Magazine of the Thames Valley HOG Chapter
.
MARCH 2016
Hotline: 01753 578616 www.thamesvalleyhog.org.uk
September 2013—March 2016 Sue Knight - Editor of Tales from the Riverbank
Yes, this is my final issue! Andy Tunley has agreed to take over the role of Editor, starting with April’s issue. I’m sure you’ll join me in wishing him the best of luck in his new role, Welcome aboard, Andy! After 31 issues it’s sad to be writing my final editorial for the mag. It’s been fun but all good things must end and I believe it’s time for a change and some fresh ideas—it all becomes too samey otherwise. Thanks to all the people who have supported me over my tenure, and special thanks to Linda, who has never failed to come up with the goods. The ‘Boys’ Stuff’ boys have done a great job, too, preventing the Mag becoming too girly. Thanks, ‘boys’, Mike and Ralph. So that’s it. I shall continue to write bits and send in pictures, supporting Andy any way I can, but I’m really looking forward to the riding season, not having to miss out because I have deadlines to meet. Farewell, from your Past Editor,
Sue
Inside this issue… Front cover
Reading H-D’s Battle of the Kings entry.. Photo - Richard Tegg
Page 2
Editor’s Farewell
Page 4, 6
Director’s Update
Page 7
Give Blood - Hayley West
Page 8, 9
LoH - Sue’s Page
Page 10, 11
Hoggin’ the Spotlight
Page 12, 13
Saturday Socials
Page 14, 15
Calendar
Page 16, 17
Cake Sale - Linda and Shirley
Page 18, 19
Crazy Frog Bike - Fred Cotsford
Page 20, 22
Boys’ Stuff - Mike Connolly
Page 22
March/April Birthdays
Don Wibberley Janet Smith
20th Mar
21st Mar
Deb West
23rd Mar
Andrew Wayte
25th Mar
Mark Evans
31st Mar
Gordon Pike
2nd Apr
Kieth Edwards
4th Apr
Hazel Wibberley
5th Apr
Alexander Devine Building Site
John Grist
6th Apr
Page 23
New Members
Paul Major
11thApr
Page 24
Lou’s 40th Birthday Hoedown
Glen Harger ANOTHER BIG ONE! 11th Apr
Page 25
Photo Gallery
Dave Brown
Page 26,27
Just for Fun
Back cover:
Meet the committee
16th Apr
Happy birthday to you all!
A bigThank You to ALL who have sent copy for this month magazine:
Linda, Don, Mike ‘n’ Ralph, Sue D, Chris, Shirley, Fred, Hayley
Hi Everybody, Welcome to the March edition of Tales from the Riverbank. The riding and rally season is just around the corner and if you have not managed to get out on your bike so far this year it’s time to get that cover off and carry out some housekeeping to get the bike prepared and ready for our first ride-out to Guildford Harley Davidson’s birthday Bash, on March 19th. We have now found a new Editor for our magazine. Andrew Tunley has very kindly offered to take on the role and his first magazine will be the April edition. Welcome to the team, Andrew. Can I thank Sue for staying on to help out while we have been searching for a new Editor; the members appreciate the extra time you have given us as editor. Our membership continues to grow, we had 9 new members sign up during February and 5 affiliated members which brings our total up to 234 with 75 and a dog attending club night. This time last year our membership stood at 188 and 62 attended club night Last month’s Saturday social at the Frog & Wicket in Eversley attracted 40 plus members for lunch and a lazy couple of hours in a great pub. I don’t think the staff expected so many of us for lunch, but the team did an excellent job and the food was good. Well done Malcom, great venue! February 27th our Ladies of Harley held their first charity cake sale at Reading Harley Davidson, to raise funds for our 2016 chosen charity, The Alexandra Devine Children’s Hospice, based locally in White Waltham near Maidenhead. Sue and team of helpers laid on an enormous spread of cakes & savouries and countless cups of tea and coffee, for donations. 4
I’m not going to tell you how much the event raised as I think Sue must have the pleasure. We have a great team of ladies who work so well together and have staged a fantastic event for a great cause. Well done to you all and many thanks to the members, and Reading Harley Davidson, for your support. The Chapter Challenge Mileage registration day was a great success which we held on the same day as the charity cake sale. The weather was fine which helped with the number of members who arrived at the dealership on their bikes to have their mileages verified at the start of the challenge for 2016. A total of 67 mileages were registered on the day and I have collected a few more since. We still have a long way to go to try and get every member of Thames Valley to sign up this year. If you haven’t signed up so far we need your support, so send your details sent to me at: director@thamesvalleyhog.org.uk. I now have our allocation of SofER tickets for the 2016 rally at Hickstead. Tickets, again, are £40 each which includes your camping and caravan/motor home pitches for the weekend. We have 3 bands booked on Friday and 4 booked for Saturday and a host of other events going on over the weekend. The Harley Davidson Demo truck, with its fleet of 2016 bikes, will be on site again this year for you to try out as many different models in the range as you like. Reading Harley-Davidson and Mike’s team will be at SofER to complete the line-up of 5 Dealerships. The Ladies LoH ride this year has a theme of Leather & Lace which should be interesting. 2016 is going to be the year Thames Valley enter a team into the Chapter games. We need 4 to 6 people to enter, to compete against the likes of 1066 & Invicta chapters. 5
There are 4 main challenges this year, Slow Riding, Barrel Pushing, Road Works and The Bike Wash. Two of the challenges require a pillion. It’s about time Thames Valley massive made a show at SofER in the games. We will be having our own designated camping area again this year and a bit of a bash on Saturday evening before the entertainment starts. On April 3rd Thames Valley will be joining Oxford & Cheltenham Chapters for The Jake Spicer Memorial ride to the children’s unit at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford for the Easter Toy Run. Thames Valley always have a great show of support for this ride which we would like again this year. The children love to see the parade of bikes enter the hospital grounds, those who are unable to get downstairs to look and sit on the bikes enjoy a visit from the bikers on the wards. Please would you bring a suitable gift for the children’s wards, either games, story books, toys, colouring books and pencils, for all ages. Thanking you in advance. April club night we have a change of format, Windsor Races are moving from their present location in Windsor and are coming to the Grenadier Club for the evening. After a cracking evening with the Casino we thought we would try Video Horse Racing for a bit of fun. We have had permission to allow betting during the evening, so bring your small change and enjoy yourself. Ride safe and carry on having fun during 2016
Don Director
If you don’t give blood already, why not? The NHS are screaming out for blood donors with all blood types to give a pint of “the good stuff” and help save others. It’s really not as scary and as painful as people think (a small, sharp scratch is nothing to us hardy bikers, right?!) If you have a needle phobia then understandably this isn’t for you. However, if you are eligible and are not bothered by needles then please check out the link below for more info! It’s easy to register and book an appointment online and there is no commitment to donating every time you are able to (every 12 weeks for men and 16 weeks for women) Appointments are available in the evening and at weekends at thousands of venues around the country. The whole process takes about 30 minutes, so not a lot of time to give. I have been giving blood, when I can, for 10 years. If I can, why not you?! You never know when you, or someone you love, may require a blood transfusion and your blood donations really do help save lives. Not only do you get the satisfaction of saving a life you also get a cuppa and biscuits after your donation so what are you waiting for?! https://www.blood.co.uk/
Hayley
Hello Ladies,
On 27th February the LoH held a coffee & cake day at the dealership to raise funds for Alexander Devine Children’s Hospice my goodness what a fantastic day. Sincere thanks to each & every one of you girls/guys that baked & kindly contributed such scrumptious cakes & savouries… not a soggy bottom in sight Am quite certain we have several candidates for the The Great British Bake Off! Thanks also to Mike & his team at Reading HD for hosting us so well - LoH are truly grateful. Thank you Margaret, who came along to sew patches onto waistcoats for a donation to the charity. Huge thanks too, to all that came along to help & support on the day & make such generous contributions towards the club's charity. Pat Adam's raffle alone raised over £80 & Mandy M's awesome HD cake was auctioned to boost the funds .. the highest bidder being Adrian from the dealership Five ladies - Shirley, Pat J, Janet, Di & Hazel worked tirelessly on the stall all day, you are absolute stars x Last but not least, thank you Don Wibbs for supporting LoH (as ever). It was tremendous to see so many of you….on the day, we raised a fantastic amount for the Alexander Devine Hospice, To be exact ....£676.94 !! Julia Philipson, from Alexander Devine Children’s Hospice Service extends HUGE thanks to everyone for their amazing contributions & will be joining us March club night to share information about the charity. 8
Girls, if you haven't already submitted your start mileages for the Club HOG mileage Challenge, we need your vin number & mileage to help the club win the most entries/highest miles this year. Please send your info to: director@thamesvalleyhog.org.uk Elaine Shepherd (National LoH Officer) informs us that in 2017 there will be an award for the highest LOH mileage so please participate this year to whet your appetites for next year. Sat 7th May is International Female Ride Day, so please save the date in your diaries. It just so happens we have been invited to Oxford LoH’s Charity Coffee & Cakes morning – starts 9.30am. Here’s wishing Don a very Happy 60th birthday for the 20th March – from all us girls x Safe riding ladies
Sue Dodds Thames Valley LoH Officer sue.dodds1@tiscali.co.uk 07775913562
Well behaved women rarely make history 9
Two minutes with
Adrian Lightfoot Sales Executive, Reading Harley Davidson
Where did you grow up? Bishop Auckland, County Durham.
What was the last CD you bought? Elvis
What are you top three films of all time?
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Paint your Wagon, Star Wars & Lord of the Rings
What motorbike would you buy next if you couldn’t buy a Harley? Custom bobber with a lager tank
How long have you been riding motorbikes and what was your first bike? Passed my bike test 1994. First bike, Honda Hornet
What was the last book you read? Wilbur Smith - River God
Have you got any pets? 2 Boxer dogs, Male called Mr.T and female called Princess Leia.
10
If I was speaking to your other half, what would she say is your worst habit? Sex Pest
Football or Rugby? Rugby (England)
What would be your ideal holiday? My home in Mallorca or South Beech Florida
What’s your favourite tipple? Guinness and French Red in the winter, Corona and bubbles in the summer
Tell us an obscure fact about yourself that we might not know? Been to the White House twice / Banned from Cuba for 5 years
What was the last pop concert you went to? Took my wife to see Madonna, it was very good
What did you want to be when you were growing up? Always wanted to join the Royal Navy and I did this straight from school. This opened an amazing military career that took me into many different fields.
Who would you cast to play you in the film of your life and why? Vin Diesel
What would be at the top of your bucket list. Walk the Great Wall of China
You’ve got a spare £100 how would you spend it? Take my lady out for dinner
Apart from your wedding day and the birth of your kids tell us about one of your fondest memories? Taking home a rescue dog from a dog pound, heart breaking and warming at the same time.
Thanks a lot ,Adrian, it was nice getting to know you and the lovely Ellie or ‘Lady Eleanor’
11
Saturday Social, Feb. On a wet and dismal Saturday, 42 members of the Thames Valley Massive met together for lunch. The pub was The Frog and Wicket, Eversley. Good food and good company brought some sunshine to the gathering for a couple of hours.
Saturday Social, March To mark Don’s 60th birthday, 44 chapter friends gathered at The Three Frogs to have lunch and cakes. The sun was shining - perfect weather for a bike ride! Then on to Reading H-D to see the unveiled, Battle of the Kings entry.
13
t
March
April
Club Night Thurs 17th, 7:30
Committee Night Tues 5th, 6:00
Guildford H-D Open Day Sat 19th, from 9:00am Meet S’Able for 9:30 depart 2nd pick-up lay-by A322 Lead: Don
Saturday Social Sat 9th 12:30 Shire Horse, Bath Rd Maidenhead SL6 3QA
Parade Ride Sun 20th, 3:30 American Legends Meet S’Able 3:30 to Wimbledon Stadium Lead: Malc
Three Rivers Chapter Club Night Visit Tues 12th Beaconsfield Services 7:00 for 7:15 depart Poker Run (1st) Wed 13th 6:30
Ride to Bristol H-D Sat. 26th. Meet Cheiveley Services 9:30 for 10:00 depart
The Cunning Man, Burghfield Rd, RG30 3RB
Ride to Bibury Trout Farm GL7 5NL Sun, 17th S’Able, 9:30 for 10:00 2nd pickup H Café 10:30
Ace Café Harley Night N10 7UD Thurs 31st, 6:00
April
Club Night - Race Night Thurs 21st, 7:30
John Radcliffe Toy Run Sunday 3rd, 8:30 Meet S’Able for 9:00 depart 2nd pick-up H café 10:00
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Dates, events, ride-outs and activities Details correct at time of going to print. Check the website for updates and amendments www.thamesvalleyhog.org.uk
Rallies 2016
Club Nights April
21st
May
19th
June
16th
Wake the Lakes 7th -10th July
July
21st
SofER 12th -14th August
August
18th
Cider Rally
25th anniversary, theme: Silver
29th April - 2nd May Eurofestival St Tropez 28th April - 1st May
Thunder in the Glens 26th—30th August
Mag contribution Deadlines
European Bike Week Faaker See 6th - 11th September
Events May Club Night—19th BBQ with Hogsback as guests Dawn to Dusk Ride Coast to Coast Charity Ride, June 25th
April
14th
May
12th
June
9th
July
14th
Check website for details on all events 15
Words cannot describe the scene going on in the Reading Dealership on the 27th Feb. I have never seen such a fantastic array of cakes, buns, biscuits, quiches, cheese straws and sausage rolls, all being washed down with tea & coffee and all having been made by the Thames Valley Ladies of Harley. Box after box of cakes and wares arrived to add to the display. The cakes were not even eclipsed by the 67 TV embers’ bikes that turned up and were registered into the mileage programme. Everyone was eating, enjoying the bikes and donating their money. Adrian Lightfoot won the auctioned cake and very generously donated it to the offices of The Alexander Devine Children's Hospice Services. All that was left was a few small plates of cakes, which were given to the mechanics and workers at the dealership. What a totally amazing day! ~ Linda
Linda and Mick dropping off the money buckets to Julia Philipson at the Alexander Devine Trust
What a fantastic day this was! Our Ladies of Harley rep, Sue Dodds, pulled out all the stops for this event. Sue organised this cake sale doing a lot of running around behind the scenes, getting all the ladies to bake cakes. And bake cakes they did! The cakes came in by the droves and some were superb. Janet's sister supplied two huge orange Harley cakes, cake-pops and orange and black cupcakes. Well done that lady! Mandy made a huge black Harley cake which was outstanding. It was auctioned and I must say a massive thank you to Adrain, from the dealership, for his winning bid of £30, and then donating the cake to The Alexander Devine Office workers. I must say all the cakes donated were fantastic and without them we would not have had a sale. The support for this event from everyone was fantastic and it was great to see the £5, £10 and £20 notes rolling in. No wonder we made so much for our charity! I must also thank Mike for letting us take over the dealership - hope it generated a lot of business for you, too. Can't wait for the next one,I loved being involved and had a fantastic day. WELL DONE SUE, AND EVERYONE FOR THEIR SUPPORT ~ Shirley
17
It all started back in March 2015… Yvonne and I went to Guildford H-D to meet Mike Wilson to talk about a Heritage that was on their website. When we arrived we had a look around and were unable to locate the bike. We found out it had been sold! We then had a look at another Heritage but we weren’t keen on the colour. When leaving the dealership we were chatting and looking at our bike and thought, ‘Why do we want to change it?’ We couldn’t come up with a reason. With some chrome peeling and the fenders starting to blister we decided, instead, to spend a little on the one we have. The search was now on to source a second-hand tank and fenders, to have resprayed while we were still riding in the summer days. Plans, plans, plans, things never go to plan. It took longer than we thought it would to get the parts, by which time we had spent many hours on the web looking at custom paint jobs. We decided to change the look… but to what? And what colour? By the end of August the tank and fenders were in the paint shop - how was it going to come out? We couldn’t stop at the paintwork, though, so we decided to replace the wheels, the peeling chrome parts and add a few extras. Many an hour was spent with Nij and his books. We had a long shopping list ~ HOW MUCH!? We have all had that shock but, what the hell, let’s do it! After all, we won’t need to buy anything else, will we… Paint was back in my shed, undercover, in September. No point in taking the bike off the road until winter, now. Plans were made with Nij to collect the bike early January and a few weeks later it was returned. Keeping it a secret was getting harder as everyone seemed to be changing their bikes or doing bits to their existing ones. We were praying for a dry day, for the LoH Cake Day, so we could at last unveil it. As luck was with us that day, cold but dry, we took the bike to the dealership feeling a little nervous as we have never undertaken a project like this before. Thus was born the Crazy Frog bike...
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Fred & Yvonne
Don’t let a flat spoil your day… We’ll soon be back in the saddle and will often venture a long way from home. So the last thing you want is a puncture to spoil your day. On a Harley, a flat usually means a ride in a breakdown van, especially if it’s the rear tyre that’s got the problem (and it nearly always is). But with most of us riding on tubeless tyres there is a way that you can continue with the fun stuff and worry about repairing the tyre later. You could try a roadside “external” tyre repair. I have been taking a look at what’s on offer as I’m planning to carry a kit around when I’m out on my crossbones (which has tubeless tyres). But before I go any further I would like to state this very clearly. WARNING - These roadside seal products are to get you and your bike home or to a repair centre and that should be all. They may have an ulterior motive but the fact is the tyre companies do not recognise roadside repair as a safe and serviceable product on or in motorcycle tyres. They also recommend that you drive at 50 mph if you’re on a roadside repaired tyre. It’s generally agreed that some punctures in motorcycle tyres may be repaired but only with permanent patch/plug repairs fitted from the inside of the tyre. For small (maximum 1/4-inch diameter) tread area punctures a patch on the inside of the tyre by a qualified tyre repair shop or motorcycle dealer is suitable for permanent use. I should also point out that any repair, roadside or repair shop, pretty much invalidates any warranty that you may have from the tyre company although not your insurance as far as I can work out (unless you have more than 3 punctures repairs – but you should check with your insurer to be sure). In my experience, only the simplest of punctures can be repaired permanently. So expect to have to replace the tyre. What’s out there? There are loads of kits that are aimed at the motorcycle rider. Prices range from around a tenner to up to £30 and the kits offer repairs for tubed, tubeless or both. But, as I said, most of us riding bikes that are less than 10 years old will be on tubeless tyres. For tubeless tyres a roadside repair seems to be relatively simple. I had two done on separate occasions by the AA on my car because they couldn’t get the wheel off. Both took less than 15 minutes and got me home 100 miles later. For tubeless tyres, all you need to do is whip out the errant nail/screw etc, clean up the hole with the reamer supplied in your kit, insert a plug in the hole*, then inflate your tyre with the supplied CO2 cartridges. For safety you should check your pressures at a garage as soon as you get to one. I t’s a lot less hassle than calling for a recovery truck and you can get on your way. *Note – there are 2 types of “plug”. The old style is a type of wick made of flexible rubbery type material, which is pushed into the hole and trimmed with sharp knife. This can be used to tackle quite big holes – up to 6mm. There is also a new type which is called “twist & go” – see below. If you prefer to use the old style method then the best kit in my view is supplied by AirPro – here’s a picture of what you get (cost around £25) This kit also repairs tubed tyres, which might be handy if you have an older bike with inner tubes, if you can get the wheel off, of course.
But, after doing a bit of research, I have to say that I would select a new type of kit that is based on a much simpler type of plug – the “twist and go” method. Sounds a bit odd I know but you literally screw the plug into the hole, twist off the excess, pump the tyre (with the CO2 cartridges) and get on your way. In the UK, for some unexplained reason, this product is called “turn and go”. Maybe the manufacturers thought we only use the word twist to describe a retro dance craze? Having looked at a whole host of different products available on the UK market I think this is the best – the CARGOL turn & go… This kit is a bit more expensive, costs around £35, but what I particularly like is that it provides a pair of plyers to help to get the nail or screw out of your tyre. That could come in really handy unless you happen to carry a pair of plyers around with you. I know there are some people who probably carry a lot more than a pair of plyers on their bike and they can buy a kit without plyers for £20. But I still think that the fact that CARGOL’ve thought of this already means they know what they’re doing. The repair method is essentially screwing a plastic plug into the hole. The Cargol screw is made of Nylon and Fiberglass. Each Cargol weighs only 5 grams (which I think means it won’t cause tyre wobble when you ride off) and measures 70x30x5mm. The design includes a special tip for easy insertion. Its spiral body allows it to be easily inserted in the puncture yet stop air loss caused by the hole. The O-ring at the bottom of the screw ensures sealing of the air loss due to its larger diameter. Cargol has a special indentation just above the O ring that allows the “key” portion to snap of easily with a twist of the wrist, leaving the Cargol flush with the repaired tyre – simple. And the tyre can be repaired permanently if the hole is not too big. SQUIRT, SQUIRT - There are simpler methods. These are the “pressurised squirty can” puncture repair products – for example Tyreweld made by Holts. With these you simply remove the screw or nail that caused the flat, attach the tube on the can to the tyre valve and squirt – this inflates the tyre inserts a special latex liquid that hardens to plug the hole, so you can ride home on it. These are suitable for tubeless tyres only although a mate of mine used one to repair a puncture on his ancient Harley sportster, back in 1978, and then rode all the way to the Isle of Man TT and back. I’m sure sporties had tubed tyres in those days? The squirty can products are cheap – all under a tenner – but from the reviews on the interweb this type of repair does get you home. Apparently tyre fitters don’t like it much because they have to scrape out the foam when you take the tyre off and try to get the puncture fixed (so they can be sure they’ve found and fixed all the holes). They may refuse to repair the tyre and most people who use these on bikes say they just get a new tyre anyway. So – good to get you home but may not work out cheap in the long run if it was a simple, repairable puncture. SLIME - The last thing I’ll mention is “slime”. It’s green but has nothing in common with Fungus the Bogeyman! Actually these are liquids (they all seem to be green) that “live” in your tyre until you have a puncture and then cleverly seep into the hole and harden to plug it while you’re moving. The best product in my small survey appears to be Ultraseal. It’s a liquid chemical formula from SHELL laboratories, which is pumped into the tyre using a manual pump through the valve, and prevents flat tyres for up to 5 years – just make sure you get the one for tubeless tyres! 21 Continued on P 22
These products are tried and road tested and really do seem to work - they’re also used by delivery companies who don’t want to be held up by punctures – so that says a lot. You can buy sealant products for around £20 from Amazon but to get Ultraseal you have to have this installed by a dealer (price on application) – I asked for a quote on a couple of bikes and have not heard back yet. So not sure whether this is cheap or expensive. If you do pick up a nail or a screw, when you take the tyre off the slime simply is washed off as its water soluble. That’s all I’m going to say about avoiding and repairing punctures – you’re probably thinking this is a strangely sober piece from the Boys Stuff Boys given our recent missives about Santa rides, wooden motorbikes and such like? What can I say – we can be serious, too. RIDE SAFE, from the Boys’ Stuff Boys – Keep the rubber side down - Mike
Mick & I have had a site tour of the Alexander Devine Children's Hospice near White Waltham. We joined a group on a damp & muddy day and after donning our hard hats and wellington boots, we proceeded on the guided tour around the site. Julia, from the trust, will be visiting us at club night.
Linda
Thames Valley would like to extend a very warm welcome to our new members: Graham ‘Gus’ Fielding
Greg & Sue Fenner
Andy & Jackie Chidsey
We hope you all have a great time In our friendly club! 23
YEE-HAW!
Lou’s 40th Birthday Hoedown saw cowboys and cowgirls arriving in a great variety of costumes. Some good entertainment, with MORE DANGER, kept everyone amused. Robbie supplied the Western styled music and the hot food served was delicious and welcome! The venue was decorated with all things Western; stocks, hay-bales, pitchforks—you name it! A wonderful party, Lou, you pulled out all the stops. You certainly welcomed your 40s in style!
Ladies, you think WE have it bad in loo queues...
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido. ‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor. ‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’ ‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it, give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.’ It wasn’t a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’ ‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor… ‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’ 'Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?’ ‘Freakin’ jaysus, ’twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Halloween Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Opening his eyes, the first thing that he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian” He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… What happened last night?” “Well, you came home after 3 a.m. drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??” His son replies, “Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, I’m married!!” Broken Coffee Table: £239.99. Hot Breakfast: £5.99. Two Aspirins: £0.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time… PRICELESS!!!
PRIMARY OFFICERS
Don Wibberley DIRECTOR
Pat Adams Asst. Director
Nick West Asst. Director
Email: director(assistantdirector)@thamesvalleyhog.org.uk
Club Venue: Grenadier Guards’ Club Maidenhead Road Windsor, Berks. SL4 5EY
facebook.com/groups thamesvalleyhog
Colin Wilkins Treasurer
youtube. com/
Sue Moyler Secretary
Third Thursday of every month
Email: treasurer/secretary@thamesvalleyhog.org.uk
COMMITTEE
Sue Dodds Ladies of Harley
Sue Knight Editor
Lee White Webmaster
Chris Smith Membership
Barry Adams Activities
Malcolm Poulter
Linda Friend Photographer
Chris Earley- ‘CJ’ Photographer
Activities
Email any committee member at (position held)@thamesvalleyhog.org.uk