R.E.S.P.E.C.T. One beautiful evening, an older married couple was eating dinner at a fancy restaurant. The wife noticed another couple about her and her spouse's age, sitting in a booth nearby. She saw the husband sitting close to his wife with his arm around her. He was whispering things in her ear, and she was smiling and blushing. He gently rubbed her shoulder and touched her hair. The woman watching this display of affection turned to her husband and said, "Look at the couple over there. Look how close that man is to his wife. Look at how he's talking to her. Look at how sweet he is to her. Why don't you ever do that?" Her husband looked up from his caesar salad and glanced over at the next booth. Then he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I don't even know that woman." When we misunderstand the power of respect, we are heading into dangerous territory. Aretha Franklin couldn't have gotten it better than when she sang‌ "R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me." Make no mistake, a leader will quickly find out what respect means when it comes to dealing with people. It can make the difference between having a voice in someone's life or not. It is the hinge in which people open their ears and hearts. Organizations that operate with respect create a teamwork atmosphere where people look out for each other. Respect allows people to feel valued. "It's not a do your work and keep your head down environment anymore," says Brian Kropp, a managing director at CEB. "Everyone is looking to be recognized and respected for their individual contribution." People do not necessarily quit organizations; they quit people. And they quit people because they feel under-appreciated and undervalued by them. One of the essential desires we all have is to be valued. We stake our careers, relationships, and livelihood on it. When respect is compromised, people tend to feel robbed of one of their basic needs. Once the door to violation opens up, it allows for many other negative behaviors to follow. Organizational Psychologist Paul Marciano wrote, "Employee engagement depends upon the extent to which individuals respect their organization and its leadership, and feel respected." As leaders, we cannot miss this critical element of respect, for the consequences are loss of influence and impact. However, when we leverage respect, the results are astounding. Respect catapults a leader's credibility over the wall of criticism.
Not long ago, I was part of a fall harvest event at a large family farm in our community. At the end of the festive evening, as everything was winding down, the host family received an emergency call telling them that one of their loved ones was on the verge of passing on. This family had to leave very quickly to be with him, so they contacted their staff to take over. A few of their employees were on site within minutes. I was blown away by the great attitude these employees had. They stepped right in and took charge of all of the extra things that needed to be done. Not only were they hard workers, but they spoke very highly of their boss, the owner of the farm. They had such a high level of respect for him that they were willing to stay out late and take care of everything with a great attitude even though they had an early morning work schedule coming within a few hours. Being harvest time, this was their only day off during the week. Yet they were willing to go above and beyond. I walked away from the experience inspired by the respect that this farmer had earned from his employees.
“If an individual does not feel respect from their leader, they will not receive any coaching from that leader.�
Without respect it is very difficult, if not impossible, to inspire others. If an individual does not feel respect from their leader, they will not receive any coaching from that leader. People admire those they respect. You don't become a great leader because somebody endorsed you, you become a great leader because you care about people. It is through that care that respect is gained. We must always remember that respect is not given; it is earned. And the greatest way a leader earns respect from others is by valuing each person they come in contact with. As the old saying goes, "what goes around, comes around." The way in which you treat others will be the way you are treated by them. Author and speaker Jim Rohn observed, "You cannot speak that which you do not know. You cannot share that which you do not feel. You cannot translate that which you do not have. And you cannot give that which you do not possess. To give it and to share it, and for it to be effective, you first need to have it." A leader may have a level of respect in the beginning of their endeavor, but over time it will have to be earned. There is always the honeymoon period when a new leader steps into a new job, new position, or new opportunity. That leader is given respect out of curtesy, but eventually the followers will decide if respect is still warranted based on the leaders ability to be respectable. At that point, the respect will transition from freely given, to rightfully earned. This is why many companies have a high turn-over in leadership. The so-called leader gets frustrated and unable to lead effectively because they have not earned respect as a leader. They are unskilled at gaining credibility from others which causes a breakdown in their influence. They may demand respect, but receive none because they have not earned it. One-sided relationships don't last in any area of life, especially in leadership. In order for respect to work, it must operate on the law of reciprocity. If one person is the giver and
the other the taker, respect will diminish very quickly over time. The relationship between the leaders and the team has to operate with mutual rewarding respect. It takes a high level of character in order for an individual not only to be respectable but to give respect to others. John Wooden once said, "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." Reputation may be what you need to get a leadership role, but character is what you need to keep it. Character will drive a leader's reputation more than any other factor. It will follow them wherever they go and in whatever they do. With it they have the freedom to accomplish more at a faster rate. Decisions can be made very quickly when people respect their leader. The more respect is earned, the more "buy-in" occurs from the people. Others will rally behind a leader that they feel has an honorable character. The Reverend D.L. Moody wrote, "If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself." Reputation is what you have when you come into a new relationship; character is what you have when you go away. Reputation is fleeting, but character is lasting.
“Reputation may be what you need to get a leadership role, but character is what you need to keep it.�
If a leader does not have strong character, they are limited in what they can accomplish. People will often question a leader they do not have respect for. They will be cautious and skeptical towards them and their actions. A team may have resistance to the leader's motives if there is a lack of respect. A leader's hands are tied when they are not honored, and when they do not honor others. The famous businessman, Lee Iacocca, worked his way up through Ford Motor Company until he became president in 1970. He was known for successfully engineering the Ford Mustang but was unsuccessful with the Ford Pinto. Through much tension, he was later fired from Ford Motor Company by Henry Ford II. But Iacocca ended up taking a position at the failing Chrysler Corporation in the 1980s and revived it successfully. He said this about one of the greatest lessons he learned while looking back at his failures, "I forgot to shake hands and be friendly. It was an important lesson about leadership." Always remember that position does not automatically equal respect. Just because you are "over" someone does not mean they will respect you. A title may describe you, but your character will define you. You will not be remembered for the titles attached to your name alone, you will be remembered by your character above all. We need to be developing honorable characteristics that become part of who we are. These honorable characteristics must become a part of our language and
behavior. People can easily see through a fake facade. When it comes to earning respect, there are no "faking it till you make it" type of passes. Would you be ok with your mechanic working on your car as he is faking it to make it? Would you be ok with a heart surgeon working on you as she fakes it to make it? Would you be ok with a teacher educating your children as they fake it to make it? Of course, we wouldn't want these things, so we cannot be apathetic when it comes to respect and honor. Those that have the ability to inspire others are not pretenders, they are genuine producers that operate with honor and integrity in everything they do. Success Magazine Publisher, Darren Hardy, wrote, "When people fake anything, they only produce more fakeness, and that leads to disconnect, trouble, misery and ultimately failure." Respectable leaders develop characteristics of being true to their word as their actions line up with what they say. They are driven to model a respectable persona by which they live up to with their leadership. Larry Bird said, "Leadership is diving for a loose ball, getting the crowd involved, getting other players involved. It's being able to take it as well as dish it out. That's the only way you're going to get respect from the players." A high position can never take the place of a strong character. Leaders who are able to connect with others are greatly respected, not because of their power but because of their character. When a leader earns respect, they are able to transform their organization by transforming their people. Those that think power and position will give them respect will eventually find out a hard truth. Bruce Lee said, "Knowledge will give you power, but character respect." In order for a leader to earn the respect of others, they must give respect to others. You cannot be respected if you do not respect those around you. In simple terms‌You can't get it if you do not give it. The more a leader gains respect, the more they gain a voice in people's lives. Leaders G.I.V.E respect by going out of their way, including others, visualizing the best, and by expressing gratitude.
How To G.I.V.E Respect G ~ Go Out Of Your Way Because leaders are focused on accomplishment, they can quickly drop their heads and take off without being aware of what is going on with the people around them. They can get busy trying to move the organization forward and fail to make sure the team is keeping up with them. But when a leader drops their head and takes off without making sure everyone is on board, they can lose the team's unity and lose their respect in the process. It is like the officer who got so far ahead of the calvary that he was mistaken for the enemy. It didn't work out so well for him. Not long ago, I was having lunch with a friend who sits as a board member of a highly influential organization. As we were discussing the challenges and opportunities the organization was facing, he said something that caught my attention. There were some issues that he wanted to address the board about but said he wasn't sure if they were ready for it yet. I admired this leaders ability to be aware of the timing and pace he needed to take in order to make a difference. He truly understood that even though he was ready to tackle some issues, he needed to make sure everyone else was ready as well. His strategy was to bring these issues up in a subtle way, over time, as the rest of the board warmed up to his challenges. Timing is everything when it comes to leadership. President Franklin D. Roosevelt understood the importance of keeping a country together while moving forward. Faced with one of the greatest economic crisis in American history, FDR led the people through the Great Depression amidst World War I. He once stated, "A good leader can't get too far ahead of his followers." President Roosevelt kept a pace that allowed him to lead the country without losing sight of the people in the process. We cannot get moving so fast that we fail to notice the opportunities around us. In the book, "A 5th Portion Of Chicken Soup For The Soul," Josh Ridker tells this story...
"About ten years ago a young and very successful executive named Josh was traveling down a Chicago neighborhood street. He was traveling a bit fast in his sleek, black, sixteen-cylinder Jaguar XKE, which was only two months old. He watched for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no child darted out, but a brick sailed and—whump—smashed into the Jag's shiny side door. SCREECH! Brakes slammed. Gears pounded into reverse, and tires madly spun the Jaguar back to the spot from where the brick was thrown. Josh jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid and pushed him up against a parked car. He shouted at the kid, "Just what was that about? Who do you think you are?" Building up a head of steam he continued, "That's my new Jag; that brick is going to cost you plenty. Why did you throw it?" "Please . . . please, mister, I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do," pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop." Tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car. "It's my brother, mister," he said. "He fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help him back into his wheelchair? He's too heavy for me." Moved beyond words, the young executive tried desperately to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He helped the youngster upright the wheelchair, and the two of them lifted his brother back into the chair. It was a long, long walk back to the sleek, black, sixteen-cylinder Jaguar XKE—a long and slow walk. Now, Josh never did fix the side door of his Jaguar. It reminded him not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at him to get his attention." When we are in a hurry to reach our destination, we can easily miss the importance of the journey. In the chaos of progress and ambition, we can become so focused on the finish line that we lose sight of the path we are on. Though we all want to cross the finish line to our goals, a leader is not always the first to cross it. Leaders tend to be go-getters and are ready to move forward faster than others, but they cannot forget about people. Douglas Conant, Former President and CEO of Campbell Soup Company, said, "Too many leaders are so caught up in the momentum of work that they lose sight of the opportunity to connect with people. I discovered that the more fully present I was with other people, the more fully present they were with me, and the more productive our relationship became over time."
If a leader looks behind himself or herself and finds there is no one there, they aren't leading. An old Chinese proverb says, "He who thinks he leads but has no one following him is only taking a walk." Remember this rule…when traveling alone, you can move at your own pace, but when traveling together, you must move at the pace of the team. I learned this rule early on in my marriage. I am the type of person that wakes up and gets going as fast as I can. I do not like to sit around and take my time. My morning routine of showering, prepping, and gathering my work bag can be expedited to about 20 minutes…15 if I am really focused, and 10 minutes if I am forced to! But when I married my beautiful wife Erin, I quickly realized women do not operate at this rate of speed. They are very meticulous about their morning routine and need ample time to feel prepared for the day. Now that we have four children, the time it takes for everyone to get ready has tripled. When our family goes out shopping, I could be the first one out of the car, in the store, and have already purchased an item before the rest of the clan has even gotten their seat belts off. So you can imagine how hard it was for me to travel at the pace of the group. Traveling at the pace of the team is a vital leadership lesson to grasp if you want to succeed over the long haul. We have to learn how to travel together if we're going to accomplish together. Leaders that go out of their way to make sure everyone is unified are the ones that gain respect. I would not earn the respect of my wife if I refused to go out of my way to consider the time she needs to get ready. If I consistently forced her to go at my pace, she would never be able to feel at her best. Leadership in the home means that you move at the pace of the entire family. Leadership at work means that you must move at the pace of the entire team. This does not mean that the leader cannot push the team and challenge them to be more efficient, especially in seasons of fast-paced action. However, it does mean that the leader has to intentionally go out of their way to make sure the team is moving together. When a leader takes time to go out of their way and focus on the team, they naturally gain the respect of the group. Leaders have to become like tour guides as opposed to becoming like travel agents. Travel agents do not go with you on your trip, they simply point you in the direction, and you are on your own to figure it out. Many leaders operate as travel agents, unwilling to go out of their way. They tell the team what to do and expect it to be done with no accountability; then they wonder why things do not
turn out the way they wanted. But to be an effective leader, you have to be willing to inspect what you expect. Inspecting means you are present throughout the process.
“To be an effective leader, you have to be willing to inspect what you expect."
Tour guides, on the other hand, go with you, they show you the sites, give you information, and take the time to accompany you along the journey! Tour guides are able to provide a great experience because they have already been to where the group is going. They know what to embrace and what to avoid. They go out of their way to ensure the team is all together. Leaders can't take people where they've never been themselves. Author of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest," Ken Kesey stated, "You don't lead by pointing a finger and telling people some place to go. You lead by going to that place and making a case." Great leaders are willing to connect with everyone on their team. They are not so positionally minded that they are unwilling to go out of their way to earn respect. When a leader takes the time to truly connect with others they increase their influence with them, not because of position, but because of relationship. Leadership Author Ken Blanchard said, "The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority." Recently I was facilitating a leadership training event at one of the most reputable hospitals in my home state. This organization has received numerous awards for their hospitality and professionalism of care. The founder of the hospital humbly shared what he felt contributed to their success. He felt that a drive to ensure that every patient that entered their hospitals felt important was paramount to every success that they had experienced. He went on to tell of how hard the hospital staff worked in the beginning years to create a culture of hospitality. The core leadership at this particular hospital made it part of their routine to connect with as many employees at every level of the organization, from janitor to top-level CEO, each day. I personally witnessed this culture of hospitality when our tour guide at the hospital acknowledged and knew the name of every staff member we bumped into in the hallways, courtyard, ER, outpatient care, maintenance, etc…They truly had built a culture of going out of their way which received not only the respect of the employees, but also contributed to
the overall success of the organization's reputation. It reminded me of what Albert Einstein once said, "I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university." If you want to earn respect from others, go out of your way by following these three strategies:
Never Pass By People Without Acknowledging Them There is nothing more devaluing than to be overlooked as if you don't matter. One of the worst fears that people can face is feeling alone in a crowd. Leaders cannot afford to pass by others without noticing them. The debt is costly when we miss opportunities to connect with others. There should be nothing more important to a leader than people. Always keep your head up and your eyes looking for opportunities to connect with those around you. Never be so busy that you pass by those with whom you are trying to impact. Acknowledging people does not mean you need to engage in a deep conversation. Many leaders shy away from talking with others out of a fear they will get stuck. But know that people will accept your acknowledgment, even if it's only for a moment, more than they'll accept being ignored. Never let "personal problems" or "emotional issues" keep you from focusing on others. When a leader is "moody," no one knows what to expect. The more inconsistent the leader is in terms of mood, the more inconsistent the team will be in terms of performance. So goes the leader's mood, so goes the team's morale. Inconsistent leaders will never gain respect unless they learn to be consistent with their attitude and behavior. Always remember that people want to be acknowledged, so honor them and recognize their presence. You can never go wrong by noticing others. However, many things can go wrong if you ignore them. The other day I was in our local Starbucks getting ready to order my favorite drink. As I walked up to the counter to let them know what I wanted, the lady taking my order spoke up and said, "A tall, nonfat, Caramel Machiatto, right?" I enthusiastically responded, "Yes! How did you know?" I hadn't recognized this particular barista at my other frequent visits, she was obviously new and already knew my order. She told me that she remembered me and my drink from the week before when she
was training with another barista. I was very impressed with her skills and it made me feel like an important customer. She went on to tell me that part of her training at this Starbucks was to always remember as many people's names and favorite drinks in order to make the customer's experience better. Well, I know that she succeeded, because I felt valued by her gesture.
Remember People's Names Dale Carnegie taught that "There is no sweeter sound to any person's ear than the sound of their own name." When you remember someone's name, it communicates that they matter to you. Names give a personal touch. There is a worth mechanism within us that is activated by the sound of our name. We feel respect when others call us by name and remember our name. However, when people forget our name, it can make us feel forgettable and unimportant. During World War II, Hitler and his Nazis used many tactics to dehumanize the Jewish people. One of their barbaric strategies was taking away people's name and referring to them as only a number. They even tattooed the number onto their skin and on their forearms so that the person would always visualize their perceived worthlessness. Names truly give us a sense of belonging. We feel involved when our name is used. Carnegie also said, "We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing … and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others." If you want to gain respect from others, be a leader that calls people by name. Give people credit by making their names known. It takes a lot of focus to remember names, but it is worth the payoff. If there is one thing to take away in a conversation, it would be the name of the person of whom you are talking to. I have heard of leaders that have generated creative techniques and even mind games in their head to remember people's names. Whatever works for you to retain someone's name...do it.
Be The Initiator In his book, The Art of Conversation, James Morris points out that although we "Realize that it is bad manners to monopolize a conversation, it's equally bad manners not to talk enough." The truth is, silence is not always golden. Sometimes silence is nothing more than a missed opportunity to engage with someone. People want to be sought after. There is great worth that comes from others wanting to be around you. Leaders make it a point to always be the ones to take the high road and initiate interactions. If you find yourself as one who is only being approached by others, try and turn that around. Be proactive about connecting with people. Go to them first and initiate conversations and questions. When others see that you are giving your time to meet with them, it means a great deal. Respect is earned when the other person feels that they are worth your effort. Being the initiator by proactively seeking others is a sure way to show people their value and your appreciation. One of the essential parts of initiating conversation is having confidence in yourself. Without a high level of self-esteem, you will struggle to connect with others. Having confidence in yourself allows for courage to drive your conversations. If you find yourself doubting your worth or questioning how interesting you are, then take some time to know your strengths and uniqueness. Confident people succeed because they capitalize on their ability to make others feel comfortable in conversations. When someone asks you a question, you are obligated to respond within the unwritten terms of conversational etiquette. However, when you initiate conversations by asking questions, it shows you genuinely care about the other person. People will feel valued and honored when you seek them out and take the first step to connect. Don't be the kind of person that only speaks when spoken to. One of my mentors always taught me to have a list of starter questions ready to go at all times in order to connect with people on the fly. He knew the importance of being a people person when it comes to leadership and adding value to others.
How To G.I.V.E Respect I ~ Include Others One of the greatest ways we show respect to others is by valuing their opinion. When people feel they have a voice, they’ll feel they have a place. Great leaders are willing to give opportunities for people to speak up. Regardless of what level in the organization or what title the other person holds, they respect their input. Great leaders are inclusive, not exclusive. The simplest way to give others a voice is by asking questions. And the most insightful question a leader can ask their team is, “What do you think?” The key to having influence with someone is to allow that person to have influence with you. When others feel they are included, and their input is received, it causes them to be more involved both mentally and physically. The opportunity for them to contribute to the cause creates commitment to that cause. When the team has shared input into the overall development of a vision, there is incredible buy-in from each person. There is not only a respect for the vision, but for the leader that brought them into the development of the vision as well. Leaders that are inclusive earn respect from everyone involved. Exclusivity only builds walls between people, causing a breakdown of communication and influence. Exclusivity makes others feel devalued. If team members feel left out of the loop, as if they are on the outside looking in, they will develop a sense of abandonment. The team will begin to feel left behind in the dust.
“When the team has shared input into the overall development of a vision, there is incredible buy-in from each person.”
How does a team become exclusive? One way is by the leader hiding pertinent information from the team. The more open you are with your team, the more open they will be with you as the leader. However, the more closed off you are to your team, the more closed off they will be with you in matters of opinion and ideas. Leaders who do not include their team in decisions and processes will
have a hard time securing the respect of their team. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.” It takes a great deal of energy to collaborate on a shared vision. Molding the team together by including them in the process of forming vision and action steps will not come easily. But when you put forth the effort, the team comes together, and can collectively work towards the cause. This kind of teamwork will create a strong sense of responsibility for the vision. They will be much more engaged with the outcome. Teamwork is truly built by including everyone’s input. The greater the teamwork, the greater the results. Always remember that people support what they help create. Here are some ways to include others:
Invite Ideas Some of the greatest ideas have come from the unlikeliest of places. One idea I am personally grateful for is the origin of my all-time favorite desserts. If your favorite cookie is chocolate chip, then you should praise Ruth Graves Wakefield for her mistakes in the kitchen. Wakefield and her husband, Kenneth, owned Toll House Inn in Whitman, Mass. Wakefield prepared the recipes and cooked for the inn’s guests. One day in 1930, Wakefield had a problem. She was out of baker’s chocolate for her scrumptious Butter Drop Do cookies. Surely, her guests would be upset. Wakefield had to come up with a chocolate substitute quickly. She came up with the idea to break up a bar of Nestle’s semisweet chocolate into tiny chunks and mix them into her cookie batter. She assumed that the chocolate would melt, spread into the dough as it baked, and create a chocolate-flavored cookie. That, of course, didn’t happen. When Wakefield took the cookies out of the oven, she noticed that the chocolate chunks only melted slightly, holding their shape and forming a creamy texture. The guests loved them. Wakefield’s chocolate chip cookies began attracting people from all over New England. After her recipe appeared in a Boston newspaper, Nestle gained a massive spike in sales. Everyone wanted Nestle’s semisweet chocolate bars to make Wakefield’s cookies. And so a marketing deal was struck. Andrew Nestle agreed to give Wakefield a lifetime supply of the chocolate in return for her recipe printed on every Nestle semisweet chocolate bar.
Leaders are idea seekers. They are always on the search for people with constructive input and creativity. Ideas are catalysts that make the future better. They are more valuable than wealth. After all, wealth is generated from great ideas. I believe everyone is only one idea away from a major breakthrough in their life. One idea can change everything about your future. It can mean the difference financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. An idea can change the course of your life and the lives of those around you. Everything you see and use started because of an idea. The chair you are sitting in came from an idea, the book or device you are reading this on came from an idea, the building you are in right now came from an idea, this idea of having ideas came from an idea. Basically, everything we know in life originally came from an idea, and if that idea was never thought of, you would not have the luxury of its result. Ideas are what make the quality of life better and our world a better place. All it takes is one idea for someone to go from average to good, and then from good to great. Jim Rohn said, “Ideas can be life-changing. Sometimes all you need to open the door is just one more good idea.” Ideas open the door for creative opportunities. If there is one skill I think everyone, and I mean everyone, should grow in is the ability to think of ideas. One will only be limited by the amount of ideas they are able to come up with in life. The more ideas someone has, the more opportunity they will have. The fewer ideas someone has, the less opportunity they have for great things to happen to them and through them. If you want to become limitless in what you do, then get ideas. The more you grow your ability to get ideas, the more you will experience greater success. Growing into greater opportunities is about growing ideas. Leaders give others opportunities to share their ideas and their thoughts. They work together to create successful collaboration. Author Jacob Morgan wrote this in an article. “Most organizations today are unable to tap into that limitless human potential because of a series of self-imposed boundaries. Unlocking this potential means challenging the many assumptions that we have about work today: the incontestability of hierarchy, the importance of putting in time in the office, semi-annual employee reviews, valuing the voice of the customer but not of the employee, and the restriction of vital information to preserve rank. Organizations and their leaders must strive to break three common boundaries in order to unleash all of the talent and contribution lying in wait. The first is role-based: communication and collaboration is restricted by seniority level. How could a lowly entry-level employee possibly engage with a senior manager or worse… an executive! The second type of boundary is around
departments and function. Marketing folks stick with their peers in marketing, sales with sales, product development with product development and information and potential opportunities for innovation remain stuck within silos. The third most common type of boundary is geographic— employees in one office or location simply don’t “see” their peers in another.” Collaborating with others will multiply your possibilities. Author John Steinbeck said, “Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen.” Leaders have to hone their ability to include others by listening and communicating in a way that connects with the team. Respect is earned when the team feels understood and valued enough to be heard. Leaders honor others by listening and including them. If a leader fails to include the team, there will be miscommunication, misguided feelings, and misinterpreted actions that can spiral out of control. In order to earn respect, then respect the opinion of others and give them a voice.
Involve Key Leaders The greatest asset to any leader is his or her Key Leaders. By “Key Leaders,” I mean those that are closest to you and have the capacity to make things happen. Over the years of coaching and teaching leadership development, I have found that many leaders do not develop their inner circle of Key Leaders as well as they should. The temptation to think that because your inner circle is close they do not need much attention is faulty. This faulty thinking couldn’t be further from the truth. It is the same level of thinking that leads to relationship issues with a spouse. The closer someone is, the more attention they should get, not the less. A leader should devote a majority of their time to their Key Leaders. The more you empower your inner circle, the more you are going to accomplish. When you influence and impact your Key Leaders, they will influence and impact those under them. Make sure you know exactly who you are going to pour your energy and time into. Identify those that are able to make a greater impact. Understand that having Key Leaders is not a bonus; it is a necessity. One person can’t possibly do what five can. You can’t do everything as the leader; you need a team around you that is forging ahead with you. Make sure you know who these people are
and that they know who they are. Invite them into your inner circle by making a formal invitation. If your key leaders do not know they are your Key Leaders, then they aren’t your Key Leaders yet. You need to be spending your prime time with your Key Leaders. They should be getting your best, not your leftovers. Invest into your leaders by pouring resources into them, bouncing ideas off of them, taking them out to dinner, laughing together, working together, and dreaming together. Add value to them as you are raising their awareness. You cannot have a great team of Key Leaders without making a significant investment into them. Get close to your team by spending time growing together as you read the same materials, attend similar events, and talk about shared experiences. American Industrialist Andrew Carnegie said, “No person will make a great business who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit.” Author Dutch Sheets tells a story about a mouse and an elephant who were best friends. One day they crossed a wooden bridge causing it to bow, creak, and sway under their combined weight. After they were across, the mouse, impressed by their ability to make such an impact, said to the elephant, “We sure shook up that bridge, didn’t we?” Teamwork truly is a powerful force. We are always better together. There is synergetic energy that is formed when people work as one. The word synergy actually comes from the Greek word sunergos, which means ‘a fellow worker.’ Synergy is defined in our modern dictionary as ‘The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.’ Everyone needs someone. Teamwork doubles our effectiveness even more than we could have ever done on our own. All great achievements were done with the help of others. A team that cannot work together will not win together. However, a team that can work together can make a significant impact together. Teamwork is created when you concentrate on We instead of ME. The more shared vision and values there are, the greater the team will be. Always remember that T.E.A.M. means… Together Everyone Achieves More
How To G.I.V.E Respect V ~ Visualize The Best Fredrick the Great sent a message to one of his generals: "I send you against the enemy with 60,000 men." However, when the troops were counted they numbered only 50,000. The general then sent back a letter insisting there must be a mistake. "No," replied Fredrick, "there is no mistake. I counted you as 10,000 men." In order to get the best out of people, you have to see the best in them. You cannot truly respect someone until you value who they are. And it is impossible to make someone truly feel important if you secretly feel they are a nobody. Early on in my leadership journey, I was fortunate to be surrounded by leaders who built me up and visualized the best in me. I remember a very important meeting that our organization was holding that I was required to attend. The day of the meeting was the worst possible timing for me. I had already had a full day of meetings beforehand, and to top it off, I needed to be preparing for a huge event that was taking place that evening. I, in reluctant attendance, looked at my watch the whole time. My mind was somewhere else, and it was apparent to those around me. After the meeting, I quickly darted out the back after saying goodbyes and shaking hands. As I walked down the hallway, the leader of the organization, who had also facilitated the meeting, met up with me and put his arm around my shoulder. He smiled at me and said, "John, I know you are busy and are working very hard right now, but I want you to know that when you come to a meeting, I want your mind and heart present. I saw you watching your clock and keeping your head down. These meetings are vital to our organization moving forward and you are an example to everyone else in that room. I know you will be ready to go next time because you have much to offer. Keep up the good work!" He then went on to build me up with encouraging words about what I had been doing for the organization. I will never forget that moment. At first, I was embarrassed, and then I started to defend myself in my mind by thinking he just didn't know how busy I was. But eventually, I realized he was right to call me out. From that day on, I decided that wherever I was, I would try my best to be fully in the moment. Dan built me up that day. He could have just corrected me and stopped there, but he took the time to affirm me with the strengths and talents he saw in me.
Instead of only seeing the negative in a person, can you see the positive? Can you visualize what they are capable of and have the potential to do? Are you able to pick out their strengths instead of only their weaknesses? Can you recognize the diamond in the coal? Each person you come in contact with has something to offer. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I have never met a man who was not my superior in some particular.�
“In order to get the best out of people, you have to see the best in them.�
As I've mentioned earlier, everyone has the potential for greatness within them. As a leader you have to be able to believe it in order to see it. If you cannot see it, you will never be able to develop it. Real leadership is the ability to see what could be through what it currently is. When you look at your team do you see what could be? Do you treat others with a level of respect because of the gifts you see in them? When leaders have 20/20 vision concerning people's potential, they are able to see past the obstacles and into the possibilities of others. Many so-called "leaders" assume the worst in people and, as a result, can be jaded by that preconceived attitude. They wait in the shadows watching and expecting others to confirm their negative assessments. There is nothing worse than to be in a work environment where people are waiting for you to mess up and fail. Leaders need to catch people doing the right things not just the wrong things. No one is motivated to do their best if they don't believe their leader believes they are the best. Mahatma Gandhi said, "I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won't presume to probe into the faults of others." Leaders who believe that their people are the best are the ones who tend to pull out the best in them. It is not luck of the draw that great coaches have great players. They have great players because they draw out the greatness within their team. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Live by an innocent until proven guilty attitude toward others, not guilty until proven innocent. You can't fake seeing the best in others; your true feelings and judgments will be exposed through your attitude and behavior. In order for respect to be flowing to and from a leader, there has to be respect for everyone. If a leader cannot look at each individual on their team and believe they are the best, they need to do one of two things; develop them, or replace them.
Develop Them The first option a leader has is to take the time and effort to develop the individual. Many times people just need to get training and have clear expectations set for them in order for them to rise to the top. There are two questions that a leader must ask when someone is not accomplishing the mission of the organization. The first question is, "Is it because they don't want to?" The second question asks, "It is because they don't know how?" There is a world of difference between the answers to those two questions. The first answer is an issue of attitude and work ethic; the other is simply an issue of knowledge and skills. It is much easier to develop knowledge and skill than it is to develop attitude and work ethic. A leader must know what they are dealing with in order to know how to improve the individual. Training and developing someone who doesn't want to do the work will only lead to prolonged agony—on the other hand bringing the hammer down on someone who simply hasn't had enough training to do the job asked of them will also result in resentment! The leader has to know what they are facing when they are not seeing the results they want. "I don't want to" or "I don't know how" are two completely different ways of dealing with. Make sure that you know where your people are at before you make rash decisions. Psychologist Abraham Maslow said, "If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." How you see the team will determine how you treat the team. Make sure that you see the best in your team and see the potential they are capable of. Respect is a major building block of meaningful relationships and strong teamwork. Ari Kiev writes, "Everyone wants to feel that he/she counts for something and is important to someone. Invariably, people will give their love, respect, and attention to the person who fills that need." In other words, believing the best in people brings out the best in people, and that is where respect is birthed; respect for the leader and respect from the leader! There are occasions, however, when you are not able to develop someone, especially someone who does not want to be developed. It's time to take a good look at what kind of employee you have when they start to use phrases like: "I have to go to work." Rather than, "I get to go to work." "Do I have to do this task?" Rather than, "I get to do this task." "Does it really matter?" Rather than, "Let's do what matters!"
"When do I get to leave?" Rather than, "What can I accomplish today?" When employees start to make more excuses than they do solutions, they are in the danger zone. Always develop those that don't know how to do a job. But another option a leader has when someone does not fit the organization is to replace them.
Replace Them There certainly are times a leader is not able to develop the best in an individual. The subject has to be willing to learn and change, or else no leader, no matter how great, will be able to develop them. The ancient saying still stands true, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." If an individual is unwilling to be taught the teacher will not be able to teach. In this case the leader must call the shots and redirect that person to either another position within the organization or ultimately let them go all together. Leaders can tend to be so optimistic that they think, given time, they can turn anyone into a better worker. But it would be a disservice for the leader and for the team to keep someone who's gifts and personality do not match the team's mission. The best thing a leader can do is replace them so the individual can find a place for their gift in another company that matches their skills. Just the other day, I was having breakfast with a friend of mine who is the Vice President of a major mechanical corporation. They have progressed from a 24 million dollar a year profit to an 84 million dollar a year company over the last few years. As we talked about the company's success, I asked what he believed to be a major component of their rapid growth. He quickly and confidently responded that it had been primarily due to replacing existing personal that were not able to take the company to the next level with those that were able to. He made a great statement that stuck out in my mind. He said, "We have simply helped some people in our company propel into the next season of their life." I thought that was a great outlook to have for everyone involved, not an ending, but rather the beginning of something new. One of the most destructive things that happen to derail an organization is bad attitudes. If a team member is consistently bringing a negative attitude to those around them and will not respond to correction, the leader needs to let that person go, or it will destroy the morale of everyone else. I have found that many organizations wait too long to let some of their people go. They consider them their project and continue to let them get away with wrong attitudes, low productivity, and conflict within the team. A leader has to be extremely careful not to allow one person to pull the whole team down with them. The other day I read that Shrews, which are small mole-like creatures, have such a
ferocious appetite that they are known to eat each other. I know many organizations that have Shrewlike team members who are destructive to each other. They are killing productivity and destroying winning environments because of their attitudes and actions. Letting a team member go is a very tough call to make since leaders want to see the best in others. However, there is a time when a leader needs to make the hard call for the sake of the team by letting a person go. Just remember what Oscar Wilde said, "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." In their book, How Full is Your Bucket, Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton write: "It is possible for just one or two people to poison an entire workplace. And managers who have tried moving negative people to other departments to alleviate the problem know that 'location, location, location' doesn't apply to these people; they bring their negativity along with them wherever they go. Negative employees can tear through a workplace like a hurricane racing through a coastal town." In order to give respect to others, they must see your willingness to do what's best for the people and the organization. When your team sees you developing their teammate's or making the tough calls to replace the ones that cannot keep up, they will be confident in your leadership ability. Visualize the best in those you lead, and they will begin to live up to that image.
How To G.I.V.E Respect E ~ Express Gratitude Gratitude is defined as the state of being grateful or thankful. Every time leaders express an attitude of gratitude; they will lift the morale of their team. And that is crucial. A leader must make sure they express it. Unexpressed gratitude does nothing for others. A leader that hides their appreciation will find the team hiding their potential. There is a terrible misconception about leadership floating out there that says leaders are to show no emotion and never let others see their dependency for fear it may reveal softness in them. However, this couldn't be further from the truth. A leader that shows gratitude and thankfulness to their team is one that will be the most respected of all. Of course I am not saying that it takes an overly emotionally wired leader to be effective, but I am saying that expressed appreciation to the team adds tremendous value. Audrey Hepburn said, "You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him." Great leaders understand that what you appreciate begins to appreciate in value. To develop a valuable team, value the team. If you want to see your people rise up with respect, begin to show your gratitude towards the team. A leader that will not express thankfulness to the team will limit their ability to lead the team. No one wants to work for someone that does not appreciate them. Think of it this way; what do you want to be said of you as the leader? Hard worker? Thoughtful? Dependable? Irreplaceable? Encourager? Those things sound pretty good, and I am sure if said about you would make you feel valued. Well, why not do the same for those you lead? Speak highly of them by consistently expressing your gratitude. Switch roles for a moment and think about these questions: If you were your own leader, would you follow you?
Would you feel appreciated by the way you lead? How would you like to be treated? The way to receive respect is to develop the traits in yourself that you admire in others. Think about whom you respect and why? Emulate those behaviors as you express your appreciation for your team. World renown mathematician and philosopher Alfred North Whitehead said, "No one who achieves success does so without acknowledging the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude." Harvard Medical School published an article about the effects of gratitude and how it relates to one's health. Here is what they found: "Two psychologists, Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much of the research on gratitude. In one study, they asked all participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on particular topics. One group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation. Another leading researcher in this field, Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people, each compared with a control assignment of writing about early memories. When their week's assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month." Expressing gratitude is more than just an event; it is a lifestyle. It cannot happen once and then cease to exist. It is not enough to simply give out a thank you card at an annual Christmas party after a year's worth of hard work. Gratitude must be displayed by the leader's actions and attitude at all times throughout the year.
“Expressing gratitude is more than just an event; it is a lifestyle.�
Anyone can see through the emptiness of going through the motions of robotically thanking someone without genuine gratitude from the heart. We have all had people in our life that have had the courtesy of saying, "thanks," but lacking depth. Leaders cannot afford to miss the importance of expressing true gratitude towards the team and the individuals that are on it. The more they miss a chance to appreciate people, the more their respect increases in debt. And the more debt incurred, the more respect is lost. Humorist Arnold Glasow wrote that "The respect of those you respect is worth more than the applause of the multitude.� Leaders must display an attitude of gratitude throughout every interaction with the team, not just when things are going great. As a matter of fact, when the team is having a rough time, this is one of the best opportunities for the leader to express gratitude towards the team in order to keep morale from falling. Gratitude allows the team to see their worth and value in the organization and to their leader. When those closest to the leader can say great things about their leader, leadership is truly happening. However, if those closest to the leader have the worst things to say about their leader, that is a sign the leader is failing to lead. In this case, the failing leader has to first evaluate how well he/she is treating those around them. Those that know us the best should have the best things to say about us. To be a person of influence and honor, never lose sight of the fact that everyone deserves appreciation and thanks. Novelist E.W. Howe said, "The greatest humiliation in life, is to work hard on something from which you expect great appreciation, and then fail to get it." When was the last time you as the leader took the time to take a team member out to dinner, just to show your appreciation for their commitment to the team? When was the last time you went out of your way to sit down and talk with someone on your team about how much you valued their skills? When was the last time you picked out a strength someone on your team had and wrote them a note expressing your thanks to them for using it within your organization? Leaders need to be lifters that heighten their team's morale. They need to build their team up by expressing genuine gratitude to them and for them. Thomas J. Watson, Sr, the founder of IBM, was known for carrying a checkbook with him as he walked through his offices and plants. Whenever he saw somebody doing a superb job, he wrote out a check to them. The checks were only $5, $10, and sometimes $25, but the amount was not the point. Catching people doing the right things and rewarding them was the point. Many of the employees who received a check never cashed it; instead, they framed it and proudly put it on their wall as a trophy. When a leader expresses gratitude it strengthens the productivity of the team. How do you keep great team members around for the long haul? Express gratitude for what they bring to the table. When team members feel under-appreciated, it leads them to find somewhere else
where they will be appreciated eventually. If your leadership cannot provide that then they will be drawn to leadership that will. William Arthur Ward said, "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.� Over the years, I have been to and involved in many funerals for family, friends, and acquaintances. One thing that I have noticed during the mourning process is that almost everyone would give anything to express one last message of gratitude to the deceased. Unfortunately, many family members and friends never expressed their feelings while their loved ones were with them, and now that their loved ones have passed, it has become too late. Gratitude never expressed will one day be lost forever. Make it a point to treat everyone you meet with an attitude of gratitude for the big things and the small things. You lose, and others lose when you don't express appreciation, but no one ever loses when gratitude is shown. Charles Schwab, who was prestigiously known for his innate skill to create a successful relationship with nearly anyone, said, "I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among men the greatest asset I possess. The way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement." Leaders need to express gratitude in 3 distinct ways: verbally, visually, and valiantly.
Verbally There is a powerful force that comes from the spoken word. When leaders express their gratitude through one-on-one communication, it means a great deal to someone. Whoever said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" wasn't human, or at least never had interaction with others. They obviously have never experienced someone tearing them down. Words can hurt infinitely worse than sticks and stones ever could. But words can also be a great catalyst to lift others up. Choose your words wisely when you are appreciating an individual. Point out the great traits, qualities, skills, and gifts a person possesses and they will use them all the more. The most important thing a leader needs to remember is to be genuine in your appreciation towards others. Pick something out that you truly are grateful for and capitalize on it. Sometimes an uplifting word of thanks can change the course of someone's day. Never assume that people know you are grateful for them. Make sure you use words and your voice to ensure they know you are appreciative without question. Be specific about what it is you are grateful for.
Visually People need to not only hear gratitude; they need to see it as well. This can come in the form of a letter, a note, or a gift you give them. Whatever you visually communicate will be a reminder to them of your gratefulness for who they are. I had a friend that went on an overseas mission trip and brought me back a gift to say thank you for praying for him when he was away helping. He and his team were able to impact many lives and help build shelters for the natives. I couldn't believe that he took the time to think about me and purchase a small gift just to say thank you. I kept that gift on my desk for many years as a reminder of our friendship and the power of prayer. When you express gratitude, think of things you can do to make it visual and tangible for others.
Valiantly The word valiantly is defined as being marked by, exhibiting, or carrying something out with courage or determination. I chose this word because it describes the way that gratitude should be delivered. One must appreciate others with a courageous determination on a consistent basis. We cannot be wishy-washy or timid about honoring those around us. People are worth our effort. We cannot allow ourselves to become lazy or apathetic about our gratitude. The moment things become "familiar" to us is the moment we start to take them for granted. Don't let up when it comes to showing others their value. The higher the value you place on others, the higher the value they'll give back to you and your organization. Whatever you need to do to remind you of the importance of gratitude, do it. The other day while I was paying my property taxes, I saw a sign behind me for all of the assessors office employees to see as they dealt with customers. It was a large calendar that only showed the current day, and it read, "Today is customer appreciation day, just like yesterday." As I looked at the calendar I noticed that everyday said the same phrase. Don't be the kind of leader who puts off gratitude and who's sign would always read, "Tomorrow is appreciation day." If you want high morale within your organization, make respect part of the DNA of your leadership. The higher the respect a leader attains, the higher their capacity to influence others. Respect opens the door to influence and impact. The more respect you earn, the more others will listen and receive your coaching.
Conclusion Thanks for journeying through The 4 Ways To Be A Wildly Respected Leader. I hope it has helped you somehow, someway, to go a new level in your leadership ability. I have found that when you invest in your leadership ability, you’re directly investing in the future you desire to experience. Great leaders are always advancing their leadership ability to the next level. They never stop challenging themselves to reach new heights. They know the secret to success is the capacity to lead well. In fact, true success is simply an overflow of great leadership. Yet, so many leaders and organizations feel frustratingly stuck. They are striving for success but aren’t gaining any traction into growth. Their solution…work harder. But in doing so, they are just spinning their wheels in the mud. This is where I come in. I help individuals and companies breakthrough their limiting factors and elevate their success. A Hay Group study of Fortune 500 companies found that 21%–40% utilize Executive Coaching; Coaching was used as standard leadership development for elite executives and talented up-and-comers. An internal report of the Personnel Management Association showed that when training is combined with coaching, individuals increase their productivity by an average of 86% compared to 22% with training alone. I have been working with leaders for over eighteen years. I have been personally mentored by the #1 leadership expert in the world, Dr. John C. Maxwell, as a certified coach, speaker, and trainer on the John Maxwell Team. I have worked with fortune 5,000 companies, entrepreneurs, non-profits, and individuals who have leveled up their success through my coaching. I would love the opportunity to help you and/or your team develop their leadership capacity. If you would like to level up through coaching/training here is the process to get started:
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With every step, great leaders advance their leadership ability to the next level. They never stop challenging themselves to reach new heights. They know the secret to success is the capacity to lead themselves and others effectively. In fact, true success is simply an overflow of great leadership. But so many leaders and organizations feel frustratingly stuck without any hope of making it to the summit of their dreams. They are striving for success, but aren’t gaining any traction into growth. Their solution? Work harder. But in doing so, they’re just spinning their wheels in the mud.
This is where I come in. Every leader needs a guide to help bring out the best in them. Luke had Yoda, Katniss had Haymitch, Frodo had Gandolph, Dorothy had Glenda. Everyone needs a trusted coach to help them become the hero they were created to be. I do just that. My role is to help you level up your leadership ability and win.
A survey by Manchester Inc. of 100 executives found that coaching provided an average return on investment of almost six times the cost of the coaching. An internal report of the Personnel Management Association showed that when training is combined with coaching, individuals increase their productivity by an average of 86% compared to 22% with training alone. A Hay Group study of Fortune 500 companies found that 21 to 40% utilize Executive Coaching; Coaching was used as standard leadership development for elite executives and talented up-and-comers.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
John is a sought after leadership coach, speaker, and trainer. He has been living and teaching leadership for over sixteen years. John has been personally mentored by world renown leadership expert, Dr. John C. Maxwell, and a host of other highly successful leaders. He has coached Fortune 5000 companies, entrepreneurs, non-profits, and individuals who desire to level up their success.
John has been interviewed on radio programs, podcasts, blogs, and many other platforms, reaching over 200,000 listeners. He is dedicated to guiding others to the next level on their leadership journey.
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