Volume 112 No. 4
October 31, 2021 SPOOKTATOR
stuyspec.com SPOOKTATOR
Costumed Creatures!
The Brain’s Love for the Paranormal
The only thing more terrifying than a monster is… a monster with hairband kitten ears. The Spectator’s Art Department drew some of the scariest creatures known to man in the finest seasonal attire.
No spook, specter, or haunt will ever be safe again. Science writer Riona Anvekar busts a few myths about ghosts.
see pages 21-22
see page 14
By ALEXANDER CHU and ESHAAL UBAID “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA—” The piercing shriek was heard from the 11th floor pool to the scanners by the bridge entrance. A crowd formed around the fated hallway, where a freshman, now passed out, lay in front of the lockers. A trail of blood seeped through the grate of Locker 666, flowing down the hallway in front of him. Amidst the gasps and faces frozen in shock, a janitor walked past. He took a look, muttered, “I should have taken the job at B-Tech,” and just kept walking. “STEP ASIDE, COMMONERS!” a voice boomed through the corridor. Principal Yu pushed his way through the crowd. “Man, Contreras said that this would never happen again.” He shooed away the crowd, assuring them that everything was fine. The freshman’s unconscious body was carried to the nurse, and Locker 666 was sectioned off from the public. ************* “I’m gonna check the locker
By ETHAN LAM In a harrowing experience, area man Jebeneezer Booge was visited by three ghostly apparitions in his own home. The three ghosts appeared before him to deliver a series of messages, which they claimed would make him change his selfish ways and understand the true meaning of Halloween. The first ghost, the Ghost of Halloween Past, attempted to show Booge a vision of the past but left the premises after Booge forced it to comply with COVID guidelines. As such, the Ghost of Halloween Past opted to apply for a position at Buzzfeed (a prime source of media nowadays) and wrote an article in order to deliver its message, telling Booge to be on the lookout. The article, titled “Top 10 Reasons that You Must Change Your Ways,” was published on October 31. An excerpt reads as follows: “I think Halloween has been excessively commercialized. It’s not about the candy, the costumes, or the decorations. What really matters is family values—such as performing pagan rituals together in order to ward off evil spirits and to
out.” “Do NOT check the locker out!” “Trust me, I know demons. I battle them––internally––on a daily basis. This is nothing.” Eshaal takes a sip of her hot chocolate. “A d m i n ’s not just going to let you waltz into the sophomore bar and check out the locker because you said ‘it’s fun’ and ‘I won’t get hurt, I swear.’” “Pfffft. C o m e on, it’s a haunted locker, and we’re not off-brand Ghostbusters for nothing,” Alexander scoffs. “We got the car and the theme song too.” “For the last time, a glow-in-
Yaqi Zeng / The Spectator
The Chilling Tale of Locker 666 the-dark skateboard is not a car. I don’t care how invested you are in Stuy Skate…” A door slammed as the Student Union vice-president Ryan Lee stepped into the room, never without a dramatic entrance. “Okay!” shouted Lee, slapping an envelope down onto the table. “I got you the file on Locker 666. Will you PLEASE leave the SU room now?” “Only if you make us official unofficial Ghostbusters!” “Get out.” With a shrug, the two investigators from The Spectator (Privates Chu and Ubaid) found themselves sifting through the file of pictures of the hallway, looking through everything from firsthand accounts of Locker encounters to black and white Polaroids of demonic hands snatching kids from the sophomore bar. “Ew,” grimaced Alex. “I think that’s a real skeleton. Or a freshman––I can’t tell.”
A Halloween Carol
ensure a healthy harvest for the following year. Nowadays, we rarely see anyone visit the druid together to find out who will survive the next winter. It’s a tragedy.” Booge responded to the article, leaving a comment stating that “[The article] is a bunch of pretentious nonsense. You’re just trying to sound better than everyone else by criticizing something popular. You’ve never even celebrated a pagan Halloween. You died in 2020. You told me while I was trying to get you to wear a face mask.” Indeed, after perusing through some death certificates, journalists from The Spectator confirmed that the Ghost of Halloween Past died of COVIDrelated issues the previous year. The Ghost maintained that it was still qualified for its position as “Ghost of Halloween Past,” as 2020 is in the past, and will continue to act as such. However, recent sources report that the Ghost is currently unable to perform its duties for the time being due to the fact that it has been hospitalized after contracting the coronavirus again. The next ghost, the Ghost of Halloween Present, appeared
before Booge after the Ghost of Halloween Past had been kicked from the household, stating: “I am the Ghost of Halloween Present! See the present, and see how you affect those around you. Change your ways, or forever repent…” It then proceeded to show Booge a vision of the present by setting up a Zoom call with Booge’s mother. Booge thanked him, admitting that he had grown distant after moving out, and had an amicable conversation with his family. “Yeah, so like, we really need to connect with the fam, especially on the scariest night of the year, y’know? Glad I could help the dude,” said the wraith as it disappeared into oblivion. The final spirit, the Ghost of Halloween Future, appeared to Booge, showing him yet another prophecy. Booge described the scene as a graveyard in the middle of the night, with a headstone that simply said “Here lies Tiny Tim.” Below is a transcript of their conversation. GHOST OF HALLOWEEN FUTURE: Gaze upon the future that will come to pass…
SPOOKYBEAT
“Nonsense, our editorial overlords would never write something as grotesque as a skeleton in this article. It’s probably a plastic one from the Bio Department.” The duo proceeded to stroll to the notorious locker, where Eshaal ran her finger through the red stains that the janitor hadn’t mopped up yet. “Mmm, ketchup.” Alex winced. “That’s blood.” “Oh… ew.” As they approached the infamous Locker 666, rattling was heard. Something seemed to be moving around in there. The vibrations shook the entire locker block and that one computer trolley that the English department has been using since 2003. “Look at how the locker’s vibrating. There’s DEFINITELY a ghost in there,” Alex exclaimed. “A new friend!” Eshaal cried excitedly. “No.” “Well, a new lover seemed like a bit much,, but you do you, Alex.” “I’ll think about that later. Right now, we gotta summon this thing so continued on page 2
BOOGE: NO! HE WAS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD! SPIRIT! HOW DO I CHANGE MY WAYS? GHOST OF HALLOWEEN FUTURE: Listen to me man. There’s only one way. First, you gotta buy Halloween candy. Not those variety packs either. The fullsized bars. Then put them outside your door on Halloween unattended. A “please take only one” sign should suffice for security— BOOGE: Wait. What year is it? GHOST OF HALLOWEEN FUTURE: …2100. [In the background, a casket can be seen being lowered into the ground.] BACKGROUND PRIEST: “Rest eternal grant unto them, O Lord: And let light perpetual shine upon them. May they rest in peace. F to pay respects.” continued on page 2
The administration opened up new lunch spots via student request, including and limited to Principal Yu and Mr. Moran’s office. Students will be required to retake the previous school year due to the loss of class time from the COVID-19 pandemic. The DOE added a new question asking students how spooky they feel on the Health Screening. The answer determines admission into the school building. (The correct answer is “yes.”) Upperclassmen who dress up as freshmen on Halloween will earn a 10-point boost to their GPA. Freshmen dressing up as upperclassmen will receive looks of disappointment. To maintain the spooky Halloween spirit, Stuyvesant shuts down all escalators for the week. Teachers are now mandated to curve Marking Period 3 grades down to meet department-specific averages. All afterschool activities have been extended to 3:00 a.m. Students who wish to camp out at the school may bring sleeping bags to the first-floor atrium. Seniors uncomfortable changing in the second-floor bathroom can now change in the basement next to Peter Stuyvesant’s undecomposed and still very racist corpse. Students who are caught using cell phones in the building will be given supplementary classes to compensate for lost productive time after school. Starting spring 2022, the administration will be mandating that students wear Stuyvesant Physical Education T-shirts and shorts as the school uniform. Any students carrying Halloween props as part of their costumes will have their items confiscated by the attendance monitors.