ISSUE NO. 17
Ste[p12
gazine
JULY-AUGUST 2016
TM
Carrying A Message of Hope in Recovery
A New
Freedom
Freedom from Hurts, Hang-Ups and Habits by Dr. Phyllis and Rev. Carrol Davis
Freedom is Telling the Story by Carol Teitelbaum, MFT
Freedom and Love Will Prevail by Anonymous
Free to Be Me by Kzycy Hawk
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 3
Inside This Issue Columns
Neurofeedback - 26
Cover Story: A New Freedom - 6
Move Mindfully: How Exercise is Mindfulness Practice - 30
by Jami DeLoe
Freedom from Fear - 8
by Dr. Keerthy Sunder - SUNDERstanding Addiction By Terra Schaad - Mindfulness
Feeling Liberated by What we Think and Do - 31
Dr. Judi Hollis
The Freedom Falacy - 11 by Lori Nelson
Is Your Guilt True or False? - 12 Darlene Lancer on Codependency
Flip the Switch and Find Freedom - 13 by Tom Bliss
From Heartbreak to Self-Rejection - 14 by Gia Barbera
Freedom and Love will Prevail - 15 by Anonymous
Happy, Joyous, Free - 16
by Kristin Wilhite
Synchronized Pathos - 32
by Susan Jackson - The Seven Realities of the Addicted Family
Freedom from Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits - 36 by Dr. Phyllis and Rev. Carrol Davis
11th Step: Praying With a Pen - 37 by Nora Slattery
Freedom From Drama in Recovery - 38 by Jim Anders
Promise #11 (The Promises Series) - 40 by Dan Griffin - Real Men, Real Recovery
The Price of Freedom from Active Addiction is Not Free - 41
by Denise Krochta
by Judy Redman, PhD
Freedom to Believe - 19 Being the Bridge - 22
Free to be Me - 42 by Kyczy Hawk
Dan Sanfellipo - Unlocked for Life
Sippin’ on Sizzurp - 44
by Carol Teitlebaum - It Happens to Boys
Exploring the World - 45 Braveheart at Kinkos - 46
Freedom is Telling the Story - 23 Dear Petra Questions and Answers - 24
by Petra Hoffmann - Expert Answers about Hep-C and Addiction
Regular Stuff Letter from the Editor - 5 Quotes - 7 Letter from the Publisher - 9 Random Thoughts - 9 Metaphorically Speaking - 10 Newcomers Page - 18 Movie Reviews with Leonard Buschel - 20
by Mendi Baron - Teen Corner
by Suzanne Whang - It’s a WHANGderful Life
Self Assessment Questions - 21 Book Reviews - 25 Puzzles - 28 Resources for Families - 33 Reader Contributions - 34 Recovery Online - 39 We Asked, You Answered - 43 Humor - 47 Recovery Trivia - 49 Horoscopes - 50
Step 12 Magazine NEWS
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of Step 12 Magazine has always been focussed on carrying a message of hope, resources, and thought-provoking editorial mixed with a little fun. It is our continued mission to spread this magazine as far as possible to reach people who are still struggling and looking for some guidance and hope. So you’ll see a barcode on all issues going forward as we strive to be available in retail stores where family members and friends of loved ones can find us—and more importantly to find help! Starting in January 2016, in celebration of our sincere gratitude for the honor of providing this service, we are donating half of all sales of the magazine and subscriptions back to the community. By purchasing a magazine or subscription, you are giving back, we are giving back, and that’s what Step 12 Magazine is all about.
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Letter from the Editor with freedom in my heart,
Roni Askey-Doran
When I saw the theme for this issue, I began to ask myself: Do I know what freedom really is? What does “freedom” mean to me? In fact, what does this word actually mean? With these questions at the front of my mind, I looked up freedom in the Merriam-Webster online dictionary. freedom noun free·dom \ˈfrē-dəm\ Definition: 1: the quality or state of being free: as a: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b: liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another: independence c: the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous; freedom from care d: ease, facility; spoke the language with freedom e: the quality of being frank, open, or outspoken; answered with freedom f: improper familiarity g: boldness of conception or execution h: unrestricted use; gave him the freedom of their home 2 a: a political right b: franchise, privilege
Interesting, right? Instead of answering my questions as I had hoped, this complex definition provoked even more. How much of this freedom, as defined in the dictionary, do we all enjoy? Do we really have any freedom at all? I needed to downsize it, and put it into a more personal perspective. In my bamboo cabin on a remote beach in Ecuador, I enjoy the freedom of waking up each morning to the call of howler monkeys in the jungle and the music of waves breaking on the sand, free of the chains of a first world nine-to-five existence, and free of my demons.
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 5
A New Freedom
by Jami DeLoe
I had to fight to be free from many things, the biggest of which was the guilt and shame I felt for being an alcoholic and for the things I had done while drinking. I had to learn to forgive myself and accept that I was no longer the person I was when I was drinking. That was a hard fought battle. Some days, it still is.
S
ummer is here and that means sunshine, vacations, and barbeques are on our minds. We play and swim and rub on sunscreen, and we enjoy the longer days with family and friends. We watch fireworks and we talk about independence and freedom and the world of possibilities that they beget us. Summer feels hopeful to me, like maybe the words my dad said to me over three decades ago are true, and I really can do anything I set my mind to. I haven’t always felt that way about summer though, or any other season, for that matter. That sense of freedom eluded me for a long time. But since getting sober, little by little, I have felt that feeling return—the thought that anything is possible, the anticipation of good things coming to pass, the feeling of liberation. That’s what freedom feels like to me. For me, active alcoholism was like a prison that I locked myself into and then threw away the key. It came with an ambiguous sentence, one that could offer parole, but seemed destined to impose the death penalty. I was an inmate, and I suffered at the hand of my jailer—the disease of alcoholism. I lived in that prison for as long as I could stand it, alone and isolated, hopeless and afraid, and then I realized that I had to make a choice. I either had to give in to that death sentence, or I had to fight for my freedom, no matter how hard. There was a time that decision would have been hard to make, like deciding between the lesser of two evils. But, thank God, three and a half years ago, I made the choice to fight for my freedom from alcohol.
I fought to be free from the resentments I had collected and held onto over the years. I had to let go of things from which I thought I could never unclench my fist. I learned that forgiveness is for me, and that it doesn’t have to mean reconciliation. I return to this thought often, as new resentments pop up and I have to deal with them. I also fought to be free from the loneliness and isolation that so often accompany addiction. I had to learn to function in healthy relationships and to trust. I found comfort in Alcoholics Anonymous, in the company of others who are like me. I fought to be free from my past; to accept that it is what it is and that I couldn’t rewrite it with a happy ending. I had to start where I was and write a new story if I wanted a different ending. I fought to be free from the dishonesty that I had learned to practice so expertly during my active drinking. I realized that telling the truth is a whole lot easier than managing the lies, the biggest of which were the ones I told myself. Freedom from active alcoholism, and all of the things that it brings with it, has not come easily. I still have to fight for freedom from some of those things daily. What I have learned in my years of recovery though, is that some battles are worth fighting—and the battle for the freedom that recovery gives me is one of them.
I didn’t just want freedom from alcohol though. There was a lot of wreckage (most caused by me) that had come along with it, and I wanted to be free of all of that too. And so, the battle began.
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Famous Quotes about FREEDOM “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi “Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ~ Jean-Paul Sartre “When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free.” ~ Charles Evans Hughes “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds!” ~ Marcus Garvey “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” ~ Jim Morrison “Freedom lies in being bold.” ~ Robert Frost “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” ~ Gloria Steinem “Our freedom can be measured by the number of things we can walk away from.” ~ Vernon Howard
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One thing’s for sure, in the war between freedom and fear, our side is going to have better t-shirts. ~Dave Winer
JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 7
Experience, Strength, and Hope For People Struggling with Food Obsession
Freedom from Fear This Spring, I led a half-day workshop in Phoenix focusing on the similarities and differences between working the programs of Overeaters Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous. Such discussions necessarily bring up many paradoxes, conflicts, and questions about modification and flexibility. During the afternoon, I was asked how things changed to make me more flexible with my food plan. I knew it was important when I cried at the podium before the answer came out of my mouth. I explained simply with tears streaming, “I stopped being afraid.” So, I am writing a new book that will cover what happens in ongoing recovery to help us relax while still having a healthy respect for the difficulty and danger of getting too loosey goosey. How do we walk the middle path confidently, fearlessly, and respectfully? We’ll be looking into self-talk necessary to keep us on the path. At the Phoenix workshop, we discussed avoiding the Dead Zone. That is when we stop seeking emotional and spiritual growth. We lose that recovery glow and instead choose to rest on our laurels or complain that this recovery way of life is just too much work. We may give up seeking our own personal truth and instead move into just following orders, going along, or silently sneering. A return to compulsive overeating is not far behind.
of being. It’s like when the yoga teacher asks you to stretch just a little further into your own sweet discomfort. Resting comfortably in the barcalounger decreases your world and can head you back into self-destruction. The actress Helen Hays advised, “To rest is to rust.” In life, as well as with food, I balance vulnerability and risk. I stay primed like an animal in the wild, alert and trusting my instincts. This keeps me attentive to my disciplined food plan and continuous weight maintenance. Our battles are more internal than external, but equally challenging. We continue to gain more insight and awareness about our approach to moderate eating and how to lead an extraordinary life in a culture so steeped in addiction.
To Lose the Fat Risk We must Live “At Risk” Even though ongoing recovery helps us stop fearing food, we still need to stay somewhat afraid in order to keep a finely tuned edge. We need to extend comfort zones, trying on new ways © 2015 Dr. Judi Hollis is a Licensed Family Therapist, author of several books and educational materials, motivational speaker, radio and television expert. Judi would love to hear from you! You can ask Judi questions and access her materials, at www.judihollis.com or call 1-800-8-ENOUGH
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Letter from the Publisher I try to imagine the most optimal state of freedom; what it looks like, how it feels, how it tastes, etc. I have a pretty vivid imagination that tends to lean towards silly. So my conjured image looks a little like a tropical island about the size of Texas with low humidity, no judgement, lots of laughter, all my friends, endless resources and perfect health. I’d be able to pull on a balloon string and be taken wherever the wind wanted me to go. But as my mind fastforwards through the fantasy for six weeks of unadulterated bliss, it looks, feels, and tastes a little boring. No, very boring. In reality, my freedom lies in being able and willing to rise to a challenge, strive for a goal, learn from mistakes, and be at peace with my circumstances. I live in the midst of this kind of freedom when I’m willing to unshackle my fears. “We will know a new freedom and a new happiness”—this is a promise with no limitation or expiration date. Issue 17! What a miracle. What a wonderful example of the freedom to dream and the freedom to take action. My hope is that we are making a difference in the lives of people still struggling. Thank you for supporting Step 12 Magazine in carrying a message of hope in recovery, and for “trudging the road to happy destiny” with us. Respectfully and Enthusiastically,
Karen VanDenBerg
www.step12magazine.com
RandomThoughts Sometimes Freedom offers SO MANY options... Too Many Options ... I just have to take a nap.
JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 9
Metaphorically Speaking
By Karen VanDenBerg
Chirp! – Chirp Chirp! – CHIRP! After an extremely busy day, I arrived home to my small (but lovely) one-bedroom apartment. I love the high ceilings, the open floor-plan, the balcony, and the quiet. Really! I love all that and more about my safe place, my sanctuary, my office, my “space.” Coming home to my two delightful cats, my roses, and my things (no matter how scattered about they might be at the time) is always comforting. I’m grateful for what I have—truly grateful.
him to come fix it because MY sleep was so important. I stayed distraught, because he was feeling ill and would not be climbing out of bed to fix my smoke detector in On this day, however, I walked in the door and within “the middle of the seconds was jumping out of my skin! The chirp of the night.” dying smoke-detector was echoing in the tiled hallway right outside my bedroom door. Even the cats were I texted my friend flinching with every chirp. I felt a little bad that they’d about it. I beat the been flinching every twenty seconds for a chunk of the man up in my mind for being so “lazy,” and I continued day. Twenty seconds doesn’t sound like a lot of time to obsess about a sleepless night ahead. Chirp! I blamed between chirps because it’s NOT. It’s exactly long enough Mr. Maintenance Man for the relentless chirping. I was to lower the shoulders, start thinking about something unable to work, wash my coffee cup from the morning, else, maybe clean out the satchel, then CHIRP. or even carry on a conversation that didn’t revolve around my miserable situation. After just four or five chirps (less than a couple minutes), I was beside myself. All I could focus on was The next morning I woke up to my alarm. Much to my the next chirp. I knew it was coming. I dragged a chair surprise, the chirping was as consistent as it had been into the hallway thinking I would change the battery the night before. Much to my surprise, I slept right (logical, right?), but it through it. Upon reflection, I merely had to stop thinking was installed way up about it, stop obsessing about it, and stop projecting the on the high ceiling that impact of it on my existence. As soon as it became just I am so grateful for. something in my peripheral, I could stop focusing on it I tried to beat it into and with little effort, my attention shifted. I’m not sure submission with the end what it shifted to, but I slept. of a broomstick while All that fretting and worrying about lost sleep ahead standing on top of the was just wasted energy. I slept well that night and when chair. All my efforts I got home at 7:00pm the next day, Mr. Maintenance were fruitless. Chirp! Man responded to my text with a ladder and a smile. I I called the maintenance wasn’t even tempted to tip him over when he climbed guy at 9:00pm because the rungs towards the distressed detector. On his way I was distraught about up, he told me the story of how he once obliterated a the thought that I would chirping smoke detector in his own apartment with a get no sleep with that sling-shot because it wouldn’t shut up—it was easier incessant chirp echoing than getting the ladder out. I somehow felt better about through the apartment my own personal obsession. While in the grips of my all night long. I had a obsession, I was unsuccessful at beating my detector busy schedule for the with the broomstick—but I did try (shhh). following day with a Mindfulness is the act of directing the focus of our very early start and was thoughts. I was totally mindful of the chirping—until I going to need my sleep. wasn’t. I woke him up when I called, but I still asked Metaphorically Speaking is a regular column in Step 12 Magazine designed to help us connect our spiritual journey to worldly situations. Something to think about.
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F
The Freedom Fallacy
reedom feels elusive for me. Sure, as an American, I live in the “Land of the Free.” It’s a free world. My folks no longer hold the keys to my freedom; their parental prison long ago clanged closed and the rusted chains were tossed away. I drive wherever I want, eat what I want, when I want, my time is my own, my choices are mine—all of them. That’s freedom, right? Well, yes … and No. It’s illusion. A dream. A pretend portrayal of a perfect harmonious happy life. My freedom is a big fat lie. Why? It’s not only the bills to pay, the chores to chug through, or the deadlines, appointments, decisions, and daily duties. It’s not the rituals of correctness, the obligations to others, the pets, the plants, or the constantly interrupted plans. I won’t blame God, the Universe, calamitous weather, uncounted calories, or karma. It’s Me. A free spirit who feels that freedom is as unidentifiable as a diamondencrusted unicorn. Freedom is forgetting. I can’t do that. Freedom is an exercise in detachment. I can’t do that either. Freedom is forward-thinking about future’s fortune. Nope … can’t do that either; too stuck in the sludge of missed opportunities.
By Lori Nelson
The peculiar mind that is mine, mires itself in regret, remorse, rumination, and the dreaded resentment; mostly about wrongs of others or wrongs I can’t right about myself. This is not a pity party, and I don’t want to bother you with my pathology. Rather, it is a reminder to you, dear readers, that forgetting is freedom. Letting Go is bliss. Mediocrity also means freedom. Getting lost finds freedom. Good enough is good enough. When you strive to be the biggest, best, brightest, or when you beat everyone else to get to the front of the line, remember what I’ve told you, because to be the first is to be the last. Remember that the top and the front and the first and the finest have little to do with freedom. Freedom is simple. Freedom is not a struggle. Freedom is Faith and Love and Joy. No cost; no competition; no keeping score; no pent up pain. Touch your chest and feel your heart beat. It’s not free. It’s on a schedule. Miss too many beats, and you will die. Feel your lungs expand in fullness with air that feels free, but sometimes there’s not enough, and then what? You gasp to get more, before your brain dips dizzily into desperation. Even our bodies are at the mercy of an agenda and appropriate attention. Watch a bird fly. At its highest and fastest, its wings will stop and it will still soar forward and free. It will land when and where it wants to land. That, my friends, is freedom.
© Lori Nelson is an author, speaker, educator, and an international “edu-tainer” aboard cruise ships. She occasionally blogs at anotherloristory.blogspot.com. Find Lori on Facebook. Torture: Broken Foot, Shattered Soul, is available on Amazon, or email Lori at anotherloristory@gmail.com. Lori lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 11
Darlene Lancer
on
CODEPENDENCY Is Your Guilt True Or False?
We all experience guilt from time to time. But many of us have a hard time letting go of it, and find it difficult to forgive ourselves, even though we may readily forgive others. First of all, it’s important to recognize whether our guilt is true or false. Just because we feel guilty, that doesn’t mean we are. Feelings aren’t facts. And even if our guilt is true—that we’ve morally transgressed, we’re still worthy and capable of forgiveness.
Codependents have underlying internalized shame, which fosters a guilty conscience. They’re especially hard on themselves and may suffer from frequent bouts of unrelenting, false guilt.
Codependency and False Guilt Codependents, in particular, are easy targets of manipulation and projection of blame from other people that they willingly accept. Many codependents are or were victims of abuse in the past, and the role of victim is familiar and more comfortable than standing up for themselves. In their mind, doing so might risk the other person’s anger or worse, the end of a relationship. They rather take the blame and feel guilty. Thus, they’re always saying “I’m sorry” to keep the peace, but don’t really mean it. Moreover, they’ve learned to abuse themselves with negative inner talk.
True Guilt When guilt is false, it’s an unhealthy symptom of shame. We blame ourselves and feel irredeemable. We’re more focused on ourselves and what people think of us than our concern for them. On the other hand, with true guilt, our focus is on the other person—how we’ve harmed them. We’re motivated to make amends and change our behavior in the future. All religions encourage making amends in order to purge guilt and help repair relationships. The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and Codependents Anonymous also suggest making direct amends wherever possible.
Self-forgiveness Self-forgiveness starts with self-acceptance and humility. The opposite, ruminating or beating ourselves up, isn’t at all helpful in alleviating guilt. It just makes us feel worse about ourselves, while self-forgiveness builds our self-esteem. On the other hand, denying, rationalizing, or excusing our guilt doesn’t make it go away. We can push our feelings into our unconscious and in their place create irritability or resentment and anger toward the person we believe we’ve harmed. The most productive and effective course is to face reality, and then take specific steps to understand, analyze, and forgive ourselves. As we accept ourselves, we grow in self-compassion.
Codependents feel guilty for not giving or doing enough; not measuring up to their perfectionist, unrealistic ideals. They feel guilty for their negative feelings and thoughts—sometimes including lustful thoughts and feelings. Moral perfectionism, which may have been instilled by religious shaming, can make people unhealthily obsessive about monitoring their thoughts and feelings. Many codependents idealize love and kindness and attempt to disavow and suppress their anger and unpleasant feelings. The more they try to suppress them the more self-loathing and negative feelings they create. Another source of false guilt is the habit of feeling responsible for others. They feel guilty for the feelings and thoughts of others –things beyond their control. Codependents take this to an extreme and even feel guilty for others’ actions and behaviors. It’s common for abusers to blame their actions on their victims and for addicts to blame their addiction on their partners who, in both cases, accept it as true. Narcissists and borderline personalities typically use projection of blame and criticism to shift responsibility and get their needs met. However, codependents can feel guilty without being blamed. They deny their needs and wants and put those of others first. The result is that they take on responsibilities that belong to others and feel guilty saying “no.” Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and an expert on relationships and codependency. Contact Darlene directly at info@darlenelancer.com or follow her blogs on www.whatiscodependency.com, also on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/darlene.lancer, and on Twitter: @DarleneLancer.
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Flip The Script And Find Freedom “Freedom is not freedom from connection.” ~ Joss Whedon When we think about freedom, we usually define it as the absence of restriction—beyond the reach of oppression, judgment, inhibition, or pain. But we may more properly view freedom as a positive enactment—a moving toward life and a search to connect out of free will. In fact, the freedom to do and to feel—to love, to experience, to fulfill our potential—is true freedom. Typically, the call for freedom in a relationship confuses it with autonomy, with having “my space.” Yet healthy relationship requires mutual autonomy, allowing respective voices to be heard and authentic selves to grow without either trying to manipulate the other or impose a given outcome. So an agitated demand for relational freedom might actually screen a desire to escape frightening confrontation. It may be a coping mechanism learned in childhood—often through time-outs, the forced isolation of children to resolve their issues alone which, of course, they cannot possibly do. When such neglectful emotional exile is the default parenting style, the child may develop a compulsive need for freedom from people, leading to love avoidance in relationships. And this enslavement to deadening, detrimental withdrawal patterns out of fear of intimacy is the very antithesis of freedom.
by Tom Bliss Conversely, we attain the freedom to relate with unconditional love by acknowledging and addressing personal issues, and by building our relationships on trust and trustworthiness. Valuing ourselves and others empowers us with the freedom to care deeply without fear of rejection and disappointment. And the freedom to forgive—perhaps the hardest freedom to capture—consecrates our own impure impulses, permitting the light of awareness to illuminate them and to let us work them out. In these ways, freedom to feel and to act frees us from our habitual self, and frees us to become our best self.
Daily Healthy Sex Acts · What does healthy freedom feel like to you? Do you bring this feeling to your relationships, work, and alone time? Or do you wear the chains of personal circumstance and obligation? Today, cast off those chains and invite the triumphant feeling of true freedom into all your interactions and activities. · Reflect on any desire to escape from life, people, or situations. Now, flip the script and find the freedom to move toward them. What would have to happen for you to feel free to express yourself fully while perceiving reality through the lens of unconditional love?
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 13
From Heartbreak to Self-Rejection
“It’s over” flashed on my mobile. I felt as though a part of me had gone—a loss of self. Suddenly, my whole being was filled with pain. Three hours prior to the text, my boyfriend had paid for me to have an abortion. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I felt hopeless, lonely and ashamed. I chose to numb the heartache: I drank a bottle of whiskey and took some pills to help me sleep. The breakup sent me into a drug spiral. I was locked in the prison of my mind. I was firmly in the grips of my addiction. I brainwashed myself and my mind rewrote the narrative: Every time I recalled a memory about my relationship with this man, I overwrote it and idealized him. For years, no one else could ever come close to living up to this man. When I ran into him some time later, it was evident that he was not the person I had constructed in my mind and I was finally able to to let go. A decade has passed since we split. Addiction enabled me to suppress the emotional and physical horror that my body endured, it compounded and replaced it with even more horrific trauma: addiction. After discussions with my therapists, my perspective on my relationship with my first boyfriend has changed. I learned that there had actually been six people in this relationship .
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by Gia Barbera
1. Who I Thought He Was I thought he was 32 years old and ridiculously arrogant. I thought he was my best friend, someone I would spend forever with, someone I could tell everything and anything to without feeling judged. I thought he was someone who was as in love with me as I was with him. 2. Who He Thought He Was He thought he was 26 and far superior to others. Someone impressed with his own magnetism, with a tremendous amount of self-confidence. 3. Who He Really Was He was a misogynist who struggled to trust women because his mother abandoned him as a child. He was a 30-year-old man with a silent scream coming from the depths of his inner child. 4. Who He Thought I Was He thought I was 23 years old and someone he did not intend to have in his life forever. A sexual object, I would just have to get over it. I was resilient and would eventually recover and bounce back. 5. Who I Thought I was I thought I was someone with an indomitable spirit, I was someone who loved life and knew the way of the world. 6. Who I Really Was A troubled 20-year-old woman who needed help. I was a woman who had sustained physical, emotional and spiritual injuries as a child. I had no concept of healthy boundaries or how to protect myself from danger. I learned that the power dynamics in the relationship were skewed in his favor. Applying Eric Berne’s three ego states, as described in his book Games People Play (Grove Press, 1964), we had a parent-child relationship. Because of the gap in age, status and emotional maturity and development, the relationship was predatory, exploitative and abusive. Recovery has taught me that I am responsible for my own feelings, which include falling in love and choosing to stay in love with a man who had very clearly walked out of my life. I learned that my ego had me hide behind masks because my low self-esteem made me feel vulnerable, exposed rejected and ashamed. Today I am not in the prison of my mind.
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Freedom and Love will Prevail Recently, at a popular night club in Orlando, Florida, a specific community was violently attacked because the people dancing inside the club live a different lifestyle. There are too many people around the world who look askance on the LGBTQ community because they don’t understand the concept of personal freedom. This should be the conversation we’re having around the globe, instead of the pointless conversation about how this horrific massacre was a terrorist attack. From my perspective, this was not an act or terrorism, it was an attack on freedom and love. It was an attack steeped in hatred and prejudice. It was an attack by a young man who had been raised to be bigoted, and who believed that people who love one another in a way that didn’t comply with his own religious doctrine are lesser in the eyes of his god. Even if he was some radical islamic terrorist, it was still a crime borne from irrational hatred and unrelenting sexualism. Worldwide, my community grieves. Not because of terrorism, but because of bigotry. Every individual on this planet is different. That’s what makes the world such a great place, because no two people are the same. So how is it possible, in 2016, there are people who still don’t understand that not everyone is the same? Why is it not okay to not be the same? How can those same people who loudly demand religious freedom deny my right to personal freedom?
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by anonymous
Pulse was attacked because it was full of gay people. It was not one crazy person who acted out against the gay community, but the culmination of countless bigoted zealots who have spread so much hateful rhetoric over the years which has now lead to an unprecedented attack on free people who are doing no harm by just being themselves. This attack will not stop us from being who we are. In fact, quite the opposite; the LGBTQ community will bond closer together and become even stronger in the wake of this incident. Our freedom is as essential to a functional society as everyone else’s, and together we will continue to strive towards that goal for each and every one of us, and that includes you too. May you all be showered with love and rainbows.
JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 15
Happy, Joyous, Free
W
by Denise Krochta
hen faced with addiction in our families we don’t often think about the words, “happy, joyous, free” at the same time. Often family members don’t even consider that they, also, suffer from addiction; an addiction to their addicted loved ones.
and take time to notice so many good things around me. I learned to allot some time to focus on the reality of dealing with an addict in the family, but to allot more time to seeing the goodness in what was around me and to be grateful. We all have a right to experience joy and happiness. It’s a choice.
Dealing with loving someone who suffers from substance abuse, whether it has been ongoing for years or is a new shock to the family system, is painful. Our lives change. We become someone else. Many of us lose ourselves.
This was a long learning experience for me, but an extremely powerful one. Recovery for me was a slow process, which I’ve learned is the case for many. When we are suffering we don’t open our minds to the possibilities of being able to really breathe, and have happiness and joy. For me, it was a step by step process. I think it worked because I recognized I needed recovery. Even just a little bit of happiness and joy at a time, put together over a long period, helped to free me from the total confinement of loving an addict with no thought of recovery.
I am the mom of an addict in recovery. Let’s just say,for the purpose of this issue—Freedom in Recovery—that I believe addiction to a loved one’s suffering is one of the worst addictions to experience, worse than a process or substance use disorder. Recovery, no matter what we are recovering from, is a lot of work. Yes, it is important to put in the time and focus on recovery, but first we must recognize our need to recover from something. Herein lies the problem with families dealing with this disease. I often state that my recovery from being addicted to my addict began long before my addict’s recovery from his own substance abuse disorder. It took me a very long time to recognize that this was something I needed to work on.
I would like to suggest this to all family and friends who are trying to navigate through the daily drama and trauma of a loved one’s addiction. When our loved ones embrace recovery and embark on their own path of happy, joyous, and free, choose recovery for yourself now so that you can enjoy it with them!
We often hear people say “one needs to admit they have a problem before there is progress”. Well, there you have it! Anyway, it was like being able to breathe again! I imagine it is the same when people embrace recovery, and experience successful recovery, after they’ve suffered from alcoholism and/or addiction. Happy, Joyous, Free! Even when nothing had changed with my loved ones and their addictions, there were many moments that these words could relate to me, because I chose them. I found it important to shift the focus to me (self care, not selfish) Denise, who has dealt with addicts in her family most of her adult life, moved into crisis mode when she discovered that her teenage son was addicted to prescription drugs along with alcohol and street drugs. Hers is a story of discovery and recovery. Her career in International business took her to places around the globe where meeting people and learning their values and traditions has become an integral part of her life. Websites: www.addictsfamilylifeline.com and www.denisekrochta.com
16 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
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“Hope in Recovery”
Recovery Happens 2016 Prevention Works · Treatment is Effective · People Recover · Prevention Works · Treatment is Effective · People Recover · Prevention Works · Treatment is Effective · People Recover · Prevention Works · Treatment is Effective
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Saturday September 24, 2016 JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 17
Newcomer’s Page The Good Mistakes I didn’t know what to think when I arrived at my first 12 step meeting. My life had gotten away from me. It felt like I had lost who I was. I was thrust into a world that I didn’t understand, and wasn’t prepared for human contact while facing these new terms for survival. However, I knew I couldn’t run away and hide without being sucked back into the bottle if I raised it to my lips again. Next time, it might not spit me out. They said everything had to change, but the fear of the new unknown was daunting. However, alcohol was like a gun to my head, forcing me to do things that were contrary to my thinking. I had to believe in something that was hard to believe in. Listening closely at meetings helped me to want to believe.
I was in poor shape mentally and emotionally. I was afflicted with depression and PTSD for many years, having witnessed a tragic accident when I was fourteen. My grandfather was killed, crushed by a tractor, the same day a boy’s life-long dream of becoming a farmer would come true. The greatest day of my life shattered into a nightmare in twenty short minutes. I slipped into a deep chasm. A few years later, I turned to booze. Suffering from grave emotional disorders, feelings resurfaced that I thought I escaped. They crawled around inside of me for years, unnoticed. I thought I mentally processed and buried the pain years before, but I was wrong. It was back. If any conditions for membership had been imposed, I couldn’t have fulfilled them. I was in a fog. Some days my mind had a mind of its own. All I could do was not use and keep coming back. I couldn’t click on a link, opening a window that would
by mark masserant
morph me into being honest, open-minded and willing, and automatically obedient to this motley group. There were so many voices and so many suggestions. It was information overload. I didn’t understand the language, full of clichés and one-liners. And they presented simple suggestions that I knew wouldn’t work. I suspected they had been on the sauce too long. They didn’t know how complex I was. Narrow-minded and afraid, I was given the grace to grow at my own pace. I went to meetings and learned the language. I listened to the war stories that helped me identify, and the recovery stories that gave me hope. I learned to laugh. It kept me coming back on those days that felt like a tightrope walk through Hell. I learned best by making mistakes. The freedom to make them was indispensible. I learned how to Keep It Simple by not keeping it simple, and how to Let Go and Let God by not letting go and not letting God. Anxiety, frustration and pain were the fare for my passage into this new life. Gradually, I saw how these simple tools could be utilized for my recovery. My mind could be quiet. The way to believe in something new is to have a real, personal experience that uproots our old beliefs. They were deeply planted. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t unthink anything. The perfect backdrop for something spiritual to occur was embodied in my emotional and mental upheaval. It changed me at the very nature of my being. But it took some Quality Miserable Time before I got it. It was the same when applying the twelve steps to my life, which wasn’t unusual. I haven’t met anyone who couldn’t wait to start, nor have I heard anyone wishing there were fifteen or twenty of them. I couldn’t connect the dots in the beginning. I’m grateful that I wasn’t rushed, or expected to get everything right. I was given the gift of time. Buoyed by my surrender and willingness, the grace of God saw me through. As broken as I was when I arrived, the love and acceptance I was given allowed me the freedom I needed to get another chance at life. I try to do my part to ensure an environment where the miracle of recovery can take place.
Newcomer’s Checklist aDon’t Take That First Drink or Drug aMake Plenty of Meetings aCall Sponsor aHang out with People in Recovery aFocus on the Positive aTalk about your Feelings 18 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
aBeware of People, Places, & Things aTake One Day at a Time aAsk Higher Power for Help aStay out of “Your Head” aMove a Muscle, Change a Thought aRead the Literature Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354
Freedom to Believe On a late May afternoon, I pulled into the driveway of a semirural ranch-style facility to witness a rehab graduation. I was greeted by friendly faces; faces, which were once colored with the darkness and the desperation of active addiction, but now projected a lightness of hope and health. As the sanctuary seats filled up with friends, family, staff members and recovery brothers and sisters, I noticed the laughter and genuine connectedness of energy—freely emoted and held captive by a roof and four walls. Rustic, casual and humbly simple, the sanctuary stage quickly transformed into a platform of celebration—honoring freedom from addiction, dedication to recovery, and the successful completion of six months of rehab! The staff at Full Circle Recovery dedicates significant time and energy towards ensuring every graduation is a memorable experience. The event is just one of many rewards clients can expect when they decide to make addiction a part of their past. On this day, Frank, Jeff and Steve stood proudly in the spotlight, grounded in the present, with eyes on the future knowing they will always have the support of their Full Circle family. The celebration kicked off with a short well-crafted video inspiring reflection about individuality, personal responsibility and the miraculous power of God in a life of purpose and fulfillment. One by one, roommates, family members, staff
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members and friends stepped onto the stage to share funny moments, encouragement, and personal observations of change and growth in each of the graduates. There were tears of appreciation and disbelief, roars of laughter at the humanness and awkwardness of living for six months with a gaggle of recovering addicts, and heartfelt determination to stay connected to God and their sobriety shared by the graduates themselves. Each graduate was presented with a prayer quilt that was hand-made with love and intention by the women of a Chino Hills Church, specifically for Frank, Jeff, and Steve. Displayed with a synopsis of their situations and struggles, the quilts were placed in the church lobby with untied quilting tassels. Church members would say a prayer for each graduate, tie the tassel, and share their blessings. The motivation to go to rehab and make a positive change in a life off-track comes in many forms and through many channels. Desperation leads to willingness, which leads to change, which leads to freedom. Along the journey we pick up knowledge, inspiration, determination and dependence on a power outside of ourselves. Sometimes having a tangible item can ground us in our challenging moments and reconnect us to our higher purpose. I think Frank, Jeff, and Steve will find comfort and security with their personal prayer quilts to inspire memories of their time at Full Circle Recovery as they embark on their new lives.
JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 19
Discovering that she’s gradually getting her life back together and enjoying being sober, Kate continues attending AA meetings, encouraged by Dave and her sponsor, Jenny (Octavia Spencer). Lacking the support she desperately needs from Charlie, who continues his excessive drinking, causes a great struggle for Kate. She realizes that becoming sober and stopping her urge to drink isn’t her biggest challenge. The real battle is about mending and holding stable relationships with the people she loves and finding a way to be an honest and good person in her own life.
SMASHED INTO SOBRIETY Leonard Lee Buschel was unable to contribute a movie review for this issue, so a Step 12 Magazine staff member kindly stepped in to write this review.
Almost everyone has been around someone who has become messily drunk; someone that should have been cut off much sooner than they were. The resulting chaos can sometimes be humorous, while other times it’s alarming. And if alcohol and drugs begin to take control of someone’s life, then it becomes apparent that their addiction is a disease.
Smashed effectively portrays the trials and travails of overcoming addiction with believable characters and a rolling story line that never slows down. Both actors brilliantly perform dramatic sequences with instinctive talent, from the alcohol-fueled love scenes to violent arguments in a drunken state. The film offers the rare insight that an alcoholic’s last drink really only marks the beginning of the true struggle. Definitely a must-see on your next Netflix and chill date.
Kate (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and Charlie (Aaron Paul), live a boozy and carefree life in Los Angeles, but Kate hits rock bottom first, and this couple in love quickly find themselves emotionally and psychologically at odds. Mary Elizabeth Winstead turns in a wonderfully authentic performance as a cheerful primary school teacher who realizes that alcohol has made her life unmanageable after vomiting in front of her firstgraders. Reality sets in when she begins lying to the children in her class and then wakes up underneath a highway. Kate is someone we don’t expect to find battling alcoholism, which makes the film all the more poignant. Winstead realistically dives into this role, with raw emotion and power that carries the entire film. Without being overly dramatic, she has created a very likable lead character. Kate’s new-found sobriety accentuates subliminal problems in her married and professional life. Deciding she needs to make a change, Kate finds her way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with help from one of her co-workers, Dave (Nick Offerman). The AA meetings lead to the usual difficulties of recovering alcoholics, regarding marriage and work. Leonard Buschel is the Founder and Director of REEL Recovery Film Festival www.reelrecoveryfilmfestival.org.
Recovering Couples Anonymous 12-Step Program for Couples
Recovering from Dysfunctional Patterns of Communication
www.Recovering-Couples.org
20 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
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20 IMPORTANT Self-Assessment QUESTIONS For You or a Loved One
One of the oldest and most time tested dependency evaluation tools for chemical dependency has its origins from the Johnson Institute of Minneapolis. Many variations exist, but the basic questions are as follows: 1. Has anyone ever suggested you quit or cut back on your drug/alcohol use? Y / N 2. Has drinking or using affected your reputation? Y / N 3. Have you made promises to control your drinking or using and then broken them? Y / N 4. Have you ever switched to different drinks or drugs or changed your using pattern in an effort to control or reduce your consumption? Y / N 5. Have you ever gotten into financial, legal, or relationship difficulties due to drinking or using? Y / N 6. Have you ever lost time from work because of drinking or using? Y / N 7. Have you ever sneaked or hidden your use? Y / N 8. On occasion, do you feel uncomfortable if alcohol or your drug is not available? Y / N 9. Do you continue drinking or using when friends or family suggest you have had enough? Y / N 10. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed about your drinking or using or what you did while under the influence? Y / N 11. Has your efficiency decreased as a result of your drinking or using? Y / N 12. When using or drinking, do you neglect to eat properly? Y/N 13. Do you use or drink alone? Y / N 14. Do you use or drink more than usual when under pressure, angry, or depressed? Y / N 15. Are you able to drink or use more now without feeling it, compared to when you first started using? Y / N 16. Have you lost interest in other activities or noticed a decrease in your ambition as a result of your drinking or using? Y / N 17. Have you had the shakes or tremors following heavy drinking or using or not using for a period of time Y/ N 18. Do you want to drink or use at a particular time each day? Y/N 19. Do you go on and off the wagon? Y / N 20. Is drinking or using jeopardizing your job? Y / N Three or more “yes� answers suggest that you should more closely evaluate your drug and or alcohol use. Call for help today!
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 21
UNLOCKED For Life
with
Dan Sanfellipo
Being the Bridge Webster’s Dictionary has many definitions for the word “bridge.” There are nautical definitions (the bridge of a ship), anatomical definitions (the bridge of my nose), dental definitions (bridging the tooth-gap), musical definitions (the bridge of a guitar), literary definitions (a passage between scenes in a play), ophthalmology definitions (the bridge of my glasses), electrical definitions, billiard definitions, chemical definitions, railroad definitions, construction definitions, metaphorical definitions—and those are just the nouns! In the context of my recovery and my continued quest for personal freedom, the most appropriate definition is this: a connecting, transitional, or intermediate route or phase between two adjacent elements, activities, conditions, or the like. I strive to be this type of bridge—the intermediate connection between what was and what lies ahead. Through sponsoring other men, coaching a friend through emotional turmoil, training future competitors in Brazilian Jui Jitsu, or training employees on their sales techniques, I serve as a bridge to a better future—for them and for me. When I am coaching lower-level belts in Jiu Jitsu, I focus on showing them something new. It could be a new move, a new variation to an old move, or a honed technique and, in the end, we both walk away with increased knowledge even if that knowledge isn’t readily mastered. This is always the case whether I’m in the gym, on the sales floor or on the phone with a sponsee. I come prepared with the experience I’ve gained, the knowledge I’ve acquired, and an action plan that has worked for me thus far. I’ve learned an interesting lesson in being the bridge for others. I receive as much, if not more, than I give. I hear the words coming out of my mouth and they seem to solidify. I feel my body perform Jui Jitsu moves and it gets stronger. I freely share the knowledge that was given to me and it resonates at a higher level—sometimes for the first time. When I first walked out of prison with a desire to do things differently, I sought knowledge and mentors. I looked for people who had been successful and had peace and serenity. I looked for people to show me the way—they were my bridges. I am a work in progress and my thirst for knowledge is still strong. Putting the knowledge into action is essential.
Repetition is the mother of all skills. Action, for me, is helping others. I am no longer ONLY out for myself. I’m not confined to a square cinderblock room with only anger and my thoughts to nurture and repeat. Today I have a great respect for the journey of others and a sincere desire to be of service. The process of being the bridge provides someone else a path from where they are to where they want to be. Almost four years into a life free from drugs and alcohol, I can be a bridge for someone with less time and I am reminded of where I used to be. My experience reinforces two slogans that keep me functioning as a bridge: “you can’t give away what you haven’t got,” and “in order to keep it you’ve got to give it away.” I never really understood what these sayings meant until I did. I know that I can only be a bridge to the place where I am, through repetition and sharing my bridge become stronger and, in order to get further, I need bridges to cross. The bridge from my past to my present was built with mentors and repetition. I offer the bridge to anyone searching for a better way of life. On this side of the bridge there is a healthy relationship, a steady job, a nice car, a bank account, paid bills and a decent credit score. There is freedom from parole, probation and paranoia. More importantly, there is serenity and peace. In my past I spent a lot of time burning bridges. I thought I knew everything and needed nobody. I was an arrogant, thickskinned, frightened defender of myself. This new experience of vulnerability, open-mindedness and hunger for growth is an avenue for building bridges, relationships, knowledge and freedom.
© Dan Sanfellipo received his education in the California State Penal system from the age of 13. A trauma survivor, author of the upcoming book “Unlocked for Life” and founder of support and coaching program of the same name, Dan is a practicing member of 12-step recovery and an international competitor in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Dan has dedicated his energy, experience, strength and hope to helping men and women find lasting freedom—from poverty, restriction, stigma, addiction, despair and prison. Dan can be reached at Dan@unlockedforlife.com
22 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
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Freedom is Telling the Story The first step in healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse is using your voice. It starts with saying these words out loud for the first time: “I was sexually abused by…” to a person or persons (group) where there is no shaming, no doubtful questions, nobody asking if you are sure. Once abuse is talked about, the secret is out. The most frequent harm experienced by survivors of sexual abuse is the lack of trust and the heavy burden of shame. This is a tricky time; some men dump and run. In other words, they build up the courage to tell someone, then panic and never come back, only to bury the shame again or act it out, using drugs and/ or alcohol, compulsive masturbation, porn, gambling, eating, or spending money. You name it, the trigger hits and off they go. No one likes the feeling of shame; it feels terrible, as though you are the most defective person on the planet. Freedom from shame; is it possible to be truly free from shame? For the most part, yes, it is. That being said, it does not mean a man won’t get triggered sometimes, but there are tools to learn to get back to the present and reassure him that the negative message in his head is not true and he can then reinforce his positive qualities. Shame comes from the boy feeling he should have been able to stop the abuse, or never let it happen in the first place. Men have told me the abuse was their fault even though they were only six when it happened. Why do men blame themselves for being sexually abused? How could a six year old defend himself against a grown man? Men are constantly told that to be a real man they have to buck up, don’t cry, don’t act like a girl, don’t ever be weak and protect their siblings and themselves, and now let’s add: be prepared to die for your country. Put all this together and boys, with these words and ideas going around in their heads, feel like they must have somehow caused the abuse to happen. Our society is just beginning to awaken to the truth, just beginning. I still hear these phrases all the time. “ Men just
by Carol Teitelbaum, MFT
get over it” “It happened so long ago, why should it affect me now” “It was my fault” and even “How can a boy be sexually abused?” It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t hear these words from some mental health workers as well. The statistics are one in three girls and one in four boys will be sexually abused by the age of eighteen. Why are we, as a society, not up in arms about this? Is it because no one wants to talk about it, or face the truth that we are failing our children? Once a survivor speaks up, and gets validation from a group of men who have been through the same issues, he feels like there is hope. In our group of male survivors when a new man joins the group he usually says, “I thought I was the only one this happened to.” Newcomers are surprised to see that they are not alone. What happens next is that the men in our group become brothers, they support each other, encourage each other to do their work, and collaborate on difficult issues. It is heartwarming to see. Freedom comes from telling your story, being validated that you are not alone, and working on ways to heal. Healing modalities include individual and group therapy, reading, journaling, inner family dialog work, psychodrama, and inner child work. Some helpful websites include: malesurvivor.org, ithappenstoboys.org, 1inSix.org, courageoushealers.org, creativechangeconferences.com, frogsandsnailsandmobstertales.com Our Ninth Annual It Happens to Boys Conference will be on 24 March, 2017 at the Westin Hotel, Austin, Texas. We are excited to partner with the Arbor to bring to the community quality education about helping men who have been abused.
© Carol Teitlebaum, MFT is a Psychotherapist in private practice in Rancho Mirage, Calif. She is also the founder of Creative Change Conferences and It Happens to Boys Program. She offers free group counseling to men and teen boys who have been sexually abused as children, and a yearly conference bringing well known experts in the field of trauma, addiction and recovery together creating a two day healing community. For more information go to CreativeChangeConferences.com or call 760-346-4606
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 23
Dear Petra...
Expert answers to your questions about Hep C and Addiction
Food and Fatty Liver?
Is Addiction a Disease?
Mumbai, India
New Orleans, Louisiana
Dear Petra: I have been diagnosed with hepatitis C as well as discovering that I have a “fatty liver.” Which foods should be avoided during fatty liver condition?
Dear Petra: I have been watching you for a while, and being that you are a counselor and a hypnotherapist specializing in addictions, I really want to know if you think that addiction is a disease?
Dear Fatty Liver: Milk thistle extract (silybin) and chelidonium majus are some traditional herbs used to help the liver. Here are some suggestions for home treatment of fatty liver disease, or steatosis hepatitis: If you drink alcohol–stop. If you smoke–stop. If you are overweight, lose weight slowly until you reach your ideal weight. (DON’T go on a crash diet, it will make it worse!) Get plenty of exercise. Keep your cholesterol levels at or below normal. If you are diabetic, keep it under control with normal glucose levels. Avoid harmful substances such as drugs, fast food and junk foods. I hope this helps... Petra
Dear Addiction a Disease?: I am so glad that someone has asked me this question. It is my opinion that addiction (in most cases) is not a disease, but rather it is a dis-ease. Without exception all addictions are rooted in past trauma. I believe that even when addiction is written into a person’s DNA (as can happen when generation after generation suffer), it can still be changed. As I always say, “Change Your Thinking... Change Your World©” The quickest and most permanent way to do this is through hypnotherapy. It has been scientifically proven now that DNA can be changed through language and frequency!
Can My Daughter Have Hepatitis C? Vegas, Nevada Dear Petra: I have a 20 year old daughter whose boyfriend was just in the hospital with pneumonia and “bacterial infection” in his bloodstream. He was treated and released but he tested positive for Hep C. My daughter and he a shared needles for about two years. The doctor made the comment that it will “be a miracle if she doesn’t have it too.” I am, of course, terrified. I would like to know as much about this as possible to be prepared. Dear Terrified: I am terribly sorry to hear this. The first thing they’ll do is an initial blood test, they may take a liver biopsy if it is positive. The odds are she may very well have it... as 98% of intravenous users are infected. The good news is the younger she is and the shorter amount of time it has spent in her body, it won’t have had the time to do much damage... also it will be easier to clear and treat the virus. Thank you for reaching out...I wish I had better news.
I May Be a Compulsive Gambler Oakland, California Dear Petra: Can you explain to me a bit more about what cognitive behavior is as it relates to addictions? I keep running across that term. Dear Gambler: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps patients recognize, avoid, and cope with the situations in which they are most likely to abuse drugs. In short, as a counsellor, I would help you to discover “tools” to deal with your addiction issues before they have time to grab hold of you, by first recognising your “triggers,” and then learning new ways to avoid and to cope with them. Hepatitis C is a growing Global Pandemic! 1 in 12 people have viral hepatitis Globally.
© 2016 Petra aka Petrabilities is a Mental Health Counselor, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Card Reader, Speaker, Author and CEO of #HepCGI . Being an expert in her field and specializing in addictions, Petra is here to answer all your questions and concerns. Please send your questions anonymously via the contact form at www.Petrabilities.com or http://hepcgi.wix.com/hepcgi
24 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
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The following book reviews are honest IMPRESSIONS of these newly released titles. Grab a copy and see if you agree... These are not “paid” reviews. Do you have any recommendations for books about recovery? Get in touch! email: editor@step12magazine.com
Chasing the Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs by Johann Hari Johann Hari intertwines captivating personal perspectives with facts about the disastrous history of the war on drugs, and maps out a clear blueprint to tackle the addiction issue. Chasing the Scream paints a detailed human picture of addiction and the struggle to connect with friends and family without fear of being criticized or judged. Hari starts with Harry Anslinger’s war against marijuana, and outlines his campaign against drugs. Through people’s stories, he explores the concept that punative measures aren’t helping the global issue of addiction and mental illness. This is a great book to inform yourself on this critical issue. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1620408910
Girl Walks Out of a Bar: A Memoir by Lisa F. Smith
Girl Walks Out of a Bar is the darkly comic story of Lisa Smith’s formative years, a decade of alcohol and drug abuse, divorce, and her road to recovery. Simultaneously hard to read, and hard to put down, it’s a compelling page turner that makes you pause and wonder if you really want to know what happens next. This book offers the perfect opportunity to walk around inside the mind of an addict and understand what life is really like from inside a bottle. Fast-paced, sharp, and witty, Lisa Smith’s tale takes the reader along on the journey of her life, which makes for a vivid, elegantly written book. An inspiring read for anyone trying to understand addiction, or for anyone in the midst of the struggle. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G12I6SI
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 25
Neurofeedback: The Non-invasive Brain Workout that Puts You in Control The concept of brain plasticity—the ability of our brains to be optimized and self-regulating for improved cognitive ability, memory, mood and emotional balance, and even physical wellness—is one of the most groundbreaking ideas in medical history. Our brains are the center of our entire well being; now that cutting edge neuroscience confirms the brain can be changed through non-invasive therapeutic methods like neurofeedback, we can look beyond the surgical or medication-based interventions of the past that brought unfortunate side effects to generations of people. We can all live better lives when our brains are at peak performance. Neurofeedback training is an excellent choice for anyone looking to retrain their brain, to move forward from chronic conditions or to take on an exceptional challenge. Employing research-based, highly effective brain exercises, neurofeedback brings results without side effects. It’s a non-invasive, non-pharmaceutical treatment that shows you exactly how your brain works, and provides easy activities that allow you to redirect your own neurological pathways to achieve your wellness and performance goals. Practically everyone can benefit from the brain training neurofeedback offers. Neurofeedback successfully addresses: • Attention deficit disorder and brain fog • Disruptive behaviors • Anxiety and depression • Autism spectrum disorders • Drug and alcohol addiction| • Stress. Insomnia and migraines • Memory and cognitive problems associated with aging • Peak performance challenges in sports, business and the arts Unlike medication, which seeks to balance brain/body chemistry through trial and error, and by introducing additional chemicals to your system, Neurofeedback targets the source: the bioelectrical functioning of the brain. When the brain’s bioelectrical functions misfire, your body’s chemistry “acts out” in ways that result in physical, mental and emotional dysfunctions. Neurofeedback focuses on optimizing the brain’s regulatory networks; over time, the need for medication often diminishes or ceases altogether. Neurofeedback trains your brain to self-regulate. This self-regulation helps your brain flex its own muscle using neuroplasticity. Self-regulation training strengthens and
enhances the overall function of the central nervous system and thereby ramps up and improves mental performance, emotional control and physiological stability. Neurofeedback therapy sessions are fun and relaxing. As you sit comfortably viewing a movie or video game, sensors attached to your head painlessly record your brainwave activity. No voltage or electrical currents are delivered to your brain. Instead, your own brainwaves and your training take control. A highly trained neurofeedback therapist shows you a comprehensive computer analysis of the ebbs and flows of your own brain waves throughout testing and therapeutic activities. Together you can then develop a customized and personal brain optimization training plan. The results of your brain training will begin to manifest in your life as rewards and achievements. As more effective neuropathways are generated and exercised you will begin to see success in therapeutic activities—and then in your own life challenges. Neurofeedback therapy helps us discover and adjust the brain functions you need to overcome conditions that affect your physical, mental and emotional well being. Talk with your medical professional about your interest in neurofeedback training, especially if you are currently on medication. The professionals at the Mind Body Treatment and Research Institute are available to answer your questions about neurofeedback therapy, and how it can help you.
© Dr. Keerthy Sunder, MD is an accomplished Physician with extensive experience as a clinician, researcher, administrator, teacher, lecturer and writer. In Feb 2013, he was invited to join the Editorial Team of the prestigious Journal of Addiction Therapy and Research. He is Board Certified in Psychiatry and Addiction Medicine. Dr. Sunder currently serves as Medical Director for the Mind & Body Treatment and Research Institute and Brisas IOP in Riverside, California and Principal Investigator for CNS Clinical Trials at Clinical Innovations in Riverside, California. You can follow Dr. Sunder at www.asoundmindandbody.com and mbtrins.com or reach him at DrKeerthy@mbtrins.com
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Solution on Page 48
Puzzles
Freedom
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Spot the 10 differences in these pictures
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ABUNDANCE ACCEPTANCE CHAINS CLARITY COMFORTABLE COURAGE DREAMS DRIVE FAMILY FIGHT FLIGHT FREEDOM GLORY GUTS HAPPINESS HONESTY INDEPENDENCE JOURNEY KNOWLEDGE MANIPULATION MEDITATION MOBILITY OPPORTUNITY POWER UNBOXED UNLOCKED VACATION VISION JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 29
Mindfulness with Terra Schaad
Every Sunday, I head out for a long run in preparation for Ironman Boulder 2016. Last week, my training partner and I decided to head out on a trail called the Bridle Path, It’s a flat, wide trail, that creates a border between a residential neighborhood and the Salt River Indian community. It is always blissfully bustling with smiling neighbors and panting, happy dogs, making it one of my favorite go-to running locations. When I mention that I am training for an Ironman, I get many different responses. Commonly, people respond with “Wow, good for you!” Equally common though folks ask, “Why?” or comment “I couldn’t do that”, “I don’t have the time”, or “I’m not a morning person”. I have even been asked, “What are you running from?” Now, I am not suggesting that everyone sign up for an Ironman. In fact, I concur that the the training commitment required to complete an Ironman can be tremendously challenging to maintain a balanced life. What I do believe in is choosing a fitness goal that will cause induced suffering. For some, that may be signing up for a 5K, doing yoga, swimming a 100 meters, or walking your dog around the block. Let your fitness be the determining factor. When we intentionally induce suffering we get to learn our patterns of thought, feelings, and behaviors that are either barriers to completion or enablers of success. We get to practice suffering in a contained environment and become familiar with the sensations, thoughts and behavior patterns that arise under duress. We can then apply what we learn to our life as inevitable chaos emerges and unplanned duress occurs. Most people assume I am a morning person because I wake before the sun is up. I can assure you that I am not. I battle with my snooze button and self defeating thoughts of “I can’t do this anymore. I’m aching and tired”, every morning. On occasion, I’ve given into the thoughts and stayed in bed. I’ve learned over the years the pattern of thought and subsequent behavior of staying in bed, leaves me feeling more tired by the end of the day than overriding them and getting out of bed and lacing up. People also assume that I love running. It’s a partial truth. I love what I learn about myself as I run. Running doesn’t feel good. I run with aches and pains, daily. I practice tuning into the subtleties and discerning pains of fatigue and pains of injury. I practice balancing pressing through the pain or compassionately allowing myself to stop and rest.
Move Mindfully: How Exercise is Mindfulness Practice Induced suffering allows me the opportunity to connect to every part of the body; what thoughts, feelings, and sensations change my heart rate, pace, and motivation to finish. It is an avenue for deep exploration of my patterns that enable, handicap, or prohibit me from completing a workout. Those same patterns show up in every aspect of my life and running, biking, swimming and yoga allow me to practice getting curious about them and create coping mechanisms that work towards success in every aspect of my life. As I headed out to the Bridle Path, my legs ached in weariness as I pushed start on my Garmin. Immediately, I began counting down the minutes to completion of the two hour assigned run. We began our ritual of girly chit chat and settled into our stride. About ten minutes into our run we looked up saw a herd of sorrel, gray, and appaloosa colored mustangs about 50 yards away. Without a word, both of us stopped dead in our tracks in sheer wonder of their beauty and magnificence and the pain in our legs melted away. In a moment, my mentality shifted from counting down the remaining time, to one of anticipation and thrill for what we might see ahead. In moments like these I realize the question is not “What are you running from” but rather, “What are you running towards?”
© Terra is a zealous horse lover and the executive director of Hunkapi Programs, Inc. Terra holds a bachelor of science degree in pre-veterinary medicine from Texas A&M University and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from Arizona State University. She practices living mindfully, is an avid adventurer, yogi, and two-time Ironman Arizona finisher. She embraces her extraordinary life with mindful, contagious enthusiasm and gratitude.
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Feeling Liberated by What We Think and Do by Kristin Wilhite, HHP We all want to be free, even when our patterns say otherwise. A person that can’t seem to leave a domestic violence situation is a perfect example. Every ounce of their self-preservation mechanism is screaming “LEAVE!” but their belief systems hold them hostage. Otherwise, they would just walk out the door and never look back. Our belief systems are mostly created before the age of twelve, the rest by culture, relationships, and how we perceive experiences and trauma. Some believe FREEDOM is an escape or avoidance. I have learned that true FREEDOM comes from when you face the issue and get through the healing of it (aka overcome it). When working with NLP clients, I always ask at the end of the session, “How do you feel about that issue now?” The top four most common responses are “calm, peaceful, lighter and FREE!” I love it! Facilitating the sense of FREEDOM is such a gift! It makes me realize that freedom is a belief that resides in the mind. When we are plagued by unresolved emotions such as trauma, anger, fear or guilt, we are not free. Much like a vehicle needs a fuel injection cleaner on a regular basis, by not doing the necessary clearing work on our emotions, we may find ourselves overreacting, yelling, road raging, losing our temper, hurting people’s feelings, depressed, or fill in the blank. Self-care requires us to “check in” with ourselves and “get real” with what is really going on. To me, there is no shame in facing our fears and dealing with our issues. There is no need for shame when we are taking the necessary actions to grow in our heart, mind, body and spirit. When you find yourself needing support, grief counseling may be ideal. Otherwise, you may be a prime candidate for the quick and easy tools of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) if you are experiencing anxiety, sadness or any of the
above paragraph’s issues. With NLP, we create new neuro pathways that lead you to your desired outcome. For instance, if you are triggered by certain stimuli, we can quickly change your response to one you prefer. This can be very helpful while building healthy relationships. Cleansing old unresolved emotions from childhood can be the missing link for a life filled with joy. Dr. Patrick Scott of Nevada has clinically shown (study) that MER (Timeline Therapy) is more effective in relieving depressive disorders than Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Energetically, when we no longer feel resistance in the body and mind, we often feel liberated. Did you know humans are the only animals that don’t innately shake off stress? After an animal survives a hunt (whether the chaser or chasee), it will find a safe space and relieve itself of the adrenaline / stress hormones. We are the only animals that don’t let it go. Each time we dwell on it (the stressful situation), we are reinforcing a neurological pattern in the brain … much like driving through the mud, we create a rut. The more we drive on the rut, the deeper it gets increasing the potential to get stuck and damage our vehicle. There is great FREEDOM in learning how to let it go, so that it doesn’t cause residual stress, emotional / physical pain, or disease. Imagine how we could change our culture and health just by learning to forgive, let it go and have healthy boundaries with friends, relatives, and coworkers. Exercise: Ask yourself, what can I do to make myself feel free that won’t harm myself or others? Taking a walk, swim, dance, sing, or eating less inflammatory foods? We all have the power to make choices that align ourselves with the sense of freedom. Yes, it may take proactive action, but it’s worth it if you want to FEEL FREE!
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Kristin Wilhite, HHP is the Owner / Founder of www.SustainableHolistic.com DBA Progressive Holistic Living: Providing Professional Holistic Health Care Since 1995.
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Realities of the Addicted Family
by Susan Jackson
The Third Reality: Synchronized Pathos The third reality in the series of understanding the family scrimmage is Synchronized Pathos. Remember that pathos is emotional suffering. The addictive family experiences pathos together, an entity that is synchronized in its suffering. Unfortunately, the only real family togetherness is the synchronized pattern of the daily family scrimmage. The family scrimmage is toxic and painful. Eventually, the family becomes addicted to the intolerable emotional suffering they share together. Synchronized Pathos is a result of participating in the daily family scrimmage over and over again, building a tolerance to the insanity of the experience. With each encounter the family engages in the rough and vigorous struggle. During the scrimmage, various emotional wounds are inflicted. Those wounds are usually untreated and remain open and raw, taken into the next family scrimmage. The experience of synchronized pathos becomes so routine it feels normal to each family member. Understanding the phenomena of this reality can help explain some of the dynamics unique to the addictive family. An example of this would go something like this; Dad was angry, got drunk, Mom becomes sad, their child gets scared. However, the accurate explanation of the experience is; the presence of alcohol in the family. In that moment and moments leading up to the experience, Dad anticipated drinking and then gets drunk. Mom anticipated how sad she will be when her husband starts drinking, choosing alcohol over her and their child and the results that will transpire. It is not a sequence of events leading up to the drinking, rather the presence of alcohol and the knowledge of what will happen during and after the drinking. All of these experiences, are experienced at the same time, together, synchronized. The child in this example is probably worried, wondering which parent will need comforting and protecting after the drinking. The child is participating in the painful events, with his father and mother, each in their own painful experience suffering together. It is the ongoing emotional suffering, the daily preparation for the family scrimmage, and the always together “alone” pathos that consumes them. The addictive family is loyal to the emotional suffering, enduring pathos on a daily basis, responding and interacting with each other like a well-choreographed dance. As the
addiction progresses, the dreaded synchronized pathos increases in intensity. This is the reality of the family pathos; it is extremely painful, distressful and tormenting, and it is experienced by all members of the family together. It is important to educate individuals and families about synchronized pathos. A clear understanding of the experience and how that reality has affected them can be very validating. The validation comes from the acknowledgment that the emotional suffering that the family has been experiencing is due to the drinking. Hopefully, when the family begins to understand this one reality and its powerful effects, they can begin to identify other behaviors they use to cope. Synchronized Pathos is one of the many mysteries of the addictive family. Every family member is under the hypnotic influence of alcohol. This is also true of drugs or any addictive compulsive behaviors. As in any hypnotic trance the individual is unaware of the activity that surrounds them while being “under” the influence. It will take more than the snap of the fingers or strong suggestion to forget what has happened while under the spell of alcohol. It will require a daily effort to change old behaviors and acquire new skills of recovery to break the vile spell. Just as the family’s pathos is synchronized, the family’s recovery can be synchronized, the family’s ultimate goal. Gratefully, it can happen through Profound Coherence (the seventh reality), where everything is revealed and all the pieces fit together.
© Susan Jackson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and Clinical Director for New Creation Healthcare Foundation/His House. Susan has contributed to the field of addiction, as distinguished Clinician, Clinical Supervisor, Director, and Author for over 28 years. She began her career working for the City of Chino, as a Gang Interventionist, Domestic Violence Counselor, and Prevention Specialist. Susan’s dedication and experience working with adolescents with substance use disorders, and their afflicted families, led her to Loma Linda University Behavioral Medicine Center, where she became the Family Therapist on the Chemical Dependency Unit.
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Experience The Twelve Steps Through Music!
Working the steps using the Twelve Songs Workbook with the Twelve Songs CD is a great way to experience Recovery Through Music. Each page of the workbook incldes the lyrics, a picture, and a series of questions that relate to the corresponding song (and step). This is an exciting, fun and affordable new way to enhance spiritual growth no matter what a person is recovering from on their journey
www.SobrietySongs.com
Naranon Family Groups http://www.nar-anon.org/ Alanon Family Groups http://al-anon.org/ CODA for Co-dependents http://coda.org/ NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse) http://www.drugabuse.gov/ Drugfree.org http://www.drugfree.org/ Ask The Judge (answers for teens about the law) http://www.askthejudge.info/ TheFix.com https://www.thefix.com/ Addiction Inbox http://addiction-dirkh.blogspot.com/ Pathway to Prevention (teen use and abuse stops here) http://www.pathwaytoprevention.org/ CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) https://www.robertjmeyersphd.com/index.html GRASP (Grief support for those who have lost someone to addiction) http://grasphelp.org/ Camp Mariposa (For children who have addiction in the family) http://www.moyerfoundation.org/campmariposa Recovery Research Institute http://www.recoveryanswers.org/ The McAlister Institute (low cost/no cost treatment services) http://www.mcalisterinc.org/ Resource List from Denise Krochta at Addicts Family Lifeline, Inc.
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 33
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p U g n Looki
. by Lyn P
I binge watch dazed and confused Newbies shuffle into the rooms of AA. Predictably, Newcomers sit nearest the exit, stealthily hanging on to makeshift court cards, nervously waiting for a cue to get the tattered document signed. Their heads hang low for the duration of meetings, spanning a few weeks (maybe they’re busily texting or praying for the excruciating headache to go away). My own weary Newbie head dangled in the first month of sobriety. I was unable to maintain direct eye contact with anyone because I hadn’t done it for so long. Forlorn and lost, I cast my gaze downward. A month into sobriety, I was walking to my SUV in the parking lot after a meeting, speaking with the Lord (He’s available 24/7/365). “What do I do, now?” I asked. “Look up. Then go home and get your camera,” He suggested. Driving around Menifee Valley, I relished the Idyllwild and Big Bear mountain backdrop topped with snow, like powdered sugar sifted atop chocolate peaks. Along the back-forty dirt roads, pools of rain had collected in the undulating, emerald green valley. The lochs of water reflected the bluest sky polka-dotted with fluffy clouds. Parked alongside Leon Road, I got out of my SUV, serenely pacing, watching “Wow, Lord, for me? Thank you,” I whispered, awestruck. God answered, “Yes. Just for you, Lynda.” I know God’s still, small voice because he calls me by my brand name. Arising from the waist-high grass carpeting the open fields, an opera of chortling birds stilled even the busiest squirrels and
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sprinting jack rabbits. In that moment, I remembered I’d long made direct eye contact with God via His spectacular artistry and natural wonder. I also recollected a meeting in which Misty read a portion of chapter five in the Big Book (BB). One sentence lyrically resonated: God could and would if He were sought. “I can and will help you, Lynda. I will never leave you or forsake you. I love you.” That’s a promise God keeps with all of his children throughout scripture, whether they seek Him or not. I’m most welcomed and encouraged by those present (in any meeting) to share my personal experience, my waxing or waning strength and my restored hope, in a general way. I know I’m not alone in rendering a perplexing or uplifting situation, or two…or three. Heck, my muddled descriptions of good, bad and ugly events, unrestrained joy or incomprehensible demoralization mercifully comes back to me all wrapped up like a gift in vibrant, platitude-type succor from various members of the fellowship. Do I accept the gifts they freely share? Most of the time. Thus, I’ve learned to be a gracious (mostly passive) recipient. I’m thankful that I can just sit and listen, or read, or share, or fill in for, or assist the secretary, or tend a Newbie as I ponder the variety of folks breezing in and out of our meeting room, sober or not, talkative or not, ready or not. For the last five-plus years, meetings have become a daily pit stop where I share in the fellowship’s daily experience (enlightenment), collective strength (reliance on God) and oodles of hope (miracles). I feel instant relief when I suit up, show up and look up. Given time, so will Newbies.
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ABC’s of Alcoholism
N is for newcomers. We’re all glad you’re here. O is for opening my heart to let your love in. P is my prayers to be answered again. Q is for questions. If you have one just ask. R is relinquishing the bad times past. S is special. That’s how I feel. T is for truth and keeping it real. U is for unity. That holds us in place. V is for victory in this human race. W is for wonder, the wonder of your smile. X is for extra. Go the extra mile. Y is for you. And I wish you good luck. Z It’s just a letter, so who gives a fuck.
by Ranay Dato
Freedom from Alcohol
A is for alcoholics like you and me B is for better. We’ll get there. You’ll see. C is for courage. Wear it like a hat. D is for drinking and we don’t do that. E is for everyone sick of drugging and drinking. F is for friends who help change our thinking. G is for God. He’s my higher power. Hope is for hope. The virtue of the hour. I is for me and I’m here for you. J is for just knowing what to do. K is keeping it simple please do. L is for love. May it ever be new. M is for miracles. There’s one right there.
By Alan McCarron
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 35
Freedom from Hurts, Hang-Ups and Habits by Dr. Phyllis and Rev. Carrol Davis
F
reedom from hurts, hang-ups and habits is not easily achieved. Many people suffer from addictions to gambling, alcohol, drugs, destructive relationships, food, anxiety, worry, perfectionism, procrastination, and the list goes on. Many people join and work a twelve-step program. While these programs are great, freedom still eludes many in the form of relapse. Underlying issues are usually at the core of relapse. No matter how hard one struggles and adheres to the program; calling their sponsor daily, attending meetings regularly, and working the steps, freedom from bondage is still elusive. The root cause is what drives people to repeat destructive behavior. Emotions that are “bigger than the event,” are always about our history. The problems and challenges that we face in the here and now usually have their origin in our childhood. The actual event that occurred, or that we perceive occurred, is not the problem. What we believe to be true about ourselves or our situation as a result of the event is the lie that is causing our problems today. Once the belief is established in our unconscious mind, we continue to operate in life as if the belief is true. Example: A grown man suffers from extreme fear and anxiety related to any separation from loved ones. He knows the feeling is bigger than the event and illogical and yet he can not stop the fear and anxiety by reasoning with himself. To curb the feelings of anxiety, he turns to his drug of choice to eliminate the pain creating another problem. Now the grown man enters AA to deal with his alcoholism because he is unable to stop drinking and now has a biochemical reaction to the substance. He does fine working his program, attending meetings, meeting with his sponsor, and working the steps. He goes for long periods of time with successful sobriety only to relapse whenever he is in a life situation that triggers the separation from a loved one (actual or perceived). Why? Exploring the underlying issue, we find that the fear and anxiety is actually rooted in a childhood memory of being left at the sitters for extended periods of time. His thoughts
connected to the event are “I must have done something wrong and that is why my mommy and daddy left me,” or “Something is wrong with me, I must have made them mad.” The little child was not told that the parents were leaving to attend to his sick brother hospitalized in another town. No one stops to explain to the child what happened. Most children conclude, “It must be my fault.” This lie continues to trouble the now adult mind. In the example above, the negative event, abandonment, caused negative thoughts, “I must have done something wrong,” which caused negative feelings, fear and anxiety, which caused negative action or reaction, drink alcohol, relapse condition. Scriptures say to take our thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. When we learn to take our thoughts captive, we learn to stop negative head talk and replace it with the truth of God’s word and anxiety and fear are replaced with peace. The truth about yourself and your situation from God’s word produces positive feelings and actions. The next time you have feelings and thoughts that overwhelm you, remind yourself that if the feeling is “bigger than the event” it is always about your history. Take your thoughts captive, find the lie you believe about yourself or your situation and change it to the truth of God’s word.
© Rev. Carrol graduated from Furman University, ordained in 1975. Honored in Who’s Who, Dr. Phyllis E. graduated from the Union Institute. Davis & Davis were awarded the Christian Authors Award for “Stop the Violence Seven Stages to Sanctify.” Participants give the book, “Journey of the Soul Cracked Pots and Broken Vessels,” and workshops five star reviews as they journey to resolve challenges of living life in a fallen world. www.thejourneypathwaystohealing.net
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11th Step: Praying With A Pen by Nora Slattery
One of the most powerful of the steps in Alcoholics Anonymous for ongoing recovery is the 11th Step. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his His will for us and the power to carry that out. This pure and purposeful goal—to keep in contact with God—asks us to find the means to do it. Prayer and meditation come in many forms. There are deeply meaningful prayers within the Big Book cannon and in traditional religions. The Steps allow us our make our own choices in reaching our Higher Power. One of those choices can be found at the tip of your pen. We have all sat with our thoughts forming an honest talk, a hopeful wish, and sometimes a plea with our Higher Power. The act of capturing and holding on to those thoughts by writing them down in a journal is a powerful resource for recovery. It serves in the present as a way to focus, to draw out our inner wisdom, and to make a spiritual connection. Over time, by keeping those prayers in a journal we measure our progress in recovery. There are some helpful techniques to turn writing into a spiritual practice. Find a quiet, dedicated place to write. It could just be by a window, or outside on a porch or even in a library. Any place that inspires. Make it a ritual. This is your sacred time. A daily commitment is profound, but just consistent effort matters. A dedicated journal for your prayer practice doesn’t have to be fancy, just put to good use. Give yourself a writing prompt. It could be from the Big Book or other spiritual literature, a prior entry, or an immediate need. Before you begin, take a few minutes, and a few deep breaths: this will help still the mind and open the door. No judgment. The only measure of success is your sense of communion with your Higher Power. This may unfold quickly or slowly; it is not one-time test, it is a lifelong practice. AA is a spiritual program, and calm reflection using a pen and a journal can help bring moments of clarity, connection, and quiet inspiration. This is conscious contact. Nora Slattery is a certified Journal to the Self™ instructor. She teaches a workshop created by the Center for Journal Therapy. She is currently working on a memoir in the UCLA Writer’s Program. For workshop information: njslattery@gmail.com.
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Synaptamine
Amino-Acids for Brain Health
What is Synaptamine™ and how does it work? Addiction has a high heredity component, based on a reward deficiency trait that may be impacted by the environment. We believe that in order to change the continued epidemic of abuse of opiates/opioids or any other drug and non-‐drug addictive behavior, the La-‐Vita RDS patented aqua–nano liquid product, Synaptamine™, should be a first-‐line defense. LaVita Scientists, especially Dr. Kenneth Blum, their Chief Scientific Officer, have published many articles proposing that even initially during detoxification, Medically Assisted Treatments (MATs) should be substituted with the non-‐addicting and safe ‘pro-‐dopamine’ regulator – Synaptamine™. This statement it is backed by extensive scientific peer reviewed published articles in prestigious journals. We now know that addiction or Reward Deficiency Syndrome (RDS) [now featured in SAGE Encyclopedia of Abnormal Psychology 2016] is a brain disorder and is due to genetic vulnerability in at least 100,000 million people in the America. Any treating clinician should embrace the concept that both initiation of substance seeking and continued abuse is due primarily to a hypo-‐dopaminergic trait (genetic) or environmentally induced state (epigenetic) or a combination of both. So a major solution must address the low dopamine brain function early on in the recovery process especially when an individual seeks help, clinicians should promote the long-‐term balancing of dopamine function with the laudable goal of inducing “Dopamine Homeostasis” (regulation). There is continuing excitement concerning the consistent positive effects of Synaptamine™. Almost thirty published studies clearly show major anti-‐craving effects, enhanced well-‐being (stress reduction). Synaptamine™ is not a drug rather it is a natural mixture of precursor amino-‐acids to neurotransmitters like serotonin, glutamine, and dopamine, inhibitors of the breakdown of brain endorphins and inhibitors of enzymes known to clear or breakdown dopamine in the synapse. Simply it has been found that Synaptamine ™ has been shown to gently activate (light up) dopamine across the reward circuitry of the brain in abstinent heroin addicts. Studies have revealed that there is an increased recruitment of additional dopamine neurons firing in brain areas involved in reward processing with possible neuroplasticity even in the long-‐term. The Synaptamine model, unlike other detoxification models that continue the addiction cycle, by administering either methadone or buprenorphine/naloxone during this critical detoxification period, definitely by-‐passes this unwanted therapy and starts the individual on a path of victory from the chains of addictive drugs. So what is our secret? 1) 2)
Understanding the mechanisms involved Finding new ways to induce long-‐term dopamine homeostasis.
We achieve this by supplying the abstinent opiate addict with just the right amount of dopamine, which induces just the optimal amount of dopamine to be released from the neuron -‐ without adding MATs like methadone or buprenorphine in any form, rather replacing it with Glutaminergic-‐Dopaminergic optimization (GDOC) as provided by Synaptamine™.
Through continued additional research, along with fellow neuroscientists and clinicians, we may find new ways to further enhance an optimization of glutaminergic/ dopaminergic systems. With Synaptamine you can induce “dopamine homeostasis”, redeem joy and restore hope!
I have children who suffer with depression and/or anxiety. We have tried many medications over the years, but the effects were short term & the side effects were sometimes worse than the depression itself. After introducing my son to Synaptamine, he came to m e one day and said "Mom, I can tell it is working because I am smiling all the time." My daughter's also added Synaptamine to what she was already doing and immediately noticed improvement with her anxiety. Thank you so m uch for this wonderful product! [Wendy A.]
As a mom of 5 kids and a wife of a recovering addict, saying I’m stressed would be an understatement. Since being on Synaptamine, my stress level has decreased and my energy level has really increased. It also has helped with my cravings for carbs and I even noticed weight loss with this product. I was looking for something natural with no side effects to come along because I didn't want to be on medication. My body never reacted well with anything the doctor prescribed. I am so happy I was introduced to Synaptamine! [C. Hendrix]
I am a 56 & in recovery from alcoholism. I agreed to start using Synaptamine on the urging of a friend. I began taking it daily and within the first week noticed that I was able to stay sharp in a demanding job without feeling overwhelmed or taxed. I happened to run out of the product over a weekend … the way I felt after suddenly discontinuing its use only reinforced in my mind the great benefits I had been enjoying during m y daily doses. I won't let that happen again as this has honestly given my recovery a boost that I'm not willing to be without. [Bill G.]
JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 37
Freedom from Drama in Recovery by Jim Anders
A
ddiction catches up to us all in the end does it not?. In a single weekend, I lost my career, and my family. Shortly thereafter, I entered a pay for service rehab in a very depressed mood. Among the things I recalled from this facility was a strong warning that drug use while in treatment would result in instant discharge. I clearly remember thinking “Yeah, I doubt that.” I doubted them because I knew that our insurance companies were paying the facility hundreds of dollar a day for each client. I cynically believed the rehab would never willingly cast aside so much profit over a little thing like relapse. A recovering alcoholic befriended me and taught me how to get along in rehab, and what it means to “really work the steps.” A week later my friend left on a day-pass to look for work. He returned drunk. The counselors let him use the phone, packed his belongings and drove him to the bus stop. I was furious. The staff had taught me addiction was a disease. Now if that is true, how was it fair to kick someone out for relapsing? After all, I reasoned, a hospital would never kick out a cancer patient because the cancer returned. How could such a practice in substance abuse treatment be justified? I’ve come to recognize the simple answer is that one cannot help a cancer patient by removing the patient from treatment. However one might, as a last ditch effort, help a relapsing addict precisely by not helping. Let me explain. In 1968 a psychiatrist named Steve Karpman developed a way of understanding dysfunctional relationships. This understanding rest upon a diagram often called the Drama Triangle. The three points of the Triangle represent three roles people often play in relationships. Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim. This diagram does not describe legitimate actions of rescue such as fire fighters pulling a victim from a burning car; rather, it describes dysfunction that arises when people seek to play roles that have personal “pay offs” at the expense of others. All three roles are dysfunctionally related and each role seeks a selfish end. The rescuer gets to feel needed; the victim gets
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to feel valued, and the persecutor gets to feel in control. The triangle has proven to be a very useful thought construct for therapists. For nearly half a century, it has informed the interventions of the mental health community in all manner of problems—not just addiction. Now, let us consider for a moment the relationships between the rescuer and the other two points. It seems that if a rescuer wishes to help a victim this can be done in two predominant ways. First, a rescuer may nurture the victim. In the case of addiction the rescuer may provide shelter, food, and other necessities. Or, conversely, a rescuer may attack the persecutor. A wouldbe rescuer in the case of addiction may try to protect the victim from legal, medical and other consequences of addiction. Freedom from this unhealthy drama comes when addicts and codependents are taught about the Drama Triangle and are instructed in the primary ways a rescuer tries to rescue (namely by nurture of the victim and attack of the persecutor). Acceptance of that dynamic, along with an understanding that addicts are their own persecutors, crystalizes the problem. Victim and persecutor merge into a single selfabusive person. Now, how can the hapless rescuer help? If rescuers attempt to nurture the self-abusing addicts they will inevitably also nurture and, therefore, make stronger the persecutors. Similarly, when rescuers attack the persecutor they necessarily end up attacking both persecutor and victim inflicting additional misery on the victim. I can see no way to make that dysfunctional relationship workable. The more rescuers nurture the more they enable. The more rescuers attack the more they enfeeble. Such drama is damaging to all involved to stay clean we must be free of it. This is why my friend was discharged from treatment. When he began to harm himself by drinking, it was no longer possible to help him. Avoiding the self-torture of active substance abuse gives our loved ones can love us without fear of hurting us.
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RECOVERY ONLINE Alcohol Addiction Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org Secular Sobriety: www.sossobriety.org Women for Sobriety: www.womenforsobriety.org SMART Recovery: www.smartrecovery.org Drug Addiction/Substance Abuse: Narcotics Anonymous: www.na.org NIDA: www.drugabuse.gov Recovery Program Search Engine: www.recovery.org Sex Addiction Sex Addicts Anonymous: saa-recovery.org Sex Addict Help: sexaddicthelp.com/Links/index.htm Healthy Mind: www.healthymind.com/s-index.html Food Addiction Overeaters Anonymous: www.oa.org ACORN: www.foodaddiction.com Food Addicts: www.foodaddicts.org RFA: www.recoveryfromfoodaddiction.org Gambling Addiction: Gambling Anonymous: www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga Problem Gambling: www.problemgambling.com CCPG: www.calpg.org Other Addictions: Internet Addiction www.addictionrecov.org/ Addictions/index.aspx?AID=43 ReStart: www.netaddictionrecovery Support Groups for Family and Friends Al-anon: www.al-anon.org Al-ateen: www.al-anon.alateen.org/for-alateen Adult Children of Addicts: www.adultchildren.org Gam-Anon: www.gam-anon.org Codependency: Forums: http://www.onlinecoda.net/forums.html https://sites.google.com/site/codacall Mental Health Links SAMHSA: www.samhsa.gov Other Links and Resources http://www.roommatesinsobriety.com Check out Step 12 Magazine on Social Media
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 39
Dan Griffin on
Real Men, Real Reovery
The Promises Series When I was young and just coming into recovery, I read these words on pages 83 and 84 and saw for the first time what my life could be some day. In the midst of my deep insecurity, shame, fear, and hopelessness, these words were a beacon. I took very seriously the fact that they are called the Promises, not the Maybes or the Might Happens. I went to meetings where men and women talked about how the promises had come true in their life and so I held onto them as a covenant between me and the fellowship. They have come true for me. And, they will come true for you, too—so long as you are willing to do the work.
not do for you what you can do for yourself. This Promise explores the mystery of recovery. It tells us that we are taken care of—no matter what—and that our Higher Power will always meet us halfway (at least) and carry us through when we simply allow it to happen. After two decades of recovery I know this to be true. Despite some very painful experiences over the years, I have always felt my Higher Power’s support through it all, especially when I was quiet enough to listen and humble enough to ask others to help me discern it. This Promise is about faith—faith that your Higher Power is always there looking out for your best interests. You are never alone. Life will never be too much for you to handle, no matter what happens. What a beautiful world when we begin to see that the feelings of desperate loneliness that we used to have were nothing more than our spirits crying for a deeper connection to Life. And that connection is—and always was—available to us.
Promise #11: God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. This Promise can sustain you and teach you to trust in your Higher Power’s infinite support in your life. The opposite of this statement is profound and important, too: God will
© Dan Griffin, MA is a husband, father, and author and has been on his own journey of recovery since 1994. You can follow Dan at DanGriffin.com
A Family Business
benchmarktransitions.com
The Benchmark Transitions® Program Benchmark Transitions® is a comprehensive, multi-disciplinary approach to residential therapeutic transitional living for young adult men and women offering a full continuum of transitional living services: •
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1.800.474.4848 ext.1 INTRODUCING a new and exciting phase to our program development ... Opening Summer, 2016!
Benchmark Transitions® welcomes two primary residential programs to our family of services. Founded in 1993 by Jayne Longnecker-Harper, Benchmark Transitions continues to be family owned and operated, serving young adults and their families for nearly twenty three years. Benchmark Transitions® is known for our comprehensive clinical support, life skills, education and vocational guidance. It is with tremendous gratitude that we announce a new and exciting phase to our program development... Benchmark Transitions® at Wildwood Canyon for young adult men and Benchmark Transitions® at Panorama Ridge for young adult women. We are thrilled to include a true, primary residential experience for families and our clients, in addition to the structured transitional and extended care services we have always offered.
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The Price of Freedom from Active Addiction is Not Free! By Judy Redman, Phd
No, the price of freedom from active addiction is certainly not free. Had I been capable of understanding the true price that would be paid for my recovery from active addiction, I may have been spared the countless demoralizing relapses I suffered. I do hope those in early recovery who have stumbled upon this reading will be able to hear the message that there is a price we have had to pay for the restoration of our sanity. The path is simple, but it is not easy. Think of the journey as an uphill climb. In order to get to the top, you need to keep climbing. In my early attempts to gain ground on the path that our AA forefathers spoke of, I made some treacherous mistakes. My conception of “How it Works” was bogus. These wrong perceptions later proved to be my demise, and nearly cost me my life. In this short article, I will share some of the mistakes that I, and sadly others I have observed in my years of recovery, have made. I can attest that, “Rarely have I seen a person succeed who has thoroughly followed this path!” In my introduction to Alcoholics Anonymous, I clearly heard the good people in the rooms state, “The only requirement for membership was the desire to stop drinking”. “Okay”, I thought “I have the desire to stop drinking.” Therefore, from my perception upon admission of my desire, I instantly became a member, right?! This membership was my safeguard, right?! Seriously, and sadly, I thought I was safe. My mistake was that I had been saved by God and the rooms of AA. I mistook being rescued for long-term sobriety.
Making matters worse, I proceeded into my misconceptions of the twelve steps. When I learned I needed to work the Steps, I interpreted that to mean I had to memorize them. I promptly bought a copy and memorized each step. For a burnt-out addict, it was a lot of work. When asked, “Have you began your twelve step work?” I proudly and emphatically proclaimed, “Indeed, I have.” I was going to meetings, and having a rather good time, at least as well as could be expected for not being high, and I had “worked the steps” so I was home free, right?! Of course, in no time, I found Mr. Right in the rooms. He was a Recovery Knight, and coming from him, I really understood “How it Works”. Yes, I was convinced I was never going to drink or use again. I was attending meetings, working the steps, and held a strong belief my Higher Power had saved me from my addiction. I was so convinced that I was an “alcoholic” in recovery that I was able to “carry the message”. Proclaiming I was an alcoholic, and that my life had become manageable, made it so, right?! At least, until it wasn’t. Well, you readers already know the fallacy of my story and we need not venture further into my misconceptions. Today, I look upon the beautiful faces of the young and old who are desperately seeking freedom from active addiction. I wish I could tell them how easy the path to recovery is going to be. I want them to believe in their dream of recovery. I want to be encouraging, and let newcomers know how magnificent life is! However, I have to reiterate that freedom from active addiction is not free. It takes a desperate willingness to do the work required. One should reflect carefully on the Big Books reading “We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start” (p.58). Make no mistake that the reading “Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program…” (p.58) is not say that the program is easy. It should be understood from the very start that those who are in the throes of addiction have a lot of work ahead of them. However, the promises will materialize if we work for them.
Dr. Judy Redman is a leading proponent of recovery. She has dedicated much of her personal and professional life to the betterment of the recovering community. She began her career as a Certified Substance Abuse Counselor in 2000. She began teaching AOD Counseling Studies in 2004 and is currently the Director of Education for New Creation College, Costa Mesa. Currently, Dr. Redman is completing her Dissertation; Motivational Interviewing’s Impact on Addiction Counselors.
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 41
Free to be Me
I
once lived by Kris Kristofferson’s words, sung by Janis Joplin: Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose ... Many times during my active addiction I paid no rent, paid no bills, had no car payment (and no car). I also had no dignity, no honor, no self respect and no respect from others. I was down to nothing with nothing left to lose. It is a pitiful and pitiable state to be in. I am now a woman in recovery, I have my dignity, I behave honorably, I have self respect. I pay my bills and I pay my way; I am of service and I am helped by others. One might think that I had a lot to lose. If I drink, yes. But yet, I still do not live in fear.
“... the freedom to fly so freely with my soul intact.” The promises as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous have come true for me. I have no more fear of economic insecurity, I am very seldom baffled by life, I have come to know a new freedom and a new happiness. These are not the result of a pain and challenge free life. I have been very poor, have been jobless, have had my heart broken, and have experienced the death of loved ones. The change in my perceptions is the result of altering my concept of freedom and understanding of loss. I have worked the steps a few times over. I go to meetings, I share at meetings, I have a sponsor and I sponsor others. I practice yoga, I meditate, I teach and I study. As a mom, a grandmother, a wife, sister and niece I am closer to my family now that I ever thought I would be. Working through my codependency issues has allowed these relationships to become more authentic and enjoyable to all. This is freedom.
by Kyczy Hawk
from ego. I had wanted to have people think of me a certain way, or to look AT me a certain way. I wanted to fit in with my household accessories by having rugs, wall hangings, furniture that were in fashion. I wanted the right car, the right shoes, the right hair color—all to show people that I was normal. It was my life’s passion to fit in. I fit in now. I am free from making decisions based on what I thought other’s opinion of me would be. Instead of imagining what I needed to do to gain the respect of others, I have learned to behave according to the ethics and values of my program of recovery and my yoga practice. I am ethically and authentically ME. I have freed both YOU and ME from the charade of defining myself by your standards. I have a strong spiritual connection to all beings. My values bind me to them, and give me freedom, too. No string, no flight—without the discipline of my connection to my higher power I could not have found the freedom to fly so freely with my soul intact. From the outside you might think that I have a lot to lose: home, family, work-life, recovery life and I do. I would be heart-sick were any of these were to be removed. And I would survive. I no longer feel that I exist because of those things and relationships. I no longer live to deserve them nor feel that I would be unworthy without them. I am a woman in recovery—and as long as I am that, I have everything I need.
Life can still be confusing, it can be challenging and I still feel pain, sorrow and sometimes depression. Using tools from my recovery kit and from my yoga practice I am able to get grounded and find my balance. Remaining in connection with recovery friends and moving on the mat can clear my head, and get me out of myself. With all my work in recovery my brain sometimes still misfires, but I have the tools to get free of the unhealthy historical thinking. I am free from the bondage of self. I now spend according to my means, and according to my needs. I had done a fourth step on my spending and budgeting habits and found that much of my expenses were generated Kyczy Hawk is in long term recovery and is enthusiastic about her life in sobriety. She is the “secretary” of the “Yoga Recovery” meetings, Sundays 7am PST on In The Rooms ( http://www.intherooms.com/livemeetings/view?meeting_id=144&check=1 ). She is a yoga teacher and author of Yoga and The Twelve Step Path and Life in Bite Sized Morsels. For more yoga tools, visit her website at: http://yogarecovery.com/additional She is aided and amused by her family who keep her busy and humble.
42 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
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authentically,laugh more often,
“I’m ~ Geo still alive!” rge, N ebrask a
“How do you experience FREEDOM in recovery?”
ble to eing a b is t om ’t wan “Freed t I don a h h t t e g at choos knowin d n a , k to drin drink.” I won’t les, UK er, Wa h t s E ~
“I can make be reasonab plans and ly sure will pan out. they ” ~ Ellen L, O ceanside, C A
“The ability not to care what others think about me is FREEDOM.” ~ Lori N, Atlanta GA
“Life is more peaceful now that I’m free of my addiction to trouble.” ~ Roger Rabbit “Freedom from hangovers, now I enjoy more life time with friends & family.” ~ Sandra F, Carlsbad, CA
“Once tr a addiction pped in a cage o f , I can n ow run fr nothing e e — h ~ Susan olds me back.” H, Ocean side, CA .
Freedom is being able to buy pants that fit. ~ Hulk
“I have experien ced Freedom Recovery in when able to t urn my w ill and my life over to the ca re of my higher p ower.” ~ Monica G, Solan a Beach, C A
When I wake up in the morning, and I know exactly who is sleeping next to me, his name, his background, and where I met him. ~ Peter, Los Angeles, CA n gave om addictio fr m o d e e fr “My for my dom to care e e fr e th e m me.” they needed n e h w ts n re pa CA osta Mesa, ~ Penni B, C
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ids.“ “With my k rida lo F ~ Eleanor,
“Through acceptance.” ~ Jodi, San Diego, CA “Do the Do’s, Don’t the Don’ts.” ~ JC, Estero, FL “Living in th e 12 Steps. Living in the moment wit h gratitude.” ~ Mike C, E ncinitas, CA
y spiritual “Based on m nd until my condition, a ends to make am willingness ently grows suffici ) y ll a tu n e v it (e free to exhib painful, I’m rt’s a e h fects to my ” character de t… live righ desire. Or to s, California ~ Rick Evan
“I don’t have to keep track of my lies.” ~ Karen V, Oceanside, CA
HOW Hon .... Ope esty n Willi Minded n ~ To gness Rive dd H, rsid CA e,
“I’ve felt so FREE as God broke every chain th at was keeping me bound to the life of active addiction.” ~ Laura D, Baltimor e
“Freedom to be me, instead of a creep always angling for a fix.” ~ Joe T, New York
“I don’t depend on other super-heroes to practice my magnificent super powers.” ~ Wonder Woman JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 43
Sippin’ on Sizzurp
How Sizzurp, a dangerous and illegal cocktail concoction, made popular in the hip hop community, has taken root among teens. Purple is an edgy hue long associated with music that has evoked fervor, intensity, and drama starting with the 70’s hard rock days when the color helped name Jimi Hendrix’s famous song, Purple Haze and onto Prince’s 1984-era chart topper, Purple Rain. These days, however, purple is associated with something called Sizzurp, or Purple Drank, a concoction of prescriptionstrength cough syrup containing codeine and promethazine mixed with sodas like Sprite or Mountain Dew, and the sweetness enhanced with Jolly Rancher candies. These seemingly innocuous ingredients, when consumed as a drink for recreational drug use, causes serious health consequences, including death. The Sizzurp concoction is often at a dosage that exceeds 25 times the recommended dose for the cough medication. An open conversation about the dangers of drugs such as Sizzurp is important, as with any potentially dangerous substance to which your adolescent may be exposed. Born in the 1990’s Houston hip-hop scene, Sizzurp, also known, as Lean and Texas Tea, became a central theme in not only the lyrics penned by various hip-hop artists, but also played out with flourish in their lifestyles. Made famous by such artists as DJ Screw, Pimp C, and Big Moe in their lyrics and performances, Sizzurp was subsequently also the cause of their untimely deaths. In more recent years, Lil Wayne and Justin Bieber have been associated with using Sizzurp. The drink is glamorized in music videos, YouTube postings, and on social media, perpetuating the drug’s allure among young people. Sizzurp has also been seen within the ranks of the NFL. Johnny Jolly of the Green Bay Packers was arrested in Houston in 2008 with elements of Sizzurp discovered in his car. In 2006, Terrance Kiel of the San Diego Chargers was arrested for attempting to ship a large amount of the cough syrup to an acquaintance. In 2005, Oakland Raiders’ Marcus Russell was arrested for being in possession of the codeine-based syrup, which had been negatively affecting his performance on the field. About Sizzurp The active ingredients, codeine and promethazine, are central nervous system depressants, which when consumed in high doses can cause dangerous respiratory depression. Codeine is in the opiate family, classified as a Category II controlled substance that converts to morphine in the body. Withdrawal symptoms to codeine are quite similar to that of a heroin addiction. Promethazine is an antihistamine with sedative qualities, and at high doses can result in a dissociative state, out-of-body experience, similar to PCP or ketamine.
Sizzurp has a powerful sedative effect, causing drowsiness, lack of coordination slowed heart rate, blurred speech, loss of balance, and seizures. Moreover, high doses of Sizzurp can prove fatal as significant central nervous system and respiratory depression can cause the heart and lungs to stop functioning. Teens can be secretive about their experimentation of recreational drugs, so parents need to follow their instincts and dig a little deeper if their teen displays changes such as: • Anxiety and depression can result after the drug’s effects wear off. With continued codeine use, these moods will become more pronounced. • Continually asking for help for a medical condition related to a cough. Persistent seeking of prescription medication may be a sign of a substance abuse problem. • Finding prescription cough medicines missing from the parent’s medicine cabinet • Codeine abuse will lead to decreased energy and a lethargic state. If your teen is sleeping more than usual, or has acquired an apathetic attitude towards school or family, this could be a sign of drug abuse. • Codeine addiction can cause persistent muscle twitching, fainting, rashes, and vomiting, symptoms that should be addressed by the parent.
Get Help for Sizzurp Abuse If your teen is caught up in the recreational abuse of Sizzurp, they may need professional help in detox and withdrawal, as uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms may make it difficult to quit. Look for a treatment program that will meet your teen’s specific needs, one that provides a safe and supportive environment for your child to learn to make the positive choices that will lead them to a satisfying and productive life.
© Mendi Baron, LCSW, Founder and CEO of Evolve Treatment Centers, is a passionate advocate for teens in the field of mental health and addiction and the go-to expert to start the conversation on critical issues that impact teens and their families.
44 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
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Exploring The World
T
he formative years of my recovery were buoyed by twelve-step meetings. As a newcomer, I had a great sponsor, diligently worked the steps, stayed clean despite being surrounded by temptation, read the Big Book daily, and rarely missed a meeting. For several years, my life revolved around staying on track and going to meetings. I found connections in the rooms, and wonderful people who understood what I had been through. However, the religious aspect of step meetings eventually began to grate against my own non-religious beliefs. I also felt that too many twelve-steppers tended to speak in idioms, and they only felt comfortable around others in recovery. In time, I wanted more for myself. Despite the heavy load of emotional baggage I had carried around my entire life, I wanted to emulate people who managed their lives successfully without overwhelming emotional difficulties. I didn’t want to be somebody whose life centered around meetings and who crumbled into pieces when life threw out a challenge. I decided to move on. This decision led me to planning a trip around the world. Veering off the beaten track is one of my favorite ways to journey. I love to travel to places as yet untouched by masstourism, where mod-cons are scarce, where the locals don’t speak my language, and where menus are more point-and -hope-it’s-edible rather than the usual disappointing tourist fare. If I wanted to spend all day staring mindlessly at my iPad and eating pizza, I could have stayed at home. Instead, I packed a light backpack and took off for parts unknown. I had no idea how long I’d be gone. I didn’t have a plan, just a desire to fully experience the planet upon which I exist. For the first few months, I experienced meeting-withdrawals. It was almost as if I’d replaced my substance addiction with an addiction to twelve-step meetings. Determined to stay on track, and see the world, I found other ways to connect with people who were not addicts. It was difficult sometimes, sitting around a fire on a remote beach or mountain-top camp, observing everyone with a beer in their hand, passing joints around the circle. Quietly, I would slink off to my room to meditate, and remove myself from the temptation. In those early days, there were times I wondered if there were any meetings nearby. When I started on my journey, the internet hadn’t been invented yet, so there was no way to know. Instead, while socializing, I learned to seek out others who were not imbibing or getting high. Many of my newfound friends weren’t addicts, they just didn’t think it was fun to get rat-faced. During my travels, I participated in life, going paragliding, or scuba diving, learning to cook all types of cuisine from Indian curry to Mexican fajitas and everything in between. I focused on learning languages and exploring nearby regions, discovering new cultures and ways of life I had never previously imagined. It was years before I found myself in another twelve-step meeting, where the cliches hadn’t changed, but the message to stay on track was just as strong.
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 45
ang h W e n Suzan
What a WHANGderful World! Braveheart at Kinko’s
I used to have a knack for attracting the angriest guy in the room, finding him extremely sexy, and starting to date him. One such guy was a sober alcoholic who replaced alcohol with rage. To protect his anonymity, let’s call him Tim. I never saw Tim take a drink, but he had a terrible temper that could flare up at any moment for any reason. Of course he wasn’t like that in the beginning, but as soon as we became exclusive, his true nature revealed itself. Dr. Jekyll frequently morphed into Mr. Hyde, and I felt like I was on “Punk’d.” Where’s Ashton? I spent a lot of my time and energy walking on eggshells, doing my best to make sure everything went smoothly in his day, so that he wouldn’t lose his temper. His outbursts terrified me, and it could be the smallest things that would set him off. I lived with a baseline level of constant fear, and my mood was completely dependent on his.
and got into the car, he still seemed a bit shell-shocked, but he didn’t appear to be bleeding or injured. He calmly drove us home. He didn’t say anything about what happened, and I didn’t ask. We actually had a nice night together.
Then I started attending twelve-step meetings. I remember a woman sharing about a crisis that her husband was going through, and she used the expression, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Hahaha! This was a lighthearted way of reminding herself that other people’s dramas are not hers to solve or fix. Easier said than done, but I started to grasp the importance of setting clear and healthy boundaries between what’s my business and what’s not my business.
“Freeeeedommmmmm!” It’s William Wallace’s famous outcry. And it’s the exhilarating way I feel when I cut the toxic umbilical cord of codependence between my happiness and other people, places, things, or circumstances.
One day, Tim asked me to accompany him on an errand to Kinko’s. The Kinko’s girl presented him with his order, which was completely messed up. The printouts were all crooked, and stapled out of order. I could see Tim’s blood start to boil, and he began raising his voice. In the past, I would have immediately jumped into the line of fire, attempting to resolve the situation peacefully. But a voice inside of me whispered, “Is this your circus? Are these your monkeys?” Oh my God! Absolutely not. This isn’t even my errand! I summoned all the courage I had inside of me, smiled at Tim, and said calmly, “You know what, sweetie? I’m going to go wait in the car.” And with my heart pounding out of my chest, I slowly walked out the door. I was sitting in the car, completely astonished that I had taken such a contrary action to what I would normally do. It was revolutionary! In order to soothe myself, I turned on the radio to my favorite station, and took deep breaths. What’s going on in there? Did he start a fistfight? Will the cops be arriving soon? Should I go back in? No! Stay right where you are! When Tim finally emerged from the building
The next morning Tim said, “Hey by the way, thanks so much for not saying anything last night about what happened. I caused such a scene. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think I need to find an anger management class or a therapist.” Wow. I realized that all of my previous “enabling” was preventing him from experiencing the consequences of his actions, and learning the lessons he was supposed to learn on his own. When we jump in and fix other people’s problems, we are infantilizing them and taking away the natural evolution of their journeys as adults.
I can practice detaching, with love. When I left Kinko’s to go to the car, I did it with kindness. I like to think of myself as a helium balloon, and whenever I tether myself to a load of crap, I am not free. Detaching with love enables me to cut the cord and float upward towards my true blissful nature.
© Suzanne Whang is best known as the host of HGTV’s #1 show, House Hunters, for almost a decade. She also co-hosted Bloopers with Dick Clark on NBC, and FOX After Breakfast with Tom Bergeron. Suzanne played Polly on NBC’s Las Vegas for four seasons, and she’s a double award-winning stand-up comedian. She’s a published author, keynote speaker, teacher, coach, political activist, and metaphysical minister. Suzanne has a B.A. in Psychology from Yale University, and a Masters in Cognitive Psychology from Brown University. She’s currently starring in the sitcom From Here On Out (Here TV), recurring on the new DirecTV series Kingdom, and starring in the hilarious upcoming feature film, A Weekend With The Family, in theaters April 1st. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @suzannewhang.
46 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
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Humor Page The Fourth of July was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to talk to her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should all be very happy about is that, in this country, everyone is free.” One little girl came stomping up to her from the back of the room. She stood with her hands on her hips, angrily huffing and said loudly, “I’m not free. I’m four!” A high school student was given an assignment to ask a military veteran about their experiences of war. Since his father had served two terms in the Middle East, the teenager chose him to conduct the interview. After a few basic questions, he very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone, Dad?” The boy’s father became very quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.” At lunchtime, the children were all lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian elementary school. At the end of the table was a large pile of apples. The head nun had put a stern note on the apple tray... “Take only ONE. Remember, God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large plate piled high with home-made chocolate chip cookies. One of the children had put a note on the cookie plate... “Take as many as you want. God is watching the apples.” Vera, a distraught wife, went to the local police station with her next-door neighbour, Pauline, to report that her husband had been missing for more than 48 hours. The officer asked for a description of the missing man. Vera described him clearly and in detail, “He is 35 years old, 6 ft 4 inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is softly-spoken and is fabulous with the children.” Pauline interrupts her, protesting, “Vera! Your husband is 5 ft 8 inches, fat and hairy, bald as an egg, has a big filthy mouth, and is absolutely horrid to your children. Vera replied, with a mournful sigh, “Yes, I know, but who wants HIM back?”
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Q: Take away my first letter, and I sound the same. Take away my last letter, and I sound the same. Take away my middle letter, and I still sound the same. I am a five letter word. What am I? A: Empty Q: If I have it, I don’t share it. If I share it, I don’t have it. What is it? A: A Secret. Q: I’m tall when I’m young and I’m short when I’m old. What am I? A: A candle Q: Mary’s father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the fifth daughters name? A: If you answered Nunu, you are wrong. It’s Mary! Q: In a one-storey pink house, there is a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower–everything is pink! What color are the stairs? A: There aren’t any stairs. it’s a one storey house!
by Ranay Dato
by Ranay Dato
JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 47
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48 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
Puzzle Solutions from Pages 28 & 29
Carrying A Message of Hope
Thank You!
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Recovery Trivia, Messages
and things that make ya go “Hmmmm..”
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 49
July / Aug
Aries Mar 21 – Apr 19
Taurus Apr 20 – May 20
Gemini May 21 – Jun 20
Cancer Jun 21 –Jul 22
Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22
Virgo Aug 23 – Sept 22
2016
Jul - Things should go well this month, Aries, so don’t worry about a thing. Life does not necessarily get easier as you get older. You just deal with things better. You will find this to be true as your incredible sensitivity and wisdom make it possible for you to attain a clearer perspective. You realize things are much better than you may have first thought. Aug - It’s time to get out and network with some key people. Life is heading in a positive direction. You could find yourself attracted to someone on the spur of the moment. Go easy, though, because it could turn out to be an on-off relationship. You may find that an emotional or financial issue resurfaces at the end of the month. This could be the perfect time to resolve debt issues and get back on track. Jul - The more attention you try to get from other people this month, the more people are going to ignore your fancy displays and grandiose ideas. Perhaps you should take a more sensitive approach. You’ll be able to lead people better when you walk behind them. Earn the respect of others by understanding and relating to their emotions. Your heart is big and bold, and you have a great deal of love to give. Aug - Recent oppositions that seem to be standing in the way of long-term goals will probably ease a bit this month. Situations surrounding these issues should become clearer, and you should start to have a better idea of what exactly it is that you are up against. You’ll find that this is a very climactic time for you in a number of ways. You will now begin to reap the rewards of what you’ve sown. Jul - A great opportunity to take care of the people around you arises. Service to others is an important part of every day, as compassion and caring are at the forefront of your mind. Pay attention at the beginning of the month and become a reassuring caregiver for someone close who needs a nurturing shoulder. You’ll win loyal friends to your side as you share your passionate nature with others. Aug - It’s time to review the dreams and fantasies that you’ve been neglecting lately. Perhaps things you’ve been working toward haven’t exactly panned out the way you’d hoped. The good news is that things should be turning around in your favor this month. In the workplace, people will come to you for advice and wisdom. Give freely to others and these people will be there for you when you need them. Jul - Watching the world go by will not suffice for you these days. You want more action, more involvement in things, more people to communicate with! You may wonder why everyone has such a sour look on their face. Look at your own face in the mirror. Do you have a sour face as well? Perhaps what you are seeing in others is your own face reflected back at you. Put on a happy face instead Aug - Think about your most typical response to conflict and ask yourself what you could change. This is not an easy question. The planetary configuration may present a situation (or two) which needs working out. You do not have to make things perfect but you will want to understand your role in whatever happens. What you do physically during this time will color your behavior: drink plenty of water! Jul - The tide will start to ebb today just after it reaches its highest point. There is a pause now, Leo, and you’ll find that things are about to pick up considerably again. You have a renewed sense of direction. You have more strength than usual. You are making important changes intellectually and spiritually. These personal changes are facilitating a new growth spurt in your work. This is a time for you to move up. Aug - You’re seeking a new opportunity.Don’t expect enormous changes. However, the process you began a few years ago will accelerate slightly. You’re changing the moorings of your identity; your family, background, and education no longer count as much as your spiritual foundations. Don’t be afraid of this shift. Try to loosen your grip and allow them to happen at their own pace. Go with it. Jul - Whatever it was that you were doing last month, keep it up. There is a great deal of momentum that you need to harness and ride through the rest of the season. This is the time to really reap the benefits of the work that you have already done. Instead of working on a big project, redirect any extra energy that you have this month and try to repair and enhance your most intimate and important relationships. Aug - You may need to keep your spaceship idle this month and perform a safety check for your crew. Make sure everyone on board is informed of the destination. It could be that you just picked them up off the street without telling them where they’d end up. It’s important that you not drag people unwittingly or unwillingly into your world. If they voluntarily give the controls to you, however, that’s a different story.
50 - JULY-AUGUST 2016
Libra Sept 23 – Oct 22
Scorpio Oct 23 – Nov 21
Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21
Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19
Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18
Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20
Horoscopes Jul - The solar system is shifting gears and it’s liable to trigger a transformation that will last through the summer. It will center on the means you use to fulfill yourself in terms of both your career and your love life. If you feel hemmed in by your training or upbringing, you can expect to seek liberation from these inhibitions in the weeks to come. Embrace the courage you have within and be true to yourself. Aug - Your least favorite thing is to be blamed for causing disappointment, and you may find yourself caught in this type of bind. There’s no way to change your basic nature, but you can prevent certain situations from occurring. For starters, be honest with yourself about how busy you are and whether or not you can manage everything you need to get done for yourself before you make plans to help others. Jul - The summer heat is no match for your charisma. You will find that your calendar is quickly filling up with social engagements and possible career opportunities. Take the opportunity to say YES often to opportunities that could improve your quality of life, or push your out of your comfort zone in an unexpected way. You will find that there are a million ways to grow, if you just allow yourself to let go of your cocoon. Aug - August offers an excellent forecast, Scorpio! Although there are no specific events that will occur, there is the huge promise of freedom over the summer. A fundamental shift is about to occur in your occupation and love life. You can expect to be more visionary, more creative, and perhaps more rebellious. This time, you’ll be much more effective than in the past two or three years. Jul - If you find yourself staring out the window, it might be because your subconscious mind is trying to solve a problem your conscious self is refusing to acknowledge. Perhaps it’s time to close your eyes and look inward. Take advantage of your closest relationships to seek guidance while you explore and solve these elusive questions and problems. You will emerge a happier and more focused person. Aug - To understand the major shift that’s taking place, you must look at events from a lofty perspective. A slow-acting liberation is starting to gather momentum. In the first few weeks of the month, you’ll be unable to resist the opportunity to rid yourself of your oppressive past. You’ll shed old complexes and emerge renewed. Don’t be alarmed if some family relations suffer as a result. The distress is only temporary. Jul - The winds of change are blowing through your life, bringing a feeling of newness and an open attitude toward the world. Outside events will be coming up that give you the impression you’re advancing toward a new life. Expect some pleasant surprises. Even if you aren’t in a position of authority, look for ways to tell people something positive about their work. On-the-job friendships make the days pleasant. Aug - Tap into the energy that encourages social interactions and activities. You may be about to change jobs or move up the ranks. It’s not the corner office you have your heart set on, it’s the salary that goes with it. Give your ambition free rein as long as you have an emotional handle on it. Communication, or lack thereof, may set others against you. Keep things smooth by being clear and concise with your words. Jul - Could love be in the air? Anything is possible, but you will probably attribute this euphoria to the summer heat. If you’ve been out of the dating loop for some time, this can be an opportunity to enjoy mixing and mingling with new people. The emphasis is on lighthearted, fun liaisons that you should thoroughly enjoy. At the end of the month you will feel encouraged to complete any unfinished business. Aug - Try not to let your cynical nature get in the way of new experiences. The idea of a turning point in one’s destiny often brings a smile to most people, but in your case, it has a different effect. It could be a new person in your life or a key event that changes things forever. Don’t be too closed to the idea of destiny in the coming weeks, your stubbornness could prevent this meaningful event. Jul - You’re in the mood to redecorate and get your place looking shipshape. With Venus easing into your sector of family and home, this could be an opportunity to beautify your environment and make it cozier. Your travel and adventure zone will be stimulated by Mars on the 26th, so plan something invigorating. You may also need to address an old issue, this is a second chance to finally resolve it. Aug - You’ve returned deeply changed from a long voyage. We’re all changed to some extent by travel, but your change is truly profound. You’re going to have some problems getting back into the life you had before. Your old life is likely to feel too limiting. What are you waiting for? Change it! The connection between health and spirituality is powerful now. The more you explore, the more radiant you’ll become.
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JULY-AUGUST 2016 - 51