Halloween at Stuyvesant has one major problem and Principal Yu knows how to solve it. see page 28
You’re tired of trick-or-treaters taking all of the candy in the candy buck et, so you devise a plan to change that.
What better way to stay hip than by dressing up as a yellow cylinder who doesn’t speak real words? Not only will a minion costume make you look abso lutely stunning, but it’s more rel evant than ever with the release of the hit movie “Minions: Rise of Gru.” Just a warning, though: this costume is only funny if you wear it post-meta-ironically.
This costume has been reliable since the beginning of time. Just throw on a sheet and be on your way. To be a successful ghost, the sheet must stay on. Walk through the cold morning wearing nothing but the sheet. Climb all the way to your ninth floor locker with the sheet. Eat the frozen bagel they serve for lunch with the sheet. Go
to sleep with the sheet. Become the sheet. Do it
Name some of the greatest stars of our generation. You’ve got Ed Sheeran, Doja Cat, the corn kid, and, of course, the wrecking ball from “Wrecking Ball.” If you want to wow your classmates with something that’s sure to leave quite the impression, our advice is to come in looking like a rockstar donning this out fit. Careful, though: if you paint yourself red instead of gray, you might be mistaken for the Target ball, your mortal enemy…
If you want to dress up with out drawing attention to your self, this is the costume for you. Cosplay as that one side charac
ter from that obscure fandom you’re obsessed with, like the guy in the background of season six, episode 39 of “Grey’s Anato my.” His costume would consist of a green shirt and jeans. Very recognizable. Absolutely nobody will appreciate your genius, but that’s the beauty of it!
5. Chris Pratt as Mario:
To clarify, this isn’t your aver age Mario costume—this is the concept of dressing up as Chris Pratt dressed up as Mario. Really focus on honing your voice act ing skills to sound the least like Mario as possible. Have your partner be Bowser for a great duo costume! (They were in love, right? That was the plot of the game?)
6. Mitochondria:
Pretty much self-explanatory.
“You may begin.”
You flip over the test paper in front of you. Rather than study ing for this global history exam, you spent the week working out in a failed attempt to become at tractive, a decision you now re gret. Chills run down your spine as you realize you don’t know anything on the test. The Mon gol Empire? The effect of trade on South Asian religion? None of it makes sense.
You shiver. Did a breeze just sweep through the room? Maybe that was just the blood draining from your face. Your body tenses up, as if someone’s putting their cold, clammy hand on your shoulders. Then, from behind you, a translucent blue hand points to the answer sheet. “That one’s wrong. And that one. Have kids gotten dumber or something?” Offended, you turn around. Standing behind you is a girl, hazy and clear like a mirage.
You scream out of pure fear
and fall out of your chair. You begin sobbing hysterically, won dering if sleep deprivation has finally driven you insane. Your teacher and fellow students, ac customed to the cries of pain during exams, ignore you. It seems as if you’re the only one who can see the ghost. She puts her hands up. “Whoa, whoa! Calm down! I can help!”
Slowly climbing back into your chair, you whisper back to the ghost, “Who are you? And why do you look like a teenage Casper the Friendly Ghost?”
The ghost replies, “Because I AM a ghost. I used to go to Stuy too, but then I died in a freak moose-related accident. I had this exact test 10 years ago!” The ghost points to your work. “Look, you misspelled Confu cianism here. Also, Melbourne isn’t in Canada, and Leonardo DiCaprio is not an artist from the Italian Renaissance.”
You hesitantly erase what you wrote and fill in what the ghost tells you to write. She nods encouragingly, giving you
a thumbs up. You’re suspicious. Can you really trust the answers she gives you? The last time you cheated during an exam, you got a 54, and you don’t want a repeat of that.
You point to another ques tion. “What about this one? What’s the biggest port city in Hungary?”
The ghost girl’s face falls. “I don’t know.” Before you can put in a random answer, she contin ues, “But my friends might!” With these words, ghosts
start flying out of every corner in the room. Some poke their heads through the floor or walk through the walls. One even flies down from that one strobing ceiling light. It’s as if everyone from the last century is here; you see prim and proper girls with calf-length skirts and fashion ably curled bobs, a boy wearing eyeball-assaulting patterns that
German culture club introduc ing week-long Oktoberfest cel ebration. Imported and domes tic both welcome.
Mr. Moran is to dress up for Halloween as Mr. Moran.
All departments decide seri ous articles are no fun. Humor reigns supreme!
Orlando’s AP Chemistry test boasted a 65 percent pass rate and a 95 percent death rate.
All BooGram candy replaced with caffeine pills.
This summer: American Psy cho film reboot based on the average Stuy student
Markova is coming back!
“Disappointment”: Most popular Halloween costume of choice at Stuyvesant.
NewsBeet finally cursed by witch to be unintelig&*)ahgh vkah..!.*&(^$&
These
Even though The Specta tor fully endorses and supports furries, we feel that dressing up as one for Halloween isn’t enough to stand out. If you de cide to go all out with a bright blue fursuit and cat ears, you might just blend in with half of the Stuyvesant student pop ulation.
While you may think it’s cute and romantic, nobody wants to see you and your sig
By ABIGAIL JIN and ADELINE SAUBERLIIt is the morning of the day after Halloween. Though the night of horrors is over, there is a ghastly scene to behold at Stuyvesant High School.
A group of rowdy students TP-ing the school with toilet paper from the bathrooms. Stu dents viciously jump-scaring each other, resulting in their victims getting actual heart at tacks. A conga line of freshmen singing to the tune of Spooky Scary Skeletons and waddling around in their costumes from the previous night. Kids pour ing water down the escalators and, with a joyful whoop, slid ing down like it’s a water slide.
Something is clearly wrong. This is a school of sleep-de prived children, but today, at the outrageous time of 7:30 a.m., they’re energetic and overly rambunctious. It’s a real mystery, but not for long. A sophomore throws up at the Sophomore Bar, revealing the contents of her stomach—Kit Kats, Nerds, M&M’s, and an…
continued from page 1
nificant other walking handin-hand in matching costumes. It’s Halloween, not Valentine’s Day. Besides, if you happen to break up right before Hallow een, chances are you’ll be left with the lamer half of a cou ples costume; we hate to break it to you, but nobody’s going to recognize your Prince Eric costume unless you’re standing directly next to Ariel.
Though this costume might get you on the administration’s good side, dressing up as Mr. Moran just isn’t worth all the
heart attacks you’ll give the stu dent body. But if you choose to go through with it anyway, the outfit should consist of the loudest shoes they sell at your local Walmart, a beautiful and luxurious bald cap, and a sexy businessman suit from Spirit Halloween. You’ll probably be voted Scariest (or Hottest) Halloween Costume.
Look, we’re just saying that this costume might make you a little TOO attractive.
If you really want to spark some fear in Stuy kids, all you need to do is dress up like the thing they hate most: seven to eight hours of sleep! You might be wondering—how does one even dress up as a sleep sched ule in the first place? Well… you shouldn’t, because… it’s a bad costume.
Wait. I think there’s been a mistake here? This is supposed to be in the “best” section.
scream hippie, and scene kids who look like they just robbed a 2000s-era Hot Topic. The wild assortment of ghosts gather around your desk and spew de cades of answers at you.
“The textbook indicates that Australia and China both lost wars to birds. Quite fascinating.”
“That one’s, like, totally wrong broski. Ronald Reagan’s still president. Wait, he isn’t? Since when?”
“The Great Depression started in 1939. Trust me on this, I was there.”
Stuyves ant students are having a sugar rush.
When the first-period bell rings, not a single student is in side the classroom. After pettily making sure to mark everyone absent, the teachers try to put the wild hordes under control.
“What is this madness?!” a grumpy teacher, her eyes pro tected from projectile Skittles with lab goggles, roars. “I’m gonna need a huge bottle of brandy to get through today.”
“Did someone say candy?” someone yells, and the whole school erupts into cheers.
“I got 1560 pieces of can dy last night,” the student in a pineapple costume humblebrags, with a grin exposing his chocolate-stained teeth.
“I got 1600!” a student in a pizza costume fires back proud ly.
“Relax, it’s not an SAT score
competition!” someone inter venes, before the Pineapple Kid and the Pizza Kid start fighting, slapping each other across the face with Sour Strings. “Which I got a 1600 on, in case anyone was wondering,” he adds, even though no one—not a single soul—was wondering. At his boasting, Pineapple Kid and Pizza Kid roll their eyes in sync and burst into laughter at the coincidence.
Someone opens a fresh bag of Sour Patch Kids, and before you can say “Trick or Treat, smell my feet!” the stu dents are guzzling the gummies down without chewing. No one is concerned about the risk of choking on the gummies.
By this time, teachers have realized it’s hopeless to try to bring things to order. They’ve even had a change of heart to ward the chaos. Some teachers are rumored to go to Terry’s (and for teachers with a higher salary, Ferry’s) to buy more can dy for the students to sustain their sugar rushes, in hopes that they’ll never have to grade any more essay assignments that were obviously crammed at 3 a.m. Meanwhile, the PE teach ers are delighted at the exer cise students are getting from TP-ing the school and running all over the place. In fact, they are so pleased that they decide to exempt everyone from next year’s PACER test.
A fully TP-ed freshman (she had been mistaken for one of the seventh-floor plants) sud denly starts screaming and pulls the fire alarm in panic. Since the schedule of fire drills is usually spread within the school like, well, wildfire, this seemingly routine alarm causes everyone to rush out the doors. Every one sprints a mile away from school at full speed (the PE teachers have never been happi er). However, they soon realize that the school is not actually on fire, and there is no smoke in the air aside from the smoke trails the speedy children left from burning the rubber soles of their shoes on the streets. In true Hansel and Gretel fashion,
a path of Laffy Taffy wrapper marks can be used to trace the zigzagging path the students all took.
The freshman tries to stop everyone from returning in their tracks in front of the bridge entrance, holding an ear of candy corn. “Don’t go back inside!” she wails. “I saw a mon ster in there!”
Everyone gasps dramatical ly, but Pineapple Kid just rolls his eyes (he seems to love do ing that). “Monsters don’t exist, kiddo. You’re high on candy, that’s all.”
“I saw it,” she insists, wideeyed. “Call me crazy or super stitious or tell me I’m having visions—but I’m telling you, I saw it.”
Everyone is scrambling to ask her more questions: did the monster have sharp teeth? Was it the reason behind the con stant escalator breakages? Was it sabotaging the locks that made everyone fail to open their lock ers on the first try? Was it hope fully entering the AP Chem classroom and destroying all re cords of exam grades? Panick ing, the freshman describes its appearance: it’s all pink, has a pink ghost-like shape, four pink fingers on each pink arm, a sin gular strand of pink hair, and a maniacal toothy grin.
“Hold on—you’re describ ing Bubblegum Troll, the Can dy Crush monster!” Pizza Kid exclaims.
To check, Pineapple Kid pulls out his phone and opens the Candy Crush app. “You’re a genius, Pizza Kid!” Pineapple Kid says, smiling charmingly at her, and Pizza Kid blushes.
“No, it’s a real monster,” the freshman argues; though she realizes her mistake, it’s too em barrassing to admit it now. “If you care about your life, don’t go back inside!”
Clearly, no one cares about their lives, because they all ig nore her and enter the build ing. By now, the sugar rush has finally worn off. Some students immediately slump to the ground in exhaustion, while others reluctantly trudge
Your confidence renewed, you bubble in everything the ghosts tell you. You finish 20 minutes early and get up to hand in your work, full of confidence. However, like true Stuy kids, the ghosts yell at you and force you back into the chair. Only when you’ve checked your work five times over do the ghosts allow you to leave your desk. They cheer you on as you drop the paper on the teacher’s desk and walk out the door, head held high.
As you enter the classroom, you see a familiar pile of tests on your teacher’s desk. One by one, your teacher hands them back, and the sobs of students grow louder as kids get their tests back. You smirk. Imagine doing poorly on this exam? Couldn’t be you.
You feel a cold tap on your shoulder. You turn around, and there’s the army of ghosts who so kindly helped you two months ago. You give them a bro-nod of acknowledgement as the paper falls on your desk. The ghosts gather around you, excited to see what they’ve helped you achieve. You scan for the num ber at the top of the page. The ghosts gasp. One faints, passing straight through the floor. Oth ers weep. Your heart sinks. A 64.
You really should have stud ied after all.
into the building looking like hung-over zombies. As they file in, most of them do a doubletake, staring in disbelief at the toilet paper mess they created. The janitors give each and every one of the students the evil eye, promising to haunt them next year for Halloween. Teachers give out 50s for participation grades. They use the candy they bought from Terry’s to sustain themselves while going through the crummy essays they have to read, and they are careful to avoid giving anyone a 100. And just like that, it’s a dreary, old school day again.
While the aftermath of Hal loween was a colossal disaster for the school, Pineapple Kid and Pizza Kid actually got to gether (to the delight of pine apple pizza lovers), so there remains a sweet legacy of Hal loween 2022.
are the costumes you should absolutely avoid if you don’t want to be shunned by your friends and family.Gabriel Gutierrez / The Spectator
In the magical world, Stuyves ant High School is better known as the Stuyvesant School of Witch craft and Wizardry, named after the Dutch goblin trader and wiz ard Peter Stuyvesant, and is con sidered the best school of magic in the United States of America.
Stuyvesant is not a boarding school and therefore requires its students to arrive at the school us ing Muggle transportation, such as the subway trains and buses. “We want our students to come to school every day using Muggles’ way of commuting to help them understand the equality that exists between wizards and Muggles,” Seung Yu, the current headmas ter and head wizard of Stuyves ant, said. “We believe that learning about the Muggle world is very important to becoming a truly suc cessful wizard or witch.”
Stuyvesant is usually consid ered one of the top three schools of magic, along with the Bronx School of Theurgy and the Brook lyn Alchemical School. For admis sions, all the schools of magic in New York, except for the Fiorello H. LaGuardia School of Illusions, use a test called the SHSAT, or the Sorcerer’s Hex Setting Ability Test. With selective and competitive ad mission comes challenging courses and a heavy workload. To graduate, Stuyvesant students are required to take three years of Runes, Old Norse, Ogham, or Enochian; learn transfiguration into mermen and be able to swim in that form; and take at least one theurgy elective. Students are constantly troubled by their grades. Walking through
the hallways, voices complaining about AP Astrology projects and Necromancy unit tests can always be heard
“I got a 65 on my Prophecy test!”
“At least Markova didn’t turn you into a frog, dude.”
Stuyvesant also does not al low its students to use any elec
to those who can speak Hudson tongue (the language of the Hud son River Basilisk).
To get a better sense of what life at Stuyvesant is like, we inter viewed two students and asked them how they feel about their experience at school. “I only get three hours of sleep every night,” Lindy Fu, a current sophomore
tronic devices while on campus. According to headmaster Yu, this rule was established because these Muggle inventions are unrelated to magic and would only distract students from magical studies. Mr. Moran, the Assistant Principal (a.k.a. “That Salty Squib”), roams around in the hallway and collects any electronic devices held by stu dents. Rumor has it that there is a secret chamber hidden in Mr. Mo ran’s office where he puts all the phones he collects. Besides Mr. Moran, the chamber only opens
with heavy dark circles around her eyes, complained. “My AP Divi nation teacher makes us write a whole essay analyzing our dreams every day. We also have to include an illustration of the dream with a motion spell casted. I mean, I like the drawing part, but my dreams are always about failing classes be cause that’s my biggest fear, and [my teacher] started giving me low scores because she thinks I’m making it up. Like, for real?”
Junior Freda Dong also made a similar testimony on the ef
Joanna Meng / The Spectatorfect the overwhelming workload has on her life. “I’m so busy with schoolwork that I don’t even have time to eat anymore. I get so much homework from Honors Herbol ogy and AP Potions, and it takes me four hours to finish the home work for these two subjects alone every night. Goblin Studies gives a quiz every week and it’s stressing me out. I’m also in [Stuy] Glow, which takes up a lot of my time, too…” She shook her head as she described her busy schedule. Besides an enormous amount of course choices, Stuyvesant also offers a variety of extracurricular activities so students can pursue magic in their time outside of the classroom. Stuy Glow, mentioned above, is a club where members use luminous magic to light up their wands and do choreography in the dark. There’s also Stuyves ant Alchemy Olympiad, which competes against other schools of magic on knowledge of alchemy, and Stuy Dust (the golems team) builds golems out of different ma terials such as clay and mud, casting different spells to make the golems function in various ways, and pres ents them at tournaments. Finally, there’s The Stuyvesant Spectator, founded in 1915. Writers of The Spectator craft fantastic articles that primarily revolve around the lives of Stuyvesant students (with moving letters that rearrange into different articles!), accompanied by bizarre works of art and beauti ful photos that also move because of the motion spells cast upon them. Every two weeks, new issues of The Spectator are brought and distributed to students by pigeons (aye, come on—we can't have a
“Make sure you do not study for your next test. In fact, pull an allnighter playing games instead of studying. Completely bomb the test, and when you get that wonderful, big, fat zero back, tell your teacher that getting a bad grade was all a trick and that you should get a 100 in honor of Halloween. The teacher will be so inspired by your Halloween spirit that they will give not only YOU but also everyone else in the class a 100. It’s a win-win! The teacher will love you, your classmates will love you, your parents will love you for that grade, and you will get your first 100 to add to your currently nonexistent list of good grades. Only one minor drawback: it’s possible that your teacher will not be impressed and decide to give you a zero on all of your tests for the rest of the school year, but the odds of that are slim.”
—
TamiyyahShafiq, sophomore
“Find a person who looks exactly like you and train them so they act like you too. If you can’t find any one who looks like you, just make a digital clone on line (the internet can do anything, seriously). Then show up at school with your doppelgänger and con vince all your teachers that they’re seeing double. Make a big show of being concerned for their wellbeing and tell them they should go home and rest. This will not only leave you with no teachers for a day, but will also make your teachers love you for being so compassionate!” —Sara Heller, sophomore
“Tell everyone that you pulled an all-nighter blasting AP Daily review videos into your ears, hoping to absorb the information bet ter, only to lose all of your hearing. Then enjoy your friends’ exasperation after saving you from oncoming trucks you didn’t hear. Relish your teachers’ struggles to communi cate with you on paper. Finally, tell everyone that you can hear just fine and move to Nepal to escape their wrath. Or, keep your dignity and just never tell them you were pretending to be deaf.” —Isaac Ho, senior
“The Sophomore Bar has gotten way too chaotic. Why don’t we help chill things out a bit? Get the Human Ecology class to create a life-size replica of Mr. Moran, who will then stand guard at the Sopho more Bar at all times. Then, bribe the robotics team to build a speaker into the model and give it a list of all the sophomores! Next time a couple arrives to ruin the bar further, the pseudo-Mr. Moran will personally call out their names, giving anyone walk ing by a wonderful theater performance as the pan ic ensues.” —Ryan Peng, junior
“Ever wanted to give your friends a healthy eating alternative to Halloween chocolate? Step one: find your best friend’s locker. Step two: buy two candy bags, one filled with Kit Kat bars and the other filled with canned pink beans. Step three: unwrap the Kit Kat bars, replace them with clumps of beans, and reapply the Kit Kat wrapping. Step four: stuff the new Kit Kat-Bean bars into your friend’s locker. Step five: run. You will watch as your friend gets super excited over the secret, brand-new Kit Kat flavor and proceeds to take a bite into what is actually legume heaven.” —Ravindra Mangar, senior
“If a child shows up at your doorstep and says ‘trick or treat,’ steal the bag of candy from their hands and shove them to the ground. If the parent attempts to sue you for ‘theft’ and ‘physical assault,’ simply explain that their child asked for a trick OR treat, and you chose trick. That should keep you safe from any legal con sequences!” —Gabriella Hoefner, sophomore
bunch of owls flying around in New York.)
Graduates of Stuyvesant usu ally receive offers from reputable private universities that offer magical majors. Notable alumni of Stuyvesant include alchemist Ronald Safran, dragon-slayer Billy Eichner, and necromancer Lisa Randall. Many deceased alumni have decided to stay at Stuyves ant as ghosts. If you ever need to find them, they usually hang out in the Hudson Staircase. However, you might not be so inclined—the ghouls in the Senior Atrium are considered friendlier. If you are struggling with schoolwork, going to the merpeople in the 11th floor pool (accessed by magic) is usually a safe choice. They provide free one-on-one tutoring in all subjects as long as you don’t touch the pool water.
Though the Stuyvesant School of Witchcraft and Wizardry dem onstrates outstanding student per formance and achievements, the students at this school certainly do not find it easy to balance their schoolwork and grades with extra curricular activities and free time. For students who have received an offer from this school, they should consider if they want to walk this difficult path. If the answer is yes, then in the next four years of high school, they need to be ready to constantly stress over their grades, be harrassed by the ghosts of dead alumni and stinky ghouls who love to hit on freshmen, and fight against the Hudson River Basilisk. Also, the Stuyvesant diploma still requires four years of gym. Magic? Naur—just four years sweating it out in those ugly uniforms.
“Steal a wallet from one of your parents and check inside. If you see a lot of cash, steal at least $100. If you only see a credit card inside, figure out the PIN and withdraw at least $100 using an ATM. Then, once you go to school, go to locker 5-189 on the fifth floor, which can be found near the German and Health rooms, and slip the bills into the locker. That will be the BEST trick and make the owner of the locker SO SCARED! He will be so TERRIFIED of all that cash inside the locker! It will be the GREATEST Hallow een trick ever!!! Once again, that is locker 5-189.” — Munem Tajwar, sophomore
“When your friends ask for candy, give them a single avocado. In this economy, an avocado might just be better than candy.” —Eve Lin, sophomore
“Go up to a stranger and get extensively mad at them for ‘forgetting’ who you are. Scream stuff like, ‘I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!’ and ‘MY MOTHER WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU!’ no matter how much they insist that they don’t know you. This is more than gaslighting. This is… gáslïtinque.” —Eshaal Ubaid, junior
“Shove a huge bag of candy corn into someone’s arms. Dip with out further explanation and watch their face twist with terror as they grasp at the forbidden kernels of sugar.” —Christian Kim, sophomore
“This one is for the teachers! Tell your students that you are giving them a test on Halloween and then mention that you prefer tricks on Halloween. Never mention the test again. This will make them think that you were joking. Finally, on Halloween, give them the test and watch their grades collectively drop.” —Jai Shah, sophomore
“With only $25, you too can cover the entire Sophomore Bar in fake blood—a worthy investment. Simply mix a bottle of corn syrup with a bottle of maple syrup, dye it red with food color ing, and pour it all over the Sophomore Bar when no one is around. For bonus points, fill all the surrounding lockers with blood as well. The rat-child sophomores will be shocked to see their hangout spot looking like a vampire’s buffet, and the blood might even make the Sophomore Bar cleaner than usual!” —Mi chelle Huang, sophomore
“Convince your science teacher to give a pop quiz on Halloween, with 30 ques tions to be completed in five minutes, and exempt you from the quiz. Instead, insist you deserve extra credit for giv ing them the brilliant prank idea. Watch the faces of your classmates turn blue in terror and laugh from the corner as they cry for their grades!” —Freda Dong, junior
“Many small children wearing costumes that are always either Cap tain America or a pink princess will ring your doorbell on October 31, hold out a small bag filled partially with various chocolates and candies, and exclaim excitedly, ‘Trick or Treat!’ Stare at them coldly with a dastardly smile on your face, and drop one of the small toothbrushes you bought in bulk for this specific occasion in their bag. Chuckle to yourself as they walk away disgusted, confused, and disappointed. You’ll be the real villain of Halloween.” —Vin cent D’Angelo, junior
Mere hours after the an nouncement that Stuyvesant would be using Jupiter Ed this year, complaints began filling up Principal Yu’s inbox. After numer ous objections regarding Jupiter’s ugly color schemes, we thought things couldn’t get worse—but that was before Jupiter decided to have a little Halloween fun.
On his way to his math class, sophomore Jack Simpleton pulled out his phone and loaded Jupi ter for his daily grade check. His breathing sped up as he spotted one of the newly added grades. His latest AP Chem test, the one he knew he had failed, had just been returned. Panicking internal ly, he closed his eyes and clicked it. Slowly, he opened one eye, and he felt as though his heart stopped beating. His phone displayed a pristine 100 percent.
At that exact moment, soph omore Cleve Ern, Simpleton’s
By KEVIN CHANLast Halloween, you decided it was too much work to stand by your doorway and half-heartedly drop pieces of candy into the trickor-treat buckets of little children. You left the bucket of sweets out side your front door, along with a post-it that read “Please only take two pieces of candy!” However, after 15 minutes, someone rang your doorbell and notified you that the candy bucket was empty. Then they asked if you had any more. You gave them a handful of candy and proceeded to refill the candy bucket. Fifteen minutes later, an other person rang the doorbell. And again, 15 minutes later. The cycle went on until the sun had set. You looked down at the bags of candy you’d bought, bags that were now empty.
This year, you decide to take a different approach. If everyone re fuses to follow the rules, then you’ll simply give the people what they want: more candy. In a mad fury of research, you have discovered the ancient Halloween truths of the “tricks” instead of the treats. Ten sleepless nights later, you’ve put together a list of recipes that’ll surely give those trick-or-treaters a Halloween night to remember.
Recipe 1: Footsie Roll - Sugar - Corn syrup - Palm oil
By CHRISTIAN KIM and KYLE HON CHANHey, can you see me? The Specter of The Spectator? Yes? Good, ‘cuz I just wanted to let you know that your pillow is go ing to be warm tonight. Both sides, and I’ll personally make sure it happens. It already hap pened to Kyle Hon Chan and Christian Kim (you really think they’re actually writing this?). You better pray you’re not next. Well, except you are.
Oh? You’re not scared?
Well, I’m going to tell you that I’m going to rearrange every bone in your body and force you to do the Macarena. Don’t believe me? Hmph, when you don’t see Kyle Hon Chan or Christian Kim in school tomorrow, you’ll know what happened to them…
worst enemy, was walking with his friends. One of them pulled up Jupiter and gasped, “Oh, Cleve, the test grades are up! I bet you got a perfect score again…” Ern smirked confidently. As all his friends gathered around him, he pulled up Ju piter. He felt the color leave his face. It was as if a miracle had oc curred!
Sim ple who struggled to pass chemistry tests, had gotten a perfect score, while Ern, widely acknowledged as the smartest kid in the class, had gotten a 55. That day, Simple ton went home with a new spring in his step. Witnesses noted that it seemed as if “he was flying, rather than walking” and that the look on his face seemed “saintly.” Meanwhile, Ern ran to his guid
ance counselor’s office and has not yet emerged. It turns out that this was not a one-time problem. Students all over the school were receiving unusual grades, and it wasn’t long before they real who the culprit was: Jupi ter itself. In order to join in on the holiday festivities, it had decided to play a few tricks on
But false grades weren’t the end of it.
imagine why she’d been told that!” At least 900 parents received fake disciplinary notices. Guidance counselors were swamped by emails demanding explanations.
Liu / The SpectatorThe next day, students started receiving dis mayed texts from their parents. “My mom sent me an agitated message asking me why I had been suspended for two weeks,” explained junior Bee Haven. “I freaked out, of course. I’ve nev er done anything even remotely against the rules, so I couldn’t
Haven tried logging into Ju piter to find the disciplinary no tice her parents were seeing, but when she entered her password, her phone went completely black. After a moment, a grotesquely smiling clown face burst onto her screen, and a noise louder than the fire alarm exploded out of the speakers. “It was awful,” Haven wailed. “I was in AP Calc when it happened. My teacher was furious.” This loud noise quickly became common in the halls of Stuyvesant. Whenever students tried to check their grades, Jupiter would either give them a jumps care, which consisted of a terrify ing image accompanied by a loud noise, or bar them from logging in at all.
The administration decided it had gotten out of hand when Ju piter began targeting the teachers.
- Condensed skim milk infused with the essence of two pairs of socks
- Whey - Soy lecithin
- And natural and artificially sweetened sweaty foot flavor
*Chef’s tip: Optimized taste with the use of your dominant foot during the mixing process
A twist on a classic, the footsie roll is a foot-flavored taffy that’s sure to give those kids a run for their mommy—I mean, money. The brilliant idea combines an original sweet with a surprising kicker that’s been tested to really fire up one’s imagination of the word “rotten.”
Recipe 2: Swedish Fish Skel etons
- Sugar - Corn syrup - Modified corn starch - Fish bones - Cherries (for coloring) - The expired meat in your fridge
Crowds will be filling up your doorsteps with this next candy. What better way to get into the Halloween spirit than to mash to gether Swedish Fish and Sam the Skeleton? These Swedish Fish Skeletons will leave quite the im pression on those candy thieves, especially when the kids wake up the next morning wishing they had Sam’s empty stomach.
Recipe 3: Her Shoes’ Chocolate Bar
- Milk chocolate (sugar, milk, cocoa, butter, vanillin, artificial fla vors)
- A hint of shavings of your sister’s shoes sprinkled on top *Chef’s tip: The handling of the chocolate is crucial in produc ing a snappy finish to complement the multitude of elements within the shavings.
Though simplistic in compari son to the other sweets, Her Shoes’ Chocolate Bar transforms the Her shey’s treat into a monstrous deli cacy. The added crispiness of the shavings will send any taster who snatches this candy to the ground. Every piece of the chocolate bar contains its own unique touch, with flavors ranging from dog ma nure to sidewalk chalk, all courtesy of your beloved sister.
- Glucose syrup
- Sugar - Gelatin - Citric acid
- Animal hair, preferably a dog’s or cat’s (can be harvested during shedding season through serious petting)
- Lots of wax and food color ing
Time to switch it up a bit! These furry gummies are a sight to behold; their appearance alone will strike terror into the hearts of
everyone that opens the packaging. If that’s not enough to spook peo ple, their bodies’ reactions to the candy will. Hairybo gummy bears will turn any consumer into the next internet-sensation cat meme,
It mailed the teachers frightening report card predictions for their students. “I received a physical let ter that read, ‘There is a high prob ability that half of your students will fail your class this semester. Sincerely, Jupiter,’” remarked one anonymous teacher. Another teacher received a letter that said, “Send your social security number to the return address of this en velope or all of your students will receive a 64 in your subject. Much love, Jupiter.”
In order to solve the problem, Principal Yu decided that Stuyves ant could no longer rely on Jupiter. Instead, the entire school would transition back to PupilPath, which has never had any malicious intent—besides the time it leaked everyone’s data, of course.
However, just yesterday, fresh man Trys Hart reported that when they tried to log onto PupilPath, it gave them a similar clown face jumpscare. A word of advice to every Stuyvesant student: run for your lives!
- Artificial flavoring of F- and the taste of defeat
- Confectioner’s glaze
Last but certainly not least is the new jelly bean flavor you con cocted, Test Score F-. F- repre
- Starch
- Blended test papers (filled with red marks) for authenticity of coloring
Wait—you’re still not scared?
*blushes a little*
I…I will see to that person ally… Just remember poor Kyle Hon Chan and Christian Kim, who were forced to do the Ma carena with a warm pillow…
I’m serious this time. After I’m through with you, your lightup Skechers will never light up again… Perhaps you’ll develop an irrational fear of eggs as well.
Hey, it’s me again, and no, I am not here with another threat (clearly you weren’t scared by my previous attempts anyway).
All I wanted to say is that… you’re quite kawaii and you make my heart go doki doki. (Did I use your modern slang correctly? Sorry, I was born in a different era, literally.) Y’know, I’ve really gotten to know you a lot more over these last few
paragraphs. You got all the traits I look for in love: you crave that adventure in an adrenaline rush and you’re daring beyond belief (I’ve seen you go into your cute little panic attacks after putting off your homework until the day it’s due). Y’know, I can use some one like that here. Where? In the Humor department of The Spec of course! Right here in the paper!
How did I get into the news paper in the first place, you ask? I’m so glad to hear you’re totally just as invested in me as I am in you~ It’s a funny story, really. Just a matter of selling your soul to the immortal who's still in room 103 (don’t know who’s in that room? Well, YU just gotta think a bit harder) to get an automatic pass in Precalc (cuz that class is too damn hard). Hey… I just got a great idea… It wouldn’t be a
bad idea for you to do the same and join me here, y’know ;). Can you imagine? Just the two of us. Alone. Whoops—I think I just drooled a bit hee hee~
Y’know, I’ve been kind of missing the old Stuy building, particularly the bathroom. How I would kill to see that bathroom with you… You wouldn’t mind if you—HEY, HEY, I SEE YOU FLIPPING TO THE NEWS SECTION. YOU BETTER NOT TURN TO THE NEWS SECTION. You're not creeped out are you??? UwU I’m not a creep, right??? I. Am. Not. A. Creep. Right?
Joy to see you’re still with me~ For a moment I was afraid you left me for your homework, but then I realized that wouldn’t be possi ble (can you imagine actually do ing homework?). However, I was
else is gonna eat all of this, you guess you’ll just have to. With a sigh, you get to work, never to be heard of again.
afraid you might have left me for the News section (or even worse: the Sports section). You wouldn’t leave me for News or Sports or anything else, would you? You’re right. You wouldn’t teehee.
Oh, sweetie (ara ara~ we’re getting way ahead in this relation ship already)... I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I only raised my voice an itsy tinsy bit because I love you, okay? Don’t believe me? Oh, dearie, that's fine. If you would be so kind and continue to breathe on this paper (your coffee breath is addicting), I’ll be right back. I got just the thing for you to cheer you up… It’s a surprise ;)
No, wait—Oh, sweetie, don’t put down the page. Please, YOU BETTER NOT uwu. Please don’t go. Don’t flip the page… I’m afraid of the dark. I don’t want to be let go again… PLE—
Director Parker Finn takes an impressive dive into the horror genre with his frightening debut film “Smile.”
The Stuyvesant High
Newspaper Volume 113 No. 4 October 31, 2022 stuyspec.com
Pumpkins are adored by many as a symbol of fall festivities, but the mas sive amounts thrown out each year are catastrophic to the environment. see page 12
Stuyvesant’s Murray Kahn The ater is home to a variety of perfor mances throughout the year, in cluding Stuyvesant’s annual SING! competition and Stuyvesant The ater Community’s (STC) seasonal productions. Here, parents, faculty, and students have the opportunity to watch students display their ar tistic and musical talents. However, in the past STC has faced the per sistent obstacles of dim lights and an increasingly worn-down system. Recently, this problem has been addressed by renovations to the lighting infrastructure, which now illuminate the stage more than ever.
The renovations had been in discussion for some time, but the plans never came to fruition until now. “It was a project started dur ing former Principals [Jie] Zhang and [Eric] Contreras’s time at the school,” Principal Seung Yu wrote. “Due to COVID and supply chain issues, the project [was] delayed several times.”
The renovation resumed over the summer. “[Senior and direc tor of lights and sound] Talia Hsia reached out to Principal Yu and [...] it was a pretty easy process to reach out to him and notify him if it was
possible to get the lights renovat ed,” senior and STC technical co ordinator Ziying Jian said.
Principal Yu worked with contractors, the New York City Department of Education (NYC DOE), Assistant Principal of Physical Education and Safety Brian Moran, music teachers, and STC advisors to oversee the renovation process. Principal Yu was also able to secure funding from the Parent Teacher Association for the project.
“My role [was] to initiate and facilitate that the proj ect restarted and is eventu ally completed,” Principal Yu said. “I [worked] with the NYC DOE, the con tractors, and with our team to ensure the project was restarted.”
The hardware for the new system has been in stalled, with programming still ongoing. However, while the hardware was be ing constructed, STC mem bers had limited access to the theater, so they had to find other places to prepare for their fall musical, Matilda. The Lights and Sound crew’s preparations for this show were very different from
the norm, with their schedule be ing shortened to two weeks. “Of
very different from per usual when we start preparations, maybe about a month to a month and a half before the actual show date,” Hsia said.
In the past, faulty lighting infrastructure often hindered or interrupted showings of STC productions. “You could have [an] excellent cast, amaz ing set, and beautiful compo sition, [but] if you can’t see them, if the lights are flashing away mid-show, if you can’t hear them because the mics break mid-show, if the lights don’t turn on for intermission, [...] everyone is just sitting in the dark for five minutes wondering what’s happen ing mid-show,” alumnus (‘22) and former STC technical coordinator Katherine Lake said. “There [were] an infi nite amount of things that go wrong with lights and sound.”
BooGram sales began on October 17, and orders will be delivered on October 31.
History teacher Linda Weissman is or ganizing a schoolwide mock election for gov ernor, state senator, and comptroller. An informa tion sheet and ballot will be released on November 4.
Junior William Tang championed Con gressional debate at the New York City Invitation al from October 14 to 16.
course, for lights and sound, we have to learn an entirely new sys tem before the show and design lighting cues for different parts ba sically within a few weeks, which is
The Lights and Sound crew often had to accommo date for the outdated system with improvisation. “Because we didn’t have super bright lights, a lot of what our light ing had to be in shows was sup
With salads, tres leches, and lively music, Stuyvesant held a dinner on October 13 in honor of Hispanic Heritage Month. The event was planned by AS PIRA (Stuyvesant Hispanic Stu dents Association) and the Black Students League (BSL) with the help of the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) Committee, and the Stuyvesant MOSAIC parent group. It had over 80 attendees, including students, faculty, par ents, and alumni.
Since Hispanic students make up only three percent of Stuyves ant’s student population, mem bers of ASPIRA wanted to share Hispanic culture with the rest of the school. “We’ve never had a Hispanic Heritage Month din ner at Stuy, and wanted to make an impact because the population of Hispanics is very small,” senior and president of ASPIRA Arlette Duran said. “Usually for Black History month we do dinners as well, so we decided to do a simi lar thing for Hispanic Heritage month.”
ASPIRA decided on a dinner to celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month because of food’s role in unifying people. “Food is some thing that brings us together, and meal times are sacred for most families [...] I think a dinner was perfect to celebrate Hispanic Her itage Month because it was a way for everyone to bond with each
other, even if it was their first time meeting each other,” junior and vice president of ASPIRA Rebecca Lopez said.
The funding for the event mainly came from the Parent As sociation, along with donations
there’s very different food choices for different Hispanic cultures,” guidance counselor Sandra Bran dan said. “For example, I’m Ar gentinian. Argentinian food [con sists] of steak and potatoes, pasta, and salad, as opposed to Caribbe
afterwards to test the audience’s knowledge.
For non-Hispanic students, the event was meant to be an in formative session and a time for socialization. “I want [non-His panic students] to learn and edu cate themselves more about our culture and just be more respect ful,” Duran said.
Many participants echo this sentiment. “It taught me about how valuable Hispanic Heritage Month was to people of that background, and how to come together and celebrate the month for people who had played a ma jor role in the world from that heritage,” freshman Wade Guo said.
The Songwriters Hall of Fame Master Ses sion was held at Stuyves ant on October 19 from 5:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.
Stuyvesant opened reg istration for AP Ex ams on October 17. The deadline to register for AP exams is November 7.
and staff members pitching in. ASPIRA/BSL leaders decided on a place to cater food, and school counselor Audra Parris cooked the remainder of the dishes.
Additionally, the organizers wanted to introduce Stuyvesant to a wide variety of Hispanic food choices for all three courses. Some plates that were offered include different varieties of meats, chips and dips, pastelitos, empanadas, pernil, rice, finger sandwiches, churros, and flan. “I found that
an [food], which would have fried pork, plantains, and yuca.”
The dinner also incorporated a gallery walk that displayed stu dent art and written pieces about Hipanic heritage. To add an edu cational component, ASPIRA displayed a slideshow discussing influential figures in the Hispanic community such as Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creator of Hamilton, and Sylvia Rivera, a gay liberation and transgender rights activist. A Kahoot trivia-activity followed
With so many components to the event, organizing the event required plenty of preparation. “Arlette and I worked on slides and with the help of [senior and ASPIRA/BSL events coordinator Samantha Farrow] we decided on a place to cater food from,” Lo pez said. “I led our volunteers in decorating the cafeteria and also created a playlist of music to play while everyone was eating.”
To spread word of the event, ASPIRA used social media mar keting and put flyers around the school. “We posted a lot on our [Instagram] and reposted it as much as we could, and we also made flyers that were put around,” Duran said. “Our faculty advisers put them in e-mails and sent them out to parents, and Amanda, our [vice president] of BSL, also put it in the weekly e-mail.”
period one ended on October 20. Report cards will be distributed to students and parents/guardians via e-mail on October 31.
The organizers expressed satisfaction with the turnout of the event, both in terms of at tendance and the activities. “I would say it went very well. There was a great turnout and everyone seemed to have really enjoyed themselves,” Lopez said.
Attendees also shared that the event was meaningful and enjoy able especially with the activities planned. “The event was so fun. I didn’t know there would be live music and Kahoots. They defi nitely went above and beyond,” senior Nandika Mukherjee said.
With the attendance of the event being higher than expected, event planners are hopeful that future events will be as popu lar. “The turnout was around 80 plus people, which is a lot more than I had expected. Usually our events are pretty small so I was kinda shocked that so many peo ple turned up,” said Duran. “Our next event will be for Black His tory month, which is in February, and it will be a similar event. We hope the turnout is also great.”
plemented by spotlights, and [...] though it worked, it lit the stage, spotlights are usually used for cer tain effects with the shows that we suddenly were not able to do as much because [the spotlights] were on almost all the time just to keep our actors lit up,” Hsia said.
The problem with malfunction ing equipment also posed a hin drance to how creative lights and sound crew members could be with their light design. Due to faults in the blue and green lights, the num ber of usable lights was shortened to only three different types: stage lights, a red light, and an orange light. “[The lights were] at least a decade old and they [...] worked fine, but we were restricted to just a few colors, and they were a little bit dull,” junior and director of lights and sound Dorothy Ha said. “They didn’t stand out too much.”
The newly designed light sys tem is also an upgrade from the former system in regard to its va riety and functionality. “We have so many different colors, which is amazing. It’s also really well-pro grammed so we’re able to control [them] from the booth and from the stage,” Hsia said. “I think it’ll make coordination a lot easier to do.”
The new light system is also more technologically advanced than
the system in place before. “Before, we were storing all these [light] cues on floppy disks, which is very out dated because [...] they’re like physi cal copies on an external hard drive [that’s] all saved on the actual com puter,” Jian said. “But now we don’t need this anymore, [...] and now we can [get the cues] from the shows prior and it’s saved.” STC members are now adapting to features of the new light and sound system in time for their fall musical Matilda.
Though these renovations may seem insignificant to some, Lake emphasized the importance of a fully functional lighting system.
“Many people will say, ‘Why didn’t you put your money elsewhere?’ and I feel like these questions stem from the fact that people don’t real ize or appreciate the full extent of the impact that good lighting has and the usefulness that it has. The theater is a very commonly used space in Stuyvesant,” Lake said. “It is used for productions, panels, fundraisers, award nights, and even in classes sometimes. These sim ple facts can translate into greater learning, greater enjoyment of con tent, and massively greater amounts of money raised. They actually have impact.”
Principal Yu shared a similar perspective. “We’re trying to make sure our physical spaces, including our theater, match the talent and potential of our young people. We want our building to be a ‘hub of excellence’ that matches what we
believe our students are capable of,” he said. “We use and rely on the theater for so many of our ac tivities from musical performances to theater productions to SING! and Faculty Conferences that we need to make sure our theater con tinues to fit our needs as a school. I’ll truly be satisfied when the light ing project is completed.”
The potential of the new light ing system reaches far beyond the lights and sound crew and STC. With an easier system to work with and more options to choose from, it will be simpler to learn how to teach students outside of STC how to use the equipment. “I really, real ly want [...] the Stuyvesant Theater Community [...] teaching as many different groups as possible. Maybe they are dancers, like StuySquad, [who want] to know how to use the lights. Maybe it’s faculty, so if they host an event, they can make the lights look nice,” Lake said.
Overall, the changes to the lighting system have brought opti mism and relief within STC. Au diences can now enjoy a clear, il luminated stage and will be able to watch the fall musical, Matilda, as well as SING!, dance performanc es, and other future productions, with fewer concerns. “We would just complain about not being able to see anything when it comes to the lights,” Jian said. “Now, we’re kind of talking about how excited we are for the lights.”
Stuyvesant’s Speech and Debate team (S&D) is well-known for com peting nationally. However, for the past three years, the team has been restricted to virtual tournaments due to the COVID-19 pandemic. To start the transition back to in-per son events, the seven S&D formats kicked off their year by attending in vitationals, including at Yale Univer sity and the Bronx High School of Science.
At the Yale University invitation al, some of S&D’s notable achieve ments included seniors Henry Bans bach and Isaac Houts winning the parliamentary debate tournament, seniors Molly Caroll Thompson and Hannah Riegel placing in the semifi nals for parliamentary debate, senior Melia Moore achieving semifinals in dramatic interpretation, and sopho mores Astrid Harrington and Helen Mancini making it to octofinals in ju nior varsity public forum debate.
However, one major concern re garding in-person tournaments was payment, considering that tourna ments were free in the virtual setting. “The online tournaments that we had last year were all free and this [Yale] tournament was $200 per person,” Captain of Parliamentary Debate Hannah Riegel said. “It definitely felt like a lot to ask of debaters who had not spent a lot on debate last year.”
However, S&D has been able to attain more funds to complement the higher expenses. “It was a lot cheaper to send some kids to tour naments [online] because [now] we have to pay for judges, we have to pay for hotels,” senior and President of S&D Erica Lung said. “[But] we have two major fundraising opportunities: the kickoff meeting and the end of year congregation. During COVID we had a kickoff but I think parents [were] less inclined to donate when you’re at a Zoom meeting.”
In addition to changes in fund ing, the return to in-person tourna ments may be difficult for students to adjust to, especially since there will be a higher sense of speaker presence. “I think it’s harder for the students who have never spoken in front of a live audience before,” English teach er and faculty advisor of S&D Julie Sheinman said.
Nevertheless, many members were able to overcome their fears, knowing that other supportive team members were also in the room.
mates and watching them go through the same struggle really brings every one together.”
Similarly, many debate team members felt more comfortable and connected to debate in an in-person environment. “[During in-person tournaments], there is more of an emphasis on team synergy,” Execu tive Director of Parliamentary De bate and Team Manager of S&D Molly Carroll Thompson said. “It was really nice [...] to connect with people, and that definitely resparked
- Introducing Stuyvesant’s New Teachers (Features pg 8):
- The photo provided for history teacher Ma rissa Shapiro is a picture of Spanish teacher Rosanny Genao.
- The former history teacher mentioned in Allyson Compton, not Alyssa Compton.
- Stuyvesant Students Tackle Climate Change Through the BPA: The wrong article was published under this headline. The actual article may be found on stuyspec. com
and easier speech delivery. “I’ve no ticed recently that a big part of my speeches is walking back and forth and hand movements. In virtual [tournaments], you can’t do that be cause you’re just sitting in one place,
I can just write it down.”
Though the S&D team no longer has to compete virtually, many for mats still utilize online technology to prepare for tournaments beforehand, allowing for greater flexibility and ac cessibility. “You need to have two speeches with either your upperclass men or coach. And we basically keep practicing on Flipgrid to give practice speeches,” junior and Novice Di rector of Extemporaneous Debate Unique Zhang said. Extemporane ous format is preparing for the up coming Villigers Tournament at Saint Joseph’s University.
Overall, in-person tournaments have received more enthusiasm among members, as opposed to en gagement within the pandemic that stifled much of the social aspects of debate. “The problem with COVID was that when we were registering kids, you saw a really sharp decline in kids interested in debate, because [when] we were all online, that really killed the debate drive for a lot of people,” Lung said. “You had people debating, but then you also had a lot of people that just didn’t want to participate in the activity anymore, which was kind of sad.”
“It’s way more nerve-wracking. I was shaking and sweating a lot more [at the Bronx Science Invitational on October 15th],” sophomore and Novice Director of Congressional Debate Jiawen (Jia) Lin said. “[But] being able to sit next to your team
my love for debate because it had all the fun parts of in-person tourna ments that I had been missing.”
For some debaters, the return to in-person tournaments allows them to intertwine actions with speeches, allowing for heightened confidence
you’re not standing up. I am just more confident there,” Varsity Direc tor of Parliamentary Debate Henry Bansbach said. “In terms of interac tion, I found that Isaac and I were talking a lot more in round. They can just whisper something in my ear and
With the opportunities of at tending more invitationals, seniors hope for future debate members to experience these in-person tourna ments. “I’m very excited for all the people that were on the team all last year [...] to get the reward of actually going because they did all the work with no reward last year,” Speech Captain Melia Moore said. “I’m ex cited for all the new ones to be able to go to their first tournaments and see what the environment is like, compete, and make friends.”
School counselor and cofounder Sandra Brandan, Associ ate Director of College Counsel ing and co-founder Jeaurel Wilson, Assistant Principal of School Counseling and co-founder Casey Pedrick, and school counselor and cabinet member Angel Colon es tablished the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) Committee a few years ago in order to promote greater representation and under standing toward different ethnic groups at Stuyvesant.
George Floyd’s death in May 2020 instigated the DEI Com mittee’s motivations in expanding their influence within the Stuyves ant community to promote equali ty and address any prevalent issues. “Trying to make sure that [voices of] students of color in the build ing were heard was something we’ve been trying to do for years, but it wasn’t until the global out cry of the George Floyd debacle that really pushed for something to happen in Stuyvesant,” Wilson said. “As a premiere high school in New York City, it just seemed fit
ting that we can be the spearhead to making sure that all schools [...] have a place where [students of color] can feel welcomed and feel like their voices are heard.”
Since the DEI committee is relatively new, the members are starting with smaller steps that prioritize raising awareness of the committee’s work and pres ence as a support system within the Stuyvesant community. “A big thing is that in the staff handbook we did now add a mission state ment regarding diversity, equity, and inclusion. It’s an addendum to the school’s mission to say this is a school of diversity, equity, and an inclusive environment,” Brandan said. “Also in the student handbook, we put the link. Those steps might seem small, but they are very impactful.”
Other goals the DEI fulfilled include the Hispanic Heritage month dinner, which was held on October 13 alongside the Stuyves ant Hispanic Students Association (ASPIRA) and the Black Students League (BSL). “[We held this din ner] because this is a time to cel ebrate and the BSL has always run a black history month dinner so having a model and being able to
expand that to our Latinx students is very positive,” Pedrick said.
Additionally, though DEI’s projects aren’t marketed as so, their influence permeates through a raft of small events and changes in Stuyvesant. “A lot of the things we do are more subtle [...] For in stance, in Black History Month this past year, we had many bul letin boards and artistic flyers that were put up celebrating Black art ists, Black women, Black voices,” Pedrick said. “[Moreover], the talk circles around race are brought to you by the DEI, but it’s not neces sarily marketed that way.”
DEI members have also placed a great focus on concor dance with other diversity and inclusive organizations in Stuyves ant, including ASPIRA and BSL. “We actually go attend the diver sity club meetings. There’s a lot of interest meetings that are happen ing and [...] whenever we [hear] of any other affinity groups that are having meetings, we would love to show our faces and [...] hopefully build the student body to DEI work,” Brandan said.
The DEI also emphasizes stu dent involvement with diversity initiatives that are working with
other schools. “We have student leaders that represent Stuyves ant High School that sometimes bring this conversation to the NYC DOE or higher adminis tration [and] also counterparts at other high schools. They’re part nering us up with other schools and we’re kind of creating this sibling relationship because the problems here at Stuy are also at other schools and other systems,” Colon said. “They’re always ask ing some of our students to come to some type of forum to talk to the chancellor, talk to superinten dents, to bring up these issues in the system.”
For most of the DEI commit tee members, however, the impact DEI had on creating new events and traditions was far less signifi cant than their individual success stories with changing students’ thoughts and beliefs. “One of the success stories is when a stu dent used the N-word, we were really able to have that conversa tion with that student and build a platform to put that down,” Wilson said. “You can’t quantify success because it’s not like a test we’re taking. But, it’s really more so our main goal is for people to
The first few minutes of third period are utilized for morning salutations, school announcements, and the occasional dad joke, but 30 seconds are designated for a pur pose that is increasingly flying over the heads of Stuyvesant students— the Pledge of Allegiance. While the routine was prevalent, and maybe even required, in their early years of schooling, more and more Stuyves ant students have become reluctant to participate. Is there an explana tion related to the political develop ments of recent years? Or is it sim ply no longer cool to pledge?
The Pledge has been recited in schools since it was written in 1892 by Francis Bellamy. However, the structure, public reception, and political prominence of the Pledge, have been all but steady. It has been met with changes in wording (the inclusion of “under God,” “the flag of the United States of America,” etc.), disputes over its legitimacy under the Constitution, and even alterations in the hand gestures one must perform while reciting it. In 1943, the Supreme Court ruled the requirement to recite the Pledge unconstitutional, making it clear that the Pledge’s status in American society and schools has historically remained fluid
It should be noted that par ticipation for the Pledge in high schools has been declining for a while. “The trend over the years has been a petering out of standing [for the Pledge],” Coordinator of Student Affairs and history teacher Matt Polazzo said.
As of late, though, some stu dents have observed a stark de crease in Pledge participation, prominent even among the longstanding downward trend: “[Partici pation in the Pledge of Allegiance has] definitely been less in recent years,” junior Shreya Das shared.
In 2018, The Spectator pub lished “To Pledge, or Not to Pledge?,” which illuminated a gen eral sense of tolerance in Stuyves ant students regarding the Pledge of Allegiance and its validity in school. Many liberals even cited general support for the pledge, as many believed it represented unity, regardless of political orientation. Since then, however, Stuyvesant has endured a pandemic, a year
of remote learning, a change in presidency, and countless more contentious,dynamic circumstanc es. The presence of so many mov ing factorss has undoubtedly mo tivated the increasing obscurity of the Pledge.
One possible cause for this trend is the abundance of signifi cant political affairs leading up to this year. Polazzo pointed out that it was only after 9/11 that a no ticeable number of students were standing to the Pledge: “After 9/11, things changed a lot. That’s when you started seeing American flags on all the train cars and that’s when they started doing the Pledge,” he elaborated, suggesting that perhaps the popularity of the Pledge serves as a close reflection of the political fervor surrounding the Stuyvesant student body.
President of Stuy Patriots and senior Jackson Mushnick shared his experience with those who re fused to Pledge in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement: “A few years ago during the Black Lives Matter movement, there were only a few kids in my middle school class who didn’t stand for the Pledge and [...] I would ask them, ‘Why aren’t you standing up for the Pledge?’ and they would say ‘Be cause there isn’t fairness in Amer ica,’” Mushnick said. “So that was clearly driven by political beliefs, by political ideology.” Recent develop ments, such as the spotlighting of Black Lives Matter, the overturn ing of Roe v. Wade, the attempted insurrection on January 6, 2021, the 2020 election, and more, have brought rise to another upsurge in political awareness. They potentially illustrate why we are observing yet another notable shift regarding Pledge of Allegiance.
Consequently, as students asso ciate the image of America with pa triotism and conservatism after the presidency and political reputation of Donald Trump, students, espe cially in a predominantly liberal city like New York City, are reluctant to promote American values. “There’s been a decline in patriotism among New Yorkers so I think it’s sort of like a slow steady [decline]—it’s almost like the American flag has come to be sort of associated with Donald Trump or what have you,” Polazzo said.
In a similar sense, students like
junior Snigdho Somprity aren’t compelled to stand for the Pledge because of America’s current tra jectory. “America has definitely been taking a turn for the worse recently,” Somprity said. “With Roe v. Wade, January 6, and everything else that seemed to deteriorate after the pandemic, it’s been really dif ficult to feel any sense of pride in [America].”
Others, however, interpret the Pledge differently. Mushnick be lieves that the Pledge serves as a building block to better America— to not only preserve the positives of American history, but to unite us all and strive toward a greater fu ture. “The benefits [of the Pledge] are a sense of a social fabric that’s missing in this country, some kind of collective identity that is inspir ing and a source of values and a sense of history, a sense of memo ry, and a sense of destiny—the val ues we are trying to achieve and the accomplishments,” he said. “[Like] these are the values and the destiny that we are trying to achieve and these are the things that we prize.”
Moreover, in the fierce social in ferno of high school, social dynam ics certainly play arole in compel ling students to stand. “I think that if there were anyone who wanted to stand for the Pledge, they’d have to be a pretty strong-minded indi vidual to do so. I think that there’s definitely peer pressure,” Polazzo said. “They wouldn’t want to mark themselves out as like a weirdo or a Trumpist.” Given Stuyvesant’s clear leftist political tendencies, to openly support a practice implicitly associ ated with right-wing values might set you behind in the unspoken competition for social credibility.
From the perspective of one who does engage in the Pledge, officer of Stuy Patriots and senior Comson Cao shared that it is often an extreme minority of students who willingly recite the Pledge. “During my junior year and this year [...], when the announcements would come on I would be the only student standing for the Pledge. Everyone else would be sitting down. This year it’s me and some other student,” he said. As Polazzo said, to make the choice to stand up and hint at your political standing takes an ample amount of courage. The fear of being that outlier with in the classroom may be amplifying
an already existent disinterest in the Pledge.
However, perhaps the reason for the Pledge’s descent into obso lescence is simply apathy and indif ference. “We had online learning, and then we returned to school. Everyone’s readjusting to school life, everyone’s tired, and now when they say to stand for the Pledge, Stuyvesant students are like, ‘I’m not feeling it,’” Cao added.
Das seems to not participate in the Pledge out of disinterest as well. “Recent political events haven’t really affected my view of America because my view of America was pretty neutral to begin with,” Das said. “I’m neutral about the Pledge.”
Somprity’s experiences suggest that the social dynamic of high school culture has contributed to a collective disregard for the Pledge. While indifference may be born out of neutrality or just plain laziness, the increasing disregard for the Pledge may be correlated with the social environment of high school,
feel welcome and to feel a sense of belonging.”
In the near future, DEI plans to include diversity panels in Stuyvesant’s open house to ex pand their initiative. “We’re do ing a fall open house in-person again, and something we started doing was to have the library fea ture our identity clubs so, when new students are coming in, [...] they’re going to remember [being] reflected in a huge group of stu dents who seem like they’re doing really well here and happy with their choice to be at Stuyvesant,” Pedrick said.
Though some affinity group leaders believe that the groups play a greater role in planning events, they acknowledge the im pact DEI has on them. “I think that ASPIRA/BSL has more of an impact on the DEI than the other way around. Since we are members of both ASPIRA/ BSL and DEI, we facilitate a lot of things that go on,” senior and ASPIRA president Arlette Duran said. “I think [DEI] has had a very big impact on the Stuyvesant student body because of all the events going on and the amount of students engaged.”
where political judgment is ampli fied, social awareness is intensified, and most importantly, the Pledge is no longer held to the same stan dard as it once was in early years of schooling. “Leading up to high school, I’ve honestly always just done it out of obligation. [...] It was never explicitly stated that we had to rise for the Pledge, but since everyone else was doing it, you had to,” Somprity shared. “In recent years, though, I haven’t even felt an obligation to rise for the Pledge. Since no one else really does it, it’s easy not to.”
With just 22 words, the Pledge of Allegiance serves as an insightful window into a complex web of po litical and social motivations. Its use of diction incorporates religious themes and promotes American ideals, inspiring some, and defer ring others. As one untangles this puzzle, the question remains: Does Stuyvesant’s attitude towards the Pledge mirror the school’s collec tive politics or the abandonment of a greater, aging tradition?
The transition from middle school to high school can of tentimes be an obstacle for young friendships to over come. In many cases, it results in the strengthening of bonds and the broadening of the scope of students’ social lives. In others, it can mean the un fortunate end of an era.
Many Stuyvesant students met their out-of-school friends through middle school. “Most of my outside friends are ac tually just my middle school friends and my elementary school friends,” freshman Christina Li said. Maintaining these relationships, however, is a different task compared to friendships already developed before high school. “Because Stuyvesant students’ schedules are very packed, most of the time, I just hang out with them during school. But for my middle school friends, I usually just talk to them whenever,” she said.
In a more unique circum stance, senior Syeda Rahman reports going to the same ele mentary school and even living in the same building as one of her best friends. They connect ed when they started taking the same school bus during sixth and seventh grade. “I’ve talked to them almost daily through out high school,” Rahman said.
Of course, every response has its outliers. “Most of my rock-climbing friends are above the age of 25,” senior Satvik Agnihotri said. “Climb ing would happen several times a week, so you’d meet people
fairly quickly.”
Students share that many out-of-school friendships op erate differently from their inschool counterparts. “My [outof-school] friends and I know we can be brutally honest with each other and we know each other’s senses of humor. With my in-school friends there’s still that little barrier where we
It can be fun.”
For other students, how ever, mixing friend groups feels unnatural because of the unique nature of each friend ship. “Obviously you behave differently around different people, but I don’t think it’s a problem of conflicting identi ty,” Agnihotri said. “Introduc ing them would be a bit odd
ordinate,” Li said. This differ ing communication, to Li, does not imply an auspicious future for their friendship. “I hope I’ll be able to maintain [outof-school] friendships through high school, but I’ve already drifted away from most people due to time apart.”
As a replacement for find ing time to meet in-person,
those friendships,” Agnihotri said. Even so, he also acknowl edges the benefits that come with maintaining friends in to day’s online world. “Covid also helped a lot because now you had all this time that’s digital and so it didn’t really matter where these people are or what they’re doing in the world be cause you just hop on a phone and call and that became nor mal.”
Others are more hope ful, with many out-of-school friendships thriving despite differing schedules. “My clos est friend is from my elemen tary school and we live close, so I see her really often and I’d say we got closer over the past few years,” Salman said. “Of course, many of my old rela tionships are more circumstan tial where it feels like it pauses and picks up when we see each other, and I have other friend ships where there’s been some drifting.”
don’t want to accidentally of fend the other person,” fresh man Madeline Chin said.
These differences can bring out various shades of one’s identity, which can make larger reunions interesting. “There are so many aspects to some one’s personality that it feels natural, at least for me, to have a group of different people to match them,” senior Natalia Salman said. “Some of them know each other—it’s more of a mixture of whether it was facilitated or a coincidence, though. There’s some overlap in activities but I’ve definitely introduced my out-of-school friends to some in-school ones.
because it’s almost as if they’re in different worlds. So it’s like, if I want to feel X way and do X activities, I’d go with friend group A, but if I want to do Y, do a second type of activity and be with a second type of people with a different energy, I’d go with friend group B.”
As for finding time to hang out, maintaining friendships from outside of Stuyvesant can take some elbow grease. “For my outside school friends, we have this meeting schedule, where we have to talk to each other on Saturdays and Sun days in the morning from this time to this time. Some of them are busy, so we just have to co
social media often comes in handy. “I don’t hang out with either of [my out-of-school friends] in real life much,” Rah man said. “I’ve managed to stay friends with them throughout high school through the use of social media, specifically Insta gram and Discord.”
Out-of-school friends can be hard to maintain without being proactive “In school isn’t hard at all since you just coincidentally run into people. On the flipside, out of school, there are some relationships where, if say I wasn’t to go rock climbing for a month or two, then it makes sense to be intentional about maintaining
Many would agree that friendships come in many forms, from the friends some have had since diapers to 27-year-olds that others go rock climbing with. Reactions to the ebb and flow of many friendships can vary greatly, from resentments of the Kar dashian scale to acceptance of a friendship’s evolving nature.
Regarding the ebb and flow of in and out-of-school friend ships in high school, Salman has few regrets. “People change, and I think that while drifting is sad at first, there’s nothing we can do to stop it from happening, and growing apart doesn’t take away from the time we had.”
“My [out-of-school] friends and I know we can be brutally honest with each other and we know each other’s senses of humor. With my in-school friends there’s still that little barrier where we don’t want to accidentally offend the other person.”
—Madeline Chin, freshman
10:30 p.m. Halloween night. As you trudge your way through the dreary city streets, sagging plastic pumpkin in hand, you strain your failing eyes to search for prospec tive candy-givers—but you’re out of luck. The doors are shutting. The worst part is, the stakes are high. How can you possibly stay up to fin ish your Great Books paper without that extra pound of sweets to shove violently into your gaping maw? A lone figure, hunched over in the pale light of an apartment lobby, catches your eye. You stampede in this 80-year-old woman’s general di rection, as her door begins to creak closed. You thrust your bucket at her, demanding whatever sugar-in fested treats she may possess. In re sponse to your begging, she flings a strange orange substance into your basket. It’s candy corn. You start to weep.
The culprit who invented candy corn was George “Corn-tastrophe” Renninger, a try-hard employee at Wunderle Candy Company who woke up one day and chose violence against the global candy-loving population. His concoction com bined sugar, fondant, marshmallow crème, corn syrup, food flavoring, and vanilla, all of which are poured into kernel shapes and coated with wax. Renninger’s abominable witch es brew of white, orange, and yel low was popularized by none other than Jelly Belly, the company that thought dead fish and canned dog food jelly beans were a good idea. Back then, most Americans associ ated corn with food for chickens, so candy corn was appropriately first marketed as chicken feed. By put ting candy corn on the trick-or-treat menu, well-meaning candy-givers are likening the youth of America to dumb, waddled livestock instead of the ghouls, ghosts, and monsters that they are.
The sweet’s triangular shaped waxy shell is split into thirds, with the pointy end colored white, a deep orange for the middle section, and a bright yellow at the other end. With
the lack of gradation between each color, the treat appears to be the Frankenstinean remains of three different candies stitched together and repackaged as a pitiful excuse for corn on the cob. It’s bad enough that trick-or-treaters are already bombarded with the sweet during Halloween, but the nightmare re fuses to die as other variations are distributed for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Each holiday’s equally ridiculous non-corn color scheme serves as an aesthetic blight to chil dren nationwide.
Unlike the similarly named can dy apples, candy corn’s resemblance to actual corn is insignificant. One expects the sweet tribute to an American staple to contain some level of corn in it, and it does, with corn syrup mixed into its concoc tion of fondant and marshmallow. But when the majority of modern sweets contain some amount of high fructose corn syrup, the glory of “sweet corn” is lost. When you bite into a candy apple, the taste of the fruit is enhanced by the sweet coating, but biting into candy corn is comparable to guzzling straight molasses. At that point, can we even call it corn?
The greatest crime of the dop pelgänger candy is its abysmal fla vor and texture profile. One might hope for a Skittles-esque blend of crunchy carnauba wax shell and compact interior, delivering just the right amount of chew. How ever, the kerneled monstrosity has a waxy, pliant exoskeleton, and biting into it is the sensory equivalent to the sudden, disorienting weightless ness when one has stumbled down a staircase. Once the horrid first layer is breached, underneath lies an even less appetizing stratum. The grainy, mealy insides of candy corn could be generously described with the consistency of wet sand, or more realistically, the dissolution of hopes and dreams localized to the tongue. That is to say nothing of the taste, which is a shotgun blast of sucrose directly to the palate. It is com
pletely lacking in diversity, without a lick of tang, spice, salt, or zest to counterbalance the overwhelming saccharine wrecking ball—entirely unsavory to all except the snotty lit tle cousin that ought to be uninvited from future family gatherings.
Contrary to conventional wis dom, renditions of sweets that taste gross are not always healthy. Besides the chalk-like taste of candy corn, its components ensure that even the Queen could not have lived past her 80s. For those on a diet, the vegetative name is more of a trick than a treat. Candy corn pro vides absolutely no nutritional value and serves 140 calories (28 grams of sugar) within its 19-piece serv ing size. Though other sweets also have a bad track record with den tal hygiene, many dentists consider candy corn one of the worst. Its outer crust laced with confectioners wax is difficult for saliva to break down, while the inner layer sticks to teeth and is almost impossible to get out—just like the memories of your Halloween wardrobe failure.
Overall, candy corn is unforgiv able. Not only is it an ugly offense to anyone with a functioning mouth, it is emblematic of society at large: a lie, a farce, a simulacrum propagat ed by the gears of capitalism to sell more monoculture produce which need not be produced. Candy corn smells of excess and ethanol and giant gas-guzzling factories with green, eco-friendly façades. It is fundamentally American, not only in its planet-destroying surplus, but also in its history—after all, maize is native to the land that we colonized, now having become an industrial empire stuffing the pockets of big wig confectionary moguls. Each nibble from the jaundiced tip of a candy corn germ rots both enamel and the moral character of the na tion, stewing in the imperial legacy that America brought unto the na tive people of its land, chopping down their civilizations like a scythe to an ear of corn. Happy Hallow een.
The
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In response to “Halloween’s Biggest Corntastrophe” by The Editorial Board
Candy corn haters are preten tious. Like most other disparag ers, they project their own misery onto cultural sources of joy to put everyone else in as bad of a mood as they constantly seem to be in. This scorn is especially ap parent in the case of candy corn, with the quintessential Hallow een treat being bombarded left and right with empty attacks on its flavor, texture, health value (it’s candy—seriously?), and practically every other facet of its existence. These “arguments” are baseless and fuel an unrea sonable amount of party-poop ing. Society has enough prob lems; it doesn’t need a grinch to steal Halloween too.
Almost as old as Hallow een itself, candy corn is a clas sic among trick-or-treaters. The numerical evidence is there, with over nine billion kernels pro duced annually. No one is sur prised to see candy corn in their trick-or-treating bag after a Hal loween night’s hearty adventures. It’s easy to produce and find, es pecially since every department, grocery, and corner store carries a fair amount of candy corn ev ery October. It doubles the an nual popularity rankings of can dies such as gummies and other chewy candies, umbrella terms that contain hundreds of candies
less successful than this favorite. It’s also highly representative of the season, with its bright-orange color scheme dominating the field of candies. The strong iden tity is a huge reason why candy corn cannot die. It is as integral to autumn as the falling leaves.
There is perhaps no other candy on the market with an ap pearance more instantly recog nizable than that of candy corn. Its distinct shape and vivid fall colors fill any space it is in with brightness and seasonal cheer. Aside from making each piece of candy corn pop, the three colors contribute to a larger design that is genius. When the pieces are ar ranged into a circle and stacked up in layers from there, it be comes clear where the candy got its name from. Together, the ker nels form a cob of corn with a lovely ombré from yellow to or ange as it spreads from the white core. What other candy design is as creative as that?
The critique of candy corn is too commonly used as a symbol of sophistication and maturity. Many dub the candy “too sweet” and “textureless,” but these argu ments are only futile attempts at justifying critics’ primitive taste buds. Those who label candy corn as overly sweet blobs of high-fructose corn syrup are giv ing away the underlying fact that they are unable to pick up on the nuanced flavor profiles that the
iconic Halloween candy harbors. While the first flavors to hit the tongue upon eating a piece of candy corn are undeniably sug ary, they are tinged with indul gent notes of marshmallow and vanilla, along with a rich buttery quality. As the candy melts onto the tongue, its firmer shell falls away to unearth an inner texture that is as soft as a marshmallow, making for a feeling that is cohe sive with the taste. The intricate depth within each kernel opens up like a flower in bloom, as the delectable surface flavors lend themselves to a silky deliques cence that is nothing short of heavenly. At the base of these delicious treats is a gentle nutty flavor, subtly adding complex ity to the sugariness as it does in marzipan or fondant. The flavor and texture of candy corn is lus cious in every sense of the word, and the inability of some to ap preciate this does not put them “above” the classic confections.
For those who argue against candy corn due to its high sugar quantity, why are you looking at candy to begin with? When you are given a box of any candy, you will finish that box over a certain period of time. Though highly sugar-dense, candy corn is of ten sold in giant packets which are impossible to finish in short periods. Your sweet tooth can be satisfied much more quickly with candy corn over anything else.
Unlike other mini-candies, such as chocolates and candy bars, you can control your portion size without finishing a box of them packed with sugar. In fact, unlike most other options on the mar ket, candy corn is known to be a completely fat-free candy despite its rich taste. Those who want to save on sugar should boycott candy altogether rather than pointing at candy corn being a cause of their limitations.
It is foolish to say that all can dy corn is equally good or equally bad. The quality of each kernel is determined by where and how it is made, like how one would turn down a Milky Way bar for a beau tifully wrapped Ferrero Rocher. Some brands, especially the un named ones, try to mass-produce as many kernels as quickly as possible, which results in a prod uct that does not emphasize the flavor of each piece. Oftentimes they can be harder and more bit ter, giving those who purchase them the false sense that all can dy corn is bad. However, Brach’s, the leader in American candy corn sales, has been constantly innovating to achieve a perfect level of chewiness that allows a great batch of candy corn to melt in your mouth. Achieving the right balance between vanilla flavor and raw sugar is difficult, and like chocolates, good candy corn does not stay freshly deli cious forever. However, with its
growing varieties and consistent ly delicious classic flavor, Brach’s has always shown how candy corn, when done correctly, can appeal to the entire American population, so long as they re spect the “best by” date printed on every bag.
So, why target those who love one of America’s favorite candies? The logical fallacies and blindness of the average critic consistently undersell candy corn, a sweet packed with cul ture, flavor, and history. A candy that is as American as any other Halloween tradition we pursue to this day. Despite this, people have gone as far as to pinpoint this innocent corn-shaped candy as a shrewd representation of America’s past, when it is just a beloved part of the Halloween tradition. These attempts to de monize candy corn are hypocriti cal, as they, in and of themselves, are emblematic of America’s problem with cancel culture. Those concerned by the nature of candy corn should remember that many Americans choose in stead to pick up dangerous can dies like Toxic Waste, Warheads, and the like. Halloween in itself is a celebration of the sublime, the imaginary, the sweet, the gift of giving, and the power of sto rytelling. We should be proud to celebrate these aspects, including the candy that best emphasizes it all.
“The Pulse of the Student Body”
Stuyvesant High School NewspaperPlease We reserve the right to edit letters for clarity and length. © 2022 The Spectator All rights reserved by the creators.
I want to introduce the least luxurious candy of all: Yorks. We see them in stores, sometimes, but people seldom hand them out. But that’s part of the charm! Since Yorks are rare, they are especially enticing. You have to really search for them for the chance to stuff one into your pillowcase of candy. They teach you an important life lesson: you must work for your prizes! Another bonus: they’re flat, so they take up far less space than many other candies. In addition, the simplicity of Yorks makes them perfect—dare I say sublime? They pair chocolate, the staple flavor of Halloween, with mint. The combination is delightfully refreshing (yes, I am one of those people who like the taste of toothpaste). How can you go wrong? Twix, as well as many other candies mentioned, are busy with so many flavors. Yorks will keep you awake and trickor-treating through the night!
For a long time, the “best Halloween candy” has been widely contested. Whenever the topic comes up, heated arguments begin, with different people arguing the various pros and cons of candies like Toblerone, chocolate truffles, and licorice. What they never realize is that the best Halloween candy is right in front of them: Reese’s. These peanut butter cups are obviously superior to all other types of candy, with their thin chocolate shell and rich peanut butter core. They are exactly the size of a few satisfying bites, are undeniably delicious, and have rough edges that melt wonderfully beneath your tongue. On top of all this, candies like Snickers can never really claim a superior role, because they will always be contested by similar chocolates like Milky Way, Twix, and 100 Grand. However, Reese’s peanut butter cups are unique. The only downside to this wonderful candy is the fact that it might kill your poor friend with a peanut allergy. How unfortunate!
She crashes into the party with a bang, a glorious being dressed in gold. She rarely attends these parties, too classy for the cheap $1 peasants vying for attention, but when she does, all eyes are on her. And no, she’s not Lady Gaga. In fact, she’s not a woman at all: she’s Ferrero Rocher.
She’s not like the OTHER chocolates that are limited to max three parts. No, Ferrero Rocher blesses our tongues with a majestic five! She introduces herself to us first with a layer of milk choc olate sprinkled with bits of hazelnut. The feeling is fleeting as your teeth strike another treasure: a crisp chocolate dome of utter magnificence. But unlike the nouveau-riche Lindt, embarrassing itself with two layers, Ferrero Rocher wows us with soft, melty milk chocolate as fourth. And at her core, a single hazelnut. What a spectacular performance!
As if her wondrous components aren’t enough, Ferrero Rocher takes care to present herself well. A golden foil coat sits atop a brown and gold cup. Buying Ferrero Rocher makes you feel special—they are always found in large trays of gold and textured, clear plastic—like when your boyfriend doesn’t forget your anniversary. The highlight of my childhood was when my father bought me two-packs to share with my brother. Oh, to be young and bougie!
Milky Way, Reese’s, M&M’s, and all the other girls that I can’t remember don’t stand a chance against Ferrero Rocher. In a pool of chocolates battling to be chosen, who do you think a slob bering child would pick first? A girl with plain plastic garb or the decadent, richly endowed Ferrero Rocher? The answer is obvious: FR for Queen of Halloween!
Small, colorful, smooth, but wonderfully sweet and rich, M&M’s have everything anyone could ever want in a chocolate candy. Aside from how deli cious they are, M&M’s come in a wide variety, with over 50 unique flavors and six colors that appease even the most particular candy lover’s palate. The flavor of M&M’s is undoubtedly superior, but more importantly, so are their characters. M&M’s are the only candy to have ever been denounced on Fox News for reasons pertinent to sexual attractiveness. Specifically, on “Tucker Carlson Tonight,” Carlson slammed Mars for redesigning the green M&M and making her “less sexy” than he personally desired. If enraging Tucker Carlson isn’t a reason to love a candy, then nothing is. Altogether, M&M’s are the obvious choice for best Halloween candy.
Last year, when I first truly saw the value of Skittles, I was in math class learn ing about statistics. For a class activity, we graphed out the colors and ate the sugary treats afterward. The Skittles were a perfect boost of sugar that made my mouth and my inner conscious happy as I ate them. The best part was that I didn’t have to worry about the mess involved with chocolate. People might try to argue the superiority of M&M’s, but must I point out the mess they create. M&M’s have an oddly textured, colored coating, with chocolate that makes a mess on your fin gers if you hold them too long. Skittles, however, retain their texture, are hard on the outside but also chewable, and come in an overall better assortment of colors than M&M’s. In addition, Skittles are the best for those who do not eat chocolate for allergy reasons or mere preference.
To add on, Skittles come in multiple flavors. So while other candies market off of their singular taste, Skittles has a distinctive flavor for each of the colors that it comes in. With this variety come preferences, and with those come great conversa tion starters and opportunities to share your Skittles. Therefore, Skittles are not only delicious, colorful, and resistant to melting, but they also support society by opening more conversations and avenues of good.
Snickers: The Knight of All Candies (Khandaker Mushfikuzzaman)
Ah, the Snickers bar, the medieval knight of chocolatey de light. Like a good knight, Snickers are easily the heartiest of the candies: roasted peanuts with a nougat caramel top, all enrobed in the finest of milk chocolate. I bestow upon it the role of a knight, because the heavenly mixture of perfectly combined peanut and caramel pleasurably barges into your mouth with every bite. Snickers are definitely a worthy bar to have in your trick-or-treat pillow bag. The mini chocolates require just the right amount of chewing before they melt in your mouth. It can be argued that Twix, or perhaps even Milky Way, are of royal class in comparison to Snickers, but I object. Snickers have a more complex flavor, and their peanutty genius makes for a great textural element. Aside from being a champion Halloween treat, Snickers are also extremely versatile. They can be a quick dessert, energy bar, or movie snack. So dress up as a knight this Halloween, and collect the bar worthy of your costume.
The delectability of the Lindt Dark Chocolate Truffles can be summed up in the proverb “The greater the effort, the greater the glory.” When you see a Lindt Chocolate truffle in your Halloween basket, you know that it’s from one of the fancy, non-organic townhomes in West Village or Cobble Hill. Your refined luxurious journey begins when you first open the truffle. Those who have true class twist the wrappings on both sides of the package simultaneously, leaving the perfect opening for the chocolate to be popped into your mouth—no need to dirty your hands with melted chocolate resi due. At first, the truffle is encased with more bitter chocolate. The encasing is often somewhat harder than expected, and you feel inclined to bite into the shell, but if you truly want to work for the inner molten chocolate, then that’s not the best idea. True chocolatiers pop the sweet into their mouth. Once you bypass the tough shell of the truffle, you get to the ganache: the molten goodness, the velvet gold of chocolate. The Lindt truffle melts into your mouth, leaving nothing but an addiction for another. However, its class is reliant on its rarity. Normally, one would get one or two truffles max every Halloween, but it wouldn’t make the experience any less sweet or irresistible. No chocolate can contend with Lindt truffles, and only those who cannot work for reward are ignorant to that fact.
When Halloween rolls around, you’ll congregate at a friend’s house, empty your pumpkin baskets on the floor, and commence a museum gal lery of your candy. You’ll lay them out on display and begin a session of rapid Deal or No Deal. You’ll trade your Snickers for two Twizzlers, and your friend will want your Hershey Kisses for their M&M’s. But, of course, not all of your candies will be for trade. Your favorite ones will be hidden tidily in your pockets. While your friends look at the spectacle of American cavity wonders, you’ll be looking at the small piece of golden-wrapped, foreign chocolate in your hands: Meiji Chocolate.
Meiji is the best candy you can get on Halloween. It’s a rarity that you’d probably only find in your basket if the majority of your neighborhood is Asian. It’s decadent and looks luxurious, with the aesthetic rows of small chocolates in a box that slides open and closed. Meiji comes in variations: milk chocolate, black chocolate, white chocolate, in a bar, in a sliding box, strawberry-shaped and flavored, covering an almond, and even TicTacshaped. If you’re feeling fun, sad, or like TicTacs but you don’t feel like eating fruity candy, Meiji has got just what you need. No matter the shape, each piece has an equally creamy and smooth taste that dissolves like but ter on a sizzling steak. It’s not enough just to have delectable candy. The variation and aesthetic are just as important.
By LAUREN CHINIt was almost Halloween, and I’d spent hours putting together the perfect costume, styling my hair and makeup to flawlessly match the reference material. I’d planned the most strategic route with my friends, mapping the most generous houses in my neighborhood. I’d finished all of my homework in advance, ensur ing that this night would not be wasted on such trivial matters. With joy in my heart and a cheap plastic trick-or-treat pail in my hands, I knocked on the door of the first house on my list.
“Trick or treat!” my friends and I exclaimed simultaneously.
The middle-aged woman who answered the door rejected our bubbly smiles. She did not offer her bowl of candy. Instead, she moved to close the door.
“Aren’t you guys a little… old for this kind of thing?” she asked, her voice dripping with conde scension. “You’re 17, less than a year away from being an adult. You can afford to buy your own Halloween candy.”
The despair that coursed through my veins was almost tan gible. This truly was the scariest night of the year, but not because of the gory costumes or horrific decorations. As the night contin ued and rejections continued to outnumber successes, my friends and I came to a grim conclu sion: the most frightening part
Right off the bat, Twix has an excellent taste, with a proper blend of milk chocolate, delicious wafers, silky caramel, and just the slightest hint of salt. It also has the best blend of tex tures: the crunch of the cookie mixed with the soft chocolate and gooey caramel. The biscuit provides a special crunch that helps sell the simplicity of the candy as a whole, something nougat-based candies just can’t provide. It differentiates itself from other, weaker candies, like Milky Ways or Snickers, be cause of the way these textures come together. But what truly makes Twix the number one candy, especially for Halloween, is the experience it guarantees on a crisp Halloween night. The warm colors of the chocolate and caramel are classy and fit the fall color scheme to a tee. The size and color of the shiny candy wrapper fit neatly in trick-or-treat baskets, taking up just the right amount of space and promising plenty of deliciousness to go along. Twix is easily the best candy, offering perfect taste, texture, and the ultimate Halloween experience to boot.
of Halloween is, in fact, the lack of sympathy and altruism of our neighbors.
Is this the future that faces us? A lifetime without trickor-treating? Oh, the cruelty of mankind. Yes, cruelty. Why else would we teenagers and adults be excluded from such a enjoyable activity?
Equating trick-ortreating with candy is an oversimplifica tion. I am not here to eat sweets and indulge in the capi talistic, hedonistic desires of society.
I am here to dress up with my friends in questionably matching outfits, run around our neighborhood un til our legs fail us, and return home exhausted to watch horror movies until three in the morn ing.
There is no age limit to trickor-treating, but for some reason, it is frowned upon when old er people trick-or-treat. Parents will say that it’s “just part of growing up” but will not be able to give a concrete explanation. Peers will determine that there are more interest
ing things to do on Halloween, like going to parties. But it’s not about having these other options. It’s about carrying on the tradi tion of trick-or-treating.
As we grow up, we lose a lot of things that make life entertain ing and fun. Those who continue to participate in such activities are labeled as “childish” or “im mature.” For example, my el ementary school classes were characterized by arts and crafts and recess. Now, my weekdays consist of multivariable cal culus and macroeconomics. And after I graduate, I’ll probably spend my days working 40 hours a week, staring at a screen the entire time. Our interests and person alities are forced to adapt to an entirely new lifestyle of adulthood and maturity.
Of course, I’m not necessarily opposed to growing up. Life is about change, and it’s only nat ural that change comes with new responsibili ties and life experiences. But even mature people can have fun, right? Trick-ortreating only happens for one day a year, anyway. It can be harmless entertainment for ev
So, Mom, can I PLEASE go trickor-treating?
Over hundreds of years, Christmas has become a global holiday that many enjoy, while others tolerate. But whether or not you’re a Christmas fanatic is irrelevant, as Christmas is objec tively greater than Halloween in all aspects. Those who say their favorite holiday is Halloween ei ther have personal grudges against Christmas or are unwilling to pur chase candy with their own money. There is a reason why the winter break holidays receive a whole week off of school, while Hallow een isn’t even awarded a day.
Both holidays consist of some sort of gift-giving. Halloween, however, consists of giving un reciprocated gifts to ungrateful children, while Christmas is about spending time with your loved ones. Even if the gifts you give
your family aren’t reciprocated fully, at least there is some sort of bond between the giver and the receiver. In ad dition, handing out candy to children may not be the great est idea coming out of a pan demic, not to mention rising concerns about contaminated or tampered candy. While Halloween’s scare factor could be seen as a bonus, that part of Halloween has been watered down for the younger generation over the years. More mature horror movies don’t necessarily need a connection to Halloween to be successful. In a connection to een might make the production
Phoebe He / The Spectatorcelebrated. In reality, Halloween is primarily a kids’ holiday, while Christmas caters to families as a whole. Christmas has a whole genre of movies including films like “The Grinch,” “Gremlins,” and “A Christmas Carol,” which rely on the merry spirit and Christ mas season to thrive, as it is often the whole basis of their plots.
Christmas movies may be iconic, but Christmas music is leg endary. Compared to Halloween, Christmas simply wins the music category. Christmas carols are a staple in American culture, includ ing classics like Wham!’s “Last Christmas,” Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” and Donny Hathaway’s “This Christ mas.” Christmas is also the most prominent holiday that main stream artists make songs about. Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” Paul McCart
ney’s “Wonderful Christmastime,” and Ariana Grande’s “Santa Tell Me” only scratch the surface of current well-known Christmas songs, not to mention the many years’ worth of classical Christ mas music. Halloween severely lacks this popularity in the world of music.
Christmas media, from music to movies to special TV episodes, are classics and exist in a greater quantity and quality than those of Halloween. The actual traditions and events of Christmas are more meaningful than those of Hallow een. Even if the perpetual Christ mas music mall songs can annoy someone, Christmas’s influence on our culture is undeniable, so much so that to compare it to Hal loween is just insulting. Make sure to wish your friends and family an okay Halloween this October and a Merry Christmas this December.
Californian dentist William V. Shyne distributed 450 candies to children on October 31, 1959. Each candy contained an aloe pill, a common laxative at the time. The kids fell ill, experienc ing symptoms such as vomiting and stomach pain. The normal adult dosage for the aloe pills is two pills. The children were given more than 30. That Halloween, instead of getting treats, those kids got poisoned.
For most children, Halloween is a time of excitement, from the fantastical costumes to the buck ets stuffed full of various types of candy. The routine is simple: walk up to a doorstep, yell out “trick-or-treat,” and candy will be tossed into your basket. But, there’s a problem. These aren’t doorsteps of familiar faces or close friends, but those of com plete strangers who children ex pect candy from. How can we be sure that these candies are safe?
Throughout the years, there
have been many cases of tam pered candy, all tracing back to the earliest Halloween incident perpetrated by Shyne. The case made headlines and, as one of the first tales of tainted Hallow een candy, inspired an entire pan ic surrounding Halloween candy. Another famous case is that of Helen Pfeil, a Long Island res ident who distributed various in edible items such as dog biscuits, arsenic-laced ant baits, and metal mesh scrubbing pads as treats. Pfeil denied that she had any malicious intentions in handing out tampered treats but pleaded guilty to endangering children at her 1964 trial. She was later com mitted to a mental hospital for observation. There was never a record of anyone being harmed by her arsenic-laced treats, which added to the Halloween panic.
However, unlike Pfeil’s case, there has been a Halloween can dy tampering incident that led to a child’s death. Texas optician Ronald Clark O’Byran handed out cyanide-spiked Pixy Stix can
dy to several children while trickor-treating with his own children in 1974. Timothy O’Bryan, his eight-year-old son, died later that night after ingesting one. Ronald O’Bryan was convicted for his crime a decade later.
There were many reports in 1983 of candies being handed out by “twisted” strangers that contained sharp objects such as razor blades, needles, and shards of glass that caused the deaths of several children, with hundreds more narrowingly escaping se vere injury.
While these events took place many decades ago, cases of poisoned candy have begun popping up again. Denver po lice discovered candies, closely resembling popular candies at the time, laced with marijuana in 2014. Even more recently, on Halloween 2021, Florida officials reported that an eight-year-old girl had been cut by an X-Acto blade razor hidden in a wrapped chocolate. The incident led to a widespread investigation by the
Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Department, which detected oth er cases of sharp objects hidden in Halloween candies in Fostoria, Ohio. Despite starting almost seven decades ago, the Hallow een candy tampering scare has cemented itself as an underlying threat.
However, while the threat of Halloween candy is present, cases of candy tampering are not incredibly frequent in the United States. Sociologist at the Univer sity of Delaware Joel Best com piled newspaper reports from 1958 to 1983 and claimed that approximately fewer than 90 in stances of reported candy tam pering actually resulted in severe harm. He attributes much of this claim, however, to the fact that older candy tampering cases in volved sharp items and evidently inedible objects that could be easily avoided with more careful inspection. Now, drugs such as THC and Delta-8 are more com monly used in tampering cases, and these substances are much
It’s the beginning of autumn, and the leaves are just starting to dust the ground. On the stoops of festive houses and apartments, there are skeletons, spiderwebs, and witches galore. And, of course, there are pumpkins.
An average household adorns their property with maybe one or two squashes roughly the size of a miniature poodle. Ambitious fami lies display painted masterpieces or carved faces that seem to jeer at passersby. Pumpkins remain the go-to Halloween decoration of choice in several states. This year, Americans are projected to spend a total of $804 million—equiva lent to the value of approximately 1.91 million tons of pumpkins— on gourds of various shapes and sizes.
The majority of these pump kins is harvested during the fall months, especially in preparation for Halloween. However, when November comes and Halloween goods are stashed away in stor age boxes until the following year, pumpkins often end up in the bins. The United States wastes 40 mil lion tons of food each year. Of this waste, nearly 900,000 tons
come from discarded pumpkins. Unlike plastic skeletons or Christmas ornaments that can be forgotten in storage, pumpkins have expiration dates, but many underestimate how long they last. Uncarved pumpkins can last for two to three months, provided that they’re untouched by wild life or extreme temperatures. A jack-o’-lantern, on the other hand, can only brave the elements for three to five days before it starts to rot. Pumpkins are better off without those carved faces that many adore. However, carving a pumpkin is a long-lasting holiday tradition that acts as a key bonding moment with family and friends.
they’re buried with other organic waste and rot without oxygen, re leasing potent amounts of meth
Just last year, more than 146 million Americans re ported that they planned to carve a pumpkin to take part in Halloween celebrations. Ameri cans should consider composting their jack-o’-lanterns instead of disposing of them if they insist on continuing this tradition.
When pumpkins are thrown out, they end up in landfills, along with the rest of our trash. There,
release of methane will be key to alleviating the climate crisis.
If you’ve been throwing out your jack-o’-lanterns, consider us ing an individual composting bin
from the government of New York City instead. The curbside composting program began in 1993 as the NYC Compost Proj ect and has now expanded its re sources to automatically provide a composting bin to all Queens resi dential buildings with 10 or more units. If this detail doesn’t describe your housing situation, then you can apply to receive a bin for your own house hold via the New York City Department of Sanitation website.
If individual com posting isn’t an op tion, many neigh borhoods have designated compost bins. The New York City Department of Sanitation provides a detailed map of drop-off composting locations in the five boroughs. The United States Composting Council has a similar map for nation-wide com posting locations. If composting sounds unappealing, then consider researching zoos that accept do nations. The Rosamond Gifford Zoo in Syracuse, New York and the Cape May County Zoo in New Jersey (as well as multiple animal
harder to detect. It’s not always apparent at first that a child has ingested THC-spiked candy, as there aren’t any immediate re percussions similar to swallowing a razor. Therefore, despite the fact that Halloween candy cases are infrequent, it has become substantially harder to detect in stances of tampering.
About 41.1 million children go trick-or-treating each Hal loween in the United States. As a result, trying to solve the issue of Halloween candy tampering by discouraging trick-or-treating is nearly impossible. What can be done, however, is more care ful examination of Halloween candy. Parents should check their children’s candy to make sure that they haven’t been meddled with in any way. Common red flags to look for include unwrapped, odd, or discolored candies. Just because it’s Halloween doesn’t mean that taking candy from strangers is safe, even if an in satiable sweet tooth needs to be satisfied.
sanctuaries across the country) ac cept old pumpkins as donations to feed or entertain animals.
Families can also find many ways to repurpose pumpkins used for Halloween decorations. There is an array of pumpkin-inspired recipes perfect for fall weather. Aside from the usual pumpkin pies, soups, and breads, there has been a rise in nontraditional recipes like pumpkin cream cheese muffins, pumpkin lasagna rolls, pumpkin spice, pumpkin seeds, cheesecakestuffed pumpkin bread, and even pumpkin carbonara. Some of these recipes ensure that all com ponents of a pumpkin are fully utilized, reducing waste. Baking or cooking together can be a fes tive moment to replace the joys of carving a pumpkin. If planning a recipe ahead of time, one can even pick a more flavorful squash to display for the holidays. Spaghetti, butternut, and acorn squashes are colorful and delicious options.
Many don’t pause to consider the impacts of their holiday fun. But any amount of individual ac tion is better than none, and your thoughtfulness can ensure that pumpkins end up in a better place than the landfill. Enjoy a sustain able Halloween!
Halloween Costume Contest, this is the article for you.
Anything praiseworthy must be unique, and Halloween costumes are no exceptions. No one wants to see another devil ears headband as a poor excuse for a costume. And sorry to break it to you, but the days of your mother calling your bedsheet with two holes “cute” are over. Though zombies and were wolves are classics, the concepts are overused. You’ll get nothing more than an eyeroll if you wear a Dracula costume with plastic fangs. And stop depleting the toilet paper industry for a mediocre mummy costume. The ideal costume has flair, artistry, and a distinctive flavor like that of pumpkin spice.
People want to see something they can relate with to spark a con versation. Instead of going the tried-and-true route, you should choose an eccentric character from a show or movie like Ted Lasso or the little toy soldiers from Toy Story. Whether they hate or love the character you’re dressed up as, the opinions are juicy either way.
Kudos and Kudon’ts for Cos tumes of People:
Jaden Bae / The Spectator1. DO dress up as Andrew Tate and play his theme song everywhere. Play the character well, but try to get a crowd of endearing fans in stead of an angry mob.
2. DON’T dress up as Spider-Man. Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Man is the best. There’s no need for more debates.
acter in mind, objects and items are the way to go. Aim for something that’s hilariously comical and grabs everyone’s attention. Last year, one legendary contestant dressed as a tampon box, which got a grin out of everybody.
Kudos and Kudon’ts for Cos tumes of Things:
1. DO dress up as a condom. Now that’s what you call protection.
2. DON’T, and I repeat, don’t, dress up in a onesie of any sort. It’s not a real costume.
3. DO dress up as a piñata. Every one will hit you up.
4. DON’T be afraid of embarrass ment. Everyone will only slightly snicker, and it’s all in good fun.
Gather a couple of friends for group costumes! You guys can go as a medieval torturer and his victims (no one will suspect the realness of your torture). In fact, many teach ers and staff at Stuyvesant dress up for the respective theme their department has chosen. Last year, part of the language department wore amazing cosplays of Harry Potter characters. There was also a group of cat maids that was creep ily funny.
Kudos and Kudon’ts for Group Costumes:
1. DO dress up as Sesame Street characters… except for Elmo. He is genuinely annoying.
Though the idea of Halloween costumes is fun, many think it’s too much effort or not worth the cost of buying materials. But there’s no need to fear! This situation is where creativity comes in. If you are willing to spend time and energy, rarities within the Stuyvesant com munity, then create parts of your costume yourself. Spending a bit of money on a life-size tampon box, or spending some time arts-andcrafting it yourself, to earn bragging rights for one of Stuyvesant’s best costumes is definitely worth it.
Kudos and Kudon’ts for DIY Costumes:
1. DO cut out the shape of your head from a famous painting (e.g., the Mona Lisa). Put it in a frame, stick your head through the open ing, and walk around like that all day.
2. DON’T superglue your fingers together so you look like you’re do ing the Italian hand gesture perma nently.
3. DO wrap yourself in aluminum foil. You can pass as either the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz or one those weirdos who think tin foil can protect you from aliens.
4. DON’T fear the effort. It pays off in the end, and you’ll be much more proud of your costume.
By KHANDAKER MUSHFIKUZZAMANGather your pumpkin-shaped notepad and vampire-themed pen, and prepare to take notes. Hallow een is flying in faster than a witch on a broom, and you need to de
cide on the best costume possible. Whether dressing up for Halloween is your life’s purpose or you have an “I’m too old for costumes” attitude, everyone has an opinion on what’s a good costume and what’s not. So for those looking for some kudos and kudon’ts to win the Stuyvesant
By MUHIB MUHIBMasha Amini, a 22-year-old woman, was confronted by Iranian religious police and brutally tortured on September 14, all for allegedly violating Iranian interpretations of Islamic religious law. Amini died from those injuries two days later, stoking a flame in Iran’s population. Extrajudicial killings such as this one have been a relatively frequent oc currence within Iran, but the death of Amini erupted into unusually widescale protests primarily led by young girls and women. Almost all were born after the Iranian Revolu tion in 1979 that overthrew the over 2,500 year-long autocratic regime led by the Shah, resulting in the current establishment. As a part of these protests, many are defiantly break ing the strict interpretations of Is lamic law, calling for the deposition of the Ayatollah, the de facto leader of Iran, and the current regime. Iran has never seen protests on such a wide scale and of such length, with all previous protests against the re gime having been brutally and suc cessfully suppressed. Iran’s struggles to contain these protests suggest that the fire in the protests will con sume its government as it loses the support and will of the people.
Over the past decade, Iran has faced numerous protests as living standards have fallen while the pop ulation becomes composed of those who have lived their entire lives un der the current regime. The current republic (composed of a Supreme Leader and elected government) is very unpopular, and many Iranians boycotted the election last year af ter the ruling party eliminated antiestablishment candidates. Following the increasing pursuit of saber-rat tling policies, sanctions from West ern powers further damaged the economic situation, not to mention the gutting of the Iranian nuclear deal. These protests have threatened
3. DO dress up as Vladimir Putin. That costume will cause some real riots.
4. DON’T be a people pleaser. Dress up as what YOU want to be.
If you have no particular char
2. DON’T go as a group of blankeyed nuns. That is actually terrify ing.
3. DO dress up as Gru and his min ions. There’s a full moon to steal on Halloween!
4. DON’T hold back! Everyone adores the Halloween spirit radiat ing off of a group of Teletubbies.
the autocratic grip on power but have not been able to achieve that goal in a significant manner yet. The current protests, however, have been much more successful and wide spread, making it extremely difficult for them to be suppressed.
The deposition of the autocrat ic monarchy, which was well over 2,500 years old, in 1979 occurred af ter months of protests in the Iranian
contained disunified factions (some communist, some more democratic) that had a common goal, to remove the Shah from power and install a more democratic system of govern ment, the definition of which was disagreed upon by various factions.
Ruhollah Khomeini, a conservative Shia scholar, became the central fig ure of the revolution, unifying dif ferent factions in their opposition
ment among women for the current regime, as their rights have been drastically curtailed. The brutality of the death of Amini likely inflamed the simmering anger into protests of incredible determination and perse verance. Young girls and women are risking brutal punishment to protest against the system in an attempt to break it, but the death of Amini has made it clear there is nothing to lose.
So if you are planning on wearing a costume, whether it’s in a group or with your significant other or just a solo cosplay (Moan ing Myrtle would fit your everlast ing loneliness), keep in mind these completely valid tips and tricks to form your ideal costume. But be ware: don’t end up in an oversized medium-rare steak costume in a sea full of goblins and ogres for the sake of uniqueness.
not appeared to begin to collapse, at least for now. More members of Iranian society must decide to chal lenge the government in order for a fire to burn, one that would con sume the Iranian government. Au thoritarian states in the past have collapsed due to their own failures, including the Soviet Union and the Khmer Rouge. One of the primary deterrents against the revolution is fear of emerging political instability if the autocratic regime collapses, as has been seen in fallen countries like Iraq, Libya, and Germany between the World Wars. For these concerns to be disregarded, a strong leader must emerge who is able to unify factions and promote the spirit and ideals of the revolution, instead of using it as a way to mandate their ideas, as Khomeini did. Only then can the fire of revolution burn.
Revolution. The government had ef fectively become unpopular with the populace and was seen as corrupt and incompetent. Many women led the revolution against the Shah, as the society was relatively progressive for women, but the government’s corruption was seen as a turnoff for many Iranians. This opposition
to the Shah and ultimately replacing the Shah as the autocrat to govern Iran.
Upon taking power, Khomeini implemented hardline Islamic poli cies, especially those restricting the rights of women, despite having relied on their support in the past. This action left a simmering resent
The current regime considers them second-class citizens in all but name. They will remain as such unless there is change.
There are the sparks and fuel for a second Iranian revolution, but there is not yet a fire. The govern ment of Iran is struggling to main tain control of its territory, but it has
The current regime of the Is lamic Republic of Iran is on bor rowed time. It has clearly lost the mandate to rule from its citizens, and it is only a matter of time be fore they support a rebellion. The oppression of women has invigo rated an opposition force poised to threaten the government. The gov ernment has pursued saber-rattling policies that have isolated it from the Western world, to the discontent of its citizens. The sheer brutality of this killing may serve as the spark for a second Iranian Revolution, but even if it does not, the regime will fall. Autocracies cannot prevail if the people do not wish for them to govern and instead express the desire for self-governance. There will be a date in the near future when the current regime of the Is lamic Republic of Iran will become a mere fact of history. It will set an incredible historical precedent: that autocracy is not tolerated in a re gion depicted for its autocracy and theocracy, and that the influence of nations that attempt to install autoc racy is not welcome.
The COVID-19 vaccine is the first in a revolutionary line of vaccines that promise to advance disease prevention. While traditional vaccines use dead or deactivated viruses to effectively train the body to recognize and effectively respond to antigens (foreign particles that induce an im mune response generally as sociated with pathogens), the COVID vaccine, which is an mRNA vaccine, teaches cells to produce the deactivated antigen themselves. These mRNA vaccines are signifi cantly cheaper and more ef fective than most conventional vaccines.
Despite their potential, mRNA vaccines were too
complicated of a technology to develop until recently. mRNA was discovered in 1960, but it wasn’t until the COVID-19 vaccines that an mRNA vac cine became commercially available. While an influenza mRNA vaccine was tested on mice in the 1990s, the first hu man test of an mRNA vaccine didn’t come until 2013.
This delay in develop ment is due to a few major technological problems. The first and most major is the in credibly fast degradation of artificial mRNA. The pres ence of RNases (enzymes that denature/destroy RNA) is near ubiquitous inside the body and mRNA itself trig gers an immune response that causes the artificial mRNA to be destroyed. This problem was solved by nanotechnol
ogy—scientists created a lipid capsule, or fatty envelope, sur rounding the artificial mRNA, protecting it until it could enter the cell. This was a very pre cise creation that required time and advancements in multiple fields. It is also quite difficult to mass-manufacture mRNA vaccines, though this capabil ity has significantly improved since they became a commer cially proven technology.
The first mRNA vaccine developed with this fatty en velope technology was for Ebola in 2019. However, the Ebola vaccine was never sold commercially, mostly due to a lack of a market. Tragically, Ebola was most prevalent in places where distributing the vaccine was considered “not profitable” enough. It’s a sad reflection on how health care
is so commercialized that the first example of a revolution ary technology couldn’t be uti lized due to lack of a financial incentive.
Currently, the most rel evant mRNA vaccines are those designed for COVID. These generally hover around an effectiveness of roughly 85 percent, which is better than the vast majority of modern traditional vaccines. For con text, the flu vaccine has an ef fectiveness of only 40 to 60 percent. The COVID vaccines were also developed quickly— vaccines were created two years after the initial spread of the novel disease. This makes them a great proof of concept for this technology with such a long creation process.
Now that this technol ogy has been successfully put
into practice, a wide variety of mRNA vaccines are being researched for diseases such as HIV, cancer, and genetic disorders. The infrastructure needed to mass produce them is also being improved so that when the next pandemic hits, we can design and manufac ture a large number of mRNA vaccines more quickly.
mRNA vaccines are a ma jor innovation that was dif ficult to attain. In addition to their lower costs and height ened tailor-ability, they’re also much safer than traditional vaccines because they don’t require inactivation and there fore can’t be contaminated by toxic agents. The mRNA vac cine is a very exciting develop ment with the potential to en hance the quality of life of the human race.
The short walk to Ferry’s with a freshly cooked baconavocado-chipotle sandwich in hand from the Tribeca Bridge’s left entrance is not an uncommon practice at Stuyvesant. However, since earlier this year, there has been a tweak to this usual tradition: the walk now in duces Stuyvesant students to become vigilante extermina tors. What was once a solid concrete pavement outside Ferry’s has now become a red, speckled graveyard.
If you’ve never seen the Ferry’s graveyard, you may have seen these red bugs in the viral video of them swarming the Nomad Tower on 32nd Street and Broadway, or a peculiar one hiking to the 31st floor window of a Man hattan skyscraper in search of a mate, or even the satisfying TikToks of people vacuum ing hoards of them off ter races, cars, and trees all across the five boroughs. Lycorma delicatula, more notoriously known as the spotted lantern fly, is native to China. It was first detected in the United States in September of 2014 when a stone shipment from China, inadvertently carry ing lanternfly egg masses, was brought to Pennsylva nia. Infestations have since spread across Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Long Island, the Hudson Valley, and in July of 2021, the Big Apple.
The inch-long invasive or ganisms have attractive pol ka-dotted wings and bright red hindwings that are highly visible when the lanternfly is in flight or when its wings are open. They’re planthoppers, which constitutes for their speed and ability to fly short distances—though they pri marily jump long distances.
They owe their domin ion to the absence of natu
ral predators in the United States. The few predators that do exist in the areas they invade, including stink bugs and wheel bugs, are unable to control the situation be cause their main diet does not consist of lanternflies. Apart from environmental factors, lanternflies are naturally fer tile and lay millions of egg masses in late summer on the trunks of trees and any other smooth surface. The portable items that they lay their eggs on, such as vehicles and out door furniture, can easily be unintentionally transported by humans, conveniently dispersing the species across the US. Because the hoppers crawl to nearby host plants and start new infestations upon hatching, they’re able to dominate areas rapidly.
The hoppers feed by piercing the bark of trees to tap into their vascular sys tems in search of sap. Due to their relatively large size in comparison to most sucking insects, they’re able to remove large amounts of sap while excreting a thick, sticky dew that coats the tree. The dew doesn’t directly harm the tree, but the loss of carbohydrates and other nutrients meant for storage substantially slows growth and eventually leads to the tree's death.
According to the New York State Department of Agriculture, the lanternflies are a threat to native New York plants and crops includ ing grapevines, apple trees, and maple trees. With a di verse palate that could feed off of over 70 plant species, they pose a significant threat to New York’s agriculture and forest health.
Though they are not di rectly dangerous to humans since they’re not poisonous, don’t sting, and don’t bite, they do drain the economy, impoverish our trees, and
are a general nuisance. New York’s annual yield of apples and grapes yields a net profit of $358.4 million, which the spotted lanternfly’s cravings for apple trees and grape vines can adversely affect. As of now, the full extent of economic damage—ranging from property damage costs to revenue and farm loss—is unknown but is expected to range between a drain of $1.3 billion annually and a loss of about 2,800 jobs. So, the
in New York City, kill it im mediately by stepping on it or crushing it.” You can’t really go wrong with this one—if you miss the first time, just try again (they can’t jump very far without running out of energy).
You can also attack the problem at its roots by searching for and destroying lanternfly eggs, which are the main source of their spread. The insects will typically lay their eggs from September
dull brown mud. If found, the best way to destroy the eggs is to scrape them off the surface with a plastic card and squash or drop them in hand sanitizer.
Though they lack tradi tional predators, the hoppers are still susceptible to handydandy chemical insecticidal sprays. This would be the best method if you find large clusters of spotted lantern flies in your backyard. How ever, alternatives to chemical sprays include more environ mentally-friendly organic in secticides. Examples of such pesticides include Ortho Ele mentals Insecticidal Soap and Safer Insect-Killing-Soap.
Another option for those who would rather save them selves from bug guts is to catch them in an empty bot tle. Simply point the opening of an empty bottle toward the bug and approach it from above. Once you’re close enough, the lanternfly will get startled and instinctively jump inside since jumping is their natural flight response. This method is effective be cause you can capture a large number of hoppers with a single bottle. Don’t forget to dispose of them after though, preferably and most effec tively by placing the bottle in a freezer overnight.
question remains: what can you do to rid the Big Apple of lanternflies?
For starters, you can go with the traditional “Spot and Stomp” method. This is the formal course of action rec ommended by the New York Department of Agriculture and Markets (DAM): “If you see a lone Spotted Lanternfly
to early December, meaning it won’t be rare to spot eggs in NYC right now. They typi cally lay egg masses contain ing 50 eggs, each about one millimeter in diameter. The eggs are laid on smooth sur faces, including bricks, lawn furniture, play structures, fences, and more, and resem ble dried patches of white to
Earlier this year, in re sponse to the invasion, Sena tor Chuck Schumer called for $22 million more in funding to the US Department of Ag riculture to target the invasive species. Of course, New York State does not plan on relying on its citizens as vigilante ex terminators forever, but for now, having people kill lan ternflies is an effective shortterm solution. Scientists will continue to battle the plan thopper’s reproductive clock until they develop long-term, sustainable fixes to win back the Big Apple.
Studies in synthetic biology and bioengineering have un derlined advancements in the human potential to manipulate nature and evolution. At the California Institute of Technol ogy, a team of researchers suc cessfully created a mouse em bryo solely from different types of stem cells. The embryo ma tured to have a beating heart and showed early development of the brain, a remarkable feat without the use of mouse gam etes. They harnessed the nature of different stem cells in the lab environment to imitate the mechanisms of a mouse em bryo.
Though stem research has been an ongoing field of study since the 1960s, this recent achievement marks a pivotal point in stem cell and repro ductive research. It is the prod uct of decades of studying the nature and manipulation of embryonic stem cells. Stem cells were first discovered in the 1960s by hematologist Ernest McCulloch and biophysicist James Till when they identified the hematopoietic stem cell, which is capable of differen tiating into different types of blood cells. Thus, the founda tion of stem cell research is
derived from the discovery of multipotent stem cells, which are self-renewing cells that can differentiate into specialized cells pertaining to a specific tissue or organ. Eventually in the 1980s, scientists success fully isolated and cultured em bryonic stem cells from mouse blastocysts—an early phase of the embryo when it is a cluster of rapidly dividing cells made by a fertilized egg. The plurip otent nature, or ability to de velop into any type of cell of the body, opened opportunities for manipulating the building blocks of organisms.
From the first discovery of hematopoietic stem cells to the recent accomplishment of replicating the development of a mouse embryo, one may no tice that research on mice has shown up frequently in stud ies regarding stem cell lines. In fact, it is the decades’ worth of experimentation on mice that are helping scientists apply the results to humans. Factors such as cost, time, and availability of a large supply contribute to the efficiency of using mouse cell lines over human cells in stem cell research.
The human body has its own reserve of stem cells in the bone marrow. These cells can differentiate into more
complex cells with specific functions, from muscle cells to brain cells. In the lab, how ever, scientists have the abil ity to grow stem cells by using culture dishes. The dishes con tain a medium that optimizes the growth of different types of stem cells. From there, re searchers can manipulate the function of these stem cells to mature into the desired type of cell. They can do this by chang ing the chemical composition of the culture medium in which the original cells are growing or forcing the expression of spe cific genes.
The interest in stem cell research lies in the plethora of possibilities it provides to advance in different fields of science. The discoveries can lead to major improvements in reproduction research, devel opmental abnormalities, and regenerative medicine. The recently synthetically created mouse embryo gives scientists a deeper insight into the im portant role of the integrity of communication between stem cells in an embryo and the mother’s womb. This is vital to the understanding of pregnan cy failures and consequential solutions for these prevalent issues. A major goal scientists tried to achieve in the study was
Hydropower–or hydroelec tric power–is the world’s cheap est and most popular renewable energy source. But if you’re wondering why you’ve never heard of hydropower, you’re not alone. While wind and solar power have been getting more press, hydropowet accounts for 60 percent of global renewable energy generation, beating out the 13 percent and 23 percent accounted for by solar power and wind power respectively. Still, these impressive statistics come with considerable draw backs.
Hydroelectric power gen eration begins with a river that feeds into a reservoir, where water is stored as gravitational potential energy. When the dam is opened, the water flows out of the reservoir and through a channel. The flowing water spins a turbine, powering a gen erator.
One of hydroelectric pow er’s biggest strengths is its abil ity to generate electricity at any time; when more power is need ed, operators can merely open the gate in a dam. This stands in contrast with variable renew ables like wind and solar, both of which can only generate elec tricity when the sun is shining or the wind is blowing.
Another crucial trait of hy droelectric power is its ability to store the intermittent energy generated by renewables. Hy dropower plants used for stor age are called pumped-storage hydropower (PSH). These plants, which work slightly dif ferently than those described earlier, contain an upper and a lower reservoir. When variable generation is high, this electric
ity is used to pump water from the lower to the upper reser voir. When the generation falls, a dam in the upper reservoir is opened. This causes water to flow through a turbine and power a generator, before set tling back into the lower reser voir. Energy storage will likely be crucial to the switch to clean energy, and while the buzz sur rounding large-scale energy storage tends to focus on batter ies, hydropower accounted for 99 percent of the world’s energy storage as of 2021.
In a June 2021 report, the International Energy Agency referred to hydropower as the “forgotten giant” of clean en ergy and reported that current investment in hydropower was far below what would be neces sary to limit global temperatures to 2°C. Indeed, while global hydropower capacity is set to increase between 2021 to 2030, its projected growth is nearly 25 percent slower than the previ ous decade.
Leading in hydropower is China, which accounts for 40 percent of global hydropower expansion. With global coal and liquified natural gas (LNG) prices soaring sky-high amidst Western sanctions on Russia, hydropower is helping China cut down on coal and LNG, though climate-caused droughts may jeopardize this power. Next up is India, where the World Bank is financing dozens of hydro electric projects along India’s Himalayan states.
In the United States, how ever, hydropower has remained largely stagnant. The United States has already built reser voirs in most viable rivers, and aside from that, new hydro power plants must go through
a permitting process that takes years of effort and millions of dollars. Since the average U.S. plant is over 60 years old, many plants will need to be relicensed, which, combined with the de creased output seen by hydro power plants due to climatecaused droughts, will likely cause a flood of license surrenders.
Hydroelectricity is also the cheapest source of electricity worldwide, including fossil fu els. However, while the low op erating costs and long lifespan of hydroelectric power plants keep prices low, hydroelectric plants have much higher initial costs per kilowatt than most
to effectively make the three types of stem cells talk to each other under lab conditions. They successfully managed to do this by altering gene ex pression and manipulating the environment to promote this type of communication. With this, the embryo was able to go through the developmental stages of a normal mammalian embryo and developed not only a beating heart, but also a yolk sac, which provides nutrients for the embryo. Most impor tantly, a complete brain was generated in the study, which is the most advanced stage of development achieved so far in a stem cell-derived model.
Despite this, the ethics sur rounding the far-reaching con sequences of stem cell research is a popular and necessary conversation in science. The concept of humans manipulat ing stem cells to create organ isms from scratch is a future difficult to warm up to. Using stem cells for their regenerative properties and helping patients suffering from chronic diseases or conditions is one thing, but exploiting the power of stem cells for reasons that can be considered unethical for what people may defend as “for the sake of science,” is where a line is drawn. For example, CRISPR
the greenhouse gasses stored. Worse yet, the emissions per sist throughout a dam’s lifetime as the sediment flowing down stream gets trapped by dams and as plants continue to regenerate in the reservoir. Emissions from hydropower plants are almost always lower than those from fossil fuel plants, though there are a few exceptions. Hydro power plants also harm the river ecosystems in which they’re built. As reservoir water remains stagnant, cold, deoxygenated water sinks to its bottom. When the dam is opened, this water flows into the river below and harms downstream ecosystems.
other power sources. These costs are more than monetary, as hydropower has negative en vironmental effects. The land flooded to make way for hydro power plant construction emits
Ecosystems can benefit from fish ladders, which allow fish to hop upstream to warmer waters, while emissions can be reduced by building dams in steeper val leys or in areas with fewer mi
China’s “artificial sun,” a nuclear fusion reactor, gen erated a plasma current of more than 1 million am peres, growing closer to the threshold for a self-sustain ing, working reactor.
Global leaders commit over $2.6 billion and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation pledges $1.2 billion in an effort to eradi cate polio worldwide.
babies have been a highly con troversial topic in synthetic bi ology due to the implications it has for eugenics, the study of arranging a population with desirable traits, and the consid erable risk that comes with the process due to the early stages of research. Overall, stem cells have great potential in medicine and therapy, and because of that, it is important to use their qualities wisely.
crobes. Yet, hydropower is con sidered a mature technology, so further improvements are lim ited.
Additionally, hydropower plants can only be built around rivers and waterfalls. The draw back makes it unideal for coun tries with limited water resourc es and difficult to incorporate into the grid. This location de pendency is shared amongst so lar, wind, geothermal, and many more power sources.
Hydropower plants are oc casionally constructed in rivers that communities have already settled around, which has dis placed millions throughout history. The Souapiti Dam in Guinea, which went online in 2020, has forcibly removed over 16,000 residents of 100 villages from their ancestral homelands, along with flooding 253 square kilometers of land. In 1982, 400 were killed and 3,500 were dis placed by the former military dictatorship in Guatemala when communities in the Chixoy Riv er refused to relocate for the Chixoy Dam. Construction for both of these dams was funded by international powers, includ ing the World Bank, in the name of “sustainable development”.
Many argue that hydropow er’s drawbacks must be weighed against fossil fuels. After all, hy dropower is far from the only renewable with its downsides, from the storage of nuclear waste to a lack of recycling sys tems in place for solar panels. Others worry that hydropower may create more problems than it solves, especially given that hydropower is a mature technol ogy. Regardless of the world’s trajectory, in the fight for clean energy, this “forgotten giant” cannot be ignored.
By RYAN LIN
Robot dogs, Roombas, selfdriving cars—the world around us is slowly becoming automated with even the most simple, ev eryday tasks being taken over by robots. The same situation can be observed in the workplace. Many common jobs are being automated for higher efficiency and profits, contributing to an increase in unemployment rates. Yet, at the same time, lives are being saved with these same in novations that allow surgeries to utilize robots.
Robotic surgery, also known as robot-assisted surgery, uses a robotic system to surgically op erate on patients, either indepen dently or alongside a human sur geon. Robotic surgery has been around since the 1980s, begin ning with the PUMA 560. This machine was first used in 1985 as a stereotactic surgery, one that is minimally invasive and removes lesions within tissues and organs. In this surgery, a brain biopsy, a procedure where a small piece of tissue is extracted, was per formed.
The development of several new robotic surgery machines has occurred since. This includes the PROBOT in 1988, which was used to conduct a transure thral prostate surgery, and the ROBODOC in 1992 used for femur cavity preparation. In the 1990s, minimally invasive sur gery was introduced along with three new robotic surgery sys tems: the Da Vinci, the AESOP, and Zeus. The Da Vinci robotic system is still used worldwide to day. However, the AESOP and Zeus systems were discontinued just a few years after their cre
ation. The Da Vinci X, Da Vinci Xi, and Da Vinci SP were de signed for different robotic sur geries. Da Vinci X and Xi feature the same general parts, the only difference being Da Vinci X be ing less costly and possible to up grade. The Da Vinci SP is more geared toward operations where narrow areas need to be treated.
There are three parts to the Da Vinci system: the surgeon’s console, the patient cart, and the vision cart. The surgeon’s con sole is where the surgeon sits, views the surgery itself, and con
the characteristics of these parts may vary depending on the par ticular robotic surgery system, such as varying sizes of mechan ical arms. These arms may also utilize different specialized sur gical instruments. Some systems allow the surgeon to control the scale movements. For instance, a surgeon may move their hand by one inch to move the mechanical arm by two inches for a one-totwo scale. The system has since evolved to have better handling and an increased range of mo tion.
of the area, a surgeon can oper ate with higher precision. There can also be areas that are hard for a surgeon’s hands to reach, but with the assistance of a ro bot, it is much easier to oper ate. Surgeon fatigue can also be minimized because surgeons are sitting down compared to tradi tional surgery where they have to stand for hours on end. Most importantly, the complexity of certain surgical procedures make robotic systems necessary to uti lize. Procedures that have been aided by robotic surgery include heart surgery, urologic surgery, endometriosis, and general sur gery.
The advantages of robotic surgery are endless for both the operation itself as well as the people involved. There is a faster recovery for the patient because of less tissue damage during the operation. The smaller incisions also correspond with a lower chance of the development of an infection, less pain, and few er visible scars. Moreover, less blood loss results in fewer blood transfusions needed. Overall, these benefits lead to a faster re turn to daily life for the patient.
netic interactions to move with freedom.
While the current robotic surgery system uses instruments controlled by surgeons to oper ate, researchers are working to ward further advancements to transition the robots into mostly automated systems, where the robots move without the need for a surgeon. Recent tests at the University of California, Berke ley, demonstrate that these new robots have matching or greater levels of performance compared to humans operating them. Though the entire surgery can’t be automated, scientists hope to reduce the risks that come with fatigued surgeons. More impor tantly, surgeons are unlikely to lose their jobs to the application of robots since patients are likely to be reluctant to be operated on by the robot alone. These ro botic systems are limited to fol lowing a set procedure, meaning they can’t account for any unex pected mistakes or variables dur ing an operation.
trols how the instruments need to move. The high-definition real-time 3-D images of the area are viewed there. The patient cart holds the camera and instru ments required for surgery, which are attached to the mechanical arms. The cart is located next to the patient’s bed where they are operated on. The vision cart is in charge of enabling communica tion between all parts of the ro botic surgical system. However,
Robotic surgeries tend to be minimally invasive, meaning that only tiny incisions are created in a procedure. Other benefits of robotic surgeries include more precision, stability, and flex ibility than traditional surgical procedures. For instance, these machines allow for a clear and detailed view of the operation site in contrast to the naked eye, which may miss important de tails. With a better examination
There has also been new re search and ideas for robotic noninvasive procedures, compared to the minimally invasive system currently used. Microbots, for instance, wouldn’t require any incisions at all. These robots would rely on the body’s circula tion to deliver it to a specific part of the body. Capsule robots act as a camera traveling inside the human body to run diagnostic tests, conduct surgeries, or de liver drugs. This type of robot follows the non-invasive nature of the microbot, utilizing mag
The introduction of robots into the medical world has im pacted both surgeons and pa tients alike. Though robotic surgery is past its infancy stage, there is much more development to come in the foreseeable fu ture. These incredible develop ments are potential innovations that may grow past the surgical world. Many industries such as agriculture, manufacturing, and the military are beginning to adopt the same robots that are used in the medical society. New jobs may form from the adop tion of these technologies. The development of robotic surgery is only the beginning of the shift from human to automated labor.
Every time we start to be lieve that we are returning to “normalcy,” we are presented with another dilemma, recently in the form of a disease. In Sep tember, a New York adult was diagnosed with polio—the first U.S. case in nearly a decade. For many, it feels like an old disease has come back to haunt us, and that is rightfully scary. Polio has already left us scarred, and fears of history repeating itself are arising.
Polio is not a new disease— we see historical evidence of it dating as far back as the ancient Egyptians with their depictions of children with canes and with ered limbs. The way we know po lio today speaks to the epidemics and trauma that occurred from events in the 20th century. The first polio epidemic occurred be tween 1948 and 1955. Feared by most people, especially those in industrialized nations, polio par alyzed hundreds of thousands of children each year. The worst recorded outbreak of polio in New York was in 1952, which left about 3,000 dead.
But, the scariest part wasn’t the death toll—it was polio’s lasting effect on those who sur vived. Many survivors faced challenges like deformities and paralysis, and depended on tech nologies like artificial breathing devices. By the 1960s, polio was prevalent all over the world and was affecting over half a mil
lion people every year. With no success trying to finding a cure, scientists knew it was time to look at other options. The rise in deaths and paralyzed patients highlighted the need for a vac cine. Soon enough, scientists created two types of vaccines: Salk’s inactivated polio vaccine (IPV), licensed in 1955, and Albert Savin’s new oral vaccine (OPV) in 1961. The U.S. used the IPV as it was coming out, so when the OPV was issued, there was no transition into using it. In developing countries, like those in the Soviet Union, the ease that came with the administration of OPV made it the ideal candidate for mass vaccination campaigns.
Both vaccines did work. By 2003, we were only concerned with polio in six countries, and by 2006, it dropped to four. The 21st century saw further advanc es, with cases brought down by more than 99 percent worldwide in less than two decades.
Considering such promising numbers, polio resurfacing in Western countries was unfore seen to scientists. There does seem to be a loose explanation behind this rise. Due to recent pandemics involving diseases like COVID-19, public health officials have placed less empha sis on other diseases like polio in attempts to hone in on the current pandemic. People are shocked about this outbreak— polio “isn’t supposed to spread” in places with good sanitation and public health. But this men
tality fails to realize the severity of polio that still exists in so many third-world countries. Generally, the oral vaccine is safe and effective to administer. The endemic of polio would have been very different with out the creation of the OPV. Even though a live version of
vaccine-derived poliovirus. This is what happened, as genetic analysis of New York poliovi rus samples showed that it was a mutation of the weakened vi rus strain that afflicted the pa tient in New York. The virus was able to slip into the U.S. this year because of low vaccination
happened.
So should we be concerned?
In terms of countries like the United States, it is important to be aware, but there is no need to panic. The most important thing is to make sure you are vaccinat ed. The patient in NY was un vaccinated, as are many people in that community, and those are the people who are most suscep tible. Since polio is only prevent able and not treatable, vaccines are of the utmost importance and if you are inoculated, statis tics show that you will likely be okay.
the virus is used, the weakened virus is ideal to promote immu nity, protecting those who re ceive the vaccine. The problem here is that if vaccination rates are low and the weakened virus keeps spreading, it can mutate into a new strain, which is called
rates in some communities and continued global travel, which is what happened in the Rock land County case. Because other countries were using the OPV while we were using the IPV, there was a tiny loophole for a slip-up, and that is exactly what
But this news is a reality check for many. While we sit in our first-world countries in the comfort of our safety and fancy medications, others around the world don’t have access to the same materials: something gov ernment officials are finally start ing to realize. Just recently, on October 18, global leaders con firmed U.S. $2.6 billion toward the Global Polio Eradication Initiative’s 2022-2026 Strategy to eradicate polio. Recent cases have highlighted the need for a global initiative. Even if one country has promising numbers, as highlighted by the German Federal Minister for Economic Cooperation and Development, no place is safe until polio has been eradicated everywhere. This is a wake-up call for many leaders, and with new initiatives being set in place, there seems to be hope for a safe and polio-free future.
Time is everything. In to day’s world, the way we manage our time significantly affects our health and quality of life. How ever, people often complain that they do not have enough time to handle their endless list of responsibilities. In light of this, they began to question the societal norms that dictate our work lives. Why should we work from nine to five? Should desk jobs be supplemented by work-from-home positions? And perhaps most importantly, does a five-day workweek truly reflect our civil needs?
Our modern workweek, which consists of 40 hours of work split upon the five week days, was not standardized until the early 20th century. Prior to that, most Christian-dominated societies had a six-day work week, only affording Sundays off for holy holiday. This was problematic for Jewish workers, whose holy day Shabbat lasted from Friday evening to Satur day evening. This meant that Jewish immigrants in the Amer ican workforce often had to choose between their religious values and their responsibilities at work. However, change was finally embraced in 1908 when a New England cloth factory established a two-day weekend, greatly supporting the needs of their workforce.
Religious or not, people and employers began to take a lik ing to the five-day workweek. Most famously, Henry Ford es tablished a five-day workweek for his employees as well as a 40-hour work limit per week, down from the national limit of 100 hours per week. After the Great Depression, the United
States Department of Labor made Ford’s doctrine law. An other driving factor behind this decision was consumerism. As lessons on borrowing were be ing learned by the American people, who were still in sham bles from the Great Depres sion, the government saw that an extra day off would lead to more stimulation of local busi nesses and the overall economy.
For the workforce, the 40-hour, five-day workweek was a mas sive victory.
However, as the century progressed, it became clear that work responsibilities and stress levels were significantly rising.
The American Psychological Association (APA) declared in 2010 that chronic stress has evolved into a silent killer and the leading factor behind a public health crisis. The APA’s study found that the average American believes they are about 50 percent more stressed than what is considered healthy. Those experiencing higher stress levels reported that they felt irritated, fatigued, and had a lack of motivation. The 20202021 report concludes that over 50 percent of stressed individu als of all generations cite health, work, the economy, personal finances, and family responsi bilities as their biggest stressors. For Gen Z and millenials, the difference is even starker, with all of the above factors except the economy causing stress for over 68 percent of individuals.
At a minimum, an extra day off in the week should allow for less work and family responsi bility-related stress.
As a result, workers and corporations around the world have been trialing four-day workweeks in various controlled
studies. The most prominent, taking place in Britain, is over halfway complete and recently published a survey gauging the opinions of 41 out of 73 par ticipating corporations. 35 of the 41 were prepared to make the change permanent, and 39 of 41 companies reported the same or increased productivity. The trial, featuring 3,300 em ployees of various industries in various regions of Britain, pro vided an extra paid day off ev ery week. Much of the progress shown has been extremely posi tive, but there are some outli ers. In a British 4.5-day trial of this program, a survey indicated that between 13 percent and 16 percent of employees reported increases of flexibility, happi ness, and productivity. How ever, a staggering 27 percent of employees reported increases in stress. These findings are con tradictory to other results, but do represent an inexplicable outlier existing amongst some workers. Overall, this move ment is still beginning, but most of the research strongly supports the implementation of the four-day workweek for students.
But in schools, the imple mentation of the four-day week has seen various conflicting results. Western states, which typically has the lowest required number of days to be fulfilled by schools, hold the bulk of four-day schools. Some schools try to balance this with longer days, but the longer-day method seems counter-intuitive. Stud ies have shown that four-day schools had an average of one more hour of school per week than did their five-day counter parts, but 60 less hours of in struction over the course of the
year. How does that happen? This model, though more com mon, does not match the radi cal change being tested by the four-day work model, though some schools are attempting to eliminate an entire day of school or at least set it aside for clubs and other non-academic activities in order to fulfill the attendance requirements.
Stuyvesant students pre dict that a four-day workweek would help them. Sophomore Ifra Mahmud cited a severe lack of sleep to be her primary con cern with the current structure of the workweek. “I’d use it as a day to just process everything from the days before and prob ably come to school feeling more refreshed,” she said.
Toward the end of the week, students feel as though they are forced to merely “survive” each school day, inhibiting their abil ity to actively learn class mate rial. Sophomore James Xu not ed, “With our current school week, I find that near the end of the school week, the overall energy and productivity goes down dramatically. On Friday, it is not uncommon to see stu dents slacking off in class or even sleeping.” All interviewed students indicated that they would be able to get their work done more efficiently and that the four-day workweek would either increase sleep or decrease stress, two factors that work hand in hand.
The last remaining debate to be had revolves around which day of the week would be our third day off. There seem to be two distinct camps: one for either Monday or Friday and another for Wednesday. The students we interviewed overwhelmingly agreed that
Wednesday would be the best day to have off. Senior Andrey Sokolov said, “I think that a day off in the middle of [the] week would work best, as it would allow us to refresh our brains without making the break feel too long. Personally, breaks that are longer than two days make me forget a lot of the school material, which by consequence affects my grades.”
Some believe that an extend ed three-day weekend would be harmful to one’s outlook on the rest of the week. When asked about her preferred day off, Sophomore Suyeon Ryu noted, “Psychologically, as people get a break, they want to continue the break. They don't want to work after or before a break, and more rest would amplify the ‘Monday effect.’” Her opin ions best represent the other in terviewees, who all agreed that Wednesday would allow them to maximize productivity on their day off.
The reality is that the fourday workweek is nowhere near ready. Though some moderate ly sized corporations in the UK and United States have pledged to make the switch, the major ity of them are tech companies with highly flexible scheduling. Most brick-and-mortar and large companies will take time to adapt to such a system, and even then, only once it becomes law will government offices and schools see the effect. How ever, when that time comes, we will be searching for meth ods to maximize productivity. However, if the early signs are anything indicative of progress, we will hope to see a more bal anced and productive work week approaching the world in the near future.
By KHANDAKER MUSHFIKUZZAMANHumankind is going back to the moon for the first time in half a century. NASA’s Artemis program is a series of missions with the aim of advancing ex ploration of the Moon and ulti mately expanding our boundar ies of space travel. Sending the first woman and the first person of color to the Moon’s surface are among some of the objec tives of the program. Others include taking steps toward es tablishing a permanent moon base and gathering further in formation to aid us in taking the bigger leap of sending the first person to Mars.
Artemis I is the first of the Artemis missions. Starting off slowly and cautiously, Artemis I will be the first flight test of NASA’s Deep Space Explora tion Systems, which include the Orion spacecraft and the Space Launch System (SLS). SLS is the most powerful rocket ever built and will carry 10 small satellites in this non-crew mission. These satellites will carry out techno logical investigations that will provide a basis for deeper space explorations, such as the longspeculated mission to Mars.
Despite these foreseeing goals, it has proven to be more difficult than anticipated to get the mission started. The initial launch date was August 29 at Cape Canaveral, Florida, but the launch was scrubbed due to an engine bleed. Specifically, one of the four R-25 engines failed because of a failure to reach the high accuracy tem perature NASA was looking for. The second attempt on September 3 was called off due to a liquid hydrogen leak during the fueling of the rocket. This issue was much larger than the one that occurred during the first attempt, exceeding a con centration of four percent.
NASA prepared to recover from the setbacks and began preparing for a late September launch. After completing work on the liquid hydrogen lines and testing and rehearsing fueling, SLS was prepared to launch on September 27. Unfortunately, the attempt was called off again because of Hurricane Ian’s fast momentum toward Florida. The next re-scheduled attempt will be during the 69-minute launch window for the SLS on November 14, 2022. If every thing finally goes as intended, the uncrewed Orion spacecraft
will orbit the moon and return 25 days later on December 9. In case of more technical issues, NASA has scheduled two more
means. From 2012 until 2025, The Artemis Program costs $93 billion. Each launch costs $4.1 billion extracted from NASA’s
ther, is it really necessary? Why do we need further exploration on the moon to progress to Mars?
To address these questions, we must first acknowledge that mistakes are bound to happen, especially in a complex field like rocket science. Though this mission has experienced unex pected problems, it is a gateway to further space exploration because it helps us obtain infor mation about the requirements and difficulty that comes along with space travel. The program has plans for building an Arte mis lunar base camp, which will become the foundation of how we establish a long-term stay on other celestial objects such as Mars. These seemingly small steps are nevertheless crucial in advancing the human race as a whole.
attempts on November 16 and 19.
However, questions have been raised regarding why there have been so many setbacks and if the ends will justify the
government funding. It is inevi table for the public to wonder whether this money is going to waste if there are such high numbers of miscalculations in the preparation process. Fur
It has been a rough start, and we are waiting in anticipation for Artemis I to finally launch. While success is temporarily in doubt, the significance of this program and the potential ac complishments it will yield are certain. Once the program lifts off the ground, we are set on a trajectory toward making huge advancements in space explora tion.
“Do Revenge” is Netflix’s newest drama-ridden teen movie, featuring popular girl Drea Tor res (Camila Mendes) and social outcast Eleanor Levetan (Maya Hawke), who team up to take re venge on each other’s enemies. From over the top pastel outfits to snappy one-liners, “Do Revenge” sets a new precedent for teen mov ies with its important message to viewers while managing to produce Pinterest-worthy screencaps.
Drea’s high school life is any thing but the glitz and glamor shown onscreen: her “it girl” fa çade is a defense mechanism that allows her to fit in at her posh school despite her humble back ground. Things go awry when her boyfriend, high school golden boy Max (Austin Abrams), leaks an explicit video of her to the whole school, pushing Drea to look for a way to retaliate and destroy Max’s reputation. When Drea meets El eanor at a summer tennis camp, they quickly become friends and vow to take down each other’s en emies.
Under Drea’s tutelage, Elea nor climbs to the top of the high school’s social hierarchy and infil trates Drea’s former friend group, all in the hopes of exposing Max’s true character. Meanwhile, Drea plots to take down Eleanor’s child hood crush, Carissa (Ava Capri), who Eleanor claims outed her by spreading a rumor that she held her down and tried to kiss her. This disastrous love story juxtaposes Drea’s budding relationship with
Carissa’s best friend, Russ.
An homage to the teen dra mas of the ‘90s and 2000s, “Do Revenge” combines all of the be loved aspects of its predecessors: extravagant queen bees, campy costumes, and problematic make overs, elevated by a touch of mo
pastel plaid skirts and ties, metallicmini dresses, ruffled tops, and ex cessive floral prints are simultane ously modern and vintage, building on the film’s “Y2K” aesthetic.
The soundtrack of “Do Re venge” is also an eclectic fusion of both nostalgic and contem
eras juxtapose well with each oth er to demonstrate the inspiration the movie draws from iconic teen movies, as well as the new direction it forges.
The issues covered in the film ring true today more than ever: cy ber safety, privacy, performative ac tivism, and bullying are all explored with masterful acting. Viewers see both Drea and Eleanor break down about their relatable battles with the high school hierarchy, and the challenges that come with hav ing to balance social dynamics with their own unique ambitions. Like wise, when Drea expresses intense rage at her rejection from Yale, viewers can empathize with her frustration, as many also struggle with the fear that their hard work will not pay off. Additionally, when Max attempts to restore his public image by creating the CIS Hetero Men Championing Female Identi fying Students League, it is obvi ous he is doing so for social capi tal, highlighting the hypocrisy in his cruel treatment of Drea. The film also raises issues of class and privilege, depicting how easily the wealthy go unpunished for their ac tions. Drea herself points out that it will be far easier to take down Carissa than Max given his wealth, popularity, race, and gender.
Music is one of the primary vectors to build mood in a movie, and as such, it has a tendency to make our mundane lives feel so much more. This playlist is for those moments when you feel like the melodramatic main character in a cinematic masterpiece, suf fering through everyday inconve niences with a little flair.
dernity to appeal to today’s teens. Not only is the tour of the school’s cliques at the beginning of the film a nod to “Mean Girls” (2004), but the outfits draw inspiration from “Clueless” (1995). Additionally, Rosehill’s Horowitz Hall is a clear homage to Cher’s surname. The
porary songs. “Do Revenge” fea tures ‘90s songs like Fatboy Slim’s “Praise You” (1998) and Meredith Brooks’s “Bitch” (1997), as well as modern hits such as Olivia Ro drigo’s “brutal” (2021) and “Hap pier Than Ever” (2021) by Billie Eilish. The songs from different
“Do Revenge” is one of the better teen movies Netflix has re leased, with its fun ‘90s references and message of taking responsibil ity for your mistakes. The movie tackles themes such as privilege and friendship dynamics effectively and sincerely, making “Do Revenge” a worthwhile and entertaining watch.
Throughout history, sports have been a crucial element of cultural identity, going hand in hand with entertainment. Until recently, mod ern sports have seen a strict line drawn between the two. Attending games was essentially restricted to fans, and events rarely provided any form of entertainment outside of the game itself.
That all changed when Jerry Buss entered the picture. Buss ac quired the Los Angeles Lakers in 1979 and decided to redefine the experience of a basketball game. Gradually, he brought in the NBA’s first dance unit and filled breaks in the game with music, adding a new dimension of spectacle to his events that drew in non-fans.
Drawing upon the success of Buss’s incorporation of music and dance, other leagues began involv ing celebrities in an attempt to cater to a larger audience. The NFL’s Su per Bowl Halftime Show has been featuring headliners since 1970, but it saw a complete overhaul in the 1990s. Headliner performances from superstars like Michael Jack son, Gloria Estefan, Queen Latifah, Stevie Wonder, and Boyz II Men collectively transformed the Half time Show from an auxiliary bo nus to the Super Bowl’s main draw. What had once been a mere march ing band was entirely reimagined, with dazzling lights, mammoth stages, meticulously choreographed dance routines, and breathtak ing performances. Headlining the Super Bowl became an honor be stowed upon only the most popular artists, a fact which remains to this day; the 2022 Super Bowl drew in more than 70 million more viewers than the NFL Conference Finals, of which many tuned in solely for the Halftime Show.
However, Buss’s most success ful achievement was the Forum Club, which saw a host of celebrities flock to every Lakers game in court side seats that were easily spotted by TV viewers. Lakers games became the shiniest part of Los Angeles, as people traveled from across the globe for the chance to be in the same arena as their favorite artists and influencers. Other leagues also put their own spin on Buss’s Forum Club. The MLB invented the “first pitch,” in which teams bring in an A-List fan or hometown celebrity, creating an exciting atmosphere for fans before the game.
While Buss’s Forum Club has had many lasting impacts on the sports world, his influence pre dominantly shines through in the development of devoted celebrity sports-goers. Perennial chart-top per Drake is the pinnacle of the su perfan archetype. He has repeatedly proclaimed himself a lifelong fan of his hometown Toronto Raptors, and more often than not, he can be seen sitting (or standing, yelling at the game and clapping) courtside, right next to the Raptors’s bench. In 2014, he was named the Raptors’s official global ambassador, with his extraordinary fame drawing recog nition to the team. The organiza tion has even collaborated with Drake’s brand, OVO, on a limited edition line, and Drake was granted a championship ring after the Rap tors won the title in 2019.
Additionally, following Spotify’s sponsorship deal of the club, the streaming giant turned to OVO to craft the Barcelona jersey design for El Classico, one of the most watched soccer games across the world. Drake’s involvement with the Raptors, and now Barcelona, represents a much greater shift in sports, as notable celebrities have begun to involve themselves in the
day-to-day affairs of sporting clubs. Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhen ney have launched a documentary series following the Welsh soccer club Wrexham F.C., which they bought in February 2021. The do cu-series, titled “Welcome to Wrex ham,” follows the duo as they at tempt to propel the club back into a competitive division. Rather than crafting a story about sports like hit drama “Ted Lasso” (2020), they are spinning real sports management into entertainment, uniting soccer fans and television viewers alike.
Another prominent way sports culture has propagated into the arts world is through fashion. In the early ‘90s, the NHL’s jerseys gar nered the attention of Hollywood A-Listers and fashion designers, who began showing support for their hometown teams. Hockey jerseys became a cornerstone of common streetwear, and teams sud denly shifted to place emphasis on their jersey designs. This trend has continued today, with NHL teams profiting off of a high demand for unique jerseys, leading to a new mainstay––alternate jerseys. The NHL introduced the “Reverse Ret ro” jersey in the 2021 season, and many teams have begun to bring back heritage jerseys for special oc casions. The Toronto Maple Leafs also released a jersey collabora tion with Drew, the brand of new found fan Justin Bieber, which, like Drake’s Raptors collaboration, led to much recognition for the team outside of the hockey world.
The NBA has experienced many of the same trends, most no tably specially designed jerseys with non-conforming color schemes and styles. The Raptors and Mi ami Heat have seen much success in their Purple Dinosaur and Vice Collection jerseys respectively, as each has become an integral part
of local streetwear. The same can be said for baseball caps; the New York Yankees vs. New York Mets rivalry has made its mark off the field as the two teams battle not only for New York supremacy but also for stylistic superiority. As a whole, baseball caps have become a simple way to demonstrate team loyalty while remaining in the center of mainstream fashion.
Any discussion of sports fash ion, however, would be incomplete without the discussion of shoes, specifically Air Jordan, which has become one of the most popular brands in all of fashion. Air Jordan launched their first ever shoe in 1984 during the climax of Michael Jordan’s career, and the shoes im mediately gained an almost cultlike following. Air Jordan went on to produce 23 iconic lines of shoes (among hoodies and other popu lar fashion items) and has collabo rated with an expansive range of high-end brands. Michael Jordan’s dominance in the world of popular fashion inspired many of today’s superstar athletes to launch their own merchandise, each of which has seen their own degree of suc cess and cultural relevance.
Entertainment has now become an integral part of sports culture. In many ways, this has distracted from the game itself––much to the detriment of the older genera tion of sports fans––but it has also added a new element of spectacle that helps sports remain in the cul tural lexicon, even off the field or court. A simple yet revolutionary touch of Buss’s fanfare and musi cality skewed sports towards the younger generation. At their core, sports are still the same games they were 50 years ago, but because of the entertainment revolution, the world around the game has grown exponentially.
I Know the End Phoebe Bridgers Indie rock 4:44 JAY-Z Hip-hop No Surprises Radiohead Alternative rock Liability Lorde Alternative pop Nervous Breakdown Black Flag Hardcore punk Pile! Pile! No Pile! Brave Little Abacus Midwest emo Brand New City Mitski Indie rock Thank You Dido Pop 6 Underground Sneaker Pimps Trip hop
A Thousand Miles Vanessa Karlton Pop
All I Think About Now Pixies Alternative rock Pitseleh Elliott Smith Indie folk
Pixies deserve their flowers. In their almost 40 years of activity, they’ve established a massive cult following, influencing bands like Radiohead, The Smashing Pump kins, and Pearl Jam while helping to pioneer the alt-rock movement of the ‘90’s. However, their most recent album, “Doggerel,” portrays a band past their golden age, relying almost exclusively on the nostalgia of their early days and their chops in the genre to carry it.
The main issue with “Dogger el” is the lack of highs and lows— the continuous mid-tempo often has the effect of blurring even the best of the album’s songs together. “Pagan Man,” for example, ends up being a highlight of the album with its catchy hook, twangy guitar, and whistled melody. However, in the context of the other songs, it is monotonous and indistinguishable, with a similar structure and instru mentation to the rest of the album. This is also present on the opening track “Nomatterday,” which, de spite featuring a catchy bassline and an interesting tempo change, lacks the extra kick of energy to make it memorable. Sometimes songs fail due to half-baked concepts: “Vault Of Heaven” suffers from underde veloped lyrics as it follows the lead singer as he drunkenly stumbles into a 7-Eleven but ends up in outer
space. This story, while a little silly, could’ve been saved by something interesting happening in the lat ter half of the song, but the track seems to end right where it started. Despite this, it’s difficult to call any of these songs truly terrible, and some songs remain great within their uniformity: the title track, for example, is a nice closer, with mel low, introspective lyrics and an ex cellent guitar solo.
“Doggerel” may be an essential listen for hardcore Pixies fans, but for new listeners, it doesn’t offer much, lacking the innovation and energy of the band’s earlier work. For a genre as wide and diverse as alt-rock, the album ultimately ends up feeling fairly run-of-the-mill.
Björk—“Fossora”
Björk’s tenth studio album, “Fossora,” is as beautiful as it is quirky. The most recent release from the Icelandic electro-pop sen sation came five years after 2017’s “Utopia,” and perfectly exempli fies her unorthodox style and lyri cal themes—she draws inspiration from death, motherhood, and mushrooms. “Fossora” masterfully navigates tonal extremes, featuring a soundscape full of Disney-esque string and horn sections woven be tween aggressive, techno-inspired sounds that disrupt this natural softness. The effect leaves the lis tener haunted both by Björk’s in credibly unique melodies and the
jarring violence of its interruptions. This aforementioned beauty is most prevalent on “Freefall,” a simple marriage of strings and voice that narrates conventional feelings of love in a very unconven tional manner. Björk sings: “Safe inside the fabric of our love-woven membrane / Our affections cap tured in a structure visceral sculpt ing / Our solar systems coalesced softly,” reaching an emotionally gut-wrenching climax that acts as the face of the album’s beauty and love. The interlude, titled “TröllaGabba,” exemplifies the more chaotic end of this soundscape. It begins with eerie, midi-triggered vocal inflections that increasingly give way to screeching melodies akin to the wails of babies or sirens, and aggressive percussive instru ments that drop in and out with a sense of random urgency. There’s a similar disturbing dread to “Vic timhood,” which evokes a sense of claustrophobia with its light ticking percussion and blaring foghorn-like sounds decorated by Björk’s dis sonant melodies and self-sacrificial lyrics.
These mood choices mirror the dichotomy of Björk’s last few years, as she experienced COVID isolation back home in Iceland. The fascination with the natural world is ever-present in Björk’s work, which manifests itself on “Fossora” through the mushroom imagery in the artwork, music videos, and lyr
ics. She explained this mushroom focus in an interview with Pitchfork, in which she said they felt bubbly and fun, while also representing a sense of groundedness. There’s also the subject of motherhood, which Björk delves into across the album, most explicitly on “Sorrowful Soil” and “Ovule.” These pleasant, in nocent focuses are juxtaposed with serious topics, namely the passing of Björk’s mother. “Ancestress,” a content-rich eulogy to her mother, focuses on this theme most directly, as it features vocals from Björk’s son and muses on the relationship between mother, child, and death.
While these themes may seem to be only vaguely linked, the bi zarre melodic and aesthetic choices act as the mycelium connecting “Fossora,” and the varied produc tion keeps the listener engaged and fascinated throughout. “Fossora” may not be for everyone: its strange subject matter, unconventional melodies, and occasionally chal lenging instrumentation will push most away, but listeners who give it a chance will be rewarded with a pure authenticity that only Björk can deliver.
Billy Woods—“Church”
The work of underground hiphop visionary Billy Woods often feels like half remembering a vague, bizarre dream. Woods moves quick ly, yet thoughtfully—he introduces imagery for a line then shifts away,
Everywhere you look, you’re greeted by a huge smile that stretches from cheek to cheek. It’s inescapable—that toothy smile permeates every aspect of your life. While this scenario may not seem so horrible at first, director Parker Finn transforms it into a nightmar ish reality in his feature horror film “Smile.”
“Smile” debuted in theaters on September 30, just in time for the Halloween season. The movie follows a troubled young woman named Rose (Sosie Bacon), who works as a psychiatrist in a hospital ER. One day, Ph.D. student Laura Weaver (Caitlin Stasey) is admitted to the hospital, claiming that she has been haunted by a menacing, grinning entity ever since witness ing her professor’s suicide. Rose attempts to convince Laura that the entity is not real, but Laura becomes hysterical, subsequently breaking into a jarringly large smile and committing suicide in front of Rose—and, as the plot later reveals, passing the terrifying curse onto her. The rest of the film chronicles Rose’s attempts to free herself from the cycle as the demonic enti ty plagues her with warnings of her impending death while masquerad ing as Rose’s loved ones.
“Smile” is evidently not for the faint of heart. On top of the gore and death that horror movies often contain, the film also embraces the psychological side of the genre, dealing with triggering content such as childhood trauma, drug ad diction, gaslighting. However, the film leans so deeply into its psycho logical horror aspect that it neglects the shock factor that is essential to any horror film. As the movie pro gresses, the plot becomes increas ingly predictable due to its heavy reliance on jump scares to frighten the audience. This isn’t to say that the movie isn’t scary—the jump scares, emphasized by tilted camera
angles and skillful practical effects, are smart and effective, leaving viewers shivering long after they leave the theater. One viral scene from the movie’s trailer captures a woman’s neck going limp, her head dropping behind her back as she grins eerily in a frightening act of contortion.
While the grimacing smiles that the malevolent demon dons are certainly unsettling, they don’t compensate for the slow and un original story. There’s no culminat ing plot twist and the majority of the suspense does not come from anticipating a great climax, but rather from awaiting the next jump scare. In addition, “Smile” draws precariously close to other cyclical curse horror movies. Finn’s film is particularly reminiscent of Da vid Robert Mitchell’s “It Follows” (2014), in which a very similar curse is passed down through sexual en counters rather than suicides. While the film ultimately leaves the audi ence thoroughly terrified, it also has them craving more.
Nonetheless, despite being Finn’s first full length film, “Smile” is remarkably well-executed in terms of acting and cinematogra phy. Bacon delivers a raw and com pelling performance as Rose, giving her character a striking dimension ality that allows viewers to sympa thize with her as she struggles with the malignant entity. She conveys Rose’s growing instability in a way that feels natural; at one point, she explodes at her boyfriend, Trevor (Jessie T. Usher), screaming “I’m not crazy!” before shakily dropping her gaze and mumbling an apology. Bacon’s acting and microexpres sions makes it easy to forget that Rose is just a character. Kyle Gall ner, who plays Rose’s concerned ex-boyfriend, also gives a notable performance, thanks to his charis ma and chemistry with Bacon.
Behind the camera, Finn worked with cinematographer Charlie Sarroff, who demonstrat
ed his artistry by tinting the entire movie in shades of gray, lavender, and pink to create a distinct grim ness without overdoing it. This unexpected color palette does sur prisingly well in maintaining a sense of dread throughout the film. The lavenders and pinks eventually fade as the film nears Rose’s final en counter with the entity, effectively intensifying “Smile”’s conclusion.
The movie also boasts an es pecially chilling sound design, with
actors’ voices growing closer at certain points of the movie, accen tuating “Smile”’s sinister scariness.
Finn also emphasizes breathing by highlighting Rose’s ragged, fearful inhales throughout the film, forc
only to bring it back later recontex tualized by new images introduced in between. He vividly paints pic tures that collapse only moments later; random lines of dialogue from unnamed characters are ref erenced constantly with little to no explanation, and the literal and the metaphorical collide so much that they become indistinguishable. These factors often make Woods’s work disorienting, confusing, and concentrated, textured both by his selection of dense beats as well as his deep voice and entrancing, steady flow. These are the attributes that most accurately define Woods’s most recent album “Church,” which follows the critically acclaimed “Ae thiopes” released earlier this year.
Despite its title, “Church” spends little time dwelling on reli gion, instead acting as a layered re flection of Woods’s childhood and family disguised under imagery of nuclear fallouts and historical vio lence. These themes are broad yet powerful, as Woods effectively con veys distinct and often disjointed imagery in a truly poetic fashion. This is most prevalent on “Cossack Wedding,” where Woods paints himself as a “disaster tourist” wandering through “Chernobyl’s wildlife,” whereupon a ghost-like woman with “aqueous humor” and
ing viewers to experience Rose’s paralyzing fear alongside her. A de lightfully haunting score composed by Cristobal Tapia de Veer elevates the movie’s suspense. Tapia de Veer utilizes slow, scratchy string instru ments, which crescendo at key
moments in the film, successfully sending goosebumps down view ers’ arms.
While this is all impressive for a debut film, perhaps what is most impressive is “Smile”’s high viewer turnout in its first week, thanks to Finn’s unique advertising method. Fans of major league baseball may have noticed Finn’s stunt mar keting, in which he placed eerily grinning actors wearing “Smile” merchandise around stadiums. Au diences who expected “Smile” to retain the same creepiness as adver tised were not disappointed, but the film’s plot doesn’t quite measure up to the standard of creativity set by Finn’s advertising.
However, what sets“Smile” apart from other horror films of its kind is its clever exploration of society and trauma. The horrific smiles strewn throughout the film are so petrifying because of the di chotomy between the characters’ psychological pain and their grins, which are evocative of joy. “Smile” serves as a metaphor for people’s troubling tendency to mask their agony behind a smile, dismissing personal problems for a facade of composure. Finn delves into the consequences of this behavior and pushes it to its most disturbing limits. Near the end of the movie, Rose returns to her abandoned childhood home, the source of her own trauma, where she encounters the demon in its strongest form. This scene serves as a lesson of the importance of not ignoring the root of trauma, for one cannot effectively solve an issue without considering how it began.
“Smile” is a sharp and unnerv ing film that doesn’t fully live up to its potential, but manages to go above and beyond with its startling jumpscares, production, and mes sage. Though it is predictable and lacks originality, the movie ulti mately leaves the audience secondguessing the next smile that comes their way.
an elusive identity visits him while he sleeps. This shifting imagery can be explained to mean any number of things—perhaps the destroyed environment he’s describing, as suggested by the wreckage and scaffolding on the album cover, is
GAYLE is only 18 years old, but she is no newbie in the music industry. She was born in Texas, but grew up with one foot in Nash ville, surrounding herself with mu sic and eventually pursuing a career as a vocalist. Her major label debut single “abcdefu” (2022) brought her immense commercial success, topping charts around the world and gaining praise for its witty lyr ics. GAYLE released her debut EP on March 18, “a study of the hu man experience volume one,” fol lowed by its sequel, “a study of the human experience volume two” this October.
The EP sees GAYLE hone in on her craft, blending pop, alterna tive, and punk rock influences into a mesmerizing and messy sound that is uniquely her own. Even though “volume two” comes just six months after “volume one,” it possesses a new maturity and sense of self. GAYLE is more selective about toning down the instrumen tals and letting her impressive vo cals shine, while sonically rebelling through bold electric guitar riffs and punchy percussion. She muses on deeper matters, discussing toxic love, sexual abuse, and the loss of faith in humanity—feelings that much of Gen-Z can relate to. Bru tally honest, relentlessly sarcastic, and lyrically brilliant, the EP proves GAYLE is no one-hit wonder and solidifies her as one of this genera tion’s most promising songwriters.
Despite the self-assuredness she projects in her music, GAYLE struggled for a long time to express herself without society’s restraints. On her website, she reveals that growing up, she was taught to con form to the expectations of what a “lady” should be, repressing her emotions and changing the way she dressed, spoke, and acted in order
a metaphor for the neighborhood he grew up in, or maybe the ghost is some manifestation of love that guides him through this world. Whatever it means, the simple beau ty of the imagery itself is enough to captivate the listener.
The beats on “Church” are unique, to say the least. They are unstable, dense, and haunting, often using eerie vocal samples over hard-
hitting percussion loops and deep bass. Take the production on the opening track, “Paraquat,” where wobbling synths, shifting opera vo cal samples, and deep bass give way to a warbled jazz-trio sample. “Cos sack Wedding” exemplifies this as well, as slow vocal lulls juxtapose a sharp, plodding trap percussion section, combining into a bleak backdrop for Woods’s references to
David Foster Wallace. “Pollo Rico” is the peak of the album, as a hol low voice sings an emotionally pain ful and staggeringly simple melodic part over thick, rattling percussion. Woods delivers some of his most hard-hitting lines on this track, rapping “When the revolution was over they gave ‘em half what they promised / My uncle told me they can’t bury that many bodies, it was
dark, I could see his teeth, it wasn’t a smile.”
All in all, “Church” is an over whelmingly compelling project, and adds to Woods’s legacy as one of the best underground hip-hop art ists of all time. His combination of poetic intensity and complex pro duction make “Church” a worth while listen for any fan hoping to expand their taste in hip-hop.
to be respected in a man’s world.
Music gave GAYLE the creative freedom to express herself with out judgment and escape expecta tions—it gave her a space to ex plore love, lust, and heartbreak, to curse when she was angry, and to reject traditional notions of femi ninity in favor of finding her style.
In an interview with Flaunt Maga zine, she explains that she uses mu
the work of many of her idols. She cites a wide variety of artists as in fluences, from legends like Aretha Franklin to alternative superstars like Lorde and Maggie Rogers.
GAYLE’s diverse influences are evident from the very first track of the EP. “indieedgycool” channels Olivia Rodrigo’s “brutal” (2021), immediately establishing itself as a punk rock banger with a grimy
tions, developing a magical balance of tracks grounded by soft acoustic strumming and enthralling electric guitar solos. This variation allows GAYLE to demonstrate her vocal dexterity and masterful storytell ing abilities as she explores a wide range of emotions.
The exploration of these feel ings transcends the instrumen tals and production of the tracks
Michaels’s “All Your Exes” (2021) with raspy vocals and murderous fantasies. blackbear’s feature serves as a catchy bridge, and his smooth runs blend beautifully with the gritty texture of GAYLE’s voice. The song’s intro possesses a simple guitar backing, rooted in Nashville country but passed off as pop, while the bass and percussion in the chorus have more of an R&Bfeel (a characteristic of blackbear’s music). The song is, simply put, fun, from its composition to the stop-motion music video.
GAYLE also tackles serious issues with the same authenticity and emotion. The fourth track on the EP, “15,” stands in stark con trast to the sarcastic jabs of “fmk.” The song is GAYLE’s reflection on being sexually exploited by a stranger when she was a teenager. The richness in her voice pos sesses both an unshakable strength and a heartbreaking innocence as she sings “Wasn’t over my ex, so I didn’t want sex / But you made that choice for the both of us.”
She goes on to explain that no excuse— neither one too many drinks nor ignorance—justifies her abuse and the unpunished trauma of her stolen naïveté. The minimal ist production and echoey acoustic guitar melodies are similar to those in “Your Power” (2021) by Billie Eilish, but the evocative storytell ing and toughened tone are dis tinctly GAYLE’s.
sic to cope with her anxiety: “It’s a bit of a control thing because I get to say exactly how I feel.” The beauty of her approach is that it leaves room for evolution; she does not restrict herself to one emotion, sound, or genre.
This appreciation for musical versatility led GAYLE to follow
electric guitar intro, effortless pop culture references, and tongue-incheek lyrics. Similarly, “god has a sense of humor” shares quali ties with Lorde’s more existential songs, like “Stoned at the Nail Salon” (2021). The EP serves as both a lyrical and sonic reflection of GAYLE’s many musical inspira
to form her masterful lyricism. GAYLE’s innate ability to craft clever lyrics is perhaps best show cased in the upbeat “fmk (with blackbear),” which boasts Justin Bieber as a co-writer. Describing the infuriating, uncontrollable pas sion of a hot and cold relationship, the song gives a subtle nod to Julia
Infidelity is a hot topic, and it seems like the group with the highest propensity to break their vows are famous men. Recent media has been rich with stories of men in power ful positions becoming disillusioned with thoughts of invulnerability, begetting adultery—they simply be lieve they will never be caught, while also assuming that if they do, they would never suffer real consequenc es because they have the resources to cover it up.
Adam Levine was recently ex posed for having an affair with an Instagram model while in a public marriage. He is the prototype of a famous cheater: a celebrity who leads his life under the assumption that his fame and adoration entitle him to attract any woman he likes, and keeps their affair under wraps. His mistress should simply feel lucky to personally engage with him. He was even caught asking the model
if she thought it would be appro priate to name his soon-to-be-born child after her. The narcissist, in this case, Adam Levine, felt that settling down into more stable roles, such as a husband, would reduce him to the lowest common denominator—a normal man with duties instead of a larger-than-life icon. This narcissistic injury leads him to rebel and reassert his specialness by maintaining extra marital affairs.
Unfortunately, following in the footsteps of Adam Levine, is In ternet celebrity and member of the acclaimed “Try Guys”’s YouTube group, Ned Fulmer, who has become the star of the newest celebrity cheat ing scandal. Exposed by a surfaced picture, he was found to have been in a “consensual workplace relation ship,” or so he claims, with a woman who worked for him while he was still married. After building his brand around his pastoral, flawless relation ship with his wife, this news came as a shock to fans. After the news was
leaked, he was removed from his “Try Guys” platform. The Internet was quick to blame the woman with whom Ned cheated, since his mar riage was very public, but failed to consider the compromising position this woman could have been placed in since Ned was her boss. It is no full excuse, however important it is to consider that being approached by someone who essentially has the power to fire you is not an easy situation. The statement of the “Try Guys” was actually parodied on SNL in a skit that fell completely flat as it both failed to highlight the power dynamic discrepancy between Ned Fulmer and his coworker, poking fun at men who hold their friends accountable.
Celebrated men also may devel op narcissistic tendencies from their constant flow of validation, which makes them act on adrenaline with out impulse control. Gushing Insta gram comments or roaring stadiums of fans can lead to heightened egos,
creating intractable, towering vanity that fans could never match, no mat ter how loud they cheer. For celebri ties like Adam Levine and Ned Ful mer, they were granted entrance into a world of indulgence and absolute entitlement, never having to devel op the emotional musculature that would have given them self-restraint. They were suffocated with constant praise and validation. Addition ally, some celebrated men think that their success earns them indulgence in their temptations without conse quences. Since they have worked so hard to reach national fame, they believe that they deserve to evade consequences. After an extramarital affair, world champion golfer Tiger Woods famously said, “I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself normal rules didn’t apply.”
With the rise of social media, the public has been granted the abil ity to penetrate this wall of infallibil ity for celebrities. Now, people are able to document everything they
“a study of the human experi ence volume two” is a sincere and scintillating account of teenage complexity. GAYLE takes listeners on a relatable emotional journey, pivoting from unbridled joy to sad ness to frustration and, finally, to a sense of peace in the face of a daunting future. As GAYLE phras es it, “If you listen to my music and attach your own emotions or per sonal experiences to it… congratu lations we just had soul sex.”
see or hear, dampening the secrecy of celebrity cheating. Not only does social media exaggerate the effects of parasocial relationships to celeb rities which incentivize scouring the internet for their actions, but mes sage logs make it easier to be caught red-handed with just a screenshot. There is even an incentive to pub licly report any proof one can find on a cheating celebrity, as it can lead to Internet fame and praise.
It is easy to get caught up in the entertaining drama of celebrity rela tionships and scandals. However, it is also so imperative to remember that the people plastered on our screens are also real people with flaws.
Cheating men certainly deserve to be shamed, but the claustrophobic, in vasive publicity that often hounds on the victims of the cheating is frankly unfair. Celebrity or not, cheating is an act of the utmost disrespect, so if anything, these famous folks serve as the perfect example of exactly what not to do.
The sports culture at Stuyvesant has long been overshadowed by the school’s academic reputation. Stuyves ant’s sports teams have had to work twice as hard as those from other schools to earn the same levels of respect and ap preciation, and they have been the unfortunate recipients of lackluster support at home. An active athletics community is integral to any high school, and the bonds that sports create are some of the most important for teenagers. Since the revival of in-person learning last year, student-led clubs and teams have been rebuilding the athlet ics reputation of Stuyvesant bit by bit. Though there is still a lot of room for improvement, the sports community at Stuyvesant is certainly tangible, connecting people from all grades through coaches, captains, managers, and mentors.
This year, there are two sports organizations contribut ing greatly to the athletics cul ture at Stuyvesant. One of these is senior Jeffrey Tan’s Sports Sibs, a program that pairs younger kids with high school mentors playing the same
sport. In the summer of 2020, Jeffrey began to hold Zoom classes in order to lend advice to middle schoolers, and when the classes grew to around 20 people, Tan realized there was a demand for a “Big Sib” pro gram between high schools and middle schools. Having played sports for his whole life, Tan knew their value as facilitators for building strong and mean ingful relationships. In the fol lowing year, he worked hard to develop Sports Sibs into what it is today—a free and valuable opportunity for both the men tor and mentee. “Sports Sibs is great for any younger kids who are trying to improve at sports, while also looking for advice and mentorship for anything they might face, including the SHSAT and high school ad missions, which can be pretty scary,” Tan said. “For the men tors, it’s about using your athlet ic and personal experience for a larger purpose than something like winning your next game.”
Since its creation, Sports Sibs has expanded to include students from Stuyvesant, Bronx Science, Brooklyn Tech, Millennium, Lab Middle, East side Middle, and Salk. This year alone, over 20 mentors are serv
ing Sports Sibs from Stuyves ant. Mentorship has been valu able for these students as it gives them a way to play the sport they love while also fostering beneficial relationships with younger kids. “It’s valuable for both parties, and it’s especially convenient for Stuy[vesant] athletes who may have a lot of work or less time to play their sport as much as they’d like in the off-season. You also really realize how much you can help these kids, who are going to be part of the upcoming classes at Stuy[vesant] or other schools,” leader of Stuyvesant’s Sports Sibs chapter and junior David Glick said.
The other organization making waves in the Stuyvesant sports community is the Sports Management Club (SMC).
Founded by junior Soham Mukherjee, the club works to directly improve the sports cul ture at Stuy, investing in sports technology, analysis, and medi cine to better the performance of Stuyvesant’s sports teams. Since their start in February, they’ve been working on a few innovative projects to bring sports technology to Stuyves ant.
Catapult Sports is an Aus
tralian-based sports analyt ics company known for their specially-designed vests that allow athletes to track impor tant performance statistics.
The SMC has worked closely with Catapult in order to obtain their Catapult One vests for the Stuyvesant boys’ soccer team.
“Catapult’s wearable technol ogy is easy and comfortable to work with and it allows [our] players and coaches to assess their physical performance after every practice or game session,” Mukherjee said.
This has had a major impact on Stuyvesant sports, as coach es now have access to concrete data to aid them in their assess ment of their team and players.
“The Catapult vests have been a great addition this season be cause in both games and prac tices we were able to track and compare stats across the team. On a lighter level, they increase competitiveness within the team, as everyone strives to be at the top of the stats in speed or sprint distance,” junior and member of Stuyvesant’s boys’ soccer team Farzad Hoque said.
The SMC also managed to get cameras installed in both the third and sixth floor gyms, allowing indoor teams to record
and play back footage of games and practices. This adds anoth er layer to the data collection ability of Stuyvesant’s sports teams, making film review ses sions more readily accessible. So far, the cameras have mostly been used to live-stream games. The additions of the cam eras and the Catapult vests have immediately added to the le gitimacy of Stuyvesant’s sports teams. The SMC, however, has even higher ambitions. “My goal behind creating the club was to support our teams and athletes by providing them with the same sports system and setup commonly seen in the professional world,” Mukherjee said.
Both Sports Sibs and the SMC have contributed im mensely to the rejuvenated sports culture at Stuyvesant. Teams are experiencing more support through SMC analytic programs, and individual play ers are realizing the tremendous impact they can have on young er players. Sports Sibs and the SMC have done a lot for ath letic engagement this year, and though there is still a long way to go, Stuyvesant sports are cer tainly on the rise.
The early morning fall sun light escapes through the trees as a hoard of high schoolers comes striding up and down the hills of Van Cortlandt Park. Their shoes and spikes clat ter against the gravel path as their breaths grow heavy. Glid ing past the other fatigued run ners are Stuyvesant’s very own girls’ cross country runners, the Greyducks. They might be as ex hausted as their competitors, but as their physical pain grows dur ing the race, they think back to their practices; their coach, Carl DiSarno; and his workout docu ment, which not only contains their practice plans but is also filled with inspirational quotes:
“The plan only works if you do.”
They’ve been training hard since the start of preseason in late August. Despite the summer heat, they pushed themselves during workouts at the Cen tral Park Reservoir, all with the goal of challenging their limits in preparation for the season’s climax: the PSAL City Champi onship. From sprint repeats to distance tempo runs during their grueling practices, they’ve done it all. A typical week consists of completing exhausting workouts at locations in Central Park, such as Cat Hill, the Reservoir, and Great Hill, as well as running along the Hudson River Gre enway on recovery days. These paved paths don’t compare to the muddy Van Cortlandt races they have on weekends, but through early season PSAL and external races, they have become
accustomed to the worst of Van Cortlandt Park’s rough terrain.
“When your legs can’t run anymore, run with your heart.”
For the team’s seniors, many of whom have been shaking their legs since freshman year, the culmination of their high school cross country careers is bittersweet. While all of the
year, Stenhouse won the PSAL City Championship race before earning All-State Honors at the State Federation Champion ships. Meanwhile, Phongsuriya, who only joined the Greyducks last year during outdoor track, has smoothly transitioned from running the 3000-meter event in outdoor track to the 5000-meter run in her first (and unfortu nately last) cross country season.
sive seasons, with the team’s underclassmen also performing extremely well through the sea son’s opening meets. For many of them, this experience is their first time running over the rug ged hills of Van Cortlandt Park, but the Greyducks’ freshmen and sophomores are certainly not afraid of the competition.
At the PSAL Manhattan Fro sh/Soph Championships, both
finished in the top 15 individual ranks. The sophomores faced a sterner test but still finished first by seven points over their rival Hunter. They also had all of their top five in the top 15 places, with Emily Li (fifth) and Skye McArthur (sixth) being the fastest Greyducks of the day.
“Know thyself; know thy en emy.”
team’s runners push themselves to their physical and mental limits, it’s the seniors who are motivated to make a lasting impact in their final season. In deed, the team’s top two run ners, Isabella “Bella” Stenhouse and Pimada Phongsuriya, are both seniors and among the top runners in the city. Last
Recently, she finished fourth out of all PSAL runners at the Manhattan College Invitational, which featured the top teams from around the Northeast.
“Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.”
So far, it is not only the se niors who are having impres
the freshmen and sophomores fended off rival schools to bring home the team’s first silverware of the championship season.
Led by Emma Savonije and Jiya Patel, who finished second and third individually, the freshmen Greyducks destroyed the com petition to win the borough title as all of their top five scorers
Though the Frosh/Soph Borough Championships have already been dominated by the Greyducks’ superstar under classmen, the rest of the post season races are still to come. First, they will have the PSAL Manhattan Borough Champi onships, then the PSAL Frosh/ Soph City Championships, and finally, the holy grail of all com petitions, the PSAL City Cham pionship. After triumphing over Hunter in the Frosh/Soph races, the Greyducks hope that their varsity team can beat their Carn egie Hill rivals in their next race. When the two teams clashed in the Varsity Girls I race at the Bowdoin XC Classic, Hunter finished one place ahead of the Greyducks. As for the City Championship, the Greyducks are projected to be in the top four alongside Bronx Science, Brooklyn Tech, and Hunter. However, the Greyducks’ goals extend beyond the City Cham pionship, as finishing in the top four at that competition would qualify them for the Federation State Championships. It’s going to be a trying postseason, but with the perseverance and deter mination of the Greyducks, it’s certain they’ll put in their best efforts to dash to the finish line.
Little Sibs also look up to me, and I also want to set a good ex ample for them.
6. What does a typical practice look like?
will probably do intramural or club. If I go to a college with a D3 program, I might try out as a walk-on.
By YASHNA PATEL and FREDERIK SCHUTZ Name: Venus Wan Grade: Senior
1. When and how did you start playing volleyball? How long have you been on the Vixens, the Stuyvesant girls’ varsity volleyball team?
I started playing volleyball in eighth grade with my entire fam ily. One of my cousins ended up joining a club team and started the “Cardozo Dynasty,” where the school won the city cham pionships for five consecutive years. From there, she started coaching volleyball at this club called NYC Impact, and she en couraged me to try out. At that time, I was a big basketball play er, so I didn’t really want to do it, but I eventually went for fun. She told me I had a really good arm and that the head coach wanted me, so I ended up accepting a full scholarship to play that year. Ever since then, I have been playing volleyball, and I joined the Stuyvesant varsity team dur ing my freshman year.
2. What inspired you to join the volleyball team here at Stuyvesant?
Volleyball was actually one of the main reasons I wanted to come to Stuy[vesant]. When I first started playing, they won the city championships, so I said to myself, let me go to Stuy[vesant] because I want to play volleyball,
not for the academics, but for the sports, because obviously, Stuy[vesant] is a sports school.
3. What position do you play, and what skills/strengths are involved?
I am an outside hitter, which requires you to be good at hit ting and passing. Some of the positions are just for front row or just for back row. For exam ple, liberos and DS’s [defensive specialists] are just for the back row, and middles are just for the front row. But if you’re outside, you should be able to pass and hit well.
4. Do you have a most memo rable/proud moment with the Vixens?
It was definitely when we played against Midwood last year, who had a really good team and were bound to win the city championships. We played against them in a tournament, and the game ended up going down to the wire. It was special because last season was really dif ficult, not only because we had just come back from COVID, but also because we lost a lot of our really good players the year before. So the fact that we were able to keep the game close all the way through made me really proud of my team. I remember everyone was crying at the end because we were all just proud of each other, and even though we lost, it felt like a major win.
5. How has being a captain changed your outlook on vol leyball? What lessons have you learned that you can ap
ply to life?
Everyone knows that being captain is a huge responsibility.
I think something I learned is leading by example. I feel like my team looks up to me a lot, and so
It’s really rough. I think there’s been a lot more condi tioning this season than in previ ous ones. We usually run six to 10 laps for warmups everyday, and we do a lot of drills, work ing on fundamentals like passing, serving, hitting. It definitely var ies day-to-day, though.
7. Do you have any plans to continue playing volleyball in college?
I don’t think I am good
8. What are your individual goals for this season? What are the team goals for the sea son?
My individual goal is just to have fun because it is my senior year, and probably the last time I play volleyball on a legitimate competitive team. For this sea son, I also want to set a good foundation for our younger play ers, especially our juniors who are going to continue our team’s legacy. Our team’s goal is defi nitely to make the city champi onships this year.
9. What are the best and worst parts of volleyball?
I think the worst part is defi nitely that volleyball is a very mental sport. If you mess up, it’s really hard to get out of your head, and you end up putting too much pressure on yourself.
I think the best part of vol leyball is the community, espe cially during these last two years at Stuy[vesant]. I didn’t have the best team experience my freshman year, but things have changed since then, and I’m glad everyone now has had the chance to build connections with each other.
Funniest Teammate: Shivani Shah
Favorite VB Player: Kerri Walsh Jennings
Brand of VB Shoes: Nike Playing on Full or Light Stomach: Light stomach
Favorite Sports Drink: Celsius Favorite Post-Game Snack: Apples
Jersey Number: 16 Hobbies: Sleeping, playing the guitar, and crocheting
Favorite Spandex: Navy blue Motto to Live By: Pressure makes diamonds.
I feel like I always have to be able to perform. It’s kind of similar to my work as a Big Sib, since my
enough to play college. Even D3 volleyball is pretty competi tive, especially in New York. I
Fun Fact: I have dislocated my elbow more than 10 times.
Favorite Chant: “Who let the dogs out? Roof, Roof, Roof.”
Perhaps a fan dressed as Scherzer for Halloween pitched that game. Game three was even more ter rifying, because the entire team started disappearing. The Mets offense was nowhere to be found, with no trace of any of the players left behind. The Pa dres limited the Mets to a grand total of one hit and shut out the Mets, eliminating them from the postseason.
As a delusional lifelong Mets fan, I start to wonder, how much is too much? But I realized that just because the Mets’ postseason is over doesn’t mean that other teams’ are. There is still more
baseball to watch, just not in the form of the New York Mets. If they’re allowed to disappear from fans in October, you’re allowed to disappear as a fan as well. This is why I’ve created a list of teams that are very likely not to disap point their fans in the postseason and are great alternatives to root ing for the Mets. Are you tired of being a Mets fan? Join me.
1. New York Yankees Still have that annoying Yan kees-fan friend who texts you about the Mets’ failures? If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em! If you’re looking to continue watching baseball games in-person, the Yankees are your best bet. They also have some of the most
iconic baseball players and an outstanding history of winning. Why cheer for a team that has only won two World Series titles when you can cheer on one that has won 27? It might be time to consider joining the Bronx Bombers, since the Mets bomb their season every year.
2. Cleveland Guardians Remember that blockbuster Lindor trade? Perhaps the Guard ians received the better end of the deal. Former New York Met Andrés Giménez, along with a lineup of high-performing hitters and starting pitchers, has carried the team into the ALDS, further than what the Mets could reach in the postseason. The exciting
young Cleveland team had a great postseason run and has a bright future for the years to come.
If you want a team that re sembles the Mets, but with less of a disappointment factor, the Dodgers are a great pick. Similar to the Mets, they have a star-stud ded lineup and pitching rotation, with one of the richest owners in baseball. In the Dodgers’ case, good players actually correlate to winning games, even important ones. The 111-win team was able to come up with the best record in the MLB, a great bragging right.
Missing Zack Wheeler and Noah Syndergaard already? Dis appointed in Jacob deGrom, Scherzer, and Bassitt? Reason able. The Phillies are defying the odds this year. Unlike the Mets, the Phillies can actually beat the Braves, especially when it mat ters. Though they were pitched a no-hitter by the Mets and also blew a 7-1 lead to them, that was the regular season. The regular season doesn’t matter if the team can’t perform in the postseason, and the Phillies certainly can per form in the postseason.
5. Atlanta Braves & Houston Astros Never mind.
“I remember everyone was crying at the end be cause we were all just proud of each other, and even though we lost, it felt like a major win.” —Venus Wan, senior and Stuyvesant Vixens captainSophia Muller / The Spectator
Adults, teens, kids, and tod dlers celebrate Halloween, the holiday of horror, every October 31. Scary costumes and creepy decorations fill city streets with gloom, and terrifying stories are passed around. You might recognize the stories of “Fran
It has never been a good month for the Mets, as it is closely con nected with no postseason base ball, huge disappointments, and the disappearance of star play ers. The last time the Mets won their division, the NL East, was in 2015, which gave Mets fans a glimpse of World Series baseball. However, in typical Mets Octo
quiring superstar pitcher Max Scherzer, along with players like Starling Marte, Chris Bassitt, and Mark Canha, fans had something to look forward to. Thanks to comeback seasons from Fran cisco Lindor, Jeff McNeil, and shutout closer Edwin Diaz, the Mets held the division lead for practically the entire season and
There is one horror story that tops these two iconic pieces, and it lies within the baseball world.
kenstein” and “Dracula,” but these are not the tales that scare children the most. There is one horror story that tops these two iconic pieces, and it lies within the baseball world. Kids and adults alike are traumatized, most even left in tears, when they hear about the disappearance of the New York Mets.
Mets fans have feared the month of October since 1986.
ber fashion, they were crushed in five games. The team received a wild card spot in the postseason in 2016 but came up empty, los ing 1-0. Ever since then, October has been a baseball-less month for Mets fans.
Enter the 2022 season. Fol lowing an ownership change, the Mets have the richest owner in MLB history, and it showed during the offseason. After ac
made it to the postseason for the first time since 2016.
Just when things started look ing up, the terrifying month of October kicked in. Right off the bat, the first days of Octo ber hosted a crucial three-game series against the Atlanta Braves that would decide who won the division, giving the winner a firstround bye in the postseason. The same offense and shutdown
The Vixens, Stuyvesant’s girls’ varsity volleyball team, started the season with a huddle, high fives, and a loud chant of “Kick some butts!” Since that cheer, the team has gone 6-0 without dropping a set—the best mark they have had since 2019, when they won all of their regular season games before losing a close match in the second round of the playoffs. But this year, the Vixens have a shot at the
non-scheduled games, many of which were against teams that are also likely to make the postsea son. In fact, two of these losses were against the John Jay Campus Jaguars, who are also undefeated in their division this year.
Still, practicing against strong teams can only help the Vixens improve. With a 6-0 record, mak ing the playoffs is all but guar anteed, and once they get there, anything can happen. In the final three games of the regular season,
because of how strong their serv ing is. The Vixens’ servers have served dozens of aces this year, which has been instrumental to many of their victories.
In the games so far this sea son, the Vixens’ biggest strength has been their teamwork. “Our team chemistry is amazing, and this chemistry can take us far,” senior and co-captain Shivani Shah said. “We’ve been practicing hard every day, trying new drills, experimenting with plays, taking criticism, working on our weak nesses, and constantly strength ening our bond.” That bond has led to some incredible shows of passing the ball around to set up the winning shot.
starting pitching that led the Mets to their playoff season did not show up to Atlanta, resulting in three straight losses. Then there was the wild card series. The Mets went full Hal loween mode, putting on differ ent costumes and disappearing
left and right. With Scherzer on the mound for the first game, fans were ecstatic and ready for postseason baseball, until he was torched by the Padres, giving up seven runs in only 4.2 innings. continued on page 23
Championships.
“City Championships is every body’s goal, and I think it’s very achievable,” senior and co-captain Venus Wan said. The Vixens have been working harder than ever to improve this season and win the Championship.
“We are setting up scrimmag es with all of the top teams and playing in competitive tourna ments that will hopefully [...] help us make that goal a reality,” coach Vasken Choubaralian said. How ever, these scrimmages have not gone as well as the rest of the sea son. The Vixens are 3-3 in their
the team needs to make sure that the start of the elimination games won’t spell the end of the season like it has in their last few trips to the playoffs. The team knows what they have to work on.
“At this point in the season, we need to improve our consis tency in all of the skills, specifical ly our front row defense, mean ing blocking,” Choubaralian said. Blocking in volleyball is when a player jumps up and deflects the ball back onto the opponent’s side. It’s a very important skill, but the Vixens have been able to get around it on many points
“The hitters are finding their rhythm and connecting with their setter Shivani,” Choubaralian said. The majority of the team’s starting lineup has been working together for at least three years, which means that they know how their teammates think in a game. After every point, the team comes together for a quick huddle to re center themselves regardless of the outcome of the point. When one teammate falters, others are there to pick them up, and that is why the Vixens have been so dominant this season.
But winning isn’t what the Vixens care about most. “I’m re ally excited to just play with every one and see us succeed, person ally and as a team,” senior and co-captain Jocelyn Mo said. When asked, everyone interviewed said they were most excited to simply play together because the Vixens are like a family.
For the rest of the season and once the playoffs start, the team aims to take things one step at a time. And of course, as it has been proven to work: go out ev ery game and kick some butt!
TUESDAY
Boys’ Fencing vs Beacon HOME 4:30 p.m.
THURSDAY
Boys’ Fencing vs Long Island City Long Island City HS 4:30 p.m.
WEDNESDAY
Girls’ JV Volleyball vs Murry Bergtraum Murry Bergtraum HS 4:30 p.m.
SATURDAY
JV Football vs Macchiarola Frank J. Macchiarola Educational Complex 12:00 p.m.
SATURDAY
Football vs Flushing Campus Pier 40 11:00 a.m.
FRIDAY
Football vs Cardozo Benjamin N. Cardozo HS 6:00 p.m.
WEDNESDAY
JV Volleyball vs Bayard Rustin
Bayard Rustin Educational Complex 4:30 p.m.
After
1. What is your favorite subject?
A. STEM: we know this is NOT a subject but please cut us some slack (4 points)
B. Writing: you must enjoy college applications, huh? (3 points)
C. History: did you know that the D in D-Day literally stands for “day?” (2 point)
D. Lunch: what is your opinion on vegan chicken nuggets? (1 point)
2. Which of the following clubs would you join?
A. The SPECTATOR, of course! (4 points)
B. Science Olympiad or Robotics (3 points)
C. Debate Team or Model UN (2 point)
D. Stuy Legacy or STC (1 point)
3. If a candy bin says “Take one please,” would you actually take one?
A. Yes, I would never be dishonest (4 points)
B. Ha, imagine being honest! I’ll sneak 2 or 3 more in there… (3 points)
C. Snatching the whole bin! What are they gonna do, call the cops? (2 point)
D. I’m boring—I do not trick or treat (1 point)
4. What’s your ideal autumn breakfast?
A. Pumpkin spice latte with a croissant (4 points)
B. Hot chocolate paired with a cinnamon bun (3 points)
C. Apple cider and a slice of pumpkin cheesecake (2 points)
D. Earl gray tea with a slice of pecan pie (1 point)
5. What would you carve on your Jack-o'-Lantern?
A. Haunted house and graveyard (4 points)
B. Cat and a moon (3 points)
C. A spooky face (2 points)
D. Peppa Pig (1 points)
5 - 8: Candy corn! But do not fret—candy corn may be Halloween’s worst treat, but someone out there still enjoys your company!
9 - 12: Milky Way! You’re a reliable treat. People might say you’re “mid,” but you’re just really nice and dependable.
13 - 16: Kit-Kat! As the saying goes, two is always better than one.
17 - 20: Fun Dip! HOLY COW where’d you come from? You’re eccentric and always the life of the party. You also never cease to surprise people. Absolute gold-tier candy.
Hint: This English teacher is the author of two books and a short story called "The Loft".
Answer on the bottom of the page.
In first grade, nothing was more relaxing than collapsing on the couch and watching an episode of “Winx Club.” I loved seeing the group of friends over come obstacles and defeat The Trix. My return to the show nine years later has led me to bingewatch several other of my child hood favorites as well. After digging deep within my sevensecond memory, I ranked them in order from least to most favorite.
Without further ado, here are my unsolicited opinions on me dia for first graders.
5. “The Magic Treehouse.”
To be honest, I don’t remember much about this book series. I know it’s a historical fiction fan tasy, which makes me less likely to retain any information. But here’s what stuck with me most: Jack and Annie have less personality than me, and I already consider myself a very boring person. Jack’s most poignant character trait is frequently saying “nuts” instead of “surprising.” That’s not a good thing, by the way.
Final decision: this is more of a history textbook than a creative work. Find a better subject to teach first graders.
4. “Rainbow Magic.”
This book series certainly has a lot more sparkles than a certain magical treehouse did. Rachel and Kirsty, two best friends, find a number of fairies from Fairyland and save them from the horrible Jack Frost. I’ve never particularly cared for the two main characters. They don’t say anything interest ing or funny—I would even ac cept it if they said “nuts.” Worst of all, the author has written over 200 of these books. They are all
exactly the same: Jack Frost cre ates some problem, Rachel and Kirsty find the fairy of the day, and they solve the issue.
The only reason “Rainbow Magic” isn’t in fifth place is be cause I pity the protagonists. When I scrolled through the Rainbow Magic Wiki, I found a comment written by the user Dana the Drought Fairy. It reads,
needed to put this book series in third place. Five-year-old Junie B. curses out adults using egre gious language like “stupid” and “dumb,” representing all the re belling against authority that I as pire toward. Personally, I find her to be a feminist icon. Due to her influence, I realized that I could call my classmates stupid and still be a lady. I can sip tea with my
I wanted to be as smart as her, though she also has little to no personality. That might say some thing about my first-grade self’s priorities.
However, most of the other fairies do have personality, which is what distinguishes this show from “The Magic Treehouse.” Flora is gentle and genuine, Stella is vibrant and prideful, and Aisha is practical and empathetic. Best of all, the main six girls have a fantastic friendship, and five of them have lovers. It must have been amazing for little me to pre tend that I, too, had a soulmate. I’ve probably stood in the shower and pretended to talk to Musa at least once.
But here’s my biggest com plaint: in the last season, the an tagonist Icy is given a tragic back story and a sister who was turned into a fox. Apparently, Icy is the princess of a planet and had wanted to save the world before she turned evil. In one of the lat er episodes, she redeems herself by helping Bloom save the Magic Universe. I’ll half forgive it, since it’s funny. But “Winx Club” isn’t in first place anymore. Instead, that position belongs to one re ally special show.
to rest and process how friendless I am. Besides that, it’s a weirdly fun show, and the episodes often derail in entertaining ways.
For one, there are a lot more than four recurring antagonists, unlike most of the media on this list (including “Winx Club”). Sometimes, the biggest antago nist is the struggle of throwing a party. Other times, there are villains who come back in later seasons. The most fun conflict was when money-obsessed dogcreatures kidnap Rarity; they never reappear after that episode. Or maybe Queen Chrysalis and her goons created the most en tertaining conflicts. To be honest, all the villains used to terrify me, so I’m not quite certain why sixyear-old me continued watching. I once woke up in a cold sweat because of them. Not a very girl boss moment.
By TARA SURIOne of the most universal cases of Stuyvesant suffering is your SCHOOL ID PHOTO. You probably also remem ber hearing the horror stories from Big Sibs before you took the most important picture of your whole life: “Prepare your self, ‘cause you only get one pic ture,” “Pray your math teacher doesn't bring up all the photos
“Is anyone able to confirm that Jack Frost has an unhealthy ob session with feet? I recall him try ing to take a picture of the girls’ feet in ‘Eva, the Enchanted Balls Fairy.’” I left the Wiki with more information than I had wanted.
In terms of content, I’d say it’s equal to “The Magic Tree house.” But in terms of being human? After all of Frost’s an tics, Rachel and Kirsty deserve a fourth place spot on this list.
3. “Junie B. Jones.”
I read perhaps two “Junie B. Jones” books, and that was all I
pinky pointing up while curs ing out adults. That’s what I call women’s rights.
But the series is only in third place because I haven’t read much of it. Sorry.
2. “Winx Club.”
The show features six main girls who train at a school for fairies and fight evil. The main characters were great, the villains were as dumb as Team Rocket, and I had an amazing time over all. My favorite character used to be Tecna, the fairy of technol ogy, but I’m not sure why. Maybe
1. “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.”
How could I not put it in first? It focuses on six main po nies, starting with Twilight Spar kle not seeing the value of having friends. Over the course of the first few episodes, she acciden tally finds some very lovable po nies, encounters problems, and destroys everyone with the pow er of friendship. Time passed far too quickly when I was watching this show. Soon it was 4:00 a.m. and I was on the last episode. It only took that long because I had
Maybe afterward you heard conversations between your peers: “They took it with out warning me!” “THERE WAS SOMETHING IN MY TEETH??” Many have tried begging for another chance, but to no avail.
I’m here to tell you that that’s not actually you in the picture… WAKE UP PEOPLE!! Isn’t it obvious? There’s absolutely no way these horrific orange
photo? And the real question: Who is that in your ID photo?
Let me take you back to Camp Stuy Day One, from my perspective. As everyone began crowding the escalators to exit the building at the end of the day, I realized I had forgotten my plans for schoolwide domi nation somewhere. I opened the door to the pool and saw my notebook sitting on a bench waiting for me. Thank goodness
bag. Scared to expose myself, I decided to wait to see what would happen. I peered through the pool windows, and the pos sibilities of what teachers did after school raced through my mind. Unfortunately, I was not prepared for what I saw: at least 1000 monsters gathering right in front of my eyes. It looked like a monster convention; vampires, zombies, and aliens sat down in front of large mirrors and bright lights. They began to transform right in front of my eyes; the vampires started to apply orange and yellow makeup to hide their pale faces, while the zombies dug through boxes of props, pulling out wigs and glasses. The aliens chose different clothes from the large lost and found box. I pinched myself and con firmed that I wasn’t dreaming.
Everything started to make sense. All the upperclassmen complaining, the weird color ation, the stretched-out photos. Suddenly, a cold hand grabbed my shoulder… Mr. Moran?
“Great job! I’ve never seen a better recreation of one of those slimy freshmen. Let’s go take your picture.” Reluctantly I followed him to the second floor where Principal Yu stood, directing the monsters to take their pictures. A zombie shuffled in front of the camera wearing the most obnoxious shade of orange coverup. He grinned at the camera. “Bartholomew, no
Most importantly, this show has taught me a lot of lessons. For one, I’m accepting of more people. I haven’t been judg mental of anyone since the day I finished season nine. This in cludes students with unsavory test scores and freshmen who look like third graders. And now, it includes people who dress in fursuits of Apple Jack. Some people call them “furries,” but I call them “adorable horse-like companions.”
I hope this list brought back some long-forgotten memories, since it certainly did for me. Re member, this is all subjective. It is completely valid if you relate to Jack Frost’s love of feet or if you think Junie B. Jones is annoying. All your quirks are appreciated; just remember to give “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” a go.
After all, Stuy could use some magical pony power.
smiling. You know I hate that,” Principal Yu winced. FLASH. Next, an alien sat in front of the camera. “No no, you're way too green!” Principal Yu said angrily. FLASH. My turn came and I tried to copy the previous vampire. “You look a little too perfect,” Principal Yu remarked. “Don't worry though, we’ll fix it in editing.” FLASH. “Wait a second…” I gulped. “Tara?!” I yelped in fear. “Foolish child, don’t you know that the Yu meister recognizes every single student?” He gestured to the crowd of ghouls. “Guys, we’re gonna have to ax her. She knows too much.”
This was my chance to make a run for it. “Don't let her get to the exit!” I heard someone shout. I ran faster than ever before. I needed to make it out alive—the Stuyvesant students had a right to know.
To this day I cannot make eye contact with Principal Yu, as he smiles at unsuspecting stu dents walking into school, out of fear that he might recognize me and take revenge.
To readers: Now that the se cret is exposed, you are sure to find comfort in knowing that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation behind your ugly ID photo that isn’t you. Feel free to show your ID photo to your friends and expose the truth be hind theirs too.
You open your eyes and see… nothing. “Where am I? Did I fall asleep for too long in my AP Eng lish class?” you wonder. Feeling around for anything useful, your hand finds a familiar object… is that the bunsen burner that you used to set the lab table on fire last year? Suddenly, the flame turns on, and to your horror, you realize that you’re in room 939 in Stuyves ant—the room that hosted all of your failed AP Chemistry tests. You take the bunsen burner with you and hurriedly walk toward the door, not wanting to be in the vi cinity of the electron shell model any longer.
Suddenly, you hear footsteps approaching you. “Don’t tell me that’s Orlando,” you groan. But as you turn around, you see two shad owy figures that exactly resemble the couple you saw in the Hudson while studying for your Mandarin quiz a week ago. They shout after you, “Don’t you want to hang out with us in the Hudson? Our free periods are six, nine, and 42! We even have free extra credit oppor tunities!” Despite the tempting of fer, you quickly get up and run out of the nearest exit, and are greeted with the familiar, unholy sight of the dozens of apples sitting on the “People’s Pantry.” After hav ing run down four flights of stairs, you are so hungry that you decide to try your luck at the roulette wheel that is the cafeteria vending machine.
You search your pockets for spare change. No luck. Maybe you shouldn’t have spent all your money buying Muji notebooks and Starbucks coffees. In despera tion, you bang on the glass, shake the machine, and violate at least seven other safety rules listed on the side of the machine. Some
how, you manage to avoid getting flattened and successfully retrieve a Rice Krispies Treats bar. But as you sit down to enjoy your snack, you are completely oblivious to the furious lunch ladies slowly ap proaching you with plastic forks in hand. “HEY, WHERE’S YOUR
organic molecules like glucose and citric acid?” Mr. Orlando has teamed up with the lunch ladies. That’s not good. You sprint out of the cafeteria so fast that you don’t even see the glowing red eyes of another figure standing ominously down the hall. You yank open the
You slam the door shut behind you and muffle a scream as you bump into… a row of life-sized BTS member cardboard cutouts?
As you creep silently through the dimly lit room, you look around and see that on each of the cutouts are words along the lines of
board disguise and bellows hell ishly, and for a brief moment, you are too shocked to do anything as he stumbles towards you, kicking the stack of homework from his Leadership and Decision Making class out of the way.
Panic-stricken, you grab the nearest weapon at your disposal, which happens to be a Special Edi tion BTS Lightstick. You throw it at him, but the strangest thing hap pens—instead of damaging Mr. Yu for 13 health, he just seems to absorb the stick, and you see faint text that says “Level Up! 1 → 3” hovering above his head. Well, there goes any chance of fending him off.
You dash out of the office and back into the pitch blackness, where the sound of angry foot steps is deafening. Looking back to see 12 pairs of glowing red eyes rapidly approaching, you realize in terror that you have mere sec onds left to escape, and in an act of desperation, you madly run into the darkness, praying that you’ve found the bridge exit. You hear a voice call after you, yelling, “Hey! Where’s your completed health screening?” But nothing else mat ters anymore, as you sprint as fast as your flimsy Stuyvesant brand legs can carry you, nearly slam ming headfirst into two sets of double doors as you see a brilliant light…
FRUIT?” You jump up so high in shock that the Rice Krispies bar flies out of your hand and smacks one of the ladies right in the face.
Oh no. They’re angry now.
As you try to apologize, they take out their spatulas and start chasing after you, chanting “TAKE A FRUIT! YOU NEED A FRUIT!” But you also hear a fa miliar voice saying, “Did you know that fruits contain high levels of
door of the West staircase and, to your horror, you can hear four dis tinct pairs of footsteps following you. Running down the hall, you narrowly avoid tripping over a de capitated knight from the Senior Bar chess set, and finally spot a room that reads “Principal’s Of fice—Enter at Your Own Risk.” AHA! You’ll be safe in here—your teachers wouldn’t dare step foot in this sacred room.
“Jungkook please marry me <33”
“Jin you World Wide Hand some man!”
“Suga meow meow!”
“RM sing Expensive Girl to me!”
“Stop sending my e-mails to your Spam folder pls <4”
Wait, that last one doesn’t seem—
Mr. Yu jumps out of the card
Monday, October 31, 2022. 3:39 p.m. Deep within the swarm of zombified caffeine addicts exit ing school hid a terrible creature. No, it wasn’t one of the four-foot11-inch-tall freshmen that some how haven’t hit puberty yet, and no, it wasn’t one of the kids who sit in the very back of the cafeteria playing League of Legends on their Chromebooks. It was Pennywise, the dancing clown itself, making a pitstop during a downtown stroll.
After climbing out of the near by Hudson River, the clown found itself walking up the Tribeca Bridge and into the crowd of dismissed students, causing a collective lull. Wearing a smile throughout the silence, the clown held a red bal loon. The crowd of terrified stu dents parted as if it was Moses and they were the Red Sea. The clown started joyfully skipping through the gap, through the entrance, and down the staircase onto the first floor. It was looking for Principal Seung Yu.
Coming out of his office, Prin cipal Yu glanced at the six-footthree-inch-tall behemoth that stood in front of him. With trails of sa liva dripping by from its drooling, Pennywise tiptoed toward his fel low bald icon. When close enough to hear Principal Yu breathe, Pen nywise dragged him back into his office. The next moments are un known due to the two’s surprisingly
quiet conversation, but many could hear rumbling, table-breaking, glass-shattering action take place within. With security reluctantly heading toward the office, and stu dents looking on in despair, the door finally opened after three nev er-ending minutes. But instead of a bloodbath, Principal Yu exited the room with his frown turned upside down.
“Everyone, staff and students, it is my pleasure and my honor to present to you the newest member of faculty, Pennywise. On the be half of Stuyvesant High School, we are glad to have it onboard.”
Stuyvesant High School was in for a long Halloween.
Second semester rolled around. It had been three and a half months since the announcement of Penny wise’s employment as a Stuyvesant High School teacher, and now it was time for it to start its term. Ru mors floated that the clown would be teaching Honors Chemistry and Forensic Science. All students im mediately bombarded their guid ance counselors, begging them for schedule changes. Many were willingly taking Swim Gym and AP Chem, hoping that Pennywise would be teaching another period. However, the rumors weren’t true. Pennywise was teaching the most ruthless class of all: Health.
Students from all grades were horrified the following day, dread ing their encounter with the newest teacher. Many Stuyvesant students
were seen across the city on train stations, buses, cars, and sidewalks, moping and anxiously traveling to school for their class with the danc ing clown. A myriad of students were seen in hallways shivering,
to be charming and well-spoken. Understanding the stereotypes and conversation around itself, Pen nywise made it its mission to gain the trust of all students he taught.
Over the next months, Pennywise
The blinding light of day meets your eyes as the door of locker 6-666 flies open and you fall face-first onto the floor of the Sophomore Bar, startling the three couples that routinely sit on top of it. You turn around just in time to see the locker expel 73 pairs of thoroughly deep-fried AirPods, and then slam shut.
Just then, Mr. Moran walks by, sees the congealed mass of Air Pods, and sighs in disappointment. “Alright. Hand those over.”
with some vomiting in fear, as they waited for their next-period class with Pennywise. However, some thing unexpected occurred.
Pennywise, even with its awful ly intimidating demeanor, proved
told stories of its past in Derry, Maine, eating and haunting tod dlers, children, teenagers, and adults throughout their lives. But it explained how it was a changed monster. Pennywise went to thera
py and improved itself, understand ing its faults and mistakes and being at peace with the clown it once was. Students grew to understand its journey and learned to accept Pen nywise for who it is now.
Tuesday, October 31, 2023. It has been a year since the start of Stuyvesant High School’s long Hal loween, and since then, room 513 on the fifth floor has become the eighth wonder of the world. Since the second semester of the school year started, Pennywise’s cur riculum has taken a hard left turn. While the class is called Health, Pennywise decided to make each period its own, causing worrying results.
The increasing disturbance has led many to question the ability of Pennywise as a teacher. While many were able to excuse the cannabilism and murder it committed, they drew the line at it becoming a nuisance to learning activity. Many Pennywise supporters claim, however, that it was just “misunderstood” and that outsiders do not understand what it has gone through. Even though school activity still follows through, the Department of Education may have future legal issues on its hands.
Stuyvesant High School has be come a controversial battleground for many students due to Penny wise’s arrival. Whether this is for better or for worse can be decided by future enrolled students, but for now, Stuyvesant is still celebrating Halloween.
For months, we at The Spec tator have heard elusive rumors about the mythical 11th floor. Some tell us it is equal to a para dise created by the gods, filled with every amenity you would need at this school plus a pool with bub bles. Others say that it is Principal Yu’s private purgatory, where the most dark and depraved students of Stuy are sent when they do a bit too much trolling and tomfoolery. But what is this “11th floor,” re ally? We aim to find out. Through new, groundbreaking research con ducted by the Humor department, as well as an expedition into the unknown, our brave interns ad venturers Alex Chu and Vincent D’Angelo hope to discover what truly lies on the 11th floor.
As the final bell rings, signi fying the end of the school day, our adventurers brave the first of many challenges on their journey: exercise.
Alex: Bro, I've got to do more cardio. I’ve really got to climb more stairs instead of taking the escalator all the time.
Vincent: Yeah, I feel you. Here’s a tip: just listen to escala tor sounds to trick your mind into thinking you’re on the escalator. That’s what’s playing in my Air Pods right now. Here, take my left AirPod. Sometimes I get too im mersed and stop moving, waiting for the stairs to move me higher up, and the people behind me get annoyed that I stopped randomly. I might be late to class sometimes, but I consider that a necessary drawback.
They wait for the remaining clattering of student sneaker soles on linoleum to fade. As our intel ligent adventurers reach their des tination, they realize that the door to the 11th floor is locked.
Vincent: Darn it! It sucks that our journey has to end so quickly! Maybe we have to wait till Disre spectator to unlock this door!
Alex: Let us not be in such haste to end our barely-started ad venture. There’s a gap under the bars. You think you can reach un der there?
Vincent: Hmm, I have been eating less Whole Foods lately so my arm might fit. Let’s see… Oh! I think I got it!
The door swings open with a
By SETH FENTONAh, Halloween: the only holi day with candy that you perpetu ally feel you’re far too old for, cos tumes that reveal way too much about their wearers, and a certain flavor that only early Christianiza tion-induced cultural dilution can provide.
Stuyvesant’s Halloween cel ebrations have all of these quali ties turned up to 11: impres sively strange costume displays and enough small joys to almost make you forget about your math test tomorrow. Almost. However, Halloween at Stuyvesant misses the most fundamental part of the holiday—the fear of the unknown. Stuy students don’t have that, be cause we’re so filled with anxiety that under normal circumstances we can’t feel any dread.
Realizing the threat this sad fact posed to our enjoyment of the holiday, Principal Yu made the only logical decision and diverted about 20 percent of the school’s budget from warding off the elder gods to constructing a Stuyvesant-themed haunted house. “If the students
Singh / The Spectator
creek. With no teachers or students in sight, our dependable adventur ers press onward, making sure to close the door behind them.
engulfs our nervous adventurers.
fog as a transition to convey the supernatural and inexplicable ele ments of the new area they are about to enter. Don’t you, Vin cent?
hate that. It’s a really uncre ative idea that was funny last in “Harry Potter: The Gob let of Fire,” by J.K Rowling. Honestly, it’s lazy writing.
our unpaid adventur ers appear in a hazy land in what looks like a heavily distorted sixth-floor gym. Ripped school bags cover the ground, with grime and other signs of abandonment all over. Disfigured bulle tin boards and posters with unknown symbols cover the walls. A yellowed paper, dat ed February 1940, adver tises Spectator Humor. A miasma of uncleanli ness fills the air.
sure doesn’t look like a paradise.
a good line. I might use it later.
roar is heard in the far distance, the kind of sound that shakes you to your very core. It’s not a great vibe.
exploring, right? For the science and all that jazz?
noise. That would be wise.
Our best adventurers continue onward, pushing into the fog to find a hallway resembling the fifth floor. Torn pages litter the lino leum. More bulletin boards and posters seem to be scratched over with unknown symbols. Hoof-like impressions, along with the dirty tracks of an Adidas Stan Smith, are visible on the ground.
Alex: Is this like a mirrored version of our school? It’s like an exact replica: same hallways and
to do so. These words were NOT written with his consent.
The faint smell of an unwashed farm animal looms over the hori zon. The sound of heavy footsteps emanates from the cafeteria, only getting louder and louder in prox imity to our poor adventurers. The overhead lights flicker with every step. They turn, and what they see truly frightens them. The beast, a bizarre amalgamation of Pete Peg leg and a ram—with the distinctive
Alex: And we thought the Sophomore Bar was unkempt.
Someone’s muttering drifts from a bench in the Junior atrium. Our adventurers whip around and see a lone boy sitting there. Mov ing closer to investigate, they see that the boy is wearing a Stuyves ant shirt and shorts. He rocks back and forth in the fetal position.
Boy: It was just one test. I promise I won’t do it again. It was just one test…
can’t enjoy the holiday, what’s the point of not being driven insane by horrors far beyond our compre hension?” Principal Yu exclaimed. As it would turn out, though, the
was fine, as not enough people had gone through for the problems to be noticeable. But then people started disappearing,” an anony mous senior reflected. “It was al
house for comment, but upon ap proach, every entrant ferociously skittered away.
Vincent: Oh, failed your first test, did ya bucko? Tough scene, but don’t fret. I failed my first twelve tests before I got a C, and that was because—
Boy: I WASN’T EVEN LOOKING AT HIS PAPER! I DIDN’T CHEAT! DAMN YOU! I SWEAR I DIDN’T CHEAT! Our adventurers slowly back away from the boy.
Alex: Well, thank God I never cheat on my tests.
A “badum, tis” on a drum set is heard vaguely off in the distance.
Another louder roar is heard by the third floor boys’ bathroom. It sounds like hooves, and it’s coming for YOU.
By this point, the weariness is beginning to set in. Our fatigued adventurers look down the hallway to see Pete Pegleg charging toward them. The distraught boy quickly gathers himself and flees the scene. He has clearly done this before.
Alex: Yep, time to go. Move! Our debilitated adventurers run down the hall to the elevator, frantically slamming the buttons. Pete Pegleg charges closer and
The elevator doors finally open. The adventurers rush inside, slamming the close button. It feels like forever before the doors fi nally begin to come together. Pete Pegleg manages to fit one mangled arm between the doors, but it is too late; the doors slice off his arm, which falls to the floor as our disturbed adventurers catch their
Alex: Well, what do we do with
He points at Pete’s arm, still twitching on the metal floor.
Vincent: Maybe we can frame it. Do you think they’d let us put it in one of those glass tiles in the
The metal walls around them shake violently, making our poor adventurers fear for their lives one last time. As the rumbling stops, the severed arm starts to fade away into dust. Our relieved adventurers begin to reflect on what they have just experienced.
Alex: Well, that certainly was no paradise.
Vincent: Oh, you!
*DING!* The door opens, and Mr. Moran is standing there, wait ing to get on the elevator.
Mr. Moran: Do you guys have your elevator pass?
haunted house itself might have been the greatest horror of them all.
“The first week after [the haunted house] opened everything
most like the people of Stuyvesant were traumatized, staying away from the building out of pure fear.” We reached out to those who had gone through the haunted
By the second week even the staff were impacted. The first to stop coming into school were the janitors, stripping Stuyvesant of its last facade of cleanliness. A fungus unknown to modern science culti vated in the crevices of the Sopho more Bar, the cafeteria became overwhelmed with bees, and the second-floor bathroom became only slightly more disgusting. That brings us to today—four weeks after the creation of the haunted house. Only two types of sentient beings remain in the school build ing: seniors, who through sheer apathy have managed to remain unaffected, and the now-sentient Sophomore Bar fungi. Accord ing to the biology department, these advanced fungi have rapidly achieved an understanding of mul tivariable calculus. Since nobody who’s been through the haunted house is willing to discuss their ex periences, the Humor department has decided to enter it ourselves and record everything about each room there, no matter how mind-
bendingly awful it may be. Maybe then we can convince Principal Yu to tear it down and return to spending that money on appeasing Yog Sothoth.
Unfortunately, the Spec Hu mor team we sent in has been unreachable for several days now. In a probably unrelated note, the tentacles growing out the Hudson stairwell have enlarged significantly since the incident.
After these disappearances, Principal Yu had no choice but to take the haunted house down, citing his “disappointment at its phenomenal failure to bring holi day scares” rather than the several missing persons cases it caused.
Upon its demolition, people came back to the school almost immediately. This included the janitors, who immediately spread fungicide around the entire school and ended thousands of sentient fungal lives in an instant. School fi nally started up again and Stuyves ant students have returned to harboring their normal fears, like socialization lasting more than five minutes.