KEEPING IT REAL • HASHTAG MOMFAIL
8 Rules for
Christmas with Kids Written by Jamie Johnson
I
love Christmas. I am that person who puts up her Christmas tree earlier than most sane humans. I actually enjoy wrapping gifts. I enjoy any day of the year where I am allowed to eat copious amounts of ham. And even though my love for Christmas does not spur me to buy gifts in a timely manner and I wait until the week of Christmas to start purchasing presents, I am still obsessed with the holiday. There are only a few days of the year when I let my kids do whatever they want, no questions asked. And one of those few days is Christmas. To maintain my sanity during this day, I lower my expectations a significant amount and try to go with the sugar-induced flow while having a minor panic attack. Here are the eight rules for Christmas with kids, especially if you have young boys like I do.
THERE IS NOT A TIME THAT IS “TOO EARLY” TO EAT CANDY. You get a chocolate Santa the size of a newborn baby? Eat up kiddo. You want to pour your stocking onto the floor and attack the Sour Patch kids? Go ahead. You want to dump a whole package of M&Ms in your mouth at one time? Good luck with that one kid.
THEY ARE ALLOWED TO SCREAM AND SHOUT INSIDE. Are you so excited that you got the newest
You are allowed to cuss two times, but you can’t complain after the initial cussing. Normally by then, the pain has subsided.
Nintendo Switch game that you scream? Go ahead little man. Did you receive that gift that your parents swore they weren’t going to get for you? Shout it so the neighbors can hear. NERF GUNS IN THE LIVING ROOM ARE FAIR GAME. Let’s preface this by saying I hate Nerf guns.
NO CLEAN UP NECESSARY. Normally, I would be trailing behind the kids with a trash bag because that’s who I am as a human. But not on Christmas. I sit in one spot on the couch and watch the mania unfold.
There are always a thousand darts all over my house and one always hits you at the
STARTING THE MORNING WITH A
worst moment. So my normal reaction is
MIMOSA HELPS.
to yell at the boys to go outside when I see
You could also go with a bloody mary if
a Nerf gun. But not on Christmas. They are
that’s your jam. A small bit of alcohol takes
allowed in the living room. Don’t worry, all
the edge off when your children are playing
of our breakables have been in storage for
with their new toys that make noise, like
the last seven years. NO COMPLAINING WHEN YOU ARE
ALL TOYS COME OUT OF THEIR BOXES IMMEDIATELY. Cardboard flies into the air like confetti. I like to keep some scissors handy to free the toys from the multiple plastic tethers holding them into their boxes. Six hours later, I’ll have one monster truck out of its box.
NO COMPLAINING WHEN YOU STEP ON A FORGOTTEN LEGO.
HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A NERF DART. This goes for children and adults. And yes,
that police car that plays the COPS theme song. You can thank their favorite uncle for that one. Some people think I’m crazy for allowing this madness to occur in my own
you will be hit in the head with a Nerf dart.
living room. Some days, I am also that
Just try to dodge them while you drink your
person. But I feel like we should let the
coffee and marvel at all the Christmas joy.
kiddos have a few days a year where they
And slightly panic because it looks like a
can just be kids. Give it a try this year. You
Christmas bomb went off in the living room.
can thank me later.
😉
OP
JAMIE JOHNSON is a full-time working mom to two little boys, wife to Logan, and part-time writer. Her pieces have been featured in HuffPost Parents, Motherly, Today Parents and PopSugar Moms. You can follow her blog at HashtagMomFail.com!
14 OWENSBORO PARENT . December 2021 // January 2022
