sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's not

sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it’s not

“humor is subjective� good and bad things can be funny good and bad things can be otherwise what what what what

makes makes makes makes

me me me me

laugh laugh laugh laugh

vs vs vs vs

what what what what

makes makes makes makes

me me me me

want to throw up cry just smile think

something that made you want to squeeze your insides out of your body can make you laugh until you piss yourself months later life is just one big joke but not in a dismissive way, in a way that it is beautiful and hilarious. when you get hurt often, the only way to recover is to look real deep inside yourself and pull out the burned parts and recraft them to be stronger and better and harder to set fire to. the only way to recover is to laugh so wildly that you are snorting and gasping for air and you forget about the bad shit. so that’s what this is about, i think.

thanks

o.k

sounds good

sounds good thanks

this time its funny

this time its not

the weight weight between between you you and and another another the when you you want want to to kiss kiss them them when jumping into a pool and feeling your temperature change opening your your eyes eyes underwater, underwater, unprounproopening tected, the the mystery mystery tected, laying on the hard surface of a floor, flat, feeling everything line up laying laying back back into into the the hot hot water water of of the the bath, bath, the the silent silent relief relief of of warmth warmth that that only only just just feels feels like like hands hands the honesty in restlessness your hand hand on on my my waist, waist, the the silent silent rereyour lief of of human human connection connection lief

“sometimes it’s just not meant to be honey lamb"

when i was very small i would fall asleep on the couch and my mother would carry me upstairs. i would always wake up but pretend i was sleeping because i liked the feeling of being carried. there is something beautiful about collapsing your entire weight into a person and being hoisted upstairs to a place of safety, a warm bed, a glimpse of a cool morning sometimes i cry because i think about what it would be like to lose my mother. she is the place of safety, the warm bed, the glimpse of a cool morning i have lost a lot of warm beds

i never thought i was one to be handled a kitchen plate held with one hand, fragile enough to break, steady enough to eat off of this is what is best for me baby

one day i woke up next to your body in a white tee rolled over on your stomach. i wanted to move you over so i could see your face, so you could wake up and kiss me, so you could tell me about the dreams you had that night, but i just let you stay there. as i stared at a dormant man a part of me realized i would never get you to roll over the way i wanted you to. another part of me realized that i loved you. so there is the pain, there is the root. an overwhelming woman loving a dormant man. days later i stuffed the feeling of love down my throat as you repeated to me “i just need to focus on myself right now” in a thousand different tones and words and i couldn’t breathe correctly. and with every last breath i could force out of me you took away, telling me to move on, then months later, telling me to come back. “if you love something you let it go” you said to me and i wanted so badly to slap your face with my palm. i thought, never have i loved something and wanted it gone. you said again, “if you love something you let it go, and if it’s meant to be it will come back.” so like a bird i was released, but you don’t hold the keys to the cage, and you didn’t love me

if you love something, fart it away

month by month day by day week by week every 12:20 am phone call i hurt you and you hurt me too

appreciating subtleties is something beautiful but can be upsetting when others set their focuses elsewhere - the longer you appreciate subtleties the larger they become and soon the placement of a finger is similar in weight to the stomping of a foot

loving you loving loving you you hurts me so hurts hurts me me so so i won’t do ii won’t won’t do do it anymore it it anymore anymore

goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye

goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye

goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye

goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye

stephanie.knipe@purchase.edu