Volume 109, Issue 13

The Spectator The Stuyvesant High School Newspaper

April 5, 2019

Volume 109 No. 13

Spilling the Kung Fu Tea

By SUBYETA CHOWDHURY, STEPHY CHEN, KAREN ZHANG, and KATIE NG Kung Fu Tea, located on 315 Greenwich Street, opened its doors for the last time on March 15. Two days earlier, on March 13, the branch announced its closure.

Kung Fu Tea, a popular bubble tea store, was a familiar hangout location for Stuyvesant students. Not only did it provide students with a relaxed area to socialize, but it also offered an assortment of games to play, including chess, Monopoly, Cards Against Humanity, and BattleShip. The Greenwich Street branch was often very crowded during after-school hours.

“Kung Fu Tea was a huge part of my freshman year.

Whenever I go inside, I get a nostalgic feeling. I remember going there every day after school and staying there for hours to play Monopoly with my friends,” sophomore Sean Fung said. “It really served as a place for people to bond and to get to know each other. I believe that I made most of my close friends at Kung Fu Tea.” “It’s important to me because going there is always associated with the elation of a Friday. I always feel really light when I go there, and it’s been one of my favorite places around Stuyvesant,” freshman Suah Chung said.

Sam, a worker at Kung Fu Tea, explained that the closure was due to a change in the ownership of the building. “The landowner sold the

entire apartment. We were informed we had to vacate the place,” he said on behalf of his manager, Ryan Chang.

Students will now have to find alternative places to spend time. Though many Stuyvesant students are upset at the closing of Kung Fu Tea, others have found alternatives such as Jupioca, another bubble tea store.

Junior Jeffrey Chen noted that Jupioca does not foster the same environment Kung Fu Tea did. “In terms of bubble tea, Jupioca is a good second option. However, Jupioca does not simply work in terms of hangout places because it doesn’t have the organized tables, board games, and overall vibe that Kung Fu Tea had. In terms of hanging out, doing work, or playing board games, Whole Foods serves as a good and popular alternative,” he said. Though Kung Fu Tea has closed, many students speculate that a second bubble tea shop will open in the near future due to the high demand in the Stuyvesant community and vacuum in the Tribeca bubble tea market.

Before closing, Kung Fu Tea offered a two-day promotion. Customers were offered one free topping with any large sized drink on March 14. On the official closing day, March 15, customers could get a free upgrade with any medium, one-topping drink.

The shop was crowded with Stuyvesant students on both days. Kung Fu Tea signed off by saying, “Thank you for the past three years of patronage.”

“The Pulse of the Student Body” stuyspec.com

Cheer Coach Leaves Stuyvesant, Takes Money With Him

By GRACE CANTARELLA, EVELYN MA, and CHLOE TERESTCHENKO The former Stuyvesant cheer coach of three years, Nicholas O’Stanton, was let go after the cheerleading team’s annual trip to Nationals fell through due to his lack of organization and planning. The last straw was the chaos surrounding the team’s trip to Nationals: 11 members of the junior varsity cheer team were scheduled to go to Orlando, Florida to compete, but the trip was canceled due to O’Stanton’s poor management. O’Stanton did not respond when The Spectator reached out for more information.

In order for students to go on a trip, trip forms need to be filled out and formal plans must be made ahead of time. This plan must include a detailed explanation of the trip, its location, the number of chaperones attending, details regarding transportation, and more.

However, O’Stanton failed to submit the necessary forms for approval by Principal Eric Contreras.

When members of the cheer team asked Contreras about the upcoming trip to Florida, Contreras found no record of the trip. “Immediately, I said, ‘I cannot allow this to happen, because if a student gets hurt, first off it would be in my conscience and I would be in trouble for not following protocol,’” Contreras said.

Though students were devastated after being informed of the trip’s cancellation, they understood the reasoning behind the decision.

“It was just really heartbreaking. It’s something that you really worked hard for, something that you put a lot of time into, and something that you get excited for. [...] But I also

realized how unsafe it would have been if we did go on the trip [without it being school sanctioned],” junior Helen Yang said.

The base price of the trip was $540 per person, but this price varied for some of the teammates.

Some members contributed extra money to go toward another member’s fee, while for a few, O’Stanton himself subsidized the cost out of desperation. Nevertheless, the money each cheerleader paid went to O’Stanton’s bank account rather than being directly sent to the tournament, since he had already paid the competition fees out of his own pocket. “He asked us to pay him in check, all in his name, so all of the money went to his account,” senior and junior varsity cheer captain Justin Kwong said.

After the trip got canceled, O’Stanton refused to refund the money the members of the team had paid for Nationals. “[The coach] said to certain people that due to the last-minute nature of the trip, he wasn’t able to get refunded for the trip that he paid [for],” Kwong said.

O’Stanton is currently withholding the login information for the cheerleading team’s social media pages, including their Instagram and Gmail accounts.

“He still has all the passwords to [the cheerleading team’s] social media accounts, and he’s holding them for ‘ransom.’ He says, ‘I’ll give you guys the passwords

if you give me back all the trophies,’” an anonymous source said.

Contreras assured that the families who paid would be refunded, but could not elaborate further. Students on the team were informed by the administration that they would be refunded through the Stuyvesant Alumni Association. “When we were in Contreras’s office, Contreras said that we would get the Alumni Association to pay us back gradually over the year. I feel super bad about that because we’re getting the school involved when they had nothing to do with it in the first place.

I think the coach should be paying us back himself,” the same anonymous source said.

The expensive nature of the canceled trip was not a one-off; cheerleaders were required to pay for many other costly things, including uniforms, summer camp, and other competitions. “We had GoFundMes, we had bake sales at parentteacher conferences, we had the Stuyvesant Cheerleading Competition; [...] we made a lot of revenue from that.

Afterward, we paid for [cheer items and trips] from our own pockAndrea Huang / The Spectator

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The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

News Stuyvesant Introduces Sexual Misconduct Seminars

By KATIE NG, STEPHY CHEN, IAN LAU, and CHLOE TERESTCHENKO Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons and NASA

WORLDBEAT Only seven Black students gained admission to Stuyvesant through the SHSAT alone.

The Supreme Court refused to halt the Trump administration’s ban on rapid-fire bump stocks, a rifle attachment that accelerates firing.

The State of New York is suing the Sackler family, owners of Purdue Pharma, for contributing to the deadly opioid epidemic.

Wells Fargo C.E.O Timothy Sloan abruptly stepped down from his position after a series of financial scandals.

All 16 felony counts against Jussie Smollett for allegedly lying to the city of Chicago police about being the victim of a hate crime have been dropped. Chicago is seeking $130,000 from Smollett as compensation for the cost of the investigation.

Cheer Coach Leaves Stuyvesant, Takes Money With Him continued from page 1

ets. It was a lot of money, especially since a majority of the team [couldn’t] afford all of these things,” senior and former cheerleader and manager William Wang said. “We were able to manage [with] that money, some of which came from other teammates who were more privileged and able to cover the expenses for the underprivileged and unfortunate cheerleaders. It was a mix of kindness, hard work and effort, and financial responsibility.”

Last year’s trip to the national competition ran more smoothly in terms of planning. “It was all good management-wise but that was merely because I was able to collect money from everyone, collect all the notices from everyone, and I was able to make sure that we could go on the trip,” Wang said. “This year, for Nationals, it wasn’t exactly the same. No one was there to [collect] all the forms.”

Cheer members do not look back fondly on O’Stanton’s time as coach: during his tenure, cheer members were often pitted against

each other when they competed for O’Stanton’s favor, which created further strain. “I never got on [O’Stanton’s] bad side but I was always very cautious. The level of caution wasn’t very healthy, and honestly, I think I kind of lost myself trying to please him. The whole thing with favoritism and kissing up was just toxic for the entire team,” Helen Yang said. “[Instead of] praising this kind of behavior, it should be about the skills and dedication and passion. I am passionate about cheerleading but a lot of it felt a little forced in the beginning because [kissing up] was the kind of behavior that he liked.”

In the wake of O’Stanton’s departure, Contreras is working toward finding a permanent replacement. For the time being, guidance counselor Audra Parris, the official stunt coach, is acting as interim cheer coach. “I think I’m going to have a say in this going forward because I don’t want the members of the team to be disappointed again,” Contreras said. “I want to make sure that the person [who] does this work is responsible.”

“No longer should we stay silent about our traumas, no longer should anyone hide their trauma.

They should be able to tell others about their stories and go through this emotional journey where they are able to discover themselves and the answer to their trauma. We are trying to enforce this mentality that this will never be okay, that you should always keep your hands to yourself,” senior and Student Union (SU) President William Wang said.

In March, Stuyvesant announced the introduction of sexual harassment workshops that will be implemented in April and May. These sessions will replace freshman biology free periods and serve as seminars hosted by the guidance department.

The sexual harassment courses were proposed by freshmen and SU External Affairs delegates Theo Moss and Neve Diaz Carr.

Moss and Carr first proposed these ideas to SPARK Coordinator Angel Colon. With the help of Colon, the idea was then brought to the SU, guidance department, and Principal Eric Contreras.

Moss initiated these courses to spread awareness about and prevent sexual misconduct. “Both Neve and I have experienced or at least witnessed sexual misconduct, and it’s really prevalent in both [...] Stuyvesant and our society as a whole,” Moss said.

“That’s something that we wanted to combat. It’s obviously very destructive and traumatizing to any victim of sexual misconduct, and it’s a problem that we think is very important to prevent.”

Wang also stressed the importance of adolescents understanding the consequences of sexual harassment. “Right now, we just want to make sure that the future generations know how to keep their hands to themselves unless consent is given or [...] deal with the emotional pressure when touched or assaulted by someone,” he said.

The courses will be led by guidance counselors Joseph Feola, Paul Goldsman, Sarah Kornhauser, and Kristina Uy. Kornhauser attributed the development of the courses to the students involved. “[Though] the guidance department had some say in the courses, the students have created the entire course and will be running the course.

The guidance counselors will be streamlining the course[s] by teaching the curriculum on behalf of these students,” she said.

The SU and guidance de-

partment designed two sessions.

The first workshop will be dedicated to introducing students to sexual misconduct. “This would be more of an educational, informative session in which we would go through exactly what sexual misconduct is, its different forms, what kinds of responses

by the SU reported that 82.8 percent of students believe that Stuyvesant would benefit from education surrounding sexual behavior. In addition, students have expressed interest regarding these workshops. “I am very excited for these workshops since they will be a great opportunity

“The main takeaway we want is for students to be aware that sexual harassment is not acceptable. With these courses, we want Stuyvesant to become a more safe and accepting environment. We want it to be more comfortable for victims and bystanders to come forward and report it and hopefully get closure and improve each individual instance of sexual misconduct.” —Theo Moss, freshman and SU External Affairs Delegate

[one can] have, [and] how to help someone,” junior and SU Vice President Vishwaa Sofat said.

The second workshop will further prompt students to think critically about sexual harassment.

“We [will] use hypothetical situations and get a dialogue started in which students bounce ideas off each other and use information they learned from the previous session [to discuss] what they can do as a bystander, as a victim, [or] as a survivor,” Sofat said.

Kornhauser specified that the curriculum will educate students and spread awareness about the realities of harassment. “Within the courses, there will be both statistical information and preventive measures students can take as bystanders or victims of harassment. We will clear up misunderstandings and myths that tend to come up during conversations of misconduct,” she said.

Moss emphasized that misconceptions of sexual misconduct can make it difficult to identify. “In general, people associate sexual harassment with rape or violence, but […] it comes in a wide variety of forms.

These can be jokes that were made with poor taste, whether it’s from a friend or a significant other, someone you don’t know, or a classmate,” he said.

A recent survey conducted

to start a conversation. I believe many students will feel empowered knowing that these classes are there to support students who have experienced misconduct and to teach bystanders to stand up for them,” Freshman Caucus Co-President Emma Wong said.

Sofat hopes to use these seminars as a pathway for teaching other social issues. “The short-term goal is to kind of start a dialogue, not only about sexual misconduct but other social problems that exist within Stuyvesant [and] in the community outside that we, as students, want to address and should be prepared to take on. We do a great job learning the textbook knowledge, but we often don’t get [non-textbook knowledge] in classroom settings,” he said. “A long-term goal would be to continue working with the guidance department and other projects they take on and other presentations, workshops, [and] sessions that they do with the freshmen.”

Similarly, Moss hopes to expand this program to other schools in the future. “Stuyvesant is known for [being] where a lot of initiatives start,” Moss said. “We hope that moving on to the future, [...] we can expand this to other schools because this is such an important issue.”

The Acting Company Performs at Stuyvesant

By SAAD GHAFFOULI and LAKSHYA RAJORIA The English department held a showing of Shakespeare’s “Othello” on February 11. The play was performed by The Acting Company, a New York City-based acting troupe created to promote classical productions. The performance was a part of their yearly New York City school tour, where they visit a variety of middle and high schools.

The performance was organized by English teacher Lauren Stuzin. Stuzin was reading Shakespeare’s “Macbeth” with her sophomore students when she learned about The Acting Company’s tour.

“I actually interned at The Acting Company when I was in col-

lege, and since then I’ve just been going to their plays and checking out what they’ve been doing every year. I got an e-mail from them saying that they were doing a tour around New York City public schools, and I was like, ‘Oh that’s a coincidence,’” Stuzin said.

Stuzin hoped the performance would spark a love of the performing arts in students. “I think it’s really good to have access to public free arts,” Stuzin said. “I was hoping that, first of all, students who had never seen theater would be able to see it for free. I was also hoping that for my classes in particular, we have watched a lot of film adaptations of interpretations to Shakespeare stuff, so I felt like being able to see the real thing would help students

understand how the play works and what the play used to look

Acting Company hosted a Q&A session. “The most memorable part

“... being able to see the real thing would help students understand how the play works and what the play used to look like when they would put it on.” —Lauren Stuzin, English teacher like when they would put it on.”

After the performance, The

was actually the Q&A at the end of the performance because it gave a

lot of insight into their artistic process,” sophomore Gallo Patel said.

The performance was met with praise from the Stuyvesant community. “I think, from what I’ve heard, that students and teachers really enjoyed it. [The Acting Company] did a really good job making it funny, and I guess, shortening it so that it was appropriate. I think it was a really good length and [a] great way to see some professional art,” Stuzin said.

Students shared Stuzin’s sentiment. “Experiencing the play through the medium for which it was meant builds a deeper understanding of the playwright’s message,” sophomore Justin Sword said. “It would be great if our school were to hold more performances like these.”

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

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The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Features The Vantage on StuyVantage

By NICHOLAS MARTIN

ery purchase, realizes that though the discount is a nice gesture, its current limitation with respect to the number of locations is what makes it relatively unused. Meanwhile, the stores that do offer the discount were more expensive to begin with, so students haven’t been permanently swayed in their favor.

Junior Evelyn Cao can also attest to the restrictions on the discount. Cao, who goes to Jupioca on Chambers Street for poke bowls, says that it’s still cheaper than Poke Green, even with the discount. A two-protein bowl at Poke Green is 14 dollars, 12 with the discount, while at Jupioca one can get a bowl at around 10 dollars. Cao also offers a suggestion for more places to add: “I would go more often to the pizzerias along Chambers Street and Dirty Bird if there was a discount,” she said. Wang made no mention of reaching out to these restaurants, though he did reference other future plans: “The caucuses will eventually move to stores that would benefit the student body like Staples or other arts and crafts or stationary stores,” he said. The popularity of the program could also increase with the addition of popular stores like Muji, which is a favorite for school supplies.

As a whole, the program would make spending much easier and more enjoyable for students by allowing them to spend less money with every purchase.

These benefits, however, would be much more effective with greater awareness of the program and tips on how students can manage money. The program also implies the greater importance of student IDs in the future. Right now, most students only use their ID to swipe in and out of the school, but the SU could continue working on programs that would give student discounts for other attractions, such as museums and theaters.

Sharon Zou / The Spectator Sharon Zou / The Spectator Sharon Zou / The Spectator

The Student Union (SU) introduced a new program that offers discounts at eateries near Stuyvesant to the student body on February 12. “The idea originated a while back when we used to have a of of sponsorships from stores around us, but it was not yet called StuyVantage,” SU President William Wang said. The StuyVantage program provides a 10 percent discount at Terry’s and Shake Shack and a 15 percent discount at Poke Green.

Despite the implications of cheaper food in an otherwise expensive area, few students are aware of the discount or go to places where it’s offered. The SU is working on spreading awareness and extending the program to more places.

Sophomore Julianna Yu, for example, regularly goes to Ferry’s and Kung Fu Tea (KFT), the latter of which closed down on March 15. Neither of these places currently offers a student discount, which means that Yu has to pay full price for a drink or around five or six dollars for a sandwich.

“I don’t go to the places with the discount because I don’t think their food is as good as places like Ferry’s,” Yu said. Yu also loves the variety and accessibility of Ferry’s, a gourmet deli right across the street from Stuyvesant.

Ferry’s, which is so quick and convenient for students, does not offer a discount because it knows that it doesn’t need to provide an incentive for students to go there.

“Companies that know they won’t lose sales or attention by not giving a discount will not budge, but we will continue working on Ferry’s,” Wang explained.

Ferry’s got its nickname for being the fake “Terry’s,” another deli near the school next to Battery Park. Terry’s isn’t as popular but does offer the discount, though this does not seem to have affected students very much.

Sophomore Enrique Arcaina, for instance, still goes to Terry’s but was not aware that there was a discount. Arcaina spends on average $7.50 whenever he goes to Terry’s, meaning he would save $0.75 with each purchase and around $5.00 a month.

By offering a student discount, even fast food establishments could attract more customers: “I technically go to Chipotle every once in a while but if there [were] a discount there, I would probably go more often,” Arcaina, who gets dinner in the area after late nights with the Robotics Team, said. Despite Chipotle’s popularity among students, we might be a long way from a discount. “Chain companies like Chipotle and [KFT] are harder to reach out to since there is one main headquarters and there’s a huge corporate bureaucracy taking longer for them to get back to you,” Wang said. In spite of marketing difficulties, the SU is currently working on getting discounts at Zucker’s, Whole Foods, and KFT. Dealing with big corporations is one fight, but smaller restaurants also pose their own problems as they are usually more expensive than chain stores. The fact that Stuyvesant is located in one of the most affluent neighborhoods in Manhattan leaves students with few options to buy cheap food. “The restaurants near Stuy[vesant] are much more expensive than those in Queens.

You wouldn’t get as much for your money, and it’s not worth going there,” freshman Osniel Cortes, a Flushing resident, said.

Junior Jackson Ngo is one of the few students who are actually aware of and use the discount. “I used it for Shake Shack because its prices are pretty high compared to other fast food restaurants and I don’t usually go there because of that. I could very easily get a lot more food at McDonald’s,” he said. Ngo, who saves around two dollars with the discount with ev-

A Helping Hand

By CHRISTINE CHANG From a young age, we are taught to help others. But as schoolwork, tests, and quizzes run our everyday lives, it becomes easy to forget this virtue, among others. However, volunteering clubs help bring back these ideas and ingrain them in our busy lives.

As one of Stuyvesant’s largest organizations, ARISTA provides tutoring services by pairing upperclassmen with underclassmen. In addition to providing tutoring, ARISTA is a full-fledged volunteering organization in which members work on many events both at and outside of Stuyvesant. These aspects of ARISTA expand the number of requirements to join. “ARISTA is Stuyvesant’s honor society. What that means is that, in addition to the events and service part of it, we are also about academic excellence [...],” senior and ARISTA President Julia Arancio explained.

There are a variety of projects that ARISTA works on, from organizing parent-teacher conferences to lending a hand in soup kitchens, but they all have the common goal of serving the community. This aligns with the pillars of ARISTA: service, leadership, scholarship, and character. “We are interested in helping our community be-

cause that’s a level of being an excellent student,” Arancio said.

Though volunteering is a way to contribute to the community, many students don’t feel the need to help out, whether it is because of time management or indifference toward helping others. However, volunteering is a way to be involved instead of being a passive member of a community. “I think that one of the ways you can measure a person’s success [...] is the kind of impact that they have on their community,” Arancio said. “I think it’s important for people to be engaged in the world around them.”

Though the core values of ARISTA are similar to the National Honor Society (NHS), ARISTA is not a part of it.

“We were always on a trimester system. We used to be part of [NHS], so that was a reminiscence of that,” Arancio said.

“In recent years we’ve become our own organization and become Stuyvesant-specific.”

Where ARISTA is not affiliated with NHS, Key Club is part of a national organization that spans through many schools.

Senior and Key Club President Jenna Foo said, “Stuyvesant Key Club is one of the thousands of Key Clubs from 38 countries over the world that make up Key Club International.” However, despite being part of a national

organization, Stuyvesant Key Club has its own goals. “Each year, we strive to increase our service hour and fundraising goals as well. This year, our goal was 8,000 service hours and $10,000, but next year, it will probably be higher,” Foo explained.

Key Club hosts many events, from board game fundraisers to mural repainting. Foo explained that many of these events are for important causes.

“Key Clubbers can attend our monthly fundraisers, which we hold to raise awareness about important causes, such as One Tree Planted, Comfort Cases, and the Pediatric Lyme Disease Foundation,” she said.

Key Club is focused more on events and fundraisers that involve different aspects of volunteering. “I think it’s amazing that ordinary high schoolers have the ability to make change and learn the skills necessary to run fundraisers for such important charities,” Foo said.

Being a part of a volunteering organization can give rare opportunities for its members.

Foo said, “I think that this ability to branch out of your school and to engage with people from so many different places is something that makes Key Club truly unique.” For her, Key Club is a way to discover things about herself as well. “I [was never] confident that I could be the

type of person who could lead, but volunteering as part of Key Club has taught me that there are qualities about myself that I’ve still yet to discover,” she said.

Where ARISTA and Key Club participate in a variety of activities and events, the Homeless Coalition focuses on a pressing issue in New York City.

The club’s goal, as evident by its name, is to help the homeless in the city. One way the Homeless Club reaches out is by volunteering at various organizations, such as soup kitchens, that help the homeless. Club members also take in-school initiatives to contribute to their cause. “We had our annual run in the fall which was partnered with this organization called Back on My Feet,” senior and Homeless Coalition Co-President Sasha Spajic described. “[The organization helps] people who used to be homeless [...] get back on their feet. It’s more of a support system.”

While volunteering at various organizations, members form connections with homeless people. “We do a lot of interactions with the community as opposed to organizational things,” Spajic explained. Through interactions, club members learn how to approach the homeless.

“You try to approach them as an equal because that’s what they want to be treated as.

They don’t want to be seen as inferior because this might be a case for them,” Spajic said.

The Homeless Coalition also goes beyond helping those who most people tend to think of when they think of the homeless. “A lot of the time the people [who] we work with aren’t necessarily homeless but they are struggling to have a home. It’s not necessarily the homeless people you see on the subway,” Spajic elaborated.

Volunteering gives people a chance to help others and an opportunity that balances other activities that students participate in. “A lot of the time the school activities that you do might seem very selfish, like you’re just working to help yourself succeed. But volunteering is different because you don’t need to be doing this, but you’re reaching out to your community,” Spajic said. Arancio agreed, “In a school like Stuyvesant where it’s so easy to focus only on yourself it’s really important to take a step back and [...] appreciate helping your peers around you.”

The dedication and enjoyment for what they do drives members to continue helping their community. Their willingness spills over to their causes, and that’s what makes volunteering special for each individual. “I volunteer because I love it. It’s really as simple as that,” Foo said.

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

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Features

By LAI WA CHU and JANE ZHENG During lunch, students have the option of either going out or staying in. However, some may not even have a lunch period, or may use their lunch period to do homework. Some students stay in the cafeteria and eat school lunch. There is a number of reasons why students prefer to stay in school during their lunch periods. “I eat inside simply because I can’t afford to buy Tribeca food. It’s mad expensive,” junior Jacqueline Thom said. But, Thom also admits that school food is not exactly appetizing.

Bringing lunch from home is another option for students who opt to stay inside the building for lunch. Senior Saahir GantiAgrawal is among the few who pack their own lunch. For him, school lunch does not provide enough food. “I [stay] late [for robotics],” Ganti-Agrawal explained. Because he lives only 20 minutes away from school, he can quickly prepare his lunch in the morning and still arrive at school on time. Students who live much farther from school do not enjoy the same luxury, but preparing lunch in the morning does not have to be like organizing a buffet. Ganti-Agrawal usually spends only 10 minutes a day preparing very simple meals. “I usually eat stuff I heat up in the microwave and put in my furnace, like chicken or rice,” he described. If he

41 Minutes of Freedom

forgets to bring lunch, he buys food from Ferry’s or a Halal cart.

Students also enjoy the option of going outside to eat. Junior Megan Huang prefers going outside over getting cafeteria lunch. “I prefer to spend a few dollars rather than eat bland school lunch, which is not even filling,” she said. “Moreover, I find it nice sometimes to take a walk and get some fresh air. It feels suffocating to be in the same building for seven to eight hours a day.” Huang usually goes out with her friends; however, she finds herself leaving the building alone quite often as well. “I feel like many students are reluctant to go out alone, but sometimes being alone for just 41 minutes is revitalizing,” she commented.

These 41 minutes of freedom are not something students with band or chorus lunch enjoy. Junior Serene Joe, who has band lunch, said, “It’s a little difficult to have a straight one through ten [schedule] without a break in between, but it’s not a huge deal. I’ve gotten used to it.”

A number of students have no actual lunch period, mainly due to band or chorus. Junior Alyssa Cheung asked for chorus lunch. “I don’t eat that early, and I decided that it was useless to have a free period doing nothing,” she explained.

That is not the case for Joe. “I didn’t choose to have [band lunch],” she said. “[The Program Office] just gave it to me.” She

accepts her schedule since the credits she receives from band exempt her from classes like Music Appreciation. Joe’s passion for playing the French horn overrides her need for an exclusive lunch period. “I was in band in middle school, and I felt an impulse to continue playing my instrument in high school,” she said.

Because band and chorus lunch do not give students sufficient time to eat, students have to find pockets of free time.

Joe claims that the few minutes given in band to get food is not sufficient enough to actually eat lunch. “I come from the tenth floor, go to the lunchroom, where there usually is a huge line, come back, eat lunch, get my instrument, and by the time all that is finished, it’s well into the period, and [Dr. Winkel] will mark you late,” Joe noted.

Prioritizing attendance over lunch, Joe seeks out the most convenient times to eat by taking advantage of classes like Advanced Placement (AP) Chemistry, which gives her a free period every other day. “I’m lucky enough to have a free period right before [AP Chemistry], and that free period is eighth. So on days where I do have a free, I’ll get lunch, and on days I don’t have a free, I’ll bring yogurt, or fruit, or something from home,” she mentioned.

Still, there are students whose mealtimes are not regulated by free or lunch periods. Freshman

Shriya Anand’s eating schedule embodies irregular eating habits. “Sometimes I eat [during] my lunch period; sometimes I eat after school; sometimes I eat when I get home,” she said. Since she is part of the First Technology Challenge robotics team, she arrives home anywhere between 5:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m., raising the possibility of not eating lunch for the whole day. Anand expresses that there is not a particular rhyme or reason behind her irregular lunch schedule.

“Sometimes I just don’t have an appetite. If I don’t eat, that’s usually because I am not hungry,” she said. On the rare occasion that she does eat during her lunch period, Anand usually goes out to buy food with her friends. Typically, she buys Halal food from the cart near McDonald’s because it is the most economical option. “I go to Whole Foods. I see their food and I’m like, ‘This is too expensive,’” she jokingly said. “I come out and then get Halal food.”

Besides eating lunch, students may also use their lunch periods to do work. Nowadays, Huang stays in school more frequently during her lunch period to do schoolwork. “Because students aren’t allowed to enter the building until the warning bell of that period rings, if I need a decent amount of time during the day to study or work, I have to stay in school,” she explained.

Junior Lucas Amory also

works instead of relaxing during his lunch period. He stays on the first floor next to the pianos for the convenience of being able to practice piano after eating. Sometimes he spends the entire period practicing the piano, while other times he allocates half the period to eating and the other half to practicing.

“Because every minute counts,” he said. “I have limited time at home to practice because of neighbors’ complaints, so I try to get it in school when I can.”

Likewise, junior Charlotte Yee spends her lunch period outside of the cafeteria to do work.

“I don’t go to the cafe during my lunch period because it’s too noisy, messy, and crowded,” she said. “I prefer the library because of its environment, which is suited for quiet, independent work.”

The importance, and the nuances, of having a lunch break is often overlooked by Stuyvesant students. While it is true that Tribeca is an expensive neighborhood, students can use the newly implemented StuyVantage discount system to buy lunch at convenient places around Stuyvesant. Whether it is taking a break from work, broadening their lunch experience, or walking around in fresh air, students can do so much with 41 minutes of freedom.

Sick Because I’m Stressed, Stressed Because I’m Sick—How Stuyvesant Copes With Illness

By CLARA SHAPIRO

of technology, it is easier than ever for students to compensate for their absences. “Google Classroom is a great tool for keeping everybody on task,” he said. Regarding his own sick days, Hanna added, “I also assign relevant in-class writing in lesson notebooks, and share this with the substitute teacher.”

The neo-Ludditism of many teachers can be frustrating for many sick students. “I wish teachers would post the lessons online if they don’t already do that,” Kirschner said.

Emphasizing the value of resources like Google Classroom and the internet, Pedrick added, “It’s always wonderful when there’s a teacher who has everything online so then it’s easy for the student to access from wherever they are healing.”

Yet sometimes, the panacea for physical and emotional maladies is a complete hiatus, a break from the sickness-causing stress of school. “I think that breaks are necessary. If you really feel like you should take a day off, you should. I’ve seen people pushing it. Crazy.” Tang remarked.

The guidance department validates this advice. “Sometimes students are experiencing a sort of illness where the best thing for them is to take a little break from everything,” Pedrick said. “You need to take a break from all the school stuff and just focus on getting better.”

Despite teachers’ support for sick students, a cohort of coughing overachievers believes that illness is no excuse for absence from school. “I think [students] should go to school, because otherwise they’ll fall so far behind. And, all they’re gonna be doing is sniffling. It’s a common cold.

I don’t think it really matters,” freshman Leah D’Silva said.

For many, this attitude of

Emma Donnelly / The Spectator

It begins as a little tickle in the sinuses. Then come the sore throat, the runny nose, and the coughing—harbingers of the upcoming period of bedridden infirmity. From their sickbeds, feverish Stuyvesant students break out their recovery arsenals.

For physical ailments, they take all the standard prescriptions— tea, Benadryl, sleep, and chicken soup. But, even as the symptoms subside, students returning to school must still make their academic recoveries, for which chicken soup does nothing.

“I took three days off in the middle of the week, and that’s when a lot of the lessons are taught,” junior Tashfia Hasan said. “I was really stressed out about catching up [and] getting people to actually send me what they learned in class, but everyone’s busy, so sometimes they couldn’t send me the notes for that day.”

Freshman Ethan Kirschner shared Hasan’s experience.

“Coming back to school was extremely difficult because each day goes off the prior day. So, once you missed [one day], it was like the domino effect. So, it [was] difficult to catch up,” he said. “I felt I was a little stressed, but I think it was more important to focus on recovery, because if I worried too much about school, there was no way I was [going to] get better.”

This rationale is legitimized by the Guidance Department.

“It has been scientifically proven in various studies that stress has a direct impact on wellness,” Assistant Principal of Pupil Personnel Services Casey Pedrick said. “When you are stressed, your immune system can’t fight off things. Oftentimes, stress affects your sleep, which then defeats your immune system.

[This] makes you [want to] eat fewer items or more of the bad items, so that gets you more compromised. And then, unfortunately, you add Stuyvesant into the mix, and it means you’re probably going to be stressed.”

Guidance counselor Paul Goldsman sees this relationship magnified in his students.

“I think one of the reasons why students get sick is that they’re afraid to miss school,” he said.

Echoing Pedrick’s and Goldsman’s claims, senior Hao Tang said, “It’s easiest for me to get sick if I don’t have enough sleep.” She added, “I know people talk about catching up and things, but personally, I don’t really think there’s that much.”

For students making both their physical and academic recoveries, Pedrick believes that the Stuyvesant faculty provides a strong support network. “For the time that students are out, I think we have very empathetic staff who are very willing to help students stay on track when they’re dealing with illness,” she said.

To many students, the attitude of their teachers is tolerant, a degree more tepid than empathetic. Hasan said, “My teachers understood, but no teacher really has the time to go out of their way to make sure you definitely know what’s happening. I think it’s your responsibility to get through it.”

For most students and teachers, the consensus is that students are obligated to compensate for their own sick days.

“The responsibility rests with the student. However, it’s important for the teacher to be flexible. Let students know that their health is the [number one] priority. Get better, then think about making up work,” said social studies teacher David Hanna in an e-mail interview.

He adds that with the advent

martyrdom is driven by the fear of getting a zero on a missed math or science test, math and science being the departments notorious for not offering make-ups. An anonymous math teacher explained the rationale of her department over email: “In the past, I allowed students to take make up tests in case of absence. But, last year I had a horrible experience. It seemed the students were abusing this accommodation. At one point, I had 15 absences from three different classes. All of the students claimed that they had some health issue (stomach ache, headache, etc.). It became very hard for me to separate the legitimate cases from the others. After lengthy discussions with other teachers, I decided that this year I will not be giving make-up tests. Instead, I will drop the worst test grade for each student. I feel that it would reduce the stress for those students who happen to

be really sick, because one grade is dropped, so they can stay home and recover,” she said.

Goldsman, who serves as a bridge between teachers and students, believes that certain cases require collaboration among the administration, the faculty, and the student. “Extenuating circumstances do arise, and that’s why if there is a situation, like a family emergency or a prolonged illness, then perhaps the teacher and the assistant principal as well as the guidance counselor can decide the fairest way of approaching the situation,” he said.

In the Darwinian struggle that is life at Stuyvesant, many students fear that they will be deemed the weakest in the survival of the fittest if they miss school. And while Stuyvesant does expect students to take the initiative to make up for what they’ve missed, students can take comfort knowing that teachers will be reasonable as they return to the jungle.

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 6

Editorials Saving Stuyvesant’s Spirit Every March, thousands of eighth graders across New York City receive their SHSAT results and high school invitations. For around 800 of these students, this is the beginning of their Stuyvesant journey. These 800 open their letters: accepted to Stuyvesant, they say. Elation follows for the elite few who meet the cutoff.

After the initial excitement of acceptance, their journey through Stuyvesant begins at Camp Stuy, where Big Sibs encourage them to buy merchandise and give them advice on surviving the grueling academic atmosphere here. At this point, the polished image of Stuyvesant that prospective freshmen are shown through open houses and even during Camp Stuy still hasn’t worn off, so they are still buying Stuyvesant apparel and proud to announce that they are Stuyvesant Students.

In the coming months as they begin at Stuyvesant in earnest, these new recruits must fork over a minimum of $25 for gym clothes, $14 for a lock combination. Not to mention, countless extracurriculars—from sports teams to debate clubs—constantly request donations or fees for participation. In addition, freshmen experience their first real taste of high school. Stuyvesant is not just any high school, so they are quickly overwhelmed with work coming at them from all sides. As the expenses—and the workload—begin to build up, students realize that Stuyvesant might not really be all that it’s made out to be. As reality sets in, the incoming class starts to lose its optimistic view of the school, which in turn leads to decreased pride in our school and the lack of school spirit that has become so evident at Stuyvesant.

This disillusionment with the school begins to present itself in a bizarre form of dark, self-deprecating humor unique to Stuy students. Barely a period passes without hearing someone commiserate over their poor grades, lack of sleep, or any one of a number of ailments that afflict the Stuyvesant student on a daily basis. “I hate Stuy” has become a staple of our vocabularies, and it’s used so often that it has almost become a default greeting among the student population. With this attitude about

the school so widespread among the students, it’s no surprise that there is little enthusiasm for representing Stuyvesant, particularly when it comes to supporting our sports teams.

At many high schools, sports teams and their support bases represent the sort of school spirit that is so lacking at Stuyvesant.

Here, however, the attendance at the vast majority of sporting events is abysmal. Even at Homecoming, which should by all rights be one of the biggest events of the year, the turnout is far below what could be expected at almost any other school, as the interest in supporting the football team and the school just isn’t there. One cause of this may be the sheer volume of sports and extracurriculars at Stuy. With so many teams, ranging from Robotics to Ultimate Frisbee, the student body just doesn’t unify behind, say, the football team, as it would at a more typical school.

Merchandise showing off memberships in Key Club and 694 Robotics is almost as common as generic Stuyvesant merchandise, which showcases the divisions which the variety in activities creates among the students.

One possible solution for some of this division would be a unified mascot, which could serve to unite students’ pride behind the school rather than for their individual clubs or teams. The responsibility also falls to some extent on the members of the teams, as without their enthusiasm in promoting games and events, the student body won’t be mobilized to support the school.

Whatever the cause, however, the apathy surrounding sports at Stuyvesant is a major factor in the lack of school spirit as a whole.

While school spirit at Stuyvesant is generally fairly low, there are some events that prove an exception to this, including school spirit’s namesake—Spirit Days. On Spirit Days, participating students dress up following a different theme each day, such as Goth Day, Pyjama Day, Nerd Day, and more. While collectively dressing up like clowns is a great way to bond as a community and unify behind our school, there is one major issue with these Spirit Days—they tend to be events that are exclusive to seniors, which alienates three-fourths of the school population from

what could be one of the largest school spirit events of the year.

A simple and cost-free way to help boost school spirit would be to simply include more of the school in events like Senior Spirit Days, either by expanding them into general spirit days or by adding other days for the rest of the school. Either way, focusing on increasing fun, communitycentric events like Spirit Days is an excellent way to boost school spirit at next to no cost.

Another event that inspires a lot of school spirit and unity amongst the school community is SING!. Each year during the months of SING!, school pride is high, and people walk the halls constantly wearing SING! apparel. However, while it does boost school spirit, it only happens once a year—and for a fairly short time at that. This is as it should be―we are not calling for a elongating SING! season or doing it twice annually―but it does mean that the spirit it brings is a short-lived acme.

The problem of school spirit cannot be easily solved. Much of it has deep roots, many of which are either essential to Stuyvesant or in its DNA: the school’s large size, its diversity of interests, and its high-pressure environment.

But there are fixes to be made, from minor changes like extending spirit days to the entire student body and policies continually expanding the resources and support infrastructure for students who feel at risk of cracking under Stuyvesant’s pressure.

The onus also rests upon students to not constantly trash the school. Much of the time, Stuyvesant-trashing arises from legitimate and deeply felt woe surrounding pressure and workload. But it has a life of its own beyond that, and it makes its way even into the language non-distressed students.

When we trash our school, other people, both outside and inside Stuyvesant, notice. And that itself contributes to a culture of Stuy hatred. So the next time you get ready to say “I hate this school,” ask yourself if you mean it. And if you do, it’s important to express that. But if you’re just saying it because it’s part of the vocabulary of Stuyvesant, think twice and bite your tongue.

The Spectator

ARTS & E NT E RTAI NM E NT E D I TO RS

The Stuyvesant High School Newspaper

Thomas Chen Emma Linderman Jacqueline Thom Jiahe Wang

“The Pulse of the Student Body” E D ITO R S

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Rebecca Collins Michael Hu Jade Lo L AYO UT

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CO PY O PI NI O NS

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M ANAGE RS

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FAC U LT Y

ADV I SE R

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Page 7

Opinions

2020pinions

By THE STUYVESANT SPECTATOR OPINIONS DEPARTMENT

Andrew Yang: A New Take on Capitalism

By LAMIA HAQUE Andrew Yang, a New York businessman, is a Democratic candidate in the 2020 presidential election. Yang’s campaign centers around a progressive platform that is unique and controversial.

His main proposals include a monthly universal basic income for all Americans, a rethinking of modern capitalism, and a plan to promote Medicare for all. As of February, his campaign has raised almost $600,000 in donations.

This is a relatively low amount when compared to other candidates’ fundraising (Bernie Sanders raised around $6 million in a

single day), but nevertheless an accomplishment for a first-timer.

Yang’s most controversial proposal—and the one that has gained the most attention—is his idea of universal basic income.

Yang’s “Freedom Dividend” would provide every American adult over the age of 18 with a stipend of $1,000 every month.

While he realizes that this gives Republicans an opportunity to classify his campaign as a socialist movement, Yang describes it as a step toward an America with “capitalism where income doesn’t start at zero,” he said.

Yang claims that a UBI of this scale would help reduce poverty,

improve quality of life across the board, and mitigate the potential disruption of American jobs as a result of automation and artificial intelligence. Yang proposes placing reasonable limits on his UBI policy, such as requiring a constitutional amendment to alter the stipend and making it illegal to lend or borrow against one’s Dividend to ensure that it is used only for necessities.

Like many other Democratic candidates in the 2020 field, Yang supports Medicare for all. He wants to either expand the current Medicare program or create an entirely new single-payer system provided by the govern-

ment. He also claims that doctors would be “free” from being paid for their services—an optimistic way of saying that medical professionals would be paid less—and assumes that in order to create a more comprehensive healthcare system, doctors would spend more time with each individual patient.

The candidate’s most vague idea is what he calls human-centered capitalism. He redefines American and Western market ideas by emphasizing humans over money and replacing the dollar with the individual person as a unit of economic measure.

For example, instead of defin-

Feeling the Bern, Three Years On

By BRIAN MOSES Senator Bernie Sanders made his name on the national stage as a progressive Democratic trailblazer during the 2016 election. His proposals for universal medicare, tuition-free college, and high taxes on the wealthy (criticized at the time as unrealistic and overly expensive) set him apart from rival Hillary Clinton.

Three years later, Sanders has launched a second presidential bid, raising an unheard-of $5.9 million in the first 24 hours following his announcement. But this time, he finds himself in a vastly different political arena—

nearly all of the major contenders for the Democratic nomination have adopted his progressive economic policies.

So what sets Bernie apart in 2020? One of his most enduring qualities—which campaign supporters will be quick to point out—is his long-standing support for progressive social policies. He was arrested in 1963 at a civil rights protest in Chicago.

He supported a gay pride parade in Burlington in 1983 as its newly elected mayor. 13 years later, while serving as a congressman, Sanders was one of 67 representatives in the House to vote “no” to the 1996 Defense of Marriage

Act, which reduced federal support for gay marriage and was widely seen as a move to limit LGBT rights.

Sanders has also struck a somewhat different chord on modern racial issues from his Democratic rivals. Being one of the only white males competing in the Democratic primary, he criticized other candidates for promoting the idea “that all we need [are]….candidates who are black or white, who are black or Latino or woman [sic] or gay— regardless of what they stand for,” he said. In essence, Sanders has held back on throwing his full support behind identity poli-

tics, instead focusing on income inequality and economic issues as the centerpiece for his campaign.

While this does set his platform apart from other more socially conscious candidates, Sanders’s decision may turn out to be something that the Democratic base will hold against him.

Sanders has also come under fire from liberals and progressives for being overly moderate on gun control and regulation.

Their biggest concern is his vote for a 2005 law which ensured that weapon manufacturers could not be held accountable when violent crimes are committed with their products (a position which

ing economic health with GDP or imports and exports, Yang proposes to measure it with standards of living, childhood success rates, and adjusted life expectancies.

While Yang’s chances of securing the Democratic nomination are slim at best (recent data has him polling with support from less than 1 percent of Americans), his unique policy proposals have earned him attention throughout the Internet and from the press, though whether that is a benefit or a detriment remains to be seen.

he still maintains in the face of heavy criticism). But this is unlikely to be a big problem for the Sanders campaign. Put simply, Democratic voters don’t care about gun policy nearly as much as Republicans do.

So far, Sanders has a considerable lead in terms of name recognition, funding, and overall favorability compared to the other Democratic candidates in the running. Though it remains to be seen whether he can hold that lead through the rest of 2019 and into 2020, it seems that Bernie Sanders has a good chance of becoming the next president of the United States.

Kamala Harris: An Experiment in Individuality

By BRIAN MOSES

Calling Kamala Harris qualified is an understatement. A candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination, she has served as a District Attorney and then Attorney General for California. Harris burst on the scene as a senator during the Senate judicial hearings regarding the nomination of then-judge Brett Kavanaugh for the Supreme Court. During the hearings, her forceful statements and brutal honesty appealed to the progressives in the Democratic Party.

With her experience, Harris is no doubt a qualified and experienced

By KRISTIN CHENG

candidate for the presidency.

Senator Harris is a major part of the progressive movement that gripped the Democratic Party in 2016 and played a major role in capturing the House of Representatives in the 2018 midterms. Her support for legislature granting Medicare for all has earned her a place among many progressive candidates in the upcoming primaries, including Bernie Sanders and Kirsten Gillibrand. Her economic policies are also innovative. Though she stays with the party line regarding the support of the lower and middle classes, she innovates ideas like rent-based tax credits

and workforce training in preparation for automation. She’s also starkly against many policies that President Donald Trump has implemented, pledging to fight against President Trump’s border wall and the Republican tax act. She supports the innovative Green New Deal, which would completely overhaul the American economy and its infrastructure. It would impact everything from energy and climate change to labor and education. Aptly, the Green New Deal would be the biggest innovation to hit the United States since the original New Deal. She is also calling for universal background checks and

a complete ban of assault weapons. Harris appeals to the 2020 Democratic voter with not only extremely progressive and ideal politics, but also the fact that if she assumes office, she will be the first black female president.

However, Senator Harris’s campaign isn’t free from controversy. Her history as a prosecutor in California has put her at the forefront of many controversial policies. For example, her office played a part in overcrowding several state prisons—partially to keep up with the demand for penal labor—and has been oblivious to wrongful convictions under her watch. Anomalies like

these contradict the liberal and progressive views she now supports, which could damage her campaign in future months.

Harris is no doubt qualified to contend in the upcoming Democratic primaries, and in many ways, she embodies the progressive policies of the newly remade party. But despite her high name recognition across the country, she has done little to show that she is an outstanding candidate.

Harris’s campaign shows great potential to be a serious player in the 2020 presidential election, but the various controversies surrounding her policy platform put her future as a candidate at risk.

Amy Klobuchar: The Promise of Pragmatism

When juxtaposed with the 14 other groundbreaking Democratic candidates, Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar’s positions certainly are not exceedingly progressive. Her lack of appeal to the far left, however, may be compensated by centrist and moderate Republican support— important factors to consider as our Democratic and Republican parties continue to diverge, leaning ever further toward extremism.

The majority of the current Democratic favorites come from coastal states, but Klobuchar recognizes the importance of garnering support from states like Wisconsin and Michigan, which swung the 2016 election to Trump. She argues that Democrats cannot afford to forget about the middle of the country and believes her roots (“Minne-

sota nice” branding) moderate politics will appeal to a considerable number of these voters. To a certain extent, these claims are justified by her history of winning in purple states—her 2018 re-election campaign resulted in victory with a margin of 24 points. Elizabeth Warren won by the exact same margin in Massachusetts, historically a much more Democratic leaning state than Minnesota. This is a testament to Klobuchar’s self-proclaimed ability to “disagree without being disagreeable.” For reference, Hillary Clinton took Minnesota by less than two points in 2016, but won Massachusetts by a broad margin of 27 points.

However, a history of Klobuchar mistreating her staff has emerged, somewhat disfiguring the “Minnesota nice” image that she has carefully curated and around which she has framed her candidacy. Some of Klobu-

char’s former staffers describe her as demeaning, demoralizing, and difficult to work with for extended periods of time. They cite her frequent belittling e-mails, in which she would characterize one’s work as the worst she had seen in her decades of public service, using them to justify her relentless scrutiny. Leaping to Klobuchar’s defense, supporters claim that her unparalleled attention to detail, work ethic, and exceedingly high standards foster a productive environment; Klobuchar had reportedly passed the most laws of anyone in the Senate in 2016. These supporters maintain that Klobuchar simply wants to see her staff meeting the high expectations she herself strives toward, motivating her employees to grow and achieve their fullest potential. The circulation of such divergent views of Klobuchar’s staff treatment may be interpreted in various

different ways, working both to the detriment and benefit of her campaign.

Klobuchar’s policies primarily concern health care costs, cybersecurity, and climate change, echoing those of other generic centrist Democrats. Though she has not advocated for a program that provides Medicare for all, unlike various other candidates, she has backed the expansion of both Medicaid and Medicare.

Championing legislation to curb the cost of prescription drugs, she has introduced bills that would encourage the development of cheaper alternatives to brand-name drugs and require Medicare to directly negotiate drug prices with pharmaceutical companies. In efforts to reduce foreign intervention in online election advertising and protect the online privacy of consumers, Klobuchar has also introduced legislation focused on increasing

the transparency of social media companies. In addition, she has pledged to prioritize climate change, claiming that within the first 100 days of her administration, she would invest in green jobs and infrastructure, rejoin the Paris accord, and reinstate the Obama administration’s Clean Power Plan.

Though Klobuchar’s staff mistreatment controversy and relatively moderate policies may mar support for her campaign within her own party, recent analysis indicates that a majority of Democrats claim preference for nominees who can beat Trump—rather than those who share all of their policy views.

Thus, Klobuchar’s potential appeal to centrists and anti-Trump Republicans amid an increasingly polarized political arena certainly makes her an enticing candidate.

Page 8

The Spectator ● April 5,2019

Opinions Jay Inslee: The Climate Candidate

By JONATHAN SCHNEIDERMAN

For decades, the Democratic Party has made a point of addressing climate change; in recent years, as the effects of not taking enough action have come into clear focus and as Republicans have made aggressive denial of the existence of the problem of a major part of their agenda, its rhetoric surrounding climate change has become scarier and scarier (and rightly so, given the scale of the threat). The Democratic Party’s message on climate change is clear: climate change has the potential to seriously uproot significant elements of civilization as we know it, causing extreme weather events (such as massive flooding and droughts), damage to infrastructure, food shortages, and crises of mass migration.

It’s odd, then, that most of the Democratic Party’s 2020 candidates are focusing on domestic economic policy and not on the imminent apocalypse. With major climate crises fast approaching, the 2020 Democratic primary is a contest for whose Medicare

for All proposal can best balance wonkiness and idealism.

Enter Jay Inslee. The twoterm Washington governor has put climate change at the front and center of his campaign.

The homepage of his website makes the gist of his campaign crystal-clear, with a blue-green color palette and the following featured text: “This is our moment to defeat climate change.”

It’s important to note that Inslee is far from the only candidate addressing climate change. This is the Democratic primary, after all, and his policies―heavy investment in providing clean energy and clean energy infrastructure jobs, fighting for environmental justice, and cutting subsidies to fossil fuel producers―are hardly controversial in and of themselves, but he is the only one prioritizing it. And that matters, because what politicians prioritize is what they spend their human and political capital on. A President Inslee would be more likely to make serious progress on climate change than a President Warren.

Inslee’s platform isn’t just about addressing climate change―he’s a fairly standard

Democrat, supporting LGBTQI rights, public school and infrastructure investment, female reproductive rights, affordable healthcare, and creation of clean energy jobs. Under his governorship, Washington has had a powerful, business-friendly, and successful economy, with low unemployment and the eighth highest wages in the country.

Inslee is facing some trouble, though. He generally polls somewhere between zero and one percent, and in his own home state, his popularity is middling. It’s not clear how much of an appetite there is in the Democratic party for a climate-focused campaign; there’s a reason most candidates are focusing on those domestic economic policies. But a recent Des Moines Register found that 80 percent of Democrats in Iowa, where the Democratic Primary will officially kick off next February, rank climate change as a top priority, putting it just one point below healthcare as the most important primary issue. If Inslee can claim early ownership of the climate lane, he may well emerge as the leader of the 2020 field. Don’t count him out.

Julián Castro: All-American Man

By JESSY MEI

“In the end, the American dream is not a sprint, or even a marathon, but a relay. Our families don’t always cross the finish line in the span of one generation. But each generation passes on to the next the fruits of their labor…. And my mother fought hard for civil rights so that instead of a mop, I could hold this microphone.” —Julián Castro The crowd erupted in applause.

Best known for delivering the keynote address at the Democratic National Convention for President Obama in 2012, former Housing and Urban Development Secretary and San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro is now running for president.

Castro’s credentials include the following: graduate of the esteemed Stanford University and Harvard Law School, the former mayor of San Antonio, a member of the House of Representatives, and the United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development during President Obama’s administration. Such accomplishments are no small feats, as these successes have come only a few generations after his grandmother’s immigration to San Antonio and serve as an inspiration to immigrants. They are a successful embodiment of the American Dream.

Castro, an ardent critic of Donald Trump’s immigration, climate change, and healthcare

By MAYA DUNAYER

William Weld has no shortage of experience in public office. Under the Reagan administration, Weld led two different offices of the Justice Department and became known for his prosecution of finance and narcotic crimes. Weld also served two consecutive terms from 1991 to 1997 as governor of Massachusetts, during which he enacted comprehensive education reform and signed an executive order that permitted

policies, has risen up as a fervent proponent of climate change recognition, universal pre-K, gun control, universal health care, and comprehensive immigration reform. As the mayor of San Antonio, Castro emphasized the implementation of renewable energy in business and closed down a city coal plant, embracing a 20 percent renewable energy goal.

Immediately after entering office, he plans to sign an executive order to recommit the U.S. to the Paris Climate Accord. He founded Café College in 2010, an organization dedicated to providing disadvantaged students with resources needed to pursue higher education by promoting test prep and destigmatizing financial aid services. He has also persuaded voters to approve the introduction of a one-eighth-cent-perdollar sales tax to establish the first pre-K program for fouryear olds in Texas. Pushing for stronger gun control regulation, Castro has advocated for renewing the Federal Assault Weapons Ban (first passed by Congress in 1994 and which expired in 2004) and demanding enforcement of background checks at gun shows.

Castro has also condemned the influence of pharmaceutical companies for setting such high prices on health care, and he plans to secure Medicare for all by taxing the wealthiest one percent of Americans. In terms of immigration reform, Castro aims to provide more support for those seeking asylum and

citizenship by laying down more efficient legal immigration legislation and reconstructing the culture of Immigrations Customs Enforcement (ICE).

An emblem of the American Dream and American ideals, Castro is the presidential candidate who will invest in the future of the American people, bringing our policies to the core principles which America was founded upon: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

An emblem of the American Dream and American ideals, Julián Castro is the presidential candidate who will invest in the future of the American people.

Joe Biden: The Middle Ground

By CLAIRE SHIN

Having served his country for decades—first as a senator and then as the 47th Vice President of the United States—Joe Biden is one of the most recognizable politicians in the United States. Though he has not yet announced a run for the presidency in the 2020 election, he has already garnered massive support and attention from his Democratic colleagues and from the press. Though his policies aren’t as bold or progressive as those of his would-be competitors (who include the likes of Senators Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders), Biden has proven that there is space in the upcoming election for a moderate candidate unmoved by populism or radical ideas.

Without a doubt, his bipartisan appeal is his most powerful and convincing quality as a presidential hopeful, and his widespread name already gives him a considerable advantage in a national scale. Some polls have him beating Donald Trump by a larger margin than any other Democrat currently in the running.

So far, Biden’s focus on infrastructure policy as a platform plank is critical, should he choose to run. Infrastructure is unique as an issue which, despite its extensive and paramount place in our society, seems to be sidelined in favor of Democrats’ most pressing concerns, like climate change and economic inequality. A likely reason for this may be past failed attempts to boost infrastructure spending, like the Trump administration’s $1 trillion infrastructure plan.

However, Biden rightfully calls infrastructure a “personalized” issue and one that commands enough priority to receive immense sums of federal dollars.

Biden has been claiming infrastructure as one of his first concerns for years at this point.

While also uniting all divisions of the left, Biden is likely to succeed as a centrist candidate due to his policies on federal taxing and spending. While he doesn’t go as far left as to blame multi-billionaires for the ever-growing wealth gap, his statements and actions suggest that fighting income inequality is one of his top priorities.

Like his competitor Senator Bernie Sanders, Biden champions middle class tax cuts and acknowledges that the tax code is “skewed [toward] taking care of those at the very top,” he said. At the same time, unlike many Democratic progressive contenders, Biden also plans to hone in on minimizing government spending; in the Munich Security Conference of 2013, he

Bill Weld: An Unexpected Challenge

same-sex marriage in the state.

His achievements in the social sphere of politics are highly notable, especially when taking into account his position as a Republican governor of a historically liberal state.

Weld has a moderate set of political views that earns him an important (and as yet unfilled) middle ground in the Republican party. Weld supports the legalization of marijuana, publicly expresses pro-choice views, and advocates for more gun legislation. He believes

that climate change is a pressing issue and wants the U.S. to remain a member of the Paris Climate Agreement, a direct rebuttal to President Trump’s withdrawal from the treaty. As for immigration—another hotbutton issue for the current president—Weld pushes for a guest worker program and longer working visas. Weld is also a strong advocate for cutting federal spending and lowering taxes nationwide, a pro-business stance which could endear him to the economic conserva-

tives of the Republican party.

Perhaps Weld’s most intriguing position is his plan to get rid of the Department of Education in favor of granting more responsibility to parents and teachers.

Weld holds strong positions against incumbent President Trump, and some interpret his campaign primarily as an effort to derail Trump’s run for re-election. He said that “Our president is simply too unstable to carry out the duties of the highest executive office—which

stated that he and his colleagues in Congress agreed to cut federal spending by $1 trillion over the next 10 years. This belief is shared with many Republicans, which serves as an advantage to Biden in reaching members of the opposition.

Joe Biden is one of the most recognizable politicians in the United States.

Biden has been incredibly active in politics for a formidable number of years. However, his decades of experiences come with the consequence of increased public scrutiny, which may end up hurting him in the upcoming election. Biden has been found to have voiced multiple questionable opinions; one instance was his take on the landmark Supreme Court decision Roe v. Wade. “[I do not] think that a woman has the sole right to say what should happen to her body,” he said. Since then, however, Biden has identified himself as staunchly prochoice. Additionally, in a series of supposedly racially charged comments, Biden remarked, “I do not buy the concept popular in the ’60s [that] said [the following]: ‘We have suppressed the black man for 300 years, and the white man is now far ahead in the race for everything our society offers. In order to even the score, we must now give the black man a head start—or even hold the white man back— to even the race…I don’t buy that.” Though they were made four decades ago, such remarks are not to be overlooked, and they can reflect Biden’s current stance on race relations and affirmative action.

Many Democrats have hailed Joe Biden as the sole candidate with the capacity and competence to defeat Trump in the 2020 presidential elections.

Given his years of experience as a senator for Delaware and as having served as vice president, Biden is a highly popular candidate capable of stitching up the ever-growing chasm between the left and right.

include the specific duty to take care that the laws be faithfully executed—in a competent and professional matter.” Weld even went as far as to say that proTrump Republicans exhibited symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome, as he believed that they sympathized with their supposed captor. His strong opposition to Trump’s campaign will at least make the president’s path to victory more difficult, making the Republican primary more than simply a straight shot for Donald Trump.

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 9

Opinions A politician, scientist, and entrepreneur, Hickenlooper embodies the politician who takes the moderate path.

Cory Booker: A Bipartisan Approach to Politics

By ANNE RHEE With a focus on much-needed reforms for the criminal justice system and a bill advocating for Medicare for all, Cory Booker is currently the junior U.S. Senator from New Jersey and has been since 2013, having also served as the mayor of Newark for seven years before that. Yet, what sets Booker apart from the other Democratic candidates in the upcoming election is the way he looks at politics: through a bipartisan lens. When he speaks about his priorities in his campaign, Booker cites personal legislative work he has done in the past to highlight that conservatives and liberals can work together.

One example is the First Step Act, a criminal justice reform package of which Booker was one of six original supporters in the Senate. Reforms included reducing the large disparity between crack cocaine and powdered cocaine sentences (powdered cocaine sentences previously had been much shorter), preventing the shackling of pregnant prisoners, granting greater accessibility to reducing mandatory minimum sentences, and allowing federal judges more opportunities to make “safety valves,” or exceptions for those with limited or no criminal history. The latter was a concession that was key to gaining conservative support, resulting in the Senate passing the bill 87-12 as well as President Donald Trump signing it. Repairing the criminal justice system is something that all political parties agree upon, as many other political issues, including the economy and structural oppression, are all greatly affected by it. Many politicians across party lines agreed with Booker’s efforts, which shows the great appeal of Booker’s candidacy and his ability to make coalitions by crossing party lines. Booker plans on continuing these reforms, having introduced the Next Step Act, which though is not yet public, is a package of follow-up reforms that will continue to sustain the focus on repairing the criminal justice system by legalizing marijuana,

fully eliminating the gap between crack and powder cocaine sentences, and allowing inmates the right to vote.

Like Bernie Sanders and Kamala Harris, Booker agrees that everyone should have access to Medicare—however, Booker’s approach to that end is more realistic than a large bill covering the entire industry. His approach is not purely liberal either, as he announced during his campaign that he wouldn’t eliminate private health care insurance. He stated, “Even countries that have vast access to publicly offered health care can still have private health care.” Booker also believes that while the prices of pharmaceutical drugs should be lowered, strict regulations on pharmaceutical companies should not be imposed. It has been a point of interest that Booker has been accepting donations from pharmaceutical companies throughout the past, but New Jersey politicians have always maintained a good relationship with pharmaceutical corporations, and Booker has also stated that he will be taking “a pause” from accepting money from such companies after he had revoked a bill proposed by Senator Sanders to lower drug prices.

Furthermore, Booker, like many other Democratic candidates, believes that climate change should be a national priority, one among the top three issues that his campaign hopes to focus on. A supplement to his support for the tech industry, Booker has recently signed the Green New Deal introduced

by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, which pushes for more investment in clean technology. With his bipartisanship and focus on some of the nation’s biggest issues, Booker demonstrates a willingness to work with all political parties and an appeal to voters of a great variety of different backgrounds. Though it may not seem like he is in the lead at the moment, his appeal across party lines will be what carries him to the final stretch of the race and is what composes the majority of his great potential to be president.

John Hickenlooper: Front and Centrist

By RAE SEONG JEONG

“Ultimately, I’m running for president because I believe that not only can I beat Donald Trump, but that I am the person [who] can bring people together on the other side and actually get stuff done.” That was the Democratic Governor of Colorado John Hickenlooper announcing his 2020 presidential campaign on March 4. He promises productive, tangible change made possible by centrist policies that will overcome the political polarization which continues to dominate American politics.

A politician, scientist, and entrepreneur, Hickenlooper embodies the politician who takes the moderate path. Despite his deregulatory stance—during his term as governor, he worked to reduce protections on Colorado’s environment—Hickenlooper markets himself as a social and economic progressive. He has

earned valuable experience in this regard; he helped develop an Affordable Care Act for Colorado and worked to expand Medicaid in the state. He has also pushed for legislation on gun control, supporting the expansion of background checks and limits on ammunition clips. Just as well, Hickenlooper pushes for tackling climate change, throwing his support behind the newly proposed Green New Deal. And while his opponents may move to criticize this position as uninformed and idealistic, his degree in geology will disagree.

Perhaps most importantly, Hickenlooper has also proven himself to be a reasonable and open-minded politician, a rare breed these days. When Colorado began to push to legalize recreational marijuana use in 2012, Hickenlooper was initially against the idea “I was against it. Almost everybody I know was against it. It’s no fun to be in conflict

with federal law,” he told TIME in November. Later on, however, Hickenlooper changed his position and began pushing for marijuana legalization. His openmindedness is an important quality that many of his fellow Democratic candidates don’t share, and it may very well help him carve out a moderate niche in the 2020 primaries and beyond.

Hickenlooper frames his candidacy on being a centrist and pragmatic Democrat. Many speculate that his moderate nature would fail to win over the highly active and increasingly progressive Democratic party throughout the campaign. But in an era which political polarization dominates and petty partisanship prevents effective legislation from being passed, Hickenlooper’s proven ability to appeal to both Democrats and Republicans and push them toward the middle will be the litmus test for his candidacy.

Elizabeth Warren: The Change We Need?

By CLAIRE SHIN

Senator Elizabeth Warren is a noteworthy Democrat. The policy changes she’s proposing as a presidential candidate are worth looking over; at the very least, they are different from the status quo, and at the most, they are truly radical. Whether these changes would positively contribute to future of the United States is a hotly debated topic.

Warren is certainly not a stranger to detailed and expansive policy, immediately distinguishing her from her many Democratic competitors. Instead of focusing on attempting to enrapture audiences with a dazzling speech on vague and overly general topics, like unity, Warren, a former Harvard law professor, tends to delve deep into the finer details of policy.

While she evades seeming inauthentic, Warren’s sacrifice of splendid oration for meticulous strategies may also cause her to fail to bridge the widening gap between parties.

With her new proposals on labor alone, Senator Warren has certainly made a splash in 2020’s soon-to-be turbulent seas, and she has clearly communicated her intentions regarding the issue. Even the location where she formally announced her presidential candidacy, or Lawrence, Massachusetts, is undeniably symbolic: it is the historic site of the Bread and Roses textile workers’ strike in 1912, one of the most successful and well-known labor movements of the 20th century. Today,

Warren claims that the struggle is one against the super-wealthy and gigantic corporations ubiquitous in our lives. Warren refuses to accept donations from these corporations and super PACs, wants to break up tech giants like Facebook, Apple, and Google, and seeks to prohibit the biggest tech companies from both creating and running marketplaces and selling their products in those same marketplaces. She also plans to mandate the separation of these two functions. Another item on her agenda is forbidding companies from sharing user data with third parties (for example, ads based on recent Google searches).

Warren recently released a proposal for universal, highquality, and affordable child care through the use of centers and homes for family child care and early learning. Families with incomes low enough would be able to use these services for free. The cost for this, estimated to be around $700 billion, would be covered through Warren’s Ultra-Millionaire Tax, which takes an approach reminiscent of that of Bernie Sanders and taxes the top-earning 0.1 percent of Americans. Economists Emmanuel Saez and Gabriel Zucman report that altogether, the tax would make ultramillionaires pay 3.2 percent of their wealth to taxes at all levels of government, with the lower 99.9 percent paying 7.2 percent in taxes. Such “wealth taxes” are anomalies in the world stage; only 11 countries—Austria,

Denmark, Finland, Germany, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Norway, Spain, Sweden, and Switzerland—have implemented it. However, at least in the United States, such a tax is predicted to raise $2.75 trillion in the next 10 years.

It’s important to note, however, that Warren is not without her political shortcomings. In early February, it was discovered that Warren’s bar registration card had her race falsely listed as “American Indian.” The claim was touted by Harvard, boasting that she was one of their few minority employees; since then, Warren and her campaign have claimed that Warren had no knowledge of the university’s actions. A blood test conducted on Warren revealed that her Native American heritage was almost nonexistent.

Warren has apologized for the falsehood and has repeatedly emphasized that she gained nothing from claiming a Native American descent. Recent polls suggest that the fiasco has not changed the public’s opinion of her significantly.

The experienced politician will face a tough and evergrowing field of Democratic opponents who are equally popular as—if not more popular than—her. But her especially progressive policies have the potential to take hold of Democrats across the country, and it’s entirely possible that she may one day be the rallying point for Americans against Donald Trump.

Beto O’Rourke: Can the Democrats’ Boy Wonder Keep His Spark?

By JONATHAN SCHNEIDERMAN

When Beto O’Rourke first started making national headlines during the early days of the 2018 Texas Senate elections, few would have predicted that this fresh-faced threeterm congressman would be at the fore of 2020 presidential speculation before the year was out. But here we are now in March of 2019, and Congressman O’Rourke is still hanging around at the top of 2020 rankings with such heavyweights as Senators Kamala

Harris and Bernie Sanders and Vice President Joe Biden.

And that’s not just over-excited pundits; O’Rourke is consistently among the top five candidates in polls of Democratic voters (and the official launch of his campaign seems to have pushed him solidly into the top four), and the opening day of his campaign saw him raise $6.1 million, more than any other candidate―including Sanders, whose $5.9 million haul received widespread attention.

O’Rourke’s success on the national stage has little to

do with policy. He’s publicly clashed with President Donald Trump on the border, expressing not just opposition to building a border wall, but also support of dismantling current border infrastructure; he also supports combating climate change, a two-state solution in Israel, gun control, and stronger antitrust laws.

However, most coverage of him has centered around his charisma, his success in the Texas Senate race, and his remarkable fundraising abilities.

Part of the reason for this is that his policy substance leaves

something to be desired; it seems that not even O’Rourke knows O’Rourke’s position on healthcare.

O’Rourke’s detractors have pointed out that he lost that Senate race, but it’s remarkable that in a state as red as Texas, which has gone to the Republican presidential candidate in every election for the past three decades, he came within three percentage points of flipping Texas in the Senate. Republicans criticizing O’Rourke for being a charismatic, tall, and lanky congressman whose only claim to fame is losing a high-

profile Senate race should be especially careful; they are—as they’re fond of repeating—the party of Lincoln.

Democratic voters this election cycle are very, very intent on winning―more so than usual. For many voters, any candidate who gets Donald Trump out of the White House is a good candidate.

And if Democrats want to win, O’Rourke, the congressman who nearly flipped Texas and can raise miraculous amounts of money, might be the way to go.

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The Spectator ● April 5,2019

Opinions

By JULIAN GIORDANO

When eight women came forward with allegations of sexual harassment against Democratic Senator Al Franken in December of 2017, Kirsten Gillibrand was the first to call for his resignation. The very next day, after an outpouring of similar calls for his resignation, Senator Franken stepped down.

Gillibrand has a firm and longstanding track record of fighting for victims of sexual assault and promoting gender equity that goes well beyond Franken; she’s been pushing to fight sexual assault in the military. For her, it is ingrained in her family’s legacy of strong women involved in politics, with her grandmother being an influential player in New York State politics and the founder of the Albany Demo-

Kirsten Gillibrand: A Strong Progressive

cratic Women’s Club. A Democratic senator from New York, Gillibrand joined what is now a slew of Democratic candidates for president on January 15 when she announced the launch of her exploratory committee from Stephen Colbert’s “The Late Show”; she officially launched her candidacy on March 17.

Gillibrand grew up in Albany and attended Dartmouth College and then the UCLA Law School, from which she graduated in 1991. After practicing law privately, Gillibrand served as a law clerk in the Second Circuit on the U.S. Court of Appeals before being appointed as the Special Counsel to the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development during the Clinton administration.

Gillibrand became involved

in politics in 1999 and worked on Hillary Clinton’s campaign for Senate. Five years later, she ran for New York’s 20th Congressional District, beating its Republican incumbent.

Later, when Hillary Clinton was appointed to be President Obama’s Secretary of State in 2009, Gillibrand was appointed to fill her seat, where she has remained since.

Though Gillibrand is a longtime Democrat, she has undergone a significant shift from centrist conservative to proactive progressive. At the beginning of her career, she possessed an A-rating from the NRA, opposed amnesty for illegal immigrants, and advocated for English to be the United States’ official language. In the decade since, that A-rating has gone down to an F-rating, and

Gillibrand has emerged as a clear progressive leader on issues such as abortion rights, same-sex marriage, and making Medicare available for all.

Gillibrand commands respect within her party and amongst fellow candidates, but despite having a liberal approach, she has fallen behind her peers with no major endorsements, including none from all 21 of the Democratic New York State Congresspeople. Overshadowed by her Charles Schumer, she doesn’t have much exposure to her state’s Congresspeople, and she has had trouble finding support and wider institutional recognition. She doesn’t even register on the political aggregation site FiveThirtyEight’s endorsement primary, which tracks party insider support of candidates.

Gillibrand isn’t lacking in her positions or policies. She refuses funds from all PACs (Political Action Committees) and checks all the boxes for a progressive Democratic candidate: she favors addressing climate change, is a supporter of increased minimum wage and a working-class America, is an avid advocate for the DREAM Act and immigration, and boasts a 100 percent rating from Planned Parenthood for supporting women’s health and reproductive rights. What Gillibrand is lacking in is individuality in a field of 14 trail-blazing Democrats. Whether or not she can overcome that barrier will be the defining feature of her candidacy.

Pete Buttigieg: A Leader to Represent the Modern Generation

By JENNY HUANG As the first openly gay presidential candidate, Pete Buttigieg would bring a welcoming change to our line of straight presidents.

At 37 years old, Buttigieg would be the youngest president to serve the U.S. But, Buttigieg’s youth isn’t indicative of a lack of political experience. He has been the mayor of South Bend, Indiana since 2012. In fact, Buttigieg has used his young age to distinguish himself and propel his presidential campaign, which promises to represent the modern generation of millennials.

A key component of Buttigieg’s campaign is “intergenerational justice,” which grapples

with how issues like climate change will affect the future generations. Past political discussions tended to avoid addressing climate change because its consequences will not manifest themselves for years to come.

Buttigieg, an older millennial, argues that as a result of previous generations’ irresponsibility in addressing global warming, millennials and future generations will face the brunt of its consequences. Buttigieg’s platform pushes for concrete plans, such as the infamous Green New Deal, to fight climate change as a part of intergenerational justice.

Buttigieg’s identity as a millennial also means that he is well aware of the pressing issues that

threaten millennials. For one, Buttigieg himself was in high school during the Columbine school shooting, and he understands the pervasive terror of mass shootings, which are much more prevalent in today’s generation than in previous ones. He is also a veteran of the war in Afghanistan, and he believes in limiting certain more destructive weapons to the public. Buttigieg’s platform calls for universal background checks of gun-buyers, and they limit gun sales of higher capacity guns.

Other notable plans in Buttigieg’s campaign involve revising tax policies, providing universal health care, eliminating the Electoral College, and expand-

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ing the Supreme Court. Buttigieg has mentioned that he would be open to implementing a financial transactions tax, a tax charged on certain transactions such as speculation in stocks and property. The tax would discourage speculations that tend to benefit rich corporations and destabilize financial markets. Buttigieg also will be open to reconsidering top marginal tax rates, thus implementing higher tax rates on rich Americans. In terms of the Supreme Court, Buttigieg hopes to expand the number of justices to 15: five appointed by the Democratic Party, five by the Republicans, and five unanimously agreed upon by the other 10 justices, drawn from the ap-

pellate level. This would allow a counterbalance of the conservative majority in today’s Supreme Court and prevent a party majority from dominating the Court.

In regard to elections, Buttigieg hopes to replace the Electoral College system with the popular vote. Finally, Buttigieg supports a plan that advocates free Medicare for all, noting that free and public healthcare is attractive to most modern Americans. Overall, Buttigieg’s platform may just win the votes of the new generation with innovative and attractive ideas and solutions for modern millennial issues.

SING! 2019 The Stuyvesant High School Newspaper

Volume 109 No. 13

April 5, 2019

“The Pulse of the Student Body” stuyspectator.com

Table of Contents SophFrosh SING! p. 12 Junior SING! p. 13 Senior SING! p. 14-15 SING! Humor p. 16 SING! Features p. 17 Top Fives p. 18-19 Playlist p. 20 Scoreboard

p. 21

Photo Essay

p. 22

Photos by Sasha Burshteyn, Zoraiz Irshad, Yaru Luo, and Zoe Oppenheimer

Page 12

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Soph-Frosh SING!

By THOMAS CHEN and DARIUS JANKAUSKAS Their name is SING!. SophFrosh SING!.

Coordinated by Liam Kronman and produced by Alec Shafran, Lara Somoroff, Avni Garg, and Ruth Lee, this year’s Soph-Frosh SING! attempted a more political and satirical storyline focused on the theme of espionage, in contrast to previous years’ Soph-Frosh SING!s, which chose more cutesy and wholesome themes such as candy or toys.

The show opens with the Senate Majority Leader (Jonathan Schneiderman) presiding over an environmental conference of a rather barren set of a simple projector and chairs, with chorus members acting as the Senators in their simple white shirts and black bottoms. The Majority Leader manages to slip in a critique of the gridlock of the current Senate (“Senators…

I request to have one minute of silence so my Top Ramen can be cooked”), before being interrupted with the tragic news that the Liberty Bell has been stolen.

Suddenly, music plays and the characters and chorus break into a humorous rendition of “Rumor in St. Petersburg,” as they obsess over the loss of their bell and constantly diss juniors, seniors, and other Stuyvesant affiliations alike with lines such as “The seniors might have stole it / but they’re all cutting class.” Upon receiving the news, immature and dramatic President McMan (Max Kahn) and uptight, Girl Scouthating Secretary of Very Secret Clandestine Services (Katerina Corr) call on two secret agents to trace the bell back to the town of Croissant, France.

These two agents are none other than Agent Montgomery (Maya Angles), an excessively theatrical and decorated yet incompetent CIA agent, and Agent Belle (Mimi Gillies), a much more serious and logical-minded foil to Montgomery who remains under her shadow. Despite the pair’s many differences and amusing

Bells Will Ring For Soph-Frosh SING!

bickering, the crux of SophFrosh SING! revolves around the duo’s eventual friendship and mutual respect for each other.

Along their journey of finding the Liberty Bell, which lies in the hands of bell-fetishizing and internationally wanted thief Sir Arthur Wetherfield (Ian SaintGermain), the colorful and vibrant backdrop of Paris gradually lowers onto the stage, finally giving the audience an appealing visual, as the dynamic duo comes across several characters who aid them on their quest: Montgomery-superfan and romantic interest Agent Marseilles (Stella Oh), CIA lab technician Courtney (Ashley Choi), and… an Australian halal food truck owner residing in Paris (Alexander Lake).

Despite some of these supporting characters having individual quirks and amusing oneliners that made each of them stand out (for example, Agent Marseille telling Sir Wetherfield, “I suspect that you lack feminine attention”), the majority of them simply lacked screen time and relevance to the plot. Many of them, such as the latter two of the aforementioned characters, were only in one scene in the first half of the show, and as such, were unfortunately easy to forget, making us question whether or not they were necessary at all.

Perhaps this was in part due to the more satirical nature of this year’s Soph-Frosh SING!.

Characters such as the Majority Leader, McMan, and Agent Montgomery play some of the most important roles in the U.S. government, yet they are each characterized as incompetent and dumb, whether it’s Montgomery dropping to her knees, admitting defeat at every issue, or McMan declaring that the thief of the Liberty Bell should get his fingers cut off.

One particular running gag throughout the beginning of the show is every character besides Agent Belle being extremely geographically and culturally unaware, such as mistaking French for Sanskrit, or McMan saying, “Japan, isn’t that in, like, what…

France?” Even so, these are some of the most publicly celebrated characters, with Montgomery being adored by all members of chorus and McMan turning his recorded reaction to the loss of the Liberty Bell into an inane and explosive political stunt akin to a Jake Paul vlog.

However, the show seemed to drag these jokes and this commentary on for an excessively long period, resulting in the plot becoming muddled and confusing. They felt somewhat disjointed from the rest of the show, and eventually they simply disappeared as the storyline turned to Agents Montgomery and Belle’s adventures, making it seem as if Soph-Frosh SING! were putting on two completely different shows. While definitely a commendable effort for trying something new, the first third of the show felt slow and lacking in terms of music and dancing, while the ending seemed overloaded with it.

Still, there’s no denying that each actor and actress put their best efforts into embodying their roles. Despite the very wide variety of “bell” puns that ranged from actually creative to cringe-y, the cast was able to truly portray their various characters. Gillies in particular stood out in the role of Agent Belle, the straight man in a cast filled with zany and extra characters, through constantly expressing disapproval and disappointment by the people around her. Even when Montgomery dramatically declares that they have failed and her life is over, in a very expressive performance

by Angles, she manages to show both irritation and fake sympathy.

The script also seemed to have trouble integrating several dance numbers into the storyline creatively. For instance, though mesmerizing with their fluid motions, belly, directed by Tiffany Cai and Roshni Patel, only served to make yet another pun as Wetherfield’s “BELL-y dancers.” Meanwhile, while latin, directed by Emily Chrevinsky, was extremely lively and animated, they did not even play a role in the story, only danc-

ing to the cue of President McMan declaring, “Alexa, put on some French music!” (aka “Taki Taki”), immediately followed by a well-timed Alexa-voiced “Playing French music!” recording from lights and sound.

Despite these shortcomings, many dance crews still managed to impress with their choreographies. Tap, directed by Sunny Bok, played the role of French citizens in Agents Montgomery and Belle’s introduction to Paris (evidently through their stereotypical striped shirts and red scarves), and was entrancing with their synchronized and clear clacking of their shoes, while also adding a unique touch with the incorporation of umbrellas into their dance. Flow, directed by Raymond Zhu, was surprisingly innovative in the role of the security lasers of “Tako” Bell, another awe-striking sight. As the band began playing the electric theme of “Gravity Falls” with an exciting energy that immediately captured the audience’s attention, flow cracked their glow sticks in sync with the song, changing with each new melody the band began playing, providing a mesmerizing sight (up until one of the dancers amusingly hits Agent Belle, causing the alarms to go off.)

Band, directed by Derick Fang and Joshua Kim, was another standout crew, staying consistently energetic and loud throughout the show. Even during awkwardly long transition scenes, in which stage and tech rearranged the set in the dark, band managed to distract the audience’s attention with a number of lively themes from iconic spy and action films such as “Mission Impossible” and “The Incredibles,” and from the cartoon show “Pink Panther.”

Crews like these helped distract from how rushed the ending seemed to be (which can perhaps be explained by how behind schedule the show became with the excessive booing at each diss towards Junior and Senior SING!s). After finding the Liberty Bell among a collection of many other smaller ones, Belle and Montgomery

are captured by Wetherfield, and though Montgomery remains her abrasive, spunky self, Belle finds that Wetherfield understands her more than any other character in the show, as both seek greater things in life. But after the two share a kiss in their romantic duet of “Only Us” (the first song sung since the two were introduced to Paris), Montgomery witnesses it and feels betrayed.

Belle instantly is torn, questioning her decisions and loyalties in a powerful and moving rendition of “Human” that showcases Gillies’s impressive vocals. As modern, directed by Athena Lam and Elizabeth Tang, twirls and dances somberly behind her, the emotion Gillies manages to put behind the touching lyrics was able to get the audience waving their phones’ flashlights in support.

In a humorous finale, Wetherfield throws the Liberty Bell atop Montgomery and invites Belle to escape with him and live a new life together. But Belle realizes that she ultimately holds her loyalty to the CIA and her country, no matter how inept their leadership may be, and in one of the most iconic lines of the show, she knocks Wetherfield out with one of his coveted bells (comedically aided by bell sound effects), stating: “You can’t steal this bell.”

As Montgomery and Belle come to terms with their frustrations with each other in a heated duet of “Moderation,” the two eventually (albeit somewhat hastily) make up, as the show ends with Belle finally getting her minimum wage paycheck from President McMan. Soph-Frosh SING! incorporated an incredible degree of talent in its cast, dance crews, and band, and while these elements were not always put together perfectly, they broached themes more relevant today than those of Junior and Senior SING!s. Far from remaining cutesy and inoffensive, Soph-Frosh SING! created a show willing to challenge the boundaries of what messages a SING! performance can convey.

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 13

Junior SING!

Mwahaha-fia

By MIRANDA LEPRI and SUBYETA CHOWDHURY Junior SING! 2019 did what last year’s juniors couldn’t, nabbing second place with a surprisingly heartwarming take on this year’s theme: Mafia. This year’s Junior SING! was coordinated

by Debi Saha and produced by Lena Farley, Timothy Stansberry, Ahmed Sultan, and Tina Zheng.

It follows undercover detective Jo (Zeynep Bromberg) as she investigates the Alders, a notorious mob family. While the subsequent plotline was relatively cliché (Jo quickly becomes close to the Alders, realizing they’re not the villains she originally thought), it was also pleasantly emotionally grounded. Skilled singing and dancing complemented a message of acceptance and the importance of family above all else.

The curtain rises on a chaotic scene―the Alders are surrounded by police officers as sirens blare in the background. Jo then recites a monologue as a spotlight fixes on her and the stage behind her freezes. Jo’s ample stage presence carried the opening of the show: an impressive feat considering that they were essentially straight exposition.

Jo manages to get a job at the Alders’ pizzeria (introducing herself as a family friend, “Joey Tribbiani’s kid”). She reminds herself of the two most important rules of undercover investigation: don’t get caught, and don’t, under any circumstances, get attached―a not-so-subtle, but effective, foreshadowing of what’s to come. The audience is then introduced to the Alders: a family whose problems aren’t limited to their mob connections. Struggling couple Milo (Alexandra Nobert) and Lola (Victoria Wong) bicker incessantly, the tension between them palpable even from the back of the theater, leaving their children, Axel (Chris Brown) and Cassidy (Angie Chu), caught in the middle.

The introductions are wrapped

up with an upbeat number to the tune of of ABBA’s “Waterloo,” allowing for an energetic first performance by the cast, chorus, and band. The number featured serial mini-solos cementing the introductions of each character, as well as an impressive number of rhymes for “mafia.”

The smooth incorporation of dance crews into the show was notable: junior tap, directed by Elizabeth Doss, surprised the audience when tapper Emily Rubenstein blended the transitional dialogue into the performance, and even sang while she tapped, her clear voice fitting right in with the cast’s.

Even so, the performance was undermined by the lack of turnout for this year’s tap crew. The same was true for step, directed by Matthew Chan, Vincent Zhang, and Wendy Yan, who engaged with the cast as police officers before giving a well-coordinated performance (with thunderous noise).

Step was a part of the opening scene featuring the Alders’s arrest.

Similarly, hip-hop, directed by Sharon Ren and Judy Yang, interacted with different cast members one by one before their routine.

The dance crews themselves offered several standout performances as well. Junior latin, directed by Jessica Lazis, Kristie Chu, and Paul Ramnauth, was particularly impressive. The combination of a near-ideal guy-to-girl ratio, strong lead dancers, and a ton of impressive flips and tricks came together to make a dynamic performance that was complemented by well-designed costumes with skirts that fanned out in perfect ballroom fashion. Also impressive was flow, directed by Corinne Pita, Heiley Tai, and Joanna Zheng, whose performance was near flawless, with basically no drops and a variety of tricks.

As Jo grows closer to the Alders, she begins to understand their problems more. She sees more of Milo and Lola’s marital tension, as well as how it’s affecting Cassidy and Axel. Her suspicion grows as well with many incidents where

the Alders attempt to hide their crimes. For example, Cassidy and Axel draw a body quite conspicuously across the stage, with Jo oblivious to the scene. Jo suggests that the Alders renew their vows, so that she can get them all in one place for a potential raid, but it seems that she’s also becoming invested in the family’s well-being.

While Jo’s connection with the Alders is clearly growing stronger, the show relies, once again, on Milo and Lola’s fighting as the only real issue the family faces.

One of the main flaws of the script was a lack of buildup to a clear climax. Milo and Lola’s marriage is fraught with tensions from the beginning of the show on, but these tensions don’t develop beyond the original bickering, and while Lola and Cassidy’s heartfelt duet, “When He Loved Me,” moved some audience members to tears, the actual interactions between Milo and Lola are barely more intense at what should be the culmination of their conflict than at the beginning. Even at their vow renewal, when the two are supposed to be reaffirming their love for each other, they end up in the same bickering match as in one of the first scenes. The lack of a solid arc in this respect makes the ending that much less believable.

Considering Jo trustworthy, the Alders finally reveal to her their secret of being members of the Mafia. This is probably one of the only instances where the audience really sees the growth of a character. The choice Jo faces, whether to reveal her true identity to the Alders or not, seems to potentially be a deciding moral moment.

As she begins to speak, though, fireworks interrupt her, and Jo is saved once again from facing any kind of fall from moral grace.

The audience never finds out what Jo would have chosen; a police raid orchestrated by Detective Rodney (Bryan Monge Serrano) exposes Jo’s true identity to the family. Once again, the dance crews were well-integrated into the plot as the step mem-

bers, dressed as police officers, handcuffed the family and put them behind the bars. The performance was on theme, a thunderous sound accompanied by little features, ending with finger guns, that carried the roles of the dancers through the number.

It’s while the Alders are in jail that Jo realizes they’ve been wrongfully imprisoned, framed

by Detective Rodney. She records his confession, exonerates the Alders, and essentially all is forgiven.

However, this scene left something to be desired. The shift of all blame onto Detective Rodney meant Jo never had to face the consequences of her actions, never had any moral comeuppance, and so she never completed the standard character arc she seemed to follow earlier on. Though, the funny bit where Rodney constantly repeats his confession and adds “an evil laugh,” as per Jo’s directions, while she records his confession had the audience cracking up. The moment perhaps exemplified the story perfectly: not necessarily developed in a persuasive arc, but thoroughly entertaining.

While the character development left something to be desired, the plethora of comedic characters made for several standout performances. Brown embodied Axel in voice, physicality, and appearance (his tattoo sleeve was noted by many audience members); his constant flirting with Jo made the audience laugh more than once. The show ended with a beautiful performance by the cast and chorus of the song “Somebody to Love” where Jo expresses her regret for deceiving the Alders, and how glad she is to be a part of a family. Milo sings about how in the midst of crime, he often forgot about his home and family. The fighting couple credits Jo for fixing their problems and being able Equally amusing was grumpy janitor Archibald (Theo Haegele). Haegele’s unenthusiastic attitude made the character more appealing, and the part where he slow dances with his broom

makes the broom one of the most iconic props of the show.

Despite these moments of laughter, there were many dramatic moments that kept the audience at the edge of their seats.

Every single time Milo and Lola fought there was palpable tension, but Nobert and Wong’s chemistry moved the audience near tears more than once. The internal conflicts the characters faced at different moments throughout the show were surprisingly relatable, the show grounded in emotional truth despite what could have been a superficially executed theme.

The vocals overall were very strong in this year’s Junior SING!―perfectly complemented by backup vocals from the chorus. One commendable performance is when Milo and Lola sing their true emotions to the tune of “Lovely” by Billie Eilish and Khalid. While they perform this duet, the audience is introduced to a more raw side of their relationship. The song, accompanied by a heartfelt performance by modern, directed by Lianna Huang and Loula Kostas, exposed the real affection between the warring couple. At one point, a dancer walked Lola into the dance scene, engulfing her in a sea of emotions and once again proving the clever and smoothincorporation of Junior SING!’s dance teams into highlight scenes.

The show ended with a beautiful performance by the cast and chorus of the song “Somebody to Love” where Jo expresses her regret for deceiving the Alders, and how glad she is to be a part of a family. Milo sings about how in the midst of crime, he often forgot about his home and family. The fighting couple credits Jo for fixing their problems and being able to build a new life. Appropriately, the most important idea in the Mafia-themed show was family, and regardless of any controversy, it can be agreed that Junior SING! was able to capture an emotional authenticity that really hit home.

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The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Senior SING! Top Fives

Nobody Expects the

By SUNAN TAJWAR, JACQUELINE THOM, and ABDULLA ELKHADRAWY It was their last chance to leave a legacy through the platform that SING! provided, and the seniors did not disappoint. Familiar theater names like Adam Elsayed and Box Wu took to the stage, accompanied by an arsenal of talent from the class of 2019 that would be sure to impress any Renaissance man or woman.

Coordinated by Ruby Gary and produced by Julia Arancio, Marion Cassidy, Eli Economou, and Il Kyu Lee, Senior SING! brings us to Florence, the artistic capital of the world. The time period was after Galileo had just shaken the Roman Catholic world with his claims that the Earth revolved around the Sun, and not the other way around.

The first act begins somberly in a dark church, where only a rickety-looking confession booth is visible. In it, young nun Maria (Xinyue Nam) confesses that she believes in the teachings of Galileo and that she genuinely enjoyed watching SophFrosh SING!. Inquisitor Mueller (William Lohier), a devilish, red-robed priest, scoffs and absolves the first sin. Maria’s lover, Filippo (Adam Elsayed), has his turn in the confession box and quickly begs for forgiveness before rushing away, clutching Maria’s hand.

They arrive in Florence, Italy, and are in awe of the city’s liveliness. Inquisitor Mueller realizes that Maria and Filippo have run away from the church looking for a new life and goes in search for them. This begins the developing conflict throughout the show; Inquisitor Mueller is the rubberband character who constantly attempts to restrict Maria’s quest for knowledge. Inquisitor Mueller, though merely a supporting char-

acter, is an attention-grabber with his bright red cape and fashionable scooter. Though he is so hilarious and dramatic that Mueller grabs most of the attention away from the titular characters, every appearance the Inquisitor makes with his fashionable scooter and spray bottle full of holy water has a purpose.

Other characters like Horatio (Albert Zhang), Tina Medici (Meredith Silfen), Da Vinci (Kathryn Jano), and Galileo (Box Wu) are not as well-written as Mueller, however. Horatio helped open up the show and proved to be a fun, self-obsessed frontman of the Golden Ratios. Like Mueller, his appearances were very much anticipated and always brought smiles to our faces, but he served little purpose besides playing the comedic background role and acting as the show’s gatekeeper in the beginning. Horatio’s ex-girlfriend who he kept trying to woo back, Tina Medici, and Filippo’s role model, Da Vinci, both blurred together. They were both too similar, unfunny, and ultimately did not add anything to the story, though Da Vinci did seem to drive Filippo’s fears of failure.

Da Vinci’s dismissal of Filippo’s romantic work of art proved to be a strategically placed early turning point in the story that provided a basis for the inner demons portrayed in Elsayed’s character.

Elsayed fulfilled the role of an internally divided young artist, and used the circumstances and setting very well to portray his lack of mental stability. His conflicted character helped him stand out from an array of polarizing characters throughout the show, which made his vocal and individual performances even more memorable.

In a show that was centered on the church versus the Renaissance, Elsayed stood out while stuck in the crossfires of his beloved Maria

and loyalty to the church.

Despite the severity of Filippo’s situation, it’s extremely downplayed by the cheerful demeanors of the forthcoming dancers and their songs. Audience members got their first taste of Senior SING!’s dance talent. The tap crew emerged onstage; it was well made up as Da Vinci’s mechanical figures, dancing to the recognizable “Another Day of Sun” from “La La Land,” and the dancers’ metal-lined shoes and robotic movements proved extremely convincing.

Da Vinci shows off his latest painting, “The Last Supper,” also known as the “Pre-Crucifixion Munchies.” Here, the hip hop team emerged dressed as the figures of “The Last Supper.” Though their routine was not very complex nor uniform, the dancers all moved powerfully and with purpose.

It’s also become obvious that the seniors had a very good costumes department. Though not very adherent to the time period, all the characters in the show wore beautifully bright and very comfortable-looking outfits that, though were a bit distracting, made each cast member and crew stand out. Hip hop was convincingly dressed as Jesus’ disciples, and the contemp crew, which accompanied Nam’s rendition of “Young and Beautiful,” was literally the constellations she was singing about, adorned with blue lights.

Nam’s take on Lana Del Rey’s “Young and Beautiful” is as chilling—if not more than—as the original. The audience gets the strongest sense of Nam’s talent as the title character when Maria walks among the contemporary dancers. Though the lyrics were meant to be happy, Nam’s singing was haunting and soulful. And if her vocal talents weren’t enough, Nam’s minor stunt in which she

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 15

Senior TopSING! Fives

Spanish Inquisition seemed to hang in the air forever put an exclamation point on the versatility of her performance.

Maria’s significance as a character is centered around her search for her idol Galileo and her love affair with the city of Florence. As the messenger for the class of 2019, she perfectly portrays the image of the new generation thinker, one who doesn’t fit the stereotypical sense of a great scientist or artist of the time even.

Maria isn’t an eccentric or outof-the-world personality; she’s a humble nun with a beautiful mind.

She is one who wants to be a trailblazer, but she also has worldly desires like getting married to Filippo. There is a certain degree of respect for the characters surrounding Maria that in turn elevates her own. Maria’s character revolves around the strong comedic, demonic, and iconic personalities throughout the show, but it is to Nam and the scriptwriters’ credit that Maria remains the center of the show, acting as a sponge and highlighter.

Elsayed, though not playing an equally as well-written character, does well as Filippo, who acts as the second half of a one-two combination. The dynamic of their romantic relationship serves as a hidden platform for the underlying discussion of traditional gender roles in the show. It is Maria as the female lead who acts as the source of ambition and initiative in the plot, while Filippo struggles to keep up with his partner’s sense of optimistic hope and belief in the city of Florence. Maria also has to assume the leadership role and convince an insecure Filippo that they made the right decision when they ran away from the church. This dynamic was summed up in the gondola scene to the Medici festival. Maria’s total immersion into the city of Florence is complete and culminates in a spine-chilling performance of

“Shallow,” while Filippo can barely utter out enough words to express his discontent. And the cherry on top had to be when Maria corrected her idol and rower Galileo. The first interaction between Maria and Galileo put into perspective the nature of Maria’s talent and the beginnings of a shifting of the guard in the Renaissance.

In his second confrontation with the Inquisitor, who is better disguised than the CIA in a bright red cloak and hat, Filippo reveals that since arriving in Florence, he had been experiencing bad dreams. They weren’t of Mike Wazowski in tights, or even of Mr. Wisotsky in tights, but rather of demons, which take form as the Inquisitor unleashes a hallucination of them as partial punishment for Filippo’s abandonment of the church. Belly’s portrayal as demons, with simple outfits and an alluring veil and snake choreography, displayed the clever incorporation of dance crews into the show.

At the same time, the senior band showed their ability—and not just with the belly music.

Throughout the show, it managed to keep up with the whirlwind of songs and dancing taking place.

Most notably, Sean Takada was as expressive on his violin as Nam and Elsayed were on stage, adding another layer to the seniors’ dramatic creation.

With a simple inquiry of his state of mind, Filippo voices his hesitation to the Inquisitor. His hesitation to leave his church and Da Vinci’s dismissal of Filippo’s efforts to follow his dreams all but convinced Filippo that he had made the wrong choice to run away. Having played the pitiful Filippo like a fiddle, the mysterious figure revealed himself to be none other than the Inquisitor— no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. The Inquisitor’s ability to thrive in the role of a villain in the

show was on full display here; we see the maniacal and persuasive nature Lohier was able to capture throughout the show.

The rise and equal treatment for female figures in science and art began to rise as a theme within the show and was slowly but surely built up to, but its place in Galileo’s arrest scene was rushed. Galileo’s sacrifice of himself was quite out of character, despite having met Maria only a gondola ride ago.

Rather than placing emphasis on having a female successor to the throne, more attention also went toward Galileo’s sacrifice of himself. Mood shifts occurred as we transition to next year’s science festival. The audience notices that Maria has completely replaced Galileo and attempts to fulfill his legacy with her ideas.

One year later, Maria enters the same confession box she did at the beginning of the play, but this time, she is seemingly more confident and mature. Maria confesses her continued unwilling feelings for Filippo and how she feels lost without him. As the listening priest forgives her sin, the audience notices that this anonymous man is, in fact, Filippo, who is remorseful and still longs for Maria. Filippo ended the show as confused and desperate for approval as before, whether it be from Maria, the Inquisitor, or Da Vinci; this is not surprisingly, as he acted this way throughout the majority of the show.

The ending was somewhat surprising and anti-climactic because of the love story between Filippo and Maria, which was abruptly ended with a quick scene.

But Senior SING! left us with the lasting thought that in the midst of controversy, self-doubt, and a shifting of the guards, a young woman who had taken over the show had risen to Florentine prominence.

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The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

SING! Humor These articles are works of fiction. All quotes are libel and slander.

SING! Reviews Senior SING!

Soph-Frosh SING!

Failure in Florence

By ABDULLA ELKHADRAWY

Every year members of the audience wait to see if this will be another year when Senior SING! wins because of the senior judge bias. Everyone had patiently waited to attack the script, choreography, and acting. But most were pleasantly surprised with the aesthetics of the performance. The costumes and sets were the only ones out of all three performances that didn’t look like my four-year-old brother had designed them.

Xinyue Nam’s daring stunt left many parents in the audience jumping off their seats. When asked about her stunt, she replied, “Senior SING! wanted to be different, so they asked me to perform the stunt. I was down for it at first because it would be one of the ways to cure my post-SING! depression, but then I got a bit scared because I don’t really trust any of the seniors.” She later whispered, “They’re all snakes.”

Senior SING! used that one-year maturity gap over the other years to squeeze in sexual innuendos every second of the play. With lines like “Play me like a Fiddle, Horatio,” it makes me wonder whether or not the faculty had actually read their script. Fortunately, the band was playing so loudly (and quite magnificently) that I couldn’t hear anything the actors were saying. Bless my virgin ears from their innuendos.

Junior SING!

Trou-bell in Paradise

By YARU LUO

You Wanna Pizza Me?

By OLIVER STEWART

Overall, it’s fair to say that Junior SING! was a time. After starting off with a performance that could accurately be described as the unfortunate lovechild of an exploding train and “The Emoji Movie,” the Mafia-themed extravaganza underwent a Walter White-style redemption arc that peaked the next performance in a dramatic turnaround from the Wednesday show that Mr. Polazzo had described as “utterly [redacted].”

While some of the songs, namely the second-tier ABBA song in the beginning, were fine, in general the show felt as if the whole plot could have been replaced with a session or two of marriage counseling and we would have ended up in the same place. In addition, there were so many tropes that it had the vibe of an early 2000s soap opera, though Junior SING! clearly had a far lower budget than “The Bold and the Beautiful.”

Ultimately, I doubt anyone would be surprised if it emerged that Junior SING! had been plagiarized from an ill-fated, cancelled crossover episode of the Dr. Phil Show and popular flash game Papa’s Pizzeria. Who knew that so many cliches could fit into one pizza place?

It’s said that puns are the lowest form of humor, and SophFrosh SING! really blew us all away with a bell-ion bell puns.

When asked about the inspiration behind the theme of espionage, Liam Kronman replied that Debi Saha had told him the juniors’ theme and asked Soph-Frosh not to copy it, like how you ask your friends not to copy your homework word for word.

Espionage. Does that ring a bell? However, the stories indeed went in separate directions. More specifically, the sophfrosh story just didn’t go anywhere. Period. “Bells. Add more bells. I bet the juniors didn’t think of that.” Who can blame them? Stuyvesant students don’t read, so I suppose their limited vocabulary was expected.

As for the cast, Jonathan Schneiderman did an excellent job of playing himself. And after critics of the SHSAT called the performance racist and unfair, the cast was replaced with one that reflected the racial disparities in the real world, with the only Asians being a dense French girl and a scientist with two lines, in a school of 3000 Asians. But I’ll give it to them for including a female scientist (ring another bell?) and a rapping French Asian to displace the minority injustices. Kronman replied to allegations of racial inequality by saying, “I don’t see color. Everything is gray to me.”

No one really knows how the performance ended, since no one was able to hear anything after the fax scene when the lights and sound crew took one for the team and deafened everyone so that the judges wouldn’t hear the Mo Bamba spirit song. Yes, a meme song mocking the white demographic was used for the spirit song. So, I guess we all dodged a bullet there.

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

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SING!Top Features Fives

Behind the Scenes of SING! Part 3: The Final Week

By GLORIA CHOI and AMANDA YAGERMAN

The final week of SING! is a storm of adrenaline and anxiety as Soph-Frosh, Junior, and Senior SING! productions finally come together. Months of preparation amount to an hour onstage for three nights. Everyone wants to be the best, and the efforts of the participants—from crew members to coordinators—prove these students’ dedication to their craft.

Coordinators, producers, and directors often work well into the night, communicating by video call, to ensure that their performances will be flawless on the night of the show. They are constantly working on ways to

improve the performances, even cutting things from the script the day before the show.

Soph-Frosh SING! Producer Avni Garg knows firsthand that SING! week can be a major source of stress. It takes composure to navigate this final week, during which all the show’s components—including the band, lights and sound crew, cast, and seemingly countless dance crews—must be incorporated as seamlessly as possible. “Throughout the journey, we’ve seen all the parts that go into making a show,” Garg said. “But when you add them together, that’s when you start to cut and add things that could change the logistics of the play.”

Junior SING! Coordinator

Debasree Saha admits that “at one point, SING! does take precedence over schoolwork, but it’s something I enjoy doing and it’s only six weeks long, so I’m able to dedicate my time to it,” Saha said. Despite the academic burden, Saha maintains that the hardest part of the final week is smoothing out the run-throughs, especially with last-minute script changes. The Junior SING! script was altered in the days leading up to the show, but according to Saha, this is par for the course.

She explained, “A SING! script is never stagnant. It’s always going through edits. It’s like a living, breathing thing.”

Soph-Frosh SING! Coordinator Liam Kronman has also described the final week as the most

stressful. With practices ending at 7:30 p.m., sometimes followed by meetings with directors and writers, Kronman explained that it was an extremely demanding week. For him, schoolwork was hard to stay on top of, with endless tests, homework assignments, and projects. Nonetheless, he had made sure to do so as “academics are just as important, if not more important, than extracurriculars like SING!,” he said. Kronman looks forward to catching up with schoolwork after SING! is over.

Even producers have their fair share of stress in the weeks leading up to the shows. Junior SING! Producer Tina Zheng has learned to juggle both schoolwork and SING!. Throughout the day, whether on the train or

during lunch, Zheng does small homework assignments so that, when she gets home, she will not have much work left to do.

The final week of SING! will undoubtedly be a busy one for those involved, but it is incredibly rewarding to see their artistic visions and hard work come to life on stage. Members of SING! leave this week—and the last six weeks as a whole—full of pride and team spirit. “Collaboration is the best part of SING!,” Saha said. “It’s how people make friends, and I think that’s the sense of community that SING! forms. It’s one of the best parts of the show and it’s the reason why I, and so many others, continue to do it.”

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The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Top Fives BEST MAIN ACTING PERFORMANCES

1. Maria (Xinyue Nam, seniors) Nam beautifully plays an intelligent and hopeful female astronomer, truly casting herself as the heart of the play. Through her enchanting voice, as well as her curious demeanor and commendable talent—both which impassioned her spirited acting—Nam captures all of our attention. Ultimately conveying a nuanced image of hard work, nonconformity, and femininity, Nam portrays a message that stays as empowering today as it was in the Renaissance.

2. Jo (Zeynep Bromberg, juniors) Junior SING! had the audience involved in every inner monologue, and a large part of that is due to Bromberg’s overwhelming charisma and captivating charm. Playing a cop who tries to catch her big break by working

in a pizzeria owned by a family in the Mafia, Bromberg falls in love with the family, and the audience falls in love with their story.

3. Filippo (Adam Elsayed, seniors) Elsayed manages to demonstrate a huge spectrum of emotions in his role as Filippo. Going from the hopeful and enamored artist to a confused man unsure of his future to a regretful priest, Elsayed’s raw and powerful tones let us sympathize with him, despite his mistakes and decisions.

4. Agent Belle (Mimi Gillies, soph-frosh) Gillies executes a hardworking but overlooked agent—one who develops her character from sidekick to hero. Her height is adorably utilized to amplify her inno-

cence in a memorable scene when the physical education teachers carry her away, despite her kicks and struggling. But through her powerful vocals and display of emotions, she is also able to reveal a more touching side, as she becomes disillusioned with her role.

5. Milo Alder (Alex Nobert, juniors) Skillfully playing a pizzeria owner, father of two, and secret member of the Mafia, Nobert depicts the struggles of her character’s double life and the toughness of being a dad who tries to protect his family from the dangers of the Mafia. Cross-gender acting is a hard duality to pull off, and Nobert does not fail to impress.

Honorable Mention: Lola Alder (Victoria Wong, juniors)

BEST MOMENTS

1. The Gondola Sequence (seniors) The duet between Maria (Xinyue Nam) and Filippo (Adam Elsayed) was the definitive highlight of this year’s SING! performances. From the dance duet of Ryan Kim and Olivia He to the gradual rising of blue balloons with lights to depict the stars in the sky to the building intensity of Nam and Elsayed’s vocals, this was the scene that would stay in the audience members’ minds.

2. The Final Confession (seniors) Wrapping up the story of Maria (Xinyue Nam) and Filippo (Adam Elsayed), Maria confesses that she is sorry for trying to force Filippo into a life he didn’t want and forgives him to none other than Filippo himself. As Filippo absolves her from her sins, the audience watched in suspense as they waited either for Maria to recognize him or for Filippo to say something. But as Maria leaves the confessional, the sudden ending of their love story

came as an unexpected, yet welcome surprise for many, as Maria chooses to further her career over a man.

3. “You’re probably wondering how I got here,” (juniors) When the curtains opened up on Junior SING!’s performance, audiences were greeted by sirens and blaring and chaotic yelling, police offers crowding around the Alder family. With an obligatory record scratch, the frame of all the characters comedically freezes as Jo (Zeynep Bromberg) walks up to us and says this iconic line.

4. The Fireworks (juniors) We watched with bated breath as Milo (Alex Nobert) put on a heartwarming firework display for Lola (Victoria Wong). With the simple light change shifting to an impressive display by the flow crew, Milo’s romantic gesture was one of the most effortless, yet sweetest moments of Junior SING!.

5. Maria’s Quick Change

(seniors) As Tina Medici (Meredith Silfen) performs a rendition of “Rumor Has It” with her Gal Pals (Beaux Watwood, Gabriella Umanova, and Jessica Gruboy) behind her, a wall of vibrantly colored umbrellas crowds around the center of the stage. In a remarkably short period of time, the umbrellas close to reveal a newly dressed Maria (Xinyue Nam) in an elegant blue dress, much to the audience’s awe.

Honorable Mentions: Tearing Down the Pizzeria (juniors) — Juniors aspire to be Marie Kondo and “declutter” (or tear apart) their entire set in a matter of seconds.

“You can’t steal this bell,” (soph-frosh) — Little girl (Mimi Gillies) takes out bell-fetishizing kidnapper (Ian Saint-Germain) in one of the most iconic scenes from SING!.

Keep it a Secret (juniors) — If you know, you know.

BEST NON-PERFORMING CREWS 1. Senior Art 2. Senior Tech 4. Soph-Frosh Lights & Sound

3. Senior Lights & Sound 5. Junior Stage

BEST BAND PERFORMANCES

1. “Gravity Falls” Theme, 2. “Another Day of Sun”, 3. Someone in the Crowd, Soph-Frosh Seniors Soph-Frosh 4. Swan Lake Waltz, Seniors 5. Toxic, Seniors Honorable Mentions: “Mission Impossible,” “Pink Panther,”, and “The Incredibles” Themes, Soph-Frosh “Wii Sports” Theme, Juniors “Pokémon” Theme, Seniors

BEST DISSES “I haven’t had a thrill like that since Soph-Frosh beat Junior SING! last year!” — Milo (Alex Nobert, juniors) Horatio (Albert Zhang) offers Tina Medici (Meredith Silfen) bells as gifts, but is rejected. (seniors) “Oh my god. Are you spying on me? No one likes espionage, Rodney.” — Jo (Zeynep Bromberg, juniors) “I even got over the fact that you made me go to the Soph-Frosh Snowball.” — Lola (Victoria Wong, juniors) “Now, I’m in very mediocre

a Taco Bell castle drinking Coke, surrounded by very, very, Renaissance art.”

— Agent Belle (Mimi Gillies, soph-frosh)

BEST COSTUMES, MAK 1. The Vitruvian Man (Freddy Minzberg & Mandy Chan, seniors)

2. Senior SING! Modern

3. Senior

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Top Fives BEST SUPPORTING ACTING PERFORMANCES

1. Horatio (Albert Zhang, seniors) In his SING! debut, Zhang plays the role of the leader of the band, the Golden Ratios. Despite his best bro persona toward Maria (Xinyue Nam) and Filippo (Adam Elsayed) and his constant poking fun of Inquisitor Mueller (William Lohier), perhaps the most entertaining aspect to him is his puppy-eyed love for Tina Medici (Meredith Silfen), which Zhang plays to the fullest.

2. Axel Alder (Chris Brown, juniors) Sleazy and flirtatious, Brown’s portrayal of Axel Alder is undoubtedly entertaining. Whether he is hitting on girls or bickering with his family members, Brown’s ability to transform himself into

a huge, yet somewhat likeable douchebag is something worth commending.

3. Inquisitor Mueller (William Lohier, seniors) Riding a Razor scooter and carrying around a spray bottle of Jesus Juice, Lohier plays the Renaissance version of those guys who stop you in Times Square to tell you that you’re going to go to hell unless you acquit your sins.

Thanks to his outrageously comical role as the villain of science, we may now never forget the image of Mr. Wisotsky…in tights.

4. Archibald (Theo Haegele, juniors) Providing scrooge-esque remarks in his booming voice and carrying around his bedazzled

broom, Theo Haegele is the perfect comedic relief to Junior SING!. Despite lacking many lines, Haegele manages to make each one pop, with the audience laughing at each one of them.

5. Senate Majority Leader (Jonathan Schneiderman, soph-frosh) Schneiderman’s portrayal of a passionate, yet extremely incompetent Senate leader is scarily reminiscent of our government today. Though his role is meant only for comedic relief, his character provides a view into what America’s future will look like.

Honorable Mentions: Tina Medici, (Meredith Silfen, seniors), Agent Marseille, (Stella Oh, sophfrosh)

BEST DANCE PERFORMANCES

1. Contemp (seniors) Draped in glowing lights, the modern crew proved that stars could truly be born. While the group made impressive spins and emotional gestures, perhaps the highlight of the dance was Maria’s (Xinyue Nam’s) gravitydefying stunt of being thrown and twirled in the air, leaving the audience gasping in shock and admiration.

2. Swing (seniors) The swing crew was one of the most exciting dance crews to watch. Never dropping their smiles, their energy was infectious, even through their daunting lifts and stunts. Topping off

their performance through their recreation of the painting of “The Creation of Adam,” the crew finalized Senior SING! with a breathtaking ending.

3. Hip-hop (seniors) Creatively integrated, hip-hop gave an interesting take of “The Last Supper.” Making good use of the large stage, the talented group grew in numbers and complexity as its performance continued and expressed the reflectory, grief, and denotation behind the Renaissance masterpiece.

4. Step (juniors) With charismatic unison and a loud, unforgettably savage chant

(“Hit or miss, we steppers never miss, huh?”), step’s eye-catching rippling effects and beautifully planned formations set them apart from other crews, garnering the audience’s enthusiasm as well.

5. Tap (soph-frosh) Portraying happy-go-lucky French citizens, tap was a refreshing sight to see. The clacking of their shoes, combined with the cutesy dance moves and usage of umbrellas in their performance, made them stand out.

Honorable Mentions: Flipflop (seniors), Tap (seniors)

BEST VOCAL PERFORMANCES

1. “Shallow” (Xinyue Nam and Adam Elsayed, seniors) Nam’s and Elsayed’s showstopping performance was truly reminiscent of that of Lady Gaga’s and Bradley Cooper’s collaboration in “A Star is Born,” the two belting out a powerful, slowburning ballad about their futures.

Nam especially demonstrated expressive and great control of her voice, as the song builds up to a dramatic, guttural climax that had the audience waving their phones’ flashlights in empathy.

2. “When She Loved Me” (Victoria Wong and Angie Chu, juniors) Wong’s and Chu’s rich and mellow vocals resonated across the theatre, touching our hearts with familial love. As the characters (along with Axel (Chris Brown)) confront their prob-

lems in this quiet, yet sweet duet, the audience is reminded of the heartwarming connection between mother and daughter.

3. “Lovely” (Victoria Wong and Alex Nobert, juniors) This rendition of Billie Eilish’s and Khalid’s soulful duet brought the audience into an intimate moment where Wong’s and Nobert’s characters reconcile their issues. As the two spotlights merge into one, the song ends in a dramatic resolution: the characters revive their old and unconditional love, putting family ahead of their careers. Wong’s angelic tones juxtaposed with Nobert’s dynamic and raw voice, creating an effortless harmony that could only have been described as “lovely.”

4. “Take Me to Church”

(Adam Elsayed, seniors) Elsayed’s raw and powerful vocals gradually crescendoed in his heart-wrenching solo, during when his character apologizes for exposing Maria (Xinyue Nam).

His emotions run true as he sang the dynamic lyrics, the pain in his voice clear and evident to any listener.

5. “Human” (Mimi Gillies, soph-frosh) As Gillies’s character’s dilemma (whether to prioritize her duty as a CIA agent or her duty to herself) grows evident through the passion and sentimentality in her voice, it became clear that her beautiful and touching solo was the true climax of Soph-Frosh SING!.

Honorable Mentions: “Rehab” (Zeynep Bromberg, juniors)

BEST JOKES

1. “We can use the Dear Incoming 2020 Group?” — Axel (Chris Brown, juniors) “Wouldn’t want to risk being a conversation starter…” — Cassidy (Angie Chu, juniors) 2. “Play

me

like

a

fiddle,

Horatio!”

—

Salmonella

(Beaux

Watwood,

seniors)

3. “Oh my god! He can’t hear us; he has AirPods on!” — Cassidy (Angie Chu, juniors) 4. “It’s that

not my fault! don’t spark

You’re joy.”

supposed to — Milo

get (Alex

rid of Nobert,

things juniors)

5. “The real prison is the shackles of capitalism itself !” — Archibald (Theo Haegele, juniors)

EUP, & HAIRSTYLING SING! Tap

4. Senior SING! Flip-flop

5. Axel’s tattoos/hair (Chris Brown, juniors)

Page 20

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

SING! Playlist Singing Spies, Syndicates, and Scientists

By THE ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT DEPARTMENT

If you missed the CIA’s antics in Paris, the mafia’s misdeeds in their Italian pizzeria, or Maria and Filippo’s struggles and victories in Florence, you’re in luck! Here are all the songs from this year’s Soph-Frosh, Junior, and Senior SING!s.

“A Rumor in St. Petersburg” The Official Broadway Cast of “Anastasia” Musical Theater “Taki Taki” DJ Snake Dance/Electronic “Ice Ice Baby” Vanilla Ice Hip-hop/Rap “Theme of Mission Impossible” Lalo Schifrin Instrumental “Someone in the Crowd” Cast of “La La Land” Jazz “The Pink Panther Theme” Henry Mancini Jazz “Gravity Falls Theme” (Instrumental Rock Cover) Brad Breeck Instrumental Rock “The Incredibles” Theme Michael Giacchino Theme Music Only Us The Official Broadway Cast of “Dear Evan Hansen” Musical Theater

SENIOR

JUNIOR

SOPH-FROSH “Human” Christina Perri Pop

“Mamma Mia” ABBA Pop

““Gangsta” Kehlani R&B/Soul

“Go Legend” Big Sean Hip-hop/Rap

“Waterloo” ABBA Pop

“Genius” SIA Pop

“Moderation” Florence and The Machine Alternative/Indie

“Anything Goes” The Official Broadway Cast of “Anything Goes” Musical Theater

“Somebody to Love” Queen Rock

“Overture/Work Song” The Official Broadway Cast of “Les Miserables” Musical Theater “Mo Bamba” Sheck Wes Hip-hop/Rap “Maēzinha” MC Neguinho do Kaxeta World “That’s What I Like” Bruno Mars Contemporary R&B “Needed Me” Rihanna Pop “Milkshake” Kelis Dance

“Safari” J Balvin Pop “When She Loved Me” Sarah McLachlan Children’s Music “Rehab” Amy Winehouse Alternative “Lovely” Billie Eilish (ft. Khalid) Alternative/Indie “You Are The Reason” Calum Scott Pop “Echame La Culpa” Luis Fonsi Pop “In the Name of Love” Martin Garrix Pop “Love on the Brain” Rihanna Pop

“I Want It That Way” Backstreet Boys Pop “High Heels” Jojo Pop “Amor” Kamelia Pop “Wii Sports” Song Kazumi Totaka Lounge “The Godfather Waltz” Nino Rota Film Music “Wedding March” Felix Mendelssohn Classical “Fortnite” Theme Pinar Toprak Electronic “Mia Khalifa” iLOVEFriday Hip-hop/Rap

“Vuelie” Frode Fjellheim, Christophe Beck (ft. Cantus) Folk “Don’t Stop Me Now” Queen Classical Rock “Another Day of Sun” Cast of “La La Land” Jazz “Lucid Dreams” JuiceWrld Hip-hop/Rap “Look Back At It” A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie Hip-hop/Rap “7 Rings” Ariana Grande Pop “Young and Beautiful” Lana del Rey Jazz “Lean On” Major Lazer and DJ Snake Dance/Electronic “Rumor Has It” Adele Pop “Arabia” Hanine Instrumental “Buttons” The Pussycat Dolls Pop

“Toxic” Britney Spears Pop “That’s Amore” Dean Martin Pop “We Will Rock You” Queen Classic Rock “Swan Lake Waltz” Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky Classical Ballet “Moves Like Jagger” Maroon 5 Pop “Carmina Burana” Carl Orff Classical “Shallow” Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper Country “Mary, Did You Know” Mark Lowry Holiday “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?”

The Official Broadway Cast of “The Sound of Music” Musical Theater “You Can’t Stop the Beat” The Official Broadway Cast of “Hairspray” Musical Theater “Low” T-Pain Hip-hop/Rap

The Spectator â—? April 5, 2019

SING! Scoreboard

OVERALL:

SophFrosh Overall Impression 198 Script 95 Acting 104 Dance 87 Band/Orchestra 103 Vocal/Musical Elements 89 Set 86 Technical Aspects 72 Costumes 84 Deductions -25 Total 893

FRIDAY Overall Impression Script Acting Dance Band/Orchestra Vocal/Musical Elements Set Technical Aspects Costumes Total

SophFrosh 100 46 51 40 51 45 40 31 38 442

Junior 202 99 108 99 105 125 98 79 88 -18 985

Senior 238 104 116 106 126 122 119 90 113 -22 1112

Junior 116 56 58 54 56 64 55 47 46 552

Senior 108 48 52 49 63 61 55 44 50 530

SATURDAY Overall Impression Script Acting Dance Band/Orchestra Vocal/Musical Elements Set Technical Aspects Costumes Total

Page 21

SophFrosh 98 49 53 47 52 44 46 41 46 476

Junior 86 43 50 45 49 61 43 32 42 451

Senior 130 56 64 57 63 61 64 46 63 604

Page 22

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Photo Essay Top Fives

LIGHTS

a PHOTO ESSAY by ZOE OPPENHEIMER, SASHA BURSHTEYN MATT MELUCCI, JIAHE WANG, COCO FANG, and CHRISTINE YAN

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 23

Arts and Entertainment Television

By EMMA LINDERMAN

From “The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour” (1971-1974) to “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again,” (2018) singer-actress Cher has proven to be a positively unstoppable force. Now 72 years old, Cher is no stranger to flashy outfits, tabloid rumors, and, most recently, the wonders of Twitter communication. Though Cher was born into relative poverty and family dysfunction, she quickly paved her own career path, working her way up from a mere backup singer to TV star and pop icon.

Given her action-packed career spanning over five decades, any summarization of Cher’s life is bound to be extravagant, and the latest is no exception. Recently, the Grammy and Oscarwinning “Goddess of Pop” has had her story told in “The Cher Show,” a sequin-heavy Broadway musical that opened in December 2018.

The show’s flamboyant opening sets the tone for the rest of the performance: celebrated Broadway actress Stephanie J. Block (Wicked, Little Miss Sunshine) rises from a trapdoor in the stage’s floor, clad in a tiny, blindingly shiny, black leotard. Playing Cher at the most current stage of her life, Block does not carry the show alone: she is part of a trio of actresses who each represent different phases of Cher’s career. Block is referred to as Star, the shy teen version of Cher. Micaela Diamond makes her professional debut as Babe, and Teal Wick (Wicked, Finding Neverland) plays Lady, representative of the sassy Cher of the ‘60s and ‘70s.

While all three title actresses deliver praise-worthy performances (a feat, considering what it takes to pull off a spot-on Cher impersonation), Block, above all, is a perfect

Food

The Cher Show: Something You Have To See To Believe

embodiment of the eccentric icon. Clad in one leotard after another, not to mention a buoyant curly wig and likely a ton of makeup, Block’s theater experience shines through in a performance that, without knowing any better, audiences would be sure to mistake for Cher herself. In a perfect imitation of Cher’s low and sultry voice, Block sets the stage with “If I Could Turn Back Time,” and segues the story perfectly to Babe, the youngest of Cher’s incarnations. With a powerful singing voice, 19-year-old Diamond guides the audience through Cher’s (then Cherilyn Sarkisian) childhood, which includes her name change to Cher and marriage to Sonny Bono (played with impressive accuracy by Jarrod Spector).

While it’s not a common theatrical device, the choice to cast three performers to play one person has been seen before, but with far less positive reception. In this past season, “Summer: The Donna Summer Musical” (2017-2018) employed the same strategy, but met little success. Critics called the “Summer” triplicate unnecessary, accusing it of contributing to the show’s lack of energy. What makes “The Cher Show” a cut above, however, is that the three Chers frequently appear and interact with each other onstage.

A memorable interaction among the Chers occurs when marking the rise of “The Sonny & Cher Show” (1971-1974), a comedy hour starring the

then-folk duo Cher and Sonny Bono. Diamond plays off of Cher’s self-proclaimed shyness, and utters her attempt at a joke: “I’m a Taurus.” At this moment Wick, as Lady, an-

iconic and heavily ‘70s-influenced outfits. Mackie’s work is most memorably showcased near the end of the first act in a colorful parade of flashy costumes. While this seems like an odd way to close a first act, the performance’s energy found its way to the audience, and it only seemed natural.

Critics might call the show over-the-top and campy, but in a strange way, all the sparkle, color, and overall excess are part of its irresistible charm.

With a score consisting solely of songs by one artist, Cher herself, “The Cher Show” is technically a jukebox musical, a classification that is not usually met with enthusiasm. Those not in favor of this style of show often complain that, instead of featuringr o t a ect e Sp songs that move / Th rua a B a y the production along, j r wa Aish jukebox musicals often feel nounces that jam-packed with an overload it’s time for her to take over of a particular artist’s work. In as she seamlessly steps into this case, however, the producBabe’s place. The musical is tion’s use of Cher’s extensive full of moments like this, and musical repertoire only makes rather than feeling forced, it more appealing. Though Babe, Lady, and Star’s acknowl- not appearing chronologically, edgments of one another only Cher’s songs are the backbone further highlight the wild ride of the show, and further drive that is Cher’s career. home every notable moment When considering Broad- of the woman’s history. way shows, “The Cher Show” One of the many hits feais one that, above all, is reliant tured in the musical, “Halfon extravagance. True to its Breed,” a 1973 song inspired namesake, there is never a mo- by Cher’s experiences as a halfment that feels in any way dull. Armenian woman, is sung early Helping the musical achieve on in the show, as Babe brings Cher-level shine are the cos- to life Cher’s rocky childhood. tumes of legendary designer Rather than being performed Bob Mackie, whose talent lends for the sake of meeting jukeitself to each of the show’s box expectations, each song in

the show is clearly selected to amplify different plot points.

Though it was released in 1990, when Cher was 44, “The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s In His Kiss),” is also sung by Babe, as she begins to form a relationship with Sonny. Acknowledging the lows of Cher’s career, Lady sings “Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)” as her marriage to Sonny begins to fall apart, while Sonny and husband number two, Gregg Allman (Matthew Hydzik), duet in “Dark Lady.”

Branching out from the world of music, “The Cher Show” also makes it known that Cher has had considerable success as an actress. In the second act, Babe reappears to mark Cher’s Broadway debut.

This is a fitting moment of return, considering that “The Cher Show” is actress Diamond’s first Broadway show as well. Singing “The Beat Goes On,” an early hit of Sonny and Cher’s, Babe takes over as Cher transitions from stage to screen, where Star returns once more to claim an Oscar for her role in the 1983 film, “Moonstruck.”

The musical closes with the 1998 hit, “Believe,” a song begun by Star, which soon incorporates Lady, Babe, and the entire cast. The final number gives a nod to Cher’s current touring career, and pulls out all the stops, as if the rest of the show didn’t seem to have already done so. Yes, “The Cher Show” is over-the-top, flamboyant, and extravagant, but it is excessive without shame, a quality that, judging by audience reception, we could all use a little more of. The show is even approved by Cher herself, an acknowledgment that makes it crystal clear that, even after 50 years, we have yet to see the last of her.

“Be Prepared” For Girl Scout Cookie Lattes

By AGATHA EDWARDS Girl Scouts of the USA to promote awareness about Chances are you’ve gone Girl Scouts and their work to Dunkin’ Donuts to get a in our communities by prodrink. In fact, when I was viding three flavors based waiting in line the other day, on the classic cookies: Cothe five people in front of conut Caramel (based on me all got some kind of Samoas), Shortbread (based coffee or latte. Now, I’m on Trefoils and replacing realizing why the company last year’s Peanut Butter may have changed their Cookie), and Thin Mints name to Dunkin’ with- (based on…Thin Mints). out the Donuts. (All of us These uniquely flavored are still going to call them drinks are the price of a Dunkin’ Donuts, though; regular latte, regardless of it’s such an iconic name.) which size you order. They But while most people just are also offered as a coffee order a classic coffee, iced or iced tea, though the latte coffee, or vanilla latte— is probably the most poputhe normal choices—three lar option. lesser-known, wild flavors are the new spring-exclusive Trefoil Latte Girl Scout Cookie drinks. [  ] Girl Scout Cookie season is underway, and to recAt first sniff, I could not ognize it, Dunkin’ Donuts distinguish any difference signed an agreement with between this and a regu-

lar coffee. It smelled good, of course, but nothing exceptional. The taste wasn’t much different—exactly like a regular coffee with a little sugar. In addition, the drink felt very thin in my mouth, as if it completely lacked any cream.

The shortbread flavor was absent, and I wondered if they had given me a regular coffee by mistake. Perhaps it’s because shortbread is a relatively plain flavor, and it might be hard to incorporate it in a drink. A different Girl Scout cookie with a more distinct taste, such as the Savanna Smiles (lemon flavored), would have made a better option.

Thin Mints Latte [   ]

to taste this one because Thin Mints are my favorite Girl Scout Cookie. A hint of mint could be smelt right off the bat, so that was already a good sign, putting it over the Trefoil Latte. What was slightly disappointing, however, was the minimal mint flavor. While this drink was slightly creamier than the Trefoil Latte and contained more sugar, it tasted more like sweet milk chocolate than mint. Had the drink not been named a “Thin Mint” Latte, this drink would’ve been bomb, purely due to the chocolate.

Coconut Caramel Latte [   ]

I had high expectations for this one, not just because I love Samoas, but I was especially excited also because this one was

said to be the best flavor.

And just from its vanilla and coconut scent, I agreed with this review. Though the chocolate was lacking, the vanilla and coconut flavors blended together perfectly. For someone who has never had a coconut drink before, I was pleasantly surprised: the sweetness was perfect and the texture was slightly creamy, not too thin. This drink also had the most flavor. In the other two drinks, one flavor always dominated the other, but in this, both the vanilla and coconut were distinguishable and mouthwatering. Despite not tasting completely like a Samoa because of its lack of chocolate, it was by far the best Girl Scout Cookie latte Dunkin’ Donuts had to offer.

Page 24

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Arts and Entertainment Inside the Artist: The One-of-a-Kind Kanye West

Emily Tan / The Spectator

Music

By THEO KUBOVY-WEISS Kanye West is one of the most polarizing figures in the music industry. Widely heralded for his creative music production while condemned for his hubris, incendiary lyrics, and comments; there is no common opinion on Kanye.

However, if there is one thing that is unequivocal about him, it is his musical prowess and ability to create unique music.

The first piece of music re

Culture

leased by Kanye was a single, “Through the Wire,” from his debut album, “The College Drop out” (2004). Recorded just weeks after he was involved in a car ac cident in 2002, the vocals on the song were done with Kanye’s jaws still wired shut. While not apparent at the time, the decision to record in his condition was a testament to his individuality as a rapper, a characteristic that would be upheld throughout his career.

“The College Dropout,” released in February 2004, was the first of a three-part, education-themed series, including “Late Registration” (2005) and “Graduation” (2007).

All three of the albums in the series received widespread, critical acclaim and solidified Kanye’s place as one of the greatest rappers of his generation. “Jesus Walks” on “The College Dropout” was a gospel ballad driven by a sample from the ARC Choir that earned Kanye both a Grammy and a BET nomination for best gospel artist.

“Stronger” on “Graduation” is a synth-driven house track, with samples from Daft Punk, that has remained one of Kanye’s most popular songs.

Just over a year after “Graduation” was released, Kanye put out his fourth studio album, “808s & Heartbreak” (2008). In stark contrast to his previous albums, “808s & Heartbreak” was slower, more somber, and more melodic. On almost every track, Kanye sings, rather than raps, making the music much more raw and emotional.

“Street Lights” is a calm yet upbeat song driven by soothing autotuned vocals. Its lyrics, “Let me know / Do I still got time to grow?” makes Kanye at once introspective and intimate. In “Coldest Winter,” he sings, “If spring can take the snow away, can it melt away all our mistakes?” signalling Kanye’s struggles to adjust to his newfound celebrity, especially just months after his mother had passed away. It was the most personal and expressive project the singer had put out, and has arguably remained so.

Following this, fans eagerly awaited for more. What they got was “My Beautiful Dark Twisted

Industry City: Junkyard to Tourist Hub

Fantasy” (2010), Kanye’s fifth album, which was intriguing and unique in a number of ways. Kanye enlisted artist George Condo to create five official covers for the album, all of them in a similar style surrounded by a thick, cherry-red border. Widely considered to be Kanye’s best album and thought by many to be a perfect one, “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” is the pinnacle of Kanye’s musical career. It contained many of his best works, plus additional songs like “Runaway,” a beautiful, nineminute collaboration with Pusha T. “Runaway” begins with a single note played on a piano that evolves into a riff that stays throughout the entire song. Kanye’s vocals start over a minute into the song in which he discusses the scrutiny he is under as a public figure, slyly referencing the names he has been called. About six minutes in, the vocals and drums stop abruptly, with only the minimalist piano riff remaining. A highly-processed, guitar-like melody sung by Kanye remains in the final two minutes.

This is, of course, an unorthodox way of producing a song. However, Kanye’s musical genius allows him to produce music like this that still tops the charts and are favorites to many. This upholds his rejection of conventions in popular music today.

Since “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” in 2010, Kanye has released a number of projects and collaborations, including “The Life of Pablo” (2016), “Yeezus” (2013), “ye” (2018), and “KIDS SEE GHOSTS” (2018). As with all of Kanye’s albums, each has a very specific niche that distinguishes it from the rest of his discogra-

phy. Not only has Kanye successfully hopped between genres, but he also has dabbled in the use of various musical tools like autotune, vocoders, and synthesizers. While some think the processed sound of his music is unpleasant, each new Kanye album is an experiment for him, and we as listeners get to be a part of that adventure.

Over the years, the singer has drawn a lot of attention for his music. He has also received a lot of recognition, most negative, for his public appearances and comments. He has become famous for announcing himself as a God, claiming that slavery was a choice, and, of course, interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards (though she wasn’t the only victim). While some speculate that all of these have been calculated publicity stunts, it remains clear that Kanye will do what he wants and will act irrationally, regardless of the consequences.

More than any other characteristic of his, this spontaneity and disregard of judgement is what makes Kanye a unique figure. Regardless of how his actions might affect album sales or people’s opinions of him, Kanye does what he wants. It may not have been the wisest decision to record his debut single with his jaw wired shut following a car accident, but Kanye did it anyway. It may not have been the wisest decision to cut Taylor Swift off on national television, but Kanye did it anyway. While artists usually refrain from writing songs that exceed five minutes, Kanye wrote one that was nine.

Despite the risks, he pulls it all off, and very successfully.

Playlist

Call me the Godfather.

By THE ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT DEPARTMENT

Jason Lin / The Spectator

It’s SING! season, baby! The senior theme is “Renaissance,” juniors are doing “Mafia,” and sophfrosh has “Espionage.” Word on the street is that Tom Cruise is 56 and can sprint faster than you.

Listen to A&E’s playlists of the issues past and present by typing “spotify:user:spec.ae.”

By AGATHA EDWARDS Fifteen years ago, Industry City, located in the neighborhood of Sunset Park, Brooklyn, was a bunch of warehouses and industrial buildings. This area was often deserted, except for a few manufacturers who worked there. Today, Industry City has transformed into an industrial complex focused on the innovation economy, along with traditional manufacturing and artisanal craft. The 30-acre area hosts over 400 companies and 4,500 workers, and is home to over 100,000 tourists a year, which is only growing in number.

Despite being along a waterfront in Brooklyn, Industry City is pretty convenient to get to. The R, N, and D trains stop nearby, as do a variety of buses. The area around Industry City is relatively dull and run-down, so walking into this attraction is like visiting a whole other neighborhood. In the early 1900s, this spot was independent of the rest of the area, with its own police force, fire department, and rail network. Industry City had a lot of use during the Industrial Revolution, but after the World War II era, its use declined and became less recognized.

In 2013, Andrew Kimball, the CEO of Industry City, had ambitions to transform the area into a thriving hub. He wanted people to recognize the beauty of selfrun industries. Today, there are

very few chain stores in Industry City; most are self-run businesses, which I think is great because it’s awesome to see people creating new industries using their own ideas and creating a community where people can interact with and buy from them. Industry City has become a place for everyone to collaborate, discuss, and innovate—it’s a community of hard workers. This is different from chain stores, such as McDonald’s or Nike, because they remain relatively formulaic and static. However, with unique businesses, there is a lot to discover and learn.

Since 2012, $125 million has been invested in Industry City.

There is so much that’s been added that Industry City can be thought of as its own town.

There’s a 40,000 square foot food hall with desserts, restaurants, delis, and more; five acres of space open to the public complete with gardens, chairs, bike racks, free internet, and more to socialize and lounge in; a fitness center, a roller skating rink, and independent stores. There are also summer music festivals, shows, and other unique events held here.

Industry City is also sending an environmental message. During the time of the Industrial Revolution, clouds of smoke filled this area due to the amount of manufacturing. Today, it produces 100 percent green wind power for its main buildings and has com-

mitted to efforts to reduce the carbon footprint and recycle organic waste.

Even though I live only 20 minutes away from Industry City, I had never thought to take a look until this summer. I had attended a summer program in one of the main buildings in Industry City, and during our free time, we were allowed to go out and explore.

Walking through Industry City, I was greatly intrigued by everything that was going on. The summer program teamed up with the group that pushed Industry City’s urbanization, and we learned about their efforts to improve the city, which involved partnering with hundreds of programs and schools to teach young students about Industry City. I explored the food court, hung out in the public space, and checked out some of the independent stores (which include almost everything from clothes to accessories to food).

Before my summer program, the only reason I ever came to the Industry City area was to go to Costco—I didn’t know there was anything beyond that.

I definitely recommend visiting this tourist hub. It’s a wonderful space full of growing industries, and there’s so much to do here. Whether it’s watching a show, visiting an exhibit, eating lunch, or scoring free samples at the chocolate store, Industry City has a place for everyone.

Senior SING! (Renaissance) “Da Vinci’s Demons” Main Title Theme Bear McCreary Instrumental “wish you were gay” Billie Eilish Pop “Gravitation” Petit Biscuit Electronic “Queen of Argyll” Silly Wizard Folk “O Rosa Bella” Johannes Ciconia Classical “Misty Mountains” Howard Shore ft. Richard Armitage & The Dwarf Cast Acapella “Cosmic Love” Florence + The Machine Indie Rock Junior SING! (Mafia) “The Godfather Waltz” Nino Rota Instrumental “Sucker” Jonas Brothers Pop

“I Don’t Give A…” MISSIO Ft. Zeale Pop Rock “My Way” Frank Sinatra Vocal Jazz “Run Boy Run” Woodkid Pop “Westbrook” JID ft. A$AP Ferg Rap “Red Right Hand” Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Alternative Rock SophFrosh SING! (Espionage) “Espionage” Green Day Rap “False 9” AJ Tracey Grime “Escape from East Berlin” Daniel Pemberton Instrumental “James Bond vs Austin Powers” Epic Rap Battles of History Rap “Feel it Still” Portugal. The Man Indie Pop

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 25

Arts and Entertainment Higher, Further, Faster: A Captain Marvel Review

Anna Ast / The Spectator

Film

By MORRIS RASKIN Ever since the first “Captain Marvel” trailer emerged back in October, the internet has been highly critical of this latest project from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU).

Brie Larson’s seemingly stoic acting style, Marvel’s claims of Captain Marvel being the most powerful character in the MCU, and Larson’s occasional bouts of feminism on her press tour have somehow accumulated into something that many people of a very conservative demographic find distasteful. Before this movie’s release, it already had haters.

As soon as reviews went up, those haters tanked the film, even sending out bots to drag down its Rotten Tomatoes score.

With all this criticism, the movie had a lot to live up to in order to escape the hate. Almost unsurprisingly, it crushed those expectations and went above what might have been expected for an origin story about a character not many people know of. This movie,

Culture

By LAURA ILIOAEI

first half of the movie is dedicated to setting up the characters and worlds of the Skrulls and Kree, it was so fun that it passed in no time at all. The movie really picks up steam, however, once Captain Marvel arrives on Earth. The chemistry between her and Nick Fury is exceptional, and their buddy-cop dynamic sets up for a great time. This movie doesn’t just have a great story on its side, but also excellent humor.

When this movie is funny, it is really funny. It’s just another bonus to a plot that takes so many unexpected twists and turns that left me dumbfounded. I don’t yet know how Danvers will play into the events of “Avengers: Endgame,” but personally, I can’t wait to find out. This movie never feels like a typical Marvel origin story with boring exposition dumps.

Instead, it keeps the audience constantly guessing as to what is going to happen next.

The action in “Captain Marvel” is just as exciting and fresh. Toward the end of the movie, our heroine becomes such a force to be reckoned

with that it was impossible for me to keep a smile off of my face as she smashed through spaceships and anything else that got in her way. Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige wasn’t lying when he said that Captain Marvel is the strongest MCU hero yet. Even in the opening sequences of the movie, just seeing Captain Marvel come to terms with her own power and eventually come into her own as a fighter was a delight.

Another stellar aspect of this movie is the special effects. By far the most notable effects were the de-aging techniques used for Nick Fury and Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg).

With CGI, actors Jackson and Gregg were made to look as young as they did in the ‘90s.

This was blended so seamlessly into the film that I didn’t notice until I remembered that Samuel L. Jackson doesn’t actually look like that in real life.

The actual explosions/flying/ lasers/etc. looked like normal Marvel effects—no better, no worse—but the de-aging technology proves that we are liv-

ing in the future.

For the most part, the characters are very well-written. Captain Marvel herself is an empowering hero, who is equal in parts snarky and stoic.

Sometimes this is strange, as she will quickly go from cracking a joke to staring off into space, contemplating existence, but for the most part, her character lands. The side characters also pack a punch, a crucial aspect for a two-hour-plus movie to have. Lashana Lynch is amazing as Captain Marvel’s best friend, Maria Rambeau, and Ben Mendelsohn knocks it out of the park as the leader of the Skrulls. Each character serves a specific purpose that enhances the fluidity of the movie and makes it great all the way through.

The advertising slogan for “Captain Marvel” was “Higher, Further, Faster,” and this quote rang true throughout the entire movie. This film was fun, original, funny, and a win for women everywhere. Hopefully, the trolls will back down when they see this movie so it can truly succeed on all fronts.

The Sensationalism of ASMR mous Sensory Meridian Response” which is the intended reaction when one listens to an ASMR video. Often called “tingles” by ASMRtists, they’re sensations that are goosebumpy or “tingly” and are meant to be felt from the shoulders or scalp before traversing the rest of the body in a pleasurable, relaxing wave.

It’s no wonder that some people listen to ASMR when they have sleeping troubles.

Insomniacs, stressed students, and other restless beings alike have reported that the “tingles” caused by ASMR videos are very satisfying and sedative.

Some animals also experience this same phenomenon.

Everyone has their own stimuli that trigger these reactions. Some people have misophonia—a dislike of certain sounds—which affects what triggers them. Chewing noises are often a source of agitation for those with misophonia,

so they should steer clear of eating-related ASMR channels. Setups like binaural audio (where microphones are placed on either side of the ASMRtist such that the audio simulates the actual human ear in reverberation) may intensify a viewer’s tingles because the way the audio travels in such videos is closer to what one may experience in reality.

Sound exists in many forms, so there are various genres of ASMRtists that appeal to certain categories of sounds and even roleplaying.

Some ASMRtists even create multiple channels, like the ASMRtist behind SassEkrafts and SassEsnacks, channels for craft-making sounds and eating sounds, respectively. Other ASMRtists, like Chiara ASMR and Jojo’s ASMR, create this variety in one channel. Then there are those like Ephemeral Rift, who take their own eccentric route on what props/

topics/themes can be used for a video (“Communist ASMR,” anyone?). The success of an ASMR channel is based on how well they can soothe their audience. Elements such as originality in content and authenticity in personality are also appreciated.

ASMR shouldn’t be confined within the label of a fad because of its effect on the public. It is undeniable that it has become part of popular media.

Take the 2019 Super Bowl: beer company Michelob ULTRA created a commercial featuring one of their beverages with the use of ASMR. Celebrity Zoe Kravitz whispered and tapped the glass bottle of Pure Gold, surrounded by the serenity of a nature-filled environment.

Those unfamiliar with ASMR took to Twitter with “WTF” reactions, but those in the ASMR community rejoiced at having received more widespread recognition for their art.

Camilla Cheng / The Spectator

Having someone unfamiliar with ASMR walk in on you watching an ASMR video might be an awkward experience.

From the simplest perspective, it’s just someone making noise (or multiple noises) behind a camera. These noises are amplified such that a pin-drop becomes as crisp as the sound of rustling bubble wrap. Regardless of whether the face of the person is seen in the video, they’re engrossed in the noisemaking task at hand: whether it be chewing on ice, poking at slime, biting a fish’s cartilage, or roleplaying as a Martian. It may seem as if there is nothing in it for the viewer, and that they’re wasting time on the weird side of YouTube. However, ASMR is not just another random fad that procrastinators have jumped the time-wasting bandwagon on.

ASMR stands for “Autono-

much like its advertising campaign promised, went higher, further, and faster, as it took viewers on a thrilling ride through the extraterrestrial life of the titular superheroine.

“Captain Marvel” stars Brie Larson, with other famous names like Samuel L. Jackson as a young Nick Fury, Jude Law as Yon-Rogg, Lashana Lynch as Maria Rambeau, and Ben Mendelsohn as Talos, in an intergalactic space adventure set in the 1990s. Our hero, whose real name is Carol Danvers, is a warrior who was adopted by an alien race called the Kree and can’t remember her past. The Kree are in constant warfare against the Skrulls, a race of shape-shifting aliens who seek to invade planets full of unsuspecting people. After an impending Skrull invasion brings Captain Marvel to Earth, she starts discovering the truth about her past, her people’s war, and the empire she thought she knew best.

Storywise, this movie is excellent. Never was it boring or uninteresting, and while the

Opportunities to feel the tingles of ASMR aren’t limited to YouTube channels and other virtual communities. Real-life situations also hold their own triggers: ASMR is based on sound waves that travel in the walking, waking world, after all. Keep your ears peeled (or plugged) the next time you hear whispers, scraping, or running water. You never know what may stimulate your mind.

Page 26

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

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The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 27

Humor These articles are works of fiction. All quotes are libel and slander.

By AARON WANG and KELLY YIP

Freshies ReALLy nEeD Some LOvE yA’LL

What if we told you that there’s an ongoing matter that desperately needs your help?

Something that requires even more assistance than your helpless mathematics average and your poor, worsening self-esteem?

The problem has to do with the current state of Stuyvesant freshmen. And this is coming from us, a couple of freshies ourselves.

As we all know, freshmen are at the very bottom of the Stuyvesant hierarchy, maybe because of jealousy of the endless potential of nearly 900 new students.

They’re constantly neglected by both Stuyvesant staff and upperclassmen: they are last to go during program changes and are often abused by upperclassmen for being idiots or being too scholarly. Everything expected of these novices just isn’t up to par. They’re an even bigger disappointment than the closing of Kung Fu Tea to their upperclassmen.

From daily encounters with freshmen, except for the few whom upperclassmen “accidentally” charge into in the hallways or those who juul in the restrooms, they are just normal, depressed teens with raging hormones! There’s been nothing out

of the ordinary in the past month or so, other than the uncultured freshmen complaining about how the Stuy life is oh so very hard, with their horrid 99 GPAs and their halal cart diarrhea. Oh, and of course, how could we forget about the little civil war that’s been going on?

Now THAT got your attention, didn’t it?

Turns out, we freshmen aren’t as fine as we make ourselves out to be. Alas, we’ve fooled both our Big Sibs and guidance counselors alike. We only seem somewhat sane because of our high dosage of memes. Using memes to help us feel “happy” has become such a prominent practice that there’s a constant circulation of them on Facebook.

Originally, there was only one source of memes for much of the freshman population: the Stuyvesant Memes for Perpetually Suffering Teens Facebook group. They offered respectable memes that were quick and effective at providing instant ecstasy (and were reported to be even better than street ecstacy too!). The meme-users’ unfulfilled cravings for attention have taken the embodiment of roasts about our beloved teachers and memes about students’ endless amounts of stress, which were considered top-quality memes

Ta Ta Talos

By IRENE HAO

Bronx Science has been, and always will be, Stuyvesant’s petulant younger brother, seeking to impress and beat its better half by any means necessary. Now the inferior specialized high school has resorted to the lowest of methods: adopting Talos as their grading and course selection system. Yes, Talos has crashed into the BxSci dorm room and now alternates between the two schools whenever it feels like it.

Naturally, the BxSci students didn’t respond well to their new roommate. Hours in, the students were already threatening to shove Talos out the door, and the administration had to step in and stop them. Bored with the dull responses of Stuyvesant’s “we broke Talos again,” the gatecrasher found a new inhabitant to annoy. Just like how Talos couldn’t tell the difference between a classroom and the 11th floor pool, it couldn’t tell the difference between AP Biology and Bio Regeneron Research. Its system proved incompatible with that of the methodical Stuy system. As of now, Talos has only offered course selections to students, corrupting a few requests awaiting approval in the process.

But how did word of our glitch-proof technology spread to BxSci? Why hasn’t it spread to Brooklyn Tech or the BTech knockoff on Staten

Island? Our department’s reporters have tracked the mole to a Stuy junior hailing from the recesses of Queens, who wishes to be kept anonymous out of fear of attracting the fury of students from both schools.

“I have friends who go to Science,” the anonymous student huffed proudly. “I just mentioned this new thing called Talos we’re using, and that it’s so popular that we post about its speed on Facebook. Then my friend mentioned to their friends, and from there, the news spread to their friends’ friends, and word must have gotten to the administration.”

Despite this claim, word most likely spread through a common medium of both schools: Facebook. In the Incoming Class of 2022 group, there are 2.5K members, some of whom aren’t even Stuy students. It’s possible, an enthusiastic freshman explained, that these infiltrators learned the ins and outs of Talos by reading the influx of posts during spring semester elective course selections.

As Talos spreads, so does its reputation and influence.

Though Talos only controls the course selection process, it is only a matter of time before the administration expands its use to keep track of grades and schedule changes. We’ll be seeing more talk of ignored internet requests and dysfunctional program changes from our Bronx brother.

for their remarkable diversity in content and subpar humor. Dozens of sorrowful Stuy students (mostly freshmen) have gone to this group to provide themselves with doses of happiness.

However, the CEO of this meme group got greedy. After adopting the “quantity over quality” virtue, their memes became cheaply made and decreased in quality and potency. Memes were reposted multiple times with just the caption being changed. Instead of lasting until 4 a.m. to write their essays, poor freshies started to burn out by midnight.

For some, they’ve developed a tolerance for the same repetitive memes… and it seems that mere memes just don’t inspire them to “have a good time” anymore.

In fact, the group has sunken so low that it has resorted to stealing memes from other pages, as highlighted by Ethan Bro’s post on March 17 at 5:06 p.m.

Fortunately, in the midst of this darkness, a new Facebook group called the “Stuyvesant meme group without Steven” arose as another meme provider.

Managed by previous meme manufacturers from the other group who were dissatisfied with their old CEO, their memes started to gain popularity for their wholesomeness: these new memes gave users a warm, fuzzy feeling in

their cold, dead hearts. The CEO of this group even claimed that all their memes were ethically sourced and scientifically proven to lower the risk of depression.

With these higher-quality memes, many customers have switched providers, faster than the camera guy at Camp Stuy could impatiently snap hideous ID photos while students were blinking, yawning, or sneezing. The CEO of the old group, feeling sad even with his dose of memes, waged war on the “Stuyvesant meme group without Steven” out of being a sore loser.

Aggressive meme-making was done in both groups to win over new members. The groups were very active for the first two weeks of war. Currently, the war is at a stalemate as both groups have started lagging in their meme production and no advances have been made. People are losing their motivation. A war is not the way to solve this dilemma— perhaps the way is to end meme addiction altogether.

Upperclassmen, as freshmen and advocates of peace, we request your help. This stalemate may be our only chance. We beg you to help save our freshmen peers, to ensure that there is a future generation. The fact that we rely on memes to supplement our performance is unnerving.

We are greatly troubled and desperately need your undivided attention. Don’t let our innocent and healthy looks deceive you; the truth is that we are terribly corrupt and we are in constant, silent agony. And plus, as upperclassmen, it is your duty to maintain Stuy’s reputation! You don’t want an entire generation acting like complete fools, do you? Just imagine what Bronx Science will say about us! It may even come back to haunt you later in your life—being denied a job because your school has become notorious for excessive tomfoolery.

The epidemic of memes throughout the freshman community of Stuyvesant is despicable and we believe it could have been prevented if freshmen were just given more attention. We request that the next time you encounter a freshman in the halls, shower upon them as much affection, love, and attention as you can. Don’t worry about the look of fear and discomfort on their faces. It is just our silent way of expressing gratitude.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we shall end our rant here as it’s time for us to browse Facebook for our daily dose of dank memes. *yes, if you were wondering, this is our plea for help*

No, We Have Not Been Bribing Writers

By VICTOR KUANG, OLIVER STEWART, OMAR ALI, and ABDULLA ELKHADRAWY

Yo, yo, yo, waddup y’all?

It’s your favorite Kerwin Chen and Gaby Umanova knockoffs: Abuse Boi, Oily Stort, Abdulla Longlastname, and Omar (I think). Ever since we have liberated The Spectator from two of the most...responsible humor editors in this publication’s history, there has been a huge increase in the number of humor articles of varying qualities written for each issue.

After hearing some disturbing and very baseless rumors about bribery, we, the exalted editors, have decided to come clean and clear up any confusion about w h y there have been s o many articles written r e c e n t l y.

We want to make it exceedingly clear that this is in every way unrelated to the large amounts of money that we have not been paying our writers in bribes.

As a Spectator department, it is our job to be honest and let our morals guide our actions. We are obligated to be role models for our writers, and as such, we would never conduct dishonest

actions such as bribing our writers to write articles for Humor.

We were totally not initially paying by word count, and we have totally not since changed our payment plan due to the uptick in 1000+ word articles, which we are totally able to read given that we are all very intelligent.

As a result, we can confirm that any rumors about us embezzling money from Spec Business are untrue and frankly amount to slander, something we know absolutely nothing about.

These rumors have sprung from a person who was removed from our department months ago. According to this report, we were seen handing a group of writers a large manila envelope labeled “BRIBERY MONEY FROM SPEC HUMOR” in a dark alleyway during third period. While this did occur, it has been severely mis-

MOR,” which obviously proves that the money was being used to pay for information about rumors regarding esteemed actor Gregory Peck’s consumption of rib-eye steak, and that the exchange was nothing like the bribe that it has been construed as by the Fake News Media (a.k.a. the rest of Spec).

In addition, we have been contacted about the rise in Humor writers seen around the school in designer clothing. We would like to stress that we have no idea where they got the money from, and that it has nothing to do with the payments we have not been making in installments to the writers every issue. It’s not our fault our writers know how to dress up and you don’t. Being a Humor writer is a lucrative business; there are plenty of other places they could have gotten the money from. Why are people so quick to blame the p o o r (for reasons unrelated to us

Katherine Lwin / The Spectator

understood. What actually happened was a very legitimate and reasonable business exchange between writers and editors. The meaning of the words on the envelope has been misread as a symbol of corruption, when it had actually read “RIB-EYE MONEY FOR PECK RU-

spending our college funds bribing writers) editors?

In conclusion, we just want to leave you all with the assurance that your fiscally responsible and highly educated Humor editors would never engage in any illegal activities such as slipping writers $20 per page they write.

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 28

Humor It’s Not a Party, It’s an Intimate Get-Together...

By MITCHELL LEUNG

The task of hosting Superb Academic Pastime, known crudely by some as SAP and even more foolishly by others as the SING! After Party, was honorably and quite jokingly bestowed upon the juniors this year. With the torch being passed to the younger generation for the first time in recent memory, it was up to them to show the rest of the reputable and intellectual population of Stuyvesant a “wholesome” and “big-brainy” time.

Now that there was finally some fresh blood running the show after the show, it was reported that super-excited junior Evan Wong was going to totally revolutionize the SAP activities list. On passing by him coincidentally in the hallways during my lunch, and then again two periods later, and then AGAIN after school, through no fault of my own, I caught a few glimpses into what had been planned to rock the house this year.

In fact, a more accurate description of how explosive this year’s SAP was going to be came from a snippet of conversation I heard in the bathroom between Evan and his good comrade, junior Owen Potter. “It’s going to be totally tubular, man,” I heard Evan say as he presumably took a puff of his JUUL from within a bathroom stall (hopefully that was where that rising cloud of black vapor was coming from).

“It’ll be louder than that smell on the bridge while it was being painted,” he said. At this point, Owen was finished conducting his business at the urinal and realized that there was a third presence in the space. After some awkward eye contact, I beat a hasty retreat back into the hall-

By LAURA ILIOAEI and CHRISABELLA JAVIER “This sucks tapioca balls!” the jaded junior exclaimed.

“Hm?” her friend, the sad sophomore, rejoined.

A freezing March wind chilled their bones, but the barren interior that was the shutdown Kung Fu Tea near Stuyvesant gave their souls a coldness that made their spirits shudder and shrivel in a shattered heap. How could the entire student population enable this? Forget the reformation of the SHSAT exam. THIS really was the beginning of the end of Stuy (which is basically the whole world) as they knew it.

A senior, recalling the establishment’s opening three years earlier, knelt down in front of a grave she had erected as a memorial to the place. Recalling the shop’s interior and the memories of her tears giving her bubble tea a sea-salt kick every time she’d tragically failed an exam and wished to drown her feelings in a drink, she took a moment to cry once more.

The senior’s peer took pity on his classmate. Taking out a handkerchief to wipe the tears that were welling in the corner of his own eyes, he lit a candle and placed rejected, wilted Indicator flowers on the makeshift grave.

He patted her on the back.

“Let’s go,” he whispered, “to the Jupioca down the street.”

way.

From what I gathered that day and in the days to come, there was going to be some pretty spicy additions to this year’s SAP. Sadly, the SU had not allotted enough money this year for SAP funding, citing, “In a world where we need to pay off local businesses to give Stuy students discounts on the unhealthy food they so desperately crave, you’re welcome.”

So it is with melancholy pleasure that I reveal to you the awesome, rockin’ plans the juniors had for SAP this year, before fate yeeted them ever so cruelly.

• A chocolate fountain. Duh, every good party has one.

But how were the juniors going to make it extra special? By putting it IN THE BATHROOM. So hey, if you were allergic to whatever ingredients they put in when they were mixing that chocolate, you would have had convenient access to a location in which you could flush yourself down the toilet and leave, you partypooper.

• You know that song, the Electric Slide? No? Well, neither did the SAP planners, because when they heard that it was a popular party mainstay, they just thought it the GRANDEST idea.

Using their vastly advanced superior knowledge about engineering, and with a little extra help from Mr. Blay and Pulse Gang, they constructed a fully-functioning, semiautomatic, systematic, HYDROMATIC GREASED LIGH—sorry, got a little carried away there. They constructed an actual, reallife Electric Slide. Because,

•

•

you know, when you’re going down a thick, plastic playground slide on a hot day, you just love all those mini-static shocks you get— you’re gonna want more of that feeling.

An alternate model to the original Electric Slide was also built, which consisted of a conveyor belt wrapped around an inclined plane.

Because sometimes, sliding using your own weight is just too much work. On the plus side, the DOE is considering using that to replace the four-to-two down escalator this summer to save money, given that it is a piece of master craftsmanship and ingenuity. The only more effective annual advertisement of SAP than a byproduced, fully-functioning escalator permanently residing in Stuy would be a truck with an LED billboard. But who would be silly enough to advertise to Stuy students in any other place than the morning announcements or a Facebook post??

A bouncer, to make the party seem that much more authentic, whatever that means. Who would the said bouncer have been, you ask?

Well, the choice would’ve been obvious: only the most infamous, biggest bad boy on the streets of Tribeca these days, Mr. Howard Barbin, better known by his street name on the basketball court as Hairless Howie B. Legend has it that once he’s changed at least four letters in your name and added two syllables each time he attempts to address you, you will feel so thoroughly

•

•

•

•

belittled and humiliated that you will never try that funny business ever again.

A karaoke machine was set to dominate the entire venue, along with a strangelyimplemented game of Hide & Seek. With TVs and mics connected to each other in all the rooms, a giant console in the main room would control the song selections and feed audio from all of its offshooting mics to be transmitted to the main speakers. So if any partygoers’ friends got lost or “lost,” it would require but a request to the main console for “Every Time We Touch” or “I Want It That Way” to play in the adjoining rooms to quickly locate your friend or “friend” by way of his or her irresistible singing voice, whether your friend is conscious or slightly less conscious.

A bubble tea cart. The only thing thiccer than that hot [insert preferred noun for sexual preference] you would’ve been dancing with all night is the boba they would’ve been serving up in those neatly packaged plastic cups. Seriously—what is IN those bubbles?

Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir.

Its purpose would’ve been two-fold: one, to physically represent the heavy weight of living and responsibility that you’ve been carrying for so long, and two, so that you could flex on everyone around you without actually being expected to lift something.

And finally, the crowning achievement of Evan and gang’s celebratory ingenu-

Kung Fu Tea: Resurrection

She wailed hysterically and claimed that some eccentric bougie wannabe boba place which really only specialized in poke bowls would never equal KFT’s caliber. Regardless, she let him carry her there in hopes that there would be some subpar boba for sale.

The next morning, Brian Moran made an announcement that there would be an hour’s moment of silence for the tragedy that was the shop’s shutdown. “Closing down this shop was one of the greatest acts of cruel-tea this world has seen. F,” he said. For the first time, people listened to the announcements, each awful word a punch to their heart. Astounded, they sat in their shock for an hour, their minds whirring in contemplation of the cruelty of life.

Outside the shell of the former boba shop, a couple of juniors had sat down next to the shrine. “They can’t close this place down. There are so many memories here. Like the time I got rejected when I asked my crush to come with me to the Big Sib-Little Sib dance. Good times.

If only we could find another place for them to stay,” a junior said.

The peer suddenly had a burst of inspiration: “I know! Why don’t we open a NEW Kung Fu Tea in Stuy! Think about it! We can put it in the Senior Bar! We don’t have to lose KFT, our boba

can’t be taken away when we walk into school, and we can have it even when we are barricaded in this school! The next time some disaster falls upon this school, leading us to be locked in while the police investigate, we can enjoy some Stuyvesant Sponsored Kung Fu Tea! It’s like a bake sale, but every day!” A loud cheer came from the group.

The next day, members of the Student Union came up to a crowd of students standing near the senior bar. Annoyed that their usual route was blocked, they used their privilege to push their way through the mob and found a hastily rebranded food cart taken from down the street.

Duct-taped to it, covering up the pictures of “Chicken with Rice,” was a sign saying “Kung Fu Tea 2.0.”

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like?

We’re making a new Kung Fu Tea! It’s like it never left. Okay, maybe the ‘tea’ is extracted from flavored JUUL pods, but tea has caffeine, and caffeine and nicotine are basically the exact same thing. They’re both drugs that we use chronically, and they both end in ‘ine.’ But other than that, it’s basically the same, addictive Kung Fu Tea!” “We didn’t fund this.”

“Oh, but that’s the great thing about KFT 2.0! It’s the only pure thing within Stuy! All proceeds go toward funding this cart. We

raised this place back from the dead, and we are going to look GREAT on our college apps.

Now, are you gonna buy something or not?”

The student representative shrugged. “You know what? You guys are lucky I miss Kung Fu Tea as much as the rest of you do. It was like Tea’s Tea, but better. I’ll take a medium ‘the crushed souls of freshmen’ boba, please?”

Similar incidents occurred throughout the day. During third period, the school security came to stop the cart, but a large “confiscated Starbucks coffee” flavor swayed them. Rodda John came by under the claim that the cart was draining Talos resources, but it was pretty obvious he was using it as an excuse to get boba and procrastinate on fixing the website. Even Maggio came there under the suspicion that it was running on fossil fuels, but the yummy flavors and biodegradable cups were enough to get her on the side of KFT. No, the real trouble began the next day, when a couple of second-term seniors working there went on strike.

“We should have control over this place!” Their leader pushed the junior who came up with the idea. “Yeah, maybe you came up with it, but when it comes down to it, we’re the ones cutting classes we would have never attended anyway in order to keep this thing on the road. You wouldn’t

ity. As you entered through the mystical doorway into pubescent wonderland, you would’ve noticed an all-consuming, ethereal mob of mist engulfing you, pulling you into its embrace, seeping into your pores to your very core… and it’s cucumber flavored? Can you feel yourself getting shmacked?

That’s right, you guessed it—they built their very own JUUL-POWERED FOG MACHINE. This nouveau twist on a party favorite, akin to the ingenious potato clocks and wind-up animal toys of yore, would’ve made your eyes shudder and roll back in your head, guaranteed. Aerosolically and aromatically releasing a continuous stream of divine, intoxicating mists into the air, one could almost imagine they were walking on clouds—expensive, electronic clouds, generated by tiny flash drives! Like the Electric Zoo, except the party animals would’ve been real, of course, based on what we know of Evan’s incomparable strategizing savvy.

All in all, Evan Wong’s go at SAP was looking to be a banger.

If the administration hadn’t spent most of its money paying teachers to stay after school to supervise our dumb activities, maybe our school would’ve been treated to a real hoedown this year. Alas, it was not meant to be. I suppose I will just have to use my senior discount to attend a regularly unruly SAP. A toast: to the party that will never be— like birthday parties for unvaccinated kids.

last a day without us!”

“Oh really,” the junior countered. “I’d like to see you guys try.”

“Okay, we will. We’ll get another cart and make Kung Fu Tea 3.0! And it will be better than yours in every way!”

By the end of the day, the seniors had built a fort out of their college rejection letters with a neon sign saying “Kung Fu Tea 3.0!!!!” Admittedly, the tea was exactly the same, but with a purchase of over $10, you got an egg to throw at 2.0.

Everything spiraled out of control from there on. A group of sophomores wanting to be relevant started a 4.0. And a couple of freshmen, who didn’t really know what was going on but wanted to be a part of it, made a 5.0. (The consensus was that both of those sucked.) By the end of the week, the second floor was covered in tea and food from the massive food fights each establishment would have.

Finally, the student body had had enough of these petty fights.

The next Monday, all the members of the respective Kung Fu Teas came to find their stores burnt down and vandalized.

In the middle was a note written on a Kung Fu Tea (original) business card: “Kung Fu Tea Is Dead. And things that are dead must stay dead.”

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 29

Humor The Humor Department Mourns Kung Fu Tea (2016-2019)

By THE HUMOR DEPARTMENT

Stuyvesant’s favorite Kung Fu Tea (KFT) closed down after just three years of business on March 15, 2019. As a student newspaper, we are obligated to report all sorts of journalism, especially the closing (a.k.a. death) of our beloved KFT. These are the obituaries from people who have been deeply impacted by this unforeseen and unfortunate predicament. It is truly tear-jerking and powerful.

Steve Wang, junior

Helena Williams, sophomore

Words cannot describe how sad I am to know of this. Ever since I was an eighth grader at Camp Stuy, KFT was my elixir of life. Everything from the smooth texture of the tea to the gelatinous bubbles was simply sublime. I would play various board games and think about the dance crews to try out for in the future while sipping their divine beverages.

Okay, am I done fabricating a sad KFT thought? Great.

Please send help to the Spec Office dungeon. I’m being held hostage. —SW

Oh, KFT. I vaguely remember you as a place where I never actually purchased bubble tea.

However, I could wax lyrical about the quality of the eggettes you guys sold once in a blue moon… the ice cream was always perfect when I got strawberry Pocky and chocolate syrup. There was that one time I accidentally took someone else’s eggette and was supremely embarrassed. But y’all are into bubble tea or something, so there’s nobody else who seems to remember the eggettes. You people are talking about “slime water” and “being charged extra,” while forgetting the heavenly mystical eggette gloriousness. This is an offense that I cannot forgive nor forget and has filled me with rage.

I don’t care about your boba; give me back my eggettes, gee dangit!

Aaron Wang, freshman I scammed them for $21 worth of bubble tea on the last day and made my cheap Asian parents proud so I guess I’m okay with this. My parents told me, “This is the greatest and ONLY achievement you have ever made, but you are still a disgrace.”

Omar Ali, junior Bubble tea is high-key trash.

Zihao Mei, junior It disappeared from my life like my hopes and dreams.

Rest In Peace KFT near Stuy.

Olly Stewart, sophomore

Abdulla Elkhadrawy, junior

Absolutely tragic. Where am I going to get a cup of slime water for $5 now? I’m in shock.

All Bubble Teas Tastes the Same To Me.

Mitchell Leung, senior It’s crazy, dude! Here I am, just about to receive my college rejection letters, and all of a sudden, an overrated bubble tea place just closes down. I mean, what a way to end high school! You know what? Good RIDDANCE. Ever since they stopped offering free Wifi, I’ve always questioned the integrity and quality of their business decisions. I mean, what kind of establishment lets droves of rowdy students just sit and LOITER, doing work and socializing for hours on end with no regard for the actual respectable clientele who frequent the joint—rich Tribeca millennials??

Tony Moh, junior Kung Fu Tea shutting down is a big F. I mean, I don’t actually remember anything about the drinks themselves, but what I do remember EXTREMELY vividly is that they scammed me out of $1 once by charging more for getting “no ice” in my drink.

But seriously though, RIP the business. It was my only opportunity to flex my Spanish Scrabble skills in front of my friends after they blocked me on Messenger for whooping their behinds in Palabras con Amigos three games in a row. You’ll always be remembered, Kung Fu-pioca.

Jasmine Wang, freshman KFT was my only reason for existing. How do you feel about taking away my ONLY REASON FOR LIVING? HOW DO YOU FEEL? DOES IT FEEL GOOD? ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOURSELF? I HAVE NO REASON TO EXIST AT THIS POINT. Also, the fact that I’m the ONLY sane freshman in this WHOLE DEPARTMENT doesn’t give me much hope for the future, ESPECIALLY NOW WITHOUT KFT.

Rohit Roy, junior Boi, I don’t even drink bubble tea often. Stop yourself.

Kelly Yip, freshman

Victor Kuang, junior

I remember when I had first been enlightened with learning the location of Kung Fu Tea. My life had changed ever since. Bubble tea is now my blood. I need bubble tea from Kung Fu Tea so that I have energy when my editor chases me for writing a 2000-word article. In all honesty though, we got $21 worth of bubble tea for free on the last day, and it’ll never happen again because KFT closed and I’m sad. Guess I’ll just have to go to that place called “Jupioca” and try to scam them now.

I miss KFT. Now I gotta take my anger out on people who speak in furry and have tendencies to write articles that are over 700 words long. However, I have to admit that after KFT closed, I’ve become super jacked since I have been restricted from my source of unhealthy substances. Maybe I can win a boxing match!

Irene Hao, sophomore

Courtesy of http://littlemagicprints.com

Wait, why am I here? Kung Fu Tea? Isn’t that like the place for Cards Against Humanity? What, bubble tea? I don’t even like bubble tea. I’ve only been there like twice.

And that was for their discounts on the 14th and 15th. But yea, I guess it’s sad that KFT’s closed. It’s gone now, like my love for bubble tea. I’m on like a permanent boycott from it. Covfefe is what I live for.

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 30

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The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 31

Sports Sports’ Editorial

By THE SPECTATOR SPORTS DEPARTMENT With the NBA season past its midpoint, the debates over the Most Valuable Player and Rookie of the Year awards are getting heated. The League is full of players worthy of these prestigious awards, but here are the Sports Department’s choices.

Giannis is the MVP With the 15th pick in the 2013 NBA draft, the Milwaukee Bucks selected Giannis Antetokounmpo, a freakishly tall and skinny player from Greece.

Besides the fact that he resembled the great LeBron James in terms of his ability to handle the ball as a forward, Antetokounmpo didn’t seem to possess the skills of a future MVP. He slid under the radar, and his relatively average rookie campaign with Milwaukee didn’t garner any hype either.

Fast forward five years. The Bucks have the best record in the NBA and are cruising through the Eastern Conference, with the “Greek freak” leading the way. The Bucks have been averaging a league-leading 117.6 points per game and have transitioned from one of the worst rebounding teams into the very best. That has a lot to do with Antetokounmpo, who has been named an all-star for three consecutive years and is averaging career highs in points (27), rebounds (12.6), and field goal percentage (57.9 percent).

Antetokounmpo is not your typical forward. His ability to muscle his way into the paint and make a basket is comparable to other great power forwards like Karl Malone and Dirk Nowitzki. His insane athleticism allows

NBA Departmental Awards

him to make even the toughest of step-backs look easy. While Milwaukee tends to spread the floor when he is on the court, he has demonstrated his unselfishness time and time again.

His unique court vision allows him to find key shooters such as Khris Middleton and Eric Bledsoe, who capitalize on these opportunities. The success can be seen in the statistics. Despite the Bucks being near the bottom of the league in passes this season, they make up for it by generating nearly 65 points from their assists, a number that has been rising since 2015. This began when Antetokounmpo received more playing time. The Greek’s ability to bring out the best in other players is what makes the

sive end. He currently leads the league with a 99.1 defensive rating and 5.0 defensive box plusminus. These are factors that attribute to his 12.2 win shares and leadership of his team defensively. As of now, the Bucks lead the league in defensive rating with a stellar 104.4.

Antetokounmpo is revolutionizing the game of basketball, running fast breaks and taking pull up threes as a 7-footer.

He is unstoppable in the paint, terrifying on the break, and is constantly throwing down highlight dunks on every other NBA team. Even without watching him, you could tell that Antetokounmpo should be the MVP because he checks the two most important boxes. He’s leading

The teenage sensation from Slovenia has taken the NBA by storm in his rookie season with the Dallas Mavericks, and he has broken virtually every single teenage rookie record. Luka Doncic had been so consistent throughout the season with very few average performances. In about 80 percent of his games, he has put up all-star numbers since being drafted third overall in last year’s draft.

Doncic has averaged 21 points, seven rebounds, and six assists per game. He had little competition until last month, when Trae Young scored 49 points in a game that went through four overtimes. Though this number is truly astounding—especially by a rookie—

The Spectator’s Sports Department chooses its MVP and DPOTY in the NBA this season

Bucks a serious threat in the playoffs.

A key critique used by Antetokounmpo doubters was that he lacked a consistent threepoint shot, but he has been proving everybody wrong in recent months. Since January, he has made three shots from downtown on four separate occasions, whereas earlier this season he struggled to make even one. In any case, Antetokounmpo makes up for it on the defen-

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his team to the best record in the NBA, and he’s putting out a line of 27 points, 12 rebounds, and six assists per game. No one else besides LeBron James is doing that in the NBA, and his team is struggling to contend for a playoff spot. Antetokounmpo is scarily good, and his 2019 MVP campaign will only be the first of many.

Luka Doncic is the Rookie of the Year. Period.

the most important stat column was not filled: a win. The Hawks lost that game, and their record is 23-45, which is atrocious and certainly not good enough to win the extremely prestigious award Rookie of the Year.

So back to Doncic revolutionizing the game—he has broken many teenage records both per game and total. Doncic is the first teenager ever with a 30-point triple-double , and he is currently the only teenager

of all time with multiple tripledoubles. Aside from that, Doncic averages the most points per game out of all the rookies and has been very consistent (which not many players can say, rookie or veteran) throughout the entire season.

Doncic has also lead the Mavericks to a respectable 2740 record in one of the toughest conferences of the last halfcentury. The PER of Doncic (a stat to measure how effective a player is within his given minutes) is 19.5, outpacing the rest of the rookies by four. He is the best all-around rookie player in the NBA, with a very balanced stats column and no true weaknesses. Doncic is so valuable to the Mavericks and even has multiple double-digit fourth quarters showing that he can step up for his team when it matters most. When it’s all said and done, Doncic is the rookie who helps his team win the most games, and that’s what the NBA is about.

Not only are his stats insane, but his tremendous 1.9 fouls per game and the fact that he has not been injured show that he has the best ability in a game: availability. His persistence and consistency with shooting, effort, and leadership truly make him the earner of the Rookie of the Year Award.

Do you agree with our choices? If you do, feel free to apply to Sports and tell us why.

If you don’t, feel free to apply to Sports and tell us why not.

As the season continues, we will release our choices for the other four awards as well, so stay tuned for that!

Comic of the Issue

Amy Huang/ The Spectator

“after a long day...”

Page 32

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Sports Sports Editorial

European

By THE SPECTATOR As the European soccer seasons draw to a close, it’s safe to say that there have been some standout young players who have taken their leagues by storm. An injection of youthful exuberance, these players have forced their ways into their teams’ starting lineups and have made themselves at home at the top level. They have been positively affecting their teams and look to have loads of potential for the future. They’re not old enough to drink in the United States yet, but this young XI is the future of world soccer.

RW: Kylian Mbappe At the young age of 20, Kylian Mbappe won a World Cup with France (winning young player of the tournament along the way), upsetted Paris Saint-Germain (PSG), won the French League with Monaco, and came fourth in the 2018 Ballon d’Or voting. Mbappe’s stock skyrocketed two years ago when he started impressing the world with his natural instinct in front of goal, “five-star skills,” unmatched pace with and without the ball, and effortlessness. Mbappe made a fool out of Manchester City’s and Dortmund’s defenders in 2017 and only got better after PSG dropped $130 million for the French teenager. Mbappe terrorized Argentinian, Uruguayan, and Belgian defenses on his way to scoring the final goal on France’s World Cup-winning campaign against Croatia in the final. When Cristiano Ronaldo points to a player and tells us “he’s next,” we should all keep an eye out.

ST: Marcus Rashford Manchester United was struggling to score goals under the pragmatic Louis Van Gaal in 2016, but then came a young teenager named Marcus Rashford straight out of uni. Rashford is the prototype for a modern number nine. With his arsenal of skills, Rashford often finds himself falling back to help stimulate the offense, supporting the wings, and finishing in front of goal all in the span of one game.

Rashford has also proven his versatility in the attacking third, playing as a winger under Jose Mourinho and now drifting back into his more comfortable role as a striker under Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Rashford brings a certain confidence and flare to a Manchester United and England team that English fans had not seen since the likes of Michael Owen and Robbie Fowler. At a young age, Rashford takes on a lot of responsibility for the offense and remains the main threat to opposing defenses because of his combination of dribbling and shooting, leaving even the Premier League’s best on their backs. If England and Manchester United are to have success in the future, Rashford will play a crucial role.

Honorable Mentions: GK: Alban Lafont, Christian Fruchtl Defenders: Dayot Upamecano, Oleksandr Zinchenko Midfielders: Houssem Aouar, Rodrigo Bentancur, Matteo Guendouzi, Youri Tielemans Attackers: Ousmane Dembele, Gabriel Jesus, Christian Pulisic, Jadon Sancho

LW: Vinicius Jr. Vinicius Jr. (or as we like to call him, Vini) is a special player. Forcing his way into Real Madrid’s starting 11 after his move from Flamengo, Vini had Real Madrid fans buzzing. Whenever he touches the ball, there is a sense of anticipation. Something exciting is going to happen when he gets on the ball, and it’s hard to take your eyes off of him. He zips past defenders, and his first touch is always creative. Vini has three goals and nine assists in 23 senior appearances this season, a respectable number given Madrid’s attacking struggles under ex-manager Santiago Solari. He has struggled to finish his chances, but even when he misses, he misses in style. Nonetheless, the raw talent is there; as long as he continues to be nurtured in Madrid, he will become world-class. At just 18, he makes being a successful teenager a difficult task.

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 33

Sports Young XI SPORTS DEPARTMENT

Right Back: Trent Alexander-Arnold During his time with Liverpool, Trent Alexander-Arnold has consistently shown that he can place even the best wingers the Premier League has to offer in his back pocket. The Premier League is renowned as the most competitive league in the world, but Arnold continues to play a critical role in Liverpool’s defense, which is statistically the best in the English top division. He has stood up to the tests of Eden Hazard, Marcus Rashford, and Raheem Sterling, while also constantly supporting Liverpool’s counter-attack and wing-play.

CM: Frenkie De Jong A cool figure in the middle of the park, Frenkie de Jong has been a staple in AFC Ajax’s team this season. There’s something mesmerizing about the way he glides through the midfield so effortlessly, leaving players (like Modric) in the dust and confused. The ball sticks to his feet despite the best efforts of his opposite numbers. When he decides to find a teammate with a pass, his accuracy rivals the like of Toni Kroos, with a 91.5 percent pass success rate this season. He also averages 1.2 key passes per game. This is more than future teammate Ivan Rakitic, who averages 0.7. It’s no wonder that FC Barcelona splashed out 65 million pounds to get him to mesmerize for them next season.

CB: De Ligt FC Barcelona tends to have a high standard when bringing up teenagers into the team. So when the Catalans come in bidding for a 19-yearold, it tells you a lot about the type of player Matthijs de Ligt has the potential to become. With an average of 1.3 tackles and interceptions per game, De Ligt has made a name for himself as a defensive wall in the Eredivisie and for Holland. A tall and strong defender, the Barcelona hierarchy believes he can become a leader in Barcelona’s back line and follow in the footsteps of two other famous Dutch defenders: the legendary Frank De Boer and Ronald Koeman. If the young Dutchman continues on his path, he has enough talent to continue Barcelona’s winning ways for another decade and become a pillar for the next great Dutch generation.

CM: Lucas Paqueta Last year, Lucas Paqueta was plying his trade at Flamengo with fellow young XI teammate Vinicius Jr., largely under the radar in terms of a European transfer. A call up to the Brazilian national team and move to AC Milan saw him burst onto the European scene. A player with great vision and ability on the ball, Paqueta has drawn comparisons to Brazilian legend Kaka. The comparison speaks for itself, and Paqueta will be sure to enjoy a fruitful career in Europe.

CM: Arthur When you think of a Barcelona midfielder, you think about the deadeye passing vision, finesse on the ball, and fluid movements off the ball. All these qualities can be seen in Arthur Melo, an exciting and entertaining young prospect at the core of the Blaugrana’s midfield. With a 93.9 percent pass completion rate, Arthur shows shades of Iniesta and Xavi in his game. A Brazilian with some flare, Arthur leaves fans in awe with the way he glides with the ball, spreads the play across the final third of the pitch, and attacks opposing defenses fearlessly.

Left Back: Achraf Hakimi Achraf Hakimi is naturally a right-back, but he has spent most of the season playing left-back for German side Borussia Dortmund. He is so versatile that we felt he could still do as good a job as any at left-back. A hardworking, tactically intelligent, and skillful fullback, the 20-year-old Moroccan has controlled the left flank at Borussia Dortmund (on loan from Real Madrid) this season. He averages 1.9 tackles per game and has seven assists after 25 appearances this season. This dual threat has helped him instantly connect with the likes of Marco Reus and Jadon Sancho at the North Rhein-Westphalia club. Crucial to Dortmund’s quick counter-attacking style, he continues to keep them in the Bundesliga title race.

Goalkeeper: Donnarumma At 20 years old, Gianluigi Donnarumma is being touted as the successor to his namesake, the iconic Gianluigi Buffon. Donnarumma already has 11 international caps for the Italian national team, compared to Gianluigi Buffon’s four at the same age. Standing behind a very porous AC Milan defensive line, Donnarumma boasts an impressive 74 percent save percentage throughout his entire career and holds the opposing team goalless in 33 percent of his matches. Since he made his debut for Milan at 16, no keeper has been able to take his starting spot.

Donnarumma already shares the same first name as Italy’s greatest keeper of all-time, but it remains to be seen regarding whether or not he can match his predecessor’s career in the years to come.

Center Back: Dan-Axel Zagadou A tall and overpowering figure at the back, Zagadou has been a staple in Borussia Dortmund’s backline—and for good reason. The 19-year-old Frenchmen averages 0.8 tackles, 1.3 interceptions, and 4.1 clearances per game. He’s added to his game by using his power on the attacking side as well, picking up two goals in 13 games.

His strength and skill give him all the tools to become a world-class center back, and he has done his part in alleviating much of Dortmund’s defensive woes from last season. His consistency has helped him beat out some great defenders to earn his spot in our young XI.

Page 34

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Sports Sports Editorial

March is Here, and Madness will Ensue

By ETHAN KIRSCHNER and BENJAMIN HAMEL March Madness, college basketball’s NCAA tournament, has fans on the edge of their seats for a month. It is the craziest, wildest, and—according to some—the most exciting event in sports. This year’s tournament is full of elite title contenders, dark horses that can make a big run, and Cinderella hopefuls who may be on the bubble. Before all the craziness begins, we want to give you some insight so that you can keep up with the results, enjoy the action on TV, and maybe even win your March Madness bracket pool.

These are four dark horses that we think can make a big run in the tournament: 1) Maryland Terrapins The Terps have one of the most talented rosters in the country, led by top-five center Bruno Fernando and former All-Big Ten point guard Anthony Cowan. They were ranked in the top-15 earlier in the year, climbing all the way up to 13th before dropping two in a row. Lately, they have been inconsistent, with a 5-6 record in their last 11 games. They are the fifth youngest team in the country according to Kenpom, and they have relied on their top 10 recruiting class to build a supporting cast around Fernando and Cowan. The jewel of the class, Jalen Smith, has struggled at times. However, when he scored more than 15 points, the Terps went 10-0. It is not a question of talent with this team, but whether the coaching staff can handle the young team and create open looks, as they have struggled to run good sets and consistent offense. They often go through scoring droughts that lead to losses against higher caliber teams.

Often, these droughts have been at the start of games and at halves.

This highlights Mark Turgeon and his staff ’s inability to create positive in-game adjustments. If the Terps can live up to their potential, they have a good shot to be a second weekend team in this year’s tournament.

2) Wofford Terriers Wofford has burst onto the college basketball scene, winning an astonishing 18 games in a row, beginning with their win against WCU on December 29. They are not the most battle- tested team, which is shown by the fact that their strength of schedule is ranked 128th. They play in a relatively weak conference, the Southern Conference. They have a record of 27-4 this season, and they know how to close out wins.

They are led by a variety of upperclassmen, including Fletcher Magee, the undisputed Southern Conference player of the year who averages over 20 points per games. Experts are placing their faith in Wofford heading into the tournament because of their record in the difficult games they have played. Wofford is 3-4 in quadrant one games, which are games against college basketball’s best teams. Projected fifth seed, Virginia Tech is only 4-7 in such games.

3) Auburn Tigers On senior day, Auburn’s seniors went out with a bang, defeating fifth-ranked Tennessee in the last home game of their col-

lege careers. Auburn has relied on its four starting seniors to carry the team all season. Senior guard Bryce Brown has averaged about 16 points per game, with the majority of his points coming from threes. His ability to score doubledigits in just minutes gives opposing teams something to fear when playing against the Tigers and allows the Tigers to compete with anybody and come back from heavy deficits. The tremendous defense that they play (averaging 9.2 steals per game) lets this team get out, run in transition, and shoot a high clip from beyond the arc (37.5 percent), making the Tigers a dangerous team in the tournament. Bruce Pearl had his Tigers all the way in the top 10 midway through the season.

However, as Auburn’s schedule got tougher, they started to fade.

They bounced back, finishing the year with four consecutive wins, solidifying their bid for the title.

In an extremely difficult SEC, they finished with an 11-7 record, and their upperclassmen will look to

immense talent, but oftentimes the most talented team doesn’t make the final four, which is why this inexperienced team may not be able to get essential wins when it matters most.

2) Kansas Jayhawks: When the first AP Poll came out, Kansas was ranked number one in the country. However, a 48-point loss to Duke in their first game of the season certainly changed their outlook on the season. Things for the Jayhawks even got worse as star big man Udoka Azubuike went down with a right knee injury in the middle of the season. He was their leading scorer and rebounder. With Azubuike out, Guard Lagerald Vick stepped up to keep the Jayhawks afloat.

However, with five regular season games remaining, he left the team for unknown reasons. With their two leading scorers out, Kansas did not win a share of the Big 12 title for the first time in 15 years.

Going into the postseason, the Jayhawks are reeling, losing four

year and make a deep run in the tournament. After preseason projections had them finishing eighth in the Big 10, the Boilermakers won the Big 10 title. Though they were given a soft schedule to end the year, Purdue only lost three games in conference play. But, they rely too much on Carsen Edwards. He takes over 40 percent of the Boilermakers’ shots, and Purdue does not have a proven second scorer to take the weight off of Edwards’s shoulders. In March Madness, teams will make a game plan to stop the Boilermakers’ leading scorer, and they will have no one else to turn to.

Though their defense, led by Nojel Eastern, has been elite this season, the Boilermakers will not make enough shots to help Edwards out and make a deep run in this year’s NCAA tournament.

Schofield, who is a senior guard.

They combine for about 36 points per game. This duo is great at getting to the free throw line and then hitting their shots there (about 81 percent from the line). This combination of power and touch alongside their experience as upperclassmen provides a daunting task for any opponent. With the great passing of Jordan Bone (a junior guard and who averages six assists per game) and tremendous rebounding of Williams and Kyle Alexander, a senior forward, the Vols are a formidable opponent.

The Vols can also threaten in transition, as Bone is one of the fastest players in the NCAA. With their tremendous fire power, the Vols can beat anybody come the NCAA tournament and are the most complete team in the entire tournament.

Final Four Prediction:

West Region Winner: Gonzaga Bulldogs Every year, it seems that Gonzaga, led by head coach Mark Few, is an elite title contender. However, by the time they get to the tournament, they often fall short of the ultimate goal. The closest they came was in 2017, when they lost to North Carolina in the National Championship. Playing in one of the weakest divisions in the country, Gonzaga has the lowest strength of schedule of premier teams at 61st in the country.

However, during the non-conference schedule, Gonzaga handed Duke their first loss of the season in the Maui Jim Maui Invitational.

The Zags are led by sophomore Rui Hachimura, who looks like a lottery pick in this upcoming NBA Draft. Josh Perkins, the senior starting point guard, has been an elite threat from behind the arc, while he also finds open looks for his teammates. Though their strength of schedule is not elite, the Zags have proven their ability to succeed in this tournament in recent years. Though they just lost the West Coast Conference Tournament Championship, this may serve as a good wake-up call and bring them back down to earth.

East Region Winner: Duke Blue Devils Led by a freshman class that

This year’s tournament is full of elite title contenders, dark horses who can make a big run and Cinderella hopefuls that may be on the bubble.

cement their legacy in Auburn as they try to make a strong run in the NCAA tournament.

4) Syracuse Orange Syracuse has made a habit of making unexpected big runs in the Big Dance. Led by guards OJ Howard and Tyus Battle, the Orange have shown flashes of the elite team they’re projected to be.

They beat Duke at Cameron in a huge signature victory, though Duke was playing without starting point guard Tre Jones. Coach Jim Boeheim has been one of the most successful coaches in college basketball history, but his team has not lived up to the hype this season. Whatever happens, the Orange will be hungry to make a big splash in March Madness.

There are four teams that we think will disappoint in the NCAA tournament: 1) Kentucky Wildcats: The Wildcats are a tremendous team with immense upside and the ceiling of a final four team. However, without Reid Travis, or the star center, for the last five games, the Wildcats have looked nothing more than ordinary with no top 25 wins. Though PJ Washington is an extremely skilled player, his recent performances have looked lackluster without Travis’s help.

He has been extremely inconsistent as of late. This is a feature that serves as a red flag for an upset. Inconsistency is the most likely cause for any early exit in the NCAA tournament. Freshman guard Tyler Herro is a terrific free throw shooter, and he can be a huge boost down the stretch when they are winning big. The Wildcats are a terrific team with

of their last six games. The inexperience will take a toll on their depleted roster and freshmen Devon Dotson and Quentin Grimes, none of whom have developed a consistent outside shot; both will be outshone by the premier guards in the tournament.

3) LSU Tigers: LSU has been one of the surprise teams this season. Led by point guard Tremont Waters and projected to be a top 10 pick in this summer’s NBA Draft, Nazreon Reid, LSU is looking to continue its impressive season. LSU claimed their first SEC title in almost 10 years and have defeated both Tennessee and Kentucky this season. However, there have been signs of them slowing down as of lately. Florida, a bubble team that will most likely not get into the tournament, took them to overtime. But, most importantly, Will Wade, their head coach, was suspended indefinitely and not allowed to speak to the team after the FBI accused him of making players talk to high school recruits so they would commit to LSU. One of these players is former number one overall pick and Philadelphia 76ers star point guard, Ben Simmons. With their inexperience in the postseason as well as a depleted coaching staff and the young players they rely on, LSU won’t be able to quiet the outside noise and focus on basketball in the postseason. The scandal will affect their play and lead to an early round exit.

4) Purdue Boilermakers: Led by the leading scorer in the conference, Carsen Edwards, the Boilermakers are looking to avenge their early round upset last

included the three top-rated high school seniors in the country, Duke was billed as one of the best teams college basketball has seen in years. Stephen A. Smith even went so far as to say that “We are looking at a team that could go undefeated.” However, the Blue Devils have been plagued by injuries down the stretch and have lost three out of their last four games, almost losing to a lowly 11-17 Wake Forest team. First, it was star point guard Tre Jones, the number one point guard in the 2018 high school class and who missed three games due to injury. Now, athletic freak and surefire first overall draft pick in this upcoming NBA draft, or Zion WIlliamson, has missed the last three. However, the Blue Devils will hopefully get themselves back on track heading into the NCAA tournament. The only question that remains on the team sheet is Marques Bolden, who went down with an MCL Sprain in Duke’s loss to North Carolina.

Some also question if Duke is too inexperienced to be able to win the championship on the national level. Led by four freshmen, their young players will have to grow up fast to make a big run in March.

However, they are easily the most talented team in the tournament, and they should be considered favorites.

South Region Winner: Tennessee Volunteers Under head coach Rick Barnes, the Vols have gone 27-4 in conference play, finishing second in the SEC to LSU. The Vols are magnificent at home, as they have just one home loss throughout the season. They boast a fearsome duo in Grant Williams, who is a junior forward, and Admiral

Midwest Region Winner: North Carolina Tar Heels The Tar Heels were not playing up to expectations earlier in the season. Things began to change as the calendar grew closer to March and as the Tar Heels started to flip the page on their early-season struggles. They have risen all the way to the thirdranking team in the AP Polls.

In the last few weeks, they have beaten Duke twice, once at home and once on the road. Some of the players who were expected to be big contributors, such as Nassir Little, have been demoted to smaller roles throughout the season. Little, who has come on solidly at the stretch, was expected to be the most talented player on the Tar Heels squad, coming in as the fifth best high school senior according to ESPN. However, Coby White, the starting freshman point guard, and Cameron Johnson, the starting power forward, have led the way for North Carolina’s impressive turnaround. Hall of Fame Coach Roy Williams has also pushed all the right buttons in order to make his team successful; he has taken a team that was getting blown out in their own building by 40 to a perennial title contender.

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

Page 35

Sports Sports Editorial

To Pay or Not To Pay? Paying NCAA Athletes: Possible, and Necessary

By Sam Levine I’m a Syracuse fan. I’ve been one all my life. I’m one of hundreds of thousands of people who tune in to watch their games. I am also one of the millions who watch during March Madness.

I remember watching a six-overtime game when I was five. I have the requisite Orange T-shirts and a Carmelo Anthony Syracuse jersey—one of tens of thousands. However, despite being the one with his name on the back, Carmelo Anthony made zero-point-zero dollars on those jersey sales. The NCAA made money. The conference made money.

The university made money. Carmelo didn’t. Unfair as it seems, this is because NCAA players are forbidden from profiting off their hard work or sales of jerseys with their numbers on the back.

I know, I know...“but they get to go to college for free.” That’s true.

Nevertheless, college sports are a billion dollar industry—that is, for everyone but the people doing the actual work. For starters, let’s talk about the contract the NCAA signed with CBS for the rights to March Madness. Signed in 2010, it was a 14-year and nearly $11 billion contract; it was extended in 2016 for another eight years and $8.8 billion more. I’ll do the math for you—that’s over $1 billion per year into the pockets of everyone but the players.

Unfair doesn’t begin to explain

to be a significant concern for NCAA athletes who risk injury every time they go out and play. And if there is an injury? Goodbye, scholarship. For example, when Kevin Ware suffered his devastating injury, Louisville almost took away his scholarship, which almost surely would have left him just like most other college students: in debt. If only that player was able to make some profit from the $1 billion he or she helps generate each year. This aspect especially applies to football; players literally put their lives on the line every time they go on the field. One bad blow to the head, and not only is their season over, but their career might be as well.

Without pay, there isn’t much reason for Zion Williamson to go out on the court and play at his top level anymore.

Everyone knows that even if Zion sits out the rest of the season, he’s still going top five (at worst) in the upcoming 2019 NBA Draft. He could very easily pull a Michael Porter Jr., who was projected to go number one overall before getting hurt in college and then went number 14, losing out on millions of dollars.

It doesn’t seem fair to the players that they put all this strength and energy into their games and get no return.

But let’s get back to the money and do some more math. Let’s assume the NCAA gets $1 billion per year from TV contracts and ticket sales for the men’s basketball tournament alone. There

Nevertheless, college sports are a billion dollar industry—that is, for everyone but the people doing the actual work.

the severity of the problem. Sports are basically a full-time job for studentathletes, considering the fact that they miss significant portions of their classes for their games, especially during the tournament or before a bowl game. The NCAA defends itself by saying that playing basketball for their college technically isn’t the players’ real job; they’re minors and their job is to be a student at school before they are an athlete. But let’s be honest. Their sport really is their job. According to a 2010 study, NCAA athletes can practice for more than 40 hours a week. That’s pretty close to the about average in the U.S. (45 hours a week). Between class, homework, practice, and games, NCAA athletes put in more hours per week than most adults.

Others might say that in addition to the free tuition, the players get a platform to show off their skills to the pro scouts. Unfortunately for 99 percent of college athletes, only about one percent of them will ever go on to sign a pro contract. For the rest, college is their only chance to financially benefit from their skills on the field.

Players put their bodies on the line for the game, as they should.

However, a large portion of scholarships aren’t binding four-year scholarships, but rather one-year scholarships that schools have the option to renew on an annual basis. This option proves

are 68 teams, each with 13 scholarship slots. Assume each scholarship is worth $50,000 a year, which is higher than the average but still a convenient number.

That comes to about $44 million, or less than five percent! This means that the other 95 percent is going to people not wearing uniforms. Top coaches make north of $5 million. Conference commissioners make seven figures. The president of the NCAA nets a cool $2 million. It must be nice to run a business where the product is free!

The argument for not paying NCAA athletes is uninformed. Yes, they’re student-athletes, but let’s be honest. The good players aren’t there to be students; they are there to play sports. So paying for their college doesn’t really benefit them, aside from giving them a platform to show their skills. And to that, I say the following: go play overseas. Do what Kristaps Porzingis did: skip college, play overseas, get recognized, and go top five overall. He didn’t even have to bother with being a student, and he sure got paid for it.

The answer is clear. Give some of the billion dollars made from NCAA sports to the players. They’re the ones making the money for them, so they should be getting money from them. Maybe student comes first in student-athlete, but we know about Zion because he’s an athlete, not a student.

Paying NCAA Athletes: Impractical and Impossible to Implement

By Bernard Wang The debate over whether NCAA athletes should be paid heats up in early spring every year. With the immensely popular March Madness basketball tournament just on the horizon, it’s easy to accuse the NCAA of unfairly profiting off of players who don’t get paid. Some argue in favor of paying student-athletes to give them a share of the billion-dollar college sports industry. They think the athletes deserve to reap the rewards of their work. These people have good intentions, but their solutions are impractical and unfair. Though some advocate for paying student athletes, the complexities and unwanted consequences of this proposal outweigh its surface level appeal.

There’s a common misconception that while the NCAA gains billions of dollars a year, college athletes get no compensation. Let’s put the existing compensation for student athletes into perspective.

Everyone knows that the college application process is one of the most stressful experiences in life. Starting from SAT II’s in freshman year to submitting Early Decision applications four years later, the idea of going to college is always lurking in the back of our minds. Even if we’re ultimately accepted into our dream university, the euphoria and excitement is often overshadowed by a more pressing issue: college isn’t cheap! According to the College Board, the average cost to attend a private, four-year college is $32,410 per year. All in all, we’d expect to pay well over $100,000, which is more than enough to drown newly graduated students in debt for years to come.

However, many NCAA athletes who are advocating for paid salaries already have their tuition covered.

NCAA athletes don’t need to worry about tuition, board, meals, travel fees, or medical insurance, because it’s all taken care of by their colleges. The athletes already have an advantage over their peers as well as a layer of guaranteed financial security. When people are clamoring for more benefits to college athletes, they forget that going to college for free cannot be taken for granted. Billions of dollars are given to student athletes each year for financial aid, yet people still believe the athletes get no compensation whatsoever for their contributions to the NCAA.

While the scholarship system certainly has its flaws, it is much more practical and affordable than outright paying college athletes. Paying college athletes has economic and practical shortcomings which cannot be ignored. The NCAA regulates 1,268 institutions, and it helps more than 480,000 college student-athletes compete in college sports. If the NCAA ruled that all college athletes are to be paid, many universities would instantly go bankrupt. Universities wouldn’t be able to allocate sufficient funds to pay every one of their athletes any kind of living wage, let alone the enormous contracts that they desire. Problems arise when we attempt to devise a plan for paying athletes that is both fair and possible.

The only way for some athletes to get a livable wage is if other athletes lose out on their pay. It is unreasonable to glorify some sports that are moneymaking machines, like basketball and football, while neglecting other sports that run apart from the mainstream— even though their players are equally talented and hard working. It isn’t fair for colleges to give separate bonuses solely based off of the type of sport the athlete plays. Every single one of the athletes are skilled in their fields, and he or she spends more or less the same amount of time and effort into practice and games. It’s true that the pay levels of the NBA and NFL are far different from the American Lacrosse League. But in the NCAA, student-athletes are not yet professionals.

They are still in college; these athletes are still attending the same classes, still sleeping in the same dorm rooms, still receiving the same academics. Golf college players should not be deprived of the same benefits that more mainstream sports athletes get.

If NCAA athletes were paid, the highly competitive nature of the association would be ruined. A recent NCAA study determined that only about 20 of the over 1000 college sports programs in the nation were profitable last year. The biggest conferences raise billions of dollars a year, but the great majority of schools operate on funding from the main campus and student fees. This means that while a handful of programs can afford to pay large sums to their top athletes, the other 1,000 colleges will be caught in a hopeless bidding war that they will inevitably lose.

As a result, the NCAA would become even more polarized, with nothing stopping the richest universities from signing top talent except other rich universities. Very few colleges will be able to afford to pay five-star recruits, while the remaining colleges will have to either continue without equally talented players or find ways to raise money for their sports programs.

If the colleges don’t raise money, then the NCAA will be dominated by the richest universities, and there will be a drastic drop in competitiveness. If the colleges do decide to pour money into their athletics, they will have to dig deep into their already middling funds and allocate money from their other programs toward paying their athletes.

This is for any chance to compete against other schools that are richer.

It’s a lose-lose scenario. Either the leagues or the universities themselves will be ruined.

The argument for paying athletes is founded on an ambition to give athletes a share of the profits that they generate. It is true that their success and popularity is what drives the NCAA. However, paying NCAA athletes isn’t the way to go. It’s an impractical and problematic alternative to the existing scholarship system, which already provides compensation for the hundreds of thousands of student-athletes in the system. If the student-athletes want to be paid, the best of the best will go on to professional leagues and make money when the time comes. But for now, college shouldn’t emulate the pros. Student comes first in student-athlete.

Page 36

The Spectator ● April 5, 2019

THE SPECTATOR SPORTS Athlete of the Issue

CALENDAR

LAX to the MAX!

By AKI YAMAGUCHI An Interview With Isabela Seitz: The Stuyvesant Huskies finished last season with a record of 7-5 and qualified for playoffs. This year, they are hoping to return stronger and place higher in their division, giving them a higher seed. Senior and captain Isabela Seitz had 24 goals and six assists, playing in all 12 league games last year. Leading the team with junior and fellow captain Emory Walsh, the Huskies have an exciting season ahead.

Grade: Senior Height: 5’3 Eye color: Green Hair color: Blonde DOB: 12/14/2001

1. When did you start playing lacrosse?

I started playing lacrosse in the fourth grade—first outside of school and then all the way throughout middle school.

When I came to Stuyvesant, I didn’t join the team freshman year, but then I started from sophomore year and onward.

2. Do you play in a club outside of school?

Before Stuyvesant, I played outside of school on a club team starting in the fourth grade. It gave me a chance to branch out from the people that I knew, and it introduced me to a new sport that I will always love to play.

3. What are your goals coming into the season for the team?

We have a lot of new girls and a new coach this year. My goal this year is probably for us to become a collective unit and do well together as a new group.

4. What do you hope to improve within your own skills this season?

I definitely want to be more offensive this year, and you always want to communicate better. I always want to improve my accuracy for shooting, and I also want to pass more. Being as aggressive as I can is something else as well.

5. As an athlete, how have you juggled sports with work?

I would say it’s a little different for me; I already play a year-round outside of school: hockey. So freshman year, I didn’t play lacrosse because of hockey. The transition into the Stuyvesant workload happened when I was only playing one sport. Therefore, when I started playing lacrosse, the transition wasn’t as hard, and I already adjusted myself. The balance is always hard. You are sometimes doing work until midnight or at school. It’s just a hard balance being a studentathlete.

8. Tips for how to handle the balance?

Something I used to have trouble with is putting school before sports. A lot of athletes I know get caught up with how

important their sport is, but I always believe that school should hold priority.

7. Proudest moment so far?

For me personally, it was when I scored my first goal on the field last year. It was really fun, and I will always remember that. It was a pretty solid moment! For the team, I’m always proud of every win, but what the team does collectively also makes me proud.

8. Funniest player or moment?

The funniest player on the team is going to have to be Mai Rachlevsky. She’s like a moodlifter for the team. You always have that one person on the team who can bring the team together with laughter, and Mai is that girl.

9. Something you are going to miss?

I’m going to miss the sport itself a lot, but I will also miss the community. Both sports I play are team sports (lacrosse and hockey), as I love just the social aspect of teams. You are with the same 20 girls every day, and you grow together.

Furthermore, as a senior, I often lend advice to the younger girls on the team. I’m going to miss the friendships that I made while being part of the team.

Choice drink: Milk Favorite food: Pasta Motto to live by: You miss 100 percent of the shots you do not make.

Fun fact: I play ice hockey outside of school!

Peglegs Aim High After Strong Finish Last Season

By WASEQ AHMED and YAE JUNE LEE

With spring comes the start of the lacrosse season; the Peglegs are looking to build off of last year’s impressive playoff run, in which they ultimately lost against Midwood in the semifinals with a final score of 6-13. Using last year’s success as a baseline, the Peglegs have set their expectations as high as possible this year, seeking to win the championship.

“Our goal is to continue the momentum from last season, where we made it semi-finals in the playoffs. We have big things in store and are aiming for the championship,” senior and captain Rubin Peci said.

The new head coach, or Daryl Warfield, has taken the place of Coach Di Wu, who left Stuyvesant after last season.

However, Stuyvesant alumnus Andrew Ligayi will remain as the assistant coach to help ease the transition in Coach Wu’s absence. When asked about a preview for the upcoming season, Coach Warfield said, “With returning players being

inspired by last season, we will be making progress for sure.”

The Peglegs will also have to make up for the departures of the seniors and co-captains Sam Brimberg, Giorgio Vidali, and Dima Hvristman. Because of this, Peci believes that offense will be the major area that they must improve on.

“We need to work on developing plays and formations that we will stick to, as last year was really just a lot of spontaneous plays made up in-game.” In order to establish a high-level offense, they will look to continue sticking with techniques that have been deemed effective last season, such as subbing players rapidly and passing from behind the goal. “We are expected to see more fluid offensive possessions with our overall passing skills improving.

We will be a fun team to watch and root for,” Coach Warfield said. Players that are on the attacking side of the field, such as junior Andrew Hirtle, senior Anton Dalylenko, and senior Ariel Glazeman, will look to step up this season to provide the offensive firepower needed

to complement their already sturdy defense.

On the other hand, defense is an area where the Peglegs excel and are confident about.

Junior Alex Thompson, who has been playing since freshman year, is the leader of the defense. The Peglegs follow the fourth pole substitution strategy—having four defensive pole-carrying players on the field at all times. The Peglegs also look forward to having their middle help the defense. “Our middies who play defense, like me and [senior] Ian Kaplan, have improved their skills and are looking forward to playing against other teams,” Peci said.

Though the team’s overall goal is to win a championship, the Peglegs will not forget to build the younger players on the team. “We also have to prepare our younger players to play once the starters graduate,” Peci said. The experience will be crucial for the underclassmen, as they are expected to step up and lead the team in the future.

april

2

tuesday

NBA Denver Nuggets vs Golden State Warriors 10:30pm

5

4

thursday

Lacrosse Stuyvesant vs James Madison 4:00pm Randall’s Island Field 84

friday

Boys Varsity Baseball Beacon vs Stuyvesant 4:00pm Prospect Park #5

5

friday

8

Girls Varsity Softball Stuyvesant vs Lehman Campus 4:00pm Chelsea Park #1

monday

Boys Varsity Baseball Francis Lewis vs Stuyvesant 4:30pm Francis Lewis HS Field

9

tuesday

11

thursday

Girls Varsity Softball Fort Hamilton vs Stuyvesant 4:00pm The Dust Bowl

Lacrosse Jamaica vs Stuyvesant 4:00pm Long Island City High School Field