CRR Nov-Dec 2015

CRREADER.COM • November 25, 2015 – January 9, 2016 • COMPLIMENTARY Helping you discover and enjoy the good life in the Columbia River region at home and on the road.

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HOME FOR THE HOLIDAY SWEETS • 29

page 37

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2 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

G

ary Meyers, a Longview native now retired in Hawaii, approached me and joined the CRR crew 10 years ago after discovering the publication in a local coffee shop while in town visiting his mother. His first story, “Sacajawea’s Baby: The Circumstances Surrounding Pomp,” was followed by others about balsamic vinegar, wooden money, threshing bees, player pianos and truck stops.

Sue’s Views

He is probably best known as the founder and ongoing force behind CRR’s popular HaikuFest, now held every winter (watch for details in the January 2016 issue). But Gary has forged new territory this month, bringing his fresh, if offbeat, perspective with, shall we say, an “unusual” story.

I had never heard of Kopi Luwak when Gary first pitched this idea to me. But he has been very tenacious over the years. I like metaphors and have said that CRR is like a rich stew, and those who help stir the pot should be allowed to flavor the broth. So I welcome input and suggestions (within reason). I resisted, but Gary finally beat me down. If you dare to read his story (page14), please understand you do so at your own risk.

Publisher/Editor: Susan P. Piper Columnists and contributors: Ron Baldwin Dr. Bob Blackwood Nancy Chennault Candace Clark Todd Cullings Melanee Evans Tom Haan Daniel Kellner Suzanne Martinson Gary Meyers Michael Perry Ned Piper Perry Piper Amy A. Renfranz Alan Rose Greg Smith Paul Thompson Production Staff: Production Manager/Photographer: Perry E. Piper Editorial/Proofreading Assistants: Lois Sturdivant Michael Perry Marilyn Perry Advertising Representatives Ned Piper, Manager 360-749-2632 Sue Lane 360-261-0658 Columbia River Reader, LLC P.O. Box 1643 • Rainier, OR 97048 Website: www.CRReader.com E-mail: publisher@crreader.com Phone: 360-749-1021 Subscriptions $26 per year inside U.S. (plus $2.08 sales tax mailed to Washington addresses).

Stirring the pot, “special” coffee and holiday wishes.

Gary assures me CRR readers need to know about these sorts of things.

He even predicts some who are coffee connoisseurs or, perhaps merely curious and adventurous, will want to try this “special” coffee. We shall see.

ON THE COVER Melting Moments cookies on Suzanne Martinson’s Lenox platter.

See story, page 30.

Photo by Perry Piper.

Cover Design by

Columbia River Reader is published monthly, with 13,500 copies distributed free throughout the Lower Columbia region in SW Washington and NW Oregon. Entire contents copyrighted by Columbia River Reader. No reproduction of any kind allowed without express written permission of the publisher.

Opinions expressed herein belong to the writers, not necessarily to the Reader.

Reader submission guidelines: See page 38.

CRREADER.COM Access the current issue, Dining Guide and Columbia River Reader Past Issue Archives (from January 2013), under “Features.”

He has procured a pound of Kopi Luwak for a CRR tasting to be held in early 2016. My demitasse cups are washed (although why would it really matter?) and ready ... all we need is a group of willing tasters.

which will offer warm greetings, samples and giveaways. You may discover new places and surprises!

Festivities conclude with a party and prize drawings. See page 13 for more details.

If you would like to be on the guest list (limited to 15), send an email to publisher@crreader.com or a note to CRR, PO Box 1643, Rainier, OR 97048. Include your contact information and we’ll let you know the date and details once Gary’s travel schedule is known.

My wishes to you all We are now in our 12th year producing Columbia River Reader and it continues to be an enjoyable adventure and labor of love for me. I consider it a threeway partnership between readers, advertisers, and the CRR staff and friends. I am deeply grateful to you all.

Holiday Walkabout Please join us for our annual Downtown Longview Holiday Walkabout, this year on Thursday, Dec. 3. It’s a great way to get in the holiday spirit, check a few gifts off your list, support small businesses and have a fun evening, all in one fell swoop.

The event begins with a visit to the CRR office for bubbly and some holiday cheer. There you will pick up your “passport” and proceed to the 15 participating shops, each of

I wish you the happiest of holidays and even in the midst of current global uncertainties and threats, may these days be filled with peace and may God bless us all.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Sue Piper

Columbia River Reader . . . helping you discover and enjoy the good life in the Columbia River region at home and on the road.

In this Issue 4 Letters to the Editor 5 Holiday Acorn Craft: Fun for all ages 6 Besides CRR...What Are You Reading?

7 Local Books / Book Review / Bestsellers List 8 Miss Manners 8 Dispatch from the Discovery Trail ~ Installment #5 11 Astronomy 13 Downtown Longvew Holiday Walkabout 13 Will I Kill my Smartphone before it kills me?

14 Kopi Luwak: A Gift for someone who has everything?

16 Tips for a Healthful Holiday 19 Northwest Gardener ~ Books for learning and yearning 21-22 Christmas Ships on the Columbia/Local Holiday Festivals 23-25 On Our Mountain: D.B. Cooper / Ranger Reflections 27 Where Do You Read the Reader?

28 What’s a Nice German Boy Doing Here?

29 Cooking with the Farmer’s Daughter: Platter Up! 30 Home for the Holiday Sweets 32-33 Outings & Events Calendar 35 Man in the Kitchen Classics: Veal Scallopini 36 The First of the First Responders 37 Columbia River Dining Guide 38 Lower Columbia Informer ~ Self-driving cars are coming 40 Movies ~ Four for the Holidays 42 The Spectator ~ Expanding Horizons

Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 3

Letters to the Editor Another Crumline LaDu descendant Imagine my surprise at seeing the name of my great great grandfather, Crumline LaDu, in the Reader. I had thought most people had completely forgotten this early settler.

He had come from New York by ship, around the southern end of South America, and started a “mercantile” here at what was known as LaDu’s Landing. A picture of the store should be at the museum. His son then came via the isthmus of Panama, a difficult trip since the Canal had not yet been built.

After sending money three times, his wife with the six daughters also came by ship around the southern end of South America. She found the quarters she was given to be so bad she said they would stay on deck, whereupon the captain finally gave her his cabin. Strong lady.

But imagine, there were no seasick pills in those days.

There are probably a thousand who live here, who have no idea of that ancestry or the efforts by him and his wife that are the reason they ended up living in this beautiful area.

One of their most thankful descendants,

Editor’s note: Ms. Makinster refers to Ned Piper’s poem, “The Saga of Crumine LaDu,” which he wrote for Cal Fowler (evidently a relative of Ms. Makinster’s) many years ago, excerpts from which were read at the recent ‘23 Club Annual Meeting, and which was published in the Oct. 15 edition of CRR.

job, and comes apart for easy cleaning.

My husband and I are over 70, and we grew up with Swiss Steak.

The chili powder in Paul Thompson’s recipe (featured in CRR’s Oct. issue) is a good idea. Most recipes I look at as guides, rather than gospel, as method is most important, and then experimentation.

Thanks for the article.

Rena Langille Seattle, Wash.

Clarification Due to an editing error, Ron Baldwin’s story in the Oct. 15 issue referred to Astoria as the oldest settlement west of the Mississippi. While there were several European and Native American settlements in North America that pre-dated it, Astoria is considered “the oldest continuous U.S. settlement West of the Mississippi,” as noted on the City of Astoria’s portal signs.

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Wicked looking tool Here is a picture of a doublebladed tool my mother used to tenderize meat. The meat mallet was patented in 1911 by the M.H. Tyler Manufacturing Co., so was probably used by her mother.

It is a wicked looking thing. The double blades are not as sharp as a knife, but both ends work very well. The crenulated edge has three blades — a real workhorse. I rarely use it, but when I do it does a fine

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With your own hands!

Nature-based ornament project fun for all ages Story by Melanee Evans

A

s parents and grandparents we often lament the time our children spend online instead of in nature and in real-life interaction.

But how often do we unplug ourselves and invite them to join us to play in the physical world? Fortunately, the luxury of living in the Northwest provides us easy outdoor excursions for the shortest attention spans, as well as bits of nature for creative fun. The hardy acorn — symbolic of power, luck, and strength — is a fun nugget to seek on a walk, and can be used for numerous crafts.

Here’s one of my family favorites, taught to me by my friend Pam Rust who created this project from acorns she gathered with her girls at Lake Sacajawea, and encouraged me to do the same.

Melanee Evans is happily married and has three creative daughters who love nature walks in fall. She is a Certified Transformative Coach, and teaches workshops on living from the “inside-out” to access wisdom, innate wellness, and peace. Reach her at melanee. evans@gmail.com.

Photos courtesy of Pam Rust (pamelasusan.com)

Step 3: Snip off the top Using pliers, snip the small nubs off the acorn caps.

Step 4: Create a small hole* Place acorn cap on plate or cutting board upside down and rotate the tip of a knife in the center of the acorn cap until you create a small hole. This hole will be used for a thread hanger.

Needle Felted Acorn Ornament STEP 1: Gather acorn tops Walk children to a lake or a neighborhood and find an oak tree with fallen acorns. Stuff tops into pockets or a small bag. Let air dry, or bake on foiled cookie sheet at 170 degrees for an hour and cool.

STEP 2: Gather your supplies You’ll need wool roving in desired colors and a felt needle kit from your local yarn shop (see locations below) or online, foam block or dense sponge, embroidery thread, acorn caps, craft pliers, knife with sharp tip, and a glue gun.

Note: Wool roving felt kits are available at yarn shops, including The Bag Ladies Yarn Shop, 265 W. Columbia River Hwy, Clatskanie $3.50–$8 (see ad, page 36) and LaFavorites, 204 S. Pacific Avenue, Kelso.

Experience a moment of wellness when you stop in, and be sure to check out a gift of renewal for your journey – Aveda is donating $1* for every set sold to earthquake relief in Nepal. You can also find out how to create custom gifts, or pick up Aveda gift cards – and feel good knowing the gift set paper we purchase has employed 5,500** Nepali people over 8 years! * Maximum donation of $130,000 to Global Greengrants Fund.

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Step 5: Pinch wool and play Select desired color of wool and pinch off enough to create a wool “acorn.”

Step 6: Tootsie Roll it Roll the wool up into what my friend Pam calls a “tootsie roll.”

Step 7: Felt the wool* Place the “tootsie roll” on a foam block or dense sponge. Find the 36 gauge needle from your kit and stab the “tootsie roll” until you create the desired acorn shape. Be careful not to stab yourself on the barbs of the needle.

Step 8: Find the fit Play with your wool acorn and cap until you get the desired fit.

Step 9: Create a loop Snip a 3-4 inch section of embroidery thread and tie the two ends into a knot. Slip the smooth part of the loop from the underside of the acorn cap and pull until the knot catches.

To add a swirl of color to your acorn, pinch a strip of wool and roll against the foam until smooth. Anchor the smooth wool strip into the top of the acorn with a needle, and swirl it around the circumference for festive flair. Once the acorn cap is glued in the next step, it will hold the swirl in place.

Step 10: Glue the wool acorn to cap* Flip acorn cap over and cover with hot glue. Quickly glue your felted acorn, hug those favorite children of yours, and hang your new ornaments to admire!

*Exercise wisdom, caution, and guidance in allowing young children to use a knife, needle, and glue gun. Allow everyone to participate by dividing tasks based on skill and maturity level.

••• Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 5

BESIDES COLUMBIA RIVER READER...

What are you reading?

py p a H ays! id l o H

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herrie Tinoco recently read E l i z a b e t h G i l b e r t ’s h u g e bestseller, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia, and enthusiastically recommends it to others.

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While in her mid-thirties, Gilbert ends her marriage, and then slips in and out of a revolving Sherrie Tinoco relationship with a younger man. Tinoco admired Gilbert’s honesty. ”She is transparent and vulnerable in recounting the decisions and the people who brought her both joy and pain.”

Sensing that the problem isn’t in her relationships but within herself, Gilbert sets off for a year to “find herself.” Her journey takes her to the streets and restaurants of Italy, to an ashram in India, and finally to Indonesia. Each culture opens and introduces her to new depths of experience.

Her journey offered “incredible opportunities for soul searching,” says Tinoco, and she found Eat, Pray, Love “a great book for self-reflection.

Most of us will never be able to pause our lives, and journey around the world and that deeply within ourselves. Through this book we are able to do so vicariously and to take a closer look at the true meaning of happiness, love, and our own spiritual connection to joy.”

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6 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

Sherrie Tinoco is the Executive Director of the Emergency Support Shelter.

“What Are You Reading?” is a regular feature by CRR’s book reviewer Alan Rose.

Cover to Cover

Top 10 Bestsellers PAPERBACK FICTION

HARDCOVER FICTION

PAPERBACK NON-FICTION

1. The Martian Andy Weir, Broadway, $15 2. Lila Marilynne Robinson, Picador USA, $16 3. Station Eleven Emily St. John Mandel, Vintage, $15.95 4. A Man Called Ove Fredrik Backman, Washington Square Press, $16 5. A Brief History of Seven Killings Marlon James, Riverhead, $17 6. My Brilliant Friend Elena Ferrante, Europa Editions, $17 7. Americanah Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Anchor, $15.95 8. Mrs. Roosevelt’s Confidante Susan Elia MacNeal, Bantam, $15 9. Ready Player One Ernest Cline, Broadway, $14 10. The Rosie Project Graeme Simsion, S&S, $15.99

1. Lost Ocean Johanna Basford, Penguin, $16.95 2. The Boys in the Boat Daniel James Brown, Penguin, $17 3. The Mindfulness Coloring Book Emma Farrarons, Experiment, $9.95 4. The Mindfulness Coloring Book: Volume Two Emma Farrarons, Experiment, $9.95 5. I Am Malala Malala Yousafzai, Back Bay, $16 6. The Time Garden Daria Song, Watson-Guptill, $15.99 7. Astoria Peter Stark, Ecco, $15.99 8. Do Unto Animals Tracey Stewart, Lisel Ashlock (Illus.), Artisan, $19.95 9. Just Mercy Bryan Stevenson, Spiegel & Grau, $16 10. Animal Kingdom Millie Marotta, Lark Books, $14.95

BOOK REVIEW

HARDCOVER NON-FICTION

1. Felicity Mary Oliver, Penguin Press, $24.95 2. All the Light We Cannot See Anthony Doerr, Scribner, $27 3. Career of Evil J.K. Rowling writing as Robert Galbraith, Mulholland, $28 4. Welcome to Night Vale Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor, Harper Perennial, $19.99 5. Rogue Lawyer John Grisham, Doubleday, $28.95 6. Last Bus to Wisdom Ivan Doig, Riverhead, $28.95 7. A Banquet of Consequences Elizabeth George, Viking, $28.95 8. Fates and Furies Lauren Groff, Riverhead, $27.95 9. The Girl on the Train Paula Hawkins, Riverhead, $26.95 10. Slade House David Mitchell, Random House, $26

1. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up Marie Kondo, Ten Speed Press, $16.99 2. Between the World and Me Ta-Nehisi Coates, Spiegel & Grau, $24 3. M Train Patti Smith, Knopf, $25 4. Being Mortal Atul Gawande, Metropolitan, $26 5. Furiously Happy Jenny Lawson, Flatiron, $26.99 6. Big Magic Elizabeth Gilbert, Riverhead, $24.95 7. Brave Enough Cheryl Strayed, Knopf, $16.95 8. The Witches Stacy Schiff, Little Brown, $32 9. Rising Strong Brene Brown, Spiegel & Grau, $27 10. My Life on the Road Gloria Steinem, Random House, $28

Brought to you by Book Sense and Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association, for week ending Nov. 8, 2015, based on reporting from the independent bookstores of Alaska, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana. For the Book Sense store nearest you, visit www.booksense.com

MASS MARKET

CHILDREN’S INTEREST

1. The Martian Andy Weir, Broadway, $9.99 2. The Wise Man’s Fear Patrick Rothfuss, DAW, $9.99 3. The Name of the Wind Patrick Rothfuss, DAW, $8.99 4. Gray Mountain John Grisham, Dell, $9.99 5. American Gods Neil Gaiman, HarperTorch, $7.99 6. The Catcher in the Rye J.D. Salinger, Little Brown, $8.99 7. Dune Frank Herbert, Ace, $9.99 8. To Kill a Mockingbird Harper Lee, Grand Central, $8.99 9. Foundation Isaac Asimov, Spectra, $7.99 10. 2312 Kim Stanley Robinson, Orbit, $10

1. Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard: The Sword of Summer Rick Riordan, Hyperion, $19.99 2. Carry On Rainbow Rowell, St. Martin’s Griffin, $19.99 3. The Story of Diva and Flea Mo Willems, Tony DiTerlizzi (Illus.), Disney/Hyperion, $14.99 4. Auggie & Me R.J. Palacio, Knopf, $16.99 5. The Amazing Book Is Not on Fire: The World of Dan and Phil Dan Howell, Phil Lester, Random House, $18.99 6. Minecraft: Construction Handbook Matthew Needler, Phil Southam, Scholastic, $8.99 7. Drama Raina Telgemeier, Graphix, $10.99 8. Rooftoppers Katherine Rundell, Terry Fan (Illus.), S&S, $7.99 9. Minecraft: Essential Handbook Stephanie Milton, Scholastic, $8.99 10. Flora and Ulysses: The Illuminated Adventures Kate DiCamillo, K.G. Campbell (Illus.), Candlewick, $8.99

CLIP AND SAVE for easy reference at your bookstore or when browsing at your local library, bookshop, e-book source or book-loving friend’s shelf.

By Alan Rose

A Little Life

By Hanya Yanagihara Doubleday $30

I

f you have heard anything about Hanya Yanagihara’s A Little Life, you probably know that it’s been nominated for the National Book Award for fiction, as well as for the prestigious Man Booker Prize. You may have seen that it’s on a number of Best Books of 2015 lists. Powerful and disturbing, A Little Life is probably the best book I read this year, and the most unsettling.

In brief, it’s a story about four friends who meet in college in their teens, and follows them into their fifties. JB (Jean

There will be tears.

For a while, they would mourn him, because they were good people, the best, and he was sorry for that—but eventually they would see that their lives were better without him in it.

They would see how much time he had stolen from them; they would understand what a thief he had been, how he had suckled away all their energy and attention, how he had exsanguinated them. He hoped they would forgive him; he hoped they would see that this was his apology to them. He was releasing them—he loved them most of all, and this was what you did for people you loved: you gave them their freedom.

~ from A Little Life

Baptiste) is Haitan-American, gay, and an artist; Malcolm is biracial, heterosexual, and an architect; Willem from Wyoming of Scandinavian descent, is an actor with an actor’s handsome looks, and sexually is, um... versatile.

Alan Rose, author of Tales of Tokyo, The Legacy of Emily Hargraves and The Unforgiven organizes the monthly WordFest gatherings. He can be reached at www.alan-rose.com, at www.Facebook.com/Alan.

Rose.Author, and www.Facebook.com/WordFestNW.

And then there is Jude of whom little is known. His friends are not even sure of his race. He fits into no category.

JB describes him as “post-sexual, post-racial, post-identity, post-past.”

Possessing a brilliant mind for math and law, Jude’s background remains a mystery—he never speaks of his childhood or family, will not allow anyone to touch him, walks with a limp he barely acknowledges, never shows his body, even when swimming.

Jude, and the secrets he carries, is the core of this book.

“Willem,” Jude said, and was quiet.

“I think I turned out pretty normal, all things considered, don’t you?” and Willem had heard the strain, and the hope, in his voice.

Gradually, the reader, along with his friends, learns the story of Jude’s past.

It is horrific in parts—a number of reviewers admit there were times they had to put the book aside. Like driving past a gruesome highway accident, one is drawn to look and not look.

•••

And in parts it is very sad (My advice: Invest in Kleenex stock before reading this book.) But if it depicts the worst in humanity that Jude suffered, the story is also lightened and brightened by the kindness and the love shown to him by his friends, his doctor, by his professors and mentors. The question is whether the love people hold for him will be sufficient to save him from the damage of his past:

“No,” he said, and Jude winced. “I think you turned out extraordinary, all things considered…”

Reading A Little Life is an emotionally wrenching experience, capturing in beautiful prose the human condition in all its horror and cruelty and in all its beauty and compassion.

Dec 8 • Cassava 1333 Broadway Longview www.alan-rose.com

SECOND TUESDAY

Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 7

Civilized Life

Lewis & Clark

Miss Manners Running into mourners; holiday meal mediation a thankless task, etc.

By Judith Martin DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a sunny morning, I put on my running shoes and took the same tour I always do. Unfortunately, this time, a funeral just started at the church I always pass. The funeral car was still on the way to the church and the family of the departed were walking behind the car.

I was running on the sidewalk, in the opposite direction. It was so weird, that group of people were mourning, and I was running happily, thanking God for the beautiful weather. Should I have stopped running until they passed? What is the right thing to do?

GENTLE READER: Unless you are physically in their way, Miss Manners does not — nor would anyone — expect you to cease all activity and pretend you are temporarily among the bereaved. An alternative to stopping your run would be going across the street so as to maintain a respectful distance as a courtesy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am caught between two people in a question of holiday meal etiquette.

When my mother, the host, asks my longtime boyfriend whether/how he’d like a certain food, and he responds that he doesn’t like something, she reacts with shock.

fun to be a host who knows that one guest won’t eat some of the offerings, but it can’t be fun to be a guest who is asked what he likes, only to be treated like he’s a weirdo when he answers.

I have tried to smooth things over as well as possible. When my mother asks me for holiday meal suggestions, I mention foods my boyfriend will like, and when these awkward back-andforths take place, I try to distract from my mother’s shock or laugh it off. It occurs to me that for the next meal, I could ask if I can bring a dish or two that I know my boyfriend will like.

I feel like all the pressure is on me to keep everyone happy. My mother and my boyfriend are wonderful people (especially when apart), but lately I’ve been fantasizing about taking a trip away from both of them for the rest of the holidays — obviously not a realistic option.

GENTLE READER: Your beau understands your mother to be asking for a critique of various dishes, perhaps with the thought of learning his likes and dislikes so she can please him in the future. cont page 33

A dinosaur, pleisosaur and prairie dogs

H

Jefferson’s instructions to document ow would you go about unknown plants and wildlife they capturing a prairie dog to encountered. send to the President of the United States? And why would In the first four months of their you want to do it in the first place? journey, they had seen many new Many readers who species of animals, have tried to catch including the We are pleased to present a mole in their lawn coyote, magpie, Installment #5 of Michael Perry’s or garden will get gray wolf, mule popular 33-month series which began a kick out of what with CRR’s April 15, 2004 inaugural deer, pronghorn Lewis and Clark did. issue. During the Bicentennial (often wrongly Commemoration of the Lewis and called an antelope),

By August 1804, Clark Expedition, each installment and prairie dog.

Lewis and Clark’s covered their travels during the Corp of Discovery corresponding month 200 years prior.

Prairie dogs We are repeating the series for the had made their way enjoyment of both longtime and more fascinated Lewis up the Missouri and Clark, and they recent readers.

River to present To find prior installments visit saw a staggering day South Dakota. crreader.com number.

While French Click “Features,” then “Archives.” cont page 9 trappers had been in the area for at Michael Perry enjoys least 75 years, the Corps of Discovery local history and members were the first Americans travel. His popular to see the vast expanse of the Great 33-installment Lewis Plains, which was a virtual Garden & Clark series appeared in CRR’s of Eden.

Every time they saw a new animal, they shot at least one so Lewis or Clark could make the detailed examination needed to fulfill Thomas

She drags out her exclamations of surprise, even when she has already been told about a certain food quirk.

“I’ve never known anyone who doesn’t like such-and-such!” she cries out, as if there must be something wrong with him. “You want such-andsuch PLAIN? Oh-kayyy ...” she says with raised eyebrows.

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At our last holiday meal, this made him very uncomfortable, and his conversational skills were somewhat lacking for most of the visit. His subsequent one-word answers, looks of annoyance and little sarcastic witticisms didn’t help.

I feel conflicted. Sometimes being a good guest means taking a few bites of something you don’t really like. But being an adult should mean that you can choose what goes into your body.

I’m sure my mother just isn’t thinking when she reacts like this. It can’t be

early years and is making an “encore” appearance, beginning with the July 2015 issue.

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8 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

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Lewis & Clark

cont from page 8

Some biologists believe there were 5 billion prairie dogs at that time, while 200 years later they were candidates for protection under the Endangered Species Act. As late as 1905, a government scientist found a village covering an area the size of West Virginia and housing an estimated 400 million prairie dogs!

Flush them out!

Lewis was so intrigued by the prairie dog that he decided to catch a live specimen to ship to Washington, D.C. Clark wrote “near the foot of this high Nole we discovered a Village of an annamale… which burrow in the grown.

The Village of those little dogs is under the ground a considerable distance. We dig under 6 feet thro rich hard clay without getting to their Lodges.”

Patrick Gass reported “Captain Lewis and Captain Clarke with all the party… took with them all the kettles and other vessels for holding water in order to drive the animals out of their holes by pouring in water; but though they worked at the business till night they only caught one of them.”

According to Clark, “Some of their wholes we put in 5 barrels of water without driving them out, we caught one by the water forceing him out. The Village of those animals Covs. about 4 acrs of Ground on a Gradual decent of a hill and Contains great numbers of holes on the top of which those little animals Set erect make a Whistling noise and whin alarmed Slip into their hole.

A bit of arsenic ought to do it Later, Clark wrote of a close call Lewis experienced: “by examination this Bluff Contained Alum, Copperas, Cobalt, Pyrites; a Alum Rock Soft & Sand Stone… also a clear Soft Substance which… I believe to be arsenic. Capt.

Lewis in proveing the quality of those minerals was Near poisoning himself by the fumes & tast of the Cobalt which had the appearance of Soft Isonglass.

Copperas & alum is very pisen, Capt.

Lewis took a Dost of Salts to work off the effects of the arsenic.” Three days later, Lewis was still suffering: “Capt. Lewis much fatigued from heat the day it being verry hot & he being in a debilitated State from the Precautions he was obliged to take to prevent the effects of the Cobalt, & Minl Substance which had like to have poisoned him two days ago” Maybe he had added insult to injury by taking some of Dr. Rush’s Thunderclapper pills that consisted of a mixture of mercury and chlorine?

Two days after Lewis tried to poison himself, the expedition came upon an area the Indians were deathly afraid to go near. Clark called it Spirit Mound and wrote “in an imence Plain a high Hill is Situated, and appears of a Conic form and by the different nations of Indians in this quarter is Suppose to be the residence of Deavels, that they are in human form with remarkable large heads and about 18 Inches high, that they are Very watchfull, and are arm’d with Sharp arrows with which they Can Kill at a great distance; they are Said to Kill all persons who are So hardy as to attempt to approach the hill; they State that tradition informs them that many Indians have Suffered by those little people and among others three Mahar men fell a Sacrefise to their murceyless fury not many years Since – so much do the Mahas Souix Ottoes and other neibhbouring nations believe this fable that no consideration is suffecient to induce them to approach the hill.”

One of the maps they obtained in St. Louis told of a volcano in South Dakota, but they were unable to locate it. Possibly it was a burning seam of coal (lignite) the St. Louis trader had seen.

One thing they did find was a dinosaur.

In 1804, nobody even knew about dinosaurs (the word wasn’t coined until 1845). But, in present day South Dakota, Clark found fossil remains of a pleisosaur, an ocean-dwelling creature of the Mesozoic Era. Clark wrote “we found a back bone with most of the entire laying Connected for 45 feet, those bones are petrified, Some teeth & ribs also Connected.” Some of the vertebra are now in the Smithsonian Museum.

Loopy over the froot The richness of the Great Plains was most impressive. As Clark wrote, “The Plains of this countrey are covered with a Leek Green Grass, well calculated for the sweetest and most norushing hay – interspersed with Cops of trees, Spreding ther lofty branchs over Pools Springs or Brooks of fine water. Groops of Shrubs covered with the most delicious froot is to be seen in every direction, and nature appears to have exerted herself to butify the Senery by the variety of flours Delicately and highly flavered raised above the Grass, which Strikes & profumes the Sensation, and amuses the mind throws it into Conjecturing the cause of So magnificient a Senery… in a Country thus Situated far removed from the Sivilised world.”

Almost all of the native grassland has now been destroyed by farming.

But along with the once uncountable buffalo and prairie dogs, there are still

A “Barking Squirrel” for the President

S

pending most of September 7, 1804, digging and flooding their tunnels, the crew managed to catch just one prairie dog. Lewis had a cage built for it with the intention of shipping it back to Washington D.C. for President Jefferson to see first hand. The only problem was they were heading up the Missouri River and there was no FedEx, let alone regular mail service, to provide overnight delivery. So Lewis loaded the caged prairie dog onto the keelboat and fed it every day in an effort to keep it alive. The crew would continue up the Missouri until the end of October when they reached the Mandan Indian villages near present day Bismarck, North Dakota. They built a fort there and spent the winter. Somehow, they managed to keep the prairie dog alive all winter.

Seven months after it was captured, the live prairie dog was loaded onto the keelboat, along with various plant and animal specimens, for the trip back to St. Louis. While it took more than five months to travel from St. Louis up to the Mandan villages, the return trip took just a month and a half. From St. Louis, the cargo was put on another ship and sent down the Mississippi River to New Orleans. Another ship took the cargo through the Gulf of Mexico, around Florida, and up the coast to Baltimore.

Finally, in August 1805 (almost a year after it was captured), the prairie dog arrived in Washington, D.C., alive! However, Jefferson was still at Monticello, and did not arrive in Washington until October 4, 1805.

Jefferson then shipped the prairie dog to a natural history museum in Philadelphia, where it lived until at least April 5, 1806; on that date, Lewis and Clark were traveling back up the Columbia River after successfully reaching the Pacific Ocean in November 1805.

a few places left for people to see the same things Lewis and Clark’s party saw. The same holds true for the Missouri River; with the exception of a short stretch of river in the southeast corner of South Dakota that is still free flowing, it is now just a series of lakes behind the many dams between St. Louis and Montana.

While some folks would like to preserve everything forever (including the Northwest forests), we should be

thankful somebody saved at least a portion of it for future generations to enjoy.

••• Next month we will learn of the tense meeting with the Teton Sioux, by far the most feared Indians in the west. And, we will learn about the only black man in the Corps of Discovery. Winter is fast approaching as they reach North Dakota.

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360-423-1962

Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 9

Thank You for your business this year!

s e h s i m H W r o d l i ay a W

This holiday season ... give the gift of music

Ask Teri about catering your home dinner party

Piano Lessons A great investment in yourself or as a gift Martin E. Kauble Longview, WA

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1414 Commerce Avenue • Longview, Washington www.BandasBouquets.com • 360-577-3824 • M-Sat 10–5:30 10 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

Astronomy Is Looking Up

Celestial Wonders

The winter sky, rocky showers a movie and gift ideas

By Greg Smith

T

he winter sky is rising fast. The famous constellation Orion is rising just around 9pm in the now-dark sky of autumn and will continue its conquest of the night sky through December and January.

The “tiny dipper” of the Pleiades star cluster is up by the time darkness falls.

It is one of the beauties of the autumn and winter sky. Binoculars are the best way to really see the cluster, as you can see the whole cluster at one glance.

Other constellations to watch are Pegasus and Andromeda, which are virtually right overhead at this time.

It is in Andromeda that the largest object visible to the naked eye is found. Follow the lower back leg of Pegasus, or officially the “body” of Andromeda, to the second star and then climb up to the third star in the chain of stars. Right near it is the fuzzy glow of the Galaxy, officially known as M31 (the Andromeda Galaxy). This hazy object is on the list of non-comets the 18th century French astronomer Messier compiled to keep himself and other astronomers from claiming that they had discovered a “new” comet.

Looking for M33 If you’re in for a challenge look below the afore-mentioned second star and try to find another galaxy. It is almost as far below as M31 is above it. This is M33. In a very dark clear sky, you may be able to see it with your naked eye.

This will be the farthest object you can see without aid. It is just a bit farther than M31’s 2.5 million light years at 2.7 million light years away from us.

The main planets’ views are in the morning. Jupiter is rising higher in the morning sky, as is Mars. The very bright Venus is now returning to the horizon as it heads away from Earth on its voyage around the Sun. By late December, Mercury will be at its highest point in the morning sky at some 20 degrees above the eastern horizon.

So long, Saturn – see you soon The evening bright planet, Saturn will go behind the sun at the end of November, as we race away from it and then we will see it in the morning in a month or after that.

Christmas Eve will have virtually a full moon. True full moon arrives at 3am on the 25th. Santa will have plenty of bright moonlight to make his deliveries.

Natural fireworks, new discoveries There are two annual meteor showers coming up. The Leonids, generally active during November, peaked Nov. 17-18. They are so named because they seemingly come from the constellation Leo. The second is the Geminids, peaking around Dec 14th, coming from the part of the sky that the constellation Gemini covers, which is next to Orion.

As an after mention, if anyone saw bright meteors these past few weeks, you were watching the Taurids, a meteor shower in late October and early November. This year’s shower was full of very bright fireballs. These came from the direction of the constellation Taurus the Bull. You were very fortunate if you got to see it.

Did you see the pictures from Pluto and Charon (‘karon’) these past months?

May your days be filled with laughter and love throughout the holiday season.

Donna

Cell: 360-957-5523

Have you seen “The Martian?”

This is probably the most scientifically accurate science fiction movie made so far. The only major science flaw is the windstorm at the start of the movie.

The atmosphere on Mars is way too thin to produce a windstorm this devastating, but the author of the book and NASA both agreed that it was the most believable scenario they could come up with. The rest of the movie is pretty much spot-on in the science, as NASA was heavily consulted in the making it. It is a great adventure tale of surviving alone on Mars while waiting to be rescued. NASA does not have a space suit like the one in the movie, but MIT is working

HINT: Gift ideas for a space buff Better yet, get the book and read it. It is also available through local booksellers, at Costco and from Amazon. Interestingly, the book was first published as an online book for Amazon. Then it went viral, and soon the movie industry discovered it. The rest is book and movie history. This would be a great Christmas gift for the space buff in your home.

For the newly interested in the night sky or to beef up your own knowledge, here are a couple of Christmas ideas; 1) A star chart known as a planisphere, which shows the position of the stars for every day of the year and at the time of night you are looking. It is very easy to use — just turn the dialshaped map to the day and time and the night sky is displayed. Totally non-electronic. The Night Sky 40°50° Large Star Finder ($9.69) or small ($7.50) are available on amazon.com.

The large is easier to read.

2) A good book is NightWatch:A Practical Guide to Viewing the Universe

by Terence Dickinson for $23.50. which describes and explains how to watch the night sky. It includes star maps for the seasons. It tells you how to start your adventure and how to progress from naked-eye viewing to using your first telescope. A word of advice: Ignore any claim at viewing above 100X. No small telescope will show anything of value above 100X. •••

Greg Smith is a member . of Friends of Galileo, a familyfriendly, amateur astronomy club which meets monthly in Longview. Visitors are welcome; telescope ownership is not required to participate. For info about programs or viewing events, call Chuck Ring, 360-636-2294.

Come have fun with us!

We’re open to the public.

Thank you all for a great year ~ I’m looking forward to assisting you in the future.

These pictures prove that we really don’t know what might be found on other planets, be they full or dwarf planets. I am sure the planetary scientists are realizing they have no idea what to expect when the New Horizons spacecraft gets to its next target further out into the Kuiper (“ky-per”) Belt. Its next target is a small object known as KBO2014 MU69. Its size is estimated to be only 30–45 km (20–30 mi) across. It will reach the new target about January 1, 2019, so stay tuned for more amazing discoveries.

on one now. Then again, the movie is supposed to take place in the 2030s.

This is the time frame NASA wants to send men to Mars anyway. So who knows what MIT will come up with by then?

Donna Hammond, Broker

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Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 11

DOWNTOWN LONGVIEW WELCOMES YOU GET IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT! SHOP • DINE OUT • ENJOY ART SOCIALIZE

SALES! SALES! SALES! Look for our 2nd store coming in January!

Come find your treasure!

Gary & Laura Fadden glfadden@comcast.net

360-703-6398

T-Th 10–5:30 • F-Sat 10–5

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Come enjoy our fun new atmosphere!

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A collection of sculptures by numerous Northwest artists, on both sides of the 1200, 1300 and 1400 blocks

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12 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

sicals • Jewelr y/mu baby blankets d n a ts il u Q • candles • Soaps and s/gift bags • Chalkboard racks and t il u q t/ s e ch • Cedar wood frames er engraving • Custom las come see!

AND MORE ~

My Slant

It’s FREE! It’s FUN! Downtown Longview

Exactly...

Will I kill my smartphone before it kills me?

Holiday Walkabout

By Ron Baldwin

B

THURSDAY • DEC 3 • 4 – 7pm Get into the holiday spirit in Downtown Longview!

4:00PM START Pick up your free Walkabout Passport at Columbia River Reader’s office (1333 14th Ave., next to ZoJo Coffee) by 5:30pm and head out.

Allow enough time to mix and mingle, perhaps grab a bite along the way, as you explore Downtown Longview. Make the circuit, visiting the 15 participating shops staying open late. You’ll enjoy samples, discounts, gifts and giveaways. Get your Passport stamped at each stop.

6:30-7:00 END Deposit your completed Passport at the Walkabout Reception which begins at 6:30pm at 1318 Commerce.

PRIZE DRAWINGS will be held at 7:00pm. Need not be present to win.

efore I go into the subject of smartphone use I’ll have to confess that I came into the digital age kicking and screaming. My son, who is now an Amazon engineer, grew up with the computer in the living room. Through the unstoppable force of his mother we purchased one of the early Mac computers around 1990.

Like most children, he took to it like a duck to water and could type in words almost as soon as he could say them.

I, however, was a holdout until I discovered I could make band posters on it. This was about the time people would come into the house hearing me talk to, yell at, and threaten desk top boxes.

Fast forward to the next century and I purchased a new Dell laptop which was to be delivered on Sept. 11, 2001.

Needless to say, it was a few days late.

I had discovered that, due to the innovation of this new thing called the interwebs or some such, I could no longer operate my collection of small businesses without one. Still I had trouble convincing myself that I would never be able to be without one again. My son would have to set up everything for me and guide me through its use almost daily (still happens to this day).

At about the same time I discovered that I could not do without a cellular phone. My construction boss handed me a phone when he left the job and admonished “This is for me to call you, not for you to call me.” So I became convinced that I needed a cell phone as they were then called and plunged into being connected…. way too connected. Everyone could Chinook, Wash., resident Ron Baldwin loves the outdoors, old Volkswagens, fast cooking and music. Hear his jazz program 6–8pm on the 2nd and 4th Wed. from Astoria, Ore., on KTCB (89.5), KMUN (91.9), KCPB (90.9) or live stream online at coastradio.org.

He may be reached at redravenaudio@ hotmail.com

reach me. I could no longer hide out from the world with impunity.

I stopped answering the calls with numbers I didn’t recognize. When a message was left, I refused to listen.

When I discovered people did the same to me, it infuriated me immensely.

This arrangement served me well for the next few years during which my cell phones evolved every 2+ years and the chargers for the old phones refused to play nice with the new phones. I still have a drawer full of old chargers just in case I have to go back to using the old phones. The flip phones I used for some time were perfect. I no longer butt-dialed everyone on my list every few days and the screens remained unbroken for the most part.

My son and other smarty-pants types kept admonishing me to get a smart phone and join the modern age but I steadfastly refused until last November, when my last flipper died.

I went to the phone store determined to resist getting a smart phone but every dumb phone I tried was really stupid. The flip phone had gone the way of the horse and buggy, all the other new phones had buttons that were too small for my sausage-shaped fingers to use, I butt-dialed the Pope.

I was ripe for the sales pitch of the salesperson at the phone store.

A greeter who I assume was the quarterback called a salesgirl from the back room of the store. I thought to myself “Why do they come from the closed room at the back of the store?

What are they hiding back there?” But she was so friendly and knowledgeable about all of the advantages of owning a smartphone that I was disarmed to be sure. She pulled her phone and a strange looking machine out of the holster they all seem to carry and came up with a payment plan that was just $20 more than my old plan.

I hummed and hawed for a while and then acquiesced. I was the proud owner of a new sleek, gray metal and plastic smartphone; the newest gadget on the market. I could now access all cont page 15

Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 13

My Slant

Kopi Luwak: A gift idea for those who have everything?

You won’t believe what this is

By Gary Meyers

T

his story might have languished forever in the bottom of the Columbia River Reader’s “Never To Be Published No Matter How Hard Up We May Get For Articles” bin. Yet after years of my pleading, written appeals, and pathetic whining, Sue Piper — our understanding and sympathetic publisher/editor — finally relented.

To be completely honest, Sue never actually told me, “No.” What she screamed repeatedly was, “Not in 10,000 years!” and “Over my dead body!” So I always felt she was leaving the door open. And although my byline might soon be stricken from the CRR rolls, I have this final opportunity to perform a journalistic service: to inform our readership about Kopi Luwak. And for this article to appear in the holiday issue, the timing is perfect because Kopi Luwak is clearly a gift for the person who has everything.

Exported from Southeast Asia, Kopi Luwak is one of the most expensive coffees in the world. According to the wide range of price quotes on the Internet, the cost can run $100 – $600 per pound (compared to $34 a pound for Kona, and $49 per pound for Blue Mountain from Jamaica).

The luwak is a small animal that looks like a cross between a mink and a mongoose with leopard-like markings and raccoon eyes. Photo by Leendertz (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Beyond that, according to Wikipedia “…in the digestive tract, fermentation occurs. The civet’s protease enzymes seep into the beans making shorter peptides and more free amino acids. The enzymes attack the proteins and neutralize the natural bitterness...” After the cherries pass through a civet’s intestines, a “salvage operation,” via manual collection and sorting takes place. How is such a job advertised? What are the qualifications? Are there mobs of Ready to taste. Photo by Gary Meyers. CRR will offer a complimentary applicants banging on the door? My imagination runs wild.

Kopi Luwak tasting in early 2016 on a limited seating, preregistration basis. See “Sue’s Views,” page 3 for details.

Kopi Luwak takes its name from the Asian palm civet (paradoxurus hemaphroditus). The luwak is a small animal that looks like a cross between a mink and a mongoose with leopardlike markings and raccoon eyes. But it’s not cost alone that sets Kopi Luwak apart from the other great coffees of the world. Rather, it’s the uniqueness of the production process.

The coffee cherries [beans] are not picked by farmers in the traditional manner. Delicately put, the process begins with the palm civets eating the coffee cherries for their fleshy pulp.

The process by which Kopi Luwak reaches the marketplace is not without controversy from animal rights’ advocates. Due to its popularity among coffee aficionados and the potential for great profit, some purveyors are not satisfied to collect the random droppings of the wild palm civets. They capture and cage the civets in harsh conditions and then force feed the coffee cherries. People who know contend that force feeding produces Gary Meyers grew up in Longview and an inferior grade of coffee since the now lives in wild civets are selective and choose Honolulu. He only the best berries to eat. I suspect is is the founder it might take a connoisseur to tell the of CRR’s annual difference, considering how the process haiku contest and begins. an occasional contributors of stories. Now you can see why we don’t (normally) let him write about food.

‘Tis the Season

Longview-Kelso

Community Concert Association

2015-2016 Series

Friday, January 22, 2016 - 7:30 pm

Valinor Quartet

Stringfever

Engaging, charismatic pianist and vocalist “This kid is amazing.”

-Jay Leno, The Tonight Show At 9 years old, Ethan Bortnick became the youngest artist to have his own national PBS Concert Special.

Gypsy swing quartet - A unique hybrid of classical and jazz with worldwide musical influences

From Vivaldi to McCartney and Ravel to Charlie Daniels with charisma and humor

If you have family and friends coming to visit and they need a place to stay, book your room for the holidays.

Enjoy our complimentary hot breakfast, indoor heated pool and spa.

Makes a Great Christmas Gift!

Ethan Bortnick

Clatskanie River Inn 503 728 9000 • 600 E Columbia River Hwy visit us online at www.clatskanieriverinn.com

But the question remains: why would anyone pay an exorbitant price for a coffee with such a “dark,” so to speak, provenance? Perhaps it is simply De gustibus non est disputandum (roughly translated: There’s no accounting for taste).

Sunday, February 21, 2016 - 3:00 pm

Thursday, April 21, 2016 - 7:30pm

Concerts at LCC Rose Center in Longview, WA • For info contact: Susie Kirkpatrick (360) 636-2211

Season subscription prices: Adults - $50 Students - $20 Family - $100 Single Concert Tickets: $25 Adults - $10 Students

14 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

www.lkcca.org

F o r t h o s e adventurous bon vivants who wish to brew some Kopi Luwak, it can be found on Amazon and eBay. Other online specialty coffee purveyors such as Cat Poop Coffee Inc. also offer it to discriminating buyers. But beware, Internet warnings indicate there are many fakers out there. How low can one sink? cont page 15

Kopi Luwak

from page 14

A friend and fellow haiku judge, Creighton Goldsmith, recently presented me with a bag of Kopi Luwak (see photo) he acquired in Kuala Lumpur. We agreed, with his wife, to taste test it while adhering to the general guidelines laid down by the Statistics & Standards Committee of the Specialty Coffee Association.

Some might think us over-cautious when considering the route the beans take from bush to cup.

After two brewings in a French press, here are our findings: lst brewing: “redolent with sweet and smoky aroma; mild flavor; delicate with woody aftertaste; mellow.”

2nd brewing (additional teaspoon of grounds): “sweet aroma; same pleasant woody aftertaste; well balanced; no bitterness or harshness; a definite keeper!”

Epilogue: They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Before finishing this article, I learned that natives in Northern Thailand are now creating their own version of Kopi Luwak. They name theirs “Black Ivory,” with elephants participating in the production process. If this trend continues, we may soon see specialty coffee shops popping up at zoos where selections can be as varied as the animals available to eat and “discharge” the beans! “Might we interest you in a cup of Kopi Simba, Madam, a robust drink with a slight hint of dusty scrub and veldt.”

Readers, please note that throughout this article, in deference to good taste, not once did I yield to temptation and use the term, Crappuccino.”

•••

Smartphone

cont from page 13

my VW forums, Google News and Reddit all from the palm of my hand.

It was, dare I say it, sexy!

I was getting along swimmingly with the new phone arrangement, ignoring everyone around me and giggling uncontrollably over some crazy image on my little screen. Then the cussed little box decided to rebel. It’d change screens on me and lose important solitaire games. The web browser started asking silly questions, none of which I dared answer lest I’d end up with my bank account cleaned out and owing thousands to some West African bank I never heard of.

Then the ultimate slap in the face: the blank blue screen. After a half hour of franticly punching buttons and shaking the beast, I found myself threatening mayhem against a small handful of plastic and scrambled metal gizmos. The technical advisor at the phone company was blunt…not us, call the manufacturer….click.

The first technical advisor I reached at the manufacturer’s number was very pleasant sounding, every sentence ending with an up note but totally indecipherable. I asked if I could talk to another representative and got a curt “yes if you must.” The second person was much more understandable and led me through a rigid protocol of swiping and button pushing, all to no avail. Every phrase was followed by “exactly”. I was exact but not successful. After about an hour of this I was nearly apoplectic. Then the representative asked if I’d like to send the phone in for repair. It would take ten days to two weeks.

“What?! You want me to send the phone in for repair and be without my connection to the outside world for ten days to two weeks?”

“Exactly” “Do you realize that all of the contact numbers for everyone I’ve ever known are stored on this little box?”

“Exactly” “If I lose them I may never get them back”

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“But my contacts, my favorites, my messages” “All there” he said.

“But how?”

“We have our ways,” he said with a sly grin.

Will I kill my NEW smartphone before it kills me??

•••

“Exactly” “There must be another alternative.”

“Exactly, you can just bring the phone to our store.”

“But the store is in Portland a hundred miles away.”

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“Exactly” The store wasn’t really in Portland but in a swank shopping mall in Tigard with a parking lot full of Jaguars and Mercedeses. The inside of the store was pure white. Everything — walls, floors, tables, desks, counters — all white. I was afraid to walk in lest I smudge something. Representatives with the same holstered machines were helping others as I swung the heavy glass plate door open. Every head turned my way. An icy chill ran up and down my spine but the quarterback quickly greeted me and asked about my problem. I informed him that I had a repair number from the tech gurus at his company.

“One ‘exactly’ and I’m outta here,” I said to myself as he called for a representative from the back room.

Again I wondered, “What are they hiding back there anyway?” The representative had another phone exactly like mine in his hand and handed it to me along with a form to sign.

“What? That’s it?”

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Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 15

Tips for healthful holidays

Call before you go …

Even if you plan to live forever...

Let’s get it in writing!

By Candace Clark, RD, CDE

Original • Local Carefully compiled All about the good life

“I make house calls”

More than fluff and filler

THE LAW OFFICE OF

Makes a nice crinkle

Vincent L. (Vince) Penta, P.S. 1561 11th Ave. Longview

360-423-7175

S

taying motivated to eat healthy and continuing physical activity can be challenging through the holidays. The season brings extra parties and family gatherings with food you wouldn’t typically eat. Here are strategies to help you stay on track and keep you moving.

•Make a weekly calendar of meals.

Planning meals in advance can prevent overeating and keep you from eating out. Once you plan your meals, shop accordingly. Stock your refrigerator with cut-up fruits and vegetables.

•Write down your food and physical activity goals. Hang your goals in an area where you will read them daily. This will motivate you to stay on track, even when the weather is cold and schedules are busy.

•Plan outdoor activities. Try cross country or downhill skiing, snowboarding or snowshoeing for a fun, family-friendly winter adventure.

These activities burn calories and get you outside. If snow doesn’t interest you, try going for a walk or hike.

Dress in layers and take your kids to the park.

•Continue eating well balanced meals and snacks.

Join the CEDC to participate in the economic health of our region.

During the cooler fall days and cold winter months, our eating habits may change to heavier, higher fat comfort foods. To save calories switch out cream soups for broth-based soups. Try light turkey meat instead of dark meat.

EDC Vice President Scot Walstra speaks at the November “Port Report” community briefing.

360.423.9921 • www.cowlitzedc.com

Try lower fat versions of your favorite foods. Switch out full fat dairy for 1% dairy products. Try using half the fat in gravies and sauces. Use corn starch for thickening instead of a roux. Make sure you drink adequate water.

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Watch for these warning signs to see if your elderly loved one is in need of assistance and extra care.

If someone seems to need help, don’t be afraid to speak up and reach out.

For more information, please call Crawford House at 360-636-2319.

360.577.8746

•Wake up (ON TIME!) and open the blinds.

•Limit the amount of television you watch. When it is cold outside, it is easy to put on your PJs, grab your favorite snacks and snuggle in for your favorite television programs.

Aim for two hours or less of screen time each day. Try listening to your favorite music or podcast instead of watching TV. •Start a new family tradition. Instead of cooking and eating all day, enlist your family in a game of football, Frisbee, croquet or register for a fun run/walk.

•••

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• Spoiled food in fridge • Poor grooming, personal hygiene • Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed • Diminished driving skills, near misses • Difficulty walking; unsteady; recent falls • Mishandled or missed medications • Personality changes; irritability; sudden mood changes • Unopened mail; past due bills; mishandled finances • Poor housekeeping; home maintenance; unsafe conditions • Depression; forgetfulness

•Try an indoor pool. Swimming laps, walking in the pool, or joining a water fitness class is a great way to stay active in the winter.

Photo by Vanessa Johnson

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16 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

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Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 17

Dan Ollis, Whidbey Coffee Family man Mud runner Coffee connoisseur

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Northwest Gardener

Learn and yearn...

Garden books for giving

By Nancy Chennault

T

imeless, valued and loved, the gift of a book honors the giver as well as the recipient. What better way to shut out the chill winds of winter than to get cozy with a book about gardening. This holiday season, shop for garden books for everyone on your Christmas list. You will be inspired as will they.

Be inspired when you curl up with a cup of tea by the fire with any of these dreamy books.

Up The Garden Path by cartoonist Norman Thelwell was a pass-down when Nancy’s Grandpop died. Her aunt had given it to him in 1968.

From my bookshelf: “Beauty” books for dreaming •Cultivating Sacred Space: Gardening for the Soul – August 1997

by Elizabeth Murray •Tasha Tudor’s Garden – October 1994

by Tovah Martin, author and Richard W. Brown, photographer.

“Work” books for doing •The New Western Garden Book: The Ultimate Gardening Guide (Sunset We s t e r n G a r d e n Book) 9th Edition.

The ultimate garden guide. “How-to” for the novice and an updated reference for the veteran.

I cherish my first three editions of Sunset Western Garden Book — all gifts — copyright 1954, price of $3.95. The first edition is in better shape than the second.

The third edition was a Christmas gift from my Mom and Dad in 1975.

• Wo r m s E a t M y Garbage: How to Set Up and Maintain a Worm Composting System, 2nd Edition Revised and expanded second edition

by Mary Appelhof, author, and Mary Frances Fenton, illustrator.

“Kid” books for launching •Fairy Houses . . . Everywhere!

(The Fairy Houses Series) – 2006

by Tracy Kane, author and Barry Kane, photographer.

Fairy Gardens are the trend in miniature gardens for the young and the young at heart.

This beautiful book is a favorite of all four granddaughters.

•Roots, Shoots, Buckets & Boots: Gardening Together with Children – May 1, 1999 by Sharon Lovejoy.

MEN L A E R T PAIN

Nancy Chennault is a longtime local gardening maven and dynamo of horticultural energy.

She and her husband, Jim Chennault, operate The Gardens @ Sandy Bend in Castle Rock.

Come see what all the fun’s about!

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•Grasshopper Green’s Garden – 1925 by Julia Augusta Schwartz.

One of my favorite gift books is a family treasure.

Given to me by my cousin for my birthday in 1955, it has timeless stories of the tiny creatures found in gardens. My edition has a copyright date of 1909. This will be passed on to the next generation of Chennault NW Gardeners.

Shopping for books is like picking out a greeting card. They are meant to be browsed. Give yourself the time to absorb the feeling of shopping for books. Before you know it, you are immersed in the warm rays of the spring sun with the soft breezes of summer waiting in the wings. You will find yourself relaxed and motivated for more garden adventures in 2016.

Merry Christmas! And a Happy Garden Year!

•••

Paint ‘til Ya Faint!

BEFORE

“Heritage” books to cherish Older editions of books from your collection can be passed to the next generation of gardeners or you can enjoy the hunt in vintage book shops or online. The ultimate gift of the garden experience.

Largest selection between Canada and California borders.

A perfect choice

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Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 19

Member SIPC

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360-423-4321 20 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

HYUNDAI

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

From your friends at Columbia Auto Group

OUT • AND • ABOUT

CHRISTMAS SHIPS ON THE COLUMBIA

E

Skippers offer nautical and nice light show Dec. 6 and 14) beginning Dec. 5 through 21. Christmas Ships is a nonprofit organization and the fleet is all volunteer; not all the boats make it out every night. The parade is made possible by the donations hotels and restaurants along the route make to help pay for the event insurance.

Skippers pay their own fuel costs and receive no money from the donations.

very year, spectators delight in watching the Christmas Ship Parade on the Columbia and Willamette Rivers in Portland, Oregon, and nearby points.

Both fleets, averaging 55–60 boats total, will be out every night (except

Photos courtesy of Christmas Ships, Inc.

Sunday, Dec. 13 Multnomah Channel, Scappoose to the Willamette River • 4:30pm Both the Columbia and Willamette Fleets are together tonight!

They meet in the afternoon at Coon Island and leave for Scappoose, arriving approximately 5pm, then continue up the Multnomah Channel to Fred’s Marina area. This is a long night and arrival at the Willamette River is usually between 8 and 9pm. It is not possible to give a closer time frame due to weather conditions, debris in the river, and other conditions beyond the control of the fleet.

Sat, Dec.12 St. Helens/Columbia City 6:00pm Columbia Fleet assembles at St. Helens City Docks and heads downriver to Columbia City, and weather/river conditions permitting crosses to the Washington side and the Columbia Riverfront RV Park, then returns to St. Helens City Docks. The fleet is out about two hours. Ships remain overnight at St. Helens and leave Sunday for the trip up Multnomah Channel.

Outdoor viewing locations: •Coon Island (boat access only) •McCuddy’s Landing, Scappoose (formerly Brown’s Landing) •Hadley’s Landing, Sauvie Island •Along Hwy 30.

•Sauvie Island: Take the Sauvie Island Bridge across from Hwy. 30 and head north on Sauvie Island Road. Turn left on Ferry St. to boat launch area.

Outdoor Viewing Spots •Columbia Courthouse above the St. Helens City Docks •Columbia View Park (south of courthouse parking lot) •Sand Island - Access by boat only •Caples House Museum, 1925 First St, Columbia City. 6:30pm cookies, cider and hot chocolate; Christmas carol singing. Cash donations welcome •Pixie Park, Columbia City.

To: Centralia, Olympia Mt. Rainier Yakima (north, then east) Tacoma/Seattle

Oysterville •

• Naselle

Long Beach Ilwaco

Columbia River

101

Chinook

Cathlamet 4

Astoria 101

Seaside

Pacific Ocean

WestportPuget Island FERRYk

Warrenton •

• Kelso-Longview Chamber of Commerce Kelso Visitors Center I-5 Exit 39 105 Minor Road, Kelso • 360-577-8058

504

Mount St. Helens

Skamokawa

• Grays River

VISITORS CENTERS

Washington

Castle Rock

Birkenfeld

• Woodland Tourist Center I-5 Exit 21 Park & Ride lot, 900 Goerig St., 360-225-9552 • Wahkiakum Chamber 102 Main St, Cathlamet • 360-795-9996 • Appelo Archives Center 1056 SR 4 Naselle, WA. 360-484-7103.

Kelso

Clatskanie Rainier

• Pacific County Museum & Visitor Center Hwy 101, South Bend, WA 360-875-5224

Ape Cave •

Longview

• Long Beach Peninsula Visitors Bureau 3914 Pacific Way (corner Hwy 101/Hwy 103) Long Beach, WA. 360-642-2400 • 800-451-2542

Cougar •

Kalama Woodland

503

• Ridgefield

Scappoose• rnelius NW Co ad Pass Ro

To: Salem Silverton Eugene Ashland

Sauvie Island

Vancouver 12

Portland

97

• Astoria-Warrenton Chamber/Ore Welcome Ctr 111 W. Marine Dr., Astoria 503-325-6311 or 800-875-6807

Col Gorge Interp Ctr Skamania Lodge Bonneville Dam

Troutdale Crown Point

for

Points o mation f In Recre terest Special ation Dinin Events Arts & Eg ~ Lodging ntertain ment

• Seaside, OR 989 Broadway 503-738-3097 or 888-306-2326

•Yacolt

St Helens

Local in

• South Columbia County Chamber Columbia Blvd/Hwy 30, St. Helens, OR • 503-397-0685

Columbia City

Vernonia

Oregon

•••

FREE Maps • Brochures Directions • Information

Winlock

Raymond/ South Bend

Ocean Park •

For more info or announcements about weather-related cancellations or schedule changes, visit christmasships.org.

Goldendale Maryhill Museum

Stevenson Hood River Cascade Locks Bridge of the Gods

The Dalles

To: Walla Walla Kennewick, WA Lewiston, ID

Map suggests only approximate positions and relative distances. We are not cartographers.

Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 21

OUT • AND • ABOUT Community Holiday Celebrations

Parades, lights & Christmas festivities

Community Festival of Nativities Fri-Sat-Sun, Dec. 4–6 • 4–9pm

Tree Lighting at Kelso Train Station Friday, Dec. 4 6–8pm. 501 S. First St.,

More than 600 nativity displays.

Musical performances by local artists. Free admission. Children welcome.

Allow at least 20 minutes. 900 11th Ave, Longview.

Hosted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Info: longviewfestivalofnativities.com or call Tracy Pond, 360-501-5231; MaryAlice Wallis, 360-430-2517 or Chris Shaw, 360261-5555.

Kelso, Wash.

“Home for the Holidays” Downtown Longview Parade & Tree Lighting, Saturday, Dec 5 5pm parade along Commerce and Broadway, ending at R.A.Long Park on the Civic Circle (in front of Monticello Hotel). The lights will be turned on after Santa arrives.

Gingerbread Village at Broadway Gallery Saturday, Dec. 5

Free public viewing 12noon–7pm. Fifth Annual Gingerbread Haus Contest: Entry forms (available at www.

MYLDP.org) must be submitted by Dec. 2 to the Broadway Gallery and completed houses dropped off at Broadway Gallery on Dec. 5, 10am– 12 noon.

Southwest Washington Symphony Christmas Concerts Sat, Dec. 13, 7pm and Sun, Dec. 14, 3pm.

Longview Community Church 2323 Washington Way, Longview, Wash.

Free admission. Free will offering for charities.

Courtesy photos, previous events in Castle Rock

The Spirit of Christmas in Vernonia

All-day activities, including story-telling, carolers, lighted parade at 5:30pm, tree lighting follows. Details: Vernonia Spirit of Christmas on Facebook, or call 503-701-5928.

Rainier Festival of Lights and Tree Lighting Celebration • Sun., Dec. 6, 5pm

Bring family and enjoy sharing the holiday spirit with friends and neighbors. Caroling begins at 5pm on the steps of the City Hall, with hot cocoa and cookies served after Santa magically lights up the City tree. 106 W. “B” Street. For Decorating Contest (for businesses or residences) entry forms, visit rainierchamber.org.

6th Annual Castle Rock Festival of Lights • Nov 28–Dec 31

This event has grown to be a month-long celebration of the warmth and enthusiasm of dozens of community volunteers who work tirelessly to make this a ‘“Truly Unique Northwest Christmas.” Join the celebration as the thousands of lights, friendly shopkeepers and cozy cafés make the tiny town sparkle and shine.

Nov 28 5pm Tree Lighting in front of the Post Office on Cowlitz Street. Live music. Join carolers and toast marshmallows at cozy outdoor fires.

Dec 12, 12noon to 7pm: Festive Holiday Bazaar 147 Front Avenue NW (former Exhibit Hall) – Bring a can of food for the Castle Rock Lion’s Food Bank 4:30 – 5:30pm, resuming after parade until 8pm: Free pictures with Santa at 147 Front Ave. nw. Cozy outdoor fires, music and caroling throughout downtown.

5:00pm: March of the Ugly Christmas Sweaters begins at the Big Stage (intersection of Front Ave and Cowlitz Street). Ends in in front of the PO at the Community Christmas Tree. Sign up 4:30pm. Winners in 6 age groups.

Due to grief, loss or other life situations, some of us 5:30 PM: The winner will flip the lights on the Christmas Tree and the are not expecting Hometown Holiday Parade will begin. Awards for best window display, raffle a holly, jolly prize winners and musical entertainment on the Big Stage, intersection of Front Christmas this year.

Ave and Cowlitz Street following parade. Raffle Tickets available at Luttrell’s Five & Dime,

New Year’s Eve Ball Semi-formal event for ages 21 and older includes dinner and dancing. Music by 8-piece big band style ensemble, “String of Pearls.” Catered prime rib or chicken cordon bleu dinner served at 7 pm. No-host wine and beer service available.

Complimentary champagne/sparking cider toast at midnight.

To be held at the Clatskanie Cultural Center Thursday, Dec. 31. Sponsored by Clatskanie Foundation.

Limited seating by reservation only. $50 per person, $100 per couple, with all proceeds benefiting the operation and maintenance of the Clatskanie Cultural Center. To make reservations call Elsa Wooley, 503 728-3403 .

Join us for Christmas at

Longview Presbyterian Church

Touch of Wheatlands Produce & More, Greener Futures Electric and The Knotty Hooker.

Castle Rock is shining bright! Downtown streets, parks and trees will stay lit until at least 10pm every evening Nov 28 thru Dec 31. Feel the warm, small town glow and make Castle Rock Festival of Lights one of your most memorable family Christmas traditions. For more details and participation information visit Castle Rock Festival of Lights FB page.

For a complete schedule: visit https://www.facebook.com/CastleRockFestivalOfLights

Blue Christmas

A candlelight service reflecting the longing, healing and comfort of the season for those who are hurting.

Dec. 6 • 9:30am Castle Rock Men’s Ensemble in worship – join us Dec. 24 • 7:00pm Christmas Eve Service

We invite you to worship with us every Sunday at 10:00am

7:00pm Thursday, Dec. 17

Child care will be provided.

3808 Pennsylvania Street • www.longviewpresbychurch.net • 360-577-8951

22 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

OUT • AND • ABOUT

ON OUR MOUNTAIN

Remembering D.B. Cooper

and the woman and place that immortalized him

By Amy Renfranz

E

arlier this autumn, the Mount St. Helens area lost Dona Elliott, the owner of the Ariel Store who was known for her tacos, kindness, and “mischievous sense of humor.” Only the best of us will be remembered by a description like that.

Elliott and her store welcomed visitors from around the world. The reason they came?

Just, you know, the single-most intriguing cold case of all time.

On Thanksgiving’s Eve 1971 an unremarkable man named “Dan Cooper” boarded a flight headed from Portland to Seattle.

While in flight, he slipped a stewardess a threatening note and demanded $200,000 in cash and four parachutes. He showed her the contents of his suitcase – eight suspicious, red cylinders.

At right: The late Dona Elliott, owner of the Ariel Store for 25 years, was known worldwide for her annual D.B. Cooper Day. Above, she is pictured with a D.B. Cooper look-alike in the early 90s.

Mt. 1950

The mystery has attracted visitors since the infamous jump. Newspaper clippings line the walls of the Ariel Store, now closed. Photos courtesy of Bryan Woodruff.

When the flight landed in Seattle, Cooper received his over the Merwin Resevoir, ransom and released the passengers from the plane. When the 10 miles east of Woodland plane took off again with only flight staff on board, Cooper near the community of ordered them to fly Ariel. Except for $5,800 in to Mexico and to cash later found by a young stay in the cockpit. boy on the shore of the Meanwhile, he Columbia, Cooper and the lowered the rear rest of the money were never stairs, took two of seen again. the parachutes and FBI composite sketch Since 1974 the Ariel Store the money, and of D.B. Cooper has celebrated the man and jumped from the the mystery at the annual “D.B. plane.

Cooper Days” held on the Saturday The plane’s location at the after Thanksgiving. During the event time of Cooper’s jump was Dona Elliott awarded hourly door very probably somewhere prizes, guests competed in a D.B. Cooper costume contest, and standup comedians and musicians took the stage. Skydivers even parachuted down to the lake shore.

“Mom had a motto and it rang true during D.B. Cooper Days,” explained her son, Bryan Woodruff. “People entered as strangers and left as friends.

Her customers were her extended family.”

Elliott purchased the store in 1990.

“She promised the seller that she would continue the annual D.B. Cooper Days,” said Woodruff. “She held them every year for 25 years. This will be the first time in a long time that we won’t be able to do it.”

Elliott’s family has decided to postpone D.B. Cooper Day until November 2016. cont page 24

Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 23

D.B.Cooper

OUT • AND • ABOUT cont from page 23

Until then, you and your family can remember D.B. Cooper with a trip to the Lewis River area. PacifiCorp manages 10 recreation areas along the river on Highway 503 from Woodland to Mount St. Helens, including Merwin Park – near the hypothesized site of D.B. Cooper’s impromptu landing.

Merwin Park is a day-use area with picnic tables, plenty of fishing, and a short trail to a view of a waterfall.

The breathtaking views invite the imagination (see sidebar, at right).

“Just lie down and think about it,” exclaimed a visitor on a stormy day – much like the evening of Cooper’s great leap. “The plane passes over and

a man jumps from it. Does he pull the cord? Does he make the landing? Is there a car waiting for him?”

Your guess is as good as mine.

••• Amy Renfranz is Community Engagement & Event Coordinator for the Cowlitz EDC, working to enhance the community’s quality of place through tourism and recreation opportunities around Mount St. Helens. She earned a BA in English and a Master’s in park management.

She lives in Kalama, Wash.

The Neel family of Vancouver uses Merwin Reservoir as a scenic photo backdrop.

Merwin Park

operated by PacifiCorp • Largest recreation area on the Lewis River • Day use only • Accommodates up to 1,500 people • 135 picnic tables • Bank fishing available • Water and restrooms • Open year round

360.425.2837

Steaks • S eafood • S pirits

Getting There: From the I-5 take Exit #21, turn onto Highway 503 East, travel approximately 7.5 miles to a junction with Merwin Village Road. Turn right and travel to the end of the road.

No parking fee from September 16 to Memorial Day or on Monday through Thursday during the peak season (holidays excepted).

Learn more about PacifiCorp recreation sites by calling 503-813-6666, emailing recreation@pacificorp.com or visiting their website: pacificorp.com/about/or/ washington.html.

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24 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

MT. ST. HELENS

RANGER REFLECTIONS

Quadra-frogic Sound

By Todd Cullings

E

ach spring hundreds of tiny eyes gleam on the surfaces of blast zone lakes as western toads gather for a threenight mating ritual. As the sun sets, a single male calls out like a peeping chick, sparking a chorus that crescendos into deafening “quadrafrogic-sound.”

This overwhelming auditory experience is due to the timing of the May 18, 1980 eruption.

1995

In the spring of 1980, Western toads are prolific breeders. The females are capable ice protected entire lake of laying 10,000 eggs. That is a lot of offspring! Courtesy photo. ecosystems, including hibernating western toads that were underwater or underground. Females capable of laying up to 10,000 eggs survived. Their primary predators, snakes, did not.

Tadpoles thrived in the new shadeless landscape. Increased sunlight enhanced the production of algae, the main food source of tadpoles.

Each summer thousands of tadpoles gather along shorelines, where their black bodies absorb heat from sun and warm the water. These tadpole hot tubs hasten their metamorphosis into toads, further Todd Cullings is Assistant Director increasing their chance of survival. By of the Johnston Ridge Observatory August, lakeshores squirm with dense at Mt St. Helens National Volcanic mats of tiny toads.

Monument.

He has been Right now, fall rains are triggering a educating mass exodus of toads from their lakes, park visitors to where they’ll spend the winter in about Mt. hibernation. Three years from now, the St. Helens’s toads will return to their birth site for geologic, the three-night mating ritual to the tune biologic and of the quadrafrogic sound. cultural stories since 1986.

Pets, Pawns & Imports

1438 COMMERCE AVE • LONGVIEW, WA

360-578-1557

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26 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

Where do you read

THE READER? Another Longview Menchie Hobson of Longview, Washington, USA, reads the Reader in beautiful Longview...Longview, Alberta, Canada, that is.

WHERE DO YOU READ THE READER? Send your photo reading the Reader (highresolution JPEG) to Publisher@CRReader. com. If sending a cell phone photo, choose the largest file size up to 2 MB. Include name and city of residence. Thank you for your participation and patience. Keep those photos coming!

Happy campers south of the border Alex and

Eric Bauman, sons of Jeff & Pam Bauman, and grandsons of Merrilee Bauman and David & Clarice Moon, all of Longview, at Hidden Falls in Grand Tetons

Play it, Sam

Judi Smith, of Kelso, outside of Rick's Café in Casablanca, Morocco in April.

Off to the races Mike Zonich at the Outboard Nationals at Sunday Lake in Wakefield, Michigan. The wind came up for three days and the races were postponed, so he had time to read the Columbia River Reader.

Roots in Italy Longview residents Ben and Carol Langone, in a small village called Tricarico,Italy, where Ben’s family was born and cousins still live, a 2.5-hour drive from the Amalfi coast.

The church happened to be the church his grandparents married in — such a special place for us to take our picture with the Reader,” wrote Carol.

Happy campers south of the border

Portland resident Helen Gundlach with “Fluffy,” the Python, on a jungle tour in Lake Gatun during her two-month stay in Panama, where she participated in a Spanish Immersion Program.

Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 27

From the Black Forest to the Redwoods

Postcards

What’s a nice German boy like this doing in Longview? By Daniel Kellner

H

ello Everybody. My name is Daniel Kellner.

As you read my last name you might conclude that is a German name. And that’s right. I am from Germany and have the pleasure to come over as an exchange student and stay with the Piper family. I have a good time here in the U.S., good food, nice landscapes, good school and fantastic host family.

I arrived one week before school started. At this time, Golf and Marching Band already began. So I joined as quickly as possible.

I’ve never played golf before in Germany, but I immediately liked it. First, the only thing I thought about was to have contact with the ball, but after a while the ball went even in the right direction.

Then suddenly it happened. I made a hole in one!

This was only on the par 3 course at Mint Valley, where the R.A. Long golf team practiced. But for me it was unforgettably exciting. At the moment my score is still high (61), but it doesn’t matter because the game is fun no matter what your score. That’s important for me.

I also like playing instruments with other people.

That’s why I joined the R.A. Long Band with my baritone. Actually, it is a school instrument, but I play Daniel and his “host brother” Perry at The it because Mr. Klander made me an offer I couldn’t Nugget Casino in Sparks, Nevada, on their way refuse. I’m used to playing trumpet but a good band to see The Donald. also needs low brass. The key combinations for playing trumpet and baritone are the same. According to my classmates, we really had good luck this summer and fall with the weather.

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It never rained when we had to march ARE WELCOME on the field.

My timetable this semester is the most enjoyful one I’ve ever had: jazz band, choir, cooking, band, philosophy, math and history. All my teachers are nice to me and if I need help, my classmates or my teachers are always helping me. This concludes that most of my classmates are really nice to me. It is so easy to make friends.

After six weeks at school my host family took me with them on their traditional family vacation to Lake Tahoe, Nevada.

On this trip I’ve seen more different landscapes than ever before in total. We also went through the desert. I wouldn’t wonder if you would shake your head, but I love to drive through deserts or no-man’s land. So this long, long drive

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Sun: 11 - 4 We are on the “right” side of Rockcrest.

COOKING WITH THE FARMER’S DAUGHTER

I thought, Why did you wait so long to thaw this giant hunk of meat?

Where did this behemoth come from?

When’s dinner? I kept these thoughts to myself.

Platters up

Holiday work messy, but results can be sweet

By Suzanne Martinson

W

hen it comes to the holidays, the pessimist sniffs, “Too much plastic, too little pleasure.” Ever an optimist, I am not surprised when my holiday plan misses the PERFECTION memo.

We just laugh about it later.

When our daughter, Jessica, now 36, was growing up we alternated Christmases between grandparents.

It was either a 6 ½-hour drive on the Pennsylvania Turnpike to our family farm in Michigan, or juggling carry-on packages in Chicago’s O’Hare as we watched our snow-slogged plane wait for de-icing on the tarmac enroute to SeaTac. Destination: Tacoma.

Four little words: home for the holidays.

In the Michigan trips, we traveled on uber expensive Turnpike gasoline and dined on highway cuisine — burning-

hot caffeinated coffee and Krispy Kreme doughnuts. One year we were lucky. Christmas fell on Sunday, so we could drive the night before the night before Christmas. Snowflakes swirled. Hotheads honked. We three clung to a treasured holiday tradition: In the back seat, our daughter read “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.”

It’s a funny story of a horrible family named Herdman who highjack the church’s annual program — and, in the process, change jaded holiday hearts. My daughter and I always cry at the end.

One year, at the terminus of our over-the-river-and-through-thewoods trip, my husband, Ace, pulled our station wagon into my parents’ carport. Loaded to the gills with gifts, ensconced in winter coats and snow boots, we didn’t dream of knocking.

Family never knocks.

The door was, as always, unlocked.

We blew in through the garage and into an empty kitchen. Where was everybody?

“Slosh, slosh, slosh!” Moving water and frantic voices emanated from down the hall. We followed the sound. The bathroom was crowded.

Eight eyes were focused on the bathtub. My mother was on her knees with a hand-held sprayer spurting cold water. Her target was a 20-pound Prime rib, bone in, frozen solid.

“Would HOT be better? she asked no one in particular. My father, my sister, my brother-in-law looked at each other and shrugged. Then they spotted us cooks-come-lately from Pittsburgh.

“What do you think?” Mother said, looking at me, her eldest child, the so-called food editor from out of town.

My gaze drifted from the luxury piece of meat to my worried sister and her husband. Uh-oh, they are the designated hosts for the Christmas Eve feast. Twenty-four hours may not be enough for a standing rib roast. I wasn’t up for an all-nighter helping it thaw. That duty comes close to watching paint dry.

I remembered one frantic food writer who admitted she once took a long, hot shower with her turkey in a vain effort to thaw it. Good idea, gone bad.

I’d learned long ago that thawing a turkey took a week in the refrigerator. One year, the night before Thanksgiving, I was cruising the supermarket in search of whipping cream for the pumpkin pie, when I spotted a 20-something guy pulling a 20-pounder out of the bird bin.

Frozen. Solid. I averted my eyes.

Don’t believe any label that claims the bird will thaw in a few hours. It lies. cont page 30

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Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 29

Platters Up! cont from page 29 Traditions die hard On a family farm, there are traditions.

My sister, Roxann, and her husband, Dutch, inherited a big one when they moved into the rambling farmhouse where my grandparents once cooked Sunday dinners for 22 relatives until the day they died. The drafty old house came to Roxann and Dutch with a tall red barn for their horses, a roomy front porch, a crowded kitchen -- and the Christmas Eve dinner.

When they and daughter Kelsey moved to a new house down the road, the dinner went with them.

So it was, that Dutch found himself carving around the outside edges of the standing rib roast, because the center remained frozen. Waving a big carving knife, Dutch said, “Here I am, a cattleman, and I’m depending on a turkey to feed us.”

Sometimes, holiday dreams simply don’t work out. The handknit Peruvian alpaca sweater is too tight and too hot. The gravel road ices up and it takes an hour to get to town to show off your engagement ring. And a Prime rib has to be carved around the outside edges.

Turkeys aren’t any more dependable.

Last year, I made mine as usual.

It never got done. Eventually, our friend, Rick the restaurant guy, trimmed some off the sides so we could eat; the rest disappeared into the maw of the microwave.

Looking back, I attribute this failure to the side dishes that I had baked on the bottom shelf below the bird. Turkeys, it seems, don’t like competition. Luckily, Rick and wife Linda brought delicious pumpkin pies; her piecrust, his filling. Rick

always brings a jar of grape jelly to garnish his piece. Family traditions do die hard.

Home for the holiday sweets

By Suzanne Martinson

Looks great, but inedible And, all the best laid-plans ... well, you know. One sweet-and-sour memory played out for the most beautiful pecan pie I ever baked. So simple, so sinful, and always part of our holiday celebrations.

Because I was born so close to Thanksgiving, I never had a birthday cake to call my own.

The timing of my arrival was further complicated by an even bigger event -Michigan’s deer hunting season. In fact, my father barely made it back home in time for my birth.

That particular Christmas morning, my niece, Kristi, and I kept our eyes on the prize, rent with a pound of pecans, whipped cream nearby.

Standing beside the cleared dining table, Kristi sliced the first piece, plopped it on a dessert plate. She took a big bite, chewed. Her face fell.

She began to spit. I tried it, too: salt saturation.

With enough Turkey Day pies to stock a bakery, a cake seemed beside the point.

Mom arose at 4 a.m. to put the huge gobbler in the oven, and is anything better than a birthday that started with the smell of roasted turkey wafting upstairs to my bedroom?

As Mom and I later pieced the story together, she had poured the rock salt she used to freeze our traditional homemade ice cream (yes, we have many desserts) into the sugar canister, just so she could measure it to see if she had enough. And that’s where it stayed. Until I measured it into the pecan pie.

Always, something good can come of bad. In this case, it was a holiday weight-loss diet of sorts. We sure didn’t fight over the last piece of that pecan pie.

••• Suzanne Martinson grew up on a family farm in Michigan. She is a former features editor of The Daily News and author of “The Fallingwater Cookbook: Elsie Henderson’s Recipes and Memories.” She volunteers for Youth & Family Link and is a member of a local Altrusa club. She can be reached at acesmartinson@comcast.net.

Though I don’t remember birthday candles, I do recall Mom’s delicious Graham Cracker Roll, which always awaited me on the buffet next to an overflowing dining room table.

The recipe is written as it appeared on the spotted recipe card that emerged from my overflowing green recipe box. It’s written in childish cursive, perhaps Roxann’s, who was sending it to me in Oregon when I was a newlywed. Pulling out the recipe card evokes a memory that might have been lost in time. (And a pox on the so-called educators who deem cursive irrelevant.)

Things do change, sometimes making it harder to re-create old favorite recipes.

Before the convenience of miniature marshmallows and precut dates, their sticky surfaces held the Graham Cracker Roll together. Nondairy toppings can’t impart the same taste as cream fresh from our cows. As Mom ran the crackers under her wooden rolling pin, she might hear Mooing! out the kitchen window.

The recipe call for “Walnut meats,” in case you planned to throw the nuts in whole. Old recipes can contain many unanswered questions, and not everybody has a patient grandmother next door to answer them. When I taught junior high home economics, I required my students to memorize the abbreviations and volumes.

To review: • 1 lb. (pound) of marshmallows is 16 ounces; same with dates. In today’s ubiquitous downsizing, check the weight.

• ½ pint cream is 1 cup. Two pints make a quart.

The cream of the crop advertise in To join the fun, call 360-749-2632.

30 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

My first year of teaching, I got laughed at when I spelled “Marshmellows” the Garner Farms way. It’s marshm-a-llows. And it’s graham crackers, which are named after Presbyterian minister Sylvester Graham, who invented them in 1819 in Bound Brook, N.J. This fact gives you some party patter for New Year’s Eve or just sitting around the campfire while the marshmallows are toasting for S’Mores.

You can have your computer recipes; I have history in my battered green recipe box. This recipe is presented just as it was written on the cream-splattered card, misspellings and all.

Grahm Cracker Roll 1 lb. Marshmellows 1 lb. Grahm Crackers 1 lb. Dates 1 cup Walnut Meats ½ pint cream Roll crackers fine. Save few to roll on outside cut dates & marshmellows. Chop nuts & mix with cream. Mix in the crumbs and roll. Note: The easiest to way to press the ingredients into a roll is on waxed paper.

Salt does look so much like sugar. Please don’t make the same mistake I did. On Garner Farms, we topped each piece of our favorite pie with a dollop of whipped cream from our Guernsey cows.

Garner Farms Pecan Pie This recipe comes right off the Karo corn syrup bottle (now plastic). You can use either dark or light (this is named for its color, not calorie count) corn syrup.

It becomes a “Garner Farms” Pecan Pie because Mom upped the ante by stirring an additional cup of pecans into the filling.

1 cup Karo corn syrup (light or dark) 3 eggs 1 cup sugar 2 tablespoons butter, melted 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 ½ cups pecans (we use an add’l cup) 1 unbaked 9-inch pie crust Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put crust into pie plate; crimp edges.

Mix sugar, melted butter and vanilla thoroughly with a spoon. (We use an electric mixer.) Mix in 1 cup pecans, pour into piecrust, then artfully plate the 1 ½ cups on top of the filling.

Bake on center rack of oven for 60 to 70 minutes. If pie crust is overbrowning, cover edges with foil. Tap center of pie lightly; it should spring back when done. Cool for two hours. Place in refrigerator. cont page 31

Holiday sweets

cont from page 30

Chocolate and peanut butter, candy and cookie, all in one — Santa will thank the holiday cook.

Peanut Butter Cup Cookies This favorite recipe comes from brother-in-law Dutch Guthrie’s mother. ½ cup white sugar ½ cup brown sugar ½ cup peanut butter ¼ cup butter ¼ c u p v e ge t a b l e shortening 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 ½ cups flour ¾ teaspoon baking soda ½ teaspoon baking powder Large package of miniature peanut butter cups

Bake in 350-degree oven for 8 minutes.

Meanwhile, remove wrapper from peanut butter cup candies (we used Reese’s).

Remove partially baked cookies from oven and place one peanut butter cup in center of each; press into dough. Bake 4 more minutes, or until cookie cup is lightly browned. (Candy holds its shape.) Place muffin pan on wire rack and let cool before removing cookies. ~ Maxine Guthrie, Bay City, MIch. Melting Moments is a light, fragile cookie that can be decorated in frosting that is tinted befitting the season or holiday — orange for Thanksgiving, blue for Hanukkah, red or green for Christmas, yellow in tribute to New Year’s lights.

It came from Jane Cricks, the longtime home economist for Pittsburgh’s electric utility. At the time, most Pittsburghers had gas ranges; Jane Cricks job was to teach them to cook and bake with an electric range.

She never gave up her gas range, though, and some food experts say an ideal range would have an electric oven and a gas cooktop.

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Melting Moments 1 cup butter 1/3 cup powdered sugar ¼ teaspoon almond extract 3/4 cup cornstarch (this is correct) 1/8 teaspoon salt 1 cup sifted all-purpose flour Frosting: 2 tablespoons butter 1 cup powdered sugar ½ teaspoon vanilla ¼ teaspoon almond extract Cream Red and green food coloring For the cookies: Cream butter.

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Add cream to make frosting of spreading consistency. Tint half of frosting a delicate pink, other half green. Frost cookies. ~ Home economist Jane Cricks

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If the poster fades, if the towel gets stained, if the platter breaks, I feel sad, but satisfied because it did its job.

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My philosophy on ••• party platters I don't collect things I can't use. If it's a travel poster, it hangs on the wall. The picturesque kitchen towel earns its space in the drawer by drying crystal. A pretty platter takes its proper space on the table holding a pile of homemade cookies.

Leah Stanley

Rita Lawrence Escrow Assistant

Likewise, the beautiful Villeroy & Boch platter, "Naif Christmas" (lower left), has its art hidden in the center of plate. Fill it with cookies and you wouldn't know it's the Nativity scene.

The whimsical "Christmas Village" (upper left) made in England by Mason's Ironstone, may be partly forgiven for masking its colorful town scene, as it is part of a whole set of dishes.

I use them all, inspired by my longtime friend Saralie. She just shrugged when a friend at her formal dinner for eight spilled a whole glass of red wine on her pristine white linen tablecloth.

She bought it at an estate sale for a dollar and a half, she said. "I think the owners thought it was always too good to use."

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Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 31

Outings & Events

Performing & Fine Arts Music, Art, Theatre, Literary

Live Music Scene around the River For music schedule, go online or call the restaurant or bar The Bistro 1329 Commerce Ave, Longview 360-425-2837 • Music Thurs 6–9; Fridays 6–10, Sats 6–9 thebistrobuzz.com The Birk Pub & Eatery 11139 Hwy 202, Birkenfeld, Ore 503-755-2722 • thebirk.com Cassava 1333 Broadway, Longview 360-425-7700 Live music first Friday. Check Facebook.

Five Dons Brewery 1150 11th Ave., Longview 360-261-0956 Third Saturday, 4–7pm Mark Earl Dykstra Acoustic music & brew.

Flowers ‘n’ Fluff 45 E. Col River Hwy, Clatskanie, Ore. 503-728-4222 Live Music Friday evenings clatskanieflowersnfluff@gmail.com Goble Tavern 70255 Col. River Hwy, Rainier 503-556-4090 • gobletavern.com Porky’s Public House 561 Industrial Way, Longview 360-636-1616 Porkys-Cafe-Lounge To find where your favorites are playing: Raeann raeannphillips.com

FIRST THURSDAY • Dec. 3 and Jan. 7 Downtown Longview Broadway Gallery Reception, 5:30-7:30pm.

Dec. 3: Live music by Steve Harvey.

Free gift wrap.

Jan. 7 Music to be announced 1418 Commerce Ave. www.the-broadway-gallery.com McThread’s Wearable Art/ Designer Jewelry 6pm Ms. Marie will be Holiday Collections, refreshments and door prizes. Free gift wrap.

Jan. 7: Felted hats and purses 1206 Broadway 360-261-2373 mcthreadswearableart.com Teague’s Gallery 1267 Commerce Ave. 360-636-0712 5:30–7:30pm.

Dec. 3: Local scenes and acrylics Jan. 7: Annie Sloan chalk paint workshop Across the Cowlitz River: Cowlitz County Museum 405 Allen Street, Kelso, Wash.

360-577-3119 7pm “Working at Long-Bell: A 1920s Film.”

Broadway Gallery Artists co-op. Featured artists, Dec: Fran Reisner, photography; Carol Boudreau, painting; Jane Gerdon, felting.

January: Ray Cooper (painting), Renee Anderson (paper maiche), Susan Supola (silk painting). Year-round art classes for all ages. Call for info. Gallery hours: Mon-Sat 10-5:30. 1418 Commerce, Longview, Wash.

360-577-0544.

McThreads Wearable Art/Lord and McCord ArtWorks One-of-a-kind wearable art.

October: June Trusty, jewelry; Nov: Ms. Marie, body jewelry. See ad, page 21. Open Tues-Fri 10-5pm. 1206 Broadway, Longview, Wash.

360-261-2373 or mcthreadswearableart.com.

Teague’s Interiors & Gallery Artwork by local artists in the gallery. 10–5:30 M–F, 10–3 Sat. Call for more info: 360-636-0712. 1267 Commerce Ave, Longview, Wash.

Tsuga Gallery Fine arts and crafts by area artists. Thurs-Sat 11–5. 70 Main Street, Cathlamet, Wash. 360-795-0725.

Mark Earl Dykstra Mark Earl Dykstra

To list your music venue here, call Ned Piper, 360-749-2632

HOW TO PUBLICIZE YOUR EVENT IN CRR List your non-commercial community event’s basic info (name of event, sponsor, date & time, location, brief description and contact info) and email to: publisher@crreader.com Or mail or hand-deliver (in person or via mail slot) to:

You people always complaining about having nothing to do should just read these two pages!

~ Smokey

Man in the Kitchen’s cat.

Columbia River Reader 1333-14th Ave Longview, WA 98632

Stageworks Northwest Uncommon Wings by Longview playwright Caroline Wood. Poignant journey of discovery and personal growth, conflicting personal/community values. Nov 13 - 29, Fri & Sat 7:30pm; Sun 2:00pm.

Yes, Virginia The Musical Dec 10-13. See ad, next page.

Tickets both shows $15 genl admission, $12 students/seniors, available online at stageworksnorthwest.org, or call 360-6364488 for more info. Presented by Stageworks Northwest, 1433 Commerce, Longview, Wash.

A Christmas Ring by Columbia River Handbells, directed by D. Rod Lloyd. Sunday, Dec. 6, 3 pm, St Stephens Episcopal Church, 22nd Avenue at Louisiana Street, Longview, Washington. Free admission. Free-will offering to help complete fund to purchase a set of chimes for use in local schools.

AUXILIARY

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General selection of chocolate bars and novelties in stock.

Boxed chocolates and holiday items. Call for special order info.

Columbia River Reader office 1333 - 14th Ave., Longview, Wash.

Mon-Wed-Fri • 11- 3pm Info: 360-261-0658

Avi avimuzo.com Fred Carter FredCarterLive or www.fredcarterlive.com

Columbia Theatre for the Performing Arts Various upcoming shows. See ad, page 23.

YOU ARE INVITED! Community Christmas Dinner Dec. 23, 3–7pm. United Methodist Church, Rainier, Ore. Everyone is welcome (incl surrounding communities). Free. Santa will present gifts to children. Sponsored by Wauna Credit Union. Info: Tabitha White, 503-728-6142.

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Submission Deadlines Events occurring Jan. 10 –Feb. 20: Submit

by Dec. 28 for Jan. 10 issue.

Events occurring Feb. 15–March 20: Submit

by Dec. 25 for Jan 10 issue.

All submissions are considered, subject to lead time, general relevance to readers, and space limitations. See details, page 38.

32 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

Friday December 4, 7:30pm irkenfeld B Theatre, Clatskanie Cultural Center Contact Elsa 503.728.3403 for tickets.

Outings & Events

Recreation, Outdoors, Gardening History, Pets, Self-Help “Deck the Hall,” Annual Holiday Open House, Redmen Hall. Fri, Nov 27, 12–4pm, and Thurs -Sun through Sun, Dec. 13.

Celebrating the season with fresh greens and lights, snacks, music, a reading by Robert Pyle from his new book, Sun, Nov. 29. Wide selection of locally-crafted holiday gifts..

Excellent chance to shop local for holiday needs. Two floors of crafts and art available with many new crafters participating. 1394 SR4, Skamokawa, Wash. For more info, phone 360-795-3007 and we will return your call.

Castle Rock Festival of Lights begins Saturday, Nov 28, with the lighting of the community Christmas Tree and the town aglow with thousands of lights. Special activities on Shop Small Saturday (Nov. 28), entertainment and refreshments all day. Parade Dec 12. Raffles and carolers. Free refreshments, pictures with Santa. Holiday lights downtown and uptown through Dec 31. Details, page 22.

Winterfest Open House and holiday activities and crafts for kids. Dec. 5, 10–4.

Celebrating 50th anniversary of A Charlie Brown Christmas and other classic holiday TV specials. Story tellers, crafts, woodcarvers and refreshments. Bring your children or grandchildren and enjoy the fun Cowlitz County Museum. Ongoing exhibit: “Badges, Bandits & Booze.” Many photos on display from the early days to current times. Open Tues-Sat 10 am–4 pm. 405 Allen St, Kelso, Wash. www.co.cowlitz.wa.us/museum. Info: 360-577-3119.

CAP prersentation by Alan Rose. Dec. 10, 7pm. Lower Columbia Genealogical Society, meeting held at Somerset Retirement Apts., 2025 Tibbets Dr., Longview, Wash.

Genealogical helper available every Wed, 1-3pm, Longview Public Library. Info: lcgsgen@yahoo.com; rootsweb.ancestry. com/~walcolgs Friends of the Library, Kalama Book sale Dec 18, 9am–4 pm. Hardbacks $1, paperbacks 50 cents, many children books and other special items. Story Time every Wed, 11am with crafts, reading and fun. Teen Time every 2nd and 4th Wed, 3-5 pm. All events held in City Hall chambers, 320 N 1st street, Kalama, Wash. Sponsored by the Friends of the Library Kalama. Info: Annie Tietze 360-414-5855 or 503-750-5301.

Lewis & Clark: The Big Picture by Richard Brenne. Dec. 20, 1pm. “In Their Footsteps” free lecture series at Netul Room, Fort Clatsop, near Astoria, Ore. Sponsored

by Lewis & Clark Nat’l Park Assn and the park. More info: 503-861-2471

or visit online: nps.gov/lewi/ index.htm..

Fo r t C l a t s o p R a n g e r Prog rams Costumed rangers will be present Dec. 26–Jan.2 in the reconstructed Fort Clatsop (near Astoria, Ore.) to convey a sense of what it was like to be there in Winter 1805.

Miss Manners cont from page 8

Soup-Off Sat., Jan. 30, 6–9pm. Elks Lodge Ballroom, 900 Ash St., Kelso, Wash. $50 ticket includes entertainment, appetizers, beverages and soup samplings from 10 local restaurants.

Benefits Columbia Theatre for the Performing Arts. TicketsBox Office, 1241 Vandercook Way, Longview, Wash. Or call 360-575-8499 or visit columbiatheatre.com.

Kalama Garden Club meets first Wednesday of month. 11am. Meeting locations change monthly, for current meeting info contact Sherwood Pattisherwood@scattercreek.com or 360-673-2809. Visitors are welcome.

Wahkiakum County Historical Society Museum Logging, fishing and cultural displays.

Open 1-4pm, Th-Sun. 65 River St, Cathlamet, Wash. For info 360-795-3954.

Appelo Archives Center Historic exhibits, Naselle-Grays River area. 1056 State Route 4, Naselle. T-Fri 10–4, Sat 10–2, or by appt.

360-484-7103. appeloarchives.org.

R Square D Dance Club Dance sessions 2nd Fri, 4th Sat. 7:30pm Plus, 8–10pm Mainstream with Rounds. $5 Admission.

Craig Abercrombie, Caller. Lonnie Sykes, Cuer. Lessons every Wed. Plus 6:30–7:30pm.

Basic 7:30–9:30pm. $4 adults, $2 ages 10–16. Kelso Senior Center, 106 NW 8th Ave, Kelso, Wash. Info: 360-414-5855 or www.r-square-d.info.

Home for the Holidays

This is not the case. Your mother is asking for compliments. That is always a bad idea, and it would be good if you could get her to stop — but Miss Manners does not hold out much hope.

You might head her off if you could persuade your beau to issue a compliment — a general one or, failing that, an enthusiastic response to something he does like. Perhaps you could teach him a little speech, such as, “I was never a sophisticated eater, Mrs. Neffen, but you are a wonderful cook and I’m learning.”

Too hard? Tell him to put something — anything — into his mouth quickly, smile at her question, and say a long, drawnout “Mmmmm!”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son’s girlfriend will be joining us this year for Thanksgiving. She is a lovely person who also has celiac disease.

I have modified the menu to avoid gluten (simple enough with a spread of vegetables and turkey -- stuffing has never been a huge seller on our table).

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The meal will be gluten-free ... with one exception. I want to keep the traditional gravy made with flour.

Thanksgiving is the one time of year I eat gravy, and it is my favorite part of the meal. I purchased a gluten-free gravy mix that I plan to prepare and serve with the meal so the young woman may have some of that if she likes.

My husband feels this is terribly rude because the alternative gravy will be inferior to the other. He thinks the appropriate thing would be for me to make one gluten-free gravy by modifying my recipe to use a nongluten thickener (not a simple task).

Is my plan rude?

GENTLE READER: No. If your son’s girlfriend is as lovely as you say she is, then she will appreciate the gesture of making her a second gravy -- and not require that it be the only option for everyone.

Miss Manners certainly acknowledges real health and moral issues that require guests to have special culinary needs.

But she only requires of their hosts that they make a valiant effort to give those guests something to eat, not that they adjust the entire menu to accommodate only them. She further entreats the guests to appreciate those efforts, smile politely and eat what they can.

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Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 33

German Boy

cont from page 28

on holiday. One of them was a “home cooking lab.” I decided to make French toast for breakfast (above). Ned showed me the basics and I know him as a good cook, but nobody can always be perfect.

My results looked better than they tasted.

But in this sentence was another point.

I have gotten skinnier here in the U.S. How is this possible? I really like the food.

I eat a lot. I drink a lot of root beer, my favorite drink. Perhaps my body uses all these extra calories for growing in the height! As a piano player, I’ve noticed my hands have grown so I think maybe I’ve gotten taller, too.

On the way back to Longview we stopped at the Redwoods in California. That’s a large forest where the trees are soooo huge.

Now you know, I’m not so skinny as I look in the picture with me and the tree.

In all those pictures you can find an improvement. I’m not “Mr. Smiley” yet, but three months ago I never could smile in a picture. That’s getting better!

I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving.

Everybody says it’s great and I don’t know quite to expect. As long as they serve root beer with the turkey, I’ll be happy.

•••

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MAN IN THE KITCHEN CLASSICS Story by Paul Thompson • Photos by Perry Piper

D

Veal Scallopini

iscovering a new restaurant you’ll want to return to is a reward worth sharing. And when the menu includes one of my favorite dishes, I’m inclined to share it with you, as well.

While in Astoria recently I happened upon Fulio’s Pastaria and Tuscan Steak House. Veal scallopini is on the menu, a surprise for such an unassuming place, and wonderfully prepared I’ll usually find veal only on the menus of more expensive, exclusive restaurants, but scallopini can be created in our own kitchens.

Veal scallopini begins with thin slices of veal cutlet, usually 1/4-inch or less.

They are occasionally available at meat counters, but might have to be special ordered from the butcher.

Lay the slices on a strong cutting board and tenderize them by pounding, down and outward, with a solid weight, like a can of soup. Italians have a special tool to accomplish this, a flat heavy metal pad with a handle welded to it. I have one, but it was difficult to find. This pounding and stretching, tenderizes the meat.

Don’t use the wooden mallet-type tenderizer. It will crush the meat and mangle it.

I recall reading about a popular Italian restaurant where all the employees

Veal Scallopini, or its variations — such as Veal Piccata or Veal Marsala, are ideal dishes for a holiday meal...and the guests can help with the preparation.

were hard at work before opening, pounding the veal for the evening’s offering. It’s how it’s done. There was similar activity in my kitchen the other night, guests arriving early for a cocktail and the opportunity to pound the meat.

Dredge the pounded veal in a seasoned flour, shake loose the excess and immediately place in a frying pan with a hot butter/canola oil mixture.

Brown the pieces on both sides, 30-40 seconds per side. Remove to a plate.

Add two tablespoons each of lemon juice and dry white wine and scrape the pan. Cook down the liquid to

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a light sauce consistency and swath both sides of the veal pieces in it.

Serve, pouring any remaining sauce over the veal. If you’d like more sauce, just add more liquid and thicken as you would any light gravy.

Veal scallopini is popular prepared with a variety of other sauces, such as Limone, Piccata or Marsala.

It’s a simple yet elegant dish and excellent for any holiday. Bon Appetite!

Photos, from top: Tenderize thin slices of veal by pounding with a down/outward motion.

Brown the pieces in hot butter/oil mixture for 30-40 seconds each side.

Remove veal from pan, and add liquid to pan scrapings to make a sauce.

Charter CRR columnist Paul Thompson enjoys watching the change of seasons at Lake Sacajawea, visible through his front window. Walkers and joggers: be sure to wave as you pass.

Get invited back for

CHRISTMAS Borrow from us... not your sister!

PETS PAWNS AND IMPORTS

360

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1438 Commerce Ave. • Longview Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 35

With Appreciation

In the worst times The first of the first responders are there for us

M

y first connection with the world of the 911 Dispatcher came as a counselor in another county in 2007. A man in his early 30s called and came in for an appointment.

As I typically began the session with a new client I asked him, “How do you hope I can help you?”

He responded, “I want you to help me decide if I can go back to work.”

From that point my new client told me that one By Chaplain Tom Haan, Cowlitz Chaplaincy night he was working his usual graveyard shift and a man called expressing he was upset over the breakup of his marriage, and he was considering shooting himself. As a veteran Dispatcher he began to follow his training; learned the man’s name, address, formed a relationship of empathy, and dispatched help to his location. However, when the man on the other end of the phone realized that help had arrived in front of his house, he pulled the trigger while still on the phone with the Dispatcher.

As this man was describing this tragedy to me, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, but my client’s voice was distant and monotone. We spend the next six months processing through many issues caused by the “shrapnel” of this event, but in the end he decided not to return to the work he thought would be his career.

Sadly, this man’s experience is not uncommon, and the turnover rate among 911 Dispatchers is very high. Around the country the average Dispatcher only lasts 2 ½ years.

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Over the last three years I have had the privilege of working alongside the incredible men and women who make up the 911 Dispatchers of Cowlitz County. We often forget about the 911 Dispatchers when we talk about first responders, but they are the first of the first responders. If you have to call 911 in this county you will talk to someone who can truly help you with professionalism and compassion.

On a typical shift four Dispatchers work in a dark room in the basement of the Hall of Justice building. One dispatches Longview Police; one Kelso Police; one for the Sheriff Deputies, Castle Rock, Kalama, and Woodland Police, and one covers all the fire agencies in the county. They sit or stand in front of six computer screens and each Dispatcher handles around 80 calls in a 12 hour shift.

These calls could range from a noninjury auto accident or a person having a medical crisis, to a young child who has drowned or an officer involved in a shooting. Along with handling 911 calls, they also must monitor the location and status of all the officers under their care, handle non-emergency calls, perform driver’s license and wanted person queries, communicate with first responders in the field and emotionally-charged citizens — and each other — all at the same time. And they have to do this very fast, remain calm, and employ skilled and empathetic communication skills.

Imagine for a moment you are an airline pilot and you only fly in low clouds or darkness, and you have to take off, fly the plane, and land only using your instruments and the faint lights of the runway…and you do this day after day and several times a day. This is the life of a Dispatcher.

They cannot see what is happening in any event. They can only listen and see the information on their screens. They are “flying blind” but citizens’ and other first responders’ lives depend on their ability to do their jobs well. Too often, they do not even know the final outcome of a call before they have to handle another crisis. One of the ways we as Chaplains support the Dispatchers is to let them know what they could not see and were not told about a difficult situation, and check on how they are handling the many stressful situations of their shift.

Please be mindful of the life of a Dispatcher when you dial 911. Do not call them to ask about bus schedules, school schedules, or community events. They do not magically know your location because you are using your cell phone. When you talk in a loud voice very quickly it does not make them work faster. If you get upset and yell at the Dispatcher it does not make them work more efficiently.

They care about you and they are on the other end of the line to help you.

You can help them help you by calmly telling them your location and the important fact about your crisis, and follow their instructions. They will get you the help you need.

Thank you very much, 911 Dispatchers, for being there for us when we are going through the worst times of our lives.

••• Chaplain Haan has a Doctor of Ministry Degree, and is a Board Certified Chaplain.

He currently serves as Executive Director of Cowlitz Chaplaincy and is married to Cowlitz County Superior Court Judge Marilyn Haan.

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Call or email Perry Piper

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Clatskanie Flowers ‘n’ Fluff Coffee Shop 45 E. Columbia River Hwy Wine Tasting, Dinner & Live Music Fridays 5:30–8:30pm. Unforgettable scones, On-the-go breakfast & lunch.

Coffee Shop M-F 5:30am–6:30pm; Sat 7am–6pm; Sun 8am–6pm.

503-728-4222. See ad, page 36.

Fultano’s Pizza 770 E. Columbia River Hwy Family style with unique pizza offerings, hot grill items & more!

M-Sat 11am–10pm; Sun 11am–9pm.

503-728-2922

Ixtapa Fine Mexican Restaurant 640 E. Columbia River Hwy Fine Mexican cuisine. Daily specials.

The best margarita in town. Daily drink specials. Sports bar.

M-Th 11am–9:30pm; Fri & Sat 11am–11:30pm; Sun 11am–9pm. 503-728-3344

Rainier Alston Pub & Grub 25196 Alston Rd., Rainier 503-556-4213 11 beers on tap, cocktails.

Open daily 11am.

503-556-9753 See ad, page 2.

Conestoga Pub Cornerstone Café 102 East “A” Street Microbrews, wines & spirits Prime rib Friday & Sat. Open M-F 6am–8pm; Sat-Sun 7am–8pm.

503-556-8772. See ad, page 12.

Evergreen Pub & Café 115-117 East 1st Street Burgers, halibut, prime rib, full bar.

503-556-9935. See ad, page 2.

Goble Tavern 70255 Columbia River Hwy. (Milepost 31, Hwy. 30) Food, beer & wine + full bar, Live music. 503-556-4090.

See ad page 2.

Hometown Pizza 109 E. “A” St. Take-and-bake, Delivery, To-Go and dine-in. Lunch Buffet M-F 11–2.

Open daily 11am; close M-Th, Sat 9pm, Fri 10pm. 503-556-3700

COLUMBIA RIVER

dining guide

Luigi’s Pizza 117 East 1st Street, Rainier 503-556-4213 Pizza, spaghetti, burgers, beer & wine.

See ad, page 2.

Kelso

1210 Ocean Beach Hwy., Longview Fish & chips, burgers, more. Beer & wine. 360-577-7972

1260 Commerce Ave. Family Dining 11–9, Breakroom Bar 11am–midnight. American comfort food.

Full bar. 360-703-3904.

Grounds for Opportunity 413 S. Pacific Ave. 360-703-3020 Wed–Sun 7am–3pm Breakfast and Lunch available all day.

See ad, page 6.

St. Helens Bertucci’s

2017 Columbia Blvd., St. Helens Mon–Fri 9–5; Sat 10–4.

Breakfast sandwiches, deli sandwiches, espresso, chocolates. See ad, page 17.

Sunshine Pizza & Catering 2124 Columbia Blvd.

Hot pizza, cool salad bar.

Beer & wine. 503-397-3211 See ad, page 15.

Scappoose

The Original Pietrio’s Pizzeria

614 Commerce Ave., Longview. 18 varieties of pizza. Salad bar, Lunch buffet all-you-can-eat. Beer & wine. Mon-Fri open 11am, Sat-Sun 12 Noon. 360-3533512. See ad, page 25.

Longview

1329 Commerce Ave., Longview (alley entrance). Fine dining, happy hour specials. wine tastings. Tu-Sat open 5pm.

360-425-2837. See ad, page 24.

Bowers Down Th-Sat 5–8

Gyros Gyros

M-Tues 11–4, W-Sat 11–5 1338 Commerce Ave., 360-577-5658 Serving Mediterranean fare for lunch and local farm fresh food for dinner.

Reservations recommended for dinner.

See ad, page 13.

The Carriage Restaurant & Lounge

Full breakfast, lunch and dinner. Daily drink special: Bloody Mary $5. $4 Breakfast Special. Homemade soup. 6am–9pm. Full bar in lound, open 6am. 1334 12th Ave. 360-425-8545

Locally roasted espresso, fine teas, fresh pastries daily, smoothies, beer & wine, homemade soups. Breakfast and lunch. 1333 Broadway. 360-425-7700 See ad, page 39.

Country Folks Deli 1329 Commerce Ave., Longview. Open for lunch and dinner. 360-425-2837.

Hop N Grape 924 15th Ave., Longview M–Th 11am–8pm; Fri & Sat 11am–9pm; Sun 11am–7pm. BBQ meat slow-cooked on site. Pulled pork, chicken brisket, ribs, turkey, salmon. World-famous mac & cheese. 360-577-1541 See ad page 24.

Porky’s Public House 561 Industrial Way, Longview Slow-roasted prime rib Fri & Sat, flat iron steaks, 1/3-lb burgers, fish & chips.

31 draft beers. Full bar.

360-636-1616. See ad, page 25.

Fultano’s Pizza 51511 SE 2nd.

Family style with unique pizza offerings, hot grill items & more!

“Best pizza around!”

M–Th, Sat 11am–10pm; Fri 11am– 11pm; Sun 11am–9pm. Full bar service ‘til 11pm Fri & Sat. Deliveries in Scappoose. 503-543-5100.

Ixtapa Fine Mexican Restaurant

Ice cream, oldfashioned milkshakes, sundaes, local coffee healthy lunches, Fun atmosphere in The Merk. 1339 Commerce. 360-4234986. See ad, page 12.

Teri’s 3225 Ocean Beach Hwy, Longview.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Fine dining, with specials, fresh NW cuisine. Happy Hour. Full bar. 9am–9pm, Mon–Sat 8am–9pm. Closed Sundays.

360-577-0717. See ad page 10.

33452 Havlik Rd. Fine Mexican cuisine. Daily specials. The best margarita in town. Daily drink specials. M-Th 11am–9:30pm; Fri & Sat 11am–11:30pm; Sun 11am–9pm. 503-543-3017

Mark’s on the Channel. Floating restaurant on the Multnomah Channel, 34326 Johnson Landing.

Delicious daily menus; full bar, wines & taps. Outdoor seating. Live music.

Open W-Th 11:30–8:30; F-Sat 11:30–9. Sun 11:30–6:30.

503-543-8765. Closing soon for the winter; call to verify hours..

Woodland Fresh-roasted coffee, snack and pastries.

1335 14th Ave., M-F 9am–4pm, Sat-Sun 9am–4pm. 360-232-8642 New location: 931 Ocean Beach Hwy (Inside seating plus drive-thru).

M-F 6am–8pm, Sat-Sun 8am–8pm.

360-232-8642. See ad, page 12.

Castle Rock

The Oak Tree 1020 Atlantic Ave., Woodland. Full lunch, breakfast and dinner menu.

Fresh from scratch cooking. Great happy hour menu. Sun 7am–9pm, M-Th 8am–9pm, Fri-Sat 7am–10pm.

360-841-8567

Parker’s Restaurant & Brewery 1300 Mt. St. Helens Way. Exit 49 off I-5.

Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner. Burgers, handcut steak; seafood and pasta. Restaurant opens 8am, Lounge 12 Noon. Closed Monday. 360-967-2333

To advertise in Columbia River Dining Guide call 360-749-1021

Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 37

the LowerColumbia

Technology

Informer

By Perry Piper

Buckle up, Dorothy,we’re not in Kansas anymore!

R

While flying cars have always been our dream for the future, the more likely and more freeing vision may come to pass within the next decade.

Well actually, it’s been about 200 years since those good old days, but to the surprise of many, that may be our future, and sooner than you think.

Not with horses, mind you, but with electric, self-driving cars.

Self-driving cars have been creeping under the radar for decades now.

Even my 1994 Mustang has cruise control, allowing me to lock a certain speed on the highway, rest my feet and focus only on my hands on the wheel. Newer versions of this include Tesla’s Super Cruise, an evolution that also scans the car’s surroundings in 360 degrees for hazards, keeps

emember the good old days?

The ones where going on a family outing meant hearing the soft, graceful trotting of horses pulling our carriage as we faced each other, enjoying long and exciting conversations until we arrived at the destination.

Mercedes’ self-driving test vehicle suggest a bright future for road trips.

Submission Guidelines Letters to the Editor (up to 200 words) are welcome. Longer pieces, or excerpts thereof, in response to previously-published articles, may be printed at the discretion of the publisher and subject to editing and space limitations. Items sent to CRR may be considered for publication unless the writer specifies otherwise. We do not publish letters endorsing candidates or promoting only one side of controversial issues. Name and phone number of writer must be included; anonymous submissions will not be considered.

Political Endorsements As a monthly publication serving readers in three counties, two states and beyond, we cannot print endorsements or criticism of political candidates as Letters to the Editor.

Unsolicited submissions may be considered, provided they are consistent with the publication’s purpose—to help readers “discover and enjoy the good life in the Columbia River region, at home and on the road.” Advance contact with the editor is recommended. Information of general interest submitted by readers may be used as background or incorporated in future articles.

Outings & Events calendar (free listing): Events must be open to the public. Non-profit organizations and the arts, entertainment, educational and recreational opportunities and community cultural events will receive listing priority.

See submission details, page 32. Businesses and organizations wishing to promote their particular products or services are invited to purchase advertising.

safe distances between cars and “watches for” and obeys speed limits. Technically, on private property, this same car will even pick you up via activation from your phone. The technology is here, but legally speaking, more testing and regulations are needed first.

Giving up control Giving up control of our can be a scary thought. We’ve all been in the car when accidentally shifting into neutral, applying too much pressure on the accelerator in gear or struggling through driver’s ed. Humans just aren’t good drivers. Sure, you and I might smile proudly at our perfect driving records, but statistically and counting a few hundred million people, it’s no surprise that in the U.S. alone, 30,000 people are killed every year in automobile collisions. We drink and drive, become tired after a few hours of driving, get tunnel vision or road rage, or succumb to a thousand variables out of our control.

No more traffic fatalities The machine never sleeps, can’t get drunk, never gets lost, can’t text and drive and has a multitude of redundant systems for safety. It won’t be perfect at first and even a single headline of a machine-driven car crash will make people worry, but going from 30,000 deaths a year down to even 1,000 will be an unprecedented improvement.

And one day, like polio has been eradicated, it will be unheard of for someone to perish on the road.

The best day-to-day reality of the selfdriving car revolution will be a change in car designs and in road, city and parking infrastructure. We will gain incredible freedom and improve our standard of living.

The need to own a car will plummet in cities and shrink steadily even in small towns. It’s estimated that without human drivers, hailing an Uber auto cab will cost as little as 50¢ cents per mile! Why have multiple trucks, vans and cars when you can rent anything you want, whenever you want? The requirement for individual auto insurance will likely also disappear and the burden will fall on the manufacturer. For trips within 1,000 miles, you won’t need to take a plane or book a hotel. You’ll simply get ready for bed, get in your car and select your destination and wake up there the next day. Road trips can become solo affairs and getting anywhere with anyone or anything will be a pleasure, rather than a dangerous chore.

Once more in only a few years’ time, we’ll be facing each other within our transportation cabin in luxurious conversation, playing board games or watching films as we await opening our doors to the next adventure.

•••

Perry Piper enjoys learning about emerging and evolving technologies. He also teaches technology lessons to help people in the community learn to use (and love) their electronic devices.

Happy Holidays to all our readers, advertisers and friends from everyone at Columbia River Reader.

38 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

Happy Holidays From All Of Us At

REAL ESTATE As 2015 comes to a close and we prepare for the holidays we would like to take a moment to say THANK YOU! It has been a true privilege to serve you in your Real Estate needs.

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Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 39

Movies

FOUR FILMS SHOWING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

By Dr. Bob Blackwood

Spectre, Bridge of Spies, Steve Jobs,The Last Witch Hunter and an equally sleazy East German government who doesn’t want to release a perfectly innocent student.

1

Spectre (PG-13) The new James Bond film brings memories of other James Bond films: a prime example is Bond’s (Daniel Craig’s) fight on the old train with Hinx (Dave Bautista) in “Spectre” is reminiscent of Bond’s (Sean Connery’s) bruising battle with Grant (Robert Shaw) on the Orient Express in “From Russia With Love.” While there are also tributes to y e s t e r y e a r ( e v e n Top: James Bond (Daniel Craig) attacks Spectre with Dame Judy Dench a two-engine plane to rescue Madeleine Swann (Léa Seydoux) in “Spectre.” Below: They await pick-up by appears briefly as the Spectre in the African desert. Columbia Pictures departed “M,”) there is a new player in “Spectre,” a youthful electronic data lord, “C” (Andrew Scott) who links MI5 and MI6, though not without strong internal opposition from the crafty new “M” (Ralph Fiennes), a man of many talents.

Not only is there office intrigue, but “Spectre” has arisen again, the international criminal conspiracy. Christoph Waltz as Oberhauser (who was behind other crime lords in the past) is creating a threat in the desert which will challenge the major intelligence agencies.

Waltz is not the smarmy villain that he has played in other venues, but rather he is reserved, in control and all the more threatening throughout the film. The action starts during the massive Day of the Dead celebration in Mexico City (we have a smaller one in Albuquerque) and swings between London, Rome, Tokyo, the Austrian ski slopes (remember Roger Moore as Bond on the slopes), Tangiers, and ends up back in London.

Léa Seydoux (as Madeleine Swann, the daughter of an old Bond enemy) is Bond’s companion throughout most of these adventures.

I must say, however, that in my perspective, the woman of a certain age, Lucia (the widow of a man Bond has killed), seems much

Dr. Bob Blackwood, professor emeritus of the City Colleges of Chicago, is the coauthor, along with Dr. John Flynn, of the just-published book Everything I Know about Life I Learned from James Bond.

See shameless plug, facing page. Blackwood lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

more interesting, though Bond just drops by to pump her for information and to give her a night’s solace. Monica Bellucci as Lucia also played Mary Magdalene in “The Passion of the Christ,” a larger role and memorable as was her role as Persephone in two of the “Matrix” films.

If you are a Bond fan, as I am, as well as the coauthor of the just-released book— Everything I Know about Life I Learned from James Bond— along with Dr. John Flynn, you will like this film. If you like action films, you will like this film. If you prefer films involving love affairs between suburban American couples, you probably will not. But it looks like the director of “Spector,” Sam Mendes, may have another blockbuster on his hands. As to whether Daniel Craig will return, I do note that he had a co-producer title in this film. Some serious money should come with that title.

How he does it, and the cost he pays, is a Cold War tale, reminiscent in mood and setting to “The Spy Who Came in from the Cold” (1965).

I think Hanks should be nominated for an Oscar, but I am not a member of the Academy.

Watching this film brought me back to the bad old days of the Cold War in every detail.

Bravo, Spielberg!

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Danny Boyle’s Steve Jobs (MPAA-R) is an intimate and thorough analysis of the character of computer guru Steve Jobs (Michael Fassbender) at three different significant computer product launches, ending in 1998 with the unveiling of the iMac. We see one of the least sympathetic real-life characters ever to appear in a fictionalized film.

Jobs makes his personal assistant Joanna Hoffman (Kate Winslet) cry. He belittles his old partner Steve Wozniak (Seth Rogen). He twists the knife in the man, John Sculley (Jeff Daniels), who was running Apple, Inc., that Jobs had run and would run again. And he is often hard and unsympathetic to his growing daughter played by three different actresses. In other words, this is a film dedicated to a successful jerk.

Well, I have met more than a few, and you probably have too. I am Attorney James Donovan (Tom Hanks) travels all over Europe to exchange glad, however, that Fassbender Russian spy Rudolph Abel (Mark Rylance) for American U2 spyplane pilot played the role; he gave it a human Francis Gary Powers (Austin Stowell) and an American student (Will Rogers). dimension. He may be nominated Walt Disney Studios for an Oscar; Winslet deserves one too.

2 Steven Spielberg’s Bridge of Spies (PG-13) is basically the 4 Vin Diesel is taking real-life story of the capture and a critical beating for exchange of Soviet spy Rudolf doing Breck Eisner’s Abel (Mark Rylance) for an The Last Witch American U-2 spyplane pilot, Hunter (PG-13). I Francis Gary Powers (Austin stayed awake during Stowell) and an American the action film thanks student who wandered into East to Diesel and, good Germany, Frederic Pryor (Will Rogers). The exchange of the Vin Diesel is as hot as a cheap pistol in “The Last choice, Michael Caine as his priest assistant. high flying American and the Witch Hunter.” Summit Entertainment Both have their innocent American for the deep moments. Rose Leslie is the hunter’s pal; Elijah cover Russian spy is accomplished by a very Wood is the hunter’s new priest assistant. And, competent American attorney, James Donovan surprise, men can be witches too, not just folks (Tom Hanks). in aprons who may remind you of a nasty clerk Though Rylance is a superb actor and Rogers at your childhood candy store. A better script is perfect for his role, the actor who carries would have helped the actors. the water is Tom Hanks. He has to deal with both the Russians, who are ultimately sleazy, •••

40 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

GIFT IDEA Everything I Know About Life I Learned from James Bond

By Dr. John Flynn and Dr. Bob Blackwood.

Focuses on Ian Fleming, the major characters and actors in Bond films and the lifestyle of Bond himself over the decades.

Available Amazon. com $18.95.

He was sexually irresistible to women. He was well dressed and well groomed, socially astute, clever and witty, athletic, debonair, dangerous, and heroic. He drove the coolest cars, possessed the greatest gadgets, traveled to the most exotic places, made love to the most beautiful women, and had the most fun of any cinematic hero.

James Bond represented everything that John (my co-author) and I once wanted to be. And now, looking back over the years as middle-aged adults and college professors, we both realize how much Bond helped re-define our understanding of what it meant to be manly, particularly at a time in our culture when the roles of men and women were becoming so fractured

and confused. Our book provides (hopefully) witty and insightful aphorisms about everyday things, ranging from girls to food and drink, cars to clothing and style, and life lessons to fun facts about culture and civilization, as reflected through the prism of James Bond, the world’s most stylish and cultured secret agent.

•••

F

or all the men and/or women in your life who love James Bond films, delight them with Drs. John Flynn and Bob Blackwood’s Everything I Know About Life I Learned From James Bond.

The book is a light-hearted but thoroughly researched look into the world of James Bond. For the adolescent male growing up in the 1950s and 1960s, 007 was everything that young men were not.

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Columbia River Reader / Special Holiday Edition / November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 41

the spectator by ned piper

Expanding horizons

O

n page 28 of this issue, you’ll find pictures highlighting young Daniel Kellner’s exchange student adventures, complete with a personal narrative of his activities. I am continually amazed by his grasp of the English language, a language foreign to Daniel.

In a recent Skype call to his grandparents back home, Daniel told his grandfather that he is now thinking in English. His

grandfather, Gottfried Eichler, was Longview’s first foreign exchange student, 60 years ago. In a way, Gottfried is reliving his past through his grandson.

One of the side benefits of having Daniel living in our home is that we’ve become friends with his parents, Roland and Theophano Kellner, residents of Stuttgart, Germany. I fully expect, thanks to social media

and the ability to travel abroad, that our friendship will continue long into the future.

Hosting a foreign exchange student may not be for every family, but I’ve never spoken to members of a host family who wished they hadn’t brought a young person from another culture into their home for a time.

Many stay in touch for years, sharing in the milestones of their students’ lives — marrying, becoming parents, advancing their careers. Host families often travel to their student’s native land to visit. It is truly a cultural exchange in every sense of the word. American students who enter exchange programs also reap the same life-long benefits as the foreign students who come to our country.

If the exchange student is curious, like Daniel, you will be put in the position of explaining certain things about your own country, things that most of us take for granted. You will also take your student to places of interest in your state or around the country that you have never visited yourself.

For example, I’d never seen the Redwood forest in California.

I suppose it’s possible I might have visited the Redwoods eventually, but

considering taking Daniel to see them crystallized the decision. And having the opportunity to attend a Donald Trump political rally was definitely prompted by Daniel’s curiosity and interest in our political process. He had seen Mr. Trump on TV and found him amusing. After the rally I asked Daniel what he thought of Trump.

“I like him even more now,” he said.

I have to admit, The Donald is very entertaining.

What pleases me the most about Daniel living with us is that he and our son Perry get along so well.

Perry takes him to Toastmasters and to his weekly board game night at Dangerous Gentlemen, a game store in Longview. They tease each other, Perry about Daniel’s pronunciation and his occasional grammar missteps.

Daniel gives as good as he gets. The other night, he asked Perry if he wanted the last cookie. Perry said he did and Daniel replied, “Sorry Perry,” and scarfed down the cookie with a huge smile on his face.

If you are ever presented with the opportunity to invite a foreign exchange student into your home, give the idea serious consideration, rather than just writing it off.

You may find it surprisingly enriching and a lot of fun.

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Lifelong Longview resident Ned Piper finds many ways to enjoy the good life here in the Columbia River region, including gold, gardening, reading and local music and theatre offerings. He serves on the Stageworks Northwest board and sings in the choir at St. Stephen’s Church.

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42 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader

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44 /November 25, 2015 – January 10, 2016 / Special Holiday Edition / Columbia River Reader