JULY 2018
FAVORITE
PET-FRIENDLY
HOTELS
for Every Budget
STAYING
CLOSE to Your Tween Daughter
A FAMILY GUIDE
to Surviving the Summer
Volume 5 / Issue 54
Kid Boredom Busters
[ PARENTING ] Staying Close to Your Tween Daughter
26
6
[ TRAVEL ]
A Family Guide for Surviving the Summer
14
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] 11 Easy Steps To An Inspiring Life
18
Favorite Pet-Friendly Hotels for Every Budget
How to Take Care of Others Without Burning Out
10
20
Autocamp Russian River
[ EVENTS ]
22
What You Should Really Do If You Want Your Kids to Read This Summer
July Calendar
16
16 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
10
22
Photo courtesy of Melanie Riccardi.
20
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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area
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Contributing Authors
Tracie Brown Vollgraf
Candace Warren Megan Shackley
Dr. Laura Markham Karin Volo Christine Carter Dr. Michele Borba Katie Hurley Elizabeth Kang The Growing Room
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Editor’s Note Here we are mid-summer and the struggles are real! I am still trying to find the balance between work, keeping the kids engaged and active and allowing enough downtime for everyone. Since my job is easily done on the go (as long as I have my computer), we have been fortunate to partake in excursions along the way. We are very blessed to live in the Bay Area which offers so many amazing destinations in our backyard, but the kids and I ventured a bit further this summer, traveling to Maui, HI. I have been looking forward to sharing my “happy place” with my children for quite some time and combining a work trip with family time presented the perfect opportunity! Maui is the quintessential family playground. There is so much to see, taste and experience! Keep an eye out for our dedicated travel features in our upcoming issues where we will be sharing our favorite resorts, restaurants and activities, but in the meantime, be sure to watch it all “live” via our social media channels on Facebook and Instagram @activefamilymag. Check out our July calendar of events for the best activities around the Bay and be sure to check our website each day for updated content, things to do, great guides, travel features and parenting advice! Enjoy July! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
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JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 5
[ PARENTING ]
Staying Close to Your Tween Daughter by Dr. Laura Markham Parents often ask me how to get along with their suddenly volatile preteen daughter. It’s a shock when your previously sweet little girl starts tantrumming again. Twelve-year-old girls can be moody, over-dramatizing, self-centered, focused almost solely on friends, close-mouthed, surly, back-talking and condescending to parents. They can, of course, also be mature, affectionate and delightful, but at their worst they’re a cross between the most challenging Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
aspects of toddlers and teens. The bad news is that your tween’s developing body is flooded by hormones, her brain is rewiring, her need to discover herself and her place in the world takes precedence over the other things she values (like her family and schoolwork), and she probably can’t acknowledge how much she still loves and needs you, because she's working hard to feel "grown up" and independent. The good news is that if you can accept this new situation and adjust your parenting accordingly, the tween years are the perfect time to strengthen your relationship before she heads into the teen years. So for those hard days, here are 16 tips to make parenting your tween girl less
[ PARENTING ] dramatic, and more delight:
5) Cultivate empathy for your daughter. As you listen to her, remind yourself that the upset of
1) Be willing to change.
the moment may not seem like a big deal to you, but to
You can’t parent the way you did when she was little; it
her it feels like the end of the world. Having your body
just isn’t appropriate or effective. If she gets testy, that’s
start changing so dramatically is worrisome at best
a signal that you need to adjust your parenting style to
and painful at worst, as in growing pains and menstrual
connect and listen more. (This will happen just at those
cramps. That means that when she over-dramatizes, you
moments when you want her to listen to you, of course!)
offer empathy. Her stubbed toe may not have warranted all that fuss, but something does hurt and she does want
2) Focus on the relationship, not on discipline.
you to kiss it and make it better, even if she isn't exactly
You’ll get no respect if she doesn’t feel connected to
sure what’s bothering her and how to put it into words.
you. Fight like the dickens to stay close to your daughter. Do not let her push you away. She still needs you, she just
6) Be aware that tween girls usually harbor great anxiety
can't acknowledge it. Find every opportunity to connect.
about adolescence.
Hug her hello every morning, and hug her goodbye
One study found that tween boys looked forward to
when she leaves for school. (Do this with a sense of
adolescence and the strength, power, independence
humor and she will humor you.) Greet her with delight
and prestige they would develop. Tween girls, on
and a hug when you see her again later in the day. She
the other hand, dreaded adolescence, fearing
may not "need" tucking in at night, but that shouldn't
menstruation, their new vulnerability to men, and the
stop you from lying down next to her to discuss her day
pressure to be sexy and attractive. Most girls don’t know
and having a few minutes of quiet connection. Many
how to put these anxieties into words, but they feel them,
parents find that time just before bed to be the time their
even as they beg to wear skimpy outfits so they’ll be
daughter is least distracted by other things, and most
“cool.” Your daughter may want to be a hottie so the
willing to open her heart.
other kids will be impressed with her, but inside she knows full well that she isn’t ready for the attention that will
3) It’s appropriate for your tween to want more
bring.
independence. If you insist on controlling all her choices, you’re inviting
7) Be sure your daughter is getting nine hours of sleep
rebellion, or worse. If you can find appropriate ways to
each night, as an absolute minimum.
give your daughter independence, she won’t have to
Most preteens begin to find it harder to fall asleep at
rebel against you to start standing on her own two feet.
night. But when kids stay up late, their stress hormones
Of course, she’ll make mistakes. That’s how humans learn.
like cortisol kick in, which makes it harder to fall asleep.
And of course she isn’t ready to make all her decisions.
The problem is that cortisol stays in the system and makes
You’re still the parent. Deciding how much to weigh in is
them edgy the next day; it also contributes to depression,
the hardest part of this parenting dance.
anxiety, and weight gain. The famous moodiness of teenagers is partly attributable to late bedtimes, which
4) Schedule quality time.
have become standard practice in our culture. Just
Create regular times, at least once a week, when you
because your toddler gains the ability to keep himself
go together for brunch or a manicure or a walk, and
awake doesn’t mean you’d let him stay up half the night.
make the most of those opportunities to connect. For
Just because your tween and teen gain the ability to
ideas on conversations to have with her, check out 175
keep themselves up doesn’t mean it isn’t bad for them.
Conversation Starters for Conversations with Your Child.
Introduce your tween to relaxation exercises if she’s
But you don’t have to always have deep conversations.
having a hard time falling asleep, they’ll come in handy
Just appreciate and enjoy her. And listen, listen, listen.
for the rest of her life. But insist on a reasonable bedtime.
Remember, the more you give her advice, the more she feels like you don't have confidence in her ability to
(What about that research that the body clock of teens
figure things out for herself. Instead, ask good questions
is set to stay up late? The researchers didn't control for
and empathize.
screen usage. When humans use blue light (phones, JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7
[ PARENTING ] iPads, computers, TV) within an hour or two of bedtime,
whatever it takes to encourage her. It’s critical that this
it suppresses melatonin and keeps us awake. Naturally,
be something she is drawn to, of course, not something
then, we sleep later, because young people do need
her parents are pushing.
more sleep than adults. I'm betting that as soon as they stop kids from using screens in those experiments, the kids
10) Don’t let your daughter turn into a couch potato.
will be on the same body clock as other humans. Why
Regular exercise has tremendous benefits, from getting
would they have evolved differently than the rest of us?)
the metabolism moving to balancing raging hormones and helping her fall asleep easily at night. Make a habit
8) Limit computer use.
of physical activity every day, whether a bike ride,
As tween girls begin to lose interest in pretend play and
soccer game, family hike or time on the treadmill. But
the other games that occupied their earlier years, many
be warned: You'll probably have to join in. Instead of
of them begin to spend more time on the computer, and
resenting that, see it as a way to stay connected.
it isn’t unusual for them to fall into the grip of a computer addiction. As a first step, you'll want to limit computer
11) Talk about relationships and sex.
chatting to friends, and to the hours after homework is
Your daughter is hungry for information about love and
completed.
sex. Talking about it won't make her rush out and do it. In fact, the opposite is true. Kids who don't have strong
The lure of social media sites can be strong, especially if
connections with their parents are the ones looking for
other kids are on them. Facebook has a rule that users
love in all the wrong places. You want your daughter to
must be 13 so getting a Facebook account when you're
feel great about her body, so she isn't looking to prove
under 13 requires lying, which is enough reason for
herself with choices that will shame her later. The best
parents to nix it. (This is one of the few times the culture
way to prevent that is for her to understand that these
will support you in your parenting, so take advantage of
scenarios happen, so she can walk out of any drama
it.) It's a good idea to familiarize yourself with the tech
that's too much for her to handle.
culture of your child and her friends; you can start here for some suggested parent-friendly websites on raising
12) Don't take anything she says or does personally.
web-savvy kids: Internet Smarts: Keeping Your Kids Safe
Tween and teen girls are famous for feeling like their
Online.
parents "Just don't understand!" Try not to feel hurt by that. In fact, try not to feel hurt by anything she does
You should also know that computer game
or says. Most of it is not about you at all, but about her
manufacturers spare no expense and use very
tumultuous hormones and emotions, her huge fears and
sophisticated testing to ensure that their games are
insecurities, her urgent need to shape an identity as a
physically addictive, which means that your child's
separate, independent person. So just breathe through
body is bathed in adrenalin and other neurotransmitters
any "tantrums" and bite your tongue. The minute you get
as soon as she even thinks about playing her games.
triggered, you're pushing her away.
Computer games actually change our brain chemistry while we're playing them, and we don't know how
13) Insist on civility, but do it from as calm a place
long the effects last afterwards. We don't expose our
as you can muster and don't overreact when your
children to other addictions and leave them to fend
child raises her voice to you in the middle of hysterics
for themselves. Kids need our help to manage this
over something. She will be deeply grateful, even if
addiction, too.
she can't acknowledge it at the moment. I'm not for a minute suggesting that you let your child treat you
9) Nurture your daughter’s passions.
disrespectfully. I'm suggesting you act out of love and
Anything she really cares about and can throw herself
connect with empathy, rather than anger, as you set
into is protective, a place to feel competent, a place
limits. If you're too angry to get in touch with your love,
to push herself and learn resilience, a place to lose
always wait until you can do so, before you set limits.
herself when the arrows of outrageous fortune pierce
That means you keep your own voice calm and warm,
too deeply. Does she like to dance? Write? Draw? Do
even when she doesn't. It means that when she back-
8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
[ PARENTING ] talks, you politely remind her "We don't talk to each other
emotional self-management. If, instead, we walk away
that way in this house,” but then be sure to add "You
angry, our daughters feel wounded, misunderstood,
must be so upset to talk to me that way. What's going
alienated. They attack us, or build up resentment and
on, Sweetie?" Remember, if you don't model self-control,
distrust. A rift appears in the relationship, and if we
you can't expect it from her, and what's worse, you'll lose her respect. If you can stay calm and "seek first to understand" (as Stephen Covey would say), she'll finish her upset feeling closer to you, and she'll be less likely to go on the attack next time. 14) Remember that kids this age have strong feelings
don’t respond quickly, it widens. But if, instead, we can back up, breathe, apologize, pay attention, and reconnect, we build bridges. The inevitable ruptures of daily life become opportunities to teach them so many lessons: how to process their emotions, how to repair an emotional rift, how to problem solve, that they can
that they need help to handle.
trust us. Most importantly, we end the interaction with a
If you can stay calm and listen for what's going on
stronger relationship.
underneath her upset, you can use it as an opportunity to get closer. You could respond to her raising her voice
Parenting is a lot of work, and the emotional work may
at you by angrily insisting on respect, but you would drive
be hardest with tweens and teens. It may seem unfair
your daughter away. Not knowing what to do with their
that you have to do most of the work in your relationship
tumultuous feelings, tweens and teens often act out
with your daughter, but that’s the way parenting is. Our
towards the people they feel safest with: their parents. If
daughters may look like young women, but they’ve got
we get distracted by their disrespect, or react angrily, we miss the real message. If we can instead empathize, look for the upset under the disrespect, and remind them of who they really are ("You don't usually act unkindly"), we create an opening to help them manage their feelings.
a lot of growing up to do emotionally. It’s our job – and our privilege -- to support them in that process. Every relationship she has after this will have echoes of her relationship with you now.
15) Don't stop being physically close. Your preteen daughter's body is growing into womanhood, but she is still your little girl, and she still needs your physical closeness. If you find yourself uncomfortable about holding her, observe your own anxiety and find a safe place to talk about it and work it out. But don't withhold from your daughter the touch all humans need. You don't want her looking for love in all the wrong places. 16) Course correct. No one parents perfectly. I found that about once a week I said exactly the wrong thing to my 12-year-old, and however upset she already was erupted in my face. But since I was committed to calming, rather than escalating the situation, I was able to use those mistakes and misunderstandings as opportunities to get closer. By 14, she was calmer than I am, and a delight to parent.
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JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ TRAVEL ]
FAVORITE PET-FRIENDLY Hotels for Every Budget by Elizabeth Kang
Figuring out what to do with the family pet while traveling puts an unwanted damper on vacation excitement. Boarding is expensive, but leaving Fido home alone can be heartbreaking, even if you do arrange daily walks. Luckily, hotels are catching on and making it easier than ever to bring your fur baby along. Check out our picks for the best pet-friendly stays in every price range.
LUXE }}}} FOUR SEASONS THE BILTMORE, SANTA BARBARA The Four Seasons Biltmore in Santa Barbara generously allows two pets up to 50 pounds each free of charge, not that you need any more reason to stay at this gorgeous, lush property. Your pooch will love playing fetch on the beach, which is just steps away from the 22-acre hotel. Only limited rooms are petfriendly, so be sure to check with the hotel before you book. RITZ CARLTON, HALF MOON BAY Letting your furry best friend tag along to this high-end seaside hotel will take a little bite out of your wallet, but don’t let that stop you from indulging at the Ritz. The hotel charges a $50 per night “dog boarding fee” in addition to a non-refundable $150 dog cleaning fee. (A portion of the fees are donated to the 10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
[ TRAVEL ]
Peninsula Humane Society & SPCA.) The stunning views and decadent brunch buffet, however, help take the sting out of the all those extra fees.
KIMPTON CANARY HOTEL SANTA BARBARA
SOLAGE, CALISTOGA At Solage, a $125 one-time pet fee is well worth access to a natural hot-springs pool, organic onsite restaurant, and modern, posh studios and suites equipped with all the amenities you and your pet could wish for, in stunning wine country.
happens to be extremely pet-friendly. The hotel does not
RITZ CARLTON, LAKE TAHOE Lake Tahoe is a doggie’s dream playground, and there’s no need to leave pup home when he can stay in luxury at the Ritz. There he can frolic in snow in the Winter and swim to his heart’s delight in the Summer. A one-time, non-refundable $150 “pet cleaning fee” is charged, in addition to the $25 per night pet fee.
situated in the bustling shopping area of Union Square,
The Kimpton Canary is a stylish Spanish/Mediterraneanstyle hotel in the heart of downtown Santa Barbara that charge a pet fee, and even equips your pet with a bed and food & water bowls. KIMPTON SIR FRANCES DRAKE Pets of any size are welcome at the historic Sir Frances Drake, at no additional cost. The long-running hotel is in San Francisco, and is in close proximity to Chinatown, Fisherman’s Wharf, and Pier 39, so you and your pet won’t miss any of the action during your stay.
MID-RANGE }}} CARMEL VALLEY RANCH They roll out the red carpet for your pooch at the gorgeous and serene Carmel Valley Ranch. The sprawling 500-acre resort, golf course and spa boasts miles of dog-friendly hiking trails to explore, so your pup can work up an appetite for the resort’s specialized pet menu. The pet menu features options such as chicken & rice, bacon doggy biscuits, and marrow bones, all available via room service. The resort goes the extra mile by providing plush microfiber dog beds. (Pet fee is a $150 one-time, non-refundable charge.) JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11
[ TRAVEL ] BEST WESTERN VICTORIAN INN, MONTEREY This charming hotel is just a few blocks from famed Cannery Row, and offers free breakfast and quaint accommodations at a great value. The pet policy is $30 per pet, per night for animals up to 75 lbs. Guests who wish to bring their pet must book particular rooms that are designated as pet-friendly.
BUDGET }} HILTON SANTA CRUZ SCOTTS VALLEY Two dogs maximum, up to 75 lbs each, are permitted to stay for an additional fee of $50 per stay at the Hilton Santa Cruz/Scotts Valley. This serene retreat, nestled in the forested Scotts Valley mountains, provides plenty of nature to explore with your pup. HOTEL AZURE TAHOE The recently renovated Hotel Azure welcomes two pets of any size for a $25 per pet fee, per night. Every room on the property is pet friendly, and the gorgeous, crystal blue Lake Tahoe water is located right across the street. HAPPY LANDING INN, CARMEL This pleasant bed & breakfast has only seven rooms, each unique and charming. The Inn is walking distance to Carmel Beach and is 100% pet friendly, charging a reasonable daily dog fee of $25 for one dog, or $40 for two. COTTAGES ON RIVER ROAD, GUERNEVILLE Cottages on River Road is a fantastic, budget-friendly and pet-friendly hotel in Guerneville — a charming and vibrant town on the Russian River. Rent a kayak for you and your pup, who’ll love floating lazily down the picturesque river and swimming in the gentle water. The hotel welcomes two pets of any size for an additional fee of $25 per pet, per night. Be aware that petfriendly rooms are limited, so book early, especially in the Summer. 12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
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[ PARENTING ]
Christine Carter, Ph.D.*, is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of “RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.” She teaches online happiness classes that help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writes an award-winning blog for *Greater Good* (www.greatergoodparents.org).
A Family Guide for Surviving the Summer by Christine Carter, Ph.D. While not all of summer is destined to feel like a day at the beach, setting routines and expectations for the season can make it more manageable and enjoyable for the whole family. I don’t know about you, but I fantasize all year about the leisure that summer will bring. And then summer arrives, and instead of cocktails at sunset and naps at noon, I find that the potential for chaos has skyrocketed. So over the years, as I’ve sought to make my summers less chaotic and more joyful, I’ve developed a three-step guide for setting my family up for success. I hope you will find it helpful! 1. Create new routines for summer. The familiar routines of the school year will not survive even the first day of summer, like it or not, even if our adult work schedules don’t change in the least. But we human beings need routines and habits, or we get stressed. Researchers believe that the brains in both humans and animals evolved to feel calmed by repetitive behavior, and that our daily rituals and habits are a primary way to manage stress. The fast-paced world we live in can feel quite unpredictable, but our daily rituals can help us feel more in control, often without us ever realizing it. So, before the summer gets away from us, we need to spell out the new structure of the season. For starters, this means redefining bedtimes and mealtimes, which all get moved later in our household. I change my exercise
14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
[ PARENTING ] routine to maximize the time I spend outside and my
around the house.
morning routine, because I have more time to meditate. We don’t tie their allowance to their regular household The summer is prime time for more digital detox. We
responsibilities or weekly chores, and we don’t pay them
don’t relax tech rules for our kids over the summer, we
extra over the summer when they are doing more to help
step them up. If we don’t designate device- and social
out. We know this is controversial; most parents want kids
media-free time for all family members, I’ve found my
to understand that in the real world, they only get paid
kids walk around in a screen-stoned stupor. Even a
when they work. But in households, this just isn’t true:
few minutes on social media and they suddenly find
Parents don’t get paid for the household chores they do.
it impossible to do anything productive, creative or truly restful. And we parents also easily get sucked into
We’ve had to spell this out for our kids, repeatedly. The
compulsively checking our devices while we are trying to
lawn needs mowing more often in the summer, and Dad
“work” from the beach, playground or camp pick up.
doesn’t get paid a dime to do it. This week, in addition to my paid work, I’ll take all the kids to their annual exams
To counter the siren song of our phones, we designate
at the doctor’s office; I’ll help them label all their clothes
specific times and places we’ll spend without devices
for camp; I’ll purchase and wrap a lot of graduation gifts.
each day (always dinnertime, and, for the kids,
I’m not getting paid to do any of these things, even if I
throughout most of the day as well); each week (we try
don’t feel like doing them. And that’s OK. We don’t need
to have technology-free Sundays); and each month
to love every single thing we do every single minute of
(we do a full digital detox when we are on vacation
every day, so long as we can see the bigger picture – the
together).
bigger reward. Being in a big, stable, high functioning family is awesome. And it requires a lot of work. Families
The key, I’ve found, is to actually spell out the new
are built on mutual obligations – the ways that we help
routines and expectations for kids.
and nurture each other – not paid work.
2. Create a family calendar.
Kids are happier and more confident when they feel like
Maybe this is utterly obvious, but everything is calmer
they are a part of something larger than themselves.
if things feel predictable. We have four kids with four
Giving them real responsibilities around the house fuels
different camp and summer schedules, so it’s helpful
an intrinsic sense of place and belonging. Research
for everyone to be able to track everyone else’s
shows that kids who do unpaid chores are happier and
whereabouts. Instead of relying on our complicated
have a higher sense of self-worth. But when we pay kids
online calendar – which I love and couldn’t live without,
to play a role in the family, we unwittingly kill their intrinsic
but I am the only one in our family who looks at it
motivation by providing a flashy external motivator:
consistently – one of my teenage daughters created an
money. They often start to see themselves more like
adorable top-level calendar in a Google spreadsheet
household employees – and quit their “jobs” when their
that we print out and tape to the refrigerator. We also
allowance is no longer enough to motivate them.
have the summer chore rotation on this printout. This calendar has all family events, such as birthdays and
Our summer routines, calendars peppered with vacation
vacations, everyone’s camp schedules, major events like
days, and the increased help around the house (for
tournaments and my work travel schedule.
those of us with kids older than 8 or 9) can mean that there actually is more time for leisure and rest this
3. Raise expectations regarding chores and
summer. Perhaps tonight I’ll meet my husband for a
responsibilities.
sunset cocktail while one kid preps dinner and another
Kids have more time on their hands over the summer,
mows the lawn. Cheers to making this the best summer
which means that they have more time to help out
yet! JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15
[ EVENTS ]
July Alameda County JULY 1-6 Sing Along Sound of Music Castro Theatre Castro Valley 7pm www.castrotheatre.com/ singalongs.html
4th of July Family Fun Fireworks Celebration Livermore Downtown Livermore 4pm-9:30pm www.livermoredowntown.com/ playing
JULY 5
Alameda Summer Art Fair & Maker Market Flax Art & Design Alameda 10am-7pm www.alamedaartfair.com
Waterfront Flicks –The Greatest Showman Jack London Square Oakland 7:30pm www.jacklondonsquare.com/ events/special-events
Independence Day Model Train Show San Leandro Railway Society San Leandro 10am-4pm www.slhrs.org
Kids FREE Thursday Alameda County Fair Pleasanton 11am-5pm annual.alamedacountyfair.com/ daily-schedules
JULY 3
JULY 6
Watch Fireworks from the Field Oakland Coliseum Oakland 6:05pm www.mlb.com/athletics/ tickets/promotions/themes/ fireworks
JULY 4 4th of July Parade Alameda South Shore Center Alameda 3pm-5pm www.alamedasouthshorecenter. com/news 4th of July Party Berkeley Marina Berkeley 12pm-10pm www.anotherbullwinkelshow. com/4th-of-july
Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!
Lee Greenwood in Concert Bankhead Theater, Livermore 8:00pm www.lvpac.org/events/list
JULY 6-8 Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Oklahoma Woodminster Oakland 8pm www.woodminster.com/ oklahoma!.html
JULY 6, 13, 20, 27 Concert in the Park Downtown Pleasanton Pleasanton 7pm-8:30pm annual.alamedacountyfair.com/ daily-schedules
JULY 7 Craft Cocktail Festival Alameda County Fair Pleasanton 11am-10pm annual.alamedacountyfair.com/ daily-schedules
16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
Rita Coolidge in Concert Bankhead Theater, Livermore 8:00pm www.lvpac.org/events/list
JULY 10 Paddington 2 Movie Night Pleasanton Public Library Pleasanton 2pm-3:45pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov/ gov/depts/lib/events/kids.asp Tuesday Night Concerts Emerald Glen Park Dubin 6:30pm-8pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us/1917/ Amphitheater-Performances
JULY 13 Program: Science Tellers! “Wild West: Mystery of the Golden Piano” Rincon LIbrary Livermore 11:30am www.cityoflivermore. net/civicax/filebank/ documents/17740 Derik Nelson & Family Bankhead Theater, Livermore 8:00pm www.lvpac.org/events/list
JULY 14 Spoonful Downtown Pleasanton Pleasanton 4pm-7pm www.pleasantondowntown.net/ event/index/5
JULY 16 Senior Summer Free Day Oakland Zoo Oakland 10am-4pm www.oaklandzoo.org/programsand-events
JULY 17 Recycled Boat Races Springtown Library Livermore 2:30pm-4pm www.cityoflivermore. net/civicax/filebank/ documents/17740 “Wonder” Movie Night Pleasanton Public Library Pleasanton 2pm-4pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov
JULY 18 Jelly Jam Puppets Pleasanton Public Library Pleasanton 2-2:45pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov Carwash for Conservation Oakland Zoo Oakland 10am-3pm www.oaklandzoo.org/programsand-events
JULY 20 Picnic Flix - “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Emerald Glen Park Dublin 8:30pm-10:30pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us/1327/ Picnic-Flix
JULY 21 Arroyo Viejo Creek Clean Up Oakland Zoo Oakland 9am-12pm www.oaklandzoo.org/programsand-events Ellis Rodriguez Firehouse Art Center Pleasanton 8pm www.firehousearts.org/events/ ellis-rodriguez
[ EVENTS ]
East Bay SPCA Adopt-A-Thon Jack London Square, 2 Broadway, Oakland 10:00am-2:00pm www.eastbayspca.org/getinvolved/events/adopt-a-thon
JULY 22, 28 Disney’s Little Mermaid Bankhead Theater, Livermore 8:00pm www.lvpac.org/events/list
JULY 27 & 28 Summer Game Days Pleasanton Public Library Pleasanton 10am-4pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov
JULY 28 - 29 Family Campout Alamo Creek Park Dublin 4:30pm-10am www.ci.dublin.ca.us/784/ Family-Campout
JULY 28 Feast for the Beast Oakland Zoo Oakland 9am-3pm www.oaklandzoo.org/programsand-events
JULY 31 Plant a Seed Springtown Library Livermore 2:30pm-4pm www.cityoflivermore. net/civicax/filebank/ documents/17740
Contra Costa County JULY 4 July 4th Parade San Ramon Valley High School San Ramon 9am-11:30am www.danville.ca.gov
July 4th Parade Downtown Danville 9am-11:30am www.danville.ca.gov
JULY 6 Preschool Performance Series: The Bubble Lady Village Theatre Danville 10am & 1pm www.villagetheatreshows.com
JULY 11 Python Ron –Summer Shows Lafayette Community Center Lafayette 11am-11:45am www.lovelafayette.org/Home/ Components/Calendar
JULY 12 Free Summer Sounds Concert: Tumbledown House Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek 5:30pm-7pm www.walnut-creek.org/Home/ Components/Calendar
JULY 13 Moonlight Movies Town Green Danville 6:30pm-10:30pm www.danville.ca.gov Movies Under the Stars Tice Valley Park Walnut Creek 7pm-10pm www.walnut-creek.org/ departments/arts-andrecreation
JULY 14 Old Fashioned Ice Cream Making Forest Home Farms Historic Park San Ramon 11am-2pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us/cms
July
Jack Wright’s Tribute to Neil Diamond Dougherty Valley Performing Arts Center San Ramon 7pm-9pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us/ calendar
34th Annual Fillmore Jazz Festival Fillmore Street San Francisco 10am-6pm www.sresproductions.com/ events
JULY 18
Santana Row Summer Music Series Santana Row San Jose 6pm-8pm www.santanarow.com/events
Sciencetellers: The Mystery of the Golden Piano Lafayette Community Center Lafayette 11am-11:45am www.lovelafayette.org/Home/ Components/Calendar
JULY 20 Dive-in Movie: Zootopia Dougherty Valley Aquatic Center San Ramon 8:30pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us/ calendar
JULY 21 Music in the Park Railroad Avenue Municipal Parking Lot Danville 9am-1pm www.danville.ca.gov/calendar. aspx?
JULY 27 Rockin the Plaza: Joel the Band Blackhawk Plaza Danville 7pm-8:30pm www.shopblackhawkplaza.com/ events
Out of Area JULY 1 Japan Day Festival Japanese Town Plaza San Francisco 11:30am-4pm japancentersf.com
JULY 3, 10, 17, 24, 31
JULY 4 48th Ol’ Fashioned 4th of July Parade Miramar Events Half Moon Bay 12pm www.miramarevents.com/4thof-july-parade 4th of July Beer & Lunch Cruise in SF Hornblower Cruise San Francisco 11:30pm-2pm www.hornblower.com
JULY 14 Left Bank Brasserie Bastille Day Celebration Santana Row San Jose 10am-5pm www.santanarow.com/events
JULY 27 Alphabet Rockers (Kids’ Show) San Francisco Yerba Buena Gardens Festival 11:30am & 12:45pm ybgfestival.org/events/category/ childrens
JULY 29 Garlicky BBQ Gilroy Garden Gilroy 12pm & 1pm www.gilroygardens.org/tickets
JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
11 Easy Steps To An Inspiring Life by Karin Volo Inspiration comes in many forms and from many sources. Let’s keep it simple. When you choose to be on a quest to find inspiring information, you can really change the way you look at the world. I’ve learned on my journey that we need to be discerning about the information we take in, especially the visual images and what we read. It’s a concept I call “Feed Your Brain,” because like all things, we must nurture to grow and be the best versions of ourselves. If you are constantly bombarded by negative news, images, and information, it brings you down. It’s hard not to be depressed by that. And our mainstream media thrives on bad news. As they say, if it “bleeds, it leads”. Defaulting to our fear-based instincts worked back in the cave days when our lives depended on paying attention to the threats of our environment. It was our survival instincts that kicked in and kept us alive. Karin Volo, an expert in engagement, career, personal and organizational development, is known as the Chief Joy Bringer. She is a co-author of the international best selling book, Engage! With 15+ years experience working with international Fortune 500 companies on two continents, she has insights on business building, cultural transformation, and high performance. Karin works with cultural development, employee engagement, leadership mentoring, professional inspirational speaking and writing. She uses her professional skills and draws from her personal experiences to help individuals and companies thrive. She is the best selling author of 1,352 Days: An Inspirational Journey From Jail To Joy, the Bringing Joy children’s series, a regular blogger on Huffington Post, a faculty member at the Institute for Inspired Organizational Cultures, and an expert judge on employee engagement in both the UK and the US. Karin’s passion is helping people better their lives through sharing all she has learned on her own journey. Her purpose is bringing joy to the workplace.
18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
Our societies have moved on from this. However, our automatic reactions haven’t—unless you actively work on it. When you become aware that most things are not a threat to your survival, you can choose to respond from an entirely different perspective. You can recondition your brain to look at what’s going well, instead of always looking at what is going wrong or could go wrong. This brings me back to our quest for inspiration and joy. Here are 11 easy tips to change your mindset and start to recondition your brain so that you can have an inspiring life: 1) Stop watching the news. Read the paper or news online. It’s easier to skim headlines and choose to take in what is of interest to you. Choose to read good news instead. Imagine that any information you take in is like food for your brain. Feed your brain inspiring and positive things and you will feel so much better! 2) Spend time in nature. Get connected to the natural beauty that is abundant in our world. Walk barefoot whenever you can, this is called “earthing” and studies show that just a few minutes a day connecting to the earth this way helps reduce stress and lowers blood pressure. It actually helps get your electromagnetic resonance in tune with the earth. 3) Pay full attention when having a conversation. Often we listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. We are thinking about the next thing we are going to say instead of truly listening and understanding what the person is
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] saying to us. Practice conscious listening and you’ll feel a
do you feel drained just by spending time with them? You
difference in the connection and relationship.
can minimize the time spent with those energy drainers (I call them energy vampires because they suck your
4) Know what inspires you – and then act on it. If reading
energy out of you) and make an effort to find those who
books makes you feel good, do it. Going to conferences,
make you feel happy, inspired, and joyful.
do it. Listening to good music and dancing like a manic in the privacy of your home, then DO IT! Whatever you
9) Do what you love to do. The great equalizer in life is
love to do, put into your daily life.
time—we all only have 24 hours in a day. If you aren’t doing work you love, you are not living fully. Figure out
5) Laugh, laugh, and laugh more. Laughter is the best
your passions. Know your values. Discover your true
medicine. It raises your energy, makes you feel good,
purpose. And then find work that allows you to express
releases endorphins, helps you deal with stress, breaks up the tension…the list of benefits goes on forever with this one. Watching babies laughing on YouTube is one of my favorites here. Just don’t take life so serious anymore. It’s all going to work out for the highest good for you. 6) Be aware of how you are feeling. Using the Joyometer (www.Joyometer.com) is a great tool to help you check in on a regular basis to monitor your feelings throughout the day. If you can stay in the positive emotions coming from love 51% of the time on a minimum, you’ll be bringing your dreams and goals into your life. 7) Choose love over fear. All of us have a choice in how we respond to circumstances and situations. Instead of allowing our survival instincts to drive our lives, we can
that. Our work is an extension of ourselves, it is our opportunity to create and bring into this world our talents and gifts that no one else has. 10) Be playful and imaginative. As children, we have wonderful imaginations and know how to play. As we grow up, we lose that sense of playfulness. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Richard Branson is willing to dress up as a flight attendant on a dare. What can you do to bring more playfulness into your life? And spending time day dreaming is a great use of your time. Every manmade object in this world first started as a thought in someone’s mind. Dream about the life you want to have and the experiences you desire. Before you know it, you’ll be living it!
pause and ask, how can this situation serve me? What can I learn here? What would be the best response?
11) Practice gratitude. All successful people have a high
You may never have control over circumstances, but
degree of appreciation for life. They are able to take
when you understand that always have control over
the challenges and see the opportunities that lie within
how you respond, you become very empowered. You
them. When you focus on what is going well by using
become the creator of your life instead of the “victim” of
gratitude, you can shift your mindset and get yourself to
circumstances.
a positive frame of mind. For every complaint, come up with 3 good things to counter balance the situation. All
8) Surround yourself with supporters. It is said that you are
situations serve us on some level so look for the lessons
the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.
and move on.
Often times, we have some of our toughest relationships that serve to bring us the greatest lessons. Be aware of
You have the power and everything you need within
who you spend time with most—are they living the life
yourself to be the best that you can be. Get inspired and
you desire to experience? Are they giving you energy, or
you’ll inspire others too. So, what is your next step? JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
[ PARENTING ]
What You Should Really Do If You Want Your Kids to Read This Summer by Katie Hurley, LCSW
Katie Hurley, LCSW, is a child and adolescent psychotherapist and author of The Happy Kid Handbook. Her work can be found on EverydayFamily, Momtastic, mom.me, Yahoo Parenting, PBS Parents and The Huffington Post. Katie writes the parenting blog, Practical Parenting. Katie splits her time between Los Angeles and the Connecticut coast with her rock and roll husband and their two happy children. For more stress reduction techniques and strategies to empower children to live happy lives, check out Katie’s new book, The Happy Kid Handbook: How to Raise Joyful Children in a Stressful World.
Reading is always a hot topic during the summer months. Friends exchange favorites and make recommendations while debating the latest titles on the “best sellers” list (I really need to get to The Goldfinch) and, just about everywhere you go, you see people taking a moment to check out with a new adventure in literature. That’s the picture-perfect version of summer reading, anyway. The dark side of the summer reading craze that happens year after year involves worried parents of children having far too much fun to stop and read. You hear the chatter during swimming lessons. You hear it at the beach. You even hear it during moms’ night out. “I can’t get him to read.” “He’s falling behind.” “His teacher said he needs to read 20 minutes every day but he doesn’t even read 20 minutes every week!” Yes, the black rain cloud that is the “summer slide” rears its head early in the summer and appears to grow in size as one long, fun-filled day bleeds into the next. What initially feels like that thing that will get done at some point quickly becomes a source of panic and frustration (bad combination) for worried parents everywhere because the school year will begin, whether or not the kids remembers how to read. This menacing black cloud sends well-meaning parents into a tizzy the moment it arrives. Parents enforce forced reading periods, remove all fun until the reading is done, overspend on workbooks, spend hours on the Internet trying to find ways to make reading “fun,” beg, bribe, and yell.
20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
[ PARENTING ]
Parents do everything they can to get that 20 minutes
when she should be reading Level 3 books? Is she
in because, let’s face it, when a kid returns from the
reading? Is she smiling? Is she telling you about the latest
summer having lost all skills learned during the previous
and greatest adventure? That’s all that matters.
year, the teacher makes direct eye with the parent first. Keep reading picture books. I know that it seems like As it turns out, the pressure to succeed and read at the
once your child can read independently, it’s time to
appropriate level is as much a parent problem as it is a
let go of the beautifully illustrated stories that you read
child problem, and that’s a shame... because reading
over and over again during kindergarten, but that’s not
is fun (with or without accompanying crafts found on
true. Think about how you feel when you read a really
Pinterest at 2 a.m..)
great book. Reading brings us comfort. Reading brings us happiness. Reading provides an escape from the
A mom can’t even hop on Facebook for a few minutes
inevitable stressors that life has to offer.
at the end of the day without confronting the so-called summer slide these days. Article after article tells parents
My kids are both reading and they love to choose books
what they need to do (and what they are probably
to read to the family. My son loves books about trucks
doing wrong) to make the summer reading thing a
and racing while my daughter loves books about fairies
smashing success... and that only adds to the pressure.
and art. But during times of stress, they always come
Flash cards? No, thank you. No one in this house likes
to me with their old favorites and snuggle in for some
those (OK, maybe I do, but I already know how to read.)
familiar adventures. I hope we never outgrow our favorite character, “Livi,” who brings us great laughter and
The truth is that you can’t force your kids to read. Or
restores our souls. If you haven’t checked out On My Way
you can, if you want to raise kids who hate reading and
to School (or the other Livi books) by Sarah Maizes, you
avoid it at all costs. But you can inspire a love of reading.
should. She makes reading fun every day of the week.
You can leave the parenting rat race behind and stop worrying about the black cloud, the summer slide, and
Let them play. Yes, reading is important and you should
the potential look on the teacher’s face this September
continue to read out loud, read around a campfire
and just read for fun.
(real or fake - I don’t camp but I do read around a fake campfire often), and read side-by-side on the beach, on
Stop freaking out. Stress is contagious and your stress
the couch, or on the floor. Yes, go ahead and do all of
quickly becomes your child’s stress. So your kid isn’t
those things, but first...let them play.
reading as much as usual, is that really the end of the world? No. Maybe he’s learning new things. Maybe he’s
Kids who have time for unstructured play experience
(gasp!) playing outside all day every day and having
less stress than those who don’t. This means that tackling
fun with friends. Maybe he’s more focused on art and
the hard stuff, like reading or other areas of academics,
nature.
feels a bit more doable. They have the confidence and problem solving skills to work through the struggles
Stop freaking out. Read together when you can. Children
along the way. So please, I’m begging you (and will
are never too old to have parents read to them, and
even give you a lollipop if you listen — you totally take
reading together inspires a love of finding adventure
bribes, right?), put away the workbooks, tear up the
within the pages of the book.
overwhelming reading lists and stop stressing about that summer reading program at the library and let your kids
Ditch the levels. For better or for worse, books grouped
play.
according to reading level are the new best things. Unless they aren’t. Reading levels make a lot of sense in
Kids learn and develop at their own pace. Forcing them
the classroom, but at home... kids should be encouraged
into seclusion in the name of struggling through a book
to read what makes them happy.
won’t make your child learn to read any faster, but creating a loving, stress-free environment full of free play
So, what if your kid consistently chooses pictures book
and unconditional support just might. JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
[ TRAVEL ]
AUTOCAMP RUSSIAN RIVER A unique family “glamping" experience
by Elizabeth Kang Most of us are smitten with the idea of camping, it’s just
work and extracurricular schedules, we don’t want to
the set up that makes us cringe. Pitching a tent, packing
spend half a day packing and setting up.
up a quarter of the house, lugging all those essentials back and forth — it’s a hassle, to put it gently. Let’s face
Enter Autocamp, which is one of the most popular and
it, “roughing it” has become more of a bother than many
increasingly coveted spots to “glamp it up” in Northern
modern-day families want.
California.
Perhaps this explains the “glamping” phenomenon,
This family-and-pet-friendly-retreat, located in the
which is, as many realize by now, the best of both worlds:
charming river town of Guerneville, is located just across
Sleeping under the stars, with the ease of staying in a
the street from the Russian River, and is only a 90-minute
hotel. We all want to give our family that rewarding and
drive north from San Francisco, so it’s a popular weekend
exciting camping experience — being surrounded by
and Summer escape for urban families.
trees, cooking food outdoors, conversing by firelight, (with the refreshing bonus of weak or non-existent wifi.)
What makes Autocamp unique is its fleet of shiny new silver Airstreams, fully tricked-out and remodeled
But with only one or two nights to spare in between busy 22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
with walk-in showers, hotel-worthy bedding, towels,
Photos courtesy of Erin Feinblatt and Melanie Riccardi.
[ TRAVEL ]
microwave, mini-fridge, dishes, utensils, cookware, industrial chic lighting, and personal outdoor fire pits and seating areas. The modern amenities and beautifully landscaped outdoor areas make for some gorgeous, instagram-worthy images, and that is part of what makes Autocamp so popular. When I recently stayed at Autocamp on a random Wednesday evening, the place was completely full. In fact, it had taken me months to book an Airstream there after my interest was peaked from seeing the camp featured in a number of publications and Instagram posts.
offered in the clubhouse consisted of good quality coffee, croissants, apples & bananas, and a squeeze-
The retreat was just as cool and modern looking as I
your-own-orange-juice station with an old-fashioned
expected. The public “clubhouse,” offering local wine,
juice press (that took a bit of elbow grease, but I
beer and gourmet snacks for sale was a wonderful
appreciated the charm of it.) If a heartier breakfast is
option, although I wished there were more kid-friendly
what you’re looking for, a great option, “Garden Grill” is
items like milk and fruit for sale. The free daily breakfast
located just a short walk from the property. JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
[ TRAVEL ]
Outside of the clubhouse is a large communal fire pit with oversized chairs, a small green meadow, and a fun variety of lawn games to play. Surrounding the meadow are luxury tents, which are furnished but do not have bathrooms. Public restrooms and showers are located inside the clubhouse, which is, by the way, one of the prettiest public bathrooms I have ever seen. Autocamp provides cruiser bikes to borrow and explore the town and nearby wineries, on of which is the popular Korbel Winery. Also nearby is Armstrong Redwood Reserve, which is only a few minutes drive from the camp. Armstrong is a great way to spend half a day, and offers easy or challenging hikes surrounded by breathtaking, ancient Redwoods. Back at camp, you can purchase a few gourmet sausages, some cheese and wine, and grill dinner tools and Duraflame logs. Everything you need to cook a delicious meal is either provided or available for purchase, including neatly boxed S’mores kits. In spite of the impressive beauty and convenience of the camp, one thing I was disappointed about was that the Airstreams were situated very close to one another, 24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
Photos courtesy of Aubrie Pick,
over your own personal fire pit with the provided BBQ
[ TRAVEL ] with only a few feet dividing the spaces. If privacy and seclusion are important to you, Autocamp does not provide much of that. What it does provide, however, is a totally unique and Instagram-worthy experience that your family will not soon forget. Autocamp makes that nostalgic, campfireunder-the-stars experience as easy as packing up a quick change of clothes and toothbrush, with no tent to frustrate over, no dishes and utensils to wash, and even no food to pack, if you so desire.
AUTOCAMP RUSSIAN RIVER 14120 Old Cazadero Rd, Guerneville, Ca Priced around $150-$350 per night, depending on time of year, type of accommodations, and availability. (Autocamp also has locations in Yosemite and Santa Barbara.)
NATURE’S PLAYGROUND
Tahoe VACATION BETTER Situated on Lake Tahoe’s south shore in a tranquil lakefront environment, this family-friendly resort featuring hotel service and amenities is the perfect getaway for any reason. Take part in our summer children’s program, with activities including crafts, games, sports, beach and pool play and field trips. The resort also features shuttle service to nearby attractions. Isn’t it time to vacation better? 855.945.4064 | astonlakelandvillage.com
Sign up to unlock exclusive A-List Insider member perks and benefits.
JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25
PUB: Active F Issue: July 20 Size: 1/2 pag (7.75” x 4.81 Due: 06.15.1
[ PARENTING ]
Kid Boredom Busters by Dr. Michele Borba REALITY CHECK: Beware: a new trend shows our Micromanaged, Overstructured, “Plugged-In” Generation can’t stand boredom. Maybe it’s because we might be doing too much scheduling, entertaining and solving? Just a thought! There is a concerning new trend with twenty-first century kids. Perhaps because they’re been programmed and scheduled and micromanaged and adult supervised, many seem to have a tough time enjoying their own company and entertaining themselves. So when it comes to free time, they’re perplexed. Their solution: plugging into computers, televisions or video games or saying those dreaded words that every parent hates hearing: “I’m bored!” And then they expect US to entertain THEM. Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. She is an NBC contributor appearing over 100 times on the TODAY show and is the regular parenting expert on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers. Her work has been featured on Dr. Phil, Dateline, The View, The Doctors, Fox News, The Early Show and CNN and well as in Newsweek, People, Good Housekeeping, Chicago Tribune, U.S. News & World Report, Washington Post, The New York Times and The Globe and Mail. She was an MSNBC contributor to two televised “Education Nation” specials. Dr. Borba is the awardwinning author of 22 parenting and educational books translated into 14 languages. Titles include: Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, Parents Do Make A Difference, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, and Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me!, No More Misbehavin’, Building Moral Intelligence (cited by Publishers’ Weekly as “Among the most noteworthy of 2001”), and Esteem Builders used by 1.5 million students worldwide. She writes as the parenting expert for Dr. Oz’s website, as well a daily column for her blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check: www.micheleborba.com Twitter: @micheleborba
26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. This is the time of year my email box is flooded with parent queries centering on one issue: “How do I entertain my kid without breaking the bank?” And it’s a legitimate worry. Well, here’s a thought: Why not rethink your role and deliberately choose not be a social director and plan your child’s every waking hour? In fact, you’ll actually be doing your kid a favor if you don’t play, “Julie McCoy.”These after school moments or weekends can be a huge opportunity to help our kids learn crucial life skills like creative thinking, resourcefulness and problem solving that you can’t learn when everything is so programmed and supervised. (Hopefully that should alleviate a little guilt, heh?) Why not see those unscheduled times as a golden opportunity to teach your munchkin to entertain himself and learn to handle that glorious commodity called “boredom?” After all, your kid is going to be in his own company for the rest of his life – and there’s no better time than now to help him learn to enjoy his own company. Depending on your child’s age and ability, here are tips to get you started that I shared on the TODAY show. Tips Help Kids Entertain Themselves - Help your child learn to be alone A word to the wise: if your kids come back after two minutes of alone time, you may need to first teach your kids how to enjoy their own company. The truth is some of our kids actually need to learn how to play alone. So start by thing of age-appropriate activities that your child could “do alone.” (For a young child: doing a puzzle; for an older kid: learning to play Solitaire). Use the “Baby Step” Model: Teach your child the “solo activity using the baby step model: First show how to do the game together. Next, watch and guide to ensure he knows the rules. Finally, wean him from you being there until voila! – You step back and your child is playing alone. Build ‘boredom’ in The reality is you still have to be the boss of free play. At first your kids aren’t going to run off like Tom Sawyer. Put up a calendar where you and your
[ PARENTING ] kid mark in regularly scheduled weekend or summer activities (like days at summer school, camp, sports or swim lessons). Keep some hours open and point out that those are times when your kid is “free” and on his own. Ideally you want to find the right balance between “free play vs. adult supervised”; “outdoor play vs. indoor play”; “structured activities vs. unstructured.” Only you will know the right balance for your child, but keep an eye on what your child’s current weekend or afterschool schedule looks like. Only then will you know which direction to alter that balance. Set clear, unplugged rules Set a specific limit for TV or video game viewing. Keep in mind that the average kid aged 8 to 17 is plugged into some kind of electronic device at least 7 ½ hours a day, so weaning your kid away from those video games. Your first step is to assess just how often your child is “plugged in.” This weekend take a casual assessment (without your kid knowing you’re monitoring). How many minutes is she watching TV or surfing the net or playing video games? Decide a maximum time allotment and then post those rules ASAP so your kid is clear of those expectations. If not, you may end up with Coach Potato. Wean yourself from being your kid’s Chief Entertainer Of course a toddler can’t occupy his time alone – nor do you want him to. But you will want to gradually start your child weaning away from needing you 24/7 when you see he or she is ready to learn those independent skills– certainly by preschool. Think “baby steps”: just wean him a little bit at a time by encouraging him to handle life slowly and confidently without you. But that goes for teens as well. I’ve never seen so many who expect to be entertained (I know I’m not describing your kid, but the neighbors’ children but there is a disturbing trend that today’s children don’t know how to enjoy their own company. Just saying.) You gauge your child’s abilities, but remember your parenting goal is to help your child learn to someday live (and play!) without you.
kids engaged. The secret is to tailor the ideas to your child’s attention span, abilities and age when you start child-directed free play. 1. Get a library card. Profound, eh? The greatest solo activity for a kid is a good book. So encourage your child to read! Enroll your kid an after school, weekend or summer library program. Or… Get your child a magazine subscription. Check out books on tape to listen to in the car. (And then discuss them. It’s a great way to boost vocabulary and auditory recall!) Download a classic onto your tween’s ipod. There are fabulous lists of free downloads on Kindle. I just downloaded The Wizard of Oz to pass a very long plane delay. 2. Start a hobby Weekends, after school or summer is a good time to start a child on a hobby. The right match with the right kid often turns into a lifelong love. The trick is to find one that supports your child’s interests and ability—and is one that he can do alone. You may have to teach him how to get started or enroll him with a tutor or class, but so be it! Playing a guitar. Knitting. Drawing. Photography. Cooking. Gardening. Coin or stamp collecting. Hobbies not only nurture a child’s talent, but also become a wonderful relaxer, and can last a lifetime! 3. Embrace the great outdoors While that sounds simple enough, sometimes kids need a push to get out the door. (Or in a snow blizzard – try the basement or the garage). Keep a basket filled with fun things that keep kids entertained (bubble blowers, rubber balls, sidewalk chalk, scooters, shovels and pails). Set up a basketball net. Give your kid a bag and tell him to go collect something (bugs, leaves, flowers, rocks—collections are great).
Start with “I’ll be back in one minute—I can’t wait to see what you drew when I return. Surprise me!” Then keep your word, and keep increasing alone time. (You can still be in the room for a young child – just not always managing his every move).
Provide a kite building kit.
Find activities to keep your child engaged “Solo Style” Here are a few solo ideas of activities that will keep your
Fill a can with water and tell your little kids to paint a fence. (I don’t know why that one works, but it kept my
Hand out plastic cups, spoons and bowls and encourage him to go dig (dirt and water and kids just go together).
JULY 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27
[ PARENTING ] three boys busy for hours). The truth is many of our kids are “Nature and Play Deprived” which is a tragedy! Thirty years of research proves that outdoor free play is crucial for our kids social, emotional, cognitive and physical development. Open the door – show your child the great outdoors! 4. Think boxes…boxes…boxes (did I say boxes?) The Smithsonian voted the cardboard box as the absolute best toy – ever. I’m with them! They are glorious substances for creativity. Stock up on them – and in every size from small jewelry boxes to refrigerator crates. They’re not only free, but also can provide hours of imaginative play. Give your kids marking pens and masking tape and they can make igloos, forts, villages, castles, garages, storefronts and hotels. Provide flashlights and they can turn them into caves. Put sheets over the top of boxes and chairs and there’s a whole new dimension: indoor forts! Fun, fun fun! Exactly what kids need, need, need. 5. Teach unplugged games. I love Bobbi Conner’s great book, Unplugged Play: No Batteries. No Plugs. Pure Fun. It’s a parent and teacher must because it’s chock full of fabulous outdoor ideas. It also has dozens of great childhood games like Mother May I, Duck, Duck, Goose, Round Robin that you can teach your child. Just teach it once and your kid can teach the rest of the neighborhood. And while you’re at it, why not marbles, jacks, and hula hoops? Playground games are great and kids can play them anywhere! Now the absolute last thing I’m suggesting you do is all this stuff. But why not just trying one new thing this weekend? Just one. Stick to a realistic plan that works for your family. And then if one of your kids just dares to say, “I’m bored!” tell them you have the perfect solution. It’s a list of household chores that you just happen to have posted on the fridge. I bet you anything he’ll find something to do. There! Isn’t it ironic that we even have to teach kids how to play and occupy “alone time”? Childhood is being redefined, and it’s not always positive. Even in preschools, research has found the children get only 48 minutes a day for free and active play. I’m a big one for kids and lemonade stands, cloud gazing, daisy chains and ball bouncing. I’m also convinced just a little more time in the dirt and water 28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2018
and unstructured adult activities would reduce a lot of stress and produce happier, self-reliant children.
HOW TO CREATE “BOREDOM BOXES” TO HELP PASS THE LULL TIME Start looking around your house for recyclable items and put them into shoeboxes. Save things like tin foil scraps, paper towel tubes, bubble wrap, and popsicle sticks (just keep a bag under your sink). Or clear out your drawers of extra pens, paper clips or scarves. Put a few objects that might go together and the box becomes an instant “mini entertainment centers.” When your child says, “I’m bored, just point to a box. The best thing is it doesn’t cost a dime, takes you five minutes to put the objects together and keeps your kid occupied for hours! Here are a few Boredom Boxes (and there are endless possibilities–be creative and get your kids involved!): Picasso Box: Glue, empty toilet paper rolls, popsicle sticks, paper clips and sheets of tinfoil. (Great for kids who like to do things with their hands) Frank Lloyd Wright Box: Hammer, nails, wood pieces, sandpaper (For your more active one-and not for wee ones or kids who do need supervision!) Frida Kahlo Box: Paper, crayons, pencils, paint, paintbrush Coco Channel Box: Hats, scarves, old shirts, torn sheets, bath towels (for capes) for dress up and pretend. Louisa May Alcott Box: Paper, pencils, or a journal. Nathan Lane Box: Draw out your kid’s singing, dancing, writing, or acting talent and suggest they write, direct and perform plays (for the neighborhood, their family, or certainly grandma and grandpa. Paul McCartney Box: Make musical instruments out of paper tubes, wax paper and a rubber band or put a kazoo inside. Look around your house for any kinds of objects that make fun sounds.
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