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December 9th, 2015 Issue No.18 Volume 106
Taking a shit on inequality U of A solves gendered bathroom issue JIMMY PRAIRIE
ORGY reporter @YEGWOMAN
Students can look forward to a completely equal, freedom-oriented, washroomless campus in 2017. The University of Alberta unanimously approved of the policy in one of its many board meetings nobody pays attention to in a move applauded by the Students’ Union. The phasing-out of washrooms at the U of A’s North Campus will commence in 2016’s Spring semester. This will extend to all university buildings by 2017. Washroom spaces will be re-purposed as classrooms that will hold equality training sessions for university students and staff. SU Vice-President (Student Life) Chuck Bondarcode has been campaigning the No Bathroom Policy since August. Seeing the university commit to equality to the extent of eliminating bathrooms feels “unbelievable,” Bondarcode said. “Students will never have to feel uncomfortable in the context of the washroom,” Bondarcode said. “Because are eliminating that context entirely.” Though there are various disadvantages that come with eliminating washrooms, equality is more important than excrement, and that should be reflected in the university’s buildings. Students will still be able to relieve them-
selves in lockers, rooms, and various bushes around campus, all of which are non-discriminant to gender orientation, Bondarcode said. By eliminating a space for a specific bodily function, students are able to truly integrate into the post-gender, post-human world. “The first step is eliminating a gender binary that divides us as people — that starts with eliminating gender from washrooms,” Bondarcode said. “But we’re still faced with the problem of being forced to identify with washrooms when we need to expel waste.” In relieving themselves in bushes and other obscure locations, students will escape the gender binary. They’ll also enter into a posthuman lifestyle where they will no longer be dictated according to their physical entity. With complete freedom of the body and the subsequent act of excretion, students will attain an organic form of freedom of the mind, Bondarcode said. To keep in line with the theme of granting students complete freedom and equality, there will be no designated space. Though bushes are recommended for answering the call of nature, any space is a fair space to dump. For that reason, the U of A is recommending students invest in “a few good pairs of rubber boots.”
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