Submerge Magazine: Issue 145 (September 16 - 30, 2013)

Dive into Sacramento & its Surrounding Areas

September 16 – 30, 2013

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#145

Plates 2 Go

Feeding the Community in More Ways than One

Doombird Brave New World

Zero Progress

lady business Laughing in the Moment

Misanthropy Never Sounded So Good

Irishpalooza

Returns to Marilyn’s

Merchants

to release debut EP

Ren and Stimpy Creator

17-year-old phenom

An Animated Life

lands the cover of Transworld Skateboarding

John K.

Miles Silvas

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

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Audio Express — Sacramento Submerge — 9/16/2013

145

18

12

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2013

september 16 – september 30

04 06 08 09 10 12 14 18 20 22 28 30

cofounder/ Editor in Chief/Art Director

Melissa Welliver melissa@submergemag.com cofounder/ Advertising Director

Jonathan Carabba jonathan@submergemag.com senior editor

James Barone Assistant Editor

Mandy Pearson

Contributing Writers

Zach Ahern, Joe Atkins, Robin Bacior, Andrew Bell, Corey Bloom, Bocephus Chigger, Brooke Dreyer, Josh Fernandez, Anthony Giannotti, Lovelle Harris, Niki Kangas, Nur Kausar, John Phillips, Ryan J. Prado, Amy Serna, Jacob Sprecher, Jennifer Snyder, Jenn Walker Contributing photographers

Heather Loewe, Mike Ibe, Phill Mamula, Liz Simpson, Nicholas Wray

Submergemag.com Follow us on Twitter! @SubmergeMag

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contents

Submerge: an independently owned entertainment/lifestyle publication available for free biweekly throughout the greater Sacramento area.

Submerge

2308 J Street, Suite F Sacramento, Calif. 95816

916.441.3803 info@submergemag.com

printed on recycled paper

front Cover Photo of lady business by nicholas wray

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Dive in Submerge your senses The Stream The Optimistic Pessimist plates 2 go lady business john k. doombird zero progress CALENDAR

dive in labor of l<3ve Melissa welliver melissa@submergemag.com People frequently ask me, “Why/how did you start Submerge?”

I usually tell them that my partner, Jonathan Carabba, and I had been dating for about a year when we decided why the heck not try to make a music/art/entertainment publication for the Sacramento region. We had just moved in together and we knew we had the skills, drive and most importantly the passion to make it work.

Looking back, perhaps I’d say we were slightly crazy, but more importantly we were very ambitious. Whatever it was that actually drove us to be in a relationship together as well as be business partners, it turned out to be a pretty darn good decision for us.

Almost every time we explain our situation to someone new we get this puzzled, wide-eyed look. Usually shortly after something is muttered along the lines of, “Oh, I could never do that. I could never work with my wife (or husband).” I usually shrug my shoulders and give them an I-don’t-know-how-itworks-but-it-works look back. In those moments it really makes me think, yeah, what we do have here is rare, but I honestly couldn’t imagine our life any other way. How I see it is like this: why would you not want to hang out every day and grow a business with your best friend? Sure, there’s a little bickering here and there, but there’s far more laughter, fun and satisfaction from achieving our goals by working together as a team.

Now, with 145 issues under our belt, that’s one issue every other week for about five-and-a-half years now, we still love growing our business together and although it’s hard for some to believe, we still really love each other and working together all day, every day.

I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we couldn’t be happier as we are about to embark on the next chapter of our lives together, becoming husband and wife by the time you read our next issue!

So, here’s to many more issues. Thanks for all the support over the years, Sacramento. Submerge is nothing without our awesome, dedicated readers, as well as our cherished advertisers. Now, we’re off to say, “I do!”

Thank you and please enjoy issue #145, Melissa-Dubs

the grindhouse

Riddick

the shallow end All content is property of Submerge and may not be reproduced without permission. Submerge is both owned and published by Submerge Media.

All opinions expressed throughout Submerge are those of the author and do not necessarily mean we all share those opinions. Feel free to take a copy or two for free, but please don’t remove our papers or throw them away. Submerge welcomes letters of all kinds, whether they are full of love or hate. We want to know what is on your mind, so feel free to contact us via snail mail at 2308 J Street, Suite F Sacramento, Calif. 95816. Or you can e-mail us at info@submergemag.com. back Cover Photo of zero progress by gil rigo

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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Submerge Magazine Sept 9.indd 1

8/28/13 5:04 PM

Point West Rotary of Sacramento is Proud to Present the

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NOW TOKENLESS!

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What:

Sample over 150 plus micro brews from over 60 brewers!

Also enjoy live music, local food vendors and more.

When:

Saturday, September 21st, 2013 from 12:30pm to 5pm.

Pouring starts at 1pm.

Where:

Discovery Park in Sacramento, CA

Who:

Point West Rotary puts on this festival to raise funds for the Weave, inc. and other children’s charities, which works to bring an end to domestic violence in our community.

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For Details & Ticket Options Visit Us Online at: www.CalBrewFest.com SubmergeMag.com

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

5

Your Senses SEE HEAR TASTE Touch Words Brooke Dreyer

Photo: Courtesy of the Historic Old Sacramento Foundation

See

Old Sacramento Underground Tours Uncover Hidden History What thoughts does Old Sacramento bring to mind? Evangeline’s eclectic inventory? Firehouse Restaurant’s signature filet mignon? Maybe the overwhelmingly awesome abundance of candy stores? Old Sacramento’s epithet alludes to a historical background, but the present-day attractions seem to be more enticing…but they only scratch the surface. In 1848, the Gold Rush gave birth to our lovely city, but our vulnerability to flooding put thriving stores, homes and businesses underwater.

The city was re-leveled, and the buildings became the foundation for the Sacramento we know today, leaving the roads and history of the original city beneath the ground. Most Sacramentans are aware of Old Sac’s underground abyss, but few have been able to explore them for themselves. From now until November, Evening Underground Tours will open the doors to the stories, excavations and colorful history beneath. Tickets can be found at Historicoldsac.org, along with more information, tour times and dates. The tour begins at the Sacramento History Museum and concludes at the River City Saloon, where $2 draft and whiskey shots await, but the 90 minutes in between are for you to discover yourself.

Taste

Hop Sac First Leaf Release Movie Night • Sept. 24 Sacramento is slowly converting the farm-to-fork trend into a healthy lifestyle necessity. But the demand goes beyond our food; it’s hopping right into our pints. After harvesting hops for over one hundred years, Ruhstaller’s farm will be releasing Hop Sac First Leaf, a beer highlighting hops grown and harvested one hundred percent on their farm, located off exit 69 off I-80 (Kidwell Road), just west of Davis. This local deliciousness can be tasted and celebrated on Sept. 24 for a movie night at Ruhstaller’s Farm and Yard to honor their 132nd anniversary (and third year of 21st century brewing).

Your ticket allows your palate to be amongst the first of many to taste First Leaf, and all the proceeds benefit the Michael J. Lewis Endowment for Brewing Science for UC Davis’ brewing science students.

More information can be found at Ruhstallerbeer.com and tickets to the release event can be purchased for $35 in advance (includes two drink tickets and dinner) at Firstleaf.eventbrite.com.

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Whiskey and Stitches Photo: Kiny McCarrick

The Pikeys Photo: Nick Esquerra

Stout Rebellion Photo: Kiny McCarrick

Hear

Irishpalooza Returns to Marilyn’s On K! • Sept. 21

Where do we begin describing Irishpalooza? If you were one of the many guests last year, we’re sure you’ve been counting down the days until its return. Once more, Marilyn’s on K will be proudly hosting this year’s event, which is sure to be just as successful as the last. Featuring the celtic punk greatness of Whiskey and Stitches, The Pikeys, One-Eyed Reilly and Stout Rebellion, these bands guarantee a good time. Flourishes of blues, folk and ardent punk nourish each band respectively while equally promoting the essence of classic Irish rock/celtic punk. Check out the Irishpalooza 2013’s Facebook event page and come celebrate with Marilynʼs, because what’s better than St. Patrick’s Day in September? Doors open at 7 p.m. and the cover is just $5, 21-and-over only.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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Ninth Annual Mustard Seed Spin Sept. 29

With so many delicious dessert spots, healthy habits can be difficult to develop. But did you know that more than 13 million children and adolescents in the United States are obese? Overweight children are vulnerable to an array of health issues such as sleep apnea, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, bone and joint issues and psychological problems. Pediatrician and mother of two Dr. Victoria Akins provides children with the proper knowledge to overcome unhealthy eating habits. Educating children on proper nutrition is one battle, but motivating them to exercise can be difficult to conquer within the confines of a hospital.

Nine years ago, Dr. Akins integrated her love for children and passion for cycling and started the Mustard Seed Spin.

Whether you’re a beginning or advanced cyclist, this event is perfect for those interested in adopting a healthier lifestyle.

There are three different routes ranging from five to 25 miles to accommodate your level of experience and all bikers are provided safety instructions and delicious snacks (the kind so tasty you wouldn’t even guess they’re healthy). The spin, which will take place at the William B. Pond Recreation Area, gives 100 percent of the profits to the Mustard Seed School and sponsors less fortunate children and their families by providing them bikes and helmets to keep them riding after the event is concluded. More information and online registration can be found at Mustardseedspin.org. Breaking up with your Netflix account can be hard, but the Mustard Seed Spin makes it easy.

SubmergeMag.com

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

7

SHOWS AT SAC STATE

SPONSORED BY UNIQUE PROGRAMS FOR MORE INFO VISIT OUR WEBSITE OR CALL 278–6997

WWW.SACSTATEUNIQUE.COM LECTURE

NOONER

The stream LOCAL SKATER MILES SILVAS LANDS OCTOBER 2013 COVER OF TRANSWORLD SKATEBOARDING

SACRAMENTO REHEARSAL STUDIOS CELEBRATES TEN YEARS WITH ALL-DAY BLOWOUT SEPT. 21

SACRAMENTO POST-HARDCORE BAND MERCHANTS RELEASE DEBUT EP SEPT. 24 Jonathan Carabba

Send regional news tips to info@submergemag.com

JESI NAOMI

TIM WISE

WED • SEP 18 • 12P • UNIVERSITY UNION SERNA PLAZA

THUR • SEP 19 • 7:30P • UNIVERSITY UNION BALLROOM

FREE: soul blues jam

FREE: lecture based on his new book, “Culture of Cruelty: How America’s Elite Demonize the Poor, Valorize the Rich and Jeopardize the Future” on how class comes into play in our society and ways racism, white privilege and class privilege were all part of the original framing of the Constitution and subsequent amendments and rulings

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WED • SEP 25 • 12P • UNIVERSITY UNION SERNA PLAZA

THUR • SEP 26 • 7:30P • UNIVERSITY UNION BALLROOM

FREE: progressive rock metal concert

FREE: semi-final rounds of the annual competition featuring 10 comedians plus special guest host to be announced

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POINTDEXTER WED • OCT 2 • 12P • UNIVERSITY UNION SERNA PLAZA

THUR • OCT 3 • 7:30P • UNIVERSITY UNION BALLROOM

FREE: alternative funk rock concert

FREE: documentary film that tells the story of Indian tribes, farmers, and fisherman defending their way of life while in conflict over the resources of California and Oregon’s Klamath Basin

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WED • OCT 16 • 12P • UNIVERSITY UNION SERNA PLAZA

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CONCERT

MICHAEL FRANTI AND SPEARHEAD THUR • OCT 10 • 7:30P • UNIVERSITY UNION BALLROOM concert, plus special opening guest Ethan Tucker, in support of the All People Fall Tour, University Union Ballroom, 7 pm. Tickets are $12 for Sac State students / $22.50 for General. Tickets available at Eventbrite.com

A SAMPLING OF WORK FROM THE CALIFORNIA SOCIETY OF PRINTMAKERS

UNIV. UNION GALLERY, 2ND FLOOR 6000 J ST. SACRAMENTO CA 95819

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+ SPECIAL EVENING HOURS WED & THUR 5–8PM

In skateboarding, there are many widely recognized pros in the industry that have roots in the greater Sacramento region: John Cardiel, Matt Rodriguez, Brandon Biebel, Omar Salazar... the list goes on. These guys have been on the international scale for years now (have you seen Salazar in those Levi’s commercials on TV?!), but local 17-year-old up-and-coming skate phenom Miles Silvas is just getting his first taste of major success. Silvas, who technically hasn’t even turned pro yet, landed himself on the cover of one of the industry’s biggest magazines, Transworld Skateboarding. The October 2013 issue features a photo taken a few weeks ago by Dave Chami of Silvas mid-trick on a monster 18-stair handrail in Folsom. It’s an absolutely massive handrail. Tall, steep, intimidating, the kind of feature reserved only for those with the skills (and balls) to hit it. “I had skated that rail a couple years ago, so I kind of had a feeling for it,” Silvas tells Submerge. “But I had been thinking about it for a while now and then went out there just for this trick,” he said of the stylish cover shot.

The trick he’s doing (Silvas thinks it took him nine tries to land it) is a backside noseblunt-slide—and with the handrail being an 18-stair, according to Transworld Skateboarding, it’s technically the biggest one ever done! Nyjah Huston, another famous pro skater with regional ties, has been filmed doing the same trick on a 16-stair rail in Southern California, but Silvas done went and twoupped him. “It feels pretty crazy,” Silvas said. “I wasn’t going for it like, ‘Oh this is the biggest one ever.’ I didn’t even have that in mind, you know? I just did it.”

It’s not completely unheard-of for amateur skaters to get covers of national mags, but it’s rare. “I’ve seen [amateurs] get covers before, but I don’t know how common it is. I usually see pros on the cover,” he said. While he is technically an amateur (probably not for long, after this some company is bound to turn him pro), Silvas is sponsored and backed by a number of legit brands like Lakai shoes, LRG clothing company, Organika skateboards, Royal Trucks, Mob Grip, Small Wheels, PLA Skate Shop in Folsom and locally based hat company Official. Extremely mature for his age, largely due in part to years of skating with older peers, Silvas remains modest about his recent success and is focused on his burgeoning career. “I just want to try to stay healthy and keep skating,” Silvas said. “Continue to be productive, keep traveling, and hopefully just keep it going.” Keep up to date with Silvas on Twitter and Instagram (@miles_silvas).

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Isaac Bear

Skin of Saints

Life in 24 Frames

The Three Way

Home to countless local bands, Sacramento Rehearsal Studios is celebrating its 10-year anniversary with a giant family-friendly event on Saturday, Sept. 21 featuring live music, free food and drinks, a hot rod car show, fire dancers, a bounce house for the kids and much more. The event will take place from noon to 10 p.m. outside SRS, located at 5749 88th Street. Just some of the local bands scheduled to play are Life in 24 Frames, Mondo Deco, The Three Way, Isaac Bear, Skin of Saints, Blues Vandals and others. All genres for all ages with no cover charge. Manager Jason Martin told Submerge that they hope to do this sort of free outdoor festival cook-off possibly quarterly or biannually. Learn more about Sacramento Rehearsal Studios at Rehearse.com/sacto88 or by calling (916) 381-4500. If you’re sick of your wife griping every time you crank your guitar amp, or if your mom and dad can’t stand the pounding of your drumset, hit up SRS and get yourself a private air conditioned room with free wifi in a secured facility that you can access 24/7. Daily rentals are also sometimes available if you need somewhere to get ready for a gig or recording session.

Sacramento post-hardcore band Merchants are releasing their debut six-track EP titled My Anchor, My Burden on Sept. 24.

Considering they are a relatively new band, Merchants has generated a lot of steam. They formed in the summer of 2012 and released their first single, “Time Will Kill Us All,” shortly after, which took the blogosphere by storm and quickly gained the band a loyal following of fans eager to hear more. After releasing just their second single, “This Is Only the Beginning,” the band partnered with Sacramento-based industry powerhouse The Artery Foundation for a management deal and also hopped on their booking agency’s roster (Artery Global). With a diverse sound ranging from brutal breakdowns and powerful screams to luscious melody-filled choruses and everything in between, Merchants’ new EP will surely resonate with a wide range of heavy-music fans.

Get it on iTunes and be sure to check out Merchants live at Ace of Spades on Sunday, Oct. 20 when they open for Atilla, Upon a Burning Body, The Plot in You and others. Learn more at Facebook. com/merchantsband.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

The Optimistic Pessimist The Wedding Planner Bocephus Chigger bocephus@submergemag.com

Alternate & Scaled Icons

SubmergeMag.com

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wed sept 25 (8pm) LIVE MUSIC Molly Paul, John Craigie

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sat sept 28 (8pm) LIVE MUSIC Robin Bacior, Sherman Baker

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or wife, the photographer, wedding planner, bartender or any member of your immediate family. Remember that while these could be seen as horrible events, they will definitely leave you with a great story to start off your future together and what could be better than that?

Now, I don’t want either of you to worry about me. I promise to keep myself in check, but I can’t vouch for everyone. I went to my cousin’s wedding once, and her boss was there acting like a freak. She was grinding up on my brother and I when Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” came on, despite the fact that she was there with her boyfriend. Fortunately for him, she made it up later by putting her hand through the fly of his pants and giving him a hand job at the bar. When that became too obvious, they headed to the bathroom to finish the deed.

Being that you are the bosses at your wedding, this exact scenario may not play out, but you should still keep an eye out for covert public hand jobs. If I see any I will shoo them into the restroom for you.

Undercover hand jobs are a distraction from the celebration of your love. If you really want to celebrate, dancers are what you need. They don’t have to be of the hired or exotic type; your regular old friends and family will do. Weddings call for the dusting off of classic dance moves like the Waltz, Tango, Robot, Roger Rabbit, (Insert Gold Wiener that looks Cabbage Patch and my personal favorite, the like our heart from last ad) Running Man. Even the people without rhythm can swing the ‘80s dance or maybe the Sprinkler.

There are few things more satisfying in life than watching a room full of people in formal wear dancing like fools, especially when they are doing it all for you.

It’s going to be a wonderful day! It probably seems like hell right now with the last minute planning and never ending list of things to do before the wedding, but it will all be worth it in the end. If Submerge is a family, then, Jonathan and Melissa, you are our parents. So as one of your eldest children, I’d like to say congratulations mom and dad! May your future be bright and your love for one another grow stronger with each passing year. Mazel tov!

is

You might have heard that our fearless leaders, Melissa Welliver and Jonathan Carabba, are finally getting hitched after living in sin for all of these years. Jonathan and Melissa are great together, so when they announced the wedding it came as no shock to me. I couldn’t be happier for them. These two crazy kids are some of the coolest people I know and they’ve managed to put together one hell of a magazine here. They also pay me to rave like a lunatic, so what’s not to love?

While I am excited for their future together, I am also pretty pumped for their wedding.

Weddings of the non-arranged or “shotgun” variety are guaranteed fun, and I expect nothing less of the Carabba-Welliver affair. A good wedding doesn’t have to be fancy. A million people don’t have to show up to make it great either. All that matters is that you have the right people attending your wedding; and, for all of our sakes, Melissa and Jonathan, I hope you do.

Luckily you are starting off on the right foot by inviting me. Having amassed dozens of Internet comments over the past five years, I am a bit of a celebrity, and that gives your wedding credibility. I could be your Kim, Kanye and baby North all rolled up into one! You may not know this, but I also have a great sense of humor and a knack for making people laugh. If fame and jokes aren’t enough, I also look good in a suit and can serve as eye candy for your other guests.

In anticipation of all the fun I’ll have, I took the following Monday off of work to allow more recovery time from the crippling hangover that will surely follow. I’m assuming drinks will be available because a wedding needs drinks.

Whether they be purchased or provided, drinks grease the wheels on new family unity. It’s also what gets grandma twerkin’ on the dance floor to Beyoncé with her grandkids.

It’s OK if some people at your wedding can’t handle their drink. They might slap one of your bridesmaids on the ass or kiss your mom. They might get completely wasted and smear shit all over the bathroom. A drunken guest could just put the moves on another guest’s husband

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

9

A Big Idea Grows Bigger Plates 2 Go

1725 L Street • Sacramento Words Niki Kangas • photos Nicholas wray Comprehensive sustainability—we’re talking beyond going green. Yes, Plates 2 Go uses local, sustainable and organic ingredients for its menu items. And packages it all up neatly in biodegradable take-away containers. But beyond those appreciated, environmentally conscious endeavors, Plates 2 Go offers social sustainability in the form of true welfare reform, an opportunity for mothers in crisis to garner on-the-job training and regain their independence following homelessness.

St. John’s Shelter Program for Women and Children doesn’t just house women and their children who are down on their luck. They offer free drug and alcohol counseling, GED and educational assistance, therapy, life skills coaching such as resume writing help, and most importantly, an employment training program that has child care and transportation needs covered. In fact, they’ve created three businesses that serve the community while teaching these

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women the skills they will need for job placement after they leave the shelter program: Plates Café and Catering, First Steps Child Development Center and most recently, Plates 2 Go. Plates 2 Go is a brand-new restaurant that caters to busy professionals on their lunch breaks in the heart of Midtown. Expounding upon the concept that has its full-service predecessor, Plates Café and Catering, already in the black, Plates 2 Go operates out of a donated church space at 1725 L Street and offers grab and go eats that are healthy and sustainable. The profits from both endeavors feed into other programs at St. John’s Shelter Program for Women and Children.

The women of Plates 2 Go are mentored by Mulvaney’s B&L, and after learning the ropes, are often hired to work for Mulvaney’s, one of Sacramento’s finest dining establishments, or other local restaurants. In fact, St. John’s Employment Training Program has facilitated job placement for 93 percent of its program graduates.

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Upon entering Plates 2 Go, which had its grand opening on Aug. 13, a friendly attendant greeted us cheerfully. The space was clean without putting on frills, and photo collages of women and their families were posted throughout, telling the stories of women whose lives had been transformed by St. John’s program.

There were tables for those who wished to dine in, and a conference room available for business lunches and meetings.

With such a credible and impressive affiliation as Mulvaney’s B&L, you probably don’t need us to tell you that the food was good.

Real good. And in keeping with the benefits of locally sourced, seasonal fare, it’s affordable, too. They even make all their sauces and dressings from scratch.

Nicholas Wray (who was taking photos while I took notes) split lunch with me so we could try a few items. We had the spicy Greek vegetarian sandwich, a careful assemblage of marinated eggplant, roasted red peppers, English cucumbers, feta cheese, arugula, balsamic vinegar and homemade hummus on Grateful Bread’s lightly toasted nine grain bread.

We also tried the CalMex salad, a colorful and

crisp menagerie of hearts of romaine, sweet corn, black beans, avocado, cherry tomatoes, red onion, cilantro, radishes, Cotija cheese and tortilla strips, all tossed with a fire-roasted pasilla chile ranch dressing. The salad was so fresh I wanted to slap it.

To top it all off, we ordered a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie. Everything was frigging awesome, and even more awesome were the attitudes and exceptional service shining brightly from the ladies behind the counter. They seemed so upbeat and happy to be there you could hardly imagine what obstacles they’d recently surmounted to hold a position at Plates 2 Go. I briefly chatted up a worker by the name of Stepphanie Nevin, the mother of a 5-year-old son, who lost her home to foreclosure in 2010.

She informed me that some of the women that work at Plates Café and Plates 2 Go are still in the program, while others have graduated but still work there. “When I was [at the shelter] we were like a family. It’s more of a sisterhood. It’s nice seeing people who were on the bottom come up to the top. It’s life-changing,” she explained.

Nevin now has her own apartment in Midtown and her son attends kindergarten. After Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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Molly Brown, Sculpture working for Mulvaney’s B&L and the Sacramento State University restaurant, she returned to the Plates family after being offered the position of Front of House Manager at the newly opened Plates 2 Go. She loves helping to train new coworkers from the shelter and proudly beamed, “We get to help people who were in the position we were once in.”

Get out your tissue boxes. The story on the back of the Plates 2 Go’s menu about the sous chef of Plates Café really moved me and undoubtedly serves as an inspiration to many men and women who have lost their independence by loving an abuser.

Mary Scott, pictured as standing tall in her clean white chef’s coat, was the victim of a 25year abusive relationship. She recounts, “I was to be seen, not heard. I was not allowed to have an opinion.” Finally escaping the cycle of violence, Scott sought refuge and the reinstatement of her self-esteem in St. John’s Shelter Program and with its help, she fought her way back to a firm stance on her own feet. Today, she takes pride in her work, and moreover in her self-sufficiency.

Every woman offering up delicious, ethical fare at Plates Café and Plates 2 Go has a story like this one behind their hard-won smiles. It is because of these amazing stories that a growing number of local businesses and patrons are SubmergeMag.com

taking notice and finding ways to help.

Every first Thursday of the month, Plates Café hosts a Guest Chef Dinner, which exposes program participants to local wineries and restaurants, furthers the farm-to-fork movement and educates the community about how Plates is reshaping individual lives, as well as the financial health of our society by helping to reduce welfare dependence.

Sacramento, it’s a no-brainer. For roughly the same amount of bread that you would throw down to have lunch at Subway or Togo’s, you could grab an equally convenient sandwich or salad at Plates 2 Go. Money well spent, since supporting this inspiring and meaningful community endeavor empowers families, contributes to the success of local farms…and its nourishing dishes just taste better.

Got an appetite for change? Dig in.

Plates 2 Go is open from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Monday through Friday. Visit plates2go.org to place orders online or read more success stories of program participants. The next Guest Chef Dinner will be hosted on Thursday, Oct. 3 from 6 to 8:30 p.m. at Plates Café, and will feature John Bays of Red Rabbit and Sobon Estate winery.

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11

girls got jokes All-female improv troupe, Lady Business, set to perform at second annual Sacramento Comedy Festival Words Lovelle Harris Photo Nicholas wray

12

W

hen James Brown belted out the words, “This is a man’s world, but it would be nothing...without a woman or a girl,” he could have very easily been talking about the world of comedy. It’s a scene so dominated by men that just last year Adam Carolla was quoted in the New York Post as saying, “The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.”

For about as long as people have been telling jokes, there have been detractors peddling the notion that women can’t tell them. Looking to annihilate this perception, the ensemble of all-female improvisation performers, Lady Business, takes the stage at the Sacramento Comedy Spot in Midtown one Saturday a month to lead the audience through a bawdy, and yes, funny, comic romp.

The troupe originally formed in 2010, and now improv-ers Mel Gelbart, Micaela Pettigrew,

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Michelle Daubner, Tiffany Hart, Mignon Foster, Jennifer Whelan (not pictured) and Christiana Dominguez constitute this uproarious and ribald troupe that celebrates a point of view that women can relate to and men can appreciate.

“If you go to any comedy show the ratio is usually 2-to-1 for guys to girls, and I remember every once in a while there’d be a show of almost half and it was exciting,” Pettigrew says. “I’d go see Christiana and Tiffany and other people that are in our group now who were just students, and at that time the only show was ACL (AntiCooperation League), which is our main stage show, and so we wanted to put a group together of just girls to perform together.”

The troupe’s moniker is quite the contradiction. These comediennes certainly aren’t “ladies” in the conservative, Miss Manners kind of way, and it’s this bawdy sense of community that inspired many of its members to join its raucous ranks.

“I joined the group about a year afterward, I think, and it just seemed like such a cool thing to see a whole group of female comedians being able to get together to do improv,” Foster says.

“Improv is such a rare thing, but to have such a large community that we do have at the Comedy Spot to pull all female comedians together to do a show, I thought was really the point. From an audience perspective, it was really attractive because I remember going to the shows and seeing them perform and every single time it was so smart and so witty and just real supportive and it just seemed like so much fun.”

Incorporating suggestions from the audience, Sacramento’s only all-female improv troupe blend true stories from the audience and cast members to provide the vehicle for their brand of the long-form improv show with sharp-witted humor, characters that defy stereotypes and guaranteed yuks. After the cast and audience share stories centered around a monthly theme, the cast of Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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Lady Business does a series of improvised group montages inspired by the stories.

“The thing about Lady Business is that we’ll take that word [or story] , and we can make smart scenes from that. Everyone comes from different backgrounds on our team; we have two lawyers, I work in real estate, everyone has a different background and does totally different things,” Foster says. “We can all come together and share in this art form that is really unique but really big now in Sacramento at the Comedy Spot.”

While many of the Lady Business members also participate in regular ladies’ nights at the club, which feature all-female comedians and improv sketch teams, they’re quick to say that their routines are for everyone, not just those with ovaries.

“It’s not all menstruation jokes and babies,” Dominguez says. “It makes it different for us in the group because sometimes, if you’re one of two girls out of 10 people on stage, you’re going to be the girlfriend in every scene, you’re going to be the prop item in every scene and so you definitely are your gender, but in our shows we don’t have that role. It’s a lot more open than that.”

For Sacramento transplants Pettigrew and Dominguez, they’re in the right city to forge their comedic dreams. According to real estate blog Movoto.com, Sacramento is the ninth funniest city in the nation—based on a ranking of factors that included the number of comedy clubs and comedy festivals, where comedians were born or currently reside, settings of sitcoms and the number of improv groups per capita.

“I’ve been performing at the Comedy Spot since probably about 2007. I started as a student there in 2006 and I wouldn’t leave,” Dominguez says with a wry grin. “I started taking comedy classes kind of on a dare with a friend of mine.

We pinky swore that we were going to do this.

He went to Los Angeles and did classes with The Groundlings and now he does TV. So, when I moved to Sacramento in 2006, I literally Googled Sacramento comedy classes and came up with the Sacramento Comedy Spot.”

As the women, all veterans in improvisation and regular players at the Sacramento Comedy Spot, gear up for the second annual Sacramento Comedy Festival running Sept. 13 through 21, they’re a tight knit group of girls who say they just want to have fun on the fly.

“It’s like playtime. It’s like make-believe. Let’s SubmergeMag.com

“How I explain improv to people, it’s like a really fun adult camp.

It’s super fun. It’s imaginative and creative in a way that you don’t have to memorize lines.”

– Mignon Foster, Lady Business go to the playground again and run from hot lava monsters,” Dominguez jokes.

“How I explain improv to people, it’s like a really fun adult camp. It’s super fun. It’s imaginative and creative in a way that you don’t have to memorize lines,” Foster adds. “I loved being in drama in high school and I love that community and I love the creativity, but man, I hated memorizing lines. I could not do it, and then I found improv and it was like funny and enjoyable and physical and all this great stuff and I just got to make it up off the top of my head. It is scary when you think about it that way, but you’re in a group with such supportive people that it’s easy, and they’re the ones that make it easy.”

The troupe will be performing on the closing night of this year’s comedy festival with the “I’m Sorry! Lady Business Apologizes to the One That Got Away,” show, which they describe as a comedic exploration of making amends with someone they want to go back and say sorry to.

A catharsis of sorts, something they say fuels their creative process on stage.

“I find it oddly relaxing, the practice of [doing improv]. It is very freeing because the point is to not think and just react and it takes you back to childhood play time,” Dominguez says. “I tell people it’s relaxing and they’re like, ‘You’re weird, that sounds terrifying,’ but there is really no wrong way to do it if you’re just reacting and in the moment.”

Lady Business will perform at 8 p.m. on the final night of the Sacramento Comedy Festival, which runs until Sept. 21. A full festival pass costs just $45, and all events will take place at the Sacramento Comedy Spot. For a full schedule and for ticket information, go to Saccomedyspot.com. Catch up with Lady Business at Facebook.com/ ladybusiness.

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

13

There’s No Formula for Success

John K. reflects on The Ren and Stimpy Show and chimes in on his latest cartoon Words James Barone

I

n the 1995 teen comedy Clueless, Cher (played by Alicia Silverstone) sits on a couch with her step-brother/love interest Josh (a very young Paul Rudd). Though they both have wildly different personalities, the two are sharing a quiet bonding moment at home. On the TV, Cher turns the channel to a cartoon featuring a cat and a Chihuahua. Josh asks her, astonished, what the hell they’re watching. “That’s Ren and Stimpy,” she tells him. “They’re way existential.”

This is just a small taste of how this unlikely animated duo managed to become a cultural touchstone for Generation X. The Ren and Stimpy Show hit the pop culture landscape with the force of a neutron bomb when it first aired on Nickelodeon in 1991. But Ren and Stimpy weren’t the product of some mega studio brain trust. It was the product of one man’s imagination, Canadian-born animator John Kricfalusi (aka John K.), who through blood, sweat and tears (mostly sweat, as we found out in our interview), stumbled on to fame by sneaking in through the back door.

“I used to doodle this retarded cat all the time, a million weird variations of him. He was just a phone doodle, like, I would talk on the phone and just draw all the time on notebook pads,” Kricfalusi says of the characters’ origins. “And every now and again, I’d get a drawing that I’d actually like, and I thought, hey, maybe I should make this into a character.”

In the beginning Ren and Stimpy weren’t even a duo, but they were separate doodles (Ren based on an old photograph of a psychotic-looking Chihuahua in a fuzzy sweater) until Kricfalusi’s friend Joel Fajnor suggested that he pair them up.

Kricfalusi tried shopping his characters to Saturday morning cartoon networks in the early to mid-‘80s in a time when no creator-driven cartoons existed on TV. He says that back then, Saturday morning cartoons were solely based on action figures, animated versions of live action shows or horrible rehashes of once popular characters.

“They would take out everything that made the character popular in the first place,” Kricfalusi says of the latter category. “Like in the Popeye cartoon, he wasn’t allowed to fight. Then what the fuck am I watching Popeye for?”

Clearly, pitching to the big networks—ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox—in this sort of environment was doomed from the start.

“They thought I was nuts!” Kricfalusi admits.

“I was super naïve,” he goes on to say. “I thought they had crappy cartoons on the air because they couldn’t find anyone who was funny. But no, they had crappy cartoons on the air on purpose.”

However, Kricfalusi eventually did find a home for Ren and Stimpy. The following is an excerpt from a lengthy interview in which the fiery animator talks about what it took to bring The Ren and Stimpy Show to an upstart cable network and also talks about his new cartoon, “Cans Without Labels,” a short based on a true story.

14

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

What changed in the ‘90s as far as television was concerned that made The Ren and Stimpy Show possible?

Nickelodeon. It was a cable network, but it was a little cable network for kids. They’d only done live action shows… They decided in 1987 that they wanted to do cartoons, but they also decided that they didn’t want to buy cartoons from the big studios.

Geraldine Laybourne, who was the president of the network, she coined the phrase “creator-driven cartoons,” which wasn’t a new invention. All cartoons were creator driven until the mid-‘60s, until Saturday morning cartoons, which were executive driven. But she came up with this term that was kind of catchy. They wanted to get young artists who really believed in their characters and had something different…

I had this meeting with Vanessa [Coffey], and she was staying at the Universal City Hotel. She was on the 14th floor or something.

For some reason the air conditioning was off that day and it was the middle of summer so it was a real boiler.

I brought seven presentations. Ren and Stimpy was just one of them, and I pitched them all. It took me an hour and a half, and this was in 100-degree heat. When I pitch, it’s kind of lively. I was just jumping around, and every time I would shake my head, a sheet of sweat would slap Vanessa across the face. I would apologize, but she said don’t stop, just keep going. She hardly said anything throughout the pitches, she would just say, “More, more.”

They flew me out [to New York] the next day, and they had a room full of executives now. Vanessa was the only one who was going to be in charge of the animation, but they had executives from other departments just to hear the pitch, so she would have people on her side. None of the other executives really understood anything that was going on while I was pitching it. They were all scared…

I was working on the sixth pitch, and I heard stomping coming down the hallway, and it was Gerry Laybourne. She comes in and says, “What the hell is going on in here?” All the executives were terrified, they were like, “This is John from L.A. He’s pitching a show for us.” Gerry said, “Oh, really? Can I hear one?” I just had one left. It was Jimmy’s Clubhouse about Jimmy the Idiot Boy, so I pitched that. I was covered in sweat again. I’m jumping around, and in the middle of it—I have an asthma inhaler in my pocket, and it flew out and hit her right in the tits. It hit her so hard she jumped back. Everyone gasped… Gerry calmly leaned over and picked up the inhaler and gave it back to me. She said, “Keep going.” I finished the pitch, and she didn’t even look at me. She looked at the executives in the room and said, “Buy something from this man,” and she left…

By the end of the week, we had a deal. It was a shitty deal. I had to sell out. I didn’t get anything out of it except a salary, but I wanted to get my stuff on the air. It was the only network in existence at that time that would buy an original animated show. So there you go. That’s how Ren and Stimpy got on the air.

So you didn’t see a dime of any of the Ren and Stimpy licensing, like all the toys and stuff?

No, and it sold like a billion dollars in toys.

“I thought they had crappy cartoons on the air because they couldn’t find anyone who was funny. But no, they had crappy cartoons on the air on purpose.” – John K. on Saturday morning cartoons in the ‘80s SubmergeMag.com

Is that something that irks you at all?

If I had even co-owned it, I could make any cartoon I want. I would have owned a giant studio, and animation would’ve kept evolving over the last 20 years… Here’s the crazy thing: It’s really hard to get a hit show and to get an original show that’s a hit, because networks all have theories. They think everything is a formula. But almost every big hit show, at least in animation, snuck in around what last year’s formula was. Like The Simpsons, if Matt Groening had gone in and pitched The Simpsons as a half-hour show to Fox, there’s no way it would have gotten on the air. But the way it got on, it was just one minute of The Tracy Ullman Show. No one was paying attention at the network until it started getting tons of fan mail and got to be the most popular part of the show, so they realized they had to make a series out of it. So that didn’t go through traditionally. The Ren and Stimpy Show didn’t get on Saturday morning, it had to go to the network that didn’t know anything about cartoons and didn’t have any rules about them…

But as soon as these breakthrough shows happen, everybody tries to figure out the formula, like, “Why is The Simpsons so popular?” It’s never because of Matt Groening. It’s because there’s a grouchy father and it’s a family and because it’s sort of like a sit-com, and then a million imitation Simpsons come out and none of them are successful and no one can figure out why. It’s because you didn’t have Matt Groening creating them. They never want to attribute the success to the creator. They think it’s the formula. What are the ingredients of this show that we can copy? Beavis and Butthead was the next big hit.

There’s no way that Mike Judge could have sold that as a series right off the bat. He did it as a short, “Frog Baseball”… Liquid Television put it on their show, which was an abysmal show mostly. Most of the stuff [on the show] was unwatchable, but [“Frog Baseball”] caught on. Everyone loved it, so they made a series. That came out, and probably a million Beavis and Butthead imitations followed, none of them successful because they didn’t have Mike Judge. He’s a hilarious guy. There’s millions of imitations of success, but not many successes, because they always sneak in through the back door.

Looking back, do you wish you would you have done it differently with the contract?

There’s nothing I could have done. I wouldn’t have gotten on the air. No one would have known who I was. I’d still be churning out Saturday morning cartoons. There still would have been Saturday morning cartoons.

Do you feel like you did what you set out to do? Make cartoons good again?

I made them different, anyway. For a while, creator-driven was the trend. It became the fashion from the early ‘90s to the mid-‘90s. And then all the cable networks started getting their own studios and started doing the opposite of what made them successful in the first place. Instead of going to creators, they made their own studios and packed them with slaves and controlled them. And they had fewer and fewer hits.

You used Kickstarter to fund “Cans Without Labels.” You were able to raise quite a bit of money for it.

It seems like a lot of money, but it wasn’t actually enough. The cartoon’s a lot longer and more elaborate. I had a storyboard done and a few layouts, but I didn’t have a studio at the time. I tried to produce it out of my house with freelancers, but that just doesn’t work. Maybe if we had a really simple cartoon that would work.

The main character George Liquor [who also appeared in The Ren and Stimpy Show] is based on your father, correct?

Partly, not totally. He’s not a caricature of him. My father doesn’t look like that, but the parts about discipline and that he likes fishing and doesn’t take crap from the kids. He believes in hard work and that everything should hurt or the reward isn’t worth it.

That’s my dad.

What’s the story of the cartoon? Is it more of a personal story for you?

It’s a true story. My dad believes in saving a buck. He grew up in the Depression when everything was hard. He never had any money, so if they had a dollar, they held on to it. Even when he had money, he still held on to it. He tried to teach us, the kids, the value of a buck, but it didn’t work. But in the ‘60s, everybody was kind of well off. That was the height of the middle class. The middle class would have been considered rich a hundred years earlier by the way we lived. We didn’t live in a mansion or anything. My dad was like, “You kids have it easy. You have to learn to save a buck in this here world. You never know when there’s going to be another depression!” He was always on the hunt for bargains. He still is!

He’ll never buy anything for full price. It’s just plain stupid. And he’ll never buy brand names, because they cost twice as much as the generic labels. He used to go to the local supermarket in Ottawa called Loblaws—William Shatner used to do commercials for it. They were great…

There was a damaged goods section at the back of the supermarket, and there were a couple of shelves where they had cans without labels. They had lost the labels, or they had dents in them so they tore they labels off, and they would just take a big marker and write “5 cents” or “10 cents” if it was a big can. My dad would just run down there with a big cart and run over all the old ladies and stuff and just fill the cart with every single can. He didn’t care what was in them. He didn’t want to know. He just took them all home because he knew one day the Commies were going to drop a bomb on us or something, and he’d be ready. The basement was filled with these cans. No one knew what was in them. My dad swore he could figure it out. He’d count the rings, or whether it had a gold lid or a silver lid, he’d weigh it and shake it. He’d always guess… He’d say, “I know what’s in here! Peaches!” But it was never fucking peaches. It was always something completely hideous, some gruesome thing no one would eat. But once you opened the can, you couldn’t waste it. It could be like beef testicles or something, but you still had to eat it.

Was his gift for thrift something that he passed down to you? Do you consider yourself a thrifty person?

Oh no, not at all. He’s still lecturing me about how I don’t know how to save a buck.

Does your dad like the character?

He thinks the story is great, but he says I made up a lot of stuff. I exaggerated a little bit, but not that much.

My dad’s a very extreme personality. It’s hard to exaggerate him more than he already is.

Meet John K. in person at this year’s Sac-Con, Sacramento’s toys, comics and anime show. He will bring along with him a preview of “Cans Without Labels.” The convention takes place Sept. 28 and 29 at the Scottish Rite Center (6151 H Street). For a full list of guests and ticket information, go to Saccon.com. You can check out John K.’s blog at Johnkstuff.blogspot.com.

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

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From Acoustic Ensemble to Digital Quartet

Doombird Gets Electric Words Joe Atkins • Photo Raoul Ortega

T

here’s a reading of production in our postmodern world that suggests we’ve moved continuously toward the automation of manufacturing. Ford gives us the factory system; Taylor minimizes the movements of the workers into singular, minimal, highly repetitive actions; capital replaces those repetitive actions with robots, and suddenly, instead of thousands of factory workers, mere hundreds are churning out Saturn sedans. What people once did, the machines now do. Whether we feel optimistic or pessimistic about this development, it matters not; this is how things are made in our day and age.

If pressed, we would offer this as the metaphor operating behind Doombird’s new full-length CD, Cygnus. Previously noted for their baroque-pop stylings, full of orchestral instrumentation, flutes, woodwinds, strings, cello and all, Doombird takes a step in a radically automated direction with their new album. The rich tonalities and analog arpeggios have been traded out for grimy bass lines and cascading chimes, pops and clicks, layers and phasing tracks.

Gone are the 12 persons and acoustic accompaniment; instead, trimmed to a tight quartet, Doombird has shifted to electronic backing and composition. In the process, they’ve had positive reactions from new listeners while seemingly leaping forward technologically, complementing their sounds with the contemporary rather than writing songs rich but labor intensive in performance. (This leaping forward might explain the multiple astronomical references.) In short, they’ve traded in the artisanal craft for the automated production process—a move that has earned them more fans and changed the quality of their sound.

For old fans, this is a dramatic change, but by no means does that make this foreign material. Cygnus is an album conscious of its form, the electronic bent. However, it is not self-conscious to the point that the songs are immobilized in a reflexive inward stasis, like some of the avant-garde. Instead, the songs are conscious as pop works, in that both the electronic composition offers itself as of its time while the lyrical content offers the backward glance toward the history of global composers from baroque to modernist. This latter quality we can call the pop desire for timelessness, to exist outside of our temporal moment despite being anchored to it. In unifying both of these impulses the album is theoretically interesting, but the songs likewise stand on their own.

If Doombird’s self-titled album was concerned with climax, drive, crisis and catharsis, Cygnus might be best described as paradoxically minimal, looping, repetitive and decadent. Yet, despite all of the digital changes, there’s a signature style to these songs that is evident in each track.

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What was once the phasing in of a single voice or a two-part counter-melody between winds and strings, is now a constant syncopation of arpeggios operating as double-time to the steady mid-tempo percussion rhythms—most songs clock in somewhere between 70 and 100 beats-perminute. The songs often feel faster than they are because of the rapid movements and digital phrasings, despite the crooning of Kris Anaya and his melodic, minimalist vocals.

“The method of collaboration was a little different for this record,” explains composer and brain-trust Joe Davancens. “Kris [Anaya] writes the basic structure components for the melody on GarageBand, and then he sends them to me for elaboration. The arrangements for the last record were scrolled out for acoustic instruments, a chamber ensemble, while this record has gone through an electronic arrangement.”

That electronic arrangement gave Davancens and Anaya a plethora of new possibilities during composition. It also offered some new challenges for both musicians. Anaya creates the groundwork by finding two chords that complement each other in an interesting fashion, simultaneously searching for vocal melodies.

“There was a rule,” says Anaya, “only two opening chords, and they all had to be minor keys.”

Davancens continues, “The chord progressions were repetitive, and because of that, they didn’t have this goal-oriented drive. That forced us to be more repetitive, more fragmented, [to utilize] short phrases. It does [free us up] in a way. It allows us to take a more collage approach.”

This collage approach can be heard on any track from the new album; however, that’s not to say it’s something radically new to music listeners. In the wake of hip-hop and electronic forms, the main drive of pop music now consists of introducing single tracks steadily as the song builds up, swapping them out for different layers, shifts, transitions, verses, choruses. It’s the recipe that connects Katy Perry to Death Grips.

But that doesn’t mean that finding a place to begin is easy.

“It was really hard to write songs like that,” Anaya reflects. “At first I was like, I don’t think it’s gonna happen, man.”

Eventually, Anaya was able to eclipse his anxieties, and over the course of 2012 Doombird was able to record what was to become the prototype for Cygnus. In fact, the album was completed over a year ago, awaiting release, when Davancens had his laptop stolen.

“Joe and his girlfriend went to a movie,” states Anaya, “and all their electronics were stolen, laptops. Our whole record was on that laptop. I got a call the next day. Joe was surprised how

well I took it. It was bittersweet because that let us redo it, fix things the second time around.”

Sam Coe laid down the drum tracks at Alley Avenue in Sacramento, working with Ira Skinner.

In a home studio, Anaya and Davancens recorded the other tracks with the aid of Dan Block, who multitasks keyboards, samples and more onstage during Doombird’s live sets. The tracks were then all mixed at the Hangar studios in Sacramento over the course of four grueling days.

Davancens explains, “When you take this music you’ve been working on at home into the studio, it’s a very different experience, different acoustics. The way things blend together, the colors. I’d compare it to doing artwork on a computer and printing it. The discrepancy

between the monitor and the printed image.” This, according to Davancens, is the difference between the home recordings and the final mixes.

Even before this second, final mix, Anaya was working on changing his lyrical content, having long relied on personal experience for his subjects.

“I was having a really hard time writing songs,” comments Anaya. “Usually songs I’ve written have been about personal issues. Every song on this record is a first-person narrative about a composer. Joe let me borrow a couple of books— he’s getting his [doctoral] degree in [music] composition [at UCSC] —and I did a bit of research.

I’d put myself in their shoes and write in the first-person perspective. I was having a hard time

“When you take this music you’ve been working on at home into the studio, it’s a very different experience, different acoustics. The way things blend together, the colors. I’d compare it to doing artwork on a computer and printing it. The discrepancy between the monitor and the printed image.”

– Joe Davancens, Doombird

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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writing songs that were emotional, about me at that time. It was just like, oh these guys are just as fucking crazy as I am. I can understand what they’re going through.

“To people who know those composers,” laughs Anaya, “I apologize. I added my perspective to these characters in my songs.

Most of these composers went though some crazy shit, more than I can ever imagine.”

Anaya and Davancens don’t have huge goals for Doombird. They’re reasonable about what they hope to achieve, but their current quartet formation has already allowed them to complete a small summer tour. As musicians, they’re content to write together and release music that hopefully satisfies others.

“I feel like success is something I want more than anything,” says Anaya. “However, that is far from happening. I just want to write great songs. I want to write songs I enjoy, that the SubmergeMag.com

people around me enjoy. If it doesn’t happen, I’m perfectly content to remain in school, to get a 9-to-5 job, to be a weekend warrior, to play music.

Hopefully when I’m 80 I can look back and say that was shit, but that was OK.” While Cygnus might be a shift in direction for Doombird, it’s not a brand new course. The opening track, “An Die,” a mid-tempo anthem that stands out as Cygnus’ strongest track, proves immediately what is to come on the rest of the album. The layers, samples and keys all fit nicely over the tambourine and percussion.

The vocal melody haunts; the synth leads soar.

While Anaya and Davancens hope to continue as an electronic project, there’s no guarantee for what the future holds.

“The problem with Joe and I is that we love music,” laughs Anaya.

Davancens echoes this sentiment, “We’re really eclectic in our tastes.”

SundayS 10am-3pm Sunday BRunCh Hit up Doombird’s Cygnus release party on Sunday, Sept. 22 at Lowbrau, beginning at 8 pm. Trails and Ways will be joining them for the all-ages show. $5. Visit doombird.com for more info.

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

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$wing Chainz Zero Progress: hated but not forgotten Words Josh Fernandez • photos Gil Riego

I

went to see this Mexican hardcore band from Los Angeles called Rotting Out at Rock Band University (possibly the stupidest name for a venue ever) in Davis, and I was immediately surprised how hardcore shows hadn’t really changed much since their heyday in the mid-to-late-‘80s—short haircuts, tattoos, pimples, tons of white people, etc.

After being bored by a couple opening bands, a group took to the stage that carried a different energy than the others. They were sort of clean cut (a la youth-crew-era bands of the ‘80s and ‘90s), but the singer, a skinny kid in a Fred Perry shirt, wore Xs on his hands and sported a fat, menacing Junkyard Dog-style chain around his neck, swinging it around the stage like he was some sort of vengeful straight-edge crack addict.

He called himself The Champ, and he kept saying how his band, Zero Progress, was the best hardcore band in the world. I couldn’t really argue. They sounded as if G.B.H. and Chain of Strength had a bratty love child.

Plus, their energy, power and egos were all immediately convincing. And refreshing.

While The Champ prowled around the stage, yelling, seemingly in his own world of fame and glamour, the band churned out some of the most brutal, moshy tunes with whiffs of Minor Threat and Bad Brains. In between songs,

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

The Champ poked at the crowd. “You see these sunglasses?” he yelled. “They cost more than your entire house!” And then he stomped on them while the band broke into the next song.

The crowd ate it up, moshing around the venue, some swinging thick chains of their own, nearly cracking each others’ skulls in two. It was like a punk rock version of Lord of the Flies, scary as all fuck. But also hilarious. And interesting. And intriguing, which is something hardcore hasn’t been in quite a long time.

So I decided finally to meet up with Zero Progress at a house occupied by brothers Matt (who I will refer to as The Champ because a band of brothers is confusing as shit to write about) and Ed Saincome (vocals and bass, respectively), in the heart of Pacifica, Calif., a sleepy town on the coast of the Pacific Ocean. When I arrived, the entire band—The Champ and Ed alongside the other set of brothers Josh (drums) and Collin Jacobs (guitar) — on a crusty old couch, talking about their sound (a mix of street punk and hardcore), their love of Sacramento bands, their fans and detractors, and most importantly their mission: to never fall through the cracks of underground music.

“We don’t want to be like any other punk band,” said The Champ, explaining that Zero Progress takes showmanship seriously in a way that most hardcore bands seem to dismiss. Zero Progress is an interactive band and The Champ constantly jeers Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

the crowd, which is part of the show. In fact, when I went with my wife to watch the band in Davis, she nudged me in the ribs halfway through their set and whispered, “Hey, that guy’s a fucking douchebag.”

But not only does The Champ understand my wife’s comment, he applauds her keen observation. And embraces it.

“You know when you go to a hardcore show and the singer does stuff that you know exactly what he’s going to do even before he does it?

In between songs it’s this basic-ass hardcore frontman,” he said. “And we just didn’t want to do that anymore. So we just decided to get really outlandish with it. And weird. And mean. Just do shit that’s different. So, yeah, people think I’m a dick or whatever. But that’s fine.”

Zero Progress takes the same approach to performance as, say, GWAR, but instead of dressing up like monsters and spraying cum on the crowd, The Champ pokes fun at the audience, swings chains and makes a general nuisance of himself.

“People pay money to see you,” said Ed. “You should do something that’s interesting.”

And danger is inherently interesting.

According to brothers Collin and Josh, it’s the spirit of danger that keeps crowds coming back.

They remember going to a show at 924 Gilman where a band incited a near riot. The audience threw metal chairs and traffic cones around the venue.

SubmergeMag.com

"You know when you go to a hardcore show and the singer does stuff that you know exactly what he's going to do even before he does it? In between songs it's this basic-ass hardcore frontman. And we just didn't want to do that anymore."

– Matt "The Champ" Saincome, Zero Progress “There was a fight for five seconds, there was trash everywhere and the bouncer was so pissed.

It was a great show and I’ll never forget it,” Josh said. “Only 20 kids were there and it was the best show ever.”

That’s because hardcore music isn’t about success. In fact, it’s pretty much the opposite.

It’s about failure and that feeling of being a complete fuckup. So the best thing to do when you get a bunch of fuckups in a room is to make some noise. And a scene. It’s where Zero Progress excels. Their love of mischief is legendary; their blatant disregard for social mores is epic and obnoxious, which, when you think about it, seems like a cocktail for people in the audience wanting to punch them in the face.

“Yeah,” The Champ said, laughing. “I used to brag about how I’ve never been punched in the face. That ended recently.”

At a recent show (not a Zero Progress show, mind you), the crowd somehow turned on The Champ, getting rowdy, throwing broken glass and culminating in a woman punching him in the face.

“I didn’t hit her back because my mom raised me to not hit women or whatever,” The Champ said. “But Ed hit her husband.”

During the course of our interview it became clear that Zero Progress is a band with something to say. The Champ, the mouthpiece, is a witty troublemaker and arguably the perfect frontman.

He has a strange, off-kilter idea about everything— from his ‘zine Punks! Punks! Punks! (“It’s just packed, page-to-page of me singing the praises of people who have now either physically assaulted me or tried to blacklist me) to the concept of unity (“It’s weird because we try to come at music with an open mind and be like: It’s OK that you’re 40 years old with a huge dreadlock and a beard and you smell like shit and you smoke meth and you’re a crust punk and you got a studded black denim vest. It’s OK, man. We can be friends. Do you want to come play a show with us? And then when that person turns to you and says, “You’re a fuckin’ piece of shit, Matt.” And you’re like, “No, you’re the piece of shit”). The Champ even offers concise thoughts on the state of the Bay Area (“The Bay Area is fucked, dude”).

In truth, one could write a full-length biography and not even begin to capture the wild essence of Zero Progress. But know this: The Champ is so misunderstood that even as a budding journalist he manages to alienate himself

from his friends. For example, his story about the iconic venue 924 Gilman (that appeared last year in SF Weekly and then in The Huffington Post) created a tidal wave that ripped through the punk community, solely because it posed the question, “Has Gilman lost sight of its original purpose?”

Apparently, even asking such a question is akin to tipping a sacred cow. And punks get butthurt.

Asked how that article has affected his life, The Champ replied honestly, “Well, I just don’t have, like, any friends.”

Which basically sums up the entire existence of Zero Progress—a loud, hardcore punk band that speaks its mind even at the risk of its own exile. The band doesn’t take any shit, but when you think about it they take a whole lot of shit.

Yet, it’s all in good fun. And none of it matters anyways. So fuck it. Go to a show. Get rowdy. $wing Chainz.

Watch Zero Progress live at the One Voice Fest on Saturday, Oct. 5.

Plainfield Station, 23944 Country Road 98, Woodland, Calif. One and two-day passes available at Corpitus.com/onevoicefest.

Find Zero Progress online at Zeroprogress.bandcamp.com and at Piledriverecords.bigcartel.com

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

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music, comedy & misc. Calendar

Sept. 16 – 30

submergemag.com/calendar use a qr scanner on your smart phone to view calendar online

9.16 9.18 Monday

The Boxing Donkey Open Mic Variety Night, 8 p.m.

The Colony XTom HanX, Call Me Snake, Carl Spackler, 7 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Nebraska Mondays w/ Ross Hammond and Khalil Anthony Duo, Jaroba and Kevin Corcoran, 7:30 p.m.

Marilyn’s Back Alley Buzzards, Midori and Ezra Boy, Salt Wizard, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Heath Williamson & Friends, 5 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Press Club Matt Woods, Brian Stevens, Alex Dorame, Joseph Kojima Gray, 8 p.m.

Sol Collective Microphone Mondays, 8 p.m.

9.17 Tuesday

Coming Soon an urban beer garden in midtown at 24 th & K 25

Beers On Draft

Lite German Fare

dbmidtown.com 22

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Shine Jazz Jam w/ Jason Galbraith & Guests, 8 p.m.

T2 Nightclub & Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Hans Eberbach, 5:30 p.m.; Flies In the Kitchen, Jacob Waters, National Soul, 8 p.m.

Toby Keith’s Open Mic Night, 7 p.m.

Assembly Rebel Souljahz, Kingz Ambassadors, 7 p.m.

Bows and Arrows Pregnant, High Wolf, Chicolayah, 8 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Dive Bar Beat Boutique w/ DJ Epik VS Benji The Hunter, 9 p.m.

Harlow’s BoomBox, Ramona, 8 p.m.

Luigi’s Fungarden Low Hums, Mike Coykendall, Amy Blaschke, 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s GSET: Classic Rock & Blues Review, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Pine Cove Open Mic Night, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub College Night w/ DJ Rigatony, DJ Alazzawi, 10:30 p.m.

Press Club FFFREAK! w/ CrookOne, Ben Johnson, Boogalicious and more, 9:30 p.m.

Wednesday

Assembly Dougie MacLean, 7 p.m.

Bar 101 Open Mic, 7:30 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Haymarket Squares, West Nile Ramblers, 10 p.m.

The Boardwalk We Butter The Bread With Butter, Our Endless Obsession, Maid Of The Mist, Defy The Odds, Incredible Me, 6:30 p.m.

Bows and Arrows Richard Pinhas with Barry Cleveland, Practice, Ross Hammond, 8 p.m.

Club Car The Double Shots, 7:30 p.m.

The Colony MDL, Heroes at Gunpoint, The Hybrid Creeps, Concussion, 8 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Northern Soul, 8 p.m.

G Street WunderBar Funk Night w/ DJ Larry, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s Acorn Project, Groovincible, 8 p.m.

Laughs Unlimited Karaoke w/ KJ Ryan, 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s Wild Wednesday!, 8 p.m.

Mix DJ E Rock, Gabe Xavier, DJ Peeti V, 9 p.m.

Old Ironsides Open Mic w/ Sandra Dolores, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Blame Betty, Page By Page, 9 p.m.

Press Club Eclectik w/ DJ Epik, 9 p.m.

Shine National Kidney Foundation Benefit: A Night of Poetry and Music feat. Mr. P Chill & DJ Double Ace, Daniel Laskowski, Joseph Kojima Gray and more, 7 p.m.

Third Space The Littlest Viking, EGG, 8 p.m.

Torch Club Acoustic Open Mic, 5:30 p.m.; Sioux City Kidd, 9 p.m.

University Union Serna Plaza, CSUS Nooner w/ Jesi Naomi, 12 p.m.

9.19 thursday

Ace of Spades Iration, Through The Roots, Fortunate Youth, Micah Brown, 6 p.m.

Assembly Curren$y, 6:30 p.m.

Bar 101 Karaoke, 7:30 p.m.

Bisla’s The Silver Spoons, Honyock, Since Day One, 9 p.m.

The Boardwalk The Vibrators, The Shams, Vera, Grave Shadow, Vague Intentions, Ballistic Burnout, 7 p.m.

Club Car Songwriters Showcase, 8 p.m.

The Coffee Garden Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.

District 30 Ben Tension, DJ Annext, Entec, DJ Selli Sel, 9 p.m.

Dive Bar Dueling Pianos, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose The Mike Justis Band, 8 p.m.

Harlow’s The Octopus Project, Paper Lions, Nakia, 9 p.m.

Level Up Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Luigi’s Fungarden Kepi Ghoulie, Miss Chain & The Broken Heels, Dog Party, Pets, 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s You Front the Band Karaoke, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Bluegrass Jam, 7 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Aces Up, 9:30 p.m.

Press Club Blackout w/ Psychosomatic, Solanum, Trial

By Combat, Dali Baba, Lord Siracha, 9 p.m.

R15 Z Rokk, 9 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Ben Lewis & Friends, Casey Neill & the Norway Rats, 9:30 p.m.

Torch Club X Trio, 5 p.m.; Relic 45, 9 p.m.

9.20 Friday

Ace of Spades Terraplane Sun, Tijuana Tears, 7 p.m.

Bar 101 Iron Hearts, 9 p.m.

The Boardwalk A Skylit Drive, For All Those Sleeping, Wolves At The Gate, I The Mighty, PVRIS, Before You Fall, 6 p.m.

Bows and Arrows Yip Deceiver (members from Of Montreal), Playboy School, Reggie Ginn, 8 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey James Cavern, 9 p.m.

Capitol Garage Dub Culture w/ DK Wokstar, DJ Jaytwo, 10 p.m.

The Colony Bat Guano Fest w/ The Left Hand, Defyant Circle, Dead Dads, Peace Killers, The Crappys, Jasson Drastic, Zero for Zero, 7 p.m.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Colusa Casino Michael Beck, 9 p.m.

District 30 24 Hour Drum-AThon to Help Beat Cancer w/ INKDUP, 5 p.m.

Fox & Goose Carly DuHain, Olympus Mons, M. Lockwood Porter, 9 p.m.

Golden Bear DJ Crook, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s Tyrone Wells, Autumn Sky, 7 p.m.; ZuhG Fest Ticket Release Party w/ Massive Delicious, Gigantis, Mac Russ, 10 p.m.

Level Up Lounge Hot Pants w/ DJ Rock Bottom, 9 p.m.

Luigi’s The Speed of Sound In Seawater, Feed Me Jack, 8 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Gary Weinburg, Marty Taters, Gene Smith Lives and more, 7 p.m.

Marilyn’s Jukebox Johnny’s All Request Cover Show, 8 p.m.

Midtown BarFly Get Down to the Champion Sound w/ DJ Esef and guests, 10 p.m.

Old Ironsides William MylarHippie Hour, 5 p.m.; Once An Empire, Sil Shoda, The Monomyth Inception, S.W.I.M., 8 p.m.

Old Soul (35th and Broadway) Ross Hammond, Dax Compise, Kerry Kashiwagi, Cliff Childers, 7 p.m.

The Park Ultra Lounge Konflikt, DJ Eddie Edul, 9 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub 8 Track Massacre, 10 p.m.

Press Club DJ Rue, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Nathan Owens Band, 9:30 p.m.

Shenanigans DJ Katz & Flash the Drummer, 9 p.m.

Shine Zack Gray (of Wrings), Jake Abbott, Nunchuck Taylor, Stanley Barrymore, 7:30 p.m.

Sleep Train Arena Marco Antonio Solís, 8:30 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Rose Windows, Jeffertitti’s Nile, 9:30 p.m.

Swabbies on the River UrbanFire, Simple Creation, 6 p.m.

Torch Club Pailer & Fratis, 5:30 p.m.; Joy & Madness, 9 p.m.

9.21 Saturday

Ace of Spades IAMSU!, Kool John, Jay Ant, Playah K, 7 p.m.

Bar 101 Humblewolf, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Saint Solitaire, The Other Brittany, Autumn Sky, Barry Crider, 8 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey Hans Eberbach, 9 p.m.

Capitol Garage Feel Good Saturday’s w/ DJ Epik, 10 p.m.

The Colony Bat Guano Fest w/ The Strange Party, Mad Judy, The Forum Walters, The Moans, No Beatings, Pug Skullz, Abandoned Generation, 8 p.m.

District 30 DJ Elements, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose The Storytellers, Big Sticky Mess, Black Star Safari, 9 p.m.

Fusion International Arts Center NoBunny, Pookie and the Poodlez, Drive-Thru Mystics (Tape Release), Cumstain, DJ Tim Matranga, 8 p.m.

Harlow’s Lindsey Pavao, Hero’s Last Mission, 7 p.m.

Harrah’s Lake Tahoe The Robert Cray Band, 7:30 p.m.

Historic Folsom Folsom Live! feat. The English Beat, Tommy Castro & the Painkillers, Chuck Wicks, Motely Inc, Aerorocks, The Hollywood Stones, Elements of Soul, The Infamous Swanks and more, 5 p.m.

KBAR Z Rokk, 9 p.m.

Level Up Lounge Guest DJs, 9 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Mark Chrisler, Brad Brubaker, Troy Vorse, 7 p.m.

Marilyn’s Irishpalooza w/ The Pikeys, One-Eyed Reilly, Stout Rebellion, Whiskey and Stitches, 7 p.m.

Old Ironsides Fascination: 80’s New Wave Dance Club, 9:30 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Folsom Live!

Party, 10 p.m.

Press Club DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Nathan Owens Band, 10 p.m.

Shenanigans Dire Peril, Legion’s Requiem, Brumal, Shades of Devastation, Zombie Death Stench, 7 p.m.

Shine The Lava Pups, The Funicellos, 8 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Miner, Lauren Cole Norton, Warships, 9:30 p.m.

Swabbies on the River Skynnyn Lynnyrd, 5 p.m.

Third Space The Rich Hands, 8:30 p.m.

Torch Club Campfire Crooners, 5:30 p.m.; Mr. December, 9 p.m.

9.22 Sunday

Assembly Flow: A Night of Jazz, Soul and Hip-Hop feat. Task1ne, J Ross-Parrelli, Element Brass Band, hosted by Andru Defeye, 7:30 p.m.

Capitol Garage Karaoke w/ Jeff Jenkins, 9 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 8 p.m.

Harlow’s Stellar: A Tribute to Incubus, The Alt/Recluse, Fate Under Fire, Breakaway Patriot, 7 p.m.

LowBrau Doombird (Record Release), Trails and Ways, 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s Open Mic, 7 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Chris Cane, 3 p.m.

Press Club Sunday Night Soul Party w/ DJ Larry, 9 p.m.

Swabbies on the River Beer Dawgs, 3 p.m.

Torch Club Blues Jam, 4 p.m.; The Golden Cadillacs, 8 p.m.

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

23

Ace of spAdes concerts p r e s e n t s At

the BoArdwAlk

ALL SHOWS ALL AGES The TickeTs AvAilAble @ Dimple RecoRDs, ARmADillo(DAvis), TickeTs.com, musicToDAy.com, boARDwAlkRocks.com, boARDwAlk box office, AceofspADessAc.com, 1.877.GND.cTRl oR 916.443.9202

T h e b o A R D wA l k

saturday, oct 19

friday, oct 11

bEfOrE yOu fall

wednesday, oct 30

cd rElEasE shOw

fallujah • lifEfOrMs • sOMa ras Gary busEy aMbEr alErT awaiTinG ThE apOcalypsE

saturday, oct 5

Ace of spAdes concerts p r e s e n t s At

AssemBly

1 0 0 0 k s t r e e t • sac r a m e n t O 24

T h e b o A R D wA l k

T h e b o A R D wA l k

T h e b o A R D wA l k

friday, sept 20

friday, oct 18

All Ages The TickeTs AvAilAble @ Dimple RecoRDs, AssemblysAcRAmeNTo.com, AceofspADessAc.com, 1.877.GND.cTRl oR 916.443.9202

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

friday, nov 22

wiTh spEcial GuEsT

presents

Bonnie McKEE

A s s e m b ly

T h e b o A R D wA l k

wednesday, sept 18

T h e b o A R D wA l k

Our EndlEss ObsEssiOn • Maid Of ThE MisT dEfy ThE Odds • incrEdiblE ME

T h e b o A R D wA l k

T h e b o A R D wA l k

9 4 2 6 G r e e n bac k • O r a n G e va l e

friday, sept 27 Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

9.28

Saint Solitaire Bell Boys, Autumn Sky Powerhouse Pub 9 p.m.

9.23 Monday

The Boxing Donkey Open Mic Variety Night, 8 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Nebraska Mondays w/ Fly Paper, Opera Wolf, 7:30 p.m.

Marilyn’s Karaoke, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Heath Williamson & Friends, 5 p.m.

On the Y The Dawn Chose Orion, Krippler, Dead in Seconds, Ellipsis, 8 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Press Club Avenue Saints, Voodoo Organist, Danny Secretion, 8 p.m.

Sol Collective Microphone Mondays, 8 p.m.

Third Space Babysitter, White Poppy, Monster Treasure, 8 p.m.

Bar 101 Open Mic, 7:30 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Molly Paul, Jon Cragie, 8 p.m.

Club Car The Double Shots, 7:30 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Northern Soul, 8 p.m.

G Street WunderBar Funk Night w/ DJ Larry, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Jackson Scott, 9 p.m.

Laughs Unlimited Karaoke w/ KJ Ryan, 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s Incrusted Dust, Phavian, One Leg Chuck, 7 p.m.

Old Ironsides Open Mic w/ Sandra Dolores, 9 p.m.

Press Club Musical Charis, Steel Cranes, FUDI, 8 p.m.

Third Space Bitter Fruit, Moira Scar, The Azeotropes, 8 p.m.

Torch Club Acoustic Open Mic, 5:30 p.m.; Keri Carr Band w/ Matt Bradford, 9 p.m.

University Union Serna Plaza, CSUS Nooner w/ Zero Client, 12 p.m.

Tuesday

9.25 wednesday

Ace of Spades TECH N9NE, Krizz Kaliko, !Mayday!, Steve Stone, Prozak, Ces Cru, Americaz Most Haunted, 6 p.m.

SubmergeMag.com

9.27 FRIDAY

9.24 9.26

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Dive Bar Beat Boutique, 9 p.m.

Luigi’s Babysitter, Babs Johnson Gang, Monster Treasure, 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s GSET: Classic Rock & Blues Review, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Pine Cove Open Mic Night, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub College Night w/ DJ Rigatony, DJ Alazzawi, 10:30 p.m.

Press Club GRIMEY w/ DJ Whores and Guests, 9 p.m.

Shine Jazz Jam w/ Jason Galbraith & Guests, 8 p.m.

T2 Nightclub & Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Matt Bradford, 5:30 p.m.; Island Of Black & White, 8 p.m.

Toby Keith’s Open Mic Night, 7 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Sandy Nuyts, 9:30 p.m.

Press Club Storytellers, Jeffrey Valentine (EP Release), Atom Bomb, 8 p.m.

R15 Z Rokk, 9 p.m.

Shine Chris Trapper, Ice Age Jazztet, 8 p.m.

The Stoney Inn The Terry Sheets Band, 9 p.m.

Third Space Magic Mouth, Double Duchess, Glitterbang, 8 p.m.

Torch Club X Trio, 5 p.m.; Reds Blues feat. Steve Freund, 9 p.m.

Thursday

Ace of Spades Matt Nathanson, 7 p.m.

Bar 101 Karaoke, 7:30 p.m.

Bisla’s Number Station, Darkline, Idol Warship, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Skratchpad, 9 p.m.

Bows and Arrows Spirits of the Red City, Dead Western, Sean Hayashi, 8 p.m.

Club Car Songwriters Showcase, 8 p.m.

The Coffee Garden Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.

District 30 Bill Ted’s Excellent Adventures, 9 p.m.

Dive Bar Dueling Pianos, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Stepping Stone, 8 p.m.

Harlow’s The Lemonheads, 8 p.m.

Jazz & Jokers Harley White, Jr. Quintet, 8 p.m.

Level Up Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Marilyn’s Rebel Radio, The Auxiliary, One More Last Try, Blacksheep, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Learn to Jam, 7:30 p.m.

Ace of Spades Dance Gavin Dance, Abandon All Ships, Incredible Me, Stolas & I Wish We Were Robots, 6:30 p.m.

Assembly Olly Murs, Bonnie McKee, 7 p.m.

Bar 101 Joel Cross, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp The Devil’s Train, Blame Betty, Mister, Jesus Christ, Riot Radio, 8 p.m.

Bows and Arrows Noah Clark’s Sharp Dressed Men w/ Brian Rogers & West Campus Marching Band, 8 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey Bob And The Wallers, 9 p.m.

Cache Creek Casino Frank Sinatra Jr., 8 p.m.

Capitol Garage Dub Culture w/ DK Wokstar, DJ Jaytwo, 10 p.m.

The Colony Plague Widow (Record Release), Embryonic Devourment, Internal, 8 p.m.

Colusa Casino Highway 20, 9 p.m.

District 30 Rock and Rhyme Live, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Touchez, The Neighbors, Red Sky Sunrise, 9 p.m.

Golden Bear DJ Crook, 10 p.m.

Harlow’s EGG, Todd Morgan & the Emblems, 8 p.m.

Level Up Lounge Hot Pants w/ DJ Rock Bottom, 9 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Kally O’Mally, Xochitl, Emily O’Neill, 8:30 p.m.

Marilyn’s Island of Black & White, 9 p.m.

Midtown BarFly Get Down to the Champion Sound w/ DJ Esef and guests, 10 p.m.

Old Ironsides William MylarHippie Hour, 5 p.m.; E Minor & the Dirty Diamonds, Bastards of Young, The Pine Street Ramblers, 8 p.m.

On the Y Trial By Combat, From the Vomit, Purification By Fire, Hang the Kode, Stryk 9, 8 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Bump City, 10 p.m.

Press Club DJ Rue, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Chris Gardner Band, 9:30 p.m.

Shine Trikome, Phavian, 8 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Song Preservation Society, Shelby Earl, Alina Hardin, 9:30 p.m.

Swabbies on the River Steelin Dan, 6 p.m.

Third Space Wet Drag, Kentucky Dirty, Croissants, 8 p.m.

Torch Club Pailer & Fratis, 5:30 p.m.; Daniel Castro, 9 p.m.

904 15th Street 443.2797

9.28

Between I & J • Downtown Sacramento

Saturday

Ace of Spades Frightened Rabbit, 6:30 p.m.

Bar 101 Abandon Theory, 9 p.m.

The Boardwalk Jonn Hart, 7 p.m.

Bows and Arrows Robin Bacior, Sherman Baker, 8 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey Adam Donald, 9 p.m.

Capitol Garage Feel Good Saturday’s w/ DJ Epik, 10 p.m.

The Colony Final Decay, The Astrozombies, 101, System Assault, Keep It From The Cops, 7 p.m.

Colusa Casino Highway 20, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose 50-Watt Heavy, The Effect, 9 p.m.

Harlow’s Kill The Precedent, Judgement Day, Our Hometown Disaster, Horseneck, 9 p.m.

Harrah’s Lake Tahoe Drive-By Truckers, 7:30 p.m.

KBAR Z Rokk, 9 p.m.

Level Up Lounge Guest DJs, 9 p.m.

Luigi’s Children of the Grave, 8 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe David Houston & Friends, 9 p.m.

Marilyn’s Fate Under Fire, Tidelands, Wrings, 7:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Lipstick, 9:30 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Saint Solitaire, Bell Boys, Autumn Sky, 9 p.m.

Press Club DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Chris Gardner Band, 10 p.m.

Shine Wolfhouse, Barrel Fever, No Where But Up, 8 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Trails & Ways, 9:30 p.m.

Swabbies on the River Skid Roses, Riff-Raff, The Forsocks, War Paint, 5 p.m.

Third Space Michael Beach, The Lurk, Dirty Boots, 8 p.m.

Torch Club Bill Mylar’s Hippie Birthday Show, 5:30 p.m.; Kevin Russell, 9 p.m.

9.29 Sunday

Assembly Flow: A Night of Jazz, Soul and Hip-Hop feat. Rasar, Poor (of Tribe of Levi), Element Brass Band, hosted by Andru Defeye, 7:30 p.m.

The Boardwalk Cole Fonseca and the Phoenix Jubliee, 7 p.m.

Capitol Garage Karaoke w/ Jeff Jenkins, 9 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 8 p.m.

Harlow’s Sacramento Blues Society Hall of Fame Awards, 2 p.m.; Indubious, 9:30 p.m.

Marilyn’s Open Mic, 7 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Shanna Morrison, 3 p.m.

Press Club Sunday Night Soul Party w/ DJ Larry, 9 p.m.

Sept. 17 - 29

Hans EbErbacH 5:30PM

tUeS

17

WeD

18

DEbut tuEsDays Music sHowcasE

FliEs in tHE kitcHEn, Jacob watErs, national soul 8PM

acoustic oPEn Mic 5:30PM

sioux city kiDD 9PM

x trio 5PM

tHURS

19 FRI

20 Sat

rElic 45 9PM PailEr & Fratis 5:30PM

Joy & MaDnEss 9PM

caMPFirE croonErs 5:30PM

21 Mr.DEcEMbEr 9PM SUn

22

tUeS

24

WeD

bluEs JaM 4PM

tHE GolDEn caDillacs 8PM Matt braDForD 5:30PM

islanD oF black & wHitE 8PM

acoustic oPEn Mic 5:30PM

kEri carr banD 25 w/ Matt braDForD 9PM x trio 5PM

tHURS

26 FRI

rEDs bluEs

FEat. stEvE FrEunD 9PM PailEr & Fratis 5:30PM

27 DaniElcastro 9PM bill Mylars HiPPiE birtHDay sHow 5:30PM

Sat

28 SUn

29

kEvin russEll 9PM

bluEs JaM 4PM

soPHistaFunk 8PM

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

25

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Swabbies on the River The 8 Tracks, 3 p.m.

Torch Club Blues Jam, 4 p.m.; Sophistafunk, 8 p.m.

9.30 Monday

The Boxing Donkey Open Mic Variety Night, 8 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Nebraska Mondays w/ Doug Pauly and Alicyn Yaffee Duo, Steve Adams, John Hanes, 7:30 p.m.

Marilyn’s Karaoke, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Heath Williamson & Friends, 5 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Sol Collective Microphone Mondays, 8 p.m.

Comedy Assembly B Street: Live! Sketch and Improv Comedy, Thursday’s, Friday’s and Saturday’s, 7 p.m.

Cache Creek Casino Rob Schneider, Sept. 21, 8 p.m.

Community Center Theater Brian Regan, Sept. 22, 7 p.m.

Jazz and Jokers (ex-Tommy T’s) Open Mic, Sept. 18 & 25, 7 p.m.

Mark G, Sept. 20 - 21, 7:30 p.m.

John Witherspoon, Sept. 27 - 29, Fri. & Sat., 7:30 p.m. & 9:30 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m.

Laughs Unlimited Best of Open Mic Showcase, Sept. 17, 8 p.m.

Paul Ogata, D. Tyler, Sept. 20 22, Fri. & Sat., 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.; Sunday, 7 p.m.

Share Our Strength Fundraiser Benefiting No Kid Hungry feat.

Cheryl “The Soccer Mom,” Stephen Furey, Emma Haney, Matt Raymond, hosted by Troy Nelson, Sept. 24, 8 p.m.

Say It Loud Comedy Presented

by Michael Calvin Jr. feat. Susan Maletta, D. Tyler, Michael Patten, Matt Gubser, Ngaio Bealum, Sept. 26, 8 p.m.

Kivi Rogers, Ryan Noack, Sept.

27 - 29, Fri. & Sat., 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.; Sunday, 7 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Keith Lowell Jensen’s Comedy Night, Wednesday’s, 8 p.m.

Pine Cove Open Mic Comedy Battle, Sept. 24, 8 p.m.

Po’Boyz Bar & Grill (Folsom) Comedy Open Mic, every Monday, 9 p.m.

Punchline Comedy Club Comedy Kill! Presents Johnny Taylor’s Live Album Taping w/ Keith Lowell Jensen, Daniel Humbarger, Trevor Hill, Sept. 18-19, 8 p.m.

Bobby Lee, DJ Mervin, Sept. 20 - 22, Fri. & Sat., 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m.

Greg Fitzsimmons, Sept. 26 - 28, Thurs., 8 p.m.; Fri. & Sat., 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.

Nico Santos, Sept. 29, 7 p.m.

Sammy’s Rockin’ Island Bar and Grill Comedy Showcase, every Wednesday, 8:30 p.m.

Sacramento Comedy Spot Sacramento Comedy Festival: Improv Groups, Sketch Comedy Shows, Live Podcast Recordings, National Stand-up Comedians, Stand-up Comedy Competition, through Sept. 21 The Stoney Inn Nutty Monday’s Comedy Showcase and Open Mic, Monday’s, 9 p.m.

Studio 24, Inc. Free Improv Night, Sept. 20, 7 p.m.

University Union Ballroom, CSUS SF International Comedy Competition, Sept. 26, 7:30 p.m.

Misc.

1409 Del Paso Blvd. GOOD Night Market: Street Food, Design Market, Bike-in Theater, Beer, Craft Cocktails, Games and more, Sept. 19, 6 p.m.

1801 L Street Yelp’s Farm-ToHandle Block Party, Sept. 22, 3 p.m.

2020 J Street Midtown Farmers Market, every Saturday, 8 a.m.

Appel Gallery California MultiCultural Media Consortium’s Extravaganza, Sept. 21, 6 p.m.

Assembly Sizzling Sirens Burlesque Experience Presents: Girls On Film!, Sept. 21, 8 p.m.

Bar 101 Trivia Night, Monday’s, 6:30 p.m.

Blue Cue Trivia Night, every Wednesday, 6:30 p.m.

Bows & Arrows Bites + Beats + Beer, Sept. 19, 6 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey Trivia Night, every Tuesday, 8 p.m.

Capitol Mall Greens Farm-ToFork Festival, Sept. 28 Congregation Beth Shalom 36th Annual Jewish Food Faire, Sept.

22, 9 a.m.

Discovery Park 19th Annual California Brewers Festival, Sept.

21, 12:30 p.m.

Fox & Goose Pub Quiz, Tuesday’s, 7 p.m.

Garcia Bend Park Food Truck Expo, Sept. 19, 5 p.m.

Guild Theatre Room for Hope: A Celebration of Palestinian Dance, Sept. 25, 7 p.m.

Harris Center for the Arts The Hungarian State Folk Dance Ensemble, Sept. 20 - 22 Holy Virgin Mary Eastern Orthodox Christian Church 9th Annual Mediterranean Food & Music Festival, Sept. 21 - 22 Lent Ranch 8th Annual Rockin’ Beef & Reef Bash, Sept. 28, 5:30 p.m.

Little Relics Boutique & Galleria Grand Finale for Whimsical Universe w/ Sculpture by Molly Brown & Paintings by Rachel Smith, Sept. 26, 6 p.m.

Luigi’s A Slice of Trivia w/ the Bruce Twins, Monday’s, 8 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Poetry Unplugged, Thursday’s, 8 p.m.

Midtown BarFly Salsa Lessons, every Wednesday, 8 p.m.

Our Lady of the Rosary American Lebanese and Middle Eastern Music & Food Festival, Sept. 28 - 29, 11 a.m.

9.22

Brian Regan Community Center Theater 7 p.m.

Pine Cove Trivia Night, Wednesday’s, 9 p.m.

Placer County Fairgrounds Brews & Balls: Brewfest and Social Sporting Tournament, Sept. 28, 10 a.m.

Press Club Flex Your Head Trivia, Tuesday’s, 8 p.m.

Raley Field Sacramento Burger Battle, Sept. 18, 7 p.m.

Revolution Wines Harvest Party, Sept. 21, 11 a.m.

Rio Ramaza Event Park Seafarer’s Pirates & Pumpkins Festival, Sept. 28, 12 p.m.

Royer Park 2013 Romanian Festival, Sept. 28, 12 p.m.

Ruhstaller Farm & Yard Ruhstaller Anniversary Party & Hop Sac ‘First Leaf’ Release, Sept. 24, 6:30 p.m.

Sacramento Water Intake Structure Farm-to-Fork Week Opening Reception, Sept. 20, 6:30 p.m.

Shine Indie Craft Fair: Over 50 Craft Vendors, BBQ, Kombucha Truck and more, Sept. 22, 11 a.m.

Poetry with Legs hosted by Bill Gainer, Sept. 25, 7:30 p.m.

Southside Park Latin Food and Music Festival, Sept. 29, 11 a.m.

Sutter’s Fort Park Feast at the Fort, Sept. 21, 6:30 p.m.

  

The California Automobile Museum (2200 Front Street)

Tuesday, September 24th

Free lunch provided by HOT ITALIAN pizza & panini bar

12pm

BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

SubmergeMag.com

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

27

The grindhouse

Riddickulous Riddick

be surprised from above by—you guessed it—mercenaries, hot on

Rated R

Words Jacob Sprecher

Let us take you home tonight.

444-2222 28

Here’s a few things I bet you didn’t know: 1) Vin Diesel is 46 years old.

2) When I was 17, I took a girl named Jordan to see Pitch Black,

the first film in the Riddick franchise.

3) She wanted to see The Beach, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

4) We didn’t get married.

That was 14 calendars ago. And you know what? Leo is still boyish and Vin Diesel is still bald. Also, Vin Diesel still makes movies about Richard B. Riddick, an escaped convict of the distant future with burnt pupils and night vision who constantly finds himself marooned on destitute and dangerous planets at the far reaches of the galaxy. Which leads us to the third (and hopefully final) installment to the Riddick lexicon, Riddick. (Yes, they took a cue from Rambo with the eponymous sequel title, only they upped the ante and did it for part three as opposed to four.)

OK, alright, let’s get serious. You might be asking of me, “Why review a movie you obviously couldn’t like?” Well, because that’s not the case. I like Pitch Black. Quite a bit, actually. It’s a quirky, dark, sci-fi-action flick with more than enough panache to satisfy fans of the genre. And while I skipped The Chronicles of Riddick in 2004, I figured Riddick would hold up well enough.

But I figured wrong.

The story goes as follows: Having successfully bested the Necromongers on the planet Helion to become Lord Marshall of the Necro throne, Riddick is betrayed by the very Necromongers he conquered, leaving him once again left for dead on a littleknown, weather-beaten planet out in the great beyond. Battered and bruised, surrounded by myriad hyena-like jumbo dogs and scorpion-tailed bog creatures, Riddick rises from the ashes, fighting his way to a livable existence. And that’s the first half-hour of the movie; Riddick fighting wild dogs and swamp things, I shit you not.

Then, after nabbing a wild pup to raise as his own, Riddick and his scorched-earth hound take to the planetary wasteland. They come across a seemingly abandoned mercenary outpost only to

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Riddick’s villainous trail.

I think it’s worth mentioning here that I have no problem with Vin Diesel as an actor or an action hero. Sure, he’s onedimensional, but it’s a pretty good dimension. He’s got the deep voice, the rugged physique and those intimidating, bald-headed good looks. I’d even go as far to say that he’s a fairly decent actor, given the field. But upon the arrival of the first band of mercenaries, it’s blatantly obvious that all the Diesel-y machismo in this world or any other can’t save Riddick from a script worthy of the fireplace and a supporting cast begging for SAG card revocations. The head “merc” is Santana (Jordi Mollà), an evil rapist/killer. Only trouble is that Mollà, who was pretty damn good in Blow a decade ago, stinks as the bad boy, and is something akin to a very poor man’s Peter Stormare with a Central American accent.

Anyway, Santana and his henchman claim they’re going to put Riddick’s “head in a box,” and are just about to set out doing so when a second band of mercs arrive on the scene. This motley but professional-looking crew is led by Boss Johns (Matt Nable), the father of some other merc Riddick supposedly killed on some other planet. Johns is side-kicked by Dahl (Katee Sackhoff), a beautiful, broad-shouldered, big-breasted blonde that kicks ass, takes names, (insert cliché here) and doesn’t “fuck guys.”

The plot from this point forward is completely irrelevant and consists mainly of mercs trying to kill Riddick, Riddick in turn killing mercs, and whatever and what have you and so on and so forth. At some interval Santana kills Riddick’s dog, which prompts Riddick to later return the favor by kicking a machete, while chained, into Santana’s face, cutting his head in half and into the very box meant for Riddick’s. So I guess that was pretty cool. And while I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag, let’s just say the bog scorpions play a key role in the film’s titillating finale. Oh, and toward the end Riddick comments on the color of Dahl’s nipples and says he’s gonna go “balls deep.”

So you might say Riddick is Vin Diesel’s greatest role since Saving Private Ryan. But I don’t care what anybody says: He’ll always be Private Caparzo to me.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

9/19 IratIon

9/28 FriGhtened raBBit

10/16 the used williaM control

the sword • aMerican sharKs

9/20 terraplane sun

10/1 Between the Buried and Me

10/17 story of the year

11/12 MaYdaY Parade

through the roots Fortunate Youth • Micah Brown

tIjuana tears

9/21 iaMsu

Kool John • JaY ant • PlaYah K

9/25 tech n9ne

Krizz KaliKo • !MaYdaY! • steve stone ProzaK • ces cru aMericaz Most haunted

9/26 Matt nathanson 9/27 dance Gavin dance CD Release aBandon all shiPs incrediBle Me • stolas i wish we were roBots

the Faceless • contortionist safety fIre

10/3 twiztid

Madchild Blaze Ya dead hoMie aqualeo • Brutha sMith

10/4 senses faIl For the Fallen dreaMs expIre BeinG as an ocean

liKe Moths to FlaMes hawthorne heiGhts caPture the crown • set it oFF i aM KinG

10/18 roach GiGz lil Bit • MarK sniPes

10/19 Gwar

whitechaPel • iron reaGan a Band oF orcs

10/20 attIla

11/11 clutch

Man overBoard • cartel staGes & stereos

11/14 MisFits

the attacK • Kill the Precedent the secretions • avenue saints

11/17 troMBone shortY & orleans avenue 11/30 Great white

10/5 Josh radin

uPon a BurninG BodY iwrestledaBearonce the plot In you • fIt for a KIng Merchants

10/11 andre nicKatina Krazie Bone

10/22 streetlIght ManiFesto

12/8 Metalachi

BaBnit • charlie Muscle

10/25 ParMalee

12/11 Blood on the dance Floor

(FroM Bone thuGs ‘n harMonY)

10/12 arden ParK roots one droP • street urchinz riotMaKer • KaYasun

Matt w. GaGe • save & continue

10/26 JonnY craiG

rue the niGht • Force oF haBit south of sanIty

Farewell MY love the relaPse sYMPhonY haley rose oh, the horror

KYle lucas • hearts & hands Bleach Blonde • secrets

1417 R STREET • SACRAMENTO ACEOFSPADESSAC.COM

All Shows All Ages SubmergeMag.com

Tickets Available @ Dimple Records, The Beat, Armadillo (Davis) Online: AceOfSpadesSac.com By Phone: 1.877.GND.CTRL OR 916.443.9202 Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

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the shallow end I’ve heard countless apocalypse scenarios, but I think this one is, by far, the worst: jellyfish. I know a lot of you out there probably think they’re beautiful. You’ve been to that exhibit at the Monterey Bay Aquarium and just marveled at these gooey little fuckers glowing in the water like neon lights.

And sure, that’s nice between all that glass where they can’t get at anything, but know this: Jellyfish are complete assholes.

Jellyfish are some of the oldest forms of life on the planet. They’ve called Earth home for 550 million years. That’s insane right? These crazy-ass tentacle/mouth blobs outlived T. Rex. Like I said, insane. But anyone who knows anything about evolution knows that creatures don’t survive by being nice. Species don't last through meteor bombardments, catastrophic climate changes and geomagnetic reversals by holding bake sales and donating to charities.

They usually survive by fucking over as many other species as possible.

Now, jellies are taking over the oceans.

There are a lot of possible reasons for this.

According to Tim Flannery’s frightening article

I Don’t Think You’re Ready for This Jelly

for the New York Times Review of Books, jellyfish don’t need a lot of oxygen to survive, they are fast breeders and will eat just about anything (and everything). If food is scarce, they simply stop growing until they find more food and start growing again. There is even one jellyfish that can reincarnate itself.

“When Turritopsis dohrnii ‘dies’ it begins to disintegrate, which is pretty much what you expect from a corpse,” Flannery writes in his review of Stung! On Jellyfish Blooms and the Future of the Oceans by Lisa-ann Gershwin.

“But then something strange happens. A number of cells escape the rotting body. These cells somehow find each other, and reaggregate to form a polyp. All of this happens within five days of the jellyfish’s “death,” and weirdly, it’s the norm for the species.”

The Jesus of the Jellies. It’s fucking scary.

While other sea critters have been able to keep jellyfish populations in check, in recent years, their population has been booming.

Climate change, increased globalization of the economy and ecological disasters such as oil spills are all possible culprits. Jellyfish,

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James Barone jb@submergemag.com

due to their 550 million years of evolution, can thrive in conditions that most other sea beasties can’t handle. With their competition on the wane, jellyfish have been able to take over.

They’re also spreading out. Two of the most venomous creatures in the world, the box jellyfish and Irukandji, which normally were found in northern Australia waters, have migrated off the coast of Florida. Since 1884, 76 people are known to have died from box jellyfish stings, and it’s believed that many attacks have gone undiagnosed. The sting of the Irukandji is so potent that a slight encounter with the creature’s tentacle—one that doesn’t even leave a mark—can cause something called Irukandji syndrome that doesn’t set in until a half-hour after the sting.

Symptoms include nausea, severe kidney pain and spasms in the limbs.

Box jellyfish are different than other jellies, because they’re active hunters and have complex eyes with irises and corneas. So they can see you, and they want to sting your exposed fleshy parts.

Plagues of jellies have been happening all over the world. They’ve decimated commercial fishing in the Black Sea, destroyed salmon farms and

in 2006, even shut down an aircraft carrier, the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan. They’ve been a nuisance at Japanese power plants too, and you know how stable those things are.

The only real experience I have with jellyfish are seeing their spooge-y bodies dead on the beach, like the ocean rubbed one out and shot its load right there on the sand and didn’t even have the decency to use a Kleenex. I think I stepped on one once and the thing still stung me. It was itchy and irritated as hell, too. So, much like the creatures from Aliens, even when they’re dead these jellies can still be caustic.

I’m not sure what, if anything, can be done about the rise of jellyfish in the oceans. Maybe this is just where we’re headed. Maybe every aquarium all over the world will only have all those pretty little jelly exhibits that everyone seems to like to take pictures of, because they'll be the only aquatic life left. Meanwhile, our oceans will be just one giant, gelatinous mass of goo…which I guess isn’t much different than what they are now anyway.

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Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

\ Harlow’s •

THe lemonHeads 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over

thursday

• 8:00pm

kill THe precedenT

Judgment day • Hometown disaster • Horseneck

Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

• saCto •

21 & over • 9:00pm

frigHTened rabbiT r

st. • saCto • all ages • 8:00pm

nicki bluHm and THe gramblers Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

easy leaves • saCto •

21 & over • 9:00pm

red fang

Harlow’s • 2708 J

• saCto •

joe pug st. • saCto •

21 & over • 8:00pm 21 & over • 8:00pm

kylesa • saCto •

21 & over • 7:30pm

oct 4 oct 9

oct 14 oct 16 thursday

musical cHaris • cold eskimo • saCto •

friday

wednesday

wrings [ep release] Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

sept 28

monday

PinkisH Black • sierra

Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

sept 28

wednesday

Helms alee • dog sHredder

Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

saturday

saturday

augusTines

aCe of spades • 1417

sept 26

21 & over • 7:30pm

oct 17

soul speCtaCular tour

karl denson’s Tiny universe present a ray CHarles Boogaloo danCe party witH

speCial guest ZacH depuTy

Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

• saCto •

tuesday

miss Tess & THe Talkbacks

Harlow’s •

• saCto •

21 & over • 8:00pm

rubblebuckeT 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 &

over • 8:00pm

cluTcH r

alejandro escovedo & THe sensiTive boys Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

• saCto •

21 & over • 7:30pm

meaT puppeTs

THe world Takes [feat. dJ BoneBrake from X / tHe knitters] Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

• saCto •

21 & over • 8:00pm

jello biafra

& THe guanTanamo scHool of medicine

Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

Harlow’s •

• saCto •

21 & over • 9:00pm

mason jennings 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over

nov 6 monday

st. • saCto • all ages • 8:00pm

amy cook

oct 29 wednesday

tHe sword • american sHarks

aCe of spades • 1417

oct 20

21 & over • 8:00pm

lake sTreeT dive Harlow’s • 2708 J st.

sunday

nov 11 tuesday

nov 12 wednesday

nov 13 saturday

nov 16 sunday

• 8:00pm

Zappa kplays Zappa st. • saCto • all ages • 7:30pm

Crest tHeatre • 1013

nov 17 tuesday

feb 4

abstract entertainment TickeTs available aT: TickeTfly.com

TickeTs for Harlow’s sHows also available aT Harlows.com TickeTs for cresT sHow also available aT cresT THeaTre box office TickeTs for ace of spades also available aT aceofspades.com and 916.443.9202

SubmergeMag.com

Issue 145 • September 16 – September 30, 2013

31

Dive into Sacramento & its Surrounding Areas

September 16 – 30, 2013

#145

Zero Progress Misanthropy Never Sounded So Good

Ren and Stimpy Creator

Lady

An Animated Life

Laughing in the Moment

John K. Doombird Brave New World

Business Plates 2 Go Feeding the Community in More Ways than One

free Irishpalooza Returns to Marilyn’s • Merchants to release debut EP • 17-year-old phenom Miles Silvas lands the cover of Transworld Skateboarding