November 2013

November 2013

Hello,

Beautiful!

Randy Fenoli: From Female Impersonation to Bridal Fashion Phenom

Wedding Traditions for the

Non-Traditional

Ahmed A.J.

&

Binational Couple Weds Post DOMA

David Tutera:

Man

The

with

the

Wedding Plan

Concert is subject to change or cancellation without notice. Not valid for persons on Missouri Disassociated Persons or Excluded lists or who have been otherwise excluded from River City or any other properties owned by Pinnacle Entertainment. Must be 21 or older. Gambling problem? Call 1.888.BETSOFF. Š2013 Pinnacle Entertainment, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

SARA EVANS

Thursday, November 14

8:00 PM $35 - $65

THUNDER FROM DOWN UNDER

Wednesday, November 27

7:00 PM $20 - $40

MICHAEL BOLTON

Tuesday, December 10

8:00 PM $45 - $75

For tickets visit River City Casino, RiverCity.com or call 800.745.3000.

At this rate, your dream kitchen can be a reality.

Home Equity Line of Credit

1.99

%

APR1

Introductory Rate for 6 Months Rate available 09/09/13-11/10/13 Rates are subject to change

With rates still at an all-time low, now is the time to make those home improvements you’ve been thinking about. U.S. Bank is offering a Home Equity Line of Credit at a great rate with no closing costs.2 Not to mention potential tax advantages,3 great service and convenient branch locations.

Start adding value to your home today.

Rates As Low As

3.50

%

APR1

Variable Rate after Introductory Period

branch

usbank.com/lowrate

800.209.BANK (2265)

1. 1.99% Introductory Annual Percentage Rate (APR) is available on Equiline Home Equity Lines of Credit with a 70% or 80% loan-to-value (LTV) or less, depending upon the market. The introductory interest rate will be fixed at 1.99% during the six month introductory period. A higher introductory rate may apply for an LTV above 70%. Offer is available for new applications submitted from September 9, 2013 to November 10, 2013.

Existing customers are eligible with at least a $20,000 increase in balance and commitment amount. After the six month introductory period: the APR is variable and is based upon an index plus a margin.

The APR will vary with Prime Rate (the index) as published in the Wall Street Journal. As of September 1, 2013, the variable rate for home equity lines of credit ranged from 3.50% APR to 8.50% APR. Higher rates may apply for a credit limit below $100,000 (depending upon the market), an LTV above 70%, a low credit score and/or not having a U.S. Bank personal Package Checking account. The rate will not vary above 25% APR, or applicable state law, or below 1.99% APR. An annual fee of up to $90 may apply after the first year. Offer is subject to normal credit qualifications and program guidelines. Rates are subject to change without notice. 2. Property insurance is required. 3. Consult your tax advisor regarding the deductibility of interest. Other restrictions may apply. See the Consumer Pricing Information brochure for terms and conditions that apply to U.S. Bank Package Checking accounts. Home Equity Loans and Lines of Credit are offered through U.S. Bank National Association. Š2013 U.S. Bank. All rights reserved. Deposit products are offered through U.S. Bank National Association. Member FDIC. Best Places To Work for LGBT Equality from Human Rights Campaign Foundation.

thevitalVOICE.com

3

Advertisers at a glance Pinnacle (River City) 2 Empower/US Bank 3 Loop Business District 6 CVC 12 Southern Illinois University 14 Planned Parenthood 14 Mango 15 Sante Fitness 16 Butler’s Pantry-Piccone 16 Crowne Plaza Downtown 16 Absoluti Goosed 18 Washateria 18 Lacefield Music 18 Brown Smith Wallace 19 Pasta House 19 Hamburger Mary’s 24 Missouri History Museum 24 Transcending the Spectrum 24 HRC 25 Gateway Men’s Chorus 25 Just John 30 Talent Plus 33 Rehab Bar & Grill 33 CJ’s On the Hill 33 Washington University 40 Sheldon Arts Foundation 40 St. Louis Science Center 40 Walter Knoll Florist 41 Hyatt Regency St. Louis 41 Hamburger Mary’s 41 Pam Schneider 41 Scott Lokitz Photography 42 Affordable Quality Writing 42 Paule, Camazine, Blumenthal 43 Clear Channel 51 Hiro Asian Kitchen 52

15K Issues Printed Monthly 300+ Points of Distribution Vital VOICE is your premier

LGBT publication and reaches a diverse readership from thoughtful leaders and young thinkers to trend setters in culture, entertainment and beyond.

4

November 2013

CEO/Publisher

Darin Slyman

dsly@thevitalvoice.com

Executive Editor/Senior Writer Colin Murphy colinm@thevitalvoice.com

Associate Publisher Jimmy Lesch jimmy@thevitalvoice.com

Art Director Andrea Piamonte andrea@thevitalvoice.com

Events Manager Staci Stift staci@thevitalvoice.com

Administrative Assistant/Staff Writer Brent peterson brent@thevitalvoice.com

Staff Photographer/Writer Mikey Berner Staff Writer Lauren Wagner lauren@thevitalvoice.com

Staff Writer Hanna botney hanna@thevitalvoice.com

Contributors

Photography: Mikey Berner, Jonathan Pfeifer, TLC, The St. Louis LGBT History

Project, Mel Barlow, Sarah Judd of Judd’s Eye Photography, Dave Moore and Lion’s Eye Photography Writing: Colin Murphy, Lauren Wagner, Brent Peterson, Andrea Piamonte, Hanna Botney and Dara Strickland

Advisory Board

William A. Donius, Thom Halter, Colin Murphy, Jay Perez, Pam Scheider, Kellie Trivers, Sharon Tucci

Online

thevitalVOICE.com facebook.com/VitalVOICE twitter.com/VitalVOICEmag youtube.com/TheVitalVISION instagram.com/vitalVOICE

Contact

Vital VOICE Magazine

4579 Laclede Ave #268 St. Louis, MO 63108 VitalVOICEmag@gmail.com 314.256.1196

Advertising

vv@thevitalVOICE.com

November 2013 | Volume 14 | Issue 11

Table of

Contents 4. advertisers at a

glance

7. Editor’s letter 8. One out of 10—

26.

randy fenoli

13. Wedding Traditions

for the non-traditional

On the

17. Lez be Real-

Cover

Tech-savvy Tips for a long distance relationship

Celebrity Wedding Planner David Tutera tells all on his coming out, same-sex marriages and the behind the scenes info on planning events.

20. The journey to “I Do” 31. tax planning in a

post-doma world

34.

standing on ceremony

38.

42. Splitting the blanket 43. Ahmed & AJ 46. playdates 48. scene in the city

marriage: our slice of cake

Stay Connected with us Vital VOICE is printed on recycled newspaper and uses soy ink for a 100% recyclable product.

WEB

Make sure to check out “Mikey’s Morsels” & Penelope Wigstock’s “Should You Marry a Sociopath?” online at thevitalvoice.com

thevitalVOICE.com

5

“One of the 10 great streets- American in America” Planning Association

facebook.com/TheDelmarLoop 6

November 2013

@TheDelmarLoop

Editor’s Letter

Welcome Wedding to our

annual

At this writing, some 14 states (California, Connecticut, Delaware, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington), the District of Columbia, several counties in New Mexico and six Native American tribal jurisdictions have legalized the issuing of marriage licenses for same-sex couples.

What’s more, with portions of DOMA being struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court earlier this summer, these unions are recognized by the federal government for such purposes as immigration and federal taxes. But the fight for full marriage equality continues.

Across the river, the push for a final House vote affirming samesex marriage continues in Illinois. Perhaps as you read this, the Land of Lincoln has already become the 15th state to advance the recognition of our relationships.

Issue

My husband Kurt and I were married in Iowa City, Iowa on March 12, 2010 after being together for 12 years. The fact that we, along with 16 other couples, had to hop a bus and cross three states to legally tie the knot was not lost on us. I was both mindful of the generations who prepared the ground; generations who didn’t live to see that day, and ever-determined to continue to fight for full equality so future generations wouldn’t have to endure the sting of second-class citizenship.

Within these pages are a host of features and stories celebrating and examining same-sex marriage. Indeed, marriage equality is but one part in the larger struggle for LGBT equality. I would be remiss in not noting that marriage isn’t for everyone and we can still be fired in many states, including Missouri, for being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. To that end, we must also fight for laws such as the Federal Nondiscrimination Act (ENDA) and the Missouri Nondiscrimination Act (MONA) here at home.

Cheers,

Colin Murphy Executive Editor thevitalVOICE.com

7

Randy Fenoli:

From Female Impersonation to

Bridal Fashion Phenom

8

November 2013

column

out

of

10 ain’t bad!

Hello,

Beautiful!

Written by Colin

Murphy – Editor Photography by TLC Hello, Beautiful! With his signature phrase, flamboyant presence and a discerning and stylish eye, Randy Fenoli has propelled himself into a household name on TLC with Say Yes to the Dress, Randy Knows Best and Randy to the Rescue.

But his beginnings as the youngest of seven children on a cattle farm outside of Mt. Vernon, Illinois stands in marked contrast to a life as one of the top designers in bridal fashion that we see today.

Many still remember Randy from his female impersonation days as Brandi Alexander which culminated with him being crowned Miss Gay America 1990. The former raven-haired beauty says he could fill a book with all of his memories from that period, from traveling the country and performing at Faces in East St. Louis until dawn, being crowned MGA by St. Louis’ own Vicki Vincent and being pulled over in drag much to the bewilderment of police officers.

Upon relinquishing the MGA crown, Randy sold everything he owned and moved from Louisiana to New York City in a U-Haul where he enrolled in the prestigious Fashion Institute of Technology. While at FIT, Randy won a number of awards for bridal design and achievement, including a big break with Kleinfeld Bridal and Modern Bride Magazine.

“One of the judges just happened to be Vivan ‘Dessy’ Diamond who is the owner of Dessy Bridesmaids and her husband was Paul Diamond who owned the Diamond Collection,” Randy recalls. “They called me on the payphone at FIT dorms and said we’d like to meet up with you. I met with them and they said we’d like to offer you a position designing bridal and

Gay Miss ca Ameri0 199

“They just gave me back my driver’s license and were like, ‘just go, just go’ – I never got a ticket in drag,” he laughs.

Randy taught himself how to sew at the early age of nine and created most of his own looks while entertaining on stages. As a designer, especially a wedding designer, it gave him a unique perspective.

“What makes me, I think, a better designer is that I made 90 percent of my outfits when I was a female impersonator,” he explains. “I bought very few outfits, most of them were handmade and I made every single outfit that I wore during the Miss Gay America contest from evening wear, sportswear, on stage female interview to every presentation – they had like seven different categories.”

“I made every single costume and I wore every single costume and I did my hair and I did my makeup,” Randy continues. “So I had a real sense of what it was like to be a real woman and to wear makeup and hair and gowns and heels. So it gave me a much greater insight into what women go through, especially on their wedding day, because that’s the most formal they’ll probably ever dress in their lives.” thevitalVOICE.com

9

“

ow I don’t kn er ev if I would le do fema gain, ation a n o s r e p im never, y a s r e v e but n ou just y e s u a c be ow. never kn 10

November 2013

bridesmaids at both companies with your name on the label.”

There had never been a student who had graduated with their name on a label from FIT and Randy received his degree with his name on two labels. Within four months he had 32 dresses coming down the runway.

“Because I’d never really been to a wedding before [aside from his siblings], I didn’t really know that you were supposed to have your shoulders covered in the early 90s for religious purposes,” says Randy, whose early interest was in evening wear.

“So my first design and the design that won the contest was a halter because I looked in magazines and I saw no halters and decided to do a halter. Some of my designs were very radical because I knew nothing about bridal and it got a lot of editorial press and it really catapulted my career in bridal.”

Asked about same-sex weddings and fashion, the industry icon is quick to point out that there’s little difference, but with a caveat.

“I pretty much believe that it’s the same as straight couples getting married,” offers

Randy. “I think that some of them go way out on a limb and put their own stamp on it. Being LGBT, we probably do think a little bit more outside the box and we’re probably going to get a little more creative.

However, weddings today, in general, are getting more creative every day.”

“I think couples are putting their own twist on their wedding to make them really unique to the couple,” he continues. “So the biggest trend in bridal today is that every bridegroom wants their wedding to be different from everyone else’s’ so their trying to put their own stamp on it and I think the LGBT community is going to be doing the same thing, probably even more so.”

is getting on board because of the opportunity there.”

Despite his success, Randy Fenoli remains humble and in tune with his Midwestern roots. From surviving an abusive father and coming out as gay, to teaching himself how to sew and saving his tips as a female impersonator to pursue his dreams.

“You know, I ran away from the farm five times to get away from my father,” says Randy. ”I always had really big dreams so none of this surprises me. I’m actually not as far along with my career as I would like to be, I have a whole list of other things that I want to do and am working on.

However, it does keep me grounded.”

According to Randy, the bridal industry has been quick to embrace marriage equality both as an issue and opportunity for growth.

And as for Miss Gay America, Randy says he looks forward to returning one day soon as a former (just as long as it isn’t during Bridal Fashion Week).

“I think the bridal industry has totally embraced it,” he states. “I also think they realize that there’s a huge opportunity there for them with all the same-sex marriages… The amount of disposable cash that our community has is really going to benefit the wedding industry and I think they realize that and everyone

“I would love to return, especially back to St. Louis where it’s an hour from my home where I was born and raised,” he concluded. “I don’t know if I would ever do female impersonation again, but never say never, because you just never know.” V

thevitalVOICE.com

11

are a girl's best friend

Bring your partner to the ballpark for some pitching, catching and people watching at beautiful Busch Stadium. After the game, check out the action in Soulard, the Grove and the CWE. And raise a glass to the ‘Lou -- the city that The Advocate called “…the LGBT beacon of the Midwest.”

Check out our impressive packages at explorestlouis.com/LGBT

12

November 2013

Wedding Traditions

for the

Non-Traditonal Written by Hanna

Navigating wedding traditions for a same-sex couple can be both challenging and exciting. Most traditions are based on gender roles, which same-sex relationships naturally challenge, thus leaving the door wide open for ways to structure a wedding. Here are some ideas from LGBT married couples to help in the crazed process of planning a wedding.

The Engagement: To Ring Or Not To Ring?

Traditionally, a man proposes to a woman by putting a diamond ring on her left hand. Obviously, that structure is not clearly defined for a same-sex couple. We can choose how we propose. One person could propose to the other, both individuals could propose at the same or different times, or rings can be exchanged at a set time, in a mini-ceremony.

Many couples are moving away from rings in order to further distance themselves from tradition. You could exchange cuff links, watches, or anything meaningful to the two of you. If you do decide to do rings, you could wear them on the right hand in order to both symbolize the lack of equality and to queer a traditional practice.

Wearing engagement rings on the right hand also opens up the option to move them to the left hand during the wedding ceremony as a symbolic gesture of the transition in the relationship.

Attire Two dresses? Two suits? A suit and a dress? It all depends on the couple. Honestly, comfort and being true to your own individual style is the most important when it comes to choosing wedding attire. Don’t forget to have someone check that your attire doesn’t clash. This is especially important if the two of you have decided not to see each other’s clothes before the wedding.

Botney

Wedding Party A same-sex couple’s wedding party can be whatever you want.

Again, we do not have to conform to gender roles. You could have female-identifying people with one of the individuals and male-indentifying people with the other. Or you can mix amongst the two of you. The key here would be to play around with the order of the wedding party to see what works best.

Wedding Party Attire This is entirely up to you and your wedding party. Talk with your loved ones to see what they would prefer to wear and try to find some continuity between everyone. No matter whether individuals choose dresses or suits, ensuring that their clothes fit properly for their bodies is going to be important. Try and find tailors that can fit clothes for any type of body (i.e. the ability to fit a suit to a woman, etc.).

Who Walks Whom Down The Aisle?

Whomever makes the most sense. Don’t feel the need to get stuck in the idea that a father must walk a daughter down the aisle or anything like that. Over the years, this tradition has transformed for all types of couples. It is becoming more common to see various people walking brides and grooms down the aisle. You can walk alone, with both parents, one parent/important person, or you can walk each other down the aisle. Do whatever makes sense for you individually and you don’t necessarily need to do the same thing as your partner.

The possibilities are endless when it comes to a same-sex wedding. You can throw all traditions out the window or keep whatever feels right to as an individual and as a couple. This is your wedding, do what makes you happy and don’t let tradition or other individuals dictate your special day. V thevitalVOICE.com

13

Don’t get Caught...

(618) 482-7175

100 N. 8th Street, Suite 126 East St. Louis, IL 62201

Not knowing.

Know your Status. Get Tested.

Because knowing my status is important to me.

We’ve got you covered—with or without insurance. Now accepting health insurance including: Anthem, Blue Cross Blue Shield, United Healthcare and more.

6 locations, one near you | 800.230.plan (7526) | www.plannedparenthood.org/stlouis

14

November 2013

thevitalVOICE.com

15

SEARCHING FOR THE PERFECT VENUE?

WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED!

314.664.7680 | WWW.BUTLERSPANTRY.COM

Memorable moments are made at the

Crowne Plaza St. Louis Downtown

Where your vision becomes a reality. locale: en

AMERICAS-USA-STLRF-Logo-StandardSingleLine

ST. LOUIS - DOWNTOWN

200 N 4th St 16

November 2013

St Louis, MO 63102

(314) 621-8200

column

Tech-Savvy Tips for a Long Distance Relationship Written by Hanna

Lez BE REAL

Botney

Sky

pe m e

Miss y ou Relationships are always a lot of work.

Long distance relationships require a different kind of work. Yes, in some ways they are harder but you just have to put in the extra effort. Luckily, we live in a technology driven world where LDRs (long distance relationships) are a lot easier than they once were.

Before Skype and before texting, LDRs had to survive on phone calls and whatever possible visits. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that must have been. Technology may stem the fears people have about LDRs. Most people want to run in the opposite direction when they hear the words “long distance.”

Unfortunately, distance cannot always be avoided. I think LDRs are slightly more prevalent in LGBT couples. We only make up 10% of the population, which makes it a lot harder to meet people. As a result, online dating has become a popular option with a greater likelihood that individuals would date across a distance. Of course, there are the typical circumstances where couples are forced to move apart for education, work, family, etc.

While I would never directly seek out a long distance relationship, I wouldn’t let it stop me from being with someone that I love. The key is communication and to maximize every mode of communication.

Even though we now have Skype,

telephone calls, letters, and packages are equally as important. Nothing can replace the intimacy of a handwritten letter or a package strategically put together with love.

It is also important to not let the distance interrupt your relationship. For example, if you would have a date night once a week, still have that date night. The two of you can set up Skype or a phone call and have dinner and watch a movie together. My favorite thing to do is order pizza at the same time and then pick a movie on TV or start a movie on Netflix/DVD at the same time. It is dinner and a movie made for the LDR couple. With iPhones now allowing FaceTime to work on a data plan, it is now a lot easier to have more mobile dates as well. Take food to a park and FaceTime your partner and have a little picnic together. There are a lot of options as long as you and your partner put your mind to it.

Talk, talk, talk, and talk some more.

Schedules can make it hard to catch each other but you can shoot each other text messages and leave voicemails whenever it is possible. That way you can let your partner know you’re thinking about them and tell them that funny thing that just happened at work. There are even apps such as “Couple” that are designed for LDR couples. It allows you to send video messages, typed messaged, drawings,

..

and photographs back and forth. Try all different methods of communication and find what works best for you and your partner.

Money, time, work, and many other things can get in the way of making the actual trip to see each other. This is why all of the other forms of communication are so important. But when you do see each other, document it as much as you can. I like to take pictures and videos. At the end of each trip, I put together a little montage of our favorite moments so we can watch them when we are apart, reminisce on the good times and start to look forward to the times to come in the next trip. There are a lot of LGBT couples who do the same thing and share their stories through YouTube or a blog. These outlets can be very helpful when you need a little extra support or for fun ideas to connect.

Long distance relationships are not as awful as they’re made out to be. Of course, we would all prefer to be able to hold our partners every night, but that isn’t always possible. If two people are willing to put in the effort to make a LDR work, then there is no reason why it isn’t possible.

And when you come out on the other side, you can remember the extra strength it required for you two to succeed. It will make your relationship that much stronger.

V

thevitalVOICE.com

17

Lacefield Music We at Lacefield Music have designed a program to make available our fine pianos and organs to all people, churches, schools and institutions at special prices. Call us for more information.

New and Preowned Pianos & Organs

Dwayne Hilton (314) 775-8902 Organist for the St. Louis Cardinals

Don Daugherty (314) 494-8324 Independent Piano Consultant to Dwayne Hilton

3196 S Grand absolutligoosed.com AbsolutliGoosed absolutligoosed 18

November 2013

South County • St. Charles Chesterfield • Shiloh, IL

Nothing should hold you back...

Especially your taxes.

We can provide you with the financial answers you need, amended prior tax returns and advice on next year’s issues.

With sound advice, you can enjoy your day at the beach.

To request our tax planning guide, or to learn more about our services, please contact Karen Stern, CPA, at 314.983.1204 or kstern@bswllc.com.

Pasta House ad 7.306 x 4.75

6 CityPlace Drive, Suite 700 St. Louis, MO 63141 www.bswsmallbusiness.com

Lunch Specials Everyday with Special salad

$9.99 All Pizzas ½ price!!!

8 p m un t il c l os e • Di ne In Onl y thevitalVOICE.com

19

The

Proposal

20

November 2013

style

The

Journey to

“ I Do ”

Written and Styled by Ryan Moore Photography by Jonathan Pfeifer Clothes & Accessories Courtesy of

Neiman Marcus With the steady and continuing rise of samesex marriages around the country, increasing numbers of gay couples are tying the knot.

Since LGBT weddings are redefining how society views marriage, what we wear to our weddings should also break out of the traditional wedding fashions.

Dressing up in formalwear doesn’t have to be boring. The traditional black and white tuxedo is not your only option – there are tons of exciting colors, patterns and textures that can be incorporated into your wedding look. Pairing men in suits is always a safe bet. By keeping with some of the traditional wedding colors of black and white, while also mixing in new colors and textures, you will be able to make your wedding attire your own, while still looking fabulous and formal on your big day.

As the temperature starts to drop, layers and textures begin to appear in abundance. You can work these styles into your everyday wardrobe as well as your wedding attire.

Choose a statement piece or two, while keeping the rest of your outfit relatively simple, so as not to make too much of a statement.

Have fun, be daring and make sure your wedding fashion defines you. v

The

Invitation

Engagement Looks

Anthony Leitz (left)

Pants: Zegna Corp Shirt:Theory Sweater: Artwell Knitting & Garment Factory Tie: Gitman Brothers Shirt Co Ring: Konstantino Logan Griesemer (right) Jeans: J Brand Jeans Shirt: Vince Sweater: Scott James LLC Ring: Konstantino

Restaurant Location

Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse (General Manager)- Sladan Stanisic

Invitation Courtesy of Dannah Hauck

thevitalVOICE.com

21

Style

The

Wedding

Wedding Looks

Anthony Leitz

Black Shirt: Vince Black Pants: Theory Black Tie: Giorgio Armani Jacket: Giorgio Armani Tie Bar: Alfred Dunhill Ring: Konstantino Black Shoes: Magnanni Inc.

Logan Griesemer

White Shirt: Hugo Boss Grey Pants: Hugo Boss Bowtie: Gitman Brothers Shirt Co. Jacket: Hugo Boss Ring: Konstantino Blue: Shoes Prada

Boutonnières provided by

Dave Black from Off The Wall Florist & Gifts

Hotel Location

Hyatt Regency St. Louis at The Arch

22

November 2013

The

Honeymoon

thevitalVOICE.com

23

RENT

Mary's Attic for your holiday party!

Recommended by 9 out of 10 hippies.

Now Open!

Forest Park (314) 746-4599 mohistory.org Exhibition tickets: (314) 361-9017 or mohistory.org The 1968 Exhibit is a traveling exhibit organized by the Minnesota History Center in partnership with the Atlanta History Center, the Chicago History Museum, and the Oakland Museum of California. The exhibit is supported by major grants from the National Endowment for the Humanities and the Institute of Museum and Library Services.

Mary's private event space is the perfect venue for your work, family, or friendly gathering.

Call

314.533.MARY

to reserve our event space 24

November 2013

Saturday, November 23, 2013 The 21st Annual St. Louis Human Rights Campaign Gala at The Renaissance St. Louis Grand Hotel With Special Guest Speaker HRC President Chad Griffin For more information, visit: www.facebook.com/HRCSTL/events www.hrc.org/events/entry/hrc-st.-louis-gala Email us at: hrcstldinner@gmail.com To purchase tickets, go to: www.BoxOfficeTickets.com

thevitalVOICE.com

25

David Tutera:

Man

The

with

the

Wedding Plan Written by

Andrea Piamonte

“I feel, as I have always felt, in the execution of weddings, whether straight or gay, is that there is no difference between the two.�

26

November 2013

Cover story

He’s fabulous and over-the-top. Thinking outside of the box is the only way to execute a wedding in David Tutera’s eyes. The out and flamboyant planner’s events include everything from high fashion, glamorous venues and impeccable detail.

David’s design style, innovative techniques and passion for creating extravagant celebrations have gained him tremendous success in just about every realm of the wedding world. The Celebrity Wedding Planner has become well known for his hit shows My Fair Wedding and David Tutera Unveiled, the newest season of drama and wedding transformation.

“My favorite aspect of wedding planning is bringing two families together,” he says. “I love the fact that there is this moment in time when two people are so in love with each other that they wanna tie the knot and celebrate their union. If you think about it, there’s no other celebration like that.

Weddings are truly a standalone moment in time for people and I love being able to create that memory that lasts a lifetime.”

David sits on an award-winning event planning empire that includes: a wedding dress collection with Mon Cheri, a stylish and elegant shoe collection with Anetbi Footwear, a fashion jewelry collection (“Embellish by David Tutera”), a line of fabrics for home sewers (“David Tutera Social Occasion Collection”) and seven published books.

His impressive client list includes the Post Grammy Parties in New York City, Jennifer Lopez, Matthew McConaughey, Elton John and the Rolling Stones.

Of course, the success didn’t happen overnight. David truly built his now event planning empire from the ground up, starting with planning a barmitzvah 27 years ago.

“I actually got into the business accidentally,” he said. “I was asked to do a party at the age of 19 and I did it. I fell in love with the business of celebrations.”

Event planning came so easily to David and so was coming out as an openly gay man.

At the same age he organized his first party, he decided to come out to his parents about his relationship with a boy.

“I really never made a statement that I came out,” David recalls. “I have a different philosophy on how I perceive coming out. I just made it very simple. I think that it was such an easy transition in my life and it was just a natural thing.”

Tutera’s

Tips & Trends

1.Your bridal party is likely made up

of your best friends and closest family members – these are not your employees or your personal servants. Be sure to treat them with the respect that they deserve!

2. Everyone knows that weddings are

expensive for the couple – but people often forget that costs can really rack up for the guests and bridal party as well!

“Look at it first almost as if you are looking at it as a business transaction,” David says. “Don’t leap into the future of what your plans are, walk into it and take baby steps in planning your wedding because ultimately, you are on a budget.”

3. A bride/groom is always polished,

always polite! Be sure to practice good wedding etiquette from your ceremony – with your receiving line – to your reception – by stopping by each table – and then following up after the honeymoon with timely thank you cards!

His beliefs on coming out are synonymous with how to approach an LGBT wedding.

It shouldn’t be overanalyzed or dramatized just because it is a same-sex marriage as opposed to a heterosexual marriage.

4. Your spouse chose and loves you

“I feel, as I have always felt, in the execution of weddings, whether straight or gay, is that there is no difference between the two,” he proclaims. “I think we need to stop asking the question ‘what do we need to do differently,’ and see that this is a celebration, it’s a wedding. Why does it have to be different?”

5. No matter how perfectly you’ve

Regardless of sexual orientation, he pushes to focus on the union of two people and

Photography by Mel

Barlow

for a reason! Wedding planning can be stressful, expensive and time-consuming so be sure to make time to relax with each other and be sure to continue to listen and work together as much as you always have…

prepared, there will always be a thing or two that doesn’t go as planned. In order to keep your cool, try to accept this going in. When minor glitches arise, deal with them as best as you can and move on knowing that the big picture is the start of your marriage and not the missing crystals on your veil or the cake that arrived in the wrong flavor.

David’s Ideas for 2014 Bold statements of yellows, such as mustard, and also grays combined together.

The infusion of organics, such as burlaps, pearls and flowers— somewhat of the Old Hollywood feel.

The combination of texture and colors when it comes to designing your wedding. thevitalVOICE.com

27

Photography by Mel

Barlow

equalize the differences with planning weddings.

According to David, a wedding is not that time to be an activist trying to prove something.

“It’s a place to embrace the person you are in love with,” he says. “So put a party together, celebrate it with love and celebrate it with your family and friends. And if you wanna be different because that is the kind of wedding you wanna have, that’s fine. But this is not the moment where you should have to prove that this is acceptable.”

“This is about the two of you, loving one another, getting married and being able to do it.”

And after all these years, weddings are still David’s favorite type of event to plan. Even with all of the chaos and drama that comes with it, he always manages to keep the desires of the bride and/or groom in mind.

It can’t be easy because he’s worked with some unusual (and a little crazy) themes. In his previous show, My Fair Wedding, David steps in two weeks before a couple’s wedding and changes everything. The show takes you on a step-bystep wedding transformation that shows you can take anything from “blah” to “ta-da.” David changes the look, the dress, venue, décor and even theme into something extraordinary.

them out so I can move on,” he laughs.

The show also takes a closer look into the inner constructions of his home and personal life. He kicks off the season exposing the turmoil behind his current divorce with Ryan Jurica, his husband of 10 years. But he also shows the excitement of having his first daughter, Cielo.

A few years prior to the divorce, David and Ryan agreed on having children through a surrogate.

The two decided to raise the twins, Cedric and Cielo, separately after the split.

When asked about his daughter, he had a lot of good news to tell.

“She’s amazing! She’s my little angel,” he said happily. “I have to say, of all the things I’ve been through personally and professionally, she’s the easiest, calmest and most incredible experience I’ve ever had or will have.”

“This is about the two of you, loving one another, getting married and being able to do it.”

Now in the new David Tutera Unveiled, the show name has changed and all the chaos is revealed.

“The biggest change that I’m so happy we’ve done and have wanted to do for the past two seasons is that it’s much more reality based,” he says. “We’ve always had drama but we’ve just never showed it. Now, we are actually showing what I go through and what most people go through in planning events.”

Sure, weddings are all about love and celebration but that doesn’t mean you don’t encounter some serious drama. Every week, Tutera and his event team encounter over-the-top demands, outrageous themes and the inevitable bridezillas.

“Bridezillas just seem to exist. I think it’s sort of that moment in a woman’s head and it’s funny.

And I say this where I don’t mean to be specific on female versus male, but women become much more emotional,” admits David.

“I have so many stories that I sometimes black

Cielo, meaning heaven and sky in Italian and Spanish, is keeping up with her busy dad and frequently makes trips with him.

“When she was in the NICU, I said to her everyday, multiple times, that her and I are a team and we were going to having journeys and adventures everyday,” he said. “We are going to embrace them as her and I would as friends and as father and daughter.”

As for his wedding planning career, he plans to expand into men’s fashion, accessories and necessities. He also plans to extend his company focus on more solutions for the bridesmaids.

“It’s continuing to grow. I’m very fortunate and blessed to have all the success I’ve had on my television shows and my brands and its clothes,” he said. I’ll continue provide product for wedding couples.”

David has high hopes to continue strengthening the Tutera Brand and is excited to see the reactions to his new show as he stumbles across new problems and tries to fix them with innovative solutions.

“You know, if the show came to me 15 years ago, I’m not 100% sure I would be able to do the uniqueness of the show. I think it’s because of my experience of what I’ve done and what I’ve seen.

I’ve traveled literally all over the world and that comes to me through my clients, not because I was able to do that personally. My inspiration and my ability to always recreate things is from what I’ve experienced.” V

thevitalVOICE.com

29

30

November 2013

Special Promotion

Tax Planning Post

DOMA

in a

World

(Sarah Judd of Judd’s Eye Photography)

If you are part of a same-sex married couple, preparing for the April 15th tax deadline may be a more daunting task than usual.

After certain provisions of the Defense of Marriage Act (“DOMA”) were struck down, the IRS adopted a “state of celebration” rule, meaning same-sex couples who are legally married would be treated as married for federal tax purposes, regardless of whether or not the state where they reside recognizes same-sex marriages.

Powered by:

Federal Taxes What does this mean? This treatment applies for all federal tax purposes – including income, gift and estate taxes – and to all federal tax provisions where marriage is a factor. Currently, the following states, including the District of Columbia, recognize same-sex marriage: California, Connecticut, Delaware, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New York, Rhode Island, Washington, and Vermont. For 2013, legally married same-sex couples must file a joint federal income tax return or file as married filing separately. The ruling does not apply to registered domestic partnerships, civil unions or similar formal relationships recognized under state law that are not officially a marriage.

Many tax breaks, such as IRA contributions and tax credits, now apply for same-sex marriages. There are also new rulings that apply, concerning employee benefit plans, beneficiaries and participants, as well as IRA benefits for same-sex couples with children.

Because of DOMA, taxpayers may have paid taxes on the fair market value of employer-provided health care coverage for their same-sex spouse. Alternatively, an employer may claim a refund to correct overpayments of employment taxes using one of two special administrative procedures indicated by the IRS. Clear as mud? Talk to a CPA or tax professional to see if these situations apply to you. thevitalVOICE.com

31

Special Promotion

Tax Planning Post

in a

DOMA World Continued...

Prior Year Returns

Should you amend your prior tax returns? Is it possible you paid higher taxes as a result of not being able to file jointly?

Did one spouse have capital gains in a year that would have been effectively cancelled by the other spouse’s capital losses? Were you previously taxed on health benefits provided to a spouse? Individuals who were in same-sex marriages may, but are not required to, file original or amended returns choosing to be treated as married for federal tax purposes for one or more prior tax years still open under the state of limitations. Refund claims can still be filed for tax years 2010, 2011 and 2012. Generally, the statute of limitations for filing a refund claim is three years from the date the return was filed or two years from the date the tax was paid, whichever is later.

Not Yet Married…

There are many variables that can affect your tax liability as a same-sex couple. However, if you haven’t tied the knot yet, it is highly advisable to consult with a tax professional to obtain an understanding of the tax consequences of being married.

This is a rapidly changing subject of law; make sure you have the most current information. Not all same-sex marriages will see a decrease in their income tax liability. Concerning your tax liability, plan strategically with a CPA or tax professional who is well-versed with these IRS guidelines.

(Sarah Judd of Judd’s Eye Photography)

State Taxes

If you are married, completing your state return depends on where you live. If you live in a state that does not recognize same-sex marriages, such as Missouri and Illinois, you and your spouse must fill out your state return separately as single people and follow the state tax rules that apply to a single person. If you live in a state that recognizes same-sex marriages, file as a married couple on both your state and federal returns.

32

November 2013

(Sarah Judd of Judd’s Eye Photography)

“Where Italian – American Meets The South”

Hours of Operation

5800 Southwest Ave. St. Louis, MO 63139

Tuesday – Sunday 11am – 1:30am

P:314.646.8722 | F: 314.646.8723

Kitchen closes nightly at 10pm

www.cjsonthehill.com

No need to drive elsewhere, when you can get the best right here on The Hill. If you need it, we got you covered!

thevitalVOICE.com

33

Standing on

Ceremony Written by Brent Peterson – Staff Writer Photography by Jonathan Pfeifer

Ryan Jacob Wood & Bary Klevene Engaged: August 25, 2013 Marriage Date: Summer 2014 Bary proposed to Ryan at the finish line of the Tough Mudder race in Pittsburgh. After the two crossed the finish line, Bary dropped to one knee and popped the question. Ryan accepted, and the two became engaged, out of breath and covered in mud.

Joseph Wallace & Joe Gartner Engaged: July 21, 2013 Marriage Date: Fall 2014 Joe and Joseph took a trip from Kansas City to St. Louis to spend a day with Joseph’s family. As Joe was walking around the house to say hi to the family, he heard Bruno Mars’ “Marry You” playing. After that, members of the family came out of the house one by one, each giving him a flower and kissing him on the cheek. Finally, Joseph walked out, got on one knee and proposed to Joe, who excitedly accepted.

David Clement & Joe Christopher Engaged: August 2, 2013 Marriage Date: Summer 2014 David proposed to Joe while they were in Switzerland in August. He told Joe that they were going to enjoy a day of shopping in Geneva, but he had another plan: He knew there would be a Ferris wheel set up on the coast of Lake Geneva, and Joe loves Ferris wheels. So later that day, while they were perched at the top of the Ferris wheel, David proposed and Joe said yes.

Paul Goetzheimer & Jan Schamis Engaged: July 12, 2013 Married: October 4, 2013 During the ceremony, Jan and Paul’s handwritten vows moved the guests to tears.

Afterwards, the guests moved to an elegant private room with champagne flutes for each guest. It was also Paul’s birthday, so they served him a dessert with a candle in it. Jan said that old friends were reacquainted, and new friendships formed.

34

November 2013

Ray Slay & Jay Tosh Engaged: June 30, 2013 Married: September 21, 2013 Ray and Jay decided to tie the knot on June 30, shortly after the Supreme Court made the rulings and struck down parts of DOMA and Prop 8. The two were married at Battery Park in New York City, overlooking the Statue of Liberty, which was where the couple rang in their first new year together in December 2012.

Aimee AnnMarie Marsh & Rhea Kuuleialohalani Liberty Engaged: June 21, 2013 Marriage Date: Summer 2014 Aimee cleverly surprised Rhea by planning a drag king show at Rehab Bar and Grill. Close friends and family were all part of the engagement, and Aimee proposed by lip-syncing Bruno Mars’ “Marry You.” Amid tears of joy, Rhea answered with a resounding “Yes!”

Carey West & Margaret Little Engaged: April 20, 2013 Marriage Date: 2015 Carey and Margaret met, surprisingly, through their exgirlfriends one afternoon during Sunday Funday at Novak’s.

They exchanged information, but Carey didn’t think Margaret would contact her. As it turns out, she did a few days later.

They went on a few dates, and became girlfriends a month later. Then, in April of this year, Carey surprised Margaret by proposing to her on a planned trip to The Cave Vineyard, and the couple is planning to marry in 2015.

Lance Howley & Rob Schaefer Engaged: Feb 2, 2013 Marriage Date: March 2014 Lance proposed to Rob at a French bistro on the shore of Lake Michigan.

After the entrée, the music started getting louder and the band played “La Vien Rose.” The waiter then delivered a stuffed bear to the table, wearing Rob’s great grandfather’s century-old wedding ring on its paw. Lance asked Rob to marry him there, and Rob agreed. thevitalVOICE.com

35

Terence & Lawson Buchanan Engaged: December 4, 2012 Married: December 20, 2012 Terrence and Lawson ended up meeting in one of the most random ways possible: a mutual friend Liked one of Lawson’s pictures on Facebook. Terrence saw, and Liked it as well. After that, Lawson sent him a message, they talked, and the rest is history. The two got engaged in December of last year, as they were putting up their Christmas decorations.

They’ve been legally married for almost a year, but are planning a ceremony soon for everyone, including their daughter, to take part in.

Andrew Gaule & Joshua Nichols Engaged: September 3, 2012 Married: October 12, 2013 Andrew and Joshua met in 2006 as Andrew was entering college.

Josh was his aunt’s young new hairstylist, and though they both felt something between them, it wasn’t until five years later that they actually started dating. After Andrew moved back to St. Louis, Joshua proposed under the St. Louis Arch.

Amiee Louer & Cari Wagoner Engaged: August 2012 Married: October 12, 2013 Cari loved the riverboats her father worked on growing up, so Amiee devised a plan to get Cari onto a boat with her nieces and nephews for a vacation day.

Suddenly, Amiee dropped to one knee, popped the question and Cari said yes. Amiee told Cari that she wanted to propose on a boat because Amiee is from Illinois and Cari was from Missouri, so the river ties the two states, and the couple, together.

36

November 2013

Susan Schultz & Debbie Dial Engaged: September 1, 2012 Married: September 21, 2013 Debbie surprised Susan with a horse drawn carriage ride from her apartment in Soulard to Laclede’s Landing, where the couple attended the Big Muddy Blue’s Festival. During a special song by the Melissa Neels Band, Debbie dropped to one knee and proposed to Susan, who emphatically said yes.

Photography by Dave Moore

Angie & Becky Rundle-Hart Engaged: July 8, 2012 Married: May 10, 2013 On their wedding day, Angie and Becky wrote their own vows and had their Man of Honor and Best Woman each read poems. Then, in place of a unity candle, they (along with their son) each painted part of the word “family” on a canvas, which still hangs in their living room.

Michael Dunning & Don Eakins Engaged: February 14, 2003 Married: July 5, 2013 Michael and Don met purely by accident in January 2002, and within a month their relationship started. After experiencing the emotional rollercoaster of the California and Prop 8 decisions, Michael and Don were married in Palm Springs, CA.

Rachel & Molly Calcaterra Engaged: June 2008 Married: June 29, 2013

Engaged: April 7, 2012 Married: October 10, 2012

Eight years after Chris and Damon got together, Prop 8 went into action, and they missed their chance then to get married among the countless other couples in California. When the DOMA and Prop 8 decisions came down this summer, Chris and Damon were determined not to miss their chance again. The couple made their way to San Francisco City Hall, waited in line, and they were married that day.

During a day of Easter festivities, the couple began an easter egg hunt with family. After the hunt turned into a friendly competition to find the most eggs, Rachel noticed she had the biggest egg. Curious what was inside, she opened it to find a box with an engagement ring. After tears and cheers, she accepted Molly’s proposal.

Damon Harris & Chris Andoe thevitalVOICE.com

37

Marriage: Our

Slice of the

Compiled by Lauren Wagner – Staff Photography by Jonathan Pfeifer Cake created by Colleen Dempsey

38

November 2013

Writer

250

couples in St. Louis have registered for domestic partnership

The movement to obtain marriage equality for samesex couples in the United States began in the 1970s.

Worldwide,

16

countries (and parts of Mexico) have laws allowing same-sex marriage and domestic partnerships.

When civil unions or domestic partnerships are included, over

41%

of the U.S. population lives in a state with either marriage or a broad legal status.

Marriage is a factor in determining benefits from the federal government that impact

1,138

statutory provisions including Social Security and federal taxes

During the next three years, same-sex weddings in California will generate an estimated

Beginning with the 2013 tax year, legally married, same-sex couples will be allowed to file federal returns together as well as having an option of filing refund claims for tax years 2010, 2011 and 2012

The average same-sex wedding costs

$9,039

$492 million

compared with $21,404 for a heterosexual couple, according to a 2012 study.

Over

One year after New York passed the Marriage Equality Act, same-sex marriages generated

43%

of the U.S. population lives in a state that provides some form of protections for LGBT couples.

A 2009 economic report on marriage equality in Maine found that allowing same-sex couples to marry would increase their state budget by

$7.9 million a year.

$259 million in economic impact in New York City alone.

Records from the Vermont Department of Health show that between 2010 and Aug. 31, 2012, 2,375 same sex wedding licenses were issued.

Two-thirds of licensees came from out of state. thevitalVOICE.com

39

The Sheldon Art Galleries Presents

OPENS OCTOBER 4 AT THE SAINT LOUIS SCIENCE CENTER

December 6 & 7 at 8 p.m.

Sheldon Ballroom Susan Claassen stars as Hollywood costume deisgner Edith Head in this one-woman show. Hear “Miss Head” tell the story of her career with wit, wisdom and a whisper of gossip! $40 reserved seating.

MetroTix.com or 314.534.1111.

40

November 2013

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS

SAVE UP TO $8

Present this coupon at any Science Center ticket station for $2 off any full-price, non-Member admission to this film.

Limit 4. May not be redeemed for cash, duplicated or combined with any other discount. Tickets subject to availability. Coupon expires at the end of film run.

Tickets and showtimes at slsc.org M719

slsc.org/jervital1

A personalized touch and attention to every detail.

(314) 352-7575 | www.wkf.com

Celebrate your wedding at The Arch.

Earn free nights toward your honeymoon.

HYATT REGENCY ST. LOUIS AT THE ARCH

315 Chestnut Street St. Louis, Missouri 63102

Vist hyattweddings.com for more information and complete terms and conditions. HYATT and Hyatt Regency® names, designs and related marks are trademarks of Hyatt Corporation. ©2013 Hyatt Corporation. All rights reserved.

HR_SLR_Ad.indd 1

10/18/2013 5:01:51 PM

YOU PICK TWO

MARY’S lunch menu

Choose a soup or a salad & one of our sandwiches or wraps and be in and out in less than 40 minutes!

3037 Olive Street * St Louis, MO 63103

314-533-MARY

thevitalVOICE.com

41

The brides are beautiful, smiling softly and enjoying their first dance as a married couple in an Iowa hotel overlooking the Mississippi river. Their friends and family cheer for them and laugh when they see how hard it is to stomp on a wineglass in high heels at the end of the ceremony. As more and more states make a stand for giving all couples the right to marry, it’s easy to get caught up in the celebration not only of the couples we personally know who are able to marry, but of the tide that is turning in our country to call love by its name where we see it.

What our two brides don’t want to think about on their happy day is what will happen to their marriage when they come home to Missouri. Legally, the State of Missouri does not recognize their marriage performed in Iowa, New York, or any other state or country as a legal one.

the

Blanket

The Realities of Same-Sex Divorce Written by Dara Strickland Photography by Jonathan Pfeifer

ScottLokitz.smugmug.com 314/664-4692

portraits • pets • property • personal life events 42

November 2013

This summer, a United States Supreme Court case gave them the ability to be recognized as married by the Federal government, but nothing changed for them as far as Missouri government is concerned. They may file as married on their Federal taxes, but not their state taxes. They are eligible for Social Security benefits, but not surviving spouse benefits given through state employers. Perhaps the most important thing our brides cannot do is the thing furthest from their minds while they exchange rings: they can’t get divorced.

Missouri’s ban on recognizing samesex marriages is in both the state’s constitution and in statutes that govern

the general functions of the family court. These laws forbid judges from recognizing same-sex marriages as legal unions for any reason, including granting dissolution of the marriage, more commonly called divorce. Without the ability to dissolve same-sex marriages, there is nothing judges can do to end a couple’s marriage or allow a couple to divide their property and debt in a legally enforceable way. The best a couple can manage as a legal process for breaking up is a partition suit, which will divide only their real estate. To address who keeps cars, furniture, pets, mutual funds and practically everything else, the couple doesn’t have any real legal options. The couple also cannot do anything about legally dividing their debt: a credit card or mortgage in both of their names would remain something they were both responsible for paying unless one of them was able to refinance the debt in her sole name. Also important is that so long as the couple is still legally married in a state that recognizes their marriage, until they are divorced neither can legally marry someone else, no matter whom they marry or where they do it. In most states, they would also be committing the crime of bigamy – trying to marry one person while they know they are still legally married to another.

If our brides live in Illinois, the options are much better. While Illinois does not yet recognize all legal marriages as marriages, it does recognize them as civil unions. Civil unions have the same legal options as marriages in Illinois, including the right to be dissolved by the courts. They would have the same practical access to the court’s process

to help them divide their property and debts.

If our brides live in Missouri and decide they need to split up, why don’t they just file for divorce in a state that recognizes their marriage the same way they travelled to one to get married?

Most states have a minimum residency requirement, meaning one member of

About

1%

of the total number of currently-married or registered samesex couples get divorced each year, in comparison to about 2% of the total number of married straight couples. (www.marriageequality.org)

the couple must have lived in the state with the intention of staying there for a set amount of time before they file. The residency requirement for Iowa, where our brides were married, is one year.

One of the brides would have to live in Iowa for an entire year before even filing for divorce, which might take another six months to a year to complete. A disproportionate number of states that recognize same-sex marriages have

one year residency requirements, which affect same-sex and opposite-sex couples in the same way. If our brides are both lucky and close to the river, one of them can move to Illinois, which has a three month residency requirement for filing for dissolution.

How does a couple celebrate their marriage while still protecting themselves from the legal problems they will face if they need to split up later? Missouri may not recognize our brides as married, but it does recognize them as two people who are able to enter a legally-binding contract together about how they will divide their property and debts if they are no longer living together. A contract like this, usually called a partnership agreement, is similar to a pre-nuptial agreement that any couple might get before getting married. It can even be written after a wedding has already taken place.

Consulting with an attorney with experience in helping LGBT families is a good start, but having a difficult conversation about property, debt, and expectations is the most important step.

An attorney can only help a family put together what they have already agreed to do.

Our brides are putting the last things in their suitcases, preparing to drive back to Missouri. It’s a good thing they have several hours ahead of them on the road – they have a lot to talk about. v Dara Strickland is president of The LGBT Center of St. Louis and an attorney specializing in family law at The Strickland Law Firm

We care about our lgbt clients 165 N. Meramec Ave., Suite 110

St. Louis, MO 63105-3772

(314) 727-2266

Peter A. Gianino

Susan Block

Tim Schlesinger

Immigration Civil Litigation

Same Sex Adoptions Custody and Property

Surrogacy; Egg, Embryo and Sperm Donations Estate Planning

The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based soley upon advertisements.

thevitalVOICE.com

43

44

November 2013

Ahmed and A.J.

Binational Couple Weds Post DOMA

Written by Colin Murphy – Editor Photography by Jonathan Pfeifer

“I got my visit visa for five years and I decided that I wanted to stay here,” Ahmed explains.

While same-sex couples have been legally marrying in parts of the United States since 2004, the so-called Defense of Marriage Act’s (DOMA) prohibition of federal recognition of same-sex unions has barred many LGBT Americans from sponsoring their foreign spouse’s green card.

While Bahrain repealed its code criminalizing homosexuality in 1976, the country has seen resurgence in crack downs on and harassment of lesbian, gay, bisexual and most especially, transgender people.

This summer, following the Supreme Court striking down Provision 3 of DOMA, gay or same-sex binational couples began receiving green cards. The first was Traian Popov, a Bulgarian immigrant who lives in Florida with his American husband, Julian Marsh. The couple was sent an email on June 26 notifying them that Popov had received a permanent visa. The United States Immigration and Citizenship Services has maintained a list of gay couples petitioning for a green card over the last two years in the expectation that DOMA might be overturned.

Enter North County residents Ahmed Moh’d and A.J. Baines. Ahmed is from Bahrain and A.J. is a U.S. Citizen. The couple met four years ago in Bahrain while A.J. was on active duty in the Middle East.

“We started talking online and met in a couple weeks,” says A.J. “It’s one of those things when you meet somebody and you just know. It was the first time I’d ever felt that and here we are.”

The couple had clicked instantly but during their courtship, A.J. returned to the states.

They kept in touch through the computer and telephone while Ahmed’s visit visa to the United States was being processed.

“You have to be very careful about showing people that you are gay,” says Ahmed. “Otherwise you will be judged by the people and caught. We want to be together and we don’t want other people to judge us. It’s better to be here than there.”

A.J. and Ahmed knew early on that they wanted to spend their lives together. But with DOMA still intact, the quickest route was for Ahmed to apply for asylum. That is until the Prop 8 and Windsor cases started making their way to the Supreme Court.

“Now that we’re married we don’t have to go to court for him to stay in the country.”

In addition to a growing number of federal benefits, Ahmed and A.J. will also be able to receive military benefits as a married couple.

“I’ve been out since before I was in the Navy,” says A.J. “I never had any issues with it personally in terms of equality in the military.”

As for their future, the couple plan to stay in the St. Louis area while A.J. finishes out his job.

“We’ll see where we go next,” he concludes.

It’s just the nature of the job.” V

“We were always worried about that – it didn’t seem like a really strong case,” says A.J. But with the June 26 ruling came a string of federal benefits, including the right for A.J. to sponsor Ahmed for permanent residency in this country if they were legally married in a state that recognized marriage equality.

A.J. and Ahmed were married on Oct. 3, 2013 in Iowa City, Iowa.

“We’ve been together for four years so it felt like we pretty much were married,” offers Ahmed. “But it feels so good to have our relationship recognized.”

“It was nice to make it official,” adds A.J. thevitalVOICE.com

45

november

Playdates 11/19- 12/1

spotlight

Sister Act

at the fabulous fox Theatre www. fabulousfox.com (314)- 534-1111 No performance on 11/28/2013 The feel-good musical is coming to bring down the house at The Fox Theatre. It’s the story of Deloris Van Cartier, a singer at a nightclub who one day witness a murder. She then goes to the cops and enters a witness protection program and finds herself hidden in one of the most unlikely places: A convent. Under the suspicious watch of Mother Superior, Deloris helps her fellow sisters find their voices as she unexpectedly rediscovers her own.

11/111/3

Beauty & the beast at the Fabulous Fox Theatre www. fabulousfox.com (314) 534-1111

One of Broadways most romantic plays is coming back to the spotlight our Fox’s stage: Beauty and The Beast! Based on the French fairy tale by Jeanne-Marie Le Prince de Beaumont and Disney’s first animation to be turned into a musical, Beauty and The Beast is magical and pure entertainment for the whole family. It’s the tale of Belle, a beautiful young woman, with a heart of gold that falls in love with a cursed prince. The Beast and his servants, who all live in a dark castle, yearn for the curse to be lifted when they see the young Belle come into their lives. In this enchanted story there is love, music, jealousy, and the ability to find the good inside of everyone, despite their outward appearance. A definite “must see”!

11/8

The kiss & Tells at blueberry HIll www.thekissandtells.com www.blueberryhill.com

Join St. Louis’ fun and energetic burlesque team for a fun 1920’s murder mystery theme at Blueberry Hill. The Kiss & Tells are known for their hilarious, debauchery filled, musical numbers, and a love for pasties! On this special night, a nosey journalist, a Hollywood starlet with a secret, a black widow, a mob boss, and zany Professor are just some of the characters waiting for you at Kiss & Tell Mansion... It’ll be a night to DIE FOR.

46

November 2013

Playdates

11/16

Choice Art 2013 at the Contemporary Art Museum www.choiceart.org

On November 16, 2013, friendsbychoice (FBC) will host Choice Art 2013, their annual fall fundraising event. This unique social affair and art auction will include a juried selection of local and national art, hors d’ oeuvres, signature drinks, and a fantastic opportunity to meet new and like-minded people.

NEW THIS YEAR: A VIP experience for just $75, including early bidding on all art, meet and greet with the artists, exclusive hors d’oeuvres and a champagne toast! It is an evening of cocktails and conversation, but most importantly, it’s an art show and auction that supports the crucial reproductive health care and education work Planned Parenthood does in our community.

11/23

HRC St. Louis Dinner Gala at renaissance St. Louis Grand Hotel www.boxofficetickets.com/bot/wa/ event?id=229565

The Human Rights Campaign of St. Louis cordially invites you to the 2013 St. Louis Gala at the Renaissance St. Louis Hotel on November 23, 2013. HRC seeks to improve the lives of LGBT Americans by advocating for equal rights and benefits in the workplace, ensuring families are treated equally under the law and increasing public support among all Americans through innovative advocacy, education and outreach programs. HRC works to secure equal rights for LGBT individuals and families at the federal and state levels by lobbying elected officials, mobilizing grassroots supporters, educating Americans, investing strategically to elect fair-minded officials and partnering with other LGBT organizations.

Come out get know one another and join HRC for a fun and inspiring evening.

11/24

Elton john & his band at the chafietz arena www.thechaifetzarena.com (314) 534-1111

Really? What more can you say? I mean, IT’S SIR ELTON JOHN! Touring and promoting his new cd, “The Diving Board”, Sir Elton John always packs a stadium. In an interview he said, “I have to go back and listen to myself to go forward again. There’s a different era now. I know I’m not going to get played on the radio. What kind of music do I really want to make?” This is a man with the love of his music and a real crowd pleaser. With such knowledge of the music world, the 66-year-old is a force to be reckoned with.

11/28

thanksgiving dinner at the LGBT Center of St. Louis

The LGBT Center of St. Louis is a wonderful place to spend time with family (blood or friend). A fun and educational place that people can call a safe haven. This year come fill your tummies with food made out of love. If you are looking for a place to have Thanksgiving dinner because you have nowhere to go or even if you do have somewhere to go, but you would like to spend it with people that you can call friends, then stop on by. The second you come thought the doors you are greeted with warm smiles, welcomes and being this time of year, the delicious aromas of home cooked food. If you have friends that need a place to go, bring them too. All are welcomed. Dinner is from 3-7 p.m.. thevitalVOICE.com

47

Scene city in the

Photography by Mikey Berner

2. 3.

4.

1.

at

Rehab Bar & Grill

48

November 2013

1. Rachel Baker, Tiffany Smith & Katlyn Cheeze Kraft at Rehab Bar & Grill 2. Tino Zamacona & JP Nguyen at Just John 3. Ashley Faye Bell & Tiffany Wischmeier at Attitudes 4. Rachel Lansing & Martinis Robinson at Hamburger Mary’s

Scene in the city 5. Shelly Hickman & Gogo Gary at Hamburger Mary’s 6. Bl, Paris Amor & Chasity Amor at Attitudes 7. Mike Noce, Chris Chesley & Matt Blind at JJ’s Clubhouse 8. Rhonda Green, Areiel Kelly & Tim Chalcraft at Rehab Bar & Grill 9. Lana Smithkey & Andre Davis at Just John 10. Corey Spellman, Matt Coleman & Jake Moll at Just John

5.

6.

at

Hamburger Mary’s

7.

8.

10.

9.

at

Just John thevitalVOICE.com

49

Soundoff

#soundoff:

Divas for

Decades

Written by Lauren

Wagner

Cindy Voss Madonna all the way baby!

L.a. McQuaid It’s all about Britney!!! Seeing her Vegas show in February!

James Dunse Cher and BABS are timeless!

Love the Brit, but no one can compare to the true divas!

Yes huntie!

Torey Kern Older Divas, especially Madonna and Mariah Will Schreiner The proper order is Tina Turner, Cher and Madonna.

Definitely their corner... they don’t lip sync. ACTUAL performers.

50

November 2013

@Madonna and @Cher are both musical and undisputed queer icons. The duo hit the pop culture scene decades ago and are still releasing albums and touring today. These divas have worked in various roles in the entertainment industry and both have managed to stay relevant and continuously display their ability to reinvent their music and their images. Do current divas like @BritneySpears, @LadyGaga, or even @MileyCyrus have what it takes to fill their shoes?

We asked our readers how divas of past decades compare to the divas today.

Which do they prefer? This is what they had to say. v less than a minute ago

Chris Dixon Is this question for real?!?

MADONNA all the way!! I’ve seen her in concert 3 times (also saw Brittany) & she puts on a pretty amazing show! I will admit that her last one started out a little gory & her political views were overthe-top, but she is who she is and loved by many for it! She is a true icon in the music/ dance/performing industry!!

Just my 2 cents!!

Jarrod Stetina I do believe at this point Ms. Spears counts as ‘decades past.’

Courtney Groves Love the older divas, but I do love me some Lady Gaga.

It’s funny that my 69 year old Pop loves her as well!

Chuck Pfoutz Tina and Cher are in there own category mostly Rock N Roll Michael Haley ^ I agree, it isn’t a fair assessment to group them as Pop performers, they don’t have records on the same radio stations.

Sequoia Sprite It’s good for inspiration and innovation for musicians to keep on rocking it if they can. Madonna concerts still sell out, don’t they? I’m sure I’m not alone in being a fan of both Lady Gaga and Madonna, though it would be awesome if they would collaborate on something together.

Pre-Gala

AFFAIR

NOV. 13TH

7-10 P.M.

HIRO ASIAN KITCHEN

A Kickoff to the HRC Dinner Gala $5 Suggested Donation for the Human Rights Campaign

Presented by: