St Kilda News Edition 11

ST KILDA NEWS 11th Edition Feburary 2012

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EDITION

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St Kilda Newspaper www.stkildanews.com PO Box 1427 St Kilda VIC 3182 Phone: 1300 48 55 11 Advertising sales: 0405 845 548 Advertising email: ads@stkildanews.com Distribution email: distrib@stkildanews.com Public submissions: submit@stkildanews.com Print run: 10,000 copies EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Joel Cohen editor@stkildanews.com

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ART DIRECTOR O’keito Shortte okeito@stkildanews.com

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E EDITORS Rachel Lian R rachel@stkildanews.com r Matthew Coote M matthewcoote@stkildanews.com m SUB-EDITORS S A Angel Torrijoasalias angel@stkidlanews.com a J Josh Pettit p pettit@stkidlanews.com B Campbell Ben ben@stkidlanews.com b ONLINE EDITOR O Rachel Lian R rachel@stkildanews.com r PHOTOGRAPHY P Hayden Charles H hayden@stkildanews.com h E Jong eric@stkildanews.com Eric S SOCIAL MEDIA Tania Sullivan T ttania@stkildanews.com Ben Campbell B b ben@stkidlanews.com Abs Elmaz elmaz@stkildanews.com A ARTS A Aaron Webb A aaaron@stkildanews.com R RESTAURANTS MF M mf@stkildanews.com m H HEALTH Dr Dan D d drdan@stkildanews.com LIFESTYLE L Miss Delish M missdelish@stkildanews.com Mr Corbs mrcorbs@stkildanews.com Dr. Hilary Farquarson drhilary@stkildanews.com THIS EDITION Melissa Sweeney John Malham Fashion Massacre Ben Longley Gator Jennie Kopel Alfred Patton Iain McKenzie Alex Maccini Ben Campbell Steve Anderssen John Harrison Serge Thomman Members of the St Kilda Community

SKN A Love Letter

by GATOR gator@stkildanews.com (Written the other day while I was sitting at my dining room table, rain pouring over the balcony, cat powerserenading me with her anguished voice, a glass of red wine in my hand, and an aching heart.)

Dear St Kilda I just wanted to say that I think about you all the time. I miss you. I miss your sounds. I miss your smells. I miss your rattly tram riding down the esplanade, stopping with perfect timing to collect me and carry me all the way to the top of Acland Street without having bought

a ticket.

I miss walking into the ‘clean skins’ bottle-shop, buying some wine from the friendly attendant, who was always there with a bottle opener and suggestions as to where I could get free cups, and then joining my friends on the hill. I miss the hill - sometimes patchy, but perfectly positioned so that I could look over the crowd of people: some drinking, some eating, all chatting and laughing and living.

I miss the sideshow that is the Vineyard. I miss the mean-looking tattoos staring at me, usually hiding the tenderness of their owners. I miss Johnny talking for way too long, but being ever so passionate about whatever topic we hit on. I miss Alex coming in for a moment to play boss, only to sit down five minutes

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later and buy me a drink.

I miss the sunset over Luna Park. I miss the funny, fat, homeless dude that takes his shirt off and sings the alphabet to me. I miss Murray asking me for cigarettes, even though he knows I don’t smoke. I miss the crumpled pink flower that he wears on that smelly grey suit. I miss my sister. Andy, even though you live in Albert Park, I miss you too. I miss the quick wander down to the Village Bell to down a few tap beers, and I also miss the dingy smell of alcohol and old stories that linger in the corners. I miss the cold. I miss the changes. I miss you.

I love you St Kilda. I’ll be home soon.

Ali xoxoxoxoxox

FACTS ABOUT LOCAL ST KILDA MUSICIANS Jennie Kopel jennie@stkidlanews.com

Photograph by Hayden Charles

FOR LIFE IN THE MODERN WORLD

AC/DC During the 70’s, before they became one of the biggest bands to come out of Australia, AC/DC lived together at 6 Lansdowne St, St Kilda East.

Years later, Malcolm Young described those days as some of the happiest, and craziest, times of their lives. Bassist Mark Evans recalls the presence of a brothel ‘over the back fence’. This house of hookers, Hare Krishna’s and policemen provided an unforgettable first experience of life outside the family home for brothers Malcolm and Angus.

Hunters & Collectors Filmed the video clip for ‘Talking to a Stranger’ at the St Kilda train station, which was located at the intersection of Fitzroy Street and Canterbury Rd. The station closed in August, 1987. It is now used as retail premises.

Paul Kelly The song ‘From St Kilda to Kings Cross’ from Kelly’s album ‘Post’,

released in 1985, may have been recorded in Sydney, but the song is written from the point of a view someone living in Sydney and feeling homesick for St Kilda. The chorus of the song goes: ‘I want to see the sun go down from St Kilda esplanade/ Where the beach needs reconstruction, where the palm trees have it hard/ I’d give you all of Sydney harbour (all that land, all that water)/ For that one sweet promenade’.

Tex Perkins St Kilda resident, Tex Perkins, joined his band ‘Tex Perkins And The Band of Gold’ to put on a free concert at the Price of Wales in August, 2011, to celebrate the release of their new album.

Renee Geyer This resident soul singer has famously had, not just one, but two, car accidents in the area in recent times!

The first was in Elwood, in November, when she drove her car into a shop

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window. The second time, the incident involved a car and a tree in Burnett St, St Kilda.

Dub FX Is a street performer and studio-recording artist who grew up in St Kilda, beat-boxing and creating rich live sounds. He moved to the UK, where he has made a name for himself.

Crowded House The songs on the 1991 album, Woodface, were first written in East St Kilda, rehearsed in South Melbourne and mostly recorded in South Yarra and Caulfield. Neil Finn has been quoted as saying: ‘Some of those lyrics first dawned on me as I drove between these places in my old FJ’.

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Public Submissions

What Are The Odds?

by Iain McKenzie imckenzie@stkildanews.com

S

ome people put in their ticket for Tattslotto every week, hoping that their numbers will come up for the first division jackpot. It is a great dream. I, too, have thought of what I might do with my winnings and thinking about how I may be able to maximize my chances. Being interested in mathematics, I think that I have worked out the actual probability of winning Division 1 in a Tattslotto draw, and I thought I’d like to share these with you: There are 49 numbers: to win, you need to select the 6 that are drawn.

The probability of selecting one correct number is: 6/49 (there are 49 numbers, you just need to pick 1 from your 6 numbers).

The probability of selecting two correct numbers is: 6/49 x 5/48 = 30/2352 = 5/542. Therefore, if you pick the first correct number, there are now 48 numbers left in the draw and you have 5 chances of picking the next correct number.

The probability of selecting three correct numbers is: 6/49 x 5/48 x 4/47 = 120/25,471.

Continuing this calculation to the end gives you: 6/49 x 5/48 x 4/47 x 3/46 x 2/45 x 1/44 = 720/10,068,347,520 = 1/13,983,816.

Even if you buy 10 tickets each week,

the odds are just: 1/1,398,382.

What does this actually mean, though? Well, if you were to buy 10 tickets a week, every week, it would take you 26,892 years for your numbers to come up! That works out to be about 384 lifetimes!

Putting this into perspective, the probability of getting struck by lightning is about: 1/11,000. That means that you are about 13,000 times more likely to be struck by lightning than you are to win Tattslotto.

I have an idea: send your money to me, and if I get struck by lightning, I will give you back 1,000 times what you gave me. The odds of you winning are much, much better than Tattslotto!

If there are any volunteers for this experiment, I can be contacted through St Kilda News.

than that. I transfer the calls I get on my phone at work to my mobile and set my iPhone to vibrate whenever I get a new email.

Sometimes I respond, and the people don’t even know I am in my car. They think I am sitting at my desk like a “normal” employee.

3. Mingle with co-workers about non-work related topics

by Alfred Patton I have found that talking to your coworkers is a great way to get to know them and waste time as well. Especially when you ditch So, the summer break is over and the working year is back in the work talk and, instead, talk about like family, fun, holidays, full swing. You’re faced with the prospect of spending much of or anything else that sounds like fun. Though, I have to say that, your waking days locked up in an office, having to deal with a in many cases, we just end up talking about how much sleep we mountain of dull, meaningless, soul-destroying work that is liable need to catch up on. (I know. There is a theme developing here.) to make you either go mad or make you lose the will to live – or I have always been very unwilling to talk to other colleagues, quite possibly both. It’s time to put some survival techniques into unless it was work related. Not anymore. Now I talk to them action. Here is a list of five of my favourite - and most effective about anything that springs to mind. These days, I am even keen - ways of avoiding doing what you’re paid to do, without anyone to be one of the first to befriend new employees in the office. noticing – or at least without anyone noticing too much.

4. Play Solitaire 1. Sleep This is a classic manoeuvre when it comes to wasting time at The best way to kill time at work, by far, is by sleeping. No, I am work. This was first made popular when it came pre-installed not necessarily advocating falling asleep in the office, though if on Microsoft Windows. However, some system administrators you are able to find some available cupboard space, or are able have gotten smart and tend to remove it from the programs list to hide behind those very handy partitions, then good for you. in the start menu. But don’t worry. Some of them only remove What I am suggesting is that, since most people need to catch up the “shortcut” from the menu and not that actual program itself. on sleep during the week, you stay in bed in the mornings as long Try hitting the Windows Key + R, then typing sol.exe and hitting as you can get away with. I know: there are always those pesky enter. You just might be able to get around it. little alarm clocks that everyone loathes and that refuse to shut up, Just don’t fall asleep in the middle of a game. Your boss is bound no matter how many times you press the snooze button. But one to sneak up behind you and then your plan will be ruined forever. must learn to resist. And if you can’t manage to sleep in as often 5. Read E-books as you like, there is one consolation: the earlier you get to work, I enjoy reading books whenever I can find the time. However, it the sooner you can come back home and go to bed. is sometimes hard to sit at your desk at work with a book in front 2. Disappear of you and not get caught. Say hello to electronic books. Simply In general, I like working at my computer. From time to time, load up a USB flash drive full of books and bring them with you however, I am overcome by an irresistible urge to get away from it wherever you go. Best of all, you can bring it to work and open – and not always at the most convenient times. “But,” I hear you up your Ebooks with Adobe Reader, which, luckily, is installed on say, “isn’t surfing the internet in itself an effective way of wasting most office computers. time? Especially at work.” Well, yes. Sure. Surfing the internet at If you get caught, you could always argue that the books will work, as many of you know, can be a great way of avoiding work make you a better employee and that you are learning a lot about and making time go by more quickly, while looking as though you the company and about your position. If they don’t fall for it, are slogging away at that balance sheet or sifting through those then I guess it is time to move on to a new job. Or start doing vital emails. some actual work in your current one, ha ha!

But, sometimes, staying on it for too long can cause you to suffer Modais (Public Submission) from what is known as “internet fatigue”. Ok, so maybe it’s not an official term, but you get the point.

So what I like to do is to get up from my desk, walk out of the office and just see where I end up. Sometimes I go to a different floor and just roam around, doing my best to look like I belong there. I may just walk around the block to get some fresh air. My favorite form of disappearance when I am at work, however, is to go to my car, get in and catch up on some sleep. (Yes, I am back to the topic of sleep again. Sorry.)

No, I am not worried about getting caught because I am smarter

Five Effective Ways Of Wasting Time At Work

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Sports St Kilda City Football Club Winners

Crystal Ball

by John Malhams

by John Malham JMalham@stkildanews.com

Af months After h off research hb by this hi S Sports Editor, we have finally found a successful Aussie Rules side that represents our area, and we at St Kilda News are going to give them our complete support. No, it’s not that infamous St Kilda side, with its culture of boozing, womanising and blond hair that seems to be essential to their recruitment priorities, but the MAGNIFICENT St. Kilda City Footy Club, a team that plays home games at the local ‘Peanut Farm’. What more could followers of our favourite sport want than to be able to wander down to their local football ground - very appropriately named, I think, incidentally - have a few beers, and support their local St Kilda side?

The St Kilda City Colts Premiership

Sid Side, 2011 2011.

The boys spent the following week chasing fillies after the final siren.

Well, most of them did, anyway!!!

St Kilda City’s tightly-knit back-line warm up before the game!!

The ground is located between Chaucer and Spencer Streets and I urge all our readers to get behind our local club and cheer them on to another victory this year.

This is a local club that survives solely on the proceeds of its supporters. We should be proud of the people involved in this club, who struggle each week to make ends meet.

So come along, get involved and cheer our boys on as they head toward the 2012 Flag.

GO THE SAINTS!!

At this time of the year those of us, with the courage, make our predictions for the upcoming season and for major sporting events. Others, who work for the mainstream media come up with a top fifty by throwing darts at a list of names, hoping to cause controversy, sell papers or increase ratings.

Unfortunately, I am in the first group, so underpaid that I write by candle-light or lighting powered by an asylum seeker with a bicycle powered generator.

Melbourne Storm, empowered by the class of Slater, Smith and Cronk will fight out the NRL with St George Illawarra and the New Zealand Warriors. The Storm will prevail due to a host of brown paper bag transactions and property purchases in the names of the players’ wives or partners. Their previous experience after being caught doing what every other NRL club does will lead to their success.

The Melbourne Cup will be won by a horse that nobody has ever heard of in Australia. It will, however, be quarantined in Werribee, have it’s

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tenth start in the Geelong Cup, it’s eleventh the Melbourne Cup and win them both. Meanwhile, Aussie horses will win both the Blue Diamond and Golden Slipper and retire, turning into automatic propogating machines depending on what is or isn’t hanging between their back legs.

Now to the important sport that puts bums on seats, causes marital splits and brawls between best friends. In the AFL, the Brownlow will be won by a midfielder from one of the grand finalist teams or by the player everyone believes should have won it the year before, prompting the officials involved to make the necessary provisions to ensure this outcome.

The AFL Premiership will be fought out by four well matured and hardened sides. The result will depend on which team remains the least injured.

The one exception to that proviso in my top four is Collingwood. Buckley could not captain them to a Premiership and I very much doubt his blinkered vision will coach them to one. The winner will come from either Hawthorn, Geelong or West Coast. If any of these three teams play the Pies they will be victorious, otherwise it’s a three horse race and with an even injury year, I will select Geelong again.

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6 SKN Linda Stilwell. St Kilda’s Missing Child

by Ben Campbell ben@stkildanews.com

When seven-year-old Linda Stilwell was abducted from the St Kilda foreshore in 1968, a bayside community slipped into a terrified state of shock. Four decades later, Linda’s older sister, Karen, revisits her family’s lifetime of despair.

The 1960’s prototype of St Kilda was festive and illustrious. Melbourne boasted a strong period of economic growth, and the bayside suburbs and towns attracted a large influx of families, inspired by the town’s fervent set of social and geographic ideals.

St Kilda, merely a stone’s throw from the bustling city centre, provided a conveniently located slice of paradise. For adults, the suburb exuded a relaxed, unpretentious beach lifestyle and a modern hub of social culture. For children, the legendary St Moritz ice-skating rink and the colourful gala of Luna Park were huge drawcards. Permanent residents and fleeting tourists alike agreed that it was a town that had a little something for everyone.

But behind the alfresco dining, the orange sunsets and a rickety old roller coaster is a disturbing unsolved crime that’s left a lasting blemish on the town’s history and an entangled lifetime of despair for a heartbroken family.

When seven-year-old Linda Stilwell was abducted, assumed murdered, from St Kilda pier in 1968, an unprecedented shockwave was sent through the bayside community.

Linda’s sister, Karen Stilwell, now 54, describes her memories of St Kilda before the abduction as happy and carefree. “The world was safer back then. People left their cars and their houses unlocked.

There weren’t any abductions… it was unheard of to have a murder.”

Asked to describe her younger sister, Karen smiles with glowing

‘The world was safer back then. It was unheard of to have a murder.’ enthusiasm. “Linda was such a cheerful, sweet girl. She was a free spirit that would just talk to everyone and befriend them.” Giggling, Karen recalls an afternoon in St Kilda that summarised her sister’s personality perfectly. “We were out shopping with mum and Linda just sat down next to this homeless man, started talking to him and offered him some of her lollies”. Karen adds that although their mother, Jean, made multiple attempts to educate her three children on the dangers of talking to strangers, Linda was not one to be held back. “That’s just the kid she was,” she says.

When asked to think back to August 10, 1968, the day that Linda went missing, Karen leans forward in her chair, straightens her posture and takes a deep breath. “It was the week before Linda’s eighth birthday. I was eleven and Gary, our brother, was nine. As the oldest, mum had put me in charge,” she pauses, fiddling awkwardly with her headband. “I remember the early part of the day quite well. We’d been playing down at the foreshore and had met a group of older boys who had fishing rods,” she smiles mischievously, noting that it was on

Feature Story to go home but they were insistent on staying out, so she went alone, leaving her siblings by the pier. Shortly afterwards, Gary returned home, revealing, somewhat uneasily, that he and Linda had been separated. His fleeting recollection of Linda standing by his side whilst he looked into his kaleidoscope is the last morsel of knowledge the Stilwell family have of their daughter’s whereabouts.

On her ‘Remembering Linda’ tribute website, Karen describes the decision to leave her brother and sister alone as something she’s regretted for the rest of her life. “The guilt I have felt… thinking she would come home any minute… has haunted me for so many years.”

Karen describes the days following Linda’s disappearance as horrific. Her mother began to experience a mental breakdown, as the family was summoned back and forth to the police station for questioning. The rumours started. Perhaps Linda had fallen from the pier and drowned. Perhaps she had decided to flee to New Zealand to find her father, from whom Jean had separated months earlier. Worse, perhaps she had been abducted. There were countless questions being asked, but for the Stilwell family there were no answers.

A rigorous search of the St Kilda foreshore was conducted, with homicide detectives digging up sand in a manner that made the beach resemble scattered bunkers on a golf course. A mobile police caravan was established near the pier, encouraging the public to come forward if they remembered anything suspicious. Journalists, desperate for a story, followed investigators around like vultures, ensuring that the Stilwell family’s private hell was published all over the national newspapers and television networks. However, despite unprecedented investigative efforts and media attention, the search for Linda was unofficially abandoned after several months.

After the initial investigation faded from the spotlight, Karen describes the ongoing police effort as frustratingly incompetent.

“There was so much information that they didn’t follow up on. Even if it was a dead end, at least they could’ve made the phone call,” she remarks. Folding her arms across her chest, she continues to mention the distress of discovering that Linda had never been added to the missing persons register. “A policewoman told me that because Linda was assumed dead, she couldn’t go onto the missing persons list,” she pauses, shrugging her shoulders. “But Linda wasn’t on the murdered list either. She was nowhere, it was like she didn’t exist at all.”

Karen describes the next four decades of her life as heartbreaking and empty. “I remember doing a Google search for Linda’s name and crying in front of the computer as nothing turned up.”

In 2007, thirty-nine years after Linda vanished, an investigation by undercover police task force, Operation Heats, named Derek Ernest Percy as the prime suspect in Linda’s disappearance. Rediscovered evidence - including hand-written notes and an admission of implication to a policeman - had linked Percy with up to eight other child

an Australian best seller, documents a chronology of Derek Percy’s crimes. Debi confesses that in her twenty-seven years of true-crime writing she’s “never come across anybody as guilty as Percy,” describing him as “the most abhorrent character I’ve ever written about.”

After years of interviewing the Stilwell family, talking to key witnesses, filing through evidence and attending court proceedings, Debi has no doubt that Percy abducted and murdered Linda. “Linda’s disappearance had Percy’s mode of operation all over it,” Debi states with great confidence. “He always hunted at beaches and he admitted being in St Kilda on that day. The police even found a map in his car with a line drawn through St Kilda,” she continues, “Nobody else could have done this crime.”

Like the cold-case investigators, Debi believes Percy is responsible for a series of child abductions and murders throughout the 1960’s.

Referring to some of Australia’s most infamous cold-cases, Debi comments, “I have no doubt that Percy killed the Beaumont Children (1966) and I have no doubt that he killed three-year-old Simon Brook (1968). He was at these places when they went missing,” she says.

Then she pauses for a moment and states: “Everywhere Percy went, children disappeared.”

When asked what she thinks motivates somebody like Percy, Debi has no hesitation in replying. “He’s evil. He’s just plain, sheer evil. I mean, you might do it once and it’s an aberration, but to continue to hunt children the way he does, to diarise it, and to act out these things for the thrill of it, it makes him evil.”

In Lambs to the Slaughter, Debi criticises the Australian legal system for not passing a bill that would enable criminals like Percy to be DNA tested, even when they are not convicted of a crime. She believes that if Percy were to be DNA tested, there would be enough evidence to keep him behind bars. Without legislative change, there is a very real possibility that Percy could be released back into the community one day, free to roam the streets of St Kilda once again.

As we discuss the possibility of Percy’s release, tears begin to swell in Karen’s eyes. “He (Percy) changed who Gary and I were supposed to be. He changed my outlook on life. I often sit there and think of what I could’ve achieved, what I could’ve done,” she says, hands

Karen Stilwell, left, pictured with Linda in 1964.

Child killer Derek Percy, photographed in prison. abductions and murders throughout Australia in the 1960’s.

Derek Percy was already in prison. In 1969, he was found not guilty by reason of insanity for the abduction and brutal murder of Yvonne Tuohy, aged 12, at Warneet Beach. It was after he was arrested, covered in Yvonne’s blood, that he made a number of admissions to a young police officer about his implications in other crimes. When questioned, Percy confessed to being in St Kilda on the day that Linda disappeared. But when asked if he abducted Linda, his response was cold. “I don’t remember,” Percy said. As the information was seen to have little relevance to the Tuohy case, it was not recorded. It wasn’t until the then-retired police officer came forward many years later, that the evidence was revisited.

Although the new evidence hasn’t yet been conclusive enough to persecute Percy for Linda’s murder, the Melbourne Magistrates Court officially acknowledged in 2007 that Linda had been murdered. It was a long overdue hearing that Karen says provided the family with emotional closure. Gary Stilwell, who has wrestled with the weight of blame for most of his adult life, described the court’s decision as a From left, Karen, Gary and Linda Stilwell, pictured in 1968. huge relief. “It is an acknowledgement of what happened,” he says.

The Stilwell’s momentary relief, however, was offset by the knowledge that without prosecution, Derek Percy will one day be eligible to this day that she experienced her first kiss. “The group of us wandered apply for parole. As a result, the family’s rush to achieve a conviction down the pier and started playing in an old tin boat. We were jumping is being pursued post-haste. “We know that he’s guilty, but we need to up and down, being stupid. But then the owner spotted us and started get the evidence before the courts,” says Karen. shouting. We couldn’t have run away faster,” she laughs.

Tasmanian journalist and true-crime writer, Debi Marshall, unAs the mid-August sun began to fade, Karen knew that mum derstands Percy’s dark psyche better than most. She should do: she has would be expecting them. She told Gary and Linda that it was time written a book about him. Released in 2009, Lambs to the Slaughter,

pressed nervously against her thighs.

Despite the difficulties, Karen smiles as she begins to tell me about her own experiences as a parent. Her four children, three of them boys, were raised in Bacchus Marsh. “As a parent, I wanted to be in a completely different environment. That’s why I moved out to the country.” She adds that whilst she was overprotective with all of her children, she was particularly paranoid with her daughter. “Yeah,” she says. “She wasn’t allowed out much.”

Karen describes her struggles in returning to contemporary St Kilda, something she’s only done a handful of times. “Walking around, it’s hard not to wonder if Linda’s body is underneath me, somewhere nearby.”

Now a grandparent, Karen Stilwell lives in a small flat in Melbourne’s outer east. Her partner, Steve, whom she first dated when she was fifteen, found her on Facebook a year ago. Facebook is also the medium that Karen has been using to promote child safety. Her online group, ‘Keep Derek Percy Behind Bars’ has almost three thousand members and boasts hundreds of messages of public support.

Currently, Karen is attempting to persuade the City of Port Phillip to establish a memorial chair at the St Kilda foreshore. “It would be somewhere the family can go to mourn. We’ve never been able to do that,” she says.

Karen recognises that her fight for justice isn’t over. With legal proceedings set to resume this year, she’s determined to get the answers that her family needs to move on. “Linda will always be a huge part of my life,” she adds, concluding that, regardless of the court’s outcome, her memories of Linda will remain strong.

“She didn’t get to go through puberty with all its highs and lows.

She didn’t experience her first boyfriend or her first kiss. There was no joy of motherhood for Linda, but her memory lives on in all who knew her.”

Help the Stilwell family’s plight to have a memorial chair established on the St Kilda foreshore. Make your voice heard on Twitter @cityportphillip.

Ben Campbell is a freelance journalist and regular St Kilda News contributor. View and comment on his work online at www.bencampbell.com.au.

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A week of

Crash Test Drama “10min plays” 7:30pm

followed by...

T H E W R O N G PEOPLE “Live improv comedy” 9pm

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events

$10 each show $15 both shows

HIGH SO CI ETY

Hot Big Band Swing with....

Steve Purcell’s

PearlyShells

8pm

$15 online $20 on door

Fri 10th Feb

Tue 7th Feb

Salscatacular!

Spe

Cult Vault Cinema Presents...

$5nch Pu

Live

DJ

Lessons

After!

7:30pm- 8:30pm

8:30pm screening $15 Entry

LIVE

Sat 11th Feb

&

Band 9pm- Late

St Kilda Vaudeville

$15

Wed 8th Feb

Vaudeville/Variety/Cabaret

$25 online $29 door Gold co in donation entry

Sun 12th Feb

Indoor

“Live Burlesque with a touch of Vaudeville”

7pm

Vintage Market Fair

$20 online $25 door

12pm till 5pm

Doors open at 7pm each night!

MEMO

Acland st.

Albert st .

rink i k a glass l off water b before f every meal. This is a simple and straightforward way to make sure you get your daily ‘quota’ of fluids, if you often forget to drink enough. It can also help to prevent overeating.

Don’t avoid eating fats to lose weight. Fat does not necessarily make you fat! Just make sure you’re eating ‘healthy fats’, such as avocado, fish oil, krill oil, olive oil, coconut oil, nuts, seeds etc. Fats are important in the absorption of certain vitamins for hormone production, and can help stabilize your blood sugar levels, which will help you to look better and feel better.

Vary your gym workouts often, so you’re not doing the same thing each time.

If you stick to the same routine, your body will adapt to the same stimulus placed upon it every time you exercise, and there will be no ‘need’ for it to improve or change. Vary your strength and interval training workouts with different exercises, number of repetitions, degree of weight and resistance used, length of breaks, sets performed, etc.

Choose one day a week - Sunday is a good day - to cook meals containing lean meats and veggies, then place them in separate containers or lunch bags and put them in your freezer. Each night before bed, take out a few meals to thaw out for the next day to take to work. Being able to get your hands on healthy pre-cooked meals easily is a very important part of helping you to stick to a healthy eating plan.

If you work in an office environment, buy a big bowl in which to keep fruit at your desk, a few big bags of nuts to keep in your drawer, and a tub of protein powder on stand by. Now you’ll never be stuck for something to eat or fill the need to get take-away and wreck your eating plan have to wreck your eating plan because you aren’t prepared. Remember: preparation is everything when it comes to sticking to an eating plan.

Make it a habit to eat some vegetables every

6th-12th Febuary 2012

Thurs 9th Feb

by Ben Longleys

time you eat a meal. This will ensure you’re eating enough of them. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate cook-up. It can be something as simple as a handful of baby spinach straight from the bag. How is that for quick and easy? Eating more veggies will help you lose body fat, give you more energy, and help you to be healthier in the long run.

Did you know that 1kg of muscle burns approx 60-100 calories per day, while 1kg of fat only burns about 8-18 calories per day?

And if you were to place 1kg of muscle next to 1kg of fat, the fat would take up more space because muscle is a much denser tissue. So make sure you’re doing some sort of metabolic weight training. It will increase your metabolism, so you’ll be burning more calories at rest. And the more of your bodyweight that’s made of lean muscle, instead of fat, the smaller you will be.

So you’ll be able to fit into smaller clothes more easily!

Commonly drunk beverages such as cappuccinos, soft drinks and store- bought fruit juices contain a substantial amount of sugar and ‘empty calories’. These are calories that offer no nutritional value and are likely be stored as body fat. Reducing the consumption of these drinks will help to reduce your calorie intake and help you start losing body fat.

Make sure you take time to relax, sleep and de-stress. Being constantly on the go and stressed can disrupt certain hormones that make it very hard for you to lose body fat and easier to store it. Aim to get at least 8 hours sleep per night, and take up meditation, yoga or stretching exercises. Even relaxing walks along the beach can help.

Write down your weight loss and/or your fitness goals on a piece of paper and stick it on your bedroom wall. It sounds silly but this will help to reinforce your goals and to encourage you to take action every day in order to achieve them. This can make a huge difference between sticking to your weight loss or fitness program and succeeding, or allowing it to fall by the wayside.

Mon 6th Feb

10 Random Tips For Losing Weight & Getting In Shape in 2012

7

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8 SKN

Event Pull Out

Sunday 5 – Saturday 11 February 2012 It’s that time of the year again, when St Kilda opens its doors to host some of our best local talent. Fill your week with comedy, poetry, visual art, theatre, outdoor cinema, beach sports, forums and loads and loads of music. All served with sprinkles and a cherry on top. Here’s just some of what’s on offer during the week: SUNDAY 5 FEBRUARY 7am FREE BoxingFit’s Box on the Beach Every day of Live N Local (Sun 5 Feb – Satu 11 Feb): Fun, free, 30 minute workouts for all fitness levels. Learn boxing techniques, watch champion boxers spar, and win prizes every day.

St Kilda Foreshore near the Pier 7am - 5pm, Artists Celebration 2pm FREE Planetary Healing Artists: Healing the Bay Exhibition Reflect on the health of Port Phillip Bay as you enjoy a coffee at the Galleon Cafe.

Galleon Café 9 Carlisle St 10am - 5pm St Kilda Esplanade Market This famous weekly makers’ market is the best place to find handmade art and crafts in Melbourne!

Every Sunday (Except St Kilda Festival Sunday) 10.15am – 12.30pm Jewish Museum of Australia’s St Kilda Walk To coincide with Mameloshn – How Yiddish made a home in Melbourne, the Jewish Museum of Australia St Kilda Walk traces the history of Yiddish St Kilda, where Sunday trading began in Melbourne.

Cost: $25/$20 Jewish Museum members Bookings essential: 8534 3600 Meet St Kilda Town Hall (under the portico) 99A Carlisle St 2pm - 5pm Paradise Anthology Launch A celebration of issue five of the Paradise anthology with Brian Namkervis, The Black Eyed Susans Trio and Rebecca Barnard.

Entry: $10 Bookings: trybooking.com/ZCK St Kilda Town Hall 99A Carlisle St From 3pm FREE The Universal, Young Maverick, Lost Weekends, I, a Man & The Battery Kids The Universal play an energetic sort of indie rock that neighbours have described as a “bloody racket”. You’ll get jangly, bouncy, bash-and-crash holiday pop from Young Maverick.

Rimply Sed are fast, blatant and crackling with physicality.

You’ve heard I, a Man‘s single Sometimes on triple j. Now see them live.

The Battery Kids = the soundtrack to a Tim Burton movie - haunting organ sounds, heaps of harmonies and even some theremin.

The Greyhound 1 Brighton Rd 5pm FREE Saints and Sinners - St Kilda’s musical history Presented by Music Victoria Music identities discuss what today’s promoters and musicians can learn from the heyday of the St Kilda music scene.

RSVPs essential Bookings: musicvictoria.com.au Mink Bar 2B Acland St From 8.30pm FREE The Ramshackle Army, The Workinghorse Irons & The Go Set The Ramshackle Army mix banjo, mandolin and fiddle with layers of Celtic melodies and fast, furious punk rock and roll. The Workinghorse Irons’ unique brand of psycho rock ‘n’ roll and killer songs will leave you wanting more and The Go Set’s raw energy and undeniable passion, combine traditional bagpipes and mandolin with contemporary rock guitars.

Prince Bandroom 29 Fitzroy St MONDAY 6 FEBRUARY 9pm

FREE Sarah and the King Bees With influences ranging from Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers to Norah Jones, this band cannot be missed.

Iddy Biddy Bar 35-37 Blessington St TUESDAY 7 FEBRUARY 6pm FREE Forum: Money Go Round - How music grants work Presented by Arts Victoria’s Contemporary and Live Music Development program An interactive session for musicians and managers of all genres exploring funding options for contemporary music projects.

RSVP by 5pm Friday 3 February 2011- musicgrants@dpc.vic.gov.au Mink Bar 2B Acland St 8.30pm FREE Forum: Tomorrow’s Hits Today Presented by Music Managers Forum Submit your best commercial song and have a panel of industry experts provide feedback. Designed to give a positive, nurturing, educational assessment to assist in developing the commercial aspects of both the artist’s abilities and the songs themselves. Visit mmfaustralia.com.au for submission details.

Bookings: trybooking.com/17480 SEATS LIMITED Mink Bar 2B Acland St WEDNESDAY 8 FEBRUARY 7pm FREE Dan Webb & Kylie Auldist Keyboard master joins forces with renowned vocalist from The Bamboos for a special intimate show.

Republica, St Kilda Seabaths 18 Jacka Blvd 8pm FREE All Metal Forum Presented by Music Managers Forum Tips and tricks from the experts: how to get a better gig, where to tour, trends and information on local and international markets.

Limited seating so book tickets: trybooking.com/17542 Alliance Française 51 Grey St THURSDAY 9 FEBRUARY FROM 9pm FREE Pretty Dulcie, Pony Girl & the Outsiders & The Mercy Kills Pretty Dulcie - dynamic and smooth vocals, thundering skins, grungy and textured guitars, followed by slap driven funky bass grooves. Pony Girl & the Outsiders play fiery, balls out, passionate rock ‘n’ roll - like you remember, but totally new. The Mercy Kills mix two parts dirty rock with two parts sleaze punk to create this four-shot cocktail.

The Espy 11 The Esplanade FRIDAY 10 FEBRUARY FROM 6pm FREE Sarah Rzek & Elysium Fields Sarah Rzek’s fresh blues/country/jazz style and unique soulful voice captivates audiences. Elysium Fields are the new sound.

Get ready Grocery Bar 135 Fitzroy St 8pm FREE Fat Sparrow A recently formed four piece band centered around pop/rock, with a funky sound that encourages an upbeat party atmosphere.

Felix Bar 11 Fitzroy St 9pm FREE T-Bird and the Lumberjacks Big catchy rock tunes with a blues undertone held together by some powerful drumming.

Felix Bar 11 Fitzroy St 10pm FREE ProRata Their unique sound of funk/rock styles fused together produce a quality sound that can not be missed.

Felix Bar 11 Fitzroy St

for full program and event information please visit: stkildafestival.com.au

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11pm FREE Better than the Wizards Blending funk, rock, pop and jazz to create a vibrant, fun, energetic and powerful performance.

Felix Bar 11 Fitzroy St SATURDAY 11 FEBRUARY 4pm FREE Rosie Burgess Trio This folkroots sensation bring their unique brand of music to centre stage in a collection of catchy harmonies and humour.

Pure Pop Records 221 Barkly St 5pm FREE David Cosma Melbourne troubadour David Cosma is the result of an upside down guitar and a unique story line.

Pure Pop Records 221 Barkly St 10pm FREE The Wanderer & Let the Cat Out The Wanderer are a fresh Melbourne band based on bridging musical boundaries and bringing their high energy to the audience. Former Tasmanians, Let the Cat Out deliver their own style of soulsoaked funk and roots directly to your dancing nerve!

St Kilda Army & Navy RSL Upstairs Bar 88 Acland StTUESDAY 7 FEBRUARY 11pm FREE John Flanagan and the Begin Agains Blending Americana stylings with deeply honest Australian storytelling to create a stirring style of bluegrass/folk.

The Vineyard 71A Acland St WEDNESDAY 8 FEBRUARY 8pm FREE Lauren Elizabeth Get on down to some fine soul/motown sounds.

The melody is rich and the band is shuffling fun!

Laika 9 Fitzroy St THURSDAY 9 FEBRUARY 6pm FREE Davy Simony His combination of intricate guitar work and inspirational songwriting create a most enjoyable atmosphere.

The St Kilda Branch 204 Barkly St FRIDAY 10 FEBRUARY 8pm FREE The Freak Technique Bringing funky house music to the stage, reaching beyond the realm of the traditional instrumental based line-up.

Big Mouth 168 Acland St 8pm FREE Forum: Home Vs Studio Presented by Music Managers Forum What gets the best results, recording at home, in your bedroom or kitchen, or in the Studio. What’s the deal, the price, the result. Find out from Australia’s experts in production.

Bookings: trybooking.com/17549 SEATS LIMITED Alliance Française 51 Grey St SATURDAY 11 FEBRUARY 5.30pm FREE Ainslie Wills “A soulful Stevie Nicks with the edginess of P.J Harvey, listen.. you’ll be glad you did” - Dan Buhagiar, triple j.

Fitzrovia 155 Fitzroy Street

What’s On

LOCAL EVENTS PULL OUT

Dogs Bar

FEBRUARY

wine bar & arts hub

FRI

Visual Art Shows…Storytelling…Sunday Night Jazz Sessions…Film Screenings…Poetry Slams

Mondays First Monday - ‘The Wrong people’ Comedy improv Second Monday - Foodie film night docos Last Monday - St Kilda SHORTS films screenings Tuesdays Salsa classes at St Kilda Memo Salsa social at Dog’s Bar after 11pm Wednesdays Live music at SLOW Down eco-cafe Thursdays First Thursday - High Society big band at St Kilda Memo Sundays Most Sundays at 2pm - Dog’s Bar visual art show launches Third Sunday - ‘Crash Test Dummies’ 10-minute plays @ Dog’s Every Sunday 9pm Sunday 20th - Grand WaZoo big souls band - St Kilda Memo

3rd- Mo Cheeks 10th- Mo Cheeks 17th- The Flyin Sauces 24th- Vallyarm bands

SAT

4th- DJ B.Two 11th-DJ Cam 18th- The Fighting, The Mercy Kills, Cotton Sidewalk 25th- Firebird Band

8534 3020 www.dogsbar.com.au Book Your Next Celebration www.stkildafunction.com.au

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is on the other side!

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Live n Local Festival guide

Dogs Bar Shuffle Club VINEYARD - DJ Luke mc D, DJ wasabi Happy birthday Mr Webb. Rub a tug tug.

12 FESTIVAL LINE UP MEMO Vintage Market Dogs Bar - Pearly Shells

19

6

Dogs Bar - Pearly Shells Jazz, Crash Test Drama

2

8

9 MEMO High Society Big Band Jazz

$10 Pasta & Pot @ Hotel Barkly

$15 Parma & Pot @ Hotel Barkly

$14 Porterhouse steak @ Hotel Barkly

13

14

15

MEMO Vintage Market

MEMO St Valentines Day Singles Ball Dogs Bar - Singles dinner party Slow Down - Candle lit dinner

$15 Parma & Pot @ Hotel Barkly

20

MEMO Salsa Spectacular

27

16 $14 Porterhouse steak @ Hotel Barkly

22

23

MEMO Salsa

$15 Parma & Pot @ Hotel Barkly

$14 Porterhouse steak @ Hotel Barkly

28

MEMO Salsa $10 Pasta & Pot @ Hotel Barkly

3 VINEYARD - Mo Cheeks

Open Jam Night @ Felix Bar

S 4 VINEYARD - DJ B. Two Espy - Blood Sugar Sex Magik (the whole albumn live !)

10 MEMO Cult Vault Cinema VINEYARD - Mo Cheeks

17 VINEYARD - The Flyin Saucers

Open Jam Night @ Felix Bar

21 $10 Pasta & Pot @ Hotel Barkly

F

Open Jam Night @ Felix Bar

MEMO Ruby Revue Burlesque

Slow down starts selling daily bread from Phillipa’s Bakery MEMO Comedy Improv& 10min plays

VINEYARD - DJ Luke mc D, Fugitive and Edd Fisher

26

7

T $14 Porterhouse steak @ Hotel Barkly

on the back of this page

5

5th- DJ Luke mc D, DJ Wasabi 12th- DJ Luke mc D, DJ Mellydee 19th- DJ Luke mc D, Fugitive & Edd Fisher 26th- DJ Luke mc D, DJ Sameo n David Bass

FLIP OVER Festival guide

FEBRUARY 2012 S

SUN

24 VINEYARD - Vallyarm bands

11

MEMO Vauderville Caberet VINEYARD - DJ Cam

18 VINEYARD - The Fighting. The Mercy Kills, Cotton Sidewalk

25 RANGA presents SummerGinge’12 St Kilda Life Saving Club from 7pm $10 Tix on the door

29 $15 Parma & Pot @ Hotel Barkly

Get your local message out !

Promote your event, product, or service with SKN sales@stkildanews.com / 1300 48 55 11

12 SKN

Event Pull Out

MC: Rachel Maza Long In its 7 year, the Yalukit Willam Ngargee Main Festival Day includes a deadly program of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander music, arts and festivities. From local and interstate musicians, kids’ activities and community stalls, this is a day of relaxation, fun and entertainment. So bring a blanket, sit back and enjoy Indigenous entertainment under the sun and into the night.

This year’s program is a dynamic blend of events including music nights, art exhibitions and film screenings, be sure to check it out.

Yalikut Willam Ngargee – People Place Gathering! th

Originally from the Torres Strait Islands and a family of actors, Rachel’s career to date is impressive and includes numerous appearances in theatre, film, television and radio.

Opening Dance: A Jaara Dream Dancers 1.00pm - 1.20pm Set to bring spirits alive with the traditional and interpretive dance and song of their ancestors.

Jayden Lillyst 1.20pm - 2.05pm A refreshing mix of soul, blues, country, reggae and rock influenced by Indigenous music and stories, both past and present.

Readings: Den the Fish 2.10pm - 2.25pm Through poetry and storytelling Dennis Fisher (aka) ‘Den the Fish’ shares what reconciliation means for him and the challenges it presents for us all.

Benny Walker and band 2.30pm - 3.15pm One of Australia’s most promising new talents, offering an effortless blend of soul, blues, reggae and acoustic folk.

MAIN FESTIVAL DAY SATURDAY 4 FEBRUARY O’DONNELL GRADENS 12.45PM – 9.00PM WELCOME TO COUNTRY – AUNTY CAROLYN BRIGGS 12.45PM OPENING DANCE: A JAARA DREAM DANCERS 1.00PM - 1.20PM JAYDEN LILLYST 1.20PM - 2.05PM READINGS: DEN THE FISH 2.10PM - 2.25PM BENNY WALKER 2.30PM - 3.15PM READINGS: JOHN HARDING 3.20PM - 3.35PM THE GRACEMAKERS 3.40PM - 4.25PM HIP HOP CREW DANCERS: INDIGENOUS HIP HOP PROJECTS (IHHP) 4.30PM - 5.00PM TAMBO COMPANY BAND 5.05PM - 5.50PM EMMA DONOVAN BAND 6.05PM - 6.50PM THE LAST KINECTION 7.05PM - 7.50PM THE BART WILLOUGHBY BAND 8.05PM – 9.00PM

Readings: John Harding 3.20pm - 3.35pm An accomplished poet, writer and director, John Harding shares his perspective on Indigenous affairs through thought-provoking spoken word.

The Gracemakers 3.40pm - 4.25pm Barkindji man Ken Morris and Tainui woman Tiffany Kommedal will play their country tinged alternative folk; for those who prefer to stop and smell the flowers, and scratch beneath the surface.

Hip Hop Crew Dancers: Indigenous Hip Hop Projects (IHHP) 4.30pm - 5.00pm A unique team of talented artists; skilled in hip hop, media, entertainment and performing arts will ‘get the party started’ with hip hop dance moves that will incorporate you the audience.

Tambo Company Band 5.05pm - 5.50pm Performing original funk/soul songs, Tambo Company Band have become a fixture on the Melbourne live music scene, captivating audiences with their dynamic live shows.

Emma Donovan Band 6.05pm - 6.50pm With the inclusion of her traditional language Gumbayngirr in her songs, Emma is committed to educating the global community to understand more about Indigenous culture and spirituality.

The Last Kinection 7.05pm - 7.50pm Two time ‘Deadly’ award winners, The Last Kinection bring their empowering lyric-driven progressive hip hop feel and their Indigenous spirit to Yalukit Willam Ngargee for the first time.

The Bart Willoughby Band 8.05pm - 8.50pm Inimitable Indigenous reggae pioneer Bart Willoughby, who penned anthems We Have Survived and Black Mans Rights, returns to the Festival with his new band to deliver his unique reggae rock sound.

Also at Yalukit: Yarn Strong Sista Free Childrens entertainment thought Traditional games and art activities using natural materials.

Black Olive Celebrity indigenous chef mark olive will be conducting cooking demonstrations using Indigenous flora and fauna.

Session 1: 2pm - 2.30pm Session 2: 3.15pm – 3.45pm

for full program and event information please visit: yalukit.com.au

YALUKIT WILLAM NGARGEE – OTHER EVENTS: MONDAY 6 FEBRUARY 6pm Spirit Man Film Screening One Brother Helping Another: Galiamble Men’s Hostel FREE A collection mini-movies created by ‘Spirit Man Digital Storytelling’ Project aims to provide alternative platforms for self-expression and encourages participants to engage with issues that affest them directly. Their personal narratives are conveyed through photography, video, voiceover and music. Participants acquire a range of skills in communication, technology and computer literacy.

St Kida Town Hall Auditorium 99A Carlisle St TUESDAY 7 FEBRUARY LAUNCH 6.30pm – 8pm Our Stories Our Way An exhibition showcasing Indigenous art from East Gippsland Aboriginal Arts Cooperative.

FREE Throughout time art, music and theatre have challenged people to understand and consider social issues such as the Stolen Generation.

Exhibition runs: 7th to the 12th of Feb Opening hours: Mon 8.30am – 6pm Tue - Fri 8.30am – 5.30pm Alliance Franҫaise 51 Grey St WEDNESDAY 8 FEBRUARY LAUNCH: Wed 8 Feb 6pm - 8pm CONFINED IV An exhibition of artwork from Indigenous inmates within Victoria’s Correctional Facilities.

FREE Now in its fourth year CONFINED IV, is the premier visual arts survey exhibition featuring contemporary works by Indigenous artists incarcerated in Victoria.

Exhibition runs: Wed 8 Feb - Wed 7 Mar Opening hours: Mon 8.30am - 6pm Tues - Fri 8.30am - 5.30pm The Gallery St Kilda Town Hall 99A Carlisle St Doors 8pm for 8.30pm start Black Icons A night profiling Indigenous Australian artists who have changed our history.

Paying homage to Coloured Stone’s inconic Aboriginal album ‘Koonibba Rock’, band mambers will provide insight into how the band was formed, how the album came about and the meanings of each song. Guest singers and an all Aboriginal band will perform songs Tickets: $15 Bookings: princebandroom.com.au and at the door The Prince Bandroom 29 Fitzroy St THURSDAY 9 FEBRUARY 8pm - 1am Urban Beatz Showcasing Indigenous hip hop from around Australia.

Payback Records host Indigenous artists including Johnny Mac, Dizzy Doolan, Sneake 1, Karnage and Darkniss, Young Philly, Big Luke, Darah, Maupower, DJ Meso Escobar from Deadly Urban Flavas and the Yung Warriors (launching their latest single and film clip).

Tickets on the door: $10 The Gershwin Room @ The Espy 11 The Esplanade

SKN 13 Salt Cod or Baccala For those who might have over-indulged during the holidays this is a healthy but really versatile recipe for salt cod – or baccala as it is known in Italy. It can be served on top of bruschetta with fresh lemon juice, mixed with mashed potato to make a pasta filling, or served pureed with the poaching milk and served with crisp polenta chips, (as pictured). Bon appetito!

Simon Moss, head chef, Sapore

SKN Volunteer

Graphic s r e n g i s e D wanted

Saint Kilda Sessions

the crew @ the pier

by Haydo

Some Saint Kilda Guys Pty Ltd

14 SKN break the heart of anyone who remembers and loves the place for what it once was.

After leaving high school at the end of

by John Harrison 1981, I spent the remainder of the decade Harrison@stkildanews.com riding the coat tails of all the things that British pub, the Ritz was made living in St. Kilda so exhilarating at the time. They were simple but grand notorious as one of the seedier hotels in t. Kilda, 1981. If I close my eyes days: my years behind the counter of St. the St. Kilda area (no mean feat, indeed). and try hard enough, I can often It was built in between the world wars, and Kilda Video, on the corner of Acland still smell that distinct, peculiar and Barkly Streets (now the Big Mouth by the 1960s, it had become a watering odour of rotting carpet, dirty ice Café), where the customers often provided hole for hookers and local lowlifes. In and teenage sweat that would fill the dank, more drama, humour and horror than 1970, it played host to Melbourne’s first cavernous expanse of the St. Moritz ice any of the movies we rented out; long drag shows. Signs advertising striptease skating rink. It sat on the rim of the Upper drinking and bullshit sessions at the shows and burlesque dancers boasted Esplanade, overlooking Port Phillip Bay, Doultan Bar, when it was still just a dim, boldly and proudly: This Is The Show! the majestic art deco arch of the Palais smoke-filled little cubicle frequented by the The signs were garish works of art that Theatre and the iconic, gaping big-mouth should be proudly on display in a museum. same tiny group of regulars and the odd entrance to Luna Park. blow-in; devouring slices of Tony’s pizza As 3:30 rolled around, I would start St. Moritz had opened its doors in 1921, – randomly cut into odd, almost Picassothe short walk from St. Moritz to the and had been the place where my parents esque shapes - while marvelling at the relatively straight and secure confines of had met many, many midnights earlier. my weatherboard Elwood home. Usually I huge collection of postcards from around But by 1981, the building - just like much would stop by the Acland St. McDonalds, the world that lined the wall of his Acland of St. Kilda itself - was in a state of decay St restaurant (Tony would eventually die hoping I’d be served by the cute girl with and disrepair, and was only a few months doing what he loved doing: keeling over his the blonde away from closing its grand doors for pizza oven, feeding his hungry customers); sharpie hairdo - short and spiky on top good. After which, it would stand deserted all night dope-fuelled marathons popping with wispy rat tails at the back. She wore until gutted by fire three years later, it‘s coins into the latest games at the Red and silver lightning-bolt earrings, and charred innards coldly hauled away by Cave Amusement Arcade, just down from the glittering outline of her homemade Whelan the Wrecker. the Greyhound Hotel; dancing with drag AC/DC shirt was clearly visible through St. Moritz became one of the hubs of queens at Bojangles and spilling out from her uniform. She was probably no more my rapidly expanding universe in those the cramped confines of the Linden Tree than a year or two older than me, but days. Ice-skating was my elective ‘sport’ and onto Fitzroy St just in time to see the she already seemed light years out of my of choice while I was a student at the fumbling league. I’d sit at a table with my dawn break; feeling the visual and aural Christian Brothers College in East St. assault of the Bad Seeds, Screamin’ Jay fries and shake and watch the parade of Kilda. Every Wednesday after lunch Hawkins, Wall of Voodoo, the Huxton shady characters as they wandered in and period, a group of us would take the out of the notorious Esquire Motel, which Creepers in the middle of the Venue’s chaperoned walk down Dandenong Road sticky, beer stained floor. was the scene of many drug overdoses to Fitzroy Street. I would lag behind with Unfortunately, good times seldom last, and and even a gangland killing before it was a small group of friends (school misfits, all) by 1988 the party was already beginning renovated and re-opened as an Easystay so that we could share a stolen cigarette hotel. The new hotel provides a clean and to break up. St. Kilda Video closed its and take in all the lurid sights that St Kilda safe environment for guests, and maids you doors, friends moved to outer suburbs had to offer. The drab, dirty greyness and to start families, the Village Belle got an can trust, but I can’t help but feel that it rustic brick of the landscape provided a upgrade, Chopper Read shot someone has robbed the place of its ambience and suitable background for the diversity of dead outside sense of sordid history. people who inhabited it: the drunkards, Bojangles, property went through the roof My nights back then were almost always whose better days were behind them; the and sent many of the more interesting spent at Luna Park. How cool it was to musicians and the new wave hipsters, who have such an attraction a mere ten minute people fleeing in search of cheaper digs. did their best to look elegantly wasted and walk from my front door. Many locals may Café culture started seeping in. That’s fashionably streetwise; the sickly junkies when I knew my time was up. have taken it for granted, and some no looking in desperation for their next hit I still call St. Kilda my home, but its doubt thought the place was behind the or stumbling around in the midst of the essence has been diluted and all but times and ready to be bulldozed, but that madness; the prostitutes who took us in evaporated for me now. There are a few was one of the reasons why I was drawn with wary eyes as they chain-smoked and side streets, and the occasional sight and to it so strongly. Walking around that looked for trade. Not to mention all the archaic, wooden white frame and entering sound, which still take me back to those other unique characters and desperados days. But I feel increasingly that I’m a that creepy, gaping clown’s mouth was who wandered aimlessly and seemed to be stranger in a strange land, living in a world like stepping back to an era of rattling, doing nothing but killing time and waiting death trap rollercoasters, dodgem cars that populated by people I’m not sure I want anxiously for darkness to fall. to know, and haunted by the ghosts of my showered a continual rainbow of electric At the time, St. Kilda was still looked past. The St. Kilda of today prospers and sparks over your head, a ghost train upon as a dirty and dangerous place, thrives with a cosmopolitan elegance that whose scariest feature was the occasional full of intrigue, crime, sleaze, sex and attracts people from all over the world, derelict slumped in the corner, cradling a corruption. Fitzroy Street was seen as the but for me its true spirit will be contained half-empty bottle of cheap red, and huge beating heart that pumped out vice to forever within the dark shadows of its bundles of wispy, sickly sweet pink fairy the surrounding areas. It was a continual seedy past. It was a world I never fully floss that had you running around on a parade of sugar high for the next week. It was a slice appreciated while I had it, and it’s a world buzzing neon signs, greasy hamburger of Coney Island in my own back yard, and I’ll always miss. joints (where it was often rumoured you how could you not love the names of those could order a hit of smack with your rides and attractions? The Big Dipper, Chicko Roll), badly-lit amusement arcades, the Rotor, the Whip, the River Caves, the seamy sex shops, skid row apartments, Giggle Palace, with its psychotic laughing grotty milk bars, and the odd backroom clown looking down at you from his gambling den. throne. All that was missing was the row of The highlight of our walk would sideshow tents featuring tattooed women invariably be the sight of our horrified and two-headed fish boys. It was a magical chaperone, frantically waving us past the and beautifully gaudy electric wonderland, Ritz Hotel, ordering us to avert our eyes, one whose exterior still looks very much lest they be tainted forever. Long before the same today, though the interior will it became just another faux ‘traditional’

Proudly Gay In St Kilda

A Teenager In Babylon

S

by Steve Anderssen mranderssen@stkildanews.com St.Kilda is arguably one of the most eclectic communities in Australia.

Every race, creed and subculture of society is represented here. Summertime in particular, is a transient time of tourism, festivals and the celebration of the Australian lifestyle on the 26th of January.

I first made St Kilda my home 26 years ago and instantly recognized it as a place where I could be me; where I could be gay. It’s because of the progressive attitudes of the St Kilda locals, even back then in the 80’s, that I have felt safe and at home here.

Although I have enjoyed a lifestyle that is what I consider a basic human right, people in other parts of the world are not always so fortunate. In fact, in some cultures, people are persecuted just for being the wrong sex, let alone for issues of sexuality.

This is one of the reasons why people, gay, straight and otherwise come together in the streets of St Kilda to celebrate and participate in the Annual Pride March Victoria.

On the first Sunday of February, more than 5000 people, LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) community and supporters will again fill Fitzroy Street with colour and movement, a sight which needs to be seen to be believed.

“Pride means something different to every person you ask, due to personal experience, age, location and social influences,” said Brett Hayhoe (President

Copyright of this photo: Steve Anderssen ©2010 of Pride March Victoria).

“The reason I work the hours I do for ‘Pride’, both on a local level and internationally as Secretary of ‘InterPride’, is I believe that ‘Pride’ plays a vital role in keeping our community visible. Without visibility the chances of us losing the ground we have achieved socially and politically, are greatly increased. Each Pride event held around the world also sends a clear message to those who think we are second class citizens. That it is NOT ok.

In essence, I believe ‘Pride’ makes a REAL DIFFERENCE. “ The march starts Sunday 5th February at 2pm precisely, from the corner of Lakeside and down Fitzroy Street to the Catani Gardens on St. Kilda’s beautiful foreshore where a carnival-type celebration continues well into the night.

My own personal experience of last year’s Pride March was to be part of an environment that does indeed induce pride. It was a chance to see old friends and to publicly thank members of our community that work tirelessly behind the scenes. The groups represented within the actual march are generally those of both honourable intention and community service, individuals that deserve recognition by not only the GLBT but the wider community.

Pride March Victoria is supported by the City of Port Phillip and highlights the diversity and inclusiveness of the council, locals and the area in general.

Participants come from across Victoria, interstate and overseas to participate in this long standing celebration of culture (since 1994). Pride March Victoria is a member of the International Organisation of Pride Organisers (InterPride).

The official 2012 launch of Pride March Victoria is on 3rd January. To register your interest or for further information visit their website at www. pridemarch.com.au

The St Kilda Rock Chronicle The St Kilda Rock Chronicle (SKRC) is a local street press and gig listing that promotes the alternative live music scene in St Kilda and surrounds. This column is a tiny snippet of our latest musings and misadventures...

SKRC have been out a-roaming over yonder green NSW-and-QLDpastures this Christmas break and have returned home to kick off 2012 with a (urgent soundproofing required) bang!

January highlights include the 6th instalment of popular local festival series A Day by the Green. The infamous St Kilda Bowls Club delivered a day that, we must say, dear readers, was probably, almost certainly, and quite possibly, without a smidgen of a doubt, our favourite ADBG yet!

There were too many highlights to mention, but let’s try: The Knockouts, Susie Stappleton, and the Vice Grip Pussies. We arrived just in time for the absolutely cranking Mexican surfer rockerbilly, Billy Pommer Jnr and the Guilty Plea, with the ever-fantastic Fiona Lee Maynard on bass and backup.

Everyone was talking about Violotiine (mental note: watch out for those girls in 2012) and the Bitter Sweet Kicks – who, as you will

recall, blew the roof off the Prince at the end of last year (ergo, aforementioned sound proofing) They did a similar demolition job on the dainty walls of the SK Bowlo. Don’t forget to check them out during their residency at the Vineyard, which is on Thursdays in February.

We caught Burn in Hell (pictured) and their St Kilda street-gypsy punk sounds, complete with ironing board percussion, banging keyboards and a freaky two-headed baby in the Pure Pop courtyard.

These local boys toured France in 2011, and we hear they spanked its bottom in a style that only St Kilda punks can. So, check them out back on their home turf.

St Kilda Festival is just around the corner and one of us has landed a spot on what is sure to be a lively discussion panel for ‘Saints and Sinners – St Kilda’s Musical History’. Meet some of the famous and infamous characters of the day, hear their stories and share yours.

Join us for a beer at Mink Bar. It’s free, but you need to RSVP to workshops@musicvictoria.com.au.

The Live N Local program kicks off on the 5th Feb. So, check out what the program has to offer, and don’t forget to keep supporting

those venues who bring you live music all year round.

Well, that’s it for another month, dear readers. We hope you got some sweet Christmas gifts, plenty of cheer into your bellies, and, at the very least, some good old-fashioned festive loving this Christmas break.

Check out our website for the February gig listing, and don’t forget to get out there dear readers, there’s music a-playing dammit!

Find SKRC online at www.stkildarockchronicle.com.au or in print at various venues, shops and cafes around St Kilda. Email us at stkildarockchronicle@live.com.

SKN 15

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Serge’s Column

by Serge Bonjour SKN readers, I was quite excited when the team at SKN invited me to contribute to our wonderful St Kilda paper, which is about to celebrate its first birthday. Having a media background, I know how tough it is getting a newspaper out every month, especially on a very tight budget. Well done, Joel and the team, and Happy First Birthday!

Every month, I will be sharing my thoughts on matters that affect St Kilda - especially those that are close to my heart – as I see them. However, engaging with all members of our community is very important to me. It has been fundamental to my political involvement in Port Phillip, both during the unChain St Kilda campaign and in my current role as Councillor. So, of course, I welcome any feedback or questions from readers. I’ll be more than happy to respond.

This month, I’ll like to talk about the St Kilda Festival, which is imminent. It is over a week of activities and concerts through St Kilda, not just the Sunday! With my background in music, as a rock photographer, starting my career with INXS, the St Kilda Festival means a lot to me and I love it! It celebrates music and those who work in the industry. It provides a unique opportunity for local artists to perform and promote their music.

People also come from everywhere to celebrate the “beach culture” that St Kilda is known for. It is one of the world’s biggest free one-day street festivals, with more than 400,000 people coming to St Kilda just on the Sunday. It may be bigger than I would like: the Festival is sort of a victim of its own success. But, in the past couple of years, I think the Festival has been perceived as safer and more family-friendly – it is a joy to walk around all day, looking for that great new band!

But “free” festivals such as these are expensive for our Council to put on. The benefits the festivals bring to an area – to its residents, businesses and artists - have to be weighed against the obligation of councils to provide services to rate payers and residents. The St Kilda Festival is given some funding by bodies such as the State Government, but I believe that, to remain viable, the festival needs sponsorship from a couple of large organizations or corporate bodies. The Council has recently engaged the services of the best company in the business to do just that for the 2013 Festival.

This year, there will be 132 bands performing over 9 days. Let me just mention two acts.

First, it will be a trip down memory lane for me with Boom Crash Opera on the main stage. I photographed them when they released their first single, “Great Wall”. I am also looking forward to seeing The Harry James Angus Band at the O’Donnell Gardens stage.

I remember when Harry’s band, The Cat Empire, made their debut at the St Kilda Festival in 2005. And his other band, Jackson Jackson, with Jan Skubiszewski, had one of their best shows at the Festival in 2010. Now it’s nice to have Harry solo.

It’s going to be a wonderful week. See you there!

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16 SKN

Hor ror sco pes I

Gemini May 22 - Jun 22 It’s a good month for career advancement, you clever, clever (full of shit, lying, manipulative asshole) Geminis. Use that twin to work your way to the top!!!!

(Yeah, then f**k everyone over once you’re there. Not that my ex was a Gemini. Hahahaha. You c**t.)

Virgo Aug 24 - Sep 23 Stay under the radar at work this month - apparently.

Yeah, good luck with that, Kate.

Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 22 Be clear in your intentions this month, little scorpion, because people may easily misconstrue your meaning.

I’m sure this happens to you all the time, intelligent little beings, because, let’s face it, most people are f**king retarded.

Sagittarius Nov 23 - Dec 22 After the New Year’s Eve antics, and with the second month already approaching, I’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that maybe we don’t know everything. Hmm…Nah. F**k that. We rock. Keep up the good work.

Capricorn Dec 23 - Jan 20

Taurus Apr 21 - May 21

Good money-signs this month. I need a date for Valentine’s Day and I’m guessing it’s your shout.

Giving is receiving, darling.

Apparently you have extra sex appeal this month. It is a sexy month, ole’ February, and we know you little bulls like all that family, lovey dovey, commitment stuff. So, maybe a proposal - be it a date or a marriage (gross!) is coming your way. Yeah, good luck with that.

Aquarius Jan 21 - Feb 19

Pisces Feb 20 - Mar 20

Happy Birfday, little Aquarians. Enjoy the extra attention. It feels good. Just go with it.

The timing is right for everything. Things may come to an abrupt end, but Piscean kids are sure to have loads of energy to change it. Just don’t take the bait, little fishy…

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 20

Cancer Jun 23 - Jul 23

Happy New-ish year, darlings. This month sees you swinging those lil’ ram horns around all over the place. It’s all action, action, action. Be careful, though.

Choose the right action to put all that fire into, and not the type our New Zealand friends are after. That will just lead to disappointment.

Money may be tight this month, little crabs. Stay in that shell till around the 20th and you’ll have no worries at all. Or do what I do and steal people’s drinks when they aren’t looking. Hey, don’t judge me.

Libra Sep 24 - Oct 23

Leo Jul 24 - Aug 23

You have to choose between common sense and wishful thinking this month. F**k common sense, I say. Delusion is way more fun. (But knowing you, you fucking Librans, and your decision-making skills, you won’t pick either. So, whatever.)

Valentine’s Day could prove very promising for all you Lions. Fluff up that mane, stick that chest out, and go get some tail. Growl.

2 million acres and one other bloke

magine for a moment if you will.

You are standing on the highest point you can find and casting your gaze as far as your eyes can see, and there is nothing but red sand and bush. You scream at the top of your lungs, and no one can hear you. This will give you some scope as to the vast isolation that is a western Australian cattle station.

Rewind four weeks..... Its 830 in the morning, and im about to bord the trans wa train from northam ( 150km east of perth) to Kalgoorlie the gold capital of australia.... Can’t fucking wait!!!!

After spending the last three weeks on a farm surrounded by cattle and flies and sleeping in accomodation that can only be described as squalar, the thought of some form of civilisation is a welcome one.

After a heavy nights drinking with a couple of lads I met at the hostel, my lift arrives to drive me the 780km from Kalgoorlie to Prenti Downs station.

Located 1460km NE of Perth on an area of land the size of a small European country, it is without doubt, the most remote place I have ever been. Not sure what to expect when i arrive, or how I will deal with the seclusion, and I remember a feeling a little panicked at the thought.

Adding to that, I have just been informed that other than myself, there will only be one other person on the station for the duration of my stay there (His name is

John).

Arrive at the station in the afternoon, after an incredible drive.... what a beautiful country! We pull up to the homestead to unload my gear. There is a man who looks like he is made out of leather sitting on a chair beside a fan who sipping on a can of ”vee bee”. His thonged feet are dark with dust and the singlet he is wearing was, I’m sure, once orange but now black with

oil. He takes a large puff of his pipe and then shakes my hand “g’day son”.... Enter John. John is a product of the station life.

A complete and utter rough neck, born from this land of red dirt and heat. He has a heart of gold and made it a priority to talk to me as much as he could.... this must have been a challenge, as he had not seen another person for 3 months. But due to this secluded lifestyle, things like political correctness and tact were a mystery to him.

Case in point... he hands me a beer. I say ‘Thank You’... he responds with (I need to be careful how I phrase this) “ I’d do the same for a white fella you... ummm.. opposite of white, female reproductive organ” (if you get my drift)..... My jaw drops!!!

My days on the station are a mix of repairing banged up pieces of rusty crap, (as the fat bastard who owns the station and pays my laughable wage is too tight to buy anything new) and repairing the wind mills that pump the vital water all across the station, keeping the cattle as well as john and I alive...... this is promptly followed by drinking many cans of piss.

To give you lovely St Kilda folk who enjoy a long shower, or leave the tap running when brushing your teeth an idea of what I mean by “vital water”.... I shall elaborate. The morning temperature on Prenti Station is 28 degrees.... that’s at seven in the morning... by lunchtime, it’s a balmy 45 degrees, and by 3 pm its hit 49 degrees.... that’s in the shade. What this means is that you stop sweating, as your body can’t afford to lose water. On the average day, I drank between 9 and 12 litres of water... followed by 6 or 7 beers ( beer has water in it!! Ha Ha) this also means that when you go on a drive to repair a mill (the closest of which is 40 km away) you need to bring 50 litres of drinking water with you. If you don’t, and

you break down..... You die. The human body requires 5 litres of water an hour in temperatures like those and increases to 7 if you are moving, so walking to find water really isn’t an option. You need to have it with you.

Western Australia really is a harsh and unforgiving environment, but it does come with some perks. For the fact that it is desert land, wildlife is absolutely everywhere. From camels and brumbies, to bungara or pirenti lizards (goanas) and any kind of creepy crawly you can imagine.

I have never seen such big spiders!!!!

Arachnaphobics.... stay clear or man up.

There really is life in the most unsuspecting places..... I mean... I found five frogs in the toilet... after using it, and I’m pretty sure they didn’t come out of me. I have seen some of the most breathtaking scenery of my life there.... the most amazing sunsets.... like the heavens themselves where on fire... and spent long evenings talking bushman philosophy with a 60 year old borderline alcoholic racist. I have learned to skin and quarter a roo in 5 minutes in the dark, and been suspended from a harness 15 meters up, at the top of a mill. I have cooked my dinner of fresh emu or roo meat over hot coals, and set my weary head down under the stars with swag beneath me. So, to all St Kildarites seeking a little adventure, something different to do, or even a stint of work to secure a second year in this lovely country.... take it from me.... Western Australia is the real outback, and it comes highly recommended.

TIB (Transient Irish Backpacker)

SKN 17

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18 SKN Friendship

that was the real victory. I walked away with a greater trophy that

by Mr. Corbs day….

Partially as a deflection of corbs@stkildanews.com the disappointment for the way I was letting myself down I wanted to begin this month with an through not training enough, or possibly update about the Mark Webber Challenge: wholly, I was manifesting a great deal of as my regular readers would recall in disappointment in what I perceived as a lack December I competed with my best friend of support from my best friend and partner Andy in the Mark Webber Challenge - an in this challenge. My reasons for wanting adventure race held in Tasmania. The race to embark on the Mark Webber Challenge attracts entrants from all over the world: Italy, France, Brazil, the mainland, etc... It is had revolved around spending more quality time with Andy, training and having fun. a test of endurance, ability, and navigation Instead I found myself training alone and in some of the most picturesque locations feeling like I was carrying the burden of Tasmania has to offer. arranging the finer points of our adventure As some would recall I was feeling all by myself. I actually found myself in the unprepared for the race; like I had let days leading up to the race wishing I had myself down through a lack of training, I never embarked on this adventure, I was was also concerned I was going to let my unprepared and going to let down my best best friend down because I hadn’t been friend in the same way I felt he was letting committed enough. me down. I had convinced myself that I was The three days that we competed in not going to do any more joint activities, I were the hardest days of physical activity was not going to be let down or let anyone that either of us had ever undertaken. Day else down ever again. one took 10.5 hours to complete, day two It’s funny, sometimes you can’t see the was a little better at 10 hours, and the light wood for the trees, sometimes you get so at the end of the tunnel was a guaranteed caught up in your own idea of what the 6 hours on day three. 6 hours yes but world is and what it means to you that you definitely not an easy day by any means can easily forget that the people around racing to the nine summits that surround you are also living their own life, having Hobart. In the end all of our training paid their own challenges, and fearing the same off though with a surprising second in things as you. It takes just one action for the Ambassador Cup, and as much as the trophy means to us it was the realisation that that all to change; it can be an apology, a glimpse of the other person’s life, or an no dream is lost if you put your mind to it

Ferris Bueller

by Miss Delish missdelish@stkildanews.com

B

ueller, Bueller? We all remember that hideous monotonous roll call in the film. We delighted in the antics of a young Matthew Broderick playing Ferris Bueller; taking in a ticker tape parade, dancing on a float, stealing a car, eating at a French restaurant, and fooling his parents.

But have you ever had a Ferris Bueller’s day off in St Kilda? I did exactly that over the summer (I actually took an annual leave day for my research - I can’t handle the guilt!), it was the ultimate day of being a tourist in my own backyard. If you want to know how it is done by all means follow these few simple steps: Book a pedicab in the morning. There is no greater way to get around St Kilda cheaply and with no constraints on parking than this. The bicycle driven carriage allows an open air ride and supports those young fellas earning an honest quid!

Arrive for a coffee at Beach Comber on the water and take in the morning beach setting with your breakfast. It is inexpensive and will line the stomach for whatever lunch time looks like.

Go directly to the St Kilda Baths Dream Time Spa (this place is fantastic). The girls are only too happy to help and the décor is perfect. From above the pool room I could sit in my own spa overlooking the water with my choice of bath oils, and float away for an hour. It doesn’t matter what the weather is doing, you are swimming at St Kilda, the extent of pampering is endless.

There are massage treatments, beauty treatments and anything else one would expect of a renowned day spa. Do yourself a favour and speak with Dee, ask her about the current summer deals available at the moment - Spa Sampler a winner!

Cocktails at Republica. One requires a wind down drink after such relaxation. At Republica there is a barman awaiting your order and a seafood platter from the starter menu that tickles the appetite. Reward your tastebuds with their fresh scallops - by far the best you will find.

Sit on the grass and read the paper or your latest book to the spectacular other half of your mischievous duo while sipping the champagne you packed as the pedicab arrived. This will spark endless conversations about how lovely it would be not to work and have the funds to have such days all the time. It also gets you hungry for the decadent lunch you have planned.

Tipsy does it... now wander over to Cicciolina for lunch, order the blue crab soufflé

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acknowledgement of what you’re feeling. I hid the way I was feeling from Andy but I’m sure he knew (great friends always do), that’s why we choose to be friends with the people we choose; they understand us, they love us, and see us for the person we are not just the flaws we present in the moment.

Looking back at the challenge I thought it was all about competing, stamina, skill and adventure (and of course it certainly was all of those things), but the real reason the Mark Webber Challenge was one of the most memorable experiences of my life was because of how our friendship grew through the experiences Andy and I shared.

So learn to acknowledge the negative times but live by the positive ones, embrace the people you choose to have in your life and those that choose you. Set yourself a goal and challenge yourself to overcome the adversities you create for yourself. The only person in your way is you. At the end of the day it’s the result of your actions that define the person you are and your impact on the world. Remember to respect yourself, the road and other commuters no matter how big or small, because at the end of the day we all want to get to our destination.

Smile and enjoy the ride, who knows who you’ll meet.

and then the chocolate fondant. Then wash it down with a bottle of Louis Roederer and be satisfied at the outrageous gluttony you are capable of.

Phone that pedicab again and be brought home once more with the fresh air blowing your hair back, safe in the knowledge that your balcony awaits you, where you will sit, smoke and shake your head at the day you have just had.

I have often thought back on this day and I still shake my head. Friends of mine, two fine young lads, also had a Bueller’s day off; they varied theirs by devouring cocktails, swimming in the beach, walking in speedos from St Kilda to Riva and having the best ‘PERV’ along the way. So don’t think one needs a significant other for this.

A partner in crime is all that is required, a legitimate reason to tell ones self that they need the day off, and some disposable cash to spend in your own backyard, completely justifying your behaviour as you are sharing the love amongst your community.

See you in the village

When Being An Expert Is Actually Bad For You

by Iain McKenzie How can it be possible ibl that h b being i an expert iin your field ld iis bad for you?

Well in my case, it is.

I am a secondary teacher; I have taught Maths up to Year 12, Information Technology to Year 12 (including programming) and Science to Year 10 (plus VCE Physics).

I starting teaching in regional Victoria and since then, I have taught in Government, Catholic and Private schools. I have even taught interstate.

I have been a teacher for 15 years and am classified as an “expert teacher”. I am very good at teaching – all my reviews have shown this – and I enjoy it a lot. This also means that I have reached the top of the pay scale for a classroom teacher.

So, how is any of this bad? Well, as it turns out, my last contract was a replacement one – for a teacher on long service leave – which ended in Term 3 2011 and now I find myself unemployed. I applied for over 100 positions during Term 4, but without success. When I rang schools to find out why I was unsuccessful, I was given the run around. I was left to guess why I was now “untouchable”.

A recent article in ‘The Age’ (Wednesday 4th January 2012) gave me a clue. Principals have a set budget for hiring staff, and any money saved in this area, can be used in other areas within the school. Graduates cost approximately $25,000 LESS than Experts. In tight economic times, that is a significant amount of money. Multiply that by four staff and that becomes an extra $100,000; which is quite a chunk of cash.

A better system would seem to be that the principal of each school employs individual staff, but the Department of Employment, Education and Training (DEET) pays for the staff. This way, schools can try to employ the best teachers, rather than concentrating on the cheapest.

So, a great teacher, who loves teaching, can teach Maths and IT up to Year 12, who has demonstrated their ability to fit in at any school, cannot get a job. This is how being an expert can be bad for you.

If any principal is reading this and would like to hire an excellent teacher, please contact me (iainmckenzie3160@ bigpond.com).

SKN 19 KeyBoard Warriors

by Jaimi jaimi@stkildanews.com All the time I see articles, news reports and websites about cyber bullying on Facebook. The problem, however, is that these sort of publications are always written by mature age adults.

No offense, but do they even know what they’re talking about? Has cyber bullying ever happened to them or are they just going off a bunch of statistics? Statistics say that one in five teens report being victimized by cyber bullying. From a teenager’s point of view, it’s a lot more than that.

A lot of teens just don’t come forward and ask for help.

You’ve Been Snapped

throw something at you.

If, at this point you, your pupils are situated in the back of your eyes sockets and you’re looking for something a little more ‘next level’ (yes ok: whatever. I hate that term too), try flaunting a maxi dress in simple black and sheer.

Around the neck? One word: choker. Anything pleated is not too overdone yet, so feel free. That goes for you too, guys. Let the fabric flow but avoid looking boxy. Site Yohji Yamamoto. Also: (perhaps unrelated, but very important) bright, colourful zebra - please die. We hate you.

A timeless festival style will always be the demure earthy mystic. So get in touch with your inner zodiac, if all else fails. The latest Pucci will direct you. Just be aware that if your hair starts to mutate and look like creatures may dwell in it, people around you may be repelled. In short, it’s a fail.

Let me make this clear: I am not advocating fashion massacre fashion PLUR. However, if you feel the need to dye massacre@stkildanews.com your blonded hair in blue-based colours, it will look ay-ok, and coin you as a lil’ bit undergroundy. But, Cyberpunk? PUKE. Don’t Oh, summer! We’re in the thick of it now, go there. Never ever, ever go there - no matter aren’t we? I suspect everyone has had a beer by what the Goa Trance tells you. the beach at some stage over the last month. In Cast your influence to the late 60s and the spirit of things, lets pull away from fashion 70s for anything you may want to place on principles for one edition and indulge in a little your head. Flat bills are still sweet, if you are bit of fluff. Now that it’s hot, let’s talk about representing with some weight or are otherwise ‘what’s hot and what’s not’. Yeah, you know sending a poignant message. I personally still exactly what I’m saying. love late 80s and 90s cuts for hair – undercuts Hipster seems to have reached its tipping point as a style. It’s the perfect way to ‘fit in’ and are still totally cool.

St Kilda Festival is slamming our streets with perhaps even find yourself on a beer or cider all its hype and glory on February 2nd. Fubuloso commercial. You don’t have to be in Brunswick aside, the most important thing to remember is: to be bohemian. They’re rocking that sh*t everywhere now! So knock yourselves out. Check be comfortable, drink responsibly and discover new music. What more do you really need to out Harvard Sailing Team’s Hipster Playlist on You Tube, so you can take your tongue-in-cheek know? hipster attitude to a new level and become really down with the movement. Hey, to define is to destroy, right? Once again, I stress: if I spot you on the street doing the nautical thing, I will

ST KILLA STYLEZ

I’m constantly seeing bullying on Facebook, out there for everyone in the cyber world to see. They do it because it’s a lot easier to say things behind the comfort of a computer screen rather than face to face. I believe that just because it’s easier, it doesn’t make it right. I don’t think people would do it if they knew the hurt they put the victim through. They just think it’s all a big joke.

Perhaps it’s just me, but I don’t see the funny side in bullying someone to the point they consider taking their own life. Talk about a bad sense of humour. My advice for anybody being victimized by some keyboard warrior; don’t be afraid to ask for help!

Save the world online

by Modias Wh t if you could What ld save th the world ld and dh have ffun att th the same ti time? Well, now you can by playing online games.

Online gaming has had a bad reputation lately and everyone wants to complain about how much time I spend online. Games are getting bigger and better and have real life problems in them so it’s almost as easy to save the real world, as it is the game world.

For example, if there was a math problem that we couldn’t solve we could put it into a game and let millions of people have a go at solving it. We could have results in days, not months or years. There are real life problems being solved by online gamers all the time now and the best part is that they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Statistics show that the average time spent participating in online gaming worldwide was three billion hours per week. Some would say it’s time wasted but I say it’s time well spent as I’m doing my bit to save the world and I don’t have to pick up rubbish to do it.

At three billion hours per week we could solve all the world’s problems in 100 years.

Furthermore, if we had more online gamers we could shorten that time and even do it in ten years.

How much time do you waste on Facebook and Twitter? What happens to your time? Nothing. Instead, we could play an online game. That way, we could be chatting and saving the world at the same time.

words from the Well hello February! You hot, sweaty lil minx. I got a steamy ode for ya...

It took some time To find your sweet spot Now I know where Your breath Hot air Warms damp skin At my beck and call - Ode to a Hand Dryer

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e word bi s or rants about th em po ur yo it bm Su s.ccoom e s. @sttkildanew irdd@ thewordbir

St. Kilda News

11th Edition Feburary 2012