Growyourowndevletter

Dear Jesse, I want to begin by thanking you for sharing "Grow Your Own" with us. The topic of synthetic biology is fresh and mysterious, while still living within a historical context. You succeed in guiding the reader through the evolution of this science, grounding its complexities in easy-tounderstand connections. What you have here has the potential of grabbing interests across many walks of life. I like that you highlight the spectrum of expertise, ranging from high school experimenters to mad-scientist "garagistas" to highly educated MIT professionals. I think a little rearranging and clarification of some aspects of your story will secure its place in the hands of anyone interested in synbiology—even if they didn't know it existed before reading.

You do a great job of letting the reader know that you know what you're talking about.

You've clearly done your homework and have figured out a way of explaining to the average Joe. Still, I found myself wondering who you are. Why are you interested in this topic and why are you the one to write about it? You share some background about meeting and speaking with some of these scientists, as well attending conventions and iGEM competitions, but I'm curious as to why. I don't think you need to spend a lot of time going into your personal history, but I think it would help support the rest of the story if it had a little foundation. I would suggest fitting this in the first few pages. Your opening is catchy and gets right to the topic. I love it.

Your personal anecdotes get the reader thinking about and relating to the subject right from the get-go. The Garvey quote rounds out your introduction by bringing in the actual science and looking to the future. Because of this, I would keep the additional information about how you came to write this particular piece after that first hook.

What I, as someone new to this topic, appreciated was the overall lightness of the article.

You keep what could be a very confusing concept approachable. There are some spots that begin to veer from this writing style, which is not necessarily a bad thing. As expected in a subject like this, you have a lot of facts: names, places, dates, milestones. The lay reader may ask how important these are. The educated reader would want even more. It can work both ways, but I ask: Who is your audience?

I would suspect that, because you submitted to our magazine, your intended audience is one interested in learning about many topics but not an expert on this one in particular. With that in mind, I suggest going back through your article with the eyes of a newbie. Which details are really important? Which drive the arc of the story along and educate in a lasting way? Which, as someone with more expertise, do you find crucial to this history and growth? I suggest reviewing some of the colorful moments and asides to find which add to the topic at hand and which, though entertaining, distract. For example, the concept of growing a supermodel comments on the future of this science in a darkly humorous way, while going on about Drew Endy's girlfriend's talents add little to the ideas of synbiology.

As we work on clearing a path for the reader, I'd like to take a look at some of the transitions. I think the overarching story is well-paced and well-ordered. Playing with a few

sentences here and there would soften the flow overall. One particular transition did a wonderful job easing the hard science with something more understandable, and I think you could model the rest of the article after this balancing act. This transition is on page seven where you jump into the sentence "Kids can do this." The preceding paragraph focuses on dense description, serving a great purpose to the narrative. The playful mention of kids being able to do it brings the reader back down from the clouds, allowing them to absorb the more complex information and move on with the article. I suggest looking at the spaces between paragraphs. Do the topics ease into or play off of each other? Are we done with one concept before the next one is introduced? If not, is it clear right away how they tie together? The first spot this came up for me as a reader was page four. After being introduced to the faces behind the science on page three, we jump into statements about the state of the world without a tie-in. It's not until the end of that paragraph until you tie it back to Endy. A simple reordering of those sentences would allow the reader to glide through the article instead of stopping suddenly to figure out if they missed something.

In closing, I want to thank you again for sending us your fantastic article. You've already done the hard work and proven you know what you're doing. The small tweaks could be made in numerous ways, and a smoothed out version of this has the potential to peak a lot of interest. I would love to get this in the hands of college and high school students, hoping to inspire new research. It would also be well-received by other writers and artists, ready to incorporate these concepts into their imagining of the present and future. If you have any questions regarding specific ideas, please don't hesitate to contact me, as I look forward to working with you more on "Grow Your Own." Best, Stephanie Podmore