Submerge Magazine: Issue 194 (August 17 - 31, 2015)

Dive into Sacramento & its Surrounding Areas August 17 – 31, 2015 •

saint ashbury

Kim Scott Flights of

release debut album

Fancy

patWestlok Coast Solidarity

privileges ep release at shine

wet hot american summer

We BingeWatched It For You

The Wienery Snap Into It

8 for 8

#194

Nails Restrained Brutality

Sacramento Cocktail Week

cemetery sun What’s the Buzz

free

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

2708 J Street Sacramento HarlowS.com 916.441.4693 SAcRAMenTo cockTAIl week PReSenTS

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COMING SOON 09/01 09/02 09/03 09/04 09/05 09/05

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SubmergeMag.com

09/08 09/11 09/12 09/13

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09/15 09/16 09/18 09/19 09/20 09/22 09/23 09/24 09/25 09/26 09/26

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09/27 09/30 10/01 10/02 10/02 10/03 10/10 10/10 10/15 10/16

David wilcox The oh Hellos Dave Alvin & Phil Alvin Jason wright & Sara Maria (early) Mustache Harbor Petty Theft cline Joni Morris Patsy Tribute Duran Duran Duran Mudhoney wonderbread 5

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

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cofounder/ Editor in Chief/Art Director

Melissa Welliver melissa@submergemag.com Submerge: an independently owned entertainment/lifestyle publication available for free biweekly throughout the greater Sacramento area.

194 2015

August 17 – 31

cofounder/ Advertising Director

Jonathan Carabba jonathan@submergemag.com senior editor

James Barone Assistant Editor

Daniel Taylor

Contributing Writers

12

22

14 04 07

The Stream

08

Submerge your senses

Dive in

Optimistic 10 The Pessimist

11 12

the grindhouse

Wet Hot American Summer pat lok

14 cemetery sun 16 nails 20 kim scott 22 the wienery 24 Calendar 31 hof day party 32 requiem party shallow 34 the end Live<<rewind

beginning Chet & blUegrass herbie Jazz band ClUb wednesdaYs 6 - 9 pm

aUg 29

aUg 30

hawaiian UkUlele workshop

James meder & John miller

Jon nolan

fridaYs 6 - 9 pm

acouStic opEn mic

7 - 9 pm

$20

opEn mic night

Front Cover of Cemetery sun

by Adam Dillon back Cover Photo of pat lok

by Brandon Artis

Submergemag.com Follow us on Twitter & Instagram! @SubmergeMag printed on recycled paper

summer daze Melissa welliver melissa@submergemag.com Summer: the time of year when there are too many fun things to do and not enough hours or days to do them all. Whether it’s music festivals, comedy shows, food events or art exhibits, this time of year is stacked and always makes me so stoked to live in Sacramento.

But this time of year also makes for a huge “dilemma” at Submerge … What do we cover? We only have so many pages and so much manpower! So when things get this ridiculous, we are forced to cover things a bit earlier than normal.

Take our two covers of this issue for example. Pat Lok is an amazing DJ and producer and will be coming to Sacramento to headline THIS Midtown Block Party on Sept. 12. It will be the last installment of THIS so do not miss the free Second Saturday spectacular. (See page 12.)

Also featured early and on one of our covers is Cemetery Sun, who are in fact my new favorite local band. This polished punk band has a killer EP coming out and will be celebrating the release of the six-song gem on Sept. 5 at The Boardwalk in Orangevale. I rarely say this, but without a doubt Cemetery Sun’s self-titled EP will be on our “Top Albums of 2015” list in December. (See page 14.)

Sure, September is going to be stacked, too. I mean, two of the best music festivals in the area (American River Music Fest and TBD Fest) are also going down, but let’s face it, August isn’t over just yet and there’s still a lot of rad things happening. Like the fact that metal band Nails is coming to town on Aug. 22 to Midtown BarFly. And speaking of end-of-theyear lists, ahem, their album Abandon All Life was No. 16 on our best albums of 2013 list. (See page 16.)

Now through Aug. 30 you can also see local surrealist artist Kim Scott’s show Where Will the Bird Watchers Go When There Are No More Birds at Little Relics. (See page 20.)

One thing in this issue that is relevant 365 days a year is wieners. OK, where I’m going with this is that we featured this hidden gem of a restaurant in East Sacramento called The Wienery. You only live once, so don’t blow it by not embracing a good ol’ steamed hot dog. Move over all you new and pretentious farm-tofork restaurants, there are still some oldie-but-goodie joints in this town that are more fulfilling than five bites of duck, cooked three ways, with a demi-glace for $34. (See page 22.)

And, as always beyond our large features you can find plenty to do in Sacramento and the surrounding areas: from our calendar section, to “Submerge Your Senses” which highlights things to see, hear, taste and touch, to our news-y column “The Stream.”

Shout out to all the promoters and people who make this town a great place to live by giving people truly amazing things to do!

Please enjoy issue #194!

Cheers, Melissa

nicholsonsmusicafe

aUg 27

7:30 - 9 pm

All content is property of Submerge and may not be reproduced without permission. Submerge is both owned and published by Submerge Media.

All opinions expressed throughout Submerge are those of the author and do not necessarily mean we all share those opinions. Feel free to take a copy or two for free, but please don’t remove our papers or throw them away. Submerge welcomes letters of all kinds, whether they are full of love or hate. We want to know what is on your mind, so feel free to contact us via snail mail at 1009 22nd Street, Suite 3 Sacramento, California 95816.

Or you can email us at info@submergemag.com.

Live<<rewind

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6 - 9 pm

Submerge

info@submergemag.com

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Contributing photographers

Wesley Davis, Evan E. Duran, Jackie Howard, Mike Ibe, Phill Mamula, Anne Santos

916.441.3803

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12 - 2 pm

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

SubmergeMag.com

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

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Brunch • Lunch • Dinner • Late nigHt Dining

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

The stream Local Instrumental Funk/Rock Band Privileges Celebrates Release of Debut EP Aug. 21 at Shine Cafe

Buildings Breeding Marks 10-Year Anniversary With Show Sept. 3 at Press Club!

Jonathan Carabba

Send regional news tips to info@submergemag.com

I stumbled across the new-ish local band Privileges in a rather unlikely place: Craigslist.

While perusing the musicians board looking for like-minded people to get together to jam with, I noticed a post about a group looking for a vocalist. Intrigued (although I’m no vocalist), I clicked on it, followed another link to hear some of their tunes and was immediately hooked on their funky, spaced-out instrumental jams. Right away I recognized their drummer Omar Gonzalez-Barajas, as I’ve been a fan of his for years (he’s played with some of my other local faves like Sister Crayon, DLRN, and Cove). The group is currently rounded out with the uber talented guitarist Tyler Simmons and keyboard wizard Zach Hake. “Privileges inhabits the space between Tyler’s psychedelic and progressive guitars, Zach’s classically borne key riffs, and Omar’s funk and hip-hop influenced drums,” the band writes in their brief bio. They go on to self describe their sound as “smooth, danceable, impactful” and I couldn’t agree more. The

group reminds me one of my all-time favorite instrumental groups (that you’ve likely never heard of but should listed to right away) called The Redneck Manifesto. Despite their post to Craigslist looking for a singer, it appears for the moment at least that Privileges is continuing on as an instrumental group (and I secretly hope they stay that way), having already released their five-track debut EP Common Language online at Privilegesband.bandcamp. com (start with the sevenplus-minute jazzy tune “We Two Time / Into the Fire,” it’s so good). Privileges have a release show lined up at Shine Cafe on Friday, Aug. 21 and they’ll be joined by Doctor Now, a new group fronted by Garrett Wildgust of The Old Screen Door and Ideateam, as well as the local psychedelic indie rock band Lucid Popsicle.

The show starts at 8 p.m., cover is just $6 and all ages are welcome. Shine is located at 1400 E Street in downtown Sacramento. Learn more about the band at Facebook.com/ privilegesband.

It’s time to get reacquainted with one of the best indie pop groups our region has ever known, Buildings Breeding.

The lush, melodic-sounding group fronted by married duo Chris and Melanie Larsen will celebrate their 10-year anniversary on Thursday, Sept. 3 at Press Club. “Since 1998 I’ve recorded: 270 solo songs, 25 Holy Diver songs, 96 Buildings Breeding songs and 19 Flowerss songs,” Chris recently wrote on his Facebook page. “That’s 410 songs, (that I found on my hard drive).” He goes on to say that, “Out of all of them the Buildings Breeding songs are my favorites and back in September 2005 the first tracks were recorded.

This September 2015 marks the 10th anniversary of these songs and we are playing some shows.” The group, who are originally from Davis but now reside in Southern California, have

three celebratory shows lined up: Aug. 30 at Left of the Dial in Santa Ana, Sept. 2 at The Knockout in San Francisco, and the aforementioned Sept.

3 gig at Press Club, which will be their first show in Sacramento since 2009! The first 50 people through the door at Press will also receive a free copy of the band’s latest release Rad Dewd, a fantastic 10-track album that’s just begging to be the soundtrack to your next backyard summer shindig. Sharing the bill with Buildings Breeding will be two other great local acts, Arts & Leisure and Vasas. Show kicks off early at 7 p.m. and the cover is $7. 21-and-over only. Visit Facebook.com/ buildingsbreeding for more info and Buildingsbreeding. bandcamp.com to sample some of their feel-good tunes.

Welcome back, BB, we hope to see a lot more of you in the near future!

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

7

Your Senses

AUGUST 20 Blanche De Bruxelles Glass AUGUST 27 Green Flash Glass

HEAR

Saint Ashbury’s CD Release Show with Hans! & the Hot Mess • Aug. 28 Walking a thin line between country music and contemporary rock, local band Saint Ashbury is celebrating the release of their debut album with a big ol’ party at Harlow’s on Friday, Aug. 28. After forming in early 2013 as a songwriting project, things quickly evolved and Saint Ashbury became a full band, crafting a catchy sound that’s helped score them gig after gig around the region. Their release show on the 28th is all-ages, starts at 6:30 p.m. and will feature an opening set from local singer/ songwriter Hans Eberbach’s groovy project Hans! and the Hot Mess. Tickets are just $8 in advance and will be $10 at the door. Hit up Harlows.com for a link to buy tickets and Facebook.com/saintashbury for more on this band on the rise.

SEE

Free Comedy Show at Sac State feat.

Samuel J. Comroe Sept. 3

If you find yourself needing a good laugh on Thursday, Sept. 3, head on over to Sacramento State’s University Union Ballroom for a stand-up comedy show featuring three top-notch performers for the low, low price of free! Headlining will be 22-year-old Samuel J. Comroe, a brave young comic who shares his trials and tribulations about living with Tourette Syndrome in a hilarious and unforgettable manner. Opening for Samuel will be Los Angeles-based comedian Anyi Malik and the 2014 San Francisco International Comedy Competition winner Kabir Singh.

Show starts at 7:30 p.m. This event is in support of Hornet Weeks of Welcome. Pro tip: there is free parking after 6:30 p.m. on the sixth floor of Parking Structure III. Visit Sacstateunique.com for more information.

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

TASTE

8 Sacramento Cocktail Week Events You Won’t Want to Miss! • Aug. 17-22 From Star Wars-themed cocktails to bartender showdowns, the 8th annual Sacramento Cocktail Week (formerly Midtown Cocktail Week) runs from Aug. 17 to 22 with various themed events happening at bars and restaurants throughout the city. Here are eight Cocktail Week events that we think stand out, but there are many more. For a full rundown, visit Sacramentococktailweek.com.

1) Old Fashioned Competition at Block Butcher Bar. Monday, Aug. 17 at 7 p.m.

Seven local bartenders battle it out to see who can sling the best Old Fashioned. Billy Ray will be guest bartending and MCing.

2) Liquor on the Front, Poker in the Rear at Bottle & Barlow. Monday, Aug. 17 at 6 p.m.

Step into the Bottle and Barlow Casino, Resort and Martini Bar with two poker tables, blackjack, roulette, dice cups, raffles, prizes and “trashy dive drinks made delicious with The 86 Co. spirits.”

Admission is free.

3) Sac USBG’s SCW15 Capitol Games at California Auto Museum. Tuesday, Aug. 18 at 6 p.m.

Join our local chapter of the U.S. Bartender’s Guild as they host an extravaganza with cocktails, live music, food trucks, fun games and quite possibly best of all, a 27-foot Airstream turned into a craft cocktail bar! $10 presale, $15 at the door.

4) Star Bars at Coin-Op Game Room.

Tuesday, Aug. 18 at 9:30 p.m.

Sip on Star Warsthemed cocktails and play vintage video games all night. A true nerd’s wet dream! Costumes are not required but are highly encouraged.

5) Cocktail Competition: Sacramento PunchOut at Harlow’s.

Wednesday, Aug. 19 at 6 p.m.

This is it. The main event for the bragging rights. An annual cocktail competition where eight teams from local bars compete in a head-to-head, single-elimination tournament where randomly selected cocktails are made out of one well. $10 pre-sale, $15 at the door.

6) How Chronic Is Your Gin & Tonic at LowBrau. Thursday, Aug. 20 at 3 p.m.

Check out this free educational seminar on hop syrups and bittering agents with Sarah Shaw from Future Bars, Meryll Cawn from Q Drinks, and Andie Ferman from St. George Distillery.

Hands-on syrup making session?

Yup! Specials on St. George Botanivore Gin and tonics? You betcha!

7) Cocktail Week Beach Bonanza at Goldfield. Friday, Aug. 21 at 6 p.m.

Enjoy true West Coast hospitality with a beach-inspired cocktail menu, beach boardwalk minicarnival games and smooth jams from DJ Shaun Slaughter.

Admission is free.

8) Kocktails, Kittens & K-9’s at Pourhouse.

Saturday, Aug. 22 at 3 p.m.

Front Street Animal Shelter brings their adoptable pets to the bar for this annual event at Pourhouse.

Sip on some cocktails, fall in love with your new furry best friend and take them to their new forever home!

TOUCH

The Art and Science of Cheesemaking: Mozzarella Aug. 31

Mozzarella is to cheese what Budweiser is to beer. Mozz is king, the most popular cheese in America. In 2014 the USDA estimated that per-capita, mozzarella consumption was 11.5 pounds a year, beating out cheddar (coming in at 9.6 pounds) by just a few slices for the second year in a row. Most of that is of the store-bought, pre-shredded and, let's face it, nearly tasteless variety. Mozzarella is undeniably best when fresh, and luckily for you, the Sacramento Natural Foods Coop and Winters Cheese Company are partnering up for a class on Monday, Aug. 31 where you’ll learn how to make and stretch your very own fresh mozz at home. Get hands-on while learning the pasta filata, or “spun paste” tradition with instructor and cheesemaker Sacha Laurin. Each student will leave with their very own ball of fresh cheese to take home (perfect for caprese salads with summer heirloom tomatoes). Class starts at 6 p.m., and the fee is $49 (or $40 for Co-op owners).

Learn more and sign up at Sacfoodcoop.com.

SubmergeMag.com

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

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1400 ALHAMBRA SAcRAMento BLUeLAMPSAcRAMento.coM 916-455-3400 monDAY

Aug 17 • 7:30pm Aug 18 • 8pm

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

It’s confession time. I’ve been living a lie for a while now. For the past two-and-a-half years, I’ve barely laid eyes upon the fine city of Sacramento. I do not know where the hotspots are anymore, which is a bit ironic given where you may be reading this. Unfortunately, I’m not living in Roseville, West Sac or Elk Grove either.

In fact, I can’t even call the greater Sacramento area my home.

I’d like to say I moved somewhere cool like the Bay Area or New York City or even Austin, but that’s not how this went. The scientists at Submerge, in their never ending quest to determine exactly what a Bocephus Chigger is, thought it would be interesting to see what would happen when they put Bocephus in a weird place. With little input from me, the experimental parameters were set, and I was shipped off as far as the budget would allow.

Nestled about 70 miles south of Sacramento, along Highway 99 between Stockton and Fresno (the twin meccas of things going right), Modesto, California has been my home for the last two-and-half-years.

It’s truly been something. Fortunately, the experiment is almost over, and I have been told that I am now allowed to discuss my time here. Of course, this is probably also part of the experiment, so what are you going to do?

These guys are tricky!

In a way they prepared me for my life as Modestonian, Modestite, Modestan, Modestoner. Life is tricky out here. The amount of meth floating around these streets would make Walter White proud. Even if you and your face are lucky enough to avoid the body-altering effects of methamphetamines you might still find this town maddening enough to lead you to other forms of chemical dependence.

Things move slowly in Modesto, and when I say “things” I mean damn near everything.

It’s as if time has been moving at half pace for the last decade or so. People are still figuring out how to pay with their debit cards out here. I see it happen without fail every time I go shopping: someone holding up the line

because they are swiping their card the wrong way or using the wrong PIN. This inability to complete a transaction has undoubtedly caused the dearth of self-checkout lines in this town. It would probably take more workers to help with self-checkout customers than the traditional way.

It’s not all bad, though. American Graffiti is based on the life of a young George Lucas who grew up in Modesto. Every year the town has a big classic car show and parade in honor of the movie, which draws tons of sweet rides.

Modesto is also the home of Gallo Wines, which are gross, but have been successful enough to allow the Gallo family to build an auditorium downtown that occasionally hosts some pretty cool shit, like the Buddy Guy concert I went to a few months ago.

If cars and concerts aren’t your thing, perhaps you find yourself hungry from time to time. Modesto has always been an agricultural area, which means that it smells weird here.

Fortunately, it also means that farm-to-table eating is an option. The food here in general is good, though not as ethnically diverse as I would like. I haven’t had a good Bahn Mi in a minute and life is too short for that shit.

I’ve found other things to love in this place that I sometimes refer to as Modest Hell. Most importantly, I found someone to fall in love with and bring me back out of the cocoon that I had been building around myself. I found that I am capable of loving again if the right person is involved, and if I got nothing else from this trip, it would still be totally worth it for that alone.

Now the experiment is nearing a close, and it will soon be time to head back to the home office in good ol’ Sacramento. I can’t say I’ll be too sad, as Modesto never really felt like home anyway. That’s why I’m so excited to be heading back to Sacramento, and I’ve convinced my special lady friend to make the journey with me. I can’t wait to show her all of the cool things that made me fall in love with Sacramento in the first place. Hopefully, it will feel like home for her someday too.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

The grindhouse The Kids are Old, Right?

Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp Rated TV-MA My parents never sent me away to camp when I was a kid, and I’m grateful to them for that. I don’t deal well with sleeping in bunks or bugs, and I assume every vine I see is poison oak, ivy or sumac. But if I had gone to camp when I was a kid, which was way back in the ‘80s, would my experience have been anything like what is portrayed in David Wain and Michael Showalter’s Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp? These are questions journalists must ask themselves.

The answer is most likely a resounding no, because the events depicted on this brand new Netflix Original series are completely bonkers.

The series is a prequel to the film Wet Hot American Summer, which was something of a cult hit, though poorly received. Released back in 2001, Wet Hot American Summer featured many young actors who went on to become stars, such as Bradley Cooper, Paul Rudd, Amy Poehler and Elizabeth Banks, all of whom return for First Day of Camp.

The series, like the film, boasts a huge ensemble cast with numerous ridiculous plotlines, and Wain and Showalter are adept at handling them all. The duo first received recognition back in the ‘90s as part of MTV’s groundbreaking sketch comedy show The State, which featured irreverent humor with a surrealist twist.

All these years later, Wain and Showalter’s absurd sensibilities seem as fresh and wickedly sharp as ever, as First Day of Camp would attest.

Having seen the original film isn’t a prerequisite to enjoying the series, but it would help, seeing as all of the adult SubmergeMag.com

Words James Barone actors, though they are 15 years older, reprise their original roles of teenage camp counselors at Camp Firewood in rural Maine. The year is still 1981, and there’s a lot of crazy shit going on in this patch of New England forest. Everyone asks the questions: Will Andy (Rudd) ever hook up with Firewood’s most babelicious counselor Katie (Marguerite Moreau), even though she’s dating that preppy douchebag Blake (Josh Charles) from rival Camp Tigerclaw? Are doofy but lovable Coop (Showalter) and mega-fox Donna (Lake Bell) really boyfriend and girlfriend?

Why have Ben (Cooper) and McKinley (fellow State alum Michael Ian Black) been spending so much time together?

But Camp Firewood faces threats far greater than raging teenage hormones. The camp has fell upon hard financial times and is in danger of closing. To save it, camp director Mitch (H. Jon Benjamin) has has to strike a deal with Xenstar, an evil super conglomerate that is now dumping toxic waste in the woods. Only head

counselors Greg (Jason Schwartzman) and Beth (Janeane Garofalo) can do anything to stop it. They have their work cut out for them, though, as the Xenstar conspiracy goes deeper than anyone could have ever dreamed, reaching all the way to the president himself, Ronald Reagan (wonderfully lampooned by Showalter).

There’s also a camp musical that has to be cast, rehearsed and performed before day’s end. Ben and his “girlfriend” Susie (Poehler) have enlisted renowned Broadway actor/director Claude Dumet (Mad Men’s John Slattery) to find two diamonds in the rough to assume the starring roles. In the process, a love triangle forms (actually a love quadrangle once McKinley enters the mix).

Elsewhere, mysterious-yet-alluring new counselor Lindsay (Banks, who doesn’t get enough credit for her comedic abilities) has been snooping around and asking questions about the haunted shack that just so happens to be in the middle of the campgrounds. She’s been asking questions about the reclusive rock star who’s said to inhabit the ramshackle dwelling. Just what is she after? Why won’t she leave well enough alone?!

If it sounds like there’s a lot going on, that’s because there is. Showalter and Wain have a lot of story to tell in just eight half-hour episodes and a lot of characters at their disposal. Through the first two installments of First Day of Camp, the series feels a little directionless, and it seems as if plot is going to take a backseat to bizarre hijinks, but by the third episode, after Mitch’s shocking transformation is revealed, the series becomes delightfully plot driven (without sacrificing the hijinks).

First Day of Camp is a series that will probably benefit from multiple viewings, after your initial binge-watching, as the comedy is so deadpan and fast-paced, that you’ll probably miss something the first time around. Though it was slow to get going (which is a bit of a drawback considering its short length as TV series go), once it does, it packs quite a punch, and the extremely talented cast (which also includes Jon Hamm as Reagan’s top assassin and Christopher Meloni as the camp chef with a shady past) seems to be having a blast. You most likely will, too.

Now I wish my parents had sent me to camp as a kid. Maybe it’s not too late …

MOM!

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1013 K street Downtown Sacramento (916) 476-3356 • CrestsaCramento.Com Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

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DJthe edck n t i s s ba Ro owo n A r er to idtr a n d v u et M B o S ncok THIS• PHOTO Vat L at r c i a a Paocki a n G b Blr d s Fa

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ut of all the old soul records that I used to dig deep into crates for back in my early college years, Canadian soul singer Melody Stewart had one that I've always kept in mind. It’s the second B-side track on her 1980 album Action Satisfaction, a song called “I Must Say Goodbye.”

It’s a fantastic cut that I recommend readers go listen to whenever possible, but that’s really beside the point.

More importantly, Stewart had put me on to other great Canadian soul music that I never would have known existed if I hadn’t stumbled onto that glorious gem all those years ago. The bottom line: Canada had soul, baby. Plenty of it, too. And, to my delight, I was glad to discover that after 35 years, it’s still got some flowing today, perhaps most notably through Vancouver DJ and producer Pat Lok. Lok is just the latest proof that traditional soul music is now ubiquitous, having transcended its original genre and now occupying an array of different styles for all listeners to enjoy, including EDM. He has grown to become a household name in both Canada and across the globe in the international house music scene. After catching a couple major breaks in 2012—his Cashmere Cat remix was used to open Washington State’s Sasquatch! Music Festival and he was the winner of DFA’s remix competition for his spin on The Rapture’s “How Deep is Your Love,” alongside producer and fellow DJ Cyclist—Lok has been slowly building his self-described Yukon Soul brand of groovy remixes and dance-friendly, deep house originals.

So far this year, Lok has released yet another one of his original tracks—only the seventh over the course of three years—called “All in My Head,” featuring vocalist Desirée Dawson, as well as a handful of new remixes for popular songs like Boxed In’s “Mystery,” Anthony and Cleopatra’s “Take Me” and the Knocks’ “Classic.”

Submerge was recently able to catch Lok over Skype to talk about his distinct style of soul house music, his recent touring schedule (including his upcoming visit to Sacramento’s THIS Midtown block party in September) and how he tries to stay in touch with his local Vancouver scene.

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

S n o

ul I was listening to your stuff and it definitely has that traditional house sound to it. But it also has a lot of soul and funk undertones to it, too. Where do those influences come from?

Hopefully if someone likes house music, they’ll get down with my stuff. Because I love all that classic house, just from the origins. And I love nerding out on all the history and all that stuff, which really came from disco and which came from soul before that. So yeah, I guess I’d say I make dance music that has a lot of classic house influences and a lot of R&B soul samples.

And if not samples, then just similar structures and chords and things like that.

I grew up listening to the Fugees. And I got into sort of backpack hip-hop—like Primo and Tribe and De La Soul and all that stuff.

So learning about all those samples and then finding out that they were using house music as well was sort of an easy jump. I think I like a lot of those influences, and hopefully they come through in my music.

But then at the same time, I never set out to make sort of just super retro stuff. There’s a lot of great music coming out right now, so I’m constantly finding new music.

Do you see yourself putting out more originals regularly over time? Or do you plan to keep the same pace you have going now, where your original works are spread out and dropped every so often in between remixes?

Well, I’ve actually got a few originals that I’m really excited to share with everyone right now starting this fall, really—like over the next month or so. So yeah, I’ve been working on that, focusing on that a lot more this year, and working with different vocalists and collaborations with artists. And that’s also been a really interesting process, because not everyone works in the same way, or sometimes people aren’t in the same city or something. So I’ve got my eye more towards that. Not that I’m going to stop doing remixes or anything. But yeah, hopefully you’ll definitely expect to see more original stuff from me.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

OK, so here’s a random geographical question.

Since you’re from Vancouver, and since that city is so close to Seattle and Washington State, do you ever feel more ties to the States than you do Canada?

I wouldn’t quite go that far … But one thing that I would say ties into this a little bit is this West Coast thing. People will say, “Oh, you don’t sound Canadian.” But I think it’s a fairly neutral accent for most Canadians, until you get into the interior. But more than anything, it’s like a vibe. People [on the West Coast] are pretty friendly. I don’t know if it’s the warm weather or what, but a lot of the producers I identify with are from the West Coast. So there might be something there. I mean, maybe more so than feeling American.

Maybe it’s a West Coast solidarity.

So 2015’s been pretty busy for you. You’ve put out a handful of new remixes as well as an original called “All In My Head.” And I guess you’re touring now, too, right?

Yeah, I just got back. I played in San Francisco and D.C. S.F. was sold out and Washington D.C. was my second time playing there. And yeah, I also did L.A. So it’s been a good summer.

Obviously you’ve been touring internationally this year. Where else have you been going besides Canada and the States?

I’ve done a bunch of gigs in Mexico. Mexico’s interesting because they do have different markets there. They have their own sort of “what’s hot” in dance music, so it’s always interesting to see. I also played in Colombia last year. I think twice I was in Bogota and Medellin. And that was a lot of fun, and super eye-opening.

How are the international crowds different than what you might come across in Canada or the States?

Well, it’s definitely—not less predictable—but I definitely do have to think about [my set] a little bit more or consider where I might be playing … Even mixing styles. Like in South America, I think DJs maybe play tracks for six, seven, eight minutes. And in North America, it’s like boom boom boom boom boom boom. That’s just been the style over the last decade or more. So once you remember that or recognize that, you’re like, “Okay. I can’t just come in and play ten tracks in 20 minutes. I’m just going to lose everyone, it’ll be weird.” They don’t even use the air horn button as much down there.

But yeah, the tempo’s different. And maybe it’s because the party culture is different, obviously, in different countries. Like in [Barcelona’s] Razzmatazz, I played 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. And in Bogota, the club closed at 7 a.m. So they know they’re going to get there.

There’s no rush.

SubmergeMag.com

So I know your show here at THIS Midtown is coming in about a month. What are you looking forward to at that event?

I know that Sacramento has a lot of sort of dance acts that go through, or at least for that block party I’ve heard some good things. I was playing with a Parisian artist named Cherokee, and he had played it earlier this summer. I don’t actually know too much, other than it’s a block party, which sounds really cool. And it seems like it’s pretty regular throughout the summer. Is that correct?

Yup. Starts in July and goes all the way through September on every second Saturday.

Yeah, that sounds rad. I mean, I just did this block party up here in Vancouver. So that sounds like a perfect kind of setting to have a really diverse crowd. But yeah, I’m really looking forward to it. I haven’t spent a lot of time there—I think I went to Sacramento when I was little. And I haven’t really been back. But again, it might be that West Coast thing. So I have an idea of what people might be into, and I guess we’ll see if my assumptions check out.

I know you’ve kind of started your own monthly block party there recently called White Noise Vancouver. Sounds like a real local musical get-together type of thing.

And Sacramento actually has a real strong local connection here too. We’re all about it, actually. So can you talk about what supporting your local scene means to you personally?

I think it just goes back to community. And when you have a lot of creatives — it doesn’t matter if you’re a producer, a vocalist or a musician or just people that are sort of trying to express their voice through their creative talents—I think it’s easy to find an affinity with each other because it’s taking of a lot of risks. If you’re just trying to bite whatever’s hot or follow trends, that’ll become quite evident to everyone else really quickly. So it’s interesting that you ask about that. Because there are new producers popping up on my radar, whether on Soundcloud or just locally, all the time. It’ll be like, “Oh, this is some kid in high school here.” And it’s like, “Well, that’s awesome that that’s happening right now.” And the fact that we can sort of find out about that and help support that is pretty important. Because, I mean, it hasn’t always been as open. You go back to like ‘80s and ‘90s and in a classic studio, you needed to have all these tens of thousands of dollars for equipment and studio time and all that other stuff. Whereas now, you can literally just have some wiz in his room. I mean, these are some of my friends. They just sit in front of their laptop up to 12 hours and they’re like, “OK, here’s the finished product.” And you’re like, “Wow. This is incredible.” So who wouldn’t want to support that?

Arts & Craft Vendors • Sidewalk Chalk Art Food Trucks • beer Garden • 20 Musical acts

Pat Lok will close out this year's THIS Midtown series on Sept. 12 along with 8th Grader (San Francisco) and Joseph in the Well. This is a free show that will take place on 20th Street between J and K streets in Sacramento.

Start time is 4 p.m. For more info, go to Facebook.com/thismidtown.

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

13

Reverse Polarity Reverse Polarity Cemetery Sun’s founders Josh Doty and Elliot Polokoff are a musical odd couple Words John Phillips • photo Adam Dillon

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

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Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

W

hen I was a kid, back in the ‘80s and on into the ‘90s, the movies I saturated myself with tended to utilize the tried-and-true plot device of the odd couple.

Whether I was watching The Adventures of Milo and Otis, E.T., Who Framed Roger Rabbit or The Fox and the Hound, the theme was always the same: opposites attract. This formula, while cliché at times, has a tendency to warm those heart cockles.

In the case of Sacramento-based project Cemetery Sun—who, according to the band’s bio, draw Influence from alternative rock, pop and R&B—key members Josh Doty, singer and songwriter, and Elliot Polokoff, guitarist and producer, fit the profile of an odd pair.

While both Doty and Polokoff have similar backgrounds as fans growing up in the local Sacramento music scene—despite Polokoff growing up in Walnut Creek—their paths to joining forces vastly differ. Whereas Doty experienced national recognition and success while still putting the finishing touches on his high school diploma, Polokoff was chipping away at a tech career, landing jobs at Google and Twitter in their marketing departments.

However, their mutual love of music and admiration for each other’s individual talent became the deciding factor in joining forces. At the time when Polokoff first became aware of Doty, he was spending his time working behind the scenes at a recording studio.

“I was producing a lot of bands working at The Panda Studios in Fremont, which is a pretty well-known studio,” recalls Polokoff. “I was looking for new bands to record and dabbling in my own material, and Josh’s name came across my radar … The short version [of how we met] I like to tell people is that I first recorded them and they had so much energy and we vibed together and I realized I wanted to join a band with Josh.”

According to his LinkedIn account, Polokoff boasts a B.A. in economics from U.C. Davis, was a Financial Advice intern for Merrill Lynch, and eventually found his way to marketing positions for Google and currently works as an Account Manager of Mid-Market Sales for Twitter.

at 17, 18 years old. I was like, ‘holy shit’ … It Needless to say, the man keeps busy. was a mad ego boost for kids who did not need “I differ from the other guys [in the band] it. And then Rise was completely different than in that I had a different background,” says I thought.

Polokoff. “Not only was I really into music, “I thought once you sign, you had made but I was really passionate about technology. it, you know? That’s the lie I feel is sold to so So, aside from being in a band with Josh and many artists, especially being younger,” Doty pursuing Cemetery Sun, I also work in the tech continues. “Looking back on that now, I take field and work with great companies like Google a completely different approach. I like the and Twitter, and that definitely helps big time mindset of doing it yourself a lot more, and with us, because we are able to use a lot of if I hadn’t gone through Ten After Two, and the marketing knowledge that I have learned gone through the struggles we went through working for companies like that, and actually and quitting the band like I did because we use that for our band.” were financially unstable, we were kids. I just Doty, on the other hand, assumed the role couldn’t handle it; I just wasn’t ready to handle of the teenage superstar. Unfortunately, the it. So, if hadn’t had gone through all of that, moment the band Ten After Two experienced then I wouldn’t be able to handle what we are during Doty’s tenure didn’t last, despite going through right now.” seeming poised to break into that oh-soWhile Doty, as well lucrative screamo/emo/ as the other members metalcore music genre the “I thought once you sign, of the band—Austen teens just couldn’t seem to you had made it, you Butler (drums) and get enough of at the time. know? That’s the lie I feel Jesse Mancillas (lead Armed with the skinniest is sold to so many artists, guitar) —each play key of jeans, hairstyles reminiscent of a Mötley especially being younger.” roles in Cemetery Sun, Crüe/Flock of Seagulls – Josh Doty, Cemetery it’s hard not to recognize lovechild and enough Sun, on learning hard the X factor that is Elliot Polokoff. Whether it is eyeliner to … well, you get lessons about the music his role as a producer, the picture. Doty sees the industry at a young age his contributions as a experience as having been guitarist, or simply his expertise in marketing educational. slipping through and helping the group reach a “I fell flat on my face is what happened,” larger audience, he brings a lot to the project. laughs Doty, “I think that’s the best way to Most of all, it is hard not to be impressed that describe it. Ten After Two was a ‘buzz band.’ he does that all while balancing a completely Don’t get me wrong, a very talented group of separate career in technology. Most of us would guys, and luckily some of them are still making struggle to succeed in just one of those things. music, and hopefully they’ll be coming up “I think it takes a certain type of personality here shortly. But that experience of being in to do both, and it’s not for everyone,” Polokoff high school, playing ‘battle of the bands’ type explains. “I say that pretty firmly, in that I’ll things, and then all of a sudden our song is be doing work and doing assignments during getting a lot of publicity on fucking Myspace—I the day, and then I’ll get a call from our can’t believe I’m saying that. People were management or I will get a call from our PR looking at us on there and blowing us up. agency, and I will have to step out and take the Artery Foundation in Sacramento got a hold of call and it’s just about being able to separate us, and we were finishing up an EP. We were your mind and switch to different things. But if selling out shows everywhere, which was pretty you are as passionate about music and you’re unexpected; they ended up pitching us to Rise as passionate about Cemetery Sun as I am, Records. I thought that was the best thing ever

there is no reason that it won’t keep working the way it has.”

An East Bay resident growing up, Polokoff feels right at home amidst a group of locals, building a local scene while perfecting their sound and preparing to take the next step to reaching a much larger audience over the next few years. The reason for this may have something to do with where he spent much of his teenage years.

“I grew up in Walnut Creek, but believe it or not I have been a part of the Sacramento music scene for well over—man, this is going to make me sound old—between six and eight years,” Polokoff says. “When I was in high school, even in late middle school, I started going out to places like the Roseville Underground to check out bands like A Skylit Drive when they first started playing local shows, and Dance Gavin Dance … During that wave of the hard rock and screamo and emo scene in the mid-2000s, the Sacramento music scene just exploded. It was way better than anything we had up here (in Walnut Creek), it was better than San Francisco.”

Polokoff sees a rising tide on its way to town, and it seems he’s waxed his board and donned his wetsuit, ready to paddle out and ride when the time is right.

“The way I view it is, [Sacramento is] going through multiple ebbs and flows,” Polokoff explains. “I would say that right now is a period of really cool transition where people have been inundated with the metal sound … people are starting to look for something else. I think that’s why we, and a couple of other bands who like us, are a little bit different have been able to thrive in the last year, because we have been able to have luck with fans who are people that are ready for something new.”

If you’re ready for something new, check out Cemetery Sun at The Boardwalk in Orangevale on Sept.

5 for their EP release show. Also performing will be Once an Empire, If You Leave, Lost Things, A Foreign Affair and Altessa. Tickets are $10. Check out Theboardwalkpresents.com for more info. This is an all-ages show.

Last Cut wasn’t so super?

Get it fixed at anthony’s barbershop 2408 21st st • Sac • sacramentobarbershop.com (916) 457-1120 • Tues-Fri 9am-6pm • saT 10am-4pm SubmergeMag.com

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

15

A Careful Tyranny Nails Push the Envelope of Extreme Metal Words Josh Fernandez

W

hen Nails pulled up to their hotel in Helsinki, Finland, for last year’s appearance at the Tuska Open Air Metal Festival, they walked through the front doors, groggy and tired from the long international flight. That’s when vocalist/guitarist Todd Jones immediately spotted Bill Steer, the British guitarist for Carcass and Napalm Death, sitting right there in the lobby. He had to do a double-take. “We lost our minds,” Jones said in a moment of brief fanboy appreciation.

When the shock wore off, they went upstairs to rest before they had to start gearing up for their show. That night, Nails played a wicked set and after they finished, Jones went upstairs to sleep. He woke up a couple hours later to 20 text messages on his phone. “GET DOWN HERE,” his band members pleaded. “We’re hanging out with Phil Anselmo and the Illegals!” Anselmo (Pantera, Down) urged the band to wake up Jones and get him down there. “Where’s your singer?” Anselmo asked. “I want to meet my goofy cousin.”

The point is Anselmo, a goddamned metal legend, is into

16

Nails, which is sort of a testament to the fact that the band— despite being heavy, dark, scary and alienating to most normal people—has something interesting to say outside of their local Southern California sphere. Let’s get it straight: Nails is not a great band because of a popular sound or crisp production or fancy guitar riffs—they’re great because every instance in every song is deliberate. For example, by starting “Depths” (from the album Unsilent Death), with a squeal and then a heavy chug of the guitars, the listener is placed in a desolate room, a dungeon, where the anticipation of what’s to come is frightening. And what actually arrives is scarier than anything we could have imagined. Jones’ vocals—powerful and desperate—are at once growling and high-pitched, and he conjures a dreary picture of the hateful world with dramatic screams worthy of a Tony award.

The band can evoke the entire misery of the universe in one 14-minute album. Yes, that’s 10 songs in 14 minutes: Fuuuuuck.

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

R e s t ra i n e d B r u ta l i t y Jones, who is surprisingly soft spoken on the phone, uses his voice exactly how his band uses music: to pinpoint what needs to be said and to say it powerfully and economically, as not to waste time. “Restraint is a big part of our sound,” he says. “We have these ideas of what we want the band to sound like. We want Nails to be a very specific thing. If we make something that doesn’t fit into that, we’re just not going to use it. How often do we make a riff that we’re going to use? It’s very minimal. It takes us three years to make a record.”

Just think about that: Three years to make a record that will not last more than 20 minutes from start to finish.

That’s a lot of thinking and planning and editing for such a short album. It’s beautiful how much thought goes into a Nails record, the end result being something like their latest album Abandon All Life, a tight collection of blistering hardcore and grindcore metal tracks that transport the listener to a very dark and frightening place. The band can be so scary that it’s hard to imagine the man I’m talking with on the phone goes to a day job and interacts with coworkers in a regular fashion. In fact, Jones, an IT guy during the day, doesn’t even tell his coworkers about his band at all. “I don’t talk to anyone about my band. They wouldn’t understand it. They would think I was some sort of freak or something,” he says. “Normal people don’t understand grindcore, death metal or hardcore.”

It’s true. Not many people get dark music, but those who do love Nails for their unique take on brutality, a sound that all comes down to Jones being a huge fan of music and his keen sense of not wanting to let anyone down, especially himself. “I don’t want to disappoint our fans,” he says. “Punk rock and hardcore could be simply bursts of energy. But I think my favorite bands, typically, have structure and restraint and it’s a very focused sound.

I just want to be in a band that I like.”

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

“I don’t talk to anyone about my band. They wouldn’t understand it. They would think I was some sort of freak or something. Normal people don’t understand grindcore, death metal or “G e n e ra l I n t e r e s t P o s e u r ” With Nails’ rising popularity comes a host hardcore.” of opportunities that were previously – Todd Jones, Nails unheard of for bands who make heavy music—a brief partnership with the vehicle company Scion, for instance.

“They did a lot of good for us … when Scion was paying all these hardcore bands or metal bands to play shows for them.

They treated people extremely well. Was it weird? Fuck yeah it was weird,” Jones says.

And, of course, when an underground band appears to have taken money from a sponsor, the message boards light up with purists claiming “sellout” and worse. After all, the enemy of heavy music is often thought to be corporations, or The Man, if you will. But Jones, a sensible man in his 30s, doesn’t really give a shit. The band’s strange partnerships and interesting opportunities (like a collaboration with Converse and Decibel Magazine) have allowed Nails to travel and/or expose their music to new people, which is all that really matters in the end. “I’m pretty much open to anything,” he says. “As long as it makes sense for us and we benefit and it doesn’t hurt us or our audience.”

Another strange aspect to the band’s rising popularity is reviews from music media outlets, such Pitchfork, which is often thought of as the hipster Holy Grail for pretentious indie reviews, a publication that runs off equal parts snark and hipster fumes to make (and mostly break) music careers. A hardcore band like Nails doesn’t exactly expect to get a rave review from such a publication.

“I was not expecting, but I am very grateful for it. More importantly, [writer Brandon Stosuy] understood our record. It feels good to be understood,” Jones says.

However, interestingly enough, not all good reviews are equal. For example, Anthony Fantano from The Needle Drop— the self-described “Internet’s busiest music nerd”—enjoyed both Nails albums, but Jones is not nearly as enthusiastic about his review, simply for the fact that Fantano obviously doesn’t understand the band at all.

“He’s the kind of person that listens to anything and can kind of find the good in it. At the end of the day I don’t think we’re a band that those people can really jive with. I think our band is too extreme,” he says. “So if someone’s going to hit me up and say ‘What do you think of Anthony Fantano’s review?’ I think it’s cool, but I think he’s a general interest poseur.”

SubmergeMag.com

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While Jones won’t reveal the name of Nails’ new album, he says it’s just about done and, more importantly, that it’s going to be brutal as fuck.

“If you took our first album, Unsilent Death, and held it up against Abandon All Life, it’s basically a progression in the same direction—a little bit more metal, a little bit more technical, but also in some ways it’s a lot more Neanderthal. All I can say is it’s through-and-through a Nails record. We are taking the same caution and restraint and carefulness with writing this record that we did with Unsilent Death and Abandon All Life,” Jones says. “If you’re willing to go a bit more extreme with us, then this one might be your favorite.”

To be honest, it’s sort of horrifying to imagine an album more extreme than Unsilent Death and Abandon All Life. But for fans of heavy music, and for people who know exactly what Nails is capable of, the idea of Nails magnified is thrilling. We can only hope that the band will unleash a few of the new songs when they stop in Sacramento, where they last played several years ago to a nearly empty room.

“There wasn’t very many people and nobody really knew who we were,” Jones says about the house show they played back in 2010.

But it’s 2015. The world still sucks.

We’re all broke. Cops are killing everyone.

California is dry and everything is lighting on fire. Which is a perfect atmosphere for Nails’ disparate melancholy and unadulterated rage. When they come, Sacramento will never be the same. It will be worse. And you’ll probably want to be there for the mayhem.

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See Nails live at Midtown Barfly in Sacramento on Aug. 22. Pins of Light and Human Nature will also perform. This 18-and-over show has a $12 admission and gets underway at 6 p.m. Midtown Barfly is located at 1119 21st Street. Get tickets in advance at Shufflesix.queueapp.com

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

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Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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White KnucKle Riot ConCeived in Chaos • TwiTCh angry

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by Phone: 1.877.GNd.CTRl OR 916.443.9202

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

19

Vanity and Impermanence Kim Scott explores humanity’s foibles in her artwork Words Andy Garcia

M

Cry Baby, Oil on canvas, What Do the Bird Watchers Watch When There Are No More Birds?

Imitation of Life, Oil on panel, What Do the Bird Watchers Watch When There Are No More Birds?

New Breeds, Oil on canvas, What Do the Bird Watchers Watch When There Are No More Birds?

Internal Access, oil on panel

20

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

Buffoon (The Masquarade), Oil on canvas, From the Crocker Art Museum Collection

y first memory of Kim Scott’s work is also one of my first memories of Sacramento.

Scott was showing with several other artists at the Toyroom Gallery back in 2002. I was wandering down K Street with a companion, and we had just started hanging out; you know, when you’re bored out of your mind and you know that the first date was a fluke because now you have nothing to talk about.

The small gallery space tucked into the back of a clothing boutique offered welcome respite from the rain that night.

I also hoped it would provide something to talk about. It didn’t. But the art was amazing!

I didn’t know how to form an opinion on Scott’s work other than it appealed to me visually—bold color and subtle gradients, thick, ruby-red slabs of raw steak imposed over heads, all casually occupying comfortable, serene rooms or natural settings. The collision of gems, polished jewels and various cuts of bright red, raw meat create a textural feast, a visual orgasm. Very satisfying.

Scott has been showing and working as an artist in Sacramento, specifically the Del Paso Boulevard area for decades, as well as abroad. She saw the art boom of the ‘80s come to Sacramento, in galleries such as the Acme and Michael Himovitz.

She even recently had a retrospective show of her work at the 1616 Gallery.

I turned onto the street to Scott’s home studio, deciding to park behind the vehicle I thought, on first sight, looked the most like it belonged to an artist. Looking at my phone for the address, I found I was right out front.

Scott and her husband, owner of the Toyroom Gallery, live and work within a small artist community called Surreal Estates. Building a vacant lot from the ground up with a group of like-minded artists, Surreal Estates is a functional artist community with 11 single-family units. The live/work space garnered interest nationally from other artists looking to own and work on a property while investing some serious sweat equity.

Scott has a show this month at Little Relics. The new body of work is recognizable as her work, and should not be missed. Decadent colors tell the story of a near future where bird watchers no longer have birds to watch.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

So what was your sort of pathway to art or illustration?

My mother was an artist when I was growing up, so I did get a lot of encouragement from her. She would take me to art openings around town and with her to art classes at American River College. Perhaps that wouldn’t be enough in itself, but I already enjoyed drawing and fanciful stuff, sci-fi, comics. I liked dressing up and fantasy life role playing when I was a kid.

I liked to doodle, so I wouldnt say those drawings were completed thoughts. I did a lot of drawing as a child, but many of them just weren’t finished pieces.

When I was in high school I had a teacher who was a serious artist, and he really put me through the ringer in terms of the creative process. I suppose he introduced me to the formality more, and then in community college for sure I had teachers like that. I’d really made art my whole life, I was considered the class artist in grade school, but when I got into college, I still didn’t realize that you could be an artist as a career, it was just like, something I did. When I was there I was taking like marine biology classes, and at some point there I thought, man I could be a half-assed marine biologist, or be a pretty good artist, because my interests were really in art. So that sort of cemented my direction a little bit, in finding out about becoming the person I wanted to become from that point.

Who kinda made you want to start doing the style or mode of art you do now?

Something I use to this day, I use myself as a gauge, so like when I see someone’s work, or eat something, or I hear music, or I see colors, or architecture. I just get some kind of feeling, and I think “Oh, I’d like give someone that kind of feeling from my work.”

When I was in college, one of my first exercises from my oil painting instructor was a self-portrait. I mean everyone does that, but I just kept doing it and doing it. After that assignment I just kept going into it and into it. They look somewhat like me, but they don’t have to look like me to tell that story.

I had one art history teacher who told me a story about a guy who goes to this cocktail party, and he stands in the corner for five minutes and nobody notices him, and then he’s there for an hour and people start saying “What’s that guy standing in the corner for?” and then a day goes by and the neighbors know about it, and then he’s there for a month, and he gets in the newspapers. The story there is … if you stick at something long enough, it creates its own momentum, and I knew I had more than just standing in the corner at my disposal, but I took that on, so I think the self portrait thing, pragmatically, the only thing I know about is where I’m coming from … anyway, so is it narcissistic? Maybe, but I feel like, with full impunity, I can talk about all the shit that goes on in my own mind, the crazy stuff, or the beautiful stuff, and maybe get that right, and not impose on anybody else. So I’ve done that a long time, standing in the corner working on that, and I’ve sort of gone all over the place.

Also, I took up bird watching a few years ago so I’m out in nature a lot, taking photographs of birds, and I was already doing paintings of birds, but I had to rely on someone else’s imagery, so they were always more made up than photographic.

The two things I focus on the most are vanity and impermanence. What is the vanity of what you are doing? What is the impermanence? So with that in mind, maybe it opens things up in the work.

What I’m expressing in my work about vanity is more about the human condition, about how it’s a crutch, and there’s a lot of suffering that comes from that. And it’s also funny too, it’s like clownish or foolish to hold on to things like that, but it’s human, a foible, or weakness, or a misunderstanding of how things are.

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“What I’m expressing in my work about vanity is more about the human condition, about how it’s a crutch, and there’s a lot of suffering that comes from that. And it’s also funny too, it’s like clownish or foolish to hold on to things like that, but it’s human, a foible, or weakness, or a misunderstanding of how things are.”

– Kim Scott

When did you feel the most a part of an artist community in Sacramento?

Probably the first strong community I felt a part of was the Acme Gallery group, and it was predominately started by David Stone, who now owns a gallery down in L.A. He was a Dadaist, but now he's more into conceptual art. I used to do performance art as well as painting and sculptures. There were a lot of interesting artists in that group. After that, the Michael Himovitz gallery, which isn’t around anymore, but is now the 1616 Gallery.

During the mid- and late ‘80s there was a lot of money to be made in art; that was like Fast Times in Sacramento.

Was that a time when there was a more active creative class?

There was a very active creative class then. There were a lot of people who collected Sacramento artists during that period.

Michael Himovitz helped during that period. He really brought about sort of a renaissance in Sacramento, and people still talk about what he brought to the arts community then. He was a guy that liked art, didn’t know a lot about it, but he was an innovative guy, and he wanted every artist in Sacramento to bring him their work. So he took it from everyone who would bring it, he formed for himself an opinion about what he wanted to show. He believed in it, and he found people that trusted him, and people bought it.

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This body of work is really experimental … and it relates to the last work I did. My private working title for this show, which is sort of a reminder, is What Would the Bird Watcher Watch When There are No More Birds. So when I really started seeing that, and started internalizing it all, the beauty of nature NEWSPAPER: SUBMERGE MAG and where things are going.

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

21

East Sacramento’s Best Hole in the Wall The Wienery: So Many Dogs, So Little Time Words Ronnie Cline • PHotos mike ibe

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make it someplace that will be inviting for new customers, too. When people come here they’re looking for an experience that makes them feel cozy and like they are home away from home.”

This is evident in the framed photographs that hang above the tables. “We wanted to add a tribute to East Sacramento on our wall,” said Canas. “The wall was filled with photos of our customers, but over time many of the photos faded away so we had to take those down, but we enlarged and framed some of the best pictures and put them back up.”

Once inside I grabbed a stool and bellied up to the counter. One of the first things I noticed when looking around was the diversity of the patrons. I sat next to a gentleman in his 80s finishing up a mustard dog, and next to him sat a couple in their 20s who ordered two veggie dogs.

Taking a look at the menu I realized that the tradition in The Wienery’s atmosphere seamlessly carries over to their menu which offers timeless hot dogs, sausages and soups.

I wanted to try the whole menu after seeing all of the enticing ways the links can be prepared. But obviously that would be absurd, so I made the rational decision to only order a mere half of what they offered.

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rivia with Triviology 101

ith great food, tasty drinks and a big city feel, the new restaurants and bars that are popping up in Sacramento have just about everything you can ask for. With that being said, all of the new establishments—many of which I frequent and enjoy—lack a couple of things that can surely be acquired over time: history and tradition. I’m not talking about the history of the building itself, or the tradition of a classic cocktail, but the history of a worn countertop and the tradition of bringing your child to a restaurant where your father once brought you. This is something you’ll find in East Sacramento’s hot dog staple, The Wienery.

The warm feeling you get when walking into The Wienery can only be earned with decades of hard work and a willingness to curate what has already been established.

Owners Hector Meza and Carolyn Canas kept this in mind when purchasing the business more than five years ago.

Canas explained, “When we bought The Wienery we just gave it a little facelift. This place has been here for at least 45 years. We wanted to update it a little bit without making our loyal customers feel uncomfortable. We didn’t want them to think it was too different or too new. At the same time, we wanted to

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

“We’re just an old school hole-in-the-wall but we keep the food good.” – Carolyn Canas, co-owner of The Wienery Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

I started the first phase of my epic lunch with the B.L.T. Dog, Italian Summer Dog and a root beer float. I quickly learned that when the hot dog’s description starts with “open face,” you are in store for an overly generous mound of toppings, which you’ll never hear me complain about. This was the case for the B.L.T. Dog. The ends of the hot dog peaked out of the bun while liberal amounts of lettuce, cheese and tomatoes made a mound for the huge meaty chunks of crumbled bacon to cascade down. The hot dog was cooked perfectly and had that snap that any traditional hot dog should.

After enjoying the balanced and flavorful B.L.T. Dog, I turned to the ice cold, frothy root beer float as a palate cleanser before I focused my attention on the Italian Summer Dog. The butterflied Italian sausage was served grilled on a sesame seed bun with mayonnaise, mustard and a house-made roasted red pepper

SubmergeMag.com

relish. The Italian Summer Dog is a great option if you’re craving something a little different.

And after taking my first bite, which was filled with relish, it was clear that The Wienery’s attention to the little things is what sets them apart from other hot dog joints.

After a bit of a breather—and more consumption of my root beer float—I decided to order round two. This consisted of a Chili Dog, a Bacon Wrapped Dog and a cup of their Famous Navy Bean Soup. The Chili Dog was served open faced with a heaping amount of homemade chili, cheese and onions. I opted for the traditional chili, which is vegetarian, but they also offer it “Con Carne” style with ground beef. Their hearty, bean-filled chili is comfort food at its finest; I’m sure you will find me at The Wienery many times this winter snuggled up to a large bowl.

The last dog to arrive at the counter was the Bacon Wrapped Dog. This hot dog was

grilled to order and topped with ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, tomatoes, sautéed onions and house-made jalapeño relish. Bacon wrapped hot dogs are by far my favorite, and I am very particular about how they are made. A good bacon wrapped dog has to pack a wallop of heat, and this one did not disappoint thanks to the jalapeño which flawlessly complemented the dog. Biting into this link instantly reminded me of the bacon wrapped dogs found on the streets of the Mission District in San Francisco.

At this point I was overly stuffed and extremely satisfied. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw the Famous Navy Bean Soup.

Even though I’d already eaten a Kobayashiamount of hot dogs, I pulled the soup over and took my first bite. It was thick and creamy, yet the beans still held up. I have never been one to order soup at a restaurant, but the Famous Navy Bean Soup at The Wienery has changed my mind.

When talking to Canas about The Wienery, you can tell that she and her husband Hector care about every single person who walks into their restaurant, “Our customers are friends with us and friends with each other,” she said.

“We’re just an old school hole-in-the-wall but we keep the food good.”

Many restaurants overlook the art of a well-prepared hot dog or simple bowl of soup.

Clearly The Wienery takes pride in their food and it shows. The hot dogs are cooked to perfection and their made-from-scratch soups and relishes are full of flavors that will bring you back again and again.

The Wienery is located at 715 56th Street, Sacramento, in the Elvas Plaza. Check out Thewienerysacramento.com or call (916) 455-0497 for more information.

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

23

m u s i c , c o m e d y & m i s c . Ca l e n d a r

8.18

August 17 – 31

Tuesday

submergemag.com/calendar

8.17 Monday

The Blue Lamp The MoxieCrush Variety Show, 8 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Dive Bar Ryan Hernandez, 9:30 p.m.

Kupros Craft House Open Mic, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Open Mic, 7:30 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey Open Mic Variety Night, 8 p.m.

DeVille Vacaville Mac Sabbath: A Twisted Tribute to Black Sabbath, 9 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

Goldfield Open Mic Night hosted by James Cavern, 9 p.m.

Harlow’s Epic Rap Battles of History, 6:30 p.m.

Louie’s Cocktail Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

LowBrau Motown on Monday’s w/ DJ Epik, 9 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Nebraska Mondays hosted by Ross Hammond, 7:30 p.m.

LowBrau Le Twist Tuesdays w/ The Genie, Sam I Jam, Adam J, Roger Carpio, 9 p.m.

Nicholson’s MusiCafe Beginning Bluegrass Club, 6:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Pine Cove Open Mic Night, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Live Band Karaoke, 8 p.m.

Press Club The Kelps, Nature Thief, Josiah Gathing, 8 p.m.

Stoney’s Cody Canada & The Departed, The Terry Sheets Band, 7:30 p.m.

Torch Club Chris Twomey, 5:30 p.m.; Felice Lazae, Michael Ray, 8 p.m.

8.19

Midtown BarFly The Ballantynes, The Storytellers, Celestions, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Plots, Fearless Leader, Minor Plans, 8:30 p.m.

Press Club AJ Davila Y Terror Amor, Plastic Pinks, Ghost Pines, The Azeotropes, Garble, 8 p.m.

Wednesday

Ace of Spades Aaron Watson, Cam, 7 p.m.

Bar 101 Open Mic, 7:30 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Snatch’n Gwap, Dirk Dig, Tecknician, H Y loco, Double G, Y.T, Ree Realz, 8 p.m.

Club Car The Double Shots, 7:30 p.m.

8.20

Talk in Tongues Yassou Sophia’s Thai Kitchen 9 p.m.

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Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

District 30 Bot Nek, Alexx Adam, 10 p.m.

Dive Bar Boca Do Rio, 9:30 p.m.

Main Stage Theater (Grass Valley) The Waifs, Lee Bob and the Truth, 8 p.m.

Mix DJ Gabe Xavier, DJ Peeti V, 9 p.m.

Old Ironsides Open Mic, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Local Licks Free Live Music Series, 8 p.m.

Shine Midtown Out Loud Open Mic, 7 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Open Mic, 8 p.m.

Torch Club Acoustic Open Mic, 5:30 p.m.; Lynn Drury, Keri Carr Band, 9 p.m.

8.20 thursday

Bar 101 Karaoke, 7:30 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Skratchpad, 8 p.m.

Capitol Garage Karaoke w/ Jeff Jenkins, 10 p.m.

Club Car Songwriters Showcase, 8 p.m.

The Coffee Garden Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.

District 30 Zaxx, Alexx Adam, 10 p.m.

Berryessa Brewing Co. Boca Do Rio, 3 p.m.

Dive Bar Dueling Pianos, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Dru Down, 8 p.m.

Fox & Goose John Gruber, 8 p.m.

Cafe Colonial Pears, Bastards of Young, Yankee Brutal, Rebel Radio, 8 p.m.

Fremont Park Hot Lunch feat.

Dog Party, 12 p.m.

Harlow’s Vieux Farka Toure, Bhi Bhiman, 7 p.m.

The Hideaway Bar & Grill Trash Rock Thursdays, 9 p.m.

Level Up Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Louie’s Cocktail Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Mix DJ Eddie Edul, DJ Peeti V, 9 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Unwound, 10 p.m.

Press Club Casting Circles, All About Rockets, Michael and the Machines, 8 p.m.

Shine Jazz Jam w/ Jason Galbraith and the House Band, 8 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Talk in Tongues, Yassou, 9 p.m.

Starlite Lounge Trapped Within Burning Machinery, Sorrower, Battle Hag, Modern Man, 8 p.m.

Stoney’s Locked & Loaded, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Drunken Kung Fu, 5 p.m.; Twilight Drifters, 9 p.m.

Village Park Fair Oaks Concerts in the Park w/ Tom Rigney & the Flambeau, 7 p.m.

8.21 Friday

The Colony A Morbid Curiosity, Etched in Stone, Sierra Skyline, Nothing But Losers, The Greater Distance, 7 p.m.

Ace of Spades Berner, Demrick, J-Hornay, Anonymous That Dude, 7 p.m.

Crocker Art Museum Jazz Night: Ron Moton and Cynthia Douglas, 5 p.m.

Back 9 Bar & Grill The Wreck Age, Walter White Project, 8 p.m.

DeVille Vacaville Trapacana 707 w/ Imf.Dred, TL Miller, Ultraviolet, 10 p.m.

Bar 101 Billy Manzik, 9:30 p.m.

8.21 Billy Manzik Bar 101 9:30 p.m.

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

Capitol Garage Fyah Fridays w/ DJ Jaytwo, 10 p.m.

DeVille Vacaville Original Kiss Army, The Banned, 9 p.m.

District 30 Miles Medina, 10 p.m.

Fox & Goose The F Street Stompers, 9 p.m.

Fremont Park James Cavern & The Council, 6 p.m.

Golden Bear DJ Crook, 10 p.m.

Goldfield Buck Ford, 9 p.m.

Harlow’s Richie Furay Band, The Empty Pockets, 5:30 p.m.; Alex Vincent Band, Blaquelisted, 10 p.m.

Harris Center for the Arts Asleep At the Wheel, The Easy Leaves, 8 p.m.

Kupros Craft House Jane Thompson, 9 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Audio Afterglow, Esteban Villa Solo, Tony Galioto, 8 p.m.

Mix DJ Gabe Xavier, 9 p.m.

Old Ironsides Bright Faces, Slattern V, Polymers, Rag Tag, 9 p.m.

The Park Ultra Lounge DJ Elements, 9 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Tragically White, 10 p.m.

Press Club SJ Sindicate, Jerry Zellers, E.A.R.L, 5 p.m.; DJ Rue, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino The Wiz Kid, 4 p.m.; Nathan Owens Band, 9:30 p.m.

Shine Privileges (EP Release), Lucid Popsicle, Doctor Now, 7 p.m.

Starlite Lounge Locrian, Insect Ark, 8 p.m.

The Strum Shop The Ukelites, 7 p.m.

Swabbies on the River Mystic Roots, 6 p.m.

Thunder Valley Casino Resort

Nunchuck Taylor, 9:30 p.m.

Torch Club Pailer & Fratis, 5:30 p.m.; Mind X, 9 p.m.

Toyota Amphitheatre Kelly Clarkson, Eric Hutchinson, Pentatonix, Abi Ann, 6 p.m.

8.22 Saturday

Back 9 Bar & Grill Travis Jean, 8 p.m.

Bar 101 Legal Addiction, 9:30 p.m.

Berryessa Brewing Co. Muddy Waders, 3 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Big Omeezy, JG MadeUmLook, Bloe, Just Kristofer, The Gatlin, Astro The Kidd, YD, Celsius and more, 8:30 p.m.

The Boardwalk Slaves (Album Release), Mercedes Avenue, Sierra Skyline, Zach Van Dyck, 6 p.m.

Brewsters (Galt) Paul MacFarland Jr. (CD Release), 8:30 p.m.

Cache Creek Casino The Pointer Sisters, 8 p.m.

Capitol Garage Feel Good Saturday’s w/ DJ Epik, 10 p.m.

Carmichael Park Weekend Concerts in the Park w/ Group Therapy, 6:30 p.m.

DeVille Vacaville One Sharp Mind, Resinated, 9 p.m.

District 30 KMAC, 10 p.m.

Fountains at Roseville Summer Series w/ On Air, 8 p.m.

Fox & Goose Merdog, The Spirit of St. Louis, 9 p.m.

Goldfield Country DJ Dancing, 9 p.m.

Harlow’s Milo Greene, Madison Sipes, 6 p.m.

Harris Center for the Arts Keyboard Conversations w/ Jeffrey Siegel, 7:30 p.m.

The Hideaway Roselit Bone, Tell River, 8 p.m.

KBAR Z Rokk, 9 p.m. continued on page 27

>>

8.22

JG MadeUmLook Big Omeezy, Bloe, Just Kristofer, The Gatlin, Astro The Kidd, YD, Celsius and more The Blue Lamp 8:30 p.m.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Sacramento’S neweSt country Bar, reStaurant, and live muSic venue Mondays

Open Mic night

hosted by James Cavern

Tijuana Tuesdays

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free line dancing lessOns instructed by ally wood & dJ dancing

hOur

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

25

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

8.23

8.25

Saxon Discordia Ace of Spades 7 p.m.

Nick Waterhouse Harlow’s 7 p.m.

Kupros Craft House Andre, Sam & Jack Trio, 9 p.m.

Broderick Roadhouse Karaoke w/ DJ Jazcat, 9 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Mandolin Avenue, Kally O’Mally, Dave Baldwin, Mary Packenham, Allison Hallenbeck, 8 p.m.

Cache Creek Casino Live Band Karaoke, 5 p.m.

Midtown BarFly Nails, Pins of Light, Human Nature, 6 p.m.

Mix DJ Eddie Edul, 9 p.m.

Nicholson’s MusiCafe Chet & Herbie Jazz Band, 6 p.m.

Capitol Garage Karaoke w/ Jeff Jenkins, 9 p.m.

Carmichael Park Weekend Concerts in the Park w/ Latin Touch, 6:30 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 8 p.m.

8.25 Tuesday

The Blue Lamp The Grind, 8 p.m.

8.27

Dive Bar Brian Rogers All Stars, 9:30 p.m.

Ace of Spades Watsky, A-1 & Mikos Da Gawd, 6:30 p.m.

Harlow’s Harvester, The Toad Mortons, 5 p.m.; Scott Pemberton, 8:30 p.m.

The Park Ultra Lounge DJ Peeti-V, 10 p.m.

Harveys Lake Tahoe Dierks Bentley, 7:30 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Mix DJ Gabe Xavier, 8:30 p.m.

Harlow’s Nick Waterhouse, 7 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Nunchuck Taylor, 10 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Tom Rigney, 3 p.m.

Kupros Craft House Open Mic, 9 p.m.

Press Club DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m.

Press Club Sunday Night Soul Party w/ DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m.

LowBrau Le Twist Tuesdays w/ Sam I Jam, Adam J, Roger Carpio and Special Guests 9 p.m.

Shine Sicfus, The Culprits, Bad Koala, 8 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Mimicking Birds, Catherine Feeney, 9 p.m.

Starlite Lounge Frankie and the Defenders, Kenny Rego, Jake Nielsen’s Triple Threat, 8 p.m.

The Strum Shop Muriel Anderson, 7 p.m.

Swabbies on the River The Nibblers, Mind X, 6 p.m.

Thunder Valley Casino Resort Boyz II Men, Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds, 7 p.m.; Radio, 9:30 p.m.

Torch Club Delta City Ramblers, 5:30 p.m.; Josh Hoyer & the Soul Colossal, 9 p.m.

Toyota Amphitheatre Dierks Bentley, Maddie & Tae, Kip Moore, Canaan Smith, 7 p.m.

8.23 sunday

Ace of Spades Saxon, Discordia,7 p.m.

Berryessa Brewing Co. Tell River, 3 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Buck Ford, 1 p.m.

Old Ironsides Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Swabbies on the River Maxx Cabello Jr., 3 p.m.

Pine Cove Open Mic Night, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Blues Jam, 4 p.m.; Front the Band, 8 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Live Band Karaoke, 8 p.m.

8.24 monday

The Blue Lamp Black Cobra, Cura Cochino, Bog Oak, 8 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey Open Mic Variety Night, 8 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

Goldfield Open Mic Night hosted by James Cavern, 9 p.m.

Harlow’s Casey Abrams, 7 p.m.

Louie’s Cocktail Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

LowBrau Motown on Monday’s w/ DJ Epik, 9 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Nebraska Mondays hosted by Ross Hammond, 7:30 p.m.

Press Club The Power of 3: The Alex Vincent Band, The Three Way, The Pressure Lounge, South Lot, 8 p.m.

Torch Club Acoustic Open Mic, 5:30 p.m.; Ben Rice Band, 9 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

The Boardwalk Stolas, Artifex Pereo, Eidola, Where With All, 6:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Beat Slaves, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Nathan Owens Band, 10 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Ducktails, Regal Degal, 9 p.m.

Press Club Moist, 9 p.m.

Starlite Lounge He Whose Ox Is Gored, Name, Decade Of Statues, 8 p.m.

Torch Club Pomegranate, 5:30 p.m.; Michael Ray, Billy Manzik, 8 p.m.

8.26 wednesday

Bar 101 Open Mic, 7:30 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Huey Mack, Futuristic, 6:30 p.m.

Club Car The Double Shots, 7:30 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Dive Bar Jonny Gold Trio, 9:30 p.m.

Mix DJ Gabe Xavier, DJ Peeti V, 9 p.m.

Old Ironsides Open Mic, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Local Licks Free Live Music Series, 8 p.m.

Press Club Youth Cult Dance Party, 9 p.m.

Thursday

Bar 101 Karaoke, 7:30 p.m.

The Blue Lamp The Grind, 8 p.m.

Capitol Garage Karaoke w/ Jeff Jenkins, 10 p.m.

Club Car Songwriters Showcase, 8 p.m.

The Coffee Garden Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.

DeVille Vacaville Trapacana 707 w/ Imf.Dred, TL Miller, Ultraviolet, 10 p.m.

Dive Bar Dueling Pianos, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose The Mike Justis Band, 8 p.m.

Fremont Park Hot Lunch feat.

Joseph In the Well, 11:30 a.m.

Harlow’s Led Kaapana, Fran Guidry, 5:30 p.m.

The Hideaway Bar & Grill Trash Rock Thursdays, 9 p.m.

Louie’s Cocktail Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Mix DJ Eddie Edul, DJ Peeti V, 9 p.m.

Nicholson’s MusiCafe Hawaiian Ukulele Workshop, 7:30 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Urban Outlaws, 10 p.m.

Press Club Tegan Milk, Gennie Jester, JayTwo, Shaun Slaughter, Danny Woods, DJ Epidemik, 9 p.m.

Shine Jazz Jam w/ Jason Galbraith and the House Band, 8 p.m.

Starlite Lounge Doofy Doo, Sasha Condo, Vandalize, 8 p.m. continued on page 28

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

27

Torch Club Campfire Crooners, 5 p.m.; Island of Black and White, 9 p.m.

Village Park Fair Oaks Concerts in the Park w/ On Air, 7 p.m.

8.28 FRIDAY

Mix DJ Gabe Xavier, 9 p.m.

Old Ironsides DJ Undertone, 9:30 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub ZuhG, Element of Soul, 10 p.m.

Press Club DJ Rue, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Patton Leatha, 4 p.m.; The Spazmatics, 9:30 p.m.

The Sacramento Gateway Summer Concert Series w/ Groove Thang, 6 p.m.

Ace of Spades Moonshine Bandits, Jelly Roll, Crucifix, Pruno, Om3n, The Good Samaritans, 6:30 p.m.

Shine Ebbtide, See Spot Play, Todd Mosby, 8 p.m.

Bar 101 Brian Rogers, 9:30 p.m.

Starlite Lounge Dream in Red, 8 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Battle of the Bands: Hosted by Mickey Tiltz, DJ Eddie Z, 8 p.m.

Swabbies on the River Caravanserai (Santana tribute), 6 p.m.

The Boardwalk Chernobog, White Minorities, Without Hope, Nemesis, For All I’ve Done, 6:30 p.m.

Third Space Elephant Rifle, Hate Recorder, Black Majick Acid, 8 p.m.

Cafe Colonial Embodied Torment, Solitary Priapism, Saponification, Wurm Flesh and more, 8 p.m.

Capitol Garage Fyah Fridays w/ DJ Jaytwo, 10 p.m.

The Colony Blasphemous Creation, Chronaexus, Defecrator, Theplague, Ungulate, 8 p.m.

DeVille Vacaville Lonely Kings, Ghost Town Rebellion, MDSO, 9 p.m.

District 30 DJ River, 10 p.m.

Torch Club Red’s Blues w/ Johnny Burgin, 5:30 p.m.; JellyBread, 9 p.m.

Toyota Amphitheatre Florida Georgia Line, Thomas Rhett, Frankie Ballard, 7:30 p.m.

Unity of Roseville Night Music Jazz Quartet, 7 p.m.

8.29 Saturday

Fox & Goose Starry Eyed Cadet, Avaleya, A Certain Smile, A Certain Smile, 9 p.m.

Back 9 Bar & Grill Surviving the Era, Sunday School, Burning Landscapes, 7 a.m.

Golden Bear DJ Crook, 10 p.m.

Benvenuti Performing Arts Center Spencer Day, 7 p.m.

Harlow’s Saint Ashbury (Album Release), Hans! and the Hot Mess, 6 p.m.; SambaDá, Joy & Madness, 9:30 p.m.

Berryessa Brewing Co. Banjo Fiddle, 3 p.m.

Kupros Craft House Ross Hammond and Alex Jenkins, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp T.I.P. Vicious, Andru Defeye, Boney-Jay, WiseChild, Ali Fatz and more, 8 p.m.

The Boardwalk Fortunate Youth, Two Peace, 6:30 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Billy Buckman & Friends, Doctor Hall, 8 p.m.

Cache Creek Casino Los Lonely Boys, 8 p.m.

Main Stage Theater (Grass Valley) Brazil Independence Day Celebration feat. Boca Do Rio, SambaDrop, Samba Dancers, Capoeira, DJ Andreas, 7:30 p.m.

Cafe Colonial Cashed, JKKFO, Escapement, Putasos LA, Newtdick, Kook Out,Timespiral, 7:30 p.m.

Fountains at Roseville Summer Series w/ Latin Touch, 8 p.m.

Fox & Goose Jessica Malone and Devin Farren, 9 p.m.

Goldfield Black Water, 9 p.m., 9 p.m.

Harlow’s The Skins & Friends, 8 p.m.

The Hideaway The Globs, Knock Knock, 5 p.m.

KBAR Z Rokk, 9 p.m.

Kupros Craft House Harley White Jr. Trio, 9 p.m.

Lions Gate Hotel Val Starr’s Blues on the Patio w/ Janiva Magness, 7 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe David Houston & String Theory, John Denocochea, Josiah Gathing, 8 p.m.

Main Stage Theater (Grass Valley) Maria Muldaur, 8 p.m.

Midtown BarFly Weirdo Fest: Nekrogoblikon, Warbringer, Will Haven, Alterbeast, Early Graves, Armed For Apocalypse, Divided Trigger, Kill The Precedent, Flub, Destruction of a King, Lifeforms, Aethere, J. Terrible, Takticz, Abernasty, 3:30 p.m.

Mix DJ Eddie Edul, 9 p.m.

Nicholson’s MusiCafe James Meder & John Miller, 7 p.m.

Old Ironsides The Sad Juicees, The Iron Hearts, Devon Galley Band, 9 p.m.

On The Y American Wrecking Company, Machinage, Mudface, Jack Ketch, Bleed

by Example, 8 p.m.

The Park Ultra Lounge Sam Pace, 9 p.m.

Pine Cove Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Sophia’s Thai Kitchen Dank Ocean, 9 p.m.

Starlite Lounge The Reality Show, Unfair Fight, Your Enemy, Cross Class, 8 p.m.

Swabbies on the River Department of Rock, 6 p.m.

Thunder Valley Casino Resort 3 Doors Down, Oleander, 7 p.m.

Torch Club Midtown Creepers, 5:30 p.m.; Daniel Castro, 9 p.m.

8.30 Sunday

Berryessa Brewing Co. The Afterlife, 3 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Weirdo Fest After Party, 8 p.m.

Broderick Roadhouse Karaoke w/ DJ Jazcat, 9 p.m.

Capitol Garage Karaoke w/ Jeff Jenkins, 9 p.m.

Carmichael Park Weekend Concerts in the Park w/ River City Concert Band, 6:30 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 8 p.m.

Harlow’s OverDoz., 6:30 p.m.

Harris Center for the Arts “Weird Al” Yankovic, 7 p.m.

Midtown BarFly Weirdo Fest: The Warriors, Lionheart, My Iron Lung, World Of Pain, Havenside, These Streets, Retaliate, Bad Times Crew, War Story NY, Worst Intentions, Raw Dawg, Judgment Day, Know Your Enemy, xDEVOTIONx, GFN & R3D, Mr. Jet Black, Abstract Ninjaa, Dceased, 12 p.m.

Mix DJ Gabe Xavier, 8:30 p.m.

Nicholson’s MusiCafe Jon Nolan, 12 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Under Cover, 10 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Harlis Sweetwater, 3 p.m.

Press Club The Deaf Pilots, The Three WAy, 5 p.m.; DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m.

Press Club Sunday Night Soul Party w/ DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Shane Dwight, 10 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Jackson Michelson, 1 p.m.

>>

8.30

Lionheart | Weirdo Fest The Warriors, My Iron Lung, World Of Pain, Havenside, These Streets, Retaliate + more Midtown BarFly 12 p.m.

TarzanDragon Tell the Wolves, Skylis DeVille Vacaville 9 p.m.

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

DeVille Vacaville TarzanDragon, Tell the Wolves, Skylis, 9 p.m.

Shine Cresca, Of*, Push to Feel, 8 p.m.

continued on page 30

8.29 28

Capitol Garage Feel Good Saturday’s w/ DJ Epik, 10 p.m.

, , 9 p.m.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

29

Swabbies on the River Life In The Fast Lane, 3 p.m.

Torch Club Blues Jam, 4 p.m.; Front the Band, 8 p.m.

William Curtis Park Music In the Park w/ On Air, Music Matt, 6 p.m.

8.31 Monday

Ace of Spades Bayside, The Early November, Better Off, 6:30 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey Open Mic Variety Night, 8 p.m.

Josh Blue, Aug. 28 - 30, Fri. & Sat., 8 & 10 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m.

Fremont Park Movie in the Park: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Aug. 21, 8 p.m.

Sacramento Comedy Spot Open Mic, Sunday’s and Monday’s, 8 p.m.

Harlow’s Mahogany Poetry: Sweet 16 Anniversary Showcase feat.

Georgia Me, Taalam Acey and More, Aug. 22, 10 p.m.

Improv Lab, Harold Night & Gordon Teams, Wednesday’s, 7 - 10 p.m.

Cage Match & Improv Jam, Thursday’s, 8 - 10 p.m.

Anti-Cooperation League, Saturday’s, 9 p.m.

Stephen Ferris’ Comedy CD Taping, Aug. 22, 10:30 p.m.

Tommy T’s Alonzo Bodden, Aug. 20 - 23 Willie Barcena, Aug. 28 - 30

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

Goldfield Open Mic Night hosted by James Cavern, 9 p.m.

Harris Center for the Arts “Weird Al” Yankovic, 7 p.m.

Louie’s Cocktail Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m.

LowBrau Motown on Monday’s w/ DJ Epik, 9 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Nebraska Mondays hosted by Ross Hammond, 7:30 p.m.

Press Club Helion Prime, In the Silence, Iron Kingdom, 8 p.m.

Misc.

20th Street (Between J and K) Midtown Farmers Market, every Saturday, 8 a.m.

Avid Reader (Davis) The Girl Who Slept with God with Val Brelinski, Aug. 21, 7:30 p.m.

Avid Reader Book Club: Season of the Witch by David Talbot, Aug. 24, 7:30 p.m.

B Street Theatre Grounded, through Aug. 30 Bars and Measures, Aug. 22 - Sept. 27 Badlands The Mystic Circus, Aug. 17, 8 p.m.

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30

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

Laughs Unlimited Best of Open Mic Showcase, Aug. 18, 8 p.m.

Blue Cue Bar Bingo, Wednesday’s, 9 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey Trivia Night, every Tuesday, 8 p.m.

Historic Old Folsom Farmers’ Market, Saturdays, 8 a.m.

Kupros Craft House Trivia with Triviology 101, Sundays, 7:30 p.m.

Little Relics Boutique & Galleria Where Will the Bird Watchers Go When There Are No Birds by Kim Scott, through Aug. 30 Luna’s Cafe Poetry Unplugged, every Thursday, 8 p.m.

Midtown BarFly Salsa Lessons, every Wednesday, 8 p.m.

Pine Cove Trivia Night, Wednesday’s, 9 p.m.

Press Club Flex Your Head Trivia, every Tuesday, 8 p.m.

Roller King (Roseville) Roller Derby Redemption, Aug. 30, 6 p.m.

Roosevelt Park Sacramento Zombie Walk and Carnival of the Dead, Aug. 29, 4 p.m.

Sacramento Comedy Spot 3-2-1 Sizzle Burlesque & Improv Show hosted by Jay Siren, Aug. 28, 9 p.m.

Sol Collective Of Love & Riots by Trust Your Struggle Art Collective, through Sept.

8 Tommy T’s The Darling Clemetines: Under the Covers, Aug. 27, 8 p.m.

Say It Loud Comedy w/ D. Tyler, Hannibal Thompson, Shannon Murphy, Dave Bressoud, Danny Minch, hosted by Michael Calvin Jr., Aug. 20, 8 p.m.

California Museum 6th Annual Art, Wine, and Food Classic, Aug. 22, 5 p.m.

Union Hall Gallery Tale of Two Artists by Cheyenne Robinson and Steve Kellison, through Aug. 31

Brett Walkow, Mike Betancourt, Aug. 21 - 23, Fri. & Sat., 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m.

Capitol Garage Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night, Wednesday’s, 9 p.m.

Various Bars & Restaurants Sacramento Cocktail Week, Aug. 17 - 22

Congregation Beth Shalom Sacramento Jewish Food Faire, Aug. 30, 9 a.m.

WAL Public Market Group Art Show: If You Do Me, I’ll Do You, through Sept. 10

Crest Theatre The Graduate, Aug. 22, 7:30 p.m.

William Land Park 17th Annual Race for the Arts and Arts Festival, Aug. 22, 8 a.m.

Carlos Rodriguez, Chris Moran, Aug. 28 - 30, Fri. & Sat., 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Open Mic Comedy hosted

by Jaime Fernandez, every Tuesday, 7:30 p.m.

STAB! hosted by John Ross, Aug. 19, 8 p.m.

Reina Fiestas Patrias Pageant 2015, Aug. 29, 6 p.m.

Crocker Art Museum David Ligare: California Classicist, through Sept. 20 Armin Hansen: The Artful Voyage, through Oct. 11

Comedy Showcase, Aug. 26, 8 p.m.

Flowers of Fire and Earth: Shimo’s Blue-and-White Porcelains, through Sept. 6

Momo Sacramento Comedy Burger w/ Ngaio Bealum, Aug. 23, 7 p.m.

Elk Grove Regional Park Elk Grove Multicultural Festival, Aug. 22, 10 a.m.

Punchline Comedy Club Mike E. Winfield, Aug. 20, 8 p.m.

En Em Art Space Recollections by Anna Valdez, through Aug. 22

Ali Wong, Aug. 21 - 22, Fri. & Sat., 8 & 10 p.m.

FE Gallery Original Masks Art Show feat. Peggy Bjerkan, Mike Dickau, Ianna Frisby, Robert Hosea and More, through Oct. 1

Lance Woods and Friends, Aug. 23, 7 p.m.

Sammy Obeid and Friends, Aug. 27, 8 p.m.

Verge Center for the Arts Kids Clay Open Studio, Aug. 22 & 29, 1 p.m.

Fox & Goose Pub Quiz, every Tuesday, 7 p.m.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Live<< rewind

GAMETIME: The Infamous Day Party Saturday, August 15 River Walk, West Sacramento

photos: mike ibe, Anne Santos, Melissa Welliver

Triple digit heat couldn't keep thousands of people away from #HOFDAYPARTY in West Sacramento over the weekend. This all day music festival put on by HOF (Hall of Fame) featured performances by dozens of DJ's and hip-hop artists on two stages, as well as live art, giant beer pong, frisbee, deep fried foods, cold drinks and good vibes. Shit got fully turnt! Look for details on HOF's next shindig to drop soon, rumor has it they're throwing a Halloween rager.

SubmergeMag.com

Issue 194 â&#x20AC;˘ August 17 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; August 31, 2015

31

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This publication would not be possible without our wonderful advertisers.

Live<< rewind

requiem two year anniversary party Saturday, August 15 Midtown Barfly, Sacramento

photos: mike ibe, Anne Santos

Requiem's events are always expertly curated and this one was no exception. It was a birthday bash for the books. There was dancing, debauchery, wild outfits, an over-the-top stage setup and freaking lasers, man! Doesn't it feel great to lose your mind every so often? Follow Requiem on their various social media outlets so you don't miss their next party.

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32

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

9426 Greenback ln, Orangevale Tickets Available at Dimple Records, Armadillo records , or online at theboardwalkpresents.com * unless noTeD all shows all ages

coming

soon tuesday

sept 22

the holdup sept 23

wednesday

GoatsnaKe sept 24

thursday

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Mercedes Avenue, sierrA skyline, And ZAch vAn dyck

sATuRDAy

auG 22

friday

TuesDAy

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weDnesDAy

auG 26

fRiDAy

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sept 25

the dear hunter

saturday

sept 26

little hurricane sept 27

sunday

the BrowninG oct 2

friday

stray froM the path

A Mile till dAwn with speciAl guest

two peAce

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MAdison Avenue

sept 2

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oct 3

thursday

oct 8

carnifex

Anthology and iAnc

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fronZilla

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sianvar Jonny craiG wednesday

oct 14

norMa Jean friday

oct 23

crown the eMpire tuesday

nov 3

new years day Monday

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fRiDAy

sept 11

SubmergeMag.com

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nov 23

hands liKe houses

ThuRsDAy

sept 17

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

tuesday

nov 8

the Blasters

33

Vieux Farka Toure

thursday

Bhi Bhiman

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 8 : 0 0 p m

aug 20

abstract / swell produtions present

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aug 21

H a r lo w ’ s • 2708 J str ee t • sacr a mento • a ll ag es • 6:30pm

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H a r lo w ’ s • 2708 J str ee t • sacr a mento • a ll ag es • 6:30pm

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Toad morTons

H a r lo w ’ s • 2708 J str ee t • sacr a mento • a ll ag es • 6:30pm

scoTT pemBerTon The skins & Friends

aug 23 saturday

former members of blue cHeer, KaK, redwing, etc

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 9 : 0 0 p m

snarky puppy papa’s culTure The oh hellos

aug 29 monday

a c e o f s p a d e s • 1417 r s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • a l l a g e s • 7 : 3 0 p m

sept 21 friday

H a r lo w ’ s • 2708 J str ee t • sacr a mento • a ll ag es • 6:30pm

sept 25 wednesday

Joseph

H a r lo w ’ s • 2708 J str ee t • sacr a mento • a ll ag es • 6:30pm

daVe alVin and phil alVin wiTh The GuilTy ones dead rock wesT

sept 30 thursday

oct 1

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 8 : 0 0 p m

ZZ ward mudhoney

tuesday

a c e o f s p a d e s • 1417 r s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • a l l a g e s • 7 : 3 0 p m

oct 13 thursday

The Trouble Makers • sla (sonic love affair)

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 8 : 0 0 p m

luna

oct 15 wednesday

QuilT

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 8 : 0 0 p m

maTT pond pa

oct 21 saturday

laura sTeVenson

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 9 : 3 0 p m

in The Valley Below / The moTh & The Flame swinGin’ uTTers

H a r lo w ’ s • 270 8 J s t r ee t • s a c r a m en to • a l l a g e s • 7: 0 0 p m

The boMbpops • success

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 8 : 0 0 p m

pimps oF JoyTime + con Brio Gardens & Villa + de lux Two GallanTs Zappa plays Zappa 4 0 a n n i v e r s a r y o f “ o n e s i z e f i t s a l l”

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 8 : 0 0 p m H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 9 : 0 0 p m H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 8 : 0 0 p m tH

c r e s t t H e at r e • 1013 K s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n to • a l l a g e s • 8: 0 0 p m

The dandy warhols

oct 31 wednesday

noV 4 sunday

noV 8 wednesday

noV 11 saturday

noV 14 friday

noV 27 sunday

dec 6 monday

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 8 : 0 0 p m

dec 7

all TickeTs aVailaBle aT: aBsTracTpresenTs.com & TickeTFly.com

TickeTs For harlow’s shows also aVailaBle aT harlows.com

34

TickeTs For cresT TheaTre shows also aVailaBle aT cresTsacramenTo.com

Thoughts from the Deep James Barone jb@submergemag.com

aug 23 sunday

H a r l o w ’ s • 2 7 0 8 J s t r e e t • s a c r a m e n t o • 21 & o v e r • 9 : 3 0 p m

Joel Gion

the shallow end

TickeTs For ace oF spades also aVailaBle aT aceoFspadessac.com & 916.443.9202

Issue 194 • August 17 – August 31, 2015

There are a lot of things in life that I don’t understand. If you’ve read this column even a few times, you’re probably painfully aware of that. For instance, I often start the day by looking at myself in the mirror, topless. It’s not totally out of vanity. More so, I’m given to flights of fancy, and I think it’s important to wake up to a harsh dose of reality. Still, some days I look in the mirror, gazing upon that pasty expanse of flesh and forest of curly chest hair and think, damn, I look blubbery (as i did just now) and other days I think, damn Barone, you’re looking good. Have you been working out? Even though I know the answer to that is no.

I don’t understand why I do it. I don’t understand why my perception can change from day to day. Like, maybe I’m not supposed to get why Donald Trump is allowed to run for president. He’s so vile that I find myself rooting for Megyn Kelly against him. That’s not an easy thing to do. I know he’s got a lot of money and all, and that’s all that really matters when it comes to running for president, but I feel as though someone should step in and say, “No. You just can’t do this. Go live in one of your towers and be happy that you have more money than Scrooge McDuck and leave America and Mexican immigrants and women alone.” I’d like to think that America has enough sanity left that they’d vote anyone but him into its highest office, but who knows? Just the fact that he’s there is creeping me out. Looming. Combing over the frightening possibilities in my mind.

Another thing I don’t understand is why I’m the only one who thought that last joke was funny.

This isn’t going to be another diatribe about why Donald Trump is a piece of shit, though. He’s gotten enough coverage already, and I don’t want to contribute any more to it. Sure, I don’t understand why we keep talking about him, but the thing that I don’t understand that’s really bothering me today are octopuses.

I don’t want to rile any conservationists out there. I totally accept that octopi are probably a vital part of the ecosystem and have just as much right to occupy the planet as we do, but they’re just weird. You can’t deny they’re weird. Just look at the fucking things. Their bodies are made of this bulbous gelatinous goo (sort of like me without the

chest hair) and they have eight spindly tentacles with those creepy suckers on them.

They have bird-ish beaks for mouths and giant people-eyes. It’s like, what are they? Where did octopodes come from? Why are they here?

Why are there three plural forms of octopus—octopuses, octopi and octopodes? I’m sure it’s a Greek or Latin thing, but it’s just not right. Are they trying to gum up our language with superfluous plurals in order to carry out their plans for world domination? It seems like a pretty ineffective jumping off point for taking over the world, if it is. You’re dumb, octopuses. Come up with a better plan.

That’s the problem, though, octopuses aren’t dumb. They’re freakishly smart and can do ridiculously unbelievable things. Have you ever seen an octopus mimic a flounder. Go ahead and look it up on YouTube. I’ll wait for you to come back. …

I KNOW RIGHT! Your mind is blown.

If they can do that, what else can they mimic? What if all this time that cute barista you’ve been flirting with at your favorite neighborhood fair trade coffee shop was actually an octopus in disguise? You’d probably never know. Octopuses are masters at camouflage. They could steal some clothes from someone’s unattended beach bag, quickly peruse Spotify to see what indie bands are trending, use a little ink for some hair dye and/or makeup, maybe even adopt a nondescript, quasi-European accent and voila! It’s the man/woman of your dreams making you an iced latte.

Hooking up with an octopus might not be so bad, though. Octopuses have a long history of being featured in erotica. Go ahead. Type “tentacle porn” into your favorite search engine and see what pops up. I’ll wait … …

Hm. You were gone a while. What were you up to? I’m not judging, but that’s just weird, bro. Weird.

On Aug. 13, a team of scientists studying octopus genomes published their findings in Nature. The article, titled “The octopus genome and the evolution of cephalopod neural and morphological novelties” takes a look at how octopuses evolved such advanced neurological systems. It’s probably very illuminating, but I couldn’t understand any of it. This is just a word of warning, kids. Stay in school or you’ll end up like me.

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Dive into Sacramento & its Surrounding Areas

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