Submerge Magazine: Issue 76 (January 10 - 24, 2011)

Dive into Sacramento & its Surrounding Areas

January 10 – 24, 2011

#76 ra ra riot The Fruits of Their Labor daedelus Times Are A-Changing tanya morgan Brooklynati Illuminated deeRhoof Fights the dark pets The Sweetspot

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KevinNealon Real, Relevant Laughs

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February 10 Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

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Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

contents

12

76 january 10 - 24

2011

03 Dive in 04 The Stream your senses 06 Submerge 08 Deerhoof Capture 10 Capitol Optimistic Pessimist 11 The 12 Daedelus 14 pets 16 ra ra riot 19 Tanya Morgan 20 kevin nealon 22 calendar 28 refined tastes 29 the grindhouse shallow 30 the end scarves

20

19

14

20 cofounder/ Editor in Chief/Art Director

Melissa Welliver melissa@submergemag.com cofounder/ Advertising Director

Jonathan Carabba jonathan@submergemag.com Advertising sales

Josselin Basaldu josselin@submergemag.com senior editor

James Barone Contributing editor

Mandy Johnston

Contributing Writers

Joseph Atkins, Robin Bacior, Josselin Basaldu, Corey Bloom, Bocephus Chigger, Brad Fuhrman, Anthony Giannotti, Blake Gillespie, Vince Girimonte, Bobby S. Gulshan, Ryan L. Prado, Adam Saake, Amy Serna

Submerge Magazine

2308 J Street, Suite F Sacramento, Calif. 95816

916.441.3803 info@submergemag.com

Contributing photographer

Samantha Saturday distribution

Blake Gillespie, Monica McStotts

printed on recycled paper

www.submergemag.com Follow us on Twitter! @SubmergeMag

SubmergeMag.com

formoli’s

the king’s speech

All content is property of Submerge and may not be reproduced without permission.

Visit www.submergemag.com to view more material you can’t have. Submerge is both owned and published by Submerge Network. All opinions expressed throughout Submerge are those of the author and do not necessarily mean we all share those opinions.

Feel free to take a copy or two for free, but please don’t remove our papers or throw them away. Submerge welcomes letters of all kinds, whether they are full of love or hate.

We want to know what is on your mind, so feel free to contact us via snail mail at 2308 J Street, Suite F Sacramento, Calif.

95816. Or you can e-mail us at info@submergemag.com. Your opinion matters to us, believe it or not, so please feel free to speak your mind and we just might listen. Thanks for reading Submerge!

back Photo of Pets by dino the girl

dive in good start to a new year Melissa welliver melissa@submergemag.com It’s a bit of a challenge for me to write in this space every other week.

I’m an extremely shy person, and I like to keep to myself, especially when it comes to personal stuff. Who knows, it probably stems from being an only child or something. But what little personal experiences I’ve shared here in this column are probably more than I ever did growing up.

On that note, I just wanted to share something extremely personal with you, our readers. Over our little vacation, Jonathan (the other cofounder of this lovely publication) and I got engaged! We’re very excited.

There really is nothing better than finding that other half that really completes you. And in so many ways Jonathan has done that not only in our business, but in our personal lives as well. He’s the yin to my yang.

Anyway, we moved from our college town to Sacramento several years ago and dove into the music culture here. I remember one of the first Sacramento bands that we discovered shortly after the move was Pets (back cover). We absolutely loved their sound as well as the dynamic between Derek Fieth and Allison Jones. It reminded me somewhat of another favorite band of mine, Sonic Youth. After starting Submerge, we always tried to keep our eyes on what Pets had going on. Years went by and we hadn’t heard anything about them recording.

Then early last spring I got word that they were in fact recording their second full album, titled Ready the Rifles.

After much anticipation, the release is finally here! And trust me, it’s worth the wait. As soon as Fieth and Jones dropped it off at our office, we couldn’t stop listening to it. I think I hit repeat at least four times in a row that day. No lie.

Read our feature story on Pets as they tell us about losing the drum machine for a live drummer as well as their attraction to Sacramento on page 14.

It’s hard to believe it’s winter with all these remarkable music acts touring through Sacramento this month. It was so hard to narrow down what to cover! Both Ra Ra Riot as well as Deerhoof are coming to Harlow’s this month.

Ra Ra Riot is one of those bands that you have to see live. With so many layers, including cello, keyboard and violin on top of an already outstanding band, it’s hard to believe they can all share just one stage.

I’ve only had the pleasure of seeing them once when I was at SXSW, but trust me you will not want to miss this opportunity to see them while they’re here. Submerge was able to talk with cellist Alexandra Lawn as she discussed what it was like recording their latest album The Orchard, as well as what it was like to sing for the first time on the album. Check it out page 16.

Deerhoof are releasing their 10th full-length studio album, titled Deerhoof vs. Evil, on Jan. 24 and will be playing a majority of their new songs at Harlow’s on Jan. 27. Now is your chance to read on page 8 about how they currently do not live in the same towns but still make it work.

Von Pea and Donwill of the underground rap duo Tanya Morgan will be performing at Blue Lamp on Jan. 27. On page 19, read about where they are in their upcoming third album, their favorite part about making music, and how they feel about releasing free downloads (Sacramento artists, take notes).

The upcoming second year of the Sacramento Electronic Music Festival is bringing Daedelus to the Townhouse on Thursday Jan. 27 (ahem, the night Submerge is sponsoring). Please read more about his instrument of choice, the Monome, his thoughts on the Anti-Rave Act and his next record called Bespoke on page 12.

January music overload! But let’s not forget there is so much more to Submerge then just music coverage. Like our feature on one of the best comedy shows that will be in the area this year and one of my favorite comedians of all time, Kevin Nealon (front cover), who is coming to Tommy T’s this month. From his classic Saturday Night Live skits to his endless amounts of comedic film appearances, his characters always make me laugh. And in one of my favorite current television series, Weeds, he is, in my opinion, the best character on the show. Lucky for us, while vacationing in Hawaii, Nealon took the time to talk with us and discuss his four upcoming film appearances and much more on page 20.

We also have a great food review of the neighborhood gem Formoli’s and a film review of The King’s Speech, which is in theaters now. We also have spotlighted a lot of scarves that are on the streets of Sacramento this winter in our fashion column Capitol Capture.

Enjoy issue #76, Melissa-Dubs

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

3

NATIONAL

The stream Dave Grohl Ready for Another Foo Fight Brad Fuhrman

Even with his band planning to release an album in May, Travis Barker will release a solo record with guest vocalists. The Blink-182 drummer announced on Twitter that he will be releasing his own record on Feb. 22. The album, titled Give the Drummer Some, will feature a wide variety of guest appearances, including Snoop Dogg, Lil Wayne, Chester Bennington of Linkin Park and Slipknot singer Corey Taylor. The Neptunes helped produce the album. Barker’s Blink-182 bandmates do not appear on the record, but the group will be touring the United Kingdom in July.

A seventh album is on the way from Foo Fighters, and frontman Dave Grohl is describing the record as “massive.”

The 11-track album, set to be released in the spring, is a follow-up to the band’s 2007 Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace. Foo Fighters recorded the tracks at Grohl’s house. “We did it without any computers and it just sounds massive,” Grohl told BBC Radio. The singer said the group is in the process of naming the album and determining a single. Butch Vig helped produce the record; he and Grohl previously worked together in 1991 for Nirvana’s Nevermind, which sold a cool 26 million copies.

the singer’s doctor, Conrad Murray, did not know how to administer CPR. Murray is currently part of a preliminary hearing to determine whether the doctor should be put to trial for involuntary manslaughter. Jackson’s security chief, Faheem Muhammed, told a Los Angeles court that as Jackson lay dying, Murray, a heart surgeon, asked, “Does anyone know CPR?” A second staff member claims Murray told him to bag up all of Jackson’s medicines before paramedics arrived. If found guilty, Murray could receive up to four years in jail. Dr. Feelgood doesn’t know CPR but 16-year-old lifeguard Sally does? Interesting.

With band member Adam Yauch now cancer-free, Beastie Boys has confirmed that a new album will be released this year. Hot Sauce Committee Pt. 2 will come out this spring, band member Mike D told BBC Radio. The health of Yauch, who was diagnosed with

The trial of Michael Jackon’s doctor has begun, and you can expect to hear about it every day until it’s over, I’m sure. So far, members of Jackson’s staff are alleging that

cancer in July 2009, will determine whether a tour accompanies the new release. Beastie Boys is also staying true to its roots, with plans for a mega music video in the works. “I know people don’t make big videos anymore, but we made a big video.

It’s not even a video, it’s a film-eo. A cinematic, short film,” Mike D said.

And in other non-music, yet importantly tragic news… 24 fans will have to continue to wait for a feature film. Though the show ended in May 2010, producers purposely left an open ending and planned to continue the story in movie form. The last time we saw Jack Bauer, he was fleeing from both the Russian and United States governments, per usual. A script for the continuing film was rejected by 20th Century Fox, sending executive producer Howard Gordon back to the drawing board.

Gordon plans to convene with Tony Scott (director/ producer) and Kiefer Sutherland (Bauer) in hopes of reviving the project. Sutherland is believed to be strongly pushing the film’s development…as roles of immortal government agents are slowly drying up.

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

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Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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It’s official: Submerge is the title sponsor of the Thursday night show of this year’s Sacramento Electronic Music Festival, which will be hosted

by Townhouse from Jan. 27–29. Thursday’s lineup is absolutely ridiculous, featuring Daedelus (featured in this issue), Sister Crayon, Tycho and more. Friday and Saturday lineups include Bonjay, Dusty Brown, Chachi Jones, Pregnant, Paper Pistols, Little Foxes… I could go on and on. Or, you can keep an eye out for a more detailed SEMF listing in our Jan. 24 issue.

Local MC Random Abiladeze has a new project called Manyone with Young Aundee (of Who Cares) and Beats Daily. They are releasing an EP entitled E Pluribus Unum available for free download at 1 p.m. on Jan. 11 at www.randomab. com. According to Random, it’s “archived material that should have followed T.O.P. [The Other Poets]” I was lucky enough to hear the final mastered versions of the five songs just before we went to press. Take my advice, download this EP (it’s free, so there’s really no excuse not to) and listen to it carefully; Random Abiladeze could teach a few local rappers a thing or two. Stand-out tracks in my opinion: “Don’t Trust a Snake” has one of the sickest beats I’ve ever heard, Young Aundee’s vocals shine on the hook on “Problems” and Random pretty much smashes every verse of every track, but what else is new?

SubmergeMag.com

Sacramento punk/metal/industrial outfit Blownload (who might just win the “grossest name ever” award) have a brand new album titled An Orgy of One available for free download via their website www.blownload.net (you might not want to look that up at work, though). If you’re a fan of bands like System of a Down, Static X and Rammstein, then you’ll probably really dig these guys; they are great at what they do.

Do you play guitar?

Do you like the band 30 Seconds to Mars?

Want to play guitar with 30 Seconds to Mars alongside Jared Leto at UC Davis’ Freeborn Hall on Jan. 16? Our friends at Radio 94.7 have a cool Facebook contest going where you can win a chance to play 30 Seconds to Mars’ single “This Is War” with the band on stage! You’ll get a private lesson and you even get to keep the guitar you play. Hit up www. radio947.net for contest details. Hurry, because it ends on Thursday, Jan. 13 at 10 p.m.

Three upcoming local releases I’m excited about, in no particular order: Bellow by Sister Crayon (out Feb. 22), In Season by Not Your Style (out Feb. 18) and Free Love by ZuhG (out April 9).

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

5

Your Senses

TASTE

SEE HEAR TASTE Touch

Submerge’s Dine Downtown Restaurant Week Picks If you’re reading this and it’s not yet Jan. 16, you’re in luck; it’s still Dine Downtown Restaurant Week, when tons of great local restaurants participate in offering three-course dinner menus for only $30 per person!

There are around 30 restaurants involved in total, but here are two of our favorites to keep in mind when trying to make your decision: Capitol Garage, whose special Dine Downtown Week menu standout has got to be their jambalaya (grilled prawns, andouille sausage, sweet potatoes, peppers, onions and garlic with a Cajun cream sauce, topped with chargrilled chicken, served with steamed white rice), and Pilothouse at the Delta King, whose menu standout is the Dr. Pepper braised short ribs (with smoked gouda, grilled corn mashed potato and Tabasco onion rings). For more information and to download all participating restaurants special menus, visit Downtownsac.org.

HEAR

Steve Aoki at District 30’s Pre-opening Party The much-talked-about new businesses on K Street including the dance club District 30, the mermaid-themed Dive Bar and pizza joint Pizza Rock, all developed by San Francisco nightclub owner George Karpaty, are getting really close to opening up shop. On Jan. 13, District 30 will host its “pre-opening party” where Steve Aoki (the man behind Dim Mak Records who is credited for launching careers for artists like Bloc Party, Klaxons, MSTRKRFT and more) will hit the decks, giving Sacramento a taste of the massive sound system District 30 has before its official grand opening on Jan. 19. On Jan. 20 worldrenowned DJ/producer Sasha will be in the house. For more details, visit District30sacramento.com.

SEE

TOUCH

15 of Sacramento’s Finest MCs in One Video

On Jan. 21–23 at the Allied Ceramics Arts Institute, located at 7425 Winding Way in Fair Oaks, instructor Megan Wilkerson is offering help to those who want to tackle the elusive computer program known as Photoshop. Just bring your laptop (Mac or Windows) and she’ll spend the weekend showing you the basics of the program and how it works. It’s only $65 per student and the class will be really small, so you’ll get plenty of attention. If interested in signing up or for more information, call (916) 966-2453 or shoot an e-mail to acaistudios@gmail.com.

Sacramento-based producer Jae Synth recently uploaded a music video to his YouTube channel (www. youtube.com/jaesynth) that he shot, directed and edited for artist Nome Nomadd. The song is called “Vicious” and it features appearances from tons of heavyweights in the Sacramento hip-hop scene like Random Abiladeze, Mic Jordan, Task One, C Plus, Chase Moore, Mahtie Bush, Poor, Lady Remedy and more. The video is about eight minutes long, is extremely well put together and overall it’s a pretty good glimpse at the lyrical talent Sacramento has incubating (although certain verses do stand out more than others). Watch the video, listen carefully to what each rapper has to say and then decide for yourself who you think deserves to be Sacramento’s next big thing.

Learn the basics of Photoshop

6

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011 Audio Express — Sacramento Submerge — 1/10/2011

7

Deerhoof in the Headlights

Seminal San Franciscan Crew Fights Evil on New Album words Ryan J. Prado • photo Sarah cass

I understand the band left San Francisco recently. Where are you based now and how has the change in environment influenced the band, if at all?

Yeah, none of us lives in the same city anymore. I’m living in Albuquerque, N.M., now, which has been very interesting and completely new for me, as I’d never lived anywhere in the Southwest before. As for how this distance has affected the band, I think we’re in the process of finding that out. Our writing process has always been one in which each of us works alone, for the most part, so there’s not so much that’s different there. The situation has definitely forced us to be very productive when we’re together, so there’s maybe a little extra pressure in that sense.

The band has said in the past that the listener and audience play a large role in the interpretation of Deerhoof’s music.

Explain the process of having no process in terms of creating your music.

I suppose that having no process in and of itself is a process, in that the same kinds of emotions and issues come up time and time again when we get together to work on an album.

None of us really has any specific agenda, so we have to work out together what we want the album to be. That being said, we all have a lot of ideas, musical and otherwise, and especially now that we’re living in different places, I think we tend to veer off in different directions even more than before.

That can make things very interesting when we then try to figure out how to synthesize our ideas.

In the respect of that ambiguity in your style, what collectively and what individually was the band vibing on with the writing and recording of Deerhoof Vs. Evil?

I really have no idea what everyone else was thinking about.

As a band, I think we tend to talk a lot, but not much of that conversation revolves around what we’re listening to or what we like, though there is some element of that, I suppose. I guess we tend to treat each other’s material at face value, meaning that we don’t make any assumptions as to what that material is supposed to mean or is in reference to. We listen to it, and we try to make it something that we can all speak through. It sounds vague, but it really is quite simple in a way.

I

t takes a band with the proper levels of collective ambiguousness to ascend the rickety ladders of the DIY underground. With the release of their 10th full-length studio album—and first for Chicago-based Polyvinyl Records after serving their formative years on seminal indie label Kill Rock Stars—Deerhoof has seen firsthand the ripening fruits of their labor.

Deerhoof Vs. Evil finds the 16-year-old quartet (multi-instrumentalists/aural alchemists Satomi Matsuzaki, Ed Rodriguez, John Dieterich and Greg Saunier, though there have been many lineup changes) reveling in a boundless creative explosion, full of pop/noise/electro/art rock hybrid jams with Matsuzaki’s characteristically minimalist lyrical plodding and Dieterich and Saunier’s dizzying compositional wizardry in top form. The fact that the band saw to it that every last shred of writing and production was carried out by themselves, in addition to their startling escape from the bosom of San Francisco—where they’ve been based since 1995—might have something to do with the variance in vibe. But you’d have to ask them.

So we did. Submerge caught up with Jack-of-alltrades John Dieterich in anticipation of the release of the new album—Jan. 25—as well as the band’s stop at Harlow’s on Jan. 27.

8

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

How did working without engineers, self-mixing, self-recording and without any outside input, affect the finished product?

It obviously affected it in a major way, but I don’t know exactly what would have been different had we worked with outside people. We just decided that we had a practice space where we could play, and while there were some issues with it—bands occasionally playing loud next door, etc.—it was also ideal in many respects. We have a few microphones and the ability to record ourselves. The cost of renting the room for an entire month was what we would have paid for a studio and engineers for a day, so it wasn’t too hard to make the decision.

It gave us a lot more freedom to experiment in areas that we may not have been able to in a studio situation. Some of us had been working on recording/mixing/mastering projects for other people, and the move to deciding that we would just do everything ourselves was easy.

The new album bounces between a lot of different soundscapes—from disco-tinged jams like “Secret Mobilization,” to the dreamy electro of “Super Duper Electro Heads” to the pop-rock freakout of “Behold a Marvel in the Darkness.” What is different about Deerhoof’s approach to writing that makes you comfortable in such disparate realms?

It’s funny that the three songs you mention as being so different from each other were all written by one person—Greg!

To be honest, I don’t think of them so much as disparate realms. Each of these songs as recorded is just one possible way of dealing with the abstract material of the composition.

Sometimes we might just want to explore a certain kind of sound in a very abstract way, and we’ll decide that that sound might go well with this particular song, and so we will fuse the two ideas and see what happens. There are plenty of times when we discover that it doesn’t work—for one or more of us— and then we’ll have to find a way of making it something that we all feel is the best for that song in the context of everything else on the album.

It’s not that I don’t hear differences between the songs; it’s that I don’t see any conflict in the process of moving between them.

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Satomi’s voice has now moved much more into the foreground than in previous records. Was this a conscious move?

It’s funny, that hadn’t occurred to me! You may well be right, though it could be a question of mix decisions or the type of material or anything that creates that feeling. I definitely love her singing on this record and feel like it shines in a new way.

What would you like to say to your Sacramento fans, most of whom are no doubt bleary-eyed in the face of a new decade, in advance of your Jan. 27 show at Harlow’s?

Deerhoof descends upon Why would they be sleepy because Harlow’s Thursday, Jan. 27.

Tickets are $12, and the it’s a new decade? I would suggest band hits the stage at 10 more green vegetables. No, but we’re p.m. For more information, excited to come to Sacramento! It’s visit Harlows.com. been quite a long time.

SubmergeMag.com

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

9

Submergemag.com

Capitol Capture The Wrap

Scarf-in when it’s cold

haircutS color touch upS highlightS BlowoutS up-doS extenSionS FacialS wax maSSage

Josselin Basaldu

Casey Mar {K Street}

Joseph Green {21st & L Streets}

Katie Monroe {K Street}

Kurtis Dam-Mikkelsen {K Street}

Erica Neher {Townhouse}

Matt Brown & Aaron Buhrz {Townhouse} It may not get as cold here as it does in New York City, but for Sacramentans, we forget about winter—as sunny summer is the apple of our eye—until the chill factor stuns us and disrupts our apparel plans.

Among other insulating items, scarves can be seen in abundance in Sacramento. And thank the fashion gods that scarves are a child of fashion and function.

Indoors and out, morning/noon/night, wrapped or tied, patterned or plain, scarves can carry a bit of glitz, be multi-colored, allow other outfit items to shine or steal the show.

1734 34th St • Sacramento 916.456.0600 • thedeeda.com

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

{FreeStyle Clothing Exchange}

One of my favorite things about scarves 2011: it seems Sacramento dudes have finally embraced the scarf as a dudely (and studly (wink)) man-ccessory.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

the change takes place, Walmart will open its first store near Mecca. With the availability of size 60 Dickies overalls, obesity will quickly take hold, neutralizing the radical Muslim threat that held sway in the region for so long.

Control won’t be lost for all in 2011. Apple Computers will introduce the most absorbent tablet computer on the market with the iMaxiPad. While it may seem like a must have, I would warn early adopters to wait until next year when version 2.0 is released with wings.

In science news, the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) will continue its search for what’s commonly referred to as the “God Particle.” Our understanding of physics and theology will be rocked when they actually manage to isolate that from which all matter is derived. While their work will be hailed as a great discovery, many will find themselves alienated when CERN scientists also discover that the God Particle prefers to be called the Allah Particle.

In an unsurprising turn of events, CERN’s Large Hadron Collider, used to make the discovery, will be destroyed shortly thereafter by a mob of angry Catholics.

We will say goodbye to a lot of things in 2011. Quite a few celebrities will call this year their last. Mel Gibson will kiss the world goodbye just shy of his 55th birthday. In a turn of poetic justice, coroners will find that after years of talking out of his ass, Mel simply choked to death on his own asshole.

Reality stars won’t be immune from death’s swinging sickle in 2011. Kim Kardashian will be found dead after suffocating under her own mega-booty. Heidi Montag will be found beaten to death in the trunk of my car.

Subsequently, I will actually be rewarded the Medal of Freedom for slaying that vile beast.

Finally, it will be discovered that Betty White has actually been dead for years and was being controlled by her former manager à la Weekend at Bernie’s. Who knew?!?

These are but a few of the events you have to look forward to in 2011. Clearly it’s going to be one helluva year, so, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride!

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thursday, february 24

2011 is here and it really couldn’t have come sooner. If the world was a big ass, 2010 was the year we wiped, but the toilet paper broke, so we got shit on our fingers…and someone used up the last of the hand soap. We could sit here and rehash everything that happened, trying to find some sort of lesson, but who wants to sift through shit? I’ll leave that to the anthropologists over at CNN, Fox News and MSNBC, thank you. Their hands have smelled like shit for years anyway. You see, I’m not here to tell you what happened in 2010. I’m here to tell you what’s going to happen in 2011, so get ready to glimpse into the future.

BP made big waves in 2010 (big, thick, slimy, oily waves), and the fun is only going to continue in 2011. On the one-year anniversary of the Gulf Oil Spill, BP will announce that it has invented an engine that runs on a mix of oil and salt water. To use this wonder fuel, your car will need to be outfitted with hydraulics in order to keep the oil and water mixed properly. With grandma once again rollin’ in her 6-4, 2011 will officially be the year that “keeping it gangsta” stops being cool.

Not everything ceases to be cool in 2011: fear will still be huge. Afraid that they may be losing their control of the fear machine that has carried them thus far, Republicans will pass the 9/11 re-enactment bill to reinvigorate their base. Plans for the yet-to-be-rebuilt World Trade Center will be altered to allow for a collapsible building model, a Muslim hate center and box cutter defense courses. Eager to enter into another one-sided compromise, Democrats will allow the bill to pass and add their own party to the terror watch list in exchange for passage of the Bob Barker Memorial Act honoring his work in the field of pet population control.

Democrats aren’t the only ones losing control in 2011. In a bizarre yet geographically appropriate turn of events, countries in the Middle East will realize that they are actually located in western Asia. In a bid to accept change while still holding on to some semblance of the past, the region will start referring to itself as the Midwest. As soon as

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friday, jaNuary 14

Bocephus Chigger bocephus@submergemag.com

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saturday, jaNuary 22

2011: A Year In Preview

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friday, jaNuary 28

The Optimistic Pessimist

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

11

Sea Change

Daedelus rides the always tumultuous wave of electronic music Words Blake Gillespie • Photo Laura Darlington

T

he dandy garb of Alfred Darlington suggests he’s a man lost in the past. His digital instrument, the Monome is a brilliant future trapped in the neon glow of a pushbutton box. Far from an eye-grabbing gimmick, Darlington is expressing himself beyond the DJ booth of electronic music, which in his opinion will combat banality and the demise of electronic genres of the past.

Darlington is resistant to the label of elder statesmen, but with over a decade of experience in electronic music, he’s seen enough sub-genres come and go to speak eloquently on what it takes to sustain. To him, it’s a presence of personality, which is a glaring separation between the Los Angeles beat music he helped cultivate at Low End Theory and with dub-step. “When [dub-step is] good the bass is really pushing air on your organs, and yet it isn’t about the person expressing it,” he said. “There’s very little energy on stage. It’s usually a very controlled amount of chaos that I think will limit that scene, much like what happened to drum ‘n’ bass. There’s amazing parts of the sound, but personality is hard to come by. Whereas this beat thing, people are really willing to, for lack of a better term, let their freak flag fly—that’s a terrible phrase. But there’s something to it.”

On stage Darlington is Daedelus. He began DJing for Dublab.com in 1999 and by the early Aughts was releasing albums on Plug Research, Mush and Ninja Tune. Much like the mythological Greek character Daedalus, Arlington is a tinkerer and lover of invention.

His experimental music caught the attention of Brian Crabtree and Peter Siegerstrong, two developers of the Monome box, which is a sampler imbued with the freedom of improvisation. Through the use of the Monome, Darlington is fossilizing the notion that live electronic music must be static and built on pre-existing recordings. His weapon of choice was our first topic, as I attempted to understand its power.

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

How did you get connected with Crabtree and Siegerstrong to obtain a prototype of the Monome?

It was really quite accidental; a lot of my career has been a series of happy happenstance accidents. They invited me to play a gig a long time ago when they were undergrads in San Diego. They showed me the prototype, and it fulfilled all my wildest dreams for sample manipulation. Then there was a lot of begging, pleading, bribing and coercing until I got the device in my possession.

It’s funny to think we live in such a wonderful age of invention for young music makers. All the buttons we want to press are out there on some device you can obtain. When I was coming up in the early Aughts this wasn’t possible. Either you got an MPC and did all the weird things like use zip discs to load samples, enduring painful breaks while you waited for the sample to load—five minutes of waiting around.

Or you would use the computer and get computer face with the blue screen projected on your eyes and you’d be dead to the world in your bedroom.

Is it a device that made sense immediately? Or did it take hours of fiddling to even get a basic feel for the Monome? Because it looks like a complex piece of machinery, given all the buttons.

There was some stuff to the guts that were complicated initially. What’s cool about it is it’s a very open platform. We’ve added a lot of functionality and play validity, I guess. But the device itself never needed to change because it’s button matrix. The initial idea of sample manipulation was there and it gets more refined

as people engage it as an instrument.

It’s funny because at first my imagination tricked me into thinking I could manipulate samples on this, but I’d still need a keyboard to play them. That’s not the case. The potential energy of the instrument was great enough that it’s continued to move forward.

Do you still get a lot of people who are moths to your button machine? Or have they gotten used to its presence and are dancing again?

In 2010 there’s been a sea change. A general shift has occurred and people are used to instruments on stage again. It’s OK. There’s still some of the staring types, but not as many. I think people are kind of getting the idea that electronic music can be live, and it isn’t a matter of life and death that they just stand there.

Have you been following the Anti-Rave Act that is currently passing through legislature?

Yeah, I played at EDC [Electric Daisy Carnival], which is one of the fermentors for the recent spat of anti-rave talk. For a show that was markedly safe with over 200,000 people over two days, which for a non-festival is the single biggest event in America in the past couple years, there was a death of an underage kid there. That began this moral wrestling because it was partially the city of Los Angeles’ fault. There was a lot of controversy, since they were supposed to be carding.

It’s funny because at any given moment people are living their lives outside of a controlled situation, such as a rave or event. I’m sure there are, unfortunately, multiple deaths Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

of teenagers from drinking or drugs on any given night, but they are not all concentrated in one space. With EDC especially, there were paramedics on hand a lot of people being helped and saved, but it’s easy to point a finger.

It’s always been this way. As much as I love the attention given to the scene and the opportunity for young artists to play in front of large audiences, every time the electronic music scene goes underground it tends to bear more fruit. I guess that’s a small piece of solace I’m trying to derive from this negative attention.

How did you feel when you read the phrase “pre-recorded music” as the musical format that this act intends to criminalize? I’m still baffled as to how this definition could be monitored and policed.

At sporting events I’m sure they’re playing prerecorded music for sleazy cheerleaders. I’m sure people are dying on the field and off, and yet I don’t see them banning those games.

I’ve read that you’ve become an elder in the L.A. music scene, someone who’s even sought out for advice. That has to be a strange transition considering in your younger days. You were treated somewhat like an outsider.

It’s one of those things where when I was growing up I was really enamored for a lot of the new sounds, and for the drum ‘n’ bass scene in general, but it wasn’t for me in the end. It’s a gift that I wasn’t allowed in, because there’s not a lot of those people around right now. Sounds change and being forced to be on my own was beneficial at that time.

By propagating a sound forward there are a lot of likeminded people that have cropped up. I don’t take any responsibility for their music, but I do feel wonderfully inclined toward people like Flying Lotus and Baths. These are people whose weirdo energies can all be combined to make a sort of Power Ranger of Doom.

I don’t know about the elder statesmen thing. I don’t think a lot of what I’ve gone through is represented by what we’re currently in. I had the wonderful benefit of being around when Myspace was influential for instance. I got featured on Myspace and it seemed to make all the difference in the world. In a single day I had 150,000 listens on my tracks. These huge waves

are just not there anymore. Facebook doesn’t feature musicians in the same way. In a lot of ways those experiences can’t be propagated. I think the idea of not being bitter is the biggest lesson I’ve learned.

Can we expect dandy garb during your Sacramento performance?

I might have a bit of a tan from a large Southeast Asia tour, so I won’t look appropriately Victorian dandy as far as paleness goes. There are two aspects of it. I like the Victorian dandies and presenting it out of sorts in California. Also by being dressed up on stage, it frees people from their banality, hopefully. They don’t have to worry about someone wearing stupid Kanye West slatted shades and bouncing up and down ridiculously. It hopefully allows people to get into a different headspace.

Your next record on Ninja Tune will be called Bespoke. How far along are you?

It’s done. It’s just artwork that is getting completed. I’m getting ready to begin a big 2011 push for the record.

I’m picking up on a correlation between your retro-fitted clothes and customizing one’s style playing a role in the concept of the record.

It’s definitely bringing it all home. All of these concepts I’ve been propagating for a while now, it’s time to bring them all back. I wanted to do a record that was about combinations. I have a lot of guest vocalists. In a very altruistic way I want the record to be about creating your own reality, customizing your environment to your needs, rather than letting it be banal. I think banality is our worst enemy. Boredom is our worst enemy— the kind of thing that causes people to become punks and other unfortunate subcultures. There’s nothing wrong with being a punk; trust me, I spent my time, but I’m not a big fan of nihilism.

We create our own structures and for me it begins with bespoke clothing. People used to hand-make everything for instance, now nothing is made by one person, except for music and the arts. Why not embrace that, push it forward, as opposed to having it be a secret?

See Daedelus and his fascinating Monome as part of the Sacramento Electronic Music Festival on Thursday Jan. 27 at Townhouse.

“I don’t know about the elder statesmen thing.

I don’t think a lot of what I’ve gone through is represented by what we’re currently in. I had the wonderful benefit of being around when Myspace was influential for instance. I got featured on Myspace and it seemed to make all the difference in the world. In a single day I had 150,000 listens on my tracks. These huge waves are just not there anymore. Facebook doesn’t feature musicians in the same way.”

– Daedelus SubmergeMag.com

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

13

Turn It Up

Pets Return to “Kill The Boredom” For Second Album Words Amy Serna • photo Dino the girl

M

ost people watch TV and play video games in their living room, but Allison Jones and Derek Fieth of the rock band Pets use their house space a little differently. For the past few years, the rock couple has used their living room as an area to practice their music for upcoming gigs and recordings.

“Our living room is set up so one side is a couch and the other side is all of the amps and guitars set up against the wall,” said Fieth with a laugh. “So when it’s time to practice we have to drag it out, like we are setting up for a show. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s great to practice at home but it does make it a bit of an event.”

Although they would like to have a separate music room in their home to rehearse in, the only thing they seem to need is each other to begin the creative flow.

“He just doesn’t write a song and then I am like, ‘OK show me how to play it,’” explained Jones. “We write at the same time.”

But after much practicing, Pets are ready to unveil their second album, Ready the Rifles with 10 new tracks that will turn your mundane day into a rock out session. At first, they chose their album name because it simply sounded cool, but Jones and Fieth soon realized that the title had more meaning than they thought.

“The ‘rifles’ are whatever you use or we use to kill the boredom,” Fieth said. “So it’s like a call to action…your rifles kill the boredom.

The last song is called ‘Bored to Kill’ and that’s what the whole thing is kind of about. If you’re bored, then make it better.”

The amount of footwork Pets put into their new CD could make them one of the hardest working bands in the area. The guitar players made sure that every part of their new album, from the artwork to the packaging, was under their control.

“It was cool to be so hands-on with the company making the CD though,” said Fieth after sipping his $1 Olympia beer. “It just shows that anybody can do it, if they get into it and go for it.”

Both band members agreed that if you mixed the music from The Raveonettes and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club it would equal their new rock sound for Pets’ upcoming album.

14

Ready the Rifles is fully equipped with live drums and has a “straight rock ‘n’ roll” feel to it, compared to their debut album Pick Up Your Feet, which prominently featured a synthesizer and a drum machine. These days, the duo decided to drop the old drum machine and only play with a live drummer for all of their shows.

“So that’s a big difference. It’s always going to be a live band from now on, which is fun,” said Fieth. “We love the drum machine, but we had pretty much had that machine run its course… But the energy playing with live drummers is awesome, especially with the new songs.”

“There’s obviously extra energy on stage,” added Jones.

Pets recorded Ready the Rifles with Ira Skinner at Alley Avenue Studios and hope to book him for future shows as their drummer.

“We would have had to buy a new [drum machine] and learn how to use it,” Fieth stated. “Or hire a regular full time drummer, but we love being just a two-person band. We don’t want to officially have a third member.”

One of their personal favorite tracks on the new album is “Sweetspot,” because it only took them about two afternoons to put together, unlike some of their other songs which took them months to produce.

Both members are Sacramento residents. Jones, from Citrus Heights, and Fieth, from Yuba City, feel like they have played at almost every local venue such as Old Ironsides, Marilyn’s, Press Club, The Distillery, Luigi’s, The Blue Lamp and even Sacramento State. But with the rapidly changing music scene in Sacramento, booking shows for their new music might be a different experience for Pets.

“When we had the drum machine it seemed like sometimes people didn’t know where to put us on a show,” said Fieth. “Now we’ve got this full, loud, rock ‘n’ roll set up. So we’re excited to see what happens.”

In 2010, Pets were pleasantly surprised to win the Sacramento Area Music Award (The Sammie) for “Outstanding

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

Pop,” because they have been nominated multiple times but in different music categories.

It took Pets five years between their two albums, because they never feel the need to force the music out of their heads. They only play rock ‘n’ roll to have fun.

“If it gets hard, then we kind of put it off,” Fieth said.

“We go out instead,” continued Jones.

Even when choosing a band name in the summer of 2003, they decided to keep things short and sweet.

“We made a few simple rules,” said Fieth. “We wanted something that didn’t tell you what kind of music it was going to be. A lot of bands you can tell what you are going to hear just by reading the name. Pets was pretty unassuming.”

But when the fun-loving rockers aren’t on stage, they enjoy a good night out on the town in Sacramento’s downtown grid, mini vacations to San Francisco, and taking care of their pet cat named Townes. They even like refer to themselves as local “happy hour hounds.”

“We can tell you all the good happy hours,” said Jones. “We would have moved if Sacramento wasn’t so good… If there were no downtown, we wouldn’t be living in Sacramento. It’s comfortable, it’s nice.”

When the duo is on stage playing their loud rock set, it is easy to expect both members to be full of delicious pizza every time they perform. When it is show day, Pets have their pre-show ritual food at their weekly downtown eatery, Pete’s Pizza.

Whether its happy hour hunting or guitar practicing in their living room, Pets’ are ready to rock Sacramento and Ready the Rifles Catch their all ages CD definitely won’t kill anyone from release show at Luigi’s boredom, with their raw guitar sounds, Fungarden, Friday Jan. 21 at 8 p.m. with Kepi synchronized vocals and live drumbeats.

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

15

Barn Storm

Ra Ra Riot end 2010 on a high note, ready West Coast tour for 2011 Words James Barone • photo Doron Gild

C

ellist Alexandra Lawn and her band mates in Ra Ra Riot were able to end 2010 in style.

The band closed out its work year in Mexico, playing its last 2010 show on Dec. 16. In an interview with Submerge just a few days after returning home, Lawn said the band had always wanted to visit America’s neighbor to the south, but had never had the opportunity before. “It was the first time we were all in a country that none of us have been to,” she said. “It was a really nice way to end the year.”

The year was certainly a busy one for Ra Ra Riot.

The group, which formed in 2006 on the campus of Syracuse University in Upstate New York, released their second full-length album, The Orchard, in August 2010, a follow-up to their well-received 2008 album The Rhumb Line.

For The Orchard, Ra Ra Riot stuck close to its Upstate New York roots, but ventured to a rural farmhouse to record the album. Guitarist Milo Bonacci’s family allowed the band to stay in the house while they worked on writing and recording.

Lawn said she and the band remained sequestered in this pastoral setting for “about a month.”

“It was just a fantastic experience and time for all of us,” Lawn elaborated. “Everything came together and it was very peaceful. It was a great place to be.”

The peace and quiet nurtured the band’s creativity.

“It was cool, because it was productive,” she said.

“It fulfilled what it needed to for us, and we were able to go on to the next step.”

The result is a smoothly textured album. Lawn’s cello and Rebecca Zeller’s violin work serve as more

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

than just color. They do as much to drive the songs as do more standard indie rock tools—guitar, bass and drums. Singer Wes Miles’ creamy high register is the perfect complement to The Orchard’s somewhat dreamy brand of syrupy pop rock, the overall feel of which is familiar, comfortable and easily listenable.

Lawn said it would be hard to say if The Orchard would have turned out differently if it were crafted in a different setting, but she did attribute the album’s peaceful feel to the place from which The Orchard gets its name.

“I’m sure the place to some extent inspired that,” she said.

Lawn said that though a few demos were written before the band embarked to the farmhouse, The Orchard was mainly written while the band was in there. She said the band worked in a very collaborative manner when writing the songs.

However, for the first time, Lawn herself brought a song to the table that she had written a vocal part to. “You and I Know” sees the charismatic cellist assuming the role of frontwoman for the first time—an adventure that didn’t come without some trepidation.

“That was nerve-wracking,” she admitted. “When we decided that I would sing the song, and I should probably work on lyrics, that was probably the scariest, because I’d never paid attention to lyrics or put any kind of emphasis on them as a listener or a songwriter. I always build up songs with all the music first and go on from there.”

Lawn said that the song’s lyrics weren’t about anyone in particular but instead reflected the

impression the music left on her.

“I just couldn’t think of words to put down, so I tried to put down how I felt the song felt as a song—if that makes sense,” she said.

When asked if her first experience as a lyricist opened up any new horizons as a songwriter, Lawn answered with a laugh, “It definitely opened up the idea that I should work on writing lyrics, so I can get better at it and more comfortable with it.”

Playing the song live was also nerve-wracking the first couple of times, but as it turned out, performing “You and I Know” in concert afforded Lawn a much needed-break from the cello. Performing standing up, Lawn moves and tosses around her electric cello as if she was working with a much less cumbersome instrument.

“The first few shows were scary,” she said. “I’d never sung by myself on a song in front of people, but it’s a nice break and a good change of pace now that we play longer sets… It’s a nice break for my muscles, because cello does wear me out a little.”

In addition to working together in the same house to write the album, Ra Ra Riot also banded together to produce the album. Lawn explained that the decision to self-produce (with assistance from Andrew Maury) was actually an easy one—or at least easier than the alternative. “What was more difficult was trying to decide on someone who would produce it.”

Akin to the band’s writing process, it was also very democratic when it came to the production side of things, letting the members of Ra Ra Riot to handle what they know best.

“We all covered what we cover in other areas,”

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

“When we decided that I would sing the song [“You and I Know”], and I should probably work on lyrics, that was probably the scariest, because I’d never paid attention to lyrics or put any kind of emphasis on them as a listener or a songwriter. I always build up songs with all the music first and go on from there.”

– Alexandra Lawn, Ra Ra Riot

Lawn said. “I’m not going to tell Milo things about guitar tones or bass tones, but I mean it was very much collaborative, much in the same way that we write together. Everyone bringing in something different.”

The end of the year gave the band much-needed rest. After Ra Ra Riot’s final show in Mexico, Lawn said she was looking forward to “do[ing] as little as possible. You know, doing normal things like cooking and sleeping at normal hours are just so awesome right now.” She said she’d probably even put the cello down for a little while.

“Normally the cello’s down for about a week or two, and then I get a bit antsy,” she explained. “I always fiddle around with the keyboard and other things that make noise that aren’t the cello.”

The new year will see Ra Ra Riot back on the road with a West Coast tour, which will take the band from San Francisco to Vancouver, British Columbia, over the course of nine shows in 10 days in late January. After that, Lawn said their immediate future is up in the air, but don’t expect it to be too long before another Ra Ra Riot album is ready to go.

“We’re always dabbling with music here and there, so ideas are happening, but I don’t think we’ll get together and write another thing for a while,” See Alexandra Lawn make Lawn said. “It’s hard to her cello dance when Ra Ra say when because I don’t Riot stops in Sacramento on their West Coast swing. know our timeline or how The band will play Harlow’s the next half of the album on Saturday, Jan. 22. cycle is going to go.”

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

They Be, Tanya Morgan

Brooklynati Natives Stay On Their Mark Words Corey Bloom

S

ince their debut full-length Moonlighting was released in 2006, Tanya Morgan has been like the long-distance relay team of underground rap. Individually, Von Pea and Donwill have shown to be more than qualified to run things, releasing a handful of solo projects and providing guest vocals for their peers. From Don’s Don Cusack in High Fidelity to Von’s Pea’s Gotta Have It, they have showcased the diversity in their respective styles, and explored their own concepts. While each project holds its own weight, their true strength is as a unit. All of a sudden, their individual flavors become complementary and certain attributes are strengthened.

Though Tanya Morgan was originally a trio for the first two albums, Donwill and Von Pea didn’t drop the baton as they continue to push forward, record and tour just as hard as they did before. While currently working on their third as-of-yet unrevealable-titled album, Von and Don are hitting the turf with a 10-city West Coast tour. As the two explain, the new album is inspired by the energy of the stage and dedicated to having a good time, which will undoubtedly be on display when they stop by The Blue Lamp on Jan. 27. Joined by Big Pooh of Little Brother and the Hall of Justus, the bill reads like a podium for underground champs. In support of the show, Submerge reached out to the two via conference call from their home bases in Brooklynati to discuss resolutions and more.

Do you have any rap resolutions for 2011, either personally or for rap in general?

Von Pea: I would like to do more production this year. It’s a talent that I have that I don’t exercise enough. Music in general, in 2011, I would like to see a larger platform for independent artists.

That’s not just for us, but music in general. I mean the platforms are there, but it’s very crowded so I guess it would be for some kind of filter. It’s like out of 30 people, 20 of them are just making music because their computer came with Garage Band, and 10 of those are serious about it, so a filter to get those 10 people what they need. I don’t know how or what that would be, but hey.

Donwill: My resolution would be to learn piano. It was my goal for 2010 too, but to find someone who knew enough to sit down and teach me. I didn’t see it through for whatever reason, but that’s still my goal for this year. Just learning a new musical language excites me. I’m sure it will improve a lot of other areas for what I do as an artist. Outside of that, just having a game plan. A lot of people SubmergeMag.com

use the word “grind” and “hustle” pretty loosely.

The most important part of all of that is having a vision. You can grind all day and have no vision and get nowhere.

You talk about having a game plan, but when I look at you guys as a group, I feel like you guys have always been strategic and thorough in the way you present and release your music.

Donwill: We plan out everything. We have never done something haphazardly as a unit. I might have done an EP out of the blue, but as a group we always put a lot of thought and effort into what we do. You have to remind yourself to do that though. It’s not a force of habit, and once you’re accustomed to making plans you want to become more involved in the planning. It’s a talent, and just like the music, you have to practice it. I like to remind myself that I have to have a plan.

Von Pea: You can’t control a lot of things, but the one thing you can control is your plan. It’s like if something isn’t going as planned, you have to pull

back, and if it takes another month to get it right, then that’s what you need to do. That’s how it has to be done. If you don’t go for everything, then it becomes what somebody else wanted. You can’t control how much your fans like it, how it sells or the money you make, but you can control how it comes out.

You both have Band Camp sites where folks can listen to your music for free, and you both have mixtapes that are open for download. What is your philosophy of giving certain projects away?

Donwill: In my opinion, it’s a necessary evil. It’s something that becomes a reward to the die-hard fans, and for those who aren’t, it’s a like a litmus test.

Von Pea: You have to use the free project right though, like have it up for a limited amount of time, or package it with something else. A lot of artists sell themselves short and put out all these free projects hoping it will pay off. In their minds they feel like they have to do it, but for us, we use it as something between projects. There won’t be a free Tanya Morgan album [laughs].

Donwill: It’s a trippy time right now for an independent artist. It’s great in a lot of ways, but very tricky. There has to be a strategy for the free releases.

Of the three aspects as a musician—writing, recording and performing—what is your favorite and what do you get out of each of those?

Donwill: Writing was my first love and I hated performing, but it got to the point where I learned to love performing more. Performing is where you get the validation. It’s the return you get for the hard work of making a song. I can’t describe the feeling of being in another country and have people recite back your rhymes; it’s incredible.

Right now, we’re working on our third album, and I’m having to fall back in love with the writing process. Some artists write the same songs over and over and are OK with that. I’m not, so I have to

figure out new ways to talk about my life. I mean my light bill wasn’t paid last year, and it won’t be paid this moth, so you know, you have to figure a way to say it differently.

Von Pea: It’s funny you said that, because I’m going through that right now. We haven’t had this conversation, but yeah, I’m feeling the same way.

Donwill: That’s what I’m falling in love with again, though—figuring out how to talk my shit again. I want to be more forthcoming, and not so cryptic. I want to say, “I want some money,” instead of, “Yo, the greenbacks, dolla signs, Illuminati…” I want to say what I want to say, but not make it sound redundant. It’s a delicate balance.

Von Pea: I love recording, especially by myself. Just piecing everything together is fun for me. Writing is hard, making the beats is hard, but yeah just vibing and being weird, that is my favorite thing.

To wrap things up, you mentioned working on the third album; can you reveal where you are in the process?

Von Pea: We’re about 12 songs deep right now. It’s not like a big concept record like Brooklynati.

Donwill: Yeah, I think we themed ourselves out.

I mean there will be something that keeps the album cohesive, but nothing complex. I think for this album the focus is the performance aspect.

We’ve learned so much just being out there, and seeing what the fans like. This album is dedicated to the stage.

So more toward the fun side of things…

Von Pea: Yeah, I would say that. There will be substance, but it won’t be like “Brenda’s Got a Baby.”

See Tanya Morgan play live

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

at the Blue Lamp with Big Pooh, Addict Merchants, Tais and others on Jan. 27.

Show starts at 9 p.m. Go to Bluelamp.com for more information.

19

How’s Hawaii? Are you there for fun time or work time?

Well, it’s rest time to be ready for work. Or, you know, to recover from work I guess [laughs]. I don’t know. I had an interesting morning, though. I was at breakfast and this guy starting choking and a friend of mine did the Heimlich maneuver on him. I’d never saw that in person.

He saved the guy’s life.

So you were just sitting there watching it all?

I was there just watching and enjoying my breakfast. I didn’t know that there was entertainment with the breakfast.

Talk about all-inclusive.

Yeah, but I’d never seen that actually happen in real life.

I’ve never seen that happen in real life either, but it’s one of those situations that’s depicted in so many movies and TV shows that you feel like you’ve seen it happen, you know?

Yeah and It’s usually in comedies where you see it, you know, where the thing pops out of the person’s mouth and goes flying across the room [laughs].

Probably wasn’t so funny in real life.

No, it was funny.

You’re going to appear in a ton of films this year. For example, Just Go With It, the Adam Sandler and Jennifer Anniston flick. You play a character called Adon, right? What can you tell us about that?

Well, Adon is Middle Eastern, and he’s a plastic surgery junky. He can’t get enough and he’s fairly persuasive to the people around him. He just likes to have a good time and likes to look good.

I saw something on your website about that role that said, “You might not even recognize me.” Was there major makeup involved?

Oh yeah, it was six hours in the makeup chair. I think we shot like three or four days and they only used one scene. That’s the way movies are.

It was fun doing the movie though, it was fun hanging out with Jennifer and Sandler and I think it’s going to be a funny movie.

Heidi Montag plays your wife, right? That seems kind of fitting considering she’s a real-life plastic surgery addict. How was it working with her?

It was nice. She was very sweet. It couldn’t have been more pleasant.

She was very eager.

Don’t Get Left Behind

Veteran funnyman Kevin Nealon strives to keep current words Jonathan Carabba

M

any experts argue that laughter is good for you. They say it’s therapeutic to the mind, body and soul, that it relaxes the whole body and even boosts the immune system. If this is the case, comedian/actor Kevin Nealon has been healing millions of people worldwide for decades. From 1986 to 1995, Nealon was hilarious on Saturday Night Live (remember The Subliminal Man? How about Hanz and Franz?); he also had us rolling on the floor with his appearances in such films as Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer and Grandma’s Boy, and he’s currently keeping the laughs going as Doug Wilson, the stoner city councilman, accountant and part-time pot dealer on the hit Showtime series Weeds and as the lead in Glenn Martin, DDS, a stop-motion animated series on Nick at Nite.

One thing that’s stayed consistent throughout his lengthy career is his love for doing stand-up. He says that standup came first and then the acting gigs flowed. “That’s what I really wanted to do was stand-up comedy,” Nealon says of his early years. “The acting came secondary. Stand-up was what I loved and then I got on talk shows and then I was in that Roxanne movie with Steve Martin and I got on SNL in 1986, but I never stopped doing stand-up.”

Lucky for us he still hasn’t stopped, and on Jan. 14 and 15 he’ll bring his act to Tommy T’s Comedy Club in Rancho Cordova. Nealon was gracious enough to take some time to chat with Submerge while in Hawaii on vacation, sort of.

20

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

How about the Nick Swardson and Christina Ricci porn-tinged comedy called Born to Be a Star. Who do you play in that?

That’s a fun one; I can’t wait until that one comes out! That’s a really funny film. I play Nick Swardson’s character’s abusive roommate trying to connect with Christina Ricci’s character. Nick’s character becomes my roommate because she asks my character to take him in and I’m just totally abusive to him. I don’t think you’ve seen anything more abusive.

Couple more. How about Jack and Jill, the one where Adam Sandler plays, well, Jack and Jill. How do you fit into that one?

Well I just play a doctor at the beginning of that film delivering two kids. And that’s actually Sandler’s sister who’s giving the baby in real life and his brother plays her husband [laughs].

Keeping it in the fam! Finally, there’s And They’re Off with Martin Mull and Sean Astin. Who do you play in that one?

That was a fun movie. My wife and I did that together. It’s more of an improv scene, which was really fun. Martin Mull and Sean Astin were great to work with. It was just a great day, one of those days where it clicks and it just goes by in an instant.

You thrive in improv situations, don’t you?

Yeah, we had a good time doing it. My wife was in The Groundlings for a while, the comedy company, so she loves improv too and she’s a great actress. It was kind of like playing all day, you know, and when you work with Martin Mull and Sean Astin it’s just a real heyday.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

You’re a really busy guy! How do you shuffle all your projects?

Well, you know, it sounds like I’m busy, but for example I did that Swardson film over a year ago I think.

So on paper you’re busy?

Yeah, on paper it looks like I’m really busy and people tell me, “You got to slow down,” but really I have so much free time, it’s crazy.

As far as work ethic goes, whom do you look up to in the comedy world?

Well first and foremost Adam Sandler, that guy is a workhorse.

He’s constantly working and looking forward to the next project.

Sarah Silverman, Gary Shandling was also a big influence for me.

If you go back a little bit, Albert Brooks. Steve Martin of course— he’s a genius.

You had a stand-up DVD out a while back called Now Hear Me Out. When can we expect another one?

I am actually working on one, yeah, that’s one of the reasons I’m doing so much stand-up is to come up with another special. That was my first one-hour special after all those years of doing standup. I figured it was time to do one. I’m such a perfectionist in a lot of ways, and I keep waiting to come up with better material, but you know what, that may never happen [laughs].

How tough is it for comedians to compile an hour’s worth of solid material to do a full-on special like that? It seems like it’s the equivalent of writing an album for a musician, or a screenplay for a writer, or a book for a novelist or something like that.

It is intense depending on the comic and how often they try their new material and write. Some of these comics come out with a new special every year, and they’re kind of not as good as their first special, because that’s when they had all of their material.

Unlike musicians. I was just reading “The Beatles: 100 Greatest Songs” in Rolling Stone, and they had deadlines when they had to come up with songs, so they were kind of like forced to write songs by a certain time. Sometimes they came up with a great song, sometimes not so great, but they had record deadlines. But comedy has to be a little more organic, you know? You have to really find the material and hone it down. I’ve done stuff on talk shows, and I look back on it now and I think, “What happened to that hunk?” but I didn’t have the other half of that bit at that point.

When it comes to writing new material for your stand-up routine, where do you usually find your inspiration?

A lot of it is based on my life, you know, an exaggeration of my life. Or you know it’s me sitting with friends, talking and me coming up with something funny because I’m relaxed and loose. Like I was thinking about how people meditate, and I was thinking my New Year’s resolution would be to relax more, so I thought, “Maybe I should start meditating.” I tried that, but it becomes more of a worrying thing for me, I just start worrying.

Then I thought maybe that’s because my mantra is, “Ohhhhh noooooo.”

Did becoming a father change the way you write your stand-up material?

Well, he’ll [Gable, Nealon’s son] be 4 at the end of January.

Anytime you have a big life change like that, it kind of shifts your thinking pattern. It really was an influence on my writing, but I don’t have a lot of material about being a father. I had a lot of material about going through the pregnancy, in fact I wrote a book about it. As far as being a father, I haven’t really dissected that too much. I’m just kind of enjoying it. Some club owner told me once, “The best way to kill your career is just to do stuff about being a father.”

SubmergeMag.com

So that’s really stuck with you?

It has stuck a little, but I don’t know if it’s always true. I haven’t seen Seinfeld’s act lately, but I’m sure even he’s doing stuff about being a Dad. I mean Bill Cosby based his whole career on it.

Have you showed your son any of your movies or your stand-up DVD yet? If so, how did he react?

Oh yeah, he’s seen me in a few things. He’s watched Glen Martin, DDS and he heard my voice and recognized it. He points and he laughs and he goes, “Look it’s Daddy.” I think he thinks I go down to a Walmart or something and just put myself in a movie [laughs].

Weeds has had a ton of success; and in my opinion, your character, Doug Wilson, is one of the funnier ones on the show.

How do you prepare for that sort of “stoner-ish” role? Because contrary to popular belief, you don’t smoke pot, do you?

That’s right. I think I go in with the attitude of a friend of mine who smokes a lot of pot, in that he basically doesn’t really have any concerns about the rest of the world. It’s kind of like he’s just looking out for what he enjoys doing, and if he has to make a decision between what’s right and what’s good for him, he’ll usually pick what’s good for him [laughs]. So I think it’s that kind of mental attitude that my character assumes, and he’s basically just out to have fun.

I bet you get people coming up to you all the time like, “You’re on Weeds, let’s go smoke a doobie!” That’s probably annoying, huh?

[Laughs] We went to Haight-Ashbury about a year ago, and you wouldn’t believe the amount people gave us. We were walking around, my wife and I, and I just had a hand full of pot.

I’m always curious about this with comedians: what makes you laugh?

Um, usually the Heimlich maneuver.

So this morning you were set, then huh?

Yeah, I fell off my chair. Real people doing unpredictable things makes me laugh. You know, Candid Camera used to be one of my favorite shows. You know what I mean, though, people not trying to be funny and it just happens. Or kids—kids are really funny.

Just their rationale and thinking is just so funny because they are just so innocent. I like dry humor, you know, like Flight of the Concords and Eastbound and Down.

You just seem to be getting funnier with age. You’re like a fine wine or something. How much longer do you see yourself making people laugh?

Well yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever retire because I enjoy doing this.

But you know, I start thinking about that as I get older. I think the most important thing is to kind of stay connected and relevant and to stay on top of things, so you can kind of relate to people that are younger than you.

With close to 1.3 million Twitter followers, I’d say you’re pretty on top of things.

[Laughs] Yeah, I guess so. Anyways, that’s my objective: stay current as much as possible.

“Real people doing unpredictable things makes me laugh.

You know, Candid Camera used to be one of my favorite shows. You know what I mean, though, people not trying to be funny and it just happens.” – Kevin Nealon Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

21

904 15th Street 443.2797

Jan. 10–24

Between I & J • Downtown Sacramento

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1.10 Monday

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

G St Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Instagon, Nice Rug, 7 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Live Vinnie Guidera, Derrick Hart, Old Lava, 8:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Strapped for Cash w/ Nuance, 8 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Press Club Makosa, Calling Morocco, 9 p.m.

1.11 Tuesday

Capitol Garage Open Jazz Session, 9 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Traditional Irish Jam Session, 7 p.m.

G St Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Marilyn’s Open Mic w/ Chris 2Me, 5:30 p.m.; Wires & Wood, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Lipstick w/ DJs Shaun Slaghter, Roger Carpio, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub DJs Rigatony, Alazzawi, 9 p.m.

Press Club 80’s Night w/ DJ Billy Lane, 9 p.m.

Shady Lady Chub City w/ Flower Vato, 10 p.m.

C al e n da r T2 Nightclub & Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Hans Eberbach, 5:30 p.m.; Lew Fratis Trio, 9 p.m.

1.12 Wednesday

Bisla’s Open Mic, 9 p.m.

Blackwater Cafe Open Mic, 7 p.m.

Club Car The Double Shots, 7:30 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

The Fire Escape Bar and Grill Havok, Psychosomatic, Blownload, Slip Into A Coma, 6 p.m.

Fox & Goose Steve McLane, 8 p.m.

G St Pub DJ Larry the Flower Vato, 10 p.m.

Marilyn’s Set Theory, Garage Jazz Architects, 9 p.m.

Mix DJ Gabe Xavier, 9 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Live Chick PS, South City Lights, Stephen March, 8:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Open Mic w/ host Lare Crawley, 8:30 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Snobs, Element of Soul, Thaw Jack Frost, 9 p.m.

Press Club HUMP w/ DJ Whores, 9 p.m.

Shady Lady Straight, No Chaser w/ CrookOne, 10 p.m.

Torch Club Acoustic Open Mic, 5:30 p.m.; Walking Spanish, 9 p.m.

Distillery

friday, Jan 14 Acoustic punk night: Alex Dorame (Kill Devil), Andy Harrison (The Walking Dead), Cory & Travis (Lessons In Failure), Rob Welch (Smash The Glass), Sam & Mike (Get Dead, S.F.), Kenny Beasley & Special Guest From Reno $5 10pm Saturday, Jan 15 Neptune’s Folly, NFH, Zero For Zero $5 10pm friday, Jan 21 Hugo Stiglitz, Nilshipter, Nightmare in Twilight, Angel City Rejects $7 10pm

open for lunch & dinner

Saturday, Jan 22 March Into Paris, Street Urchinz, Statis Burden, Courtesy Call $5 10pm friday, Jan 28 Big Sandy & His Fly Right Boys, Jenny Lyn & Her Real Gone Daddies $8 10pm Saturday, Jan 29 Machete, Lessons In Failure The Stalking Distance, Fight Inside $7 10pm

2107 l street sacramento, ca 95816 (916) 443-8815

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

1.13 thursday

Barcode Nightclub & Lounge DJ Wreck, DJ BTRIXX, 9 p.m.

Capitol City Hotel Karaoke, 8:30 p.m.

Club Car Songwriters Showcase, 8 p.m.

Club Retro Original Sin, Jaxx, Raised Threshold, Adhara, The Wad, Bi-Polar Bear, Buffalo Buffalo, 6 p.m.

The Coffee Garden Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.

District 30 Pre-opening Party w/ Steve Aoki, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Ran, 8 p.m.

G St Pub DJ Somebody, 10 p.m.

Golden Bear Shaun Slaughter, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s Anthony B, Eyezon and the People Like Us, Selecta Empress, Tru Dawta, 10 p.m.

Marilyn’s RockOn Live Band Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Mix DJ Ron Reeser, DJ Slick D, DJ Dan Saenz, 9 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Live The Onlymen, The Red Red, Kroovies, Nolan, 8:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides The Shades of Gray, Southlot, One Lost MC, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Nashville Unplugged, Courtney Lynn, 9:30 p.m.

Press Club Musical Charis, Hot Tar Roofers, Dreaded Diamond, 9 p.m.

Torch Club X Trio, 5 p.m.; Harley White Jr. feat. Aaron King, 9 p.m.

Vega’s Blues Jam, 7 p.m.

1.14 Friday

The Blue Lamp Hellbound Glory, Matt W. Gage, 9 p.m.

Branch Street Warehouse Madhouse Disciples (CD Release), Pressure Point, Those Unknown, Madhouse Disciples, Sydney Ducks, Shambles, 7 p.m.

Capitol Garage Get Down to the Champion Sound w/ DJ ESEF & Selector KDK, 10 p.m.

use a qr scanner on your smart phone to view calendar online

Distillery Acoustic Punk Night w/ Alex Dorame (Kill Devil), Andy Harrison (The Walking Dead), Cory & Travis (Lessons In Failure), Rob Welch (Smash the Glass), Sam & Mike (Get Dead), Kenny Beasley, 10 p.m.

The Fire Escape Bar and Grill Stella, The Kennedy Veil, Keeping Score, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Justin Farren and Friends, 9 p.m.

Golden Bear DJ Crook, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s Reminisce, 10 p.m.

Luigi’s Fun Garden Hail the Sun, The Speed of Sound in Seawater, Dreaded Diamond, Animal Style, 8 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe The Blusoul Band (CD Release), 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s The Humdaddyz, 9 p.m.

Mix DJ Jus James, 9 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Live Michael Laplante, The Afterlife, Hans Eberbach, 8:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Judgement Day, Foxtail Brigade, Exquisite Corps, 9 p.m.

On The Y Cura Cochino, Divination of the Damned, Minenwerfer, Killgasm, 9 p.m.

The Park Ultra Lounge DJ ObOne, 10 p.m.

Pistol Pete’s (Auburn) J Ras, Izreal, Chozin, At Ease, Xpression, DJ El Conductor, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Tainted Love, 10 p.m.

Press Club DJ GVNTR, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Nathan Owens, 9:30 p.m.

Shenanigans Sovern, Engineering the Enemy, Fuel the Change, 9 p.m.

Studio 21 Galatia, Bulltrue, Cadaveric, Their Own Blood, 6 p.m.

T2 Nightclub & Lounge DJs & Dancing, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Acoustic Trio, 5 p.m.; Johnny Guitar Knox, 9 p.m.

Townhouse Fuck Fridays w/ DJs Shaun Slaughter, Jon Droll, Roger Carpio, 9 p.m.

UC Davis: Freeborn Hall Fantasy w/ Inpetto, Thomas Datt, C Kay, Ryan Russell, DJ Even Steven, 8 p.m.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

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Saturday Beatnik Studios Todd Morgan & the Emblems (CD Release), The Kyle Rowland Band, 7 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Kill The Precedent, The Snobs, Hanover Saints, 9 p.m.

Capitol City Hotel Karaoke, 8:30 p.m.

Club 21 Risqué Nites presents DAMB w/ resident DJs Mike Diamond, Sex & Weight, My Cousin Vinny, 10 p.m.

Club Retro Jamies Elsewhere, City of Kings (EP Release), The Winter Formal, Paint Over Pictures, The Even Tide, Pledge the Silence, Oneira, 7 p.m.

Delta of Venus Swiss Family Skiers, Angora Debs, The Hondettes, DJ Toddles, 8 p.m.

Distillery Neptune’s Folly, NFH, Zero For Zero, 10 p.m.

The Fire Escape Bar and Grill Cylince, Teeth n Tonez, Lower Level, Quarantine the Sick and Septik, Hillside Killa, 7 p.m.

Fox & Goose Armed Forces Radio, Riot Radio, The Visceral, 9 p.m.

G St Pub DJ Charlie, 10 p.m.

Golden Bear Sweaty w/ DJ Whores, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s Bump City (Tower of Power tribute), 7 p.m.; Hip Service, 10 p.m.

Luigi’s Fun Garden Jason Webley, Buster Blue, 8 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Mandolin Avenue, Chris 2Me, Quinn Hedges, 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s Lightning Hand, 8 p.m.

Mix Dance Party w/ DJ Larry Rodriguez Naked Lounge Downtown Live Wife and Son, Autumn Sky, Tyler Hall, 8:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Automatic Rival, The Shimmies, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Lou Dog Trio, 10 p.m.

Press Club DJ GVNTR, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Nathan Owens, 4 p.m.

Social Nightclub DJ Scotty Boy Splash Night Club DJ Nate D, DJ Just, 10 p.m.

T2 Nightclub & Lounge DJs & Dancing, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Johnny Guitar Knox, 5 p.m.; John Nemeth, 9 p.m.

Townhouse Record Club Presents: Black Radio w/ Bellicose Minds, The Howling, 9 p.m.

1.16 Sunday

Barcode Nightclub & Lounge The Asylum w/ DJ Bryan Hawk, KJ Groth, DJ Darkstar, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Reggae Bashment w/ DJ Wokstar!, 9:30 p.m.

Capitol Garage Karaoke, 10 p.m.

Christ Community Church (Carmichael) Sacramento Guitar Society presents 7-String Classical Guitarist Matthew Grasso, 3 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 8 p.m.

The Fire Escape Bar and Grill Rat Damage, The Scowndrolls, The Snot Cocks, Self Proclaimed, Aberzombies, 6 p.m.

Golden Bear Industry Night, 7 p.m.

Harlow’s Bachata Lessons, 6 p.m.; Salsa Lessons, 7 p.m.

Luigi’s Fun Garden Ten After Two, Scarlet O’Hara, Lions Tigers & Bears, No Bragging Rights, 8 p.m.

Mix DJ Fashen, 9 p.m.

On The Y You Be the Rockstar Karaoke w/ Larissa, 8 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Powerhouse of Blues, 3 p.m.; Blues Jam, 7 p.m.

Press Club DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Blues Jam, 4 p.m.; The Nibblers, 8 p.m.

UC Davis: Freeborn Hall 30 Seconds to Mars, 7:30 p.m.

1.17 Monday

Branch Street Warehouse Take Offense, Naysayer, Crucified, Plead the Fifth, 9 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

G St Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Harlow’s Orgone, ZuhG, 8 p.m.

Luigi’s Fun Garden Oceano, For The Fallen Dreams, Upon A Burning Body, The Great Commission, I The Breather, 6 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Pluck, Vim Vigour (Hammond, McKean and Campbell), Luke Westbrook Group, 7 p.m.

Old Ironsides Strapped for Cash w/ Nuance, 8 p.m.

Plea for Peace Center (Stockton) Sadistik, Sarx, Abbey James, The Masked Avengers, Witts, 7 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Press Club Reptet, Harley White Orchestra, The Flower Vato, 9 p.m.

1.18 Tuesday

Capitol Garage Open Jazz Session, 9 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Traditional Irish Jam Session, 7 p.m.

G St Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Harlow’s Makaha Sons, 7:30 p.m.

Marilyn’s Open Mic w/ Chris 2Me, 5:30 p.m.; Wires & Wood, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Lipstick w/ DJs Shaun Slaghter, Roger Carpio, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub DJs Rigatony, Alazzawi, 9 p.m.

Press Club 80’s Night w/ DJ Billy Lane, 9 p.m.

Shady Lady Chub City w/ Flower Vato, 10 p.m.

T2 Nightclub & Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Autumn Sky, 5:30 p.m.; Dippin Sauce, 9 p.m.

1.19 Wednesday

Bisla’s Open Mic, 9 p.m.

Blackwater Cafe Open Mic, 7 p.m.

Club Car The Double Shots, 7:30 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

District 30 Grand Opening, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Traditional Irish Jam Session hosted

by Linda Ralph, 7 p.m.

G St Pub DJ Larry the Flower Vato, 10 p.m.

Mix DJ Solomon, 9 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Live Stevie Nader, Elysian Heights, 8:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Open Mic w/ host Lare Crawley, 8:30 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Jonathan Tyer & Northern Lights, Aroarah, Goodness Gracious Me, 9 p.m.

Press Club Jane’s Amenity, Witchburn, 9 p.m.

sacramento (916) 258-Blue (2583)

24

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Shady Lady Straight, No Chaser w/ CrookOne, 10 p.m.

Torch Club Acoustic Open Mic, 5:30 p.m.; Golden Cadillacs, 9 p.m.

1.20 Thursday

Barcode Nightclub & Lounge DJ Wreck, DJ BTRIXX, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Doey Rock, Chase Moore, Cawzlos, 9 p.m.

Capitol City Hotel Karaoke, 8:30 p.m.

Club Car Songwriters Showcase, 8 p.m.

Club Retro Trial By Fire, Official Response, Pierced From Within, Through the Threshold, Before You Fall, 6 p.m.

The Coffee Garden Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.

Community Center Theater Tango Buenos Aires, 8 p.m.

District 30 Sasha, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Poetic Justis, 8 p.m.

G St Pub DJ Somebody, 10 p.m.

Golden Bear Shaun Slaughter, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s Celtic Crossroads, 7 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Colt & Danny, 8 p.m.

Mix DJ Ron Reeser, DJ Slick D, DJ Dan Saenz, 9 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Live The Secret Lives of Squirrels, Allyson Seconds and Bags of Kittens, 8:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Foxtails, The Regulars, Sherman Baker, 9 p.m.

On The Y You Be the Rockstar Karaoke w/ Larissa, 8 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Curtis & Lucky Band, 9:30 p.m.

Press Club Sexrat, The Blue Diamonds, Jeffrey Valentine (EP Release), 9 p.m.

Torch Club X Trio, 5 p.m.; Harley White Jr. feat. Aaron King, 9 p.m.

UC Davis: Jackson Hall Mark O’Connor & Julian Lage, 8 p.m.

Vega’s Blues Jam, 7 p.m.

1.21 FRIDAY

The Blue Lamp Doey Rock, Chase Moore, Cawzlos, 9 p.m.

Capitol Garage Get Down to the Champion Sound w/ DJ ESEF & Selector KDK, 10 p.m.

Community Center Theater Backstage Jazz Bistro, 7:30 p.m.

Crest Theatre Ladysmith Black Mambazo, 6:30 p.m.

Delta of Venus Random Abiladeze, Who Cares, DJ Rated R, 8 p.m.

Distillery Hugo Stiglitz, Nilshipter, Nightmare in the Twilight, Angel City Rejects, 10 p.m.

The Fire Escape Bar and Grill White Minorities, Silence of the Grimm, Chernobog, Mortal Atrocity, 8 p.m.

Fox & Goose Richard March Band, 9 p.m.

Golden Bear DJ Crook, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s David Lindley, Pieta Brown, 7:30 p.m.; Andy Allo, 10 p.m.

Trivia: 9:30pm • Movie: 10pm Specials: $3 Drinks • $4 shots

Mondays

Tuesdays Open Jazz Jam 9pm • Free

fridays

Saturday

The Blue Lamp The Jacks (AC/DC Tribute), Dungeons & Dragqueens, 9 p.m.

Capitol City Hotel Karaoke, 8:30 p.m.

Club 21 Reverence 2 Year Anniversary Party, 9:30 p.m.

Club Retro Causa Mortis (EP Release), Maltreated (EP Release), Sovereign Strength, A Holy Ghost Revival, Belmont, 7 p.m.

Colonial Theatre Rehab, Stepchild, Deadset, Twitch Angry, 6 p.m.

Distillery March Into Paris, Street Urchinz, Statis Burden, Courtesy Call, 10 p.m.

The Fire Escape Bar and Grill Hoods, Pressure Point, Boundaries, Massacre Time, Domination, Heartless Nightlife, Drastic Actions, 5 p.m.

Fox & Goose Lovely Builders, Ross Hammond, Philip Greenlief and Scott Amendola Duo, 9 p.m.

thursDAY JAN 13 10PM $22

sundays

thursDAY JAN 20 7PM

CeltiC Crossroads friDAY JAN 21 7:30PM

friDAY JAN 14 10PM

Jewels events Presents

REMInISCE Happy Hour 3-7pM Drinks specials

champion sound reGGae//dub//dancehall

Red Hawk Casino Summer of Love, 4 p.m.

Shine Coffee Blake William, 14FT. CL (feat. Zack Dowell & Stefano Zeroli), 7 p.m.

LinDLey w/ guest Pieta Brown anthony B DaviD friDAY JAN 21

10pm • $5

SubmergeMag.com

1.22

G St Pub DJ Charlie, 10 p.m.

Golden Bear Sweaty w/ DJ Whores, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s Ra Ra Riot, Givers, Pepper Rabbit, 9 p.m.

Luigi’s Fun Garden E-Squared, Perro Bravo, 8 p.m.

Mix Dance Party w/ DJ Larry Rodriguez Naked Lounge Downtown Live Lost Angeles, Arlyn Anderson Trio, The Charles Rose Experience, 8:30 p.m.

Odd Fellows Hall Typhoon, AgesandAges, Brainstorm, Elders, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Neil Diamond’s 70th Birthday Show w/ Jem & Scout, Sal Valentino, Free Badge Serenaders, Blue Diamonds, Kepi, OCD, I Scream on a Sundae, Preoccupied Pipers, Brian Rodgers, Jeff Clark, 8 p.m.

Phono Select Jake Mann & The Upper Hand, 6 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Love Fool, 10 p.m.

Press Club DJ GVNTR, 9 p.m.

RESTaURaNT & NIghT clUB

hosted by dj esef, featurinG special Guest djs, bands & sinGjays

resturant night club catering delivery

Veterans Memorial Theatre (Davis) Hardwater, Andrew Corbett, Smack Jupiter, 7:30 p.m.

Bring your instrument and jam with some of the areas best musicians!

Trivia: 9:30pm • Movie: 10pm Specials: $3 Drinks • $4 shots

Get down to the

Luigi’s Fun Garden Pets (CD Release), Kepi, Dog Party, 8 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Richie Lawrence & the Yolos, Parker McDonald, 8 p.m.

Mix DJ Jus James, 9 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Live Walking Spanish, Island of Black and White, 8:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Machete, In the No, 9 p.m.

The Park Ultra Lounge Seeing Sounds, 10 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Utz & the Suttlecocks, 10 p.m.

Press Club DJ GVNTR, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Summer of Love, 9:30 p.m.

The Refuge A Lot Like Birds, Not To Reason Why, Early States, Dreaded Diamond, The Cryptics, 7 p.m.

Shenanigans Suckerpunch, Bypassing Oblivion, Animism, 9 p.m.

T2 Nightclub & Lounge DJs & Dancing, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Acoustic Trio, 5 p.m.; Karen Lovely, 9 p.m.

Townhouse Fuck Fridays w/ DJs Shaun Slaughter, Jon Droll, Roger Carpio, 9 p.m.

every day

fooD specials

Monday - Friday

sAturDAY JAN 15 7PM $15

BUMP CITy a triBute to tower oF Power

sacramento

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Andy Allo

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Ra Ra Riot

sAturDAY JAN 15 10PM $12

witH givers & PePPer raBBit

r&B & olD sCHool

California a salute to tHe eagles

HiP serViCe Hotel MONDAY JAN 17 8PM $12

suNDAY JAN 23 7:30PM

ORGOne

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tuesDAY JAN 18 7:30PM

thursDAY JAN 27 10PM $12

witH guest ZuHg!

1500 K Street

10PM

Midnite reggae

MakaHa sons deeRhoof

COMiNG sOON Jan 28 goapele Jan 28 tom rigney & Flambeau Jan 29 still time Feb 1 Clutch Feb 4 aggrolites Feb 5 steelin Dan Feb 10 Moustache Harbor Feb 11 tommy Castro Feb 12 Chicago tribute authority Feb 12 Dane Drewis Feb 13 Murder by Death Feb 19 a.l.o. (animal liberation orchestra) Feb 21 rocky votolato Feb 23 todd snider Mar 6 Kaki King

ViP BOOths AVAiLABLe CALL CLuB fOr DetAiLs PArties Of ALL siZes fOr ALL OCCAsiONs

email: reservations@harlows.com or Call 916.441.4693x19

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2708 J Street Sacramento • 916.441.4693 • www.harlows.com

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

25

26

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Shenanigans Departure (Journey tribute), 9 p.m.

T2 Nightclub & Lounge DJs & Dancing, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Johnny Guitar Knox, 5 p.m.; Ron Thompson & the Resistors, 9 p.m.

UC Davis: Jackson Hall Violinist Itzhak Perlman, 8 p.m.

1.23 Sunday

Barcode Nightclub & Lounge The Asylum w/ DJ Bryan Hawk, KJ Groth, DJ Darkstar, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Reggae Bashment w/ DJ Wokstar!, 9:30 p.m.

Capitol Garage Karaoke, 10 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 8 p.m.

The Fire Escape Bar and Grill Black Eyed Dempseys, Jason Welt, Carly duHain, 6 p.m.

Golden Bear Industry Night, 7 p.m.

Harlow’s Hotel California (Eagles tribute), 7:30 p.m.

Mix DJ Billy Lane, 9 p.m.

On The Y You Be the Rockstar Karaoke w/ Larissa, 8 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Bad Catz, 3 p.m.

Press Club DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Blues Jam, 4 p.m.; Mind X, 8 p.m.

1.24 monday

Delta of Venus Ava Mendoza, The Black Swans, 7:30 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

The Fire Escape Bar and Grill Tumbledown (feat.

Mike Herrera of MXPX), Gun Down, Mike the Pike (of Neutralboy), Filthy Luke, The Hybrid Creeps, 6 p.m.

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

G St Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Nahum Zdybel Trio, Tyson Graf, 7 p.m.

Old Ironsides Strapped for Cash w/ Nuance, 8 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Press Club The Crazy Harris Band, 9 p.m.

Comedy Laughs Unlimited Kivi Rogers, Kevin Young, Jan. 13 - 15, Thursday, 8 p.m.; Friday & Saturday, 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.

Best of Open Mic Showcase, Jan. 18, 8 p.m.

Rusty Dooley, Jeff Richards, Jan. 20 - 23, Thursday, 8 p.m.; Friday & Saturday, 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.; Sunday, 7 p.m.Luna’s Cafe Naked Lounge Downtown Live Keith Lowell Jensen’s Wednesday Night Comedy, Wedesday’s, 8 p.m.

Punchline Comedy Club Peter Chao, Jan. 12, 8 p.m.

Joey Medina, Jan. 13 - 16, Thursday & Sunday, 8 p.m.; Friday & Saturday, 8 p.m. & 10 p.m.

Sean Rouse, Jan. 23, 8 p.m.

Sacramento Comedy Sportz Mayhem!, every Thursday, 9 p.m.

ComedySportz, every Friday & Saturday, 8 p.m.

ICUP Comedy Troupe, Jan. 21-22, 10 p.m.

Sacramento Comedy Spot Jan. 10, Stand-up 1 Class, 6:30 p.m.; Improv 3

Showcase, 7 p.m.

Jan. 12 & 19, Improv 1 Continuous, 7 p.m.; Harold Night, 9 p.m.

Jan. 13 & 20, Improv 1 Continuous, 7 p.m.; Cage Match, 9 p.m.

Jan. 14, In Your Facebook, 8 p.m.; Will Franken, 9 p.m.

Jan. 15, Worlds Worst Doctors, 7 p.m.; Lady Business, 8 p.m.; Anti Cooperation League, 9 p.m.

Jan. 16 & 23, Open Mic Scramble, 7 p.m.

Jan. 18, Harold Team Auditions, 7 p.m.

Jan. 21, In Your Facebook, 8 p.m.; Brian Knows Funny People, 9 p.m.

Jan. 22, Worlds Worst Doctors, 7 p.m.; Spotlight Improv Showcase, 8 p.m.; Anti Cooperation League, 9 p.m.; Dirty Stand-up Show, 10:30 p.m.

Tommy T’s Kevin Nealon, Jan. 14 - 15, Friday, 8 p.m. & 10 p.m.; Saturday, 7:30 p.m. & 10 p.m.

Michael Mancini, Jan. 21 - 23, Friday, 8 p.m. & 10 p.m.; Saturday, 7:30 p.m. & 10 p.m.; Sunday, 7:30 p.m.

Misc.

16th and J Streets Midtown Bazaar, Saturdays, 7 a.m.

ARCO Arena PBR: Professional Bull Riders, Jan. 14 - 15 The Harlem Globetrotters 2011 “4 Times the Fun” World Tour, Jan. 17, 2 p.m.

Monster Jam, Jan. 21 - 23 Beatnik Studios Red Night Poetry: Danielle Metzinger, Josh Fernandez, Mario Ellis Hill, Jan. 19, 8 p.m.

Back the the Basics Photography Workshop, Jan. 22, 10 a.m.

Photo Skills Workshop: Intermediate Tips, Tricks

and Lighting, Jan. 23, 10 a.m.

Bisla’s Pub Quiz Trivia, Mondays, 7 p.m.

Bistro 33 (Davis) Pub Quiz, Mondays, 9 p.m.; Poetry Night, Every 1st Wednesday, 9 p.m Cal Expo: Miller Lite Grandstand Live Harness Racing, Fridays, 6:20 p.m.; Saturdays, 5:30 p.m.

Capitol Garage Trivia & Movie Night, Mondays, 9:30 p.m.

Crest Theatre Sacramento Film & Music Winterfest, Jan. 15 - 17 California Lectures Presents: Kim Edwards, Jan. 20, 6:15 p.m.

Delta of Venus Open Doors Art Walk promoting advocacy for refugees and human trafficking victims, Jan. 14, 6 p.m.

Fox & Goose Pub Quiz, Tuesdays, 7 p.m.

Harlow’s Sizzling Siren’s Burlesque Experience presents: Stick ‘Em Up! A Criminal Cabaret, Jan. 16, 8 p.m.

It’s All Yoga Free Yoga Class, Fridays, 4:30 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Joe Montoya’s Poetry Unplugged, Thursdays, 8 p.m.

Amnesty International Film Night: American Outrage, Jan. 11, 6 p.m.

Sacramento Convention Center Easyriders Bike Show, Jan. 15 - 16 Sol Collective Film Screening of Very Young Girls, Jan. 11, 6:30 p.m.

Townhouse Record Club Movie Night & Lounge, every Wednesday, 7:30 p.m.

Home prices are low, interest rates are excellent!

I would love to be your Realtor! Give me a call.

LESA JOHNSTON 1819 K Street Sacramento, CA 95811 DRE# 01882313

lesa.johnston@bhghome.com Office: (916) 491-1516 Mobile: (916) 743-3760

My goal is to find my clients their dream home.

SubmergeMag.com

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

27

refined tastes

R U YO AD 3 E 0 R 8 3 HE6) 441-

com . g a em

(91@submerg info

28

The Color of Cuisine Formoli’s Bistro 3260 J Street • Sacramento words & PHOTOS Adam Saake Eating is a special experience. Food at once entices our senses with glorious smells, vibrant colors and curious textures while filling the basic human necessity of calming our hunger and nurturing our bodies. The experience continues with our journeys into cooking and learning how to feed ourselves and others in a way that makes meals memorable landmarks in our lives. And the final movement is to be fortunate enough to watch masters at work in their kitchens. When a dish is masterfully prepared right before your eyes, epiphanies occur and all of a sudden it all makes sense.

There are few places in Sacramento that can deliver an experience that encompasses all of those elements, and that’s OK. Sometimes we just want to be to ourselves and enjoy the company we’re with or maybe just grab something and go. But for the whole experience, for the spectacle des spectacles, there are places like Formoli’s Bistro in East Sacramento that, from the moment you open the door, you are drawn into all things exciting about dining out.

The brief hallway leads you into a bistro alive with kitchen sounds and smells and neighbors dining elbow to elbow for the sake of good cuisine. For those intimate nights or celebratory get-togethers, the dining room is just big enough to accommodate your fancy. But the best seat in the house is at the bar, sitting across from chefs Aimal Formoli and Joseph Contreras, watching the plates unfurl in a flurry of spices and demi-glaze. Hands fly in the air as seasonings fall and the pans in motion add a percussive backbeat to the chatter of the bistro.

But I digress. We’re here to talk about the food and what a mouthful there is to say. Out came the stuffed dates, a small offering that reflects Formoli’s Persian heritage mixed with his French training from the California College of the Arts in San Francisco. Stuffed with goat cheese and crispy pancetta and served on top of Belgian endive (an interesting white, crisp vegetable that grows from the roots of chicory) and topped with Champagne vinaigrette ($12), this dish is the flagship of Formoli’s cooking and is a gateway to the rest of his remarkable dishes.

The bruschetta arrived next, and I was excited to see what Chef Formoli was going to do with this classic Italian appetizer.

Thick slices of bread with a perfectly toasted crust were topped with the cool, acidic sweetness of the cherry tomatoes and

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

rounded out with a nice salty, olive oil tapenade. Each of Formoli’s dishes have such an incredible color palette that your eyes light up as they arrive. The brown, white and soft green of the dates or the yellows and reds of the bruschetta are nothing short of dazzling. Even purple makes an appearance in the blue cheese smashed potatoes that accompany the filet.

“As a chef, I try to be an artist too. That’s kind of my thing.

I just love when a plate pops out at you. The colors are big for me on the plates,” says Formoli.

Upon my first visit, I was thankfully introduced to the whiskey burger that knocked my socks off. Formoli sears his blended, pepper encrusted patties in whiskey before finishing them in the oven. A perfectly toasted bun marries the cheddar cheese and habañero aioli to complete one of the best burgers in town. But while I ate, I watched a number of dishes being prepared including a pasta dish with medium rare flat iron steak sliced thinly on top. A white wine cream sauce with fettuccini noodles is one thing, but then to top it with such a great cut of beef that is cooked carefully and arrives tender is a whole different ball game. The fresh herbs and tomatoes make this dish pop, and you have the creaminess of the sauce with the savory texture of the beef—a real entrée.

Formoli’s is approaching its third year of business and not without its share of blood, sweat and tears along the way.

“What me and my wife [Suzanne Ricci] had saved is what we dumped into it and then halfway through, we ran out of every resource; every dime we had,” says Formoli, Their dream was so big that these obstacles didn’t stand in their way. Quietly throughout the years, tucked away in the non-descript East Sacramento shopping center, Formoli’s Bistro built an outstanding menu that developed just as Formoli and Ricci wanted.

“Not being in the limelight too soon was good, because I was able to fine tune everything in the restaurant,” Formoli says. “That’s the last thing I wanted was hype.”

Then there’s the service. Front of the house experience is overflowing from servers like Patrick O’Neill, Sarah Heimann and Christina Gonzales, the latter two recipients of the Sacramento Bee’s “best server” accolade. The best word here is genuine. Customers aren’t talked “at” but rather delicately handled and the focus is on enhancing the meal rather than up-selling. With such a high turnover rate for servers in the restaurant industry, Formoli has found a team he calls his “family” that has been with him since the doors opened.

Look out for some cosmetic work being done on the inside and outside of the bistro this year and if you haven’t let the Formoli’s family wow you yet, there’s no time like the present.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

The grindhouse

They Don’t Make Them Like They Used To… The King’s Speech

The Weinstein Company/ UK Film Council Words James Barone In the days before radio (or wireless as it’s referred to in The King’s Speech), leaders really only had to look the part. Their words may have been read or simply handed down from some appointed underling. As technology became more prevalent in the day-to-day lives of common folk, however, those in charge were faced with the problem of how they would connect with a populace better equipped and hungry for improved communication with their officials—be they anointed by popular vote or

by God. The King’s Speech takes place at the dawn of the modern age—the time between the two world wars that laid the groundwork for the information deluge we wade through in present day. While it would be tempting to shackle allegorical significance on The King’s Speech, the film is thankfully too simple and sublime to shoulder such a burden.

Colin Firth plays Prince Albert (Bertie to his close relatives), a British royal with a crippling speech impediment. Despite his lofty title, Albert is an otherwise ordinary man with a loving wife (Helena Bonham Carter as the Queen Mother Elizabeth) and two young daughters. He’s a good father and husband, but his public life is not so pleasant. He has the potential to be a proud, capable—perhaps even great—leader; but pressure from his overbearing father and older brother has rattled his confidence. After the death of his father, King George V, and his brother’s abandonment of the throne to marry an American divorcee, Albert

SubmergeMag.com

is thrust into the role of King of England with World War II threatening on the horizon.

At the center of the film is Albert’s relationship with speech therapist Lionel Logue, a frustrated Australian actor played by Geoffrey Rush. Elizabeth seeks out Logue when all other therapists have failed her husband, and he is sick to death of trying to fix his speech impediment. Logue’s methods are controversial, and he doesn’t seem at all intimidated by his new patient’s fame. The two enter into an uneasy alliance that eventually blossoms into a lifelong friendship as Logue helps Albert, now the newly ordained King George VI, get through his coronation and the speech as Hitler invaded Poland (thrusting England into war with Germany), a speech that would define his rule.

Rush and Firth have already been nominated for Golden Globes (Best Supporting and Best Actor respectively), and it seems that both should be odds-on favorites to walk home with hardware at either that ceremony or the Academy Awards. They’re a joy to watch in such rich and nuanced roles. Rush provides excellent dry wit and Firth exhibits such depth as a man on the cusp of greatness but unsure if he’s ready to take that all-important first step. His Albert is quick to anger, but easy to relate to and feel sympathy for. Carter is also as charming as always and shines in a role that could be easily marginalized with Firth and Rush in top form.

What’s so nice about The King’s Speech is that it’s just a movie with good acting and a clever, uplifting script. There are no car chases, shootouts, wild sex scenes or flashy digital effects. The climax of the film—a speech, if you couldn’t already tell from the title—may not be the most thrilling conclusion, but it packs a serious emotional punch. It’s a movie you can take your parents to and ensure that everyone will leave smiling. Jolly good show!

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

29

\

thurSday

Jan 27 haRlow’s 2708 J sT. sacTo 21 & oveR 10:00pm

neRvous cop

(feat. Zach hill anD gReg saunieR)

Clutch

valienT ThoRR

(only no. california heaDline show)

tuESday

oRgone zuhg

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 8:00pm

Ra Ra RioT Givers • PePPer rabbit

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 9:00pm

social DisToRTion lucero • chuck raGan

modesto Centre plaza • 1000 l st. • modesto • all ages • 7:30pm

The aggRoliTes

Devil’s briGaDe (feat. matt freeman from ranciD) RogeR miReT & The DisasTeRs Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 9:00pm

sugaR & golD Yip DeceiveR

blue lamp • 1400 alHambra blvd. • saCto • 21 & over • 9:00pm

muRDeR

bY DeaTh The builDeRs anD The buTcheRs

Damion suomi & The minoR pRopheTs

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 8:00pm

monday

Jan 17

Saturday

Jan 22

monday

Jan 31

Saturday

FEB 4

Saturday

FEB 12

Sunday

FEB 13

Saturday

libeRaTion oRchesTRa) FEB alo (animalnaThan mooRe Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 9:00pm 19

RockY voTolaTo lauRa gibson

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 8:00pm

The coRonas (from irelanD)

blue lamp • 1400 alHambra blvd. • saCto • 21 & over • 8:00pm

The concReTes (from sweDen)

blue lamp • 1400 alHambra blvd. • saCto • 21 & over • 9:00pm

mike waTT lite (from JaPan)

blue lamp • 1400 alHambra blvd. • saCto • 21 & over • 9:00pm

30

Columnocalypse

FEB 1

haRlow’s 2708 J sT. sacTo 21 & oveR 8:00pm

abstract entertainment

the shallow end

monday

FEB 21

tuESday

FEB 22

thurSday

mar 3

Saturday

apr 30

TickeTs available aT: The beaT (17Th & J sT.),

Dimple RecoRDs, phono-selecT oR online at www.eventbrite.com, www.tickets.com • tickets for haRlow’s shows also available aT www.haRlows.com

Issue 76 • January 10 – January 24, 2011

James Barone jb@submergemag.com I’m sure I write about the End of Days a lot.

But we’re all kind of obsessed with that shit lately, aren’t we? It’s become fashionable to attach the “-pocalypse” suffix, or variant thereof, to the end of words: The East Coast recently had another “Snowpocalypse” when a major blizzard hit New York and other major cities right around Christmas. Around the same time, as 2010 came to a close, mass deaths of fish and birds triggered panic that the end was (once again) nigh. It was dubbed the “Aflockalypse.”

Way back when I was in grade school (we had school back then), I remember my aunt reading me a passage from the Book of Revelation. It was the one with the plagues of locusts or the sun turning black as sackcloth— one of the really fucking scary ones. When she was done, and I pretty much shat myself, she asked me, “Isn’t that beautiful?” I was like NO! I mean come on. If God loves us, why would he want to kill all of us in such a horrible, horrible way? Her answer basically amounted to, “Because He loves us.”

Sorry, but fuck that. Isn’t that the sort of thing battered wives say about their abusive husbands? That ain’t love, sweetheart, it’s psychopathic. I think dragons are cool as fuck, but if one descended from the sky one day, spitting fire and toppling the cities of man, I’d change my opinion real fast.

In Revelation 16, an angel breaks one of the seven seals and the rivers and seas turn to blood, “and every living soul died in the sea.” So when a bunch of fish die—millions actually—in the Chesapeake Bay as was the case right around New Year’s Day, you can see why some people would take that as a sign. If that weren’t enough, thousands of red-winged blackbirds tumbled dead out of the skies over Arkansas and Louisiana. Sign of the Apocalypse or not, it’s still a pretty ominous way to welcome 2011.

Is it the end? Science and reason say no, but really what did you expect them to say?

According to an article by the Washington Post, stuff like that isn’t even that rare.

“Records show that mass die-offs occur, on average, every other day somewhere in North America.” The article goes on to say that the

birds most likely died as a result of awaking and flying disoriented after New Year’s Eve celebratory fireworks were launched. The fish? Too sensitive. A steep decline in water temperatures did them in, according to the same article. So maybe God was to blame for that, but still it doesn’t prove impending Armageddon. Maybe He just doesn’t like fish.

Even members of the religious community haven’t jumped on the Apocalypse bandwagon.

Former teen sitcom actor turned outspoken Born Again Christian Kirk Cameron even thinks everyone should chill. He made an appearance on Anderson Cooper 360 to nip that one right in the bud. “I think it’s really kind of silly to try to equate birds falling out of the sky with some kind of an end-times theory,” Cameron said.

Well, if Mike Seaver says we should cool it, I guess we have no choice. Hysteria is so much more fun, though, and over the next two years, we should have plenty of that to enjoy. Dec. 21, 2012, the day the Mayan calendar “stops” is less than two years away.

In the mean time, There’s another Doomsday deadline right around the corner. This spring, in fact! According to Oakland-based biblical scholar Harold Camping, Judgment Day will fall on March 21, 2011, with the End of the World occurring seven months later on Oct. 21 (raptures take time). Of course, Camping already predicted the world would end before— and it didn’t as far as I can tell. In his book 1994?, Camping wrote that the world would most likely end September 1994, but with that prediction, he left himself an out. This time around he seems pretty sure.

Maybe he’s right this time. Maybe now’s the time to max out those credit cards and go on all those vacations you’ve always wanted to. Quit your jobs and have one more bout of serious living. Of course, if the world doesn’t end, there’ll be hell to pay—or at the very least a mountain of debt. You might lose your house, have to declare bankruptcy. Oh shit!

Economocalypse round two?!

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