The Alchemist Weekly by The Alchemist Weekly

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • VOLUME 4 NUMBER 166:35 • MARCH 8, 2011

Bout time

by KATIE KELLY | p. 5

ALCHY PICKS | p. 8 My first time

Rat-a-tat-tat goes the needle in the fat. The ink bleeds the pink as I sink what I think.

by LAUREN WASHINGTON | p. 12

Skin it

Corvallis makes the pink drink ink by JIMBO IVY | p. 6

VOICE

SYMPOSIUM Empathy from the Devil

Albany ● Corvallis ● Lebanon ● Philomath VOLUME 4 NUMBER 166:35 ● MARCH 8, 2011

VOICE Opinions and Editorials, be they ours or yours, this is where they be.

3 | Dirtstir 4 | Letters

WORD

Journalists call them features; we say it’s the word.

5 | Derby Dames 6 | Skin it

BUMP

It’s the calendar of all things Albany, Corvallis, Lebanon, and Philomath.

8 | Alchy Picks 11 | Crossword

LITERATI

Amateur prose, poetry and fiction still has a home.

13 | My first time

Editorial

Editors Courtney Clenney, Stanley Tollett Staff Writers Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup, Stanley Tollett Bump Editor Noah Stroup Contributors Dirtstir, Jimbo Ivy, Katie Kelly, Lauren Washington

Art

Art Director Freddy Ruiz Layout Editor Courtney Clenney Cover photo by: Jimbo Ivy

Advertising

Account Executive Noah Stroup

Business

Publisher Noah Stroup The Alchemist Weekly is published by: CorvAlcheMedia LLC PO Box 1591 Corvallis, OR 97339 Alchemist Mission

As a publication, our goal is to facilitate greater understanding and appreciation for the diverse social and cultural groups found in the area. In doing so, we hope to create a greater sense of community between Oregon State University and Corvallis, between Albany and Corvallis, and between Philomath, Lebanon and Corvallis-Albany. The Alchemist recognizes the various interests of these groups and is dedicated to being as fluid as the community it serves. The Alchemist is available to you for free. Please limit yourself to one copy. If your picture is in it, you are welcome to take enough copies for your family. Subject to availability, back issues can be purchased by mail for $5. Send your request with specific issue date to PO Box 1591, Corvallis, OR 97339 and include a check or money order payable to The Alchemist.

Is Hell hot and painful for Lucifer? I mean the cat can come and go as he pleases. He can play in your idle hands. He can turn into a slithery snake and tempt naked chicks and then have them tempt naked dudes. He can try and tempt Jesus, but that’s not gonna fly—even though he can apparently. He can do all kinds of crazy, wild and sinful things and the best part is...that’s his job, he’s just doing the Devil’s work. The cost for his daily deeds is just a return home, where he is the King of his castle. Pretty sick gig if you ask me. I wonder if he ever feels guilty about his choice, years ago, to question authority? My Bible has gathered some dust, and I do not claim to be a scholar in the Biblical sense. But according to what I can remember, at one point, Lucifer was an angel. He was apparently the best and highest of all the angles. He was at the top of his game, and his only boss was God himself. One day, if days exist up there, he decided that he might know a little better than the main man. He started questioning shit. He thought he was God, or worse yet...better. Boss man did not dig that at all, and cast his ass into a sea of fire. It was a long fall and it’s hot down there. So now, for all eternity, Lucifer is down under, not Australia, but way way down, in Hell. He hangs there now and again, and is the god of Hell. That’s where all bad people go, and for them it sucks. It’s hot, it’s torture, and worse yet...it’s forever. If you suddenly make up your mind that it’s too hot in the kitchen after a couple of thousand years...too bad, you’re stuck. But not for the Devil, he’s right at home. It only makes sense to hypothesize that for Satan, Hell’s not that bad of a place. He’s the boss; he sets his own hours and gets to take long lunches whenever he wants. Plus, he doesn’t have to deal with God and his ultimate authority. He even gets to battle with his old nemesis whenever he wants, over our souls, and he has what some people would consider some pretty incredible weapons in his arsenal... Drugs, sex, Rock N’ Roll music. The only downside, in my opinion, is that somewhere in the back of the Devil’s

mind...there is good dude still in there. He secretly likes God and wants his approval. He misses the old days when they used to pal around in the clouds. And this whole Hell thing has become a rebellion of raucousness in an attempt to get God to notice him and forgive him and say, yeah Luce... you may have had a point, let’s let bygones be bygones and come on back. It’s all good. But, some people may think, and probably rightly so, that God ain’t never going back on that shit. He is, after all, perfect and his decisions are final. So it’s a moot point. The Devil will remain in Hell and God will remain in Heaven. If you look at it this way, with God being perfect and his decision all being infallible before they are even issued, and the Devil sitting around with eternity to ponder a mistake and his own fallibility...is it possible that Lucifer has more of an ability to empathize with human beings than God himself? Is it possible that Satan, that beast, is actually able to relate to us more closely than God? If that’s true, then we, as an imperfect species are closer to the Devil than we are to God. Because we have all sinned and regretted it and because most of us have questioned authority and been punished or ostracized because of it. Lucifer was the original anarchist. Hmmm...anarchist, antichrist...that’s interesting man, that’s interesting. I don’t know what to think about all this. I hope I don’t go to Hell for writing a Symposium. If you’re reading this Lord, don’t punish me, I’m just exercising free will and I do good things all the time with that same free will. Maybe we can all get together, God, Lucifer, me, and all of you and just hug it out. Forget about all this questioning and punishment and heat and live eternally in bliss. I guess the only person to make that call is God. So, dear God, how about a little sympathy for the devil and the rest of us too? -Stanley Tollett stanley@thealchemistweekly.com

• MARCH 8, 2011 • WWW.TH E A LC H E M I S T WE E KLY.CO M

Last week's puzzle solutions

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VOICE

DIRTSTIR Blips

Here’s a few items I’ll not expound on. The music for the Honda Accord commercial, “The One,” uses a tune like the opening of Pink Floyd’s “Waiting for the Worms.” Obama has declared the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional. He’s not usurping judicial authority and it’s not the first time a president has done this. Consider it a call to states to produce or defend existing state legislation contrary to DOMA, forcing a court hearing. Twenty-two more charges have been leveled against Pfc. Bradley Manning, suspected of transferring military information to WikiLeaks. One of the charges was “Theft of public records.” I thought the problem was that he gave information to the public. ATF has been tracking, but not stopping several persons moving arms into Mexico in an attempt to track higher level criminals. ATF seems to have lost track of hundreds of these weapons. Like DEA policy in the 80s resulting in more stringent drug laws, this government sanctioned trafficking can give rise to more oppressive gun laws here. I caught some of NBA Noche Latino, El Heat played Los Spurs. Wouldn’t that be “El Calor” and “Las Espuelas”? Oregon House Bill 732 would allow undocumented graduates of Oregon high schools to pay in-state tuition at Oregon universities. Documented international students pay would continue to pay over three times the tuition of a resident.

Me Vuelves Loco

This poop drives me crazy. First, I had to show my birth certificate when I originally received my license (age 16), being by law required to show my origin. It helps avoid giving licenses to pretenders. This was a great idea 30 years ago, but the ‘wads at DMV weren’t getting the f***ing job done (I think) because of changes in legislation and the difficulty of meshing Oregon standards with other states. Instead of slowing down and doing the job right, the State found it easier to simply change some laws. Three years ago, legislation was enacted to correct this lack of maintenance, and everyone is now required to show “proof of legal presence, identity, and date of birth” when replacing, renewing, or receiving a license for the first time in Oregon (oregon.gov). I was bitter, because of the previously stated conditions I had met. Now, some state legislators want to remove that hoop with Senate Bill 845, and now, I want the hoop to remain. Curious? An article on the front of the March 3 Gazette-Times informs me that SB845 would make people eligible to receive a driver’s license by showing they were a capable driver. Residency requirements are waived. Proponents are concerned that immigrants without residency documentation, “whether they are living in the country legally or not,” are driving without licenses, going so far as to call residency documentation a “barrier.” Funny, I’m required to carry documentation

CORVALLIS VANITIES

(ID) at all times. That barrier is commonly known as a “law.” It’s also a law that at some point in the process, one shows a passport, birth certificate, or similar document to enter this country legally. That “whether they are living in the country legally or not” is grand deception by implication that one can be in this country legally without documentation. When the term “undocumented” is used, it means the same thing as “illegal.” Proponents say the license would be for driving and acquiring auto insurance only, and couldn’t be used “for other identification purposes”. Simply providing one creates “other identification,” among other numerous problems. The license would need to be distinct from existing driver’s licenses, and everybody who checks identification would need to be trained to identify the new license. Or, no regular driver’s license could be used for anything beyond driver identification, another piece of ID would be created for all other purposes, and more costs to the citizen would be mandated. An immigrant rights group, CAUSA (“cause”), calls it a safety issue, noting difficulties “undocumented”workers have getting to work. I know citizens without licenses that have trouble getting to work. There are reasons they don’t have licenses. Documentation is necessary to assess, among other things, people’s arrest/criminal and driving records. Beyond the major forms of identification, documentation becomes dubious quickly. Under this bill, an identity (or several) based on false information can receive a legal document that helps legitimize a false identity. This is certainly a safety issue. This legislation grants privilege to a target ethnic group, abetting a large number of people actively, knowingly breaking state and federal laws. Sure, even a citizen could opt to not provide proof of residence. But then they would have to carry their birth certificate or passport for alcohol, tobacco, R movies, whenever in public. Remember the special license is for driving and insurance purposes only, by law not acceptable as ID if a cop stops you walking down the street. Finally read this document at http://gov. oregonlive.com/bill/2011/SB845/. The first ten pages are Section 3 of the legislation, “A police officer may not discriminate against an individual who holds a driver license or driver permit issued under section 2...”(driver doesn’t need proof of legal residence)”...of this 2011 Act.,” continues the bias, as “may not discriminate” isn’t mentioned regarding one holding a license received with resident documentation. Section 5 of ORS 807.040(c) biometric data (ex: DNA, retinal scan, fingerprint, photograph, etc.) that can help track criminal and driving records are required from one using resident documentation to receive a license, but no mention for non-documented license holders. I could go on, but I feel my hands being tightened behind my back. -cjT dirtstirreply@gmail.com

The thoughts, views, and opinions expressed in Voice are of their authors and do not necessarily represent the thoughts, views or opinions of CorvAlcheMedia, LLC. WWW.THEALCHEMI ST WEEKLY.COM • MARCH 8, 2011 •

TO THE EDITOR

LETTERS Outspoken and out smokin’

• MARCH 8, 2011 • WWW.TH E A LC H E M I S T WE E KLY.CO M

that we have found which works for us. For those of you who can’t see this and think we’re destroying your health, remember your mortality and use us as a spring board to better yourselves. Those of you who can’t get over how disgusting we make the air, walk to school instead of driving your pampered butt and savor the sweet smell of the oxygen while trying to be aware the emissions given off by each and every vehicle, and then when you see a smoker lighting up around you, just be brave and find another place in the jungle that smells sweeter. If you nonsmokers catch one of us flicking our butts onto the ground, yell at us. Make a scene and have enough pride in your campus that you’re willing to let someone else know when they’re dirtying it up. And for those of you with nothing to do for a few minutes between classes, look for us and strike up a conversation. The people smoking are (almost) always willing to talk to someone about politics, the weather, classes, the no smoking policy, how awful the Barometer can be, anything. And honestly, it’s easier to have a conversation with a smoker in an open air environment than in a tent crowded with people all puffing at full speed if you’re not the biggest fan of the habit. We’re flesh and blood and thought just like you, and before you flick us away into

Photo by Stanley Tollett

So it’s official now. It won’t be long until the tents are set up and all of the smokers on campus will be socially ostracized into them (assuming we’re lucky enough to actually be given tents) by people wearing suits, or maybe even people sporting shiny badges--the real symbol of a person with know how who has never intended anyone harm at any point in his or her life. Bah, you won’t see me under one of those tents. I am not a SMOKER. I am a human being, a living organism, a breathing, procreating, eating, farting piece of inorganic matter running on chemicals which give me the comfortable illusion of autonomy. And with this illusion of autonomy I am choosing to continue smoking whenever and wherever the urge and desire strikes me. The OSU 2.5-oh are gonna have to pull out the truncheon and give me some service with a smile before I’m even slightly inclined to stick my head into a designated quarantine zone for people who enjoy dying just a little each day. Now before everyone gets all uppity and starts screaming at me about how I’m killing babies and destroying the atmosphere for everyone, let’s expose some of the hypocrisy around this new “law”. I’ll kindly give all of your hateful remarks the finger after I’m done with this piece. Firstly, this “law” is being enacted with the purpose of “cleaning the air”, which is a hilarious sentiment when you look at how little OSU cares about public transit and the massive amounts of fumes given off by people who drive to OSU each day. There are some moments where I honestly feel like I’m back in the 1950’s as I watch some kid drive by the Kerr Administration building multiple times in his hot new Mustang convertible; it’s as though the only thing some people have to do with their life is ‘cruise the strip’ and show off that new piece of metal that they purchased through their daddy’s credit rating (btw all you sports car aficionados, cars aren’t a sign of wealth, owning the machines that make them are, though). It’s just wonderful seeing all of these hot rods and SUV’s polluting the air on a constant basis while I wait for a bus which doesn’t even run past 7 pm. So you wanna clean the air OSU? How about not marginalizing and subjugating the 3% of your student population who choose to smoke cigarettes, and put a higher price on parking permits for cars which have a fuel mileage of less than 25 m.p.g.? This money can then be used to help subsidize the cost of operating the bus routes which pass through campus so that students taking night classes aren’t stuck using your SafeRide, or walking or biking through the frequently rainy conditions just to get back home. Not to mention, this will probably reinforce the “commitment to sustainability” that I’ve been told OSU has (because I don’t really think that engaging in a once a year recycle-a-thon with U of O counts as a strong commitment to sustainability). Secondly, this policy is being approved because it is believed it will make our student population healthier. To all you health freaks out there, I’m going to drop a little knowledge on you which may destroy your entire world: you and everyone you know WILL

die one day, regardless of your physical health. Yeah, I’ve seen you guys acting tough in your sleeveless shirts and b-ball shorts playing touch football on the new (and might I add, very expensive) looking field that was just opened across from Dixon, trying to look good for the ladies. And I’ve seen you ladies flaunting your legs which you worked seven hours a week on, using fancy running machines, trying just a bit too hard to be noticed to be worth my time. Is the smoke from my good-god-biology-is-the-dumbest-subject-in-the-world cigarette bothering you as you walk your well toned butts through the library door to your next class? Guess what? There is a second entrance to the library that is rarely populated with smokers which involves two flights of stairs (I hear you health people are nuts about climbing those). Am I bothering you as we share the sidewalk between buildings? Take 5 seconds to jog around me and show me how athletic and healthy you really want to be; running is a practically obsolete activity anyway, so you might as well find a daily, good use for those hard earned muscles you’ve been building through your “I drank too much this weekend so I should balance it out” workouts. Look at it as a game if it helps. Every day you get to play “dodge the kids who smoke the death sticks”. Or just get used to us being who we want to be, the choice is up to you, but stop judging the activities of others as a detriment to your health when you’re too ignorant to realize that the world is a large enough jungle that you can always go somewhere else, and that the things you perceive as negative can be used as a means of self improvement for you. Finally, the comment about Corvallis possibly becoming the University’s ashtray is evidence that maybe there was some thought put into this policy beyond the simple “THOSE bad people do bad things, PUT THEM OVER THERE!”. This comment shows the wholesale lack of knowledge on whether or not this policy would actually change the habits of OSU’s soon to be subjugated 3%, however, as it seems to suggest that smoking wouldn’t decrease, it would simply occur in other areas. Let’s be honest my fellow smokers, there are times when we make this campus look bad. Don’t be a lazy slob and leave your butts lying on the concrete walkways right next to the butt receptacles after you missed the 5 foot “KOBE!”, pick that crap up. Yes, it is someone’s job to empty those things, but do you know how much better you make their day when at each trash point they don’t have to pick up fifteen butts that have been in peoples’ mouths? I know you wouldn’t want to do that yourselves, and you actually enjoy this habit. So don’t be a jerk, have some pride in your habit and your school, and be clean about it. Sure, a few extra trash cans here and there would be a good incentive for us smokers to be a little bit more clean about our habit waste, but that’s for another rant at another time. We smokers aren’t out to intentionally destroy your air (Ha! I can’t wait until someone gets the privilege to sell air rights) and clutter up this campus, we’re just trying to alleviate our stress or heighten a conversation or wake up a little more throughout the day in a way

our own special little tents to be cut off from the normal people, realize what you might be stamping out. ~Nygil McCune

LETTERS from our Readers are always welcome and we will print as many as we can fit. Please send your letters to editor@thealchemistweekly.com. It is helpful for you to include your name and contact information as well. Letters may be edited for grammar, clarity, or space restrictions.

WORD

Bout time

Another season of skate trips and hip whips Words by KATIE KELLY Photos by CASEY CAMPBELL

he warehouse echoes with the vibrating hum of wheels on cement. In the center of the floor is a taped outline of a long oval ring. There are women everywhere: stitching up skates, strapping on knee-pads, drawing on each other’s arms, and hitching up fishnets. They are the Sick Town Derby Dames. Welcome to roller disco’s version of Wonderland. I’m feeling even more like Alice as twin sisters, Wrath of Kant and Smack Da Pus (Denise and Natasha Cerruti), roll up to me. They’ve been apart of Sick Town since

it began in 2007 when eight unique ladies met up at the old skate park in Corvallis. “It’s a sport like anything else,” says Pus. “But you don’t need to be professional,” says Kant. “Yeah,” Pus agrees. “Anyone can play.” “--and you don’t need to catch any balls,” Kant concludes. Now Sick Town has a roster of over 30 women from a variety of backgrounds. The average age is early 30s. “So many other sports are developed around the capabilities of men’s bodies, derby is developing with women’s strengths,” RegIna Teeth (Emily Barton) adds. She thinks for a moment, “There’s a need for woman’s sports, derby draws such a crowd and we’re only amateurs.” The warehouse suddenly hushes as everyone looks to the course. A shrill whistle blows from a male referee. The scrimmage starts. What follows is a battling rhythm of skates gaining momentum. A pack of woman move forward along the course, jostling and bumping one another, glancing back over their shoulders. Behind them are two solitary figures, the aptly called jammers, one for each team, waiting poised at a taped line. A second whistle blows. The two jammers sprint forward in elegant, determined strides. They gain speed as they approach the huddled mass of bodies skating in front of them. The first jammer plows through an opening in the pack, squeezing through a gauntlet of banging hips and shoulders. Her team maneuvers an opening and the jostled jammer sprints passed the pack. Our

other jammer is still striving for an opening, finds a hole and is quickly hip-checked into a tailspin down to the ground. Less then a blink, and she’s up again and pushing through the pack. The lead jammer surges up behind her and sneaks passed the pack for a second time. “That’s one point,” says Ophelia MuffKrush (Shelly Danielson), a smiling woman with the build of a brick wall. She recognizes my stupefied expression, “Pretty neat, huh?” I nod, or try to. What just happened was by far the most amazing expression of unleashed female ferocity I had ever seen. MuffKrush laughs, “This isn’t your high school pretty-girl sports, these are strong independent women.” MuffKrush did her first bout last November, “It’s such a thrill being out on skates, a thousand people watching. Knowing the other team is just coming to hit you, do whatever they can to stop you. Then that whistle blows, and you’re flat out in a dog pile with a bunch of girls on top of you. It’s amazing.” Despite the hip-pummeling, and stampeding, Sick Town is exceptionally concerned with safety. “You can’t scrimmage until you pass a minimum skills physical and written test,” say St. Nick (Nichole Havranek) my coach for the night. “Some people don’t bout for six months if they aren’t ready.” Velma Meana (Dianne Nelson) hasn’t passed her skills test yet. “I didn’t know how to skate when I first started. Everyone is really welcoming and accepting. You can be literally crawling on the floor when you

start and they’ll still tell you to come back,” she says. After learning to stay upright the next task is to master the art of crashing and burning, “Fall small, and fall forward,” instructs St. Nick and displays a series of falls that look more like an elegant dance. “It’s intimidating the first times you fall,” says MuffKrush. “Then it ends up being fun, you wind up laughing on the floor like fools.” After this lesson I promptly fall the wrong way, bruising my tailbone and ending up splayed out like a disgruntled starfish. At the end of the night, I fold myself happily into Kayla Kickner Ass’s sun-yellow Mini Cooper S for the drive home. Kickner has been representing Sick Town for the last year and is excited about the next public bout scheduled for March 12th at the Linn County Fairgrounds. The bouts attract anywhere 200 to 3000 people and there’s plenty of food and beer to go around. And, despite the glitter and fish-nets, the bouts are very family friendly. Kickner drops me off back in Corvallis, back to the real world of walking and Grated surnames. “We have everyone from professors, scientists, baristas, moms, doesn’t matter who you are in real life, you’re derby personality, your alter ego takes over. We get our bout-fit on, make-up, tights, fish-nets, booty shorts, and you leave everything at the door,” Kickner says. Don’t miss the next bout between the Sick Town Derby Dames and Emerald City Roller Girls at Linn County Fairgrounds, March 12th.

WWW.THEALCHEMI ST WEEKLY.COM • MARCH 8, 2011 •

WORD

Skin it

Corvallis makes the pink drink ink Words and Photos by JIMBO IVY

he skin of Corvallis is alive with a rainbow of ink, be it in the form of quarter-sleeves, neck pieces, or the stately, ‘tramp stamp.’ Once confined to the realm of military service, bowery workers, or outlaw bikers, tattooing has exploded into popular culture over the last 20 years, breaking previous barriers of age and lifestyle. The earliest evidence of tattooing was pried from the ice in the Ötztal Alps, near the border between Austria and Italy in September 1991: an ice mummy now internationally known as “Iceman.” According to a December 2004 National Geographic online article covering the history of tattooing by Cassandra Franklin-Barbajosa, Iceman’s lower back, ankles, knees, and foot were marked with a series of small lines, made by rubbing powdered charcoal into vertical cuts. Barbajosa says tattooing has been used across the centuries in rituals, cultural traditions, and customs spanning the entire world. Maori warriors used it to terrify and intimidate their enemies. Christian Crusaders of the 11th and 12th centuries identified themselves with the mark of the Jerusalem cross so they could be given a proper Christian burial if they died in battle. In a May 1936 article by Samuel Brinton, Life magazine estimated that 10 million Americans, or approximately 6% of the population, had at least one tattoo. By the turn of the century, the National Geo-

graphic News stated, in an April 2000 article by Melissa Howdry, that 15% of Americans were tattooed, or approximately 40 million people. Most recently, a 2006 study in the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology found that 24% of Americans between 18 and 50 are tattooed, and 36% of Americans age 18 to 29 have at least one tattoo. We’re not warriors, most of us. We don’t roam the land in clans seeking out food and material, therefore quick and easy sight identification of allegiance isn’t needed. What motivates the 21st century human to get that first permanent, painful mark rubbed into their skin?

Los Impulsivos

“There are as many reasons why people get tattooed as there are days in the year,” says Joey Taylor, owner of Sacred Art Tattoo in Corvallis. “Honestly, my first tats I got because I was like ‘Oh, that looks cool.’” Taylor, who has been a tattoo artist for 20 years, got started young; despite the fact that no one in his family had any tattoos, by the time he graduated high school, he had five. “My first tattoo—I hand-poked it myself when I was 14. It was one of the little sheep that the band Minor Threat used as their logo.” Mischa Brittin, head cook at Le Bistro in Corvallis, was also spontaneous with her first tattoo. Her best friend called her, ask-

ing if she wanted to hang out, but Brittin didn’t feel like the leaving the house. “So she said, ‘Come out with me…and I’ll buy you a tattoo!’ So, I thought for a second, and said, okay!” Brittin recalls. After one night of deliberation, she chose to have a small bear tattooed on one side of her butt. “The next day,” says Brittin, grinning, “I dropped trow in front of my mom. She was on the phone and yelled, “God, Mischa got a bear tattooed on her ass!” Brittin then told her mother the other options she had considered, which included the classic heart with “Mom” inside it. “So, of course she was totally annoyed that I didn’t get that.” Brittin later got the “Mom” heart tattooed on the other side of her butt—as a Mother’s Day present. Kylee McCoy, a tattoo artist at High Priestess Tattoo in Corvallis, was equally impulsive with her first tattoo, but wouldn’t advise that tactic. “I got my first when I turned 18, just because I was 18 and could. That was the only reason,” she says. McCoy explains that she did put quite a bit

of thought into her first design, being an artist, but she still regretted it because she went with what she thought was “cool” at the time, which changes dramatically as we age. Cory Dickens, also a High Priestess Tattoo inksmith, impervious to any regrets regarding tattoos says, “I got my first when I was 28, and it was purely decorative, no meaning whatsoever.” Dickens’ philosophy regarding tattoos revolves around impulse, spontaneity, and fun. “All my tattoos are snap decisions; whether it’s the tattoo of a steak that I got, my skull-faced hotdog, or the “ticket to Hell” I have on my shin,” he says.

The Deep Thinkers

Amy, first tattoo at 19, an OSU student studying English, took a less impulsive approach. “I knew [I] wanted words, because they’re my passion, but I didn’t hurry it, all in all I spent probably close to a year thinking about it, planning it, and making it look just right. [Four years later] I still love it, which is why I think it’s so important to proceed carefully,” she says. Zachery, a 26-year-old bank teller, was exhaustive in researching his first tattoo design. “I decided I wanted a tattoo that was going to mean something to me for the rest of my life; not a lover’s name or something fleeting,” he says. Zachery eventually settled on his family, and in effort to incorporate his entire family he discovered through genealogical research that both of his family crests included a lion. After, several months of researching every lion form he could find, Zachery was struck by the idea of a stained-glass lion. “Individually, each family member is different, but when you put them all together, it forms a picture of your heritage,” he says.

The Art of Why and What

Chris Jennings, a piercing artist at High Priestess, believes that tattooing is a form of self-expression, one that can catalog your life chronologically as you continually add new pieces of art. “[Tattooing] is about making yourself, who you feel you are on 6

• MARCH 8, 2011 • WWW.TH E A LC H E M I S T WE E KLY.CO M

WORD greatly from traditional tattooing. While pigment and needle size do differ, the most striking difference is the use of numbing agents. Lohman’s clients range greatly in age, and choose permanent makeup for a variety of reasons. Some simply don’t want to waste the time it takes each morning to apply traditional makeup, but Lohman also provides options for those allergic to traditional makeup and paramedical procedures for cancer survivors needing areola reconstruction or scar camouflage.

“You Pick it, I Stick it.”

the inside, show up on the outside,” Jennings says. “You morph over the years thru different styles, but your tattoos always stay the same. If you add to them thru the years, they tell the story of your life.” Part of Jennings’ story is represented by an interpretation of the Flux Capacitor from the Back to the Future series that he has emblazoned on his chest. However, rebellion can be an equally powerful motivating factor. “There’s a new crop of college students every year here,” Taylor of Sacred Art says. “It’s an interesting cycle. They come in, living on their own for the first time, not at Mom and Dad’s house, buying bongs up the street, getting tattoos, and discovering themselves in every way they can.” But, it’s not just the college-aged declaring freedom through body art; Taylor has also seen new divorcees get inked because their partner had always forbidden it. While rebellion and exploration are common inspirations for the young, or for a first tattoo, recently remembrance has become an overwhelmingly popular rationale behind tattoos. Taylor recalls tattooing the barcode from a Slinky box on a customer because his sister had just passed away, “She was a bit older than him, and his fondest memory of her was when they were young; he had the chicken pox and all the other kids were outside playing, so his sis bought him a Slinky to play with.” Jennings from High Priestess has several commemorative tattoos, including a pink flamingo on his forearm, which people are always asking about. “It means I’ve got a f***ing flamingo on my arm!” Jennings exclaims, laughing. “No, my Mom likes flamingos…my pink flamingo has a tattoo on it that says ‘mom.’” Jennings’ favorite tattoo, despite having many large tattoos, is one of his smallest; an image of a P-38 militaryissue can opener. “My father, a Marine, always had one on his key chain,” Jennings says. McCoy of High Priestess agrees that more people are getting tattooed in order to remember or commemorate events in their life, especially among middle-aged cli-

entele. “They’re the ones primarily getting these deeply thought out tats of something intense in their life: their kids, losing their parents, mid-life crisis’s, whatever is important to them at the time,” she says. McCoy attributes the popularity of television programs, like Miami Ink or L.A. Ink, to the current explosion of tattooing among social groups or age ranges that previously may have considered tattoos to be inappropriate. Dickens from High Priestess also attributes the idea that tattoos must have complex meanings to the tattoo television sensation, “which can be fantastic and frustrating at times, because it can really complicate the overall process, depending on the client,” he says. Taylor of Sacred Art has seen the gamut of trends in tattooing in his 20 years as an artist. “When I started in 1991, it was a lot of Tasmanian Devils, Bart Simpsons, barbed wire…you don’t see those much anymore,” he says. “There are standards that you see a lot, though: butterflies, roses, flowers in general, suns and moons, among certain crowds, feathers, Celtic knot work, shamrocks, skulls, eagles and anchors.” Tattoos that feature text as opposed to images are also increasing in popularity; Bible verse, poetry, or singular statements, often presented in a non-English script ranging from Kanji to Elvish. The popularity of scripting rather than imagery presents its own challenges though. “The skin’s a living organ, if you do something too small in order to fit all those letters, the ink gets pushed around, it’s blurry and gets messed up.” Amy, the OSU student, is one of these text-addicted people; her first tattoo was the Latin phrase ‘omnia mea mecum porto,’ which translates to, ‘all that is mine, I carry with me.’ “If you take time to consider it thoughtfully, [it] says volumes about who I am,” Amy says. Permanent make-up tattooing is also gaining in popularity. Cheryl Lohman owns and operates Image-By-Design, the only permanent makeup provider in Corvallis. She provides permanent enhancement for eyebrows and lips, as well as eyeliner treatments. But, Lohman’s techniques differ

Many first time clients don’t consider who does their tattoo, but overwhelmingly those with many tattoos can’t say enough how important having the right artist is to the process. Amy, the OSU student, is fiercely loyal to one shop, something common among tattoo enthusiasts. For her first three tattoos, Amy had the same artist, however, when getting ready to do her fourth, she learned that her artist had quit. “I was terrified,” she says. “I was about to get my biggest, most intricate tattoo yet, and the artist available looked terrifying, physically.” She eventually went through with the appointment and was pleasantly surprised that, despite his rough exterior, her new artist was a talented and a consummate professional. “He took the time to show me how to breathe while ‘in

the chair,’ and made me more comfortable than I’ve ever been while getting tattooed,” she recalls. McCoy of High Priestess echoes the importance of artist’s bed-side manner. “Most people we work with are scared to death, so it’s important to keep them talking, make them feel safe and comfortable in the space,” she says. “I’ve seen people with great work, but the artist they worked with gave them such a bad experience, that they’d never go back.” The relationship between artist and client goes far beyond needles and skin, simply due to the intimate nature of tattoo selection and application. “Once you get someone down and enter their skin with your needles, they just spill the beans, tell you everything, their life story. So tattooing is often like a counseling job too,” McCoy says. “We’re like bartenders with needles,” Dickens adds.

Corvallis Ink: A Beautiful Thing

From 18 to 80, Corvallians of every class, color and creed are reviving the ancient custom of tattooing in order to display everything from pride to passion to personal history, becoming a living canvas for all they wish to say. Some use words, others images, but all seem to be proclaiming that self-expression isn’t just in your dress, your speech, or your songs—but in your skin, be it silly, or somber, or just for the shit of it.

WWW.THEALCHEMI ST WEEKLY.COM • MARCH 8, 2011 •

ALCHY PICKS

THEIR HISTORY IS OUR HISTORY

You may or may not be aware of this, but March is National Women’s History Month; ostensibly a month in which we sincerely reflect upon the innumerable accomplishments women have made throughout history. Of course, judging by the way in which other “History Months” are celebrated in American popular culture and media, the most we can expect is a slight thematic shift of the programming on The History Channel and perhaps a montage or two of important moments in history featuring women tagged to the end of our national news broadcasts. Lucky for us, we have a true example of women doing extraordinary things right here in Corvallis: founded in March 1976,

CALYX: A Journal of Literature and Art by Women has published the work of over 3,600 authors and artists, making this month their 35th anniversary. So, if you’re looking for a perfect way to celebrate Women’s History Month and support a wonderful non-profit organization, I would suggest you join the editors, staff, and patrons of CALYX as they celebrate 35 years of being a forum for women’s creative work and honor cofounder and director Margarita Donnelly as she enters retirement. The celebration will be in the form of a dinner party at Cloud 9 Bistro and Bar (126 SW First St) this Thursday, March 10, 2011 from 6 to 8 pm and will feature entertainment from the Jubilate Women’s Outreach Choir, readings of the staff ’s favorite published work from past decades, and opportunities to support CALYX through the sale of birthday bags that include small gifts, artwork, books, and other donated items. Cloud 9 is generously donating fifteen percent of the proceeds from the dinner to CALYX. So far, 76 issues of CALYX Journal of Literature and Art by Women and 44 books have been published and the small press has become nationally known for having discovered many important authors and artists including Barbara Kingsolver, Julia Alvarez, Jane Hirshfield, Chitra Divakaruni, McArthur Fellow Eleanor Wilner, Sharon Olds, and Molly Gloss. So instead of suffering through another “History Month” spent watching the same vanilla documentaries over and over on The History Channel, come join a truly historical group of women this Thursday at Cloud 9 Bistro and Bar as they celebrate 35 years of Women’s History Months made right here in Corvallis, OR. -Jimbo Ivy

IT’S NOT A GAME

The key to winning at poker, in my personal and inexperienced opinion, is to channel insanity before sitting down with your chips. Be as unpredictable as possible. Talk about things like grocery lists and bestiality. Get up from your seat between hands and stroke only your left eyebrow. Laugh hysterically at random moments and then chastise yourself for being too funny for your own good. If possible, pass gas constantly and make no mention of it. Think of it as the mental equivalent of what P90X accomplishes with muscle confusion. You are attempting to overload your opponents with as much superfluous information in the form of “tells” as possible. Bet erratically. Raise with sullen begrudging sighs. Fold with gusto. Ask if you can go “all in” as your ante bet. Alcohol can help, but The Alchemist Weekly in no way condones drinking in any form when it comes to playing poker, as it corrupts the purity of the sport. Gambling is a vice best enjoyed in complete sobriety. If you win, allow that rush to take hold. If you lose, remember that the only way you will ever be able to break even is if you keep returning to table. Gather money by pawning things that you have no use for. If people ask about your change in behavior, tell them that you are becoming a minimalist. If you commit yourself to a healthy gambling habit you will almost always win, sometimes. If you walk away before you get back to even five bucks in the money...well that’s your ante for the next hand. To begin all you need is Oakley M-frames, a baseball cap, outlandish clothing of any sort and money. The Starlite Sports Bar in Lebanon is the perfect place to mark your entrance or grand return to the poker lifestyle. The Willamette Poker Tour is at 7 pm. on Monday, March 14th. -Stanley Tollett

DO A LINE OF NOSTALGIA

Some people may think that Line Dancing died years ago with the chopping of Billy Ray Cyrus’ mullet. But in some quiet corners of our planet, it secretly lives on. The world famous mullet piece, that beautifully feathered quaff, did not get swept away by a Nashville barber’s broom. It lived on, and multiplied. Some sort of mitosis took place in this country and in obscure East Asian nightclubs where Line Dancing still thrives. It grows without care for things such as cultural significance or majority opinion. It knows no time or place. It simply is. And when the cacophonous stomp of red and yellow boots synchronizes in the souls of Line Dance enthusiasts they become one. They are greater than the sum of their parts. Something occurs when heel turns and spins become involuntary, that outsiders will never be able to fully understand. It’s like the Trapper Keeper or slap bracelets. Some things in this world stick around a little longer than society may have intended or foreseen. Those things are sometimes called nostalgia. Sometimes they are called lame. What I call them is truth and everyone is a sucker for the truth. So go and experience the locomotive equivalent of the last of the Mohicans at the Eagles Lodge in Philomath on Thursday, March 10th at 7 pm. The cover is 4 bucks, the music is Country. The experience is surreal. Get your mind blizown! -Stanley Tollett

PICK’N ON THE TROUBADOUR

Banjos may be the newest addition to the hipster cultural psychosis, but believe it or not they are not just a fashion accessory; they’re actually intended to be used to make music, most specifically, bluegrass music. As far as my experience with bluegrass, I’ve led a fairly spoiled life; I am a descendant of the Carter clan and our yearly family reunions were held deep in bluegrass country; Carter County, Kentucky. I also was lucky enough to grow up within a hefty stones throw of the internationally revered Walnut Valley Bluegrass Festival in Winfield, Kans. and spent many Septembers among some of the finest pickers of every genre; traditional, gospel, newgrass, and my personal favorite, the subgenre known informally as cowpunk or thrashgrass heralded by bands like Split Lip Rayfield, the DeWayne Brothers, Mountain Sprout and others merging the surprisingly similar beats per minute and content style of punk and 8

• MARCH 8, 2011 • WWW.TH E A LC H E M I S T WE E KLY.CO M

progressive bluegrass. Locally, bluegrass has found a home in many Corvallis venues, and none more appropriate than The Troubadour Music Center with its breathtaking array of fine bluegrass instruments. The first time I visited Corvallis, I was welcomed into the back of the Troubadour to view the work of their luthiers as they crafted and repaired some of the finest fiddles (fancy people call them violins), banjos, guitars, and mandolins in the world. SugarPine, performing modern bluegrass from the Pacific Northwest, will be playing Saturday, March 12th @ 8:00, at The Troubadour Music Center, with a $5 cover at the door. I gave SugarPine’s Reverbnation site a listen and they are definitely worth spending five bucks and some time in the gleaming shine to music that is The Troubadour; very fine instrumentation and smooth vocals, rooted solidly in the traditional style. You can judge for yourself at www.reverbnation.com/sugarpine, or just take the word of this bluegrass enthusiast and join us this Saturday for some fine pick’n and a-grin’n at The Troubadour. -Jimbo Ivy

tuesday08 Corvallis

livemusic

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST OSU Voice Faculty: Songs and Arias, 7:30 pm, $15 general, $5 students [CLASSICAL] SUNNYSIDE UP CAFÉ Celtic Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [LISTEN/PLAY]

sing&dance

wednesday09

livemusic

Corvallis

BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ Noah Stroup, 7:30 pm, FREE [ACOUSTIC ROCK] SUNNYSIDE UP CAFÉ The Lucky Pups, 6:00 pm, FREE [JAZZ]

Lebanon

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL The Brand, 7:00 pm, FREE [ROCK]

Corvallis

Tangent

CLOUD 9 Mardi Gras Party, 10:00 pm, FREE [DJ] ELKS LODGE Beginner Line Dance 7:00 pm, $3 [DANCE] IMPULSE BAR Cuban Salsa 7:30 pm FREE [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]; On the Top: DJ , 9:00 pm FREE [DANCE] UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST FELLOWSHIP Fellowship Community Choir rehearsals, 7:00 pm, $50 for 12 week term [SING]

DIXIE CREEK SALOON Blues Jam with Wild Bill, 7:00 pm [BLUES]

Albany

sing&dance

Eagles Lodge Albany Senior Dance, 1:30 - 3:30 pm, $3 [DANCE]

Corvallis

Lebanon

APPLEBEE’S Karaoke/Guitar Hero, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING] PETER GYSEGEM’S STUDIO Argentine tango classes, 7:15 pm, $5 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]; On the Top: DJ 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Halsey

WOODY'S BAR & GRILL “Terry-oke” karaoke with Terry Geil, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]

stuff

Corvallis

APPLEBEE'S National Trivia Association Night, 9:00 pm, FREE BENTON HOSPICE CONFERENCE ROOM Life Matters Series: Death/Dying Across Cultures pres. by Rev. Gretchen Woods, 12:00 pm [LECTURE] ENOTECA WINE BAR Girls night out! Knit night, 7:00 pm [SHE'S CRAFTY] WINESTYLES Tuesday Night Trivia, 6:00 pm, $10 per team for winter league [SMARTY PANTS]

Lebanon

THE RIVER CENTER Distinguished Service Awards Banquet, 6:00 pm [BANQUET]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Corvallis

stuff

ARTS CENTER Brown Bag Art Talk: “Un-Speak-Able,” 12:00 pm, FREE [ART] BENTON COUNTY LIBRARY Random Review OSU VP of Student Affairs reviews Gail Collins’ “When Everything Changed,” 12 pm [BOOKS] CLOUD 9 Beer and Blog, 5:00 pm, FREE [LAGER BLOGGER] ENOTECA WINE BAR Wine Tasting: Silvan Ridge Winery, 7:00 pm, $10 [WINE] GRASSROOTS BOOKS Author of “Deus Ex Machina” Andrew Foster Altschul, 7:00 pm, FREE [AUTHOR] OSU MU LA RAZA ROOM Author Andrew Altschul “The God Module,” 4:00 pm, FREE [AUTHOR]

Wednesday, 7:00 pm, $10 [WINE]

WINE TASTING: SILVAN RIDGE Enoteca Wine Bar

contributed photo WWW.THEALCHEMI ST WEEKLY.COM • MARCH 8, 2011 •

thursday10

Thursday, 10:00 pm, [ROCK]

TARGET FOR TOMORROW

livemusic

Albany

Bombs Away Cafe

CALAPOOIA BREWING Wild Hog in the Woods, 7:30 pm, FREE [STRINGBAND] CHASERS The Lucky Pups, 7:30 pm, FREE [JAZZ]

Corvallis

BOMBS AWAY CAFE Target for Tomorrow, 10:00 pm, FREE [ROCK]

Lebanon

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL EAST Blues Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [BLUES]

sing&dance

Albany

EAGLES LODGE Line dance, 7:00 pm, $4 [DANCE] RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Productions presents Throwback Thursday with DJ Tray, FREE [DANCE]

Corvallis

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]; On the Top: DJ Mike, 9:00 pm, FREE [DANCE]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

stuff

Albany

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee,” 8:00 pm, $13 [STAGE] LBCC RUSSELL TRIPP PERFORMANCE CENTER Gray Warriner presents South by West, 2:00 pm, $8 [LECTURE] LBCC RUSSELL TRIPP PERFORMANCE CENTER Say It With A Song: Live, Love, Laugh, Sing! 7:30 pm, $7 [CHOIRS] RHYTHM & BREWS CAFÉ Calapooia Middle School Photography Art Show, 4:30 pm, FREE [ART]c

Corvallis

CLOUD 9 CALYX 35th Anniversary Dinner Party and Fundraiser, 6:00 pm [WRITERS] CORVALLIS-BENTON COUNTY LIBRARY Dr. Bryan Tilt, “The Struggle for Sustainability in Rural China,” 7:00 pm [LECTURE] ENOTECA WINE BAR Chocolate Truffle Thursdays, 6:00 pm, FREE [YUMMERS] FIRST ALT COOP NORTH Wine Tasting, 5:00 pm [WINE] FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH “Living a Great Life,” 7:00 pm, FREE [LECTURE] OSU OWEN HALL Ideas Matter Series: Sara Goering, “Responsibilities to Future Mothers,” 7:00 pm [LECTURE] WINESTYLES Wine tasting, 5:30 pm [WINE ME]

contributed photo

friday11

livemusic

Corvallis

BEANERY ON 2nd Joe Martines, 8:00 pm, FREE [ACOUSTIC] BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ Parish Gap, 9:00 pm, FREE [ROCK] CLOUD 9 Big Outside with DJ Down Spout, 10:00 pm, $5 FIREWORKS Erika Gabonay, 8:00 pm [SINGER SONGWRITER] INTERZONE CJ Boyd, Bloody Twins, Joshua du Chene, Evlove, 7:30 pm, $3 [ROCK] OLD WORLD DELI Accordioso, 7:00 pm, FREE [ACCORDIAN]

Albany

sing&dance

RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Production presents Ladies Night with Dj Tray, FREE [DANCE] IOOF HALL Timber Twirlers flashilight dance, Bring flashlight or glow sticks, 7:30 pm, $4.50 [DANCE]

Corvallis

CLOUD 9 Riot in the Clouds, 10:00 pm, FREE [DJ CHI DULY] CORVALLIS SENIOR CENTER Friday Night Dance by The Syncopators, 7:00 pm, $4 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]; On the Top: DJ Alex, 9:00 pm, FREE [DANCE]

Halsey

WOODY'S BAR & GRILL “Terry-oke” karaoke with Terry Geil, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING] Photo by Steven Franssen

Lebanon

DUFFY'S IRISH PUB Karaoke, 10:00 pm, FREE [SING] MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Albany

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee,” 8:00 pm, $13 [STAGE] LINN BENTON COMMUNITY COLLEGE Physics Students Club presents "The Life and Death of Suns," 7:00 pm [EXHIBIT] LINN COUNTY EXPO 2011 NW Fly Tyers and Fly Fishing Expo, 10:00 am, $5 for admission, $15-$25 for classes [FLY FISHING] OREGON LANGUAGE CENTER Dan Murphy, “Lincoln at 200,” 7:00 pm, FREE [LECTURE]

Corvallis Friday, 7:30 pm, $3 [ROCK]

JOSHUA du CHENE interzone

CORVALLIS-BENTON COUNTY LIBRARY Author Ellen Waterston, 7:00 pm, FREE [AUTHOR] FIRST ALT COOP SOUTH Wine tasting, 5:00 pm [WINE ME] LITLE GYM Parent Survival Night, 6:00 pm [KIDS/PARENTS] OSU WITHYCOMBE HALL LAB THEATER “Primadonny,” 7:30 pm, $10 [STAGE] WINESTYLES Friday Flights, 5:00 pm [WINE]

Lebanon

LEBANON MENONITE CHURCH 13th Annual Benefit for Habitat for Humanity Chili Cook-Off, 5:00 pm, $7.50 [BENEFIT]

• MARCH 8, 2011 • WWW.T H E A LC H E M I S T WE E KLY. CO M

stuff

Gentleman’s Jargon livemusic

Albany

CALAPOOIA BREWING Van Meyers Jazz, 8:00 pm [JAZZ]

Corvallis

BEANERY ON 2nd Breathe Kid Breathe, 8:00 pm [ACOUSTIC] BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ Tirade and Wups, 10:00 pm, FREE [ROCK] CLOUD 9 Shy Seasons, Funkle Ted, Bison Bison, 10:00 pm [ROCK] FIREWORKS Ala Nar, 8:00 pm [ARABIC] TROUBADOUR MUSIC CENTER Sugar Pine, 8:00 pm, $5 [BLUEGRASS]

sing&dance

Albany

RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Production presents DJ Tray, FREE [DANCE]

Corvallis

CORVALLIS DANCE CENTER Beginning West Coast Swing, 6:00 pm [DANCE] ODDFELLOWS HALL Planet Boogie Freestyle Dance event, 7:30 pm, $5 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL On the Top: DJ Big Cheese, 9:00 pm FREE [DANCE]

Lebanon

DUFFY'S IRISH PUB Karaoke, 10:00 pm, FREE [SING] MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

stuff

Corvallis

ARTS CENTER Between the Cracks: Lori Goldston – Cello/silent films, 7:00 pm, $10 [ART] ASHBROOK INDEPENDENT SCHOOL Dancing with Our Stars, 5:00 pm dinner, 8:00 pm Dancing and Dessert, $95 for dinner, $35 for adult, $20 for student [BENEFIT] BENTON COUNTY FAIRGROUNDS Indoor Winter Market, 9:00 am, FREE [MARKET] BORDERS Story time, 11:00 am, FREE [STORY TIME] DOWNTOWN CORVALLIS Rhapsody in the Vineyard Wine Walk, 3:30 – 7:00 pm, $5 [WINE/WALK] ENOTECA Saketini Saturdays, 3:00 pm [SAKE-TO-ME] OSU CH2M HILL ALUMNI CENTER Denim & Diamonds for Trillium Family Services Children’s Farm Home, 5:00 pm, $75 per person [BENEFIT]

Lebanon

Down 1. Has a beef 2. Make pooped 3. Blow up 4. Listserv subscription option 5. Interest to an unfair degree 6. Vocalize

ELCA’s ACTIVITY RESOURCE CENTER Benefit Auction, 7:00 am breakfast, 8:00 am silent auction [BENEFIT]

sunday13

livemusic

Albany

CALAPOOIA BREWING Blues Jam, 4:00 pm [BLUES] NOVAK'S HUNGARIAN RESTAURANT Strings of Time, 6:00 pm, FREE [FOLK]

Corvallis

ASHBROOK INDEPENDENT SCHOOL Willamette Valley Community Orchestra: Love Sonnets, 4:00 pm [ORCHESTRAL] FIREWORKS The Infallible Collective, 8:00 pm [JAZZ] OSU LASELLS STEWART CENTER Corvallis Community Band – All American, 2:00 pm [BIG BAND] YOGA CENTER AE (Ash) vocal duo performance, 3:00 pm, $15 [BALKAN]

sing&dance

Corvallis

Across 1. Be short 4. Sweeper’s need 11. Understand, as a joke 14. 1972 Michael Jackson single 15. Parent’s authoritarian explanation 16. ___ Digga (MC with “Dirty Harriet”) 17. Carrier to Narita International 18. With 23-Across, sweetener in processed foods geared toward males? 20. No. 2 end 22. Kabob stick 23. See 18-Across 27. “___ pinch of salt ...” 28. Appeal to, as heartstrings 29. “I swear I won’t tell ___” 32. Chemist’s ending 33. Ancient social networking suffix 34. Grocery store option for males with low income? 36. Beginner Spanish page 5 pronoun 38. Cavity treater’s deg. 39. Equal exchange among males? 45. Dance with terrified 13-year-olds held aloft by drunken relatives 49. “...” 50. Big name in fantasy baseball 51. Stars blowing up 52. Device that causes people to fall into fountains and get hit by cars 54. Bits of male wordplay? 56. Gingko ___ 59. Nom de ___ 60. Term for modern portmanteau words that describe male things 64. Atom with extra electrons, perhaps 65. Basketball phenom Bias who OD’ed two days after being drafted 66. Librarian’s punishment 67. Summer clock setting at FBI HQ 68. Storm heading: Abbr. 69. Stewart of the “Twilight” movies 70. Awful sound to hear while riding in a hot air balloon

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Corvallis

stuff

Inkwell Crosswords by Ben Tausig

7. Image file type 8. Drug book for MDs 9. Taiwanese manufacturer of thin computers 10. Arrow notch 11. Fade, as prospects 12. Stopped being such a taskmaster 13. “Greatest Show on Turf ” team 19. Small bag of buds that might chill you out 21. Caught in a trap 24. Former German president Johannes 25. Exchange rate abbr. 26. His epitaph reads “Quoth the Raven, ‘Nevermore.’” 30. “If you prick ___ we not bleed?” 31. UK company ending 34. Explorer on many a young kid’s backpack 35. Dry place for sailors to wash 37. Plant, perhaps 39. Split hairs

To be considered for a calendar listings, notice of events must be received in writing by noon on Tuesday, two weeks before publication. Send to editor@thealchemistweekly.com. Photographs should be clearly labeled and will be returned if accompanied by a self addressed, stamped envelope.

40. Strike callers 41. Promise to a contact upon arriving at the rendezvous point with the suitcase 42. Electrician’s unit 43. Final item at the end of a burlesque performance, perhaps 44. Harry and Hermione’s friend 46. Egg manufacturers 47. Battle reenactment devices 48. Thumbs-ups 51. Surname for some 40% of Vietnamese people 53. “Back to the Future” nickname 55. Correspond 57. Illegal mound move 58. “So this turtle walks into ___ ...” 61. Bacterial issue potentially treatable by drinking cranberry juice: Abbr. 62. Trendy NYC neighborhood, briefly 63. Where one might head to puke due to motion sickness

7 2

www.sudoku-puzzles.net

saturday12

6 5 9 6 8 4 4 5 9 3 6 1 6 3 4 3 6 2 8 9 8 5 9 7 4 1 5 3

ENOTECA WINE BAR Saketini Sunday, 3:00 pm [DRINK]

monday14 Corvallis

stuff

FIREWORKS Southtown Talent Search: The Acoustic Showdown, 9:00 pm [LISTEN/PLAY] OLD WORLD DELI Science Pub – Physics of Cancer Treatment: How Do They Do That? 6:00 pm [SCIENCE]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR AND GRILL Karaoke, FREE [SING] STARLITE SPORTS BAR Willamette Poker Tour, 7:00 pm [POKER]

Saturday, 8:00 pm, [ACOUSTIC]

contributed photo

BREATHE KID BREATHE Beanery on 2nd

WWW.TH EALCH EMI ST WEEKLY.COM • MARCH 8, 2011 •

LITERATI

My first time:

Lost in frustration, found in pomme frits. by LAUREN WASHINGTON

eople usually have a good reason for leaving the life they’ve built behind. I wish I could call my reason good, but actually I had just had a bad day. I had only been living in Corvallis for three years; but, at a rapid speed, my life had gotten incredibly predictable. I was a sophomore at OSU and had found myself in a second year French class, a plan I had come up with to avoid failing multiple math requirements. At the start of each year a representative from the international office speaks to each class to encourage students to study abroad. I had always thought of the opportunity as a good idea but had never really given it much consideration. The notion of going to another country was exciting, exotic, and fun. However, living there was somewhat terrifying. School went on and I forgot about the Study Abroad representatives and all the wonderful adventures they talked about. I thought about my life, which was void of wonderful adventures. At school one morning I thought about the next two years and what they would be like. Suddenly, I saw it all play out: I would take that class and then this class; I would dabble in this and maybe a little of that and then I would be done... with nothing truly monumental to show for it. I decided I would take the leap and after six months of planning and saving and pulling money out of thin air, I jumped on an airplane headed straight to Chicago, then Dublin, and finally Paris.

• MARCH 8, 2011 • WWW.TH E A LC H E M I S T WE E KLY. CO M

I spent ten months studying French at University de Catholic in Lyon, France. I remember how excited I was on the first day of school, and then how incredibly disappointed I was after a month of the unorganized pretentious bullshit I received. By the holiday break, I got on the first plane to London-or I would’ve had not all the flights been booked. Sadly so were the trains, so I settled for a night bus to take me to the promised land: The land of the English. My good friend had been studying there for three months and was more than happy to see a familiar face. We had both felt so isolated in our new countries, so in an attempt to make our lives fuller, we decided to live like Queens for one week. My time in London was magical and possibly one of the best weeks of my life, but when I returned to France, my time as Queen was over and I was back to living like a pauper with only enough money for baguette and butter. France was not the beautiful fairy tale all the movies I had seen depicted it as. I was living in the attic room of a big house that was located in a less than desirable neighborhood in a small town that bordered the city of Lyon. It took a few weeks to adjust. Not only the nine-hour time difference but also the decreased height of my attic ceiling. At first, the thought of riding the metro into town everyday seemed somewhat romantic and exciting. I soon found out how incredibly irritating public transportation can be,

LITERATI

I promised myself that, while in Europe, I would go to Italy, the land of pasta...I boarded a plane for Venice, and when I landed, I would have only myself as a guide.

having to fight my way on to the crowded metro car, if I had any luggage or bags it made the whole experience somewhat of an obstacle course. However, I wasn’t riding the metro in just any country. No no! This is France: a country that is known to go on strike simply because they feel like it, so I often found myself waiting for a metro that had no intention of coming. I found that speaking French in France was another obstacle I didn’t expect to encounter. Many times I would ask a sales representative a question, only to have her smile at my American accent and be more than delighted to practice her English with me. I quickly became accustomed to the amused reaction from French people whenever I attempted to speak. Overall, my time in France was a bit of a struggle and not at all how I imagined it would be, but I learned a lot about myself and in the ten months that I was abroad, I became stronger and more self-assured. I promised myself that, while in Europe, I would go to Italy, the land of pasta. After saving for a couple a weeks, and booking flights and hostels, I boarded a plane for

Venice and when I landed, I would have only myself as a guide. The plane landed an hour later than planned and thus my first vaporetto (water taxi) ride on the Grand Canal of Venice wasn’t until the sun had started to set on the sinking buildings that make up the mystical city. When I reached my stop, the city had become dark and sleepy, and my hostel was nowhere in sight. After about an hour of wandering up and down the lengthy street, I finally came to terms with the fact that I was lost. I wandered into the most glamorous hotel I could find; the marble entry way mocked my jeans and backpack. As I began to explain my situation to the manager on duty, tears welled up in my eyes. He looked at me for a long time before he said “I’m going to help you,” in a thick Italian accent. After 20 minutes of Googling the address I had for the hostel, we discovered that I had the right street name, I was just in the wrong neighborhood. He pointed me in the right direction and even called the hostel to tell them I was coming. If you’re ever in Venice and in need of an extremely extravagant hotel, I suggest Hotel Palazzo Stern,

up the side of a volcano-the list goes on and on. We zipped around the island on a four-wheeler and spent a beautiful day in Oia, a small town on the island where you can watch the most beautiful sunsets while drinking a Mojito. There were a few moments when we thought about staying there forever, however we both owed large amounts of money to our respective schools and knew that, sooner or later, our student loans would find us. I flew back to Paris a day before my flight to California would leave. Too cheap to get a hostel, I spent the day wandering the streets of Paris, it turned out to be the best day I spent in France. No one spoke English to me or laughed at my accent and when I had to ask directions to Basilique du Sacré Coeur, I understood French flawlessly. Basilique du Sacré Coeur is one of my favorite monuments in Paris, it’s located on a hill that overlooks the city and the view is amazing. At a nearby café I ordered a beer and a large plate of pomme frits (French Fries). While looking around at the French life I had made, and was now leaving behind, an old man raised his glass to me and I responded with mine. WWW.TH EALCH EMI ST WEEKLY.COM • MARCH 8, 2011 • 1 3

and tell Roberto Dazzo that I sent you. The rest of my week in Italy went smoothly and I found myself in Greece all too soon. My friend from London and I had decided that spending a week in Greece would be the best way to end our adventures in Europe. We met at the airport in Athens and before exploring the city, bought ferry tickets to Santorini. We planned to take the midnight ferry so we could sleep on the eight-hour journey. After spending the day exploring Athens, we found ourselves at a very empty shipyard. It didn’t occur to me until then to examine our tickets that just so happened to be for the next night. After wandering around for about an hour we found a police officer that informed us that the next ferry to Santorini was at 7 am and we could wait at the bar across the street until then. Two bottles of wine and a very uncomfortable nap later, we boarded the ferry and eight hours later, we found ourselves in Santorini. My week in Santorini was like living someone else’s fabulous life. I would sleep until noon, drink Mojito’s on the beach all day, swim in the Mediterranean, climb

the smiles shining upon you when you tire, for love will be shared with you in this fashion. Say your significant others names in your special true-in-the-mouth way to return the karma.

Aries (March 21-April 19): Valley sheep

gather in circles to protect one another against the randy storms of March. Symbolically, this signifies the shift on Friday of Uranus into your sign Aries where it will stay for seven years. Uranus has not passed through Aries for 84 years. In this previous span, this planet in your fiery sign reigned over revolutions concerning women’s rights. The ram’s vision, coupled with grit and passion butts through this cosmic loophole, star gate, time tunnel to bring parallel feminine revolutions. Taurus (April 20-May 20): So I snuck like a wolf into a sheep herd, cleverly disguised in the latest sheep fashion with a hooded wool coat, half white, half black. (Farmers place one black sheep to designate a count of 50 sheep. So if you see one black sheep, you know the herd count is 50, two black sheep equals 100 sheep.) Not wanting to disturb the flock or the count I chose an ensemble they could relate to. My quest: to determine their feelings about the month coming in like a lion and the advent of Uranus’ move. As I rubbed elbows, I sensed bucolic posterity and inspiration, and that’s all right to be multi-colored. So Taurus, I’m sending you the energy to approach spirituality in a profound fashion. Find inspiration from your roots. Gemini (May 21-June 20): Creative endeavors may originate in your job. If you aren’t doing what you want to do, a proactive solution may be found in the words of comedian Jonathan Winters, “If your boat doesn’t come in, swim out to it.” Gemini, the integration benefits all as you come on board. Cancer ( June 21-July 22): Mercury entering Aries this week tells us to shake the pen--for it is the forming of the ideas bogging down the free flow. You will find perfect word gems if you let this quick, energy-filled planet serve as catalyst. Cancer, 14

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Search for direction: A rodeo clown, dressed in psychedelic apparel, jiggling to rock-and-roll as he waits for the cowboy and bull to burst from the gates. As a defender of life for the challenge, the bull-fighter, in superb physical shape, rifles for acuity. When the rider separates from 2,000 pounds of writhing, freight-train either by flailing airborne, arm-locked on by rawhide twists, or slinging off in victory, the bull-fighter’s moment arrives. The best ones begin the dance of distraction. Experience and intuition become the music; the clown, his seriousness masked, matches the hoof steps, their bodies close, steaming with the adrenaline’s breath. Twisting, turning, evading is a dust ghost of fear. Bull realizes enemy gone and trots away to safe pens. Accolades upon the bull and rider ensue, leaving relief and gratitude for the bull-fighter. Intensity makes way for clarification of your dream Libra. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A significant moment in history: Frank Buckles, the last World War I survivor, passed away at age 110 at home in Charles Town, West Virginia. He was also civilian POW in the Philippines during World War II. I say this to you Scorpio because as a stickler for details, it’s time for you to accumulate all the ideas that you believe would accentuate peace so that no person would have to sacrifice as this man and millions of others did. Send peace thoughts into the world with the blessings of Mercury, the communicator, as it moves into Aries.

• MARCH 8, 2011 • WWW.TH E A LC H E M I S T WE E KLY. CO M

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Things could get a little shaky after the Aries relocation. Focus on Urania, astronomy’s muse, daughter of Zeus, king of the Gods, and Mnemosyne, Goddess of memory. Urania’s symbols are the feminine globe and the masculine wand. As the quirky quaking gathers in your center, send the charged, changed energy out with your own version of an atlatl—a spear-like device that throws farther and more accurately than an arrow. Aim well. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Someone buried it. Possibly the Earth’s oldest place of worship, not found in the Mesopotamia, but in southeastern Turkey, was stumbled upon by a herdsman. Little did he know that 19foot tall pillars weighing 15 tons and set into at least 20 separate circles hid beneath his animals’ feet. Named Potbelly Hill or Gobekli Tepe, not a tomb nor burial sight, it includes stone carvings depicting only two human-like manifestations—a naked woman and praying hands, as well as lions, bulls, boars, snakes, birds, other animals, and death icons, the vultures. Capricorn, like Potbelly Hill, your archetypal entities yearn to be known. Aquarius ( Jan. 20-Feb.18): Water bearer, against strong currents, the American Dipper can dive 20-feet under water searching for food. It turns over rocks, peering into the watery depths both above and below the surface. In your search for true identity and justice, you need to practice the dual visual capability of this bird.

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Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Look for

jot well when the ideas stream at those strangely odd moments of revelation. Write on napkins, gum wrappers, the back of your hand, making sure to organize later for your epic tale. Leo ( July 23-Aug. 22): Borrow the fable of the Mouse pleading for its life from the Lion and then rescuing the King of the Jungle. See through both their eyes trusting the unknown. Then you will come to know the path of Granny Weatherwax in Terry Pratchett’s “Lords and Ladies, “You cared: not because it was right. You left nothing but memories, you took nothing but experience. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Eye witness account: “Who’s that?” says the first crow. “I don’t know, but it’s bigger than us and his beak and claws, God-like. Move over,” says the second crow. Three of them welcome the eagle at their feast of carcass for two weeks enjoying divine tidbit tasting with one another. If you want to learn to love better, follow the crows’ keen sense of hospitality; start with someone who is a ‘natural’ enemy Virgo.

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Albany Civic Theater

111 First Ave. SW 541.928.4603

Corvallis

Aqua Seafood Restaurant & Bar

Alleyoop Lounge

151 NW Monroe Ave. 541.752.0262

Bogey’s Bar & Grill

The Beanery on 2nd

Calapooia Brewing

Big River Restaurant & Bar

901 Pacific Blvd 541.941.0977 129 W 1st Ave. 541.929.8900 140 Hill St. NE 541.928.1931

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211 1st Ave W 541.926.1710

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Chasers Bar & Grill

500 SW 2nd St 541.753.7442 101 NW Jackson Ave. 541.757.0694

Block 15

300 SW Jefferson Ave. 541.758.2077

Bombs Away Café

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2527 NW Monroe Ave. 541.757.7221

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China Delight Restaurant

32994 Hwy 99E, Tangent, OR 541.926.2767

Favorite Mistake Sports Bar

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5420 Pacific Blvd. 541.903.0034

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Crowbar

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GameTime Sports Bar & Grill 2211 Waverly Dr. SE 541.981.2376

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126 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900 214 SW 2nd St. 541.753.7373

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Fireworks Restaurant & Bar

130 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900 136 SW Washington Ave. 541.758.9095

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Flat Tail Pub

145 SW Main St. 541.926.2174

202 SW 1st St. 541.758.2219

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Greenberry Store & Tavern

124 Broadalbin St SW 541.926.2838

Wilhelm’s Spirits & Eatery 1520 Pacific Blvd SE 541.926.7001

Peacock Bar & Grill

125 SW 2nd St. 541.754.8522

Squirrel’s

100 SW 2nd St. 541.753.8057

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116 NW 3rd St 541.758.3353

Suds & Suds

1045 NW Kings Blvd. 541.758.5200

Troubadour

521 SW 2nd St. 541.752.7720

Tyee Wine Cellars 26335 Greenberry Rd. 541.753.8754

Wanted Saloon 140 NW 3rd St.

WineStyles

2333 N.W. Kings Blvd. 541.738.9463

Lebanon

Cornerstone Café & Pub

136 SW Washington Ave, Ste. 102 - 541.753.2222

Enoteca Wine Bar

Riley’s Billiards Bar & Grill

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DEL Alma

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Downward Dog

901 Pacific Blvd SE 541.928.2606

2740 SW 3rd St. 541.738. 7600

Darrell’s Restaurant & Lounge

916 Old Salem Rd NE 541.926.3111

220 2nd Ave. 541.926.5546

Murphy’s Tavern

29974 HWY 99W 541.752.3796

Harrison Bar & Grill 550 NW Harrison Blvd. 541.754.1017

Impulse

1425 NW Monroe Ave. 541.230.1114

La Bamba Mix Night Club

126 SW 4th St. 541.207.3593

Luc

134 SW 4th St. 541.753.4171

2250 South Main Rd. 541.451.3900

180 S 5th St. 541.847.6262

Duffy’s Irish Pub 679 South Main St. 541.259.2906

Fire Pit Lounge

2230 South Santiam Hwy 541.451.2010

GameTime Sports Bar & Grill

3130 South Santiam Hwy 541.570.1537

Merlin’s Bar & Grill 541.258.6205

Peacock Bar & Grill East

76 E. Sherman St. 541.451.2027

Sports Shack & Deli

1250 Grant St. 541.259.0800

Philomath

High 5 Sports Bar & Grill 1644 Main St.-541.929.7529

Meet’n Place Tavern

1150 Mian St. 541.929.3130

Wine Vault

1301 Main St. 541.929.8496

Wing Sing Restaurant & Lounge 658 Main St. 541.929.6255

WWW.TH EALCH EMI ST WEEKLY.COM • MARCH 8, 2011 •

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