The Times of Middle Country - February 16, 2023

Photo by Raymond Janis

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Kevin LaValle sworn in as Brookhaven town clerk

Brookhaven Town Clerk Kevin LaValle (R) formally took office during a swearingin ceremony on Wednesday, Feb. 1. He is the 44th occupant of the clerk’s office in the town’s 368-year history.

the Town Board in 2013.

TOWN

Deputy Town Clerk Lauren Thoden officiated the swearing-in. LaValle was elected after a Jan. 17 special election triggered when former Town Clerk Donna Lent (I) retired after nine years in the position.

LaValle previously served as a Brookhaven town councilman for the 3rd Council District, which includes Lake Grove, Centereach, Selden and parts of Lake Ronkonkoma, Farmingville, Port Jeff Station and Holbrook. He was first elected to

Before entering elected office, LaValle served for three years as chief of staff for then-Suffolk County Legislator and incumbent Brookhaven Highway Superintendent Dan Losquadro (R).

From 2007 to 2011, he was president and partowner of Pinnacle Title Agency. He also served as a legislative aide to former Suffolk County Legislator Tom Muratore (R-Ronkonkoma).

LaValle was educated in the Middle Country Central School District, graduating from Centereach High School in 1995. He received a Bachelor of Arts degree in political science from Salisbury University, where he graduated in 2000. He currently resides in Selden.

Brookhaven Deputy Town Clerk Lauren Thoden (left) swore Town Clerk Kevin LaValle into office on Wednesday, Feb. 1. Photo courtesy the Town of Brookhaven’s Public Information Office

Brookhaven receives $380K in federal infrastructure stimulus

BY RAYMOND JANIS EDITOR1@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM

Public officials and first responders gathered Wednesday, Feb. 15, at the Terryville Fire Department Station 2 in Port Jefferson Station, announcing the recent injection of federal funding to support roadway safety in the Town of Brookhaven.

The U.S. Department of Transportation Safe Streets and Roads for All grant program was established by the 2021 Bipartisan Infrastructure Law. Under this law, $5 billion will be spent over the next five years to limit roadway deaths and serious injuries.

U.S. Congressman Nick LaLota (R-NY1) announced that the Town of Brookhaven was awarded $380,000 through the grant program.

“The average homeowner here on Long Island pays $14- or $15,000 in [property] taxes,” he said. “What people expect in return are safe streets, good schools and smooth roads.”

The congressman also touched upon the perceived imbalance between taxes contributed and funds received from the

federal government.

“For every dollar we send to Washington, Long Islanders get a mere 93 cents back in return investment,” LaLota said. “This infrastructure law is one of the ways that we can make that wrong right,” adding, “We can send money back to our local governments to ensure that we lower the tax burden and improve the quality of life.”

Town of Brookhaven Supervisor Ed Romaine (R) thanked LaLota for facilitating the additional infrastructure money. He said reducing roadway deaths is a matter of securing the necessary investment.

“For us to be successful, we have got to be the squeaky wheel that gets the grease,” he said.

There are “3,700 miles of roads in Brookhaven Town,” the supervisor said. “We’re concerned about our roads, and the federal dollars will help us maintain [and] make them safer.”

Town of Brookhaven Deputy Supervisor and Councilman Dan Panico (R-Manorville) also attended the event. He thanked LaLota on behalf of the Town Board.

“We have six council districts here in the Town of Brookhaven, and we want to

thank Congressman LaLota for bringing this money home and let him know to keep that money coming,” he said.

Brookhaven Highway Superintendent Dan Losquadro (R) called the press conference, saying the location was decided based on a recent nearby traffic fatality. According to him, the federal funds will go toward the town’s plan to reduce traffic fatalities on town roads to zero.

“Grants like this, programs like this … are part of a larger effort to make sure that we make our roads as safe as possible,” he said. “We know we can’t legislate morality. There are always going to be people who don’t obey speed limits or drive distracted or impaired.”

However, the highway superintendent added that local governments “can design roads safer — we can use proven trafficcalming measures.”

Losquadro said the highway department

uses several measures to identify problem roadways, such as the number of accidents, fatalities and other traffic-related incidents that occur upon them. When asked which roadways the $380,000 would target, he responded, “There are a number of criteria that go into examining that.”

Representing the Terryville Fire Department was 1st assistant chief Ray Kolb, who said the department responded to approximately 4,300 calls last year, “most of which were ambulance calls.”

Regarding the investment, he said the potential for more roadway repairs would support the work of the various first responder units within the area.

“We have paid 24-hour ambulance people, medical people, and they do a lot of our work for us,” the assistant chief said. “Anything we can get to help the safety of the roads is great.”

Town of Brookhaven Supervisor Ed Romaine, above. U.S. Congressman Nick LaLota, at podium below.

Photos by Raymond Janis

Game On retro arcade opens its doors to local youth groups

BY DANIEL FEBRIZIO DESK@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM

Game On retro arcade, located in Smith Haven Mall in Lake Grove, recently started a program that enables local youth groups to use the arcade completely free of charge.

Tristan Whitworth, the owner of Game On, has been dedicated to supporting various communities over the years, and he thought this would be a great way to reach out to local youth. The program started organically, Whitworth said.

“A customer asked me if he could have a youth group visit, and then I just thought that would be a cool thing for other churches to do,” he said. “And then it kind of took off.”

Michael Caggiano, of Cornerstone Bible Church of Port Jefferson Station, took his group to Game On last year to utilize this program.

“My youth group had an amazing time at the Game On arcade,” Caggiano said. “To have Tristan opening up his space like that to the community and the youth in particular is a blessing.”

Game On has hosted over a dozen large groups in the past few months. The youth groups are scheduled for weeknights when the arcade is less busy than usual. The program is open to any local youth group — and not only church groups.

According to Whitworth, they need to provide adult supervision for the kids, who then have free rein to play the games in the arcade. Since Game On is located in the Smith Haven food court, kids can take a break to get something to eat.

Whitworth, who also runs a social club at his church for children on the autism spectrum, views Game On as a community and family based arcade.

“I grew up in this. There were arcades everywhere … anything I can do to bring it back.”

Now Whitworth is hoping that this youth program will be a way to give back to the people that supported Game On during COVID-19.

“We just want to give back as much as we possibly can to our community,” he said. It’s “been a tough few years and I’d really like to do as much as we can for everyone right now.”

The game machines at the arcade all run original hardware and monitors — there are no replicas. They boast a number of different rare retro games, such as Baby Pac-Man, which is a combination of regular Pac-Man and pinball. There are also Ms. Pac-Man and Super Pac-Man games.

“On a weekend, [all the Pac-Mans] are being used at the same time, to the point where you almost need another Pac-Man,” Whitworth said.

Game On also has stores in Miller Place, Patchogue and Smithtown. These three locations primarily sell video games, toys, action figures and other collectibles. The Smith Haven arcade opened in January 2022 and is the newest location.

Youth group representatives can reach out at Game On’s Facebook page, via email at gameonvideogamesli@gmail.com, or by phone at 631-821-4263.

“It’s a really special night for them to go out and be together and do something instead of just going to the church community center,” Whitworth said. “It’s just a change of pace.” For more information, visit the website gameonmp.com.

Game On’s retro arcade in the Smith Haven Mall features retro arcade games such as Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man, above, and Q*bert, below left, as well as pinball machines below right. Photos by Daniel Febrizio

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The following incidents have been reported by Suffolk County Police:

Driver injured in Farmingville crash

Suffolk County Police Sixth Squad detectives are investigating a crash that seriously injured a man in Farmingville on Feb. 14. Rafael Tavarez was stopped in traffic in his 2021 Ford F350 in the left lane of northbound Nicolls Road, north of Horseblock Place, when his vehicle was rearended by 2005 Lexus driven by Patrick McCrum at approximately 10:45 a.m.

McCrum, 61, of Ridge, was extracted by Farmingville Fire Department Rescue and taken to Stony Brook University Hospital for treatment of serious injuries. Tavarez, 71, of Clifton, New Jersey, was taken to Stony Brook University Hospital for treatment of non-lifethreatening injuries. His passenger, Wilby Tapia, 38, also of Clifton New Jersey, was treated for non-life-threatening injuries. Both vehicles were impounded for safety checks. Detectives are asking anyone with information about the crash to call the Sixth Squad at 631-854-8652.

Over 80 packs of Pokeman cards stolen

Suffolk County Crime Stoppers and Suffolk County Police

Sixth Precinct Crime Section officers are seeking the public’s help to identify and locate a man who allegedly stole 82 packages of Pokemon cards from Target, located at 255 Pond Path in South Setauket on Dec. 3 at approximately 2 p.m. The merchandise was valued at approximately $990.

Coram man arrested for robbing woman

Suffolk County Police have arrested a man who allegedly robbed a woman at knifepoint and stole her vehicle in Coram on Feb. 11.

A woman was sitting in her 2021 Volkswagen Tiguan in her driveway on Teller Avenue when she was approached by Diorgenis Cruz-Torres at 12:26 a.m. Cruz-Torres allegedly used a hammer and smashed the driver’s side window of the vehicle and threatened the woman with a knife, pushing her away from the car before fleeing in the vehicle.

Suffolk County Police Sixth Squad detectives, with the help of an NYPD officer from Highway Patrol Unit 3, were able to track the vehicle through the victim’s cell phone. It was located on Sutton Place at East 58th Street

CAUGHT ON CAMERA

you recognize this man? Photo from SCPD

Outdoor heaters swiped from Lowe’s Suffolk County Crime Stoppers and Suffolk County Police Sixth Precinct Crime Section officers are seeking the public’s help to identify and locate the man who allegedly stole two outdoor heaters, valued at approximately $400, from Lowe’s, located at 2796 Route 112 in Medford, on Dec. 28 at 6 p.m. The suspect fled in a tan Chevrolet sedan.

in Manhattan and Cruz-Torres was taken into custody by an NYPD Midtown Precinct North officer. He was transferred into the custody of Sixth Squad detectives and taken to the Sixth Precinct for processing. Cruz-Torres, 22, of Coram, was charged with Robbery 1st Degree, a felony.

Anyone with information on this incident is asked to contact Sixth Squad detectives at 631854-8652.

Makeup stolen from Medford Target Suffolk County Crime Stoppers and Suffolk County Police Sixth Precinct Crime Section officers are seeking the public’s help to identify and locate a woman who allegedly stole assorted makeup from Target, located at 2975 Horseblock Road in Medford, at approximately 11 a.m. on Feb. 6.

— COMPILED BY HEIDI SUTTON

Suffolk County Crime Stoppers offers a cash reward for information that leads to an arrest. Anyone with information about these incidents can contact Suffolk County Crime Stoppers to submit an anonymous tip by calling 1-800-220-TIPS.

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Photo from SCPD

Photo from SCPD

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Building confident LGBT families one storybook at a time

BY JULIANNE MOSHER DESK@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM

Bella Noche, a New York City and Long Island-based drag queen, walked up to the stage inside the LGBT Network at Hauppauge in her 4-inch stiletto heels carrying a stack of children’s books. She sat in her chair, while dozens of kids and their families watched in awe as a real-life mermaid read to them “The GayBCs.”

Enamored by the queen — dressed in glitter, a purple wig and starfish accessories — the kids didn’t realize that Bella was in drag.

“The only question I usually get from them is, ‘Is your hair real?’” she said with a laugh.

Bella is the Long Island chapter president of Drag Story Hour – a worldwide nonprofit that introduces storytellers using the art of drag to read books to children in libraries, schools and bookstores.

According to Drag Story Hour’s mission statement, the organization “captures the imagination and play of the gender fluidity of childhood and gives kids glamorous, positive and unabashedly queer role models. In spaces like this, kids are able to see people who defy rigid gender restrictions and imagine a world where everyone can be their authentic selves.”

Founded in San Francisco in 2015, Drag Story Hour has made its way internationally, having chapters across the U.S., as well as in the U.K., Japan, Germany, Sweden and Denmark.

The self-proclaimed “mermaid of New York” said that traveling from Manhattan to eastern Long Island to read to kids is a great experience. Not only does it entertain, but it teaches kids about diversity and shows them they can be creative, too.

“We inspire creativity, we inspire uniqueness, we inspire kids to think outside the box,” she said. “At its core, it’s a pure organization — we can look at things differently, but just adding that different perspective is really important to instill in kids, especially today.”

But while the turnout is usually positive, Bella said she has hosted several story hours that caused large and hate-filled protests — some in Nassau County and some in Manhattan.

In December, while hosting a Drag Story Hour in Jackson Heights, Queens, members of the far-right group Proud Boys drew attention with their signs and Proud Boys-emblemed flags lining the sidewalk.

According to The Armed Conflict Location & Event Data Project, protest visits from Proud Boys had averaged just one or two antiLGBTQ protests per month for most of 2022. It picked up speed by the end of the year, with 13 anti-LGBTQ protests in December, more than in any other month last year.

“It’s interesting that since last summer there’s just been a lot of hate from these people,” Bella said. “It’s mostly from them not understanding why we’re doing what we’re doing, spreading rumors and creating vicious lies.”

But Drag Story Hour has been criticized locally since before she became involved with the Long Island chapter of the group. In September 2018, people protested the Port Jefferson Free Library for hosting a drag queen who reads. At the time, the library promoted the event on its online calendar as “a program that raises awareness of gender diversity, promotes self-acceptance and builds empathy through an enjoyable literary experience.”

At the event, several protesters stood outside the library holding signs and verbalizing their opposition to exposing children to the message

promoted by the event.

“It’s insane to think about, but [the protesters] are here and they’re causing calamity,” Bella said.

“But the other thing is that there has been such an

amazing turn of support from that. So, I try to find the silver linings, and the support that we’ve gotten not just from our own community, but from other families and educators has been amazing.”

LGBT Families Day

BY JULIANNE MOSHER

Bella Noche held a Drag Story Hour at the Hauppauge-based LGBT Network Families Day event on Sunday, Feb. 12.

There, hundreds of LGBTQ families were able to meet, mingle and enjoy a fun weekend in a safe, accepting space.

Robert Vitelli, LGBT Network’s COO, said this event was the nonprofit’s third year hosting, and it keeps getting bigger and better.

“Families Day is all about celebrating families and all the different ways that LGBT people start and grow their families,” he said. “It’s a chance for LGBT people to come together and feel free.’

Vitelli said that even in 2023, LGBTQ families still face a lot of stigma, discrimination

and harassment. But events like this can “allow them to take a breath of fresh air and connect with other families like their own.”

Tables with information for families looking to adopt, foster and seek legal advice were available for the grown-ups, while their kids got to enjoy an indoor bounce house, cotton candy, a s’mores station and games.

“We have been working hand in hand and organizing with families to create safer spaces — safer schools, safer and more inclusive libraries, and safer and more inclusive communities,” Vitelli said. “When people really want to come together and build community, here at the LGBT network, that’s what we’re all about, and it’s our pleasure to be able to bring an event like this to everyone here.”

Bella Noche, above, reads children’s books to children and families during the LGBT Network Families Day event on Feb. 12. Below, attendees leave reasons why the family day is so important to them. Photos by Julianne Mosher

Centereach outmuscled in opening round of playoffs

BY STEVEN ZAITZ DESK@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM

Andrew Miller scored 17 points and grabbed 11 rebounds as the Northport Tigers boys basketball team defeated the Centereach Cougars 58-45 on Tuesday night in their opening round Suffolk County playoff game.

SPORTS

The Tigers played a stifling brand of defense and had too much size for the visiting Cougars, who were limited to six points in the second quarter and nine points in the third. Northport dominated the glass, outrebounding Centereach 44-29 for the game.

The Cougars had no answer for Miller, and they tried to guard him with a rotation of different players, each having little luck against the 6’4” bruising senior. Miller dominated the painted area, slicing and dicing his way to easy layups. Northport senior guard Brendan Carr had 14 points, including six big ones in the fourth quarter.

The Tigers enjoyed a double-digit lead for most of the game, but when Cougar guard Christopher Buzaid hit a three pointer midway through the fourth quarter, Centereach cut the Northport lead to eight. It would be the closest the Cougars would get — as baskets by Miller, Carr and sophomore Owen Boylan gave the Tigers a 54-37 lead with two minutes to go in the contest.

Senior guard Evan Grant led Centereach with 11 points and Buzaid had 10.

In a Battle of the Ports, Northport will battle the Bellport Clippers on Friday, Feb. 17, in the Suffolk County quarterfinal round at Bellport.

The Cougar season ends with a mark of 13-8 overall and 10-6 in league play.

Pictured clockwise, from above: Will Kiernan (2) guarded by Owen Boylan; Riddick Drab outreaches Andrew Miller and Xander Torres dribbles up the floor.

— Photos by Steven Zaitz

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Letters to the Editor Editorial Using music to appreciate history

Black History Month is celebrated throughout February, and for more than 50 years, has provided an outlet for people to remember and reflect upon African American history.

We see many examples of Black history right here on Long Island. Though not fully understood or preserved, the examples feature most prominently in the field of entertainment.

How many readers are aware of the Red Rooster club on Route 25 between Gordon Heights and Coram with its national Black celebrities and advertising a “complete floor show every night” through the late 1940s? How many can recount the contributions made by the Celebrity Club in Freeport in the 1950s and ‘60s, when R&B and soul reigned supreme?

Then there was East Setauket’s own Paula Jean’s club, where not only could one enjoy the top national and local blues artists at the turn of the new millennium but also the most authentic Cajun or Creole cuisine this side of New Orleans and south Louisiana.

Never heard of these clubs and their place in the Black hierarchy? That’s all the more reason why measures should be taken by the state, counties, towns and villages to recognize these sites with heritage plaques. These important and historic local institutions should be studied in local history classes from K-12, community colleges and universities.

In years to come, the investment of time and resources will be paid off in the form of enhanced Long Island artistic recognition, increased tourist traffic and greater cross-cultural understanding.

Today, the local club tradition is continued in honor of many top Black jazz legends at Tom Manuel’s The Jazz Loft in Stony Brook in live performances and at its museum which features pioneering stars such as Louis Jordan — arguably the inspiration for rock ‘n’ roll music — and balladeer Arthur Prysock.

The recently opened Long Island Music Hall of Fame is located on the site of the Dogwood Hollow Amphitheater behind Stony Brook Village Center. It was the place to be for international acts such as Duke Ellington and Louis Armstrong until 1970.

Like The Jazz Loft, LIMHOF is another institution preserving the music history of artists and entertainers of all colors and stripes. Both organizations should be supported and patronized by local residents and tourists alike. But more recognition through plaques and other landmarks should be offered by our municipalities, as is done with music trails in Mississippi and Louisiana.

Months celebrating specific cultures such as Black History Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, Asian Pacific Heritage Month and more, are all helpful for reminding us that our country is what it is today thanks to people of all walks of life. Recognizing our accomplishments shouldn’t be confined to just four weeks out of the year.

Let’s think of better ways to share the stories of people from all walks of life, those who accomplished greatly whether in music, politics, the armed forces or other fields. Let us remember and honor their legacy by putting those ideas into practice. Here on Long Island, there is diversity in history from which we can learn so much for our future benefit and enlightenment.

LIRR East Side Access Grand Central Madison bloopers

During my recent visit, I observed that there is still work to be done after the soft opening on Jan. 25 for Long Island Rail Road East Side Access to Grand Central Madison. So far, there is only limited shuttle service between Jamaica Station and GCM.

How will the 160,000 daily LIRR riders previously predicted by the MTA to use this supposedly state-of-theart facility deal with some interesting challenges? There are only four elevators connecting the east and west lower and upper level tracks with the mezzanine and Madison concourse.

Escalators are steep and require 90 seconds of travel time. The Penn Station tradition of asking fellow riders to move to one side so others can more quickly walk up or down the escalator will not occur here. In addition to those riders physically challenged, there will be many others such as pregnant women, those with bicycles, people who suffer from vertigo or altophobia, limited eyesight and seniors who may not be comfortable riding escalators, but will instead elect to use elevators. How would only two elevators provide sufficient capacity especially if one or both suffer mechanical difficulties?

The one waiting room only has a 29-seat capacity plus seven stools with electrical outlets for recharging your Wi-Fi device to serve all the riders utilizing this facility. There are no benches on either platform, mezzanine level or Madison concourse to sit while waiting for your train. Perhaps the MTA and LIRR are afraid of an invasion by the homeless occupying space?

You better be in good physical shape if you can find a seat in the waiting room when your train is posted to ensure boarding before departure. There is one set of escalators on the Madison concourse south end yet to be opened.

It is accompanied by a sign “Coming soon.” The same is true for a number of ticket-vending machines identified by signage as “Future” that have not been installed. The fire alarm system was undergoing a test. When it comes to disposal of newspapers, beverage containers, garbage or other waste, there doesn’t appear to be any attempt for recycling let alone disposal of what can’t be recycled. Are riders supposed to carry all of this to street level before being able to throw it out?

Many people, while waiting for a train, enjoy stopping by a newsstand to purchase a paper or periodical. I didn’t see any potential newsstands

or any newspaper vending machines. Newsstands are readily available in Metro-North Grand Central Terminal, Penn and Jamaica stations.

A significant portion of the lighting is the old-style fluorescent bulb versus newer more efficient and environmentally friendly LED. A number of contractors are still walking around the facility in the process of completing contract punch list, inspection and acceptance, quality assurance and quality control.

MTA Real Estate is in charge of leasing space. No retail space has opened to date. How many months of lost revenue will be incurred until all retail space is occupied? Ten years after the original completion date of 2013 as promised in the 2006 Federal Transit Administration $6.3 billion capital investment grant agreement — which capped the federal share at $2.6 billion — and $5 billion over budget, not including $1 billion more for the cost of financing for a total of $12.6 billion, LIRR commuters deserve better.

When it comes to East Side Access, the LIRR 1960s motto “Line of the Dashing Dan” perhaps should be changed to “Line of the Slow Moving Sloth.”

Larry Penner Great Neck

The meaning of wearing pins

In regard to the editorial last week with that consummate liar Rep. George Santos [R-NY3] happily smiling on page A18, it is a travesty giving him space on your editorial page. Myself, and probably the rest of normal people, would probably feel the same. However, this is just one point I would like to expound upon.

While Santos and other politicians are proudly depicting AR-15 pins on themselves, ponder this. What about the other politicians proudly wearing abortion pins on themselves? If there are not enough police or military defending our safety and rights as human beings and citizens of the United States, should we or should we not assume taking protective measures upon ourselves safely and legally?

If we can’t call “Ghostbusters (Who Ya Gonna Call?),” people and/

or politicians wearing abortion pins have their right to their opinions, but to glorify abortion by wearing this pin on their person is even more unscrupulous and despicable than the AR-15 semi-automatic, non-assault weapon pins your editorial uses the same adjectives for.

Wearing an American flag pin is honorable and patriotic. Wearing an AR-15 pin is a reflection of our Second Amendment in the hopes of using it solely to defend ourselves against an attempt on our lives or the lives of others.

Wearing an abortion pin does not reflect the same meaning as an AR-15 pin, but it rather reflects upon the right to abort a life rather than defend it. I think perhaps a pin stating “pro-life” would be more justifiable and appropriate instead of being so hell-bent.

Rhoda Angelier Coram

Bill to protect bees and birds

For the last few years, I have written a letter to the editor about the dangers of neonicotinoids or “neonics.” This pesticide is linked to massive bee, bird and insect losses worldwide.

Since the introduction in the mid1990s, neonics have threatened our pollinators, such as bees, which are vital to agricultural production. Neonics are coated on corn, wheat, soy and barley seed before planting. They offer few benefits to the agricultural cycle and are easily replaceable with safer alternatives.

Not only do long-lasting neonics destroy our birds and bees but they become infused in plants that are eaten by humans. They remain in the soil and are washed by the rain into drinking water supplies and marine environments.

The Birds and Bees Protection Act (A3226/S1856) would prohibit the sale of these pesticides. The bill passed the New York State Assembly on a bipartisan base last year but failed in the state Senate. I would encourage everyone to contact their state representatives and Gov. Kathy Hochul [D] to encourage passage of this bill in memory of the late Setauket beekeeper Maria Hoffman.

Edward Romaine Town of Brookhaven Supervisor

The opinions of columnists and letter writers are their own. They do not speak for the newspaper.

The subtle, and not so subtle, meanings behind types of hand waving

What says hello nonverbally more than a wave? I’m surprised nonhuman animals don’t do it more often.

It’s efficient, requires minimal energy most of the time and can be as subtle as a lifted finger or as dramatic as a fullbody wave signaling to someone at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

pet him and assure him he’s wonderful.

Back to waving — I think the gesture merits categories, along with a short explanation.

— The-wave-or-maybe-not moment: We’ve all been there. Someone we kind of know or with whom we might want to interact appears to wave at us. Is that for me, we wonder? We consider swiveling our heads to check, but we’re not owls. We raise our hand tentatively. When we realize the more popular person behind us is the wave target, we awkwardly run our fingers through our hair. Great recovery, we mutter to ourselves.

lifting their wrists, some people wiggle their fingers next to their heads, as if they are tapping an imaginary musical instrument to send a visual and auditory greeting.

he sees you, and he would prefer that you keep whatever eye contact you’re going to make to a minimum. In fact, if you need to look at something, look at his flat and indifferent hand.

People wave to me frequently, particularly when I’m walking my dog. I suspect many of them are really waving to my dog. He is cuter, more charming and more personable than I am. Sure, I’m happy to engage in a conversation about the weather, the latest “Big Game,” my kids, or someone else’s family, but my dog is prepared to throw his head into someone’s knees as long as they

BY DANIEL DUNAIEF

— The “here-but-don’t-really-want-to-be” wave. Remember back when you were in high school, and your homeroom teacher took attendance? He or she would go down the list and when your name came up, you pulled your wrist back as casually as possible and pointed your fingers to the fluorescent lighting on the ceiling? It’s a wave and acknowledgment devoid of any enthusiasm.

— The “tickle the piano keys” wave. After

— The eraser wave. This can either be an enthusiastic or an unenthusiastic gesture. With this wave, people keep their fingers together and brush back and forth, as if they have an eraser in their hand and are removing an incorrect answer from the blackboard. This kind of wave can be an Eeyore greeting from the Winnie the Pooh series, in which he sighs and shares a burden with a deflated wave. With a head tilt, an affectionate smile, and faster side-to-side motion, this kind of wave can also signal a responsive and more enthusiastic greeting.

— The stiff-fingered-salute. Often offered by older men, this isn’t a wave so much as it is a signal that the person sees you, but does not intend to encourage any kind of dialog or further gesturing. It’s a nonverbal stop sign, telling you that he’s coming through,

Being single today is dramatically different

Nearly 40% of United States adults are single, which is up from 29% in 1990. Now, I’ve been married, and I’ve been single. My husband died just three months before we would have marked our 25th wedding anniversary and right around when the number of singles was so much lower. Next Friday would have been our 60th anniversary, but instead, I have been single for 35 years, so I know a little about both.

BY LEAH S. DUNAIEF

I was intrigued by an article in Time magazine that spoke about being single, asserting that about one-half of all singles aren’t interested in dating or a relationship and were happily single. This is quite a change from when I was newly alone. In the early 90s, single women

were at best often ignored, and at worst, stigmatized and even preyed upon. All but the closest friends disappeared, and being the odd number for a reservation in a restaurant was a decided obstacle to being included. I don’t think single men had it all that easy, either. While single men were often invited to gatherings, as opposed to single women, there might have been some doubt about their sexuality. Heterosexuality, as evidenced by marriage then, was the norm.

Today, according to Time, the solo life is thought of as authentic, fulfilling, meaningful and psychologically rich. I have found that to be true as the years have gone by, but what a total shift in popular perspective. The marriage rate has been decreasing for decades, as has the birth rate, and the age at which marriage finally may occur, if at all, is later in life for many.

How has this happened?

For one thing, marriage is no longer considered necessary for having a family or assuring financial comfort. Someone like Alexander

Hamilton, who was tortured throughout his life for being a bastard child of an unwed mother, would not recognize today’s values and would certainly have had an easier time of it.

While people in relationships may enjoy greater satisfaction, being married doesn’t guarantee happiness, as in, “They lived happily ever after.” There are people unhappy and even lonely in marriage, although with the decline in marriage, there has also been less divorce. Research shows that people in unhappy marriages have equal or worse health compared to those who never married.

Those who are single as a result of divorce seem to have the most difficult time, according to Time. Widowhood can also be associated with poor mental health, as grief can lead to depression and loneliness. But many of us cherish our freedom, independence, even our creativity and nonconformity, again according to Time, and I wholeheartedly agree.

There was a time when people, especially women, felt they had to have a man in order

— The tree-swaying-in-a-blustery-wind wave. Yes, this is one of those moments when people are so thrilled to see you that they raise their arms over their heads and wave quickly back and forth. They may even catch some air. People waving this way don’t care what others think and, more importantly, want to share how excited they are to see you. This kind of wave transitions into a full-body hug.

— Finally, to end on the opposite end of the spectrum from where we began, there’s the wave from someone you might otherwise want to ignore. That wave says, “I’m over here, I see you, but you’re not responding.” It has the same characteristics as the excited greeting, except that it adds the need for acknowledgment. If you’re embarrassed, that may be a bonus.

to define themselves and their position in society. A woman often was the one who sought financial security, while a man wanted a woman on his arm. Today, with the ability to earn a living, sometimes quite an excellent living, women don’t feel the same pressure to marry, nor do their mothers in urging them.

Singles have more time for themselves. They can focus on goals without having to consider the needs of someone else. There is also more time for spending on hobbies and self-care. This is especially true for younger women and for those who consider sex outside of committed relationships. That, of course, doesn’t preclude interest in a romantic relationship, which some enjoy.

As Time points out, being alone is not the same as being lonely. We singles often have strong ties to our families, to friends and to our neighborhoods. We can be actively involved in community organizations, have a sense of purpose and are generally self-sufficient. We have to be.

D. None of the above

A valiant effort

Cougars’ season ends during postseason loss to Northport

Photo by Steven Zaitz