He Said I She Said
Boggs: The Mad Botnber
The battle of the sexes rages on with clever quips from both sides. Open Warfare I Tellascoop Page 2
Dr. George Boggs finally admits to his nasty habit of bombing landmarks Get a Lifestyle I Tellascoop Page 3
ELLASCOOP Thursday, April 1, 1993
Governor Pete Wilson TELEPHONE NUMBER: (916) 445-2841 FAX NUMBER: (916)445-2864
Volume 46, Number 17A
Spy camera solves KKSM robbery The Tellascoop's Most Wanted Ust
Luigi "Boo_m.Boo.m, Sarducci
Surveillance cameras caught the notorious Sarduccl gang in the act of burglarizing and vandalizing the KKSM offices. Pictured clockwise from upper left are Mario Sarducci, Luigi Sarducci, Tito Sarducci and Guido Sarducci. All four are still at large. By Roger.Fregoso
Deadlines? What are deadlines? and Steve Troop
Cartoonist-in-Chief Pinkerton Security had no leads in the infamous "KKSM robbery" until new evidence provided by The Tellascoop has identified the perpetrators. The notorious Slobovianmobstersknown as the Sarducci gang were caught in the act by a little-known, seldom-used surveillance system which was put into use after similar tampering was discovered. The $2,000 Mach 7 video surveillance system was installed last year after KKSM' s locks had visible signs of tampering. But due to the camera's placement on a high shelf, the Pinkerton officers assigned to the KKSM beat rarely checked it on a regular basis. Ironically, had it not been for KKSM's recent shutdown due to further thefts, the surveillance tape might have been erased and the culprits never identified. With the offices closed for a week, custodians ftnally gained access to the station after 16 years of neglect When faced with the enormous task of cleaning these offtces, Custodian Bill "Bucky" Broomstick found more than dustballs and old gum. "Iwascleaning(theshelt)withmynewlyfunded ASG feather duster ($29.95, retail), when I accidentally knocked the camera off onto the floor. Itdidn'tsurvive the crash, but the tape sure did!" said Broomstick.
Broomstick, believing the tape to be blank, gave it to his good friend Michael Kline, Photo No-No Editor to The Tellascoop. "Idon'townaVCR,"explained Broomstick. "When (Bucky) gave it to me I said to myself, 'Self, how do you half-tone this?"' explained Kline. "So I just went onto more important matters like cleaning the room." Kline nonetheless discarded the tape. The tape was found by lron-PistDictator Susan Deacon in The Tellascoop's trash can. ''The tape was clearly ma1Xed 'Pinkerton Security,' so I thought it was a copy of one of the 'Police Academy' movies or at least an episode of 'COPS,"' Deacon explained. Upon close examination of the tape's footage, however, four suspects known as the Sarducci gang were identified . . Wanted in seven states for burglary, arson, bombings, crujackings, bigamy and using picante sauce from New York City, the Sarducci's make up four of the Top 10 Tellascoop's Most Wanted list The Sarducci gang is headed by eldest brother Luigi "Boom-Boom" Sarducci. Boom-Boom is described as short with shifty eyes, bad dandruff and always wears an unbuttoned blue shirt Known mostly for his unquenchable thirst for violence, brother Guido "Tiny" Sarducci is believed to be the gang's enforcer. Lacking any social skills whatsoever, Tiny does have an interesting and unique "Broken Thumb" collection. He also does a mean impression of Old Elvis. Sarducci henchman Mario "Slick"
Sarducci wears a trademarksuitandtietoall of the gang's major heists. Boasting that he is the only Sarducci brother who has a valid California driver's license. Slick's major characteristics include eating raw lasagna, collecting [J.reaf[llS, and belching "The Star Spangled Banner" on request Rounding out the Sarducci gang is the youngest member, Tito "Junior" Sarducci, an accomplishedcomputerprogrammer who abandoned a prosperous career to join his brothers in a life of crime. He is described as tall, thin, and has a tattooofhismotheronhis right arm. All four brothers continuously quote the Boboli commercials and sweat profusely. This gang is armed and dangerous and still on the loose. Any sightings of these notorious gangste" should be reported to the Palomar's custodial staff. Why go to the rest when you've got the best? Finkerton Security, who were still engrossed in the only other evidence to the case, a spaghetti stain on KKSM's soundboard, were less than enthused with their new lead. "It makes us look like cart\driving, flashlight-toting, ticket-happy foOls who aren't qualilled to be real cops," said Pinkerton Offtcer Rufus T. Sweetchek about The Tellascoop's discovery of the tape. Sources to The Tellascoop point out that Pinkerton was alerted to the Sarducci' s close proximity to Palomar College. But due to an anonymous tip, in a joint venture with the the FBI, Campus Patrol instead staked out Godfather's Pizza in Escondido.