The Alchemist Weekly June 21st, 2001

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • VOLUME 4 NUMBER 181:50 • JUNE 21, 2011

Alternate In some cases, the only difference between a daily and a weekly is the spine.

reality

Examining the importance of alternative media

by Stanley Tollett | p. 6

P L U S

Artisan X-ing

by Sarah Sullivan | p. 4

ALCHY PICKS | p. 8

LETTERS

TO THE EDITOR

TV BLUES I have noticed while visiting the newly transformed business center of 9th and Circle, that one business in particular chose to transform their insides too by adding a huge flat screen T.V. This to me is an embarrassment. People go out to experience different atmospheres; To get away from their home for a little while; To people watch; Enjoy culture.

Besides bars and taverns (the acceptable places to watch group T.V.) T.V. watching is usually done while staying at home; because you’re bored (or boring), or because you don’t feel like going out.

Businesses that choose to display T.V. must lack atmosphere, people watching and/or culture. I say Kill The T.V. !

Cheers!

Rebecca Smith-White

Albany ● Corvallis ● Lebanon ● Philomath VOLUME 4 NUMBER 181:50 ● JUNE 21, 2011

VOICE

Opinions and Editorials, be they ours or yours, this is where they be.

2 | Letters 3 | Ask the Yogini

WORD

Journalists call them features; we say it’s the word.

4 | Artisan X-ing 6 | Alternative media

BUMP

It’s the calendar of all things Albany, Corvallis, Lebanon, and Philomath.

8 | Alchy Picks

FUN BITS

As if your smart phone wasn’t distracting enough.

11 | Crossword and Sudoku 13 | Weekly Horoscope

L I T E R AT I

This is the home for local fiction, poetry and prose.

14 | Paper Dolls 15 | Detective Siempre

Editorial Editor: Courtney Clenney Staff Writers: Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup, Stanley Tollett Bump Editor: Noah Stroup Contributors: T. Clarence, Compere, Sierra DeMulder, Jimbo Ivy, Sarah Sullivan, Lisa Wells, Craig Wiroll

LETTERS from our Readers are always welcome and we will print as many as we can fit. Please send your letters to editor@thealchemistweekly.com. It is helpful for you to include your name and contact information as well. Letters may be edited for grammar, clarity, or space restrictions.

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Weeknights

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Steak Night Thursday

Business Publisher Noah Stroup The Alchemist Weekly is published by: CorvAlcheMedia LLC PO Box 1591 Corvallis, OR 97339 541.224.6873

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Alchemist Mission

As a publication, our goal is to facilitate greater understanding and appreciation for the diverse social and cultural groups found in the area. In doing so, we hope to create a greater sense of community between Oregon State University and Corvallis, between Albany and Corvallis, and between Philomath, Lebanon and Corvallis/Albany. The Alchemist recognizes the various interests of these groups and is dedicated to being as fluid as the community it serves. *The Alchemist is available to you for free. Please limit yourself to one copy. If your picture is in it, you are welcome to take enough copies for your family.

PREVIOUS ISSUES: Subject to availability, back issues can be purchased by mail for $5. Send your request with specific issue date to PO Box 1591, Corvallis, OR 97339 and include a check or money order payable to The Alchemist Weekly.

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The thoughts, views, and opinions expressed in Voice are of their authors and do not necessarily represent the thoughts, views, or opinions of CorvAlcheMedia, LLC.

2 • JUNE 21, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

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Last week's puzzle solutions

letters news submissions editor calendar ads

The Alchemist Weekly welcomes coherent freelance submissions.

Damit Jim Band

June 24th & 25th 9:00 9:00 pm pm

ASK THE YOGINI Dear Yogini: I sit in front of a computer all day long. My job is taking a toll on my neck and back. What can I do to feel better? ~ Desk Jockey.

Dear Desk Jockey: Our bodies evolved to lead active lives of frequent movement. Desk jobs restrict our mobility and comprise our health. The first symptom is chronic neck and back pain, but extended sitting has also been shown to result in an increased risk of diabetes, obesity, heart disease, cancer and even early death.

The default computer posture curls your spine forward and compresses your heart and lungs. Your head falls forward, and your neck has to rotate awkwardly upward for your eyes to see your computer screen.

Your head weighs about 12 pounds, nearly as much as a bowling ball. Imagine trying to hold a bowling ball for 8 hours straight.

No wonder our necks and our backs hurt.

Additionally, your body is plastic. If your body is held in a contorted position for many hours at a time, your tissues change shape. Spend some time people watching and you’ll see that the vast majority of us have transformed our bodies so that our heads hover in front of our chests. Our spines never get a break, our organs are constantly under pressure. Our spinal muscles have to continually fire to prevent that bowling ball, our heads, from collapsing onto our chest.

What do we do? Begin with small lifestyle changes and add ‘the Butterfly Exercises’ to your daily routine. You’ll begin to feel better almost immediately.

1) Get up and walk, at least once every 30 minutes. Set a timer on your computer if you need to. Taking regular short walks will decompress your spine and organs and help counteract the hours of forward contortion. Taking lots of short walks can make a marked improvement in your overall health.

2) Set your workstation up well. Sit with your thighs roughly horizontal, your knees a bit below your hips, your desk top at about the height of your elbows and your computer screen just below eye level. There are a lot of good ergonomic chairs available, my current favorite is to use a ‘drummer’s throne,’ a simple round padded stool that has a little side-to-side movement. Throne sitting requires an upright posture and thus builds abdominal and back muscle strength.

Thrones are inexpensive and you can find them used at The Fingerboard Extension or Gracewinds.

3) Neck Butterfly: Sit in an aligned and upright posture. Do not lean into your chair back. Bring both feet flat to the floor.

Cup the back of your head in your hands with interlaced fingers. Engage your abdominal muscles firmly. Make small but-

CORVALLIS VANITIES terfly wing motions in your arms, moving the elbows backward and forward just a few inches. Then keep your elbows back, while you slide your head directly back into your hands while keeping your chin level. Your head will move an inch at most. Hold this position for 4 to 5 breaths then relax. Repeat the whole thing 2 or 3 times. This exercise realigns your neck and stretches your upper back and shoulders.

4) Low Back Butterfly: Now bring your hands behind your low back, interlace your fingers and rest your knuckles on your low back. Engage your abdominal muscles firmly. Again, create butterfly wing motions moving your elbows forward and back.

Work consciously from a small range of motion toward a large range of motion over about 20 ‘flaps’ of your wings. Then press your palms together, extend your elbows and lift your arms away from your back.

This exercise stretches your upper chest and shoulders to improve your posture 5) Sitting Half Butterfly: Finally for your low back: from your seated posture bring your right ankle to your left knee. Let your right knee drop toward the ground to stretch your inner thigh. Keeping your belly strong, hinge at your hips to bring your chest forward toward your right shin. You’ll feel the stretch in your outer right hip and low back. Hold this position for up to 10 breath cycles and then repeat on the left leg.

This movement stretches your inner thigh muscles, your hip rotators, releases your sciatic nerve, and can relieve chronic low back pain.

Take care of your spine, Desk Jockey, and your spine will take care of you! A little bit of yoga can go a long way towards a long healthy life.

Namaste, ~ The Yogini is Lisa Wells You can find Lisa at Live Well Studio (971 NW Spruce, Corvallis).

An extended video version of this sequence is available at: livewellstudio.com/ blog send questions to: yogini@thealchemistweekly.com

Corvallis Community Acupuncture Sliding Scale $15-$35 2151 NW Fillmore Ave 541-753-8000

www.corvalliscommunityacupuncture.com

www[dot]facebook [dot]com [slash]thealchemistweekly WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 21, 2011 • 3

WORD

ARTISAN X-ING

Corvallis Artisan’s Market promotes local creatives words & photos by Sarah Sullivan

E

very Saturday from 10 am to 2 pm, beginning in mid-April and continuing through the beginning of September, artisans of woodworking, cooking, jewelry-making, furniturebuilding, bike-fixing, and many others genres of various creativity, gather on First Street where it intersects with Monroe, down by the river, for a day of open markets and a chance to show off their wares and entice Corvallians everywhere to support their community and its local artisans. Despite an unfriendly economic climate and a staggering state-wide unemployment rate of 9.5%, specialty craft businesses seem to have found a niche in the Corvallis Artisan Market. This smorgasbord of art stands within a hand-holding distance of the farmer’s market held at the same time, giving shoppers the ability to shop for wants and needs at the same time. This marvelous idea was almost entirely spawned by Sheri Dover who also organizes, and runs the Artisan Market.

“I started the market for a few reasons,” Dover says with a twinkle in her eye. “Primarily to strengthen the sense of community… in Corvallis.” She tells me of how she had watched the economy and community involvement of her hometown, Port Orchard, Wash., shrivel and die when a mall was built in a neighboring town. “I believe that a strong downtown with attractions and activities that are inviting to all members of an area create a sense of greater unity and sense of community and commitment to the community. I felt that adding art to the Saturday market would be a strong force in that direction by rounding out the Saturday experience of the Farmer’s market to appeal to a wider audience,” Dover said. And that, it certainly does.

Among the vendors are some crowd favorites that are recognized throughout the area, such as Willie’s Hot Dogs and Rocket Queen Cupcakes. I had the opportunity to speak with Laurel Thompson and Ana

Berst as they manned, or rather ruled the Rocket Queen stand on the edge of the lot.

Someone unfamiliar with the fantabulous cupcakes may find it a near impossibility for something so specialized to make it in this economy. When asked how they do it, Laurel had her answer ready.

“She has a lot of fans and they’re so supportive.” The ‘she’ Laurel was referring to is the original Rocket Queen Cupcake herself, Jessica Stanley and her fans are numerous and widespread. The tasty treats they were showcasing have made appearances at the Sick Town Derby Dames’ roller derby bouts, and almost a dozen coffee shops and venues around the Corvallis area.

Rocket Queen Cupcakes is currently raising money to fund a storefront location for their business, but for now, they work from their certified kitchen in Albany, making it possible for the market-goers to support a local business as well as enjoy these miniature, delicious works of art which are a perfect fancy snack that will make any shopper feel supremely decadent as they browse the surrounding stands’ wares.

In less steps than it will take you to devour a Rocket Queen Cupcake, you can find yourself at one of several beautiful handcrafted jewelry stands. Angie Gallagher, owner and creator of Gemstone Creations welcomes shoppers with a smile as they move from handcrafted necklaces to carefully created earrings, bracelets and rings. It was obvious this was not Angie’s first time showcasing and selling her wares. When asked how she got started with the Artisan market she smiles with a thumb over her shoulder at Hunt Prahl, another vendor, and said, “Word of mouth from Hunt got me started here. He introduced me to Sheri and I decided to come and give it a shot. It gives me a weekly market rather than just a holiday market, three times a year.” By being a re-occurring vendor, Angie has built up a solid client base despite the economy, “A lot of the people who have bought from me, ask me if I’m going to be here

4 • JUNE 21, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

WORD every week and when I tell them yes, they come back to buy more.” Besides wanting Gemstone Creations to eventually become her day job, Angie’s business aspirations are also philanthropically driven, “I want to tie it in to fund-raising too.

If I could use it as a fund raiser for someone’s medical treatment, or for hunger, that would be great,” she said.

My next stop was at Grandpa’s Woodshed to talk to Hunt Prahl, the owner and creator.

“Do you know what Grandpa’s woodshed was used for?” Hunt asked me.

“Well my grandpa used his woodshed for spankings,” I told him. With a grin and a nod he flipped open a photo album of all the furniture he had made before.

“It started as a way to make things for the grand kids,” he said. Hunt showed me pictures of carefully designed and created hobby horses, beautifully hand-painted and carved toys, and miniature tables and chairs. This had started as a hobby for Hunt but grew into patio and lawn furniture over time. As we talked, he settled back on a wide, welcoming patio bench, one of his

large pieces and I suddenly got the feeling that we were sitting on a front porch. The furniture under his tent at the market is set in such a way that it invites shoppers to ‘come in and sit a spell.’ In the spirit of truly shooting the breeze on the front porch, I asked him how he’d come to sell his creations at the Artisan Market.

“Social Security money doesn’t go all the way around,” Hunt said.

I saw in his story the same running themes from all the artists at the market: this was a way for them to do their hobby, share it with others who will appreciate it and supplement their income, something not limited to those still working full-time but also for those who have retired, like Hunt.

I would find a similar story next door to Hunt. A fellow Artisan Market veteran, John Lesser who owns Crafts by John.

“I made artificial limbs for thirty-eight years and then in 1993 I started doing scrollwork,” he said. The skill and precision that John developed in his previous work have given him the hands of an artist, which is evident when you look at the detail on his scrollwork pieces; angels, motorcycles, tractors, musical instruments and symbols of patriotism. He took me through the meticulous process of cutting, sanding, coating, re-sanding, and several finishing coats.

“Many people will pick up the item and look at the bottom to see if it’s finished, which I finish mine. Many don’t but I always do.” This particular care given to his art is another resounding theme I saw in my Artisan Market observances. Many of John’s pieces are clocks as well as beautiful pieces of art.

This, like Hunt’s furniture, Rocket Queen Cupcakes, and Angie’s Gemstone Creations, adds a level of functionality to their art that is as practical and well-rounded as their creators.

This is what brings shoppers out to the Corvallis Artisan Market; the chance to share what makes Corvallis and the people in it well-rounded and wonderful. It is a mark of the caring in this community that they will come out on a Saturday morning, every Saturday morning, and support local farmers and artisans. When I mentioned the sense of camaraderie and community that even a walk-on shopper instantly feels, Sheri Dover nodded.

“I also wanted to provide an incubator for micro-enterprise. The Artisans Market provides a venue, opening doors for more types of micro-businesses,” she said.

The Artisans Market isn’t limited to vendors; there is also a stage project in the works that depends greatly on the ability to obtain electricity for the venue.

“My vision for the stage was to introduce the community to a wider variety of music genres. Still working on that and I would welcome any volunteers to help adopt the stage project. It does give musicians a venue outside of the bar scene and a way to reach out to a more varied audience.”

As this market was such a large undertaking, I asked Sheri how she had worked out the intricacies to make this conglom-

continued on p. 12 WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 21, 2011 • 5

WORD

Alternate reality

Examining the importance of alternative media

by Stanley Tollett

I

n the summer of 2011, a small, independent alternative newspaper headquartered in Corvallis, Oregon ceased to exist. The end came suddenly and without warning to the readers. Some took it hard, some expressed understanding, but most responded with the sort of sincere “that sucks” that is usually precipitated by the news that someone’s terminally ill relative has finally succumbed to passing.

The Alchemist Weekly will end its small but explosive run almost a year to the day since its predecessor, a mix bag ‘zine of pontifications and art from local creatives called The Alchemist, expanded into a legitimate alternative newspaper, renamed The Alchemist Weekly.

Back then, I signed on with two others for the Great Leap, casting my lot into the greatest of all American passions: the small business. But this SOMETHING was different. We weren’t pushing beer or salt water taffy here, we were in the business of the second greatest of all American passions: freedom of speech.

It was with dreams of “really changing things” and giving the establishment, which in Corvallis amounts to a group of people that challenged the old establishment, won and have now retired and consider themselves to be cautiously progressive, a run for their money.

We were full of piss and vinegar and ready to kick ass. Our collective thought was, “We’re gonna change this town and break down some barriers...” While we didn’t exactly transform the cultural landscape into something new and Utopian, we certainly accomplished one thing: we proved that Corvallis is actually a little hipper and a little more kick ass than I initially thought, but it likes to take its time.

So when the bile and money began to leak until even the most ardent of idealists could no longer tolerate the gnaw of its spurt, The Alchemist Weekly decided enough was

enough and I found myself in the unique position of a semi-existential crisis. I had to ask myself, “What does it all mean?”

To further my crisis and cast even more doubt on the validity of my toils, while thinking about how the hell I was going to write this story I began to ask various people who I would come across if they had heard of The Alchemist Weekly. One young woman who works at a local home furnishings store had never heard of it. When asked about the importance of alternative media she looked at me with the uncomfortable trepidation of someone who has just been asked if they were ready to accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior.

And yet, it had all started out so wonderfully. There was excited whispers of the old adage about doing what one loves and never having to really “work” a day in your life.

The possibilities were limitless. I was like a child who comes home from his first day at school, excited and giddy, rambling an idea a minute. In a sense, the possibilities are still there, but The Alchemist Weekly will soon be a memory.

This cast a pallor of despair and depression on my mind as I began to write this piece. In response, I did what any self respecting man would do when confronted with the fear and desperation of deadlines and exhaustion. I called my mother.

TAW - What is the importance of Alternative Media?

Mom - As in?

TAW - Do you think The Alchemist Weekly was important?

Mom - I do. It presented thought outside the box and gave a forum for local talent. The Alchemist was not afraid to say the things people were a little uncomfortable talking about, (it) brought people together, pissed people off, made people laugh, not to mention kept entertainment at the forefront. Alternative media is what this country is hungry for. We turn on the TV and pick up a newspaper and read the same line of crap rolled up in a thin slice of Fear Factor, topped off with a recipe for a healthy snack.

6 • JUNE 21, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

TAW - Don’t you think most people are satisfied with that though?

Mom - I don’t think so. You have a lot of people who are diehard Rush Limbaugh, O’ Rielly and all those other loud mouths telling us their version of the truth. You need a voice that you know isn’t being backed by a political action committee, a political party, a major corporation. You need fresh insight from a generation that is not afraid to ask questions and point out discrepancies.

TAW - Thanks mom, that makes me feel better about the whole thing.

It’s funny how people hide their mothers like some mark of immaturity or weakness.

Everyone thinks they know better, and people will probably look at my interview with mom as a limp-wristed cop out or sloppy journalism. But tell me this: who will you be screaming out for when you’ve been disemboweled by an MG-42 on Omaha Beach?

Mama, that’s who.

The importance of alternative media in Corvallis became self-evident when I was afforded the opportunity to work with The Alchemist Weekly. It is broadly accepted that most of the mainstream media is bias and held in check by what Edward Herman and Noam Chomsky called the “propaganda model.” Today, with corporations buying up hundreds of local newspapers and various other media, it is hard to find an independent voice for your average community member. How do you and your neighbor find out what is really going on in politics and commerce in your city?

By merely being a go-between who facilitated the exchange of ideas and stories between writers and the local community, I learned a tremendous amount about the things that shape our lives and perceptions.

I myself have had the awesome responsibility of relating a story or set of “facts” as I know them to a readership of over 2,000 people. I realized, through the act of crafting those stories, how hard it is to really get to the heart of an issue without injecting your own personal bias. It scares me to

think anyone these days consumes media without first asking themselves the basic question, “Is it possible that the opposite of what is being presented to me is the truth?”

Or, to put it another way, does anyone really care? What, if any, is the importance of alternative media to a community?

Mike Burton, a support technician at NextGen Internet Systems, has never heard of The Alchemist Weekly. He was unlucky enough to be standing idle in his workplace nearest the door when I walked through, jammed a tape recorder in his face and began asking tough questions about society and the importance of an alternative media.

“Well, I don’t have much of an opinion,” Burton said. “But I would have to say it’s important to have as many different types of media available to reach as many audiences as possible.”

Burton believes society needs balance in the media for the effective understanding of current events. He went on to explain that because of the internet, laptops, and smart phones, and the style of communication inspired by those devices, people now tailor where and how they gather their information. A person may see what their friends are talking about on social networking sites, or just grab a few quick headlines from multiple news sites. He isn’t sure if this makes it easier or harder to get the truth.

“With mass media, whoever gets to you first are the people that you listen to,” Burton said. “No one sits down for a newscast anymore.”

He also said that for print media to survive the evolution in information technology, diversification is essential. Although he still believes the market for the printed word exists and will for awhile, a web presence seems to be the ticket to relevancy. After all, there are still a few people who don’t have internet and some people who simply don’t like it.

Burton believes the importance of a small alternative media serving a specific community is in its locally sourced perspectives and

WORD

“Alternative media is what this country is hungry for. We turn on the TV and pick up a newspaper and read the same line of crap rolled up in a thin slice of Fear Factor, topped off with a recipe for a healthy snack.” insights. The fact that it doesn’t outsource its news, and basically that it “keeps it real” is critical.

That Burton had never heard of The Alchemist Weekly until I walked in with coffee and tape recorder in hand came as no surprise to me. Even though there are five brightly colored newsstands within a twoblock radius of where he works everyday, with at least double that in drop spots, it still struck me as completely possible that he’d never even seen it.

In the year since The Alchemist Weekly expanded its size and circulation, it has been slow, steady progress toward gaining a larger audience. I must have said it a hundred times, “It’s like The Eugene Weekly, but for here.” So while alternative media seems to be important for the proper func-

Our brightly painted newsstands tioning of a democracy, it also seems that to some people variety has taken its place.

It’s hard to convince someone that they need a second opinion when they are already convinced they’ve received four or five.

With that in mind, I decided a good person to share my plight with was Jordan Lucas. As a producer of alternative media and a long-time Corvallis community member, Lucas would understand and because of what he does, might also be one of the few people to shed light on the big questions of the importance of alternative media. Or at the very least commiserate.

Sheepdawg, as Lucas is also known by, founded his own internet-based multimedia series, Sheepdawg TV. He knows firsthand how hard it is to break into an already saturated market and do something new and unique.

In Lucas’ opinion, the importance of alternative media is its audience. To him, it’s about providing and showcasing things that are marginalized by society. He says one doesn’t have to look far to uncover the creativity and uniqueness of life in their own community.

Lucas believes that “underground” is interchangeable with “cool.” He theorizes that people like the originality and participation that comes with producing and consuming alternative media. “Freedom fighters and hippies,” he says. “People who can’t digest mainstream media.” Ah, now that’s the kind of fire in the belly talk I need right now. He may be onto something.

“Mainstream media ask mainstream questions. The Alchemist Weekly’s articles [as an alternative media source] are more in depth and more artistic... that appeals to those communities,” said Lucas.

But like The Alchemist Weekly, Sheepdawg TV has found that maintaining a presence in the alternative media market isn’t easy.

“I think in this town, Corvallis especially, people don’t respect alternative media [expression] as much [as other places],” said Lucas.

He says it’s especially difficult to secure investments for alternative media in the current economic climate. In his experience, advertisers are more apt to support a sure bet than to take a chance on an upstart, especially if that upstart is doing something

out of the ordinary.

“Here [in Corvallis] there is this old school way of thinking, residual of the old wild west,” says Lucas. “Conservative people are still running the core of the town and their mentality is very contagious.”

It appears there are limits to how “alternative” an alternative can be in terms of community support and interest. And this returns me to where I began, “What is the importance of alternative media?”

The answer, much like the idea of alternative media itself, is subjective and malleable. Depending on a community’s needs, sources of alternative media offer a different taste, different perspective, on local life.

For three years, The Alchemist Weekly evolved into a publication that provided a fresh perspective on community events, music, art and nightlife. Though its run is shortly coming to a close, it has proven that an alternative voice is welcome in the Willamette Valley. Corvallis, as a town, is desirous of an alternative media to highlight the many alternative lifestyles present here. Just as the importance of alternative weekly depends on community interest, what comes next is up to the community.

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 21, 2011 • 7

ALCHY PICKS

[week of June 21st]

Tuesday | June 21 | 5:30 pm MCKINLEY SKATE PARK THIS IS AN ALL SKATE

June 21st is International Day of Skateboarding and there is no better way of celebrating in Corvallis than by heading to Eric Scott McKinley Skate Park, located at 1st Street and B Avenue, under the highway.

Skating is free and novices can learn to skate at 5:30 pm and 6:30 p.m. Experienced street surfers can partake in the best trick competition at 7:30 p.m. and will be awarded prizes based on how well they execute their kicky flips, twirly grinds, and other tomfoolery.

Registration occurs at the location of the event and protective headgear is required.

Skaters ages 6 and older are eligible to tear it up but if you are under 18, a parental/ guardian signature is required to register.

Music, drinks and food will be provided.

Don’t forget to bring your skateboard, your safety gear and your balls. (Balls not required for girls or others who lack balls, just bring your figurative balls in the form of confidence and willingness to be adventurous.) ~Craig Wiroll

Department will be trying to overcome the Guinness World Record for the largest collection of fire patches. Brooks has earned over 8,300 patches in his tenure of service. This staggering achievement dwarves the previous Guinness World Record for most fire patches which was set in 1996 by a firefighter in Madrid, Spain who had earned a collection of 4,400. The event to be held on June 22nd is one of the requirements issued by Guinness in order for him to be recognized as the new record holder. Brooks’ collection is unique as it contains no multiples of any patch and each patch was issued by a different fire agency. There will be official counters present to determine whether Brooks makes this feat one for the history books. Don’t miss this opportunity to view and honor Deputy Brooks’ achievements and witness his passage into Guinness Book of World Records fame! ~Sarah Sullivan

Wednesday | June 22 | 10:30 am LINN COUNTY EXPO WHERE THERE IS SMOKE... ...there is one for the record books!

It may have always been your dream to be the first person to successfully teach a barber shop quartet of walruses with a sea lion singing mezzo-soprano, or to be the new record holder for most clothespins attached to your tongue while still being able to whistle. Maybe your character moves you to more daring places and you want to be the first person to have a successful sky dive with a parachute deployed from your underpants. Personally, I’d want to set the record for fastest car built out of parasols and chewing gum. Far flung fantasies and woebegone wishing aside, this Wednesday, June 22nd, you will have the chance to witness real history in the making or at least someone attempting to create it. At the Linn County Expo, starting at 10:30am and going until 12:30pm, there will be a “Guinness Book of World Records” event that has been classified as an official ‘Record Attempt’. Deputy Fire Marshal, Bob Brooks of the Albany Fire

Thursday | June 23 | 10:00 pm CLOUD 9 LITTLE MISS SPELLING BEE

Being able to spell difficult words by memory in the 21st century is the cerebral version of what it must have been like for a real pro river driver (the guys that floated logs downriver to the mill) to watch that first load of timber choppered over to a truck and driven away down the interstate.

Your once proud skill is quickly fading

8 • JUNE 21, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

Where there is smoke there are fire patches into the dark world of obsoleteness. So like the expert equestrian and the steadyhanded gunslinger, your gifts are now only trotted out into the lazy heat of summertime to amuse people with nostalgic astonishment. They’ll lean down and try and explain to children busy Twittering how essential such things “used to be,” before inventions like the car, machine gun and spell check.

In that proud and strange tradition, Cloud 9 will be hosting “Drunk SpellingBee at Cloud 9!” on Thursday, June 23rd at 10 pm.

The event calls on all those who “like to drink” and “think they know how to spell in the language they presumably speak” to come out and combine the two. If this sounds like your bag, then hurry... the sign up is limited to 10 people, with the winner receiving a Cloud 9 gift certificate.

I’m always struck by how quickly any event becomes intensely more popular the moment drinking is poured into the equation. It brings back wonderful memories of the hundreds of nights I spent in college dorm rooms playing card games that no one really knew the rules to and how little that mattered.

Everyone knew the unspoken rule. The card game was just a flimsy ruse for the real purpose of our gatherings: a feverish rush towards intoxication. Pure binge

drinking, as was the traditional form of socializing during my years of higher education.

There was never any thought given to the “why” of our need for such a guise. It would have been looked on as dreadful behavior and a terrible indication of our social insecurity and recklessness... if not for the cards. It’s funny how 52 colorful pieces of paper could, with their mere presence, transform us all into gentlemen, engaging in a harmless game of chance and whimsy.

So on Thursday night, come out and celebrate a soon to be outdated skill before it goes the way of cursive handwriting and the telegraph operator’s training program, even if you aren’t one of the inebriated few who will undoubtedly end up struggling with phonetics to the revved-up enthusiasm of a crowd. Fear not... there will be drink, and plenty of it! ~Stanley Tollett

Friday | June 24 | 7 - 9:30 pm FIRST UNITED METHODIST BINGO IS NO DRAG

A drag bingo fund raiser will be occurring from 7 to 9:30 p.m. at First United Methodist Church at 1165 N.W. Monroe Ave. in Corvallis. Proceeds will go to the Steven Leider LGBTQ Scholarship Fund.

The bingo caller will be none other than

Sunday | June 26 | 1 - 10 pm FIREWORKS IS IT LOCAL?

To some folks buying local is a fad, a trend, just another “Free Tibet!” on the bumper or Tee to be traded for next year’s 100% hemp g-string in support of legalization. However, the Tenth Annual HOUR Traders Local Folk Festival this Sunday from 1pm-10pm at Fireworks Restaurant (1115 Southeast Third Street, just South of First Alternative Co-op in South Corvallis) is the real deal: over 8 hours of live local music, local food, the HOUR Traders Marketplace featuring products and services from the area, as well as community art projects and other activities designed by the local, for the local.

The five to ten dollar suggested donations at the door will continue to support the HOUR Exchange, a non-profit

UP ON ON THE ROOF

FAVORITE MUSIC VENUE

FAVORITE APPETIZER

FAVORITE PLACE TO SPEND $10 FAVORITE PLACE TO GET PICKED UP

Go Big. Go Outside. Go Big Outside. organization providing education and tools to promote ecologically sustainable, community-based economics. Rather than the traditional dollar based economy, the HOUR Exchange labors to create a community network that trades goods and services for a locally backed currency called HOURS. The HOUR Exchange doesn’t seek to undermine the traditional American economy, but instead tries to be a model for community-based economics that promote local commerce, fair wages, environmental responsibility, regional selfsufficiency, and neighborliness.

Established in 2002, the HOUR Exchange believes that by printing and circulating community money they can help keep local businesses thriving, support entrepreneurship and promote local goods to the community. For those interested in discovering which local business participate in the HOUR Exchange or in becoming a member, more information can be found at www.hourexchange.org.

Known for promoting folk music in Corvallis, Fireworks Restaurant is a proud co-sponsor of the Folk Festival and the following artists can be seen there starting at 1pm: Lorraine Anderson, When Pick Fly, Th’ Acorn Bros., Karl Smiley, The Winterlings, Amanda West, Gabriel Surley Project, and Big Outside. If you’re feeling artistic that afternoon, contribute to the HOUR Exchange’s installation for the Community Art Project which will be proudly displayed at the 2011 DaVinci Days!

Come help celebrate all things local this Sunday, June 26th from 1pm to 10pm with the Tenth Annual Local Folk Festival at Firework Restaurant in Southtown! ~Jimbo Ivy

– LIVE MUSIC THIS WEEK –

Friday, June 24th

Radion

10p | FREE Saturday, June 25th

A La Mode 9p | FREE 2527 NW Monroe

Corvallis, OR 541.757.7221 bombsawaycafe.com

*

*Weather Permitting

Thurs. June 23rd. 6pm Tom Chase Acoustic

Sat. June 25th. 6pm Gumbo Old Timey

2010 Alchemist Winner

Contributed photo

Poison Waters, the lovely and talented female impersonator slash comedienne.

The Steven Leider LGBTQ Scholarship is awarded (potentially annually) to an openly lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender or queer student who has been financially cut-off by their family. Steven Leider has been the coordinator of LGBT Outreach and Services at Oregon State University since 2005 as well as being one of the champions of LGBTQ pride within the Corvallis community.

Anyone and everyone are encouraged to come, in drag or not (GO IN DRAG!).

Admission is $15 for most, but only $8 for those with a high school or college ID. Admission includes a couple of bingo cards but you can buy additional cards for $1 a pop. If you cannot afford the entry fee, come by anyway and you will be put to work in exchange for the fee.

Sponsors include Basic Rights Oregon, Beit Am/Mid-Willamette Jewish Community, Community Alliance for Diversity, Corvallis-Albany Lavender Womyn, First Congregational United Church of Christ Corvallis, First United Methodist Church of Corvallis, HP Pride, NAACP of Corvallis/Albany, OSU Pride Center, PFLAG of Corvallis/Albany, PRIDE Corvallis, Rainbow Health Resources and Valley AIDS Information Network, Inc. For information or any questions regarding the event, feel free to call Faith Reidenbach: 541-929-7435. ~Craig Wiroll

“Where the back alley meets the high road.” www.adpizza.com

214 SW 2nd Street Behind the Downtown American Dream Pizza 753-7373

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 21, 2011 • 9

tuesday21

livemusic

Corvallis

CENTRAL PARK Community Band Concert: 'B' Tunes, 8:00 pm, FREE [BAND] FIREWORKS Amanda West, 8:00 pm [FOLK FUSION] FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH Chintimini Chamber Music Festival Concert #2, 7:30 pm [CLASSICAL] SUNNYSIDE UP CAFÉ Celtic Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [LISTEN/PLAY]

thursday23

livemusic

Albany

ALBANY PUBLIC LIBRARY Snail People, 10:30 am [MUSIC] CALAPOOIA BREWING Wild Hog in the Woods, 7:30 pm [STRINGBAND]

Corvallis

CROWBAR ROOFTOP Tom Chase, 6:00 pm, FREE [ACOUSTIC] FIREWORKS Performers Spotlight with Betsy Miller and Brain Gaunthosted by Gabriel Surley, 8:00 pm [SHOWCASE] MAJESTIC THEATRE Mid-Valley Carillon Handbell Choir, 7:00 pm [HANDY]

Lebanon

DOWNTOWN DOG Country Jam, 6:00 pm, FREE [COUNTRY] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL EAST Blues Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [BLUES]

Albany

sing&dance

[FOLK FUSION]

Tuesday | June 21st | 8:00 pm

Amanda West Fireworks

Corvallis

sing&dance

ELKS LODGE Beginner Line Dance 7:00 pm, $3 [DANCE] IMPULSE BAR Cuban Salsa 7:30 pm FREE [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke with Sqwig-e-okie, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Halsey

WOODY'S BAR & GRILL “Terry-oke” Karaoke with Terry Geil, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]

stuff

Albany

ALBANY PUBLIC LIBRARY Modern Voices Club: “Reading Lolita in Tehran,” by Azar Nafisi, 12:00 pm [BOOKS] CARNEGIE LIBRARY Magician Tom Waldrop, 2:00 pm, FREE [MAGIC]

Corvallis

APPLEBEE'S National Trivia Association Night, 9:00 pm, FREE [TRIVIA] ENOTECA WINE BAR Girls night out! Knit night, 7:00 pm [SHE'S CRAFTY] ERICK SCOTT MCKINLEY SKATE PARK Go Skateboarding Day: Learn to Skate, 5:30 & 6:30 pm, FREE [SKATE OR DIE!] FIRST ALT COOP SOUTH Honoring Student Painters, 4:00 pm [ART]

wednesday22

livemusic

Corvallis

CENTRAL PARK Hilltop Big Band, 7:30 pm [BIG BAND] FARMER’S MARKET Eric Nicholson, 9:30 am, FREE [ACOUSTIC] OSU MU QUAD Norman, 12:00 pm, FREE [INDIE ROCK]

Photo by Joseph Dominquez

EAGLES LODGE Line dance, 7:00 pm, $4 [DANCE]

Corvallis

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]; On the Top: DJ Mike, 9:00 pm [DANCE]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER Oliver! 8:00 pm, $13 [MUSICAL]

Corvallis

BOYS AND GIRLS CLUB End of Year BBQ, 1:00 – 5:00 pm, FREE [FOOD] CLOUD 9 Drunk Spelling Bee, 9:30 pm [PUT A SPELL ON ME] CHS BLACK BOX Willamette STAGE Company: Road to Mecca, $19 [STAGE] ENOTECA WINE BAR Chocolate Truffle Thursdays, 6:00 pm, FREE [YUMMERS] FIRST ALT COOP NORTH BeerTasting, 5:00 pm [BEER ME] LIVE WELL STUDIO Free Teen Yoga by Reach Out Yoga, 4:00 pm, FREE [YOGA] OSU LASELLS STEWART OSU START, All Day [NEW STUDENTS ALREADY?] OSU GOSS STADIUM Corvallis Knights vs. Walla Walla Sweets, 6:40 pm [BASEBALL] WINESTYLES Zerba Cellars Tasting, 5:30 pm, $8 [WINE ME]

Lebanon

DOWNTOWN LEBANON Farmer’s Market, 3:00 pm – 7:00 pm [MARKET]

friday24

RHYTHM and BREWS CAFÉ Paul LeMoine & the Road Home, 7:00 pm [BLUES]

Corvallis

BEANERY ON 2ND Jared Delaney, 8:00 pm, FREE [ACOUSTIC] BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ Radion, 10:00 pm [ROCK] FIREWORKS Jesse Meade, 8:00 pm [BLUES] FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH Chintimini Chamber Music Festival Concert #3, 7:30 pm [CLASSICAL] OLD WORLD DELI Corvallis Accordion Club, 7:00 pm [ACCORDION]

Lebanon

DOWNTOWN DOG Festival String Band, 6:00 pm [STRINGBAND] MERLIN’S BAR AND GRILL Damit Jim Band, 9:00 pm [ROCK]

Lebanon

EMERSON VINEYARDS Muletown, 6:00 pm, $5 + can of food [PROG STRINGS]

Monmouth

DIXIE CREEK SALOON Blues Jam with Wild Bill, 7:00 pm [BLUES]

Albany

sing&dance

Corvallis

APPLEBEE’S DJ Stoltz Dance Party, 9:00 pm, FREE [DANCE] PETER GYSEGEM’S STUDIO Argentine tango classes, 7:15 pm, $5 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]; On the Top: Western Wed 9:00 pm, [DANCE]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Albany

stuff

ALBANY PUBLIC LIBRARY Puckett Family Magic, 2:00 pm [MAGIC] LINN COUNTY EXPO “Guinness Book of World Records” Event, 10:30 am to 1:30 pm [RECORD ATTEMPT]

Corvallis

ENOTECA WINE Opolo Vineyards Winery Tasting, 7:00 pm, $10 [WINE-ER] FIRST STREET DOWNTOWN Corvallis Farmer’s Market, 9:00 am – 1:00 pm, FREE [MARKET] WILLAMETTE SPEEDWAY Wild West Shootout: Modified, Sportsman, Classic, 6:00 pm, $14 [RACE DAY]

10 • JUNE 21, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

Albany

sing&dance

RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Production presents Ladies Night with Dj Tray, FREE [DANCE]

Corvallis

EAGLES LODGE Albany Senior Dance, 1:30 - 3:30 pm, $3 [DANCE]

Lebanon

livemusic

Albany

Tangent

DOWNTOWN DOG Bluegrass Jam, 6:00 pm [BLUEGRASS]

stuff

Albany

CLOUD 9 80s in the Clouds, 10:00 pm [DANCE] CORVALLIS SENIOR CENTER Friday Night Dance by The Syncopators, 7:00 pm, $4 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]; On the Top: DJ Heartburn, 9:00 pm [DANCE]

Albany

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER Oliver! 8:00 pm, $13 [MUSICAL] LINN COUNTY EXPO Gun Dog Expo, 12:00 pm to 8:00 pm [DOG GUN IT, YES!]

Corvallis

CHS BLACK BOX Willamette STAGE Company: Road to Mecca, $19 [STAGE] CHS MAIN STAGE Sole Expressions Dance Studio: “Toy Story,” 7:00 pm [DANCE] FIRST ALT COOP SOUTH Wine tasting, 5:00 pm [WINE ME] FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH LGBTQ Steven Leider Scholarship Fundraiser: Drag Bingo, 7:00 pm, $15 [BENEFIT] OSU GOSS STADIUM Corvallis Knights vs. Walla Walla Sweets, 6:40 pm [BASEBALL] TRYSTING TREE GOLF CLUB Boys and Girls Club Summer Golf Classic, 9:00 am – 1:00 pm [FORE!] WINESTYLES Friday Flights, 5:00 pm [WINE]

stuff

Albany

livemusic

CALAPOOIA BREWING DreamDog, 8:00 pm [AMERICANA] FARMER’S MARKET Lorraine Anders, 9:30 am, FREE [FOLK]

Corvallis

BEANERY ON 2nd Mobius K, 8:00 pm [ROCK] BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ A La Mode, 9:00 pm [MUSIC] CLOUD 9 Tirade, LatchHookRobot, The Guild, 10:30 pm [ROCK] CROWBAR ROOFTOP Gumbo, 6:00 pm, FREE [OLD TIME] FARMER’S MARKET Patricia Feltmann & Sing in the Valley Vocalists, 9:30 am, FREE [ACOUSTIC] FIREWORKS The Winterlings, 8:00 pm [FOLK]

Lebanon

MERLIN’S BAR AND GRILL Damit Jim Band, 9:00 pm [ROCK]

Albany

sing&dance

RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Production presents DJ Tray, FREE [DANCE]

Corvallis

CORVALLIS DANCE CENTER CENTER Beginning Ballroom Lessons, 3:00 pm, Intermediate West Coast Swing Lessons, 4:00 pm, Beginning West Coast Swing, 6:00 pm [DANCE] ODDFELLOWS HALL Swing, 7:00 pm, Blues, 10:00 pm, $5 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL On the Top: DJ Heartburn, 9:00 pm [DANCE]

Lebanon

DUFFY'S IRISH PUB Karaoke, 10:00 pm, FREE [SING] MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

stuff

Albany

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER Oliver! 8:00 pm, $13 [MUSICAL] CITY HALL Albany Farmer’s Market, 9:00 am – 1:00 pm, FREE [MARKET] LINN COUNTY EXPO Gun Dog Expo, 12:00 pm to 8:00 pm [DOG GUN IT, YES!]

Corvallis

AVALON WINE Wine tasting, 12:00 – 3:00 pm [WINE-IN] DOWNTOWN FIRST ST Corvallis Farmer’s Market, 9:00 am to 1:00 pm, FREE [MARKET] Corvallis Artisan’s Market, 9:00 am – 2:00 pm [CRAFTS] ENOTECA WINE BAR Saketini Saturdays, 3:00 pm [SAKE-TO-ME] OSU GOSS STADIUM Corvallis Knights vs. Walla Walla Sweets, 6:40 pm [BASEBALL] WINESTYLES Wine Tasting, 4:00 pm, $10 [WINE TIME]

Lebanon

WILLAMETTE SPEEDWAY Wah Chang Employee Night: Run What Ya Brung, 6:00 pm, $14 [RACE DAY]

sunday26 Albany

livemusic

CALAPOOIA BREWING Blues Jam, 4:00 pm, FREE [BLUES]

Corvallis

FIREWORKS HOUR Trader Local Folk Festival: Celebrating All Things Local, 1:00 - 10:00 pm [FOLK] FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH Chintimini Chamber Music Festival Concert #4, 7:30 pm [CLASSICAL]

Tangent

DIXIE CREEK SALOON Acoustic Jam, 7:00 pm, Bluegrass Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [iPlay]

Corvallis

sing&dance

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke with Sqwig-e-okie, 9:00 pm [SING]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Albany

Across 1. NCAA football matchup system 4. Group activity, at times 7. School subject with variables 14. “___ get it now!”

15. Offroad vehicle, for short 16. Trump, for one 17. Without a prayer, and like 24-, 34-, 46-, and 56-Across 19. Little auk 20. Scroogelike 21. Senate Majority Leader Harry 22. Crap 23. Hansen who retired from NPR last month 24. Museum wing dedicated to small change? (Roman, war) 26. O.T. book about returning to Zion 27. Religious branch 28. ___Vista (search engine that still exists) 29. Hat in westerns 32. Early label for R.E.M. 34. Movie featuring performers who croon into cans? (Greek, marriage) 37. Baseball rival of SEA and TEX 38. Unmediated observer 41. Place with tons of bars 44. Company with toy trucks 45. National anthem contraction 46. Determine the geological origin of, say? (Rome, sun) 49. Temporary failure, as of judgment 51. Like hell 52. Housekeeper’s concern 53. Dark and gloomy, aesthetically 54. “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of ___ ...” (Matthew 19:24) 56. Ave. in a ghost town? (Greek, war) 57. Chrysler partner, once 58. ___ kwon do 59. Former Formula One driver Fabi 60. Parents’ weekend hirees 61. New Zealand new wave band Split ___ 62. Ballad ending?

Down 1. Bewilders, as the mind

To submit a calendar listing, notice of events must be received in writing by noon on Tuesday, one week before publication.

Send to calendar @ thealchemistweekly.com.

For photo consideration please attach high resolution images with proper photo credit.

Inkwell Crosswords by Ben Tausig

saturday25

Beyond Belief

31. Biology class topic 32. Comic book artist’s choices 33. Way, for short 35. “That’s all ___ ...”

36. Noob 39. “That much is obvious” 40. ___ set (future engineer’s toy) 41. Spiritual struggles misunderstood by extremists and American conservatives alike 42. Torah VIP 43. Disrespectful roommate’s reply to an inquiry about that last slice of pizza you were saving 44. Canadian jerks 47. Discombobulate 48. Stick for a drawer 49. Talk show host George 50. Part of D.A.: Abbr.

53. Paranoid fed. employee 55. 911 responder, for short 56. Touristy time in Paris

2. Spicy Spanish pork sausage 3. Body heat?

4. Big name in Britpop 5. Online crafts warehouse 6. Letters on coaches’ chalkboards 7. Truant, perhaps 8. ‘60s protest type 9. Short-lived “Sanford and Son” spinoff 10. Frequently overoptimistic JFK guess 11. Indian city in 1984 gas leak news 12. Follow an Arabesque pattern?

13. Nipple area 18. Hall of Fame quarterback Dawson 21. Find out what that weird dude from high school is up to, via Facebook 24. Gilpin of “Frasier” 25. Certain devout Brooklynite 27. Sonic the Hedgehog company 30. You’ll get them regularly if you have gas

6 6 9 8

1

9 7

6

2 7

9 2

7

4

1

1

3 4

8 3

7

9 7

2

5 4

5

1

Difficulty: Medium

sudoku-puzzles.net

stuff

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER Oliver! 8:00 pm, $13 [MUSICAL] LINN COUNTY EXPO Gun Dog Expo, 12:00 pm to 8:00 pm [DOG GUN IT, YES!]

Corvallis

ENOTECA Saketini Sundays, 3:00 pm [SAKE-TO-ME] OSU GOSS STADIUM Corvallis American Legion, 5:15 pm [BASEBALL]

monday27

Corvallis

FIREWORKS Southtown Open Mic, 8:00 pm [LISTEN/PLAY] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke with Sqwig-e-okie, 9:00 pm [SING]

Lebanon

STARLITE SPORTS BAR Willamette Poker Tour, 7:00 pm [POKER] MERLIN'S BAR AND GRILL Karaoke, FREE [SING]

stuff

[AMERICANA] Saturday | June 25th | 8:00 pm

DreamDog

Calapooia Brewing in Albany WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 21, 2011 • 11

WORD ON A

continued from p. 5 eration work as well as it has for the past three years.

“Beth Little, the director of the Eugene Saturday Market mentored me and set me up with the material I needed to structure the market. Then, Rebecca Landis, the director of the Corvallis Albany Farmers’ Market has been an invaluable mentor,” she said. Sheri also wanted to thank Hugh and Elizabeth White who were kind enough to donate the lot the market takes place on for the last three years and are still doing all they can to help the Artisans Market.

Also special thanks to Cloud Davidson, the owner of Cloud 9 and The Downward Dog, and Joan Wesell, DCA who gave additional support to Sheri as the Artisans Market grew and took shape.

It may be corny to say that it takes a village, but the Corvallis Artisans Market is something that every person in the area can be proud of and take part in, whether you’re looking for a way to market your hobby for supplemental income, looking for a way to support local art or just looking for some fun on a Saturday, the Corvallis Artisans Market will paint your wagon.

Rocket Queen Cupcakes is currently raising money to fund a storefront location for their business, but for now, they work from their certified kitchen in Albany, making it possible for the market-goers to support a local business as well as enjoy these miniature, delicious works of art which are a perfect fancy snack that will make any shopper feel supremely decadent as they browse the surrounding stands’ wares.

www.thealchemistweekly.com

Call Sheri Dover (541) 602-6215

work Thursday, June 23rd

Wild Hog in the Woods

meet

Saturday, June 25th

DreamDog

Sunday, June 5th

Blues Jam

learn

www.thealchemistweekly.com

join 12 • JUNE 21, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

140 NE Hill St Albany, OR 541.928.1931

LOGER O R ST

by

Coyote Kate

Leo ( July 23-Aug. 22): Leo, your inner, guiding light, stronger than it has been, leads you along path of love, creative self expression and enterprise this summer.

You will move mountains. Well, your project will be completed in the time frame you desire, despite any obstacles. Obstacles are kind of like road-kill. You honor them in passing.

Some say prayers over them as they move them to the side. Eventually they decay and become part of the Earth and serve their ultimate purpose.

01 1●

WEEKLY A

a foreign substance, caused activation of the snail slime mechanism: protector. Once upon the Earth, it moved quickly, freer, at last in a friendlier element. Cancer, a snail, perseverance waiter and wader that it is, illuminates the way this week. Waiting means breathing slowly as the cosmos unfolds your re-enchantment. Home is a necessary accoutrement.

,2 1 June 2

●

Aries (March 21-April 19): Intentional gaffer: One who straight away assesses a social situation and then acts for change. Perhaps the situation feels like it is at-odds or misunderstanding permeates it, or the intentional gaffer does understand completely, and desires to be the impetus for change.

Aries, you don’t exactly ‘throw a wrench into the plan’ or play ‘devil’s advocate’--you not an outstanding usurper. Simply, you want to engage ‘outside the envelope,’ in more than just a neighborly fashion. Yours is an edged-blurb, not an off-sided comment or an internal thought said out loud.

Your statement maybe made with physical gestures, a slight movement of the hands, shrugging of the shoulders, etc. or followed by total movement out of the area. All this starts a conversation whether it is there on the spot, or a planted dialog seed. Practice intentional gaffing.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): “Resistance is futile.” Stubborn Bull, unlock your horns, move your torso back and take a good look at the world now that the eclipse is over.

Your intuition is at full force. Pay attention to it. Harbor it. Honor it. Run your horns across it or your hands whichever is easier to reach.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Feel like you’re standing in the middle of a flock of birds during take off ? They zoom past with their wings grazing your head in a wing kiss that throws you off balance. The experience of mental and emotional waves is akin to land sickness which happens when one has been asea for a long time. Shoring back up to feel the Earth move under your feet causes life vertigo. So you don’t have exactly what you want. It is what you projected— these waves. Fuse energies, make decisions, or accept.

Cancer ( June 21-July 22): On a midsummer’s night eve you could find yourself re-enchanted, especially since Sun moves into your sign today--like what happened to me this week: I discovered a snail, fullhoused in wonderful brown and orange stripes, beneath my feet. In an act of nonbusyness, I observed this snail lumber (snail-like, of course) across the sidewalk, with antennae waving, head moving to and fro, like flotsam and jetsam. The sidewalk—

on the love of yourself rather than miring yourself down in the middle of a Valhalla mall.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Find yourself a charm bracelet with bells on it or a necklace with a bell that makes noise.

Every time you find yourself truly listening, quietly jingle the bell. Keep in tune with the amount of time that you really listen as opposed to the time that you are the one talking or waiting to talk. It will tell you a lot about yourself and why some people don’t pay attention when you do speak. Keep in mind the words of J. Isham “Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.”

Aquarius ( Jan. 20-Feb.18): I know an Aquarian who built a pond in her dining room. She also owned 5,000 or so pairs of underwear and could not stop buying them.

Her heart did belong to the world; it would have belonged more if she outfitted 20 or so school children with underwear, but Aquarians have degrees of acceptable eccentricities. Water Bearer, if your eccentricities are bulging out your drawers or causing fogs in your households, perhaps it’s time to find a bigger heart-felt venue for your energy.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): A super Summer night is what Issa said it is: “Summer nights—even the stars are whispering to each other.” Nights are as much a part of us as the day, Pisces. Place yourself to receive.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): A Chinese proverb states that an ant may well destroy a whole dam. Considering what sedulous creatures they are, I have marked down their apparent wanderings and discovered that they visit my home only on Wednesdays in force. In looking forward to their weekly retreat to my place, I clean a bit, making sure that their pathway is free and clear of debris, such as cereal droppings that they might be sideline their march.. I say they need to take a vacation, but they are ants. Virgo, I suggest that you become less than sedulous—anti-sedulous. Take a break all the while remembering an Afghan proverb: “A little water is a sea to an ant.”

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In revisiting the little boy who cried “Wolf ” too many times, we discover another. This one asks questions and lets people know how scared they are, how daunting the task is, because they too, are scared fangless. One question is “How do I domesticate the wolf without resorting to wounding it first and then taking care of it for a long time?” “How do I turn an enemy into a friend?” “Can one ever go back to wild safely?” Ponder social customs in your world Libra.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A child is a natural born rock picker and water player, touching both in abandonment and joy at their proliferation, while noting the journey of the Earth in both elements. By their wonder-touch, the child honors both, and more. Scorpio, you could live vicariously through a child close to you, yet that would be a filtered experience. Get dirty and wet.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Allegedly, the origin of #### you, came from the French cutting off the middle shooting finger of the Brits. So, archer, you may feel like showing this sign to everyone. Stuff has piled up on top of stuff. Real stuff. Real life.

Every center shifts. You are in the middle of one of those right now. So take your arrows, hone them to sharp points quietly. Work

Thank you for naming us your Favorite Musical Instrument Store!

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137 SW Third Street, Corvallis • (541) 754-6098

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B&J Bookbinding New Binding - Restoration Repairs - Bibles 108 SW 3rd St • Corvallis • 541.757.9861 WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 21, 2011 • 13

LITERATI Paper Dolls

by Sierra DeMulder We are taught from the moment we leave our pink nurseries: we are collapsible paper dolls. Light to hold, easier to crumple. That as women, our worth lives secretly wrapped in lace and cotton panties, our fragility armored in pepper spray and mace.

They say one in ten, one in six, one in three women will be raped or sexually abused in their life time and I am one of three daughters.

Now imagine each victim is an acrobat: her sanity, a balancing act. Our response is the unfailing safety net -- we never expect to see her across the wire. You weren’t just violated, we tell her, you are an empty museum, a gutted monument to what used to hold so much worth.

And with best intentions we tell her reclaim it, put a price tag on her rape and own it .

But don’t stand too tall, don’t act too strong.

We will name you denial.

Come back when you are ready to crumble like your bones are made of chalk.

You can only laugh cutely or cry beautifully, so cry beautifully. We will catch you.

fresh • local • organic good-for-you foodchoices Your shopping make a difference.

We are calling it theft.

As if he could pluck your ribs open like cello strings, pocket your breasts, steal what makes your heart flutter and tack its wings to his wall.

Some days you will feel dirty.

Some weeks you’ll remember how hard it is to breathe in public but know this: the person who did this to you is broken. Not you.

The person who did this to you is out there choking on the glass of his chest-it is a windshield and his heartbeat is a baseball bat: regret this, regret this.

Nothing was stolen from you.

Your body is not a hand-me-down and there is nothing that sits inside you holding your worth, no locket that can be seen or touched-fucked from your stomach to be left on concrete.

And I know its hard to feel perfect when you can’t tell an Adam’s apple from a fist because some ashtray of a man picked you to play his Eden.

But I will not watch you collapse.

14 • JUNE 21, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

South Corvallis 1007 SE 3rd St 541-753-3115 Open 7-9 North Corvallis NW 29th & Grant 541-452-3115 Open 7-9

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LITERATI “dream; Imploding Star” - Part III Chronicles of Detective Siempre

by T. Clarence

“W

honey

let's go out

Corvallis

hat do you mean you didn’t last five minutes in his dream?”

Detective Candy Siempre stroked the part of his neck where the dreamt-up paratrooper had started to tighten his cable. He couldn’t decide if he cared too much for the well being of the local football team, the Cascadian ‘Copias, or if Coach Amos Wandreson, ‘The Wonder,’ was that good at guilt tripping people.

“There´s no way I could have prepared-” “Do you think this is a game, detective?”

The Wonder’s roar echoed in his office, “Even if this were a game, if you couldn’t last five minutes on the field I’d cut you from the team.”

Candy’s head dipped in shame even now, as he replayed the interchange in his head.

“Watch it!” Petra hissed as he circled around him with the ball.

“Good, now pass it up to Gene just like I said,” Mario Xander sounded sure of himself for the first time since Candy had taken up his case.

The star forward, Number 10, had left him at the stadium offices the day before with the agreement that they would meet back at the detective’s office the next afternoon. Candy had a hunch that he could get a glimpse of Xander’s mindset without setting foot in the dangerous terrain of his dreams.

Instead, the pair had made their way to No Dogs Park, a local spot Candy sometimes made use of. An aberration in Cascadia, the park had no grass or trees. It was built as a parking garage shortly before the Cascadian government had banned privately-owned automobiles; the local youth quickly appropriated it.

At the moment, the top level was set up as a temporary playing field. Once the young locals had realized who Xander was, it was easy to set up a game and have him coach both sides of the field. The detective refereed.

“He’s a great athlete, but he doesn’t know what he wants or what he’s doing,” ‘The Wonder’ had told Candy.

“Actually, for what little I saw of his dream he knew exactly what he was doing.

He even ordered the rest of us-” “I give the orders around here, damn it!” the coach had shouted so ferociously that,

had he not been replaying the nuclear blast from Xander’s dream in his head, Candy would have jumped out of his seat.

“That´s a good move, green shirt, but you can’t keep the ball only to your left or it’ll get stripped,” Xander spoke authoritatively from the sidelines as a boy in yellow took the ball, “Yeah, just like that.”

“He probably just started another fight in his dream,” Coach Wandreson’s words echoed in Candy’s head, distracting him as the kid in green purposefully tripped the boy in yellow.

“C´mon ref !” Xander’s shout pulled Candy back to the game, “You have to call that kind of thing!”

Both Mario and Candy started rushing across the field as the boys began to grapple and shout. The boy in green had the other by his hair and looked ready to slam him to the cement floor when Xander grabbed him up in his arms.

“Save that energy for the chase!” he ordered, “And to score, if you have to feel on the attack.”

The other players had gathered around them and now stood nodding their heads in agreement, the detective nodded as well, “One more stunt like that and I’ll red card you and suspend you for two games.”

Candy glanced up sheepishly at Xander when he realized he’d decreed the same sentence that the forward had received for fighting only two days prior, but Xander was too preoccupied to care. He was already directing the boys back into place.

“He´s a wild man,” Wandreson had decreed.

The detective questioned the coaches words as he ignored the game again to watch Xander, still as a rock with his fists at his waist.

“Stay to formation, you can’t win on your own!” he called to the players. All but a goalie had bunched up at one end to fight over the ball and Xander resisted the urge to walk over and take charge.

“He can’t control himself,” ‘The Wonder’ paused to choose his final words with care.

His eyes settled on Candy as if he’d just realized he was there, “One more fight and he´s done for the season.”

Candy felt as weak after Wandreson’s barrage as he had after Xander’s dream, but stood resolutely.

“Don´t give up on him yet.”

Aqua Seafood Restaurant & Bar 151 NW Monroe Ave. 541.752.0262

Albany

Albany Civic Theater

500 SW 2nd St 541.753.7442

Alleyoop Lounge

101 NW Jackson Ave. 541.757.0694

111 First Ave. SW 541.928.4603 901 Pacific Blvd 541.941.0977

Bogey’s Bar & Grill

129 W 1st Ave. 541.929.8900

Calapooia Brewing

140 Hill St. NE 541.928.1931

Cappies Brewhouse

211 1st Ave W 541.926.1710

Cascade Grill

110 Opal St. NW 541.926.3388

Chasers Bar & Grill

DISC SKATE GLASS

1110 NW Van Buren Corvallis, OR 541.754.4257

Big River Restaurant & Bar Block 15

300 SW Jefferson Ave. 541.758.2077

Bombs Away Café 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 541.757.7221

China Delight Restaurant 325 NW 2nd St. 541.753.3753

Clodfelter’s

435 SE 2nd Ave 541928.9634

1501 NW Monroe Ave. 541.758.4452

Dixie Creek Saloon

Cloud 9

32994 Hwy 99E, Tangent, OR 541.926.2767

Favorite Mistake Sports Bar

5420 Pacific Blvd. 541.903.0034

Front Street Bar

2300 Northeast Front Ave. 541.926.2739

GameTime Sports Bar & Grill 2211 Waverly Dr. SE 541.981.2376

Humpty’s Dump Bar & Grill

916 Old Salem Rd NE 541.926.3111

JP’s Restaurant & Lounge

220 2nd Ave. 541.926.5546

Lariat Lounge 901 Pacific Blvd SE 541.928.2606

Linger Longer Tavern

145 SW Main St. 541.926.2174

Lucky Larrys Lounge 1296 S Commercial Way SE 541.928.3654

Riley’s Billiards Bar & Grill Independently Owned since 2006

The Beanery on 2nd

124 Broadalbin St SW 541.926.2838

Wilhelm’s Spirits & Eatery 1520 Pacific Blvd SE 541.926.7001

126 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900

Murphy’s Tavern

2740 SW 3rd St. 541.738. 7600

Papa’s Pizza

1030 S.W. Third St. 541.757.2727

Peacock Bar & Grill

125 SW 2nd St. 541.754.8522

Squirrel’s

100 SW 2nd St. 541.753.8057

Sunnyside Up Café

116 NW 3rd St 541.758.3353

Suds & Suds

1045 NW Kings Blvd.

541.758.5200

Troubadour

521 SW 2nd St. 541.752.7720

Tyee Wine Cellars 26335 Greenberry Rd. 541.753.8754

Wanted Saloon 140 NW 3rd St.

WineStyles

Crowbar

2333 N.W. Kings Blvd.

541.738.9463

Darrell’s Restaurant & Lounge

Artisian’s Well Lounge

DEL Alma

Cornerstone Café & Pub

214 SW 2nd St. 541.753.7373

2200 NW 9th St. 541.752.6364 136 SW Washington Ave, Ste. 102 - 541.753.2222

Downward Dog

130 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900

Enoteca Wine Bar

136 SW Washington Ave. 541.758.9095

Fireworks Restaurant & Bar 1115 SE 3rd 541.754.6958

Flat Tail Pub

202 SW 1st St. 541.758.2219

Greenberry Store & Tavern

29974 HWY 99W 541.752.3796

Harrison Bar & Grill 550 NW Harrison Blvd.

541.754.1017

Impulse

Lebanon

2250 South Main Rd. 541.451.3900

180 S 5th St. 541.847.6262

Duffy’s Irish Pub 679 South Main St. 541.259.2906

Fire Pit Lounge

2230 South Santiam Hwy 541.451.2010

GameTime Sports Bar & Grill

3130 South Santiam Hwy 541.570.1537

Merlin’s Bar & Grill 25 W. Sherman St. 541.258.6205

Peacock Bar & Grill East

76 E. Sherman St. 541.451.2027

Sports Shack & Deli

1250 Grant St. 541.259.0800

Philomath

1425 NW Monroe Ave. 541.230.1114

High 5 Sports Bar & Grill

La Bamba Mix Night Club

Meet’n Place Tavern

126 SW 4th St. 541.207.3593

Luc

134 SW 4th St. 541.753.4171

1644 Main St.-541.929.7529 1150 Mian St. 541.929.3130

Wine Vault

1301 Main St. 541.929.8496

Wing Sing Restaurant & Lounge 658 Main St. 541.929.6255

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • JUNE 21, 2011 • 15

Three and half years of production One year of newsprint 184 consecutive weeks of community love

I

THE A LC H E M I S T

One night to celebrate Thursday, July 14th SubZero • 126 SW 4th St • Corvallis, OR

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a.

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