ACTIVE FAMILY MAGAZINE | May 2023

FAMILY VACATION SURVIVAL GUIDE

Tracie Brown

Elizabeth Kang

ekang@activefamilymag.com

Social Media & Sales Manager

Trista Cambra-Flanders

Design/Production

Teresa Agnew Craft

Contributing Authors

Dr. Meg Meeker

Dr. Agnes Wong

Elizabeth Kang

Dr. Laura Markham

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

Family Vacation Survival Guide

by Dr. Laura Markham

Children love vacations. Not just because they finally get to escape a year of feeling cooped up. And not because they get to go to Disney World or some other place they've idealized in their minds. Vacations give children something much more important: Connection with you! Usually, parents are more relaxed, more fun, more emotionally available. It's common for kids to say that their favorite summer memory is something simple and free of charge, like lying on a blanket looking at the stars with the family. These sweet pleasures are the golden experiences that shape rich childhood memories.

Kids also love vacations with extended family. They follow the older cousins around like puppies, and forge lifelong bonds with the kids their own age. These visits often shape their memories of grandparents and provide a sense of heritage.

But vacation can also be stressful. Kids often stay up late, get disconnected from parents, and melt down from the overload. I call it Family Vacation Stress Syndrome. (Of course, parents often experience their own version, whether from extended family tensions, grandparents judging their parenting, or logistical pressures. So the first rule for a restful vacation is to find a way to restore your own peace when you get off balance!)

Even if it's just your own family on a vacation you've all looked forward to, the disrupted schedules, traveling, and the crash and burn from all the excitement can easily be a recipe for tears and tantrums. Here are my top tips to help you manage life during vacation-whether in the summer or in the winter-- so you can maximize the joy and minimize the tears.

1. Give kids plenty of warning about upcoming events so they know what to expect.

Before traveling with young children, you might make a little book to show them what will happen each day. (“Then we leave for Grandma’s, where you’ll get to play with all the cousins.”) Your book doesn't have to be fancy -- print out photos on loose-leaf paper, and put them in a 3-ring binder. Many kids love to draw a picture of what will be happening each day to add to your book. This helps them both enjoy the anticipation and conquer any fears. And seeing those smiling faces in advance helps them warm up more quickly to relatives they don't see often.

2. Coach your kids about the social behavior you expect.

Role play with them in the car before you arrive, or make a game of it before you go:

"In the hotel hallways, we use inside voices and we don't run. Why do you think that is?"

"What do you when Uncle Norman wants to hug you hello?" (Don't force kids to hug if they don't want to, but teach them to offer a hearty handshake instead.)

"What if you don’t like the dinner that’s served?"

"When you want to leave the table, how do you ask?"

"The airplane is like a flying village with everyone close together, so there are special rules to be safe and considerate. Let's see if we can guess what they are... It can be hard to stay in your seat...what do you think you could do on the plane if you get bored?"

“What will you do if the cousins start arguing?”

3. Keep kids on their usual schedule as much as possible.

Kids need the security of familiar routines. They get stressed by unfamiliar events and what feels to them like chaotic unpredictability. Do what you can to keep them on schedule, and be patient when they get hyped-up or irritable.

4. If you’re flying with kids, plan to arrive early

...enough that they get to “run” a bit in the airport hallway after sitting still in the car and before sitting still on the plane. Make sure to change diapers and use the bathroom just before boarding. If you use overnight diapers (more absorbent), you might get lucky and avoid diaper changes on the flight. Bring small wrapped “presents” – books, treats, chapstick, puzzles, simple crafts – for each child. Kids can look forward to getting one as soon as they’ve buckled their seat belts, and more whenever you need a distraction mid-flight. Blue painter's tape always comes in handy, too -- you can make a tic-tac-toe board on the tray table, use it for crafts, tape up blankets around his seat to make a cozy fort, and even make a hopscotch board in the airport while you're waiting. Be sure to bring bottles, sugar-free lollipops or something else to suck on during take-off and landing if your child isn't nursing (sucking on anything will help equalize the air pressure on those tiny ear drums.) And even if you don't usually use screens with your child, it's smart to have movies downloaded and at the ready so your child has something to watch even if there's no wifi on your flight.

5. Plan no more than one event per day. What you want to avoid, of course, is racing around before you leave, getting stressed out by a busy trip that

includes lots of meltdowns, and returning home in need of a vacation. Kids tend to get cranky and stressed with travel and schedule changes, so plan to do less. You'll all enjoy it more.

6. Have age-appropriate expectations.

A four year old can’t be expected to sit quietly while you enjoy a fancy dinner. If you’re doing a lot of visiting with adults, be sure the kids have something to occupy them. If they can read, buy them a new book for the occasion, one they can’t wait to get into. If they’re too young to stay absorbed in a book, be sure there's an option to watch a screen. Even if you usually have dinner as a family, vacations are a great time to feed kids early-- less pressure on the kids to "behave" at a table of adults, and the adults can enjoy a chance to talk at dinner. Remember, you need to recharge your own batteries, too!

7. Snuggle with your child every morning

...before getting out of bed. It's very grounding for kids to connect with you and review how the day is expected to unfold -- even if it will be a lot like yesterday.

8. Schedule in some quiet decompression time every night.

Be sure to bring some favorite, comforting books from home.

9. Make sure you have nightly quiet time after lights out

...to lie with your child and listen to her chat about the day. Ask about their favorite thing today, the worst thing, and what they're looking forward to tomorrow. This is when you'll hear about minor conflicts or insecurities that your child is working to handle with the other kids. Don't feel you have to jump in and "solve" the problem -- your child mostly needs a chance to be heard and have her feelings acknowledged, so she can figure out how to advocate for herself.

10. Bring Blackout curtains with you on vacation Report ad

to keep your child asleep longer in the morning -- and to help your child settle on those summer evenings when the light stays so long.

11. White noise machines can be invaluable

...both to keep kids sleeping longer in the morning, and to block out the sound of adults and older kids carousing, so little ones can settle down.

12. Physical Activity

Be sure your schedule includes plenty of visits to the playground or other opportunities for the kids to get wild.

13. Down time. Kids need downtime, just to chill out, snuggle, and do whatever relaxes them. If they don’t get it, they can’t really be blamed for melting down when the overstimulation gets to them. What does your child do at home to relax? Draw? Play with her imaginary friend? His little figurines? Make sure every day includes a little downtime with your child's favorite activity to help him regroup.

14. Soothing activities for little ones

...that work for most kids:

Sand play - Put some sand in a lasagna pan on the deck, add small figurines, vehicles, and a strong spoon for digging.

Water play - At the beach or lake, of course. But even on a back deck with a spaghetti pot of water. For variety, add ice cubes, paint brushes, sponges, plastic water pitchers. Toddlers love to "paint" the deck or wash the picnic table.

Bubbles. You'll have to help the little ones, but all kids love bubbles and blowing bubbles reduces stress. You can easily make your own bubble mix (Add 3 Tbsp of Glycerine and 2/3 cup of dish soap -- Joy & Dawn are best -- to a gallon of water.) Any twig with a loop of yarn can be used as a bubble wand.

Clay- If you're in a rented space on vacation, limit clay to a tray, pan, or outside. But clay, sculpey or playdoh is a wonderful, tactile way for kids to knead and pound out the stresses that inevitably accompany all new experiences.

15. Watch your kids’ food intake in the midst of too many treats and hyped-up schedules.

Many tantrums originate from hunger. And all parents recognize the sugar high that sends kids bouncing off walls and then crashing into tears. If necessary, speak with grandparents in advance about limiting treats. And carry small protein-rich snacks with you so your child doesn’t have a melt-down while the adults are

negotiating where to go to dinner.

16. Time with you.

Your kids may be chasing the older cousins, but they still want, and need, time with you. This is a perfect opportunity to turn off your cell phone and see what an inspired parent you are when you have a chance to relax and revel in just being alive. Just want to lie under the umbrella with your magazine? Make that your reward after you spend five minutes in the water with your child. You'll be amazed how much more alive -- and connected to your child -- you feel after a five minute water fight. And how much more willing your child is when you need their cooperation.

17. Look at this vacation as a chance to recharge and reconnect your family.

Don't try to work on vacation -- this is family time. Forgo organized evenings in favor of family board games and keep your focus on connecting rather than sight-seeing or structured activities.

18. If friends and family criticize your parenting...

Parenting in public is always hard and kids are often not at their best when they're out of their usual routine and schedules. Stay calm, smile, and acknowledge the other person's concern. ( "I hear you. That screeching IS loud!" ) Then do whatever you can to address their concern. ( "Okay, kids, get your shoes on, we're going outside, and

I have a really cool game for us to play!" ) Don't worry, this is just a case of conflicting needs, not a referendum on your parenting. What if it is? Be sure to read this article: When friends and family criticize your parenting. 19. The most important tip, as always in parenting, is to manage yourself so you can stay calm.

You're on vacation with your child or children, so this is by definition a "working vacation."  And traveling is stressful for everyone. But remember that your kids depend on you not only to regulate their environment, but also to help them regulate their moods -- so you need to maintain a state of well-being yourself. Besides, you deserve a vacation too! Make sure you take this opportunity to trade off child care responsibilities with other adults, if possible, so you get a chance to replenish your own spirits. You're never too old to have a summer vacation you'll always remember.

SAN DIEGO

DIEGO

FUN & SUN IN MISSION BAY

by Elizabeth Kang

San Diego is universally loved for its warm weather, delicious food, and sparkling beaches, but we've discovered one area of the city, in particular, that’s worthy of a lengthy shout out – Mission Bay. Mission Bay is the largest human-made aquatic park in the U.S., surrounded by 27 miles of soft-sand shoreline. Populated with upscale, family friendly resorts, as well as a staggering number of delicious restaurants, from casual to fine dining, this popular recreational area is sure to be a blast with the entire family.

We love Mission Bay for its amazing assortment of family friendly offerings, such as whale watching, boating, water sports, beachside s’mores, and funfilled resorts. Aquatic thrill-seekers can choose from wake-boarding, kite surfing, jet-skiing, paddle-boarding, or sailing lessons on the water. On land, golfing, day spas, shopping extravaganzas, and the freshest seafood around are just some of the highlights that keep “landlubbers” happy in Mission Bay.

Whether you seek adventure and thrills or relaxation and rest, Mission Bay is an aquatic haven for families, friends and couples alike. Children of all ages will find plenty to keep them occupied, and parents will have a hard time choosing from all of the fantastic restaurants and resorts in the area. To help narrow down your options, we’ve highlighted our two favorite resorts in Mission Bay — both stellar options for a family friendly home base in-between all the fun and sun. Read on to discover more about these two wonderful resorts.

PARADISE POINT RESORT & SPA

Paradise Point is a sprawling family oasis, nestled on 44 private, waterfront acres in Mission Bay. With 462 guest bungalows and suites, along with five pools, four restaurants and a full-service spa, this stunning resort offers something for everyone, (as well as pets!). One of the main attractions, however, is its proximity to SeaWorld, which is just a 25-minute walk away.

This longstanding resort boasts an iconic beginning, when Hollywood producer Jack Skirball built the hotel in 1962 as an elite getaway for the rich and famous. Today, the resort maintains it's glamour, but features a more welcoming feel, with tropical flora and fauna, and peaceful lagoons. Waiting just outside of the stunning hotel grounds are top attractions such as SeaWorld, historic Old Town, the legendary San Diego Zoo, Balboa Park, and the Gaslamp Quarter.

Although Paradise Point is near plenty of top attractions, there’s so much to do right on the property that leaving may be more challenging than anticipated! There are five sparkling pools to enjoy — one of which is for adults only, and as well as a tranquil waterfall pool, and a pool area featuring cozy fire pits for nighttime s’mores with the kids. The sprawling main pool allows for plenty of room for families to splash and swim, and also features poolside service from the Tropics Cabana, delivering frozen margaritas to adults and cheesy quesadillas to hungry kiddos.

When a pool break is in order, guests can find lawn games to play on the property, or rent beach cruisers or quadracycles to cruise the 14 miles of paved, waterfront pathways. An inviting, white sandy beach encircles the property, beckoning families to relax, build sand castles, and partake in a game of beach volleyball. Paradise Point also boasts its own private marina, with sailboats, speed boats, kayaks, paddle boards, and jet skis for rent. Other activities include golfing the 9-hole putting course and adult putting green, tennis (there are four courts on the property,) basketball, and a wellappointed fitness center.

When it’s time to relax and slow down, be sure to wander into the property’s Island Market for cute keepsakes, unique gifts and forgotten essentials. After a little shopping, don’t miss a spa treatment at Paradise Point’s awardwinning spa, where guests enjoy stateof-the-art treatments, as well as hair, nail, and waxing services. The Spa at Paradise Point is a lush, tropical oasis that was recently named among the top 100 US resort spas by Conde Nast Traveler.

All that relaxation and activity is bound to work up an appetite, and happily, Paradise Point doesn’t want for choices when it comes to dining. For casual dining with incredible beachfront views, Barefoot Bar & Grill offers “New American” cuisine for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Expect family favorites such as gourmet burgers, fresh seafood, crisp salads and innovative pastas. For stellar service, savory cuisine and 180-degree sunset views, Tidal Restaurant is the

resort’s signature eatery, and a can’t miss for fresh, local cuisine highlighting the freshest catch of the day.

For poolside eats and refreshing drinks, Tropics Cantina can’t miss. Located at the main pool, this eatery delivers Baja-style, Mexican cuisine right to your lounge chair, such as homemade chips and salsa, and authentic Margaritas served exactly how you’d like, whether that be frozen or on the rocks. Caveman Pizza Company is a favorite with kids and adults alike, serving hot, fresh pies in a unique space which once doubled as a bunker during the cold war. Today, it’s a fun and unique dining destination that the kids won’t soon forget, serving buildyour-own pizzas, and craft beer.

When it’s time to settle down and fireside s’mores, night swims and relaxing showers have been had, families will find comfortable rooms and cozy beds at Paradise Point. Choose from a variety of lodging, including cozy guest rooms, which are perfect for couples or a small family, spacious suites, which accommodate those looking for more room, and bungalows, which feature a full living/dining room, and easy garden or beach access.

Whichever room you choose, families can’t go wrong staying at Mission Bay’s Paradise Point resort, voted Best Family Resort by readers of San Diego Magazine.

CATAMARAN RESORT HOTEL & SPA

With newly renovated rooms and a fun, Polynesian-inspired aesthetic, Catamaran Resort is another of our favorite stays in Mission Bay. A highlight of this family friendly resort is its poolside Keiki Klub, an interactive kids club running 1-3 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. Featuring complimentary Hawaiian-inspired arts and crafts like lei-making, the Keiki Klub is a great way for kids to take a break from the sun and enjoy some fun (and free) downtime.

Catamaran Resort is located on the opposite side of the bay from Paradise Point, only eight miles from the San Diego International Airport. This lush resort boasts tropical “casual elegance,” and may be the closest thing to Hawaii from the Bay Area, without the fivehour plane ride. The grounds feature lush foliage, swaying palms, tiki torches, waterfalls, ponds and tropical birds, and the stellar service gives off warm, aloha vibes. The property even features sunsetbuffet luaus with live entertainment on Tuesday and Friday evenings, running June 13 through Sept 1st.

Even without a ticket to the luau, guests get a true taste of the aloha spirit at Catamaran Resort, where complimentary hula lessons and leimaking workshops are offered, and weekend-evening torch-lighting ceremonies beckon guests to sway to live Polynesian musical entertainment while sipping authentic Mai Tai's. Kids will get a kick out of the six colorful parrots during the resort’s daily bird show, where professional bird handlers showcase the

parrots’ talkative talents.

Another highlight of this welcoming resort is its spa, which is a wonderful respite for adults to get some R&R. The Catamaran Spa offers rejuvenating massages, facials and nail treatments, and includes use of the steam room, pool, and bay front whirlpool before and after treatments.

Family friendly activities offered at the resort are plentiful, and include a Bahia Belle Cruise for just $15 per hotel guest. This 45-minute sight-seeing cruise is offered Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, departing from the Catamaran Resort. The cruise is a wonderful way to spend a scenic evening atop the 74-foot, 3-story sternwheeler boat, with an observation deck for great views, and refreshments available for purchase.

Other fun activities include a selfguided scavenger hunt that will delight the kids, and family friendly movie nights outdoors, on the beach. There’s a weekly complimentary ice cream social at the pool, and family game nights with board games to borrow, as well as morning yoga on the bay, complimentary for hotel guests.

When all that activity awakens the appetite, Oceana Coastal Kitchen answers the call. The resort’s signature restaurant features beachside dining and is open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This popular restaurant also features a number of daily specials, such as 1/2-priced wine bottles on Thursdays, and $15 flatbreads and sushi on Mondays and Tuesdays. Look for

live entertainment on Wednesdays and Thursdays, too.

Other great dining options at the resort include Moray’s Outdoor Lounge, featuring a tropical setting with a great happy hour menu, sushi, salads, and sandwiches. Lava Java is the resort's quick grab’n’go coffee and smoothie bar, featuring convenient breakfast and lunch options and an outdoor seating area.

Room options at Catamaran Resort range from comfortable and affordable garden or tower rooms, with around 325 square feet, to 600-square-foot suites, with kitchen amenities or direct access to the beach from the patio — a great choice for families with little ones.

Whether you choose a sweeping view of the bay or a lush garden view with firstfloor access, families and couples alike are sure to enjoy the scenery, and will find their every need accommodated at this four-star resort.

CATAMARAN RESORT HOTEL & SPA

858-488-1081

3999 MISSION BOULEVARD

SAN DIEGO CA 92109

Dr. Agnes Wong is a pediatric ophthalmologist at The Hospital for Sick Children and a professor at the University of Toronto. She is the author of two recent books: “The Art and Science of Compassion, A Primer. Reflections of a Physician-Chaplain” and “Loving Presence. Visual Meditations of a Woman’s Inner Journey.”

How To Raise Compassionate Kids

by Dr. Agnes Wong

Like many parents, I often ask myself: How could we raise loving and compassionate kids? Is compassion innate, and can it be nurtured? Many books and articles have been written about this, offering helpful tips such as being a role model, teaching kids empathy and kindness, etc. However, something seems to be missing.

I’d like to use an analogy: in an emergency, we must put on our own oxygen mask first before trying to help others. Similarly, if we want our children to be compassionate, we must first cultivate loving-kindness and compassion ourselves.

The good news is that we are all born with basic goodness. Many studies have shown that caring behaviours are exhibited even in very young children. For example, scientists have demonstrated that infants as young as six months prefer helpers over hinderers. This indicates that young children already possess an innate sense of fairness and compassion.

How Do Children Express Compassion?

If compassion and kindness are inborn, what inhibits children from expressing them? An apparent cause is that as children grow older, they learn from adults and cultural norms to classify people into different groups. They begin to categorize some people as deserving of their love and compassion, while discriminating against others.

A more subtle cause is that through positive reinforcement, we may inadvertently set up an expectation of what constitutes good behaviours. Acting compassionately becomes a goal for children to obtain approval or reward from their caregivers. Being kind becomes effortful and contrived, impeding the natural expression of their essential goodness.

How Do We Help Them Express Their Compassion?

What could we do to allow their basic goodness to manifest itself naturally? The key is to give them love and compassion, which are two sides of the same coin— when we love them, we are naturally compassionate, wishing them to be free from suffering. And when we are compassionate, we naturally want them to be happy.

Not only that, love and compassion are feelings. They are a felt sense of warmth, of being embraced. They are a direct experience—a hug, a kiss, or gentle touch— rather than mere verbal communication; like ice cream, no amount of words can replace or speak to the actual taste of its sweetness. Importantly, love and compassion are unconditional and do not involve any expectations.

The way we express love toward our children and make them feel loved, in turn, promotes their own ability for kindness and compassion. This is also backed by science. Oxytocin, the so-called “love hormone,” is crucial in fostering caring behaviours. Studies have shown that oxytocin receptor gene expression is regulated by maternal engagement. Babies whose mothers play with them and respond to their needs have more oxytocin receptors. When they become toddlers, they exhibit better emotion regulation—they are happier, helpful to their peers, and less averse to anger and fear.

Unfortunately, love and compassion have often been

conflated with self-centred love. For example, we may say: “I will only love you if you love me, or when you meet my expectations, or when you make me look good” (e.g., do your homework, have good grades at school, be a good kid). Or, we might say: “I will only be compassionate if you deserve it” (e.g., you have done your best, you have been ill, you have good reasons).

So What Do They Actually Need?

But what children truly need is to be seen and heard as unique human beings. They want to be recognized as who they really are. They need space and support from adults to express and reach their full potential, without us imposing our own unconscious, unmet needs on them.

To do this, parents and caregivers must turn inward and ask: What brings me joy? What causes me sorrow? What unmet needs and challenges may come from my upbringing, cultural conditioning, and societal expectations? What is my fear? Who am I really?

Understandably, these are not easy questions to answer, which ask us to slow down, pause, and reflect. They also require us to cultivate more self-awareness, the ability to stay present, and self-regulation. And that’s why spending time in nature, taking some time off in solitude, or having a meditative practice are all time-honoured ways we can gift to ourselves, despite the hustle and bustle of modern living and parenting.

In addition, research has revealed that when we practice loving-kindness meditation, sending love and compassion towards oneself and others, it activates areas of the brain associated with positive emotions and social bonding. This again indicates an innate potential for compassion that can be further nurtured as adults.

As we become more present, we naturally become more understanding. And as we are more at ease with ourselves and more attuned to our needs, we become more loving and compassionate toward our children. In this way, without us having to deliberately model or expect our children to exhibit “good” behaviours, they will naturally become more loving and compassionate.

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Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician, who has practiced pediatric and adolescent medicine for 25 years. She is the author of six books including the best-selling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: Ten Secrets Every Father Should Know; Boys Should Be Boys; Your Kids At Risk;, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity; Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30 Day Challenge and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men, (Ballantine) April 2014. She is a popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships.

Dr. Meeker is co-host and physician-in-residence of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk Radio. She is also Assistant Clinical Professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and currently teaches medical students and physicians in residency training. She is board certified with the American Board of Pediatrics and is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Dr. Meeker serves on the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute. She has been married to her husband, Walter for 32 years. They have shared a medical practice for over 20 years. They have three grown daughters and a grown son. She lives in northern Michigan.

Moms: Give Yourself Some Gifts This Mother’s Day

by Dr. Meg Meeker

You have permission, Mom!

Mother’s Day is coming and I know it can bring some mixed feelings. On a day where we should feel celebrated and cherished, we can end up disappointed and frustrated. Maybe in years past, you haven’t received the flowers you were hoping for, the kids didn’t make you a card, or the day was forgotten about by everyone entirely. Our desire to be noticed on this day is a natural thing. We give so much of ourselves to our families and friends every day and we long for a little recognition of that.

This Mother’s Day, I want you to give yourself some gifts. These aren’t necessarily material things (though I love chocolate and jewelry as much as the next woman!), these are gifts that will help pave the way for you to experience more joy, peace, and contentment in your role as mom.

Gift #1: The Gift of Expression

There’s a common misconception that your spouse/partner should be able to read your mind and provide exactly what you want without being asked. This unfortunately isn’t realistic! While of course it would be wonderful to be celebrated without having to remind or prompt our spouse/partner/kids, I encourage you to take this opportunity to express what you want and what you need for this day. Don’t fall into the trap of resentment, thinking “They should know what I want! We’ve been together for 10 years!”. Don’t remain silent, and then wind up feeling unappreciated and unloved on the day.

Relationship experts will tell you that the key to lasting, happy marriages is COMMUNICATION. So, I want you to sit down with your spouse/partner this week before Mother’s Day and express what you would like in a healthy

way (don’t use this as an opportunity to complain and accuse for poor past experiences). Say something like:

“Hey honey, as Mother’s Day is coming up next week, I wanted to let you know about a few things that would really make me feel loved and special on the day. I would love some _______________ (flowers/your favorite chocolate or treat/etc.) and it would mean so much if you and the kids _________________ (think about things that you truly love and cherish and highlight those –maybe it’s handwritten cards, maybe it’s a little video of the kids and your husband saying things they love about you, maybe it’s a gift certificate for a spa day! You know what you love, so share it!). It would mean so much to me if you could celebrate me in this way!”

If this seems a little awkward or difficult, think about it this way: would you rather have a few moments of discomfort sharing your valid feelings with your spouse OR feel upset on Mother’s Day because they failed to celebrate you in a way that you valued, but never expressed? Step out of your comfort zone, Mom. You’re worthy of being cherished.

P.S. You can utilize the gift of expression in every area of your life. The more you get used to sharing your needs and desires in a healthy way, the easier life can become – and the happier you can be!

Gift #2: The Gift of Freeing up Time

Before you tell me that you have no free time and absolutely no way to get it, let me ask you a question: What can you delete from your schedule that will give you some free time over the next few months?

Think about it. Look at your schedule and your daily to-dos and see what changes you can make. Do you go on a big grocery run every week that takes an hour or longer? Try grocery pickup! Most stores have that option now. Do you have to drop off/pick up the kids from extracurricular activities every other night? See if you can trade off carpooling with other parents so you each get a free night. Do you spend hours cleaning the house? Look at your budget and see if you can afford getting a cleaner to come in once a month/every other

month – it’s not as expensive as you might think and the mental load it relieves is huge. Are there requests you’ve begrudgingly said yes to? Take a step back from them for a few months! The world will not end if you say no to a few things – trust me.

Your time is valuable and there is wisdom in guarding it. When you have some space to breathe in your day you’ll find you’re a little more patient, a little more gracious and a little more joyful.

Gift #3: The Gift of Ditching the Guilt

As moms, we can be all too hard on ourselves. We rarely think that what we are doing is good enough and we compile this ridiculous mental list of things we believe we have to achieve in order to be a ‘great mom’. But here’s the thing…there are all types of great moms! What is “great” for one mom is unattainable for another – and that doesn’t make them any less of a mom.

I encourage you to make an honest list of all of the things you feel you should do for your kids and then scratch out 2-3 of them. The truth is: you worry about doing too many things for your kids that they would be better off if you didn’t do! For example: always picking up after them, doing homework for them, making sure that the meals you feed them are perfect, disciplining them just enough but not too much, never raising your voice, entertaining them at all times – I’ll bet there are at least 10 things you do for your kids that you feel you must do and feel guilty when you fail at them. DITCH THAT GUILT ! Our kids are capable of a lot of things we end up doing for them – and when you empower them to pick up after themselves, help with laundry, let their imagination blossom out of “boredom” – you’re giving them the gifts of self-sufficiency and independence (all while lessening your to-do list).

In this final week before Mother’s Day, I hope you’ll give yourself these gifts. You are worthy of expressing your needs, having some free time and living without crippling guilt. Embrace these small changes and watch them add up to a more peaceful and joyful motherhood journey. You’ve got this, Mom. I’m cheering you on.

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www.bladiumalameda.com/ youth-kids/kids-camps

Sticky Art Lab 1682 University Ave. 510.981.1148

www.stickyartlab.com

Young Writers Camp UC Berkeley Campus 510.642.0971

www.bawpwritingcamp.org

Green Stuff Summer Camp UC Berkeley Botanical Gardens 510.643.4832

www.botanicalgarden.berkeley. edu

Lawrence Hall of Science UC Berkeley 510.642.5134

www.lawrencehallofscience.org

BERKELEY/ECHO LAKE

City of Dublin 100 Civic Plaza 925.556.4500

www.ci.dublin.ca.us

Valley Christian School 7500 Inspiration Dr. 925.560.6270

www.ValleyChristianSchools.org

Edge Gymnastics Training Center 6780 Sierra Court St. K 925.479.9904

www.edge-gymnastics.com

Kidz Kraftz Quail Creek Cir. 925.271.0015

www.kidzkraftz.com/camps

BERKELEY

Music Discovery Workshop

2005 Berryman St. 510.528.1725

www.sfems.org

St. John’s Camp Elmwood 2727 College Ave. 510.845.6830

www.stjohnsberkeley.org/ campelmwood

Camp Kee Tov 1301 Oxford St. 510.842.2372

www.campkeetov.org

Habitot

2065 Kittredge St. 510.647.1111 ext. 14

www.habitot.org/museum/ activities_camps.html

Monkey Business Camp

2880A Sacramento St. 510.540.6025

www.monkeybusinesscamp.com

Berkeley Echo Lake Camp Lot #7 Echo Lakes Rd 530.659.7539

www.cityofberkeley.info/camps

CASTRO VALLEY

Skye Valley Training Camp 10250 Crow Canyon Rd 925.858.8825

www.psi.lunariffic.com/~skyev0/

Sarah’s Science 21525 Knoll Way 510.581.3739

www.sarahscience.com

Bee Best Learning 20394 San Miguel Ave. 510.728.2110

www.beebestlearning.com

DUBLIN

East Bay SPCA Animal Camp

4651 Gleason Dr. 925.479.9670

www.eastbayspca.org/camp

Tri-Valley YMCA 6693 Sierra Ln 925.263.4444

www.trivalley.ymcaeastbay.org

Extended Day Child Care 8435 Davona Dr. 925.829.4043 & 7997 Vomac Rd. 925.551.8170 7243 Tamarack Dr. 925.833.0127 & 5301 Hibernia Dr. 925.803.4154 & 3300 Antone Way 925.826.5538

www.extendeddaychildcare.com

Quarry Lane School 6363 Tassajara Rd. 925.829.8000

www.quarrylane.org

FREMONT Learning Bee Summer Camp 39977 Mission Blvd. 510.226.8408

www.learningbeeusa.com

Ohlone for Kids

43600 Mission Blvd. 510.659.6000

www.ohlone.edu/org/ ohloneforkids

HAYWARD

Hayward Area Recreation Park District (H.A.R.D.) Day Camps 510.881.6700

www.haywardrec.org

LIVERMORE Horizons East Equestrian Center 5111 Doolan Rd. 925.960.9696

www.showstables.com

Roy’s Magic Camp 2466 8th St. 925.455.0600

www.magiccamp.org

Camp Arroyo Taylor Family Foundation 5535 Arroyo Rd. 925.371.8401

www.ebparks.org/activities/ daycamps/parks_camp_arroyo

Saddle to Ride

Topline Training, Inc. 4180 Greenville Rd. 925.858.3933

www.saddle2ride.com

Xtreme Force Dance Company 847 Rincon Ave. 925.455.6054

www.xtremeforcedanceco.com

Double Diamond Sports Academy 2272 Research Dr. 925.830.9765

www.doublediamondsportsacademy.com

Valley Montessori 1273 N. Livermore Ave. 925.455.8021

www.valleymontessorischool. com

OAKLAND

Lakeshore Children’s Center 3534 Lakeshore Ave. 510.893.4048

www.lakeshorechildrenscenter.org

Urban Adventure Camp 5701 Cabot Dr. 510.339.0676

www.urbanadventurecamps.com

East Bay SPCA Animal Camp 8323 Baldwin St. 510.569.0702

www.eastbayspca.org/camp

California Shakespeare Theater Summer Conservatory 4660 Harbord Dr. 510.809.3293

www.calshakes.org/v4/educ/ summer_conservatories.html

Oakland Summer ZooCamp 9777 Golf Links Rd. 510.632.9525

www.oaklandzoo.org

Lake Merritt Boating Center Youth Boating Camps 568 Bellevue Ave. 510.238.2196

www.sailoakland.com

Raskob Learning Institute 3520 Mountain Blvd. 510.436.1275

www.raskobinstitute.org

Kids N’ Dance 3840 Macarthur Blvd. 510.531.4400

www.kidsndance.com

Camps

MOCHA Summer Camp 1625 Clay St. 510.465.8770

www.mocha.org

PLEASANTON

Gingerbread Preschool 4333 Black Ave. 925.931.3430

www.ci.pleasanton.ca.us/services/ recreation/gb/gbhome.html

Extended Day Child Care 5199 Black Ave. 925.846.5519

www.extendeddaychildcare.com

Quarry Lane School - East 3750 Boulder St. 925.846.9400

www.quarrylane.org

Quarry Lane School - West 4444B Black Ave. 925.462.6300

www.quarrylane.org

Yang Fan Academy 4160 Hacienda Dr. St. 100 925.699.4664

www.yfacademy.org

City of Pleasanton Summer Programs 200 Old Bernal Ave. 925.931.3436

www.ci.pleasanton.ca.us

Expressions Dance & Art 3015 Hopyard Rd. Ste. I 925.200.9908

www.expressions-dance-arts.com/

Young Ivy Academy 5460 Sunol Blvd (#3) 925.548.0188

www.youngivyacademy.com

Inspire Music Academy 2340 Santa Rita Rd. Ste. 7 925.461.3266

www.inspiremusicacademy.com

Contra Costa County

ANTIOCH

City of Antioch Parks and Recreation 213 “F” St 925.776.7070

www.ci.antioch.ca.us/Recreation

Four Stars Gymnastics Academy 1799 Vineyard Dr. 925.778.8650

www.fourstarsgym.com

CONCORD

City of Concord Parks and Recreation 925.671.3404

www.cityofconcord.org/recreation/ summercamps

Camp Concord in South Lake Tahoe 1000 Mt. Tallac Trailhead Rd South Lake Tahoe 530.541.1203

www.ci.concord.ca.us/recreation/ camp

Backyard Explorers Corner of Babel Ln & Cowell Rd. 925.671.3118

www.cityofconcord.org/recreation/ summercamps/backyardexp.htm

DANVILLE City of Danville Camps 420 Front St. 925.314.3400

www.danville.ca.gov/Recreation/ Camps

Vision Tech Camps 117 Town & Country Dr. St. B 925.699.9602

www.visiontechcamps.com

Athenian Summer Programs at Athenian School 2100 Mt. Diablo Scenic Blvd 925.837.5375

www.athenian.org

Color Bundles 301 Hartz Ave. #104 925.727.3137

www.colorbundles.com

Camp Brainy Bunch 741 Brookside Dr. 510.548.4800

www.campbrainybunch.com

Quest Therapeutic Camps Charlotte Wood Middle School 600 El Captain Dr. 925.743.2900

www.questcamps.com

Summer

LAFAYETTE

California Shakespeare Theater Summer Conservatory

1000 Upper Happy Valley Rd 510.809.3293

www.calshakes.org/v4/educ/ summer_conservatories.html

Kids N’ Dance 3369 Mt. Diablo 925.284.7388

www.kidsndance.com

Sienna Ranch 3232 Deer Hill Rd. 925.283.6311

www.siennaranch.net

Sherman Swim School 1075 Carol Ln. 925.283.2100

www.shermanswim.com

Merriewood Children’s Center 561 Merriewood Dr. 925.284.2121

www.merriewood.org

MARTINEZ

John Muir

Mountain Day Camp John Muir National Historic Site

925.680.8807

www.johnmuirassociation.org/ muircamp/index.php

French For Fun

3381 Mt. Diablo Blvd 925.283.9822

www.frenchforfun.com

Lafayette Tennis Club

3125 Camino Diablo 925.937.2582

www.lafayettetennis.com

Husky House for Kids

3855 Happy Valley Rd. 925.283.7100

www.huskyhouseforkids.org/ summer-camp-programs

Lafayette Community Center Camps

500 Saint Mary’s Rd. 925.284.2232

www.lafayetterec.org

Roughing It Day Camp

1010 Oak Hill Rd. 925.283.3795

www.roughingit.com

Rancho Saguaro 1050 Pereira Rd. 925.788.5200

www.ranchosaguaro.com

MORAGA

Gaels Summer Camp 1928 St Mary’s Rd. 925.631.4FUN

www.smcgaels.com

Camp Saklan 1678 School St. 925.376.7900

www.saklan.org/about-us/campsaklan

OAKLEY

City of Oakley Parks and Recreation

3231 Main St. 925.625.7044

www.ci.oakley.ca.us

Diamond Hills Sports Club 1510 Neroly Rd. 925.420.4575

www.sparetimeclubs.com

ORINDA

BandWorks Summer Camp

28 Orinda Way 925.254.2445

www.bandworks.com/summer_ orinda.php

Orinda Academy

19 Altarinda Rd. 925.478.4504

www.orindaacademy.org

Camp Doodle

66 St. Stephens Dr. www.campdoodles.com

Pleasant Hill

City of Pleasant Hill Camps 147 Gregory Ln 925.682.0896

www.pleasanthillrec.com

PITTSBURG

City of Pittsburg

Parks and Recreation

300 Presido Ln. 925.252.4842

www.ci.pittsburg.ca.us

SAN RAMON

City of San Ramon Camps 2226 Camino Ramon 925.973.2500

www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us

School of Rock San Ramon 460 Montgomery Street 925.415.3340 510.207.9281

bit.ly/SORsanramoncamps

Adventure Day Camp

Dorris-Eaton School

One Annabel Lane 925.937.6500

www.adventuredaycamp.com

WALNUT CREEK

Adventure Day Camp

Seven Hills School 975 North San Carlos Dr. 925.937.6500

www.adventuredaycamp.com

Camp ARF for Kids 2890 Mitchell Dr. 925.256.1273

www.youth.arf.net

Castle Rock Arabians 1350 Castle Rock Rd. 925.933.3701

www.castlerockarabians.com

City of Walnut Creek Summer Camps 1666 North Main St. 925.943.5899

www.walnut-creek.org

COPA STC 2640 Shadelands Dr. Walnut Creek, CA 925.357.8999

www.copastc.com

Lindsay Wildlife Museum Summer Science Camp 1931 First Ave. 925.935.1978

www.wildlife-museum.org

Multiple Locations

The Growing Room Academy

Various locations around the Bay Offers: 3,4 and 5 Day Camps 925.837.4392

www.thegrowingroom.org

Camp Rocks: Girl Scouts of Northern California Offered at 5 locations: San Rafael (Camp Bothin), Santa Cruz (Skylark Ranch), San Jose (Camp Metro Day Camp), North Lake Tahoe (Deer Lake), and the Sierra Nevada Mountains (Sugar Pine) 800.447.4475 ext. 2091

www.camprocks.org

Mad Science Camp

Offered at several local Recreation sites and Community Centers

925.687.1900

www.mtdiablo.madscience.org

Steve and Kate’s Camp

Danville, Dublin, Fremont, Oakland, Walnut Creek and Berkeley 415.389.5437

www.steveandkatescamp.com

Camp Galileo

Alameda, Alamo, Berkeley, San Ramon, Walnut Creek, Fremont, Oakland, Lafayette and Orinda 510.595.7293

www.galileo-learning.com

KinderCare

Walnut Creek, Concord, Danville, Martinez and Clayton 888.523.6765

www.kindercare.com/ summercamp

Viva el Espanol!

Lafayette, Piedmont, Pleasanton & San Anselmo 925.962.9177

www.vivaelespanol.org/ summerprograms.php

Stratford School

Summer Sports Camp & Enrichment

Danville, Fremont, Los Gatos, Morgan Hill and Pleasanton 925.737.0001

www.stratfordschools.com

Sky hawk’s Sports Camp

Various locations around the Bay Area 800.804.3509

www.skyhawks.com

Camps

Lango Language Summer Camps

Serving Alamo, Blackhawk, Brentwood, Briones, Canyon, Clayton, Concord, Danville, Martinez, Moraga, Orinda, Pacheco, Pittsburg, Pleasant Hill, San Ramon, Walnut Creek and surrounding regions

888.445.2646

www.langokids.com/parent/kidslanguage-summer-camps

Club Sport

Fremont, San Ramon, Pleasanton and Walnut Creek 925.938.8700

www.clubsports.com

Camp Edmo

Alameda, Fremont, and Oakland 415.282.6673

www.campedmo.org

Kids’ Carpentry

Berkeley, Lafayette, Alameda, Oakland, Alamo & Walnut Creek 510.524.9232

www.kidscarpentry.com

TechKnowHow Kids

Dublin, Berkeley, Fremont, Livermore, Oakland & Pleasanton

650.638.0500

www.techknowhowkids.com

iD Tech Camp

Moraga, Concord, Livermore, Berkeley and other Bay Area locations

www.idtech.com

888.709.8324

Out of Area

Golden Arrow Camps 644 Pollasky Avenue, Ste. 100 Clovis, 93612

800.554.CAMP

www.goldarrowcamp.com

Coppercreek Camp 1887 Williams Valley Rd. Greenville, 95947 800.350.0006

www.coppercreek.com

Camp Unalayee

3921 East Bayshore Rd. Palo Alto 650.969.6313

www.unalayee-summer-camp.com

CYO Summer Camp 2136 Bohemian Hwy Occidental, 95465 707.874.0200

www.camp.cccyo.org

Mountain Camp Woodside 302 Portola Rd. Portola Valley 650.576.2267

www.mountaincampwoodside.com

Camp Tawonga

131 Steuart Ste. 460 San Francisco 415.543.2267

www.tawonga.org

SF Zoo Camp Sloat Blvd. & the Great Highway San Francisco 415.753.7080

www.sfzoo.org

Almaden Equestrian Center 20100 Almaden Rd. San Jose 408.927.0232

www.almadenequestriancenter.net

Silver Creek Sportsplex 800 Embedded Way San Jose 408.224.8774

www.gotoplex.com

College For Kids

1700 W. Hillsdale Blvd. San Mateo 650.574.6149

www.collegeforkids-smccd.com

School of Rock Summer Camp 711 South B St. San Mateo, San Jose & Palo Alto 650.347.3474

www.schoolofrock.com

Kennolyn Camps 8205 Glen Haven Rd. Soquel 831.479.6714

www.kennolyncamps.com