Civilized Living
By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbors bought a third vehicle for their family. Because their driveway is narrow, they have begun parking
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Parking on the neighbor’s lawn, Gift exchange etiquette, Who properly hosts a baby shower?
two of their vehicles to the side of the drive, on the lawn toward the side of my front yard. When a family in this part of the world has too many cars for the driveway, the usual procedure is to construct a rock or shell “off-parking pad” that clearly delineates where vehicles are to be parked and keeps the lawns from being torn up when wet. My neighbors have not constructed any sort of containment area, and I have noticed that their parking is gradually creeping forward and getting closer and closer to my front lawn. I don’t want to start a feud over this problem, but I also don’t want my neighbors parking on my lawn. GENTLE READER: It is challenging to forestall anticipated bad behavior, because it means accusing people of things they have not actually done.
“Near your garden” and “in your garden” are different, in both law and etiquette. The solution is to establish boundaries — usually metaphorically, but in your case, also literally. Build a fence, plant a bush or provide a strip of bare dirt or gravel — something that will at least make it clear when an infraction has occurred, and preferably will give warning before it does. Miss Manners recognizes your desire to take more active measures, but she assures you that the sudden appearance of a boundary marker will not pass unnoticed. DEAR MISS MANNERS: One evening, I had a gathering of eight friends for cards and a “white elephant” gift exchange. One guest, “Moira,” came as a substitute player, sent by an absent member. None of us had met her before.
We tried to make her feel welcome, but she seemed a bit distant and cold, and never seemed to fit in very well. When it came to the gift exchange, the first gift was selected and opened by “Heather,” and it became evident how much she loved it. She rejoiced over it, exclaiming how tickled she was to receive it, telling us how she would use it and thanking the giver profusely. Knowing Heather, we knew she really meant it, and wasn’t just being polite. As we went around the circle, members could either select an unopened gift or “steal” an already-opened one from someone else. We came to Moira last, just because of where she was sitting in the circle. She opted to steal the gift from Heather, who was visibly disappointed to lose it. But she took it in stride and we moved on with the evening. Later, however, several of the regular members remarked privately to me that they didn’t think Moira should have stolen Heather’s gift. They were upset that Moira would be so heartless as a one-time guest in someone else’s home. If Heather had not expressed such delight over the gift, it would have been different. cont page 6
Columbia River Reader / October 15, 2021 / 5
