The Town of Huntington Opioid & Addiction Task Force Wellness Walk for Recovery was held Saturday, Sept. 24, at Heckscher Park. A crowd gathered there to mourn family and friends lost to substance use and also to celebrate and support those in recovery. The event was co-sponsored by town
Supervisor Ed Smyth and Councilwoman Joan Cergol in commemoration of National Recovery Month, which began in 1989 as a way to destigmatize
the disease of addiction, promote evidence-based treatment, and celebrate the tens of millions of Americans in recovery. Pictured above, Cergol; Dr. Jeffrey Reynolds, president and CEO of Family and Children’s Association; Sharon Richmond, president of the Northport-East Northport Drug & Alcohol Task Force; Jillian Guthman, Town of Huntington Receiver of Taxes; and Stephanie Bontempi, Suffolk County Legislator.
who received their annual Mammography Screening had a 41% reduction in their risk of dying of breast cancer within 10 years?
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BY RITA J. EGAN RITA@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM
Town of Huntington Supervisor Ed Smyth (R) greeted members of Cornell Cooperative Extension Suffolk County’s Marine Program and the town’s Maritime Services department before they headed out on the water this week.
An expedition leaving Gold Star Battalion Beach dock out into Huntington Harbor Sept. 27 was the first of two projects. Monday, the town and CCE representatives placed seed clams in the water, and Tuesday, the group deployed spaton-shell oysters.
As groups of spat grow into mature oysters, they create a reef and help to filtrate waterways. Cleaner water leads to species diversity which in turn helps to support the local shellfish industry.
The clams released into the harbor can be harvested and consumed once they are mature.
Garrett Chelius, Huntington deputy director of Maritime Services, said 250,000 clams were being placed, and about 7,000 oysters this week.
“The oysters are more for habitat,” he said. “They get deployed to make kind of an artificial reef to create food sources and hiding spaces for other animals and other fish, and they filter 50
gallons of water a day for each oyster.”
The oysters, he said, are placed strategically using GPS coordinates from CCE. The clams can be spread out. It takes approximately three years for the clams, which have already reached one year, to be mature enough to be harvested.
Smyth added the shellfish currently are about the size of a nickel. The supervisor said working with CCE in their efforts to clean Huntington waters with
natural resources has been a successful partnership and the initiative is an easy one.
“As far as growing them, it’s very low maintenance,” he said. Volunteers “put them into the racks that are underneath the docks, and they’re protected.”
The program runs at Gold Star Battalion Beach, Asharoken Beach and Crescent Beach at Huntington Bay where volunteers help to care for the shellfish. The town hopes to expand the program next year.
On Monday, above, the Town of Huntington placed clams in Huntington Harbor. On Tuesday, spat-on shell oysters were deployed into the water. Photo above by Rita J. Egan; file photo below by Kimberly BrownWhile boating alone just outside of Port Jefferson Harbor over the Labor Day holiday, South Setauket resident Bill Doherty had what he called a once-in-a-lifetime thrill. First, a big splash caught his eye. Then, another.
“I kept my eye on the water thinking it could be a boat accident or something,” he said. “I undid the anchor to get a little closer — but not too close — and realized it was a whale.”
For 15 to 20 minutes, Doherty watched in amazement as the whale put on a show spouting and breaching in the water about a mile off Old Field Point. He recorded it on a cellphone video just so he could prove to his friends this was no joke.
A big yacht and another passing boat, he said, cut their engines nearby so the passengers could enjoy the spectacle.
Whale sightings, as unlikely as it might seem, are becoming more regular events in the New York area, including the Long Island Sound.
Barrett Christie is director of animal husbandry at The Maritime Aquarium in Norwalk, Conn. His team has been tracking whale activity in the Sound since the museum opened in 1988.
Almost every year since 2009, Christie said, more and more yachters and fishermen are seeing
marine mammals in local waters.
Since 2015 whale counts, predominantly humpbacks but also minke whales, have been ramping up. The aquarium’s annual whale counts range from no sightings at all, to one per year, up to as many as a half dozen or more.
The aquarium’s observations, he noted, are consistent with the findings of other researchers. A Staten Island-based research organization Gotham Whale, for instance, documented in 2011 three whales and five sightings. Recently, the number was up to more than 260. The whale population has become so bountiful around the mouth of New York Harbor, Gotham Whale now coordinates research expeditions with the public in conjunction with five commercial whale watching vessels.
Scientists praise the Clean Water Act for improving water quality to protect marine habitats. The landmark environmental law, passed in 1972, regulates pollutants from agriculture, industry and wastewater to prevent or limit discharges into waterways.
“It’s taken fish populations more than 30 and up to 50 years to rebound,” Christie said. “We’re seeing not only more whales, but also more Atlantic white-sided dolphin, more seals, more sharks and further down the food chain
more sand eels and herring.”
After a long history of decline, Christie explained that forage fish such as menhaden or bunker and alewife, both in the herring family, have returned to spawn in the many freshwater tributaries that flow into the Sound.
“The turnaround is miraculous,” Christie said.
Maxine Montello is a wildlife ecologist and the rescue program director at the New York Marine Rescue Center. She teaches a marine mammal and sea turtle course at Stony Brook University.
After viewing Doherty’s cellphone video, she quickly identified that whale as a humpback. It’s huge pectoral fins, visible as the creature leaped out of the sea, made it easy to distinguish.
Humpbacks, she said, are baleen whales — they have no teeth. To capture its prey, it swallows and strains seawater through the long and narrow strips of fingernail-like material called baleen that grows out of its jaw. Through this feeding process, it consumes krill, plankton and small fish, such as menhaden.
A flourishing menhaden population in the food chain, researchers are noticing, attracts whales.
In fact, researchers from the Atlantic Marine Conservation Society, when conducting aerial surveys, track whales by following menhaden movement.
Some 15 years ago, they saw few clusters or bait balls of menhaden along Long Island’s southern coastline. Today, Rob DiGiovanni, the society’s chief scientist, said a continuous stream of bunker stretches from Montauk to the New York Bight. Consequently, whales are more abundant there and traveling closer to shore and staying in the area longer.
Montello and DiGiovanni also praise the Clean Water Act for improving marine habitats.
But, with humpbacks near extinction in 1972, another bold act of Congress that year also deserves credit for reviving the whale population.
“I would say that the Marine Mammal Protection Act has really changed the game for marine mammals,” Montello said. “This act has provided great protection and awareness of these charismatic species.”
This law prohibits hunting, capturing, collecting, harassing or killing marine mammals such as whales, dolphins, seals and manatees.
Whaling once was one of Long Island’s most important commercial industries, according to the Cold Spring Harbor-based Whaling Museum with Cold Spring Harbor, Greenport and Sag Harbor serving as the Island’s three whaling ports.
Today, people are armed with cameras and spreadsheets instead of harpoons, and more interested in spearheading marine restoration projects that aim to protect rather than slaughter these giant marine mammals.
If you are lucky enough to spot a whale, scientists want to hear from you with photos. Like human fingerprints, whales bear distinct characteristics on their tails. Gotham Whale has an extensive and growing archive of these tail shots. Through such photos, researchers there have been able to identify and track the activities of 269 individual whales, according to Paul Sieswerda, Gotham Whale’s executive director.
“It would be interesting to find out if whales — our New York City whales — are the same ones traveling through the Sound,” he said.
To report whale sightings, contact: Atlantic Marine Conservation Society at www.amseas. org/reportsighting; Gotham Whale at www. gothamwhale.org/citizen-science; The Maritime Aquarium, Norwalk at 203-852-0700.
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration advises boaters to stay 300 feet away from any large whales. That’s so you don’t hit them, but also so they don’t breach onto your boat. Best thing to do if you see a whale is to cut your engine, get out your camera and enjoy.
Humpbacks, above, devour sea life during a recent whale watching expedition. Researchers attribute more whale sightings to a thriving menhaden or bunker fish population. Bill Doherty’s video footage is available on tbrnewsmedia.com. Search for ‘Whale sightings on the rise in local waters.’ Photo by Artie Raslich/Gotham WhaleLong Island residents have taken CPR classes and learned lifesaving basics to help others with injuries through programs like “Stop the Bleed.”
But what about mental health emergencies?
Those may be more difficult to diagnose or understand, particularly for people who may not know the person in emotional distress.
While Suffolk County Police Department officers with specialized training, support service organizations like Diagnostic, Assessment and Stabilization Hub (also known as DASH) and Family Service League, and mental health care workers are available to help, doctors offered suggestions for people who would like to provide assistance for a friend, coworker or relative while awaiting professional assistance.
Dr. Wilfred Farquharson IV, a licensed psychologist and director of the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Outpatient Clinic at Stony Brook Medicine, helped create a twopage patient education sheet titled “Mental Health Emergency Response Guidance Sheet — Knowing Your Options.”
The guide provides suggestions on how to respond to a variety of emergencies, starting with lower level crises, which could include a change in mood or side effects from a medication that is not dangerous to a person’s health.
The options in that case are to contact a mental health provider to schedule an appointment, to use a safety plan or to schedule an urgent visit with a primary doctor.
In situations in which a person is destroying property, is threatening physical injury and is not in a position for a safe transport, the guide suggests calling 911.
To ensure effective help from emergency responders, the guide urges people to go to Smart911 to complete a profile for the household.
Additionally, people who call 911 should indicate that there is a mental health emergency. The person making the call should be prepared to offer the person’s name and location, the reason for the call, the person’s diagnosis (if known), things that upset the person, such as yelling at them or getting too close, things that might help soothe the person, and special considerations.
While people are waiting for first responders, they can try to deescalate the situation, using tools similar to the ones professionals practice.
“A lot of what we do is give the person space,” Farquharson said. “We show them our hands, with open palms, and let them know we’re not trying to be a threat. We don’t say too much. We allow the person to talk, as long as they’re being safe. We allow them to yell.”
Dr. Adnan Sarcevic, chairman of the Psychiatry Department at Huntington Hospital, also urges people to provide “as much privacy as possible” for someone in distress.
Sarcevic recommended that supportive family, friends or community members be empathetic without being judgmental.
“Keep your tone and your body language neutral,” Sarcevic said. He urges people to remain calm and friendly.
People can help deescalate situations by acknowledging that someone else’s feelings are important and indicating that crying or being angry is okay.
Taking a cue from the person in distress can also help. If a person stops talking, “let him or her be there in silence. Let them reflect,” Sarcevic said.
Additionally, the Huntington Hospital doctor urged people to respect the personal space of someone who is struggling.
As far as his list of “don’ts,” Sarcevic said people shouldn’t use judgmental language or wag their fingers.
“Don’t ask, ‘Why’ or ‘How could you do that?’” Sarcevic advised.
The Suffolk County Police Department implemented a 911 call diversion pilot program in 2021 which allows Emergency Complaint Operators to divert crisis calls, when considered safe, to the Crisis Hotline at Family Service League.
The SCPD collaborates with Family Service League on a 24-hour crisis hotline as well as a mobile crisis team of mental health professionals that can be deployed 24/7, officials from the SCPD explained in an email.
Additionally, the department said about 20% of SCPD officers are Crisis Intervention Team trained. Someone with that training is always on patrol.
In addition to 911, people can reach out to DASH. A community crisis program with a Mobile Crisis Team for Suffolk residents, DASH is open every hour of every day and offers services for people who have mental health and substance abuse disorders.
For situations in which there are no safety risks, Stony Brook Medicine suggested that DASH is a good option. Residents can call the hotline at 631-952-3333.
Additionally, residents can call the Suicide and Crisis Hotline at 988 at any time.
Dr. Stacy Eagle, director of Psychiatry at St. Charles Hospital, cautioned that what deescalates one person might be different from what helps someone else.
Offering physical comfort to some people may help, while others might prefer to have their own space.
All three mental health professionals said the pandemic has contributed to higher levels of anxiety and depression among the population.
“The pandemic has increased the level of distress for those patients,” Eagle said. The pandemic could be the “stressful hit” that triggers discomfort or a mental health episode.
Farquharson has noticed an increase in the acuity of symptoms for some residents.
The mental health practitioners said the response to a crisis depends on the person involved and the type of problem he or she is experiencing.
“You have to use [your] judgment” when dealing with various circumstances, Sarcevic said.
Mental health professionals urged people to develop a plan that includes having phone numbers nearby, for 911, 988, DASH and the Family Service League, among others.
Additionally, doctors suggested people can help by being supportive and being prepared.
Farquharson said people should learn what to do if someone is not feeling well emotionally or mentally when a doctor’s office might be closed.
Doctors Wilfred Farquharson IV, Adnan Sarcevic and Stacy Eagle discuss what to do when a person is experiencing a mental health emergency. Photos from Stony Brook Medicine, Northwell Health and St. Charles Hospital‘A lot of what we do is give the person space. We show them our hands, with open palms, and let them know we’re not trying to be a threat.’
—Dr. Wilfred Farquharson IV
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More than 430 tickets have been issued for speeding, distracted driving and other offenses in and around school zones in the county earlier this month, according to a press release from the Suffolk County Police Department.
danger, are held accountable.”
Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone (D) and Police Commissioner Rodney Harrison announced on Sept. 27 the results of the department’s Back-To-School Safe Driving Enforcement Initiative conducted during the first two weeks of school in Suffolk County. During that period, more than 430 traffic violations, including speeding, distracted driving and failure to yield to pedestrians, were issued in and around school zones
“Keeping the children of Suffolk County safe is always a top priority and this includes their safety not only while they are in school, but while they are on their way to and from school,” Bellone said. “I want to thank the men and woman of the Suffolk County Police Department for their hard work ensuring that those who break the law by not following the rules of the road, putting a child’s life in
“There is no excuse for breaking the law on our roadways, but it is especially egregious in areas where children are making their way to and from school,” Harrison said. “I was shocked to hear the results of this enforcement initiative and hope it serves as a reminder to Suffolk residents to always follow the rules of the road, especially when near school buildings. It can help save a life.”
A breakdown of uniform traffic tickets issued in and around school zones during the two-week period from Sept. 5 to Sept.19:
· Distracted Driving Violations: 64
· Speeding Violations: 142
· Total Moving Violations: 315
· Total Uniform Traffic Tickets: 434
While these tickets represent the results of the department’s efforts to enforce safe driving in and around school zones during the first two weeks of the new school year, the department will continue to utilize high visibility and enhanced patrols to further crack down on dangerous drivers.
The department continues to remind residents to drive with caution around school buildings and obey all traffic laws.
RCGoldsmithConsulting Noticeofformationof The Suffolk County Police Department urges residents to follow traffic laws when driving in Suffolk County, especially in school zones. Stock photoFor over 50 years, Orthopaedic Associates of Manhasset have provided an elite level of expertise and breadth of subspecialty care few practices offer. Get the very best treatment from fellowship trained doctors right here on Long Island. Learn more at oamli.com or call 516-627-8717. Same Day/Next Day appointments available. | All major insurance plans accepted.
The Huntington Lady Blue Devils traveled to Northport last Friday and were beaten by the Lady Tigers, 6-0, in a battle of League I teams.
Northport’s Alexa Meinen scored two early goals as the Lady Tigers put on a clinic of passing and dribbling to coast to victory.
Huntington goalkeeper Reese Rinaldi played well despite the score, making 15 saves against a relentless Northport attack. She kept her team in the game, making four difficult saves in the first 10 minutes, but the inevitable floodgates cracked open when Meinen scored her first in the 12th minute off of a scramble in front of Rinaldi. Meinen had a carbon copy goal four minutes later and the
rout was on.
Mairead Gayer, Marryn Gruhn, Lili Romano and Sarah Winnegar also scored for Northport. Lady Tiger goalkeeper Anneliese Burg had two saves in her sixth win of the year.
The Lady Blue Devils are now 1-4 in conference play. The team went up against Half Hollow Hills East Sept. 28 and will take on conference leader West Islip Oct. 3.
The Northport Tigers, 5-1, traveled to West Islip on Sept. 28 and will host North Babylon Sept. 30. Sept. 28 scores were not available at press time.
Pictured clockwise from above, Ava McDonald (11) heads the ball out of danger; Huntington’s Gianna Forte ball handling versus Carolyn Vorhees of Northport; and Reese Rinaldi makes one of her 15 saves.
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Last month, President Joe Biden (D) signed the Inflation Reduction Act, a comprehensive investment package which covers taxes, health care and climate measures, too.
The climate portion of this act provides coastal communities across the U.S. with access to $2.6 billion over five years in federal funding through grants distributed by the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, or NOAA. These funds can be used for projects not only in response to sea-level rise and heavy storms but also to help communities to become more resilient against such disturbances.
Green infrastructure is a new trend in coastal resiliency that offers an alternative to traditional, human-engineered construction, also known as gray infrastructure. These are nature-based solutions, working with rather than against the natural terrain to battle the negative effects of climate change and related issues.
It is vital that Long Island communities make an aggressive plea for green infrastructure funding offered through the recent federal act.
Instead of resigning ourselves to unsightly, inflexible, retrograde man-made sea walls to fight beach erosion, municipalities should explore more natural solutions for coastal hardening.
According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency in July, “During the 20th century, global sea level rose by roughly 7 inches. Global temperatures are expected to continue to climb, resulting in rising sea levels, amplified storm surges, greater frequency and intensity of storms.”
Our era will be defined by these changes. Entire communities may soon be washed away. As shorelines continue to erode, homes and critical infrastructure will follow suit.
The EPA suggests measures such as using plants, reefs, sand and natural barriers to create a living shoreline which in turn can reduce erosion and flooding. Wave heights can be reduced by restoring wetlands that serve as buffers against the water’s velocity and intensity.
Vegetative shorelines also help to improve water quality, aquatic habitat and carbon sequestration. Living shorelines also don’t have to be one thing. Designers can use native wetland plants, stones and rocks, oyster reefs, mussel beds and more to create different shorelines.
In many cases, natural solutions can be more cost-effective than gray infrastructure. Structures such as seawalls can deteriorate quickly after they are constructed, and they can be difficult and costly to repair and replace. Green alternatives can be more cost-effective, even though some critics say it is time consuming to replenish them.
Of course, while choosing natural resources may work in some situations, in certain circumstances a home may be ready to fall in the water, and a seawall may be the only or quickest answer to saving the property.
To meet the demands of this century, we must radically adjust our thinking. We are competing with other coastal communities nationwide for limited grant funding. If we choose to avoid the difficult environmental realities of our time, we are going to get passed by. In the intermunicipal survival of the fittest, communities that adapt themselves to the changing circumstances will survive and thrive. Those that don’t will wither away with the coastline.
To survive, we must adapt to the new pressures of an everchanging environment. Moving forward, rigidity and narrowmindedness will be our worst impediments, adaptability and realism our greatest resources.
We are fortunate to have two of the premier Suffolk County historic properties in The Town of Huntington: the Vanderbilt Museum in Centerport and West Neck Farm, also known as Coindre Hall, in Huntington. Both properties are owned by Suffolk County and listed on the National Register of Historic Places and dedicated to the Suffolk County Historic Trust. As such, they mandate protection and restoration.
In 2019, the former county legislator in the district, William “Doc” Spencer [D-Centerport], created the Coindre Hall Advisory Board with the purpose of restoring and preserving the historic site, which had fallen into despair due to a lack of funding over the years. The board has no legislative power. It is purely advisory in nature, which means that suggestions are presented to the county Parks Department, which in turn determines the viability and feasibility of these suggestions that are then presented to the county Legislature for a vote. The Town of Huntington does not make these decisions because Coindre Hall is a county property, under the county’s purview, to be enjoyed by all of the residents and taxpayers of Suffolk County.
The board is entirely made up of volunteers — all either working full time, or retirees. In addition, they are all from the community. One member lives a stone’s throw away from the park, others a few blocks away, and the rest within the community at large. A few of the members went to school at Coindre Hall and the majority have lived in Huntington for many decades while enjoying the park. All members bring their own unique insights to the table, and at least one member to date has a technical background with a degree and experience in marine engineering. Needless to say, all of the members care deeply about this historic property.
Unfortunately, a lot of misinformation and plain-out lies have been circulated on social media about the board’s work, its goal and its members. Even the Huntington Lighthouse Preservation Society has been dragged into this, with its director being pulled through the mud online. The most vicious things have been said about her and some of our board members. I find this fascinating, as the board has been nothing but transparent; all meetings have been open to the public and since I took over from the former legislator, all updates on the work being done have been posted
online. No one is being compensated for the work they are doing, and no one has or will enter into a contract with the county for any proposed work. In addition, upon the request to change the meeting time to accommodate more people, the last board meeting took place in the evening rather than in the afternoon. When my office received a request for a virtual option to attend the board meetings, I immediately contacted the IT department at the county and was informed that this would not be possible since the county does not have the necessary technical setup at Coindre Hall. This was shared with the community at the following board meeting, where it was explained that we would be more than happy to offer a virtual option. However, the meetings would then have to be moved to the county Legislature in Hauppauge, which is equipped to handle virtual meetings and where all other advisory boards that offer this option are held. The community chose not to go with this option. What is truly mind-boggling is that some of the people who attend the advisory board meetings on a regular basis are the very same people who spread misinformation. Some do it overtly by plain-out lying or accusing board members of being “corrupt,” while others do it more discreetly by making innuendos about nefarious activities. And despite the board members repeated attempts at addressing the misinformation, the same few responsible for said misinformation keep pushing it. Why? That is the big question, why? In the end, everyone wants the same thing — to preserve the park. Is it politically motivated? Is it personal? Is it because of a lack of anything else productive to do? Or is it because we have chosen not to appoint one of the bullies to the advisory board? A bully will never be appointed.
Due to the lies and misinformation circulating even today, let me provide some much-needed clarification on some important issues:
•The proposed landscape plan, that was so generously prepared and drafted at no cost by one of the board members, has not been adopted by the county.
•All the proper and necessary permits to commence the restoration of the boathouse complex are in place. Since the actual redrawing of wetland maps can take up to 10 years, it is not necessary to wait for the completion of the new maps. Under the DEC’s watchful eyes, sensitive areas have been marked and fenced off.
•While it is true that there was some cutting on the property — in 2021, before I took office — that should not have taken place, this issue has been addressed and the flora will be replaced as appropriate.
•There are no plans for a private yacht club, a restaurant, a party venue or anything else of a commercial nature — no ferry to Connecticut. Final plans for the usage of the restored boathouse complex have not been decided yet, but they will be educational in nature. Suffolk County Police Marine Bureau will most likely keep a boat at the restored dock for quick access out to the Long Island Sound in the case of an emergency.
•The removal of the granite seawall in order to create a natural shoreline is out of the question. If the seawall is removed, the boathouse will eventually fall into the water.
Furthermore, the removal of the granite blocks would cost a fortune, not to mention all the work that has already been done on the wall and the money spent. Do we want to throw taxpayer dollars in the water (no pun intended)? I think not.
•There will be no paved access road to the boathouse, nor a huge parking lot. It is true that things may not have been as transparent under the former legislator. However, the board and I have done nothing but been completely open about the restoration and preservation efforts at Coindre Hall. In addition to having held more meetings than required to ensure that the public was kept in the loop about the progress made, a Coindre Hall updates page was created so everyone around the county could stay informed about the latest progress.
Again, Coindre Hall is a county park for all residents to enjoy. I have reached out to several members of the community and invited them to my office to discuss the plans for the property. I sponsored a resolution to appoint an environmental expert to the board. The list goes on and on. Despite this, the bullies continue their vicious attacks and lies — the bullies will not prevail. In addition, I want to express my gratitude to the advisory board members and the Parks Department for their efforts in preserving and restoring this historical gem for generations to come.
Lastly, our obligations and facts matter — not bullies.
Stephanie Bontempi [R] is Suffolk County legislator for the 18th District, and took her seat this past January. She is a former private school fifth-grade teacher and previous member of the Town of Huntington Beautification Advisory Council.
IfI were pitching to Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge, I would probably take a long pause before throwing my first pitch.
I know it’s absurd to think of this older man who never threw a ball much harder than low high school level pitching to a generational legend, but let’s play out the fantasy for a laugh or two.
I wouldn’t pause so I could figure out how to get him out. Sure, it’d be nice to do my job well and my teammates might appreciate it if I gave us a better chance to win a game.
best choreographed reaction to him hitting a home run. I mean, after all, the pitchers who surrender his long home runs are, in their own way, famous.
They share the moment between when they release the ball, and he obliterates it into the night sky, sending thousands of people screaming out of their seats, arms in the air, sharing in the majesty that wouldn’t be possible without my meatball pitch sputtering, laughably, towards his powerful bat.
If he sent a ball out of the stadium, I would be joining select company, with so many pitchers around the majors surrendering home runs in a historic year.
would have to waddle out to the mound to put me in a neck brace.
Or, maybe I’d hold my glove up to my face and appear to yell a stream of expletives into my mitt, as if, somehow, I knew I should have thrown a different pitch in a different spot.
Then again, I could rub my fingers in some dirt and write a capital “AJ” on my uniform, like scarlet letters, except it wouldn’t be anything puritanical, and I would be acknowledging my inferiority.
None of that seems like me, even in my fantasy world.
make me more than just another guy who gave up a home run to Aaron Judge.
Maybe I’d wait at home plate and give him a high five or a fist bump to acknowledge a full season worth of greatness. While kids do that in Little League, professional players generally don’t acknowledge the remarkable achievements of their opponents.
When he reached second base, I could put down my glove and clap from the mound, ever so briefly. Then, perhaps, I’d take off my hat and salute him.
Instead, I would need to ponder the moment that history might be calling. I’d be thinking about the
I’d be thinking about how I’d look in newsreels or newscasts or digital versions of the Aaron Judge year to remember.
I could imagine ways to overreact. I could throw my glove on the mound, gesture wildly by putting my hands in the air, or shake my head so violently that my manager and the trainer
Being stoic would make me too much of a personality-less pitcher. Let’s face it: even in my imaginary moment of being an above average starter or relief pitcher, the time to focus on me would be incredibly short.
Let’s say I didn’t blink after he hit the home run. Or, maybe, I tracked the flight of the ball carefully, like a zebra eyeing a lion suspiciously in the Serengeti. That might get me on TV and
Have you ever heard of reflective listening? While I like to think of myself as being a good listener, and really I should ask others who speak to me to make that determination, I came upon this new technique and thought I would share it with you.
expressions or body language. And even when on Zoom, we don’t get a good look at the other person, nor do they have a good read of us.
Or, maybe I could take a page out of the more subtle but celebrated Mona Lisa textbook. I could give just a hint of a smile as if I were saying, “you beat me and you’re a pretty spectacular hitter. There’s no shame in losing this battle and now we’re weirdly connected, like we’re kind of twins, except that you’re great and going to be remembered forever and I’m just going to be remembered for starting the ball on its magical journey into the history books.”
BYReflective listening is a communications strategy that involves two steps. The first is, if you are the listener, seeking to understand what the speaker is saying. So many times in our lives, we think we hear what the other person is saying, and it turns out we didn’t hear that person correctly at all. I think that is particularly true when on the phone or when reading a text or an email. We don’t have the benefit of seeing facial
Then the second step is to offer back the thought, and even the words of the speaker, to confirm that his or her idea was understood. Here is just a simple example between two people who sometimes quarrel that could be misunderstood.
“Do you want to go to a Yankee game with me Friday night for a change?” asks the speaker.
The listener hears, “Do you want to go to a Yankee game with me?” as opposed to with another person Friday night, and so reflects back the question accordingly by repeating, “Do I want to go to a Yankee game with you?”
The speaker can then clarify with, “Yes, do you want to go to a Yankee game Friday night instead of going bowling?”
By repeating the words, the listener has given the speaker a second chance at making his meaning clear. The listener then answers, “Yes, I would like to go to a Yankee game with you Friday night.”
This is probably an oversimplification of how a speaker might be misunderstood, but the essence of the reflective listening is to pay respectful attention to the content and the feelings expressed by the speaker. The listener hears and then understands what is being said and lets the speaker know that she has gotten the message.
This kind of “checking out” requires responding actively while keeping focused completely on the speaker. It’s a step beyond what is normally thought of as listening. It’s reflecting back accurately on both content and feeling levels.
Reflective listening offers a number of benefits. It lets the speaker know that they have been heard, understood, and perhaps, even cared for and supported, depending on the nature of the exchange. It gives the speaker feedback on what he or she said and how it was understood.
It allows the listener to check his or her own accuracy in hearing what the speaker said. It avoids the illusion of understanding. It helps prevent what has been termed the “mental
vacation” in which the listener is inattentive during conversation. It can give the speaker a second chance to focus on self, vent, sort out issues, express feelings and deal more effectively with emotions.
It allows the speaker to move to deeper levels of expression at his or her own pace. It can help the speaker to articulate more clearly. It may help the speaker to arrive at a solution to a problem being voiced. It helps the listener clarify what is expected of him or her. It helps the listener to deal effectively with the issue, problem or needs the speaker raised.
In a confrontational exchange, it gives a couple of seconds pause, which might enable a cooling down.
In a social situation, it can create a climate of warmth between speaker and listener. In another situation, directions can be clarified by the listener. And as a technique in leading a group discussion, effective hearing, then repeating all points of view, is certainly required.
I hope you can see why I thought this one communication technique was worth sharing.
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