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Tami Rowen, M.D., an obstetrician and gynecologist specializing in sexual health at the University of California San Francisco, says the best way to know your preferences is by exploring your own body. “I feel like it’s a little bit presumptuous to say that most people masturbate to orgasm, “ she says. Why would I masturbate if I’m not going to orgasm? What Dr. Rowen means is that sometimes it takes a little while to figure out what will make you orgasm.

Everyone is different; some people masturbate vaginally through penetration or clitorally, using their other erogenous zones or all of these. Just from talking about it with friends, it seems to me that clitoral stimulation is the fan favorite. The Mayo Clinic says that most women masturbate clitorally to get off. There are so many different sex toys these days that target either your G spot or clitoris, and I would hate to never try them. As said earlier, everyone has different tastes, and that being said, the intensity and method of the specific clitoral stimulation one enjoys varies.

Female masturbation is stigmatized in society, making females feel embarrassed for participating in what most boys consider normal. Religion and other factors may justify withholding masturbation discussions, but gender should definitely not be one of them. I’m happy to call myself a female masturbation advocate, and I invite you to enjoy the club.

I feel that destigmatizing female masturbation starts with openly discussing it, not giving a f*ck what boys or anyone think about it. The discussion can be helpful, it’s how you learn what you like and don’t like, which will help you in the bedroom, and your sex life will be incredibly less disappointing, I assure you. What’s the point of sex if you’re not going to finish? There is none, so you must explore yourself to find out what works for your body so that it’s all worth it when you are intimate.

IDr. Rowen explained that some people don’t enjoy having their clitoris directly touched because it’s very sensitive. Granting that is the situation, Dr. Rowen suggests you touch the side of it to avoid an irritating feeling. In addition, she encourages you to experiment with different parts of your body to find out what you like. Maybe you’ll get an even better orgasm when you tug on your nipples while rubbing your clitoris. The combinations are endless!

There’s no need for this topic of discussion to be taboo anymore. It is said that orgasms enhance your mood, relieve stress, and even ease any discomfort you may be experiencing. Masturbating is a chance to connect with yourself, so you can communicate better with others about how to please you. Getting on a deeper personal level with yourself makes you feel more comfortable in your skin; without that confidence, it’s harder to share yourself with others. It goes without saying that pleasure is impressionistic, so what feels right to you when you masturbate might be the complete opposite of what your other friends enjoy.

Written by Lili Jahromi Art and layout by Ava Davison