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Due to the inflammatory nature of The Alchemist Weekly the fire department has requested we apply for a permit.

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • VOLUME 4 NUMBER 179:48 • JUNE 7, 2011

by Cindy Dauer | p. 6

Fire fight DANCING IN THE DARK by Ayla Rogers | p. 14 PLUS

ALCHY PICKS | p. 8

SYMPOSIUM

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

This is an open letter to all 2011 graduates. Graduates: curb your enthusiasm. I do not say this to discourage you, I say this to help prepare you mentally for the world you are about to enter. Most of you have been living in an alternate universe for some time now. Thirteen years if you are graduating High School, probably at least 17 years if you are finishing up your undergrad degree, and maybe near a quarter-century or more for you (over) achieving masters and doctorate students. Who am I? I am a 2010 college graduate. I received a bachelor’s degree in journalism and was one of the lucky ones. I secured a job before graduation and thought I had my life planned out. Two weeks after packing my bags and relocating from Wisconsin to Oregon, I was pulled aside by my supervisor as she informed me that she was quitting. There I was, 2,153 miles from home with a new lease on life AND my apartment, being told that my job would soon be nonexistent. The point is, anything can happen, so be prepared. Don’t get cocky because you landed your “dream” job but don’t be disheartened because you’re going to need to move into your parents’ basement for now. Planning on moving back home? Don’t fret. According to Twentysomething Inc., 85% of recent graduates have moved back in with their parents. You’re not alone. Guess what else: your parents aren’t going to sympathize with you. When they were your age, they had jobs. Not only did they have jobs, but anyone who didn’t have a job was “lazy” and most certainly didn’t have a college degree. Don’t let the naysayers get you down though. Sending out 50 cover letters and resumes a week is a full-time job within itself. I recently asked an employer if I could have an informational interview to discuss why I didn’t get a position. She sent me an email saying, “Honestly, we had so many applicants for the position that there was no way we would be able to interview all of them. Limiting our applicants to a manageable number is basically a crapshoot.” So, even after 18 years of school and obtaining that pretty piece of paper, applying for a job is like playing the lottery. According to the national center for education statistics, a person with only a high school degree makes about 60 percent of their bachelor’s wielding equivalents

Albany ● Corvallis ● Lebanon ● Philomath VOLUME 4 NUMBER 179:48 ● JUNE 7, 2011

VOICE

Opinions and Editorials, be they ours or yours, this is where they be.

5 | Foodie Files 12 | Dirtstir

VERDICT

Editorial Editor: Courtney Clenney Staff Writers: Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup, Stanley Tollett Bump Editor: Noah Stroup Contributors: T. Clarence, Julia Clark, Compere, Cindy Dauer, Dirtstir, Coyote Kate, Ayla Rogers, Michael Thomas, Craig Wiroll

L I T E R AT I

Art Art Tag Team: Ney Ney/So Stro Layout Tag Team Coco/Nono Cover Photo by TAW-image taken Sept. 6, 2010 @ Fireworks

15 | Detective Siempre

Advertising Director of Marketing Stanley Tollett Account Executive Noah Stroup

We’ll be the judge, you be the jury...

5 | Bookworm

This is the home for local fiction, poetry and prose.

WORD

Journalists call them features; we say it’s the word.

6 | FIre Fight 14 | Dancing in the dark

Business Publisher Noah Stroup The Alchemist Weekly is published by: CorvAlcheMedia LLC PO Box 1591 Corvallis, OR 97339 541.224.6873 Alchemist Mission

BUMP

It’s the calendar of all things Albany, Corvallis, Lebanon, and Philomath.

8 | Alchy Picks

FUN BITS

As if your smart phone wasn’t distracting enough.

11 | Crossword and Sudoku 13 | Weekly Horoscope

As a publication, our goal is to facilitate greater understanding and appreciation for the diverse social and cultural groups found in the area. In doing so, we hope to create a greater sense of community between Oregon State University and Corvallis, between Albany and Corvallis, and between Philomath, Lebanon and Corvallis/Albany. The Alchemist recognizes the various interests of these groups and is dedicated to being as fluid as the community it serves. *The Alchemist is available to you for free. Please limit yourself to one copy. If your picture is in it, you are welcome to take enough copies for your family.

PREVIOUS ISSUES: Subject to availability, back issues can be purchased by mail for $5. Send your request with specific issue date to PO Box 1591, Corvallis, OR 97339 and include a check or money order payable to The Alchemist Weekly.

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@thealchemistweekly.com

2 • JUNE 7, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

The thoughts, views, and opinions expressed in Voice are of their authors and do not necessarily represent the thoughts, views, or opinions of CorvAlcheMedia, LLC.

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whereas master’s grads only make about 19 percent more than those with a bachelor’s. For fans of money, a bachelor’s degree seems like a no brainer, but obtaining a master’s degree solely for the economic gain is financially irresponsible when you factor in both the time and cost associated. (This is assuming you do not have a full-ride to a school through scholarships. If that is the case, do not listen to me whatsoever.) There are basically two options you have once you graduate that are considered logical and acceptable to our parents and society. Two options that won’t involve a lecture about how we need to figure our lives out: Get a full-time job or go on to more school. The average debt of a college student is $24,000. Please consider this number when choosing to continue your education. Disregard this number if you have a passion and are pursuing it through education, or if your mom is Oprah. So what are some alternatives? Take a year off and volunteer or work abroad. Train elephants in Thailand or teach English in Japan. Get out and see the world while you still can, many international work programs will pay you for your service. You won’t be making the big bucks, but I’m going to assume it beats sitting in your parent’s basement. Odds are if you are reading this and just graduated, you are in the prime of your life. What is the point of life if you’re not going to allow yourself to live? In the end, my advice is to look inside. Search deep inside of yourself and decide what is best for you. Be realistic, be a critic of yourself, and be honest. Do you really want to be a dentist or is the money the only thing appealing to you? Are you sure you want to go on to get your master’s, or are you only attempting to live up to your family’s expectations? More school isn’t the answer for everyone, and diving into a longterm career at a young age might be something you will look back at and regret. If you can look into the future 40 years and imagine yourself being completely enthralled with the path you chose, then sprint forward, but there’s nothing wrong with looking around for a little while to pick the best trail. -Craig Wiroll think@thealchemistweekly.com

LETTER

FROM THE EDITOR

ALL DOGS (and weeklies) GO TO HEAVEN

Hello Readers! A lot of you may be very confused by last week’s announcement that July 12 will be our last issue and have expressed the need for an explanation. In 2008, a young Noah Stroup, front man for the über popular Stairway Denied Led Zeppelin cover band, felt some dissatisfaction with Corvallis’ arts and entertainment coverage. Being the motivated-go-getter that he is, Stroup took it upon himself to create something that would amplify the local music and arts scene in Corvallis. The eight-page ‘zine thrived entirely from your generous contributions i.e. writer’s weren’t paid. Roughly two years into publication, The Alchemist and its creator were at a crossroads—either grow or die. The ‘little’ Alchemist was in a rut and Stroup was ready for something new. Stanley Tollett is an idealist—if you’ve ever spent 30 seconds with him you already know this. Anyhow, Tollett became involved with The Alchemist in 2009 after he moved to Corvallis from Denton, Texas. Even after moving back to Texas, The Alchemist and what it stood for were still on Tollett’s mind, as was Corvallis. Courtney Clenney, having recently graduated with her journalism degree, was job searching the latter months of 2009. As headlines around Dallas, Texas continued to exemplify a recession, and knowing she would be just beginning in a field where veterans were being laid off in bulk, a slight panic ensued. Fresh off the high of being

in the presence of writer’s that believe in the power of the written word, she was still hopeful. So then, when Tollett approached Clenney with the opportunity to be a part of a weekly in a town that desperately needed one, the two joined forces with Stroup and The Alchemist Weekly was re-born—literally weeks after the Texans pitched their wagons and headed west. So, we have a facilitator/philosopher, an idealist/writer, and a writer/graphic artist. And we have you. We have a lot. For a whole year we have been sustained. However, there is a lot more we need in order to be the publication this town needs and in order to do our duty as a weekly. Because weeklies have always been free, they are not feeling quite the same effects as other print media with the recession. However, advertising revenue still makes them run and without an experienced advertising sales representative, there is little hope for TAW in its current model. Please don’t misunderstand: TAW is doing fine, we have grown the business exponentially since inception, however the quality of life for its only full-time employees is not sustainable anymore. We realize that many of you are just as invested in this publication as we are—which is exactly what we all wanted for this little community paper—it is because of your support that we were able to continue for so long. Because of the tight-knit scene we know arts and culture will continue to thrive, even in our absence. Sincerely, TAW

CORVALLIS VANITIES

BREWERY PROMO! Thursdays 6 - 9 pm June 9th

Southern Oregon Brewery (Medford, OR) 1035 NW Kings Corvallis, Oregon WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 7, 2011 • 3

LETTERS THE END.... Dearest Readers, It has come through careful deliberation and much soul searching that we at The Alchemist Weekly have decided to make July 12th the last issue of The Alchemist. We have survived this long only through the sincere dedication of the Readers and local business owners who supported us for 3 and a half years. We’ve learned a lot about this town and hope that our efforts have shown that there is an alternative voice in this community that needs to be represented. Unfortunately, that voice will no longer be amplified by The Alchemist Weekly. Thank you you for everything you’ve done.

TO THE EDITOR

THE CURSE OF THE CARTOONIST

Just read in your online edition that TAWeekly is ceasing publication. This gives me a grievous pain, not only for my loss of a wonderful outlet for my scribblings, but for Corvallis generally, which sometimes struggles with its, ah, inoffensiveness, let’s say. Here’s a story: In the 1970s I submitted a passel of ‘toons to WET, a very alternative magazine in Venice, Cali. The name my ‘toons went under was “Venice Vanities.” You can Google WET magazine, I imagine. The editor wrote back, said I showed “genius,” and I got a tee shirt out of the deal (I still have the shirt). The mag immediately went out of business, and the ‘toons went unpublished (I still have the faded originals). Insert a pause of 30+ years while I work for the phone company as “technical support.” After my phone company excursion, I ended up in the Ventura, Cali. area, submitted ‘toons to the local alternative weekly, The VOICE, and they printed my stuff for awhile (now it was tagged “Ventura Vanities”), until the Ed/Publisher ( Jeffrey San Marchi) tragically died while distributing the paper. Shortly thereafter we moved to Corvallis, where I decide to send off some ‘toons to Noah. So... you can imagine I’m feeling somewhat responsible for the loss of The Alchemist Weekly. The difSincerely, Courtney, Noah and Stanley

ference is that I’ve met you three, admired your work, and am totally confident that your energy and talent are secure, and you simply cannot lose in the future -- you’re an overwhelming force, if you will. I’m jealous of your future (my fate is apparently to kill newspapers). Thank you for your humor & creativity! -jack

DON’T MAKE ME PUKE

I am very sorry to read that you will no longer publish because I feel that every town needs an “alternative” to the existing paradigm. Is it not financially viable? I was sure hoping for an article about taxing the churches that I requested before. Maybe I could help write such an article? I did take Journalism 101 at OSU approx 25 years ago... :-) Not that I remember anything. Did “scratch-my-itch” have anything to do with this? I don’t recall all the details but it reminded me of something that happened in my own life. I was twenty and met a girl while camping one summer, she was 15. She definitely wanted to scratch my itch, or was it her itch? But I was too shy. Was I worried about being charged with rape? No. But technically I should have been. What a crazy world. Unconditional love? Christianity? BushCheney? Don’t make me puke. -Anonymous friend

IN RESPONSE TO

Awesome!!! Thank you for sharing this story [May 31, The Corvallis Friends of Dorothy] with us. I am a 29 year old recently out(ish) gay man here in Corvallis at OSU. Coming out is a slow process for most us, and I am still working on it. My friends and some acquaintances know, but I’m not really out and proud here. I think one of the reasons for this is that the OSU student community attracts many students from shall we say, conservative parts of Oregon. Places where homosexuality is definitely not accepted. Throw in youthful aggressive hormones, and you have the making of a place of intolerance. My last roommates, from a farming background, were openly hostile in comments about gay guys (of course, two girls making out is hot). Just coming terms with my sexuality myself, I wasn’t in a position yet to talk with them about it, and as far as I know, they still think I’m straight. But it isn’t confined to Corvallis. Just last weekend after the Starlite Parade, I passed a young man, perhaps still a teenager, practically yelling that he hates fags. This just a week after 4,000 people came out to support open displays of affection between same-sex couples. And in the Pearl District no less! Word of advice, if you truly get nauseated seeing two guys making out, avoid the Pearl District, particularly in the evenings. I’m sad to see that The Alchemist is stopping the presses in July. It will be missed. -Anonymous

LETTERS from our Readers are always welcome and we will print as many as we can fit. Please send your letters to editor@thealchemistweekly.com. It is helpful for you to include your name and contact information as well. Letters may be edited for grammar, clarity, or space restrictions.

Thursday, June 9th

LBCC End of Year Party Friday, June 10th

Watershed Fundraiser

Saturday, June 11th

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4 • JUNE 7, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

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Foodie Files by Julia Clark

Porky Pig’s Delectable Relatives

acon is the vogue food group. There are bacon-flavored candles, Jon Stewart mocks an ungodly Bacon-aise, and Portland’s Voodoo Donuts has the epic Maple-Bacon Bar. Our bacon-philia reflects upon humanity’s ties to the pig. They were among the first domesticated animals by early humans, perhaps before Fido’s ancestors in some regions. Pigs have social structure,

problem-solving skills, and are omnivorous critters with no reservations. True fact: you’re more likely to be trampled and eaten by a pig than bitten by a shark (eat them first, I say). There are some hundred-odd breeds of pig and dozens of delicious meats from pork, yet we somehow forgot after 9000 years of domestication there is more to this animal than the marbled meat next to the ribs (bacon). Foodies, seek another way to enjoy pork beyond the breakfast meats. In fact, I’ve got some recommendations for you: pork belly, pancetta and prosciutto. Pork belly is an easy one: it’s basically slab bacon, sans curing and smoking, with similar marbling and coloration. It’s typically in Korean and Chinese soups, sometimes thickly diced up for stir-fry. Local chefs have been serving up belly glazed with maple confits (classic and classy), or have been rolling it up inside a larger cut of pork roast —the belly cut has a very rich, salty flavor which pairs beautifully with sweet flavors like Fuji apple. It makes spectacular baked beans. Fans of bacon will feel comfy around pancetta, aka Italian bacon, which rolled and

Bookworm

Put on your 3D goggles.

seasoned, then aged several months to dry. Super-thin slices instantly upgrades from bacon—it’s a lot meatier than your standard fare. Folks wrap and toast mushrooms with it, or stuff chicken breasts with pancetta. Seriously, if you’ve never tried this stuff, you’re missing out on true gustatory living. Anybody who’s been to fancy Christmas parties likely encountered prosciutto: ham cured in a brine with regional herbs, hung to age for more than nine months, and shaved into air-thin slices. The stuff is really amazing served with crusty breads, salty cheeses, or wrapped around vegetables like grilled asparagus. Prosciutto has a distinct smoky, slightly fatty flavor. Any time you want to eat prosciutto, cut it as thinly as possible, and buy it as close to the time you’ll be serving as possible. These are but a few parts of the whole pig; never fear trying something new. Pancetta and prosciutto can be found at Market of Choice and the First Alternative Co-op, but pork belly needs to be special-ordered a week in advance. There are lots of high-quality pigs from local farms like Lonely Lane Farms and Carlton Farms, and they’re more than willing to tell you how to render your own lard. That, however, is for another day.

...only works with LSD

VERDICT

by MICHAEL THOMAS

The Tartar Steppe (1940), written by: Dino Buzzati

ino Buzzati’s influential third novel focuses on the seclusion and sense of want shared by soldiers who are forced to stand watch on the fringes of empire for an enemy that may or may not exist. Written while he was employed as a journalist stationed with an Italian regiment in Africa, The Tartar Steppe is an evocation of the kind of national pride that sends young men and women to defend their homeland contrasted with the sense of disarticulation (from their friends, families), boredom and despair that many of them will feel waiting for a conflict that will never come. All of their training and instilled sense of purpose is wilted away in an outpost beyond the reaches of greater civilization guarding a front that no longer poses any threat from the nation’s adversaries. Collectively, this kind of defensive mentality still exists today: over half a century since The Tartar Steppe was written, we still have military bases in Germany, Korea, etc. Buzzati’s novel is generally centered on Giovanni Drogo, a young officer who is fresh from the academy and whose posting at the Bastiani Fortress—an ancient and nearly derelict re-

minder of the empires’ ‘glory days’—will be his first and, ultimately, his only assignment. Beyond the old fort are the absent wastes and outcroppings of a great desert; its abandoned routes once brought the bubonic plague to Europe, and its very soil is the substance of fear to Drogo’s regime—a vast, lifeless terrain that recalls images of the fabled hordes that once dwelt there. Time at Bastiani is spent reflecting on the lives that existed for its occupants before they arrived, lives that cannot exist again. Drogo is probably the most reflective of Buzzati’s characters. Buzzati writes, “Everything goes by—men, the seasons, the clouds, and there is no use clinging to the stones, no use fighting it out on some rock in midstream; the tired fingers open, the arms fall back inertly and you are still dragged into the river, the river which seems to flow so slowly yet never stops.” Buzzati’s prose whelms with the kind of sad, simple nostalgia that holds his characters captive. They are so entrenched in their past, that they waste the years on it, yet when one of them—like Drogo—comes home on leave, they find themselves harping on the fort. For all of their time wasted at Bastiani, the soldiers want their service to have worth, and the thought of a conflict occurring without their influence would mean the ultimate waste of

time, service, and of their own mortal purpose. As readers, we share in their adrenaline at some disturbance in the frontier—a lone horse, shapes moving on the horizon—because we too get caught up in the illusion, the hysteria that comes from a break in the crushingly monotonous routine. As we watch their lives gather dust, we too yearn for their purpose, for some great event.

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 7, 2011 • 5

WORD

Photo by Dhani Toney courtesy of Burning Truth

Fire fight by Cindy Dauer

roverbs exist for a reason. We all know what happens when you play with fire. But what happens when you dance with fire, when you use it as a medium for expression rather than as a toy for play? Then it transcends. Then it becomes fire performance art, more commonly known as fire dancing. Corvallis could see a resurgence of fire dancing in the coming months. One show is already planned for Fireworks Restaurant and Bar in July, and more may soon follow at other locations. There is even talk among members of the local fire dancing community about starting monthly and weekly shows in the city. But fire dancing is not something to take lightly. No matter where you go, this type of performance is regulated heavily. Performers are required to apply for permits, carry substantial insurance, and submit to regular inspections. There are standards for clothing, distance to audience, and safety plans. Local performers know it takes more than a flick of the Bic to get approved to perform with fire anywhere. Even so, they say Corvallis has some of the strictest policies regulating fire dancing in the state compared to cities of similar size. “The process here was much more detailed,” said Tamara “Luminara” Cummings, a local fire dancer who has performed professionally around the state and country for the last five years. With her partner “Terry the Troubadour” and their fire dance theatre group, Burning Truth, Luminara has performed shows in Florida, Arizona and Washington. Around Oregon, she’s performed in Corvallis, Bend, Eugene and on the coast. What she and others say distinguishes Corvallis when it comes to regulating fire performance art is the cost of permits and the level of detail required for application materials. It costs $80 to apply for a fire performance permit in Corvallis. The permit al6 • JUNE 7, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

lows a fire dancer to perform an unlimited sociation as the standard. In some ways the number of shows at one venue. An inspecNAFAA’s standards exceed the city’s, and in tion by fire officials is required before each other ways they are more lenient. On the show. other hand, the fire department looks to the If the same performer wants to perform National Fire Protection Association and at a different venue in the city, another $80 the Oregon Fire Codes as the standards permit would be refor their industry. quired. Those permits Between these two Nobody wants people to schools of thought have to be renewed get hurt or property to get every year and the fee there is a slight mismust be paid again. damaged, but fire performers match. Other cities in Corvallis most reand fire officials have slightly Oregon, like Bend cently reviewed its different standards when it codes regulating fire and Portland, do comes to fire dancing. not charge fire perperformance in 2007. formers for permits. Since then, Burning Instead, Portland Truth has been the charges venue owners $150 for an annual only group to apply for and receive a permit. permit. Performers still have to apply for a permit in Portland and submit to inspections, but they are not charged. Corvallis fire officials say the fee schedule adopted here was based on policies used by the cities of Seattle, San Francisco, and Vancouver B.C. Compared to those cities, the fees in Corvallis are considerably lower, according to fire prevention officer Carla Pusateri. Other than permit fees, Luminara said the overall process of getting a permit in Corvallis was amicable. She did have to provide more detailed information about a fire plan, clothing, and other aspects of the performance, but she added that is “not necessarily a bad thing.” Both performers and fire officials agree that safety has to come first when fire dancing. “Our biggest concern is always the safety of the participants and the audiences,” Pusateri said. “The requirements for the permit are designed toward that end.” Nobody wants people to get hurt or property to get damaged, but fire performers and fire officials have slightly different standards when it comes to fire dancing. Performers often cite the guidelines created by the North American Fire Arts As-

That permit allows Burning Truth to perform at Fireworks Restaurant and Bar. The fire dance theatre group has performed several shows at that venue since first getting their permit three years ago. In fact, it is their show that is planned for Friday, July 1 at 8 pm at Fireworks Restaurant and Bar on Southeast Third St. in Southtown Corvallis. Luminara is also hoping to organize monthly fire performance events there. She is still in the early stages of planning those happenings. While Burning Truth has been able to perform at Fireworks in Corvallis for the last three years, there may be a second group on the scene soon. A group of about 12 local fire perforPhoto by Steve Lenz courtesy of Burning Truth

WORD

fire dancing isn’t about being bogged down in complexity. It’s about the exact opposite: free motion.

Furthermore, for a performance on city property, the group would need to have a $500,000 insurance policy that covers both the performers and the city. Nearly all public fire performances require some type of insurance, but locals say it has been particularly difficult to find an affordable policy that would cover both the liability of both the performers and the city. Instead, local performers look to the city of Bend, where fire dancing has been permitted on city property under different circumstances. There, when fire dancers perform on public property, they are required to have $1 million in property damage insurance and $1 million for personal liability coverage. With that, the city of Bend does not have to be named on the policy, according to Steve Esselstyn, community liaison officer with the Bend Police Department. In Bend, fire dancers have been able to bring their art to local events and festivals on public property. Michael Reusse has performed there numerous times over the last seven years with the troupe FyreFlyte. The group performed at Bend’s WinterFest, The Bite of Bend, Balloons over Bend,

and more. Reusse said he worked with the festival directors to cover the group’s insurance requirement. Corvallis fire officials said they are not opposed to controlled fire performances becoming regular events on city property, but the insurance stumbling block still exists. The city’s legal council has denied proposals to include the performers on the city’s liability policy. Since free shows on public property would come at a high price, the group is considering other options. They are looking for a piece of private property where they could do free shows open to the public. There they would still need insurance, but would not necessarily need to carry the city on their policy. But fire dancing isn’t about being bogged down in complexity. It’s about the exact opposite: free motion. Fire dancing is considered a flow art, it combines elements of martial arts, juggling, gymnastics, and circus acts. Fire performers use a wide range of equipment including burning batons, flaming fans, and sparkling staffs. Some also breathe fire. One of the most popular forms

of fire dancing includes spinning poi. Poi is a fiery ball and cord that is whipped around the body. The use of poi allegedly originated with the Maori peoples of New Zealand. There are all types of fire dancing represented in Corvallis and Oregon. In addition to the aforementioned groups, there is also fire dancing group associated with Oregon State University. This group—the Flow Club at OSU—has regular spins and gatherings, according to their Facebook page.* There is also an international fire performance art event planned for Tillamook in the fall. Pacific Fire is a flow arts gathering that will take place in September and will focus on fire dancing, community building, and sharing knowledge. Check out the webpage for more information: www.pacificfiregathering.com. For now, the local and regional fire dancing scene is poised to burn brightly, as long as local performers are able to meet city requirements. To see what this fire dancing is all about, check out the Burning Truth show at Fireworks Restaurant and Bar on July 1. *(See page 14 for a profile of these fire dancers.)

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 7, 2011 • 7

Photo by Dhani Toney courtesy of Burning Truth

Photo by Steve Lenz courtesy of Burning Truth

mance artists want to host free weekly shows near the skatepark, waterfront or the fields near 11th Street and Monroe. They have been working with city officials for the last few months to get this going. However, they too face high permit fees and stricter codes than they have experienced elsewhere in Oregon. As a result, the organizers are struggling to meet some of the permit requirements in Corvallis. First off, to perform in a city park, the group needs a special use permit. The fee for this permit starts at $50, but it is a sliding scale based on the type of event. They have been told that for a fire dancing event, the fee could be substantially higher as it would require more review and supervision. Two additional permits could also be required. Performers would need a sound permit ($5) if they plan to have music, and a concessions permit ($120) if they want to pass a hat around and collect donations, say to cover the cost of permit fees. Even if they were able to secure these three permits (which have to be reviewed by several people in different city departments), they would still need an $80 permit from the fire department.

ALCHY PICKS

[week of June 7th

Bringing fine folklife to Corvallis for over 30 years, the Corvallis Folklore Society has arranged for an amazing group of acoustic singer-songwriter peoples of international fame to perform this Friday at the First Presbyterian Church at 7:30pm. According to both the New York Times and Rolling Stone, Sarah Jarosz is a fantastic performer, with the latter claiming that she “could be Gillian Welch’s long-lost daughter”. I doubt they would pull out the Gillian Welch guns for someone lackluster, but Sarah’s accomplishments speak for themselves: performances on BBC’s Transatlantic Sessions, Austin City Limits, Prairie Home Companion, and a Grammy nomination for her mandolin instrumental “Mansinneedof ” on her debut album. Performing with Sarah will be Corvallis’ own string wunderkind Alex Hargreaves, whose list of musical accomplishments at his current age of 18 boasts no less than the 2009 Grand Masters Fiddle Championship and performances at the Grand Ole Opry, Austin City Limits, Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival, Merlefest, Rockygrass, Wintergrass among many others. If you visit his website you can hear his amazing

greaves, 14, who in 2008 was the youngest musician ever to win the Championship Division of the Oregon Oldtime Fiddlers Contest and a 2009 recipient of American String Teachers’ Association Alternative Styles Award. Tickets are on sale at Grassroots Bookstore: $17.00 Adults, $15.00 CFS Members, $15.00 Seniors (60 and older), $10.00 Students (15 and under). Ticket prices go up by one dollar at the door. ~Jimbo Ivy

Saturday and Sunday | June 11th and 12th | ALL DAY Linn County Expo Center WHAT I THINK HE SAID

Sarah Jarosz

First Presbyterian Church

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Wormhole

Pull the whammy bar out of your back pocket and plug in to get blown away this Sunday, June 12th at Cloud 9, 6pm. This is one show that you won’t have to miss out on if you haven’t turned the golden 21 yet! For your all ages viewing pleasure, this shindig is hosting you and your sixteen year old cousin, his friend with the Leatherface shirt he always wears, the cute seventeen year old girl he’s crushing on, her

hardcore goth rock friend and the eighteen year old twins who are only known as “Mohawk” and “Nohawk”. This show has something for everyone, not discriminating age or rock taste! For the mellow rocker, there will be Wormhole, a three man operation of psychedelic proportions that will expand your mind with bass lines reminiscent of Fugazi and vocals like Sonic Youth. If your chosen ear rocking tends towards harder things, you will not be disappointed by Hallucinogenic Toreador. A spin off of the infamous Dandelion Club, they bring a hard rock spice and a wailing lead guitar that would have Salvador Dali and Ritchie Blackmore tapping their feet and bobbing their heads. Of course if you miss the hardcore punk days of the Ramones, the Sex Pistols or more recently, Hot Water Music and Alkaline Trio, let Abolitionist quench your anti-establishment thirst with vocals that will make you laugh and yell, beats that will raise your rock fist for you and a sound that gets a fist bump from the grave of Joey Ramone, himself. But don’t forget about the WUPS! So let down your headbanging hair, grab your underage buddies and bring an extra pair of socks so you can afford to have them rocked off ! ~Sarah Sullivan photo by Josh Zirschky

Friday | June 10th | 7:30 pm

[ROCK]

The Oregon League of Rabbit Eaters will be performing June 11th and 12th at the Linn County Expo Center. Amateur contestants are encouraged to bring their own bibs. In order to enter your rabbit into the buffet, you will need to pay a 10 cent fee. Entrees include a wide range of rabbits and cavies: American Fuzzy Lops, Dwarf Hotots, Giant Chinchillas, Regis Philbinrabbit, and even a Jersey Wooly will be available for consumption. The Rapid Breathers perform shows all over the state of Oregon and have been around for at least a few years probably. “The hardest part about the competition is understanding the difference between consciousness and unconsciousness.” said Bill Finsky, Rapid Breathing Champion 2010.“If you stop breathing, you lose. Just don’t stop.” If you want more information about the Rabid Beaters, contact bs@thealchemistweekly.com Editor’s Note: Also taking place at the same place and at the same time the Oregon League of Rabbit Breeders, established in 1977, will be holding a rabbit holding show. ~Charles Worthington

Sunday | June 12th | 6:00 pm Cloud 9 YOU KNOW, FOR THE KIDS

[FOLK]

photo by you?

music and see many incredibly talented and prestigious people say lovely things about him, not the least of which is Matt Glaser, artistic director of Berklee College of Music, American Roots Program saying, “Truly, Alex Hargreaves is the best young jazz violinist in America.” And he would know. Oh, and his debut album last year had lots of incredible people on it, including Bela Fleck. Rounding out the trio will be Nathanial Smith, another brilliant young musician seemingly made of musical talent. His credentials are similar to Alex’s, only he plies his trade with a cello: two-time winner of the alternative instrument category at the Southern Regional Fiddler’s Contest, won first place in the American String Teacher Association Alternative Music Competition in 2005, performed with Bela Fleck and Abigail Washburn, studied with renowned cellist Andres Diaz, was the principal cellist in the Mississippi All-State Orchestra for 2006 and currently tours with both Natalie McMaster and Mark O’Connor. All in all it should be an incredible evening of extremely talented people playing what I can only guess will be some of the best acoustic music you will ever hear, ever. Opening for the trio will be Tatiana Har-

Friday | June 10th | 7:30 pm First Presbyterian Church FOLK GODDESS COMETH

[ROCK]

Abolitionist

Monday | June 13th | 6:00 pm Old World Deli THE NEW BREED

Scientists sometimes do silly things. Remember the Manhattan project? We’ve all been laughing at that one since 1945. When the men and women in white lab coats are left to their own devices, they’re apt to bring to reality wonderfully brilliant and supremely innovative ideas, or just as likely destroy all life on the planet by accident. Thus is the chance we take when choosing to ride the leading edge of the wave of scientific discovery.

So it should come as no surprise that Oregon State University’s Department of Horticulture has come up with a way to make carrots white and tomatoes purple. Completely throwing into disarray our once tidy universe and dumbfounding night stockers at grocery stores across the country. On Monday, June 13th at 6:00 pm, Professor Jim Myers of OSU will present the first and final “Science Pub” of the summer entitled “White Carrots, Purple Tomatoes, Green Beans: The Art of Vegetable Breeding”. The event will take place at Old World Deli on 2nd Street in Corvallis. Myers will attempt to explain himself and his colleagues actions to a crowd of skeptical townspeople fueled with the local drink. According to an Oregon State website describing the event, he will attempt to further confuse the audience by convoluting the already esoteric language of plant gene manipulation with the introduction

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Tuesday | June 7th | 7:00 pm Westminster House WEED LIKE TO TAX YOU

The Oregon Cannabis Tax Act (OCTA) seeks to once again make some sense of the laws affecting cannabis in Oregon. When approved by voters, OCTA will control cannabis in a manner similar to alcohol—it will be regulated and taxed by the state, thereby generating revenue and eliminating the millions of dollars wasted on enforcing senseless restrictions. Cannabis’ potential is boundless. Its legal status notwithstanding, it is already the fourth largest cash crop in Oregon— surpassed only by hazelnuts, hay and wheat. Regulating and taxing cannabis will generate hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue and send badly needed tax dollars to Salem to pay for health care and education. The local chapter of the Pacific Green Party is sponsoring a talk by the chief petitioner of OCTA, Paul Stanford, on Tuesday, June 7, at 7 pm, at the Westminster House, 101 NW 23rd Street, in Corvallis. ~Contributed

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Thurs. June 9th. 6 pm Tom Chase Acoustic

Sat. June 11th. 6pm Rusty Hinges Stringband

of 16th century European art. If you can understand his presentation completely after three beers, you may be eligible for an honorary PhD. So flock to the cobblestoned floors of New World Deli on Monday and keep an eye on these white coated pioneers, because lord knows you won’t be able to understand them. Don’t even try. Just ask enough questions so you’re content enough that they are still on our side. Because if they aren’t, we’re in for it. Imagine waking up one morning to white broccoli. Think of what a future like that would hold for the world’s cauliflower farmers. But whatever you do, tread lightly my friends. These scientists are not to be taken lightly. For within their minds, everything from supercomputers the size of a blood cell to onions that don’t make you cry when you cut them exist. People like that are to be respected and listened to. They may hold our future, or possibly the lack thereof, in their Ager dishes. ~Stanley Tollett

“Where the back alley meets the high road.” www.adpizza.com

214 SW 2nd Street Behind the Downtown American Dream Pizza 753-7373

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 7, 2011 • 9

tuesday07 Corvallis

SUNNYSIDE UP CAFÉ Celtic Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [LISTEN/PLAY]

Corvallis

livemusic sing&dance

ELKS LODGE Beginner Line Dance 7:00 pm, $3 [DANCE] IMPULSE BAR Cuban Salsa 7:30 pm FREE [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke with Sqwig-e-okie, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]

Lebanon

stuff

Corvallis

WOODY'S BAR & GRILL “Terry-oke” Karaoke with Terry Geil, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]

stuff

Corvallis

APPLEBEE'S National Trivia Association Night, 9:00 pm, FREE [TRIVIA] BENTON COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARY European Travel Experience, 6:00 pm [TRAVEL] ENOTECA WINE BAR Girls night out! Knit night, 7:00 pm [SHE'S CRAFTY] GRASS ROOTS BOOKS Reading Group: Laurence Cosse’s “A Novel Bookstore,” 6:30 pm [BOOKS] OSU GOSS STADUM Corvallis Knights vs Klamath Falls Gems, 6:40 pm, $5, Reserved at $7 [BASEBALL!] WESTMINSTER HOUSE Oregon Cannabis Tax Act, 7:00 pm, FREE [LECTURE] WINESTYLES Spring Trivia League Finals, 6:00 pm, $10 [TRIVIA]

CHS BLACK BOX Willamette STAGE Company: Road to Mecca, $19 [STAGE] ENOTECA WINE BAR Chocolate Truffle Thursdays, 6:00 pm, FREE [YUMMERS] FIRST ALT COOP NORTH BeerTasting, 5:00 pm [BEER ME] LIVE WELL STUDIO Free Teen Yoga by Reach Out Yoga, 4:00 pm, FREE [YOGA] OSU GOSS STADUM Corvallis Knights vs Klamath Falls Gems, 6:40 pm, $5, Reserved at $7 [BASEBALL!] WINESTYLES Dry Rose’sTasting, 5:30 pm, $5 [WINE ME]

Lebanon

DOWNTOWN LEBANON Farmer’s Market, 3:00 pm – 7:00 pm [MARKET]

Philomath

Philomath High School Groundbreaking Celebration, 4:00 pm, FREE [COOL FOR SCHOOL]

livemusic

FARMER’S MARKET Figs & Thistles, 9:30 am, FREE [FOLK]

Tangent

DIXIE CREEK SALOON Blues Jam with Wild Bill, 7:00 pm [BLUES]

Lebanon Albany

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]; On the Top: DJ Mike, 9:00 pm [DANCE]

CALAPOOIA BREWING LBCC End of the School Year Party, 7:30 pm [WOOT!]

Halsey

DOWNTOWN DOG Bluegrass Jam, 6:00 pm [BLUEGRASS]

Corvallis

Albany

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Corvallis

EAGLES LODGE Line dance, 7:00 pm, $4 [DANCE]

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Lebanon

wednesday08

sing&dance

Albany

sing&dance

EAGLES LODGE Albany Senior Dance, 1:30 - 3:30 pm, $3 [DANCE]

Corvallis

APPLEBEE’S DJ Stoltz Dance Party, 9:00 pm, FREE [DANCE] PETER GYSEGEM’S STUDIO Argentine tango classes, 7:15 pm, $5 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]; On the Top: Western Wed 9:00 pm, [DANCE]

friday10

livemusic

Albany

CALAPOOIA BREWING Calapooia/Santiam Watershed Fundraiser w/ Wild Hog in the Woods, 5:00 pm [BENEFIT]

Corvallis

BEANERY ON 2ND Gumbo, 8:00 pm, FREE [OLD SCHOOL] BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ Fjords, 10:00 pm, FREE [ROCK] FIREWORKS Tom & Ellen Demarest, 8:00 pm [ACOUSTIC FOLK] FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH Sarah Jarosz with Alex Hargreaves and Nathaniel Smith, Tatiana Hargreaves, 7:30 pm, $18 - $11 [BLUEGRASS] YOGA CENTER Shantala, 7:30 pm, $15 [WORLD]

Lebanon

DOWNTOWN DOG D.C. Blues, 6:00 pm [BLUES] MERLIN’S BAR AND GRILL No Way Out, 9:00 pm [ROCK]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

stuff

Albany ALBANY PUBLIC LIBRARY Author of “Twenty Days on Route 20,” Michael Czarnecki, 6:30 pm [BOOKS]

Corvallis

ARTS CENTER Brown Bag Art Talk: Oregon Weaving, 12:00 pm [ART] BENTON COUNTY LIBRARY Random Review: Roy and Sandy Rider review “Surviving Paradise,” 12:00 pm [BOOKS] ENOTECA WINE Zerba Cellars Winery Tasting, 7:00 pm, $10 [WINE-ER] FIRST STREET DOWNTOWN Corvallis Farmer’s Market, 9:00 am – 1:00 pm, FREE [MARKET] OSU GOSS STADUM Corvallis Knights vs Klamath Falls Gems, 6:40 pm, $5, Reserved at $7 [BASEBALL!]

thursday09 Corvallis

DOWNTOWN DOG Country Jam, 6:00 pm, FREE [COUNTRY] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL EAST Blues Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [BLUES]

Shantala

livemusic

BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ Curtis Monette & acoustiphilia, 8:00 pm, FREE [ACOUSTIC] CLOUD 9 4gone Concussion, Neon, Hallucinogenic Toreador, 10:00 pm [ROCK] CROWBAR ROOFTOP Tom Chase, 6:00 pm, FREE [FOLK] FIREWORKS Performers Spotlight Series with Judy Parker and Amish Rage hosted by Gabriel Surley, 8:00 pm [SHOWCASE]

Lebanon

[WORLD] Friday | June 10th | 7:30 pm The Yoga Center

Albany

sing&dance

RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Production presents Ladies Night with Dj Tray, FREE [DANCE]

Corvallis

CLOUD 9 Riot in the Clouds, 10:00 pm [DANCE] CORVALLIS SENIOR CENTER Friday Night Dance by The Syncopators, 7:00 pm, $4 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]; On the Top: DJ Heartburn, 9:00 pm [DANCE]

Albany

stuff

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER Oliver! 8:00 pm, $13 [MUSICAL]

Corvallis

CHS BLACK BOX Willamette STAGE Company: Road to Mecca, $19 [STAGE] FIRST ALT COOP SOUTH Wine tasting, 5:00 pm [WINE ME] MAJESTIC THEATRE Spring Celebration of Dance, 7:30 pm, $10 [DANCE] WINESTYLES Friday Flights, 5:00 pm [WINE]

Philomath

BENTON COUNTY HISTORICAL MUSEUM Shots for the Past: Early Benton County Photographers, through July 30th 10:00 am – 4:00 pm [PHOTOS]

10 • JUNE 7, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

Albany

livemusic

CALAPOOIA BREWING Elly, 8:00 pm [FOLK] FARMER’S MARKET Joe Martines, 9:30 am, FREE [FOLK]

Corvallis

BEANERY ON 2nd Gabriel Surley, 8:00 pm [ETHEREAL ] BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ DG4, 10:00 pm, FREE [VARIETY] CLOUD 9 Old Age, The Ignorant Sluts, and Rumbledethump, 10:30 [ROCK] CROWBAR ROOFTOP Rusty Hinges, 6:00 pm, FREE [STRINGBAND] FARMER’S MARKET Lucky Pups, 9:30 am, FREE [JAZZ] FIREWORKS Ariana Saraha, 8:00 pm [WORLD FUSION]

Lebanon

MERLIN’S BAR AND GRILL No Way Out, 9:00 pm [ROCK]

Albany

sing&dance

RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Production presents DJ Tray, FREE [DANCE]

Corvallis

CORVALLIS DANCE CENTER CENTER Beginning Ballroom Lessons, 3:00 pm, Intermediate West Coast Swing Lessons, 4:00 pm, Beginning West Coast Swing, 6:00 pm [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL On the Top: DJ Heartburn, 9:00 pm [DANCE]

Lebanon

DUFFY'S IRISH PUB Karaoke, 10:00 pm, FREE [SING] MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

stuff

Albany

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER Oliver! 8:00 pm, $13 [MUSICAL] LINN COUNTY EXPO Oregon League of Rabbit Eaters [BUGS BUNNY]

Corvallis

DOWNTOWN FIRST ST Corvallis Farmer’s Market, 9:00 am to 1:00 pm, FREE [MARKET] Corvallis Artisan’s Market, 9:00 am – 2:00 pm [CRAFTS] ENOTECA WINE BAR Saketini Saturdays, 3:00 pm [SAKE-TO-ME] FIRST ALT CO-OP MEETING ROOM Creativity, Songcraft & Marketing Seminar, 10:00 am, $65 - $75 [SONGWRITING] GARLAND NURSERY Little Sprouts: Carnivorous Plants, 11:00 am, FREE [PLANTS] MAJESTIC THEATRE Spring Celebration of Dance, 7:30 pm, $10 [DANCE]

Lebanon

WILLAMETTE SPEEDWAY Sportsman Spectacular: Late Model, Modified, Sportsman, Classic, 6:00 pm, $14 [RACE]

Gabriel Surley The Beanery on 2nd

Albany

Down 1. Jobs offering 2. “Oh, god, that feels good”

livemusic

CALAPOOIA BREWING Blues Jam, 4:00 pm, FREE [BLUES]

Send to calendar @ thealchemistweekly.com. For photo consideration please attach high resolution images with proper photo credit.

7 3

9 1

Albany

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER Oliver! 8:00 pm, $13 [MUSICAL] LINN COUNTY EXPO Oregon League of Rabbit Eaters [BUGS BUNNY]

Corvallis

ENOTECA Saketini Sundays, 3:00 pm [SAKE-TO-ME] MAJESTIC THEATRE Spring Celebration of Dance, 2:30 pm, $10 [DANCE] MIDWAY FARMS Open House, 12:00 pm – 3:00 pm [FARM]

Philomath

PHILOMATH HS Philomath Sunday Market, 1:00 – 5:00 pm, FREE [MARKET]

stuff

6 sudoku-puzzles.net

GET R ADS YOUHERE! IN

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke with Sqwig-e-okie, 9:00 pm [SING] MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

6 8

sing&dance

Lebanon

7 2

Tangent

Corvallis

CLOUD 9 Wormhole, Hallucinogenic Toreador, Abolitionist and WUPS, 6:00 pm, ALL AGES [ROCK] FIREWORKS The Infallible Collective, 8:00 pm [JAZZ] DIXIE CREEK SALOON Acoustic Jam, 7:00 pm, Bluegrass Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [iPlay]

Difficulty: Hard

Corvallis

34. Gathering of the Juggalos band, for short 37. Pen tip 39. Clothing lines? 40. Take advantage of 41. Draw with lasers, say 42. Poker legend Ungar and namesakes 44. Place to put rarely used junk 46. Jailed pyramid architect? 47. Whoopi’s “Ghost” role 49. Following obediently 50. Be blue 53. Worked in the aisles, for short 55. Equally awful 58. Shirt brand worn by me in many pictures from childhood (1980s) 59. Chatty bird 61. Word after dumb or smart 63. Losing line in a kid’s game 64. Anthem contraction 65. Airline for many a vacationing stoner

3. “Heroin” singer Reed 4. DuPont material 5. They may be set in Vegas 6. Lymphatic system thing 7. Alpine houses 8. Like a sunny room 9. Abbr. on a letter to Iraq, since 2003 10. Where one might begin riding the rails 11. Snazzy outfit for the singer of “Regulate”? 12. Mimosa family tree 13. Adjust, as a photograph 18. R&B singer Hilson 21. Wok vegetable 23. Sporty Spice 24. Revolutionary period? 25. Dinner and a movie with the lyricist for “Mama Said Knock You Out”? 27. Practice in the ring 30. People often file out during them 31. No. after a tel. no.

To submit a calendar listing, notice of events must be received in writing by noon on Tuesday, one week before publication.

[ACOUSTIC] Saturday | June 11th | 8:00 pm

sunday12

Across 1. Part of Minnesota’s MOA 5. How most albums are released 9. Expensive political campaign battle 14. Word to a fellow mariner 15. City with a Museum of Islamic Arts 16. “Later” 17. Long Island holiday honoring a famous local MC? 19. She signed off with the words “until we meet again” 20. Scalps, perhaps 22. Seaworld attraction 23. DuPont material 26. Brilliant person, as it were 28. Scuba diving hazard 29. Cardigan worn in the video for “Cop Killer”? 32. Pester constantly 33. Peterson in 2002-03 news 35. They’re filled at the pharmacy, for short 36. Private member? 38. Stitch with hooks 40. Starts a revolution 43. Piece in the back of the front section, often 44. Dir. that some trails run 45. Moon object? 46. Chem. unit 48. Entourage of a British/Tamil rapper? 51. Ward for the seriously injured, for short 52. No longer feel strange about 54. They’re taken on the stand 56. A&W alternative 57. Pipsqueaks 60. Buffett’s birthplace 62. Biography of a member of NWA? 66. Destinies 67. A Ghostbuster 68. Twisting Winter Olympics leap 69. Satellite broadcasts 70. ___ double life (spied, say) 71. Stale beer- and weed-scented place, often

Inkwell Crosswords by Ben Tausig

saturday11

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Corvallis

FIREWORKS Southtown Talent Search: The Acoustic Showdown, 9:00 pm [LISTEN/PLAY] INTERSECTOR WORKSPACE 37 Cents Artists and Musicians Community Group Meeting, 7:00 pm [COLLECTIVE] OLD WORLD DELI Science Pub Corvallis: Trouble with Tunicates, the Art of Vegetable Breeding, 6:00 pm [WEIRD] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke with Sqwig-e-okie, 9:00 pm [SING] RENAISSANCE BUILDING City Club: Growth in Corvallis – How, When, Where? 11:30 am – 1:00 pm [CORVALLIS]

Lebanon

STARLITE SPORTS BAR Willamette Poker Tour, 7:00 pm [POKER] MERLIN'S BAR AND GRILL Karaoke, FREE [SING]

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 7, 2011 • 11

DIRTSTIR Hello. It’s me. I’m back. The Central Scruuuuuutinizer (Zappa, Joe’s Garage). I dunno, where’d you think I went? Disclaimer...It has been suggested my opinions and stances on issues should be more formed and thought out, and that I should make concise points as to why I take the stances I do. It was suggested people sometimes can’t follow the steps I take conceptually, and I need to use more explanation at times. Done. Now hear this...Dirtstir is intended to stir dirt. Language may be coarse at times, but I ask the Reader’s focus be on the idea or concept being presented. Don’t get offended by the language, be offended by what is happening in society. Don’t kill the messenger, and by all means, use the email address provided: dirtstirreply@gmail.com if you have any questions or comments.

VOICE tificate/birth record, social security card, or some other primary identification document. It should remain that current DMV policy for obtaining a driver’s license require residency documentation. Thanks for your representation.” Saturday, April 30, about a month after Oregon’s senate passed the measure (it has yet to pass the house—to the representative’s credit) the Oregon house representative returned my email (my Oregon senatorial rep has not contacted me): “Dear Mr. [ JTc], Thanks for your letter. It looks like we’ll have to agree to disagree on this issue. I can’t find it within myself to punish a child for the actions of their parents. A high school graduate who came to this country as a young child had no voice or choice in the move. Such a student grew up in our country, adopting our language and customs. Their native country is generally foreign to them. Hard working high school graduates deserve their best chance at the future, and SB 742 will help make this happen. To me, it seems like the just and fair thing to do for young people who have never broken any laws but instead have devoted themselves to study. Thanks for writing.”

As I’ve Stated Many Times Before...

In the history of dirtstir, I’ve railed countless times on recurring themes of powerlessness, a lack of confidence in authorities in various fields, and my perceived lack of representation in the political arena, nay, even the harm my elected so-called representatives commit upon myself, the City and State. As one who actually contacts these people occasionally, and asks them to behave in certain ways, I do feel personally at risk when their actions are contrary to my desires and beliefs because I perceive their actions put unneeded stresses on me. In Dirtstir a couple months ago, I voiced my opposition to legislation that would make it easier, and even motivate illegal aliens to come to, and stay, in Oregon. SB 845 allows driver’s licenses for undocumented persons in Oregon, and SB 742 guarantees in-state tuition to illegal immigrants who attend three consecutive years of school in Oregon, who enroll in an institute of higher learning within three years of earning a diploma or equivalent in Oregon, who intend to become a citizen or lawful permanent resident “as determined by the board by rule,” for up to five years after initial enrollment. So, with a sense of futility, knowing my state senate and house representatives have views conflicting with my own, on March 5, 2011, I wrote the persons elected to represent me in our state senate and legislature: “I oppose in-state tuition for undocumented Oregon high school graduates (hb732) (sic). At OSU, international students with documented residency pay tuition 3 1/2 times that of an in-state student, but I’m not suggesting decreasing international students tuition. I can sympathize with persons wishing to better themselves, but doing so by letter of the law is important. Is it acceptable for one to commit a crime, then by the proceeds of that crime to improve oneself and expect those gains to be legitimately come by? I also oppose providing driver’s licenses for undocumented drivers (sb 845). Again, following the established process has purpose. Anyone in the United States legally has at some point in the process of being here has provided passport, birth cer-

I am thankful to the representative for answering my email. Many times, I simply receive a form email telling me ‘thanks for contacting’ whatever office, department, or administration. It’s nice to get a personal return email. It’s the logic that reinforces my lack of confidence. Let’s look at the content of the email I received. Directly, the representative is putting illegal persons ahead of their own constituents. How about I steal your car and give it to my kid so he can get to work or school? Will you punish the child for the actions of their parent? Note: quite often children are punished for the actions of parents. Becoming a foster child, or a ward of the state because of the actions or shortcomings of a parent, is often perceived as punishment by the child. You think at least once a kid might say, ‘I just want to be with my mom/ dad,’ regardless of the adult’s transgression? Not all illegal potential graduates came to this country as young children (and how ‘young’ is young?), and often these children could have been left with relatives in their home country. The adoption of language and culture is often minimal, and done as a survival tactic or because it is foisted upon them through the education system, a system that often provides much of their learning in their native language and makes modifications because of their unfamiliarity with English. To be “fair” they need to conform to established rules. To be “just,” these people need to conform to what is upright and legally correct. Hard working and slacker illegal students alike realize at some time they are breaking the law by the simple fact they are here without documentation. I tell you what. To be eligible for in-state tuition, they need to first become citizens of the

12 • JUNE 7, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

United States, AND sign up for Selective Service, like every other (male) 18 year old is obliged to do.

In The City

My City Council representative just voted to extend the smoking ban area at the Benton County Library to 50 feet, because kids were blocking the sidewalk. What? Can’t they also block the sidewalk and not be smoking? How do all these people walk around without spines? Tell the kid to move. If the kid doesn’t, or gets lippy, control the tempting backhanding twitch of Tourette’s and call the police. There are several potential violations that could be applied. Disorderly conduct in the second degree can be applied for (among other things) engaging in threatening behavior, obstructing

pedestrian traffic, or smoking if under 18 (ORS 166.025). Harassment occurs when someone subjects another to offensive physical contact (which may be construed as breathing secondhand smoke), or insulting another with abusive words or gestures that may be intended or likely to provoke a violent response(ORS 166.065). As a result, these kids now block the sidewalk across the street from the Library. And some dumb *** (self censoring) might view the extended smoking ban area as a precedent and decide it’s a good idea to apply the expanded area to Corvallis as a whole—or maybe just downtown, cause that’s where all the nasty little drinking establishments are. Ugh. -JTc dirtstirreply@gmail.com

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WEEKLY A

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Note-

7, e n u J ●

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Intensity in the June love lane requires forgiveness, Gemini. Ponder uncanny words of Joyce Carol Oates: “Love commingled with hate is more powerful than love. Or hate.” As clouds downpour balloons of water upon us, let the rush of fluidity remove any passive/ aggressive and obsolete thoughts and feelings you’ve harbored as ammunition in the lover’s ambit. Let the cloud streams cleanse self-doubt and low self-esteem as you think logically about the magnanimous actions of others, rather than projecting your emotions and archaic loving ways. In the Bhagavad Gita it says: “If you want to see the brave, look at those who can forgive.” Cancer ( June 21-July 22): When Jupiter moved into Taurus on June 4th, did you pay attention? Your ability to tap into your creative world expands, leading you to the sacred path that you’ve always longed for. Not only do you have the ideas, the tangible is within reach as well, and everything is in alignment for this to happen in your life, but you have to reach out to allies and kindred spirits. Notice synchronicity and act upon it. Leo ( July 23-Aug. 22): A lion’s realm attracts others, whether it’s real lions, who by default feed other predators, scavengers, etc. or influential leaders. Leo, with enchanting and protective allure, you attract others who can help you now. You are the one with the plan--one that you have toiled over all winter long. They are ready to be led, to help now. Your main resource is what you carry in your head. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Gemini William Butler Yeats had some great advice for Virgos, applicable for this week. “Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people.” Due to your discerning abilities, you will be able to think like a master and share those thoughts easily with others. Let your words bring your closer to them, guiding like a falcon. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Saturn going

direct on Saturday will give you the energy to continue your mantra that collects people for catalyzing positive endeavors.. Chanting, “Whoever you are in the evening, step out of your room, where you know everything; yours is the last house before the faroff: whoever you are,” will allow you to take the ‘whoever’ out of the last line to read, “You are.” (Rainer Maria Rilke)

worthy news: I figured out why the illusive Sun shines greatly, leading us on like a coy lover, and then disappears under immense clouds. I grasped insight from Issa, in his haiku: “The toad! It looks like it could belch a cloud.” Obviously, a toad migration is taking place on the Coastal Range and those rain makers belch blatantly, jogging our joint recall. Nature equals changeability-spanning from a hot, blinding Sun, add one breath of wind and gobbets of water to transform to black torrents--like our range of emotions. We know Sun is coming; clouds will shed their masses and flow to another place in the world. Bow your head to the gaseous toads, Scorpio, and the lore of wit and humor.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Being the super sexual type Sag, you find yourself in a quandary. “In love there are two things--bodies and words” (as told by Joyce Carol Oates.) Perhaps your sexed-up brain could focus on the ‘words’ part of that idea because your vulnerability is showing like a slip below the dress hemline, like a tadpole with growing, uneven legs, like a stagnant pond filling up with earth. And if, “You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you,” (Bob Marley) thank Venus going direct into Gemini, for the doubled satisfaction. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Chiron goes direct on Wednesday and its influence affects us all. Its influence upon you Cappi, will bring changes that have been manifesting for a long time under the surface. Think of the frog who before it morphs, is a long, flailing water swimmer. In 24 hours or so, its appendages emerge, allowing leapery, grippery, and a second environment. It becomes adapted to its expanded world quite well. Getting used to new legs of freedom as well as a new way to breath--a new way of living, suits you. Advantageous, that beneath-thesurface-blooming. Aquarius ( Jan. 20-Feb.18): Have you forgotten ‘sweet’ in a mental lapse of time? Now you don’t have to visual vitality—it’s all around us, not dripping, but sweetly pure, a white light glimmering through the lush and wet, just beyond the green. Sweet grass, sweet floral scents, the sweet sense of new. Embrace it Aquarius. Bring it into your soul. And remember sweet flows in dreams. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Time to revel Pisces. “The Church says: The body is sin. Science says: The body is a machine. Advertising says: The body is a business. The body says: I am a fiesta.” (Eduardo Galeano, ‘Walking Words’) Break out the barbeque, make the calls, and line up the music, for there is a call to charms.

the leaves are the size of a mouse’s ears, then is the time to put the seed into the ground.” In Riverside County, California, a colony of Jurupa Oak, has survived 13,000 years through cloned reproduction. Aries, as Friday marks the start of the Celtic tree month of Jove’s Nuts, Duir aka Oak, you can emulate the strength, fortitude, adaptability and awareness of this mighty tree in the coming weeks. An abundance of oaks here allows you a root spurt.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Dough, scratch, greenbacks, long green, bucks— wealth does not grow on trees. You can’t just go out and snatch a few ripe ones to pay debts. You could make a financial plan,

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1856, in Hartford, Conn., a colossal oak, approximately 600 years-old, collapsed in a wind storm. Of the landmark ‘Charter Tree,’ author Harriet L. Keeler said, “It has been the guide of our ancestors for centuries as to the time of planting our corn; when

Scrooge-type, and live by it until things get easier. You could keep your nose to the grindstone, all the while watching the tip of it--you wouldn’t want to get marred facially. Or you could re-evaluate your sense of value when it comes to mula. Perhaps thoughts from the poem ‘The Bean Eaters’ by Gwendolyn Brooks might offer enhancement: “They eat beans mostly, this old yellow pair. Dinner is a casual affair… Two who are Mostly Good. Two who have lived their day… Remembering, with twinkling and twinges, as they lean over the beans in their rented back room that is full of beads and receipts and dolls and cloths, tobacco crumbs, vases and fringes.”

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WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 7, 2011 • 13

WORD

Dancing in the dark

OSU fire dancers enlighten us on their art. by Ayla Rogers

hen you were a wee tyke, your parents always told you not to play with fire. Similarly, you may recall them discouraging you from flailing about with sticks or other marginally sharp objects. “You’ll put an eye out!” you might have heard. So, what would you think if I told you there were whole groups of folks—astonishingly talented and formally organized— who revel in defying the very rules you’ve been indoctrinated with since childhood? Well, if you’re thinking something a long the lines of ‘this I go then you’re spot-on. I’m talking about local fire-dancers—kids that wouldn’t make you break stride if you passed one on the street, but when they’re practicing their artful pyrotechnics, you’ll be hard-pressed to tear your eyes away. There are several organized groups in Corvallis who engage in variations of firedancing, each replete with dedicated performers and their own unique repertoire of skills. One of these local groups is an Oregon State-based club called “Flow,” members of which practice a number of firedancing styles marked by the use of flaming hoops, staffs, and traditional spinning props called “poi” (rhymes with boy). Thankfully for newcomers, the dances can be practiced quite effectively sans-inferno. Most beginners start out spinning practice poi—crafted from something roughly equivalent to tennis balls in tube socks—until they accrue enough experience to light up safely. My previous knowledge of poi was in relation to the word’s meaning as a Polynesian staple food made from a starchy purple root—surely this was not what these dancers were spinning. “Poi comes from Maori culture off of the coast of New Zealand. Men used it to prepare for battle,” Rachel Novak, member of Flow, said. “While women used it in more of a social context. Nowadays, you see all sorts of variations [of the dance] including [use of ] LED, streamers, and of course fire.” Novak’s been training poi spinning for about four years, and recounted a performance she saw at a wedding as the experience that first catalyzed her interest in the practice. “I saw these glowing orbs flowing around someone in impossible patterns,” she recalled in awe. Novak admits learning the trade involved certain struggles at the outset: “I hit myself too many times to count!” Fortunately, though, most of these incidental impacts involved Novak’s work with “practice poi made of socks and bags of rice, which are a lot less painful when you hit yourself.” Novak has since come a long way in mastering her poi proficiency, and now contends, “nothing is more exhilarating than having fire swirl around your body.” Exhilarating, yes, but isn’t it dangerous? Novak and fellow Flow member, Jessica

Photo by Billy Newman

“Auby” Aubin insist accidents aren’t nearly so inevitable. “Done fast enough,” Novak explains, “these moves are about as dangerous as quickly passing your hand over a candle.” Of course it takes dedicated practice to reach this level of competence, but a little practice goes a long way. Aubin has only been spinning poi since October of 2010, shortly after meeting Novak at a party in the MU Quad. “Every sport has a level of danger to it, and that hasn’t personally stopped me from doing what I wanted to do… as long as you maintain an understanding that this sport is dangerous, then a certain respect comes with the knowledge… It is the moment that you underestimate the sport that an accident occurs… don’t be cocky!” Aubin said. And tie your

14 • JUNE 7, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

hair back, she warned. While both these women seem highly responsible and keenly attune to the dangers involved in their sport, city regulations sometimes prevent their club from being able to perform within the city limits. Fireworks restaurant is notably exceptional in Corvallis as a commercial venue that can legally welcome these kinds of performers, but for the most part poi spinners find their exhibition opportunities at house parties and other noncommercial functions. Despite some legal obstacles, there is no shortage of enthusiastic audiences for these awe-eliciting performers. “People always ask us to perform at their party or function,” Aubin said. “Because it is just so much fun to watch.

If it’s in a public space, it’s…a matter of checking whether we would be allowed to ignite our poi without getting into trouble!” While the group’s ability to perform may by somewhat restricted now, Aubin harbors big dreams for the future of the sport. “My dream is to open up an outdoor school-like camp for troubled children and teens who come from difficult living situations,” she said. “I would love to include it as an outlet for the children so that they can have a way of expressing themselves in a unique way.” Indeed, from the exuberance these women display when discussing their performance art, it becomes clear they regard the sport as something that lights up their lives, as well as illuminating the night.

LITERATI “dream; Imploding Star” - Part I Chronicles of Detective Siempre by T. Clarence

honey

let's go out

Corvallis

etective Candy Siempre sat in his office looking over the sports section of the Royal Cascadian newspaper. For the moment he stared at the photo of Mario Xander and read, then re-read, the caption ¨Number 10 suspended for two games for participating.¨ In the photo Xander stared frankly at the camera, with an uncaring air. Candy remembered that moment, just after the fight; he and his sister Derry had been there, though their seats had been too far up in the stands to see Xander so clearly. What the detective had seen, though apparently no one else including the sports reporter had noticed, was that Xander had clearly maneuvered Gauber, the mid-fielder, into place to cause the collision that precipitated the eight-player fight. Öbviously he has passion. We just need to realize how to harness it,¨ Coach Amos, ´The Wonder,´ Wandreson was quoted. The detective set the paper down on his desk and keyed the article code into his media player so he could listen to the story after the next time he passed a download station. Pulling out a cigarette, Candy sat back in his chair and pondered what could have happened to Xander. By chance he had seen Xander play in a university game many years back in Corvallis, and had since made several trips to Eugene for the Gran Bosques games in Xander´s few years in the minor leagues. He´d been captain of the team; he was then, and is now, quick, agile, and precise of aim. Never before had the detective seen him so quick to anger and ready to fight as he had been in every football game with the Cascadian Ćopias so far. Yesterday´s match-up against the Vegas Jackpots, a ¨soccer¨ team from the states, had been the third time this season that punches were thrown. ¨Two men to see you,¨ his secretary Susan stepped into the inner office and closed the door, Öne told me his name is Wondresen; says he knew Tannice when he was alive and that Tannice told him about you. Änd the other one?¨ the detective was

not more than a little curious - in his old age Tannice Deaps, Candy´s former mentor, had loved telling stories to anyone that would listen. ¨Don´t know. He hasn´t said a word.¨ Candy shrugged his shoulders and, as he straightened up in his chair, he told her, ¨May as well show them in.¨ He listened as Susan told the men to enter, but couldn´t make out the mumbling between the two men that followed. Suddenly a short, obviously quite fit, gray-haired man easily in his fifties stood in the doorway. ¨Detective Candy Siempre, I hope you are the answer to my problems,¨ Candy instantly recognized the blue and white tracksuits the old man, and the man beyond him, were wearing from the game the day before. His heart sank as he figured he was about to have his hands full with fanatics suffering recurring dreams of lost games and horrible seasons. For some reason the old man stopped in the doorway and came no closer. Ï have to ask you to put that cigarette out before we come in.¨ The detective rolled his eyes and remembered he could say no, but something in the man´s voice compelled him to stab the cigarette out. ¨Thank you for that,¨ the man strode across the room and opened the window near Candy´s desk, Ï never let my players smoke or be subjected to air that´s too polluted.¨ ¨My names Amos Wandreson. This is Mario,¨ the infamous Number 10 walked in and silently stood by as his coach shook the detective´s hand, then he followed suit. ¨What can I do for you?¨ Ï see you´re aware of Xander´s troubles of late,¨ Wandreson glanced down at the sports section of Candy´s desk. Ï was at the game,¨ the detective added. ¨Xander can´t explain to me what´s come over him since he joined the Ćopias. I´m hoping you can tap into his head and shed some light on his problem.¨

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