The Spooktator October 31, 2018
Volume 109 No. 4
SPOOKYBEAT Jane Rhee is EDing to the same college as you.
Damesek is back. DeBlasio’s new plan to diver-
sify SHSAT schools, which includes an interview component, will go into effect next October. The number of white people at Stuy is expected to rise to 73 percent.
le-cell anemia next semester.
Following the reveal of The Spectator’s plans to sell ARISTAbranded stoles at graduation for $1, ARISTA membership drops to 4.
Marijuana
use has been legalized in the theater for Beaux Watwood only.
STC’s spring play scheduled for February 29. Four female ghostbusters? The feminists are taking over!
Mr. Moran is behind you. Boo!gram proceeds go to funding a new phone collection box for Wisotsky. teachers
the white curve.
abolish
Principal Eric Contreras resigns again.
By Yasmine Chokrane It’s that time of year again— houses are guarded by poorly made jack-o’-lanterns, “This is Halloween” is playing on everyone’s Spotify playlist, and fake cobwebs and plastic skeletons adorn suburban homes. The moment the clock hits 12:00 a.m. on October 1, a frenzy overtakes the general population and we’re filled with an urge to watch “Rocky Horror Picture Show” for the hundredth time, eat candy corn until our stomach turns inside-out, and read some Stephen King novels. Why? Because it’s Halloween, damnit! This holiday has become a staple of Western culture. But contrary to popular belief, its origins don’t lie in commercialization and overindulgence (though that’s very much what it has become), but rather the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, celebrated over 2,000 years ago and on November 1. For the Celts, who lived in
stuyspec.com
Putting Christ Back Into Halloween
By Oliver Stewart
We’re quickly approaching Halloween: the kids are wasting their hard-earned life savings of $6.53 on plastic vampire fangs which will give them lead poisoning, pumpkins are appearing in supermarkets, it’s starting to smell like fall, and Satan and his henchmen are preparing to devour the souls of all sinners who follow the pagan custom of “tricky treating.” You might be shocked at that last one because, on the surface, Halloween seems like a lordly holiday with good intentions. However, when you look a little deeper, most parts of the Halloween tradition can be traced back to sinful pagan origins. For one, candy is sinful and should always be avoided at all costs by conscientious Christians. It’s a little-known fact that sugar is imbued with the spirit of Lucifer himself, and any child who consumes it will become possessed by Mephistopheles. In particular, Snickers candy bars are full of evil spirits that will jump into the innocent child who eats them. Research by Christian Science Today shows that there are approximately 2.3 evil spirits per gram of chocolate in a Snickers bar, which is further proof that the food industry has fallen to the devil. These newfangled, needle-waving healthdoctors also have an outlandish theory about “obesity,” but the real reason to keep your children away from candy at all costs is to stop them from being indoctrinated into occult practices, like human sacrifice or eating meat on Fridays. We asked Joseph Redbone, a self-described hip youth pastor, what he thought about candy and its effects on Christian children, and he was unequivocal: “Not rad, dude. All this, like, chocolate, is full of ghosts that
Mandy Mai / The Spectator
Big Sibs announce they are only accepting double-jointed green-eyed gingers with sick-
Mandarin
“The Pulse of the Student Body”
people are unaware of, bro, separating us from Jesus. Also, if you say the Korean word for candy in an obnoxious American accent, it sounds like Satan. Amen, y’know? Praise the Lord. We should all avoid Halloween and have a rad prayer circle with Jesus-themed EDM instead.” We at The Spectator believe that you should give out Biblical verses printed on pictures of saints to try and help all the wicked children out tricky treating repent to their grievous sins. Along with the candy itself, tricky treating as a concept is wholly unlordly. One should not ask one’s neighbors for anything, but rather ask the Lord for assistance in trying times, so asking everyone around you for a satanic drug like sugar is a surefire way to end up in H-E-double hockey sticks. Other aspects of Halloween are deeply occult as well; for example, a Ms. Mary Lou Jenkins reached out to us asking for an interview and shed some insight on the issue of pumpkins. Ms. Jenkins, who spends her spare time throwing stones at children from the window of her
first-floor apartment and engaging in staring contests with her seven cats, stated, “Pumpkins are the devil’s favorite vegetable. He came to me in a dream once and told me so. Praise the Lord! He eats them in pies, in salads, in anything he can, really. If you touch a pumpkin, he’ll eat your soul and you won’t even notice. Amen.” We did some independent research to back up her claims, and though Lucifer declined to comment, we felt very possessed after touching pumpkins. For this reason, it is imperative that you avoid pumpkins this Halloween and focus on more holy orange fruits, like clementines or nectarines. Though it is an evil, pagan holiday, your children will probably want to participate in all the “fun” that the other devilworshipping children seem to be having. As such, we’ve compiled a list of ways that your children can have a holy blast this October without the occult influences of Halloween. For one, we Christians should rename the holiday altogether to make it a better influence on our poor children.
A Haunting History
what is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, the day marked the end of harvest and the dread that came with the start of winter— which was largely associated with death. The night before, October 31, was believed to be the day where the line between the living and dead blurred, and restless ghosts would return and wreak havoc. Their presence was also believed by the Celts to grant Celtic priests and Druids—whose predictions served vital to the Celts—greater foresight into the future, as they provided a source of comfort during the desolate winter. To celebrate Samhain, Druids would construct massive bonfires, where Celts would sacrifice crops and animals to pay tribute to Celtic deities and dress up in costumes, in which they would attempt to predict each other’s futures. Their costumes were typically animal skins, and the hope was that they’d be able to ward off malicious spirits and be unrecognizable as human.
By 43 AD, however, the Roman Empire had managed to conquer most of Celtic territory. The two pagan cultures blended and the Roman Empire eventually began to incorporate the Celtic celebration of Samhain. Fast-forward nearly 600 years ago and a mass conversion of Rome to Christianity. Pope Boniface dedicated the Pantheon in Rome to all of Christian martyrs and established the All Martyrs Day in the Western Church on May 13, 609 AD, later moving the feast from martyrs to saints and from May 13 to November 1. Once the Christianity spread into Celtic regions in the 800s, the two cultures merged and replaced the older Celtic rites. So in 1000 AD, the church established All Souls’ Day to commemorate the dead, November 2. Celebrated a day after All Saints’ Day and in a similar manner as Samhain, costumes eventually became of saints, angels, and devils. Another name for All Saints’
Day was Allhallows or Allhallowmas, and the night preceding the first was called All Hallows Eve, the title eventually evolving into Halloween. As the age of exploration moved to America, so did this tradition. It was seldom practiced in colonial New England and other Protestant communities due to strict religiosity, but in the South, Halloween flourished as European ethnic groups began sharing stories of the dead, dancing, singing, and celebrating mischief-making in the middle of the 1800s. It still hadn’t been celebrated everywhere in the country, but in the latter half of the 1800s, when the Irish began to arrive, the celebration of Halloween became popularized. English and Irish traditions began to be incorporated and the tradition of “trick-or-treating” emerged. The late nineteenth century saw a movement to mold Halloween into something more about community and strengthening ties with neighbors. Parents were encouraged by newspapers
Some suggested names include: “Jesus’ Fall Fun,” “Church Autumn Bash,” “Harvest Fair of the Lord,” and “Merry Autumnal Feast in Honor of Christ, the Lord Master, Logos, Son of God, Son of Man, Son of David, Lamb of God.” To replace the sinful costumes, we love dressing up in nativity outfits on Halloween and going door to door demanding that residents repent rather than ask for candy. Finally, if your children want to give out candy, tell them that it’s a sin and urge them to find a more lordly alternative, like throwing communion wafers at heretics or aggressively reading the Bible to people in costumes. I hope this article opened all of your eyes to the evil that is Halloween ad that you will avoid it or join us in celebrating the Merry Autumnal Feast in honor of Christ, the Lord Master, Logos, Son of God, Son of Man, Son of David, Lamb of God instead. Please remember to avoid sugar, and as the children say, “Happy ‘Spooktober.’”
and neighbors to promote the less grotesque aspects of Halloween, and the holiday became more secular. As the religious undertones began to dissipate, mass appeal grew. Along with an increase in treats, the late 1800s saw a rise in tricks, as pranking became established—tipping over outhouses, egging homes, and acts of vandalism. Halloween began to gain traction during the Roaring ‘20s, and later into the ‘30s, as Halloween tricks began to increase in severity. The population was encouraged to indulge in the less dangerous aspects. Trick-or-treating was revived as parents began to provide children with candy in fear of being the brunt of practical jokes, and Halloween parties became a usual occurrence. As individual communities began to spend money on more candy and decor, Halloween became commercialized. In fact, Americans spend more than $6 billion each Halloween, making it the second largest commercialized holiday in the United States.