St Hugh's College, Oxford - The Imp, Dec 1928

THE IMP December, 1928

COMMITTEE.,

Editor: • R. M. J. CAMPBELL. Treasurer: JOAN DICK.

Third Year Representative—M. JAMES. Second Year Represeittative—E.' HICKS.

THE IMP DECEMBER, 1928.

(bitoriat E should like to apologise for a rather disgraceful matter. We feel that the College is to blame and that a public statement should be made abo.ut it. One of our Freshers has been complaining of the welcome which she received on becoming a member of St. Hugh's. ' The reception given me by the rest of the College,' she says, ' was extremely chilly.'

We cannot think how this occurred.

She is a charming person who should be received with joy by any community—bright, glowing with youthful- warmth and vitality, with clothes of the newest fashion showing the utmost taste and discrimination.

She has been repeatedly pointed out to visitors as a woman of great promise. They are frequently to be seen standing in the corridor lost in admiration.

She has an unique personality, modern to the finger-tips.

We hope that the cold feeling in the College will not be extended, in any marked degree, to this attractive Fresher, Miss Gray Allen Wing.

W

RESULTS OF THE COMPETITION. Several entries were received for Competition I, ' A Parody.' We award the prize to ' Requiescat.' The Committee liked it.

There was only one entry for Competition II, ' An Advertisement.' It was entitled ' Self-Advertisement.' We felt that there might have been more of these. No prize was awarded.

[NOTE.—Will the prize-winner apply for her valuable prize?]

,ffrienbly be to tije Rip on tii5 attaining i Zgentb Pear With acknowledgements to Hood: Parental Ode to My Son.)

Thou happy, happy Imp !

(But stop ; first let me wipe away this blot.)

Ten years ago so weak and limp, And now so fat and strong—(though sometimes not !), Thou home of dubious wit, Of quip and gibe and skit, And innuendo, stabbing as a pin (One sometimes wonders how such things get in).

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THE IMP Thou.refuge of our spleen !

With :melqiicholt verses inundated.'

Horw ofteii in committee hast thou bee By artificial means in haste inflated.

(For no one ever knows Until to press he goes Whether there'll be though of him to print, And yet he always gets there—with a sprint.)

Thou sprite of merriment !

With such light fare so easily content.

Often at night roamest thou the corridors.

(I wonder,if it's he who bangs the doors, Baths after hours, and falls Over so many coal-bucketS, and bawg?)'

Thou Imp of mirth and that, In college life so strong and firm a link, Thou pride of Editors and—(drat the brat : I've spilt the ink !)

PHYLLIS HARTNOLL.

3I3etroare!

Don't be kind to Freshers—it may lead you into incredibly awkward situations. They are an unknown species at the best of times, and this year they are particularly dangerous and deceptive. Yesterday I spoke to one—I don't quite know why, but I felt impelled to somehow.. She looked so lonely standing there by the notice-boards, and I did not remember having seen her before.

As I approached she edged away a little, as Freshers will, and became frantically absorbed in the library announcements. I was not deceived. I know the ways of Freshers. I know their language too. Closing my eyes, I drew a deep breath, concentrated hard on the flicks and coffee at the Super ; and then, when my soul was suffused in a purple glow, ' Isn't Oxford marvellous? ' I sighed.

Ah ! I had not been mistaken. A look of the most incredible ecstasy overspread the features of the Fresher.

Thrilling ! ' she said ; And isn't the Spearem marvellous? ' Oh, yes.; of course,'. I went on hurriedly, in a way ; but don't you think the Third Year are marvellous?'

How do you mean?

Marvellous?' She looked a little suspicious.

What do they do?'

Oh, I don't know,' I. replied testily ; just marvellous. Third Years are marvellous; you know„ They don't have to CIO anything; they just are.' (An incredibly dim Fresher., I thought. She doesn't seem to understand the elementary principles of First Year psychology.)

The dinner bell rang, and people began trickling out of the J.C.R. My heart misgave me. They certainly didn't look marvellous. Then suddenly : Look ! ' I whispered, as a vision in blue emerged, her corn-coloured hair tumbling gracefully into one eye and combed back to reveal the opposite ear. Here's one of them. She is finding life puzzling and a little melancholy. You see, she has a Soul.'

THE IMP ' How marvellous,' said the Fresher. ' What does she do with it ?'

Do? ' I gasped. She doesn't have to do anything. IT does all the doing there is to be done, so to speak . . . Why, it exudes all . . . ' Something in the Fresher's face alarmed me, and I changed the subject.

There's another ! ' I said. She has to live up to her Presence. It is a bit hard. No, her face isn't really made of wood. It has an alternative expression for registering amusement. She's quite human. She wears nighties. You wouldn't think it, but she does.' ' How marvellous,' murmured the Fresher ; but her voice sounded far away and her eyes were rivetted on a yet more marvellous spectacle. ' Who is she? ' she whispered, discreetly indicating with her chin a magnificent being in whose creation Nature had surpassed herself—' and after Nature, Art.' Oh, don't you know her? " Well, perhaps you wouldn't yet. She's a Second Year.'

The Second Year are not wholly unmarvellous then?' She smiled faintly, even a trifle sardonically.

Now Freshers are not sardonic. What an amazing crowd they seem to have got hold of this year,' I mused ; so incredibly self-possessed and —well, odd. Why, any Fresher ought to know that Second Years aren't marvellous.. A trifle awe-inspiring just at first, but certainly nothing more.

Only Oxford and the Third Year are marvellous, and of course the Spearem.'

You don't think so?' she continued.

Well, you may change your views yet.'

What did she mean? A cold feeling crept up my spine. Surely she didn't think . . . surely I had made it clear that I . . . Or had she misconstrued my first remark? Third Years don't think Oxford is marvellous . . . or if they do they try to forget it. Surely she realised I was only being . . .

You see,' she said, breaking into my reverie, I was a Fresher myself once—let me see, five years ago. We used to talk in just the same way. . . . Well, good bye. I shall miss my train ; I only came up for degreegiving.'

She went.

I crept away to thaw my spine, which had stiffened into an icicle.

ANON.

)11 try That I too shall die And forgotten lie Past sound or sight— This thought by night Comes dread and chill Where lonely I lie Awake and still : Until my soul, remembering, knows For 411 these its pains— How the wave comes, and the wave goes, But the sea remains.

W, E. SHEPHERD.

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We too ibatt part We too shall part, not now in our young sphere.

Such is our faith and love, but sometime hence We shall return to earth; our mother, whence We came to being and to loving here.

And we shall meet no more, some other year.

Against the winds of time is no defence ; Our dust is scattered on the hillsides, thence To lose its essence in the turning sphere.

But from our lovers' dust shall roses grow, Passionate scented through cool nights of June : Tokens for other lovers coming after In places where we loved, long, long ago, Stirred by the fragrance that our loving leaves To gather roses for their joy and laughter.

W. E. SHEPHERD.

A)eretic Larry was mad ; not normally so, but consciously and deliberately and with infinite self-satisfaction.

He had been for many years a disturbing figure in the social life of the village, ever since the day when he had first arrived among us and created a mild sensation during the' Armistice Day celebrations. One could not help - noticing a man who not only kept the two minutes' silence, but remained. motionless, with closed eyes, for fully fifteen minutes longer, in the centre of a' surging, almost' hysterical, crowd.

They noticed it, of course, but as he seemed strangely unaware, they had been conventionally driven to disregard him. And because drama was more intense to me than etiquette, I stayed behind.

He- stood very close to the memorial, and L observed that he was tall, with shapeless shoulders which somehow resembled the challenging imperfection of gigantic rocks. It was a-meandering body, and shy, thin hair swept its red-gold strands across a horrible example of the human skull ; hollow cheek-bones which clung tenaciously to a tight upper lip and a protruding lower one, and the whole irrelevantly coloured with a dull, unhealthy red. • Then he raised his head with fatigued precision and our eyes met. His were sullen, vacant, with angry lights flashing across the too dark pupils.

But they were amber eyes, and that warm, insistent, penetrating curve of colour held me for a moment.

I turned away, vaguely. uncomfortable. But he called out after me, and I waited while he jerked his awkward body across the road. He spoke in an educated voice., but the accent was quaintly precise.

What is the name of this village? ' ' Harrow.'

Thank you. I like stupidity. I will stay here,' He smiled happily.

THE IMP That had been four years ago. Since then, he had settled among us, taking an assistant's job at the local stationer's, providing an inevitable topic of conjecture and anecdote at social gatherings, and almost immediately securing the reputation for being mad.

Quite mad, my dear ! Why, do you know, at Mrs. Hopkins' whist drive the other evening that man really quite upset me. He made a stir!

Of all the things to do, really. Mr. Soakes was just shuffling the cards, after making five tricks, when Larry said, calm as you like, " Do you know, Mr. Soaks, you remind me of Napoleon." Not, of course, that anyone would object to being called after Napoleon . . . but when you think of Mr. Soaks.. . . and of course that little fool Nancy Raynes had to laugh.'

I thought of Mr. Soaks, and the incongruous simile was not displeasing.

My friend continued. ' And then, not as if he was content with that— after letting his partners down the whole evening—he said that failure didn't matter anyway—they should read Browning—and that he was feeling voluptuous—and why wasn't there a Cleopatra in Harrow. Well, now —I ask you ! ' I was speechless. Under the circumstances I wasn't surprised to hear that the party had concluded unusually early.

Ever since our first encounter, though, I had cherished a prior claim to Larry, and it disturbed me to hear that his unconventionality was making enemies. You see, I could not convince myself that subtlety was madness.

Not until the final incident, some few weeks ago. And even now I am uncertain. .

Larry overstepped himself. The Vicar had arranged a short concert for New Year's night, and when Mr. Hopkins appeared on the platform to sing ' Mother Love,' Larry suddenly moved his chair back violently and shouted, ' Stop ; oh, please stop ! ' And then he rushed up the steps and went down on his knees in front of the startled performer and implored him to go away. He said he knew the song would make him unhappy— he didn't like the title, and he thought Mr. Hopkins was much too nice a man to sing it.

Of course people tried to silence him, and it was then that Larry really, I think, first became mad. He took a knife and aimed it directly at Mr. Hopkins' head.

This was the end. When they took him away in a closed car that same night, Larry refused to answer any questions. He kept muttering something about natural rights, and that Mr. Hopkins' wasn't natural, and that Aristotle would have hated him anyway.

I suppose they got a doctor's certificate. I didn't care to enquire about all that. I liked Larry. He had amber eyes and a soul. And of course the village is dull.

E.S.H.

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CapE4

There are people who can read Very skilfully indeed One's character just from one's physiognomy ; There are others who are led By the bumps upon one's head To describe the brain's interior economy.

But in circles more scholastic There's a method far more drastic Of pigeon-holing feminine society ; For it very well may happen That the way one puts one's cap on May indicate one's fame or notoriety.

If one is one whose brains Must have given one growing pains, One simply has to wear it like a beret ; But if, to be quite candid, One's brain has not expanded, One may find that tucks and pins are necessary.

In fact, some must confess That their brains are growing less, For day by day their heads are more enveloped ; While others, you will find, Have a lovely tilt behind, So it's only at the back their brain's developed.

And some, alas ! poor dears, Have such large protruding ears That their caps just sit on top like large egg-cosies !

In fact, I do declare That the Science of the Square Discloses more than anyone supposes !

THE IMP

7

attb geber tbe Tivain *bait meet Young Hans Knutsen could not see why Cousin Daguy was so fond of hay. Daguy was a funny girl ; she always thought and said queer things.

The other day there was a big round rainbow over the water which seemed to come out of it at one end of the fjord and dip into it again at the other.

Hans had not particularly noticed it, for rainbows were always happening ; but Daguy said it reminded her of picture postcards in England : all that this bright round rainbow needed was two people kissing underneath it. What had a kiss to do with a rainbow? Daguy was always saying funny things. Maybe people in England thought like that? Perhaps they didn't see rainbows in England except on picture postcards? And perhaps they didn't see hay either ! Daguy found hay so fascinating ! She had come over to Norway to stay with her mother's family just at haymaking time. Hans was busy all day in the fields with his father. He was a sturdy little fellow and carried himself proudly.. The sun beat down on his white-gold hair, on his neatly patched blue shirt and his bronzed arms and legs ; sunlight snuggled in his frank blue eyes. He knew well enough how to deal with hay. Picking up great armfuls, he fixed them on the spikes which stuck out of the ground all over the field. He built scarecrows, such as English children make in the garden on Guy Fawkes' day and burn when it gets dark. Daguy brought out the beer. She grabbed handfuls of hay and flung them at Hans ; then ran away laughing. Hans took no notice—he was working. Really, little girls were a nuisance ! Daguy seized some more hay and thumped Hans on the back with it, shouting cheerfully, ' This reminds me of the hay parties we had at my grannie's in England ' Why had she not stayed in England?

Something was always reminding her of something else.

Then, too, she laughed because they had no hay-stacks. Hans did not know what these were, but his father told her that the Norwegian way of making hay was much better, because the hay dried more quickly if it was tied loosely on spikes than if it was tightly packed together in stacks. She said that it was bad luck on the poor tramps, because they had nowhere to sleep in Norway. Daguy was a funny girl. Hans blinked, and wiped the sweat from his forehead with a grimy fist.

It was night. The father of Hans snored and dreamt of goat's milk cheese. Hans lay asleep in his narrow bed, one arm thrown impatiently across his face to shield his eyes from the moonlight, and he dreamt of the jelly-fish in the fjord.

Daguy lay and watched the wall on which the open window cast a bright moonlit patch. The night wind stirred the leaves outside the window, and the black shadows they cast on the wall fluttered and nodded lazily. Daguy slipped out of bed and stole softly through the house. She crept out into the hay-field and sat gazing with her arms clasped round her knees. How wierd the hay looked in the night, each bundle strung round its spike. At first it seemed to her that they were a band of wild witches, performing some eerie, squirming dance by the moon. But soon she thought that they were like pilgrims, standing there under the sky, praying with bowed heads ; and in their midst stood the priest, taller than the

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rest, stately, with his robes sweeping the ground. He seemed to be watching—waiting. In the house her uncle snored, and her cousin dreamt of jelly-fish. Y.E.I.W.

The irreMier' marque i. Thou shalt honour thy cap and thy gown, that thy days may be long in the University that the Governing Body has given thee.

2. Thou shalt not maltreat thy cap nor thy gown, nor despitefully use them.

3. Thou shalt not mock at thy neighbour's cap, for remember that thine own is likewise.

4. Thou shalt not use thy cap as a kettle-holder, nor yet as a tea-cosy.

5. Remember thy cap to keep it straight ; for the Dean will not hold her guiltless whose cap approaches more nearly unto one ear than unto the other.

6. Remember thy gown to keep it whole.

7. Thou shalt not use thy gown, nor yet thy neighbour's gown, to draw up thy fire, lest it should be utterly consumed in the moment that thy head is turned.

8. Thou shalt not use thy gown to wipe the mud from off thy bike, nor the dust from off thy shoes.

9. Thou shalt not borrow thy neighbour's gown, nor take unto thyself any part of it, nor wipe thy pen upon it during lectures. ro. Thou shalt not take the law of the proctors in vain, lest in the latter day thou shalt be found wanting and great wealth be required of thee.

K. Y. I. Y.

illottoe5

Mottoes suitable for all persons and occasions (as supplied by the College of Heraldry at an inclusive cost of 1/6 per head).

A Bump Supper. ' Ad laetitiam datum est vinum non ad ebrietatem.'

The Debating Society. ' Vox et praeterea nihil.'

Sunday Supper.

Ceana b'revis juvat.'

The Shop. ' De gustibus non est disputandum.' (Everybody does not like the same Tupperiy.) ill-ss C-mpb-11.

Difficile est satiram scribere.'

On a set of Lectures.

Acribus initiis, incurioso fine.'

The Bishop dining on High. ' Sic ortus ab alto.' He rose up from the High Table, feeling ill.

.T HE IMP To whom it may concern.

Varia et mutabile semper femina.'

Editor's remark.

Adhibenda est in jocanda moderatio.

*tilt Xretbetting The Duchess is really the limit, I thought, As I cooed through the telephone, suggestively, Well ! . .

Is that you, Charles?

Speak up, will you, close to the mouthpiece, I'm bored. Did you hear? I said Bored! Charles, we must Be adventurous. I was thinking, The winter's so damp here, I always get asthma, and They tell me the climate is Slightly more tropical in Hell . .

The receiver Fell out of my hand, as I Yes,' she said Shouted Hell ! ' Sweetly, ' I thought you'd Agree with me. Isn't life Wonderful? " Dear Duchess ! ' I Pleaded,—in vain : We will meet then As usual in Carfax, at ten.'

I was there On the stroke, as she Hurried to meet me. I've Bought a new hat, Charles.

D'you think he will Like it? ' I stared at her ; He?' I said.

Don't be a fool, Charles ; The devil I mean, of course.

We want to impress him.'

I sighed. Well, at any rate, The idea is original ! ' At that moment A bus came, and Knocked us right out. • This was Hell !

We had found ourselves In a gaily emblazoned And rather pretentious Dungeon, it seemed.

It was crowded With quite a distinguished Assembly. They hailed us ;

FI E IMP And the Duchess purred pleasantly : Charles, how too fortunate, We've struck an At Home ! ' And I too was Affected. So clever of us To have arrived, all this way !

A jazz orchestra Played in the alcove : I Noted the saxophonist, A remarkably tall man, Dark and austere looking ; A bit of a dago, I thought.

But the Duchess Was murmuring excitedly : ' Oh, what a profile !

Charles, I do wish you'd Grow a moustache, too : It is so refined . . . and I Adore syncopation !

Oh—oh ! He is coming Towards us. It must be . .

The Devil ! ' was chorused From the entire assembly, And the Duchess Genuflected in awe.

Ah-ha-ha,' he said.

Ah-ha-ha,' they trilled.

Oh-ho-ho,' I breathed ; (This devil was Visitors !

Tedious.)

Welcome ! ' He grinned at us.

Let me Introduce you to some of My guests. This is Chaucer . . . Napoleon . . .

Voltaire . . . Disraeli . . .

Queen Victoria . . . Columbus . . .

Mrs. Hemmings . . Amanullah . .

He rattled off names, Effervesced at my side.

Make a note of them, Charles ; I am writing An autobiography, and These " people I've met " will Quite treble my sales.'

Then the Devil Demanded : You like it?'

Why, sure ; we're in Heaven,' she protested— Grew confused—' I mean Hell, you know-And how clever of you To instal central heating ! '

THE IMP He was obviously Let me see, you are Pleased.

Domiciled in . . . ? ' Oxford,' I ventured, with pride. ' Not another of you !

It's extraordinary, the number of Emigrants you send us.

Why, only last week I Received your Vice . .

Hush ! ' I said, And motioned the Duchess Out of earshot. My dear, did you Hear that ! So awkward, these Contretemps, and especially In places like these. We might Never be received in Society again.'

But he only said Vice . . ." Yes, I know ; but A Vice may have consequences as Vicious as sin.

We must go ! ' Where—to Heaven? ' But I said, Charles, I wanted excitement ! ' ' To the Super, then ; It's only eleven.' So We went— And . . . got in !

floato

il3 C

E.S.H.

babe Reuther

This week we can confidently recommend to all our readers Evanjo D'ahlwatts' helpful little manual, Jessica's First Essay, or the Young Student's Guide. We have to thank our indefatigable correspondent for her special effort in extracting these. entirely unsolicited testimonials from members of the English School.

Miss Mifanwy Effans-Woteffer writes to say that : Inteed to gootness since reading your guide my essays h.af peen such, whateffer, that my tutor g could not but pe speaking. Llanfarogglynwigginaydd mygwlacious whatanyddigoddlcessay ; pugh-trydd ! '

■

Inset.—Picture of Miss Effans-Woteffer's favourite

veg&able.

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THE IMP

Fraulein Barbara von Wotz-Worss writes this spirited note : ' Gott in Himmel ! Since your Guide reading my essays neffer the same haf been.

Nein.'

Inset.—Portrait of Fraulein von Wotz-Worss' little dog, Sava-Loy.

' Say, Cutie, you sure slobbered a bibful. Your Guide's the cat's pyjamas ! ' writes Josh H. Joel.

Inset.—Josh spiritualism.

H. Joel is an ardent believer in

Miss Camilla Darling, of the Camera Cuties, says : *I think your guide-doings is too marvellous. It has a too marvellous effect on the old vocab. One feels too marvellously gugga after reading it. The old coaching positively zips. Just too marvellous.'

Inset.—Miss Darling is now delighting the Continent as a starred form in that drama of love and human passion, Primitive Germanic.'

Note.—These references may be personally inspected on application to the Vice-Chancellor.

Vo ern I waded through a sea of modern verse.

The gymnastic occupation Roused my stiff imagination : In emancipated rhythm and in terse And disjointed vivid phrases I'll illuminate the mazes Of thoughts inspired to stray in ways perverse.

THE IMP

13

I was lying on the grass, Quite flat, At the top of the pass : A mouldering thought Leapt in my mind into a sudden flame— That stream gurgles like water from a tap— Hot water !

To lie in it and dream In lifting clouds of steam : What are these idle dreams, these rags that flap About the empty hollows of? the brain?

Are we not scarecrows, Men of straw Guarding our turnip rows From the critic's claw?

Alas ! the stream of linked associations Halts in the subtle windings of its flow, And over-anxious ratiocinations Produce an obvious logic that is low.

But stay—the ancient farmer sows the seed On his'too material toil Preoccupied with soil.

He'll pour contempt with intellectual greed For those lurid expressions And inconsequent digressions On which the athletic modern muses feed.

'Latin tinEwn Hugonia having been delayed, and the dinner-bell having sounded before she was able to array herself in her toga, since she knew that she would be late for that august meal and that a certain ceremony was required of those who entered the dining-hall after the heavenly procession had passed up to the higher regions, trembled, hesitated, turned pale.

Nevertheless, being courageous and determining to overcome the hardness of the way, although many miles of soup-plates were to be passed, having entered the hall and bravely marched as far as the table of the gods, she halted until she should obtain the longed-for notice of Jupiter, if perchance he should avert his eyes from his plate. Time passes, the noise swells, Jupiter is occupied with his own things. 0 miserable Hugonia ! But lo, at length, Venus, having now for a long time perceived the approach of the unfortunate one, and taking pity upon her in this so great crisis, rising from her chair, gives a signal to Jupiter that he may grant pardon to the trembling suppliant, now almost distracted and fearing all hope of relief to be past. Which thing having been done, Jupiter nods ; and Hugonia, rejoicing greatly, now at length departs from the heavenly table, giving thanks within herself to that goddess ever-mindful of courtesy.

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ipeconb Yubgement of art Heaven forbid three Goddesses should share Impartially the Honours of the Fair.

Would you the Paris of to-day confuse?

Confront him with the Beauty of St. H—s.

See where the First doth negligently droop Her coiling love-locks in the daily Soup ; Lithe as a Panther in a velvet sheath Deigns sometimes slowly to reveal her teeth.

No more than that : it is not done to publish vulgar feelings at the E-g-l-sh Cl-b ; Nor would a prudent Author deem it fit To waste Emotion that might serve the Fr-t.

Observe, ye Beauties, how you may relate The art of Swimming to the natural Gait, And trailing, languid, to a likely dish, Show e'en at. Lunch the graces of a Fish.

Paris ! behold whom judgment must be passed on ; You stand abashed before the fair Sc-- H--.

Unwilling youth ! no cowardly Pretext Shall save you from the glances of the next !

From under these dark Brows the darting eye Already marks thy tendency to fly.

Close shut, the nervous Lips forbear-to speak What restless Eyes perpetually seek.

Beauteous Enigma ! will she never tell What Myst'ry wraps her round of Heaven or Hell?

Or, it may be, her Meditations are How best to fill the weekly Seminar, Or what recondite details may be had From delving in the Dust-heaps of the Rad. Oh, how resist mysterious Charms like these, When Lovely Woman bears the name of B--?

Nor Lido Languor nor Enchantment dark The features of the final Beauty mark.

These flutt'ring Fingers, this bewitching Glance, Have slain their tens of thousands at the Dance.

This mien where Coyness and Seduction mix— Paris ! you've seen and loved it at the Flicks.

A Cloak, a Rapier, and a ruffling Oath—, A Man, a Maid, in difficulties both— Villain triumphant, Hero at a loss— What other Heroine Distraught, but G----?

Th' Eternal Feminine is in her smile ; Can Paris stand against it?

But meanwhile Paris, bewildered by these Beauteous Dames, Escapes him to the beckoning eye of G. A.

JOEL.

THE IMP

1$

Requie5cat Strew on her proses, proses, And never a one o she'll do.

In quiet she reposes ; Ah ! would that I did too.

Her work the dons required ; Though why she never could see.

She told them her heart was tired —They would not let her be.

Her mind was turning, turning, In mazes of Cicero.

But for peace her soul was yearning, And she told her tutor so.

Her Latin cramped spirit Just muttered—then failed for breath.

To-night it doth inherit The 'Varsity halls of death.

True Etli5bout (SPECIALLY RECOMMENDED TO FRESHERS.) It is not sitting up till three To work, cloth make us wiser be ; Or thinking on P. Mods or Law Prelim.

Until our memories and eyes are dim : The student of six hours Doth more control her powers Although she plough the first attempt— She has from Bedlam been exempt.

In fev'rish crises we a doom foresee ; But in short measures work may perfect be.

Top5p

et5 3/Life

I. OXFORD. (With apologies to A.P.H.) Well, Trix, my everlasting daisy, here I am in the earth's youngest spot, sweltering, my dear, in the ubiquitous glances of the adulatory male ; well I think I rather caught on ; but, my dear, can you be surprised with all the women simply segregated in North Oxford or somewhere and all the men simply too eligible. Well, of course, my dear, I definitely' ought to explain that what I'm doing in this rejuvenating place is regaining my Youth, my dear, •doctor's orders, which is a most fallacious notion as

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your little Topsy is made to feel nonagenarian and too sophisticated ; well, what I mean is that all the youth is just too young all the time—most exhausting. Arid, my dear, too miniature, like High Life in the Nursery ; well, what I mean to say is that they talk my dear, and drink-just like men, which is so young—rather complicated, darling, but you do see, don't you; well,- imitative and everything you know.

And my dear, the manner. My dear, hearties and aesthetes and all that ullage which rather makes me feel rather a dull blue, because, my dear, I never know which is which and neither which has the most microscopic urge to be the other which. Only some interpretive young man said that one lot were too utterly clean-limbed and the others were too utterly long-haired.

And my dear, the segregated woman, too right, the segregation, I mean. Because, my dear, the only sign that one of them is on the primrose path ; and too utterly bright scarlet is the cap, well, my dear, the cushion, which the very gayest and most abandoned wear right over one eye. But they all rush to a place called the Super in hordes my dear, to unsegregate themselves, a most assignatory place, and my dear the atmosphere too cuttable.

Well of course they all make bright remarks, only all of them, my clear, are all the same, which is called being Union, darling, which is a place where they make puns, too Old English, but tradition you know.

Well no more now ; however I'm quite definitely not any younger, and darling let me breathe a pious hope that I shan't ever be young again, and that I never was.

Your sophisticated TOPSY.

Intit5 of tecture5 ire tbe *cboo15 Said the Warden of Wadham They call my place Sodom, Begorrah, ' To-morrow They'll call it Gomorrah.'

Said an old man of Averharhammer Who possessed both a wife and a stammer, The bane of my life Is my w-w-w-wife, D-d-d-d-d-d-damn 'er.'

Two brothers once possessed a cat Who war- bled like Caruso; They hit her with a cricket bat And then she didn't do so.

There was an old person of Cromer Who really deserved a •diploma ; While in an asylum He tried to beguile 'em, And sought to prove Bacon wrote Homer.

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THE IMP

iptubent 3nbotte5 an erratic ftiuse Ho ! sluggard Muse that will not come, Put on thy shoes and hasten home.

Where hast thou been to all the day?

Busy enough when thou'rt at play ; Dabbling thy toes in dew for hours And chasing rabbits through the flowers, While I must sit all night forlorn Waiting for thee, till slattern morn.

Comes yawning back to bring the day.

You idle scamp ! Is this the way That you inspire my work? Take care, I'll send you packing if you dare Stay out all night again. I'll get A brand new muse, there are some yet ; Heavy and stay-at-home she'll be And not go gadding merrily ; Studious and spectacled she'll sit And write my essays, as is fit.

Tutors will then contented smile, And note improvements in my style.

They will not know that never more Shall someone tiptoe through my. door And put her hands before my eyes And whisper merry fantasies, And then, before I've time to chide, Sit down demurely by my side— What ! Are you there again? Alack !

I suppose I'll have to take you back.

But, please remember, both of us Are pledged to be most serious, So put that rosy tongue well in.

Come, are you ready? Let's begin.

M.F.E.

Lugo He cultivates a pose, But not in vanity.

Like others Hugo knows, He cultivates a pose For fear he may disclose His awful sanity.

He cultivates a pose, But not in vanity.

18

THE IMP

eport5 HOCKEY. So far the season has been successful. Out of six matches, we have won four and lost two. The forwards combine well and the defence is steady, but there is still too much blind passing by the defence and square passing by the forwards.

The hockey team does not limit its activities to its own game. It has also become quite proficient at the exciting and exhilarating game of ' Up Jenkins.' This proficiency was gained in the journey home from Reading to Oxford on the one away match it is allowed in the term. Realising that a high standard could not be attained in the short hour which the train takes to travel from Reading to Oxford, the team decided to make the most of its opportunities, and so returned home by longer circuitous route via Swindon. During this extended journey, the team acquired a high standard of proficiency, and members are now willing to instruct the uninitiated.

INDIVIDUAL CRITICISMS OF THE TEAM AT THE GAME OF HOCKEY. BROMLEY (goal). Played much better at the beginning of the term than at the end. Uses her feet well, but must clear harder up the field ; tipping the ball over the back line, and so causing a ' corner,' is a • dangerous practice.

E. SLIMON (right-back). Has worked well. Must get rid of the ball sooner and take free hits more quickly. t M. BEATTIE (left-back). Good, steady play. Has played for United all the term.

"F. C. WELCH (right-half). Has adapted herself, well to her neN-v place.

An energetic member of the team. Should make more use of her inner, who is frequently unmarked when the wing is marked.

W. REYNOLDS (centre-half). 't° M. ZVEGINTOV (left-half). Very steady. Has won her Badge on the term's play. *P. FuL.FoRD (right-wing). Fast and works well.

K. JACKSON (right-inner). Must learn not to muddle her "centre-forward.

A steady player. *M. HARDIE (centre-forward). Very fast and shoots well, but inclined to pass too far ahead. Must get on-side more quickly in the circle.

Plays right-inner for the United team. *R. ATTENBOROUGH (left-inner). Shoots and combines very well. Has secured a place in the United team.

C. LUCAS (left-wing). Comes back rather too much and passes too far ahead. Has worked well. (* Badges. t Colours, ° Old Blue.)

THE IMP

19

MATCH RESULTS.

Won, 6-4.

Reading University Oxford Etceteras ... Lost, 3-4• Won, 4-3.

St. Mary's, Wantage Won, To--2.

Somerville ...

Abbey Schl., Malvern Won, t1-3.

Ranelagh Lost, 1-5.

SECOND XI TEA M. —g., Braddick ; *r. b., Vincent ; 1.b., Mortlock ; *r. , Hare ; c.h., Kirby ; 1.h., Hatton ; r.w. , Duthoit ; r. , Ratcliffe ; *c., Chapman ; *Li., Faure ; *1.w., Mott. (* Colours.)

MATCH RESULT. —V. Headington School znd XI. Lost, 1-3.

S. H.C. N. C.

Captain—C. HAVERGAI,.

Vice-Captain--K. HATTON. Secretary—G. JOEL. The general standard of play this term has not been as high as we could have wished, as many practices have had to be scratched owing to bad weather. The impossible state of the ground on several occasions has made the need of a new hard netball court even more imperative than it was last year. We would like, however, to thank the Tennis Club again for so kindly lending us one of its grass courts.

The membership of the Club is satisfactory, and several players deserve commendation for good play and keen attendance. It was unfortunate that we were unable to play our regular teams against St. Katharine's, Wantage, but the First VII put up a better fight than the score would indicate. Our chief defects were inaccurate passing and inability to mark our opponents sufficiently. The Second VII seemed to find themselves very evenly matched, and only allowed themselves to be beaten by 3 goals after a strenuous game. The standard of play in the match against Headington School Showed distinct improvement ; the, centre-players combined excellently, and the passing was quick and intelligent. G. Joel distinguished herself by her usual speed and accuracy, and M. Collington deserves comment for good play as goal-defence.

RESULTS :Nov. 9. St. Katharine's, Wantage (away). 1st VII : Lost, 21-7. znd VII : Lost, 16-13. )) )9 » 9. » „ 24. Headington School (away). 1st VII : Won, 2o-14.

FIRST VII.

(s.).

It is almost presumptuous to comment on her agility and unfailing skill in scoring goals from the very edge of the circle.

HUSE (a. C. ). A. very valuable member of the team ; quick and energetic.

She should, however, endeavour to get free with even more facility.

HATTON (c.). Plays a keen, vigorous game, but her passing is inclined to be inaccurate.

JOEL (c.d.). A great mainstay.

BROWN. Has played consistently well throughout the term. She has an excellent capacity for marking.

BONE. Shows determination and marks well, but should endeavour to jump more.

F U LF ORD

HOLYWELL PRESS, ALFRED STREET, OXFORD.

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