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YOUR CONTEMPORARY CHRISTIAN MAGAZINE
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OCT - NOV 2008 VOL 40 No.5 MALAYSIA RM5 SINGAPORE S$5 OVERSEAS US$5 PP 2007/10/2008 (007201) MICA (P) 129/03/2008
XXX
The Porn Trap Not the Real Thing The Wolf at the Door “Not Tonight, Dear ...”
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Free at Last!
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Looking for Love
10 14
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What Drives Tricia
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CONTENTS
IN THIS ISSUE
asian
beacon
COVER STORIES
8 10 12 14 16
42
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Not the Real Thing Staff Writer
Pornography: The Wolf at the Door Aaron Tham
Youth and Sex: The Facts of Life Jason Fong
“Not Tonight, Dear. I’m Logging On …” Beth Lee
Objects of Desire: How Pornography Degrades Women Wong Ming Yook
20
FEATURES
18 22
Free at Last! Goh Bee Lee
Looking for Love: The Journey of an Ex-Bisexual Anonymous
20 24
A Reformed Addict Speaks Luke Thurai
A Tribute to David Boler
REGULARS
4 5 28
Editorial News Parenting Shepherding the Hearts and Minds of Our Children Beatrice Poonam
30 32 33
Money Matters To Trust or Not To Trust? John Ying
Dear Chai Hok Low Chai Hok
Dear Goldie Goldie Chong
34
Marketplace What Drives Tricia
38
Family Pornography in Your Marriage
40
Missions Samaritan’s Purse in Mozambique
42
Teens & Youth A Different Perspective
45
Media Review The Book that Transforms Nations: The Power of the Bible to Change Any Country
40
Staff Writer
Focus on the Family
Stephen Ng
Lim Sok Yee
Emmeline Tan Devan
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EDITORIAL BOARD Dr Lim Poh Ann (Editor) Dr Wong Lock Jam Ms Chew Ru Ju ADVISORS Rev Wong Kim Kong Rev Loh Soon Choy Rev Peter Young Mr Lee Chee Loi LEGAL ADVISOR Mr Steven Fung WEB MANAGER Dr Wong Lock Jam EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE Chairman Mr Teoh Cheng Hock Secretary Mr Robert Mah Treasurer Ms Loke Che Ching Committee Members Mr William Tan Ms Chew Ru Ju Mr Alvin Tan AUDITOR Ms Julie Yeap PUBLISHER Asian Beacon, an inter-denominational Christian magazine, is published six times a year by Persaudaraan Asian Beacon Malaysia, a non-profit Christian society. Persaudaraan Asian Beacon Malaysia 19-C, Jalan SS 22/19, Damansara Jaya, 47400 Petaling Jaya Tel/Fax: (603) 7725 4109 Hp: 012-393 1453 Email: asianbeacon@yahoo.com
CONTRIBUTIONS The opinions and views expressed by writers and advertisers are not necessarily those of the publisher. Contributors are welcome to contact us for editorial guidelines. However, we assume no responsibility to return unsolicited materials. Kindly include your email, postal address and telephone number when you send articles, photographs or letters to: Persaudaraan Asian Beacon Malaysia PO Box 240, Jalan Kelang Lama, 58700 Kuala Lumpur
PERMISSION FOR REPRINT Copyright Reserved© 2008. Please contact the editor for permission to reprint articles, photographs and illustrations.
PRINTER Lithrone Graphic Sdn Bhd No 14, Lorong Keluli 1C Kawasan Perindustrian Bukit Raja Selatan Seksyen 7, 40100 Shah Alam Selangor Darul Ehsan
VISION & MISSION First published in 1968, Asian Beacon’s vision is to provide godly wisdom on contemporary issues for family living. Its mission is as follows: • • • •
To inspire and stimulate spiritual growth towards spiritual maturity To promote family unity by providing guidance for everyone in the family To uphold Christian truths and godly standards for daily living To unite Christians in all denominations to glorify Christ
SINGAPORE REPRESENTATIVE Dr June Ngoh Chai Teck, No 103, Clementi Road, #07-05, Singapore 129788
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EDITORIAL
What can be so wrong about watching something so ‘natural’? Many have few qualms about watching pornography these days, a habit which has spawned a worldwide multibillion dollar industry. It is even seen as harmless and educational. The glorification of eroticism has never been so open and excessive as it is today. Tantalising images are easily available online. Obscene VCDs are hawked in the pasar malam, disguised as children’s educational wares, while suggestive music video clips bordering on soft porn invade the living room. It all starts with the eye, the doorway which allows evil to creep surreptitiously into the mind. When Jesus recommends plucking out one eye, he is merely exaggerating. His purpose is to warn us that our eyes can affect our eternal destiny. It’s better to be one-eyed in heaven than to have both eyes in hell. Sound amusing? But Jesus is dead serious (Matt 5:29 ; 6:22, 23). “I will not set before my eyes anything which is base,” proclaims the psalmist (Psa 101:3). In this issue, Asian Beacon echoes the psalmist’s call for purity and holiness. Our staff writer shows why porn is a perversion of what God intended in “Not the Real Thing”. Pastor Aaron Tham, who was involved in Focus on the Family’s youth abstinence curriculum, No Apologies, zeroes in on the problem of sexual immorality among youth in “Pornography: The Wolf at the Door”. Jason Fong from Scripture Union complements this with worrying statistics from a local survey done among Malaysian students in “Youth and Sex: The Facts of Life”. Beth Lee gives us a virtual tour of cybersex and cyberporn addiction in “Not Tonight, Dear. I’m Logging On ...,” and finally, in “Objects of Desire: How Pornography Degrades Women”, Wong Ming Yook highlights how porn victimises women in particular. Truly, pornography enslaves those who indulge in it. But all is not lost. Those who repent and seek God’s power will be delivered. Set free from bondage, guilt and despair, they can look forward to a new beginning. Isn’t this why Jesus came? Lim Poh Ann, Editor
NEWS
• A s i a n Be 08
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By Goh Bee Lee
celebrates 40 years
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ore than 400 guests attended Asian Beacon’s 40th anniversary dinner at the Corus Hotel in Kuala Lumpur on Sept 6, 2008. The occasion was made even more special with the presence of the magazine’s founder-editor Dr Benjamin Sawatsky, who flew in from the US with his wife Muriel, and former chairman-cum-editor Dr Chong Kwong Tek and his wife Goldie, who came all the way from Perth. The evening started with an opening prayer by Elder Kong Yeng Phooi of Jalan Gasing Gospel Hall, who is also chairman of Malaysian Bible Society. After a rousing praise and worship session, chairman of Asian Beacon Teoh Cheng Hock welcomed the guests. Sam Ang, secretary-general of NECF, then gave thanks for the food. Highlights of the dinner included speeches by Dr Sawatsky and the Chongs. They thanked all who had laboured after them, and called for an enlarged vision for Asian Beacon to reach beyond the shores of Malaysia to Asia. The Chongs reiterated that the way forward must include the magazine making itself relevant by focusing on contemporary issues
such as nation-building and racial harmony, and marketplace ministry. Well-wisher Phang Sow Yoong urged Asian Beacon leaders to “dream big” and called for more people to help promote the magazine and support it by subscribing and giving gift subscriptions. It was a poignant moment when the leaders gathered with the pioneers on stage to pray for Asian Beacon and to cut the birthday cake. God has indeed been faithful in keeping this magazine going for 40 years. Another highlight of the evening was the launch of former Asian Beacon chairman Dr Ong Hwee Keng’s book, An Ordinary Man’s Stories, by Goldie. MC Daniel Yeoh and H T Long, Malaysia’s “Elvis Presley”, made it an enjoyable night with their jokes and songs. The night ended with a closing prayer by Pastor Nicky Cheah of PJEFC.
National Children’s Prayer Conference
dren’s ministry teachers, volunteers and parents came from as far as Singapore to give a hand. It was amazing to see the children’s energy for worship, learning
By Susan Beh
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Malaysia NECF Malaysia. Pastors, chil-
and playing games. The conference ended in anoint-
he fourth National Children’s
Heritage Centre, PJEFC to be “little
Prayer Conference was held at
gospel hands and feet”. Aged between
ing prayer for every child at the Power
PJEFC from Aug 18 to 19, 2008.
two and 13yrs, they came to pray for their
Concert, which was attended by parents
Themed Power Up, Spread the Good
friends, families and to learn to share the
and visitors.
News!, this year’s conference focused
good news. A total of 105 churches were
on inspiring and empowering children to
represented.
share the gospel. About 900 children gathered at the
The conference was organised by by the National Children’s Prayer Network
Praise God for the success of this conference. These little ones belong to Jesus! They are little arrows in his mighty hands. oct-nov 2008
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NEWS
NECF 40-Day Fast and Pray July 22 to Aug 30, 2008 By Lucy Chua
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his year’s NECF National Prayer Conference was held at SIBKL with the theme ”The Lord Revives: Transforming the Nation through the Local Church”. Excitement was in the air as to what God was doing in the prayer movement to intercede for our land. The word was given from Joel 1-3, where it was pointed out that revival results in repentance, judgment, spiritual warfare and a great harvest. For seven years, the call to pray 40 days for Malaysia has gone out. In this 8th year, God is linking up the numerous prayer networks in the country to join hands to intercede for the nation. We also saw God stirring up the children to pray for their parents, friends, schools
and nation. A total of 900 children turned up for the Children’s National Prayer conference, while the youth had a five-year plan to raise 100,000 young people who will serve Jesus 100%. The workshops were conducted by the different regions of Malaysia (North, South, Central, East Coast and East Malaysia), which reported on specific needs, issues and strategies. For example, the North Region Prayer Network (Perlis, Kedah, Penang and Perak) shared their call to strengthen families and to give unconditional love to the 65% who are denied their freedom to choose. The South Region Prayer Network (Negri Sembilan, Malacca and Johor) shared their vision and calling to
reach out to the poor; those with special needs; abandoned babies and unwed mothers. They testified that their intentional synchronised prayer for the nation had affected decisions in high places. Christian leaders see this period as a kairos moment God has given to the Church to contribute towards the nation. Every church is called to play a role in bringing about transformation in our society.
6th SEA Prayer Consultation Breakthrough Harvest! By Lucy Chua
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he SEA Prayer Consultation was held in Kuala Lumpur from Sept 9 to 12. Christians from 11 Southeast Asian nations (Brunei, Cambodia, Indonesia, Laos, Malaysia, Myanmar, the Philippines, Thailand, Timor Leste, Singapore, Vietnam) attended the event. This was the word given: “From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us” (Acts 17:26-27). All the nations were given time to share concerns and God’s workings. There was such solidarity as each nation was brought before God in corporate prayer. Acts 17:26-27 was emphasised and all the nations agreed to stand together in prayer until the region is filled with the knowledge of God.
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God has put us in Malaysia and in Southeast Asia for his purpose – that the nations may seek and find him. The delegates were challenged to see the unseen as Elijah did (1 Kings 19:43-44). The 7th SEA Prayer Consultation will be held in Thailand from Nov 10 to 13, 2009.
Malaysia Bible Seminary November Institute 08
Medical Ethics:
Biomedical Ethical Issues in the Contemporary Malaysian Church By Dr Alex Tang Date: Nov 17-20, 2008 (Mon-Thurs) Venue: Malaysia Bible Seminary 1-11 Jalan Dendang 1, Kaw. 16 Berkeley Town Centre 41300 Klang, Selangor D E Tel: 03-3342 7482 Fax: 03-3341 2094 Email: mbs-ed@mbs.org.my
An Ordinary Man’s Stories An Ordinary Man’s Stories, a compilation of short stories by Dr Ong Hwee Keng, was launched at Asian Beacon’s 40th anniversary dinner celebration by Goldie Chong. Dr Ong is no stranger to Asian Beacon readers and supporters. He served as the chairman of Persaudaraan Asian Beacon for many years. An Ordinary Man’s Stories contains reflective and amusing accounts of his experiences and journey with God. It is a must-read for Malaysian Christians. Rev Loh Soon Choy of Malaysia Bible Seminary recommends the book to pastors for sermon illustration and even for small group discussion. Buy copies for yourself and your friends. Dr Ong has generously underwritten the printing cost, and all proceeds from sales go to Asian Beacon.
Price: RM15 Discount of 10% for 10 or more copies. Receipt will be issued for income tax rebate purpose.
Clarification In the article, Lovers for Life (Asian Beacon Vol 40:4, Pages 24-25), we inadvertently gave the impression that Yoong Fan Ngian and Wee Sian Li had struggled with relationship problems and sought counselling from Dr Chong Kwong Tek and Goldie. The Yoongs clarified that this was not so. Rather, the Chongs have greatly impacted them as role models for youth and marriage counsellors.
To order, call 03-7725 4109 or email: asianbeacon@yahoo.com.
oct-nov 2008
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COVER STORY
Not the real thing By Staff Writer
S
ex is often on our minds. It is even mentioned in the Bible. Wise Solomon dedicated a whole poem to the physical pleasures of sex (Song of Songs) and extolled the joys of married bliss. The key description, though, lies in that one word, “marriage”. A longing for intimacy can generate strong sexual urges in us, but God counsels waiting. Sex is a powerful force that is both creative and destructive. It is like fire. Nobody in their right mind plays with fire. We need to have a context to it and sex is one area where we need to put up a signboard saying, “For marrieds only”. Many people try to look for a way around this restriction, a kind of shortcut that is within God’s boundaries. They think that if they cannot have pre-marital sex, there is nothing wrong with a sneak preview via pornography. After all, it’s only looking, and everyone does it.
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It seems silly nowadays to ask if there is anything wrong with pornography. Yet, we know it is wrong. Somewhere inside us is a conviction that porn is a perversion of the real deal, a distortion of God’s gift of sex and sexuality. The problem with pornography is that it describes sex merely as a physical “act”. Pornographic materials are produced for the purpose of physical sexual arousal and titillation. If sexual degradation and perverse sexual acts are needed to arouse a person sexually, pornography will cater for that. A person viewing pornography does not only see the physical act, but also registers the message it sends out: We can use others as mere objects to satisfy our sexual urges. Porn emphasises the sexual and seperates it from other important aspects of intimacy like relationship, commitment and union.
XX plus XY – Unlocking the secrets of good sex We are sexual beings: God made us male and female and it’s written into our DNA. In fact our sexuality is expressed in the way we think, feel and act. We need to celebrate our sexuality, but at the same time, learn to manage and control our sexual feelings and desires. There is a time for everything, even sex. Waiting is a good discipline because the gift of sex needs to be handled carefully through responsible behaviour. Otherwise, we will be unable to fully appreciate it. There is no shortcut to it. The popular thinking says the opposite. We are told that we must satisfy all our urges immediately and that it is unhealthy to repress or suppress sexual impulses. “Just do it!”, says the Nike advertisement. But it can be even more
unhealthy to give in to all our urges. As a fallen race, not all our “natural” urges are all that natural; certainly, many of them are downright bad!
The real deal or the real fake? Many things here on earth give us a preview or foretaste of heaven, and that includes the thrill and satisfaction of sex. If we take the shortcut, it spoils our appetite for the real thing, just like snacking before meals spoils our appetite for hearty food. C S Lewis in Mere Christianity comments: “You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act — that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you come to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let everyone see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? And would not anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally queer about the state of the sex instinct among us?” One day, all our longings — for perfection, beauty, love, relationship, friendship and so on — will be fully satisfied. We will see God face to face. The deceiver offers a counterfeit. People think indulging in porn satisfies their hunger for sex, when in actual fact it destroys their enjoyment of it. Porn is the sexual equivalent of junk food. It is a cheap imitation. Sexual urges are normal — just as hunger is normal — but satisfying them with porn is dangerous. Its effect is insidious. Remember that “the body is not meant for sexual im-
morality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body” (1 Cor 6:13b).
Life is wonderful God intends us for pleasure. We were made to experience and enjoy pleasure. He gave us a world of variety: seasons, geography, fauna and flora, food, people groups and languages and so on. God is a God who delights in pleasure. He delights in our having pleasure within his guidelines, given for our good and protection. Even the fact that we have senses is meant to heighten our pleasure and enjoyment of life’s good things. God could have created us to reproduce asexually but he made us male and female. In the Garden of Eden, with all the beauty, with all the things to do and enjoy, Adam was lonely because there was no one of his kind. God created a companion for him in the form of Eve. When Adam saw her, he said: “Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” The creation account in Genesis 2 goes on to say, “Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Sex was given to end the isolation and loneliness of humans, and cannot be taken casually. Sex is a powerful natural drive in humans. But we are meant to learn to discipline and harness it so that it will produce the final result God desires: physical, emotional, spiritual oneness between the man and the woman. Of all God’s gifts, the sexual urge is the one that seems most forceful and overpowering. As such, it contains a warning that users and would-be users must note, for written in letters large on the side of God’s gift box are the solemn words: “Handle with care!”
oct-nov 2008
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COVER STORY
Pornography:
The Wolf at the Door
By Aaron Tham
T
ed Bundy, an infamous serial killer, had already murdered at least 28 women and girls by the time he was caught. In an interview with Dr James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, Ted said, “As a young boy of 12 or 13, I encountered outside the home, in the local grocery and drugstores, soft-core pornography. Young boys explore the sideways and byways of their neighbourhoods and in our neighbourhood, people would dump the garbage. From time to time, we would come across books of a harder nature and more graphic … The most damaging kind of pornography— and I’m talking from hard, real, personal experience—is that [which] involves violence and sexual violence. The wedding of those two forces—as I know only too well—brings about behaviour that is too terrible to describe.” (“Fatal Addiction” in Life on the Edge, Focus on the Family, 1995. See www.pureintimacy.org.) Ted Bundy came from a wonderful home with dedicated and loving parents. He was one of five brothers and sisters. They, as children, were the focus of their parents’ lives. The family regularly attended church. Ted’s parents did not drink, smoke or gamble. There was no physical abuse or fighting in the home. It was a fine, solid Christian home. Pornography is a sexual addiction that can lead to worse problems. If Ted Bundy’s story is anything to go by, we as Christian adults—parents, relatives and church members— must be even more vigilant to safeguard our young people from exposure to such easily available pornographic materials. We cannot assume that being Christian means we will not be tempted by pornography. Pornography comes in many forms and degrees of explicitness: soft- and hard-core porn, Manga cartoons, Xrated VCDs or DVDs. You can buy pornographic materials anywhere— from your neighbourhood newsstands or bookstores—or even have them delivered directly to your home.
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Today, Internet porn is widespread. Research done on pornography, sexual addiction and online perpetrators shows worrying trends. The statistics below were based on 1.3 million pornographic websites (as of 2003). The websites had a total of 72 million users per month, with 10% admitting to being Net porn addicts: • 70% were men between 18 and 34 years old, and • 28% were women In 2006, the porn industry had a revenue of US$97 billion worldwide (www.internet-filter-review.com). The National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children found that in 2003, there were more than 20,000 images of child pornography posted online every week. Approximately 20% of all Internet pornography involved children and 100,000 websites offered illegal child pornography. Statistics on child pornography show that • Nine out of 10 children aged between eight and 16 years have viewed pornographic sites on the Internet, • The average age of first exposure to such sites is 11 years old, and • The largest group of consumers of Internet pornography are those from 12 to 17 years old.
Troubleshooting: What can we do? What can parents, teachers, pastors and youth workers do to warn young people about pornography when the sexual climate today is so free and liberal? We sound so old-fashioned and outdated when we talk about pornography as a no-no.
Walk the line Parents, teachers, pastors and anyone who interacts with young people must set the standard for them to follow. Children see through the “masks” that we wear. But they
appreciate honesty from us too. Responsible adults must be willing to model and teach faithful and responsible behaviour, attitudes and lifestyles to young people. It starts with us.
Spare a listening ear We must talk frankly with our young people about their struggles and issues: Speak to them with respect, listen more and talk less, hear them out and walk with them. I have learnt not to be surprised by what they tell me. Rather, I just thank them for sharing with me. My children know the effects of pornographic materials on them because I have warned them about the websites that they can or cannot visit and the reasons why. My openness with them helps them see the dangers of porn. I follow my Chemistry teacher’s wise words: “If in doubt, throw it out!” The same principle applies to any doubtful website: “If not sure, DON’T!”
Tough love The struggles of pornography in homes can be reduced by taking the computer out of the children’s room and putting it in the living room. But explain to your children the reasons why. In my office, I have my computer screen facing out, so that people passing by can see what I am looking at. This personal discipline helps me to stay away from off-limit websites. Likewise, television programmes and movies on VCD and DVD should be carefully screened for ratings before children are allowed to watch. Recently, a 15-year-old told me how he and his schoolmates watched hard-core porn movies at a friend’s home. The movies belonged to the friend’s parents, who were at work. Parents must be discerning about what their children watch, and also, what they themselves introduce into the home.
Knowing right from wrong We cannot take for granted that young people know what is “right” and what is “wrong” even if they come from Christian homes. Today’s culture is more sexually liberal than that in my youth (60s and 70s). I personally know many Christian young people who are sexually active, and yet are serving as youth and even worship leaders in church. We must counsel them and see them through the eyes of Jesus. The last thing they need is criticism from us. But what they do need is to be taught the ways of the Lord.
The wolf at the door When I was about 10, I was exposed to hard-core pornographic materials in the form of Manga cartoons. The cartoons were sexually explicit in nature and promoted violence and acts of rape. I am not even sure how I came to have those “innocent” cartoon books. Maybe they were passed around by friends … Just as I came by pornographic materials so easily and casually, young people today are exposed to all sorts of reading and viewing materials too. In fact, they face even greater sexual temptation today. Loving vigilance is the way to guard our youth from unwanted influences that can creep into our homes. The challenge for us is to offer our young people the kind of strong leadership and influence that they are looking for. Otherwise, they will be drawn by other influences that appear attractive and irresistible. The wolf is at the door and, if we are not careful, he will huff and puff and blow our house down. Aaron Tham is a pastor at Petaling Jaya Evangelical Free Church. He was a core team member of No Apologies, a character-building abstinence curriculum developed by Focus on the Family that helps young people make wise choices regarding high-risk behaviour, including pre-marital sex.
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COVER STORY
Youth&sex: The facts of life By Jason Fong
P
ornography is no more a fringe influence on society. Its corrupted moral values have flooded the mainstream of our lives. While pornography hits both the old and young, teenagers and youth are the most vulnerable to this threat because they are going through a time of sexual awakening, orientation and discovery. These days, it is practically impossible to find a high school student who has no access to some form of sexually-explicit material: VCDs/DVDs at home, beer posters in the kopitiam, drawings in some public toilets …. Often the first few exposures are not premeditated. Curiosity, boredom and coincidence … and finally we are hostage to this vicious addiction. To check the menace, it is vital for young people to get the right concepts about the many issues related to sex. A survey I did a few years ago of 623 Malaysian students indicated that their primary sources of information came from their friends and the media. Parents and church ranked relatively low in comparison. Portions of the survey have been reproduced below.
A Report on BGR & Sex Survey 2001 A Boy-Girl Relationship (BGR) & Sex Survey was conducted in 2001. A total of 623 teenagers and youth took part in this survey. Most were participants in Scripture Union camps. Others were from church youth camps or youth fellowships at which I was the speaker. A. Breakdown of respondents and their friends’ sexual experiences or encounters.
Of the youth surveyed, 61% indicated that they knew of at least one youth who was viewing pornography. About 24% knew of least one person who had a problem with masturbation; about 19% knew of at least one youth who thought that he or she was homosexual; about 8% knew of someone who was sexually molested, abused or raped; and around 23% knew of at least one youth who had had pre-marital sex.
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B. Sex education and sources of information
C. Sexual immorality – Respondents who indicated that the following activities were OK
Pornography Masturbation Homosexuality Prostitution
Of which
Rape Pre-marital Sex** Extra-marital Affairs Incest 8% of those surveyed said that pre-marital sex was OK if the girl did not get pregnant and about 17% said it was OK if the couple was really in love. Also, around 8% felt that
**Pre-marital Sex
pre-marital sex would strengthen the relationship while about 28% thought it was OK if the couple was planning to get married.
The statistics in Table C are of great concern. More than half of the youths (59%) who did not think that the abovementioned sexual practices were wrong were Christians. If this survey is accurate, the indication would be that the moral perception of these Christian youth is wrong or very poor. Could this be because the church and parents are not fulfilling their responsibility of guiding our young? There is a small possibility that the survey may not be accurate. This could be because the respondents did not truly understand the questions, or those who indicated that they were Christians may not be really so. Continued on Page 46
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COVER STORY
“Not Tonight, Dear.
I’m Logging On …” By Beth Lee
T
here’s a new disease surfing on the edges of society today. It has kept a low profile for some time because experts cannot decide if it really qualifies as a disease. But psychologists are starting to get edgy and nervous about it. Its victims are increasing in number and intensity, and its tentacles have wide-reaching and global effects. This new borderless disease is called Internet addiction disorder (IAD). Internet addiction means addicts depend on the Internet or cyberspace to get “high”. Addicts are unable to control the amount of time they spend online and even suffer withdrawal symptoms if they are prevented from surfing the Net!
also allows for sexual curiosity, experimentation, and the casting aside of all inhibitions. You will never be caught.
Welcome to cybersex
Escape from the Alcatraz of reality In cyberspace, an individual can be anything or anyone he wants to be. He adopts a new personality, a new name, even a new gender. His appearance onscreen is decided by himself: He purchases an “avatar”, a computer-generated image of his imagined and ideal identity. This “new beginning” and “second life” in a computer-generated world would be appealing to individuals with emotional or relationship problems, low self-esteem and sexual obsessions. This life in an alternative world is a longed-for escape from the defeats and failures of one’s real life. In the cyberworld, any timid, defeated man can call himself “He-Man, Master of the Universe”, and be popular with and adored by sexily-proportioned female avatars of the Net community! Women who think their bodies are ugly can get customised avatars packed with impressive vital statistics to rival any Hollywood celebrity. Any young man struggling with homosexual feelings can freely express his gay tendencies online without censure: God is not the boss of cyberspace.
If this is not bad enough, there is an added dimension to IAD that has got everyone all hot and bothered. Researchers claim that the most common form of Net addiction is cybersex and cyberporn addiction. Sexual material is easily available online, and because there is no censorship in virtual space, anyone can have access to such material. Cybersex and cyberporn are such strong and powerful stuff that addicts are willing to sacrifice everything else in their lives to spend time online, either watching cyberporn movies, participating in sex-oriented chat rooms or even going on erotic chat dates and having intense online sex. The areas most affected by cybersex addiction are marriages and relationships, to the extent that allegations of cyberaffairs and Internet adultery are now surfacing in divorce cases in court!
A second life in cyberspace Why is cybersex so addictive? For one thing, it is convenient. In the old days, an individual risked exposure and humiliation if he went to red light districts to satisfy his sexual obsessions and appetite. But cybersex occurs in the privacy and security of your own home. The anonymity of the cyberworld
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Social acceptance and belonging Cyberspace is a very interactive world. Isolated and lonely people find solace in the arms of their monitors. The cyber community takes you at face value. It never questions who you say you are. It is accepting and encouraging, and if you don’t like something that you see, you can just log off. The only condition, if you want to be Netizen, is that you should be open to the experiences that it offers.
Satisfaction guaranteed: Heaven is just a click away Today, cybersex is not just about sexually arousing your on-
line partner with text-only conversations. Writing descriptive and sexually explicit passages is one thing, but now, there are many online role-playing games available which feature racy designs and sexual scripts, complete with anatomically correct animations and realistic simulations of sexual activities. Sex can be consensual or non-consensual, involve pornographic perversions like bondage, sado-masochism, rape, prostitution and so on. To heighten sensation, players can even employ the use of computer-compatible vibrators. But if cartoon sex and animation bores you, there is the webcam alternative that enables you and your online partner to see what is going on at the opposite end of the computer screen. The wide range of sex material available online is creating something called “hypersexuality”, a term that describes a compulsive need for cybersex. Apparently, cybersex with sexy avatars is so much more intense and exciting than real sex with real people. The Internet has certainly given new meaning to the term “sexual revolution”! To feed the voracious appetite for porn, many women may find themselves unwilling and unsuspecting porn stars online. More and more private films of naked women taking showers, masturbating or having sex, are showing up on the Internet. These are usually taken by spurned lovers, voyeuristic landlords, bosses or colleagues. Similarly, female online sex users must take precaution that their virtual lovers, with whom they engage in cybersex via e-chats and webcams, are not in reality cyberporn movie producers out to get more fodder for addicts. These victims of indecent exposure are stripped of their dignity on the Internet.
“If Google were a drug, would I smoke it?” Christians are as vulnerable to the dangers of cyberspace as anyone else. Cybersex addiction needs to be treated just like
any other harmful addiction. If Internet technology is a portal of temptation for us, then we need to ask ourselves the question that a repentant Web addict posed: “If Google were a drug, would I smoke it?” But if we have already crossed the portal and are hooked on cybersex, we must understand that there are steps of recovery and help we can take. Firstly, we do not have to battle this lustful addiction and sin alone. Like recovering alcoholics, cybersex and cyberporn addicts need an accountability group such as Christian friends or small groups where we can be honest about our problems and get wise counsel. The worst thing to do is to isolate ourselves from fellowship and healthy, nurturing relationships. Secondly, we need to learn to rewire the connections in our minds towards good and godly things, and cut off the connections with cybersex or cyberporn. Rom 12:2 instructs us “not to be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of [our] mind”. Thirdly, cultivate a healthy view of sex the way God intended it to be. Human sex is not meant for physical satisfaction only. It is meant for the spiritual, emotional and physical union of two people. That is what Paul meant by two becoming one: the nurture of the relationship is paramount. There is no such thing as casual sex between Christians.
God is boss of cyberspace One last thing to remember is that nothing happens to us without God knowing every single detail. So it’s not true that we can do what we like on the Net because God is not watching. Nothing escapes his eye. The truth of the matter is, he is Lord of all: Yes, God is the boss of cyberspace too!
Beth Lee is a freelance writer.
The wide range of sex material available online is creating something called “hypersexuality”, a term that describes a compulsive need for cybersex. Apparently, cybersex with sexy avatars is so much more intense and exciting than real sex with real people. The Internet has certainly given new meaning to the term
“sexual revolution”!
oct-nov 2008
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COVER STORY
Objects of Desire:
How Pornography
Degrades Women
By Wong Ming Yook
“Porn is the ‘wallpaper’ of our lives.” —David Amsden (New York Magazine) Uncensored The porn industry has grown rapidly with the widespread accessibility of information on the Internet. Enough is Enough, an American Christian antiporn organisation that works to protect children, claims that there are 100,000 commercial porn sites on the Internet with about 200 new ones added daily. According to Home Alliance, which markets X-Stop, a software block program, one in every 10 sites is pornographic in nature. In the past, pornography used to be a taboo subject—a secret sin. Today, pornographic materials are becoming increasingly acceptable and accessible in mainstream society. Pornographic materials encompass books, videos, magazines, television and the Internet. Many psychologists think that Internet pornography, in particular, is the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny (hatred of women), paedophilia and so on. Just like drugs, pornography offers a quick fix. This should sound warning bells to Christians—we are not immune to this sin just because we are saved.
Sex slaves This billion-dollar industry makes vic-
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tims of all who are associated with it. Pornography features graphic images of sexually explicit and often violent acts. Although its victims include men and children, pornography most usually exploits women. Troubling sexual images of women being tied up, beaten and gang-raped, and asking for more, will lead men to see women in sexually debased ways. They are objects to be used sexually, rather than persons with whom men interact emotionally and relationally. When women are made into objects of desire, they cease to be regarded in human ways. Rather, they exist chiefly to serve men sexually. They have little value beyond what they can do to arouse and stimulate men’s fantasies and appetites. They are sexual slaves who enjoy being sexually dominated, humiliated and abused. Thus pornography both dehumanises women and violates God’s standard for the sexual act (Gen 1:26-28; 2:24-25).
Pornography and violence Psychologists have found that viewing violent pornography, even briefly, may lead to anti-social attitudes and actions. Male viewers exhibit more aggressive and violent behaviour towards women, and become less responsive to, or concerned with, the effects of sexual violence on female victims. Pornography leads to greater acceptance of the
“rape myth”, which is the misconception male aggressors have that when women say “no”, they really mean “yes”, because women enjoy being hurt sexually. Worse than this, however, is that female rape survivors who happen to be pornography addicts, show lower self-esteem and more tolerance for rape and other sexual crimes. Psychologists Edward Donnerstein and Daniel Linz, reporting in Psychology Today, say that “in one study … men read several stories, some of which were about a woman being raped. When the men were asked how likely they would be to behave as the rapists did if they knew they would not be caught, more than half indicated some likelihood of behaving that way” (quoted in Kerby Anderson’s article in Probe Ministries: www.probe.org). Habitual use of pornography also encourages a greater desire for increasingly explicit, violent and aggressive sexual acts like bondage, sadomasochism and rape. In different studies conducted, many child molesters and rapists confessed that they had often consumed pornography prior to their criminal offences. Pornography desensitises society gradually and increasingly to sexual and criminal offences. This process is called porn creep: Society gradually accepts and tolerates more and more sexuallyexplicit content in mainstream culture.
The line between media entertainment and pornography is blurred. We only need to compare the sexual content of many movies shown on screen today with those shown three decades ago. The difference will shock us.
The porn effect The porn industry is big business today. But its effects are tragic. The image of women has been greatly damaged by pornography. Society is seeing the increased sexualisation of young girls and women—younger and younger girls are initiated into sexual relationships long before they are ready for such intimacy. More and more female pre-teens and teens today are overly concerned about their body image and sexual appeal to the opposite sex at a time when they should be enjoying childhood innocence. Increasingly, girls and women are being cast in sexually stereotyped behaviour and roles in the media. Some people defend pornography by saying that it is a tool by which young men and women can be taught sex. But we need to remember that it is training by pornographic standards and expectations. Sex is based not on mutual respect and long-term commitment to an intimate relationship, but on using and abusing the other’s body for one’s sexual titillation and gratification. Pornography leads to conflicts and sexual dissatisfaction among both men and women. Many concerned writers have noted that other than encouraging sexual violence, pornography is also responsible for deadening male desire for real women. Pornography deals with sexual fantasy. The females portrayed in pornographic materials are physically “perfect” and beautiful women who never age, look fantastic, and are always sexually available. Male porn viewers may come to view their flesh and blood partners as unat-
tractive and dull by comparison. Fewer and fewer women are regarded as what writers call being “porn worthy.” But what men and women may not realise is that these porn stars have been “cut and sewn up”, “airbrushed” and “touched up” to perfection for print and screen purposes. Many women worry that they cannot live up to such competitive standards of perfection, both appearance- and performance-wise. They feel inadequate. Many men lament that by learning about sex through pornography, they do not know how to relate to real-life women. Sex, to them, is a purely physical function. Sexual performance is everything. The relational aspect of sexual intimacy is alien territory to them. The tragedy of this is that God intended relationship to be integral to sex. Many young men and women express deep loneliness because of this relational dysfunction in their lives. Exposure to pornography may well bias their view of what a “normal” relationship is. Even when they are sexually engaged with each other, they have no clue as to what intimacy truly means. The human hunger for intimacy is never met and the promise of intimacy is never fulfilled.
Blocking out pornography Concerned Christians must be proactive in resisting the rampant advance of pornography into mainstream life and culture. We must realise that pornography destroys everyone involved, not just the victims. In the final analysis, we must see pornography as a human tragedy. What ails us is remediable through human hands willing to be used by God. It only requires our commitment and availability. Some things we can do to resist the tide of pornography: • Be well-informed — do our research, • Insist on Internet filters at home, in schools and at work, • Teach children to be web-wise and discerning, • Educate the adult Christian community about the spread of pornography, and • Show compassion to pornography addicts — they may be in our own homes.
Wong Ming Yook is a freelance writer.
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E E FR at Last! FEATURE
The story of a modern-day witch doctor delivered from the forces of evil By Goh Bee Lee
D
eborah’s huge eyes gleamed in anger as she announced, “I want the whole world to know what a liar he is! I want everyone to know the power of the blood of Jesus!” On my last visit to South Africa, I was invited to listen to a real-life African witch doctor! I arrived at the gathering half expecting to see a befeathered mystic, prancing in Dark Continent battle gear, face painted in war colours and garlanded with bones of the dead. But this witch doctor sat demurely in the corner, in a smart white pantsuit. Her calm, almost shy, appearance belied the powerful saga she could not wait to tell us. The ex-sangoma (African diviner-priest-healer) shared her remarkable story of how Jesus broke into her dark life with such power and set her free from every bondage that held her captive. Deborah, 39, grew up in a dysfunctional family. Her mother was mostly away at work. Wherever the young girl was taken to stay, she was subject to sexual abuse by male relatives. Tragically, she did not even realise there was anything wrong with it. She still wonders what was wrong with her because she even enjoyed having sex with her father! “It is the one thing that still hurts to think about; I still ask questions,” she says.
The call In Africa, the spirit world is so real. If one is called to be a sangoma, there is no escape. One who has received such a calling has a whole line of angry ancestors to deal with if he or she dares to even dream of running away from it. It started in 1995, when Deborah sustained a burn on her leg and had to be hospitalised. She could not understand why every night, for two weeks, she woke up screaming from a nightmare in which she was being bitten by dogs. Everyone she asked would tell her she needed to do something for her angry ancestors, represented by dogs. A sangoma friend she consulted told her that her ugly dreams were a revelation of her calling. Deborah, overwrought and terrified, accepted her destiny. The term sangoma is a blanket term for many different “specialists”. Sangomas practise ancestral worship and necromancy. They are sought for all
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The preacher’s words hit me like a hammer: ‘You have been slaughtering goats and chickens all your life, seeking help from their blood. Today I bring you the blood of the Lamb!’ I started to shake uncontrollably. I could feel something all over me!”
kinds of things — healing, marriages, businesses, spells, potions, even killings — for which they get paid. Many are credited with muti murders (killing to obtain body parts for supposedly potent traditional cures). While not all sangomas do ritual killings, these still take place. In recent times, fake sangomas have appeared in large numbers, capitalising on the fear of Africans.
Training Deborah was initiated by sangomas as a trainee sangoma with a whole week of rituals. They slaughtered animals, drank, and sang and danced to their ancestors. Early each morning, she would be taken to the sea to call out the names of her ancestors. The next 10 years were the worst in her life. Trainees were slaves to the master sangomas. “You are actually treated like a dog. We did all the work for them. We bowed and crawled before them. We were often punished with the most creative forms of torture. We were under oath not to reveal anything about our training, and threatened with death if we dared to run away.” Deborah pursued her hellish training out of fear. If she defaulted, the calling would fall on her children. Determined to succeed, but not being able to take harsh treatment, she went from one master sangoma to the next, each time having to start from scratch.
A horrible vision One day in January 2005, she had a vision. She saw herself in the sea and someone was pulling her towards a rope to hang her. When she awoke terrified, she called her sister and spilled
everything about her training. “She was livid that I had actually hidden all this from her, but she did not waste time in taking me away from the sangoma’s house,” she says.
The blood of the Lamb “I will never forget the Easter weekend of March 2005. My cousin invited me to an evangelical church. The preacher’s words hit me like a hammer: ‘You have been slaughtering goats and chickens all your life, seeking help from their blood. Today, I bring you the blood of the Lamb!’ I started to shake uncontrollably. I could feel something all over me!” Deborah knew the preacher was talking to her but she resisted help. Yet, she badly wanted to know this God he was talking about. “I had been calling and crying out to him. The next day I heard the same words again. I sat in disbelief! I decided to give this Jesus a try. It was the best decision I ever made. Then I decided to tell my ancestors I was leaving them. I was going to follow Jesus Christ of Nazareth!” But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. (Eph 2:13)
No turning back Following Jesus meant that Deborah had to renounce her calling and turn her back on everything — home, family, job and even her name. She had to undergo deliverance from a host of spirits enslaving her, like Mary Magdalene, from whom seven demons had come out (Luke 8:2). She fasted and prayed for 14 days under the care of many ministers. “I realised I had been like a complete de-
mon, used by Satan for evil. I was angry that he had blinded my eyes and filled me with fear for my so-called ancestors. He did not let me go without a fight. But Jesus, true to his promise, did not leave me nor forsake me.”
Freedom It has been three years since Deborah was set free from the painful scars of abuse, fear and the curse of the calling. God is restoring to her all she has lost. She is happy in her new job and reunited with her children. “I’m going strong, learning the Word slowly but surely, and seeking the Lord’s face. I believe he has called me to testify of his goodness in my life and to warn others of the danger of dabbling in spirits. Satan has many black families entrapped in the lies of ancestor worship.” For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. (1 Pet 1:18-19)
A final plea Deborah wants to make a plea to everyone caught in the same web of evil and deception: “I beg everyone reading this story never to worship ancestors. God is a jealous God. We grieve him when we seek help from the dead. Jesus has made it possible for you to read my story so that you can turn back from being deceived by the evil one. Trust in the one true, living God.” Goh Bee Lee was editor of Asian Beacon for the last 1 ½ years.
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FEATURE
A Reformed
Addict
Speaks
By Luke Thurai
I
once saw a T-shirt worn by an American soldier. It had the map of Vietnam and words on it that said: “When I die, I will go to heaven because I have spent all my life in hell.” This idea may not be correct theologically, but in reality, life on earth can be hell to some. In fact, a local magazine, Lifestyle, wrote my story and headlined it, “Escape from Heroin Hell”.
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I first began taking drugs in the early 70s. We were the hippie generation of long hair, rock music and faded jeans. At 18, I began with marijuana, moved on to sleeping tablets and, three years later, I “graduated” to smoking heroin regularly. Then one night I did not smoke any heroin and went to bed. That night, I could not sleep. I could feel my body on fire, aching for that shot that would calm me down. At that point, I realised I had become addicted to drugs. I had no one to turn to for help, so I just carried on smoking until the police caught me. I was sent to prison for six months in 1976. Right till the last day of detention, I was still swearing that I would not touch heroin anymore. Unfortunately, my good intentions were not good enough. Soon, I was on heroin again. The monkey was on my back, and seven months later, I was again caught and sent back to the drug rehab centre. I ended up in drug rehab centres a total of three times, and every time I came out, I went back to heroin. After my third release, I really resolved to do something with
my life. I studied computer programming and graduated among the top students of the cohort for that year. I felt that a computer programmer’s position would enable me to make up, socially and economically, for the time I’d lost on drugs. However, at my first interview in a prominent bank, I was told I was “too old”. Here I was, at 31, already a washout in society! I was crushed, so I took the easy way out — I went back to drugs. From 1984 to 1992, I hated waking up each morning to the sound of birds singing outside my window. All the singing just meant another day of looking for money, looking for drugs and then looking for money again. Throughout those eight years, I managed to evade the arm of the law and at times, even worked in very good jobs, but I always failed to hold on to the job. I saw no hope, so I told myself it was better to die. One day, I took all the sleeping tablets I had and lay down to sleep. However, I remembered about the Jesus I had heard about in Sunday School. I did not know how to pray then but I said, “Jesus, I don’t want to die but I don’t know what to do anymore. Only you can help me now.”
That night, I prayed, “God, you changed his life, surely you can change mine. My life should be easier to change because I have no tattoos on my body!” For the first time in a week, I slept soundly.
God did not ignore my prayer! My mother peeped in and saw the suicide note I had pasted on my bed. She called my sister and they brought me to hospital. My mother found out about Helping Hand, a home for drug addicts. By the time I went to Helping Hand, I had been smoking heroin for 20 years. Heroin withdrawal is horrible to undergo because of the physical pain. My nose and eyes kept running, I had diarrhoea and stomach cramps and could not sleep. I felt as though there were worms crawling through my body. When I went to Helping Hand, I had to leave a very good job behind. During withdrawal, I thought that I would never get a good job again. I wanted to leave! But the attending staff did not open the door of my room. I went haywire and started shouting like a madman, trying to break the locks on the door and prise the gate open. I shouted and screamed for five days. On the sixth day, an ex-addict staffworker talked to me. I could see that his whole body was covered with tattoos. He told me that Christ could help me. That night, I prayed, “God, you changed his life, surely you can change mine. My life should be easier
to change because I have no tattoos on my body!” For the first time in a week, I slept soundly. My mind was at peace when I woke up the next morning. I told God: “God, I have tried to quit drugs for 20 years but I have failed. I promise to give you these eight months of my life. I am sure you can do something with my life.” Since then, my life has been turned around. I learnt that I would need to maintain my relationship with God daily through Bible study and prayer. I learnt what it meant to walk with him. It has been 15 years since I gave up drugs, and every time I look back, I am amazed at how much God loves me. Before he rescued me, I never imagined that I could ever be drug-free. God was also changing my life in other ways. I used to have a short temper. In fact, it was this temper that always got me into trouble and led me back to drugs. Whenever I felt my family did not trust me, I would lose my head and go off and smoke heroin. But the Lord is slowly changing me to be more patient with others, especially my family. I had hurt my family for 20 years because of my drug problem. Because of God’s love, I learnt to accept that my family
too needed time to see how different I had become. God had saved me from a horrifying past and a dread-filled future and, in gratitude, I wanted to return a small portion of my life to him in full-time service at Helping Hand. Some years later, while on a year-long attachment to a home for drug addicts in the Philippines, and working with people alienated and marginalised from their community, I felt God confirming his call to me to enter the pastoral ministry. In 2001, I took on a ministry position in my current church. I realised that even in church, there are still alienated people who need help and healing from past hurts. My hope was to reach out to these people with the love of God, and to help them experience him. Today, I serve God in Hope Presbyterian Church. All that has happened in my life is because of the grace that I did not deserve. God is able to do immeasurably more than I could have asked for or imagined! Luke Thurai was formerly the executive director of Helping Hand. He is currently serving as Associate Pastor in Hope Presbyterian Church, Singapore. He is married to Mages, a school administrative officer.
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FEATURE
Looking for Love:
The Journey of
an Ex-Bisexual
By Anonymous
I
t was 1989. I was crushed by my best
let because of constipation. A source of my
arm. I was glad it was winter, since I could
friend’s announcement that she was
pain, apart from feeling incompetent about
cover up the wounds and emerge into the
choosing someone else to be her best
my SPM examination, was the fact that I
world feeling content that I had punished
friend. I was only best friend No 2, or
had developed a crush on my classmate
myself for what was evil and forbidden.
worse, No 3. I told everyone that it was
who sat beside me. Once, she had touched
The trigger: I had developed a crush on a
a “betrayal” and that my friend could not
me on the thigh, while at another time she
classmate in my cohort, and couldn’t stop
be trusted. She said that I was too posses-
asked me whether I “played” with myself.
fantasising about her.
sive and jealous. I was only nine years old.
The experience was both dangerous and
It was not only with women that I had
For years to come, I obsessively placed her
exhilarating; it made me feel alive in the
those deep, conflicting feelings that made
in my heart as my “secret best friend” and
midst of the chaos of my teenage years. It
me want to live and die at the same time.
refused to let go of the hope that we could
was also very sexual: These feelings mani-
I had numerous crushes on men too; I am
be “together” again.
fested themselves in dreams and private
what people call a “bisexual”. It is not a
1998. I locked myself up in the toilet
fantasies. The crush went on for four more
very decisive orientation, and hence a
for an hour, cutting my right wrist and
years, even after we had left school and
very unpopular one in both the gay and
crying silently. I was falling apart. When
started college.
straight communities. Somehow, people
I’d finished cutting, I waited until I looked
2006. I was pursuing an MA degree in
feel you are not the “real deal”. The root of
presentable again, and slipped my watch
social work in a Christian graduate school
the problem is not about men, or women,
over the wound. I told everyone, includ-
in the United States. I had been a Christian
but sex. Yet deeper than the physical at-
ing a concerned teacher when it became a
for six years. In the privacy of my room, I
traction is the longing for a “soul mate”.
habit, that I spent so much time in the toi-
made numerous cut marks across my left
I could trace the pattern of my attraction to a certain personality type. I tended to go for men and women who looked as
It was not only with women that I had those deep, conflicting feelings that made me want to live and die at the same time. I had numerous crushes on men too; I am what people call a “bisexual”. 22
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though they could not care less about the world. They exuded a sense of superiority by their off-the-cuff attitude. I interpreted their superiority as strength, when, I realised later, it was only detachment. After I became a Christian, I was so
have it out with God. I cried and argued
One day, after having broken up with a guy, I decided to have it out with God. I cried and argued with him.
with him. I was not just asking God to take away the rejection and shame whenever I thought of my failed relationships or of how low I had stooped to win the love of others. Healing consisted of persevering to return to the truth of God’s presence with me, again and again. Staying with
troubled I tried to find help. I attended
rages and how they frightened me. I felt
painful reality without being stuck in it or
seminars on homosexuality and even a re-
closer to my mum because she seemed so
escaping from it into fantasies and wrong-
covery group for gay and lesbian people.
much calmer and safer to be with. I also
ful relationships allowed me to learn
I felt like an impostor. I did not share my
remembered feeling uncomfortable with
to depend on the Holy Spirit alone. The
early experiences. Instead, I introduced
the way my father sometimes touched
love I sought so hard to get from others
myself simply as someone who was un-
me. Yet I knew he cared for me, so all this
has already been poured out in my heart
able to relate to men properly—which
was very confusing and disturbing to me.
through the Spirit of love.
was true. The group treated me with lov-
I felt very alone then. My parents gave me
Hopefully, one day I will find it easier
ing kindness, but I don’t think they saw
everything I could want, but they didn’t
and easier to, like Paul, “rejoice in our
what I had as a problem, due to the things
seem to see what I really needed. Often,
sufferings, because we know that suffer-
I chose not to tell them. Sometimes, I won-
I was left to my own devices while they
ing produces perseverance; perseverance,
dered if I was only pretending to be “sick”
went off to work. I guess I was desperate
character; and character, hope” (Rom 5:4).
to get attention. I could not understand
enough to fill the vacuum of deep child-
But for today, my aim is just to take the
myself or my feelings. I felt really stuck
hood guilt, confusion and loneliness with
next decisive step that will lead me to the
in my obsessions and fantasies, and I was
intense fantasies of relationships. It didn’t
fulness and freedom that a good God has
suicidal.
matter if these fantasies were about men
in mind for me.
When I was in the US, I was so desperate and depressed that I decided I really
or women; whoever was available and familiar was enough to set me off.
needed help, and went to see a therapist
Just beginning to realise how my child-
on the advice of my professor. I did not ex-
hood experiences had thrown me into de-
pect my world to be turned upside down
pression, confusion and loneliness helped
by someone who believed me and treated
me to understand myself better. It certain-
me seriously. But here was a trained Chris-
ly helped me to see that my suicidal ten-
tian professional willing to help me jour-
dencies and my self-mutilation could be
ney through some of the toughest things I
traced to deep unhappiness and guilt over
had had to face about myself and my past.
the years. Admitting and acknowledging
She helped me to consider why I could not
some of these early experiences was very
seem to be “rid” of my sexual attractions
hard. But just being able to say that some
although I really hated the whole vicious
things were not my fault was the first step
cycle. She was God-sent.
to freeing myself from this cycle of fantasy
Memories of domestic violence and
and bisexual attraction.
lack of sexual boundaries among fam-
2008. Recovery, I know, is a process. It
ily members began to surface. I recalled
may be longer than I think. One day, after
my father’s unpredictable and violent
having broken up with a guy, I decided to
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FEATURE
One Life Yielded to God:
A Tribute to David Boler
(1919-2008)
M
wanted him to teach, Mr Boler decided to go for formal teacher training at the Maston Training College, Madras. After completing his Bachelor of Teaching, he remained in Madras for the next seven years until 1953. In Madras he found warm and supportive Christian fellowship. It was also in Madras that he met his future wife Yvonne. They were married there on Nov 8, 1952.
r David Boler’s memorial Service was held on June 29, 2008 at Petaling Jaya Gospel Hall in Selangor. He was remembered by friends and family as a man of wit, wisdom and the Word. This tribute is to honour a well-loved and much respected man of God.
The early years in Malaya Mr. Boler was born into a Christian family on Dec 5, 1919 in Port Swettenham (now known as Port Klang). His father, a fervent Christian, was a Hindu convert who worked in the Malayan Railways till his retirement. His mother taught him to read and write at an early age. For his early education, Mr Boler attended local schools like Victoria Institution and King George V in Seremban. The family, however, decided eventually to return to India.
Relocation to India After Mr Boler’s father returned with his family to his hometown in Mangalore, he opened his home to Christians for worship and Bible study. It was during this time that Mr Boler made a commitment to give his life to Christ. He was baptised on Christmas Eve, 1934. When it came to making career choices, top on Mr Boler’s list was the Army. Next was the Air Force. Howev-
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Return to Malaya
er, he qualified for neither. So, though he disliked teaching, he had no choice but to accept the offer of a temporary teaching job with his alma mater, St Aloysius’ College. After a year there, he was invited to take up the post of Residential Master at St John’s College, an Anglican residential school at Trichinopoly. The minister of the church, Rev Rushton, became a close friend and mentor. Through Rev Rushton, he met Rev Cecil Johnstone who later worked in Scripture Union India and subsequently became its General Secretary. A warm and close relationship developed between these two men. Having finally accepted that God
Mr Boler had always wanted to return to Malaya, the country of his birth. Dr Ho Seng Onn, the Secretary of the Methodist schools, offered him and Yvonne teaching positions in the Anglo-Chinese School in Ipoh. They left Madras in 1953 and spent 12 ½ years in Ipoh, teaching at the Anglo-Chinese School until 1965. Mr Boler was an Elder of Elim Gospel Hall in Ipoh. He was involved in the Sunday worship, youth work, Sunday School, evening Gospel meetings, and Wednesday meetings. His headmaster, Teerath Ram, encouraged him to join the Graduate Teachers’ Union. He became its Secretary in 1958.
Relocation to Petaling Jaya Mr Boler would not have moved to Petaling Jaya if not for a letter from Mr Mac Gregor, the then Headmaster of Bukit
Bintang Boys’ School. He urged Mr Boler to join the school, which he did as its Headmaster from 1967-1978. A few months after his move to PJ, Mr Boler was invited to be an Elder in Petaling Jaya Gospel Hall. His presence in PJ widened his involvement in Christian ministry. When he retired in 1978, he not only became more active in Brethren circles but also in the ecumenical arena. It is impossible to list completely his vast contribution to the development of the Malaysian Church. But the following briefly outlines the services of a tireless and devoted Christian leader.
The Brethren Church He sought to be biblical in all he did rather than have an unswerving loyalty to the Brethren tradition. He encouraged interaction of the Brethren church with other evangelical denominations. His careful and thoughtful style of leadership has been much appreciated.
Scripture Union (SU) As a well-known church leader and headmaster, he was an asset to the student ministry of SU.
authorities such as: • Sufficient places of worship, • Christian burial grounds, • Distribution of the Alkitab, • Evangelism, and • Freedom of the Church to meet and practise their faith as guaranteed by the Federal Constitution.
The Bible Society of Malaysia The Bible Society of Malaysia was formed in 1983. Mr Boler was the founding Chairman and held office till 1988. When the Alkitab, the Indonesian Bible, was officially banned, he was among those who attempted to get the ban lifted. His concern was to produce a Bahasa Malaysia Bible locally. By the mid 90s both the Perjanjian Baru and Perjanjian Lama were produced.
Boler was its Chairman from 1993 to 1995.
Malayan Christian Schools’ Council He served in the Council for 29 years. He was a staunch advocate of the vital place of Christian schools in the mission of the church.
The Malaysian Consultative Council of Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism and Sikhism (MCCBCHS) Mr Boler believed in cooperation with other non-Christian groups like the MCCBCHS to make representation to the government on issues affecting all religions in the country. Reprinted with permission from Scripture Union and NECF.
The Christian Federation of Church (CFM) The CFM comprises the Roman Catholic Church, the Council of Churches of Malaysia (CCM) and the NECF. It was formed out of the realisation that Christians needed to make a united representation to the government. Mr
The National Evangelical Christian Fellowship (NECF) When the Malaysian Church was faced with troubling developments in the 80s and 90s, independent evangelical churches realised that they had no avenue to make representations to the government. Thus was born the NECF. Mr Boler was its Chairman from 1983-1993, and dealt with some difficult issues relating to the government
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Parenting
Shepherding the
Hearts
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Once upon a time, there lived a man who had two sons.” “Did he have a chicken, mom?” “A wha..? Well, perhaps. And…” “What about his dog … was it a pug?” “Hannah, be quiet and let mom continue…” “But, che che, what kind of dog?” “Aiyoh, stop interrupting…” “Children!” Silence. “Once upon a time there lived a man who had two sons and ...” “And a pug!” “Okay, and a pug…”
Talking about anything and everything The above marks the typical mealtime conversations at our home. My children love them and I love to tell stories and listen to their Chronicles of Sidry, a make-believe country where their pretend adventures take place. Talk in our home is highly valued. We talk at bedtime, usually about our day. Topics range from issues such as “whether roosters can be eaten”, “how blind Mary Bunyan found her way to see her dad in jail”, to how the Lord helped dad with his work and how mom is sorry for losing her patience that day. I find encouragement in the example of others who nurtured family relation-
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Minds
of Our Children
By Beatrice Poonam
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Conversations around the dinner table were lively because we all had stories or experiences we wanted to share. I believe that the great enjoyment of a family eating together is having this time when each person can be heard.
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ships by nurturing family conversation. In Corrie Ten Boom’s autobiography, In My Father’s House, she gives a hearty account of the richness that conversations brought to family life: “Conversations around the dinner table were lively because we all had stories or experiences we wanted to share. I believe that the great enjoyment of a family eating together is having this time when each person can be heard.” Likewise, Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, daughter of Francis and Edith Schaeffer, writes of her childhood home in
the L’Abri community in Switzerland which bustled with young people who came seeking answers to life. Because the children were sometimes allowed to sit at the table with the adults, they became listeners to these conversations and received therefore a kind of “education” unsurpassed by classroom teaching.
Talking to nurture children’s understanding It is popular these days to hurry our children off to tuition classes to develop their intellectual abilities. However, in doing so, we neglect the resources easily available to us at home—the power of family conversations—to nurture the intellect and spirit. A popular concept among parents is “quality time”, where a pittance of time is set aside to spend with our little ones. The rest of our time is ours, whether we spend it with friends, at work or on house chores. However, this concept of carving slices of time out for one’s children is a foreign concept in the Bible. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up.” (Deut 6:6-7, NKJV) Firstly, these verses assume that
parents are available to their children— teaching, talking, sitting, sleeping, waking and walking with them. This disproves any notion of 15 minutes of daily quality time. Secondly, this verse assumes that parents are to have God’s word in their hearts first. Parents are primarily responsible to pass on a spiritual legacy to their children, and not the Sunday School or the youth group. Thirdly, we often think of the relationship between a disciple and a teacher in a formal religious context. However, from this portion of Scripture, parenting is likened to discipling one’s children for the Lord. I cannot help but smile when I think of loud and noisy seven- and three-year-olds as my disciples. At the same time, I tremble at the thought of such an awesome responsibility given to me. Parents are responsible for putting their children in touch with God. We are to “invite” our children into our lives—to open up ourselves to listen to them, to walk with them through play, work and worship.
Shepherding our children through talking and listening “Where is our Colin now?” asks my three-year-old. Colin was a ravishinglooking guppy that died when we relocated him to a different jar. “He’s in heaven, swimming in the river of life. No more dirty water there ...” That’s my seven-year-old, factual and imaginative, all rolled in one. “That’s right, isn’t it, mom?” “Oh, children, we buried him in our garden and he’ll always be with us that way.” “Dad said to flush him down the toilet!” the preschooler yells, hands akimbo.
“Did he? Ah well…” The seven-year-old shakes her head and explains, “So, now, he’ll die, and his body will rot and become vitamins for the flowers and grass. Other things can grow …” “Because of him? Yes, I think so.” I smiled at the way they accepted Colin’s passing and the usefulness of his decomposed body! As adults, though, we are more familiar with talking at our children than we are of talking with them, encouraging them to work things through. Children see the world so differently from adults. It takes much humility to slow down and let them tell us what they see. I’d like to think that some years down the road, my children will be able to talk to me openly about the bully in school, about grades and about their first crush. I will need to listen so that I can lead them to an understanding of how God sees them and their lives. Some nights, my children tell me of being frightened of shadows on the wall. I tell them they are only the shadows of the bougainvillea branches outside. Then I pray with them and read a Bible chapter, usually from the Psalms, gently leading them to a fuller trust in God’s power over the shadows. I turn on a CD of soft worship songs. But I don’t call them silly or berate them. Jesus models the kind of talk that enables us to lead our children from their limited and immature point of view to an understanding of God’s ways. When he talked to the woman at the well, he led her from her point of contention— she was a woman and a Samaritan—to the heart’s inner longings. We as parents must do the same if we are to win our children’s hearts for Christ. We are
to lead them to Christ as opposed to “driving” them to frustration.
Conclusion Conversation takes time to build, primarily because it is not merely the dispensing of information, as is the case with talking at someone. Conversation is much more demanding because it requires a thorough knowledge of the hearers, our children. When we have conversations with our children, we are sending them the message that they matter, that their views have value. When we converse with our children, we affirm God’s hand in their lives.
Beatrice Poonam is the mother of two girls.
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Money Matters
Trust or NOT to Trust
To By John Ying
M
any people mistake trusts for unit trusts. They are totally different. Unit trusts are investment-related products while trusts are an estate-planning tool to complement wills (Where there is a Will, there is a Way in Asian Beacon, Vol 40 No 4). A trust is a private arrangement between an individual (called the settlor) and one or more individuals (individual trustees) or a corporation (corporate trustee). The details of the arrangement are documented in what we refer to as a trust deed. The main purpose of a trust is for the settlor to settle or transfer assets to the trustee. This is called transfer ownership. The settlor states specifically how he wishes his assets to be transferred/distributed and to whom (beneficiaries, for example, individuals, the settlor himself, or organisations selected by the settlor). The trustee is tasked with ensuring that the settlor’s
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wishes are carried out. The trust deed will, among others, contain the following: 1. Names of all beneficiaries, which may include persons currently not existing like grandchildren or greatgrandchildren; 2. Quantum (amount) and timing of distribution of the assets that the settlor wishes to make during the trust period for specific purposes, for example children’s education; living and maintenance; lump sum gifts when beneficiaries attain certain ages; medical and hospitalisation expenses; care givers’ expenses and so on; 3. Investment preferences serving as a guideline for the trustee. Some settlors favour certain financial instruments, for example, bonds, shares, fixed deposits and so on; and 4. A protector who will oversee the
effective implementation of the trust arrangement. In Malaysia, trusts can exist for a maximum period of 80 years from the date they are created. Hence, the gifting period (period when settlor can request trustee to distribute gifts to named beneficiaries) can stretch only to a maximum of 80 years. Ensuring the future security of our families is a responsibility we undertake seriously (Prov 13:22a). What role can trusts play in planning for the future?
1. Liquidity When assets are transferred to the trustee, the trustee has the title to the assets. This means that to the extent that the trust is funded, the assets are available to be applied to the beneficiaries. Therefore, the trust has liquidity (assets are not frozen upon the death of the settlor) and is not subject to probate.
2. Funding education and living expenses of young children Many parents set aside monies for educating their infant children overseas or purchase education plans from insurers. A trust can be set up to finance certain objectives specified by the settlor during and after the settlor’s lifetime. Hence, whether the settlor is alive or dead, there is certainty of funds available, clarity of purpose and, most importantly, a specified process of disbursement in a compliant environment and provisions for guardianship of children. There are cases of teenagers studying abroad who face financial difficulties when their parents die unexpectedly. Parents may have significant assets, but they are frozen upon death until probate is granted. Life insurance policies where parents name each other as nominees cannot free up funds in cases of joint deaths. How will the children cope with financial problems in addition to the trauma of their parents’ deaths?
3. Looking after a handicapped child When a family has a handicapped child, it is useful to set up a trust to provide for his living expenses, maintenance, medical and care expenses (for physiotherapy, nursing and hospitalisation and domestic help and so on), assuming that the child outlives his parents. A trust can “hold” designated real property for the child’s lifetime to ensure he has a roof over his head, or include provisions for rental of appropriate premises to house him. As with education, it is inadequate to simply leave the proceeds of an insurance policy on the parent’s life to him. Care extends far wider than solely providing finances.
4. Disability and unsound mind When disability strikes by way of accident or illness, one’s lifestyle is drastically affected. Some people become wheelchair-bound, some bedridden,
others cannot talk intelligibly. Many need full-time care. The impact of disability is mitigated by having loving family members around the disabled. But what about those without loving relatives? It is important to point out that when a person is considered to be of unsound mind (as certified by medical professionals), asset transfers normally become impossible. He is not able to transfer ownership of, say, real estate, or withdraw monies from bank accounts. How then will he be able to pay for his and his family’s living expenses? A trust deed can take care of a disabled family member’s needs by appointing guardians to make decisions concerning appropriate medical attention, everyday domestic assistance, choice of nursing care, hospitals and so on.
5. Progressive gifts to next generations Some families are interested in encouraging children and grandchildren (including unborn persons) to obtain at least an undergraduate qualification, and some plan to fund this principal objective by earmarking specific sums of capital or insurance policies for this purpose. This objective can be achieved with a trust, and is only limited by the quantum of available funds and the number of entitled and qualified beneficiaries in subsequent generations.
6. Effective tax planning For families with assets in countries that currently impose estate duties, or with potential beneficiaries living in countries where high taxes are imposed on significant gifts from parents, setting up appropriate trust structures can minimise, defer or avoid taxes legally. Practical pointers in establishing a trust:
will ensure that your objectives and wishes are met.
2. Choice of individual or corporate trustees It is preferable to have corporate trustees as they are perpetual entities. Individual trustees may die during the trust period or may be unwilling or unable to act (for example, if individuals migrate to another country or fall severely ill). Select a company that is a financial institution backed with proven compliance procedures. Assess the quality of the staff and its ability to carry out requests or instructions promptly.
3. Advisor selection For a person with significant wealth and a number of objectives, it is important to seek advice from professionals to assist in trust structuring a portfolio of diverse investments, businesses and assets in different countries. Not only that, they will also advise on the “soft” aspects like charities and dealing with private bankers and other professionals. Tax planning and assessment of impact of wealth on subsequent generations become especially significant.
A biblical imperative While trusts concern primarily persons with significant wealth to disburse, there is a stewardship lesson here for all. Jesus cautioned his listeners that the way they handled earthly wealth indicated their trustworthiness in managing eternal or “true riches” (Luke 16: 11). We should all be stewards whose management of material wealth demonstrates godly wisdom and accountability that glorifies God (Prov 14: 24a).
John Ying is a financial consultant. To contact him, please e-mail johnying@streamyx.com.
1. Specific objectives Are your objectives and wishes clear? If properly structured and funded, trusts
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Dear Chai Hok
In this issue, Chai Hok answers the question of theocracy and pastoral autocracy. Who decides on church matters, and how? Chai Hok explains clearly matters of church governance and the accountability of pastoral leadership in churches today.
Dear Chai Hok, What is theocracy? What is its implication for the church today? In practice, does this mean that the pastor is the one to decide on spiritual matters as well as matters to do with the management of the church? If so, is the AGM just a rubber-stamping meeting? Is there any biblical basis for the pastor being the ultimate decision maker? I am not happy with what is happening in my church. There is no democracy in our church. The pastor decides on things and the deacons are simply informed of them at the leaders’ meeting. Do members have any say? Victor, Melbourne
Dear Victor, Just as “democracy” derives from demos (people) and kratos (strength) and refers to any form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people collectively, so “theocracy” (deriving from theos and kratos) refers to any form of government in which God (theos) is the sovereign authority. It is a concept used to refer to what the Old Testament depicts ancient Israel was intended to be. From your letter, I gather that your pastor is applying the concept of “theocracy” to church governance, and making himself the sole decision
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maker in the church. If that is the case, this is the first time that I have come across such an application.
Theocracy in ancient Israel That Yahweh was regarded as ancient Israel’s king and that Israel was to be governed according to his dictates is clear in the Bible. Fundamentally, this means that his Word provides the framework for how things were to be decided. The Old Testament also has a very realistic view of our human propensity for self-centredness, greed and pride. As a result, its theocratic ideal was worked out in practice through a multi-pronged structure of mutuallyaccountable agents of elders, priests, prophets and kings. Deut 1:9-18 records one example of such a system of jurisdiction by “heads over you, commanders of thousands, and . . . of tens, and officers throughout your tribes”. Many of Moses’ instructions for Israel called for decisions and execution by elders and priests (see Deut 19:11-13; 21:1-9, 18-21; 22:15-21). In some cases where the decisions carried immense implications for the entire community (such as capital punishment), every person was involved. Deut 17:14-20 provides for an earthly king, but he was not free to do as he wished. He had to rule according to Yahweh’s laws which were in the charge of the Levites. When the kings of Israel transgressed, God sent prophets
to chastise them, and to point the way back. Prophets themselves, however, were not above the laws of Yahweh and Deut 13, for example, calls for their execution should they prove traitorous to Yahweh’s cause. The theocracy depicted in the Old Testament, therefore, does not vest authority in a single person. Not that there were none who did not try to wrest power from the state. Whenever they did, however, they always ended up under divine displeasure.
Church government in the New Testament The New Testament does not provide us with a clear and comprehensive picture of how the early Church was governed. This partially explains why there are so many different forms of church government today. It is, however, clear from the New Testament that autocracy was never an option. The book of Acts depicts a whole range of decisions made by individuals in consultation and mutual accountability with the apostles, leaders and elders in the church (see 11:27-30; 14:23; 15:1-35). So central was this government by elders (inclusive of “elders”, presbyteros and “overseers/ bishops”, episkopos) in the early Church that Paul felt constrained to set down specific qualifications for such an office
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Goldie Dear
Dear Goldie
REGULAR
Do you have a problem you need advice on? Write to Asian Beacon’s Goldie Chong for her godly counsel.
Dear Goldie, I am going through a tough time in my business. The landlord has just increased my rent, and business is slow. I am questioning whether I really want to spend the rest of my life in secular work, selling jewellery to rich towkays, rather than investing my time and energy in something spiritual and eternal, like serving the church. Do you think I should change jobs? Sally
Dear Sally, I feel that besides being aware that the stress of a business downturn may cloud your decision about your job, you need to have a biblical perspective of work. I have a friend who owns a boutique. She was doing well until the recession hit her. She had the same thoughts as you. I happen to know that many people buy clothes from her because she has a reputation for being honest as well as knowledgeable in her business. Her friendliness gained the friendship and confidence of her customers, and they began to confide in her. She often prayed
for them in the corner of the showroom, which doubled up as her office. Her pastor, knowing her ministry, invited her to join his staff and set up a counselling room in the church. At the crossroads, she wondered whether she should still continue selling clothes or close her shop and take up her pastor’s offer. But serving God is not dependent on the location or the kind of work one does. My friend is not serving God more inside the church than in her shop. Furthermore, she must not compartmentalise her life into sacred and secular, thinking counselling and praying are sacred tasks and selling clothes is secular. Neither is church work spiritual and business necessarily worldly. Christians sometimes have the notion that different kinds of work have different value: Being a pastor is more pleasing to God than being a business person. In God’s eyes, all legitimate work has value and brings honour to him. Our whole life should be sacred and secular at the same time if we follow Col 3:23, which says, “Whatsoever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not unto men.” I told her that if she does her work well, offers reliable service and good value for money, is helpful, honest, and concerned, God is pleased. Eric Liddell, the Olympic runner, said that God made him a fast runner, and when he ran, he felt God’s pleasure on him. I told my
friend that if God has given her a business and she does it well, she should feel God’s pleasure on her. Love God and love your neighbour. These two greatest commandments must go hand in hand, and that is what my friend was doing, serving her customers holistically, which includes being concerned for their physical as well as spiritual well-being. By caring for them, she is manifesting love for God and love for her neighbour, and this pleases Him. If you really desire to serve God, you may have more opportunities in your shop to meet people who may never step into a church or talk to a pastor but feel comfortable talking to an ordinary businesswoman in a shop. These are the people whom the church would not be able to reach but you would. We need pastors and churches, but we also need business people to reach their own circles. So pray that you will combine your spiritual gifts with your business talents. Please God in whatever you do and wherever you are, and don’t let circumstances dictate your calling.
Goldie
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Marketplace
What drives
Tricia Tricia Yeoh is director of the Centre for Public Policy Studies (CPPS), a think-tank of the Asian Strategy & Leadership Institute (ASLI). The CPPS aims to encourage open-minded and meaningful dialogue among different communities in Malaysia. Asian Beacon finds out more about Tricia and her passion for God, life and work in an email interview.
Asian Beacon: How long have you worked at CPPS? Could you briefly describe what you do there? Tricia Yeoh: I’ve worked at CPPS for 2 ½ years. My regular day at work includes a whole range of activities such as replying to emails, organising public dialogues and forums on policy issues, attending conferences and meeting different people who are involved in public life. I also conduct research on and analysis of policy issues that are most pressing on Malaysian society today, communicate this to the public through a range of means, and provide recommendations to policymakers. The issues we are interested in revolve around reducing socio-economic inequalities, promoting national unity and enhancing governance. What drives you as a person, and how are your passions expressed in your work at CPPS? I am driven primarily by the desire to promote social justice above all, with the vision that Malaysia will realise its full potential as one of the great nations. I am driven by the truth that God desires reconciliation within humanity – between man and man (improving inter-ethnic and inter-religious relationships), between man and God (exemplifying God’s kingdom values in the world, dispersing corruption, greed and injustice with the penetrating light of transparency, accountability, honesty and good governance) and between
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man and the world (pushing for social responsibility of our environment and of our surrounding neighbours). There is a need for Christians to evaluate how the values of their private faith can be manifested in the public sphere – without necessarily dichotomising the two. In terms of expressing these passions at work, again I try not to separate my “lives”. Wherever I am, I try to embody all of what I believe. My faith informs my vision for a country that is reconciled, that demonstrates justice to all its occupants, and that allows for maximum participation of all alike. As part of an independent think-tank, in what ways do you feel you are helping to encourage and create a better society in Malaysia? This works on several different levels. First, the CPPS helps to promote public awareness of specific public policy issues that otherwise may not be visible at all. This includes public awareness of the budget cycle and process, of issues of national unity and so on. Information empowers society. Second, we make very clear stands on issues in the country, and some proposals which are considered as input into policy. Third, we are encouraging an issues-based polity, in that Malaysians are able to rise beyond mere political rhetoric, beyond arguments based on race and religion. Thorough policy analysis will assist this process, although this will take
a long time. The work we do creates a new space and avenue for individuals who believe in principles of justice, freedoms, and solid policy frameworks, among others, to convene together. Of course, we have to work with other NGOs, networks and coalitions who are all doing such an amazing job! How do you see your work as part of God’s calling on your life? I doubt God’s calling comes in any melodramatic forms. In reality, I believe God calls all lives – not just mine – to work with him in his kingdom story. What is this story? It is a story peppered with kingdom values that he has already expressed for us in the Word. Each of us should doggedly and singlemindedly work at achieving these in every area of our lives: the promotion of justice, an efficient and productive nation, non-discrimination of race and religion, and so on. I merely see myself facilitating the process towards these ultimate goals – just one of those who have been given the opportunity to actively participate in the process towards improving the country for our future generations. You are also involved in ROH (Revolution of Hope). Could you tell us a little about your involvement there? ROH Malaysia is an ecumenical group of theological thinkers and societal acti-vists which aims to effect ripples of change among Christians, empowering them for creative theological reflection and greater societal involvement. We are a team consisting of a mix of theolo-
gians and people trained in the social sciences, lay people and clergy, researchers, grassroots activists and structural activists. I am truly humbled by my participation in this group of acclaimed academics and theologians. We are organising a Merdeka event on Oct 10 and 11 in Bangsar Lutheran Church and also hope to publish a book by year-end, in which we hope to connect local contexts (political, economic, social and so on) with our faith, eventually creating local theologies – exclusively by and for Malaysians. I like the name ROH because it is the Malay word for “spirit” and yet sounds like the Hebrew word for God’s creative Spirit too. In 10 years’ time, what do you hope to have accomplished? In politically tense and unstable Ma-
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There is a need for Christians to evaluate how the values of their private faith can be manifested in the public sphere – without necessarily dichotomising the two.
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laysia, it is almost impossible to predict what things will look like in 10 years! And it will be equally impossible to say that these outcomes are driven by me or the CPPS. In reality, the following outcomes, if achieved (a big if), will be the result of the collective effort of all citizens: the dismantling of race-based political structures and in its place ideologically-driven parties; an independent judiciary; access to information Act; a strong Parliament; independent media; a more responsible police force; and most important perhaps is for the country to rid itself of prejudice, discrimination (either in policy or in interpersonal practice), distrust of the other, and replacing that with the recognition of equal human dignity and self-worth. What do you do when you’re not working? Well, I spend a lot of time reading. I have piles of books surrounding my bed and work desk at home, on different topics and issues. My recent areas of interest have been on Islam and developmental economics. I’d love to spend more time making music – it’s been a while since I’ve jammed on my guitar or piano, but at least I still go for concerts and gigs of the bands I love. I spend time with my family, friends, and doggies. I’m learning Spanish, and trying to brush up on my rusty German and Mandarin. I love travelling and experiencing new foods and cultures and ideas. Writing fills up a lot of my time as well. My next goal in life is to get my scuba diving licence, but work always gets in the way!
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Democracy is heady stuff, especially for those of us who have enjoyed the pleasure of having our voice heard and the power of our vote making that marginal difference to a cause. From Page 32
(1 Tim 3:1-7). James and Peter also attest to the plurality of elders in the churches they counselled (James 5:14; 1 Pet 5:1); so does John, though not in the context of church government. No one, I think, will question the idea that God is sovereign in the Church. He is her lord and king. Any pastor who argues that because the Church is theocratic, the pastor, therefore, has the sole right to make all final decisions regarding the church, is simply abusing the concept. There is no basis anywhere in the Bible for such autocracy. Common wisdom, too, dictates against such an approach. Who holds him accountable, and how?
Democracy and life in the Church Finally, let me turn to democracy in the Church. Democracy is heady stuff, especially for those of us who have enjoyed the pleasure of having our voice heard and the power of our vote making that marginal difference to a cause. While a wise pastor should be sensitive to the flock’s sentiments, democracy—at least in the form of one man, one vote—is alien to the biblical model of the church. Again and again the Bible impresses upon us that the Church is involved in affairs not ultimately of “flesh and blood” but “the rulers, the authorities, the powers of this dark world and . . .
the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms”. Those making decisions in these realms must possess wisdom, spiritual maturity (“full of the Spirit”) and “testedness”. Eighty votes out of a congregation of a hundred may make a majority vote, but does it count as a Word-grounded and Holy Spirit-enabled decision? Democracy might be fine if the issue is what food should be served at this Sunday’s fellowship lunch. It will not do for the major decisions regarding the life of the church. Neither will the ever-fallible mind of an autocrat. There, you will need the mutually-accountable and corporately-led wisdom and discernment of a team of Spirit-filled leaders. Your present predicament is a difficult one. I am sorry that all I can do is to provide you with the theological groundings for making a more informed decision. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you will not substitute an abuse of theocracy with an abuse of democracy. Your brother,
Chai Hok
Low Chai Hok is an itinerant Bible teacher and a writer. He is currently writing commentaries on Deuteronomy and Genesis.
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Family
Pornography
& marriage your
By John Buri
Many men believe that viewing pornography is a private sin. But pornography is a sin that harms the most intimate of relationships-marriage
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oe was distraught. He had come home from work one afternoon and found most of his personal belongings on the front lawn. His wife of 12 years, Jean, had put them there and locked him out of the house. Joe, a former student whom I hadn’t spoken with in six years, called me for help. As we talked over the phone, he filled me in on what had happened. The previous weekend, Jean’s mother had come for a visit. She was a marriage counsellor, and she ended up talking about the large number of couples she was seeing whose marriages had been harmed by pornography. She talked about how these men who used pornography grew dissatisfied with their wives’ appearance, how emotionally distant they became and how sex had become less frequent and less satisfying. Once her mother had left, Jean made it clear to Joe that they needed to talk. The marital symptoms Jean’s mother had mentioned seemed close to home. Joe made a few futile attempts to deny his use of pornography, but in the face of Jean’s unrelenting insistence, he finally confessed. They did not sleep in the same bedroom that night – Jean informed Joe that he could sleep with his computer! The next day, he had come home from work to find himself locked out of the house. As I talked with Joe, he seemed surprised that his pornography use had come to this. As he put it: “I guess deep down I knew it wasn’t right, but I kept telling myself that it wasn’t hurting anyone, or at least no one else but
me. Now I am beginning to see that my love, respect and affection for Jean have been slipping away.” Like Joe, many men believe that viewing pornography is, at worst, a private sin with consequences that affect only them. But as Joe was finding out the hard way, pornography is in fact a sin that harms the most intimate of relationships – marriage. Early research in this area began in the late 1970. Researchers showed men pictures and movies of beautiful women, then asked them to judge the attractiveness of other women. After viewing these images, the men judged other women much more critically. This was termed “the contrast effect”. Subsequent investigations of this contrast effect have used pictures of physically attractive women as well as erotica. Researchers have found that after repeated exposure to such materials, men judged their wives as less satisfying, less attractive and less desirable. They also reported feeling less love for their wives and lower commitment to them. About eight years ago, marriage studies revealed a phenomenon among couples known as “Dual Income No Sex” (DINS). DINS refers to married couples who both work outside the home and have sex once a month or less. Initially, social pundits explained that DINS couples were simply too tired for sexual intimacy. But this explanation did not ring true to me. Could it really be that young, healthy men were, on a regular basis, too tired for sex? Subsequent investigations have confirmed
my early suspicions: Many of these men fulfil their sexual needs in ways that do not involve their wives. Several years ago, as I was giving a talk, a woman in the audience asked a personal question. She said that her husband used pornography and that during the past couple years he had become critical of her appearance and ability to perform sexually. She wanted to know if her husband’s reactions could be related to his use of pornography. As this woman spoke, two things struck me. First, by any objective standard, she was an attractive woman. Second, she must have been desperate; after all, she asked this deeply personal question in a room full of strangers. I found myself wondering how many other wives live with the degrading effects of pornography. I have good news to report about Joe and his wife. Joe sought the help of a psychologist who specialises in men’s sexual struggles, and he has remained clear of pornography for more than five years. He and Jean have worked hard at reconnecting as friends and lovers, and not surprisingly, their marriage is flourishing. This article is from Focus on the Family Malaysia. For further enquiries, kindly contact Focus on the Family (M) Sdn Bhd at 39 Jalan Bandar 16, Pusat Bandar Puchong, 47100 Puchong. Tel : 03-5882 3343, Fax : 03-5882 3533, Email : focus@family.org.my Web : www.family.org.my
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Missions
Samaritan’s Purse in
Mozambique By Stephen Ng
Samaritan’s Purse provides relief and development assistance directly through 16 country offices and supports partners in over 100 countries worldwide
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ransformation in people’s lives is what Samaritan’s Purse is all about. Linked to the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, with Billy’s son, Franklin, its Chief Executive Officer, Samaritan’s Purse has helped meet the needs of people who are victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease and famine since 1970. Billy Graham’s involvement in relief work through emergency response demonstrates God’s love for the world. According to Joseph Lai, Samaritan’s Purse’s country director in Mozambique, such relief work is still the organisation’s core concern. “Samaritan’s Purse provides relief and development assistance directly through 16 country offices and supports partners in over 100 countries worldwide,” he told Asian Beacon in an interview in Maputo. When Mozambique’s Gaza province was hit by major floods in 2000, Samaritan’s Purse immediately swung into action. Today, after seven years, it still provides expertise in agriculture, health, water and sanitation to two major provinces. Since 2002, it has implemented group feeding and targeted feeding for households with chronically ill adults or orphans and vulnerable children. The programme includes seed
multiplication of drought resistant crops, classroom construction and road rehabilitation. When asked why anyone would leave the comfort of their home environment to serve in relief work, California-bred Lai said: “It is the love of Jesus that compels many of us to come to this part of Africa, where we can make a difference in the lives of individuals. When we see the lives of people, young and old, transformed that makes us willing to sacrifice for Jesus’ sake.”
Two stories of transformation Marta is 20 years old and lives in the Guijá district in the Gaza province. Together with her sister, Finoca and a close friend Armida, they were involved in transactional sex with men from Chokwe. That was four years ago. Last February, Marta was invited to attend one of the local youth seminar series held by the Behavior Change Committee which Samaritan’s Purse started. Marta faithfully attended each seminar. After over one month, Marta made two important decisions. The first was to give her heart and life to Jesus, the second was to practise secondary abstinence until marriage. Marta’s mother shed grateful tears and said, “Her life has changed. At night she is at home, and helps me with housework. The men’s cars have stopped coming by, and she is planning to go back to school next year. I only dreamed before that my daughter would be such a person, but now I know God has made that a reality.” Not only is Marta’s life changed, Finoca and Celeste are following in her footsteps. Today, Marta is the cultural activities chairperson in her community and organises weekly activities for youth to promote lasting life changes. Milagre is 43 years old and single. He is a musician and craftsman by trade. He is also the senior pastor of a local Rastafarian Church. Milagre underwent the Church Mobilization Program in Bilene district, Gaza province, and is now also a CMP educator. Through the training, Milagre realised two important things. The first was what it meant to live out his faith practically; the second was the crucial role he had in uniting his church to fight HIV transmission. Since the training, Milagre has been actively working with youth in his community. Through music and theatre, Milagre has found a way to reach many young people and has become well-known in the area. Particularly, Milagre and his fellow educators are determined to protect young girls in the area from engaging in commercial sex. Milagre has been invited by five schools in Bilene to start youth clubs and organise activities that will help teach about HIV/AIDS and what it means to live a healthy lifestyle. His motto is: “Be united and serious in this battle against HIV/AIDS.”
Stephen Ng and his wife, Ferlene, were working in Maputo, Mozambique for about a year. Stephen is a marketing and media consultant (www.market-eagle.com).
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Teens & Youth
A Different
Perspective Lim Sok Yee attended Training in Mission, a 10-month programme conducted by Council for World Mission, in 2007. She wrote about her training in South Africa in Asian Beacon Vol 39 No 5. For her experience in India, read on.
By Lim Sok Yee
W
e arrived safely in Madurai, India after transiting three times. My first impression of Madurai was its noise and dirt. The traffic was terrible and rubbish was strewn everywhere. Worse still, people urinated openly along the streets. But that was just first impressions … Before I went to India, I was quite confident that I would be able to adapt much better than the other nine mem-
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bers of my group as I thought India was quite similar to Malaysia. But going from winter in Cape Town to the hot summer weather in Madurai made me realise that India really wasn’t easy to take at all! I remember how we had to take malaria pills. Once, I took the pill on an empty stomach and experienced all the side effects! I had a severe headache and vomited. After a few days of
rest and a visit to the doctor, the vomiting finally stopped but the headache stayed. The afternoons were really bad. But throughout the ordeal, I discovered that God’s grace was truly sufficient. I felt like Paul! Though the headache hit me almost every day, I was still able to carry out my responsibilities. The amazing part was that whenever I was teaching the children, I didn’t feel the pain at all. It only returned after I had finished class. Our team stayed in a seminary in Madurai. We had theological training and sessions to help us understand the history and culture of India. We also had to do two placements in India. The first was a church-based placement and the second was a secular placement with NGOs. For my first placement, I went with two of my team members, Jacinta and Landy, to a town called Manamadurai, where there was a project run by the Church of South India. It is a campus with 10 different institutions attached. There is a school for the deaf, a primary school, a high school, six different homes for the children and a child development centre. We wondered how we could fit into the programme because of language problems. But God showed us that love
can overcome all barriers. We went to the school for the deaf every morning to help the teachers and also to learn some sign language and Tamil. That helped us a lot. Our favourite part was the devotions held in the different homes. When we saw how the deaf children worshipped and prayed to God using sign language, our hearts just melted. Many people think that worship is about music. With these kids, there was no music, no melody, no words but a sincere heart. That was true worship. For my second placement, I chose an NGO that dealt with child labour called SAVE (Social Awareness and Voluntary Education). SAVE sets up bridge schools in different locations. Bridge schools provide a year of “catch up” education for children saved from sweat shops or who drop out of school because of family migration. Children of different standards are placed together in one class with one teacher. I was alone for this placement which lasted for five weeks. First, I had to take a five-hour bus ride to Tiripur, which has a total of 4,500 garment factories. This little place accounts for 90% of the Indian garment export industry. Many people come here to get jobs. The factories use child labour because it is cheap. Each child is paid 30-45 rupees a day (US$1). It’s worse for the girls: Some of them are sexually abused in the factories. Part 1 of my placement was to visit the different bridge schools. I found the condition of the classrooms saddening. Just one small room with no lights, poor ventilation and no tables and chairs. I couldn’t do as much as I wanted because of the language barrier. But I managed to do an object lesson with the kids, showing them the importance of studying, and I taught them some songs, games and craft. They were very
excited just to see me there. As for me, seeing them smile and laugh was a great gift. During the evening, I sometimes joined medical teams going into remote villages to provide medical aid. While the doctors tended to the patients, I interacted with the children there. For the second part of my placement, I was sent to Ecopark. Ecopark is a home for former child labourers whose families cannot support them. In Ecopark, they are provided with food and the opportunity to go to school. I taught the children English daily and helped them with their homework. It was a very tough three weeks because I felt so lonely. I had no one to talk to. The workers there didn’t speak English well and I didn’t speak Tamil well. If not for God, I would not have survived the placement. Now I know how missionaries feel when they go to a foreign country where people don’t speak the same language. At the end of the programme, we had to write a final paper, and I wrote on “Violence against Children”. I felt helpless in a way because I couldn’t do much to help them. All I could do was to pray for them and hope that one day they would come to know Jesus, who is the healer and shepherd of all. This 10-month experience has allowed me to interact with children of different countries and changed the way I look at things. I thank God for the opportunity to join Training in Mission. I will never forget these precious experiences and will treasure every lesson that I’ve learnt.
Lim Sok Yee worships at Gereja Grace Batu Pahat and teaches in the FunGates-franchised Tadika Punchak Ledang. She studied Child Education at Universiti Malaya.
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Media Review
Charlotte’s Movie Review by Staff Writer
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ased on E B White’s children’s novel, Charlotte’s Web, the computer-animated movie of the same name which stars Julia Roberts, Oprah Winfrey, Dakota Fanning, Dominic Scott Kay and Beau Bridges, was screened locally in 2007. The movie has become a favourite among viewers. Its focus is on loyalty and friendship between the most unlikely individuals. The story is about a pig called Wilbur, the runt of the litter, who is saved from the axe on the night of his birth by the farmer’s daughter, Fern. Fern keeps Wilbur as a pet in the house, but moves him to her uncle’s barn when he grows too big. Fern does not know that her uncle intends to kill Wilbur for the Christmas dinner that winter. In the barn, Wilbur faces a lonely time with the other animals: Templeton the rat, Samuel the sheep, Ike the horse, and Gussy and Golly the silly geese. One animal makes friends with Wilbur though: Charlotte the spider. When Wilbur finds out that he is meant for the Christmas dinner, he panics, but Charlotte puts her wits into convincing the humans that their little pig is too valuable and special to be eaten. Charlotte hits on a great idea to spin the words “Some Pig” into her web. In the morning, the humans are stunned by the discovery of this “miracle” and Wilbur becomes famous. Charlotte spins more words in her miraculous web, and finally, her plan finds success when Wilbur, the miracle pig, wins a prize at the country fair. Farmer Zuckerman could not possibly kill Wilbur now! Fern had entered Wilbur in the county fair, hoping that if he won the blue ribbon for best pig, that might put an end to all intentions of turning him into bacon. But these spinning efforts have exhausted Charlotte, who is about to give birth to her babies. Wilbur discovers the sad fact that when spiders give birth to their babies, they die in the process. At the county fair, Charlotte is dying and cannot return to the farm in time for her babies to hatch. Loyal Wilbur carefully carries Charlotte’s egg sac home so that her babies can hatch safely— he realises the cost to Charlotte of spinning her miraculous web so that he could win the blue ribbon.
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web
Back at the farm, 514 tiny spiders hatch, and three stay to become Wilbur’s new best friends. The whole atmosphere at the farm changed when Charlotte first undertook to help Wilbur stay alive. Where the other animals were standoffish and indifferent before, they now come to resemble a family. Charlotte’s babies are given a welcome that would not have happened had a kindly spider not first reached out to a lonely little pig. This movie is made for the family. Available in DVDs, it entertains both adult and child alike and provides lots of ideas for parent and child discussions on topics like friendship and loyalty, life and death, kindness and sacrifice.
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TEACHERS NEEDED
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KINDERGARTEN TEACHERS NEEDED in Petaling Jaya
• • • •
Requirements: Must enjoy working with children Proficient in English and Bahasa Malaysia Ability to converse in Mandarin an advantage Creative, initiative, a team player This is a full-time position (half day, five days a week). Medical benefits and teaching incentives provided. Interested candidates, please contact Mrs Ng Hwang TADIKA METHODIST
Lot 1044, Jln Cempaka Kampung Sungai Kayu Ara (KSKA) Damansara Utama 47400 Petaling Jaya Tel: 03-7727 3397, 7726 9172 Email: tadika@ssmc.com.my
Experienced teachers encouraged to apply. Helpers (no experience required) should also apply.
Media Review
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Life-Changing Book The Book that Transforms Nations: The Power of the Bible to Change Any Country By Loren Cunningham with Janice Rogers Publisher: YWAM Publishing
Reviewed by Emmeline Tan Devan
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ranslators spend years in remote areas just so people can have “it” in their language. Many risk their lives smuggling copies of it into restricted countries. It proclaims itself as living and active, sharper than any doubleedged sword. Immense power of change is held by the Bible, the Word of God. We believe the Bible changes lives individually, but Youth With A Mission (YWAM) founder Loren Cunningham, in The Book that Transforms Nations, shows when that individual change is multiplied throughout a nation, dramatic social transformation, economic regeneration and national restoration follow. From the greatest revolution of Christian history—the Reformation—led by Martin Luther, to the “overnight” success story of South Korea, Cunningham demonstrates how there is no country too hard, too poor, too filled with crime, too divided by war, or too spiritually dark to be changed by God’s Word. For example, Geneva was once “the smelliest city on earth”, a den of criminals, political refugees, soldiers of fortune, prostitutes and slum dwellers. Today, it is the centre of humanitarian agencies and international organisations. Enemy nations meet here to sign important treaties. Switzerland has remained a war-free zone for three centuries. All this came about because John Calvin and other Reformers tried to build a city founded on God’s Word. What is it about God’s Book that transforms people and nations? Clearly, it is the truth about who God is and who man is that makes the difference in how we view the world and the way we live. Whenever a critical mass of people applies the truths found in God’s Book, their lives and nations are transformed in dramatic ways. Similarly, when a nation
abandons the Word of God, it begins to self-destruct. What about great cultures that achieved remarkable things but did not have the Bible? Cunningham says while these cultures were able to discover truths God had written into creation — such as mathematical formulae and methods to build pyramids — knowledge did not transform their societies. World history is filled with examples of God’s truths elevating society and individuals, and how, in the absence of the liberating Word of God, such societies and individuals often remain crushed and oppressed. Why should we bother turning nations around through social transformation when the Great Commission speaks about souls and eternity? Does life on earth really matter? Scripture reminds us that the Great Commission involves both salvation and disciple-making. And discipleship is the process of leading a person to transformation according to biblical standards. Such individual transformation in turn must lead to the improvement of social life. Cunningham ends with a call to bring God’s Book to the whole world. As many as, or more than, 2,644 language and dialect groups (or 7 percent of the world) still do not have a Bible in their “heart language”. Cunningham gives current updates on missionary movements and how “normal” people are creatively spreading the Word. He outlines different practical ways churches can speed up the process of Bible translation through their involvement instead of thinking that only the experts can do it. The time is now because the harvest is ripe. We must keep our hearts and minds open to hear God’s call and to seize opportunities. Emmeline Tan Devan was a journalist at the Star. She is now a mum and homemaker. oct-nov 2008
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From Page 13 D. Physical intimacy – Respondents who indicated that the following activities were OK for dating teenagers
Holding hands Arms on shoulders Casual hug/kiss Passionate kissing Intimate touch Sexual intercourse Youth in the last three categories (a total of 24%) may be dangerously liberal in their physical contact with people they are dating. It is also of concern to note that about 6% of the 418 Christians indicated that dating teenagers should be allowed to touch each other intimately and/or have sexual intercourse.
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oct-nov 2008
E. Commitment to sexual purity It was heartening to note that around 77% of the young people surveyed indicated that they were prepared to keep sex for marriage. However, 5% marked that they would not commit to sexual purity while the remaining 17% were not sure. It is possible that the youth who did not indicate positively in this area were likely to have already engaged in pre-marital sex or had been sexually violated in some ways. Also, of the 418 Christians surveyed, about 19% marked that they were not sure or not willing to commit to sexual purity.
Wake-up call These survey results should give us pause. There is a loosening of the moral values that used to undergird our society a few decades ago. Why is it surprising then that a sexual addiction like pornography has become a billiondollar industry today? We need to wake up to the hard realities before we lose not just ourselves, but our children to a promiscuous and degenerate spirit that has taken over contemporary society. Jason Fong is General Secretary of Scripture Union Semenanjung Malaysia.
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