self. Make connections and learn something new. On the 26th, you may have trouble getting going, so the best solution might just be to stay put. May- Your energy might start off low, but have no fear—it will come through when you need it most! If you’re involved in activities that require stamina or skill, you’ll do well! People might think you aren’t real competition for them, but you’re sure to come from behind and blast past them to a jaw-dropping, breathtaking finish. It will be the last time anyone underestimates you! Jun- Get things started! Your ambitious spirit knows no bounds. Not everyone shares your excitement, but they’ll admire what you do. From 10-14th, you’ll have an unusual perspective and planning skills. Use this boost to solidify those decisions you’ve been delaying. Ponder the big picture. What do you want to do? You’ll find answers–and the perseverance you need to make it happen. May- Why ask why? Knowing all the answers is not always advisable. It can keep you from having fun, and it can keep you from seeing things in a new light. Save your energy and don’t try to figure out why things are happening the way they are–the answers won’t satisfy you anyway. Just roll with the punches. Jun- Do you ever stop making friends? Your natural affability will lead you to new people and situations. Early on, you will have plenty of opportunities for new experiences and some new connections. Your mind may drift to thoughts of your career and big-picture ambitions. Don’t be afraid to slow down and think it through– even if that means taking a break from your gregarious social schedule and finding some private time. May- Oh, happy day! Someone you’ve been pursuing is going to reciprocate. Expect to spend the first week of April with them (in person and in your mind). The 17th and 18th are big days at work, so though you feel like daydreaming about love, you have more pressing fish to fry. Like attracts like, so use the powerful energy of love to your advantage in all challenging aspects of your life. Jun- Out with the old; in with the new! As the month begins, you can solve problems in a partnership by embracing a fresh perspective. You will have opportunities to settle disputes and improve relationships with others–if you pick a new path to follow. Around the 23rd, you might feel emotionally unsettled. Don’t see it as a setback–it’s a chance to assert yourself and find your footing.
Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
www.step12magazine.com
MAY-JUNE 2016 - 51