Self-gratitude is always in season

by Lanna Monday Emmett

As we approach the winter holidays, a season most often associated with the word “gratitude,” it is important to cover all the bases. That means not just family, friends, colleagues and bosses, but all of the folks who play in our lifetime sandbox... and that includes yourself. People may come in and out of your life by choice, necessity or accident, but you are stuck with “you” for your entire lifetime. So, shouldn’t you treat yourself well?

I have to admit, growing up I don’t ever remember my parents talking about self-gratitude. I was raised to be a people pleaser like a lot of kids, looking for a pat on the back from family and friends. I wanted to make my parents proud, and yes, I desired to have my peers like and respect me. What kid doesn’t? I was taught to express my gratitude for others who did nice things for me by always saying “thank you” and finding a way to give something back or pay it forward, even though we didn’t use those phrases so much back then.

When I first heard the term “self-gratitude” years ago, my first thought was envisioning an egotistical but well-groomed maniac with an over inflated opinion of themselves. It kind of seemed to have a vain and selfish ring to it. Then, I had momentary mental throwback to Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live reciting his affirmations and recounting how the audience would laugh at his naivety. Yeah, that’s not me...

As adults, we often go through stages in our life, some when we feel really good about ourselves, others not so good. In my late 30’s, I realized that I was struggling with my own self-confidence, and had no clue where to begin fixing it. It wasn’t that I didn’t respect myself, but as a divorced, single mom at the time, I felt if I could just do over the top, super, Wonder Woman-ish things to illustrate my worth and savvy, that would somehow magically fix me. Then I’d be just perfect and happy, right? It wasn’t until I hit my 40’s that I fully understood the importance of appreciating thy self. Unfortunately, it took a family member being diagnosed with dementia to do it. Anyone who has dealt this awful disease knows how it can completely alter a person’s personality, and that is just what happen to my ex “biggest fan.” I witnessed a mindset shift to a negative state, and gradually I could do no right.

I did a lot of inner exploration facilitated by discount bookstores where countless professional development and wellness books lined the shelves. I surrounded myself with positive people who were of a different mindset while I distanced friends that were negative or seem like their lives were in a constant tumultuous state. I felt guilty about it at first, but misery loves company, and that’s not the company I wanted to have over weekly for drinks and dinner. It was awkward and a little scary at first. At times I didn’t know if I was on the right track.

I introduced new habits that would eventually contribute to my own positive mindset, happiness, and well-being. Changes evolved into new health and lifestyle choices and giving myself permission to appreciate my own mind, body, and soul, even if the three amigos weren’t perfect. At least I could make them a work in progress. And, I also realized that if you can’t be in your own corner, you can’t expect others to be in your corner with you.

There are numerous studies that tout the benefits of practicing gratitude. Research has linked the practice to lessening depression, better mental health, and lasting positive effects on the mind and body. In a study by Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami the psychologists found emotional benefits to writing about gratitude. In the 10-week study, subjects were divided into three groups: The first group wrote daily about events they were grateful for, the second, about things that irritated them, and the third about events that were neither positive nor negative. At the end of the study, the group that wrote on the subject of gratitude were generally happier and healthier, with fewer doctor visits.

In today’s fast-paced society, we know how easy it can be to place those small words or acts of gratitude on the back burner with good intentions. What’s even worse is when we stop taking the time to express gratitude to ourselves. Practicing self gratitude can help the mind recenter its focus and foster well-being. I have learned that there is nothing selfish about practicing self-gratitude. In fact, it is likely that the majority of people would be more content.

If you find yourself not feeling genuinely appreciative of all that you do and how you feel, it is likely time to reset. One of the best methods of restoring self gratitude is to create habits that reinforce those positive vibes and emotions. It may seem awkward at first if you’ve been out of practice for a long time or have never tried it before, but there is no time like the present. And, with COVID-19 still on the make, who can’t use a little old happiness. Consider trying a few of these techniques:

Start a gratitude journal or diary. Each evening, assess the day’s activities and find at least five things you are grateful for and make at least one of them focused on self-gratitude. Are you grateful to yourself for pushing through on those extra reps at the gym, for sending a card to an old friend or not allowing yourself to overindulge in wine?

Take some time to meditate and focus on your body and breathing. Visualize your ideal self and what life would be like if you were in that position.

Celebrate your accomplishments. If you worked hard for something, no one should celebrate more than you. (Yes, a toast is permissible.)

When receiving a compliment, receive it with self-confidence. You are worth every compliment that comes your way and more. When you haven’t heard one in a while, compliment yourself. According to science, you only had a one in a trillion+ chance of being on this earth, so that makes you truly special.

When the holiday season gets too busy, remember it’s your holiday too, so take some time for yourself. Order that cute top online or run that hot bath. No one deserves it any more than you do. Any season is a good time to practice self-gratitude. (Holidays, especially included.)

Lanna Monday Emmett