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During one of our morning debriefs after a long night out, my girlfriends and I discussed that we all came home the night before…alone. We were sitting together and laughing about it because, deep down, we had really come to the same unfortunate conclusion: casual hookups can be extremely draining.

Being young and single is hard. The narrative around hookup culture relies on the idea that casual sex comes with no strings attached. An established emotional connection no longer seems to be a requirement when looking for a partner. But when you really think about it, there’s no way you could prevent the transfer of energies between bodies, no matter how much you want it to be “no strings attached.”

We, as humans, are energetic bodies. Our energy is powerful, especially our sexual energy. Humans have been harnessing their sexual energy for centuries with practices like tantra. Those who practice tantra think of their bodies as a temple and use tantra to harness their power into something that can be healing or enlightening.

Tantra and practices of tantric sex date back to the 7th century, with their origins surrounding Hinduism and Buddhism. People have known for centuries that we are energetic bodies that weave and interact with one another. So why is it now in the Western culture that the narrative around sex is being pushed as a meaningless act with no emotional repercussions?

Since humans are energetic bodies,we have an aura that can interact with other auras. When interacting with these auras, we can pick up traces of other people’s energies—especially if it’s negative. This is why people who practice tantra and spirituality cleanse their auras or energies. Think of our auras as dust clouds, dropping off dust bunnies from our own auras and picking up dust bunnies from other auras we interact with. If you’re exchanging energies and interacting with people that carry lots of trauma or negative energy, that same energy will be passed onto you. You will carry the weight and burden of another person’s negative energy—and you can feel it. Have you ever been with someone who made you feel uncomfortable or uneasy, even hours and days after seeing them? That’s because you exchanged your energy with that person, and their energy is now affecting yours. To dive even deeper into it, negative energy specifically will become “trapped” in your body (from a metaphysical point of view) and can lead to a major energy imbalance and even physical ailments. It has deep and complex cultural roots, but you can use the practices in everyday life. Tantra is about establishing an emotional connection with your partner rather than the goal being a physical pleasure. Enhancing your emotional ties with your partner makes you feel more comfortable in your intimate and personal relationships.

This generation experiences intimacy like riding a rollercoaster–the ups and downs of the unknown, the drama, and the rush that is promised when we give ourselves to another person. But these surface-level connections only go so far and teaching our youth that how we handle sex and relationships now is sustainable and healthy is wrong.

Sex isn’t something taboo–it’s something beautiful and powerful. Sex has the power to enlighten us, bringing a higher level of awareness of ourselves and the world around us when done right. In fact, a study published in the National Library of Medicine in 2020 showed, “Structural equation modeling evidenced the protective role of sexual activity toward psychological distress, relational health, and sexual health, both directly and indirectly.” It can also hinder us and hold us back from our higher selves when done wrong. Energy can either be released and transformed or collected and trapped within ourselves.

Use sex to your benefit, not your disadvantage, by choosing the right energy to surround yourself with. And maybe you don’t want some deep connection and understanding with another person–and that’s ok too. Not everything has to have some big-picture meaning or endpoint–but you should always try to protect your own energy.

At the end of the day, all of us are humans with free will. Nobody can tell you what to do with your own body. And you should always do what makes you feel good, not what others say is supposed to make you feel good. If the new casual hookup scene leaves you drained and disappointed time and time again, it might help to reconsider your sexual partners. If the scene is working for you (give us some tips!), and by all means, explore your sexuality as freely as you wish.

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