The Beast - August 2022

BEAST The

August 2022

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Welcome Note

Hang in There Words James Hutton @thebeastmag Welcome to the August 2022 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s rainsoaked beaches of the east. It’s been a pretty miserable winter this year, but City2Surf marks the unofficial end of the cold weather and it’ll be taking place on Sunday, August 14, so hang in there.

If you’re thinking about getting away somewhere warm to escape the rest of winter, take a few days to mentally prepare for the frustration and disappointment that is Sydney Airport. I can assure you it is a complete bloody disaster.

Maroubra artist and local school teacher Aileen Anderson is our local artist this month. You can see more of Aileen’s work by visiting her website, www. aileenanderson.com.au, and she also has originals hanging at Humble Beginnings, Randwick, and at Kim’s Art and Framing Gallery, Matraville.

6 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

Another local artist, Bondi Junction’s Marie Bogan, has her exhibition opening on Thursday, July 28, at Waverley Library Galleries, with 28 illustrations featuring her cartoon character Gertrude - definitely worth a look.

After a rain-delayed kick-off, Waverley Council’s Bondi Festival was a big success again this year, with solid numbers of visitors coming to check out what was going on down at the beach. A lot of work went into organising the event and it was great to see so many people getting behind it.

On a final note, I’m looking for two reliable, hard-working locals to deliver The Beast each month.

You’ll need a car and the rare ability to read a map, and I’ll need you for a few days each month. I’d prefer someone over 40 years old.

If you’re interested, please email james@thebeast.com.au.

Cheers, James

The Beast The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editor james@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au Rates and Specs thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 60,000 copies are delivered every month; 58,000 are placed in mailboxes and 2,000 in local shops.

PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests.

Letters to the Editor We want to hear from you!

Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and suburb.

2022

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CONTENTS August 2022 Issue 211

06 Welcome Note 08 Contents 10 Monthly Mailbag 18 Local News 26 Crime News 28 Local Photos 30 Local Artist 32 Unreliable Guide 34 Money Matters 36 Headnoise 37 Satire 38 The Cynic 39 Bandage 40 Marj's Musings 42 The Green Room 44 Fishing Report 45 Tide Chart 46 Dana's Recipe 48 Brainteasers 49 Reviews 50 Beardy from Hell 50 Trivia Solutions

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Monthly Mailbag

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The Leveraged People of the Eastern Suburbs PARKING FRUSTRATIONS Dear Beast - As a Bondi local of 15 years it is frustrating to see the longstanding parking difficulties of our area descend further into pure chaos. I believe there is one main factor contributing to the recent decline; oversized vehicles.

In my opinion, no Eastern Suburbs resident should be driving these ridiculously oversized vehicles like the Volkswagen Amarok or Toyota Land Cruiser.

What is next, the American-style Ford Rams?

Should councils consider a size limit on vehicles for the area to ensure safety and parking viability? In my opinion, no one needs to drive anything larger than my humbly sized Porsche Cayenne.

It is perfect for the family without being too outlandish and unsafe on our roads.

I believe we should not offer council permits for anything oversized to ease our parking dramas.

Nothing larger should be allowed over the humble family car.

Food for thought?

Daniel K Bondi A TALE OF TWO FAMILIES This is a tale of two families. One family is my family - my wife, two children, and a husband - and the other family is the Biloela family, which also has two children, a wife and a husband. Both like to live in their local area - one in sweet Coogee, the other in Biloela, Queensland.

Both have done nothing wrong, yet Scomo was determined to torment the Biloela family for years.

10 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

Persecuting that family came at a whopping cost of $10 million of wasted taxpayers’ money.

Once Scomo was gone, Albo immediately ended the tormenting of the Biloela family. He also ended Scomo’s wasting of taxpayers’ money on the sustained harassment of a single family.

Evil heretics might ask, “Why didn’t Scomo just give $5 million to the Biloela family with a note, ‘Buy yourself a nice house, school uniforms for your children, a car, etc.’ and save the Australian taxpayer $5 million?”

When it comes to wasting taxpayers’ money, a recent case caught my eye. This was when a misogynistic bottle mislabelled ‘Dom Pérignon’ pushed a woman out of a fat boy’s way to hand over a sweet $500,000 New York City ‘lunch and dinner’ job to some kind of Mr Ballalla.

Thomas Klikauer Coogee SICK AND TIRED OF CLIMATE DENIAL? Hi Beastie - Thanks to Stephanie of Bondi (Sick and Tired of Climate Denial, Letters, The Beast, July 2022) for raising a couple of points on the ‘climate change’ debate. Firstly, precisely what does she think would happen to global CO2 emissions if Australia stopped exporting coal?

Does she think there is no coal anywhere else on the planet to be dug up? And no oil to be burnt?

The globe is chock full with both.

Secondly, from where does she think the dividend streams that fill the coffers of Australians’

super investments are derived?

Yes, multi-nationals.

Others are welcome to be cold and poor while they fantasise that solar and wind can provide the kind of existence currently enjoyed by Australians, especially wealthy ‘teal’ voters. They seem to forget that the energy exports toward which they express such disapproval are used to manufacture the goods they buy including, in a delicious irony, wind turbines and solar panels.

Nobody is denying that it would be foolish to ignore the CO2 issue and not take mitigating action, but the problem will not be solved by wearing a hairshirt and demanding others do too. They will be too busy laughing.

Gareth Now of Maroubra CHARING CROSS BEAUTIFICATION? I know there are more important issues in this world (refugees, the war in Ukraine, climate change...) but still I would like to express my dismay at the situation in Charing Cross and the hopeless attempts at beautifying this area.

As it already happened in the city with bus stops, Waverley Council (I’m unclear which department is responsible) obviously has some plans to improve street furniture and planting. It appears that in their enthusiasm some months ago they removed rubbish bins, plants, planter boxes, etc. but without putting into action their plans - which I hope they had - to replace and implement new street furniture, plants, etc. Only in a few cases were the concrete planter boxes replaced with some metal boxes and planted with little flowers and fragile greeneries, which are now struggling to deal with the wind and inclement weather. They even left the spot where the rubbish bin was outside the Newsagency on Bronte Road with a gaping hole and the ugly orange plastic fencing around it.

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Monthly Mailbag boxes along the strip. But, alas, it was ripped out around three months ago and has not been replaced.

Now, my question; why are plants, street furniture, rubbish bins, etc. being removed before Council has the capacity to replace them in time? COVID and rainy weather can’t explain why objects were removed too early in the piece, as Sydney City Council tried to use to convince the residents in their apology letters at bus stops around the city.

I would appreciate hearing from Waverley Council about the timing of the planned beautification of Charing Cross.

Ute Geissler Waverley WHY UNITING’S PLAN FOR THE WAR MEMORIAL HOSPITAL SITE FAILS THE ELDERLY Finding residential aged care in the Waverley area is getting harder. When I was looking for a room for my frail, elderly mother, Rosemary, I had to go on numerous waitlists and bid up the bond like at a home auction to get a spot.

Waverley Council calculated that the current shortage for residential aged care in the Waverley LGA is 976 beds, growing to a shortage of 1,880 beds over the next fifteen years, in a planning proposal submission to the NSW Department of Planning last year.

Private providers are fleeing this space because it is much harder, if not impossible, to make money after being saddled with increasingly tough regulation and high overheads for small scale homes following the Aged Care Royal Commission. We’ve seen this in Phillip House Aged Care in Bronte Road with 67 aged care beds being rebuilt as a boarding house/hostel with 45 small studio, micro apartments.

Around 60,000 Australians each year go into residential aged care. About 1 in 7 people aged over 70 end up in residential aged care. The alternative for the elderly requiring high-level care is a level 4 home care package. There are around 4,000 of those available each year. The median wait between an Aged Care Assessment

12 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

Team (ACAT) assessment and entry into aged care is 134 days. We need a lot more residential aged care than we have because there is no real substitute.

This is why Waverley Council asked for a minimum 5,500 square metres of residential aged care in Uniting’s War Memorial development. In contradiction, Uniting submitted to the department that “there is a trend where residential care facilities are becoming progressively redundant, except in the case of dementia and palliative care”.

Anyone who has been caring for their aged family members particularly those with mobility issues - will find this claim laughable. The frail elderly don’t need to be demented or dying before they need up-close daily care. Remarkably, the department accepted this ridiculous argument and knocked back Waverley Council’s minimum requirement for residential aged care.

There are bad consequences when the Department of Planning ignores the aged care situation.

The aged have to select aged care homes further away and out of the area. Family won’t be able to visit as frequently for a start. Those who need residential aged care end up in hospitals, feeding into hospital ramping and medium to long-term stays in hospitals.

Yet the eight-acre War Memorial Hospital site in November last year had independent living units added as a permitted development in the SP2 Health Services zone. This is the only ‘health services’ zone in the whole of the Waverley LGA with a population of almost 80,000 people. The development of Independent Living Units will compete for space with residential aged care.

A better outcome for the War Memorial zoning changes would have been to restrict the new permitted development in the SP2 zone to residential aged care.

The existing independent living homes that house around 50 residents could be renovated, with no eviction of elderly residents, some who have lived there for over 20 years. The bulk of the development would then have

been focussed on what we need, residential aged care, rather than apartments for over 60s that could be built anywhere.

The people of Waverley await the forthcoming War Memorial Development Control Plan for this important site with intense interest.

Susan Hely Bronte PARADISE LOST The Eastern Suburbs, particularly around Bondi, Bondi Junction, Waverley and Queens Park, has been so lucky to have a flow of green spaces running from Waverley Park through to the Waverley War Memorial Hospital grounds down into Queens Park and on to Centennial Park. Will the War Memorial development end this?

In the development proposal they talk about retaining as many trees as possible. However, in their own artistic designs they only reflect three mature trees outside the historic buildings. I understand anything along Carrington Road will not be affected but no significant tress are located in this area.

From the designs provided, around 30 mature trees will disappear. This includes three Moreton Bay fig trees that must be nearly 100 or more years old, as well as a mature jacaranda and Illawarra flame trees. On top of that, the lovely gardens around the non-recognised “affordable accommodation” within the grounds will be bulldozed. Under Uniting’s development plan these trees and gardens will be replaced by tightly squeezed rows of buildings five and seven storeys high.

Does our community want to see these handsome trees and gardens replaced by a concrete jungle?

Neil Bondi Junction MASKS... AGAIN! It is odd that the ‘Mask Brigade’ at Bondi Junction train station have made a comeback after having stopped the practice of giving out free masks to passing patrons many months ago.

Monthly Mailbag One wonders why, and what, has driven this return. It’s not as if the government is ramping up for a future epidemic when there is no action on public transport apart from the ominous rail warnings of “Fines will apply”.

And why were no masks given out at the bus stops at this busy transport centre of Bondi Junction? More people ignore the mask rule on buses compared to trains.

One final thing; if COVID is basically airborne, why are those yellow-vested people wiping down handrail surfaces (again, on trains only) and not spraying something? What happens if they are using those well-advertised wipes that “kills 99.9% of germs”?

It’s all a bit odd.

Norman Bondi Junction PS. Has anyone noticed the return of the Mask Brigade at other stations?

NAIVE, IGNORANT, ENTITLED, OR JUST PLAIN DUMB? Dear Beast, and the collective of mutt and bitch owners from the Eastern Suburbs - Am I the only one who sees this? Are the majority of dog owners just naive and ignorant with a generous splash of the entitled ‘Everyone likes dogs/he doesn’t bite’ type attitude, or are most of you just plain thick as two short planks?

I emphasise most here, as we all know you can’t paint any group or demographic with the same brush. I do see the occasional leashed dog in public places where they cannot be unleashed, but by God, you can paint about 99 per cent of these people with this brush.

To specify my points here, why do you take your dogs for a walk in densely populated family suburbs and have the leash draped around your neck, and not your wild, potentially untamed animal?

When are you planning on utilising this leash for its intended use?

Is it only when it is convenient for you, or when it goes to attack a small child? Or maybe you need to be shown how to use it, is that the issue? I will generously run a free course on how to use a

14 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

leash. Unbeknown to many a dog owner, your unleashed dog will be destroyed and you will be sued when it eventually bites a child or a member of the public. Do you want that? I’m sure the leash industry hierarchy, upon seeing this farce, must be face palming themselves into a pile of your $4,000 mongrel’s number twos left steaming on the footpath. But you drink your soy decaf ristretto with your phone stitched to your palm syphoning every ounce of dopamine from your skull.

I have witnessed a myriad of these ‘Everyone likes dogs/he doesn’t bite’ types around. It’s a similar conclusion to the ‘I’ll drive drunk home, I only live a few hundred metres away’ attitude.

Your dog might bite someone, or me. Just as you might crash while driving home a few hundred metres while drunk.

I was bitten severely by an unleashed dog at a local takeaway shop several years ago, with jaw marks still visible on my ankle to this day. The owner said, “He never usually bites,” after I leant down to pat it gently. I had to tear this creature off my ankle with all my strength and it still came running back at me. So, I was forced to stomp on it to immobilise it. If it was leashed, I probably would not have been bitten and I wouldn’t have had to violently defend myself and incapacitate this feisty little creature that apparently “doesn’t bite”. Don’t worry, the dog was fine. However, try using the “I usually do the right thing” card on a magistrate when you’ve mowed down a pedestrian after two bottles of vino with your shallow naive social circle that floats between a narcissistic, hedonistic Tinder/FOMO, ‘she’ll be right’ attitude while boasting about their latest podcast craze.

A colleague of mine recently had an unleashed dog attack his leashed dog, he broke his finger and severed a tendon while trying to wrangle the unleashed dog off of his leashed dog. He has had to have surgery and now has pins in his hand for life. He is currently suing the owners.

Maybe the council will intervene and impound the dog and kill it

too? Only time will tell. I’m sure if the dog was leashed none of this would have happened. I challenge an alternative opinion on this and any above statements.

Dog owners - leash your dogs, pay attention and stop walking 100 metres away from it in sheer ignorance to it’s very whereabouts, let alone not attending to the fact that it probably defecated on the footpath that you haven’t noticed and now won’t pick it up, for five minutes later some poor soul will walk through it. Get it off the cafe table, get it away from my first and only child while I’m clearly changing her nappy while you are in clear view of this situation and actively ignoring it, don’t let it drink from the top of the bubbler where there’s an obvious basin for dogs to drink from literally built into the drinking fountain, get it out of the playground with small children who can’t fight their way out of a wet paper bag, let alone fight off a rottweiler, get it away from the edge of the cliff, get it off my picnic blanket, get it off the beach and public water ways, get it away from me and my family. It’s not funny, and I don’t like you or your dog. You should apologise for yourself and your dog ruining my outing. Dog owners - you need to take more responsibility, leash your dog, call out the ones who do not, and take pride in the beautiful landscape that we are lucky enough to call our home.

The council hugely need to start dishing out bulk loads of fines to owners and impounding these unleashed dogs like a tow truck impounds cars. Charge owners $500 retrieval fee and a mark against your name, and you can come to my leash training course as a community service. Because everyone loves a freebie, right?

And if you still can’t do that, then three strikes, you’re out! No more dog. Maybe that will get it through your entitled Eastern Euburbs heads. Or do I need to forcibly stomp on your animal again to make it clearer? Leash your damn dogs people! Capiche?

Cheers, Sam Clovelly

Issue 211 August 2022 The Beast 15

Monthly Mailbag LOCAL POETRY A PLACE I LOVE There is beauty in being anonymous.

I walk down the path, I don’t see what I am stepping on, for the horizon is so wide and glorious, my eyes belong to it.

The sun is generous to us, it is our common factor, and we divide it in equal shares.

There is quietness. Communication is subliminal, but we understand one another through eye contact, smiles, peaceful sighs and laughter, which are not too high, not too low, just loud enough so we feel as part of each other’s happiness.

I drop my bag on the damp grass, doesn’t bother me. I start to undress and don’t stop until most of my body is breathing freely. No extra encouragement was needed, here we walk around with our breasts proud, that being just one more common feature between us.

The water is cold, that is a fact, also doesn’t bother me. I breaststroke to the other side keeping my head up high as there is no

need to perform with great style.

My feet touch the rocks on the bottom, unusual; my hands touch the green moss, as soft as fur.

While standing, I look down and see my fluid reflexion, the goosebumps on my skin, the rocks and everything on it. The water is so clear I even forget it embraces me.

In full surrender, I float.

Waves break against the rock edge at McIver’s Pool, splashing salty water on my face, they become my eye drops. My face, nipples, finger tips and toes are out. I am a marine animal catching a breath on the surface, I am just another anonymous woman listening to her own breath under water.

Maira Sagnori Coogee OUR JOHN The Herald’s recent story by reporter Mr Knox, was a gushing paean, a welcome detox to the disparaging comments about our Gun-Barilaro, he said Pork-Barilaro, the

ex-member for Dubbo-Dubbo, the ex-Trade, ex-Deputy Minister has just the chutzpah and pizzaz to limbo under Manhattan's high bar.

But is a half-mil enough? What about the expense account?

It’s Nu-Youk - the clothes, the food, perhaps a mount to go galloping in Central Park, with a gun on his hip, affirming his country boy status and his stewardship of the Premier State’s trading with New Yorkers' needs from their mercantile cousins here in the Antipodes.

Perhaps our expertise in lightrail and very-fast-trains, or real estate where you knock it down and build it again?

Or racing, gambling, poker-machines and sports-betting if it was me I'd have a sign out front, saying ‘I do the vetting’, for yo-all private equity interested in government loans and sales, in the business of the business state of New South Wales.

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Local News

Earl and his Indigenous Tasmanian ancestor, Manna Largenna.

Bondi Man Traces His Roots to Ancient Tasmanian Leader Words Anthony Maguire Images Anthony Maguire, Thomas Bock Eastern Beaches musician Earl Weir has just found out he has an amazing genealogical connection. An Indigenous man brought up in Victoria, Earl is a direct descendent of a famous Tasmanian Aboriginal figure from two centuries ago, Manna Largenna.

He discovered the ancestral tie in late June while watching the SBS series First Australians, which recounted the interactions of Manna Largenna and other Indigenous people with British colonists.

You see, several years ago, Earl’s mother Patricia put together the family tree, drawing from resources on ancestry.com and information from relatives.

Right at the top of the tree was the name Manna Largenna. But they knew very little about him until the SBS screening.

“In the Indigenous culture, we didn’t have actual kings, but if we did, Manna Largenna would have been one,” said 18 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

32-year-old Earl, a Bondi resident for the last seven years.

“In northeastern Tasmania, he was the foremost caretaker for the land and the people.

What I found most interesting was that Manna Largenna was friends with the earliest European settlers in the late 1700s.

His daughter, Woreter Moet Yener, fell in love with a white man called George Briggs who worked on one of the sealing boats operating out of Tasmania. She spent a long time at sea with him and the boat sailed all the way to Mauritius.”

But when the vessel returned to Tasmania in 1827, there had been a tragic change - it had become a British colony.

“Indigenous people weren’t allowed on the streets and their land was stolen,” Earl said.

“Ultimately they were rounded up and taken to an internment camp on Flinders Island.”

This turned out to be a death sentence for many of them.

“They were confined to tiny cells that were two metres square and not given adequate food. There were mass deaths from disease, suicide and many other causes. People say the spirit died on Flinders Island.”

That seems to have been the case with the noble leader Manna Largenna. Seven weeks after arriving on Flinders Island, he passed away at the age of 64.

However, his daughter managed to get released from the prison camp, rejoining the sealing community - and carrying on the Indigenous family lineage as she had a number of children.

The descendants of Woreter Moet Yener mainly settled in Victoria, which was where, generations later, Earl was brought up. He spent his early childhood in Wurundjeri land - Melbourne - before his family moved to Wada Wurrung land the township of Barwon Heads.

There he became a surfer and today he runs the annual Tamarama foamie surfing event, The Mullet Pro. Earl is proud of his Indigenous heritage and likes the fact that before the British invasion, Tasmania’s indigenous people and Europeans lived together harmoniously. But he is distressed by the way history played out in colonial times.

“It infuriates me that people have been taken off the land and nothing’s been done about it, there’s no treaty. There’s obviously still a massive disconnect today.”

Earl’s Indigenous heritage is displayed in the music he writes and performs with Eastern Beaches band Krystal Rivvers - Earl is the singer-songwriter with the seven-piece act. He says The Beatles and Spaghetti Western music are two major influences. Plus some people might hear other subtle overtones going back to the days of Manna Largenna.

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Local News

George Puts Down His Scissors After Four Decades of Cutting in Coogee Words Anthony Maguire Photo Buzz Cutter

Labor's Shadow Minister for Education Prue Car with Dr Marjorie O'Neill.

State Government Dithering Leaves Schools Behind Words Anthony Maguire Photo Edward Yucation Randwick Girls’ and Boys’ High Schools are being starved of funds for upgrades amid bureaucratic dithering by the state government, according to P&C (Parents & Citizens) representative Leanne Bergan and Coogee MP Dr Marjorie O’Neill.

“The schools were targeted for a joint $60 million upgrade in 2018, but we are not seeing that reflected in NSW budget allocations,” said Ms Bergan, secretary of Randwick Girls’ High School P&C and past Vice President and Treasurer of Randwick Boys’ High School P&C. She has children at both schools and is concerned that their education is being hampered by sub-standard facilities.

“The learning spaces are in urgent need of upgrade including ventilation systems that no longer operate, unflued gas heaters and poor lighting.”

In addition, Ms Bergan says both schools, designed and built over 50 years ago, are suffering from concrete cancer.

“Our community deserves concrete upgrade commitments, not concrete cancer!”

20 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

The problem goes back to an upgrade pledge from the Berejiklian Government in 2018.

The two Randwick schools were among 170 throughout the state that would benefit from a $6 billion upgrade program, delivered over four years. Upgrades to both schools were estimated at around $60 million.

According to Ms Bergan, it has been assumed that these upgrades are “in the works.”

But the cogs of government have been turning slowly; in fact they don’t seem to have been turning at all, because no plans have been forthcoming, nor has there been any significant funding for the schools.

“The latest budget allocation is $3.7 million, down from $5 million the previous year,” Dr O’Neill told The Beast. “The $3.7 million is not new money, just a rollover from unspent funds in last year’s budget.”

“These schools are crying out for upgrades and the government committed to carrying out major works. The needs of our young people should be a higher priority for the government.”

George Mallat has been cutting the hair of Coogee locals for over 40 years. He opened George’s Coiffure, at the corner of Arden and Carr Streets, in 1980. But he recently gave his last hair cut there after making the decision to retire at the age of 85.

During his four decades in Coogee, George has seen the rise and fall of different hairstyles.

“It always goes from long hair, to short back and sides, then back to long hair again,” he told The Beast.

Born in Lebanon, George learned hairdressing in Paris and migrated to Australia in 1977. Before establishing George’s Coiffure, he was partner in a Dolphin Street hairdressing shop for a couple of years.

While we were visiting George, one of his long-term customers dropped by to pay his respects, presenting him with a bottle of Moet champagne.

“He’s a top gentleman and an institution,” said Matthew, a local policeman.

A local institution.

Local News

A drastic improvement on the original design.

New Surf Club Plan Gets the Nod Words Duncan Horscroft Illustration Bronte Surf Lifesaving Club After a few years on the back-burner it looks like it’s finally full steam ahead for the redevelopment of the Bronte Surf Lifesaving Club.

The initial design back in 2018 raised much community concern over the encroachment of the building onto public space, resulting in fierce backlash from local stakeholders and the redevelopment proposal ultimately being shelved.

There was also concern over the removal of the heritage-listed pumphouse that sits behind the amenities block - which is no longer an issue and will remain untouched - and the desecration of Dave Brown Place, also known as The Cubes.

The new design retains The Cubes and includes rooms for the Bronte Boardriders and Bronte Splashers to store their gear for event days.

But the latest plan seems to have ticked all the boxes, with both the local community and Waverley Council agreeing the new concept design is a winner.

Bronte Surf Club board member Dave Finnimore has played an integral role in getting the plan off the ground this time 22 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

around, liaising extensively with various community groups, precinct committees, boardriders and other key stakeholdes who use the beach and park.

Included in the new proposal is the plan to excavate into the hill on the northern side of the club to increase space for storage rather than encroaching on the park to the south, as per the original plan.

“I raised the underground concept before Christmas, which got me into engaged mode, especially when I heard stories that the new concept would not be accepted by the community once again,” Mr Finnimore told The Beast.

“I dusted off the plans and started testing them with the relevant community groups. All appreciated being shown the new concept and the design we came up with. Basically, going to the community first for feedback worked and the consultation went really well with strong support.”

Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos is also a fan of the new design and acknowledged the efforts the club has put into

developing the plan, which was endorsed by Council in May. “Council and the surf club expect to lodge the development application in September, and once the DA is submitted Council will promote it broadly so the community knows what is happening and can provide feedback,” Cr Masselos said.

“As we know, the current Council-owned building is no longer fit for purpose and must be rebuilt to include a balance of female and male facilities, family change rooms and accessible amenities, improved lifeguard and lifesaving facilities and other factors.”

“We are excited for what the future holds for the club and look forward to a new sustainable building that meets the needs of Council, contemporary surf lifesaving and the wider community.”

Local architects Arcanary and Phil Leamon have been appointed and consultants are being briefed on site to advise. The cost is expected to be around $13 million but this figure has not been confirmed by either the council or Bronte Surf Club.

Farewells with Feeling “Grandma loved art; we always went to the local gallery together”

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Call our caring team anytime to find out more.

waltercarter.com.au Ph: 02 9389 3499 249 Bronte Rd, Waverley NSW 2024

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Issue 211 August 2022 The Beast 23

Local News

University Hazing Rituals No Laughing Matter, Except for Will Gibb Words Anthony Maguire Photo Hugh Morris

Matt Thistlethwaite being sworn in by Governor-General David Hurley.

Don't Worry Gov, Your Job's Safe With Us (For Now) Words Anthony Maguire Photo Skye Thompson When Kingsford Smith MP Matt Thistlethwaite was being sworn into his new portfolio by Governor General David Hurley, he joked, “Don’t worry Gov, your job’s safe with us.”

As the Assistant Minister for the Republic, Matt has the task of steering our nation into a new independent system where we shrug off our administrative ties with Britain and have an Australian head of state.

That will involve doing away with governors. But Matt sees it being a long-term process that will not come to fruition during Hurley’s time at the helm.

“Initially it’s about educating the Australian people about the current system and how we have a foreign monarch as head of state,” he explained. “Other nations have moved to become 24 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

republics in recent years, the most recent being Barbados last year. I think the Queen has been a wonderful leader of the Commonwealth, but she is coming to the twilight of her reign and it’s time for Australians to think about what comes next.”

The plan is to hold a referendum on the republicanism issue - there was previously one held in 1999 under the Turnbull government and it rejected a change in the status quo, but Matt says Australian society has changed a lot since then.

Before that, there will be a referendum on enshrining Indigenous recognition in the Constitution. Matt sees that referendum as being a springboard for Australians taking the next step and voting to become a republic.

Some people have ended up in therapy, or worse, after going through hazing rituals at university, but for local resident Will Gibb, his experiences as a freshman have been a source of inspiration.

The 23-year-old comic, who has notched up more than one million followers on TikTok and sold out his shows at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, now has audiences in stitches as the host of the Clovelly Hotel’s new Stand Up Comedy Tuesdays.

Will says going to The Scots College in Bellevue Hill, followed by three years at what was then an all-male college (St Paul’s at Sydney University, which opened its hallowed halls to women last year), have helped him put together “some great material about male stereotypes and private schools.”

Clovelly Hotel General Manager Megan Runow said the response has been awseome.

“We previously had Tuesday trivia, but everybody does that, and with Will on board the stand-up is helping us attract a younger crowd,” she explained.

The comedy kicks off from 7.30pm every Tuesday and tickets are only $15.

You can catch Will at the Cloey.

Mayor's Message Bondi Pavilion Spring is just around the corner, and that means the much-anticipated reopening of Bondi Pavilion! Council is planning a massive community event to celebrate the reopening and showcase the Pavilion’s revamped and expanded cultural and recreational spaces in all their glory. The building will be activated to give the community a taste of what to expect from the beloved, re-invigorated beachside venue, including live entertainment and music for all ages. There is such growing excitement in the community about the reopening as more and more of the building and our world-class restoration works are revealed. Our restoration of the Pavilion is the biggest and most complex infrastructure project ever undertaken by Waverley Council and the result is nothing short of spectacular!

The building began life in 1911 as the Bondi Surf Sheds and we can’t wait o unveil our transformation of the heritage venue into a top-rated building with Greenstar sustainability accreditation. We are very proud of the work that our head contractor BuildCorp has managed to achieve under challenging circumstances to deliver a heritage restoration that will see the building in use for another 100 years.

For updates about our reopening, please visit bondipavilion.com.au or sign up to our Waverley Weekly e-newsletter via Council’s website.

Festival of the Winds Bondi Beach transforms into one big playground on Sunday 11 September for Festival of the Winds, Australia's largest kite flying festival. Bring the entire family and enjoy our world-famous professional kite flying displays, entertainment on the main stage and international cuisine. Festival of the Winds is in its 44th year and is proudly presented by Waverley Council and the Australian Kite Flyers Society.

For more information see our website.

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe

Destination Hall Street Waverley Council received a $500,000 state government grant this year through the Streets as Shared Spaces program to revitalise Hall Street, Bondi Beach between Campbell Parade and Glenayr Avenue through the creation of a "high street” with more greenery, decorative improved lighting, new shared spaces and changes to outdoor dining. To deliver the pilot project, changes to traffic flows will be required for the duration of the trial, which is expected to last six months. Council has been consulting with neighbouring businesses and residents about the pilot project. At time of print, Council was preparing to vote on the trial activation to make Hall Street a community precinct with proposed installation in late September. See our website for updates.

Paula Masselos, Mayor of Waverley

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Crime News

Coogee lady Lynette White.

Alleged Crimes of the East Words Gary Larson Card Campaign Could Deal Losing Hand to Coogee Killer A new police initiative could flush out the murderer of Coogee woman Lynette White, murdered in a knife attack 49 years ago.

Packs of playing cards with details of cold case murders and the rewards for fingering the perpetrators - will be distributed to prisoners in jails. Parklea Correctional Centre will be the first prison to get them.

One of the killings featured in the campaign is the horrific murder of Coogee housewife Lynette White, who died from multiple stab wounds inside the Beach Street flat she shared with her husband Barry and infant son. On June 8, 1973, Mr White arrived home from work to find his 26-year-old wife’s body. Their 11-week old son lay unharmed in his cot.

Barry White is still alive and has welcomed the playing cards campaign. With the murder carrying a $1 million reward for information leading to a conviction, there are chances of a break in the cold case, as has recently happened with two Sydney gay hate killings from the 1980s.

Another murder victim who will be featured on the playing cards is 30-year-old hairdresser Paula Brown, who was last seen alive in Oxford Street, Darlinghurst, on the night of May 4, 1996. Eight days later, her body was found in bushes beside the NSW Ports facility in Botany.

26 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

She had been killed with two blows to the head and an inquest found she had most likely been sexually assaulted. There is a $100,000 reward for information leading to the conviction of Ms Brown’s killer.

ing his SUV through the morning rush hour protest by Blockade Australia. When protestors positioned themselves in front of the vehicle, he slowed down but kept going, nearly running them over.

Fortunately no-one was injured.

Face of Top Fashion Brands Not Model of Good Behaviour Fallen fashion model Anei Dut has pleaded guilty to a string of fraud charges involving the use of stolen identities.

Newtown Local Court was told that Dut, 27, of Randwick, used the credit card details of 19 victims to scam Chemist Warehouse outlets in 2021. He would make expensive purchases, then the card information would be entered manually at the checkout. Later, he would return the goods and request a refund, with the money being credited to his personal bank account.

He was identified through video surveillance footage.

When police raided his home, his phone had a tab open for a scammer’s marketplace that sells credit card information.

South Sundanese-born Dut was signed to top model agency Chadwicks and modelled for David Jones and a number of designer labels such as Tommy Hilfiger. But the court was told he has had various brushes with the law, with convictions for assault, drink driving and driving while suspended. He is currently serving out a community corrections sentence for breaching a domestic violence order.

Sentencing of Dut on the latest charges has been deferred pending the submission of reports from his defence counsel.

Bra Boy Jailed A member of Maroubra’s ‘Bra Boys’ gang has been sentenced to three years jail for a vicious assault on a 74-year-old man.

Downing Centre Court was told Jed Campbell thought the pensioner was a paedophile when he launched his attack at the Shell Coles Express in Kingsford.

Campbell, 45, of Eastlakes, subjected his victim to multiple punches and kicks, causing severe injuries. The court heard the man is a dementia sufferer who was in a confused state at the time of the attack.

Mitigating evidence was given that Campbell had suffered abuse in his childhood from an alcoholic father and heroin-addicted mother. A report from a psychologist said he suffered from severe depression and anxiety.

Judge Gina O’Rourke set a non-parole period of 18 months.

Campbell has been in custody since the attack in June last year, so will be eligible for parole in December.

Bondi Blockhead Drove at Blockade Australia Protestors A man who deliberately drove his car into demonstrators in the city got off lightly, fined $469 for negligent driving.

Police said the 31-year-old Bondi resident also lost three points from his licence. Footage showed the unnamed man driv-

Sextortion Scam Eastern Suburbs Police have had a number of reports about people being subjected to “sextortion.”

In a Facebook posting, Eastern Suburbs Police Area Command said, “‘Sextortion’ is a form of blackmail where someone threatens to share intimate images of you online unless you give in to their demands.

Scammers may record webcam interactions with unsuspecting victims before threatening to share the video with friends, family and work colleagues.”

Victims are being told to make payment via Bitcoin.

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

Randwick News Deputy Mayor Kym Chapple Each year we put a call out to our community to nominate young athletes who are doing well in their sport, so we can further support and encourage their sporting dreams. This has been particularly important over the past two years when training and competitions have faced extreme difficulties or been cancelled.

Local sporting clubs and their members worked hard to overcome numerous challenges put in front of them by the pandemic and we can’t thank them enough for hanging in there and remaining the beating heart of our community.

This year we’ve introduced two new categories to our Sporting Excellence Awards. In addition to the male and female Junior Sports Award, the Bradley Matthews Memorial Award and the Hall of Sporting Champions we now have an award for Junior and Senior athletes with a disability and Randwick Coach of the Year.

The first new award aims to recognise the achievements of people with disabilities in Randwick City between the ages of 5 and 18 years. There will be a junior recipient for those aged between 5-12 years and a senior recipient for those aged between 13-18 years.

The coach award recognises the special individuals who go above and beyond for their teams; providing mentorship, support, specialist expertise, skill and knowledge beyond expectations.

Nominations are open until Friday 5 August 2022 and can be made by heading over to our website.

Councillor Kym Chapple Deputy Mayor of Randwick

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

What’s On TUESDAY 2 AUGUST INTRODUCTION TO MODERN CLOTH NAPPIES

10am-11.30am, Randwick Community Centre 27 Munda St, Randwick

THURSDAYS 1PM-2.30PM SCRABBLE CLUB AT THE LIBRARY Lionel Bowen Library, 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra

SATURDAY 6 AUGUST TOUR OF RANDWICK RECYCLING CENTRE

9am-1.30pm, Randwick Recycling Centre 72 Perry St, Matraville Registration essential

THURSDAY 25 AUGUST BOOK WEEK WRITING WORKSHOP WITH JACQUELINE HARVEY (SCHOOL YEARS 3-6)

5pm-6pm, Lionel Bowen Library, 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra

Subject Lenin on a Big One Location Ben Buckler Photographer Andrew Worssam

Subject Moonrise Location Bronte Photographer Alan Henderson

Subject Under Attack Location Centennial Park Photographer Juan A. Rojas

Subject Miami Style Location Coogee Photographer Theresia Hall @theresia.g.hall

Subject Hello Cocky Location Coogee Photographer Callum Rutherford

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

Subject Morning Glory Location Bronte Photographer Theresia Hall @theresia.g.hall

Subject Early Shift Location Coogee Photographer Chris Cantarella

Subject Beachy Half Pipe Location Bondi Photographer Michael Bennett

Subject Unsolved Location Maroubra Photographer Theresia Hall @theresia.g.hall

Subject Circular Peek Location Vaucluse Photographer Brody Vancers

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Local Artist and have had some of my pieces shown during local exhibitions.

You can check out my website, www.aileenanderson.com.au.

Who are your artistic inspirations? Claude Monet, Pablo Picasso, Arthur Streeton and Grace Cossington Smith.

What are you working on at the moment? Some pieces focussing on the crowds of people on the beach, some smaller pieces on board, as well as a larger landscape piece of Coogee.

Do you have any exhibitions coming up? The Randwick Art Society exhibition, Visualisation, at Bowen Library, from August 5 to September 25. I’m also excited to be part of the Sydney Made markets on Saturday, July 16, at Sydney Town Hall.

Aileen the creator.

Local Artist...

Aileen Anderson from Maroubra Interview James Hutton Photo Aileen Anderson Maroubra’s Aileen Anderson is our local artist this month.

Aileen has been a public primary school teacher for over twenty years. She shares her local favourites with The Beast...

How long have you lived here?

Over twenty years. I was born in the Philippines and moved to Sydney with my family at seven.

My husband and I grew up in Campbelltown then moved to Coogee, Randwick, Little Bay and now Maroubra.

What's your favourite beach? All of them, for different reasons, but Coogee would have to be closest to my heart.

Where do you like to eat and drink? Morning coffee at Morning Glory, Coogee, or The Bay Bakehouse, Maroubra, Brunch at The Pool Cafe, Maroubra, and dinner at Darley Street Bistro, Clovelly. I enjoy a drink at Coogee Surf Club and the Pavilion.

30 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The beautiful coastline, its ocean pools and beaches, the people and sense of community.

How would you describe your art? My daughter helped me answer this question; Colourful, joyful and very beachy. My approach to each piece is constantly evolving as I try to capture and explore how I feel about our local beaches, people and memories. Using mainly acrylics, my hope is that each piece can give people a sense of joy, happiness, colour and connection.

Where can people see your work? I have been so very lucky to be supported by the most beautiful local homewares store, Humble Beginnings, in Randwick. I have also had the opportunity to have my originals on display at Kim’s Art and Framing Gallery, Matraville. I am a member of Randwick Art Society

When did you discover you had a gift for your craft? I’ve always loved making and creating things since I was a child, and as a teacher I had opportunities to continue to share and explore my creativity. It’s only been the past three years that I have focussed on my painting.

What do you do for work? I paint in between running my small business and being a stay at home parent. I have been a public primary school teacher for over twenty years and like many of my colleagues needed to take some time for my family and myself.

Did you study art? I studied art through high school and continued to self learn, create and teach art as a school teacher.

I’ve done some short local courses, one of which was with the incredible Marie Mansfield (2021 winner of the Portia Geach Memorial Award).

Do you have a favourite quote?

“The only way to get to where you want to go is to take a step in that direction. And the best way to do that is to begin.”

- Kobi Yamada, Trying

Unreliable Guide a constitutional right to abortion”.

In WA, abortion is still regulated by the criminal code. To quote US writer John Irving, “making abortion illegal (is) simply a sanctimonious, self-righteous form of violence against women”.

Pro-choice demonstrators outside the US Supreme Court in 1989.

The Unreliable Guide to...

Reproductive Rights Words Nat Shepherd Photo Lorie Shaull Back in August 2019, The Unreliable Guide was concerned that nine US states had successfully challenged the American constitution and restricted a woman’s right to decide on this emotive issue. It felt like the start of a trend, and here we are, three years later, witnessing the US Supreme Court overturn Roe vs Wade, revoking 50 years of Americans’ constitutional right to abortion by allowing states to create new anti-abortion legislation.

Thousands of people across the world have taken to the streets to protest against the self-termed ‘leader of the free world’ turning into a dystopian horror penned by Margaret Atwood. Very soon, abortion will be illegal in a total of 16 states and it is estimated that 26 states are certain or likely to ban abortion. In the news today, a ten-year-old rape victim in Ohio was refused an abortion and was forced to travel interstate. A. Ten. Year. Old. Child.

There is no question that this change in US law will oppress, subjugate and potentially kill women. The Unreliable Guide would like to offer some perspectives on this emotive topic.

32 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

A War on Women Let me state something obvious: men cannot fall pregnant.

Abortions are a part of women’s reproductive health. They are chosen through choice if a woman is unable or unwilling to carry through the pregnancy, or through necessity in miscarriage, ectopic pregnancies and other reproductive malfunctions. The Unreliable Guide doubts any woman who chooses to terminate her pregnancy does so lightly, but these new laws mean many women have no legal right to choose at all.

Even some anti-abortionists recognise that draconian legislation does nothing to lower the rate of abortions. In places where abortion is illegal women are still having them. Global statistics indicate that the abortion rate is actually higher where abortion is criminalised.

What this means is that instead of safer, medical terminations, women are risking their lives by having dangerous backstreet abortions or trying to self-abort.

Think this doesn’t affect you?

Think again. Human Rights Law Centre associate legal director Adrianne Walters reminds us that “In Australia... we don’t have

What is Life?

The US Roe v Wade decision has denied millions of American women the right to health.

Dr. Aileen Gariepy, director of complex family planning at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York City, states, “We’re already seeing physicians being scared to treat ectopic pregnancies” despite the fact that ectopic pregnancies are never viable and it puts the woman’s life at risk if a fertilised egg implants in the fallopian tube.

Many anti-abortionists base their arguments in a religious context - if God has chosen to create life, we have no right to take that life. But where does life begin? Is every sperm sacred? Is a condom, as a means to prevent conception, a tool of the devil? And if we must obey God’s plans for our existence, surely we should not use technology to go against the things he, in his infinite wisdom, sends to shorten our lives, such as disease or cancer. How can it be okay to interfere at the end of life and not at the beginning?

And what about quality of life?

If anti-abortionists really cared about babies they would lobby for free child healthcare. The US has the highest rate of infant mortality of any developed country. If they survive birth, one in seven US babies will live in poverty. Where are the demonstrations against that?

Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests this is only the start of a worldwide degradation of a raft of hard-won human rights that we have come to take for granted. Pay close attention, people.

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Issue 211 August 2022 The Beast 33

Money Matters

Don't risk it for the biscuit.

Top Gun Words Rob Shears Photo Joseph Kosinski As an international pilot who has seen the original over thirty times, to say I was excited to see the new Top Gun movie is a massive understatement. And it lived up to my expectations.

After the movie I was reflecting on the risks that the fighter pilots took. The movie lauds enormously risky behaviour, and the correlation with ‘star’ investment managers is uncanny.

There have been several recent star investment managers who made stratospheric gains, only to lose it all in the downturn. Celebrating these risk-takers for pushing the edges of the envelope is not what you want in someone who looks after your life savings.

The manager who makes more than reasonable returns yet does so in a less risky manner gets little kudos, but this risk-avoider is the person you want at the helm of your portfolio.

34 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

The boom in unprofitable companies during the COVID period, and the subsequent bust, has left several managers swimming naked when the tide went out.

Is there a better way to make money? Yes. Warren Buffett’s investment strategy is all about avoiding risk. He has a simple four-filter strategy to avoid taking risks that he doesn’t understand.

“I don't try to jump over 7-foot hurdles; I look for 1-foot hurdles I can step over,” Buffett says.

Simplicity is the key. His portfolio is dominated by investments such as Apple, Coca-Cola and American Express.

He follows a ‘Rip Van Winkle’ buy and hold strategy.

Mr Buffett also avoids leverage. He prides culture and the character of the management of the companies he invests in. Importantly, the correct incentives for management are

crucial to the outcome of his investments.

Notably, Buffett has been buying significant amounts of shares during the current market weakness.

For those investing with dependable, rational risk managers buying wonderful companies at a reasonable price, now is a better time to allocate capital than the last few years.

For those who are praying their speculative managers will bounce back to stardom, I think there may be more pain ahead.

Rob Shears is an Authorised Representative of Valor Financial Group (AFSL 405452). This advice is general and does not take into account your objectives, financial situation or needs.

You should consider whether the advice is suitable for you and your personal circumstances.

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Headnoise

Addiction is a part of life.

The Urge (Part 2) Words Jeremy Ireland Illustration Marco Melgrati As promised, the aim this month is to look into some of the socioeconomic reasons behind why one person may be more prone to addiction than another. It’s a complex issue, and just like an iceberg, what we see on the surface is only a small part of its entirety, the majority of its mass being hidden underneath and out of view.

Let’s look into genetics and personality traits that can help shed some light on how an addiction can develop. Genetic vulnerability has been shown to play a role in problem drinking. In some alcoholics a gene has been identified that alters dopamine receptors. Furthermore, alcoholics may inherit a tolerance to the negative effects of alcohol and sensitivity to its positives (probably not what you want to hear if you’re currently struggling through Dry July). Studies using identical twins back this genetic component, showing that if one of the twins is an alcoholic than there’s a 76 per cent chance that the other twin is as well.

Children of alcoholics are also at increased risk of becoming alcoholics, with hereditability estimated at around 30 per cent.

But what about personality? It too is in part determined by genetic factors but is more open to interpretation. The good old ‘nature versus nurture’ debate comes into play here (‘nature’ being more biological and ‘nurture’ being our social environment and how we are raised and see the world we live in). One phrase I hear a lot from clients is, “I’ve got an addictive personality.”

This may seem true to the addict who is usually searching for some kind of answer, but I like to flip this around and point out that perhaps they have a personality that is more prone to addiction. People are generally wired to respond to 36 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

different things in different ways because of their personality. If one is high in ‘negative affectivity’ or negative in mood and prone to feeling anxious and/or depressed then they are more likely to find relief from alcohol.

Our social surrounds play a big part as well.

Drinking is often associated with winning or having a good time. No one is seen to be having a bad time with alcohol in the ads we see on TV. We see the huge logos of beer brands on the footy fields when we watch our heroes ply their trade (spoiler alert - these are actually graphically superimposed, not physically stencilled onto the ground).

The spraying of champagne on the winner’s podium, the raising of glasses when we toast an achievement, even slogans like ‘keep on walking’ or ‘for a hard earned thirst’ are etched into the psyche. Culture comes into effect here too and can be problematic and difficult to turn around.

But how does knowing this help if we find ourselves in the grip of a substance on addiction’s slippery slope? It might help to know that addiction is nothing new; millions have struggled in the past and millions will struggle in the future, it is part of the human condition. Science will help and new treatments will be developed, but at the end of the day addiction will always be here as it is a part of life. I am not saying this as an excuse for the addicted person, but the more we can move away from the ‘disease model’ and stereotypes of addiction and accept that there is no single solution, the better chance we can give to those who are suffering, offering more opportunity for relief and a better outcome. It’s important to add that this is for the addicted, as well as the non-addicted people who suffer alongside them.

Perhaps addiction should be less focused on the individual and be more on a community experience. Choice has its limitations; the common thread I have found is that no one chooses to be an addict. As Carl Fisher points out in his book The Urge, “The suffering of addiction is not an individual malady - it also comes from deep ancestral wounds.”

If you are suffering, recognising it and reaching out to people who understand is an important start. You are not alone and it can often take years to take the first step. The sooner we recognise what drives addiction, especially from an inequality standpoint, the easier it can be to get help. Instead of trying to eradicate addiction perhaps we might all be better off finding ways of working with it.

Have you got a question? You can get in touch with Jeremy by calling 0400 420 042.

Satire

Where East meets West.

The Turnbulls Have Saved Us Satire Kieran Blake, kieranblakewriter.org Photo Nathan Cleary Malcolm and Lucy Turnbull have devised a masterful plan to remodel Sydney’s west in the image of the Eastern Suburbs in order to keep Westies out of the East forever.

“Once this plan is implemented, the Western Suburbs will be as liveable as the Eastern Suburbs and Westies will have no reason to venture this side of Anzac Parade,” announced the Point Piper locals, much to the relief of Eastern Suburbs residents.

“Protecting our neighbours and former constituents from Westies is the primary focus of this plan. Unlike the Bondi Passport and the proposed Westie Wall (now known as the CBD and South East Light Rail), our plan will succeed in

ridding the East of this age-old scourge.”

The former member for Wentworth and former chief of the Greater Sydney Commission then outlined the details of their vision.

Beautiful beaches will be created in the West, replete with sand, seagulls, variable surf, seaweed and bluebottles, and of course westerly winds.

Beautiful beaches will keep Westies out of the Eastern Suburbs.

Decommissioned coal mining excavators will dig an enormous hole in Western Sydney, which will then be filled with water so that Westies can enjoy their own uninterrupted harbour views.

Harbour views will keep Westies out of the Eastern Suburbs.

Cranbrook School, The Scots College and Waverley College will move permanently to the West, so that their First XV can fulfil their contractual obligations without leaving home.

In turn, Cranebrook School, The Schofields College and Wallacia College will occupy the vacated facilities, where non-rugby-playing students will learn from the ‘dud teachers’ currently staffing public schools out west.

Private schools will keep Westies out of the Eastern Suburbs.

Semi’s with handkerchief gardens will replace the great Australian dream, and Westies will learn the joy of sharing a property with neighbours who think an open fire is warranted in a Sydney winter, and that big dogs love tiny homes.

High-density suburbs will keep Westies out of the Eastern Suburbs.

Attractive, valuable terraces with plenty of on-road parking will be in a constant state of renovation, and the attendant skip bins will clog the narrow streets and discourage Westies from cycling or walking anywhere.

Cyclable, pedestrian-friendly suburbs will keep Westies out of the Eastern Suburbs.

The Liberal Party stalwarts also advised Westies to increase their wealth and thus their climate-change resilience. One aspect of the brilliant plan, however, was exposed as deeply flawed: “We offered lucrative financial incentives to encourage Bondi hipsters to relocate,” explained the ex-PM, “but it was rightly explained that once you take the hipster out of Bondi, you take Bondi out of the hipster…”

Malcolm and Lucy will then ensure our salvation when they move to the Western Suburbs.

Issue 211 August 2022 The Beast 37

The Cynic

Your friends will still love you.

I Just Wasn’t Feeling It Words Jay Houhlias Photo Percy Stent We all lie. It’s inevitable, and there isn’t much we can do about it. Although, lying does not just concern the person lying; it concerns all those around, experiencing and accepting that lie. At what point, as an audience, do we stop indulging the delusions of the people we care about? This critical question becomes no more pertinent than in the context of our dating stories.

As soon as the question is asked, ‘what happened with [insert name]’, the person being asked becomes a garrulous mess and, instinctively, the lies begin pouring out. Everyone fudges dating stories in their favour, and conveniently (two birds one stone), to the detriment of their significant (or insignificant - I was never keen anyway) other.

Why is this, you ask? Because we can’t admit rejection, yes, but it’s more complicated than that. It’s as though we know deep in our soul we have been rejected, but reconciling it in a social setting is unfathomable and too damaging to the reputation. Some people would maintain there is a sacred quality that is tarnished when we reveal too much about our love interest, and there is.

But what greater disservice is there to them than lying about your time together? The epidemic of rejection rejecting people is rampant, and I often wonder if I can scarcely believe anyone telling their dating story.

There are usually two ways people go about this lie. The first is finding a convoluted and farfetched story to justify behavior - to try and connect the dots in a sensical manner and craft a narrative that is compelling, believable and relatable.

This requires utter commitment to the story. If questioned, you must stick to it, strengthen it and maybe even die by it. If the story makes enough sense, you might even be able to convince your38 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

self that it is true. This method requires craftiness and some extra sauce, so a good way to embellish it is to say that the person you were seeing ‘doesn’t know how to handle their emotions, so they pushed me away’ (or phrases and notions of the like). This will be great for your self-esteem as no responsibility is laid at your feet and you maintain your honour and clout, knowing it was out of your hands and all their deal.

The second way is to just straight-out lie.

It sounds obvious, but this method requires dedicated practice and a fair degree of personal suppression of some kind. You also run the risk of clashing with conflicting information (the truth), and not everyone can handle this as they buckle under pressure. A good tip for this method is to delete your recent messages. This way, when asked ‘what happened with [insert name]’, you can just say that you cut it off, and no one will know that you sent him/her four messages last night and received no response (with the last one stating that you love them). You see, this kind of lying is made far easier if you carry all the burden and there is no tangible evidence for people to disprove it.

The corollary to the ‘straight-out lie method’ is the ‘straight-out omission method’. All you do is leave something important out. Say, ‘I can’t believe she tried to get back with me!’ Omit, ‘I tried to get back with her first.’

As amusing as it is to judge the liars (including myself), I didn’t write this in aid of liars and the prevention of lying. I write this to the audience of that lie. Help your lying friend. Make them better at telling the unglamorous truth of their situation. As the audience, you are the most important piece in this puzzle, only you can change the world. And to the liars, just know, if you decide on the noble path of being honest, your friends will still love you, it’s ok. If they don’t, they are not your friends, and they don’t deserve your beautifully pure, unadulterated honesty anyway.

Perhaps it would help everyone if I told a quick rejection story of my own.

There was this girl I liked, and we went on some dates. She got to know me well enough that she didn’t want to go on any more dates, and then she rejected me. Take this scenario and multiply it by a thousand, except for most of those times I didn’t get up to the stage where we went on some dates, just the rejections.

Challenge yourselves. If in the midst of listening to a story that sounds fishy, call it out, and make the storyteller comfortable in revealing the truth. Assure them that one day we are all going to die, and that today’s rejection is tomorrow’s awkward, funny story.

Bandage

Doing it for the kids.

Lost Property Words Alasdair McClintock @aldothewriter Photo Tim Freedman If you’ve found yourself with a bad case of Saturday night fever at the Robin Hood Hotel recently, busting out some Elaine Benes moves and singing along with the band on the dance floor, firstly, well done for letting your hair down, and secondly, thanks for helping some local children. Yep, you read that correctly, the furry tongued hangover was all worth it; by supporting the Bronte Public School parents’ rock band, Lost Property, you’ve helped raise thousands of dollars a year for the school’s P&C. The Beast spoke to Lost Property’s bass guitarist, Alan Harris, to get the run down on what the band is all about and how they came to be.

“Ben Fink (ex-The Whitlams’ guitarist) formed a parents’ rock band at Bronte Public School almost nine years ago,” Alan explained. “He saw it as a chance for parents to rekindle musical abilities that, due to the pressures of work, mortgages, and parenthood, had been buried.”

“Funds raised have been used to renovate the school bathrooms and replace artificial turf in the school playground, but we ensure that a portion of the funds go directly toward the nurturing and growing of music and musicians at the school.”

Consisting of a doctor, a lawyer, several local company owners and entrepreneurs, and even two ex-Broadway performers, the group is a melting pot of different identities, united by a love of music and their children’s school.

“I think one of the most interesting things about this band,” Alan said, “is that we bring energy and creativity from so many paths and try to harness that into a coherent direction which enhances our performances and hopefully becomes larger than the sum of its parts.”

“We play anything from Kesha to The Killers, Otis Redding to The Cruel Sea. We love the big, brassy, horn heavy numbers, like ‘You Can Leave Your Hat On’ by Tom Jones or ‘Kiss’

by Prince. They are a lot of fun,

but there is also a beauty in the simplicity of stripped back acoustic numbers, like ‘What’s going on’ by 4 Non Blondes or ‘Weather With You’ by Crowded House. Songs that get the crowd up and singing from the top of their lungs are a huge buzz too. There is something about a whole bar singing together that is quite joyous.”

“Like Doctor Who, the school rock band will hopefully keep regenerating as the members’ children leave to go to high school. The previous parents’ band has stayed together, renamed as The Alumni, and are busy playing in and around the East, often on a double bill with Lost Property.”

You can follow the band on Instagram (@bps.lostproperty) to keep up to date, and you can catch them live on Saturday, August 13 at the Robin Hood, and every third Saturday of each month after that. It’s the perfect excuse to go have some drinks, sing along and dance like a lunatic; all to support the kids, of course.

Issue 211 August 2022 The Beast 39

Marj's Musings

Failing to plan is planning to fail.

Better Planning For Our Future Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Elle Ectrickar It is now widely recognised that addressing climate change must be the number one issue on our agenda. Unless we do a lot more to care for our environment it will simply be unable to care for us.

In our private lives we make decisions every day that impact the environment and most of us are consciously trying to make good decisions that reduce our waste and environmental footprint. We are also actively working to benefit the environment through initiatives such as planting trees, nurturing bees and going solar.

Yet the sad irony is that the more environmental damage we do, the harder it is to stop it! Consider the items swept into our waterways during the floods and how much harder it 40 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

is not to turn the air conditioning on as extreme temperatures become more common.

No matter how well intentioned we are, our capacity as individuals to address climate change is limited by the infrastructure around us. It is not possible to get out of our cars and take public transport if our buses are cancelled or walk if our streets are broken or unsafe, nor do electric cars provide an opportunity when they are mainly unavailable and when there are few recharging points.

We need government and public-private partnerships as well as guidance by industry experts and the communities that want to see real action on climate change. We especially need government leadership to

establish strong environmental planning rules to improve the quality of the environment and the health and welfare of people. This includes implementing sustainability standards into our planning policies.

We need stronger requirements for energy efficiency, electrification, tree canopy cover, green space, setbacks and so much more. We require stronger environmental standards that require all developments to mitigate and adapt to the risks of climate change.

Amending and strengthening our planning laws offers us a crucial opportunity to not only reduce emissions from new buildings, but also provides us with an opportunity to make housing cheaper to run and healthier for people.

In our battle to address climate change we need all stakeholders in our society to be on the same page and working together. This includes planning controls and strong state environmental planning policies that help us get to net zero and prepare for a hotter and, it seems, wetter - future. In order to do this though we need a government that not only accepts the science of climate change, but one that is willing to prioritise addressing it across all aspects of our society.

Recently in NSW Parliament, during a speech I was giving on our need to address climate change, a member of the NSW Government attempted to silence me as I spoke about the importance of addressing climate change and the role that setting environmental planning standards can play to help us get to net zero and address urban heating. This is not okay, and for all of our sakes, it is well and truly time that policy aimed at addressing climate change receives non-partisan support across the political divide.

HEALTH

Online Community Town Hall Meeting We want to hear from you about your experiences with the NSW health care system in our local area.

Please sign up to the online Zoom meeting using the QR code below.

Wednesday, August 17th 2022 from 6-7pm

Dr Marjorie O’Neill MP Member for Coogee

Ryan Park MP Shadow Minister for the Health

Please scan the QR code to register

Dr Marjorie O'Neill MP Member for Coogee If you need assistance, please do not hesitate to contact my office and follow my social pages for regular updates.

Phone (02) 9398 1822 Email coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au Address 15/53-55B Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031 Facebook MarjorieONeillCoogeeMP Instagram marjorieoneillcoogee Twitter marjorieSONeill Authorised by Dr Marjorie O'Neill MP. Funded using parliamentary entitlements.

The Green Room

The new coalition?

Wentworth’s Epiphany Words Ian Rose Photo Lynne Joslyn I share the genuine relief that so many across the country are feeling right now, especially in Wentworth. We are relieved to see the end of manipulative climate denial from government, an end to the lack of action on systemic corruption, and an end to the perpetual denigration of women. It is a relief to see that an end to paternalistic bully boy federal government is in sight.

Greens and Independents are represented in parliament in higher numbers than ever before, with 80 per cent of those being former Liberal held seats.

How did we get here?

Having tried for over a decade to shift the Liberal Party on policy areas that voters cared deeply about, we realised that the answer was to progress without the Liberals. This election moment was their epiphany.

This realisation is a radical change, a frameshift that will not shift back. It is the beginning of a process that will shape future decision making. New horizons are ready to be explored.

The Wentworth electorate voted overwhelmingly for a community-driven independent candidate, Allegra Spender, and enthusiastically for a Greens candidate for the Senate, David Shoebridge.

Policies and sentiments from both these local politicians resonated with voters’ key concerns.

We welcome both politicians representing us in the Federal Parliament. All this from a formerly safe Liberal seat.

Public engagement was hugely increased as residents displayed corflute posters in their windows or on their front fences and gates.

42 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

Corflute posters on telegraph poles went up when the election was declared and were removed after election day.

Community dialogue surged. Neighbours discussed their political concerns with each other, in greater numbers than in my living memory.

This increased engagement was a nationwide movement which has changed the nation’s political landscape.

Political forums were live zoomed and put on social media for longer perusal, generating more interest and discussion. Community forums were a welcome addition to understanding the issues.

The former Liberal member for Wentworth was mostly a no-show at these events.

Political stalls at markets facilitated more dialogue, as did door knocking by candidates and supporters. Through all this, Wentworth residents were curious and open to new ways forward.

On the street, people seemed more at ease to display their political issues of interest, and the old tribal wars were challenged. The Greens were appreciated for their stance on the important issues and Independents for listening to the electorate and standing up to the Liberals.

The effect of Clive Palmer’s preferences in the previous federal election returned the Coalition to power in the supposedly unwinnable election.

This time few fell for the mining magnate’s campaign playbook.

The Coalition lost 20 seats, because when in government they delivered no energy policy and lots of free passes to their corporate donors.

The Greens and Independents all believe in the ideals of elected representation, not leadership telling the electorate what to think. Added to that, The Greens do not take corporate donations, and they limit donations from individuals, so they are not beholden to the vested interests of political donors.

The idea of ending big corporate donations (which includes the fossil fuel lobby) to the major parties to finance their election campaigns is now in the public consciousness.

By legislating limits on political donations and on campaign expenditure we will have fairer campaigns with the opportunity of more accurate information. Legislative limits are an obvious way forward for voters wanting to protect their children’s future against a climate catastrophe.

With broad agreement between the new government, Greens and Independents on the crossbench on a strong anti-corruption commission (federal ICAC), and with ever increasing community awareness, we can ensure lasting change for the better.

Fishing Report

To eat or to bait? That is the question.

Big Winter Squid Off the Rocks Words Lewis Kennedy-Hunt Photo Ethan McDonald When the air is cold and the prevailing westerlies are blowing, I get the urge to chase some big green-eyed Calamari off the stones. Whether it’s a mouth-watering feed you’re after, or just some top quality baits, squidding certainly is a great way to get your fishing fix. Inspired by the ‘eging’ (Japanese for squid fishing) scene in Japan, squidding is a more recent development in Australia’s recreational fishing scene and has gained considerable popularity over the past 10-15 years.

Often mistaken for a particular method of cooking squid, the term ‘calamari’ is actually the name given to the most prevalent species of squid along our east coast. Calamari are fast-growing and short-lived with a lifespan of only around 12 months. The loligo squid (commonly referred to falsely as the arrow squid) is the other main species of squid that is caught, although you are more likely to catch these around deeper areas of the harbour or out to sea.

44 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

How to Catch Them First you’ll need a light setup with a reel around the 2500 size and a rod rated to about 1-3kg spooled with some light braid and leader between 8-20lb. A slightly longer rod and heavier leader is preferable off the rocks. Squid are not caught on traditional lures but instead on specialised squid jigs with barbless spikes as opposed to barbed hooks.

Selecting the right ones can be an intimidating process, with a myriad of different brands, colors and sizes on the market. I find that size 2.5-3.5 are the most effective from the rocks. In the harbour, where the squid are generally smaller and the spots are generally shallower, I prefer size 1.2-2.5 jigs. In terms of colour, I like to use more natural colours when the sun is higher and brighter colours when it is lower and into the darkness of night.

Squid love rocky, kelpy environments with relatively clear water, which makes just about any rock ledge along the east coast a feasible spot to catch them. Be warned though, rock fishing is very dangerous and claims a number of lives every year.

Having personally witnessed a fellow angler dislocate his shoulder after a rogue wave collected us, I can attest that it is only a matter of time before you end up in the drink. You should always wear a lifejacket and fish well within your limits, particularly if you are not a strong swimmer. If you are fishing in a government declared ‘high risk’ area you are bound by law to wear a lifejacket, and they are now required for all rock fishing in Randwick City.

Getting back to the squid... going by personal experience, there is quite a specific bite window for squid off the stones, negating the need for long, arduous sessions. It’s my theory that the squid will stay deeper in the shadows of the kelp and rocks during the day before coming up into shallower ground to hunt for small baitfish and other prey around dusk and dawn. For this reason I time my trips to coincide with the sunset, giving myself only around 25-30 minutes to cast for them.

After sending a cast out as far as you can, wait for the jig to sink close to the bottom. The time you wait depends on the depth of the area as well as the sink rate of your jig. I use a double flick and pause technique to work the jig all the way back to my feet, making sure not to rush the retrieve to help keep it in the zone. Repeat this until it’s dark and most of the time you’ll get a few.

All in all, squidding is a relatively simple form of fishing. You’ll be into a few in no time if you follow some of these tips, leaving you with just one problem; the age-old dilemma of whether to use them for bait or keep them for a feed. Some of my best fish - namely kings, jewies and snapper - have fallen to squid caught off the rocks the day before.

Admittedly, sometimes the allure of fresh salt and pepper squid with a cold beer is too much to resist, but this is a problem I’ll let you deal with when you get out there and catch a few for yourself!

Tide Chart

August 2022 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Monday 1 0434 1037 1615 2235

0.40 1.36 0.56 1.70

8 0424 1005 1650 2345

1.24 0.56 1.74 0.42

15 0440 1046 1638 2255

0.23 1.53 0.41 1.73

22 0452 1014 1659 2359

1.10 0.70 1.52 0.57

29 0325 0929 1516 2133

0.31 1.45 0.43 1.71

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

3 0545 1201 1750 2358

0.43 1.42 0.63 1.53

4 0625 0.47 1249 1.45 1847 0.66

5 0047 0708 1342 1956

1.42 0.51 1.49 0.66

6 0149 0800 1442 2115

1.32 0.54 1.55 0.63

7 0304 0900 1545 2235

1.26 0.56 1.63 0.54

9 0536 1.28 1111 0.52 1752 1.85

10 0045 0638 1211 1849

0.30 1.34 0.46 1.96

11 0137 0732 1308 1943

0.20 1.40 0.39 2.03

12 0227 0823 1401 2033

0.14 1.45 0.35 2.05

13 0313 0912 1455 2122

0.13 1.49 0.33 2.00

14 0358 1000 1546 2209

0.16 1.52 0.36 1.89

16 0521 1132 1730 2340

17 0600 0.43 1219 1.51 1827 0.58

18 0026 0638 1308 1929

1.38 0.53 1.49 0.66

19 0117 0719 1400 2040

1.23 0.61 1.47 0.70

20 0219 0810 1458 2157

1.12 0.67 1.47 0.69

21 0337 0910 1600 2305

1.08 0.70 1.48 0.64

23 0550 1.15 1111 0.67 1749 1.58

24 0042 0634 1200 1833

0.50 1.21 0.61 1.64

25 0118 0713 1243 1912

0.44 1.26 0.56 1.70

26 0151 0746 1321 1948

0.39 1.31 0.50 1.74

27 0223 0820 1359 2023

0.35 1.36 0.46 1.76

28 0254 0854 1437 2058

0.32 1.40 0.44 1.75

30 0357 1005 1559 2211

31 0430 1045 1645 2252

0.35 1.52 0.47 1.54

2 0509 1117 1700 2315

0.41 1.39 0.59 1.62

0.33 1.52 0.50 1.55

0.32 1.49 0.44 1.64

Friday

Saturday

• • •

•

Sunday

Moons

Moon • New Quarter • First Moon • Full • Last Quarter

Looking for a different VIEW on Life?

VIEW Clubs is a national women’s organisation supporting The Smith Family.

Women join VIEW to form lasting friendships and to support children experiencing disadvantage to make the most of their education and create better futures for themselves.

Sydney Eastern Suburbs VIEW Club is looking to welcome new members to their monthly meetings held every fourth Wednesday from 11am at Coogee Diggers, 2 Byron Street, Coogee - with guest speaker followed by lunch.

Contact Jan on 0422 922 095 or email nettiet@bigpond.com

view.org.au

Issue 211 August 2022 The Beast 45

Dana's Recipe

A quick stew with powerful flavour.

Squid, Scallop and Chorizo Stew Words Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine Spicy Spanish chorizo is one of those ingredients that goes really well with protein, and in this case the smoky paprika is loving the fresh squid and scallops.

Roasted tomatoes, white wine and stock bind together the squid, scallops and chorizo, developing the flavour in just a short time.

The squid only requires a flash fry and the scallops just need a subtle browning to keep their integrity. A tasty homemade herb bread is the perfect vehicle to mop up the goodness in this simple, tasty nod to Spanish flavours that will give all the comfort you need this winter.

Ingredients 2 hot Spanish chorizo, quartered lengthways, then roughly chopped

46 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

200gm Tasmanian scallops (keep the roe!)

200gm whole squid, cleaned and sliced thinly 300gm small roma tomatoes 1 cup chicken stock 1 clove garlic, finely chopped ¼ cup dry white wine 2 tbs olive oil Freshly ground black pepper 1 tsp lemon juice To serve 2 tbs fresh parsley, finely chopped Lemon wedges Herb bread 4 slices baguette, sliced on the diagonal 2 tbs fresh parsley, finely chopped 1 tsp lemon zest 1 ½ tbs olive oil

Method 1. Heat the oven to 180 degrees fan forced. Place the tomatoes on a lined baking tray, drizzle with olive oil and roast for 30 minutes. Remove from the oven and set aside.

2. To make the herb bread, place the 4 slices on a baking tray. In a small bowl, combine the olive oil, parsley and lemon zest and mix well. Spoon the herbs over the slices of bread and place in the oven for 15-20 minutes.

3. Heat a large frypan on medium heat and add 1 tablespoon of olive oil. Sautee the chorizo and garlic for 5 minutes until cooked through and a little caramelised.

4. Heat a separate fry pan to high and add the remaining olive oil. Quickly fry the squid for 1½ minutes, tossing as it cooks. Remove from the pan and set aside.

With the pan back on the heat, cook the scallops for 30 seconds on each side, then remove from the pan and set aside.

5 To the large frypan of chorizo, pour in the white wine and allow it to reduce for 1 minute. Add the stock and allow to simmer, then add the roasted tomatoes and give the ingredients a stir.

6. Add in the squid and scallops, season with pepper and squeeze in the lemon juice, stirring gently. Simmer with an occasional stir for a further 5 minutes.

7. Remove the frypan from the heat and spoon the stew into a large bowl. Sprinkle over the parsley and serve with lemon.

8. Remove the herb bread from the oven and serve on the side.

Dana Sims is a Sydney-based food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family.

She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

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Brainteasers

The Beast Supercross 1

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(American English) (7) 5. Knockout (1,1) 7. Device that produces a coherent monochromatic light (5) 8. Cylindrical object on which something is wound (5) 10. Document used to establish a person’s identity (abbreviated) (1,1) 13. Slang for crystal meth (3) 14. Traditional form of Japanese dance-drama (6) 15. Stupid, vulgar or offensive person (6) 16. A greeting (2) 17. DiscrimiDOWN 1. Where Princess nation on the grounds of age (6) Mary lives (7) 18. Unit of power 2. Guest (7) (4) 3. County of 19. Inflamed south-west swelling of the England (5) eyelid (4) 4. Egg dishes ACROSS 1. Rugby player turned Senator (5,6) 6. Home of country music (9) 9. Walk with difficulty (4) 11. Overwhelmed with surprise (10) 12. Scottish church (4) 15. Highly transparent glass with a high refractive index (7) 18. London football stadium (7) 20. Large beer mug (5) 21. Small, sharp-broaded nail (4) 22. Light up (6)

Trivial Trivia Words Lisa Anderson Photo Donny Lopez @donnylopez949 1. What is the common name for Pertussis?

2. Which branch of maths comes from the Arabic for ‘reunion of broken parts’?

3. Which three US presidents does Forrest meet in the 1994 movie Forrest Gump?

Mini Pits.

48 The Beast August 2022 Issue 211

4. Maris, Piper and Sebago are types of what?

5. Osculation is the act of what starting with ‘k’?

6. What is the only country whose name can be typed on just one row of a standard keyboard?

7. In the 1990s, who was TV’s Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? 8. Who had a Billboard number 1 in all of the last four decades?

9. What are Jungfrau, Eiger and Titlis?

10. What is Albo’s girlfriend’s Christian name?

Reviews

VANCE JOY

In Our Own Sweet Time Label Atlantic Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  Say what you like about Vance Joy, he sure can write a catchy tune. He’ll have you singing along like a teenage girl at a BTS concert before you’ve finished your first listen. I even got goosebumps at one point! Sure, it might have been the icy finger of Death running down my spine as I’ve been eating quite poorly of late, but I’d prefer to think it was Vance Joy’s charmingly romantic balladry that caused such an excitable reaction. We all knew what we wanted from In Our Own Sweet Time and by golly, it does not disappoint.

NSW PRISONERS Songbirds 3

Label Independent Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating 

Nude Tuesday Genre Comedy Drama Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador What better way to emphasise the problems of miscommunication than to create a delightfully kooky film in a nonsensical made-up language that requires subtitles to understand, about a jaded couple trying to reconnect.

If your inclinations lean towards the quirky, you’ll be full of glee over Jackie van Beek’s (The Breaker Upperers) latest offering, Nude Tuesday. Along with director Armagan Ballantyne (The Strength Of Water) she has dialled up the absurdity and improvising factor in an oh-so-delightfully funny and outlandish way.

When Laura (van Beek) and Bruno (Damon Herriman) realise their marriage is in crisis, they decide to give it one last shot by attending a couples retreat. Much to their dismay, they become immersed in a strange environment of sexual exploration, laughter workshops, wild tantric dance and skinny dipping, which are all led by the charismatic relationship guru Bjorg (Jermaine Clement).

Nude Tuesday is a one-of-a-kind, comical journey of self-discovery and love that won’t be to everyone’s liking, but if you are partial to eccentric films like The Lobster and Swiss Army Man, then this should tickle your fancy.

Not many people know this, but I went to prison for two days… as an extra for Home & Away. It was terrifying. I really can’t act. These characters are the real deal though and unlike me (awkwardly attempting to look tough in the background while not letting my big head take up too much of the shot) are supremely talented. It’s the lyrics that get you. As you’d expect, these folks have a story to tell. Someone from A&R needs to get a hold of Leon from Broken Hill too; his track ‘Smoke’ wouldn’t be out of place in Triple J’s Hottest 100.

ALEXISONFIRE Otherness

Label Dine Alone Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  Dust off the skinny jeans and black t-shirts, Alexisonfire is back! This is the kind of music my wife tells me to turn off, with the heavy guitars and screaming causing quite a racket, but if you know, you know. If you don’t know, listen to the lead singer’s other project, City & Color, and you might begin to understand the majesty. One of the few positives of the pandemic was older bands getting back together and releasing new material. Most of it is awful, but Otherness bucks that trend, proving Alexis still has their edge after all these years.

Issue 211 August 2022 The Beast 49

Beardy from Hell Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 You need to start using your brain more before it shuts down completely. Watch a movie, or play a video game or something.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 You really need to start dressing more appropriately for your age.

You’re not a child anymore, at least not physically.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Why are you wasting your life away in a dead-end job that is totally meaningless? Change is good, even if it means a pay cut.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Stop living so conservatively and start taking some calculated risks. It’s like you’re barely even alive these days.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 You really need to tighten your belt, not because you’re losing weight, but because you’re about to run out of money.

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 One of your ‘friends’ is currently white-anting the shit out of you.

You need to put an end to it (and them, ideally).

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 August will bring you a month of delays, so don’t bother turning up to anything on time, especially Rex flights.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 Your eyes are going to irritate the hell out of you this month.

Avoid looking in the mirror and going out in public.

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 Keep your old flame on the hook, because you never know when you might need to go back and get your hat.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 Stop cooking and eat more fast food. You’re always short on time, and that’s a guaranteed way of adding hours to your day.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 Learn a new exercise regime to deal with your chest flab before it gets to the point of being irreversible.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Stop messing with your bloody eyebrows or you’ll wind up needing to get those ridiculous tattoos inked on.

Star Signs

Trivial Trivia Solutions

1. Whooping Cough 2. Algebra 3. John F Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon 4. Potato 5. Kissing 6. Peru 7. Will Smith 8. Mariah Carey 9. Mountains in Switzerland 10. Jodie 1

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