[Ppt 1]
Negative Men in Proverbs
Two weeks ago I spoke about “Finding a good thing”. Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing”. Well done Ngoni and Romeo. Both of you found a wife; and Obrey will get married on Tuesday. Well done Tanya, Faith and Fadzai for agreeing to get hitched. You took a risk when you decided to get married. For each of you who took the plunge, 2014 was the Year of living dangerously. Maybe 2015 will be a “Year of finding a good thing” for others of us here today. [Ppt 2] I spoke about “negative women” in Proverbs. Foolish Florence, who gave bad advice to women. Irresponsible Ida, who used her beauty to get what she wanted from men. Argumentative Amy who’s nagging was drove her husband onto the roof and then into the desert. Promiscuous Primrose who slept with men hoping to be loved but instead got used and dropped. Last time’s message was focused on women. I challenged the ladies to go on a 12 day fast from the Foolish Florences of trashy TV and read the Books of Ruth and Esther so they could reboot their minds to understand God’s view of women. A guy came to me after my preach “When are you planning to speak on negative men?” Why’?” “So I can make sure I miss that one” he quipped. Today’s message is focused on men. Terry, glad to see you came! [Ppt 3] In the book of Proverbs, the phrase “My Son” is mentioned over 50 times. Its a book for men. (1) My son, listen to my wisdom (2) Listen my son to your father’s instruction (a father implores his son to listen – many young men are foolish and don’t listen to wisdom) (3) My son do not go along with them (don’t get led astray by friends who are immoral) (4) O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows, do not spend your strength on women (this is a mother, maybe even Solomon’s Mum Bathsheba, who appeals to her son 3 times;, she warns him not to give his strength to women; But Solomon spent his strength to his foreign wives women and followed their false gods) (5) Why be captivated my son by an adultress ? (teaching and correction frequently about relationships with women) Many of the Proverbs were written by a Father for his son - teaching for young men on how to live, how to relate to women and how to find a good wife. Parents, especially fathers, as well as teaching your children the Bible, teach them about life. Instruct them not to make the same mistakes in romantic relationships that you made [Ppt 4] Proverbs talks a lot about romantic relationships. Solomon who wrote most of Proverbs knew a lot about women. He had 700 wives and 300 mistresses. Solomon was foolish in how he lived. But he was wise in what he knew. We If you as a parent tell your children “Don’t do what I do, do what I say” they’ll say you are a hypocrite and ignore you. That’s what Solomon’s children did. But should learn from his mistakes. [Ppt 5] Solomon wrote Proverbs contrasting wisdom with folly, wise living with foolish living. He wrote from personal experience because he knew both wisdom and folly. A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like a malignancy (like cancer in his bones). Prov 12:4 Solomon’s kingly life started well. God spoke to him twice. God gave him a gift of wisdom. He became very wealthy. He got married to Shulammite. He wrote Song of Songs, a love poem to celebrate virginity, marriage and sex. Solomon was a one woman man at the beginning. He says in this proverb A worthy wife is a crown for her husband.
Solomon was the richest man who ever lived. But his wife was worth more to him than his kingly crown, than all the riches of his earthly kingdom. The second part of this proverb is a contrast. A disgraceful woman is like a malignancy (like cancer in his bones). Again, he’s speaking from personal experience. Solomon made lots of mistakes with women; He wasn’t satisfied with his first wife By the end of his life, he had hundreds of foreign wives and mistresses. I’m sure many of them were beautiful. But they were also disgraceful. They sacrificed their children to their false gods. And Solomon went along with them. They were like cancer in his bones. Bone cancer is excruciatingly painful. Every day, these women reminded him of his foolishness and gave him painful remorse. Solomon had hundreds of sons. At the end of his life, he warned them by writing Proverbs “Don’t make the same mistakes that I made, do this instead”. And he warns guys today. We are prone to do stupid things. Proverbs is a great book for guys. [Ppt 6] Proverbs is written from a man’s perspective. To people in the 21 st century, some verses like He who finds a wife finds a good thing sounds down on women. Sounds like a guy needs to shop around to find the right model. If you find a good car, you might tell your friends “He who finds a Mercedes E class finds a good thing”. And “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” sounds like women are a commodity [Ppt 6a] So I’m going to try and give a female perspective on Proverbs. What if it read “He who finds a husband finds a good thing?” Or instead of asking how to find an excellent wife, ladies might ask “An excellent husband, Who can find?” [Ppt 7] Because it’s difficult for girls to find good husbands. What qualities should ladies look for in a husband? What does a good thing look like? Its not just about picking a guy who’s got money, tells jokes and is good looking. I want us to look at what a bad things looks like. Meet (3) negative men [Ppt 8] 1. (Hot-headed Hank) After last time some ladies might say “Last time, you read from Proverbs: “A quarrelsome wife is like a dripping tap?” Its better to live on the roof or in the desert than share your house with an argumentative wife” It’s not fair just talking about argumentative women What about quarrelsome husbands? So meet hot headed Hank. [Ppt 9] Argumentative Amy is mentioned 5 times in Proverbs. But men like hot-headed Hank are mentioned twice as often. Angry men cause much more damage than angry women. [Ppt 10] Amy is loud when she argues. Amy drives her husband away when she argues. When hot-headed Hank argues, he fights, he destroys and he ruins people’s lives. A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers lights charcoal and fire lights wood. Prov 26:21 When Hank argues, he uses violent words. I never like hearing angry women swearing. But when hot-headed Hank gets angry, he swears excessively and violently. The next thing is his violent words erupt into violent action. Then it gets out of control, like a forest fire. Things start getting destroyed Next time you see fire burning out of control by the side of the road, remember hot-headed Hank. Its not just the vegetation that gets destroyed. Its marriages. Its families. Its relationships. its lives. [Ppt 11] A fool is hot-headed and reckless. A quick-tempered man does foolish things Prov 14:16-17 You don’t want to meet an angry husband just after he finished a violent argument with his wife. Hank is reckless. He is ready to do foolish things. If you are lucky, all he does is gets drunk and sleeps it off. But if he is really angry, he picks a fight with someone, he beats them up. Maybe he takes a car out and drives it fast and dangerously like Tiger Woods. Maybe he goes down the beerhall hunting for women. Hot-headed Hank goes crazy. He thinks when he’s doing something reckless and foolish that he’s punishing his wife or girlfriend. But he’s only punishing himrself.
[Ppt 12] After the fire, Proverbs describes what happens This is the result of a hot-headed Hank’s violent argument with his wife. Like a city whose walls are broken down is an angry man who lacks self-control Why is an angry man like a city with broken down walls? Firstly, when the walls are broken down, (1) There is damage. There used to be boundaries. You used to live inside the walls. There were limits to your daily living. The walls are broken down. Now you can easily go beyond your boundaries. You used to be avoid lust. Now you look for sexual excitement. You used to limit your drinking. Now you hit the bottle. You used to avoid beerhalls. Now you feel its OK to hang out with bad company in dubious places. You used to be faithful to your wife. Now you are unfaithful There are no longer any boundaries or restraints.
(2) There is no protection. The walls stops enemies from entering the city. But now the walls are broken down, enemies can enter into your life. Bad friends. Bad women. Bad spirits. Paul warns the Ephesians that anger can give Satan a foothold. Anger is an issue we deal with in Life Groups. More later. [Ppt 13] (2) Addicted Adam (Hope no one called Hank or Adam) Sins like quarrelling are common in both men and women. Some are more common in men, like addiction. Men often do things to excess. [Ppt 14] This is how a private clinic defines addiction: “A compulsive need for a habit-forming substance .... an addiction is a disease, not a moral problem.” So if you are addicted, it’s not your fault. You don’t need to change your behaviour. Its an illness, You need an (expensive) cure. [Ppt 15] That’s not how God views addiction. According to the Bible, Addiction = Slavery. They (The false prophets) are slaves of corruption; for if they’re addicted to corruption—and they are—they’re enslaved. Whenever you hear people talking about addiction, you can substitute the Bible word slavery and vice-versa. Slavery to sin is addiction to sin. [Ppt 16] People are addicted to alcohol. Proverbs says Don't drink too much wine and get drunk; don't eat too much food and get fat. Drunks and gluttons will end up on skid row, in a stupor and dressed in rags. Alcohol and food like in this verse. So these things in moderation not necessarily bad. Its when people take them to excess that its a problem. Drugs. Smoking. Porn. But Proverbs has most to say about alcohol. Problem now and problem then. Much of Proverbs 23, 30 and 31 on alcohol. Earlier this year, SNL on addiction. Maurice asked “If you who had a parent who had an alcohol problem put your hand up”. Half of us showed. Growing up, my father would come back on a Saturday night drunk. Arguments. Shouting. Slammed doors. Dad leaving house again after midnight. Alcohol addiction and Strife often go together. [Ppt 17] Guys are often addicted. But when people meet Jesus, they can be break free from their addictions. At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved (addicted) by all kinds of passions and pleasures. Tit 3:3 Like myself and Shingi – becoming a Christian helped us start overcoming our addictions.
Many Christians still struggle with addictions Talk about some of the Biblical approaches that we use in life Groups to address our struggles with addictions later [Ppt 18] 3. Lustful Larry Lust is another sin to which men are particularly prone. Larry has eye troubles – he sees a beautiful women and then starts to imagine having sex with her. That’s why he’s lustful Larry. [Ppt 19] Lust is an I problem. I don’t mean its a me problem. Its a problem when men see beautiful woman. It involves men’s eyes. This verse is talking irresponsible Ida, a beautiful but evil woman. Pro 6:25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, When a beautiful woman turns on her charms, its like the circuit breakers click off on a power supply. , the safety switch short circuits and he becomes brain dead. Some men end up getting captivated. But Proverbs says its not just a problem with men’s eyes. Its a problem with women’s eyes as well. Women captivate men with their eyes. Teresa who I told you about two weeks ago, my gold ring in a pigs snout captivated men with her eyes. She flirted. I’m not saying that Flirtatious Florence is the ONLY reason for lustful Larry. But she’s part of the problem [Ppt 20] Lust and love are both four letter words. And many of us get them confused. What we think of as love is sometimes lust. [Ppt 20a] Lust is Extreme sexual arousal Lust is a strong desire, especially in relation to sex. Love is Mutual appreciation, Trust, Friendship and Self-sacrifice. Girls, get to know a guy as a friend and guys, start to appreciate a girl and sacrifice yourself for her if you wanna see love grow. [Ppt 21] Jesus recognised that men had a problem with lust. .” He knew that men were more likely to lust and break the seventh commandment than women. He said “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart He knew men had a problem with their eyes. “If your eye offend you pluck it out” He didn’t say “Any women who looks at a man lustfully has already committed adultery with him in her heart”. But women can be lustful too. Paul said “God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.” Rom 1:29. [Ppt 22] Womanizing Walter I’d love to be able to talk about Walter. And to talk about some Bible words that we nowadays hardly ever use in the English Language but which speak to some of the topics I have spoken about. Words like Concupiscence (Lustful desire) Lasciviousness (Lustful passion) Licentiousness (Lustful action) . Those mean .... But my time has gone.
CHALLENGES [Ppt 23] Last time, I applied the message to women. Some of you asked why I only challenged the ladies. So today, to be fair, I will challenge the ladies first and then the men. Book of proverbs chapter 31 describes an excellent wife. I hear ladies saying where is the description in Proverbs of an excellent husband. I want to marry a Proverbs 32 guy. Describe him to me. He’s not like Hank, Adam or Larry. [Ppt 24] LADIES: I want to give Don’t marry these guys unless:
1. He’s not violent and argumentative 2. He’s not addicted to substances 3. He’s not a lustful womanizer [Ppt 24a] Ladies, don’t make the mistake of marrying for money, for looks or for his character. He won’t be perfect; but make sure above everything else that
4. He a peaceful, loving Jesus addict; if God has accepted him as his child and forgiven him his sins, then you will be able to forgive him as well. [Ppt 25] There is no chapter 32 of Proverbs that describes Mr Excellent Husband. But the previous 31 chapters give many characteristics, Did you know that proverbs 12:10 says that he is kind to his pets. He’s Mr dog lover or more likely in those days Mr compassionate ox-lover . [Ppt 26] At the other end of the list, he fears God and obeys God’s word. He realises that he is not the most important person in the world, that he is a sinner who knows that he has been forgiven. [Ppt 27] And in between, he’s honest, hard-working, truthful etc. Another 20 characteristics in between. And he lives like that because although he’s not perfect, he’s a man who has trusted in Jesus as his Saviour. That’s Mr excellent husband in the Book of Proverbs. [Ppt 28] Now for my challenges to men. LIFE GROUPS My talks about negative men and negative women grew out of my involvement as a leader of Life Groups the last six months. Each Friday evening, two small groups, one of men and another of ladies meet together at Lighthouse for 2 hours. We help one another and seek God’s help to get us through our struggles on life’s journey. And the Book of Proverbs serves as our guide. [Ppt 29] ACCOUNTABILITY IS KEY We share our life stories together and make ourselves accountable to one another Pro 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm We encourage group members to associate with one another and get help and guidance [Ppt 30] PLEDGES ARE BIBLICAL We encourage each group member to make pledges Vows made before God and one another are biblical. In LGs, we have seen people making pledges around addictions, around sexual behaviours etc. "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl”. Job 31:1 [Ppt 31] 2014 was for Lighthouse a year of living dangerously. Maybe it was not your year for finding a good thing. So my wish for you is that if you are single, 2015 will be a year of living even more dangerously by finding a good thing. And for those who have good things and those who are single, may we all know God’s blessings through our relationships with Jesus and with one another