AAJ Magazine January 2018 - Volume 14 Issue 1 by AAJ Magazine

Photo PhotoCredit: Credit: Aziz AzizLadha LadhaPhotography Photography

FROM THE PUBLISHER

For the last issue of 2017, the AAJ Magazine team decided to creatively extend the concept of Diwali into our New Year’s publication, with a “fire and ice” theme. In this issue, we engage in both positive and negative discussions. We address a wide variety of topics, and shed light on important problems within the South Asian community and beyond. We hope that these stories resonate with our readers, and influence people to make positive changes in 2018 and onwards. 2017 was a year full of experiences and growth for AAJ Magazine. We acquired a mobile satellite office, that we also use to promote our brand. We took the publication national, and had the chance to drive across Canada to celebrate our country’s 150th birthday. We met great people along

the way, and reconnected with old friends. AAJ Magazine also won 3 awards: a “Call to Action” award from SEEDS (Self-Employment and Entrepreneur Development Society), a “Best Editorial” award from Red FM (Harjinder Thind and team), and an “Achievement” award from South Asian community leaders to commemorate our Canada 150 tour. We have also started AAJ Television, with 24/7 content and coverage. All in all, 2017 has been great, and we look forward to what the next year will bring. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for supporting AAJ Magazine – our success would not be possible without you. From all of us at AAJ Magazine headquarters, Happy New Year and cheers to a great year ahead.

Suki Pangalia CEO

P: 604.590.0007 E: info@aajmag.ca AAJ Media Group Surrey, BC

ISSN 2371-2481 AAJ Magazine is published by AAJ Media Group, doing business as AAJ Magazine Inc. AAJ is a magazine that is published every two months. Any reproduction of the magazine, editorial content, images or advertisements cannot be reproduced or reprinted in any form, without written permission of the Publishers. The views expressed by the writers in this publication are not the views of the Publishers or AAJ Media Group. The Publishers assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Copyright 2017 AAJ Magazine Incorporated. All rights reserved.

REGIONAL TEAM

NATIONAL TEAM

Publisher/CEO Suki Pangalia

British Columbia, Greater Vancouver Atika Bano 778.686.1588

Executive Assistant Reshma M. Editors Navkiran Brar Matt Williams Investigative Journalist Salim Jiwa Editorial Navkiran Brar Pauline Kong Dr. Suman Akash Chohan Sanya Dhingra Narges N. Shanjeelin D. Sandeep S. Catherine Ann Raj Nagi Lead Designer Yosof Hakimi

Advertising and Sales Suki Pangalia Melina Pham Navkiran Brar Photography Aziz Ladha Amit Garg Mark Lewis Sarah Uppal Images Credits Aziz Ladha Shutterstock Pexels AAJ Television Production: Rohana M. AAJ Television Programming Assistant : Neha Singh AAJ Television Executive Producers: Channi Singh Jasminder B. Suki Pangalia

Thank you Kshitija Kekal Abhishek Dobhal Akash Chohan Rita Chohan Jay Nair Aziz Ladha Christine Tran Sonali Pangalia Prem Patel Sanya Dhingra Geeta Dhingra Sarah Uppal Karen Nagra Kerry Gibson Jennifer Gunson Angela K. Bilal Cheema Sean B Jas Kooner Moti Bali Rama Bali Jasminder B. Kanta Bhinda Hershy Hse Sue Zhang Robert Mrsic Marco Mrsic

Melina Pham 778.955.8839 Zahara M Kelly Upptal Jay Nair Victoria Sonali Pangalia 604.341.3016 Bhinda Jaswinder Saggi 250.891.3174 Kamloops Krishna Lakkineni 250.574.7988 Alberta, Edmonton Aman Gill 780.907.2207 Mike Brar 780.339.4477

Calgary Sunny Singh 587.501.4804 Saskatchewan, Manitoba Winnipeg Karen Brar 204.510.9298 Ontario, Toronto JP Budwal 647.887.6031 Etobicoke Channi Singh 416.970.1010 Neha Singh 647.702.1891 Ottawa Sal Rafi 613.889.5682 Quebec, Montreal Manvir Singh 514.770.7465

SUNNY SINGH

38 Cover Story PTSD In Our Community

LOHRI 2018 GIRLS ARE BLESSINGS TOO

Tips to Help you Stick to Your 12 New Year’s Fitness Resolutions New Year New Brand

Getting Ready for Tax Season

From Unnoticed Ensemble to Global Phenomenon32 The Success Story of Shen Yun Sunny Singh Taekwando to Hollywood Fire And Ice Of 2017

It’s Not Too Late to Leave Getting Out of a Relationship When Divorce isn’t an Option

Lohri 2018 Girls are Blessings Too

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

Living With an Addict

Interview With Akash Sharma Chohan

Sunil Grover in Vancouver

PTSD IN OUR COMMUNITY

6 68

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN

STICKING TO YOUR NEW YEARS FITNESS GOALS

89 SUNIL GROVER

LIVE VANCOUER

TODAY

PTSD IN OUR COMMUNITY A First Responder’s Gala was organized in the Lower Mainland to send a strong message to first responders that “the community cares about them and that they are very much appreciated in their line of duty.” The event was attended by members of BC Ambulance Services, Abbotsford Police Department and Surrey Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) representatives. The gala was put together by organizer Shanjeelin and her brother, Anish Dwivedi, who promise that next year’s event will also possibly see the participation of First Responders from the neighbouring United States, as well as representatives from commonwealth member countries. First responders are routinely exposed to traumatic events during their duties, which can lead to long-term stress related

illnesses. As such, it is very important for first responders to take care of their mental well-being. PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a mental illness. Some symptoms of PTSD include a deep sense of helplessness, abnormal fear, feelings of devastation, flashbacks from the event, a feeling of numbness, aversion to social contact, or avoidance of situations that might trigger memories of the event. Some physical responses may include depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, panic attacks, irritability, anger outbursts, difficulty with concentration or memory, feelings of vulnerability, fear of normal every-day activities, or feeling overwhelmed by the smallest of tasks. PTSD is treatable. However, if left untreated, PTSD symptoms can become worse. Some documented cases include addiction to drugs or alcohol;

chronic pain, hypertension or physical maladies; self injury; overwhelming fear of death; compulsiveness; personality changes; and self destructive incidents, to name a few. A study published in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry concluded that Canadian public-safety personnel such as police officers, paramedics, firefighters and correctional workers experience “substantial and heterogeneous difficulties with mental health” at much higher rates than the general public. More than a quarter of 5,813 participants (26.7 per cent) reported symptoms consistent with two or more disorders. In 2017 so far, it’s estimated that 52 first responders have committed suicide in Canada. There were a total of 914 overdose deaths in all of 2016, an increase of almost 80

per cent over the number of deaths in the previous year (510). Firefighters who were often the front-line workers in the Down Town East Side, were feeling the strain after responding to the thousands of overdoses in 2016 alone. Earlier this year, BC Emergency Health Services began offering paramedics psychological resilience training, in large part owing to the province’s opioid crisis, but also so members are better able to navigate the acute stress they encounter on the job. While seeking help, many first responders face financial challenges in addition to a lot of other challenges. At the end of the day, these first responders are still human beings and they do have emotions; their lives are impacted by tragic events that they have to deal with in the line of work that they do. While addressing the guests that were attending the gala, Deputy Chief Paulette Freill referenced an article “Somewhere in America it’s likely a First Responder died last night” by Phil Zachary. The article talks about first responders who lost their lives in the line of duty. For Abbotsford Police Department, this bring backs memories of November 6th when the APD lost a member who was responding to a 911 call. It had been reported a 60-year-old armed man was trying to harm the public. Const. John Davidson responded to that call and was shot by the suspect while protecting the community. In her speech, Deputy Chief Paulette Freill said, “There is no preparation for running into danger. It’s a calling for a first responder, it’s not a job. We run into danger when other people run away from it because we want to help people. First responders deserve gratitude and I would like to thank Shanjeelin and Anish Dwivedi for organizing this first responder’s dinner to show gratitude. Many people think that first responders are like characters in the movies. They put on their uniforms, run into danger, save people, dust off their uniforms, get back in the car and are ready to do that the next day. But it is not like television; there is far more to it than that. [As quoted

from the article by Phil Zachary] ‘Ironically, most first responders don’t perish in cinematic fashion . . . Many die in auto or training accidents, from heart attacks, asphyxiation or heat stroke. Like those of us who aren’t sworn to serve and protect, public safety officers typically perish in ways that are decidedly normal. And that’s why they deserve our gratitude. You see, a case might be made that what motivates men and women to wear the uniform is some John Wayne vision of swooping into the most dangerous circumstances of our lives, saving us from our own calamities, then dusting themselves off and hopping back on the truck to play it out again and again, like some weekly television drama. But the statistics would indicate that lives of first responders are antithetically punctuated by the cadence of tedium and the haunting mindfulness that there’s no such thing as routine . . . If heroism is illogical, insensible and something that cannot be scripted, then every first responder is inherently a hero, regardless of whether or not he or she ever saves a life, discharges a bullet or, for that matter, does anything even remotely heroic. [A first responder’s] greatest calling is to stand always ready.’ One in three officers is dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder while on the job. Being able to be that person who helps someone in their time of emergency is a gift that you really can’t understand unless you do it.” The organizers of the First Responders Gala have committed to making this an annual event where first responders and their spouses will be invited to attend at no cost to them. The idea behind this event is to show appreciation, and also for first responders to network and connect so that if need be they are able to reach out for peer-to-peer counselling. The organizers would like to take this opportunity to thank community members like Nasir Kamrudin of Surrey Honda and Anthony von Mandl of Mark Anthony Group for stepping up and supporting the cause. Photos by Jay Sharma of Mahi Photo

Shanjeelin Dwivedi has a Masters in Conflict Analysis and Management with a Major in Ethno-Political Studies, and Undergraduate Degree in Criminal Justice, and an Associate Degree in Immigration Studies. 6

TODAY

A MINDSET FOR

SUCCESS

Never Surrender There are two kinds of people: those who believe they can make things happen and those who believe things happen to them. The first group are convinced that the outcome of their lives/careers is in their own hands. The second group take a Forrest Gump approach—they wait for the bus to take them somewhere. The empowered feel anxiety when hard times strike, but they believe they have control over the outcomes, so their anxiety fuels passion not pity, drive not despair, tenacity not trepidation. They double down.

Don’t Compare

If You Need To Ask, Don’t Do It

The world owes you nothing. Life isn’t fair. But, the world already gives us everything we need. You have every advantage in the world to succeed. All you have to do is show up.

A number of people have told me they want to start a business. They ask me if I think they should do it. I say no. Why? Because if someone is going to become a success, they could care less what I say. People want to chase what worked for someone else and they forget what THEY want to do. I can’t give anyone permission to live their dreams. You can do whatever you decide to do. Make the decision and forget what everyone else thinks or says about it.

Competition?

Most people believe they must first have something (money), before they can do what they want (start a business; travel), which will allow them to be something (happy; motivated). Reverse this order. First BE whatever it is you want. Then start DOING things. Then you will get what you want to HAVE.

Instead of worry about competitors and focus on what they were doing, I created a niche in my business and monopolized the space in which I created value. My competitors out priced each other charging less and less and it was then their race to the bottom – of which I wanted nothing to do with. I charged more for similar services, but serviced an area where my competitors didn’t want to go – to the little guys. I saw those little guys as opportunity. Plus, my competitors wouldn’t be calling them up for business. I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to keep up to their lead. I was going to be the leader.

Enough

Never Forget

Always think, I HAVE ENOUGH. The very thought of believing that you do, allows you to take more risks/chances that ultimately lead to success. When you worry about what you DON’T HAVE, it’s immobilizing. If you always NEED you will always be WANTING-regardless of how much you have or accomplish.

Humility, gratitude and recognition of your blessings keeps success in perspective. It’s easy when you reach a level of success to feel superior to others and that you got there on your own. You are not solely responsible for your success.

Path To Happiness

Do It Now! The perfect client, opportunity, or circumstance will never happen. Instead of wishing things were different, cultivate what’s right in front of you. Rather than waiting for the next opportunity, the one in your hands is the opportunity. The grass is greener where you water it. The problem isn’t your circumstance-it’s you. www.serviceevaluations.net www.cathrineann.com

Catherine Ann Joncas accolades include starting and being at the helm of a million dollar organization (Service Evaluations Mystery Shopping Inc.) providing contract work to thousands and winning numerous international awards and nominations for her entrepreneurial spirit and business success along the way. Her compelling autobiography, ‘Beautiful Buttons: A Memoir of Survival and Triumph,’ is available worldwide. She also speaks globally, inspiring others to change their lives for the better.

ART FOR A CAUSE It was a simple shopping trip in the Dominican and seeing glorious works of art using bright colors that sparked this artist’s flame. “I’ve always had this idea in my head to put colorful paint, fabrics, symbols and stones together. It wasn’t until that trip I started talking about it to a friend. We had just seen a ton of amazing artwork. It was then I was asked – why aren’t you doing it?” With a busy career in radio, television and DJing events – time was the main excuse for Kuljeet Kaila. “I thought about it lots after that trip and tried to eliminate all the excuses. I must have really put it out there.” Shortly after that trip, Kuljeet was laid off from a radio job and suddenly had more time and less excuses. “I got a lovely gift card from that same friend to buy art supplies and just started. I soon found it to be the only thing I could do where I didn’t have to worry about making mistakes or missing deadlines – it was so freeing.” Putting it all on canvas also proved to be very healing for Kuljeet, who then started researching the meaning of different colours, stones, symbols and even feng shui. Kuljeet also enlisted the help of a couple of local energy healers to learn more. “Soon, I was getting calls from their clients to create pieces for their homes and offices; and some of the work I was doing was very much in line with feng shui. It all started to make sense – everything has meaning.” It has turned into a journey of learning and finding purpose on many levels for this artist. Kuljeet’s artwork is featured on a new website with definitions of each piece, but the healing power of art has inspired Kuljeet to use it to help heal others.

After spending close to 20 years in media, travelling all over the world, covering various stories, producing documentaries and learning people’s stories, there were 2 things that always stuck with her. “I will never forget meeting families of terminally ill children. It broke my heart in so many ways and although there isn’t much you can do to help with the outcome, you can help along the way – be it paying bills or assisting with outings. I decided I would sell my artwork to help a couple of causes including this one locally.” The other cause Kuljeet’s heart are that take in girls abandoned, and in at birth.

near and dear to orphanages in India who are given up, some cases dumped

“It was probably one of the harshest stories I have ever had to cover and it always stuck with me. I was horrified that a family would do this and then also amazed by those who gave them a second chance.” Kuljeet will be visiting the Unique Home for Girls in India next spring, and is hoping the artwork will help generate a significant donation. Some of Kuljeet’s work will be showcased at events and inside local temples and restaurants. With no set prices, Kuljeet is hoping people will bid and donate what they can if they like a piece. “I also get requests to do custom pieces for homes or offices with certain colors and symbols, so I am open to that too.” To view the artwork and read more, visit www.customizedartwork.com or find Kuljeet’s art page on Facebook.

LIFESTYLE

TIPS TO HELP YOU STICK TO YOUR NEW YEAR’S

FITNESS RESOLUTION 1. Embrace the Process

Treat your transformation like a startup firm. There will be days when you want to give up. Some of your friends might stop talking to you as you embark on this journey of self-improvement, and trust me you will not miss those friends. Don’t be disappointed by bumps on the road; embrace the process and fall in love with it. It is YOU working on your own body. The only body that will stay with you until your last breath. If you fall off track, get back on it and be realistic. It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about pushing onwards. 2. Build a Support Team Having a support team is always a great idea. But how do you build a support team? Surround yourself with people who have similar goals,

or who have already achieved what you want to achieve. If you are too shy to make new friends, use your phone and follow people on Instagram and Facebook. Reap benefits from new technology. Do not let others’ thoughts deviate you from your target. Many older people in the South Asian culture have a tendency to think chubby people look good and well, and lean people look gaunt and sick. Do not listen to them and instead continue to head towards your target.

3. Set Your Goals Set clear short-term and long-term goals. A short-term goal could be a monthly goal, whereas a long-term goal is a weight target you want to reach. For example, a short-term goal is to lose 6-10 lbs in 1 month, and a

long-term goal is to lose 60-100 lbs in a year. Make sure to have realistic, specific, and measurable goals. For example, don’t say you’re going to give up eating aloo paronta, when it’s what you look forward to every Sunday afternoon. Instead, limit that meal to once a month – or change the ingredients to make it healthier. Change one variable at a time. Start with working out three times per week and once you are consistent, then it will be time to work on your diet. Take time to celebrate small success and pause for a moment to cherish that success. 4. Eat Right Food Make sure to have a balanced diet and enough calories in every meal based on your goals, and please don’t be afraid of eating fat like cheese, butter, and dairy. Plan weekly meals ahead of time - weekends are always best. Try new healthy recipes so that you don’t get bored of eating the same food again and again. Eat a healthy snack before going to a dinner party to avoid binging on pakore and samose as appetizers. Give friends and relatives strict instructions to bring fruits and nuts instead of laddoo (Indian sweets) on festive occasions. Avoid fat free and sugar replacement products. Have a cheat MEAL not a cheat day to celebrate your weekly hard work.

5. Invest in Yourself Starting this year, put money aside for your health every month. If achieving your health resolution requires you to join a gym – do it! Join that Pilates class you’ve been intrigued about, or go with friends to a Bhangra workout class. Do it now rather than later. If your budget allows, hire a personal trainer so that you know you are on track and doing the right exercises. This makes you accountable to someone. Health should be first on your priority list. Money to upgrade your car or to get a new kitchen can wait. Let this year be about your investment in your health and wellness. Brought to you by: The Fitness Funk – Stay Fit Stand Strong Instagram/thefitnessfunk Facebook/thefitnessfunk1 Sundeep Sandhu

Sandeep Singh Sandhu is an amateur filmmaker/YouTuber and fitness instructor.

LIFESTYLE

CANUCKS AUTISM NETWORK

Today, autism is the most commonly diagnosed and fastest growing neurodevelopment disorder in Canada. It is estimated that 1 in 68 children are diagnosed, and there are over 11,000 children and youth with autism in BC alone. Among them is seventeen-year-old Kourosh Ershad from North Vancouver. Like any kid growing up in BC, Kourosh was a huge fan of the Vancouver Canucks, who dreamed of being part of a hockey team. “I remember Kourosh watching the Canucks in 2011,” recalled Kourosh’s dad, Farzad. “He was mesmerized. Since then, he wanted to be involved with any type of sports in any way possible.”

co-owners of the Vancouver Canucks. Like Farzad, their son was diagnosed with autism and they identified a void in the community for high quality sports programs that met the unique needs of children with autism. At CAN, Kourosh was able to receive one-to-one support from highly trained staff and dedicated volunteers in weekly soccer and ice skating programs. “It was so important that Kourosh was never alone,” Farzad explained. “He always had a CAN instructor by his side, receiving the close attention and constant communication that he needed.”

“Kourosh is high-functioning, but as a boy who started talking at 7 years old, comprehension and communication were always a huge challenge for him,” Farzad explained.

Enrolling Kourosh in a typical sports program meant throwing him into a fastpaced environment that he was likely unprepared for. In order to enjoy the thrill of sports that he was so fascinated with, it was very clear that he needed close attention and individualized support. It was not until the Ershads found the Canucks Autism Network (CAN) that they began to see a path for Kourosh to achieve his dream. Since 2008, CAN has successfully delivered a wide range of sports and recreation programs to children and families living with autism across BC. The non-profit organization was founded ten years ago by Paolo and Clara Aquilini,

In April 2017, Kourosh travelled with the Orcas to Penticton for CAN’s annual hockey tournament. Playing against other adapted teams from across BC, Kourosh scored two goals in one of the tournament games and was named MVP. Following the tournament, Kourosh challenged his parents to make a pivotal decision. With years of experience in CAN programs at his back, he was ready to compete alongside typical peers in the North Vancouver Minor Hockey Association (NVMHA). This past September, Kourosh signed up for his local bantam team. To his family’s surprise, the new team was led by a coach that had previously worked with CAN. Kourosh’s new coach was able to work with the Ershads to ensure a smooth transition from CAN’s adapted setting to the less-supported environment of a minor hockey team.

However, as a child with autism, Kourosh faced a number of challenges to participate in sports and rec compared to his typically-developing peers. While there is significant variability among those who share the diagnosis, the core difficulty with individuals with autism is social communication.

Because of these difficulties, children with autism often benefit from coaches and teachers taking the time to break down and repeat their instruction.

Coordinator. “He became a leader and someone that his teammates truly looked up to.”

Kourosh’s new team does not provide the one-to-one support that he originally required with CAN. But thanks to the guidance that CAN has provided to Kourosh and his family with respect to the sports and rec world, he no longer requires the same level of attention to participate. Before long, Kourosh’s abilities on the ice progressed to the point that he could become a member of CAN’s Vancouver Orcas in October 2015. The Orcas are one of two adapted hockey teams that CAN runs for children and youth with autism. In CAN’s weekly hockey program, Kourosh not only learned the basics of passing, stickhandling and shooting, he was taught the nuances of interacting with his peers and the social elements of teamwork. Kourosh thrived. Week after week for two years, his confidence grew. “Kourosh was such a positive presence in the locker room – always laughing,” recalls Ryan Yao, CAN’s Manager of Strategic Sponsorships and former Program

Kourosh and his family have successfully leveraged their experience with CAN to explore additional opportunities in their community. Kourosh now has the social and athletic confidence to pursue a lifetime of physical activity and thrive. To date, he already has one goal and 11 assists with his new team in North Vancouver. Thanks to CAN, Kourosh is living his dream and showing no signs of slowing down. The Canucks Autism Network delivers over 400 sports and rec programs to over 3,200 members annually. For more information on joining, supporting or volunteering for the Canucks Autism Network, please visit canucksautism.ca. 14

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WILL INTENTIONAL LIVING FOLLOW MINDFULNESS?

THE FUTURE OF REGRET-FREE CULTURE The search term “Mindfulness” has grown 700% since 2004 according to Google Trends, a tool that reflects our digital culture’s mindshare. The eastern mindfulness and meditation cultures are growing in western societies and are regularly discussed by spiritual leaders and neuroscientists alike. But do “being present” or “transcendence” represent our full potential? If not, what might and how might it look? What about those who actually apply their self- and contextual-awareness? Olivia Goldhill interviewed Dean Buonomano, behavioral neuroscience

professor at UCLA and author of Your Brain is a Time Machine, and concluded that, “it’s entirely healthy to focus on enjoying the present moment. But failing to invest in the future simply wouldn’t be human” (Goldhill, 2017). The search term “Intention” (i.e. our plan), shows growth of 150% since 2008 (4 year offset), suggesting that our next cultural wave will be a modern form of intentional living. “Intentional living is any lifestyle based on an individual or group’s conscious attempts to live according to their values and beliefs.”

The timing could not be more critical to our future because of intentional living’s potential to address some of our society’s biggest threats, such as economic disparity, climate change, intolerance, violence, addiction, and malnutrition. While most of us globally have likely held values opposing these threats for some time now because they adversely affect us, perhaps significant progress requires the widespread awareness, thought, and action that an intentional living culture will drive. Emerging technologies then, if used intentionally, can accelerate our

“Mindfulness” Search Interest Since 2004 progress with information abundance, augmented computing capacity, and cost-effective/scalable solutions. The benefit of intentional living is that, by acting in line with our values and toward our goals, we are more likely to enjoy the process of living, achieve those goals, feel more fulfilled, and experience little to no end-of-life regret. Intentional living feels good, so it is self-reinforcing and therefore sustainable. Personally,

my life goal is to eliminate regretful, aimless, and meaningless time in my own and others’ lives, so I combined my professional experience and education to develop a practical, structured, and fulfilling method of intentional living called the Sentient Worldview. The Sentient Worldview was designed modularly so that we could each customize it to our own personal values and goals, adjust it as our beliefs change,

and augment our six fundamental life skills with emerging technology. The details of this intentional living worldview are less important for the question at hand than the fact you can customize, adjust, and augment it as you see fit. These three characteristics improve the likelihood of an intentional living culture shift because they encourage broader adoption, facilitate personal growth, and enhance meaningful productivity.

A worldview that we can customize based on their own values and goals encourages broader adoption

A worldview that we can adjust modularly as society’s knowledge evolves facilitates personal growth because its

High-level Overview of Sentient Framework Worldview Intentional Living because it simultaneously preserves a sense of identity while instilling a sense of belonging to a fullyinclusive community. Consider how smartphone designs enable “mass customization”; the hardware and operating systems are standardized then individuals simply use whatever “apps” specifically suit them. Significant network benefits are then enjoyed by all those using the platform, such as ease of communication, collaboration, and empathy.

structure minimizes disruption to skills and beliefs unrelated to the change. Consider how smartphone apps can be upgraded independently as each improves over time or is replaced by a more functional one. Simple upgrades to individual skills and beliefs can facilitate the adoption of a continuous improvement culture as well as foster a respect for and acceptance of our peers who share a growth mindset, regardless of ability or status.

A worldview that we can augment enhances our productivity if we adopt and practice it, thus catering to our natural self-interest. Consider the example of smartphone hardware itself. While biologically, our default hardware is set by genetics, we have the ability to augment our bodies’ and minds’ abilities through healthy choices (maintenance), training (apps), and technology (externals). Hopefully, our increased sense of community will encourage us to apply our enhanced productivity meaningfully. Will intentional living follow mindfulness? I am optimistic it will but nobody knows for certain. If it does, then I believe it must preserve our senses of both identity and belonging, facilitate personal growth, and enhance meaningful productivity. The good news is that, if it doesn’t, then we will spend increasingly more time aimlessly, meaninglessly, and regretfully because irrelevant information will consume our attention and we won’t realize the life we are missing or the world we could have had. Will you realize it? Please apply be mindful, live intentionally, and encourage others to do the same.

Allen Funston is a professional engineer, management consultant, and business leader turned full-time twin dad. He launched Sentient Future Consulting to unlock others’ time with a fulfilling, modern approach to intentional living designed for augmentation by technology.

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TODAY

NEW YEAR! NEW BRAND!

5 WAYS TO REFRESH YOUR BRAND IN 2018 The start of a new calendar year for me is about making resolutions and setting goals. One goal Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve quietly been working on for months now, is rebranding my small business. The process has taught me that it can be quite daunting and it is hard to know where to begin. So I thought I would share five ways you can refresh your personal or business brand in 2018. When I talk about branding people immediately think of their logo and yes that is one element. But there is much more to it than that.

1. Revisit Your Values. Hopefully when you first created your personal or business brand you started with a foundation of values. But if you did not, this is a great place to start. What do you believe in? What is important to you? Think of 3-5 personal qualities or values that really resonate with you and define you are deep in your core. Values like Integrity, Courage and Diversity to name just a few.

different template. Another good area of improvement is to remember to add any recent awards and accomplishments. People often forget that and it is a pity because it is great for branding and business development. Rebuilding your website also gives you an opportunity to pivot your business slightly in terms of the products and services you offer or refocus your area of expertise if it’s your personal website.

2. Get New Headshots.

4. Change Your Logo.

New headshots are a great way to refresh your brand and well worth the investment of time and money. Do not use a selfie or picture of you taken at a party (yes I’ve seen that). Go to a professional photographer. Take a couple of different outfit with you, one for a casual look and one for a formal business look. Being a professional speaker I often have photographers send me or tag in photos of me speaking, so a photo from an event you attended or media photo is a great source of potential headshots too.

So I added this one in the list because it is such a key part of anyone’s brand, particularly your business brand. You could do a complete redesign through an online service like 99designs.ca or fiverr.com. Both are excellent resources so check them out. Or just change one element like the colour or the font. Either way it is a good way to take your brand to the next level or reflect a change in direction.

3. Refresh Your Website.

Hands down the most important social media platform for any professional or business is LinkedIn. Every individual and business should have a presence on LinkedIn. I hope to focus on it more in a future article, but for now you need to have a profile. It’s completely free and the only investment is your time. If you already have a personal profile or a company page then take this opportunity to update it. Make sure it contains the most current information

Six months ago I started “renovating” my website and then I realized I needed to change it completely. So for all that time we’ve been working on a completely new website behind the scenes that should launch by Spring 2018. Your website is absolutely one of the most important aspects of your personal or business brand. You need it to be up to date and engaging. You could change your cover image and title or use a

5.Update Your Company Page.

Profile

and of course a good headshot or company logo. Having a clear and persuasive personal or business brand is what helps you stand out and gives you the edge in a very competitive marketplace. A strong brand will also help you attract more opportunities if you’re looking for a job or leads for your small business, so it’s a good place to focus your time and energy. I want to leave with this final thought; you define who you are and how people see you. So think big; help people see how amazing you and your business really is. Remember what Walt Disney said “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” Make 2018 that year for you.

Narges Nirumvala is Canada’s leading executive speech coach, an award winning entrepreneur, international keynote speaker, author of the Amazon

THE TECK ACUTE CARE CENTRE AT BC CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL In October, the new facility on the hospital’s Oak Street campus opened its doors. The eight-storey building is home to patient rooms, an emergency department, medical imaging, a pediatric intensive care unit and much more. Over the years, countless donors from the South Asian community generously supported the campaign to build this new children’s hospital. With the tireless

dedication of volunteers and donors at A Night of Miracles (ANOM), $3 million was raised to establish the ANOM Special Procedures Suites. In addition, the Golden Girls fundraising group raised $1 million through various community events. We will forever be grateful for your support as you helped turn an ambitious dream into a remarkable reality.

Emergency Department

Medical Imaging

The new and expanded Ledcor Children’s Emergency is equipped with 33 single-patient treatment rooms to give families privacy during stressful times, as well as two critical care rooms that provide the ample space trauma teams need to respond immediately. Kids who require longer stays can be transferred to the Clinical Decision Unit, a space where they can remain for up to 24 hours without having to be admitted.

From MRI scanners that provide faster exams and clearer pictures to CT scanners that emit less radiation, Lee Family Medical Imaging has the latest, state-of-the-art equipment. The entire department has been designed to comfort kids. Murals transform rooms into fantastical spaces that distract, while a built-in entertainment system streams a range of content for kids during their scans.

Renal Dialysis

Pediatric Intensive Care

The Alex Skidmore Renal Dialysis Unit has an open-concept layout; a design that encourages conversations and sparks new friendships. With many windows throughout, it’s a bright, welcoming space for kids who often come several times a week for treatment.

Every one of the 28 patient rooms in the Hudson Family Pediatric Intensive Care Unit is private. The rooms are significantly larger than before, which has allowed for big improvements in care and provides more space for equipment and large teams of health providers. Milan & Maureen Ilich Cardiac Intensive Care serves the unique needs of heart patients.

Gardens From the Flavelle Family Wellness Park on the ground level all the way up to the healing garden on the top floor, the facility offers outdoor spaces for families and staff to get out and enjoy the fresh air.

BC’s kids now have an innovative, stateof-the-art hospital.

(Left) One of the operating rooms in the ANOM Special Procedures Suites which provides ample space for large surgical teams to handle the most complex and critical care. Increased space and ceiling suspension mean more equipment is available within arms reach when its most needed.

Help us continue our work at bcchf.ca/donate

Oncology The entire top floor of the hospital is designed for cancer patients. The air is even different— it’s HEPA-filtered for added infection control. The For Children We Care 愛兒住院部 Oncology/Hematology/BMT Inpatient Unit has 27 private patient rooms, as well as a laundry facility, nutrition stations, and a kitchen for home-cooked meals. The Capstone Mining Oncology/Hematology/BMT Outpatient Clinic is equipped with 23 rooms that are adorned with distracting i-spy murals—providing kids with an inspirational space of their own to receive treatment.

Lobby As families arrive in the Save-On-Foods Atrium, they are immediately surrounded by serenity and nature. Large windows stream light in, while wood canopies create an environment that’s perfectly attuned to the natural beauty of BC.

Medical & Surgical Inpatient Units Each of the 96 private patient rooms, including the Mining4Life Inpatient Unit, has been fitted with a bed, bathroom, comfortable pullout sofa for loved ones, closet space, a refrigerator and television, and a large window with inspiring views. The rooms are divided into three zones— family, patient and health provider.

Procedures Suites New operating rooms provide the abundant space for teams of surgeons, specialists, nurses, anesthesiologists and more to work side-byside with ease. In addition to the latest surgical technologies, the ANOM Special Procedures Suites boast advanced imaging technology within. To help alleviate kids’ fears, corridors leading to the operating rooms are lined with murals featuring familiar scenes of home and the outdoors.

Playrooms From play spaces designed for the youngest to lounges just for teens and parents, everybody needs their space. The Michael Cuccione Foundation Playroom and Auxiliary to BC Children’s Hospital Parent Lounge are places for kids and families to commune. Two of British Columbia’s favourite sports teams, the Vancouver Whitecaps FC and Vancouver Canucks, also designed their own themed playrooms, recreating many elements of the game experience.

Child Care The first phase of site redevelopment at BC Children’s Hospital featured the construction of the Djavad Mowafaghian Child Care Centre. Open since 2014, the licensed daycare facility provides childminding for infants and kids up to the age of five, serving hospital staff and the community. Like the Teck Acute Care Centre, the stand-alone building provides a safe, natural environment to stimulate and inspire.

GETTING READY FOR TAX SEASON PUTTING YOUR MONEY IN A TFSA VS. RRSP

As tax season approaches, it is important to talk about important money matters. Something you might be wondering is whether you should put your extra money in a tax free savings account (TFSA) or a registered retirement savings plan (RRSP). Here are some helpful tips and advice to assist you in your upcoming decisions. A TFSA is a savings account where you can put your money and let it grow in eligible investments. Any money you “make” off these savings (interest, dividends, capital gains) is tax-free for life. You can withdraw your money at any time, for any reason, and the withdrawals are tax-free. TFSAs do not affect your annual tax filing whatsoever. They are a good place to put your money if you want it to grow, and if you want to be able to access it whenever, hassle-free. RRSPs on the other hand, are highly valuable during tax time. Putting your money into RRSPs is a good way to receive a better refund (or lower owing balance) during tax time. However, there are important deadlines. For instance, for the 2017 year (which you will file taxes for in 2018), you need to put money into RRSPs between January 1, 2017 and December 31, 2017; or the

extended deadline between January 1, 2018 and February 28, 2018. Any money you put aside during these periods will be claimed for your 2017 tax year as non-taxable income. It is important to note that RRSPs are less accessible than TFSAs. If you withdraw money from your RRSPs, you will be charged a withholding tax at the time of the withdrawal, which ranges between 10% to 30%, depending on how much money is withdrawn. You will also be dinged at tax time, as the money withdrawn is considered “taxable income.” These tax-time costs depend on your income and overall tax situation. Furthermore, sometimes there are limits as to the “reasons” for which you can withdraw the money. For example, if your RRSPs are managed by your employer, you may only be able to withdraw them for the purchase of a home, or for tuition fees. In addition to this, money must usually sit in an RRSP account for 90 days, before it can be accessed for a purchase.

It is important to note that RRSPs are less accessible than TFSAs. If you withdraw money from your RRSPs, you will be charged a withholding tax at the time of the withdrawal, which ranges between 10% to 30%, depending on how much money is withdrawn.

When deciding between a TFSA or RRSP, assess your overall household situation, and see what works best for you. You can also talk to a financial advisor or tax planner for advice.

Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine. 26

TODAY

RRSPS:

MORE IMPORTANT FACTS AND INFORMATION

What are RRSPs? RRSPs are Registered Retirement Savings Plans. They are a special type of savings plan designed to help Canadians save for retirement. The main advantages of RRSPs over regular savings accounts or plans are the incomparable tax benefits they offer. When you file your taxes, RRSPs qualify as a tax deferring mechanism and will be entered as part of your regular T1 return. Regular savings are not entered into your return, and do not qualify to assist in the reduction of taxes you owe.

as you will be in a lower tax bracket than you will be during your prime working years.

So how do RRSPs work? RRSPs serve as tax deductible contributions and tax-sheltered earnings, and provide the opportunity to defer taxes. What does all this mean? Let’s illustrate with an example: let’s say you are young and work hard. Your income for the 2017 year is $100,000 and you decide to put $30,000 into an RRSP for that year. You understand that this money should not be accessed until you are ready for retirement. You will get instant tax relief by deducting these RRSPs from your 2017 income. In addition to this benefit, the money you make on your RRSP investments will be tax-free. When you are ready to withdraw the RRSPs during your retirement years, you most likely will not be working. At that point, you will pay taxes on those RRSPs, but your marginal tax rate will be lower during that time than it was during the years you contributed. In other words, you save on taxes when you put your money on RRSPs, but you do have to pay taxes on that money at some point. It is no doubt a good idea to pay taxes at a time when you have a low income,

You can withdraw your RRSPs for a home purchase under the government’s Homebuyers’ Plan, without penalty, provided that you repay this money within 15 years. It is important to note that this money must have been “sitting” in the RRSP account for a minimum of 90 days. If you withdraw prior to the 90 day period, you will be penalized. The maximum you can withdraw for a home is $25,000 per person. To withdraw the RRSP money for a home purchase, a signed agreement to buy or build a qualifying home must be provided. As mentioned, you have 15 years to repay these amounts; usually you repay 1/15 of the withdrawal amount each year for 15 years. If you miss a payment, you will be required to pay taxes on that missed amount. You will start repaying the year after you make the initial withdrawal. It is important to note that the HBP is for “first time” home buyers. Confusingly, you can have a second “first time” with the HBP. According to CRA’s RC4135, there are specific requirements for being eligible to purchase a second home with RRSPs. Essentially, you must

Putting money into an RRSP is not a good idea if you may have to withdraw that money prior to your retirement years. If you withdraw your RRSPs early, you will be immediately charged 10% to 30% as a withholding tax, depending on how much you withdraw. You will also have to claim this money as taxable “income” during tax time, leading to a further penalty.

have repaid your RRSPs from your initial home purchase, and you and your spouse must not have have owned a home that you occupied as your principal residence during the fouryear period prior to this second RRSP withdrawal. You may also withdraw your RRSPs without penalty for tuition fees under the Lifelong Learning Plan. Under this plan, you can withdraw up to $10,000 per year, up to a total limit of $20,000. You have 10 years to repay these amounts; usually, you repay 1/10 of the withdrawal amount each year for 10 years. Another important, but lesser known, fact about RRSPs is that contributing to a spousal RRSP may be more beneficial for your family than contributing to a personal RRSP. How? Well, consider a scenario in which your income is significantly higher than your spouse’s. If your spouse contributes to a personal RRSP, he or she will not receive as big of a tax relief as you would if you contributed to a spousal RRSP under his or her name. With respect to your overall situation, this will be beneficial to you both, as you will receive a better refund (or lesser owing balance) during tax time. In other words, you can contribute money into an RRSP under his or her name, but the tax deductions will apply to you and your income. You will reap the benefits of the tax savings, but that money will belong to your spouse. Note, this is specifically known as a spousal RRSP and should be contributed to as such. You cannot give the cash to your spouse and simply tell him or her to “deposit” the money into their regular RRSP. This would not be considered a spousal RRSP.

It should be noted that your RRSPs are strictly “your RRSPs.” This money, unfortunately, is not as flexible as other savings. You cannot shift it around without penalties, so careful consideration should be taken prior to depositing money into an RRSP. Money you put into your RRSPs is your money; money you put into a spousal RRSP is your spouse’s money; money your spouse puts into their RRSP is their money. This can affect you if you are trying to get a mortgage. For example, if you are trying to get a mortgage under your name, you cannot use your spouse’s RRSPs as part of the down payment without penalty, unless he or she is also part of the mortgage. Anyone who files taxes and earns income can contribute to an RRSP, but there are caps on the amounts that can be contributed each year. This information (known as your RRSP contribution limit) can be found on your Notice of Assessment from the previous year. This is a document that you receive from the Canada Revenue Agency after you file your taxes each year.

Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine.

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Nana’s Kitchen wishes everyone a very Happy Canada 150! Nana’s Kitchen is proudly Canadian and we are so privileged to call Canada our home. We are proud of how Canada embraces diversity. Our diversity makes us stronger as a country.

Congratulations Canada on 150 years of prosperity! 30

LIFESTYLE

FROM UNNOTICED ENSEMBLE TO GLOBAL PHENOMENON THE SUCCESS STORY OF SHEN YUN

The story of Shen Yun Performing Arts is somewhat of a fairy tale—the journey of a small group of leading Chinese artists turning a dream into a reality by touching the hearts of millions of audience members around the world. And that number is growing exponentially as the acclaimed classical Chinese dance company launches its 2018 global tour, with five companies touring simultaneously. What is it about this group of artists that has captivated so many theatregoers worldwide—transcending culture, race, and ethnicity? And why are Chinese people flying out of mainland China to Taiwan and other locations in order to see the show?

‘The highest realm in arts’ “Demonstrating the highest realm in arts, Shen Yun inspires the performing arts world,” said Chi Cao, principal dancer with the Birmingham Royal Ballet and lead actor in “Mao’s Last Dancer.” Certainly, Shen Yun draws top artists from around the world including winners of international competitions in classical Chinese dance and music. Its production charms showgoers through superb dance and a unique orchestra highlighting Chinese melodies in a seamless combination of Eastern and Western instruments.

China through classical Chinese dance and music. The company’s dancers train many hours a day, emphasizing form, bearing, and technical skills. The concept of bearing is particularly important in classical Chinese dance. It is the element that allows the performer to express inner feelings through movement, where the nobler the dancer’s character, the more outstanding the dance.

As such, Shen Yun performers not only devote themselves to practicing technique but also to refining their personal character through what is called selfIn addition, the all-new program cultivation in traditional Chinese every year is a visual feast culture. It is rooted in the ancient showcasing exquisite handmade Chinese belief that to create costumes and state-of-the-art true art, there must first be inner technological innovations. This beauty and purity. includes groundbreaking animated backdrops that extend the stage ‘The beauty of divine beings and transport theatregoers into different realms, depicting the dancing’ natural world as well as ancient The name Shen Yun in fact means Chinese art, such as classical “the beauty of divine beings Chinese gardens and heavenly dancing.” It reflects the company’s scenes often portrayed in Buddhist aspiration to share with audiences paintings. the ancient Chinese belief that the arts are a gift to humankind from Contributing to the extraordinary heaven. performance is not only the artists’ and the entire team’s talent and It also echoes the ideals of the vigorous devotion to excellence, moral and spiritual values that but their deep belief in and define the heart and soul of embodiment of Shen Yun’s mission. traditional Chinese culture, such as benevolence and justice, propriety and wisdom, respect for and faith ‘Inner beauty and purity’ in heaven, and divine retribution. Established in 2006, New Yorkbased Shen Yun was founded These are principles that have on the mission of reviving the largely been lost in China following authentic traditional culture of decades of communist repression. 32

“The human spirit, the dignity, the power, the love of those people was astounding. … This is the profound quintessential end of entertainment. There is nothing beyond this, nothing,” ~ Jim Crill

Indeed, Shen Yun cannot be seen in mainland China, where its mission to revive the age-old spiritual essence of traditional China is not permitted in the officially atheistic country.

“I have reviewed over 3,000 shows, none can compare to what I saw tonight. … Five stars! The top!” said renowned Broadway critic Richard Connema. “Go back and see it six times.”

For its part, Shen Yun masterfully presents the noble values and splendid artistry of China’s ancient culture in their authentic form, rooted in 5,000 years of civilization. The effects are deeply felt by audience members.

Shen Yun returns to the Queen Elizabeth Theatre in Vancouver March 23–25 for its 11th sea¬son. For more information, please visit ShenYun.com/Van

“There is no word to describe it. ... If I had to, the words might be ‘divine,’ ‘reborn,’ and ‘hope,’” said cello virtuoso Christine Walevska. “The human spirit, the dignity, the power, the love of those people was astounding. … This is the profound quintessential end of entertainment. There is nothing beyond this, nothing,” said former producer Jim Crill.

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AAJ MAGAZINE 150 W

SUNNY SINGH TAEKWANDO TO HOLLYWOOD Sunny Singh, a former Calgary Sheriff and martial arts maven, was recently honoured for his fight skills with a Legends of the Martial Arts Master of the Year Award in California. He also received a lifetime achievement award from the Obama Administration. The taekwondo coach had the opportunity meet the likes of Cynthia Rothrock and Art Camacho. Rothrock holds black belt rankings in seven martial art styles (Tang Soo Do, Taekwondo, Karate, Eagle Claw, Wu Shu, Northern Shaolin, and Kung Fu) and has

acted in over 50 Hollywood films. Art Camacho is an award-winning action film director, fight choreographer and stunt performer.

Sunny Singh is proudly representing Canada in the Hollywood scene as a three-time World Police Games Gold medalist. Sunny’s commitment to his career and representing his nation is continuously demonstrated. He was competing in the World Police Championship in British Columbia in

2009, when he found out that his father passed away. He was on the floor during a competition when he found out, and someone said, “Do you want to fight or give up? You already have silver Sunny.” He did not give up, and ended being recognized as World Champion. Sunny refused to attend his father’s funeral so that he could represent Canada. He has competed in more than 150 tournaments nationally and internationally.

Sunny holds dual citizenship, as a Canadian and British national, having immigrated to Canada from the United Kingdom in 2005. He has travelled across the world, including: USA, Europe, New Zealand, Singapore, India, Thailand and Switzerland. Sunny’s goal is to use his martial arts skills to become a well-known martial arts actor. Aside from martial arts, Sunny enjoys boxing and cricket. He considers boxing as a good cardio workout, and a way to gain stamina, and it is a sport in which is he still undergoing training. Sunny has completed various projects and has future projects in both Hollywood and Bollywood. In a movie called Jun, Sunny played the role of an assassin. He is featured in a film called Replican, which will be released next year. He was responsible for directing

all fight scenes as a fight choreographer and second lead villain in Futureshift, his first feature film in Canada. Replican and Futureshift were directed by Susan Thomas. Next year, Sunny will play the role of a secret agent in a movie in New York. He will also be part of a major bodyguard fight scene, working with Cynthia Rothrock in Two Days and Two Kills, directed by Dave Durch. He will be showcased in the beginning, middle and end of the movie; a major Hollywood accomplishment. Sunny’s life story will also be coming to the big screen soon, in a film called Bitto Guru.

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Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine.

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TODAY

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. AND KUMARI MAYAWATI WHAT DO THEY HAVE IN COMMON?

What do Km. Mayawati (former chief Minister of UP, largest Indian state) and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (a prominent champion of civil rights and civil rights movements) have in common?

introduced. Landscapes are also being transformed where Blacks and Dalit icons are now portrayed positively in the media, literature, and the public institutions. One prominent example is the citizens of the United States electing To begin with, they were both President Obama twice. In Uttar born on the same date - January Pardes, the largest state in India, 15. Km. Mayawati was elected as a Chief Minister on more than one However, they have more than a occasion. These are symbolic birth date in common - they have victories that highlight steps in passion to transform societies the direction of making liberated where its members are not and respectful societies. excluded or ‘ruled out’ simply because of where they were born This is not to state that the world and who they were born to. has now become a safe haven, or the Utopia where there are Just as Dr. King reminded us no more struggles. For instance, of the vision of liberty and said: Rohith Vemula (a Ph.D. candidate “no one is free until everyone with a great potential) committed is free,” Km. Mayawati has a suicide recently. This tragedy vision of respectful societies has highlighted an issue that has where societies are no longer been overlooked and minimized marginalized, are living in dignity, in India, just as the brutal killings and everyone has opportunities of women who were buried to make contributions to the well on the pig farm has led to a being of the state. public outcry in Canada. These issues have also highlighted a As a result of direct contributions significant need to create more made by Dr. King, Km. Mayawati caring societies across the globe and other leaders of social justice and have more elected leaders movements, existing policies who care for the grassroots and are being challenged and new global communities. legislations and polices are being

Both Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Km. Mayawati have worked tirelessly to transform societies where everyone is free and respected and their lives serve as a reminder that more needs to be done to realize their visions. They are both stalwarts in eyes of many and will continue to be great reminders for generations to come. I salute these both leaders for kindling and rekindling the spark for having inclusive and respectful societies. The birthdays of these two great leaders fall close to the Punjabi festival of Lohri, where fire is lit to symbolize a new season or a new beginning. This coming year, I suggest we also dedicate Lohri to these great leaders and rekindle the fire in all of us to continue with our efforts at making this a better world, and seeing that no one is actually free, until everyone is free! With my heartiest greetings on this year’s season of lights and festivities.

Jai Birdi is a General Secretary for the Chetna Association of Canada. He is an activist and writes on social justice issues and concerns.

TODAY

2018 BUCKETLIST

2018 is going to be a great year, with an abundance of things to do, sights to see and places to be! Here is a list of things to partake in or be on the lookout for:

1) FIFA World Cup

2) Winter Olympics

3) A Royal Wedding

2018â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s World Cup Tournament will be the 21st FIFA World Cup. This is a quadrennial and international soccer tournament, and is scheduled to take place in Russia from June 14th to July 15th.

The Olympic Winter Games is an international sporting event that takes place once every four years. With the last event held in Russia in 2014, South Korea will be hosting the Games this February in Pyeongchang.

Prince Harry recently proposed to American beauty Meghan Markle. The pair are set to be married on May 19th, 2018, and you can be sure that the festivities will be splashed all over your Snapchat, Facebook and Instagram accounts.

4) Commercial Flights to Antarctica Will Officially Start Flying for the First Time Ever Prior to 2018, people could only travel to Antarctica via special arrangements such as charter flights or ships. Now, tourists will be able to fly to Antarctica from Argentina on a regular basis. The flights will depart at least once a week, and will land on Seymour Island. Commercial flights previously avoided flying over Antarctica because Federal Aviation Administration rules stated that aircrafts must always be within an hour of an airport to land in case of an emergency. Flying over Antarctica was considered too risky and dangerous.

5) A New Jurassic World Movie is Being Released Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, the next film in the sequel trilogy and part of the fourth installment of the Jurassic Park series, will hit theatres in June. Based on the success of the past movies, we know this one will also be amazing.

6) Eminem May Go On Tour With the recent release of Eminemâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s newest album (Revival), there is a high likelihood that the famous rapper will go on tour in 2018. His last tour took place in 2014, and who knows when he will release another album (if ever) again!

7) Bitcoin Boom? A few years ago, a bitcoin was practically worthless. The digital currency made headlines in 2017 when it was determined that one unit of the digital coin was reaching close to the $20,000 mark. Start investing! With technological innovation on the rise, the value of Bitcoins will probably only increase.

Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine.

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TODAY

NEW IN THE NOW The New Year is around the corner and everyone is getting ready to celebrate the Holidays with cheer, celebration, good food, excitement and energy for the next few weeks. Everyone is planning their New Year parties and are ready to kick off the New Year with new resolutions. These range from embarking on personal wellness, getting into shape, starting a new business, a career change, family additions, pondering on new initiatives or beginnings that’ll make us happier or more successful in the future. We’re all excited to start the partying on New Year’s night, cheering each other with a glass of Champagne and having fun late into the night. When it comes to reality, after all the excitement of last night, most of us wake up really late the next morning

with a huge hangover, long and tired faces. This was my New Year experience every year; it was just part of the social scene, that’s what everyone did. I used to be a part of these late night parties, even though deep within I didn’t look forward to them. I dragged myself to them because I didn’t want to be a social outcast. I just felt the excitement was over-hyped. Eleven years back, my life transformed when I met Master Sunita. I evolved into someone whose life everyday was about anticipating and relishing the excitement of a New Year, New Beginnings and New Opportunities every single moment. I quickly realized the newness within me blossoming each moment. Every moment, I’d feel like fire crackers exploding in my heart creating color and just, pure joy. The unstoppable excitement that I realized from my pure

inner self is inexplicable in words. Before I met Master Sunita, I had no concept of living within my true presence and in the present moment. I would dwell way too much on the negative experiences in my past, be emotional more than was healthy, be anxious about the future and constantly judged myself and others, without ever enjoying what the present had to offer me. However, through Sookshma, I have realized that there is newness in every single moment. We have an opportunity to create anything we want in the present moment. In fact, the Past and the Future are delusions. The Past is dead and the Future is unpredictable. Many of us spend a lot of time ruminating on the past. This rumination creates a lot of stress and destructive patterns in our

subconscious mind, eventually leading to mental and emotional blockages that finally take a toll on our health. Some of us then start suffering from stress and anxiety, and others who have suffered more start developing complex health issues. Dwelling on past events is like digging a grave yard and trying to smell it. Of course it will stink. It can irritate and frustrate us. It spoils your mood, and sets the tone for the rest of the day, pure misery and no joy. The best we can do is learn from the past and move on. Not moving onto the future directly, but pausing in the present to experience our true self. The Future is imaginary. No one knows what will happen tomorrow. Yes we can predict based on some probability, but life comes with surprises that we do not expect most of the time. We plan for an outcome and something else happens. I am sure each one of you will agree that you were set to do something in life, but some events/situations/circumstances changed/affected our path and we end up in completely unexpected/different situations. So the Future is not easy to predict. Focusing only on the future without enjoying the present in its fullness is living blindly and it can suck us into a whirlpool of anxiety and take us on an imaginary roller coaster ride. The beauty of living in the present is that you will be alert, aware and awake during surprises, and sudden life changing events and situations. It helps us to be prepared for any challenges from the future. The Present is the only reality. When living in the present moment with full awareness, Life becomes a celebration. The concept of Time is a human creation. There is no such thing as time for other species of animals. A cat or an ant does not know what time is. Yes, there is the Sunrise and Sunset, and changes in nature that we all align with. However, the whole construct of time is simply a creation of the human mind. The only time there really is, is the Present Moment. In that present moment is the potential to create the new, destroy the old and channel our energy continuously into the present. There is only the Present and when we align with this everlasting present, life becomes a continuous flow of present moments. Master Sunita calls this alertness of the Present: Continuous Constant Integrated Positive Awareness

(CCIPA). We then do not get stuck, we move on. A lot of people have a hard time living in the present and it takes time to rewire our consciousness to become aware of the Present. When I came to Sunita and her Sookshma program, it took me to the very crux of the Present moment which is the Pure Self beyond the movement of mind. The Mind is like a monkey jumping to the past or the future. The Mind is just movement of information between the Past and Future, but the Pure Self is an everlasting continuum. The Nature of the Body is birth, decay and death, but the pure self is the vibration of energy behind the body. This vibration is neither created nor destroyed. It is always there. It is there in all of us. Ancient Wisdom says that when we are able to tune into this pure energy field of timeless and ageless being, then life becomes bliss. We can use that infinite nuclear energy to accomplish our goals and dreams. Each present moment resolves itself to transform our infinite vision into a reality that benefits us and inspires humanity. Our life blossoms with Personal Wellness at its core, the experience of Fullness of energy and bliss flooding each cell of our consciousness and the Oneness of humanity becomes practical. The Sookshma program of Master Sunita enforces us to care for the Self, to show love and compassion for the Self. It teaches us to take care of our precious resources: our mind and body and to use them as tools by the Pure Self, that will bring abundance to our life in all aspects and at all times, because there is only the Present. In the Now, there is no place for the past and the future. In the Now exists Pure Intentions that when given attention to blossom into the reality of the Present.

People make resolutions for the New Year but most of them are forgotten or given up on the very next week, month or quarter. Many of us are back to our old patterns, conditioned minds and attitudes. These patterns are deeply rooted in the subconscious mind and are not easy to let go and move forward. Even though some are able to move forward and make it to their resolutions, most end up with physical/emotional illness, or stay in their unhealthy lifestyle habits because they neglect caring for the most precious 46

they have: their body and mind. They live in the delusion of name, fame, social status, ego identities, power, money, unhealthy comparisons, working towards unhealthy goals, constantly trying to meet unhealthy expectations, and destroy their self and the environment through their selfish needs and deeds. The lack of understanding of the true nature of existence, the nature of the body and mind, the nature of time results in pain and suffering. However, when we realize our pure self and work from the state of Oneness within, it brings honesty and integrity to make the intention of our resolutions come true. It allows us to accept the present without any resistance, and allows us to work with the Present towards a positive vision with patience and perseverance.

a shining spark of newness within and to spread this light to all selflessly. All it takes is to Breathe and Smile for the Self in this Present Moment and everything else will fall in place in the Newness of Now to create Health, Wealth and Bliss. Wishing you all the very best and newness in every moment.

My personal resolution is to bring Wellness and Oneness to humanity through our work at the Non-profit Peace Tree Innovations Society (www. peacetree.ca). In fact the resolution is not separate from me anymore. Every aspect of my being is resonating with this resolution. I haveâ&#x20AC;Żbecomeâ&#x20AC;Żthe resolution with one-pointedness. Sookshma of Master Sunita reveals the power of concentration and positive awareness from moment to moment. When we vibrate at that level of pure energy, then situations and circumstances will resonate with us to make our desires come true. Our resolution is to touch the hearts and souls of millions of people. Our vision is to help humanity heal from self-destructive patterns, emotions and turmoil. Our mission is to assist all in realizing their true inner potential, create

Dr. Suman Kollipara is co-founder of Peace Tree Society (www.peacetree.ca), a group that organizes workshops on overall well-being, using tools of Sookshma Self Compassion Healing Program pioneered by Master Sunita (www.sunita.ca). He comes with a unique background of Veterinary Medicine, Computer Science and 10 years of training in Meditation under Master Sunita.

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TIPS TO HELP YOU MAINTAIN YOUR

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION As we prepare to begin 2018, many of us have set goals or have come up with resolutions that we would like to stick to in the coming year. Statistically many will fail at this attempt to bring forth the change they want in their lives. So, why does this tend to happen repeatedly year after year? The answers are very simple, if you look at the facts. Many of the ones that tend to fail at keeping their resolutions do so because they arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t using the right tools to bring forth this change into their lives. To change your habits is to change your character. That is something very empowering to do and once you can change your character, you can bring forth an abundance of positive changes into your lives. Psychology teaches us that the habits of the mind can be changed by the development of pathways in our brains which are created by daily habits, emotions, our interactions with others and so forth. Our brains have the power

to bring forth drastic changes in our lives through synaptic plasticity. Synaptic plasticity controls how effectively the neurons in our brains communicate with each other. Long term bad habits cause stable changes in the brain at the molecular and cellular levels. Therefore, you really need to get down to the nitty gritty things in your life and start changing yourself on a microscopic level. I would suggest that you create daily rituals for yourself to get you into a routine of good habits that will strengthen the ability of your mind to adapt and stick to changes. Some rituals that you can start doing daily pertain to the little things in your life. Start your day by getting up on time and making your bed. Eat breakfast and enjoy your first meal of the day and plan your tasks for the day. This will help raise your self awareness. Clean up your space constantly. When you declutter your space and clean up,

the visual affect will influence your brain. Complete small tasks on time, be nicer to people, listen more than talking and really hear people out when listening, go on small walks, make time to meet friends and visit family. Exercising really helps change the chemicals in your body. By increasing physical activity in your schedule, your body will release more endorphins, and balance dopamine and serotonin levels, which will in turn will boost your energy levels, change your mood, and prompt better sleep. These rituals will bring a balance into your days and hence help your brain adapt to the changes you want to bring forth in your life. Nothing great comes easy and fast. Everything worth having takes time to build, but you have to start somewhere and stick to the path you have taken. Just remember: itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ok to fall down, as long as you keep getting back up.

Raj Nagi is a soul on an eternal journey, utilizing this vehicle called the human body, living on a ball that floats in space while circling a hot sphere called the sun. Where we come from and where we go, no one knows, there are only questions and no real answers.

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TODAY

WEIGHT LOSS INTERVIEW WITH RAGHBIR TUNG Raghbir Tung from California, USA, has lost over 100 pounds to reach the physique that he has today. This journey involved a lot of hard work, dedication and commitment. Here’s what Raghbir had to say about the process: AAJ Magazine: When did you start your weight loss journey? Raghbir: I got my gym membership in 2010 and that’s when it all began. AAJ Magazine: How much did you weigh when you started? Raghbir: When I went to the gym on my first day, they did a fitness evaluation. In the evaluation, they check your height, weight and body fat percentage. On my fitness evaluation, I weighed in at 302 pounds and 27.8% body fat.

AAJ Magazine: How much do you weigh now?

spending more time at the gym due to not having anyone to hang out with.

Raghbir: If we take out these holidays (lol) . . . my normal weight fluctuates between 185-190 pounds. But 176 pounds is the lightest I ever was.

AAJ Magazine: What motivated and disciplined?

AAJ Magazine: What made you decide to make a change? Raghbir: Nothing made me decide to make a change. It was more along the lines of adulthood happening. I joined the gym because the very few friends I had moved to different cities to go to college. This resulted in me having no one to hang out with, which was a blessing in disguise. This eliminated any chances of me going out and eating at fast food restaurants. Instead, I started eating healthier (at home) and started

kept

you

Raghbir: Since I didn’t have any peers to spend time with, it resulted in me spending more time at the gym, which I previously mentioned. But due to that blessing in disguise I started spending 2-3 hours at the gym. This sped up my weight loss results. Once I saw the first 10 pounds drop on the scale . . . oh boy! It became an obsession/addiction and the mind started to wonder how much more weight the body can lose! And at the point, I was extremely motivated because I really really badly wanted to get in shape because I was witnessing results. I also have a fitness idol I follow, which is Hrithik Roshan. I always read

pull up bar because I weighed so much. But over this journey, I saw my weight and body fat percentage go down and slowly I saw that I was able to do one pull up, then two, then three, then four. Today I can do close to twenty pull ups. So pull ups has to be one of my favourite exercises along with cardio. AAJ Magazine: What are your favourite healthy foods? Raghbir: I’m a pure vegetarian, so a lot of my diet is a plant based diet and plant based protein. One healthy food I absolutely hated but have now fallen in love with is oatmeal! Some of my other favourite healthy foods are veggie burgers, squash spaghetti, peanut butter. AAJ Magazine: What are some key tips/ advice you have for people who want to lose weight?

about him or looked at his pictures, which kept me motivated to work out and disciplined to stay on the healthy lifestyle. But ultimately, I just don’t want to go back to where I was before. The fear of going back to that 302 pounds is what keeps me motivated, disciplined and focused.

in my personal experience the key has been giving up going out with friends. I believe that giving up that life where you always go out with your friends was a huge key which helped me lose over 120 pounds. Not going out helped me make better diet choices. I was able to stay focused on my own diet.

AAJ Magazine: What is the key to weight loss based on your experience?

AAJ Magazine: What are your favourite exercises?

Raghbir: The answer to this question is going to seem played out because you hear it from every trainer or dietician or fitness models, but the correct diet is the key to weight loss. But I also want to add another key . . . This might sound odd, but

Raghbir: One of my favourite exercises will always be running or any type of cardio. Another exercise I absolutely love is pull ups. I love pull ups because I remember when I first started going to the gym I could barely hang from the

Raghbir: My advice to beginners would be to no look at the peak of the mountain because then you’ll think to yourself that today is only my first day and I’ll never get there. Rather, the best way to look at it is: “One Day At A Time, One Meal At A Time, One Step At A Time!” We ever tend to get discouraged when we first start college. We never say on the first day of college that, “Oh great! I have 4 years to go until I get my Masters, I’m never going to achieve it!” We don’t say that. We take it one day at a time, one test at a time, one final at a time and one semester at a time. The same should apply to fitness.

Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine.

FIRE OF 1. Our very own “Royal Couple” tied the knot this December 2017. Bollywood actress Anushka Sharma and Indian Cricketer Virat Kohli got married via a super secret ceremony in Tuscany, Italy. They then returned to Delhi where they held a lavish reception, which included a personal performance by the one and only Gurdas Mann. 2. Scarborough-born criminal defence lawyer Jagmeet Singh, 38, made history by becoming the first member of a visible minority to lead a major federal political party in Canada (the NDP). 3. Preet Didbal made headlines by becoming the first female Sikh mayor in the United States via her electoral victory in Yuba City, California. 4. Harjit Sajjan, Canada’s Minister of National Defence, along with other national leaders, met Hollywood star Angelina Jolie when she travelled to Vancouver for her keynote speech at the UN Peacekeeping Defence Ministerial Summit. 5. Canada celebrated its 150th birthday in July, and AAJ Magazine had the opportunity to travel across the country in recognition. 6. The Canada Summer Games took place in Winnipeg, Manitoba; a biennial high-level multi-sport event, with athletes from across the nation coming together to represent their province or territory. 7. Hassan Minhaj, American comedian and actor and Senior Correspondent on The Daily Show was chosen to perform at the 2017 White House Correspondents’ Dinner. His stand up comedy special, Homecoming King, also debuted on Netflix in 2017.

ICE 2017 8. Bhavkiran Dhesi, a 19-year-old kidney transplant survivor and college student, was found dead in a burned out SUV in Surrey, British Columbia. Her death was not related to gang activity, but IHIT believed that she was targeted. 9. A decade after the atrocity, three people were found guilty in the 2007 murder of Amanpreet Kaur Bahia: Baljinder Singh Bahia (her husband), Eduard Baranec (a hitman), and Tanpreet Kaur Athwal were convicted for their respective involvement in the crime. 10. Among other disasters: over 3000 migrants drowned while attempting to cross the Mediterranean Sea to escape from Northern Africa; monsoon rains destroyed parts of India, Bangladesh and Nepal, killing over 1400 people from July to September. 11. Donald Trump, a businessman and reality television celebrity, became the 45th president of the United States of America on January 20th, 2017. 12. Legislation across Canada has started to change to allow companies like Uber into the transportation industry, which will affect the taxi-cab industry across the nation. 13. An opioid crisis in Edmontonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s South Asian community was brought to light in 2017 by truck-driver Yadwinder Rai. Most people and media outlets focus on inner city issues that are obvious but many are suffering silently within the suburb as well. 14. Gang activity and related issues continue across the country, with South Asians notably appearing in the media for various shootings, stabbings and violent incidents.

LIFESTYLE

PERSONALITY DISORDERS SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS South Asians must be superhuman, or so we are led to believe. We behave as if we are immune to health problems, catastrophes, tragedies and . . . mental health issues. I am sure many of you have come across scenarios similar to my own experiences. My dad got diagnosed with diabetes, but he continues to eat jalebis any chance he gets, and refuses to check his blood sugar levels on a daily basis. Why? He thinks it’s just “something the doctor said.” There is no way he is “ill.” A close family member of mine has difficulty waking up - literally, it is physically difficult for this person to get out of her bed. Yet, people refuse to understand that this individual could be depressed. How could that be possible, when mental illness “does not exist” in the South Asian community. This mentality, and this backwards way of thinking, is wrong. Mental health issues can affect anyone, and they do exist. In this issue we will highlight the signs and symptoms of personality disorders (PD). We hope that this article sheds light on a potential source of domestic conflict in our community, and triggers a much-needed discussion. If you or anyone you know exhibits a combination of these signs, consider going to a health practitioner for advice and guidance. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and we should make it a priority this new year. There are 10 personality disorders, according to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders the bible of psychological assessments). This guide is regularly updated and published by the American Psychiatric Association, and offers a guideline, reference points and criteria for the classification of mental disorders. A breakdown of the 10 personality disorders and their associated signs and symptoms are as follows, as discussed in an article by Neel Burton in Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ blog/hide -and-seek/201205/the -10personality-disorders

1. Paranoid Personality Disorder Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive distrust of others, including even friends, family and partner. As a result, the person is guarded and suspicious, and constantly on the lookout for clues or suggestions to validate his fears. He also has a strong sense of personal rights: he is overly sensitive to setbacks and rebuffs, easily feels shame and humiliation, and persistently bears grudges. Unsurprisingly, he tends to withdraw from others and to struggle with building close relationships. The principal ego defence in paranoid PD is projection, which involves attributing one’s unacceptable thoughts and feelings to other people. 2. Schizoid Personality Disorder The term ‘schizoid’ designates a natural tendency to direct attention toward one’s inner life and away from the external world. A person with schizoid PD is detached and aloof and prone to introspection and fantasy. He has no desire for social or sexual relationships, is indifferent to others and to social norms and conventions, and lacks emotional response. A competing theory about people with schizoid PD is that they are in fact highly sensitive with a rich inner life: they experience a deep longing for intimacy but find initiating and maintaining close relationships too difficult or distressing, and so retreat into their inner world. People with schizoid PD rarely present to medical attention because, despite their reluctance to form close relationships, they are generally well functioning, and quite untroubled by their apparent oddness. 3. Schizotypal Disorder Schizotypal PD is characterized by oddities of appearance, behaviour, and speech, unusual perceptual experiences, and anomalies of thinking similar to those seen 56

in schizophrenia. These latter can include odd beliefs, magical thinking (for instance, thinking that speaking of the devil can make him appear), suspiciousness, and obsessive ruminations. People with schizotypal PD often fear social interaction and think of others as harmful. This may lead them to develop so-called ideas of reference, that is, beliefs or intuitions that events and happenings are somehow related to them. So whereas people with schizotypal PD and people with schizoid PD both avoid social interaction, with the former it is because they fear others, whereas with the latter it is because they have no desire to interact with others or find interacting with others too difficult. People with schizotypal PD have a higher than average probability of developing schizophrenia, and the condition used to be called ‘latent schizophrenia.’ 4. Antisocial Personality Disorder Until psychiatrist Kurt Schneider (18871967) broadened the concept of personality disorder to include those who ‘suffer from their abnormality’, personality disorder was more or less synonymous with antisocial personality disorder. Antisocial PD is much more common in men than in women, and is characterized by a callous unconcern for the feelings of others. The person disregards social rules and obligations, is irritable and aggressive, acts impulsively, lacks guilt, and fails to learn from experience. In many cases, he has no difficulty finding relationships—and can even appear superficially charming (the so-called ‘charming psychopath’)—but these relationships are usually fiery, turbulent, and short-lived. As antisocial PD is the mental disorder most closely correlated with crime, he is likely to have a criminal record or a history of being in and out of prison. 5. Borderline Personality Disorder In borderline PD (or emotionally unstable PD), the person essentially lacks a sense of self, and, as a result, experiences feelings of emptiness and fears of abandonment. There is a pattern of intense but unstable relationships, emotional instability, outbursts of anger and violence (especially in response to criticism), and impulsive behaviour.

Suicidal threats and acts of self-harm are common, for which reason many people with borderline PD frequently come to medical attention. Borderline PD was so called because it was thought to lie on the ‘borderline’ between neurotic (anxiety) disorders and psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. It has been suggested that borderline personality disorder often results from childhood sexual abuse, and that it is more common in women in part because women are more likely to suffer sexual abuse. However, feminists have argued that borderline PD is more common in women because women presenting with angry and promiscuous behaviour tend to be labelled with it, whereas men presenting with similar behaviour tend instead to be labelled with antisocial PD. 6. Histrionic Personality Disorder People with histrionic PD lack a sense of self-worth, and depend for their wellbeing on attracting the attention and approval of others. They often seem to be dramatizing or ‘playing a part’ in a bid to be heard and seen. Indeed, ‘histrionic’ derives from the Latin histrionicus, ‘pertaining to the actor’. People with histrionic PD may take great care of their appearance and behave in a manner that is overly charming or inappropriately seductive. As they crave excitement and act on impulse or suggestion, they can place themselves at risk of accident or exploitation. Their dealings with others often seem insincere or superficial, which, in the longer term, can adversely impact on their social and romantic relationships. This is especially distressing to them, as they are sensitive to criticism and rejection, and react badly to loss or failure. A vicious circle may take hold in which the more rejected they feel, the more histrionic they become; and the more histrionic they become, the more rejected they feel. It can be argued that a vicious circle of some kind is at the heart of every personality disorder, and, indeed, every mental disorder. 7. Narcissistic Personality Disorder In narcissistic PD, the person has an extreme feeling of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, and a need to be admired. He is envious of others

and expects them to be the same of him. He lacks empathy and readily lies and exploits others to achieve his aims. To others, he may seem selfabsorbed, controlling, intolerant, selfish, or insensitive. If he feels obstructed or ridiculed, he can fly into a fit of destructive anger and revenge. Such a reaction is sometimes called ‘narcissistic rage’, and can have disastrous consequences for all those involved. 8. Avoidant Personality Disorder People with avoidant PD believe that they are socially inept, unappealing, or inferior, and constantly fear being embarrassed, criticized, or rejected. They avoid meeting others unless they are certain of being liked, and are restrained even in their intimate relationships. Avoidant PD is strongly associated with anxiety disorders, and may also be associated with actual or felt rejection by parents or peers in childhood. Research suggests that people with avoidant PD excessively monitor internal reactions, both their own and those of others, which prevents them from engaging naturally or fluently in social situations. A vicious circle takes hold in which the more they monitor their internal reactions, the more inept they feel; and the more inept they feel, the more they monitor their internal reactions. 9. Dependent Personality Disorder Dependent PD is characterized by a lack of self-confidence and an excessive need to be looked after. The person needs a lot of help in making everyday decisions and surrenders important life decisions to the care of others. He greatly fears abandonment and may go through considerable lengths to secure and maintain relationships. A person with dependent PD sees himself as inadequate and helpless, and so surrenders personal responsibility and submits himself to one or more protective others. He imagines that he is at one with these protective other(s), whom he idealizes as competent and powerful, and towards whom he behaves in a manner that is ingratiating and self-effacing. People with dependent PD often end up with people with a cluster B personality disorder, who feed on the unconditional high regard in which

they are held. Overall, people with dependent PD maintain a naïve and child-like perspective, and have limited insight into themselves and others. This entrenches their dependency, and leaves them vulnerable to abuse and exploitation. 10. Anankastic (obsessive-compulsive) Personality Disorder Anankastic PD is characterized by excessive preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules; perfectionism so extreme that it prevents a task from being completed; and devotion to work and productivity at the expense of leisure and relationships. A person with anankastic PD is typically doubting and cautious, rigid and controlling, humorless, and miserly. His underlying anxiety arises from a perceived lack of control over a world that eludes his understanding; and the more he tries to exert control, the more out of control he feels. In consequence, he has little tolerance for complexity or nuance, and tends to simplify the world by seeing things as either all good or all bad. His

relationships with colleagues, friends, and family are often strained by the unreasonable and inflexible demands that he makes upon them. While personality disorders may differ from mental disorders like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, they do, by definition, lead to significant impairment. They are estimated to affect about 10 percent of people, although this figure ultimately depends on where clinicians draw the line between a ‘normal’ personality and one that leads to significant impairment. Characterizing the ten personality disorders is difficult, but diagnosing them reliably is even more so. For instance, how far from the norm must personality traits deviate before they can be counted as disordered? How significant is ‘significant impairment’? And how is ‘impairment’ to be defined? Whatever the answers to these questions, they are bound to include a large part of subjectivity.

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Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine.

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IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO LEAVE

GETTING OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS EVEN THOUGH DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION In the South Asian community, divorce is a taboo subject. The belief is that your marriage lasts till your last breath and if you have issues with your partner, you are expected to work them out. More often than not, women are expected to submit to the demands of their husbands, without question. Thankfully, things are changing for the better. As our community becomes more educated, with the aid of the opportunities available to us abroad, important discussions are being had and changes are being made. If you are at a crossroads in your relationship, and cannot figure out whether you should save your marriage or end it, take some time to think about some very important things. First, recognize that your happiness is at stake. Many people in our community end up living a life that is a lie, for the sake of their parents; to protect their reputation, and out of fear of “what other people will say.” Some people may argue that happiness is not the end-allbe-all factor. To be honest, happiness is connected to your mental health. If you live unhappily, you are essentially ruining your life - this precious gift that has been offered to you. Recognize that confining yourself to an unhappy marriage is like sending yourself to jail - albeit a mental prison instead. “What people will say” should not take priority over your happiness and your peace of mind. “Other people” are not going to be the ones walking in your shoes, passing the time and living through the days. They are not going to pay your bills, and protect your children. They are simply an audience, and they will talk about you, no matter what you do -

good or bad. People will talk about you whether you “walk a straight line” or you don’t. Many of us confine ourselves to toxic relationships because we don’t want to disappoint our parents. If your parents truly care about your wellbeing, they will want you to be happy, and they will understand your decision. If you are truly miserable in your marriage, prior to finalizing a divorce, consider couples therapy or independent sessions with a psychologist or counsellor. Sometimes, we have unresolved issues from our childhood that we are accidentally carrying into our adult relationships. It is often difficult for a person to see what they are doing wrong in a situation. By opening up to a third party in confidence, we are able to obtain an unbiased perspective from a knowledgeable professional. Studies have shown that all forms of psychotherapy lead to individual growth in one way or another. Talking out loud leads to insight, which leads to understanding, and enables us to make changes in our day to day lives. More often than not, counselling will improve your relationships and your mental state. Try hard to fix your relationship, especially if you truly care about the person you are with, and have invested a lot of time and energy into it. Every marriage has hurdles - that is the reality. Everyone will annoy you or irritate you in one way or another. You just have to decide who’s worth the long-term commitment. If you try your best to salvage the relationship, but you are still utterly unhappy, be aware that it is never too late to leave, even though “divorce is not an option” in our community.

Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine.

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DEPRESSION:

LOW FUNCTIONING VS. HIGH FUNCTIONING Depression affects many people. It is a serious disorder that affects one’s mood and causes severe symptoms that influence how you feel, think, and handle day-to-day activities. There are two types of depression: low functioning depression and high functioning depression. In order for someone to be diagnosed with depression by a healthcare practitioner, symptoms need to exist for a minimum of two weeks. The main difference between low-functioning depression and high-functioning depression is that people with high-functioning depression are able to accomplish their daily tasks, despite feeling unhappy as they complete them. People with lowfunctioning depression, on the other hand, tend to be unable to handle the tasks and duties that are expected of them. Extremely severe low-functioning depression can be crippling, with the individual actually being unable to get out of bed. People with this type of depression cannot function in society, and often miss school or work. Research has shown that perfectionists are more susceptible to highfunctioning depression than lowfunctioning depression. These type of people often have goals that are far-reaching or unrealistic, and when they cannot meet these expectations they have of themselves, they take it personally. These people are “highfunctioning” which means they are generally doing quite well in life. They just become victims of their own success in that they strive for more and more. Signs and symptoms of high

functioning depression include: • Difficulty experiencing joy • Relentless criticism of oneself and others (one’s boss, partner, children, etc.) • Constant self doubt • Diminished energy • Irritability or excessive anger • Small things feeling like huge things (with the inability to handle stress the way one usually could) • Feelings of guilt and worry over the past and future • Relying on coping strategies more and more • Generalized sadness • Seeking perfection • Inability to rest and slow down Most people are familiar with low functioning depression, and this is the type of depression that primarily comes to mind when the term is mentioned. High functioning depression is less common, but is definitely on the rise. Mental illness does not discriminate, and can affect anyone and everyone. According to some psychologists, a strategy for dealing with depression is to develop skills to handle life on life’s terms. Expectations need to be lowered, and realistic and systematic goals need to be set. This holds true for both low-functioning and highfunctioning depression.

Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine.

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SIGNS OF

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS Good relationships should make you feel secure, content, respected, and free. Toxic relationships on the other hand will make you feel drained and upset. This year, keep an eye out for the following signs pertaining to toxic relationships, and consider whether you should keep certain people in your life or not. It should be noted that most of these signs pertain to romantic relationships, but they could also apply to family members or friends. 1) You feel as if you are “walking on eggshells” around this person. We’ve all heard the saying that “love is blind,” but it probably wasn’t until our late twenties that we finally started to understand what this phrase actually meant. As more and more people cross our paths in life, we start to realize that people are very diverse and unique. Sometimes, when two people meet, they become great friends. Other times, there is a clash between personalities, character, morals or values. It can be said that the phrase “love is blind” could be applicable to romantic partners, friends and even family members. As we grow as people, we may find ourselves clinging on or even protecting people that we should actually be letting go of or establishing boundaries with.

This could pertain to feeling physically threatened or feeling scared to share your opinions out of fear of someone’s emotional reactions to what you have to say. If you find yourself hesitating to speak up, or feel like you have to be very cautious around someone, consider it a red flag for a negative and unrewarding relationship. 2) You don’t feel healthy, and there is no exact medical explanation for your ailments. This could be inexplicable aches and pains, respiratory issues, chest pains, etc. These physical or biological symptoms that doctors are having

trouble explaining could be a sign that something is stressing you out - and it could be one of your relationships. It could be your partner, your sibling, your parent, your coworker, etc. Our bodies are very good at detecting things. For example, when something gets stuck in our eyes, we start tearing. When we are stressed, our hair starts to fall out. When we eat something toxic, our body tries to vomit it out. As such, our body can most certainly react to stressful people in our environment as well. Consider what is on the back of your mind, and tackle it. 3) You are always arguing with the person. Small arguments are considered healthy for any relationship, but constant blowups are not good for anyone. If you are struggling to meet common ground with someone and always fighting, you should consider making some changes. As you get to know someone better (and for longer) there should be a shift towards understanding him or her and communication should improve, rather than get worse, over time. 4) There’s always drama.

Would there be less drama in your life if a certain someone wasn’t a part of

it? Some drama can keep life interesting and bring people closer together; but incessant turmoil can become a major source of stress and displeasure. If someone has tried to physically assault you, or is hurling hateful and degrading comments at you, you are better off cutting this person out of your life. It should be noted that physical assaults are easy to detect, but mental abuse is harder to spot. Be mindful of people who try to manipulate your mind, lower your self esteem, and generally make you feel bad about yourself.

8) You feel like this person is bringing you down rather than lifting you up.

5) You find yourself being isolated from important people in your life.

Are you always bailing this individual out of problems that they themselves have created? Are you always going out of your way for this person, while they never do so for you? Does the relationship feel imbalanced with hard evidence to support your feelings? If yes, it’s time for an important discussion.

Is someone trying to make you feel like your close friends and family members don’t have your best interests at heart (while you know without a doubt that they actually do)? This isolation is potentially a sign that this individual may attempt to control you and doesn’t want anyone to interfere when they do. 6) The relationship is starting to feel like a competition, where you two are going back and forth trying to hurt each other. Once this cycle starts, be sure to put a stop to it or end the relationship. The past shouldn’t be continuously brought up to hurt someone in the present. Mistakes should be used as a tool for growth, change and progress in a relationship. 7) Walls are being put up when important topics should be discussed. Communication is key for any successful relationship. If someone is putting up barriers, throwing tantrums or running away when important things need to be discussed, something is wrong. These types of reactions are toxic and immature.

Pay attention to your gut feelings. If you feel like someone is getting in the way of your goals, dreams, ideas or other relationships, consider making some changes or cutting them out of your life. Otherwise, you will begin to resent him or her for the opportunities that could of been had. 9) You feel like you are always giving, while the other person is constantly taking.

10) You feel like you can never do anything right. If you are always “wrong” in someone’s eyes, no matter what you do, the relationship is definitely wrong. Some people cannot accept their shortcomings and will project their issues onto you. You have three options with these types of individuals: either you can understand and accept that this is how the relationship will be, or you can try to convince the other person that they need to change and are making you feel this way, or you can end the relationship. This year, be mindful of those you surround yourself with. Life is short, and shouldn’t be wasted on people who don’t add to your life in a positive way. You can’t always choose who enters your life, but you can choose how often you interact with them.

LIFESTYLE

LOHRI 2018

GIRLS ARE BLESSINGS TOO - THIS LOHRI LET’S CELEBRATE! It’s a well known fact that South Asians give preference to sons. Historically, having a lot of boys in the family was important for acquiring wealth. In India, for example, most people were and continue to be farmers by trade. Genetically boys are stronger and can do more labour than girls. With more males in a family, more work can be done on farms, and more money can be generated from crop yields. In addition to this, girls are considered “transient” children as they leave their home upon marriage and join their husband’s family. Furthermore, boys carry on their

family name, as girls generally change their name upon marriage. Girls were also considered a financial burden, as grooms expected dowries (money, jewelry and other goods) from the bride’s family prior to or upon marriage. As such, upon the birth of a girl-child, traditional South Asian families displayed sadness, guilt and depression. Upon the birth of a boy, lavish celebrations were had. Lohri was one such celebration. Lohri actually started as a festival that commemorated the completion of the winter solstice, and was a celebration of longer days ahead. Over the years, people modified

the celebration to include another opportunity to celebrate the birth of their sons. This lohri, we suggest taking a stand and also celebrating the birth of girls. Things are fortunately changing for the better. Our community is becoming more educated, and realizing how important girls truly are. In Brampton, Ontario, a city in which 40 percent of the general population is South Asian, one hospital has started handing out ladoos when a baby girl is born. In the United Kingdom, a woman named

Raj Khaira (a lawyer by trade) started a movement called the Pink Ladoo Project, to achieve a personal mission of eradicating South Asian gender biased customs, traditions and practices. This movement has made waves across the globe, including Australia, Canada and the USA. Through this project, South Asians are encouraged to change the dialogue and behaviour that surrounds the birth of a baby girl, by handing out pink ladoos in celebration.

There is an urgent need to change the customs, values and traditions of the South Asian community when it comes to gender biases and preferences. A study has found that India-born Canadian immigrant women who already have two girls gave birth to 192 boys for every 100 girls in Ontario. The gender ratios in Canada have become so distorted that they cannot be explained by natural causes. In India, thousands of girls are aborted each year.

A recent census in India has found that there were 940 girls born for every 1000 boys. The implications of this distortion are huge, as is the negative behaviour that has surrounded the birth of baby girls across the globe. This lohri, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s recognize that girls are blessings too.

Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine.

THE EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN How many children witness the abuse of their mothers? Studies show that 3-4 million children between the ages of 3-17 are at risk of exposure to domestic violence each year. U.S. government statistics say that 95% of domestic violence cases involve women victims of male partners. The children of these women often witness the domestic violence. Witnessing can mean seeing actual incidents of physical/and or sexual abuse. It can mean hearing threats or fighting noises from another room. Children may also observe the aftermath of physical abuse such as blood, bruises, tears, torn clothing, and broken items. Finally, children may be aware of the tension in the home such as their motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fearfulness when the abuserâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s car pulls into the driveway. What are the feelings of children who are exposed to battering? Children who are exposed to battering become fearful and anxious. They are always on guard, watching and waiting for the next event to occur. They never know what will trigger the abuse, and

therefore, they never feel safe. They are always worried for themselves, their mother, and their siblings. They may feel worthless and powerless. Children who grow up with abuse are expected to keep the family secret, sometimes not even talking to each other about the abuse. Children from abusive homes can look fine to the outside world, but inside they are in terrible pain. Their families are chaotic and crazy. They may blame themselves for the abuse thinking if they had not done or said a particular thing, the abuse would not have occurred. They may also become angry at their siblings or their mother for triggering the abuse. They may feel rage, embarrassment, and humiliation. Children of abuse feel isolated and vulnerable. They are starved for attention, affection and approval. Because mom is struggling to survive, she is often not present for her children. Because dad is so consumed with controlling everyone, he also is not present for his children. These children become physically, emotionally and psychologically abandoned. What behaviors do children who witness domestic violence exhibit?

The emotional responses of children who witness domestic violence may include fear, guilt, shame, sleep disturbances, sadness, depression, and anger (at both the abuser for the violence and at the mother for being unable to prevent the violence). Physical responses may include stomachaches and/or headaches, bedwetting, and loss of ability to concentrate. Some children may also experience physical or sexual abuse or neglect. Others may be injured while trying to intervene on behalf of their mother or a sibling. The behavioral responses of children who witness domestic violence may include acting out, withdrawal, or anxiousness to please. The children may exhibit signs of anxiety and have a short attention span which may result in poor school performance and attendance. They may experience developmental delays in speech, motor or cognitive skills. They may also use violence to express themselves displaying increased aggression with peers or mother. They can become selfinjuring.

What are the long-term effects on children who witness domestic violence? Whether or not children are physically abused, they often suffer emotional and psychological trauma from living in homes where their fathers abuse their mothers. Children whose mothers are abused are denied the kind of home life that fosters healthy development. Children who grow up observing their mothers being abused, especially by their fathers, grow up with a role model of intimate relationships in which one person uses intimidation and violence over the other person to get their way. Because children have a natural tendency to identify with strength, they may ally themselves with the abuser and lose respect for their seemingly helpless mother. Abusers typically play into this by putting the mother down in front of her children and telling them that their mother is “crazy” or “stupid” and that they do not have to listen to her. Seeing their mothers treated with enormous disrespect, teaches children that they can disrespect women the way their fathers do.

Most experts believe that children who are raised in abusive homes learn that violence is an effective way to resolve conflicts and problems. They may replicate the violence they witnessed as children in their teen and adult relationships and parenting experiences. Boys who witness their mothers’ abuse are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes. For girls, adolescence may result in the belief that threats and violence are the norm in relationships. Children from violent homes have higher risks of alcohol/drug abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, and juvenile delinquency. Witnessing domestic violence is the single best predictor of juvenile delinquency and adult criminality. It is also the number one reason children run away. SOURCE: http://www. domesticviolenceroundtable.org/effecton-children.html

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TODAY

LIVING WITH AN ADDICT Addictions in the South Asian community are highly common; seeking support and help for these issues is not. We can choose to sweep these problems under the rug, and watch our loved ones fight a hard battle; or we can take action and try to put an end to the cycle. Based on the way our youth are falling prey to gang-life, it is imperative that we make changes. Childhood trauma and mental health are precursors to gang-life. Could it not be possible that our youth are watching their abusive fathers, their alcoholic fathers, their casino-addicted fathers . . . and then joining gangs to escape from the chaos of their homes? It is hard to help someone take control of their addictions. It is not impossible, but it is a very difficult fight to win. Addictions not only affect the person that is suffering from them; they wreak havoc on the people around them as well. If you have experience being around an addict, you will be familiar with their rollercoaster of

emotions, their degrading comments, and their tendency to blame you for things that they are responsible for. If you know someone who is struggling with addictions, or if you live with someone with addictions, here are a few tips and suggestions on what you can do to help this person . . . while also helping yourself. 1) Face the truth The first and most important step when it comes to dealing with someone struggling with addictions is to realize that they are, in fact, an addict. You also need to stop daydreaming that things may actually get better. Stop making excuses for this person, and realize that things will not get better just because you wish they would. Things will only get better if the addicted person decides that they need to make a change, and truly works towards this goal.

2) Reflect on your own behaviours Living with or loving an addict can end up being one of the most shocking wake up calls of your life. Without realizing what you are doing, you may easily end up providing this person with the means to continue their destructive behaviour. Rather than helping this person, you will end up hurting them in the long run . . . and sadly, you may hurt yourself even more. Once you recognize that you are dealing with an addict, take a while to reflect on your behaviours and consider some of the things you have done in the past to help this person, that you truly should not have done. Did you give this person money? Did they use this money for their addiction? Did you bail him or her out of a sticky situation? Do you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells in order to “keep peace” and prevent this person from blowing up in anger? Do you find yourself saying “yes” just to avoid arguments? The

longer you do these things, the longer it will take for this person to wake up and take responsibility for their behaviour. Recognize the behaviours that you engage in to enable this person, and stop them immediately. Learn the difference between helping and enabling. 3) Set boundaries and be assertive This may prove extremely difficult, especially if you are caring and passive by nature. However, this has to be done or you will end up damaging yourself. Practice saying “yes” only when you mean it, and “no” when you mean it. Be strict and unwavering in your decisions, and if the addicted person gets hurt because of the decision you make, so be it. The problems that they are facing are not your fault, and it is not your responsibility to bail him or her out of them. Let them fall . . . and then watch them be forced to stand up on their own two feet. Don’t give into manipulation, or their tears, or their false promises that “this is the last time” or they “won’t do it again.” Once an addict realizes that no one is there to help them after they continuously keep making the same mistakes, he or she will have no choice but to change. 4) Put yourself first & rebuild your own life Many people who live with or love an addict may realize that they accidentally revolved their whole life around this one troubled person. They stopped paying attention to themselves, and put their

focus on trying to “fix” this person. Stop doing that. Focus on yourself. Look after your own life and take time out for fun and activities that you enjoy. If you don’t do this, you will regret it down the road . . . especially if it becomes apparent that you wasted your time on someone who was not willing to, or truly could not, change. 5) Realize that you cannot “fix” another person. It is very important to realize that the only person you have control over is yourself. There is no way that you can control what another person does, so you need to stop trying. People are responsible for their actions, and the consequences that follow. So as mentioned above, focus on yourself instead. Taking out time for self-care, being careful to distinguish between helping and enabling, and allowing a person to fail and get themselves out of trouble, are the best things you can do for an addicted person and yourself. Let them battle their addictions on their own, and separate yourself from him or her when they become frustrated or angry. It is important to realize that addictions are extremely powerful, and they come in many forms. Some people are addicted to alcohol or drugs, while others are addicted to gambling or sex. Whatever the situation may be, the symptoms and self-destruction are the same. If the addicted person decides to reach out for help, let them talk to a professional.

Navkiran Brar is a well rounded professional from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and an Editor at AAJ Magazine.

RETRAIN YOUR BRAIN: OVERCOMING ADDICTIONS

“Nothing records the effects of a sad life so graphically as the human body” - Naguib Mahfouz The first step towards living a healthy life is cleaning up our thought pattern and shifting towards a better mindset. A better mindset begins with good positive thoughts and by enhancing our self awareness. In order to have a better mindset we must eliminate a few things out of our daily routine. In order to know what to eliminate, one must reflect on oneself; self awareness is a key factor in determining what is good and bad for our mental health. Without self awareness, one is in the “I don’t know what is bad for me” zone. The primary things that we should eliminate out of our daily routine are things and habits that are toxic for the brain, which is what operates this machine that we are in. These toxic habits include, but are not limited to: alcohol, smoking, doing drugs (whether recreational or prescription), excessive shopping, overworking, eating unhealthy foods (such as fast foods), and compulsive behavior. I know some of you may be thinking that it will be very hard to eliminate these habits; or you may not want to eliminate some things, which is fine. If you can’t eliminate all of your toxic habits, just start with one or two and work your way up from there by building your willpower. However, I would highly suggest going all-in, if you truly want a life altering change. By making a commitment, you have already started turning the wheels of change in your life. Once you

commit to a change that you want to create, you must understand the human psychology and the anatomy of addiction. You see, at the end of the day it’s all about addiction. We are all addicted to something in one form or another. Many people get addicted because it gives them instant gratification. When we get overly addicted to something, the “reward circuitry” of our brain kicks into overdrive and we crave the quick hit from our habits. Our mind is the biggest player that will bring forth change in our lives. Consequently, you must learn how the mind works. When we receive a reward of any kind, one of the brains major neurotransmitters, dopamine, is released. Over time, this stimulus and release of dopamine can lead to addiction and behavior patterns. As we get rewarded repeatedly, we learn to keep doing whatever gave us that pleasure; and it’s hard to unlearn behaviors. High levels of dopamine cause an imbalance of other chemical levels in our brains and cause depression and other mental illnesses. The mind creates these unhealthy habits because whenever you do something that brings you pleasure, dopamine is released into the brain and our brain loves dopamine, so we keep feeding it dopamine by continuing our unhealthy habits. It is the dopamine surge in our brain that creates addiction. We get addicted to our unhealthy ways and these unhealthy ways become our habits. So, let’s kick the habits to lead a healthy

life by retraining our brain. Let’s retrain our brains by creating daily rituals and exercises that will strengthen our mindset. These rituals an be as simple as drinking a glass of water at certain times throughout the day to get you in a healthy routine. This way you will start to get the dopamine hits in a different form that is actually healthy for you in the long run. Dopamine is also released after you finish something, whether it’s a big job or a small task. So, it follows that if you want more dopamine “hits”, break down big jobs into smaller ones. You need to list down those tasks. It’s not that I don’t trust you to remember your “to dos”, it’s just that it’s much more satisfying, dopaminewise, to check stuff off a list physically. Nothing is more satisfying than ticking off something as done. Exercising will help you detoxify your body. Not only does exercise help us relieve stress, achieve better physical health and make us more productive; it also boosts our dopamine levels. More specifically, exercise increases multiple neurotransmitters. Along with dopamine, serotonin and endorphins, also receive a boost. The exercise doesn’t need be difficult. Simply taking a stroll or climbing some stairs will achieve a good dopamine jolt.

Meditation is another simple and easy ritual we all can get into. Sometimes the best way to do something is by doing nothing. Specifically, you do nothing physically but in your mind, you’re trying to sort out your thoughts. Whether you meditate, pray or do simple selfreflection, all these activities are linked to increased dopamine levels. Tyrosine is the building block of dopamine, so make sure that you have enough of this protein in you. Fortunately, it’s easy enough to find this. Here are some common foods that have loads of tyrosine: almonds, avocados, bananas, beef, chicken, chocolate, coffee, eggs, green tea, milk, watermelon, yogurt. So, the next time you find yourself craving a bad habit, ask yourself if there is something else you could do that could help you find fulfillment. Also, notice what you are doing at the time you’re craving that bad habit and ask yourself if it’s really something you need to do. As previously mentioned, self awareness is key to a “better you”, because once you become aware, you have awoken from the sleep of unhealthy living.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE: WHAT IT IS AND WHAT IT ISN’T

We hear the term, emotional abuse, tossed about quite a bit these days. So, lest we make it a dumping ground for every emotional encounter, we must get clear on what is and is not emotional abuse. First, let’s talk about what emotional abuse is not. It is not emotionally abusive to break up with a partner. It is not emotionally abusive to argue with your partner. It is not emotionally abusive when someone reacts to what you have done with hurt. People react out of their own perceptions, so their reactions do not define your behavior. It is also not emotional abuse to speak one’s mind with blunt honesty. Perhaps the statement lacks tact, but it is not emotionally abusive. Again, just because someone reacts to what has been said with hurt does not mean that one has been emotionally abused. It is not emotionally abusive to yell at your partner—this is one that quite often gets blurry. So let’s stop and talk about it for a moment. Everyone yells sometimes. Everyone. Frankly, I would be more concerned about someone who could not ever let himself yell than I am about someone who sometimes raises his voice to higher and louder octaves in order to express his emotions. So, something that everyone does cannot be considered to be emotionally abusive. Now screaming at someone hysterically in an emotional verbal assault is considered to be emotional abuse. But when a husband or wife, or parent and child yell at each other, this is just a normal expression of emotion. Once the emotion has been expressed, it probably would be a good idea to sit down and talk it out to find a solution to the problem. Emotional abuse is an attempt to control, in just the same way that physical abuse is an attempt to control another person. The only difference is that the emotional abuser does not use physical hitting, kicking, pinching,

grabbing, pushing or other physical forms of harm. Rather the perpetrator of emotional abuse uses emotion as his/ her weapon of choice. Commonly, the perpetrator of emotional abuse does not know that she is being abusive. Rather, she may be aware that she feels insecure about whether or not her partner loves her, so she feels compelled to accuse him of cheating, blame him for her unhappiness or constantly check his voice and text messages, etc. The accusations, the blame and the constant checking up are forms of emotional abuse. He may think that he knows what’s best for his partner or what looks correct to the outside world, so he is constantly trying to control her every move, criticizing her harshly when she doesn’t do it his way, or threatening her when she seems to go outside the lines. He may verbally attack her when she argues with him, because her arguing is convincing evidence to him that he is not in control of her. He may criticize her talking, her walking, her dressing, her interactions with others, her style of living and coping in order to gain and keep control over her. For example: Mary constantly criticizes Tim in hopes that by putting him down she will be able to control his behavior. She belittles him when they are alone and she puts him down in front of others. When he tries to speak up for himself, or call her on her behavior, she attempts to make him feel like he is crazy, like everyone knows he’s crazy and like no one would ever take him seriously (gaslighting). She blames him for her unhappiness frequently, holding him responsible for how she feels. She takes little to no responsibility for her own choices and behavior. She uses a double-standard when it comes to her own behavior, not holding herself accountable when she does the same exact things for which she criticizes him. She calls him stupid, inept, dumb

and other like names frequently. When he speaks to her relatives or friends, she rolls her eyes in an attempt to manipulate them into disrespecting him. She treats him with disdain, even disgust frequently. She threatens to leave him or to stop speaking to him frequently. And she refuses to show him affection, giving affection only when he does exactly what she wants. She is especially cold, even non-verbal, when she is mad at him. Sometimes she goes days or even weeks without speaking to him. Mary also goes to other family members and friends of Timâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to talk to them about Tim, thus isolating Tim from those who would be supportive and could let him know that he is being abused. Mary is showing a distinct pattern of emotional abuse that comes at Tim from several different directions: 1. Constant criticism or attempts to manipulate and control. 2. Shaming and blaming with hostile sarcasm or outright verbal assault. 3. The use of shaming and belittling language. 4. Verbal abuseâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;name-calling. 5. Withholding affection. 6. Punishment and threats of punishment. 7. Refusal to accept her part in the dynamic. 8. Mind games, such as gaslighting, when it comes to accepting personal responsibility for her own happiness. 9. Refusing to communicate at all. 10. Isolating him from supportive friends and family.

The emotional abuse cycle follows the same pattern as the physical abuse pattern, in that once the victim of emotional abuse figures out whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going on and starts thinking about leaving or seriously calls the abuser on his actions, the abuser will suddenly become very apologetic, romantic and begins to woo her back into the fold. He will buy flowers, cook suppers, tend to the children, or whatever else he has to do to make her believe that what she thinks she saw, what she believes to be true, is actually false. No, he is a perfectly good husband or partner and there is absolutely no reason for her to be thinking about leaving. But as soon as she comes back around and begins to trust that he will no longer emotionally abuse her, he starts back up with the same old abusive patterns. Now, it is harder for her to leave, because she has begun to believe in him again. Emotional abuse is a painful pattern of serious abuse of which the primary effort is to control someone by playing with their emotions. We dumb down the implications of emotional abuse by mislabeling minor interactional issues as emotional abuse. SOURCE: https://www.psychologytoday. com/blog/traversing-the-innerterrain/201609/when-is-it-emotionalabuse

TODAY

PAULINE KONG | FATE

PRODUCER & STAGE MAGICIAN, WWW.FATEPRODUCTION.COM “When I was 6, I was diagnosed with appendicitis and was sent to the operation room urgently. After surgery, I found out things become complicated and I became very unstable and unwell, requiring temporary life sustaining therapies that if taken away I would die. These includes a tube down my lungs to help me with my breathing and powerful medications to keep my heart beating and my blood pressure up.”

“Thankfully, I survived and I grew up and successfully became an Intensive Care Unit (ICU) nurse, magician, and producer. To this day those memories remain very vivid to me and I am thankful that I was given a second chance to live. For this reason, I try to give something back to the community. I like to produce complex, high-profile events and particularly enjoy working for causes that benefit children and families.”

“I still remember being tied down not being able to scratch my nose, feeling the tube down my nose and my throat. It made me want to gag and cough but I was only able to shed tears as my way of communication”

In 2014, Fate performed magic a Surrey Hospital & Outpatient Centre event which helped to raise over $100,000 for sick babies in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the hospital. Also in 2014, hundreds of people from for all different

communities came out to support “Fate: An Evening of Magical Wonders”, which raised $10,000 in support of BC Children Hospital. This time she is producing another magic show, “Fate 2: The Dance & Illusions of Oslen” at River Rock Theater Casino on April 8th, 2018 to raise funds for Surrey Hospital ICU patients, to be able to grant their wishes, to create a special memory with their family. We are fortunate to be able to gather a team of enthusiats and kind-hearted people to join us in the production of this rewarding and memorable event. Highlights of the show includes Canada’s Got Talent Oslen & America’s Got Talent Will Tsai”

Oslen, Choreographer & International Illusionist, www.oslenworld.com Oslen was a semi-finalist in Canada’s Got Talent and awarded the Best Stage performance in CCTV Canada Talent Competition. He is unique in blending the art of magic with the beauty of dance, music and audience interaction. It’s no wonder that over 100 companies such as HSBC, Panasonic, Knorr, and Edgewater

Casino, have booked Oslen to entertain their guests. Oslen trained as a dancer for Television Broadcast Limited in Hong Kong (HKTVB). He provides today’s audiences with an unforgettable theatrical experience.

Will Tsai, Founder of SansMind Magic, Visualist, www.willtsaiofficial.com He is recognized as a prolific creator who has invented revolutionary magic. His performance in America’s Got Talent has gone viral with 80 million views in just 40 hours on the Internet. He is also one of the top

magic TV producers consultants, and designers supporting some of the biggest names in the magic industry and special effects for live concerts.

COMMUNITY

INTERVIEW WITH AKASH Akash Chohan, who is a 14 year old grade 9 student at Sir Winston Churchill Secondary School.

Kids care is a non-profit charity initiative that Akash has started with his 6 year old brother. We are very proud of his parents for their guidance and support. His mission for Kids Care is to end homelessness all around the lower mainland. Question 1: Why Kids Care ? Tell us more about your organization Kids Care is a group I have started to get all my friends and friends of friends to get out there this season to help the homeless. It was very heartwarming to see smiles on these people’s faces therefore the idea and the start of Kids Care began. Question 2: How did you first get involved with homeless people? Last year, I was watching the news and

observing how cold it was outside and thought how these people are living on the streets with barely any clothing, no food, with dimes and nickels to live on. My brother and I had started making packages for the homeless on our own dining room table. We began handing them out the next day, it was very cold, even though I had appropriate clothing.” Question 3: How are the kids helping homeless people? Making and handing out packages filled with items such as toothbrush, toothpaste, mittens/gloves, toques, granola bars, fruit snacks/applesauce cups, hand wipes, hotel toiletries, bandaids, chapsticks, small combs, small brushes, deodorants, mouthwash , soap, hand warmers, etc... Additional items include blankets, coats, gift cards to coffee shops. Question 4: When you first started how was the response then and how is it today? When, I first started it was just me, my brother and my family. Today it is not just us but friends, people in the community.

It just takes a small effort, but in the end the result is smiles. Akash’s Dream is to make Kids Care bigger than it is today. On December 17, AAJ Magazine along with Akash and many others in the AAJ Bus went to the streets of Downtown Vancouver to distribute the care-packages along with blankets as well as other items to the needy homeless. It was a rewarding experience. Blankets were donated by Surrey Newton Rotary Club. We would like to thank Rick Sidhu Akash is a great example for kids to follow his footsteps in helping the community, getting everyone together and making all the personal packs to hand out to the homeless. He appeals to the masses to get together for this noble cause, to help those less fortunate and struggle everyday for basic necessities. Community Youth Coordinator Sanya Dhingra

Question 5: What message you would like to give to our readers?

Sanya Dhingra is one of AAJ magazine’s youngest columnists and a blossoming kathak performer.

AKASH SHARMA KIDS CARE

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