The Gateway
Feature
volume ci number 36
11
Poster Slam 2011
you’ve seen the posters around campus by now — candidates in the Students’ Union election have plastered every free spot in available with horrifying posters and banners. We’ve decided to take these political hopefuls to task over their awful design and disgusting use of colour. Check out what poster pundits Alix Kemp, Darcy Ropchan, Madeline Smith, and Ryan Bromsgrove had to say.
PRESIDENT Rory Tighe
Alix: He has three different colours, you guys. So before you think he’s boring, boring comes in three distinct varieties. Ryan: But why stop at three colours? Why not one for every day of the week? Alix: Couldn’t the ties at least have interesting patterns? Couldn’t he put paisley, at least? Darcy: Rory Tighe’s not a fan of the piano key necktie — too tacky. Alix: Not as tacky as these posters. Darcy: Come on, nothing sums up the momentum of your campaign like a necktie. Madeline: Now that he’s used this as part of his election platform, he better come to forums in the best ties you’ve seen in your life. They better be freaking sweet ties, because this is what he’s tied himself to... That wasn’t intentional. Alix: That’s worse than last year’s pun — remember? “It’s business Tighme!” Madeline: Maybe people will think this is a joke candidate — elect this tie for president. Alix: ... A really bad joke candidate. Darcy: Even a bow tie would be more interesting. Alix: This year in the presidential race, there’s a choice between a piece of formal attire, or none of the above. Madeline: None of the above’s
non-existent poster might be more attractive. Madeline: Clearly the bold font metaphorically shows the amount of student space we’ll be using. I mean, I don’t know, I’d say in general, these are all fairly boring platform points. Alix: When’s the last time the SU did anything to increase student space? The ‘70s? Ryan: How about students in space? That would have got my attention. Alix: You could have ties with astronauts on them. Madeline: These aren’t even campaign promises, they’re just observations. Darcy: So his three platform points are student space, student experience, and external advocacy. Alix: Could you get more generic? This one says, “By building lines of communication, the Students' Union becomes more effective.” With who? At what? Madeline: What does that even mean? Is he going to install special phones in SUB where you can pick it up and be like, “Hi, Rory Tighe?”
VICE PRESIDENT (ACADEMIC)
Emerson Csorba
Alix: He doesn’t have a full name [on his poster]. Madeline: No last name, no platform except “Balance school and self.” Is he
going to take us for meditation? Are we going to do yoga? Is he gonna bake us cookies? I just don’t get it. There’s nothing on here to indicate why you want to vote for him. Alix: He doesn’t have a platform. He doesn’t have a position. Ryan: But he does have a lot of forehead wrinkles. Darcy: He thinks a lot. He’s a thinker. Madeline: He’s thinking about something ... Darcy: It’s clearly not academic stuff. Maybe he’s wondering what he should get for lunch today. Madeline: He’s thinking, “I wonder what VP Academic does.” Alix: It’s good that there’s so many other candidates who clearly understand the VP Academic platform running ... oh wait. Again, another uncontested race where the poster shows no understanding of what the job actually entails. You’re only making $33,000 a year. Ryan: Whatever. He’s running for Obama. Alix: Hope ... for a better candidate. Madeline: Hope he knows what VP Academic does. Ryan: It’s no wonder students are so
apathetic when this is the caliber of poster we get. Alix: What about this one? “Vision: Student research.” What does that mean? Ryan: He has a vision. It’s student research. Madeline: Student research? Like students researching a paper? In the library? What does that mean. Like are you gonna come help me look on JSTOR for my sources? Darcy: I’ll vote for him if he writes my papers for me. Madeline: I feel like that’s the last thing he should be emphasizing. Like students complain all the time about
how we’re too research based, and there’s not enough emphasis on good teaching. Why would you want to increase that? Alix: It’s not even, “I’m gonna do student research,” it’s not even, “I have a vision of student research.” Ryan: Yeah, you don’t know if it’s him, so he doesn’t have to deliver on it. It’s also just a vision, doesn’t mean he has to do anything. Alix: I think he’s implying he wants to research on students by doing creepy science experiments, like some kind of human centipede bullshit. Ryan: So that’s what student research is about, he’s just going to sew us all together in a huge line. Darcy: That’s a good movie.