Volume 105, Issue 12

The Disrespectator The Stuyvesant High School Newspaper

Volume CV No. 12

April 1, 2015

Morning Announcements Take 50 Minutes

STUYVESANT, NEW YORK – Third period teachers launched an array of complaints after the morning announcements lasted throughout third and into early fourth period.

Although the details of the situation have not been made clear, a school spokesperson confirmed that events began after student announcers Fia Hargil and LJ Cabutaje locked themselves in Assistant Principal of Organization Saida Rodriguez-Tabonne’s first floor office with a compilation of hip-hop from the early 2000’s, a book of poorly translated Indian proverbs, and the iconic two-and-a-half foot ice bong that has influenced much of their work.

Students first reported the incident shortly after third period began, when the Pledge of Allegiance was repeated first forward, then backward, then by Hargil, who attempted to recite it in one breath. The number of complaints increased during Hargil’s recitation of an ancient Cherokee rain chant.

However, the consensus among the student body appears to be that the unusual length of the announcements was not realized until well into Cabutaje’s rendition of N.W.A’s hit single “Straight Outta Compton.”

The announcements proceeded until five minutes into fourth period, when teachers managed to enter the office, interrupting a segment which Cabutaje titled “Contemplating the sound of one hand clapping.” Deans had previously been called to the scene, but were

unable to interfere as any situation not involving cell phones is technically beyond their jurisdiction.

No record of the exact content of the transmission has been released.

However, school officials have confirmed that in the 45 minutes between the Pledge of Allegiance and their capture, Hargil and Cabutaje managed to broadcast at least 15 minutes of their manifesto, as well as a call and response for anyone bearing Satanic texts, and an a capella rendition of Elvin Bishop’s “Fooled Around and Fell in Love.” Students also confirmed that the announcements included several minutes of one of the announcers humming the bassline of Kayne West’s “Gold Digger” and an offer of $15,000 for information leading to the capture of the Mongolian thieves who stabbed history teacher Michael Waxman.

Though the incident was unexpected, it was not unprecedented.

Student announcers often suffer from stress stemming from the job, most notably former Student Announcer Clay Walsh, who became so anxious that he was forced to keep his pet rat on his person at all times. In the previous semester, announcer Theo Klein broke down during a blood drive announcement and spent 15 minutes muttering incoherently about needing blood.

The school is currently investigating the incident, and has not released an official statement.

Meanwhile, students are lobbying for no punishment for the announcers, with a majority holding that the joint recitation of Tom Lehrer’s “The Elements” constituted more education than they usually receive during third period.

Luna Oiwa/ The Spectator

By Randolph Higgins

Ms. Hall Reveals Secret Behind Her Dislike of Rap Music By jordan hodder In an exclusive interview, music teacher Holly Hall recently revealed a long-buried secret about her experiences with rap music. “My demons have haunted me long enough, so I think it’s time to come clean, kiddos,” Hall told reporters. “I actually don’t mind rap at all, though, don’t get me wrong, today’s artists have got nothin’ on the real Gs of the golden days.”

As it turns out, Hall’s alleged dislike of rap disguises something else entirely: a desire to protect her students from the dangers of the rap world, in which she was once a well-respected member. Hall entered into rap in the early 1990s as a freestyle rapper in the Los Angeles underground hip-hop scene. Styling as ‘Valkree’, she made a name for herself due to her old-school, laid-back rapping style and mercilessly aggressive lyrics, she eventually crossed paths with rising star Tupac Shakur. “My homeboy Tupac and I were real tight,” Hall said. “And, to this day, whenever life gets me down I remember that, somewhere up there in gangsta paradise, Tupac is watching out for me.” Shakur cited Valkree as a creative influence for his seminal “All Eyez on Me,” and it is rumored that Hall has the lyrics to “California Love” tattooed on her back.

Hall and Shakur collaborated on her breakout album, “Halla at Me,” which helped bring her to the forefront of mainstream music. She parted ways with Shakur due to ‘creative differences,’ which music historians have since attributed to Shakur’s growing distaste for her extremely

violent lyrics, which often extolled murder and drug use. Soon after the split, she released her solo Christmas album, “Deck the Hallz,” which was a Certified Platinum bestseller.

After a short solo career, she caught the attention of rapper ‘Stone Kold Killa,’ with whom she formed the group ‘Fiya and Ice.’ The group won widespread acclaim for its explosive style, and collaborated with artists such as N.W.A. and Dr. Dre. However, Hall found herself increasingly embroiled in a dark and violent underground world. She was arrested in 1995 for illegally owning endangered animals as pets, though she was eventually released due to a lack of evidence. She was also a major participant in the infamous East Coast vs. West Coast feud. After Shakur was tragically killed in 1996, Hall’s lyrics became increasingly inflammatory and antagonistic. “When they capped Tupac, her rhymes got heavier than Beethoven’s Fifth,” Stone Cold Killa said. This aggressive period in Hall’s career has since been dubbed ‘The Ride of the Valkree.’

Soon after, Hall and her partner were accosted by friends of the rapper Notorious B.I.G., who had recently been killed in a drive by shooting.

Though evidence linking Hall to Biggie’s death has always been inconclusive, her hostile lyrics had caught the attention of the men, who mugged the hip-hop trio while hurling insults at them. “They took my rings; they took my Rolex,” Hall said.

“But when they dissed our rhymes it was the last straw. I brought the pain and laid them bustas down.”

In the ensuing fistfight, Valkree and Stone Kold Killa barely made it out alive, suffering serious injuries that sometimes ache to this day.

After this tragic turn of events, the duo, disillusioned with the gritty hip-hop underworld, not only swore off the rap underground scene, but also decided to dedicate their lives to protecting impressionable young students from the horrors of the rap world. “I really think that I do a great job of distancing students from music,” Hall said. Once they secured spots as teachers, Valkree and Killa agreed to bury their past identities, and have always blamed rap for taking close friends and years of their lives from them.

When Hall applied for a teaching position at Stuyvesant, she was asked about her past experience by the administration, and replied without thinking that she ‘sang opera’—a Compton euphemism for freestyle rapping. After her meaning was thankfully misinterpreted, she decided to stick with the alibi.

However, according to Hall, it’s a challenge every day to maintain the charade of hating rap music.

“It’s hardest to keep up the façade when I see kids like Payton Gallagher walking around with Biggie Smalls t-shirts,” Hall said. “I have to pretend not to know who Biggie is, when all I want to do is grab the kid by the collar and show him what it sounds like when a real G spits fire.”

Though Stone Kold Killa wishes to remain anonymous for professional reasons, Hall’s comments reveal that she most likely works in the Stuyvesant Music Department as well.

“The Hypebeast of the Student Body” stuyspec.com

How Students and Teachers Spend Their Spring Breaks

By Daniel Goynatsky Students • Staying hydrated.

• Very hydrated.

• Writing the “If you were Odysseus, would you still love Penelope” essay that was due three weeks ago.

• Going outside to tan, only to realize that it’s snowing for the 78th time this year.

• Watching every episode of “Friends” on Netflix and thinking about how great it would be if you were hanging out with your friends right now.

• Ordering from Seamless at least nine times.

• Practicing a rehearsed speech about “the broken 2/3 train” causing your lateness.

• Thinking about “What experiences/qualities [they] have that [they] would be able to draw upon as Big Sibs.”

• Finally catching up on some needed sleep by going to sleep at 2 a.m. instead of 3 a.m. and waking up at 4 p.m. instead of 6 a.m.

• Keeping up with the Kardashians.

• Receiving nightly emails from Principal Jie Zhang about the new schedule, new DOE policies, changed air conditioners, cute jokes, and Google questionnaires from Keiran Carpen and Jonathan Aung.

• Being on the train and seeing your teacher in a casual and informal setting and quickly looking away before they see you.

Teachers • Spending time with their children playing games, going to the park, and travelling.

• Wishing they weren’t spending time with their children playing games, going to the park, and travelling.

• Grading the “If you were Odysseus, would you still love Penelope” essay that was supposed to be returned a week ago.

• Catching up on some “Downton Abbey.”

• Seeing Facebook statuses from students about them getting into college and reminiscing about the times when you were younger and had so much more freedom and were not constrained to the creative jail cell that is the school and had a rebellious fervor and long hair.

• Practicing a rehearsed speech about “general lateness and unacceptable percentages of homework completions.”

• Making charts of their favorite students and creating a bracket of who would win in a debate in a subject of their choosing.

• Visiting the hottest jazz clubs in South Jersey and Long Island after reading the recommendations in the latest issue of “The New Yorker.”

• Painstakingly drafting new and improved lists of bad jokes.

• Being on the train and seeing some kids with paper bags and wondering if any of them are your students.

Students Realize Popularity is the Most Important Thing on Planet Earth

By Winton yee The Spectator, a high school newspaper written by high school students, released its high school review of the high school production of SING! on Friday, March 20.

Many students, upon reading the reviews and not seeing their high school performance exalted with the highest praise, realized that what mattered the most to them was high school popularity.

“Did I have a lot of fun during SING!? Sure,” senior Warren Zeng said. “Did I make new friends, create memories to last a lifetime, and learn that I could do something I didn’t believe I could before? Yeah.

But I don’t care about any of that.

When it comes down to it, I need to be recognized for my godlike performance in the high school newspaper, and have the scum of this school sing praises of my name.”

Many other students shared this sentiment. “I read the Spectator to be showered in unsubstantial flattery and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now,” junior David Hodorowski said.

Facebook posts also exploded in response to the reviews, as stu-

dents leapt to prove to their 3,287 friends (all of whom they had met in real life) what a joke The Spectator was, in a desperate bid to save face.

“Haha, spec is a joke!!! go ghh!!!!” read one post, which gained 64 likes and saved senior Huwon Won from the dregs of unpopularity.

Particular venom was saved for the SING! Top 5’s written by the Spectator staff. “YOUR OPNION IS DUMB AND IRRELEVANT,” junior Rahul Debnath said. Many students, upon reading the Top 5’s and not seeing their crew mentioned, realized that they participated in SING! not for fun, not for the memories, but for popularity. This was what mattered: being validated through a high school newspaper in Top 5’s which were voted on by about ten people.

These ten people, forced to make their decisions in about 35 minutes to get the paper out in time, apparently hold the key to Stuyvesant students’ satisfaction in their lives.

As of press time, a Change.org had been created a petition to increase the Spectator Top 5’s to the Top 4,978, so as make sure that all SING! participants were recognized for the special snowflakes they were.

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The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

The Disrespectator

By Kenny Lin and Wasif Zaman

Students attending Stuyvesant were e-mailed a draft of the new cell phone policy on February 26, 2015. Though the majority of students ignored it, several realized that Clause 6 of Section 2 of the new rules specifically stated that “students are hereby allowed to use cell phones as an aid to study marine animals.”

Several days later, students who had read the e-mail thoroughly reportedly brought

seals with them to school. The administration was unable to fend off the wave of marine animals, due to the failure of the policy to prohibit aquatic creatures on school property. “It was madness,” Master of Student Affairs-and-All-Things-Relatedto-Cell-Phone-Trolling Brian Moran reported. “Some water from the tanks spilled everywhere, and I fear it may have damaged some of my internal circuitry.”

Junior Jerome Sanders took full advantage of the loophole in the cell phone policy and

brought an eight-foot octopus named Squidy to school. After losing control of the creature during eighth period due to a fire drill, Squidy ran free, splashing ink everywhere and ruining history teacher Josina Dunkel’s stack of tests. “Sixteen tests were rendered completely illegible!” Dunkel exclaimed.

“Zero! Zeros for everyone!”

During an interview, Sanders revealed that Clause 6 of Section 2 not only made it perfectly acceptable to bring in marine creatures, but also encouraged such behavior. “I snapped some quick photos of Squidy for my AP Bio[logy] project,” Sanders explained. “That totally counts as studying.” Sanders, however, was stricken with grief when he heard that Squidy managed to escape by jumping into the Hudson River during a fire drill. “I spent three months’ allowance on that thing,” he said through tears. “And I was just about to give him a name collar!”

The seals, on the other hand, did not find such a happy ending. After Moran situated the school into DEFCON-2, the seals were quickly rounded up by members of SEAL Team 6. They were brought to concentration camps across the nation to be “allowed to swim and eat to their heart’s desire,” President Barack Obama said. Recent evidence, however, shows that the seals are not splashing around in joy, but actually going through rigorous questioning and living lives of misery, similar to what Stuyvesant students experience everyday. It’s all friendly.”

Yuchen Jin / The Spectator

COMIC

COMIC

Yujie Fu / The Spectator

Jiaqi Gao / The Spectator

Loophole in Cell Phone Policy Allows Marine Animals to Ravage the School

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 3

The Disrespectator Moran Holds Cell Phone Drive for the Phoneless

By Tina Jiang and Blythe Zadrozny Assistant Principal of Security, Student Affairs, Health, and Physical Education Brian Moran hosted a cell phone drive for the phoneless on March 13. Attendees included staff members and alumni, as well as students hoping for a way to get their phones back without the help of their parents. Admittance was prohibited until 4:00 p.m., when phones were distributed to those in need.

Moran cited the drive as a form of reconciliation with students. “I really hope this leads to a stronger bond between me and the students. I want people to know that I care enough to spend my time working for the public instead of patrolling the halls trying to find chances to make students cry,” Moran said.

The drive kicked off with an opening speech from Moran in which he recounted his moment of realization. “It was turning point in my life. I was celebrating my 500th phone acquisition when I realized that there must be more to holding four positions than taking phones away,” Moran said.

With every phone that Moran gave back, he gave an account of the adventure he had experienced in attaining it. Perhaps the most outrageous story was

one of a stakeout performed

by Moran himself. “My days are often spent contemplating how I can strategically get more phones. One day, I came up with this idea to hide in bathroom stalls to look for illegal usage of those damned cheating devices.

I took a timer in with me to a stall so that I wouldn’t be seen, and if a student was in there for longer than five minutes, I climbed into that student’s stall, and snatched his phone away,” Moran said.

For students lucky enough to receive a phone touched by Moran’s very own hands, a thrilling surprise was discovered. “I opened the phone and in the photos I saw thousands of selfies Moran had taken. At first, I was a bit shocked, but I think that this is just what I needed to make me feel better about my phoneless years: Mr. Moran’s bald and smiling head,” senior Coby Goldberg said.

The event continued until 4:30 p.m., when the demand became too high and supplies ran out. Moran, however, feels it was a successful undertaking. “I think I changed some lives today. I think this will lead to some of the respect I deserve,” Moran said.

As of now, Moran is the only staff member in the school who has taken steps to repent for his early years of phone taking. However, foreign language

teacher and dean Manuel Simon has shown promise of continuing this charity work. “Mr. Moran really inspired me today. I think I myself would like to get involved in ending phonelessness. However, I do still need to get to my own personal goal of 250 phones taken away…” Simon said.

“I opened the phone and in the photos I saw thousands of selfies Moran had taken. At first, I was a bit shocked, but I think that this is just what I needed to make me feel better about my phoneless years.

Mr. Moran’s bald and smiling head.”

—Coby Goldberg, senior

Munawar Rahman / The Spectator

The administration has been inspired by Moran’s actions and will be creating a new department expressly for actions such as this. Moran will be heading this newly created department, making his latest official title Assistant Principal of Safety, Security, Student Affairs, Health, Physical Education, and Cell Phone Philanthropy.

“I really feel as though people are going to look back and remember me as the guy who changed their lives. Yes, my yelling might have scarred them for life, but I also hosted a half hour cell phone drive,” Moran said.

Spectator Opens Column for Stuyvesant Confessions

By Julia Ingram Stuyvesant Confessions is a Facebook page where students can submit things they would like to say anonymously. Statements range from a person’s crush to speculation on teachers’ past lives to frustrated rants about the difference between macarons and macaroons.

However, the page has been shut down on numerous occasions by Assistant Principal of Health, Physical Education, Safety, Student Affairs, and Facebook Brian Moran. “People’s feelings were getting hurt, because of Facebook, and the page had the word ‘Stuyvesant’ in the title,” Moran said. “So obviously it was my responsibility.”

Given the repeated failures by various students to host a successful Stuyvesant Confessions Facebook page, The Stuyvesant Spectator decided that in the next issue, it would start a regular column dedicated to showcasing these confessions.

The Spectator Editorial Board hopes that the Confessions column will further the goals of the Facebook page while preventing cyber bullying. “You can’t tag anybody in the Spec, since it’s on paper, so we’re not going to have any problems,” Editorin-Chief Daniel Kodsi said. “Nobody will have any idea which Kevin Lee you’re talking about!”

The Student Union (SU) supports The Spectator’s new initiative, especially considering that they haven’t come up with any of their own. “We need to catch up to Bronx Science. We can’t allow them to surpass us in any way, even on Facebook,” SU President Jonathan Aung said.

As of at time of publication, The Bronx Science Confessions Page is up to Confession number 7433, while Stuyvesant Confessions is only up to number 1326.

Many students are also in support of the new column. One student, who wishes to remain anonymous but goes by the pseudonym “Stuy Drake,” is especially enthusiastic. “I, and the other Drake figures of Stuyve-

sant, need to share our insights with the world. When I posted a poem with the line ‘bent me like a metro card,’ I expected more than 100 Facebook likes,” Stuy Drake said. “On a deeper level, we’re all deep,” he added, nodding and looking into the distance philosophically.

“On a deeper level, we’re all deep.”

—Stuy Drake

Submissions for the new column should be deposited in the dumpsters in the fifth floor cafeteria by the Hudson Staircase, or in the box outside Moran’s second floor office. The Editorial Board will be in charge of the selection process for included confessions, because, as the administrators posted on their page, “Sometimes even we admins can’t even.”

The administration, however, has expressed concern about potential effects of the new column. “The last thing we want is The Spectator to be the cause of the words ‘Battery After Tenth,’ coming out of someone’s mouth,” Principal Jie Zhang said.

Nevertheless, The Editorial Board is determined to follow through with their plan. “We are supposed to be the pulse of the student body,” Opinions Editor Brian Dong said. “We need show all the voices of the students of Stuyvesant, from those complaining they didn’t get Top Five in SING! to those who believe that ‘the dress’ is blue and black”

Moran Acquires Segway and Traumatizes the Student Body

By Jonathan Buhler A new sound graced the hallways of Stuyvesant today, one that instilled fear into the hearts and minds of students, for it was none other Assistant Principal of Safety, Security, and Student Affairs Brian Moran rolling by on his newly acquired Segway. Prayers were muttered, eyes averted, and paces quickened as he cruised the corridors, eyeing every last individual for possible cell-phone contours.

Sophomore Lorenz Vargas was one of the unfortunate students to encounter Moran using his new acquisition. “I was innocently checking my e-mail on my phone when suddenly, the hallway exploded into a sea of sound and I saw this wheeled monster

flying towards me, sirens blaring as it gathered speed. I tried to make a break for the half floor but looking behind me, I see Moran leaped off his Segway directly into a spread eagle lunge flying towards me and wrestling me to the ground,” Vargas said.

“The entire half-floor population promptly replaced their phones with notebooks and folders in a well rehearsed manner.”

High-speed pursuits not dissimilar to the one above are becoming commonplace in the cellphone-ridden hallways of Stuyvesant after Moran blew all of the school’s annual budget on his military-grade attack Segway. “It’s decked out with all the new stuff; tasers, radio, you name it, this baby has it,” he said triumphantly as

he drove through the fifth floor.

“The newer, more liberal cellphone policy has left students pushing the boundaries even further, believing it’s now okay to walk around in the hallw—.”

The interview was briefly interrupted by Moran snatching a phone from the hands of senior Shahruz Ghaemi, who proceeded to mutter a couple of unprintable phrases. “As I was saying, we need to crack down on devilish cellphone usage, and what better way to do so than with a Segway?”

Not everyone at Stuyvesant shares Moran’s enthusiasm for his new toy. “He’s brought a gun to a knife fight, it’s [long expletive deleted] unfair,” junior Ryan Boodram said. “There is a perpetual balance between the hunted

“It’s decked out with all the new stuff; tasers, radio, you name it, this baby has it” —Brian Moran, Assistant Principal of Safety, Security, and Student Affairs and the hunter, and the hunter just upset that balance. I also question the financial soundness of the purchase as the school does have running costs, and our balance is now a fat null.”

“As of today, all phones captured inside of Stuyvesant will be

sold on eBay to the highest bidder. I’ve done some calculations and that should be more than enough to cover the costs of this beast,” Moran said when asked how he was going to repay the school’s newly depleted budget.

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 4

The Disrespectator Usage of Plainclothes Police Officers Draws Mixed Reactions From Stuyvesant Community

Yuchen Jin / The Spectator

The officers, most of whom are current Stuyvesant students who forged their birth certificates in order to join the NYPD after evading recruiters at the Navy, Army, and Marines centers on Chambers street, are dressed as students and have been making arrests for offenses that include copying homework, eating lunch on the half-floor, and visiting websites blocked by the DOE.

By Laszlo Sandler Over the past few weeks, the New York City Police Department (NYPD) and the Department of Education (DOE) have been trialing the use of plainclothes police officers at Stuyvesant to cut down on a recent spike of school-related crime. This tactic was conceived after teachers and administrators reported an unusually high number of unreturned library books and freshmen sitting on the Sophomore Bar during the month of March.

“I thought I was just going to get a ticket for not terracycling my candy bar wrapper, but all of a sudden they threw me in jail for murder.” —Ray Jones, freshman Though the added police presence is meant to increase the sense of safety around the school, a few students claim the

lack of uniforms makes them feel uncomfortable. “They should really wear police uniforms instead of normal clothes so we know when we will and won’t get caught committing crimes,” senior Meril Takizawa said.

Some students claim that they have been stopped and frisked by the officers, occasionally multiple times in a row. “On the half-floor one of the officers stopped and frisked me looking for food, but when I got up to leave, he stopped me and frisked me again,” sophomore John Park said. “I was a bit confused because he frisked the same area every time and I would never keep a sandwich down there.”

Other students are claiming that the police are making false arrests in order to hit their quotas. Speaking from a cell on Rikers Island, freshman Ray Jones said, “I thought I was just going to get a ticket for not terracycling my candy bar wrapper, but all of a sudden they threw me in jail for murder.”

If the plan remains successful, the NYPD will increase officers’ workloads to include tasks such as operations to stop the illegal smuggling of coffee into the building, ensuring that students don’t talk during fire drills, and setting up a DUI checkpoint on the Tribeca Bridge.

School Safety Agent Tackles Student at Entrance For Not Showing ID

By Ari Hatzimemos and Louis Susser Last Thursday, freshman Giorgio Vidali did not expect to engage in a scuffle with the school safety agents. Returning from Gourmet Market during his free period, Vidali tried to sneak into the school with a bacon, avocado, and chipotle sandwich and a fruit- punch Snapple. However, he was so overwhelmed by the amount of items to carry between his body and his winter coat that he forgot to show his ID. Being a freshman, Vidali was unaware of the aggression the safety agents have towards the

students. Instead of being verbally attacked, Vidali was tackled to the ground by the agent. “It was total anarchy. Hair was being pulled, there was pinching left and right, and I think I even saw Giorgio use the avocado in his sandwich as a weapon,” said Assistant Principal of Security, Student Affairs, and Health Brian Moran, who witnessed the event. When Vidali hit the floor, the Snapple bottle cracked underneath him. Red liquid, originally mistaken for blood, spread across the floor and school nurse Danielle Karundasa arrived to the scene promptly with an ice pack.

Trying to rip the safety

agent and the helpless freshman off of each other, Karundasa got caught in the scuffle as well. Señor Simon and Mr. Choubaralian also got tangled up after spotting Vidali’s cell phone slip out of his pocket upon impact with the floor.

A few minutes later, the fight had simmered down. Karundasa, Simon and “the Choubs” had returned to their offices and the safety agent to her desk. Finally, she asked to see Vidali’s ID peacefully and he showed it to her. Unfortunately for him, he’d whipped out his Bronx Science one and was deported from the campus in chains.

Buying and Selling Organs at Stuyvesant

By Farzana Haque and Jason Mohabir Long ago Stuyvesant students had basic human decency, but everything changed after the 2015 SING! After Party (SAP).

What began as an entrepreneurial exploit has since spiraled out of control and caught the Stuyvesant community by storm.

“The human liver can only process so much!”

—Travis Tyson, freshman After SAP, freshman Travis Tyson realized that if he’s going to do SING! for the next four years, he’s going to have to be prepared; a human liver can only process so many different brands of vodka. Travis formulated a post on one of Stuyvesant’s leading forums of commerce, a Buying and Selling Facebook page. The phenomenon of these pages generates great revenue for Stuy students from all walks of life, ranging from scalpers who resell SING! tickets, to scalpers who resell STC tickets, to scalpers who literally scalp people. Travis, preparing early for next year’s party, posted asking for a new liver and received 112 responses in 23 seconds. Some of the comments included “I got an extra one” and “Why do I even need a liver?”

It been projected that the SU will have almost eight times as much money next year to spend on nothing.

The organ selling business quickly exploded. With new incentives and high payoffs the number of vital organs sold at Stuy increased by <UNDEFINED>%. This drastic increase led to the creation of hundreds of smaller Buying and Selling groups, each dedicated to the sale of vital organs. This new venture has since boosted the Student Union (SU) budget, which has been providing a new service to extract said vital organs. It been projected that the SU will have almost eight times as much money next year to spend on nothing.

Is five ARISTA credits in return for a lung too generous?

The culture of selling organs online is new to most students, and ethical questions have emerged as the business has expanded. Should a student use post-SAP photos to blackmail other students for their retinas? How many precalc homeworks is a pancreas worth? Is five ARISTA credits in return for a lung too generous?

The sale of various vitals appears to be here to stay in Stuyvesant. Seniors Alice Oh and Daniel Zabari, organizers of Stuyvesant’s Blood Drive, made a statement saying, “Blood is an important resource that our bodies need to survive. Therefore, we should gather as much of it as possible and charge absurd amounts for it, as most health care providers already do.” Since most existing BASVOAT (Buying and Selling Vital Organs at Stuy) pages only focus on lungs and livers, this offer by the Blood Drive is sure to attract more consumers.

The Very Hungry Sophomore

Compiled by Джонатан “почему вы переводу это” Рафаилов

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4

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Pears eaten through by sophomore Laszlo Sandler

Strawberries eaten through by sophomore Laszlo Sandler

Chocolate cakes, pickles, apples, slices of Swiss cheese and salami, lollipops, pieces of cherry pie, sausages, cupcakes, slices of watermelon, and green leaves eaten through by sophomore Laszlo Sandler

Times the very hungry caterpillar Laszlo Sandler has emerged from his cocoon as a big, beautiful butterfly

The Spectator The Stuyvesant High School Newspaper

Volume CV No. 12

April 1, 2015

• Social studies teacher Daniel Tillman was selected to participate in a summer program at the University of Helsinki in Finland that concentrates on the educational success of immigrants.

• Seven students in the Biology Olympiad team made it to the semifinals of the United States of America Biology Olympiad Tournament.

• The Stuyvesant Model United Nations (UN) team competed at the George Washington University Model UN Conference in which Stuyvesant received the Best Large Delegation award and 21 delegates received individual awards.

• Eighty-four students will advance to the second round of the American Mathematics Competition.

• Thirty-five freshmen and sophomores advanced to the next round of the Greater New York Math Fair.

• Sophomores Liam Elkind and Alec Dai received second place in the History Day regional speech competition.

• Senior Dillon Wu won third place in the Japan Center Essay Competition.

Arts & Entertainment

“When I was 10 years old, my life changed from the usual kind of a life that kids live at that age,” said Ruth Zimbler as her listeners quieted down. “I will ask you to use your imagination— don’t see the grey hair, but see a ten-year-old kid, because the journey is of a ten-year-old kid.”

Zimbler, who came to speak at Stuyvesant after school on Friday, March 20, was still a child when Adolf Hitler marched into Austria, her homeland, on March 12, 1938. Changes came quickly—a familiar teacher suddenly showed up to school with a swastika pinned to her lapel. Her routine trips to the library were forced to a halt when the librarian told her that she could not borrow any more books because she was Jewish. And the neighborhood children, with whom she had played in the courtyard between her house and her synagogue, stopped coming. “If I can still remember [these events] all these years later, you can imagine how much it stung me then,” she said.

It was dawn in early November 1938 when a group congregated in Zimbler’s apartment.

The community knew they were in danger of being targeted be-

Courtesy of Roy Caratozolo and Ruth Zimbler

• New York Times columnist Frank Bruni visited Stuyvesant on March 31 to discuss college admissions and his new book, “Where You Go Is Not Who You Will Be.”

By Sonia Epstein

Ruth Zimbler (right) spoke at Stuyvesant on March 20 about her experience as a member of the Kindertransport, a program that rescued Jewish children from areas controlled by the Nazis during World War II. On the left lies a picture of Zimbler as a child.

cause a Jew had assassinated a German diplomat in Paris. Although they did not know it at the time, this event would be the pretext for the infamous pogrom Kristallnacht, or “Night of Broken Glass.” Zimbler’s mother took her and her brother out to their father’s aunt’s house, in the suburbs. But the three had to return to the city when the Nazis

New AP English Course: American Places and Perspectives

By Dhiraj Patel Advanced Placement (AP) American Places and Perspectives, a new English class for juniors taught by English teacher Kim Manning, will be offered beginning in the Fall 2015 semester.

The course will emphasize how geography can be used to analyze texts.

The students who are accepted for this new course (a minimum English average of 92 is required) will be taking the equivalent of a college level English course. “There will be a focus on how place influences the author of a text, the text itself, and the reader of the text,” Manning said. “A work like Herman Melville’s ‘Moby Dick,’ which is on the book list, forces us to think about what it means to literally free oneself from the confines of solid ground, move beyond one location, mix with people of various backgrounds and cultures, and find meaning on the open sea.”

Students will study literature by authors such as Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau. “As transcendentalists, the natural world Article on page 22.

Downton Abbey Confessional History teacher David Hanna writes about his long-standing passion for Downton Abbey, and what makes the show so special.

and physical landscape are the subjects [these authors] focused on. This class would approach their works keeping all of these things which are related to physical and psychological place in mind,” Manning said.

Sophomores are already anticipating this new opportunity with enthusiasm. “It seems like a really exciting course. We’re so used to learning the ‘what’ part of literature, the content of the books, but getting a chance to really understand the ‘why’ would be an amazing experience,” sophomore Zovinar Khrimian said.

Manning, who has been teaching at Stuyvesant for the past ten years, has taught a variety of courses, but has not yet taught an AP course. She came up with the idea for this course and the English department decided it was fit to add to the wide array of English courses offered at Stuyvesant. “Students who have had me as a teacher know that I like to bring historical and social context into the discussions of a text,” Manning said. “This class allows me to put my specific interests to use in a setting where real enthusiasm for English literature is found.”

ordered them to leave the house.

When they got home, the synagogue that stood beside their home, the Leopoldstädter Tempel (built in 1854, and the largest synagogue in Vienna), was engulfed in flames. Firemen surrounded the premises, but only to make sure the flames did not spread to the homes of non-Jews.

When the family was fi-

nally able to get back into their apartment, which had been blocked with a wide piece of material bearing the symbol of the Nazi party, it had been looted. Clothing, jewelry, precious Jewish artifacts, and their two pet canaries were gone. continued on page 2

New York’s Culture, From Blackface to Biggie Smalls Courtesy of Warren Shaw / The Spectator

• Chessmaster Eigen Wang (’07) visited Stuyvesant High School on March 30 for a chess exhibition in which he competed against Stuyvesant students in multiple games of chess.

stuyspec.com

Vienna, Holland, America: Ruth Zimbler Recounts Kindertransport

Newsbeat • A group of five sophomores competed in the EuroChallenge Competition on March 25. They advanced to the semifinals, and will compete against other semifinalists at the Federal Reserve Bank.

“The Pulse of the Student Body”

On March 16, Historian Warren Shaw came to Stuyvesant to talk to history teacher Robert Sandler’s New York City History classes.

By Shahruz Ghaemi Historian Warren Shaw, an expert on New York City history, spoke to social studies teacher Robert Sandler’s eighth and ninth period New York City History classes about the city’s prominent role in producing and disseminating cultural content on Monday, March 16.

Shaw traced New York’s cultural importance to the Industrial Revolution, which made Article on page 9.

New York the transit point for people and goods travelling throughout the country. During this time, the first home-grown American forms of culture were created in New York. For example, Shaw said, most people don’t know that the image of jolly old Santa Claus comes from the 1828 poem “Twas The Night Before Christmas,” written by New Yorker Clement Clark Moore. continued on page 3

Features A Tale of Two Schools

Turn to page 9 to read about the students of P.S. 226, the school within Stuyvesant.

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 6

News

World News: • Germanwings Flight 9525 crashed into the French Alps on Tuesday, March 24, killing all 150 people aboard. Brice Robins, the chief Marseille prosecutor, has deemed it a deliberate act of the co-pilot, Andreas Lubitz.

• Benjamin Netanyahu’s Likud party won the Israeli parliamentary elections, after trailing in polls before the vote. The turnaround was attributed to Netanyahu’s inflammatory remarks about Israeli Arab voters, but the victory cost him credibility in the international community, including in the White House.

National News: • Indiana Governor Mike Pence signed a new law allowing business owners to refuse service to same-sex couples on grounds of religious objections. Indianabased sports leagues like the NCAA, the governing body of college sports, have expressed concern that this measure will negatively impact athletes, employees and visitors, and the NCAA has committed to provide an inclusive environment in anticipation of men’s basketball upcoming Final Four in Indianapolis.

• The Justice Department has issued recommendations to the Ferguson, Missouri police department after a white police officer shot an unarmed black teenager last August. The new acting police chief Alan Eickhoff has said that he will follow the recommendations, which include diversifying the police department, changing ticketing practices, and improving relations with the community.

Local News: • Governor Andrew Cuomo is facing opposition from Chancellor Carmen Fariña and the teachers’ union for his proposed agenda to link educational financing to new initiatives likely to favor charter schools over public schools, including a requirement that 50 percent of a teacher’s evaluation grade is based on how students perform on state tests.

• A fire in the East Village on March 26, possibly a result of a gas explosion in a restaurant where plumbing and gas work were being done, led to the collapse of three buildings, with a fourth also damaged. Nineteen were injured, and two are missing.

continued from page 1

Zimbler came home from school on Thursday, December 10 to the sound of her mother and her aunt whispering to one another. They told her that on Saturday night, she and her brother would go with many other children to Holland. Her parents would remain in Vienna.

“Some of the children went like they were going on a journey, an adventure,” Zimbler said. “I went kicking and screaming.”

This journey was part of a program called Kindertransport.

These rescue efforts brought thousands of Jewish children from Nazi Germany and German-annexed territories to Great Britain between 1938 and 1940.

Zimbler’s journey was the first Kindertransport from Austria.

Zimbler, her brother, and her aunt travelled to the train station. As they left, they passed their synagogue, which was now just brick and mortar. “My aunt said, ‘Go kiss the walls because you’re never going to see them again.’ Well, I lost it at that point,” Zimbler said. “But my six-yearold brother said, ‘Ruthie, if you don’t stop crying I’m going to start crying too and then we’ll be in trouble.’ So I had to stop crying.”

In Holland, Zimbler and her brother were taken to a mansion in The Hague that was left to the government after its owners went to Indonesia. Teachers came to give the children lessons, and they went on various excursions to beautiful landmarks like the Peace Palace, the Mauritshuis art museum, and the Holland tulip fields.

World War II broke out on September 1, 1939, and Zimbler’s mother was determined to get her children out of Europe. After negotiations with the government, she was able to secure their tickets for a ship leaving from Rotterdam on October 16, 1939.

The journey took ten days. A terrible storm turned the sea and the sky yellow, and a pilot had to

come aboard to carefully steer the ship through the English Channel, which was heavily mined. “I thought it was my last hour. I went into the library and wrote a note to my parents because I was sure I was going to die,“ Zimbler said.

When they arrived in America, their aunt met them in her Pontiac pea green car. Three and a half weeks later, their parents came on the last possible Italian ship to sail on a private, non-military basis.

They arrived at Pier 86 in New York, not a cent in their pockets, having used all their money in bribing people to put all their belongings on the ship. “But I had $2.40, and that was the first money we had in the United States,” Zimbler said.

Soon they found an apartment in Williamsburg, and Zimbler started school in January.

“My father was a great patriot— he loved this country, and so did all of us. We had our ups and downs like everyone else […] [but] we lived a pretty much normal American life,” Zimbler said.

Zimbler has never considered herself a Holocaust survivor because she did not go through a concentration camp or experience other horrors of the Holocaust.

“It’s amazing how lucky she was […] If anything had gone wrong, she probably would have been captured by the Nazis,” sophomore Bayle Smith-Salzberg said.

Smith-Salzberg, whose mother is Zimbler’s colleague, invited Zimbler to speak at Stuyvesant when her Advanced Placement European History class began learning about this time period in class. “I knew she was willing to tell her story because she had spoken to my class in seventh grade,” she said.

Zimbler concluded her speech by reading something she had written while thinking about coming to speak at Stuyvesant.

“When you decide what kind of a person you are, remember that indifference and silence kill,” she said. “Don’t ever let anyone take your beliefs away from you and stand up for the guy who can’t stand up for himself.”

Stuy Fission 310 Progresses Farther than in Recent Years

By Blythe Zadrozny and Selina Zou

After placing first at the Regional New York City and Long Island First Tech Challenge held at the Polytechnic Institute of New York University on March 1, Stuy Fission 310, a division of the Stuyvesant Robotics team, progressed to the Super-Regional championships in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

At Super-Regionals, the team lost 7 out of 9 qualifying matches, preventing them from moving on to the next level of the competition.

The team that attended the Super-Regionals at the University of Scranton, Stuy Fission 310, is part of one of the two main branches of the Stuyvesant robotics team.

Fission builds robots that have a size limit of 18 by 18 by 18 inches, much smaller than those of the teams in Stuyvesant FRC, the other division of Stuyvesant Robotics.

The competition at Scranton took place from March 19 to 21, and hosted teams from all across the eastern region of the United States. The Super-Regionals was the third stage in a four-level competition, beginning with Qualifiers, moving on to Regionals and Super-Regionals, and ending with a World Championship in late April.

Like previous years, Stuy Fission 310 excelled at the Qualifiers. However, this is the first time

the team has similarly succeeded at the Regionals and qualified for the Super-Regionals at Scranton.

However, the team was unable to sustain its victories at Scranton, coming in 33rd place out of 36 teams at the competition. The loss was in part caused by problems that the team has since resolved, namely dealing with static electricity discharge on robot mechanisms, but mostly by the wearing down of the robot itself. At Scranton, the degradation progressed so far that the robot’s wheels detached from its body during the challenge.

Nonetheless, the team is not discouraged by the results, citing this year’s successes as well as losses as motivations to work harder for next year’s competitions. “[The loss] motivated us just to have fun and to make sure that next year we don’t make any of the mistakes we made this year, so that we can continue the streak even further next year,” freshman and Vice President of Stuy Fission 310 Adam Abbas said Ultimately, however, the team judges the experience of competing as more important than the results themselves. “First isn’t about winning, but rather about the memories and the experiences you get from the amazing community and environment that comes from it,” junior and President of Stuy Fission 310 James Chin said.

Robotics Teams from China Visit Stuyvesant

Courtesy of Susan Wu

Worldbeat

Vienna, Holland, America: Ruth Zimbler Recounts Kindertransport

By Sharon Chao FTC (FIRST Tech Challenge) Robotics Team 1111 Oriental Pearl from China visited Stuyvesant on March 2, 2015. Such was followed by another visit from Chinese FRC (FIRST Robotics Competition) teams 5452 Aurora Robot, 5453 Light Arrestor, and 4830 Robot 2E on March 10 and 11.

Both visits were arranged by the Chinese Urban Youth Robotics League, an organization that also arranged Stuyvesant’s robotics team’s trip to China in August 2014. The Chinese FTC and FRC teams planned to travel to NYC to compete in the NYC FIRST Tech Challenge Expo and the FIRST Robotics Competition respectively on March 15.

The nine students from Oriental Pearl, who were mostly in middle school, arrived at Stuyvesant at the beginning of ninth period and joined members of Stuyvesant’s robotics teams for their ninth and tenth period classes. After school, Oriental Pearl regrouped to practice the game Cascade Effect alongside Stuyvesant’s teams, Fission and Fusion.

The game involves releasing a cascade of balls stored in a container by knocking over a kickstand.

The objective is to then score as many points as possible by rolling and throwing the balls into goals.

The practice game allowed Stuyvesant’s teams and the Chinese team to learn from each other. For example, “[Oriental Pearl’s] robot was unstable and not as efficient [as ours], so they looked at our faster linear slides to improve,” senior and president of Team 479 Fusion Kenny Chu said.

Stuyvesant’s robotics members also got a glimpse of an alternate technique that Oriental

Robotics Competition. These included tactics to score as fast as possible and shrewd ways to pick teams as partners during the competition. He then detailed helpful tips to track a robot’s progress during a competition. “I taught them about scouting, which is the gathering of data on what a robot does, such as how many boxes they stacked,” Sherling said.

The next day, the Chinese teams came to Stuyvesant before first period, and each member was paired with a student to follow for the entire day. “I thought that this part of the schedule would be the most boring, but following my student [junior Sally Ko] was actually one of the most interesting parts. I learned that the American school day is a little shorter, and [American students] do much more group work and class activities rather than individual reading,” junior Minxing Li of the Chinese Team Robot 2E said.

At the end of the school day, the Chinese teams were able to hear more lectures from members of StuyPulse. Junior and Vice President of Marketing Yubin Kim focused on the different ways StuyPulse fundraises, supports, and publicizes their team.

She showed the Chinese teams banners, buttons, newsletters, and the StuyPulse website. “It was all new to them because they did not have their own buttons or newsletters like we do. Hopefully, they will use some of the examples that I talked about once they go back to China,” Kim said.

After hearing all the lectures, the Chinese teams had some hands-on time to drive StuyPulse’s robots, an important opportunity for the team members, who lack old robots to practice within their own labs.

“The major focus of our team is forming a strong community both [inside and outside] our city. We do this because we realize that some teams aren’t as fortunate as we are.”

—Jion Fairchild, junior and Vice President of Engineering Pearl used to retrieve the balls.

“Our robots use a paddle tread as a gate to collect the balls, but the other robot had something like a drawer slide. I’ve never seen any other team use that type of gate,” freshman Adam Abbas said.

The Chinese FRC teams visited a week later. They toured the robotics lab and stayed after school to hear lectures StuyPulse arranged regarding strategy, programming, design, and marketing. In his lecture about strategy, sophomore and StuyPulse Director of Strategy Christopher Sherling discussed possible game plans that might be seen at the upcoming NYC FIRST

The visit of both the Chinese FTC and FRC teams marked the beginning of a strong relationship between Stuyvesant and the Chinese robotics community.

“The major focus of our team is forming a strong community both [inside and outside] our city. We do this because we realize that some teams aren’t as fortunate as we are, or don’t have the same amount of experience under their belt,” junior and Vice President of Engineering Jion Fairchild said.

“Working with the teams visiting from China was a fun and educational experience for everyone.”

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 7

News New York’s Culture, From Blackface to Biggie Smalls continued from page 1

Shaw also traced other, uglier trends in American culture to New York. Poor Irish, the first large immigrant group in the 1800s, consumed different sorts of popular culture from the posh Broadway classes.

In addition, while blackface and minstrel shows, which mocked African-Americans and plantation slave life, were born in the South, they became big business as entertainment for the lower classes of New York.

From here, they spread across the country, becoming the dominant form of popular entertainment well into the 20th century.

According to Shaw, the prolific output of the 20th century has clearly shaped our image of New Yorkers as great writers (F. Scott Fitzgerald, Edith Wharton, Alan Ginsberg), artists (Mark Rothko, Andy Warhol), and musicians (The Notorious B.I.G. Billy Joel, Miles Davis). Even in the decaying years of the 1970s, when the city almost went into bankruptcy, New Yorkers defined glam rock, graffiti, hiphop, and rap, what Shaw called the “arts of frustration and anger.”

After his survey of the city’s cultural history, Shaw asked the class what it thought the future of New York culture would be. He said he found it hard to point to anything truly groundbreaking and distinctive that had come out of the Big Apple recently. The era of New York as a unique cultural incubator could be coming to an end.

Many students disagreed with Shaw’s thesis, pointing to the continuing development of rap and hip-hop, and that any selfrespecting popular musician still has to make a stop in New York when on tour. In addition, several students pointed to the rise of hipster culture and the Brooklyn brand as evidence of New York’s continuing cultural status. But Shaw countered that many current trends just recombine elements of earlier eras, as with the resurgence of suspenders and fedoras.

Some students said that perhaps with the advent of platforms like Tumblr, Youtube, and Vine, new cultural spaces are being created that transcend geographic barriers. Americans no longer need to be packed into Lower East Side tenements to experience other cultures and create their own blends. “Personally, I don’t see how hipster culture is from New York in particular,” senior Thomas Perskin said.

While Shaw’s conclusion caused much controversy, Sandler’s students generally appreciated his guest appearance. Although senior Mary Taft didn’t share his definition of culture and his vision for the future, she said, “If you really want to learn about society and culture, you have to have a solid understanding of the individuals who comprise it.

The way he used the names of the Irish slums as though they were a part of his everyday vocabulary brought New York’s lively cultural melting pot to life.”

From Classroom to Classroom: Looking into How Teachers Are Hired

By Kimberly Ho and Julia Ingram Jon Cruz, social studies teacher and distinguished coach of the Speech and Debate Team of The Bronx High School of Science, was arrested on Friday, March 6, 2015 on charges of child pornography. Posing as a teenager, Cruz had been paying teenage boys to send him nude photos through a messaging app, Kik. Cruz’s actions have raised concerns regarding how a teacher in the Department of Education (DOE), especially of such a prestigious school, was able to attain that position and get away with such behavior.

To ensure both the safety and the quality of the education students receive, teachers are admitted through an extensive process involving both the DOE and the individual schools that hire them.

The first step for an aspiring teacher is to receive certification from the New York State Education Department (NYSED), which ultimately requires obtaining a master’s degree, either prior to or during the certification process.

In addition to obtaining approval from NYSED, teachers also have to be fingerprinted and must undergo a background check at the DOE’s Human Resources (HR) Center in Brooklyn. The DOE’s Office of Personnel Investigations, as well as the state and the federal government, must approve this background information.

The DOE also retains the fingerprint through the duration of the teacher’s career. “The fingerprints are kept on file, and we have

to approve them,” DOE HR Representative Roberta (who does not wish to disclose her last name) said. “They’re working with kids, so their record must be clean.”

In cases like that of Jon Cruz, offenses may not have been officially realized yet or previously cleared, allowing some to slip through the system. “Many cases go unreported,” Assistant Principal of Safety and Student Affairs Brian Moran said. “The DOE and Stuyvesant High School have no control over the personal life of teachers.” In fact, the law protects teachers’ personal privacy, as long as it does not affect the integrity of the school or the teacher’s performance during school hours. If it were to interfere with either, the court and the school board have the right to file charges for the improper actions of the teacher, according to the New York City DOE Teacher and School Staff Rights.

If the DOE HR Representative clears a certified candidate, she will then fill out an online application. Once the application is approved, her application and resume are uploaded onto an online database called the New Teacher Finder, to which school principals have access. “[The New Teacher Finder] works both ways.

Schools can be looking on the website, or you can be contacting schools,” Principal Jie Zhang said.

A teacher that is already working and wishes to transfer to another school would have to use a different website: OpenHire. OpenHire receives applications every year around May,

which is just in time for schools to input vacant teaching positions for the new school year.

At this point, the process is no longer controlled by the DOE, but rather by the individual school involved in hiring. When there is a vacancy at Stuyvesant, various administrators and staff within the department form a committee to move forward with the interviewing and selection process.

The members of the committee then make a preliminary decision and present it to Zhang, who has the final say. “Ultimately, it’s my decision. But what the school decides, I agree with them for the most part, because I trust the Assistant Principals and their expertise,” Zhang said.

After the process of hiring teachers is passed on to the individual department with the vacancy, potential teacher candidates conduct a demo lesson in front of a live class while being observed by the Assistant Principal of the department as well as a few other teachers. “As much as possible I invite other teachers to take part of that, because it’s not just about me, they’re joining a whole department,” Assistant Principal Eric Grossman said.

Reflecting on this process, the department heads feel it has had a successful turnout in Stuyvesant. “We’ve been doing this for many years, and I think it’s working. Our teachers are very hard-working, and very creative,” Assistant Principal of Biology Elizabeth Fong said.

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The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 9

Features

Mahfuza Sabiha / The Spectator

A Tale of Two Schools

By Rose Cytryn and Kamila Radjabova

When

sitting in the caf-

for breakfast before school begins, you can usually spot a table in the far left corner with a group of students. One of these students likes to finish his breakfast and walk back and forth by the windows. When he and the rest of his table-mates finish eating, they head up to their classroom on the ninth floor.

Their room is barely visible, almost hidden between chemistry classes and across from freshman lockers. When walking into the room, the first thing that catches your eye is the Hudson River, and its view spans the length of the classroom. The students’ desks are scattered to face the Hudson and the teacher’s desk stands at the far right corner of the classroom. The walls are plastered with posters of compasses and maps of the city and its subways. There are navy blue lockers, lined up against the wall, and they hold the belongings of the students. They leave their jackets hanging in their individual lockers, until they leave at the end of their school day.

You might be wondering what class this is—it’s certainly not any ordinary Stuyvesant classroom. In fact, this is not even a classroom that is part of Stuyvesant, even though it technically lies within Stuyvesant’s building. This was a description one of three classrooms that belongs to P.S. 226, a separate school with a special education program.

P.S. 226 used to share the old Stuyvesant building on the lower east side and when Stuyvesant moved to its current eteria

building, P.S. 226 remained. It was only two years ago when teacher and co-coordinator Elizabeth Goldstein (Ms. Liz as referred to by her students) and her program moved to Stuyvesant’s current location.

“We’re a very small group… a lot of people don’t even know we’re here.” —Elizabeth Goldstein, P.S. 226 teacher and co-coordinator

The school is considered to be in district 75, the special education district, and because of this placement and the wide range in ages of students (four to 21 years old), P.S. 226 has created many sites in different New York City schools including Millennium High School and Pace University. The specific program at Stuyvesant involves specialty classes relating to work skills. For example, in one lesson students were learning about hygiene and they had to match things on a list based on whether it was good or bad hygiene. The lessons are geared towards teaching the students

how to transition to their everyday lives and learn the basic skills they need when they have to live alone.

Further, the program give students opportunities to work in the real world. “A few times a week, the kids are out in the community working […] we have programs at Staples, Goodwill, PetSmart and food banks in the neighborhood,” Goldstein said.

Goldstein also described the intimate setting of her programming and how it is specially geared towards students with autism. “We work in a self contained classroom with an eight to one to one setting. That means the kids work with only one teacher and there are only eight students to one teacher to one paraprofessional.” Having worked with people with disabilities and special needs when she was younger, Goldstein attended the teaching fellowship program at Pace University and she described herself as “[falling] into working with people in the ‘spectrum.’”

Interestingly, many Stuyvesant students never recognize the classrooms of P.S. 226 and often dismiss the P.S. 226 students when they are seen in the hallways. “We’re a very small group… a lot of people don’t even know we’re here,” Goldstein explained.

Other students are discouraged from talking to them because of stigmas relating to learning disabilities. “Of course I wouldn’t come up to them in the hallways because they seem aggressive and I don’t think I could carry a conversation with them,” a male sophomore who wishes to remain anonymous said.

However, the Stuyvesant Peer Partnership club is dedicated to creating relationships with the students of P.S. 226; its members usually use their free or lunch periods to come to the classroom and talk to the students.

The club was created by Daniel Chang (‘14), who started it with the purpose of connecting and getting to know the students who share our school with us. Chang had worked with and mentored kids with disabilities before, and the idea for the club stemmed from his own interest in the topic. He wondered why there was no group at Stuyve-

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sant that was specifically geared towards mentoring autistic students. A year later when Goldstein arrived at Stuyvesant, she would wonder the same thing, and pleasantly discovered there was already a group of kids eager to help. With the help of the club’s advisor, SPARK coordinator Angel Colon, the Stuyvesant Peer Partnership Club began to meet with the faculty and students of P.S. 226.

“People from our school try to avoid them or don’t pay them any attention, so […] it’s important to make them feel like they’re just like us.” —Jamin Chen, sophomore and Peer Partnership member

Beyond strengthening the Stuyvesant-P.S. 226 relationship, the club works with the National Alliance on Mental Illnesses and Autism Speaks along with other organizations to spread awareness about mental disabilities. Within Stuyvesant, Peer Partnership club is slowly trying to raise awareness from the Stuyvesant student body by holding fundraisers, expanding on the number of P.S. 226 classes in the school, and trying to recruit more members into the club.

But Peer Partnership’s primary goal is to help the P.S. 226 students learn appropriate social and interactive skills.

The members of the club act as role models and friends for the students of P.S. 226. They help them with the different tasks

that are assigned and are there to help facilitate conversation between the P.S. 226 students.

This helps the kids pick up additional social skills. “We help the teacher with her lessons and sometimes if [the students] have art, you go together with them to the art room and you can help them with their projects. And sometimes we talk to them […] because they have trouble socializing and communicating their emotions,” junior and Peer Partnership member Elaine Tan said. “One of them has a device. He doesn’t like speaking so he uses an app on his phone that reads out what he types.”

“If there is other free time we sit and communicate with them, talk to them about what their hobbies are, what their interests are, things like that,” sophomore Jamin Chen explained. “It’s important because those kids don’t have people to talk to […] many people from our school try to avoid them or don’t pay them any attention, so it’s important to make them feel like they’re just like us.” He realized that many of P.S. 226’s students are not so different from the way that most people perceive them. They can talk about sports, games, and movies and communicate about the same topics that come up in conversations with our own friends.

Sarah Espanol, a speech therapist who works with the kids of PS 226 agreed with Chen.

“I know it’s hard [for students], we look very very different and we know that, but I think the peer partners have been really great,” she said. She wanted to remind Stuyvesant students to not be afraid or discouraged from talking to students of P.S. 226. “They would love to talk to you,” she said. Both Espanol and Goldstein agree, “We would love more peer partners, but we are very grateful. People at Stuyvesant have been very welcoming,” they said.

Even though these students didn’t sit through the long and dreaded Specialized High School Admission Test to enter the school, they are just as big a part of the Stuyvesant community as we are. They are Stuyvesant number two, a school within a school, and Stuyvesant would not be the same without them.

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 10

Features Oana Pascu: A Culminating Passion For Mathematics a green card. We decided to apply for a green card because my dad’s job required him to be there full time, and we also started to like New York.

Tanumaya Bhowmik / The Spectator

What High School did you attend after your immigration?

I attended Brooklyn Technical High School.

By Claire Jin and Geena Jung

Math

teacher

Oana Pascu

talks to The Spectator about her childhood in Romania, growing up as an immigrant in New York City, and her love for mathematics.

Let’s start from the very beginning, what was your childhood like?

I was born and raised in Romania, a communist country.

As a kid, it was just life, I didn’t really think how different life is in other places, but I remember standing in line to buy oranges for four hours. It was fun though, since I would hang out with my best friends while standing in line. Besides everyday things like shopping, high school was also a little different. When you start ninth grade you start in a class, it is essentially your homeroom, and you have every class with those students for the rest of high school.

What were some of your hobbies growing up?

Well, Romania was around 20 years behind, compared to the United States. So, I loved listening to old-style music, ‘80s music.

I was also a bit of a tomboy. I enjoyed sports and outdoor activities, like hiking with my family. We even met a grizzly bear once!

How did the encounter with grizzly bears work out?

They weren’t actually grizzly bears, but similar enough. My parents and I used to go hiking, and we turned a corner and there would be a bear. I don’t ever remember getting into trouble or being and terrified. But they were surprising and a little scary.

Why did you move to the United States?

I moved when I was in the seventh grade, so when I was 13 years old. We came to Ridgewood, Queens, because my dad was offered a job here, so we came temporarily and decided to apply for

When you started going to Brooklyn Tech, were you fluent in English?

I was not fluent, but I was much better. In seventh grade I didn’t know any English. But by ninth grade I spoke and understood well enough, but I still had a really thick accent. I remember my first year in America, where the language and culture all seemed so foreign and new; it was all very overwhelming. I remember not being able to read public signs or understand people’s conversations occurring around me.

Learning English was definitely something challenging, especially for my age, as I also had to adapt to the culture of other students and kids of my age to fit in. Looking back, learning English was even harder than getting better at math!

What was your favorite math class?

I feel that each subject in mathematics has a unique quality to it, but I especially enjoyed Calculus, since it brought all the scattered pieces of the subject that you have learned in previous grades, and culminates in something comprehensive as a whole.

What was it like applying to colleges?

When I applied to college, I didn’t really know what I was doing. I applied to colleges for random reasons. For instance, I applied to the University of Pennsylvania because my best friend was going there, and I thought that we would be roommates, which was a terrible reason to apply to a college. I had no desire to go there and paid $75 for an application to a school that I didn’t know anything about. I then applied to Princeton University because my history teacher, Ms. Barbora, who I respected a lot, recommended me to apply, and I applied without doing any research. I accepted their offer before I even visited.

However, Princeton did not fail to impress me. I loved the school; it was just my college selection process that I was not satisfied with.

Why did you decide to become a teacher?

My mom was a high school chemistry teacher—being around her and school made me comfortable about the idea of becoming a teacher. It was always something on my mind. I would spend my afternoon when I was six or seven sitting in the back of my mom’s classes and watching her. Then, when I went to high school, Larry Zimmerman was an especially inspirational figure. I had him for four years throughout my time at Brooklyn Tech for two periods a day. As a kid in his class, I felt that I was discovering math for the first time. His methods taught the subject in new and exciting ways, and instead of reciting off of textbooks or lecturing us, we derived things on our own. When he was lecturing us, it wasn’t in a way that overloaded us with information, and I

never came out of his class having a headache.

Why did you end up teaching math?

I think that math in particular has a stigma attached to it. People say things like, “Oh, I wasn’t good at math.” But I think everybody is capable of excelling in math.

They just need someone to help them see this potential. So I think having an influential teacher who can show you that a great teacher makes the difference is somehow more valuable in life. I think that it left an influence on my life and because I had this math teacher, all of sudden math seemed less hard and more destined to do.

Now that you teach math, do you still keep in contact with Mr. Zimmerman?

Yes. I remember calling him often when I first started teaching for advice. He was great at teaching and pointing out things that I did wrong and gave suggestions.

I remember calling him after my first day teaching at Stuyvesant, all anxious and self-conscious of what I did. He calmly addressed my flaws and gave me some tips.

He was passing on his teaching knowledge. It was as if he were my teacher again. Mr. Zimmerman knows how high school students work and knows how to deal with the many strange and spontaneous situations that a teacher would encounter. Lately, we talk about what is happening in my class, and just current events in the math world.

This interview has been condensed and edited.

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The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 11

Features SING!: A Teacher’s Perspective

By The Features Department

The weeks leading up to SING! are sprinkled with spirit.

Grades bond as they work together to put together the show, and the pervasive feeling of unity is felt by all performers. However, many teachers are involved in SING! as well, whether as advisors, guest appearances in the performances, or simply members of the audience who fill the theater to its brim. Below lie various teachers’ reflections on SING! Eric Grossman, Assistant Principal of English I like the acting, I like the songs, I’m impressed with the band, but I think watching twenty people all doing the same thing in unison tends to be the most striking. One of the SING!s insulted a faculty member in a way that didn’t feel friendly and inclusive. It seemed to have a nasty edge to it, and there’s no need for that. Sitting there, I like seeing my students. I’m not really comparing. I’d make a terrible judge. Usually I’m just like, “Oh, that’s Lizzy, that was awesome!” and then I’ll see one of my seniors and think, “Oh cool, LJ’s singing!”

I try to assign reasonable work [during SING! season], but still set as much as possible the expectation that I’ll be sensitive but my students have to try to meet me halfway. SING! lets you meet new people and work on things and have fun, which is what teenagers should be doing—you’re not work machines.

I generally love the spirit and enthusiasm SING! brings to the school. You see a lot of the students and different crews, like tech, sound, costume, working together. The preparations for the show are a lot of fun. I did like my joke a lot.

Someone would say, “Where’s the pharaoh?” In response, I would say, “Oh, he must be cutting again!”

Generally speaking, I don’t like how SING! is a competition. It shouldn’t be grade against grade. It should just be a show where the whole school community chips in. I know traditionally it’s been grade against grade, but the show doesn’t have to be judged. The judging can be very subjective and nobody should be criticized for getting up on stage and giving it their all. Being that I’m a gym teacher that is always in front of people, I want to be out on stage acting […] only if I [can] remember the lines, though! A lot of the physical education teachers have to be good actors too. We’re always talking in front of large groups of students. Sometimes I’ll hear about accidents that happen at after-SING! parties.

Christopher Galano, Physical Education teacher

My favorite parts of the show are when the staff are involved, because I like to see students and staff interacting on a non-educational level. I like when they made fun of Mr. Moran. I went on Wednesday and Friday. The seniors had the most drastic difference—the greatest improvement. I thought they all had their strengths: I think the seniors’ sets were the nicest. I thought the juniors’ step and singing were the best. I thought the [soph-frosh] characters were awesome, so I think each one had their strengths.

SING! affects everything, SING! takes over the school. As far as my teaching, [it did not affect as much as it did with] my athletic director job. A lot of athletes are in SING!, so they have to choose if they’re going to athletics or [doing] SING!. It doesn’t really affect my teaching too much, but as far as my athletic director job, it was a little bit of a pain. I came from a school that did SING!, and did it nowhere near to [how it’s performed here].

Yujie Fu / The Spectator

Howard Barbin, Physical Education teacher

Walter Gern, English teacher

I thought the senior sets were magnificent. But I also liked the juniors—the Egyptian motif. It was wonderful for me and my daughter to be there. I guess I could say there were a few jokes I didn’t get. My daughter got some but I didn’t because I’m not that tuned into popular culture. I liked aspects of [all SING! performances] but I loved that Punjabi singing that came to the end of Senior SING!—I thought that was great.

I really enjoyed being able to talk about a little bit about SING! with my English class, because just as there was collaboration in the writing of scripts with SING!, there was collaboration [in] the writing of the scripts in Elizabethan theater. I wish I could be on a crew but I’m not a colorist. I’m not a builder, nor a script writer. I’m not a dancer. It would be my dream to be able to build sets but I’m so far away from there.

Lisa Brando, history teacher The moral of each SING! social message was important. The Stuy-related jokes help to establish community; however, too much criticism of the other SING! grades is not funny and it shows poor community. I think that some of the jokes were in poor taste for their mature content. I feel that each grade was strong in certain areas: Senior SING! had outstanding vocals and dance (especially the creative new dance); Junior SING! had great costume, set, and stage hands; soph-frosh had a wonderful message and was witty. I would be on the stage crew I suppose.

I did have a few students who were absent and formally excused. That does not bother me. I try to be understanding to a point. I do mind when students miss work or class and are late when it is not excused. Being part of a production requires that there is good time management. However, it is not common that students abuse their participation (in my limited experience here).

Melanie Chow / The Spectator

Alicia Pohan, English teacher It’s not so much a moment from the soph-frosh that was my favorite, it’s just kind of the overall energy and excitement, enthusiasm—they were having fun.

Soph-frosh brought out the most belly laughter from me, which is a good thing.

I’d say that my least favorite part was that it didn’t feel like there was a lot of commitment from the performers of Junior SING!. It just felt like the energy was lacking a little bit, which probably has something to do with the SATs being on SING! weekend, but they didn’t sell it to me as strongly as the others did.

Normally I don’t love when one SING! group disses the other one, even though I know that’s part of the fun and everyone does it, but I thought that when the seniors commented that the juniors didn’t have any transitions, I thought that was pretty funny. It’s always nice to be reminded of the students’ world outside of the classroom, so when I see the range of talents and the way that they’re able, at such a young age, to work together to create something, to create art, to create that sense of magic, it’s exciting. Because I do love to sing and I used to do singing and acting in high school, I probably would do that.

But I’m also really interested in the technical side of it, like the lighting or the props, because I like the very physical aspect of it. It just looks so intense and rewarding in its own way.

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 12

Features

Jenny Gao / The Spectator

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

By claire jin

Each year in Stuyvesant, a crowd of over 100 anxious students gathers on the first floor.

Holding lollipops and pizza slices in their bandaged arms and surrounded by colorful posters, an abnormal number of desks, and even a few divided stations, these students are anticipating Stuyvesant’s semi-annual Blood Drive.

The Blood Drive, run by seniors Alice Oh and Daniel Zabari, offers students the opportunity to give back to their community in a unique way. It is affiliated with the New York City Blood Center, a nonprofit blood collection and distribution organization. The fundamental purpose of the drive is to collect blood for patients in New York.

These patients are victims of diseases and accidents that include cancer, surgery, AIDS, and sickle-cell anemia—their lives depend on the blood received from donors. When the blood is collected, it is transferred to the New York City Blood Center, where it is then distributed throughout hospitals in New York and nearby cities.

Zabari and Oh work together to coordinate the event. “We manage and coordinate with the New York Blood Center to get the drive running. We’re just there to make sure that everything is in order and to keep the drive running smoothly. But, we are not really associated with the trans-

portation and distribution of the blood after donations,” Oh said. The two coordinators provide necessary materials such as posters, sign-up papers, forms, educational materials, and other supplies. These materials are shipped to Stuyvesant before the drive.

“It seemed like such a simple and easy way for me to help people. I have blood, and other people need it.”

—Daniel Zabari, senior and Stuyvesant Blood Drive coordinator

Prior to the actual drive, Anonymous, a coordinator from the New York Blood Center, vis-its Stuyvesant to introduce the Blood Drive to prospective do-nors, volunteers, and hosts. Her visits lend insight to many students, and have encouraged both Oh and Zabari to host the Blood Drive.

“I was immediately interested because it seemed like such a simple and easy way for me to help people,” Zabari explained.

“I think students and teachers should donate for the same reason, it’s so accessible, and can make a big difference on someone’s life.”

On the day of the Blood Drive, the environment is especially busy. The once roomy and chilly lobby almost turns into a congested subway car—all around tables are brimming with an abundance of colorful flyers and forms. These forms include general brochures, pledge appointment cards, flyers, and fact sheets. It seems that in every direction you turn, there are Blood Drive posters that give donors encouragement and motivation.

The “Top Ten Reasons to Give Blood” poster, for example, lists a few comical and clever reasons for donating. One was: “You will get out of a boring meeting or class.”

Nearby is the “Sign In and Registration” station. Donors see that aside from the busy campaign material, there are areas marked off by curtains for the multiple sites of the donating processes. Donors’ eyes dash across each of the station’s signs that read, “Sign In and Registration,” followed by “Medical History” and the “Donation” and lastly “Rehabilitation.” People rush about in every direction as donors anxiously wait.

Junior William Zhu, a donor during both the January and March Blood Drives, described his donation process. “The January Blood Drive line was extremely long. Instead of the promised one period wait-time, it ended up being a lengthy two periods,” he said. “I felt very light-headed during and after the transfusion, and the doctors had to prop me up in a weird position that allowed blood to flow to my head. I think it was because they were drawing out the blood too slowly. There was also no more pizza left by the time I finished donating.” When comparing the two drives, the March drive was better organized and improved. “There was almost no

line, so I was able to finish in one period,” Zhu explained.

“One pint of blood can save a life, and has a considerable influence on lifesaving measures, even though many people say that it isn’t that big of a deal.” —Alice Oh, senior and Stuyvesant Blood Drive coordinator

Other students also help the Blood Drive by volunteering in the registration and rehabilitation stations. Students’ main responsibilities include distributing food and providing a relaxing experience for donors. Typically, 10 to 20 student-volunteers are needed. Students hand out flyers, food, and help coordinate the event. They encourage their peers to get involved as well.

This was how Oh first got involved with the drive. “I really wanted to help in the Blood Drive but I couldn’t donate blood for the past two years since I was underweight. So I figured if I could host the drive, I would also be contributing,” Oh said.

Zabari has a similar reason, “I feel that by participating in the Blood Drive, there is basically no loss to me, but a substantial gain for those who need it.”

Through the four years that the Blood Drive has been in Stuyvesant, Zabari described that the Blood Drive has remained relatively the same.

“The registration and donation process has not changed much.

However, most of the registration and scheduling is now being done electronically. I’ve recently added a Google form element, which made it possible to email appointment times instead of manually printing and selecting the time slots,” he said.

The number of donors has also gone up in recent years, and has reached approximately 130 to 150 students. In the past, fewer than 100 students participated. However, Oh and Zabari estimate that it is not likely for the numbers to grow exponentially in the coming years. This is because of the implementation of parental permission forms, which is a new complication and hassle to donors, as they frequently forget to fill them out.

They are also trying to find ways to spread out appointments to decrease line size. “One of the main problems is that long lines are making the Blood Drive seem less appealing,” Oh said.

In the future, Oh and Zabari hope to improve on a few aspects of the drive. They want to add a third Blood Drive to the school year around the month of May, so that there are more opportunities for students and others to donate. The new addition would also improve the existing workload and congestion of lines. “If I could change something about it, I would expedite the process by requiring fewer forms, which would make it easier for people to donate,” Zabari explained.

Oh described that there also is the need to relocate the Blood Drive to another area. “The first floor gets too crowded. However, alternatives like the gymnasiums are not as desirable either. The gymnasiums have little ventilation and an open space with good air circulation is preferred,” she said.

The Blood Drive will continue to bring its benevolent influence into Stuyvesant. Even with some minor flaws in its procedures and long lines, it serves as a constant reminder that students are able to make a mark on their community. It gives them the vision of the future generations of a world with ingenious treatments, medicine, and therapy to combat lifethreatening diseases. This wonderful outcome gives someone another smile, another hug, and another chance. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

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The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Editorials Staff Editorial

The Spectator

Kids These Days Complain Too Much— If This Were the 1400s, Things Would be a Lot Tougher

By Anonymous Teacher Dear Stuyvesant Student Body, Listen, I get it. You’ve got problems. You’ve got homework.

You’ve got to navigate through the social hell that is high school.

But, let’s be real. Kids nowadays are living about 40 years longer than they would have in the 1400s, and don’t have to deal with venereal disease, the Black Death, or slavery. So you should stop complaining, because if you

You definitely don’t need to sleep while you’re at Stuyvesant, so don’t tell me the three hours of homework I give are “unfair.”

were transported to the 1400s, you’d realize just how over-privileged you really are.

For one, you all complain way too much about college, a modern gift bestowed upon you first-world children. People in the 1400s didn’t have college, let alone literacy. You should appreciate having the opportunity to go to any college. If you lived in the 1400s, you had two career options open to you: farmer or deceased person.

(Besides, all colleges are the same. I can assure you of this.

Sure, they all have vastly different facilities, courses, financial aid packages, locations, vend-

ing machines, and faculty, but, c’mon. Other than that, they’re identical. You can get tater tots at every single college. Do you need anything else? I never even went to college, and look at the job I have now.)

I’m also tired of complaints about trivial matters. You complain about things like a lack of toilet paper or soap in the bathrooms, but stop and take a minute to think. Do you think kids back in the 1400s had toilet paper in their bathrooms?

Do you think they even had toilets? They hadn’t even invented cleanliness yet. And please, stop complaining about my policy of only letting one student go to the bathroom per period. I can’t be allowing multiple children go to the bathroom to share their heroin with each other.

Don’t even get me started on everything I hear about the way I run my classroom. Students ought to stop complaining about their workload and be thankful. Back in the 1400s, most people didn’t live past 30. Now, people live until 70; that’s an extra 40 years to sleep. You definitely don’t need to be sleeping while you’re at Stuyvesant, so don’t tell me the three hours of homework I give are “unfair.”

And don’t expect me to answer your questions. Questions are what led to the wars between Protestants and Catholics, and I don’t need any of that in my classroom. When I say, “You tell me!” after a question, that’s not me not doing my job as an educator—that’s me preventing another Inquisition from happening.

You also don’t like how I quiz you on material we haven’t covered in class? If you’re going to be that sensitive, you should have just gone to your zoned school. You know, in the 1400s, kids had a lot more fortitude.

They withstood beatings from their drunkard fathers without a sound. Nowadays, the only time kids are quiet is when they’re eating marijuanas and the police are nearby. What, did you really think teachers don’t know what students do in their free time?

Speaking of parenting, you

can’t possibly expect me to remember all your names for Parent Teacher Conferences. Do you seriously expect me to know

“The Pulse of the Student Body” E DITORs

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O pi ni o ns

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L ay o u t

Ed i t o r s

Ed i t o r s

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Sabira Mehjabin Sylvia Yu

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Hordan Thotter Winton “¯\_( )_/¯” Yee

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Sonia Epstein Tin “Ugh” Jiang* Ariel Levy Kachun Leung ‫* ليئافار ناثانوج‬

every student who I teach, and have meaningful feedback to provide on his or her progress?

In the 1400s, there wasn’t such a thing as “progress.” You just farmed your potatoes, ate them, and were content with your life.

(Besides, you know things would be better if I didn’t tell your parents about your progress—or lack thereof.)

Your complaints about the MTA and how it makes you late for school are completely irrelevant. In the 1400s, you probably would’ve been captured by barbarians and forced into a life of slavery if you even tried to leave your village, so you should be grateful that you can even leave your home, and that the MTA isn’t your home.

All in all, it’s quite frankly pathetic how fragile Stuyvesant students are. I really wish I had some students from the 1400s in my classroom—sure, they might be a bit unintelligent, dirty, and malnourished, but they sure would be obedient, and afraid of any corporal punishment I would be allowed to give. You Stuyvesant students complain too much; if this were the 1400s, you wouldn’t even be bothered by homework, because you would have died of dysentery.

(By the way: stop showing up late to class. If firemen can slide down poles in five seconds, you can get from the second to tenth floor in a jiffy.)

Jensen Foerster* Soham Ghoshal Jin Hee Yoo

The Stuyvesant High School Newspaper

F eature s

It’s quite frankly pathetic how fragile students are.

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The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 17

Opinions

By Samia Siddiqui Water shortages are perceived as distant problems for many Americans, but lately drought has become a serious issue on the west coast. About 77 percent of California was in a state of extreme drought as of January 22. Nestle, a company which sells bottled water under brands like Poland Spring and Nestle Pure Life, has exacerbated this problem: the company has continued to extract spring water despite a severe shortage.

The lack of water, compounded

by Nestle’s ruthless extraction, has caused both environmental and economic problems for the local population. Nestle’s questionable business practices reflect a larger trend of corporations abusing their power for economic gain, without concern for the long-term effects of their actions.

The region’s arid climate contributes to the frequency and size of wildfires, which have already burned tens of thousands of acres of land and caused destruction to wildlife and ecosystems. In addition, the drought has caused poor soil quality through wind erosion, making it difficult for it to be used for farming. This threatens California’s agricultural economy, an important issue, because, according to the state’s Department of Food and Agriculture, “[their] agriculture is nearly a 36.6 billion dollar industry.” With such a

vital source of income at such an enormous deficit, it has become difficult for local farmers to water their crops (which are important exports) both locally and nationwide. The drought is also responsible for record low water levels of reservoirs, lakes, and ponds.

Water is already a scarce commodity—it shouldn’t be packed and exported when it’s in such short supply. Despite the facts, Nestle claims that its practices are environmentally friendly. The truth, however, is that the bottled water industry is a danger to the environment in itself. Using plastic is by no means an eco-friendly choice—these bottles are not biodegradable and leach harmful toxins into the environment.

About 80 percent of them end up in landfills and occupy space there, instead of being recycled into new products. And an estimated 17 million barrels of oil are used to produce bottled water each year.

Increasing consumer awareness of the policies and practices of the companies we buy from regularly is one important way to fix this. People need to consider the moral implications of supporting businesses that impact the environment negatively. If consumers fully understand the power we wield with our money, many will hopefully become concerned and change their habits.

For example, we can buy reusable water bottles instead

of single-use ones. This would save consumer money over time and discourage the plastic water bottle industry. Reusable water bottles have become more popular lately as a result of newfound awareness among consumers. Many cities have put up ads reminding their citizens that tap water is often cleaner, cheaper, and better for the environment than bottled water. But as consumers, we need to do more than alter our own personal habits in order to effect real change. The key is to get a significant portion of Nestle’s consumer pool to stop buying their products. When companies like Nestle realize consumers are no longer interested in bottled water, they will shift their supply to match consumer demand. But as long as the bottled water industry thrives, Nestle will continue to profit off its existence—at the expense of our environment.

Businesses like Nestle should be taking measures to ensure their actions don’t negatively impact the planet.

And until they do so, it’s our job as citizens of this planet to boycott their products, in the hopes that they will change their ways. Without the support of consumers, corporations lose power. We should be giving this power to companies that will ensure the health and stability of our planet, as opposed to ones that openly prioritize profit over ethics.

Julie Chan / The Spectator

More Muslims in the Media

By Rahat Huda Hilary Clinton is far from liberalThe portrayal of Muslims and Islam in the media is disturbing and provides misleading information about the religion and its people. Most troubling is the fact that Islam and terrorism are frequently associated with one another— Muslims are too often portrayed as terrorists. As a Muslim-American, I find it frightening that this mindset is so embedded in our society that even when I hear the word “terrorist,” the first thing that comes to mind is: “Are my people to blame?”

Many influential people with access to large audiences have offered their opinions on the subject of Islam without necessarily being well-informed. On comedian Bill Maher’s television show, for example, he had a heated debate with actor Ben Affleck about their conflicting opinions on Islam, though no one involved in the debate was Muslim or professionally quali-

fied to talk about Islam. Maher declared that Islam was the “only religion that acts like the mafia, that will [expletive] kill you if you say the wrong thing, draw the wrong picture, or write the wrong book.” The applause that followed this statement made my stomach turn inside out. Maher was portraying Islam as a religion that encourages the slaughter of innocents and his audience soaked up these extreme generalizations like sponges.

Reza Aslan, a Muslim Iranian scholar of religious studies, was asked in an interview on CNN to respond to Bill Maher’s statements about and Islam. Aslan explained that Maher’s arguments about female genital mutilation and the lack of women’s rights being an Islamic problem as a whole were invalid because Maher used a few examples of countries with a Muslim majority to make a generalization about an entire religion. Because of this generalization, which has permeated

into general societal perception, individual Muslims are no longer given the benefit of the doubt. It is assumed that all Muslims, even if they come from different backgrounds, are the same. The interviewers from CNN were not open to what Aslan had to say and refused to acknowledge his point of view—that a specific country’s problem does not indicate an Islamic problem, even if that specific country is majority Muslim. When Muslims try to combat stereotypes that are associated with their own religion, their arguments are often overpowered by the person directing the conversation.

Muslims need to take control of how Islam is depicted in the media. More than 1.5 billion Muslims are being categorized with, and blamed for the actions of, an extremist minority. Aslan uses his extensive background knowledge in theology to clear up some of these common misconceptions about Islam. Ordinary Muslims need to follow his example and start leading discussions about their religion. All too often, the perspectives of actual Muslims are ignored by the people leading the discussion, who believe Islam clashes with Western ideology. If Muslims took control of the portrayal of Islam in the media and led these kinds of discussions, they would be able to crush stereotypes and help the world understand who Muslims really are, a people who want to promote peace and tolerance.

A Price That Everyone Should Pay

Stephanie Chan / The Spectator

The Water Issue

By Raniyan Zaman Winter winds and icy sidewalks make minor injuries an impending menace. Though broken wrists and sprained ankles may not seem like such a big problem, for a lot of people, the cost of such a visit could exceed hundreds—or even thousands—of dollars. If middleclass families find it difficult to pay medical fees even for minor emergencies, it’s obvious that the struggles of the lower class are even more severe.

People often avoid going to the doctor because they want to avoid ridiculous medical expenses, allowing minor injuries to become much more serious.

Though the U.S. spends more on health-care than—take a deep breath—Japan, Germany, France, China, The UK, Italy, Canada, Brazil, Spain, and Austria combined, significant portions of the American population aren’t getting the healthcare they deserve.

So, where’s the flaw in the system? Maybe it’s simply the differences between America and Europe’s vastly different health-care plans. Whereas Americans reluctantly contend with the Affordable Care Act (ACA), Europe utilizes a healthcare system founded on the principle of universal healthcare coverage. The ACA does have its own unique benefits, but closer examination reveals that universal healthcare coverage would be more advantageous to all.

A major reason to support universal healthcare coverage is simply to relieve majority of Americans of the economic toll of a visit to the hospital. Right now, the average family of four spends $20,728—seven times its annual gas expenditures— on health-care every year.

Minimum wage workers who already work long hours can’t afford to spend money on medical bills while also struggling to obtain simple necessities like food and housing.

And even worse than the cost of going to the doctor is the cost of not going to the doctor, and allowing injuries to grow worse or infectious diseases to spread to many more—some of whom might run into the same financial problems.

The financial risks posed by the health-care problem extend beyond simply endangering the lives of individual patients.

If people are discouraged from going to hospital, hospital budgets will shrink in response.

With fewer medical patients (and, subsequently, less money

for hospitals), less money will be directed towards medical research, resources, and the salaries of doctors, which will in turn lead to lower-quality care. Health-care isn’t just a matter of individual rights—it’s a public safety issue, and must be treated as such.

With universal healthcare coverage, health-care is publicly funded for all citizens through taxpayer dollars. Yes, this could feasibly lead to higher taxes, but there is no better cause. Rather than giving money to unnecessary public projects or changes, immediate results can be pro-

We already live in a society where greater accumulated wealth can buy…things that should be warranted to all—or at the very least, based on merit rather than accident of birth.

duced when looking after the one priceless thing everyone is granted: our health.

There is an old adage that claims “money can’t buy health,” and yet we see that it does. We already live in a society where greater accumulated wealth can buy a better education, reliable shelter, safety, and numerous other things that should be available to all— or at the very least, based on merit rather than accident of birth. With these principles in mind, a new future is visible on the horizon. In a society where everyone is responsible for each other’s health, people are united by a common purpose, favoring cooperation over cynicism. This is a future where we no longer have to constantly watch our feet when stepping on an icy road but can look ahead, trusting our stability with every step.

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 18

Opinions Views on Privilege

Danielle Eisenman / The Spectator

Tanumaya Bhowmik / The Spectator

Decoding Privilege

Privilege and Oppression: Abused and Overused

By Nalanda Sharadjaya If you read the news, have socially aware friends or are socially aware yourself, you’ve probably heard the term “privilege” used at some point in conversation. Maybe you were told that you needed to check yours, or maybe you were told that it impacts you negatively. And unless you’re a straight rich white guy (or, conversely, a poor queer woman of color), both statements probably apply to you in different ways.

“Privilege” is a fairly loose term used to describe a sociopolitical phenomenon that derives from historical oppression. Colonialism, for instance, led to white supremacy, which—although it has certainly waned since the time of slavery—

The reality of privilege is that the voice of a wealthy New Yorker is going to have a greater influence on the community at large than that of a slumdwelling immigrant. continues to have adverse effects on people of color. Sexist social and political norms have permeated through hundreds of years of slow progress, and although the life of a woman today is drastically different than it might have been a century ago, we haven’t yet achieved a society in which women (and nonbinary folk!) can truly enjoy equal opportunity.

While we may not be forcing people of color into labor camps or women into sex slavery (though sex trafficking does still exist in force), the fact that people of a particular demographic get to enjoy certain benefits that are less easily accessible to others essentially means that people who lack privilege also lack opportunity.

And a lack of opportunity—whether it comes from internalized bias, a flawed system, or both—makes it

harder for people who lack privilege to dig themselves out of that hole, to rise up and succeed.

Within the past decade or so, people have become increasingly aware of the concept of privilege, and it seems that in general, nobody is all that thrilled about it. People are either rightly upset about the fact that they lack it, guilty over the privilege they do have, or indignant towards those who try to fault them for having it—and none of these attitudes is particularly helpful.

Privilege is nobody’s “fault,” per se. People who have it aren’t being blamed for something they have absolutely no control over—like the color of their skin, or their sexuality. What underprivileged people are most upset about is that those who have privilege do not capitalize on their own ability to change the lives of people who lack it.

The fact of the matter is that if you have privilege, your voice has a greater impact on society than if you don’t. It’s all very well and good to do as many privileged liberals argue—to step completely out of the discussion and “hand the mic” over to the people who face legitimate oppression— but the reality of privilege is that the voice of a wealthy New Yorker is going to have a greater influence on the community at large than that of a slum-dwelling immigrant.

Instead of arguing over semantics, we need to focus on initiating a healthy, respectful discussion about privilege as a whole, in which everyone—regardless of privilege—is included. The underprivileged deserve a safe space to express their anger and their ideas for the future, and the only way a conversation like that can really take place is if privileged people take the first step.

Once that happens, of course, it’s important for the privileged to take a step back and allow those who truly suffer from the existence of privilege the chance to speak and be heard.

Involvement in movements against privilege is a “must” for people who have it, but that involvement needs to be moderated. As people with privilege, we are obliged to protect and support the underprivileged—to speak for them, and not over them.

After all, with great privilege comes great responsibility, and if we are ever to make a difference in the lives of the oppressed, that responsibility cannot be taken lightly.

By Ryan Boodram Privilege is the idea that certain groups have advantages over others.

I take no issue with idea that there are certain advantages determined by one’s race, gender, or sexual orientation. What I don’t agree with is the use of “privileged” as an often pejorative label.

The fact of the matter is that everyone is privileged and unprivileged in some way—even the stereotypical rich, straight, and Christian white male. Trying to assess all of the ways someone is privileged or unprivileged and assigning him or her a label is silly, not to mention prejudiced unless you essentially know his or her life story.

This of course is another reason why labeling certain people and groups as privileged is wrong. Since you don’t know everything about them it requires you to make assumptions about that person or that group, which reeks of prejudice and stereotype. For example, you might see a white male and instantly label him privileged. However to assign him the label of privileged ignores the fact that this white male can have family troubles or be addicted to drugs, or have any number of other nuances in his life which make him unprivileged.

The true absurdity of using the labels privileged and unprivileged can be seen when we try to reconcile the varying privileges and lack of privileges that people have. Are some privileges qualitatively more important than others? There are so many ways that a person is privileged and unprivileged that it is impossible to reduce it into one word. Instead of doing so, we should focus on stopping race, gender, and sexual orientation from being characteristics that grant people privilege in the first place.

Similarly, it is often said that groups that enjoy de facto privilege oppress those without it (freedom from this so-called oppression is often what defines privilege). However, what exactly constitutes oppression is unclear, and it is typically used as a catchall for any type of injustice experienced by unprivileged groups. Most notably, it is used to describe the way that the bias of privileged groups disadvantage unprivileged groups.

For example, a study by the University of Chicago found that when the same application was used to apply for jobs, an application with a white-

sounding name was 50 percent more likely to elicit an interview than if an otherwise identical one used a blacksounding one. This discrepancy was not the result of conscious racism and hatred of blacks, but a result of

There are so many ways that a person is privileged and unprivileged that it is impossible to reduce it into one word.

unconscious biases ingrained in the employers by society.

The use of the term oppression to describe this bias both trivializes more brutal oppression and alienates the very people whose minds need to be changed to eliminate the aforementioned unconscious bias. Exaggerating cases such as these by calling them oppression conflicts with what most people consider to be oppression. Regardless of its meaning in academic circles or among Tumblr “social justice warriors,” when the general populace thinks of oppression, they think of the way Jews were treated in Nazi Germany or the way women are treated in Saudi Arabia.

People using the word oppression to describe things such as bias, which doesn’t fit this image of oppression, are taken less seriously. Most importantly, they lose credibility among the “privileged” groups who, being called oppressors in a situation in which they see no oppression, are less likely to believe that the so-called oppression exists and less inclined to change their behavior. And so, perhaps the first things to do to end privilege and stop oppression, is to stop using those words in the first place.

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 19

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The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 22

Arts and Entertainment Music

If You’re Not Yet Listening to Drake, It Isn’t Too Late

By Justin Pacquing “If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late,” the title of hip-hop artist Drake’s latest mixtape, evokes intrigue, if not anxiety.

And even more so when it is scribbled as an urgent reminder across an otherwise blank cover.

While still pondering what the rapper is exactly trying to say, the listener is thrust into the opening track, “Legend.”

The song starts with a feelgood, silky sample of Ginuwine “So Anxious” (1999) backing Drake’s signature smooth, singrap lyricism, building up to its dramatic hook: “Oh my God, oh my God / If I die, I’m a legend.”

That’s when the meaning of the title hits you. It’s a declaration of not only success, but also victory. Even if the bravado does not resonate, the song’s bouncy vibe pervades an energy that is so contagious that you cannot help but become absorbed in.

While it seems more like a ransom note than album art, the cover underscores the minimalism the mixtape embodies.

The background instrumentals are dreamy in their uncomplicated composition, complemented by either vibrant drums or overwhelming bass. This fluid balance of tone and rhythm makes each track as enjoyable as the previous. Drake candidly reflects on the chapters of his own life to weave together a relatable, sincere narrative with his lyrics. “10 Bands,” with its hypnotic, chime-filled backtrack describes our quixotic desire to attain our goals; such is especially evident in the lyrics “Drapes closed, I don’t know what time it is / I’m still awake, gotta shine this year.” The process of fulfilling these ambitions is arduous as Drake alludes to his own adolescence in Toronto, otherwise known as “The 6” in “Know Yourself” with the line: “I was running through the 6 with

my woes.”

Drake proves that he is not afraid to flaunt his early adversities. For example, in “Star67,” Drake creates a dark atmosphere with dial-tones and phone operator messages that reveal a history of phone scams to pay for his friends’ excessive lifestyles before becoming a successful musician. Drake demonstrates a new maturity and wants to be recognized for it, as he says in “No Tellin’”: “Please don’t speak to me like I’m that Drake from four years ago / I’m at a higher place.”

The tape includes some outof-the-ordinary features that end up working to its favor. Lil Wayne in “Used To” and Travi$ Scott in “Company” both have quality guest verses on their respective tracks. “6 Man” defines nonchalance with its mesmerizing backtrack of high synth overlaid with Drake’s steady and effortless line delivery.

The mixtape is consistent,

sometimes to a fault. Songs such as “Energy” and “Madonna,” albeit good songs, seem to blend together in both sound and significance. The first half of the mixtape fizzles out with “Preach,” featuring PartyNextDoor (PND). Though the song has a great vibe, PND’s repetitive hook is jarring with its excessive auto-tuning. PND, however, more than makes up for this shortcoming in “Wednesday Night Interlude,” a surreally beautiful track reminiscent of tracks by alternative R&B artists such as The Weeknd. This track solely features outbursts of PND’s singing among echoes of vocals and keyboard notes all over a simple bass-drum beat.

“Jungle” rounds outs the mixtape and is by far the standout song. With a soothing yet complex sound accompanied by down tempo, it is the perfect finale for the mixtape. Layers of piano and staccato drums interweave with light drops of synth

and Amazonian jungle sounds to flesh out Drake’s verses complemented by Gabriel Garzón Montano’s falsetto hook. Drake ends the song and the tape asking listeners: “Are we still good?

Are we still good?” Yeah, Drake.

If you keep putting out music like this, we are still good.

“If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late” (2015) appeared on iTunes without warning. This surprise release was not the only curveball that Drake threw—he also seems to have grown out of the melodrama and tackiness that his old music was frequently lampooned for. We’re left questioning whether Drake is the sad, longing artist we had thought him to be. Perhaps he’s now the type to surprise us, abruptly dropping a mixtape full of tracks that shows quality and growth as an artist, leaving us wondering what surprise awaits with his next “real” release slated for supposedly later this year: “Views From the Six.”

Television

Courtesy of pbs.org

Downton Abbey Confessional

By David Hanna, History teacher I have to admit that I’m missing “Downton Abbey” tonight (March 8th). The show’s fifth season concluded one week ago, and now Sunday night goes back to being ordinary. I would never have thought that I would be saying this, and I suspect that some of my male colleagues and students might raise an eyebrow.

We’re not supposed to like it, of course. But I do.

For those of you that are uninitiated, this show dramatizes the lives of a wealthy family of aristocrats and their servants beginning in the year 1912 in England. And I emphasize the word “dramatize” here, as it begins with news of the Titanic sinking.

It’s written by Julian Fellowes, and is an enormous commercial success. PBS, which broadcasts “Downton Abbey” here in the United States, has been able to use it to drive viewership up, and has created shows either directly or indirectly linked to the show to satisfy these viewers’ “Downton” cravings. I was vaguely aware of the show before the summer of 2013, but dismissed it as a period soap opera for female viewers.

Then my sister-in-law gave my wife the complete DVD set of the

first three seasons. They collected dust. Then one evening I suggested to my wife that we should watch “at least one” episode, just so we could say we watched it if my sister-in-law ever asked.

We watched the three seasons in their entirety in a matter of weeks. We were hooked.

So what is it exactly about the show? For one thing, Julian Fellowes knows how to write.

His characters are allowed room to develop, and they betray the same anxieties, pettiness, and kindness that we all can identify with as humans beings. Even the lords and ladies, who seem to do little but dress up and eat formal meals all the time, possess multidimensional characters.

Personally, I am drawn to the servants that make the day-today existence of the lord’s estate possible. There is the staunchly Victorian Carson (Jim Carter), the head butler who holds the line as best he can against the twentieth century, but he’s losing. First the telephone and then the radio; the rise of the Labor party and the introduction of jazz, yet through it all he maintains a dignity that ennobles his character and all around him.

His female counterpart, Mrs. Hughes (Phyllis Logan), the head housekeeper, keeps Carson from

crossing the line into pomposity and is the kind of person everyone wishes was their kindly aunt.

Her character’s inherent humanity is the show’s moral core. There are others of course: the closeted homosexual, Mr. Barrows (Rob James-Collier), whose growth from poisonous troublemaker to man of substance demonstrates Fellowes’s faith in man’s character to evolve while dealing with complicated emotions and isolation. One can’t help but feel sympathy for Mr. Barrows and what it meant to be gay at that time in history. There are also the starcrossed lovers, Mr. Bates (Brendan Coyle) and Anna (Joanne Froggatt), and the cook and her helper Mrs. Patmore (Lesley Nicol) and Daisy (Sophie McShera).

Fellowes has introduced other characters over the years, and written others out of the story, but they’re all interesting.

What of the lords and ladies?

Well, they are essential to the story as well. In particular the lord of the estate, Earl Grantham (Hugh Bonneville), his eldest daughter Mary (Michelle Dockery), and his mother Violet (Maggie Smith). Smith, an accomplished actress, adds so much to the show by her mere presence in any scene. Violet, in fact, has become a pop culture icon of sorts.

If you need any evidence of this, look up her character on the internet. For Stuyvesant students, [Maggie] Smith is probably best known as shape-shifting Professor McGonagall from the films based on the Harry Potter books.

Though I would have to say that, in my opinion, Violet is far more interesting than the professor.

My favorite character is a middle-aged footman named Molesley (Kevin Doyle). Molesley began as a head butler in another household, but then lost his position, and much of his selfrespect with it. He was reduced to groveling for a lowlier place at Downton Abbey, and then lost even this job due to downsizing, and his own pride to a certain degree. Carson loves sticking it to Molesley. Finally, out of a position altogether, he’s seen working on a road repair gang covered in asphalt, beaten. Even though he was a promising scholar, with a genuine aptitude in history and art, he had to “go into service” and forgo any schooling

His characters are allowed room to develop, and they betray the same anxieties, pettiness, and kindness that we all can identify with as humans beings.

beyond grammar school to earn money for his family. His character has humiliated himself on the cricket pitch and in a drunken stupor in Scotland; he’s losing his hair, which he combs over his bald spot to little effect, no one pays him much mind, except the kindly Mrs. Hughes. Then, at the end of the fourth season Molesley finally begins to find himself.

There is a dignity to his character - however pathetic he has been at times in the show - that transcends his failings. Fellowes also wrote a romantic interest for his character: the mysterious, but gentle, “Ms. Baxter.” I’m rooting for him.

There are other reasons to watch “Downton Abbey.” For one, it takes history – everything from politics and war, to fashion and social mores – seriously. The way in which Fellowes has World War I touch the people of the estate and nearby village, rings true, regardless of social class.

The dedication of a monument in the village to the war dead was one of the most moving scenes in the fifth season, but with a twist.

I have to admit though, that what I enjoy most about the show is that it’s something that my wife and I can share. We look forward to the new episodes, and always set aside time to sit together and watch our favorite characters.

I’ve never watched it alone, and I never will. I suspect I’m not alone in this. I think there are many couples whose Downton Abbey story is the same. It’s that shared space. Not to mention that I can have something intelligent (or at least interesting) to say when I see Ms. Shuman in the social studies office in room 373. She’s a big fan of the show, and has actually visited the estate where it is filmed, and has met the current Lady Carnarvon whose predecessors Fellowes based his story on. Sometimes we’ll trade conjectures about where we think a story is going. I enjoy this. It adds a lightness to the day. The sixth season is scheduled to begin airing next January. It may be the last (Fellows has the story well into the 1920s now), but whatever the case may be I’ll be sure to tune in, as long as that certain

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 23

Arts and Entertainment Film

By Victoria Huang I’m not going to lie—when I saw the trailer for the new movie, “The DUFF,” I thought it was just going to be another stereotypical high school movie. There had to be a grumpy girl; a hot jock (who is coincidentally also her neighbor); a mean, yet popular girl; and the coterie of best friends that never stops talking. There would definitely be a love triangle, where the main character would get the guy and everyone would be happy.

However, I was surprised to see that I was very wrong.

Director Ari Sandel adds a few wonders along the way. Because “The DUFF” is centered on social media, it gives a fresh twist on exploring the dangers of cyberbullying and the brutality of high school. The movie will make you laugh, cry, and relate. Following hits like “Clueless” (1995) and “Picture This” (2008), this newest teen drama will leave you awestruck.

Bianca Piper (Mae Whitman) is the DUFF, also known as the Designated Ugly Fat Friend, of her group of friends, consisting of Jess (Skyler Samuels) and Casey (Bianca A. Santos). When her old friend, Wesley (Robbie Amell), accidentally reveals to Bianca that she is the DUFF, she is confronted with the reality of her situation. She is disgusted by the fact that people use her to get to know her prettier and better friends. Bianca starts to crack under the pressure of all the labels in her school, and when mean girl Madison (Bella Thorne) posts a video online of Bianca obsessing over her crush, Toby (Nick

The DUFF Has No Shame

Eversman), she gets severely bullied by everyone in her high school. So, she asks Wes for advice on “un-duffing” herself. As she travels along the journey of finding herself, Bianca realizes that she has started to develop feelings for Wes, and that’s when her world begins changing for the better.

“The DUFF” is based on the best-selling book

by Kody Keplinger of the same name. In my opinion, the film was an excellent adaptation of the book. However, the book is a bit darker, with its many slurs and deep hatred. The movie sugarcoats the situation. While Sandel adds a few characters and takes out all the lovemaking, the anti-bullying message manages to stay intact One of the shining points of this movie is the actors. Whitman, who plays the “DUFF” herself, was particularly impressive. Some may know her as the captivating Mary-Elizabeth in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” (2012). From being a supporting actress to becoming a main lead is a huge step for any actor; Whitman makes it seem like no big deal. She is a ray of sunshine, and

illustrates realistically how a teenager manages to face a hard truth and make the best of it. She exhibits such amusing facial expressions that make you wish that she was your best friend. When Whitman cries, you will cry; when Whitman laughs, you will laugh. It’s contagious.

Chiara Baker / The Spectator

Another stunning actor is Robbie Amell. His character, Wesley, is characterized as a brainless, but sexy jock—but he also has another side to him that is sweet and intelligent. To properly portray a twosided character is hard, but Amell does it with grace and elegance. His facial expressions and body language have a lot to do with his duality as a person. Whether it’s just

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a small smirk or a raise of an eyebrow, Amell can attract the audience’s attention and convincingly transform from a tough, footballplaying numbskull to a generous and charming gentleman.

The set was just an ordinary high school with messy hallways, boring classrooms, and hundreds of teenagers crowding every corner. There was nothing special about that part—but Bianca’s “special place” is an enchanting spot separated from depressing suburbia. Without giving too much away, I’ll just say that you’ll want to jump into the screen and be there with them too.

The soundtrack includes many songs about rebellion and disobeying that will either make you want to jam out or cover your ears.

Some of these songs are “Amazing”

by Hi Fashion, “Bad Reputation”

by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts, and “Problem” by Natalia Kills.

All these rock songs depict Bianca as a character; starting with her grunge fashion phase and ending with her bold attitude, this soundtrack would, without a doubt, be Bianca’s very own playlist.

“The DUFF” combines giggles with tears as it traverses through the depths of high school. Bianca is illustrated as a goofy, socially awkward girl who makes a lot of laughable jokes and accents. Her behavior will make you snort.

Nonetheless, you will find yourself also rubbing a tear from your eye

as you see her struggle to escape the mean words and labels. There is a very emotional scene where she runs down the hallways and everyone starts staring and whispering about her. Bianca proceeds to dash into the bathroom where she immediately breaks into sobs.

What makes the movie so successful is Bianca’s relatability and her issues with her self-esteem.

Although she is criticized for it, Bianca doesn’t change her appearance at all, which is an admirable message for a movie to have. She stays in her overalls and flannels for most of the movie. Instead of wearing more makeup and buying more expensive clothing, she steps out of her comfort zone and tries new things. She goes to the school homecoming, and she faces her fears by telling her friends what she really thinks.

This movie brings awareness to the problem of cyber-bullying by showing victims that they are not alone. In the film, after Madison puts an exposing video of her smooching a mannequin, Bianca becomes an outcast and a loner.

However, she gets through this phase by confronting the problem head on. Many have seen this movie and proudly said, “I’m the DUFF!” #Iamtheduff even began trending on twitter, as more teens shared their stories and their insecurities.

“The DUFF” brings a new perspective on the social pyramid in high school and sends out a powerful message for everyone who is constantly being labeled. It may even be this generation’s “Mean Girls.”

Page 24

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Arts and Entertainment Films

Zhixing Che / The Spectator

Shorts Without Shortcomings

By Caroline Bredthauer When you think about the Oscars, you probably don’t think about the Oscar-nominated short films. The big-name movies (such as “Interstellar,” “Boyhood” and “American Sniper,” to name a few) get much more attention. That being said, the short films are just as noteworthy. Clever and powerful enough to remain memorable despite their short run times (the shortest being a mere two minutes long), each short movie was attention-grabbing and enjoyable to watch.

The Bigger Picture 8 minutes “The Bigger Picture,” directed

by Daisy Jacobs, is probably the most serious of all the short films, as it offers very little humor to conciliate the viewers. The film focuses on the relationship between two brothers as they both do their best to care for their dying mother. The brothers bicker frequently and their mother fails to notice how hard they are working to help her. The struggle of caring for an aging parent is realistically portrayed without bounds; we see this especially clearly when one

of the brothers has to clean his mother after she has a late-night accident. Though the family’s relations seem strained at first, the brothers become closer by the end of the movie, which contributes to a slightly more uplifting story.

“The Bigger Picture” was created using a form of stop-motion animation in which the characters were painted and repainted in various positions on a canvas, with pictures taken after each position alteration. Clay items, like miniature tea trays, were utilized. This created a compelling juxtaposition between three-dimensional objects and two-dimensional characters. Ordinarily, such interesting animation would be the most noteworthy part of a film. However, in this situation, the subject matter is powerful enough that the animation style is a secondary factor to the film’s appeal.

The Dam Keeper 18 minutes The titular main character in “The Dam Keeper” is a pig living alone in a small house overlooking a dam that prevents a cloud of smoke from pouring over the village below. The plot focuses on the pig’s school life—specifically,

how his animal classmates torment him because he is always covered in soot. Even though the other characters are friendly-looking creatures, it’s uncomfortable to watch them laugh at the pig.

We see how important the pig is to the town, but are also confronted with the fact that the other animals in the village fail to notice his efforts. The feelings of alienation and the lack of appreciation that the pig faces make him a relatable protagonist.

Directors Robert Kondo and Daisuke “Dice” Tsutsumi are behind this drawn animation, and made the decision to illustrate it using only colored-pencil sketches. The art often changes to reflect the setting or mood—when the pig is surrounded by soot the sketching is smudged and messy, while drawings of the school and village tend to be much more crisp. The porcine hero himself is absolutely adorable, which practically forces the audience to sympathize with him. These artistic decisions make “The Dam Keeper” the most aesthetically pleasing of the films.

Feast 6 minutes Disney’s “Feast” tells the tale of a puppy whose owner is perfectly happy feeding him from the table.

The puppy eats French fries, pizza, and meatballs—whatever foods his owner desires to feed him, all illustrated with such exquisite detail that I began to salivate along with the puppy. However, this all changes when his owner meets a woman who’s more interested in a healthy lifestyle. It’s back to dog chow for the puppy, and he’s having none of it.

Because “Feast” is set in a dog’s point of view, the included dialogue is impossible to hear. In fact, any dialogue is unnecessary, as the story is seamlessly told through visuals alone. The puppy, despite

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having nothing to say, is a charming character, barking and yipping to get his points across. His lively facial expressions make this short particularly upbeat and fun to watch.

“Feast” ended up being the winning short. While, in my opinion, “Feast” didn’t have as powerful a message as many of the other shorts, its excellent animation and lovable puppy protagonist earned it the Oscar.

Me and My Moulton 14 minutes Director Torrill Kove’s “Me and My Moulton” presents itself as a memoir, in which the narrator reminisces about her childhood in Norway. She is the middle daughter of three, and she has oddball architect parents who create chairs with only three legs that are impossible to sit on. What may be translated to the viewer as stylish Scandinavian eccentricity is truly mortifying to the narrator. Speaking of her father’s peculiar facial hair, she grumbles, “Ten thousand men in our town, one single moustache— and it has to be on my dad.”

There isn’t much of a plot to speak of. “Me and My Moulton” seems more like a person chatting about experiences she had as a child than any sort of driven narrative. That being said, it was refreshing to see a short that used its small run time to paint a picture of an entire period in the narrator’s life, rather than try to tell a complete story in under twenty minutes. “Me and My Moulton” was funny and charming, but it didn’t have much of an impact because of its lack of direction.

The animation in this film was minimalist, with the characters resembling doodles on paper. The style blended well with the tone of the short, which was more of a light-hearted romp than anything overly serious. “Me and My Moult-

on” was sweet and pleasant to watch, although it wasn’t a standout of the five.

A Single Life 3 minutes A woman is sitting at home, about to eat a slice of pizza. She hears a knock on her door, and opens it to find a 45-RPM record of the song, “A Single Life” waiting on her doorstep.

So begins “A Single Life,” directed by Job Roggeveen, Joris Oprins and Marieke Blaauw. The entire film is based on the premise that the woman can travel forward or backward in time when her record skips. This story is rendered digitally, but looks a great deal like Claymation. The protagonist, with her bowling pin-shaped head and deadpan expressions, makes this the funniest of all the shorts.

This short, while it’s barely three minutes long, manages to stress its message effectively. What it is trying to communicate is that everyone only has a single life, and it would be very silly to waste it. It’s a bit startling to see how quickly the woman visits all the stages of her life—she moves from holding a baby to holding a walker in just a second. With its memorable, jaunty tune and visual gags (at one point the woman can’t reach the record because it keeps skipping backwards, and sending her back in time) the short is my personal favorite of the five.

I strongly encourage everyone to take a few minutes out of their day to check the films out. I attended a screening of the films at BAM (the Brooklyn Academy of Music), and although the shorts are no longer running at BAM, they are all available online. Anyone interested can rent all five shorts for 72 hours from vimeo.com for $3.95—it’s definitely a worthwhile purchase.

The Spectator â&#x2014;? April 1, 2015

Page 25

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The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

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The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 27

Sports Top Five Point Guards in the NBA

Yujie Fu / The Spectator

the top point guards in the NBA.

By James Ng and Joshua Zhu It is an undisputed fact that the deepest position in the modern-day NBA is the point guard.

A point guard renaissance in recent years has produced some of the most electrifying and exhilarating players in the game: Steve Nash, Tony Parker, Chris Paul, and Rajon Rondo just to name a few. In addition to controlling the tempo of the game and determining which plays to run, point guards have also evolved to become greater scoring threats. However, despite the abundance of great point guards in the NBA, there are clearly a few who are a cut above the rest.

What follows is our opinion of who the five most talented point guards are in our league today. #5 Kyrie Irving The Cleveland Cavaliers’ Kyrie Irving begins this list at number five. Arguably having

some of the best handles in the NBA, Irving constantly dazzles crowds with his ability to break down defenses and score. Irving currently averages 21.9 points per game, the highest of his young career and third among all active point guards.

However, Irving’s scoring ability is offset by his inability to consistently set up his teammates—he only averages 5.2 assists per game, which is 18th among all active point guards and much lower than other players on this list. Given that the point guard position is responsible for distributing the ball and setting up teammates, Irving’s lack of assists is clearly a jarring issue. Despite this, Irving’s lethal scoring ability cannot be ignored and he constantly gives defenders with his ball handling. To top it off, Irving plays a major role on the championship contending Cleveland Cavaliers, clearly demonstrating why he deserves a spot among

#4 John Wall The Washington Wizards’ John Wall has quickly grown into a premier point guard in NBA. In past years, Wall stunned fans with his athleticism and breakneck speed, solidifying himself as a franchise-caliber point guard. However, Wall had always struggled with his jump shot and it was questioned whether he could consistently set his teammates up. However, Wall has proven to the league that he is capable of being a scorer and a facilitator, averaging 17.4 points and an impressive 9.8 assists per game this season. Wall has also retained his ability to grab a rebound, sprint down the court, and finish strong at the rim within a matter of seconds, making him an extremely dangerous player. Wall has had a spectacular season thus far and will continue to as he leads the Wizards into the playoffs. #3 Chris Paul Chris Paul of the Los Angeles Clippers is the quintessential point guard. Commonly known as the “point god” of the NBA, no player has even come close to challenging Paul until recent years. What makes Paul different from the rest of the guards in the NBA is his leadership. Paul is the Clippers’ vocal leader and their on-court coach. He not only controls the offense, but he also pushes his teammates to play harder. In addition to his leadership, Paul is also one of the most exciting passers in the game. He

averages a league best 10.2 assists per game, commonly tearing apart defenses through pickand-rolls and lobs to frontcourt mates Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan.

Paul is also one of the premier defenders in the league— opposing point guards often perform noticeably worse as he harasses them. Paul currently leads the league in steals at 1.9 per game and is closing in on his seventh time in leading the league in the category.

However, despite his individual success, Paul has not achieved much team success.

Paul is now in his 10th season and has yet to play in a conference finals, even with the likes of Griffin, Jordan, Jamal Crawford, and Doc Rivers on his team. His inability to lead his team to win in the teammates clearly takes a toll on his ranking within the hierarchy of point guards, but with such brilliance in both the offensive and defensive ends of the court, Paul still deserves his spot among the top guards in the NBA. #2 Stephen Curry In recent years, the Golden State Warriors’ Stephen Curry has become one of the most popular players. This year, Curry topped Lebron James in all-star voting with 1,513,324 votes. His popularity is not undeserved. Curry consistently dazzles crowds with his spectacular ball-handling, his pinpoint passes, and his trademark jump shot. Currently averaging 23.3 points, 7.9 assists, and 2.1 steals

per game this season, Curry has proven he can do it all: he can shoot a three-pointer off the dribble, lose defenders with his stellar dribbling, and finish at the rim while taking contact, all while being able to consistently keep his teammates involved.

Curry is arguably the best shooter in the NBA, with the ability to explode for 40 or 50 points on any given night. With his lethal scoring ability, not only has Curry has earned himself the number two spot on this list, but he has also solidified himself as a forerunner in the MVP race. #1 Russell Westbrook The Oklahoma City Thunder’s Russell Westbrook is the top point guard, if not the top player, in the NBA. He is the most energetic player in the league, and when his jump shot is falling, Westbrook is an unstoppable force. Since All-Star Weekend and in the absence of MVP Kevin Durant, Westbrook has been putting up unbelievable numbers, averaging an unbelievable 32.5 points, 9.6 rebounds, and 10.1 assists per game, recording ten triple doubles along the way.

Westbrook also leads the league in points per game, and is in the top five for assists and steals per game. With Kevin Durant out for possibly the rest of the season, Westbrook will be the Thunder’s main scorer and decision maker.

His astonishing stats can only keep getting better, leaving him to claim the top spot on this list. *Stats accurate as of March 26, 2015.

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Page 28

The Spectator SpoRts Boys’ Baseball

SPORTS CALENDAR

Hitmen Prepare to Play in a More Advanced Division

Wednesday 4/1

Thursday 4/2

Boys’ Volleyball vs.

High School of Environmental Studies

Girls’ Softball vs.

George Washington

Xin Italie / The Spectator

@ Stuyvesant High School

By John Park Moving up from the Manhattan A West division to AAA Western, Stuyvesant’s varsity baseball team, the Hitmen, are looking forward to compete with the PSAL’s best New York City public school teams. These teams include Beacon and Aviation Career and Technical Education, which both advanced as high as the third round in the playoffs last season.

Though the Hitmen are preparing to play against these competitive teams, they must learn to play without one of their most valuable players and best pitcher, junior Nathan Chandler, who is suffering from an elbow injury.

He will be out from pitching for a few weeks, but is hoping to bat as a designated hitter early in the season. “I want to shake off this injury and help the team at the plate instead of the mound,” Chandler said.

The Hitmen’s coach, John Carlesi, still has high hopes for their team, planning to use either his sophomore star, Jack Archer, or senior veteran, Michael Cook, to take Chandler’s spot in the pitching rotation. Both players have proven themselves as potential candidates based on their superb performances throughout last season. Archer had allowed six hits, nine walks, and seven strikeouts while Cook allowed 19 hits, 22 walks and 36 strikeouts.

Trying to bounce back from an early playoff exit and the loss of 14 seniors, the Hitmen are maintaining high hopes with the potential of their new young players. From last year’s Junior Varsity (JV) team, sophomore

Kenneth Chu will be starting at second base for the varsity team.

Along with Chu are other returning sophomores, including Tobias Lange (third base), Solomon Medintz (shortstop), and Archer (outfield). These young players are expected to step up and fill the shoes of the graduated seniors, forcing them to play in a new setting. The season is now dependent on how the new players can adjust to the varsity level of play, which differs tremendously from the quality of baseball in the JV league. They will face pitchers throughout the division who are able to pitch over 80 miles per hour.

Archer hopes to help the new players adjust to this difficult level of play. “I need to be a leader on and off the field and do my best to contribute for my team in any way possible,” Archer said.

“I am confident that we will get solid production from our new players with guidance [from] our more experienced [players] including myself.” The team is very young and is full of potential with their four all-star sophomores and many juniors.

“We will be a very young team in the top division in the city. I [can] only hope the team is up for this monumental challenge,” Carlesi said.

There is no off-season for the Hitmen. They are working to improve from last year in order to win more games. One of the most important skills they must work on is pitching. Their new division will be full of experienced batters, so the Hitmen will be relying on their pitchers to overcome their opponents.

“This division will be full of all good hitters, so the pitchers will have to mix up their pitches. They will not just be able to get guys out on straight fastballs. Last year [there] were some teams that all you needed were fastballs [to beat] them,” Carlesi said.

Since late September, the Hitmen have been training with their two captains, senior Demos Sfakianakis and junior Nathan Chandler, in the weight room on the fifth floor. In the winter, the Hitmen train indoors where they can practice on hitting and fielding. However, they spend most of their time conditioning in the gym. Working on all physical training from running to increase their stamina and exercising to strengthening their core, the Hitmen are getting stronger as the season approaches. Now that spring is near along with their season, they have been practicing close to five days a week, eager to return to the field at Pier 40 once the snow is cleared off. They are hoping to prove themselves against the elite group of playoff teams.

“Around the league, we are looked at as [underdogs] and we hope we can exceed expectations by winning some big games against tough opponents,” Archer said. Making the playoffs is a goal for the Hitmen every year.

In their new division, every team moves on to the playoffs except the last placed team in the standings.

But their goals exceed just making the playoffs—as Calesi put it, “Get to the playoffs and then anything can happen.”

@ Riverside Park 6

Thursday 4/2

Monday 4/13

Boys’ Baseball vs.

Aviation Career & Technical Education High School

Boys’ Lacrosse vs.

Port Richmond

@ Pier 40

Thursday 4/2

Girls’ Badminton vs.

John Dewey High School

@ Port Richmond High School

Monday 4/13

Boy’s Tennis vs.

Beacon High School

@ Stuyvesant High School

@ Riverside Drive Tennis Courts 1

Thursday 4/2

Tuesday 4/14

Girls’ Lacrosse vs.

Forest Hills HS

Girls’ Fencing vs.

NEST+M

@ Randall’s Island Field 80

@ NEST High School

Sports Wrapup • This past week, the boys’ baseball team, the Hitmen, started their season. On Wednesday, March 25, they got lost to Beacon 11-1. On Thursday, March 26, they lost to Beacon again 3-2 in a much closer rematch.

• The girls’ softball team, the Renegades, began their season as well. They lost their first game 16-14 but won their second 12-11.

• The boys’ varsity lacrosse team, the Peglegs, beat Philip Randolph 12-4 on March 23. Two days later, they lost to Hunter 12-2.

• The Huskies, the girls’ lacrosse team, played four games last week and came out with a record of 2-2. They beat Phillip Randolph and Kipp NYC College Prep, but lost to Hunter and Frederick Douglass Academy.

• The girls’ badminton team lost to Seward Park Campus and Franklin D. Roosevelt on March 23 and 25, respectively. However, they beat John Dewey High School 4-1 a few days earlier, on March 19.

• Stuyvesant’s girls’ handball team, the Peglegs, began their season on March 25 with a big victory—they beat Martin Luther King Jr. High School 5-0.

• The Hitmen, the boys’ tennis team, have struggled with weather concerns heretofore in their season—three of their games had to be postponed. However, the team shows much promise as they won the two the games they played, 5-0 against Eleanor Roosevelt High School and 3-2 against Bronx Science.

• The boys’ volleyball team lost their first game of the season against Fiorello H. Laguardia High School 2-0.

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 29

The Disrespectator Arts and Entertainment Music

By Danielle Eisenman Sharing a meal with freshman Mika Simoncelli is a lot like sharing a meal with a six-year-old who has the maturity (or lack thereof ) of a 42-month-old. Globs of hummus, some dried and crusted, some still glistening with moisture, and some blanketed in fluffy mold, adorn the tip of Simoncelli’s nose, and the corner of her mouth, and a large surface area in the middle of her forehead, and, of course, a somewhat hidden, but all too visible section of her ear canal.

This goo of mutilated chickpeas is Simoncelli’s favorite spreadable food, and her various orifices never cease to be clogged with it.

Simoncelli is what some may call a “fangirl.”

You, reader, may be vexed as to how this denotation of “fangirlism” is remotely related to the Middle Eastern food spread that I discussed for the previous paragraph. To be truly honest with you, there is no relation that exists.

The above paragraph is fluff—no more, and no less. That is, unless you consider the possibility that this mention of hummus contributes to an elaborate play on words, one that does not make sense now and probably won’t by the time you have finished reading this article.

Anyway, back to Simoncelli.

The fact that she is a fangirl says two things about her.

The first is that Simoncelli is painfully enthusiastic about one or more specific things.

Secondly, she is also rather fond of those little devices with the platypus tail-shaped blades that spin around in order to generate cool air. (That’s a convoluted way of saying, “ceiling fan.” Simoncelli is a ceiling fangirl.) And, if you must know, it is the quiet humming noise of the ceiling fan that inspires her visceral attraction.

Now, being a fangirl can be somewhat detrimental. Simoncelli’s fanatical fancying of fans has ruled her life since she was a mere seven months old. So, in the same way that smokers wean themselves off of cigarettes by opting for nicotine gum, Simoncelli has set out to calm her infatuation with the humming noises of ceiling fans by settling for the next best thing. Escalator hums. And one musician has made Simoncelli’s transition a whole lot easier.

“Five Hours of Escalator Hum” consists of 300 minutes of the humming sounds created by Stuyvesant’s many escalators, and was released by singer-songwriter Miley Stuyrus on February 31.

Stuyrus, who emerged from humble beginnings, has won all sorts

of attention for her humdinger debut. Since its release, this record has sat at the very top of the charts—although it’s not entirely clear which charts. Regardless of the album’s legitimate exposure, it serves to be noted that Stuyrus’s career is currently humming with all sorts of newfound admiration.

There is a certain homogony that exists on “Five Hours of Escalator Hum,” as there isn’t much variation in escalator sound production. However, each of the tracks have their own nuances worth mentioning. The themes explored in “Five to Seven” are multifarious, ranging from the Herculean athleticism necessary to play wiffle ball, to the grumbling discomfort in response to the Emmy Awardwinning NOVA special, “The Miracle of Life.”

“When I listen to songs like, ‘Five to Seven,’” explained Simoncelli, “I feel as if I am transported to some sort of otherworldly location, with all sorts of exotic flora and fauna, [...] some place like the Bronx Zoo.” A nauseatingly large number animals come to Simoncelli’s Lilliputian mind. “Well, I guess humming noises remind me of hummingbirds, although I’m not sure why. I also think of camels. That may just be because I spend a lot of my time thinking about cam-

els, but I guess that the humming sounds may be somewhat soothing for their humongous humps.”

After Simoncelli related this to me, she banged her elbow on a door behind her and exclaimed, “Ow, my humerus! I’m completely humiliated.” When she threw her hands up in the air as an expression of arm pain-related disgust, I inquired about the sweat stains in her armpits. “Sorry, it’s just really humid,” she told me. “I feel like this doesn’t have anything to do with Stuylus’s album, and I’m not sure why you’re still recording what I’m saying.”

Sophomore Dylan Manuele calls the song “Four On Six” “a humanist perspective on the humanitarian missions of providing humectants to drivers of Hummers, and whether or not this is humane,” he said. Manuele, however, has never heard of Stuylus’s album.

“Four On Six” is a song by the jazz guitarist Wes Montgomery, and should not be confused with tunes like “Four to Six.”

Mariya Gedrich / The Spectator

A Humdinger Conglomeration of Hums

“Five Hours of Escalator Hum” has been gushed over by various critics, among them 19th century German explorer, Alexander von Humboldt, who called the album “Spicier than South America.” After hearing the record for the first time, Scottish philosopher David Hume renamed his most notable work, “A Treatise on Human Nature” (1739-40) “A Treatise on Escalator Hum-an Nature.” The only sourpuss in the group appears to be “Gossip Girl” hipster heartthrob Dan Humphrey, who said Stuylus’s work was “honestly, a little humdrum.”

To that, I say, Bah Humbug!

Playlist

This Is Real Music, You Uncultured Swine

Sunny Chen / The Spectator

Every single person at this school is a nugget of ignorantly ignorant goo.

I mean, okay—all of you guys live on a planet with an unfathomable amount of great music, yet you choose only to listen to the crap of the crop. Like, yeah, we get it, you know? High culture is, by definition, inaccessible.

You may be thinking that we don’t understand what it’s like to not be ingesting many gallons and tons of ingenious human achievement on an hourly basis. And, you’re right—as culture connoisseurs, we have no choice but to be ruled by our violently fabulous and eclectic tastes.

But, you can change! We believe in you! Just give these songs a chance. Upon the first listen, you may be disoriented by the pure artistry you’ve experienced. What you’ll soon learn—given, of course, that you approach this experience with the appropriate amount of rigor and enthusiasm—is that all good art needs time. So, we recommend that you listen to these songs an average of 272 hours a week in order to properly integrate them into your lifestyle.

Dynamite Taio Cruz Pop

Party Rock Anthem LMFAO Pop

Happy Pharrel Williams Pop

Gangnam Style Psy Pop

Price Tag Jessie J Pop

What Makes You Beautiful One Direction Pop

I Like It Enrique Iglesias Pop

What The Hell Avril Lavigne Pop

Call Me Maybe Carly Rae Jepsen Pop

TiK ToK Ke$ha Pop

Replay Iyaz Pop

One Less Lonely Girl Justin Bieber Pop

Down Jay Sean Pop

Disturbia Rihanna Pop

The Way Ariana Grande Pop

Teenage Dream Katy Perry Pop

Pocketful of Sunshine Natasha Bedingfield Pop

Die Young Ke$ha Pop

I Gotta Feeling Black Eyed Peas Pop

Crank That Soulja Boy Pop

Troublemaker Olly Murs (feat. Flo Rida) Pop

Umbrella Rihanna ft. Jay-Z Pop

Fire Burning Sean Kingston Pop

22 Taylor Swift Pop

Like a G6 Far East Movement Pop

Hot N Cold Katy Perry Pop

Jealous Nick Jonas Pop

Party in the USA Miley Cyrus Pop

Tuesday ILOVEMAKKONEN Pop

Girlfriend Avril Lavigne Pop

Baby Justin Bieber Pop

The Monster Eminem ft. Rihanna Pop

Bad Romance Lady Gaga Pop

Tonight, Tonight Hot Chelle Rae Pop

Shake it Off Taylor Swift Pop

We R Who We R Ke$ha Pop

Low Flo-Rida (feat. T Pain) Pop

All About That Bass Meghan Trainor Pop

Sexy and I Know It LMFAO Pop

Right Round Flo Rida Pop

Talk Dirty Jason Derulo ft. 2 Chainz Pop

Super Bass Nicki Minaj Pop

Fancy Iggy Azalea Pop

Page 30

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

The Disrespectator Students Get Negative Hours of Sleep

Yuxin Wu / The Spectator

something that, in light of this newest discovery, tarnishes the paper’s longstanding reputation for unbiased, fact-based reporting.

Still, other students remain apathetic to the advancement of science. “I don’t really care about

By Sonia Epstein For Stuyvesant students, the loss of one hour of sleep due to Daylight Savings on Sunday, March 8 resulted in a major predicament. At 2:00 a.m., the moment the clocks moved forward, Stuyvesant’s caffeinated constituency discovered a new phenomenon, which they have cleverly dubbed “negative sleep.”

“I’ve gotten used to loss of sleep,” sophomore Masha Fomitchova said. “The problem here was that I didn’t have any more sleep to lose.”

The negative sleep phenomenon is so complex that it can be difficult to articulate. “You know those movies like ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ or ‘Interstellar,’ where the astronaut embarks on this weird journey through the galaxies?

The astronaut is zooming through space all alone; there’s this tunneling sensation and odd, distorted light, and you’re just wondering, ‘how is that astronaut still even alive?’” junior Louisa Clark said.

“That’s kind of what negative sleep feels like—how am I still alive?”

The concept is characterized by a time warp caused by the bending of space-time, which can be calculated by taking the seventh root of the log of the tangent of three to the power of Brian Moran times the speed of light divided by the number of coffees confiscated each day. “The formula took me about an hour to come up with at 3:00 a.m.,” senior William Lu said. “But I figured I had already gotten negative hours of sleep so it couldn’t hurt to stay up a little bit longer.”

This new discovery already promises to advance scientific knowledge by leaps and bounds, providing physicists with new insights into the mechanism of time and joining Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity on the shelves of great scientific literature. The New York Post has erased its January 18 article “Elite School Takes Huge Hit in Science Contest,” feeling ashamed to have reported on

“If we are going to skip an hour, couldn’t we make it a more strategic hour to miss? Like how about the hour I have to take my Honors AP Calculus BC test?”

—Danny Lin, senior

negative sleep,” senior Danny Lin said. “If we are going to skip an hour, couldn’t we make it a more strategic hour to miss? Like how about the hour I have to take my AP Calculus BC test?”

SU Purchases $250k Lamborghini

By Brian Dong The Stuyvesant Student Union (SU) acquired a 2014 Lamborghini Huracán on March 1, 2015. Leaked budget records indicate that the SU spent approximately $250,000 on it. Funding for the lean, mean sports machine was partially covered by SING! tickets, confiscated cell phones, and lost graphing calculators.

“There’s a reason why I confiscate cell phones on such a frequent basis,” Assistant Principal of Student Security and Affairs Brian Moran said.

When asked on how it plans to use the new sports car, the SU quickly responded. “The board members of the Student Union unanimously voted to spend a large portion of its budget on a luxury good accessible to a select few that would have otherwise been pocketed,” senior and SU CFO Benjamin Lanier said.

“I think this is the most useful thing the SU has ever done,” junior Avery Karlin said. “In fact, this is the only time I recall the SU doing anything at all.”

Others were not as pleased.

“I don’t know anyone who has made such a mindless decision, not even the spendaholic politicians we elected. I’ll bet my soul that the SU is going to shut down just like the government did back in 2013. Gosh, if that happens, who is going to continue providing me with nothing at all? We as a student body cannot afford to lose our only Union, the sole thing keeping the fascist Zhang administration from downright imposing its will on us,” junior Alexis

Kushner said.

Multiple sources confirm that the Lamborghini is currently being held on the parking lot right next to the 11th floor pool.

“This car is a special privilege that can only be utilized by someone with immense wisdom,

Funding for the lean, mean sports machine was partially covered

by SING! tickets, confiscated cell phones, and lost graphing calculators.

knowledge, and experience.

Someone who can drive by himself without the need of an adult chaperone. Someone extremely handsome. Someone like the SU officials,” Lanier said.

Melanie Chow / The Spectator

Random Holidays Added to Calendar in Addition to Muslim Holidays

By Shaikat Islam Following the recent addition of the Islamic holidays of Eid-ulFitr and Eid-ul-Adha to the DOE calendar, the response from the Stuyvesant’s Muslim community has been extremely positive, with some students noting an increase of “Alhamdulillah” (thanks be to God), Subhan Allah (Glorious is God), and “Allah Akbar” (God is Great) being heard in classrooms.

One Stuyvesant Muslim Student Association (MSA) member shared his feelings about the new addition: “Yeah—this new holiday system is great. I can’t do homework or go to school when

I have literally hundreds of relatives to visit, money to get, and food to eat. Can you really focus on schoolwork when you’re thinking about that twentieth plate of food and taking ridiculous selfies of yourself in your traditional garb trying to act cultured one day of the year?”

Other students are excited about the addition, but are worried that their own concerns about their own ethnic or secular holidays will not be answered.

As a result, a petition on the entirely legitimate, professional, grammatically correct website Change.org has been made regarding the status of other holidays—particularly Lunar New

Year. Sophomore Ao Kong, who signed the petition, said, “I’m not Muslim, but I’m Chinese. That’s why I need to sign this petition.

If we got the Lunar New Year off, I could convert to Islam and get three days off next year!”

The New York City Department of Education, along with the Office of the Mayor stated that it was “necessary to expedite the process by which we are trying to manifest a change within the current nature of the status quo in regards to determining the great legitimacy of adding the Lunar New Year to the calendar,” and that they were “on it.”

While the concerns of the Asian community have been seen as legitimate in the eyes of the DOE, one petitioner asks, “What about the rest of us? I’m not Chinese, Muslim, Jewish, or Christian! I identify as an Afghan, Albanian, Brunei Armed Force Veteran with a memorization of pi and tau to four thousand digits, and am also from Staten Island and would like to have the Machine-Building industry workers of Russia to be recognized in America as well as the recognition of the Vernal Equinox and the importance of poultry! What about the rest of us?”

What about the rest of us, indeed—the Spectator Humor Department, rigorously working on the case has found that on the petitioner’s list of concerns is a link that references a list of all the known holidays celebrated

around the world. Of these, some include, but are not limited to: Afghan Independence Day, Al-

“Yeah- this new holiday system is great. I can’t do homework or go to school when I have literally hundreds of relatives to visit, money to get, and food to eat.” —Stuyvesant MSA Member

banian Liberation Day, Brunei Armed Forces Day, Pi Day, Tau Day, My Birthday (referenced the most out of all other holidays),

Lýðveldisdagurinn (Icelandic National Day), Senior Citizens Day, Staten Island Day, Youth Day, День машиностроителей (Day of Machine-Building industry workers), Boxing Day (Canada), Boxing Day (United Kingdom), Anniversario della istituzione dello Stato della Città del Vaticano (Anniversary of the foundation of Vatican City), Vernal Equinox (Wiccan), Yule (Wiccan), Yggdrasil Day (Wiccan), Day of the Dead, Anniversary of the Oil Expropriation (Mexico), Companies that Care Day, National Poultry Day, National Chocolate Caramel Day, Alien Abduction Day, National Ravioli Day, National French Bread Day, National Day of Celebration of Greek and American Democracy, Donghzi Festival, The Emperor’s Birthday (Tennō Tanjōbi?), and 10,000 other unique holidays.

The DOE, in response to the petition, has shut down school “indefinitely” until “all the holidays are completed.”

Schools have shut down en masse, and are now being used to host parties and events for these new holidays. The First Celebration of the Anniversary of the Oil Expropriation will be celebrated tomorrow, starting at 8:00 a.m. throughout Stuyvesant High School. The school recommends that you wear your traditional oil drilling garb, and take the necessary precautions before investing in Mexican oil fields.

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Page 31

The Disrespectator Students Are Losing Their Damns and Can’t Find Them

Emily Wu/ The Spectator

damns with it,” said Ishikawa, plucking each one off his sweater.

With the second semester setting in stone and the warm weather approaching, there has been a noticeable increase in the amount of damns found in the hallways.

“I was walking through the third floor atrium when I nearly tripped over a whole pile of them,” history teacher David Hanna said. “That was also the day I gave a quiz

which all three of my AP US History classes failed. There must be a correlation.”

In fact, recent studies reveal that there is indeed a mutual relationship between the amount of damns a student has and his or her grades. Students with higher grade-point averages (GPAs) tend to have more damns, while those with lower GPAs are recorded to have fewer, or none at all. As the

Student Doing Classwork Realizes Life is Meaningless

By Winton Yee Sitting in room 639 and doing miscellaneous school-related work on March 20, 2015, Humor Editor Winton Yee realized that life itself is devoid of meaning.

“Why am I even typing on this laptop right now, writing this article?”Yee wondered to myself. “This is actually so pointless. I could be

“For what is life is but a randomly set series of goals to bring some sort of structure to a journey that inevitably, mercilessly ends in death?”

—Winton Yee, junior

eating food or jumping rope or something. And yet I choose to sit here and push buttons and make pixels appear on a screen.”

Looking to his left and seeing his fellow Humor Editor, Jordan Hodder, playing some sort of dungeon-crawl video game, which he had been doing for

the past month, Yee questioned whether there even was any difference between the constructs of “work” and “play” that society had imposed on him. “Why even work? Is there any difference between me slapping keys to make sentences and Jordan slapping keys to whip his sword around?

Is there any inherent value in the concept of ‘work,’ or is that an idea forced upon me to keep me in check within our accepted constructs of normality?”

To his right, Yee saw News Editor Tina Jiang writing an email or something. Emails, he realized, are totally stupid. Why was it so necessary that he needed to respond to his teacher and fill out arbitrary ARISTA forms? Why did he bother doing that? To prove his competence? The question he was truly asking, Yee realized, was why did he try? For college?

For a job? Why? For what is life but a randomly set series of goals to bring some sort of structure to a journey that inevitably, mercilessly ends in death?

His train of thought was interrupted as Photo Editor Jensen Forester yelled out, “Does anyone know Danielle Koster?”

“She’s on volleyball,” Editor in Chief Ariella Kahan responded.

Yee realized that he himself could be reduced to but a single three word sentence if someone asked about who he was. He could be “weird Asian child” or “quiet Asian child” or “track Asian child.” That was it. All his hopes and dreams, everything that he stood for, condensed into a short epithet. Was this really it? Was this the fruit that life bore for him?

As of press time, Yee had continued on to ponder about his sexual frustrations and the deeper implications that they held for humanity in general.

school year nears its ending, however, even students who do well in their classes are beginning to show a decline.

Research also suggests that the number of damns one has decreases steadily with each passing year of high school: freshmen have way too many damns while second-term seniors such as Tyler Ishikawa are left without a damn.

“I’m leaving this hellhole and my

Several individuals have voiced their opinions regarding

Student Union Proposes Idea to Come Up With Ideas

By Blythe Zadrozny Following years of empty campaign promises and fruitless cabinet meetings, the Student Union (SU) has finally decided to make a change. The organization announced on Wednesday, March 18, via an excellently edit-

“This provides a possibility of actual change, and we’re not sure we’re ready for that. It’s simply not the SU’s job to actually do anything. It’s something for them to put on their college applications.”

—Jie Zhang, principal ed video, that they have devised a plan to come up with ideas, effective immediately.

According to SU Vice President Jonathan Aung, the very visible and productive Executive Cabinet, as well as all four of the caucuses, have been focusing

on this issue for months. “We’ve wanted to keep it under the wraps until now. It’s such a radical idea, and we weren’t sure how people would react,” Aung said.

Many students are upset with the SU’s change of pace. “They can’t just spring this on us. The whole point of the SU is to never actually accomplish anything.

This upsets the whole balance,” freshman Lydia Robinson said.

The administration also does not agree with the new strategy, believing it to be threatening to their own efforts. “This provides a possibility of actual change, and we’re not sure we’re ready for that. It’s simply not the SU’s job to actually do anything. It’s something for them to put on their college applications,” Principal Jie Zhang said.

It is still too early to see any real effects from the new plan, and therefore the SU’s role cannot yet be reevaluated. However, the SU promises to continue to explore the possibilities and update the school on their progress, an additional radical change in

the system. “We all know none of this is actually going to happen,

“We all know none of this is actually going to happen, but what the heck, lets let them they think they actually achieved something for once.” —Zoe Leaf, junior but what the heck, let’s let them they think they actually achieved something for once,” junior Zoe

Yuchen Jin / The Spectator

By Sylvia Yu

“I would donate my damns to the less fortunate [...]

But I don’t give a damn.”

—Michelle Li, junior

the issue. “It wasn’t intentional,” said junior Stella Ma, motioning in the air to signify the absence of her damns. “I was trying to study for my chemistry test when all of a sudden they were gone. I lost my damns and I was unable to read my textbook for the rest of the night.” Ma reports that while she does not know the whereabouts of her damns, she assures that they will be found before her AP Spanish test in May. “I’ll definitely have some in a few months,” she said. “But for now, turn up.”

Others, however, are apathetic toward the missing damns.

“They could remain lost for all I care,” junior Sabira Mehjabin said.

“My 2380 SAT score doesn’t need them either!” Mehjabin, whose 800 SAT writing score is something to boast about, does not currently own any damns, but is willing to sell her SAT review book for Twinkies—hit her up on Buying and Selling for Girls at Stuy.

If you come across any dropped damns while going to your next class, please return them to the lost-and-found—many are desperate to have them back. “I would donate my damns to the less fortunate,” junior Michelle Li said. “But I don’t give a damn.”

The Spectator ● April 1, 2015

Melanie Chow / The Spectator

Page 32

What Your Chipotle Order Says About You

Trending

if it’s a multiple-choice question.

OH M GO AD

ST JU W WO

When junior Kevin Yan started his homework yesterday afternoon, he knew that he had a long night ahead of him. He had to study for Mandarin and precalculus tests, complete a DBQ Essay for AP United States History, create a word search filled with curses for AP Computer Science, write an English paper analyzing the meaning of life, and catch up on several episodes of “The Big Bang Theory.” Most of us would shy away from all this work, but Yan is not most of us. What he did over the course of the next 12 hours will make you rethink the way you live your life.

Many students would attack that computer science project first, but Yan had his priorities straight. Immediately after he got home, Yan went and binge-watched “The Big Bang Theory” for five hours. At 10:00 p.m., he started the computer Science project and never looked back. In a truly extraordinary feat, Yan completed every single one of his assignments over the next eight hours. He even managed to study for both of his tests, and at 4:30 a.m., he started the English essay, which had been assigned two weeks ago. “I got, like, no sleep,” Yan said.

Unbelievable! If you thought your late-night ordeals were special, think again. Kevin Yan is a profoundly re-

“Any type of salad.”

You attend Brooklyn Tech.

So, you think you pay attention during class? Think you take good notes? Take this open-notebook quiz to find out! Just match each quotation with the class that it was said in.

1. “In tomorrow’s lab, you’re going to dissect Kevin.” a.

Precalculus b.

AP Physics B c.

Health d.

Freshmen Biology 2. “If Joe launches a nuclear missile into Manhattan using a 1 m long pendulum connected to a spring with k = 1,000,000 N/m and controls the contraption using a parallel circuit with R = 57 Ohms, how many people will die? Is Joe an idiot?” a. AP Physics C b. Computer Technology c. Criminal Law

d. Lifeguarding 3. “Yee-haw!” a.

Poetry Workshop b.

Government c.

Physical Education, Square Dancing Unit d.

Watercoloring 4. “This is the chemical hood. Whatever you do, do not try to grab a drink from the chemical hood, unless you are trying to sacrifice yourself to Satan, in which case that is totally allowed.” a.

Health b.

Chemistry c.

Technical Drawing d.

Freshman Composition 5. “Girls fencing tryouts are this Wednesday in the 6th floor gymnasium. Oh, and remember: if your eyes are real, dinner is ready!” a.

AP Macroeconomics

FA

•

Life Hack! Vin Diesel Named His Daughter After a Penske Truck picture of a truck

•

A Definitive Ranking of the Fattest Cockroaches.

• •

Can We Guess Your Favorite Brand of Toilet Paper?

4 Trees That Look Like Barack Obama’s Right Arm

• •

Find Out Why You’ve Been Touching Lettuce Wrong 3 Avocados That Will Change the Way You Look At the World. wo

I ca e v n’ t en

W WO W WO WOW

markable, disciplined person.

However, what happened next will completely blow your mind. First period, Yan had his Mandarin test.

“Dude, I just failed that test so hard,” Yan said. “I stayed up all night studying, so I was just so tired during the test. I knew nothing, man. I was just like, WTH is this?”

Wow! Amazing!

Not only did Yan pull an all-nighter, but he also just totally failed his test. Kevin Yan has once again shown that he is a true model for the rest of the Stuyvesant community.

Congratulations, Kevin! We all look up to you!

You’ll Be Surprised By How Little You Actually Pay Attention In Class

By Jacob Faber-Rico

8 Students Who Wish They Hadn’t Ridden a Unicycle Down the Hudson Staircase.

IL

“A steak burrito bowl with everything.”

You sign up for 64 different clubs at the Club/Pub Fair each year, but never end up attending any of the actual meetings.

Inspiring! This Man Got, Like, No Sleep Last Night

By Jacob Faber-Rico

•

G

“A regular burrito with what most people usually order.”

You are a student who’s chronically indecisive in just about every way possible. You can never decide which answer to choose when you’re taking a test, so you just leave it blank—even

L LO

OM

“A chicken burrito with just black beans and salsa.”

You like to play it safe—you look at what others do and do your best to conform. You don’t take risks often and are never satisfied with your grades, no matter what they may be.

“One soft flour barbacoa taco, soft corn carnitas taco, and a chicken crispy taco, each with a different flavor salsa and cheese.”

You are involved in more clubs than anyone else in your grade and therefore fit in (and stick out at the same time—your neon-colored demeanor gives you away) wherever you go. You’re against annualized classes, because routine for you is a bore.

We Poked a Hungry Jaguar With a Gardening Trowel to Make Him Really Angry. Watch the Video to Find Out What Happens Next.

TE

“A grilled steak burrito with extra beans, no rice, double guac, double cheese, double sour cream, and no salsa.”

You’re an intense control freak who incidentally happens to be on the Stuyvesant Football Team. Your unfathomably huge nutrition intake accounts for grades that are unfathomably above average. (Fail to see the connection? Well, we do, too. It’s a science thing—or so we think.) That being said, your love life is somewhat nonexistent—your eating habits serve as a lady-friend repellant.

•

CU

Chipotle is a fine eating establishment that specializes in exotic foods from beyond the border. There is a pleasingly placating plethora of personalized options, numbering in the gazillions. This year, an Intel finalist discovered that Chipotle orders are even more personal than he had thought— there is a direct correlation between a Stuyvesant student’s personality and his Chipotle order.

Below are some common orders and what they say about the people who order them.

OM

G!

6. “I couldn’t answer this question if it was in English!” a.

AP Spanish Literature b.

American Literature c.

AP Calculus BC All of the above d.

Well, how do you measure up?

6 Right: Wow! You have truly great class participation! Good luck at Harvard!

5 Right: Well done, but you probably should have paid more attention during square dancing. What a shame; you could have gone to Harvard.

0-4 Right: Really???? I mean, really?!?!?!?!?!?!? How do you not remember dissecting Kevin? Disgraceful.

w

•

This Woman Survived for a Month On Just Pickles and Alka Seltzer. First you’ll be shocked, then you’ll be inspired.

•

Can You Pass This Ninth-Grade Science Test From 2015?

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17 Things Only Ambidextrous People Named Tony Will Understand

•

6 Chief Keef Lyrics You Should Never Say In a Job Interview

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We Set Up Brian Moran and Kim Kardashian on a Blind Date.

What Happens Next Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity.

YA S

You’ll Never Guess What Our Teachers Are Saying

b.

Linear Algebra c.

Symphonic Band d.

Wherever you are during third period

Answers: 1. D 2. A 3. C 4. B 5. D 6. D

Minseo Kim / The Spectator

By Jongyoul Lee

By Jacob Faber-Rico

“A Quesarito, please.”

You are the hipster in the classroom. You get all your teachers’ outdated movie references and have the same radio presets (Lite FM, WNYC’s classical station, and Boom 92, for when you need a little Biggie in your life.) You’re not afraid to be yourself, even if that means doing splits in the library.

S

LO L

!

By Jacob Faber-Rico “After that last one I showed you with the ellipse, this is probably my secondfavorite problem of all time” —Math teacher James Cocoros, on ending world hunger.

“Well I was keeping it real at this candle factory in Tajikistan, and I accidentally knocked over a vat of wax. I ended up completely covered in it, and things kind of took off from there.” —History teacher Michael Waxman, on his name.

“And then you do some voodoo voodoo” —Physics teacher Ulugbek Akhmedov, on writing tests.

“Some people find it truly barbaric, but I see it as an art. It takes a lot of selfcontrol and composure, because you’re putting your life on the line, and you have to train for years to really become great. The first time I did it, I honestly thought I was going to die.” —Spanish teacher Robert Weldon, on the AP Spanish exam