Civilized Living DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not good at winding spaghetti on a fork. Is it gauche to discreetly cut it with a fork when eating it?
By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We bought a tabletop patio heater for a friend. Should we assemble it before we give it to them, or leave it in the box? GENTLE READER: The latter. It is much harder to return the assembled version if you find that your friend prefers the tabletop cold. DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do I say to my son, who didn’t acknowledge my birthday? Mind you, I walk his dog every day! GENTLE READER: Attach a balloon to the dog with a note that reads, “Wish your mother a happy birthday.” DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last week, I visited my brother and his wife. They have two boys, aged 10 and 13. They kindly bought everyone dinner — pizza and wings, nothing formal or fancy. Just a nice little family get-together with the kids.
It’s fine if she wants to save paper, and fine if she wants to use these for napkins when company is not present — but even for an informal meal such as this, was her choice of napkins inappropriate? My mother has bought them lovely cloth napkins in the past, but they never get used. I really didn’t want to wipe my mouth with a cloth diaper. What should my appropriate response have been? And how can I avoid this in the future? GENTLE READER: Bring your sister-in-law a hostess present: more napkins. “I noticed that you ran out of napkins last time, so I thought you might like these.” Miss Manners suggests that you then quickly distribute them before your hostess has the chance to protest.
Paid for by Dean Takko for State Senate Committee P.O. Box 1025 Longview, WA 98632
My sister-in-law, instead of providing us all with paper napkins, gave everyone either a washcloth or a
clean, but formerly used, cloth diaper. And I didn’t even get my own cloth diaper— I had to share one with my son (also 10)!
GENTLE READER: How discreetly? Cutting spaghetti can lead to other problems, like wandering pieces of different lengths that stick out and don’t quite adhere to the fork. Instead, Miss Manners suggests that you use this time of minimal socialization to practice winding small amounts at a time. DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely return a very thoughtful, wellintentioned gift? I have had some ophthalmic surgeries and other procedures, which thankfully seem to be helping restore my vision at this time. A very thoughtful, caring friend gave me a gift certificate for an acupuncture treatment that she believes would help with my recovery. How can I gently tell her that there is no way I would allow any more needles to be applied to me unless my M.D. was doing the procedure? GENTLE READER: Ah, not so thoughtful. Prescribing medical treatment without permission, let alone without a license, is not Miss Manners’ idea of a wellintentioned present. If your friend were ill, would you give her a bottle of medicine for her birthday? But yes, you should be polite about it. Unfortunately, it is not the sort of present
I will be proud to continue representing you.
Washington State senate 19 District th
you can stash away, as you will probably be asked about its effect. Nor, heaven forbid, should you regift it. You will have to tell your friend that while you appreciate her concern, you are getting professional medical care and will not be supplementing this by seeking outside treatments. DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a postcard invitation to a “Mail Baby Shower” while all of us are in this pandemic. I’m trying to think it through whether or not this is tacky. GENTLE READER: Not quite as tacky as it would have been last year. Miss Manners appreciates that it may not be possible now to hold such an event as an in-person gathering. But stripping it of any socializing, so that it is nothing more than a solicitation for presents, is crude. The hosts should think of some virtual way to show that they value contact with their guests, or it will still be tacky. DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend’s daughter’s wedding was canceled because of the coronavirus, and it has now been rescheduled to be a Zoom ceremony. What type of gift is required for a Zoom wedding? Should I spend the same amount of money that I would have on a gift for a formal, in-person wedding? GENTLE READER: What do you suppose determines the amount of money to be spent on a wedding present? Miss Manners fears that you may be the victim of that vulgar notion that the amount spent must equal the cost of entertaining the guest: To the lavish, much shall be given. Nonsense. Spend the amount it costs to buy
Dean Takko
cont page 30
Coming in for a landing on the Capitol grounds. Gotta speak with Senator Takko.
DEMOCRAT
Columbia River Reader / September 15, 2020 / 5
