EGOFLIP

Everyone has two choices in this world: to be hot, or die trying. Growing up, I never questioned my appearance; I felt sure of myself on the inside and out. However, as fluctuating trends of physique reign, the on-demand nature of aesthetic reconstruction is as tempting as ever. Heavy discourse surrounds the effects of physical cosmetic modification on self-perception. Though this conversation tends to have adverse undertones, the discussion neglects the superconfidence gained from turning to injections or surgeries.

This wisdom comes from personal experience. We’ve all given into social pressure against our better judgment; I fell victim as I attempted to morph my face into the ‘cute makeup’ filter on TikTok. Step 1: get a lip flip with a friend.

A lip flip is an injection which relaxes the upper muscles of the mouth, giving the illusion of a fuller lip. Visions of being a future guest star on “Botched” consumed me.

Going in to get the procedure done, I felt far more skittish than I had for medical surgeries. I feared my social perception would curtail if others found out I had given in. I worried my mother would scorn me. Even worse, I grew distraught at the notion of despising who I saw in the mirror: an insecure coward who allowed public influence to dictate how she saw herself.

However, I never anticipated the confidence that followed. After rapid healing, I felt slightly reborn with a brand new pout, teeming with a newfound energy of certainty. I felt enhanced rather than changed. I felt my sensuality strengthen and my posture straighten.

After tapping into my inner baddie for months, everything changed when I saw the same friend return home with a new lip flip. She told me she had gone too many weeks without getting her lips done again, breaking the news that the lip flips we had gotten only lasted six to eight weeks.

Record scratch, freeze frame. Shocked and aghast, I realized the recent months once characterized by a superficial glow and superconfidence were lived under false pretenses. My lips were normal and their fabulous existence was fabricated. The mirror was a filter reflecting a nonexistent pout.

The saying “when you look your best, you feel your best” took on new meaning. While a cultural obsession with fuller lips led to the initial flip, as I grew accustomed to the addition, I understood I had done it for myself.

I turned out to be a living, breathing placebo effect. Even after gaining insight that my lips had disproportionately grown in relation to my ego, I still felt I had been changed. Though the veil had lifted, revealing my practically unaltered physical state, my demeanor stayed unscathed. I was still that girl.

The phantom of my flipped lips lingered subconsciously. Once seen through the lens of cultural infatuation, as time passed I understood my rounded face to finally be deemed ‘hot.’ As soon as I recognized the facade, it remained clear even faux-adhering to a societal standard was enough for my physical confidence to soar.

There is a fine line between being ‘good-looking’ and being confident. Though society tends to conflate the two, the latter tends to give way to the other. The aura of beauty comes with a self-confident prerequisite, always. Indeed, I went backwards on this track to self-confidence— but with the understanding I’ve gained on the subjective nature of beauty in a world that aims to define it into objectivity, I can now see that even the trick of illusion can shine true light on the beauty of confidence.

I feared I took the easy way out in conforming to societal pressure, only to find that the very thought of doing so bolstered my self-assurance. One’s route to feeling comfortable in their own skin and gaining confidence should never be scolded or considered artificial. I do not need another bodily modification done to manifest effects mentally— but there is no shame in the game of going after it again if I so please. Once I fully accepted myself as what was decidedly attractive, the placebo effect took place. Minorly (and temporarily) reconstructing my face was a small price to pay to reconstruct my self-image. JULIETTE PAYMAYESH

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