The Alchemist Weekly by The Alchemist Weekly

The extreme does not define the mean.

by Ayla Rogers

Outsider pg 12 | "Willow" by Jack Cernak, pg 14 | Bump Calendar pg 8

VOLUME 3 NUMBER 152:21â&#x20AC;˘ NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

voice

SYMPOSIUM symposium

VOLUME 3 NUMBER 152:21, NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010 Editorial

VOIC E

Editors Courtney Clenney, Stanley Tollett Staff Writers Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup, Stanley Tollett Bump Editor Courtney Clenney Contributors Jack Cernak, Dirtstir, Josh Goller, Jimbo Ivy, Ayla Rogers

Opi n i on s a n d Editor ia ls , b e t h e y ours or yours , t h i s i s wh e re th e y be.

Dirtstir

Art

Art Director Freddy Ruiz Layout Editor Courtney Clenney Cover Photo Heather Zinger

V ERDIC T

We ’ l l b e t h e judge. You be th e jur y...you tr us t us r ig h t?

4 5

Advertising

Account Executive Noah Stroup

abolitionist Darkside: Inside Job

Business

Publisher Noah Stroup The Alchemist Weekly is published by: CorvAlcheMedia LLC PO Box 1591 Corvallis, OR 97339

W ORD

J o u r n a l i st s c a l l th e m f e a -

6 8

Alchemist Mission

ture s; we say it ’s th e word.

As a publication, our goal is to facilitate greater understanding and appreciation for the diverse social and cultural groups found in the area. In doing so, we hope to create a greater sense of community between Oregon State University and Corvallis, between Albany and Corvallis, and between Philomath, Lebanon and Corvallis-Albany. The Alchemist recognizes the various interests of these groups and is dedicated to being as fluid as the community it serves.

Sustainable gardening

B U MP

I t ’s t h e c alendar of al l t h i n g s A l b a ny, Cor v a l lis , L e b a n on , a nd P h iloma th .

Crossword

The Alchemist is available to you for free. Please limit

LITERATI

yourself to one copy. If your picture is in it, you are welcome to take enough copies for your family.

Am a t e u r p ro se, poetr y and fi c t i on st i l l h a s a h om e.

•

Subject to availability, back issues can be purchased by mail for $5. Send your request with specific issue date to PO Box

Willow

1591, Corvallis, OR 97339 and include a check or money order payable to The Alchemist.

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

Last week's puzzle solutions

I am sitting around my apartment, the night before deadline, thinking about what to write this Symposium about. I wonder if anybody ever reads these things. If the words that I am typing now, will at some point be read by you. Where will you be when you read this? I’m on my couch with my laptop on my... well, lap. It’s 11:21 pm the night before Thanksgiving. Wherever you are I’m glad you’re reading this, because I am writing it just for you and maybe in a roundabout way for me too. Don’t worry, it’ll all make sense when you’re done reading this column. If you’re anything like me, I’ve intrigued you enough to finish reading this just to see whether, or not, I am an idiot, and you’re also hoping, like hell, that this isn’t a waste of your time. But, also like me, once you’ve finished, you’ll turn the page, fold it up or place it back on the table or in the bin and move on with your life. In a couple of minutes you’ll forget all about it. After all, you’ve got more important things to do on your own individual pursuit of happiness. But this time, I hope things are different. The pursuit of happiness. Hmmm, that could mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. But I’m going to be a bit presumptuous and suspect that it doesn’t mean a dead end job, eking out survival so that you can spend your “free time” doing what you really love. For some that might be as simple as sitting on the couch or bed and zoning out to some TV. It might mean a nice dinner with your kids before bed. Then back at it. It might mean doing things you don’t like, in the hopes that one day it will pay off and you’ll be able to start really living for yourself, doing what you want when you want, and in this future you will be happy. If you’re lucky, you scored a high-end job, maybe you love what you do. You’re allowed a vacation. You’ll go somewhere nice and make memories and then back to the ole’ grind. You’ll meet that special someone and start a family and then you all will go on vacations and make more memories, you’ll be happy at times and sad at times, but this is life, right? You’re living the American dream. This cycle will repeat itself multiple times and then one day, you will retire and die. You will be remembered fondly, you provided for your family, you raised some real conscientious kids, if you chose to have them. And, they’ll follow your example and probably do reasonably well. You, and them, and their successive generations will live as the American system wants you to live, as mindless consumers, drones...worker bees. You will work and consume, work and consume. You’ll consume someone else’s work and they’ll consume yours. Your kids will do

THE ALCHEMIST

•

the same. And, the wheels of our society will turn; time will pass. In America, we call this cycle freedom. When I was a little boy, I was told again and again, in school and at home, that I should be on my knees every single night thanking God that I was blessed with the privilege of being born an American, that I lived in the greatest country in the world. That I was free, and that other people in the Soviet Union had to wait in line for three weeks for one quart of borscht. Whew, I thought...I really dodged a bullet on that one. But, as I grew older and began to read “unassigned” readings, I began to question things, things like authority. This, I learned, was not a good thing. Having a problem with authority in America is a fraction away from a pathological mental disorder. You are going to have some problems if you can’t “cure” yourself of this insidious disease of freethinking. I feel guilty even writing this, after all...who am I to poo-poo on what many people consider to be a damn good way of life. You’re probably beginning to hate me a little for casting doubt onto something you’ve spent years, perhaps generations cultivating. How dare I shake the boat! After all, I am a capitalist, I am into the whole getting rich and traveling see Europe thing. Big house, livin’ large...etc, etc. But I also question things, which has caused more than a few people to hate me. Before you start that email I will say it: according to all information that is available to me by the TV, newspapers and Internet, if I was writing this column in China, my door would have most likely already been kicked in and I would be bludgeoned. So, yes, America is a great place and it is very free in comparison to some repressive places, so in that regard, things could be worse. But I hate it when people say that, because it is beyond obvious that things could ALWAYS be worse. I am an optimist however, so I choose to wonder about audacious things like what if things could be...better. This brings me back to freedom, and the whole worker bee thing that most Americans accept as the best possible system available on Earth. Are we really free here? Is this the best country in the world? I propose using the definition of the word as the deciding factor. Freedom - (noun) - the power to right to act, speak or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. WOW! That sounds amazing. I remember the scene in Braveheart when William Wallace summons all his strength at the end, ya know when they are disemboweling him, to shout out his final epilogue “Freeeeedddoooooom”.

c o nt i nue d o n p g 1 3

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

voice

Virtually Unreal

D I Rstir T

I tried to think of a witty description, but the vacuum surrounding me left me dumbfounded. The Experience Music Project (EMP) in Seattle was an exercise in claustrophobic isolation. For most of $20, I received a small audio device with headphones that allowed me to hear the recorded narrations accompanying different elements of the themed displays at this music museum. In a crowded room I took off the headphones, and was met with an eerie silence. There was no eye contact, and at the same time an unconscious equidistance from all others was maintained. Shivering, I made my way to the exit with the audience wordlessly rippling along my path to daylight. I finished the visit using headphones only for the more interesting exhibits. The EMP atmosphere was audibly mute, textured with footfalls and rustling fabrics, the few brave enough to converse speaking in subdued tones. That was more than twenty years ago. Now I have the same experience twenty times a day for free. Quite a few people spend a considerable amount of time taking up public space while minimizing interaction with anyone in their general vicinity. Folks, your iPods, phones and computers are wonderful tools, but the gadget and whatever it is being used for is not more important than those around you when in public. Randomly bursting into song throughout the day when my personal sound track rose to the surface, conversing with people and things unseen by others, and burying my face in a book in the middle of social situations was worrisomely frowned upon at times in my youth. Today, similar behaviors are commonplace. Fine, but what compels them to conduct social activities with distant, digital people and things while ignoring those physically present? Why don’t they just stay home? Looking down limits one’s vision field, and I am reluctant to alter my path for someone who does not acknowledge my existence. I also don’t need someone standing on my heels while waiting in any line, let alone someone talking to the back of my head or blabbing one sided conversation from across the room. A shoulder/computer bag doesn’t have more right to that chair than my ass. These tech-dependencies destroy and

enslave society. Kinectimals has taken the place of “Simon Says..” or “Mirror Mirror”. And people enter into onerous contracts with promises of “up to..” instead of “at least..” services that obligate a considerable portion of one’s time for usage to justify or economize the obligatory monthly expenditure. Under the guise of convenience, on-line education erodes group problem solving skills and social skills in general. So consider this. Eventually, anyone who chooses to directly interact with others will eventually be ostracized from a society that chooses to not even interact with itself.

C O RVAvanities LLIS

Blatant Promotion of a Band

Hellbound Glory will be playing Friday, December 3, at the Waterhole in Foster, Ore. The Waterhole is the bar attached to The Point Restaurant, about a mile past the trestle heading east out of Sweet Home. With songs like, Hello 5-0, Feud, Hank Williams Records, and Drivin’ in Harm’s Way, these guys play serious scumbag country for fans of Buck Owens, Waylon, Johnny, and the likes. Check ‘em out on Myspace, then line up a designated driver (for obvious reasons) and be there for an advertised 8-12pm show. If you miss them in Foster, check them out at the Jubitz Truck Stop in Portland on Saturday, December 4. After that, if you like ‘em, tell your local music venue what they missed and maybe Hellbound Glory will get a chance to play in Corvallis. See you at the show.

Oh Man!

What would we do without man’s problem solving mind? Another 21st century phrase for an age old concept is, “subsurface wetland”. See, we got a problem with dirty water, so we run gray (sink, shower, etc.) and black (toilet) water through a two-stage septic tank, then allow the runoff to run across a low lying area. Yep. Nature’s simple drain-field or marsh has been dramatically improved through man’s intervention by re-engineering and renaming naturally occurring processes. Maybe these geniuses can address the overpopulation issue by coming up with a fancy term for “Too Many F***ing People”. -Cjt dirtstirreply@gmail.com

The thoughts, views, and opinions expressed in Voice are of their authors and do not necessarily represent the thoughts, views or opinions of CorvAlcheMedia, LLC.

Get noticed, and advertise your business. ads@thealchemistweekly.com

The Alchemist Weekly welcomes freelance submissions. Send material to submissions@thealchemistweekly.com or snail mail to PO Box 1591, Corvallis, OR 97339. Manuscripts will be returned if you include a selfaddressed, stamped envelope.

YOUR VOICE: letters@thealchemistweekly.com YOUR SCOOPS: news@thealchemistweekly.com YOUR WORDS: submissions@thealchemistweekly.com CONTACT US: 541.224.6873 editor@thealchemistweekly.com calendar@thealchemistweekly.com ads@thealchemistweekly.com

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

•

THE ALCHEMIST

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

verdict

abolitionist: pure punk by: Jimbo Ivy

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

eading to Cloud 9 on a Saturday night, excitement rushed through my veins, along with a liberal helping of fine, imported rum. Since landing upon the musically rich shores of Corvallis, Ore. I have been treated to music spanning every conceivable category, from garage rock to bluegrass, but now I was finally going to hear the rancorous frenzy of punk rock fill my new Oregonian home. I had heard of abolitionist before; in passing, in recommendations (“Oh, dude, you gotta…”), and so on; the basic gist being that they were good and had something to say to boot. Shiny. The night began with a sonic head-trip hosted by indie guitarist John Sutherland, backed by the drummer from Old Junior. Not one word of lyrics but John’s guitar rankled from satin smooth to near techno; repetitions and iterations unfolding into subconscious stories. I’ve never seen an acoustic rock like that; like smoke should be spiraling up from the fret board, as if a fire lived within that only John knew about and wanted it shot before the world, hard and heavy. This delightful appetizer gave way to glass shuddering, ear plug inciting rock and roll courtesy of Old Junior. If John had restrained power, Old Junior had brute force. Armed with thunderhammers of elder rock they were dirty, stripped-down maniacs, carbs open and roaring. If I happen to see Old Junior speeding towards me, head-on and hips thrusting, I will definitely swerve. Cause they won’t. Now the moment arose for the main event; abolitionist. Sadly, their bassist was needed elsewhere in the world and so the low end was left lacking, but despite being 1/3 less, they did not disappoint. I had heard they were as smart as they were hard, and watching them rake the walls of Cloud 9 with hard mouthed, no nonsense narratives ranging from Irish rebels to Free State raiders, I found that description to be apt as all hell. In between songs, Dustin Herron, lead singer and guitarist, did something a little unusual for the front man of a punk band; he asked the audience for help. With a deadline of December 2nd, abolitionist is trying to raise the $900 needed to press five hundred copies of their new 7” vinyl EP via the popular fund-raising web site www.kickstarter.com, where fans can easily toss in their dollars by searching for ‘abolition-

THE ALCHEMIST

•

ist’. All donors get a copy of the vinyl EP (in red or black) and the satisfaction of knowing that they’re not just helping out abolitionist, they’re helping out Rwandan citizens stricken by poverty and civil war: 5% of the EP’s proceeds are going to Partners-In-Health, a group that endeavors to improve the health of Rwanda's citizens. But…why Rwanda? The answer came in the form of their next song, called “At the Level of the Ear” referring to the best place to hit a person with a machete to kill them quickly. It recalls the 1994 Rwandan genocide in unflinching detail and after the show I asked Dustin how they found such powerful international inspiration. “I'd been doing some reading about it around the time I wrote [the song]…it's just mind-blowing to me that [while] I turned fourteen years old, 800,000 people of one supposed ethnicity were being murdered in gruesome fashion by their friends, neighbors, priests, nuns, teachers, doctors and so on...and nobody did anything to stop it…it's irrelevant where or when it happened because humans did it to other humans. That means it could happen anywhere at any time given the ‘right’ circumstances.” said Herron. Having heard much over the years regarding the “punk” ethos of social alienation and anti-establishmentarianism, I asked Dustin if he thought that it was a “punk” thing to do, supporting a charity with your music. “Punk encompasses a lot of really great things and a lot of stupid things. Great people and stupid people.” said Herron. “Also, I don't really look at Partners-In-Health as a charity…they're trying to lay a sustainable foundation for Rwandans to support themselves, as opposed to giving them relief aid. I suppose it's charitable to donate money, [but] more than anything we just wanted to help PIH with getting their name out, raise awareness about all the good work they do in Rwanda, Haiti, Chile, Russia, USA, etc. It makes putting out a record feel a little less selfish and/ or vain.” Having heard abolitionist rage and rattle Cloud 9, having seen eyes light up with their message of defiance and hope, I agree with Dustin. It is “punk” to give a shit. More information about abolitionist, their music, shows, and upcoming EP can be found at their web site www.abolitionist1859.com or on Facebook as ‘abolitionist’.

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

verdict

Take a trip to the Darkside: Inside Job by: Josh Goller

ffects of the 2008 global financial meltdown are still being felt, but with the panic subsided and utter catastrophe averted, it’s an appropriate time to take a step back and analyze what got us into such a mess in the first place. Narrated by Matt Damon, Inside Job does just that. Focusing on what the filmmakers view as the root causes of the crisis, dating back to deregulation initiated during the Reagan administration that toppled the wall between investment and commercial banks, Inside Job gets into the nitty-gritty details of derivatives, predatory lending, and excessive Wall Street bonuses while keeping it simple and straightforward enough to ensure the average viewer remains on board. There are plenty of graphs and interviews with stuffy corporate and government types. Despite its dry and, at times, depressing subject matter, Inside Job offers comprehensive insight into the failings of the unregulated financial market in the United States over the past several decades, most notably the housing bubble created during the Bush administration. The film likens that bubble, and the transfer of financial risk as a widespread practice, to a Ponzi scheme, and interviews those who predicted such a downfall along with grilling some of the men who were intimately involved in the collapse (though most bigwigs and government overseers wisely declined to be interviewed). While this film prompts more outrage than it provides satisfaction, Inside Job visually tantalizes. Flashy graphs and talking heads may only go so far, but the film offers impressive aerial shots of New York

City and other metropolitan areas, as well as poignant shots of foreclosed homes and Chinese factory workers. The filmmakers ask the tough questions and make plenty of their interviewees squirm, while also shedding light on the mechanisms that allowed all this to happen. For such subject matter, the film moves along at a nice clip and only in the last third does the pace become plodding. The filmmakers clearly intend to vilify those they hold as responsible for the crisis, but when they do so they provide solid support for their assertions. Matt Damon’s narration adds a cinematic element to the entire enterprise, and the result is an important documentary that both investigates and educates. While not the most inspirational theatre-going experience out there, Inside Job works. Inside Job is now playing at the Darkside Cinema. For shows and show times, visit darksidecinema.com.

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

•

THE ALCHEMIST

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

word

hen it comes to ecological sensitivity and sustainable gardening, Alan Kapuler is something of a guru—easily the most innovative authority on the subject I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Known affectionately by friends and admirers as "Mushroom," Kapuler is world renowned for his work in Peace Seeds and other visionary plant breeding initiatives. The fungal organism—of conventionally lowly regard—does nothing close to justice to Kapuler's impressive credentials. To Kayla ogers puler, however, the nickname carries no disrespect, but then again, he and his closest circles are anything but conventional. While "Mushroom," or even the abbreviated "Shroom," often serves as a sufficient introductory title in casual conversation, his more esteemed tag-line runs something like, Alan Kapuler Ph.D., Public Domain Plant Breeder and Molecular Biologist, President of Peace Seeds, and Retired Research Director and Co-Founder of Seeds of Change. It is a rare opportunity to happen upon an individual of such intellectual and professional prowess, still willing and eager to identify with such a ‘down-to-earth’ designation. It

A R

•

was this peculiar rarity that prompted me to question “Mushroom” as to how he acquired such a uniquely organic nickname. He was incredibly candid in letting me know that his title came from his past associations with two different varieties of fungi.

rooms. Needless to say, Kapuler’s work with these varieties sparked a much higher level of enthusiasm from the public. For those who don’t comprehend the significance of its meaning, a name is just a name. Scientific designations of phylum, genus, and

tion of Paphiopedilum, or Asian lady slippers, and thus began breeding their own crosses. Their deep fascination with these flowers inspired them to collect and photograph as many species as they could manage. The pair similarly explored Helianthus varieties, the most common of which are known as sunflowers, for its importance as a genus endemic to the North American temperate zones. There is much unique, Kapuler explains, about the Pacific Northwest ecosystem. Flora of the genus Lomatium is particularly characteristic of the area, but in general Kapuler raved of “all the endemic flora, fauna, microbes, rocks, hills, valleys, watercourses, drainage systems, [and] trees, particularly the remaining old growth trees.” He also emphasized, however, that through negligence and mistreatment of this fine ecosphere, we have already lost much of what once characterized the region. Kapuler coaxes us to ask ourselves, what happened to the huge sitkas that once graced our coastline? What about the massive ponderosas, and the wapato (Any of various plants in the genus Sagittaria?) What about the local cuisine the natives once subsisted on? Where is the camas, alliums, saggitarias, biscuitroot and pestle parsnip? These lost treasures may not be at the forefront of our daily consciousness, but perhaps they should be. It is clear their memory

Kapuler began his own growing endeavors with a couple small greenhouses sheltering just a few hundred plants. Firstly, for his consumption and identification of several basidiomycetes species, which he confesses attracted little public interest. The phylum basidiomycota consists of fungi that produce spores that are formed outside a pedestal-like structure, and include edible species, species of suggested medicinal value, as well as species of significance as both plant and human pathogens. It was not, however, the basidiomycetes that Kapuler became best known for, rather, it was his work with the psilocybe that attracted the most attention. A member of a class of psilocybin mushrooms, the psilocybe genus contains the greatest number of psychedelic or psychoactive mush-

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

species would be of scant interest to Kapuler did he not already possess a profound appreciation for the natural wonder and majesty of our fertile earth’s flora. The experience that first enticed Kapuler into the biodiverse realm of botany and the delicate art of plant breeding is the elegant orchid. Indeed, it was the dazzling orchids at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, and in the commercial greenhouses in Long Island, he and his father used to frequent that first enraptured him. Kapuler began his own growing endeavors with a couple small greenhouses sheltering just a few hundred plants. From there, he and his daughter, Kusra, engaged in the hybridiza-

THE ALCHEMIST

•

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

word

The Pacific Northwest College of Art took a trip to the Kapuler farm. Photos by Heather Zinger. Courtesy of Pacific Northwest College of Art plays poignantly on Kapuler’s heartstrings. While the Pacific Northwest inarguably boasts a thriving array of life and resplendently beautiful scenery, it was more than a glorious ecosystem that brought Kapuler to settle here in Corvallis. At least initially, Kapuler’s move was prompted by what are more typically termed ‘practical implications’. He came to utilize the extensive Oregon State University Library, with a detailed catalogue of world flora. He came for our First Alternative Co-op, and for our community’s accompanying emphasis on the local food and sustainability movements. He took cues from local experts like Judy Weiner of Windy River Farm who further pointed him to Harry MacCormack, founder of Sunbow Organic Farm just four miles outside Corvallis. Kapuler also sought to befriend Hal and Alice Brown of Seeds of Change organic seed company. It was these fine eco-enthusiasts, he says, “who have given us the opportunity to grow as much as we can as fast as possible, to learn how to do plant breeding for the public domain, to give hope in a beleaguered world.” This synergy of talent, and the flourishing ecosystem of the valley, only catalyzed Kapuler’s passions. Besides local expertise, he says, “we needed clean ground, clean water, opportunity and friends devoted to the organic movement, to…our own healthy food, our

own interests in the food we grow, the plants we eat, the flowers we love and the herbs we cherish.” A fine and fertile soil and an uncommonly eco-conscious community compelled Kapuler to take up root, settling with his seeds and his dearest of saplings—his children—

ability to trek to the grocery store and stock up on several weeks’ worth of food products, Kapuler warns that this level of reliance on the big food industry is extremely undesirable for our bodies, our communities, and our planet. The solution? Save your own seed, and enjoy

type of seed in question. If treated properly, Kapuler informs me, tomato seeds can be viable for 1-2 decades, and amaranth grains for even centuries. While saving seed is always a responsible gardening measure, Kapuler emphasizes that it is no substitution for continual crop management. According to Kapuler, the best assurance of raising consistent and reliable food crops “is to keep growing during all the cycles of our lives,” sowing our seed anew each season. For Kapuler, it is vital that his garden span not only numerous growing seasons and seed generations, but that it also endure across subsequent generations of humans, to nourish his children, his grandchildren, and so on. In his life, there is little more important than passing on his knowledge base and value-system of sustainable living and eco-sanity to the Earth’s future children and caretakers. “What else can we do but grow healthy food on healthy soil with clean water in good air?” Kapuler implores. He implies there is really no reasonable alternative, “as a family and as people we are fortunate to work together for something that makes sense, for organic food, no poisons on our food…if the things we believe are most important are not passed on to our kids, then they are not truly important. If the things we have learned in our lives

"What else can we do but grow healthy food on healthy soil with clean water in good air?¨ here in the Willamette Valley. If you ask Kapuler, the most valuable asset his estate can yield is the fruitful proliferation of his food crops for seasons—and even generations—to come. One of the crucial aspects of gardening that makes it so economical and ecologically friendly is the consistent practice of seed saving. As Kapuler puts it, “if we don't save seeds we are slaves to institutions that wish to run and control our lives—if we don't grow our lives, if we don't grow organic local food, we are fools.” Saving a continual line of seeds from our own home-grown crops, is vital for food security. While we may feel quite confident in our

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

•

the peace of holding subsistence capability in your own capable, green-thumbed hands. When it comes to the nimble practice of seed saving, the technique used varies depending upon the type of seed to be preserved. It is of obvious relevance to recognize whether one is working with a wet-seed variety—as from tomatoes or squash—or with a dry seed variety—like brassicas (of the mustard family) or sunflowers. It is important to dry and store seeds properly, depending upon what the particular seed type calls for. Some will be most viable stored at room temperature, while others are best preserved in the freezer. Duration of viability will also vary depending upon the

THE ALCHEMIST

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

bump

tuesday

live music

Corvallis

OSU, LaSells Stewart Center OSU Concert Bands: "American Landscapes" [SYMPHONIC] 7:30 pm, $10 Sunnyside Up Café 116 NW 3rd St. Celtic Jam [CELTIC] 7:00 pm, FREE

Corvallis

lecture

OSU, Richardson Hall IWW Special Seminar: Microbial Methane Oxidation in Terrestrial Systems 4 pm

eclectic

dance

Corvallis

LBCC Commons Cafeteria 2nd Floor Calapooia Center 6500 Pacific Blvd. Texas Hold Em' [FUNDRAISER] for LBCC Democracy Club, 4 pm

OSU Women’s Building Room 112 Salsa Dancing 8:00 pm

Enoteca Wine Bar Girls night out! Knit night [CRAFT] 7:00 pm

OSU, Memorial Union Ballroom World AIDS Day Red Dress Fashion Show [FASHION], 6:30 pm, FREE OSU, Memorial Union MUvie: Eat, Pray, Love [SEE] 5:30 & 8:30 pm WineStyles 2333 NW Kings Blvd Tuesday Trivia League [THINK] 6:00 pm; $10 per team

Corvallis Elks Lodge 1400 NW 9th St. Beginner Line Dance 7:00 pm, $3

Lebanon

Cascade Performing Arts Center 800 Harrison St. Beginner Adult Ballet Classes 7:30-8:30 pm, $5

Corvallis

sing

Peacock Bar & Grill Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE On the Top: DJ Big Cheese, 9:00 pm FREE Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Corvallis 2945 NW Circle Blvd. Corvallis Community Choir rehearsals 7-9 pm, $50

Lebanon

Merlin’s Bar & Grill Karaoke Nightly

Corvallis

eclectic

OSU Memorial Union MUvie: Eat, Pray, Love [SEE] 5:30 & 8:30 pm

Albany

dance

Albany Eagles Lodge 127 Broadalbin St Albany Senior Dance 1:30-3:30 pm, $3 Riley’s Billiards Bar and Grill Pure Country Night - Country Dancing with DJ 9:00pm

Corvallis

Old World Deli 341 SW Second St. Belly Dance 8 pm

sing

Merlin’s Bar & Grill Karaoke Nightly

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

THE ALCHEMIST

•

Corvallis

wednesday

Cloud 9 126 SW 1st St. Beer & Blog 5 pm Infinite Improvabilities 9 pm Enoteca Wine Bar Wine Tasting: Left Coast Cellars 7 pm, $10

Corvallis

shop

The Arts Center 700 SW Madison Ave. Brown Bag Art Talk [AUCTION], noon

Corvallis

Peter Gysegem’s Studio Argentine Tango Classes 7:15 pm, $5 peter@gysegem.com

Lebanon

eat/drink

lecture

OSU Agricultural & Life Sciences Case Studies in the Interaction Between Vegetation 2:30 pm OSU Owen Hall Water Resources Policy Seminar Series 4 pm

live music

Corvallis

Bombs Away Café Lindy Osborne [ACOUSTIC] 8 pm

Sunnyside Up Café 116 NW 3rd St. Bluegrass Jam [BLUEGRASS] 7:00 pm, FREE

Lebanon

Peacock Bar & Grill East The Brand [BLUES] 7 pm

Tangent

Dixie Creek Saloon Battle of the Bands 7:00 pm, FREE

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

bump

First Thursday

Mona Lisa’s Custom Framing (541) 230-1998 monalisaspictureframing.com 133 S.W. 2nd St. 5-8 pm Artist: Yoshiko Yamamoto/Claude Winter Yoshiko is one of the premier block printers in the arts & crafts style. We will also have some of Yoshiko’s Motowi tiles and Claude’s beautiful hand painted Ukrainian eggs.

Calapooia Brewing Rusty Hignes [BLUES] Thursday, 8 pm

Belle Vallee Tasting Room (541) 757-9463 bellevallee.com 151 NW Monroe Ave 5-8pm Artist: Claire Magee is best known for her fused glass wine labels for Belle Vallee Cellars. Other work includes kilnworked platters and beaded jewelry. Sibling Revelry (541) 754-1424 siblingrevelry.com 145 NW 2nd St 4-7 pm Artist: Susann Underwood has been a fiber artist for over 30 years. She’ll have fabuloushats and scarves for sale, in addition to displays of her basketry and ceramics (a recent pursuit). del Alma (541) 753-2222 delalmarestaurant.com 136 SW Washington Ave. Suite 102 7:30-9:30pm Artist: Jimmy Faulkner and Dave Chiller, acoustic guitar and percussion instruments combine to create a groove infused mix that spans a multitude of musical styles.

del Alma Jimmy Faulkner & Dave Chiller [ACOUSTIC] Thursday 7:30 pm

Mod Pod (541) 230-1819 modpoddecor.com 115 NW 2nd St 4-7pm Artist: Martina Robinson will be showing photographs that she took while in Guatemala last spring with Faith in Practice a non-profit medical mission team. After realizing the beauty of the people of the villages of Guadalupe and Chicacao, portraits became the best way to share what it was that she experienced. The beauty of the people’s faces and the colors in the area brought instant life to each situation and person she was able to photograph. Pegasus Frame Studio & Gallery (541)757-0042 pegasusartgallery.com 341 SW 2nd Street Corvallis, or. 97333 November - December 2010 Artist: Earl Drebing (pegasusartgallery. com), woodwork came into the gallery in 2009, brought in by his step daughter Jewels for a review The Arts Center (541) 754-1551 theartscenter.net 700 SW Madison Avenue 5-7 pm Artist: 80 local artists participating in Where Birds Dream... Artful birdhouses exhibit. 1st Thursday visitors are invited to fold 1000 origami cranes for peace to include into the exhibit.

Corvallis Brewing Supply (541) 758-1674 lickspigot.com 119 SW 4th St 6-8 pm Artist: Anthony Gordon, is a ceramic artist whose sculptural work is influenced by her background as a biologist studying animal behavior in elk, bees, ticks. “My animals and imaginary creatures reflect both the light and the dark side of life, so you can find both humor and horror in my work. I fire my ceramic sculptures in three types of kilns: anagama, fast fire wood and gas/ soda. My display at Corvallis Brewing will illustrate the different results obtained, with rabbits, birds, and pugs!” Her passion for pottery has followed her from southern Africa to Corvallis where she built her wood fired kiln and and works from her studio, Chimera Clay. She likes beer too! InsideOut-Garden Visions (541) 754-6261 insideoutgardenvisions.com 121 NW 2nd Street 4-7pm Artist: Rita Altshuler (Dora’s Jewels) is from Eugene specializing in brass/ Czech glass/ceramic beads. Uses Kazuri beads from Kenya. Artist: Keri Elliott (Rufus & Co.) is from Eugene specializing in garden aprons & totes. Former pottery teacher fashions split skirt aprons with deep pockets based on potters’ chaps.

thursday

live music

Albany

Calapooia Brewing Rusty Hignes [BLUES] 8 pm LBCC, Russell Tripp Performance Center Takena Hall 6500 SW Blvd. SW “The Heavens Are Telling" 7:30 pm, $5-$7

Corvallis

Bombs Away Café Wild Hog in the Woods [STRINGBAND] 8 pm del Alma 136 SW Washington Ave. Ste. 102 Jimmy Faulkner & Dave Chiller [ACOUSTIC] 7:30 pm

Lebanon

Peacock Bar & Grill East Blues Jam 7 pm

dance

Albany

Albany Eagles Lodge 127 Broadalbin St. NW Line dance, couples dance lessons and open dancing 7 pm, $4 Riley’s Billiards Bar and Grill Ladies Night with DJ Unofficial 9 pm

Corvallis

Peacock Bar & Grill Karaoke, 9:00 pm On the top DJ Mike, 9:00 pm, $2

Corvallis

lecture

OSU Burt Hall "Hydrogeochemical Responses to Slow Slip Events and Chemical Cycling at the Costa Rica Subduction Zone" 12 pm

eat/drink

Corvallis

stage

Enoteca Wine Bar Chocolate Truffle Happy Hour FREE Truffles 6-8 pm

Albany Civic Theater 111 First Ave. SW “Meet Me in St. Louis" 8 pm $10-$13

First Alternative Co-Op North 2855 NW Grant Ave. Beer tasting, 5-7 pm

Albany

Corvallis

Chamber Ballet of Corvallis/Regional School of Ballet "The Nutcracker" 7 pm, $15

WineStyles 2333 NW Kings Blvd. Wine-Club release tasting 5:30, $5

Albany

eclectic

Boys & Girls Club of Albany 1215 Hill St. SE "Celebration of Trees" [AUCTION] 6:30 pm

Corvallis

Cloud 9 NO SHAVE NOVEMBER Mustache bashe [FUN] 10 pm First Thursday Art Walk Participating businesses [SEE] 4-8 pm OSU Memorial Union MUvie: Eat, Pray, Love [SEE] 5:30 & 8:30 pm Troubadour Music Center Brian Doyle: "Mink River" [READ/ TALK] 7 pm

Philomath

Benton County Historical Society & Museum 1101 Main St. Philomath Community Christmas Tree Lighting [HOLIDAY] 6 pm

Lebanon

sing

Merlin’s Bar & Grill Karaoke Nightly

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

•

THE ALCHEMIST

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

bump

live music

Corvallis

The Beanery on Second St. Johanna Beekman [ACOUSTIC] 8 pm Bombs Away Café Acoustic Showcase [ACOUSTIC] 10 pm Cloud 9 Symmetry/symmetry [ROCK] 10 pm FireWorks Gabriel Surley & the Unstable Atmospheres [ACOUSTIC/INDIE] 8 pm First United Methodist Church 1165 NW Monroe Ave. University Chorale: "Music of the Season" [HOLIDAY] 12 pm, FREE Tim Hardin & Friends & Three Fingered Jack [FOLK/CELTIC] 7:30 pm, $2-$10 Old World Deli The Hilltop Big Band [BIG BAND] 8 pm OSU Memorial Union Music a la Carte: University Chorale [VOCAL] 12 pm

Corvallis

sing

Peacock Bar and Grill Karaoke, 9 pm On the Top: DJ Alex, 9 pm

Lebanon

Merlin’s Bar & Grill Karaoke Nightly

Tangent

Dixie Creek Saloon Karaoke 9 pm

Albany

stage

Albany Civic Theater 111 First Ave. SW Meet Me in St. Louis 8 pm $10-$13

Corvallis orvallis

Chamber Ballet of Corvallis/Regional School of Ballet "The Nutcracker" 7 pm, $15 OSU Theatre, Withycombe Main Stage The Coming of the Rain 7:30 pm, $5-$12

It's an everyday thing

Albany Downtown Albany 250 Broadalbin St. SW Night Time Magic 5-10 pm through December 31 Festively Lit Historic District

dance

Albany

100F Hall 738 Fifth Ave SE Timber Twirlers Christmas Dance 7:30 pm, $4.50 donation Riley’s Billiards Bar and Grill Ladies Night with DJ Unofficial 9 pm

lecture

Albany

Oregon Language Center 237 Third Ave. SW Steve Ferrier: "Shedding Light on Dark Matter: A Layman's Review of Today's Physics Puzzles" 7 pm

eat/drink

Corvallis

Corvallis Senior Center 2601 NW Taylor Ave. Friday Night Dancers 7 pm, $2-$4

Corvallis

friday

eclectic

Winter's Eve Corvallis Tent on Madison Ave. between Second and Third St. [BENEFIT] Assistance League of Corvallis 5-10 pm, $40

Corvallis

shop

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints Meetinghouse 4141 NW Harrison Blvd. 16th Annual Community Nativity Festival [HOLIDAY] 1-8:30 pm First Alternative Co-Op South 1007 S.E. 3rd St. Wine Tasting 5-7 pm WineStyles 2333 NW Kings Blvd. Friday Night Flights 5-8 pm

OSU Memorial Union Ballroom 30th Annual Holiday Marketplace 10 am-6 pm

saturday eat/drink

Lebanon

Lebanon Coffeehouse & Eatery 661 Main Street Saturday Breakfast & Brunch (Mimosa's) 9 am – 2 pm

Lebanon

sing

Merlin’s Bar & Grill Karaoke Nightly

dance

Albany

Riley’s Billiards Bar and Grill Ladies Night with DJ Unofficial 9 pm

Albany

eclectic

Two Rivers Market Downtown Twice Around Christmas Parade [HOLIDAY]

live music

Albany

Calapooia Brewing Johanna [ACOUSTIC] 8 pm

Corvallis

Bombs Away Café Norman [FOLK ROCK] 10 pm Cloud 9 5th & B [JAZZ] 9 pm FireWorks Rick & Lavinia Ross [AMERICANA] 8 pm Squirrel's Tavern Eleven Eyes [JAZZ FUNK] 9:30 pm, $5 Troubadour Music Center Dale Bradley [CELLO]

Lebanon

Corvallis

Lebanon Coffeehouse & Eatery 661 Main Street Live Music 6:30pm

Lebanon

Corvallis

OSU VS OU- Civil War Reser Stadium 12:30 pm Lebanon Coffeehouse & Eatery 661 Main Street Saturday Afternoon Free Movie [SEE] 2pm – 4pm

shop

OSU Memorial Union Ballroom 30th Annual Holiday Marketplace 10 am-6 pm

Squirrel's Tavern

Eleven Eyes [JAZZ FUNK] Saturday 9:30 pm, $5

Heritage Mall Santa [HOLIDAY] 7 am-10 pm Friday through December 24 Adopt a Child for Furniture Share’s “Beds for Kids” through December 24 Linn County Fair & Expo Center, Cascade Livestock Building 3700 Knox Butte Rd. Christmas Storybook Land [HOLIDAY] 6:30-8:30 pm through December 17

Corvallis The Arts Center 700 SW Madison Where Birds Dream [AUCTION] 12-5 pm Tuesday-Saturday See’s Candies holiday gift center 113 SW 3rd St. Ste. A [BUY] 9 am-7 pm through December 26 TEAL Artist Cooperative 120 SW Fourth St. Local Art Display [BUY] 10-6 pm, through December 28

Lebanon Linn County Arts Guild 680 Main St. Handcrafted in Linn County gift store [BUY] 11 am-6 pm through December 23

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

THE ALCHEMIST

•

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

sunday

bump

05 Banned Can

CRO S SWORD Inkwell Crosswords by Ben Tausig

live music

Albany

Calapooia Brewing Blues Jam 4:00 pm

Corvallis

Novak’s Hungarian Restaurant 2306 Heritage Way SE Strings of Time [MELODIC JAZZ] 6:00 pm, FREE OSU, LaSells Stewart Center, Austin Auditorium 875 SW 26th St. OSU Symphony Orchestra Holiday Favorites [HOLIDAY] 7 pm

Lebanon

Merlin’s Bar & Grill Blues/Rock Jam 7 pm

eclectic

Corvallis

Enoteca Wine Bar Book Group [READ] 7 pm

Corvallis

stage

OSU Theatre, Withycombe Main Stage The Coming of the Rain 2 pm, $5-$12

Corvallis

dance

Corvallis Boys & Girls Club 11122 NW Circle Blvd. Beginning/Intermediate Swing dance class 7-9 pm, $45

FireWorks

Rick & Lavinia Ross [AMERICANA]

Saturday 8pm

monday live music

Corvallis

FireWorks Southtown Open Mic Talent Search 8 pm

Corvallis

lecture

OSU, Richardson Hall Drying Lumber for Quality & Profit, through December 9, All Day

Across 1. Notorious insecticide 4. Tear, as a perforated part 10. The “C” in CMYK 14. Fair-hiring letters 15. Isolate, as Napoleon Bonaparte 16. Online video site 17. “I Ran (So Far Away)” band, with “A” 20. Cox, e.g. 21. Make someone wait? 22. Utopia, pejoratively 29. Use bubble gum, in adspeak 30. Sounds of doubt 31. Where Bill Hader is a veteran 32. Saint, in Portuguese 33. Engage aggressively 36. “The Decision” network 37. Potent alcohol + caffeine choices recently forced by the FDA to change their formula, and this puzzle’s theme 41. Musician Buckley who died swimming in Memphis 44. Mass producers? 48. First name in metal 49. It’ll hold you 52. Actress Lupino 53. Jargon suffix 54. Appalachian peak 58. Cry when hit by a sibling, perhaps 59. Tony Parker’s ex 60. Stealth object in fantasy games 67. 1983 IBM offering 68. Kindle, e.g. 69. ___’easter 70. Just ___ on the map 71. A lot of similar bodies, say? 72. Commercial prefix meaning “cold”

glamorous young man” 6. JPG alternative 7. Gp. 8. Movie with the refrain “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” 9. Directly 10. Rude person 11. Brynner of “The King and I” 12. Greedy person’s portion 13. Letters above some stoas on campus 18. Computer brain 19. Rock fan’s subj.? 22. Broadcaster based in Toronto 23. Old Spanish coin 24. Dynasty of Confucius 25. Amer. military force that may be called to active duty 26. One may be kicked for motivation 27. Day break? 28. Wear 34. Miserable report card line 35. Group once composed of TBoz, Left Eye, and Chilli 36. Key often pressed frantically when the computer freezes 38. Midwestern swing state 39. Spiral-horned antelope 40. Port city in “Casablanca” 41. Sushi-serving carrier, for short 42. Outer43. Aunt ___ (menstrual cycle nickname) 45. “My word!” 46. Former QB great Boomer 47. One may be junior or senior, in D.C.: Abbr. 49. Run fast, so to speak 50. Bits of buzz 51. It always shoots up in strip clubs 55. Store once linked to Martha Stewart 56. “$#*! ___ Says” (CBS sitcom) 57. Perfect Olympics score 60. Audit pro 61. ___ Soundsystem Down 62. Spanish viewer? 1. ___ Squad (early hip-hop 63. “Cold Mountain” heroine supergroup) 64. Stimpy’s friend 2. “Underworld” author Don 3. Question after a tasteless joke 65. ___-One (“Criminal Minded” MC) 4. 57-Down, in Esperanto 5. Bowie once called him “a very 66. Box office sign, briefly

SUDOKU

www.sudoku-puzzles.net

Difficulty: Medium

7 2

5 6

ads@thealchemistweekly.com

Corvallis' best advertising location for restaurants, clubs, and venues according to us

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

•

THE ALCHEMIST

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

Albany

Albany Civic Theater

111 First Ave. SW 541.928.4603

Alleyoop Lounge

901 Pacific Blvd 541.941.0977

Bogey’s Bar & Grill

129 W 1st Ave. 541.929.8900

Calapooia Brewing

The Beanery on 2nd

500 SW 2nd St 541.753.7442

Big River Restaurant & Bar

Papa’s Pizza

1030 S.W. Third St. 541.757.2727

Peacock Bar & Grill

101 NW Jackson Ave. 541.757.0694

125 SW 2nd St. 541.754.8522

Block 15

100 SW 2nd St. 541.753.8057

Squirrel’s

140 Hill St. NE 541.928.1931

300 SW Jefferson Ave. 541.758.2077

Sunnyside Up Café

Cappie’s Brewhouse

Bombs Away Café

Suds & Suds

211 1st Ave W 541.926.1710

Cascade Grill

110 Opal St. NW 541.926.3388

2527 NW Monroe Ave. 541.757.7221

China Delight Restaurant

Chasers Bar & Grill

325 NW 2nd St. 541.753.3753

Dixie Creek Saloon

1501 NW Monroe Ave. 541.758.4452

435 SE 2nd Ave 541928.9634 32994 Hwy 99E, Tangent, OR 541.926.2767

Favorite Mistake Sports Bar 5420 Pacific Blvd. 541.903.0034

Front Street Bar

2300 Northeast Front Ave. 541.926.2739

GameTime Sports Bar & Grill 2211 Waverly Dr. SE 541.981.2376

Humpty’s Dump Bar & Grill

916 Old Salem Rd NE 541.926.3111

JP’s Restaurant & Lounge

220 2nd Ave. 541.926.5546

Lariat Lounge 901 Pacific Blvd SE 541.928.2606

Linger Longer Tavern

145 SW Main St. 541.926.2174

Lucky Larrys Lounge 1296 S Commercial Way SE 541.928.3654

Riley’s Billiards Bar & Grill 124 Broadalbin St SW 541.926.2838

Wilhelm’s Spirits & Eatery 1520 Pacific Blvd SE 541.926.7001

Corvallis

Aqua Seafood Restaurant & Bar 151 NW Monroe Ave.

541.752.0262

OUTSoutsider I DER

•

Clodfelter’s Cloud 9

126 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900

Crowbar

214 SW 2nd St. 541.753.7373

Darrell’s Restaurant & Lounge

2200 NW 9th St. 541.752.6364

Downward Dog

116 NW 3rd St 541.758.3353 1045 NW Kings Blvd. 541.758.5200

Troubadour

521 SW 2nd St. 541.752.7720

Tyee Wine Cellars 26335 Greenberry Rd. 541.753.8754

Wanted Saloon 140 NW 3rd St.

WineStyles

2333 N.W. Kings Blvd. 541.738.9463

Lebanon

Artisian’s Well Lounge

130 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900

2250 South Main Rd. 541.451.3900

Enoteca Wine Bar

Cornerstone Café & Pub

136 SW Washington Ave. 541.758.9095

Fireworks Restaurant & Bar 1115 SE 3rd 541.754.6958

Flat Tail Pub

180 S 5th St. 541.847.6262

Duffy’s Irish Pub 679 South Main St. 541.259.2906

Fire Pit Lounge

202 SW 1st St. 541.758.2219

2230 South Santiam Hwy 541.451.2010

Greenberry Store & Tavern

GameTime Sports Bar & Grill

29974 HWY 99W 541.752.3796

Harrison Bar & Grill

3130 South Santiam Hwy 541.570.1537

550 NW Harrison Blvd. 541.754.1017

Merlin’s Bar & Grill

Impulse

Peacock Bar & Grill East

1425 NW Monroe Ave. 541.230.1114

La Bamba Mix Night Club

126 SW 4th St. 541.207.3593

Loca Luna

136 SW Washington Ave, Ste. 102 - 541.753.2222

Luc

134 SW 4th St. 541.753.4171

Murphy’s Tavern

2740 SW 3rd St. 541.738. 7600

541.258.6205

76 E. Sherman St. 541.451.2027

Sports Shack & Deli

1250 Grant St. 541.259.0800

Philomath

High 5 Sports Bar & Grill 1644 Main St.-541.929.7529

Meet’n Place Tavern

1150 Mian St. 541.929.3130

Wine Vault

1301 Main St. 541.929.8496

Wing Sing Restaurant & Lounge 658 Main St. 541.929.6255

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

A Cry for Help O regon. Most of what I knew of Oregon before moving to Corvallis came from two sources: the Oregon Trail video game popularized in the 1990’s and from friends that had traveled the Pacific Northwest in search of natural wonders, friendlier marijuana laws, and the perfect craft beer. Don’t be too sore about the stereotypes, though: I’m from Kansas and have swallowed my fair share of inane Wizard of Oz jokes over the years. Since arriving though, I have found that my sources were not completely accurate. For example, unlike in Oregon Trail, wandering around Corvallis with a shotgun looking for squirrels and rabbits is both impractical and potentially hazardous; a grocer of some sort would be much easier on both myself and the native population. But which one? There seem to be dozens; food co-ops, outlets, family markets, farm storefronts. In Kansas, the choices are few. I would tell you where I shopped there, but I’ve been advised not to use the word “Walmart” in polite conversation around here. As for natural wonders, it’s hard to take a walk without tripping over one. Majestic mountains to the east and north, a wild ocean to the west, gorgeous river valley all around and someone even hinted that a desert exists somewhere to the south. Coming from a place where the primary topographical feature is unyielding prairie with a nearly flat horizon, it’s not difficult to be overwhelmed. But surely there are quintessential Oregon sights that must be seen to truly experience the state; hidden wonders that require a greater degree of knowing than a local tourism brochure. Marijuana laws don’t concern me much, but the beer hereabouts, is something else. I have never seen a place where even the smallest bars have anywhere from 10 to 30 unique beers on tap. Where I come from there were four, maybe five: Bud varietal, Coors varietal, regional Wheat, local Wheat, and when the owner was an angel and sprung for a nitro system, Guinness. I inquired as to the cultural significance of domestic beers here and the bartender

THE ALCHEMIST

•

laughed at me, gesturing to the forest of taps behind her, devoid of any recognizable Midwestern standard. For me, this was perfectly okay, as I do not drink beer. When I said this aloud, however, the bartender’s face darkened, an emotion resembling disgust in her eyes. In fact, the entire bar seemed to the get quiet; the ambient music ceased with a resounding screech, and every patron seemed to turn in unison, and stare. “You don’t drink...beer?” she said; a quiet sort of violence in her voice. This confusion mixed with suspicion seemed to be echoed by the expressions of the bearded men that surrounded me. “Uhmmm,” I scrambled for something to say that would stay the pitchforks and torches I could sense beneath the surface of these normally friendly, laid back Oregonians. Suddenly, I remembered that since I had married a woman of very Irish descent I had learned to appreciate Guinness. “I drink Guinness!” I shouted, reflexively. After a moment, the music started up again, conversations began anew, and the bartender smirked as if to say, “Watch your ass, new guy”. Clearly, if I’m to survive here in Corvallis, I need help. Your help, specifically. Email me at theoutisder@thealchemistweekly.com and shed some light on the wonders of Corvallis and the greater Oregonian mysteries, anything and everything you love about your world: the ancient and powerful lore of beer consumption, the best places to gather food for Mary and little Ezekiel before they die of dysentery or snakebite. Great music spots, art locales, natural spectacles to rival my own beloved Kansas prairies; anything and everything you love about your world. If I’m ever to claw my way up to the vaunted position of ‘Oregonian’, I need your stories, your secret spots. In return you’ll have my undying gratitude and biweekly accounts of my adventures discovering the wonders of Oregon, through your eyes. Sincerely, The Outsider

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

continued from Growing Up & Giving Back c ont i n u e d

are not important, then we have not learned the right things.” Sustainable gardening need not be limited to the hippie-elite. Any community member with a little land, a little patience, an optimistic vision and a thirst for knowledge can start up their own modest home-garden project. While you shouldn’t expect to be breeding your own orchids anytime soon, there’s no reason you can’t start raising a bit of your family’s table produce. If expert advice is what you seek, you needn’t look any further. First of all, because skillful gardening takes both great care, and a certain amount of experience, Kapuler advises beginning gardeners “to begin with food plants that are relatively easy to grow.” He also encourages amateur agronomists to keep up with their crops, season after season, as it is well “worth completing the cycle of plant, to seed, to plant many times to get into the habit of completions… [because] life depends on completions, [and] sterile matings yield no progeny.” Once a green grower gets a handle on some

of the basics, there is much room for exploration and experimentation with new, more challenging, more diverse crops. For example, there are native plant species, which Kapuler deems “always worthy, [but] routinely difficult.” There is also “world flora,” he adds, “temperate and tropical, desert and rainforest…the biodiversity on this beautiful world is beyond language and intelligence.” A key piece of advice Kapuler offers to the beginning gardener in the Pacific Northwest is to utilize a greenhouse. A greenhouse is important, Kapuler says, “for extending seasons, providing alternatives to wind, snow and karma, and making other crops and plants possible.” Use of a greenhouse makes crops such as citrus, jasmine, and even such unique fruits as the Peruvian ground cherry possible in this temperate zone. If you’re just beginning to flex your green thumb muscle, don’t be too ambitious with your expectations, and be forgiving of yourself. Kapuler himself will be the first to tell you, “gardening is not easy, or simple, or trivial, or obvious.”

continued from symposium

He went up against all odds for that word, as did our forefathers during the Revolutionary War, ironically against the same oppressor. Freedom, man...that would be intense. I mean real freedom, just doing your own thing in your own time to paraphrase Peter Fonda in Easy Rider. Living off the land, as our feature story this week tells about. If you want twenty wives, or twenty husbands...go for it. If you want to grow fields of opium or marijuana, get after it. If you want to walk around stark naked and marry a squirrel, do it! If you want to not pay taxes, don’t file. If you want to clone a human, clone it. If you, well...want to do ANYTHING you want, do anything you want. The very thought of these things send shudders up my spine. I don’t know if it’s excitement about the possibilities or the anxiety of trying to make it without the government or authorities to provide for my needs. Because, if you didn’t pay taxes, or if you grew opium...well, you would go to jail. Can you really go off somewhere and try and make it on your own, or would the authorities come and get you and force you back into their system in handcuffs, put your kids in foster homes and castigate you in public as a lunatic? Yeah, I think they would. Which doesn’t make sense, because if you went off and didn’t hurt anyone else in your own weird pursuit of happiness, what crime is that? Are you committing the crime of being... “nonofficially sanctioned free”? But, suppose it was possible to go off the grid, shun society and all its complex laws and socially out of date concepts. Just walk away off into the hills and jungles and leave the worker bees to their honey making for the queen. It would mean a decrease in the things that I have become accustomed to. No cable, no Internet, no interesting cell phone apps. No take out food, nobody to call when the power goes out or the water lines freeze

up. Real self-reliance...whoa, sort of scary. Maybe it is worth the trade-off of really being able to do what I want when I want for the convenience of living “on the grid”. There are comforts and necessities that are supplied to those willing to sacrifice what some may view as dispensable freedoms. Is this learned helplessness? Is it really possible to live like they did in the old frontier days when Josiah died of “consumption” because there was no ER to take him to? What are the costs/benefits to living inside/outside of the box that our society has created for us to live and die within? So, here is the ending that those of you that have kept reading have been so patient and kind to allow me to wander my way into. I told you up front that it would all make sense, but now I feel like I might let you down. I began this column with the intentions of asking a grand question to you, the faithful Alchemist reader. What is freedom? Are we, as Americans, really free. According to the dictionary definition, I do not think we are. But the alternative, if it is even possible, seems like it might not be worth the trouble. Giving up all the things that society and its mindless authority provides to us, only to be able to exercise a truly free lifestyle in your own personal pursuit of happiness, appears to be more trouble than it is worth. What would a person gain? And, would a life of true freedom, real and wide-open freedom, really provide happiness? I just don’t know. Maybe you do. Write a letter or email us at editor@thealchemistweekly.com and let me, and your fellow readers, know what you think. In the meantime, I am going to crawl back down off the imaginary mountain of philosophy to pay some bills and watch a little football on cable, which isn’t so bad. I’ll try not to think about my daydream wild mountain free life. After all, it could be worse. -Stanley Tollett

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

•

THE ALCHEMIST

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

literati

STORIES FROM THE ROAD

“Willow” By Jack Cernak

n a warm June morning in 1973, I stood on Interstate 80 in Berkeley, California hitchhiking. I was taking Timothy Leary’s advice and dropping out, and this hitchhiking trip back east to see my folks was a sentimental journey before I moved to some isolated spot in the country away from people. There was a time when I thought there was hope and believed people were generally good, but with the death of Lenny Bruce, the assassinations of the Kennedy’s, King and the war, my disillusionment with society had reached the breaking point. I didn’t want to hear any more about Watergate, women’s rights or inflation. I was finished with the frustration of dead-end jobs, putting up with self-serving, backbiting people and with bureaucrats puffed up with their self-importance and felt sorry for friends like Phil, the guy that just dropped me off, who cut his hair and had taken a straight job. After living in the Haight-Ashbury for five years, I doubted I could ever fit back into normal society, although when I looked back, it seemed I never had. After thumbing only a few minutes, an older dark blue Ford van stopped along side. The window on the passenger side came down with two guys inside. “Where you heading man?” asked the driver from the other side of the cab. “Chicago,”I said loudly over the noise of the freeway. “Get

in; we’re going to New York.” Wow! I remembered

•

thinking, all the way to Chicago in one ride. Interstate 80 hugs the east shore of San Francisco Bay, and at the town of Vallejo at the northern end, the interstate swings east through the Sacramento valley and through the Sierra Nevada Mountains. From there, it’s a short hop into Reno. I-80 crosses the open plateau lands of Nevada and into Utah and Salt Lake City. I took my turn driving the panel truck that had a steering problem and was all over the road. That night at a rest stop somewhere in Utah, I crashed on a back lawn in my sleeping bag, and awoke the following morning ready to strike out on my own. Where was the adventure in reaching Chicago in one ride? Although I found my traveling companions congenial, somewhere in Southwestern Wyoming, I bid them good-bye. That was where my trip really began. One minute I was driving along the freeway at seventy-five miles an hour, talking and laughing and in the next minute alone and in total silence, walking down a sun drenched black top road that

stretched in a straight line to the horizon without a house or car in sight and purple mountains in the distance. A lone hawk circled lazily overhead in a clear blue sky above the desert. It was hot, but in a short time, a ride took me close to the purple mountains and the Shoshone Indian Reservation. Up close, there was something spiritual about those mountains and sat for a long time on a rock across the road mesmerized by their

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

beauty and having flashbacks of living a life as an Indian. Slowly my mental disorientation coalesced into an exquisite peacefulness. A cowboy stopping to pick me up shook me out of my reverie and dropped me off in Lander, the next town, where many people wore backpacks. I thought I had stumbled upon a hitchhiker’s convention. Instead, they were student backpackers from the only backpacking school in the US and ready to venture into the mountains called the Wind River Range. Had I known in advance, I certainly would have gone with them to explore those spiritual mountains. I caught a ride out of Lander with an oil

field worker out for some rest and recreation. Bill was in his later twenties, medium height and wore his hair short. He wore jeans a n d tee shirt and seemed an average guy you’d find anywhere. We talked about things guys usually talk about, sports and women. Up the road, we stopped in a town and had lunch at an A&W. I’m not sure which town we were in, as I had lost track of how far we drove. The restaurant was a drive-in type that you still see in small towns, with waitresses coming out to cars parked in a line along a roofed walkway. We choose to stretch our legs and went inside. A busty blonde sat on a stool behind the cash register. “Hi sugar,” he said and walked close to the counter.

THE ALCHEMIST

•

We found a table, and I looked over the menu for the least expensive item. “Listen man,” he said, “I was just paid and lunch is on me. Order anything you want.” I was ready to protest but changed my mind. While hitchhiking, I carried little cash and if alone, I’d have probably gone to a grocery store and purchased something inexpensive. “Mighty nice of you friend,” I said. “Yea! Just order whatever you want.” The bacon and eggs breakfast they severed all day sounded good to me. When a waitress came to take our order, Bill started coming on to her. She was pretty and wearing a mini skirt. “You sure do look good in that skirt, baby,” he said, touching her hand. “Is there a way I can talk you out of it?” The waitress frowned, spun around and went to place our order. He was coming on a little strong, but how did I know what was right for small towns in Wyoming. On the way out, he teased the cashier and got her to smile. As we headed out of town, I could see someone in the distance standing on the shoulder hitchhiking. “Do you see what I see,” he said, as we got near enough to see the hitchhiker was an Indian Woman, a beautiful Indian Woman. “What a beautiful savage,” he proclaimed loudly. “Whoopee! We got ourselves a victim. Get that pussy in here.” She was tall, slim and graceful, with delicate features, dressed in buckskin with fringes. She wore her hair in braids, and although her skirt was below her knees, it was easy to see she had a magnificent body, her skin the color of coffee and cream. She didn’t look like any Indian woman I’d ever seen, and reminded me of a Creole woman I once saw in New Orleans while eating breakfast in the coffee shop at the Walgreens Drug store on Canal Street. I would have followed her anywhere. I questioned why this elegant woman was hitchhiking by herself but knew the answer. She was Indian, and Indians are poor and have no other way to get around. I opened the door of the pickup and let her slide between Bill and me. From then on, Bill monopolized the conversation. She didn’t say much, and

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

literati when she spoke, her voice was soft and low. “My name is Willow,” she said. Bill apparently had found what he was looking for. We drove north and as evening approached and twilight settled over the hills and towns of Wyoming, neon signs of bars and honkytonks began standing out against the darkening sky and beckoned us to stop. We pulled into the parking lot of a bar with a large twenty-foot cowboy sign tipping his hat on and off. It was early, but the place was crowded and already jumping. I ordered beer. Before I had a chance to take out any money, Bill threw a hundred-dollar bill on the bar. “This night’s on me,” he said, and ordered a drink for our Indian maiden, or shall I say, his Indian Maiden. Since she sat next to him in the truck, he had taken charge and kept his arm around her waist most of the time. I fantasized that between Bill and me, she would rather have been with me, not because I was better looking or more exciting, but because I understood more of what she needed. I had a love waiting back in San Francisco and wanted to remain true, which gave Bill a clear field, but whenever he hugged her, she’d tense. I knew how to handle her cool standoffish personality. Like her, I never moved in on people until I knew there was mutual desire. Bill either didn’t notice or didn’t want to notice her subtle resistance. He was the one with the vehicle and cash and was tolerated because she needed him to get to her South Dakota destination. The three-piece band of guitar, drum, and keyboard started their first set with a familiar danceable cowboy tune. Bill and our Native American Princess did a swing out on the dance floor. This is how it went most of the evening. I danced with her only once or twice. Although he made it clear she was his woman, I wasn’t excluded. We talked and laughed together, but whenever I ordered beer or food, Bill was there with a twenty-dollar bill. He wouldn’t let me pay for anything. What a generous guy, I thought. But I also felt a little troubled each time he paid. A disquieting feeling rose up from somewhere deep inside, but with each beer, it was easier to disregard it. Throughout the evening, I watched our beautiful Indian maiden, as did every cowboy in the bar. Each time she got up to dance, all eyes followed her. Up close, she was modest, but on the dance floor, she expressed herself with creative abandon, always leaving everyone longing for more. She turned everyone on including the women. Until then, Bill had her all to himself. He kept her close so nobody had the nerve to ask her to dance. Later that evening, during a break in the music, I heard the roar of motorcycles, and three big guys wearing a skull and cross bones on the back of their leather jackets swaggered into the bar. All the cowboys in the bar pretended not to notice, but it was apparent everyone did, as immediately the mood changed and became a little tense. Whenever in a bar, I had learned to make mental notes of where the exits were in case I needed to leave fast. This was a hangover from my days living in a big city and I remained leery. My vigilance had helped me escape before I had my ass kicked or the cops arrived to

throw me into the can. Soon after coming in, the three bikers spotted Willow. I nudged Bill to let him know one of the biker dudes was going to ask our woman to dance. Although she was Bill’s, I felt protective. Bill looked at me with a questioning glance. “Do you think its time to get out of here?” I nodded, and glanced at the clock behind the bar. It was close to midnight. “Look you guys,” he said, “Let find a motel and crash for the night.” I must have looked at him with skepticism because he quickly added. “Hey! It’s on me. Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll pickup the tab.” As one of the biker dudes walked toward us, we steered Willow out of the tavern and roared down the highway feeling smug for avoiding a possible nasty situation. At the far end of town, Bill pulled into a motel and rented a room with two beds, a queen and a single. It was clear I would take the single and Willow and Bill the queen. It was, however, an arrangement not necessarily to Willows liking. I was too tired and too drunk to worry much about it. After the lights went out, I heard them struggling, with Bill saying repeatedly. “Come on baby, put out.” Now wide-awake, I heard muffled protests and tears. He was taking her by force. He was raping her. Several times, I was ready to get up and stop him, but didn’t. I felt powerless and disliked myself for allowing it. I justified my inaction by reasoning that she got into the bed with him willingly. What did she expect, a prayer meeting? But I was lying. The reason was I had been bought. I was powerless because Bill had bought me the same as he bought Willow. I accepted his money repeatedly throughout the day. We were both his whores. I finally fell into a troubled sleep. In the morning, the sun shinned, but I was under a black cloud. I dressed quickly and went to a diner across the road for coffee. In a short while, Bill and Willow joined me. This morning there was no pretense of togetherness between them. Bill suggested we go to a pond he knew near by for a swim, and I reluctantly agreed. The pond was a lush ten-acre lake fed by springs, with ducks on the opposite side and large Weeping Willows growing along the shore, the tips of their branches resting on the water, how appropriate, Weeping Willows. As I undressed, I realized I’d be the only one swimming. Both Bill and Willow were too embarrassed to remove their clothes. Last night they had sex in the dark and in daylight were unable to look at each other’s naked bodies. As I dressed, Willow came around and stood beside me. “Are you heading east?” she asked. “As soon as I get myself ready, I’m heading out of here.” “Take me with you,” she said, with a pleading look. In her subtle way, she communicated that I wouldn’t have to force her to have sex and would give it freely if I took her with me. She was such a beautiful woman I almost said yes, but I travel alone. A minute later, out on the highway, the first car that came by picked me up. Leaving the scene helped me forgot the incident but not the valuable lesson learned.

TELL US ALL ABOUT IT! The good, the bad, the ugly. WE WANT TO TELL YOUR STORY. submissions@thealchemistweekly.com

jackcernak@aol.com

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

•

THE ALCHEMIST

•

NOVEMBER 30-DECEMBER 6, 2010

•

THE ALCHEMIST AWARD NOMINATIONS HAVE BEEN COMPLETED. Because the master list is so, so huge, we won’t be able to print it all at once. For now, find your way to www.thealchemistweekly.com to vote electronically. Stuffing the ballot is frowned upon. It would better serve you to try to convince as many people as you can to vote for you since you’ll be promoting yourself along the way. That and we have a complicated algorithm being utilized to detect overzealous self-voters. You can read more about the process of narrowing down the nominations right before you vote online.

THE

TWO MEN ENTER. ONE BEARD LEAVES.

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 11

Day 12

Day 13

Day 14

Day 15

Day 16

Day 22

Day 23

Day 24

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 11

Day 12

Day 13

Day 18

Day 19

Day 20

Day 21

Day 22

Day 23

Day 7

Day 17

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 18

Day 19

Day 20

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Day 14

Day 15

Day 16

Day 17

Day 24

Day 25

Day 26

Day 27

Vote at thealchemistweekly.com

NO SHAVE NOVEMBER COMPLETE! WHO IS THE ALCHEMIST’S BEARDED DRAGON OF THE YEAR?

Day 2

LC H E M I S T

OF OFTHE THEWILLAMETTE WILLAMETTEVALLEY VALLEY

BOB? (Actually, we have no idea if that’s his name.) OR CHARLEY?

Day 1

WEEKLY WEEKLY