Feb. 2019
Issue 7
WE ARE THE FATHERS' RIGHTS MOVEMENT YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
The Impact of Parental Alienation on Children Undermining loving parentchild relationships as child maltreatment
What children of divorce most want and need is to maintain healthy and strong relationships with both of their parents, and to be shielded from their parents' conflicts. Some parents, however, in an effort to bolster their parental identity, create an expectation that children choose sides. In more extreme situations, they foster the child’s rejection of the other parent. In the most extreme cases, children are manipulated by one parent to hate the other, despite children’s innate desire to love and be loved by both parents. Parental alienation involves the “programming” of a child by one parent pictures of the other parent), forcing the child to reject the other parent, creating the impression that the other parent is dangerous, forcing the child to choose between the parents by means of threats of withdrawal of affection, and belittling and limiting contact with the extended family of the targeted parent.
to denigrate the other, “targeted” parent, in an effort to undermine and interfere with the child's relationship with that parent, and is often a sign of a parent’s inability to separate from the couple conflict and focus on the needs of the child. Such denigration results in the child’s emotional rejection of the targeted parent and the loss of a capable and loving parent from the child's life. Psychiatrist Richard Gardner developed the concept of "parental alienation syndrome" 20 years ago, defining it as: "...a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the target parent." Children’s views of the targeted parent are almost exclusively negative, to the point that the parent is demonized and seen as evil. As Amy Baker writes, parental alienation involves a set of strategies, including bad-mouthing the other parent, limiting contact with that parent, erasing the other parent from the life and mind of the child (forbidding discussion and In my own research on non-custodial parents who have become disengaged from their children’s lives (Kruk, 2011), I found that most lost contact involuntarily, many as a result of parental alienation. Constructive alternatives to adversarial methods of reconnecting with their children were
rarely available to these alienated parents. Parental alienation is more common than is often assumed: Fidler and Bala (2010) report both an increasing incidence and increased judicial findings of parental alienation; they report estimates of parental alienation in 11 to 15 percent of divorces involving children; and Bernet et al. (2010) estimate that about 1 percent of children and adolescents in North America experience parental alienation. There is now scholarly consensus that severe alienation is abusive to children (Fidler and Bala, 2010), and is a largely overlooked form of child abuse (Bernet et al, 2010), as child welfare and divorce
practitioners are often unaware of or minimize its extent. As reported by adult children of divorce, the tactics of alienating parents are tantamount to extreme psychological maltreatment, including spurning, terrorizing, isolating, corrupting or exploiting, and denying emotional responsiveness (Baker, 2010). For the child, parental alienation is a serious mental condition, based on a false belief that the alienated parent is dangerous and unworthy. The severe effects of parental alienation on children are well-documented—low selfesteem and self-hatred, lack of trust, depression, and abuse and other forms of addiction are widespread, as children lose the capacity to give and accept love from a parent. Self-hatred is particularly disturbing among affected children, as children internalize the hatred targeted toward the alienated parent, are led to believe that the alienated parent did not love or want them, and experience severe guilt related to betraying the alienated parent. Their depression is rooted in feelings of being unloved by one of their parents, and from separation from that parent, while being denied the opportunity to mourn the loss of the parent or to even talk about them. Alienated children typically have conflicted or distant relationships with the alienating parent also, and are at high risk of becoming alienated from their own children: Baker reports that fully half of the respondents in her study of adult children who had experienced alienation as children were alienated from their own children.
Every child has a fundamental right and need for an unthreatened and loving relationship with both parents. To be denied that right by one parent, without sufficient justification such as abuse or neglect, is itself a form of child abuse. Since it is the child who is being violated by a parent's alienating behaviors, it is the child who is being alienated from the other parent. Children who have undergone forced separation from one parent — in the absence of abuse — including cases of parental alienation, are highly subject to posttraumatic stress, and reunification efforts in these cases should proceed carefully and with sensitivity. Research has shown that many alienated children can transform quickly from refusing or staunchly resisting the rejected parent to being able to show and receive love from that parent, followed by an equally swift shift back to the alienated position when back in the orbit of the alienating parent; alienated children seem to have a secret wish for someone to call their bluff, compelling them to reconnect with the parent they claim to hate. While children’s stated wishes regarding parental contact in contested custody should be considered, they should not be determinative, especially in suspected cases of alienation.
Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a child; it has to be taught. A parent who would teach a child to hate or fear the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child. Alienated children are no less damaged than other child victims of extreme conflict, such as child soldiers and other abducted children, who identify with their tormentors to avoid pain and maintain a relationship with them, however abusive that relationship may be.
Baker, A. (2010). “Adult recall of parental alienation in a community sample: Prevalence and associations with psychological maltreatment.” Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 51, 16-35. Fidler, B. and Bala N. (2010). “Children resisting post separation contact with a parent: Concepts, controversies, and conundrums.” Family Court Review, 48(1), 10-47. Kruk, E. (2011). Divorced Fathers: Children’s Needs and Parental Responsibilities, Halifax: Fernwood Publishing. This Article was first run in Psychology Today on April 25, 2013. The Author Edward Kruk Ph.D. is Associate Professor of Social Work at the University of British Columbia, specializing in child and family policy.
What is 'Malicious Parent Syndrome'?
is not currently recognized as a mental disorder by the medical profession. Rather, the syndrome describes a type of behavior at issue in some court cases and has lead proponents to call for further study and research.
Divorce and custody proceedings are often high-stress, contentious events that can cause extreme behavior on the part of those involved. Some cases have resulted in situations tied to what was often called "malicious mother syndrome" but is now referred to as "malicious parent syndrome." This syndrome was first theorized by the psychologist Ira Turkat to describe a pattern of abnormal behavior during divorce.
When this syndrome occurs, a divorced or divorcing parent seeks to punish the other parent, sometimes going far enough as to harm or deprive their children in order to make the other parent look bad. Though most commonly called malicious mother syndrome, both mothers and fathers can be capable of such actions.
It's important to note that malicious parent or malicious mother syndrome
In his initial discussion of malicious mother syndrome, Dr. Turkat sought to
Characteristics of Malicious Parent Syndrome
identify and describe a condition where one parent acts purposefully and vengefully towards the other during or following divorce.
4. Doesn't suffer any other mental disorder which would explain these actions. Examples of Malicious Parents
Malicious parent syndrome is characterized by four major criteria. Someone suffering from the syndrome: 1. Attempts to punish the divorcing parent though alienating their children from the other parent and involving others or the courts in actions to separate parent and child; 2. Seeks to deny children visitation and communication with the other parent and involvement in the child's school or extra-curricular activities; 3. Lies to their children and others repeatedly and may engage in violations of law; wasted all their money. In another, a parent repeatedly misinformed the other parent about school activities, so that the parent could not participate in the child's school life. In all of these actions, the intent is to harm the other parent. Psychological Consequences of Malicious Acts When one parent goes out of his or her way to hurt the other, great strain can be put on both the harmed parent and their relationship with the child. In some cases, a parent who is repeatedly subjected to malicious acts by their exspouse may withdraw from their child's life in order to avoid further conflict. A malicious parent may also successfully manipulate a child, resulting in them disliking and wanting to spend less time with the other parent.
The idea of identifying a syndrome or mental disorder to explain the actions of extreme malicious behavior by parents during divorce arose from examples of vindictive parents in clinical and legal cases. Some of these behaviors include burning down the house of an exspouse, falsely accusing the other parent of abuse, or purposely interfering with planned parenting time. In one particular example that could be called an instance of malicious parent syndrome, a mother told her children they could not afford food because their father had Legal Consequences of Malicious Acts Many of the behaviors associated with malicious parent syndrome can have legal consequences and may constitute civil and criminal law violations. Some actions related to malicious parent syndrome can be easily understood as criminal acts, such as attacking the other parent or damaging their property. Depriving children of food or money, in order to make the other parent look bad, could constitute a form of child abuse, which can violate both family and criminal laws. Similarly, should a malicious parent lie under oath, he or she may be charged with the crime of perjury. Other acts related to this pattern of behavior may be violations of civil law.
For example, denying a parent their court-ordered visitation rights can constitute illegal parent time interference and can result in fines, court-ordered counseling, and adjustments to custody and visitation plans. Lying about the acts of the other parent in a way which harms his or her reputation and results in actual injury can constitute defamation.
If You've Been the Victim of a Malicious Parent If you or your children have been the victim of an ex-spouse's vengeful behavior which may be a result of malicious mother/father/parent syndrome, you're not without recourse. You may be able to:
Malicious behavior by a parent can also impact parenting plans and custody arrangements. If a parent has been involved in alienating, cruel or illegal behavior, this conduct can be considered a factor in any proceeding to gain or adjust custody.
Have custody and support agreements modified; Seek court-ordered counseling for the malicious parent; or Obtain supervised visitation.
Attorney Tip by Catherine Stuckart, Esq. In order to “lawyer-up,” you must know something about attorney conflicts of interest. Otherwise, a legally sophisticated mother can prevent you from having the lawyer of your choice or any legal representation at all. In the family law world, a conflict of interest can mean that the lawyer has been contacted by, and heard the story of, one party to an action for divorce or custody. Because the attorney has had access to confidential information from mother, he/she cannot represent the father. Sometimes, one party in a divorce or family court situation will deliberately contact many lawyers just to create a conflict of interest situation. If this happens to you, you are out of luck.
If you qualify financially for a free attorney, I have known of cases where mother contacted the legal aid service first. Their lawyers then could not represent father. This occurs in divorce courts. In family courts, a private lawyer can be assigned to a financially-limited parent where children are involved. So act quickly when you realize that you need to lawyer-up!
A Broken System: Contempt of Family Court Fathers' rights advocate Stephen Krasner sheds light on the corruption in family court environments and the industries stemming from them. by Stephen Krasner The term “Family Court” is designed to portray itself as a judicial institution that looks out for the best interest of a child—the overwhelming reality for many is the discovery that the name of the court—like the industry and players that stem from it (judges, divorce
lawyers, mediators, custody evaluators, and Title IV-D beneficiaries)—is often a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Courting Quicksand The more you struggle — the more you question — the more you call upon your rights — the stronger you get entangled and pulled in by a system that is both broken and intentionally designed to serve its own self-interests. By the time a parent looks around and identifies the non-adhered to court procedures, administrative rule noncompliance and abundant violations to the many rules of professional conduct — and understands the true nature of the apparatus at play — it is often too late — because those institutions and people tasked to help you have shown their true colors — and they have little to
do with the symbolism of our nation’s RED, WHITE, and BLUE.
sustaining a thriving, corrupt and lucrative system. The institutional corruption is a more mechanical environment that many players operate within and manipulate. The individual corruption is where players are willfully engaging in unethical motives — knowingly gaming the vulnerabilities found within the court’s infrastructure. Both types of corruption operate and thrive in family court environments as well as those industries and services stemming off them.
Trappings of Corruption Family Courts display true clashes that pit the spirit of the law versus the letter of the law — in a manner that tears parents lives apart, harms children and financially ruins so many people while
Politicians and the Mainstream Media Searching news stories online about issues intertwined with the family court system will return some hits where the media covers stories ranging from the racketeering in divorce court out in San Diego County to recent reporting of problems and calls for reform to the foster care system of Texas. Collectively it wouldn’t be too difficult to churn out a 24-hour news reporting media outlet on the non-stop dysfunction involving the extortion, bribes, racketeering, judicial misconduct, and denial of basic constitutional rights stemming from all the personal pleas, hard evidence, and data available. Information and
How do you identify and stop something so prevalent — initially you need to publicly expose and report about the many variables and components first and foremost — while also raising awareness of the many problems. individuals all willing to speak-up and blow the whistle are within reach for many newspapers, magazines, television news programs and other forms of mainstream media — with the resources, grit and hard-nosed reporting style to expose it — holding those engaging in such practices accountable to the court of public opinion. Elected officials—who hold the power of reforming the many laws and practices in state legislatures across the country—should recognize the large numbers of the voting public where such ordeals of divorce and custody impact large constituencies that are not only sizable but bipartisan, whereas reforms to these systems are number one issues to them.
While many of our elected officials receive letters, phone calls, e-mails and in-person appeals from parents caught, and tormented, in these ordeals — little actions or improvement come to fruition and instead many often get directed elsewhere in a never ending wild goose chase. Occasionally examples of elected officials stand out, who have engaged these issues — one such can be found in the late State Senator from Georgia, Nancy Schaefer, when she released a report on her findings regarding the corruption in child protective services (CPS), coinciding with many issues in family courts, drawing conclusions in saying,
families that I am not sure if I even believe reform of the system is possible! The system cannot be trusted. It does not serve the people. It obliterates families and children simply because it has the power to do so.”
Awareness and the Rabbit Hole Boggles the mind for so many how an entire area of law can be so overtly dysfunctional and corrupt — playing out on such a vast and broad stage — with few and far between efforts set forth to blow the national whistle on a crisis of considerable magnitude — one that threatens the very fabric of the family. Many people do not recognize what transpires in these ordeals because sometimes they consciously choose not to do so or they look the other way because the problems and challenges don’t impact them. More often than not many don’t grasp what transpires in these courts because in order to be truly aware of it, you need to have experienced it — and even then it can be a rude awakening for many parents, and those supporting them, to understand the larger reality.
“Having worked with probably 300 cases statewide, I am convinced there is no responsibility and no accountability in the system. On my desk are scores of cases of exhausted families and troubled children. It has been beyond me to turn my back on these suffering, crying, and sometimes beaten down individuals. We are mistreating the most innocent… I have witnessed such injustice and harm brought to the
A good analogy for people in comprehending how the shock and realization of it unfolds for those who have been a party to it is well illustrated in a scene from the blockbuster movie “The Matrix” whereby the character Morpheus offers a choice to the lead character Neo to stay in a world that isn’t real — but comfortable and secure — or to unplug from it and become
aware of the more troublesome reality of what’s truly transpiring. “You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep down the rabbit hole goes.”—Morpheus, to Neo
attack — blood sugar imbalance — severe allergic reaction — until it is eventually diagnosed as issues relating to anxiety and often described with many of the same symptoms as PostTraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) — albeit in these ordeals it can be termed as Legal Abuse Syndrome.
Damages and Liability As parents stand up for their rights in increasing numbers and engage the court system they often find many of their worst nightmares confirmed as to how crooked things are — while absorbing the enormous stress and emotional scarring and trauma that can only come when your beliefs and faith in the law and judiciary system are ruthlessly and utterly shattered. The damage manifests itself in many different forms. Physically it can come on as almost like a tingling sensation that sometimes creeps over the hands as they shake. Each phone call that rings — a sudden sound — letters and emails from anyone involved in the ordeal — all can trigger an almost dizzying and bewildered feeling causing a person to withdraw from the events around them and even experience a sudden heart rate increase — perspiration hitting fast and furious — steadiness on one’s feet briefly impaired. When some of the physical symptoms first appear many people have the fear of thinking they are having a heart
The institution and parties culpable for causing so many damages (where they didn’t exist before) are the same ones claiming to be for the child’s best interest — the ones that force litigation and thus destroy many parents ability to provide for their child’s well-being and their own. The evidence of liability as to the damage and role played by these courts and their accompanying players upon the many mothers, fathers and children can be seen in the lives they devastate as parents are stripped of their rights, property, savings, monthly incomes and ability to provide for their children, families and themselves — and in the worst cases denied their freedoms via incarceration in modern-day debtors’ prisons.
One only has to review the data of the many cases in these courts in crossreferencing and analyzing the simultaneous home foreclosures, bankruptcy filings, suicides and violence to understand the sources and direct correlations to these courts. The reality and sad truth when all is said and done — so often these ordeals are exasperated and exist only to serve the
needs of inflating the egos and wallets of many judges, lawyers and third party players with the incentive of “supply and demand” to engage and continue in these nefarious practices — shielded by judicial immunity — matrimonial bars — and a network of good ol’ boys with a playbook of manipulative tactics — dirty tricks — and blinders to ethical standards and oaths.
Guide to Lawyer Websites Part 2 By Catherine Stuckart, Esq. Now that you have some lawyers’ names and website addresses, the time has come to evaluate attorneys through their website information. You may see more than one page come up in your Google search. Just go to the home page or a page listing family law. The first piece of information of importance is whether or not family law is listed as an area of practice. Nowadays, some lawyers specialize in family law. Others have more than one area of expertise. There are a few general practitioners left. Make sure that family law is an area in which your potential lawyer has experience. Given the bias many judges have in favor of mothers where child custody is concerned, an attorney who mentions an interest in fathers’ rights can be a real help. Next, you want to consider the attorney’s location. If you are in a city, you will have many more choices than someone in a more rural location. Bear in mind, though, that many lawyers are willing to travel a fair distance for a case. Should you be more interested in an attorney who is local to you, to the court you will be in, or outside your city or county? There are pros and cons with each of these situations. A lawyer near you will be easier to visit. An attorney near the court you will be in will have a reputation with that court, and will not have a long trip to the court. Some lawyers charge for their driving time. Why hire an attorney outside your area? In my experience, fathers in particular can be leery of a local lawyer because they feel that that attorney will primarily be concerned with pleasing the judge, not fighting for their client. If you have an out-of-state case, your best choice is almost always to hire a lawyer in the state where the case is being heard. The third factor to look at initially is the size of the law practice. Is the attorney a sole practitioner, in a small firm, or part of a large group of lawyers? Generally, large firms charge more than a sole practitioner or small legal practice. However, a larger firm may have more staff, including paralegals who bill for less than an attorney. Be aware that you cannot tell how many lawyers are in a law firm from the name of the firm. I have seen firm titles that make it sound as if there are several attorneys when there is really only one lawyer.
In addition, you need to be aware that if something happens to a sole practitioner or to the only lawyer in a firm who practices family law, your case may be disrupted and delayed. It could also cost you more. The three considerations of family law experience, location and size of law firm are basic to selecting your lawyer. You should be able to find this information on most attorney websites. Good hunting!
_______________________ DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY COURTS DESTROYING LIVES In a recent article, “Dad threatened to kill judge, court employee,� it states that two Warren County Family Court Judges have been threatened. Why is that? Now that the state Legislature is revamping the entire state municipal court system because of massive abuses, the Legislature needs to turn its eye on the NJ Family Courts for their massive abuses of human rights. More than $100 billion is spent on divorce and child custody matters annually. It costs the public over $20 billion for false allegations of domestic violence which occur in over 80% of all divorces. Family Courts cause death; 20,000 men/fathers are committing suicide because family courts prevent them from seeing their children without cause or unlawfully arrest them in civil matters for support. It is institutional killing of children and parents. What kind of society allows government actors to abuse children and parents, even causing death? Socialist totalitarian regimes of the past did this to groups of people. The actual definition of this is genocide through official acts. The longer the state engages in social engineering of families, it delays the day that
the state is out of the killing business of families. Death is a product of state Family Courts and its judges and attorneys. They view it as the cost of doing business in the ever expanding fraud business model that is styled as “family court.” and it’s effort to socially engineer American society. Children and parents will be reduced in health, well-being and reduced to poverty after contact with State Family Court Public Officials and its employees. You can’t reform a judge who is also a criminal. You can’t reform an attorney who is also a criminal. You can’t reform a corrupt, malicious, mentally disturbed parent which usually make the family court scheme more successful for the State. You have to jail these people for long stretches and fine them heavily. Politicians at the state and federal level have stood behind their judges in every case. There is no situation where politicians will actually lobby for children or parents and any form of civil rights. Politicians supply lip service and nothing changes as the family is a target for destruction by the racketeering legal industry in New Jersey and the rest of the nation. The people have to demand that our useless politicians defund the profit-making funding schemes out of the family court business model. If judges and lawyers are not arrested and sent off to the penitentiary as the dangerous predators that they are, and sent to prison where they belong, and you don’t get Congress and the Senate to defund the profit out of family court, then nothing will change.Bruce Eden, Director, Dads Against Discrimination, Wayne
DOCUMENTARY
It’s a $50 billion a year industry, with more funds flooding in to family courts in the United States than all other court
‘DIVORCE
systems combined.
CORP’
But according to filmmaker Joseph
EXPOSES
Sorge – who was inspired by his own divorce and custody battles a few years ago – it’s an unregulated mess in which children are ripped from their homes,
CORRUPTION IN
insulting judges play God with parents’
FAMILY COURTS
are more like extortionists.
lives, and unlicensed custody evaluators
“Audiences will be surprised to learn just how damaging the family courts process
is, people don’t realize a judge can just
appeals process, and there seems to be
take the kids away because they don’t
collaborations between judges and the
like you,” Sorge, who compiled his
lawyers they like best.”
findings into the expose-style documentary “Divorce Corp,” told
“Divorce Corp” uses the recent Daniel
FOX411. “People think this can’t happen
Brewington case in Indiana to makes its
in America, but it does.”
case. Brewington, angered by a
Narrated by TV personality Dr. Drew
southeast Indiana judge’s handling of
Pinsky, the film uses interviews with
his divorce, wrote several blog posts
leading divorce lawyers, mediators,
claiming that the judge’s move to end
judges, politicians, litigants and
his contact with his kids was unethical,
journalists to showcase a family court
illegal and tantamount to child abuse.
system that doesn’t help families and
He also wrote that the court would “have
children move on as they are sanctioned
to kill him” to stop his rash of online
to do, but rather drags cases out for
criticisms. In 2011, state authorities
years, igniting a slew of consequences
deemed Brewington’s written tirades as
including bankruptcy, foreclosure,
having gone past the point of free
violence and even suicide.
speech and into the realm of criminal behavior. He was subsequently
“Divorce Corp” also paints a portrait of a
convicted of intimidation of judge,
system that routinely violates freedom of
attempted obstruction of justice and
speech and an individual’s freedom to
perjury, and after serving two-and-half-
parent.
years behind bars, was released in September 2013.
“If someone criticizes family court publicly, they then claim that what is being said is not in the best interest of the child and try to shut down all criticism,” Sorge continued. “The legalities are loose with little oversight or
mistakes made, overall the family court system in America does a great job of trying to keep families together and looking out for the best interest of the children,” argued psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser, who works closely with the family courts in California. “Particularly in the last decade, courts have appeared to work very hard at trying to allow parental rights, keep families unified, and strike a sense of fairness.” However, Sorge and his team of experts insist that there are solutions. He
And legal expert and alternative
suggests the U.S. look to the
sentencing expert Wendy Feldman
Scandinavian model of divorce and
agreed that while there are problems,
custody, whereby the onus is on the
they aren’t as bad as Sorge says – yet.
parents to mediate and sort out the issue with little legal interference or
“Family court gets a bad rap not
dragged-out proceedings.
because of the judges or laws, but mainly because of the lawyers. It takes
But not everyone believes that our
a special type of lawyer to handle these
country’s family court system is a
cases,” she added. “The truth is that
cesspool of corruption in need of
most cases can be mediated, but rarely
overhaul.
is this ordered. But that often has to do with the lawyers, not the courts.”By
“While not all verdicts are in the favor of
Hollie McKay
the rights of parents, and while there are
This Article first appeared on https://www.foxnews.com
ORDER OF PROTECTION REVERSED By Catherine Stuckart, Esq. My practice has been mostly appeals, where typically, I am seeking to change the decision and order of a trial court. Recently, I got an Order of Protection against a man overthrown. In an appeal, there is a written opinion by the appeals court that becomes a permanent part of the case law. The opinion and order of the appeals court in this particular case is shown below. All five Justices (judges) agreed with me that my client had no meaningful representation by his attorney in family court. Their opinion gives you an idea of what your lawyer should be doing for you in your family court case - and did not happen in this case. It also describes the way the judge inappropriately acted as the attorney for the woman seeking the Order of Protection. There are not a lot of cases in my state where a judge is brought to account for behavior like this. The opinion also notes the harm that can happen to the person the Order of Protection is against.
(Images of Order on Next Three Pages) This Order stems out of the State of New York.
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The Fathers’ Rights Movement is dedicated to preserving relationships between children and parents. We advocate for each parents’ constitutional right, which is to raise their children without interference from the state or from any other party. Currently, these rights are not being protected and it is up to us to take them back. Donations play a huge role in allowing organizations like us to make real change. We cannot do it on our own. Anything you can give will help us help our children. We use donations to pay for things like operating costs, administrative costs, website maintenance, educational pamphlets, newsletters, lobbying efforts and a host of many other necessities needed to run our organization. Even if you can only give $5, every little bit helps us keep the momentum towards change. Please, help us help children and families. Help us make sure no child is denied a relationship with a loving, fit parent. DONATE TODAY AT TFRM.US, you can also ear mark your donations for your State Chapter.
WORRIED ABOUT CHILD CUSTODY? AlIenation? And More? Feeling Lost in the legal system? consider Cathrine stuckart for help as your life coach and mentor. She gets it! experienced, affordable and caring! free 30 minute get acquainted call. Discount for tfrm members. www.fatherscustodycoach.com or call (607) 798-1074
Due to the New APA Guidelines, I Will No Longer Recommend Talk Therapy BY TERRY BRENNAN JANUARY 17, 2019
This article was first published published in PJ Media. As a co-founder of an organization advocating for shared parenting after divorce, I talk with my share of parents, usually fathers, who’ve been minimized to seeing their children only four days a month. It is an extremely traumatic, emotionally scarring experience. Parents contact me in a desperate attempt to get back into their children’s lives in a meaningful way. They wonder what strategies might work, if there are legal avenues they have not pursued, and if someone is willing to advocate on behalf of them and their kids. These are difficult discussions for multiple reasons. Of course, fathers want the injustice they’ve experienced to be both quickly recognized and rectified. Unfortunately, that’s not how our legal system is designed. But these conversations are even more difficult since any path to seeing their children more must begin with helping fathers process the trauma they’ve experienced. I used to recommend a multi-step process, which incorporated talk therapy as part of a holistic approach. With the recent issuance of guidelines by the American Psychological Association denouncing masculinity, I can no longer do so. There is, without question, a reluctance for traumatized fathers to initiate the process of seeing a therapist. In part, it’s the unfortunate societal stigma that seeing a therapist means “you’re crazy.” That’s hogwash. Life is a tremendously scarring experience and the vast majority of individuals could benefit from therapy at some point. We all have experiences -- “That was the year my dad died,” “my mom got cancer,” “my business failed,” “I got divorced and lost my kids,” etc. -- which could be aided by a quality therapist. Yet despite this strongly held belief, I’ve been cautious in recommending talk therapy. That’s because psychology is no different than any other profession with a small percentage of masters, a slightly larger group on their way to becoming masters, and then the rest. While a quality therapist can be extraordinarily useful in helping traumatized individuals navigate their predicament, there are many well-meaning but incapable therapists who are, at best, providing no help at all to financially strapped dads. That’s always been a risk I was willing to take. With the issuance of the APA’s new guidelines against masculinity, my major concern must now be that traumatized fathers will be treated in a sardonic fashion. That potential risk now outweighs the potential rewards.
How can I draw that conclusion? Just as telling as the APA’s anti-masculinity announcement was the lack of an uproar from the members they represent. Who are those members? The APA states: The percent of psychologists who are women increased from 57 percent in 2007 to 65 percent in 2016. Within the psychology workforce, the mean age for women (47.6 years) was almost seven years younger than the mean age for men (54.4 years). Their past president is Jessica Henderson Daniels, the current president is Rosie Phillips Bingham, and the president-elect is Sandra L. Shullman. Finally, both masters and PhD students are now 76.2% female. Where is the persistent call for diversity within the APA? How can we realistically believe members of the APA can relate to, and then successfully treat, a father minimized in the lives of his children simply due to his gender? The public believes divorced fathers are among those most unfairly treated by our courts, and with good reason. Too often, fathers can’t overcome the trauma of being unfairly separated from their children and having little to no recourse. You can see the despair in their blood-splattered suicide notes, or in their explanation of why, for the sake of their children, they’ve rationally concluded it’s best for them to walk away.
Was it “toxic masculinity” that created these fatherless children? Or was it a different ideology, practiced by family courts, and now seemingly adopted by the American Psychological Association? There have been some women willing to publicly repudiate APA’s recent actions, including Barbara Kay, Tammy Bruce, Suzanne Venker, and Nicole Russell. There should be more women denouncing the APA’s action. The APA has since issued a clarifying statement of their intentions; David French has adroitly dissected the APA’s attempt to walk back their initial announcement, calling their backtracking “a case study in misdirection.” Unfortunately, our society will sometimes experience catastrophic events on a massive scale. When such events occur, there are three primary groups who run towards, rather
than away, from danger: Our military, police, and firefighters. These are all maledominated professions. When even further assistance is needed, citizen-led groups are enthusiastically willing to assist; I suspect few would wager that groups like the Cajun Navy aren’t overwhelmingly male. We even have instances when groups of young men gladly offer their lives to protect women they don’t even know. That the female-dominated APA is denouncing masculinity is shameful. The bar associations, to protect their income streams, have long lobbied against what we now overwhelmingly know is best for children: Shared Parenting. With its declaration of war against masculinity, the APA now joins the ranks of the most disturbing acts I’ve seen undertaken by a professional organization. As the APA has shown it is more interested in ideology than in science, I can no longer, in good conscience, recommend their members to the fathers I encounter. It now seems significantly more likely that more therapeutic benefit will be achieved by advising divorced dads to join a fathers’ group, and be among those who can relate to their issues. While there, they’ll likely encounter some of the “traditional masculinity” the APA has denounced. Unlike members of the APA, I’m just fine with that, and know it will help divorced fathers in their time of need. It’s pathetic that we can no longer count on members of the APA to do the same.