Her Testimony Campaign Report

Her Testimony

3 INTRODUCTION 7 THE CAMPAIGN Overview Interview with Khayla Deans Interview with Winnie Okwakol The Guide 15 THE SURVEY Overview Discoveries Lessons from a Disrupted Life Wellness Practices During a Pandemic A Lighthouse for Moving Beyond Troubled Waters

THE APPRENTICESHIP

Overview

An Apprentice’s Reflection

Reflective Revelations

INTRODUCTION:

How will we remember this time? Will our stories be part of the narrative? Will our memories reflect the truth of our experiences in all its dimensions, or will we only remember the struggle that was 2020?

The #HerTestimony Campaign in all its iterations was an attempt to map out the fullness of Black women and girls’ experiences amid the emergence of a global pandemic and the uprise in racial unrest. We wanted to document what Black women and girls were feeling, discovering, and navigating in this time, and figure out what lessons there were for us all in this.

THE CAMPAIGN

We began by talking to Black women. In May 2020, seven women were interviewed in the Triangle area about their discoveries, adaptations, and difficulties as it pertained to themselves, their network, and their communities. From these conversations, we crafted a digital image toolkit to extend their lessons and discovered resilience as a tool to encourage and strengthen women and girls.

THE SURVEY

We then opened up a survey to women across the state and heard back from 58 women, ranging in age from 26-67. In addition to inquiring about the impact of the pandemic, the survey engaged a similar set of questions as the interview, inviting respondents to share what they were learning, where they were finding joy, how they were adapting, and what their hopes were for themselves and their communities as we emerged from this pandemic.

THE APPRENTICESHIP

In the fall we linked arms with four young Black women in local high schools who were excited for the opportunity to support Black girls amid the unrest and isolation that was characterizing their lives. The apprentices bore witness to the experiences of their peers in one-on-one interviews and focus groups and designed an Instagram-based campaign that amplified the self-discoveries and growth Black girls were experiencing.

The following report explores what we discovered at each stage of the #HerTestimony initiative. We have also included images from across the initiatives, reflections from the contributors, and the tools that we crafted in response to the testimonies of Black women and girls.

When we first created this initiative, we saw it as an important way for us to meaningfully meet the moment as storytellers and champions of representational justice and wellness for Black women and girls. While we were confronted with the suffering, pain, and rage we and our communities were faced with, there was an urgency to make sure that the nuances of our collective stories were neither forgotten nor swallowed into overarching tales of difficulty. We wanted to honor what has always been true for our people-- that we find joy and creatively adapt in the midst of a long history of oppression and social struggle. Now almost a year later, we are dismayed that the crises that marked our summer have never left and, in some ways, reignited. Yes, there is a vaccine, and yes we have seen some changes in governance, but we are too wise to find peace in these facts. Hospitals

continue to be overrun while a more virulent strain of COVID-19 has emerged; the recent White insurgency in the Capitol was a vivid reminder of the very different response of police to White and Black bodies.

AND SO WE OFFER THIS REPORT.

To the girls and women who we heard from and the many others who will find their truths reflected in their words, we offer the gifts of recognition and affirmation. We are worthy of voice and power, we are worthy of our stories being known, we are worthy of identifying our needs and triumphs, we are worthy of being seen, and we are worthy of recognition. We are resilient but we are also weary.

To our people, who relentlessly push on to create lives of joy and abundant wellness amid vivid proof of how easily social institutions discard us, we offer the gift of resilience. In the testimonies we’ve collected there is abundant wisdom that can strengthen us in this time. When we find ourselves in periods of intense struggle and stress sometimes, we grow weary and lose sight of what we’ve learned from our ancestors and ourselves about how to make it through. We must continue to cultivate joy in our lives. We must continue to connect meaningfully and encourage and strengthen each other.z

To all others. This report is not designed for you, but bear witness to what Black women and girls have to say about our lives. Know this report doesn’t represent us all, but if you are a gatekeeper or power-wielder or even just a neighbor, accept our truths and allow them to influence how you make decisions that impact Black lives in this society.

CONTRIBUTORS

Erin M. Stephens - Co-Executive Director

Khayla Deans - Co-Executive Director

Winnie Okwakol - Graphic Design & Photography

Jamaica Gilmer - Founder of TBP

#HERTESTIMONY

SURVEY & CAMPAIGN

Elisabeth Michel - Project Coordinator

Phia N. Salter, PhD - Research Consultant, Davidson College

#HERTESTIMONY APPRENTICESHIP

Bria Pearson - Project Coordinator 2020-22

Aniya Arnold - Apprentice, High School

Chalina Morgan-Lopez - Apprentice, High School

Deja Palmer-Reese - Apprentice, High School

Noire Reynolds - Apprentice, High School

SPECIAL THANKS TO:

Grantmakers for Girls of Color Love is Healing Fund

As Black women storytellers, we have a deep value for Blackrepresenting women’s experiences in our daily life as well as in moments of social significance.

THE CAMPAIGN

OVERVIEW

In the early summer of 2020, data began to emerge about how COVID-19 specifically impacted Black communities. Not surprisingly, data reflected the enduring inequities Black people experience in the United States as it pertains to access to health care and disproportionate experiences with illness and chronic health conditions. But the storytelling was limited; few news articles explored the gendered experience among Black folks and none highlighted the creative adaptations and strategies people were executing to adjust to the demands of social distancing and to protect and care for themselves and their loved ones.

As Black women storytellers, we have a deep investment in representing Black women’s experiences in our daily life as well as in moments of social significance. Through conversation with each other, we recognized the emergent need to document how this pandemic particularly impacted Black women. We wanted our experiences and insights to be best positioned to serve us, our loved ones and our families not just during the pandemic, but for years to come.

The concepts testimony and witness resonated with us: testimonies, like the storytelling Black folks do during a church service about their trials and how they made it through; witness like the congregation listening, affirming those experiences, and receiving the wisdom therein. With these things in mind, we crafted a narrative-based campaign that allow us to hold space for several Black women to share their testimonies. These narratives would be shared on our blog and then resourced to craft affirmations to encourage and equip other Black women as they navigated their own experiences. Finally, we provided a guide for Black women to hold space for others to share their testimonies.

The narrative project, affirmations, and guide can all be found on the website of The Beautiful Project. For the purpose of this report, we included two conversations with the Program Director, Erin Stephens, and the chief architects of the #HerTestimony Campaign, Khayla Deans and Winnie Okwakol. These interviews explored the creative decisions and experiences of Khayla and Winnie as they sought to translate Black women’s testimonies into resources for other women navigating similar circumstances. Additionally, we included a new version of the guide, adapted for use as we emerge from the social limitations of the pandemic in the coming months.

INTERVIEW

WITH

KHAYLA DEANS

CREATIVE DIRECTOR THE BEAUTIFUL PROJECT*

ERIN

KHAYLA

I interviewed 7 women to capture their experiences of the pandemic. That was great, having one-hour conversations and just kind of crafting a flow of knowing what their hopes were, what their fears were, how they have been adapting, and what are the lessons that they learned during this time. And I talked to them at the beginning of the pandemic— beginningish. It was between late April and May. It was still very much so during the time when there were lockdowns and people were still inside.

From there, after I took a look at everyone’s conversations and stories, that’s how we crafted the campaign, at least the creative portion of it. Where we created affirmations that were based off of the key quotes or just things that came from the conversations. And then we had three parts, the survey, the affirmations and gifts, and then there was the guide with the hopes that the community would be able to participate and have conversations with their own friends and family.

ERIN

You did a lot (laughter). What’s crazy to me is that when you said April to May— I’ve been having such difficulty understanding the “when” because the pandemic has just stretched on forever. And at the time when we did it, it felt very real— it didn’t feel like the beginning, it felt like we were in it, even though it had been maybe a couple of months. It felt like we were in a pandemic.

KHAYLA

Yeah, we were in it. It wasn’t the very beginning, however, looking back it was also before…

ERIN

It was the beginning!

KHAYLA

There were seasons in the pandemic; we did

the interviews and the stories in April and May, but then the uprisings happened in May and June, and the questions that we had didn’t also take into account what was going on around that front. So there was a lot going on. That’s how even though we were in it, that part still felt like the beginning of it all.

ERIN

That’s a good point, when we started out this project we really were responding to the pandemic and how that was impacting Black women. We weren’t yet in the unrest that would rise up again around policing and Black Death. But our campaign did go out amidst that. When you were doing any reading and listening of the interviews and thinking about the storytelling, were you responding at all to the unrest that was happening in that regard? Or was it squarely around the pandemic?

KHAYLA

I was conscious of it and I even went back to the women and only a few women responded— I wanted to know their thoughts now it had been a month since I talked to them. If any of their feelings had changed. But honestly, even though we began with the pandemic, you find that the experiences people were having, yes, they were as a result of the pandemic, but you know we had conversations about the work of Black women in workplaces and not feeling safe at times to go... those things still came up regardless because we are still Black women.

ERIN

We’re still Black in America

KHAYLA

I remember one person was talking a lot about self-determination and how we can’t rely on the government. I didn’t feel like we needed to specifically address the policing— like go back and edit --because what the women said, it still applied.

ERIN

Your work was really critical to this campaign in that you alone were capturing the stories. How was that like for you being someone who was navigating the very same issues and dealing

Can you tell me a bit about your involvement in the #HerTestimony Campaign

with the pandemic yourself to initiate and be in these conversations with these women?

KHAYLA

I really enjoyed it. That, probably out of the whole campaign, was my favorite part -just talking to them and interviewing them. But there was also a time, even in those conversations, for reflection for me and this kind of just felt like a mirror. So where at least with the seven women, they did have different profiles in the sense of there were mothers I talked to, there were mothers who were now grandmothers, then there were folks who were single— but with everyone I was able to connect with something. Whether it was a particular type of experience that I was encountering, a particular type of worry or a particular type of practice around how we are trying to just maintain peace in all of this, it was a mirror -- just seeing, hearing and reflecting.

I always felt uplifted in a way leaving these conversations. And not to be on this positive note, but it was just great to hear how each of the women that I talked to, which was a very, very small sample, but how they were just making a way and surviving in their own way. Whether it was leaning on family and friends or being creative in the ways that they could still be in the community or really coming to understand themselves. There was a lot of selfwork that people were doing. And they told me and reflected with me, whether it was on that call or afterwards, they said, “Thank you so much for this conversation. Yeah, I’ve been talking to a friend here and there, but these particular types of questions I have discussed and thought of; it’s really putting me in a reflective place.”

So while it was good for me and we had our specific requirements that we needed to get done, it was great to also facilitate a space that was actually healing for them in the moment.

So then afterwards when I have the words, that’s when the difficulty comes of what do I do. I wanted to honor their words and how to

pull that into a story. I think it coupled up with where we were in the pandemic and starting to feel fatigue around the summer and the uprisings, it was a lot to manage around how to do their stories justice. That was the difficult part. And what I landed on was I just need to get out of the way and let their words speak for themselves— which is what we did. I edited it down, but the gifting was just for other people just to read their words, just to read our conversation.

ERIN

The concepts of witness and testimony were things we were playing around with. Even just the way you just phrased that “I got out the way,” as opposed to really try to mediate their stories -- to just let others hear it, hear what they have to say. In a way I think it gives others access to that space you created in that conversation— the healing, the opportunity to reflect, the opportunity to just say, “Oh yeah, this is where I am,” and to open that up for others.

We’re talking about pain, we’re talking about suffering, we’re talking about loss -- loss of life, but also just loss of contact, loss of normalcy, loss of certain feelings of safety that we had in just going about daily activities, but along very racialized contours of life. But what surprised me is just how much those women, and we even heard it from girls later, were experiencing some discovery around themselves in a positive way. What were things that you were surprised by or discovered through this process?

KHAYLA

I talked to women who were empty nesters, sixties, late-50s, and I talked to women who were in their early twenties, single and still with their actual parents and family, and then those who were just starting out their families. So regardless of the age, around this self-discovery and reflection, it was the same. Yeah the context may be a little bit different because you’re in different stages of life where you have one person really trying to figure out herself and what she wants to do in this time while she also has to take care of her mother

and her adult children and her husband, then you have someone who is grown in her 20s but she chooses to be with her family at this time so it’s a full house and she’s still trying to figure out her identity. Right now, that’s what’s resonating with me, the fact that there were women and later on girls/teenagers at different stages of life, but the self-discoveries still came down to the same thing: What’s the time for myself? What does this mean? How do I protect my own time? Who am I? What do I like? What are my needs? These types of questions still came up regardless of the context and where they were in terms of age.

ERIN

I’m curious— how is this new and how is it not new? It’s surprising that in a pandemic, space - in a way - is opened up for that. So is it that these were new questions that people asked themselves? Or was it questions people were already asking themselves but because of life and the typical flow of things, they weren’t necessarily taking the time to ask them. Was this different?

KHAYLA

I think in some ways it was different. The way I framed it, and even it came up in conversations, is just the fact that we were and continue to be in unprecedented times. This time where we were forced to be still and maybe now, and in my brain, we’re still forced to be still regardless. But definitely in April there was a little more of a collective of everybody was still at home trying to figure stuff out. I really do think it was the outside force of like, “what is going on?”, “what’s happening?” that helped people intentionally slow down and by all this, the fear and real loss and death and so many things, it caused people including me to really interrogate.The distractions fell away and stuff that wasn’t as important, or you thought was important, was like actually it really isn’t. It helped people to pinpoint the value of what exactly is absolutely needed.

ERIN

What did you hope would be the impact of the campaign more broadly and even more

specifically your work in the campaign?

KHAYLA

I wanted people who read the stories to also connect or see some part: “oh yeah I’ve experienced that as well, it’s great to see someone experience this type of thing.” Or even if that wasn’t the case that the conversation at least inspired them to reflect on how they were adapting or what are their practices for peace and things like that. In the conversations, if you really sat down and read them, there were so many great nuggets, just really good wisdom that came from the women themselves in their own particular experiences and locations of life. So for me, I think it was, for at least for the storytelling, the impact that I wanted was a tool of recognition — ok I’ve been there. And to affirm that there’s other people that are experiencing this.

ERIN

Our campaigns typically have some sort of photography involved in our campaigns, either we ask people to take pictures or go out to take pictures. But with COVID, we decided just to keep the images in-house. Can you talk a bit about that and how you approached this project?

WINNIE

We wanted to portray sisterhood and #HerTestimony and what that would look like. With that, I was thinking I wanted to use two people, but with COVID it made it a little bit weird trying to find those people. I ended up finding two friends who had been very diligent about how they social distanced. Our point of contact had been very low. So, we trusted that space and we trusted each other, and we just did the photo shoot on my friend Joan’s balcony one Sunday afternoon.

Honestly, when it comes to taking photographs or creating things, I kind of live in this unknown space and just wing it. I knew a general idea of what I wanted the set to be, but it was kind of a collaborative process too with Joan and Kelsey. When I got to Joan’s we just set up the props and the backdrop and added the plants and then went to Joan’s closet like, “what do you have?” then to Kelsey, “what did you bring?” It was very collaborative in that way. And I think the theme of sisterhood showed up there, in preparing for the shoot and actually doing the shoot. I didn’t know what the images were going to look like, but when it came to that day we got into a really good creative space and just let things fly. My camera had like over 500 photos. I tend to overdo it because I don’t have an image that I want, so I just try things until it works. That was for the photography.

For the graphic design, it was a bit of the same approach. I didn’t know what the end result was going to look like, I just knew I wanted it to be light, pretty, and clean. I didn’t know what direction to go until we had at least the first interview and created some themes around all the interviews that Khayla did. From there I was able to organize it and then create the content for social media. I was thinking more about what platform the graphic design was going to show up and then work backwards from there.

ERIN

I know you mentioned sisterhood. The other things we talked a lot about were the ideas of testimony and witness. Did you think about or play with those terms at all?

WINNIE

In the shoot, I like to set the tone where I’m like let’s just relax and have conversation and then once they [the models] get comfortable, I start shooting. During the time we are just talking about our experience with COVID and how weird it was we were doing this. So, Joan was talking, and I think Kelsey was playing in Joan’s hair. And Kelsey was just listening to what Joan was saying. So, I didn’t plan for it to happen, these were just things that just automatically happened for us as a group of friends.

ERIN

It was such a crazy time – even just the setup, who would be able to be a part of the shoot and the way you had to trust each other in a way that is different. It’s one thing to trust someone with your image, but y’all had to just trust each other to be in the same room because of a pandemic. And then being in the room talking about that becomes part of the art you create.

As part of your work, you had the photo

shoot and graphic design that would represent the campaign. Then there was the gift too, which wrapped up the women’s part of #HerTestimony. We had the interviews at that point to move from, but even in the choices you made about how to represent those different concepts, what was the process for you?

WINNIE

I take the same approach, the creative part in me needs just a little bit of freedom to do whatever. When it comes to designing each piece, I have my education about layout and what looks good as far as typography and hierarchy and the formation. So I have that, but when it came to the specific ones, I think I chose colors that resonated with me a bit and also taking the phrases and thinking about how they made me feel.

ERIN

Do you think about how people will receive it at all when you create, or do you really work more from the creative space of what you want it to look like and how it feels?

WINNIE

I think I do. I think being a graphic designer I have to think about what people want to see, but what I loved about this project and working with Beautiful in general, is what you guys want to see is what I want to see. So I trust in myself to create something that I know that I was very happy with... and you guys ended up loving it too so that felt really good.

ERIN

So being able to trust yourself more and move from there, as opposed to really try to please other people.

WINNIE

Yeah, I have to find a good balance of that all the time. Because sometimes that wanting to please people can take over, which I ended up getting into a mental block when that happens. I have to learn how to keep it in mind and then again work backwards— but also give me the freedom to live in the unknown and my creative juices.

ERIN

Did you hear responses to the campaign?

WINNIE

Yes, I was excited — of course from Joan and Kelsey, and mainly just seeing the comments on Instagram. My family was excited when you guys did the WRAL interview, my niece was recording the tv with her phone and then I had my mom and sister there watching. They were pretty excited about that. The feedback was great.

I think what was really good about the campaign, reading the interviews, a lot of the women were excited to tell their stories. So that felt good, to be able to create that space for Black women, but it feels good also that we did that for ourselves within Beautiful and the Beautiful Community. It felt like an expression of Beautiful.

*These interviews have been edited for clarity and length

THE GUIDE

Distancing and loss are difficulties that have been particularly pronounced during the COVID-19 pandemic. As we begin to emerge from this period, we offer the following guide as a way to cultivate collective healing and share wisdom. The guide in this report is adapted from the original #HerTestimony Guide provided during the 2020

campaign.

The Spaces

However, you choose to hold this space – with one other person, with a group of friends, or even just with your own journal -- open it by honoring all who are present and acknowledging the strength, determination, and resilience this period has required. Use the questions provided or develop your own as you explore what you have and are experiencing; allow discussion to flow without judgement as you deeply listen and bear witness to the stories shared.

CONDUCT ONE-ON-ONE CONVERSATIONS. Ask Black women in your community whether you can interview them and ask the questions on the list. Depending on your participants’ comfort level, share the results with your community. Or use the question list for your own personal conversations with friends.

START CONVERSATIONS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Post questions from the provided list and encourage your followers to answer. With the posters’ permission, share some of the responses on your social media platforms. Encourage your followers to share what resonates with them in the responses.

FACILITATE A VIDEO HAPPY HOUR OR COFFEE CHAT. Choose a date and time. Invite participants to bring their favorite beverage and settle into their favorite chair. Have a moderator facilitate the conversation and walk participants through the question list. Keep the group size small - such as 5-7 people. Small group sizes help people feel comfortable to speak up and share transparently. Utilize platforms such as Zoom or Google Hangouts.

FACILITATE A VIDEO PANEL. If you’d like to get more participants in a video conversation, host a panel discussion. Select a small number of Black women with different backgrounds as panelists. (Maybe 3-5). Invite participants to join as you moderate a panel discussion, asking the questions in the list. A Question & Answer session during the panel could be a way to to engage your audience.

HOST A SOCIALLY DISTANCED OUTDOOR GATHERING. Soak in the summer rays! In accordance with public health guidelines and your state’s stay-at-home orders, gather a group for an outdoor conversation. Tip: have refreshments (prepared according to covid-19 guidelines) or encourage participants to bring their own food.

The Questions

■ Reflecting on this past year, what are a few words or images that come to mind?

■ How was your daily life impacted by the pandemic? How do you see your daily life changing in the months to come?

■ What was a particularly difficult time for you to navigate?

■ When is a time you celebrated or experienced joy?

■ What have you created as a result of this time?

■ What is something you’re proud of?

■ What have you learned about your personal needs?

■ What have you learned about your community’s needs?

■ In what ways have you adapted or changed during this time?

■ What are your hopes for yourself, right now? A few months from now?

■ What are your hopes for your community, right now? A few months from now?

Spend a few minutes and think about where you found rest, joy, strength, and/or community during this period. Share one of those moments.

Closing the Space

Reflecting on what you have learned and experienced, alone or in community with others, craft an affirmation statement that can strengthen you when navigating current or future difficulties.

THE SURVEY

OVERVIEW

We knew from the onset that due to our small size and the demands of the moment we would not be able to provide an exhaustive account of women’s and girls’ experiences in North Carolina. Still, we mobilized our networks and reached out beyond them, with the hope of the survey capturing a wider representation of experiences. Through a collaboration with Dr. Phia Salter, a social psychologist at Davidson College, we launched an anonymous online survey in June 2020. The survey built upon the questions from the narrative project, inviting Black women above 18 years old in the state to participate. Our questions closely followed the interview guides, inviting women to share how the pandemic was impacting them, their high and low points, their joys and hopes, and discoveries around self and community. We also included demographic questions, their caretaking responsibilities, COVID-19 vulnerabilities, and if they were considered or connected to essential workers. We posted the survey on our website, shared it across our platforms, and reached out to organizations invested in Black women’s wellness across the

state.

Fifty-eight women in North Carolina participated in the survey representing zip codes across the state. The average participant was 45 years old and the majority of women identified themselves as straight. Thirty-six of the women were married or in a committed relationship. Almost 75% of the women were employed full-time, representing a variety of occupations including education, health care, community work, management occupations, finance, and others. Household incomes ranged from $10,000-$19,000 to over $150,000, with the majority earning over 70 thousand per year. Almost all of the women had some type of insurance, but almost one third had a health condition that would be complicated by COVID-19. Over one third of participants were either considered essential workers or lived with someone who was. Over half of the women (53%) had care responsibilities for children or elders.

Employed Full-time

Married or Committed relationship

Occupations Including: Education Health-Care Community Work Finance Management

Black. Women. Showed. Up.

For themselves, for their partners, for their friends, for their children, for their communities.

Respondents offered countless examples of how they showed up. By spending intimate time with their children, taking food to elderly parents and neighbors, or crafting healthier boundaries in their relationships. Despite the profound changes in social circumstances, Black women still showed up. And they found joy in quiet moments with themselves.

There was also a lot of struggle. While few respondents had economic or material hardships, there were many reports of mental, emotional, and physical strain due to the disruption of services and relationships they relied on. There was also a lot of fear, frustration, and concern regarding the pandemic. Also, as this survey was administered after many widespread protests related to anti-Black policing, there was a lot of anger regarding the discrimination and injustice Black people face.

“We have many collective needs that have been unmet for long before the COVID pandemic. The pandemic has exacerbated many of these needs.” - survey participant

Inadequate housing. Disproportionate chronic health conditions. Inequities in

Education. Anti-Black policing. Pollution in our communities. These were all things surveyed women identified as hurting their communities. We know our pains, they are not new. Each generation of Black folks bear witness, each generation knows it intimately, each generation hears and gives testimony. This moment didn’t teach us anything new, but lest anyone be distracted, the pause amplified our voices and hardened our resolve.

“It does my heart so much good to see us rise up in spite of the knee that has always been on our necks. We will continue to rise and overcome.” - survey participant

Abounding in the responses was belief in our collective strength and hope for our future. When we asked participants what their hopes for their community were once we emerged from the crises, there was abundant affirmation of the strength and possibility that emerged when our communities come together.

In the following pages we identify the lessons and wellness practices that Black women discovered during the summer of 2020. We believe that these can continue to be resources to us as we navigate the road ahead and other difficulties we may face. We also share the hopes that women shared for their communities as a lighthouse and call to action on this long road to racial justice.

What we discovered in the survey is that

LESSONS FROM A DISRUPTED LIFE

We typically celebrate Spring because of the signs of new life in flowering plants and the burgeoning warmth that brings us outdoors after the cold of winter. But 2020 was different. It seemed like everything shut down overnight. Of course, it depended on where you lived and if you were considered an essential worker, but for many of us, Spring marked the beginning of a long period of social separation and isolation. Quickly, the typical flow of transportation, social interaction, and unfettered recreation was disrupted, and it would be longer than we thought before we rediscovered normalcy again.

Due to the burden of care work most often falling squarely on women’s shoulders, we often hear of the stress of trying to “do it all.” Perhaps when faced with the absolute fact that all couldn’t be done during a pandemic, perhaps because of over-packed schedules suddenly being completely open, or social isolation leaving an abundance of time for self or having overwhelming care responsibilities that ate away at the capacity to get work done—a big discovery for many Black women was the need to protect time to care for themselves and to cultivate joy and mindfulness in their lives.

While the disruption was difficult for many, it also opened up the opportunity for something else -- stillness. And in that stillness, some of us were finally able to spend time discovering ourselves.

... it’s really nice for a person to listen to themselves internally. I think there’s a lot of conditioning or constructing around listening to the outside world for your problems, just for your health or anything. I think if we silence ourselves enough, silence our surroundings enough, we are able to listen to ourselves internally. - Jasmine

And what did Black women hear?

■ My Needs are Worthy of Attention

■ I Need More Time for Rest and Reflection

■ Some mornings I get up and walk by myself to provide the quiet time I need before starting the day with family or work commitments.

■ I need quiet time to myself.

■ I’ve had to be comfortable with being “me”. I think I’ve been ignoring or pushing aside some aspects of my own life.

■ I Need Healthy Boundaries in my Relationships

Wellness Practices During a Pandemic

(and really, all the time)

Insights from survey participants.

1. Protect time to do the things that bring you joy

What has been bringing you joy? Family, friends, making and cooking good food, trash TV, the beach and sun on my face, planting and watching flowers grow, time in nature at the Eno. Checking in on people I love. Extending generosity to my community in simple ways.

2. Ask for what you need, without apology

I am finding myself asking more for what I need in all areas of my life and doing so without apology. I have also created stronger boundaries between me and everyone. All of these have been in service of my mental health which was declining rapidly as we plunged into COVID. These practices, as well as, committing to some daily resilience practices have been powerful opportunities to pour into myself first.

3. Pour into yourself, without reserve

Usually, I’m sharing or not resourcing myself enough. The shift to filling my own cup is NEW to me. I had no idea how much I was starving myself of affection, notice, love, solace, peace

I have been prioritizing the needs of others instead of myself - even to my own detriment at times.

4. Protect time for rest

I can be more gracious with myself when rest is prioritized over productivity

5.

6. Find a pace of life that truly works for you

I hope that I keep the lessons learned in place when we emerge. Lessons learned include paying attention to the benefits of having fewer commitments on our family’s schedule, carving out time to meditate or be alone, and spending quality time together as a family. I hope I don’t slip back into the over-scheduled rat race I was running before.

7. Move your body

8. Speak kindness to yourself

My biggest need is for me to speak kindly to myself, for me to say what I am doing, however little or however big or small, is enough.

9. Cultivate a village

My support system has really relied on each other more during COVID. I have a best friend that I may talk to multiple times a day as opposed to every now and then.

My community needs have been met by those in the Community.

10. Express care to those you love

This virus came overnight and it changed our entire life overnight. Tomorrow is not promised. And even though it might not mean life or death, your life as you know it as today, may look different tomorrow. A lot of things that I want to do, especially to show people how much I love them, and to embrace people -- I’m gonna do it today. I’m gonna do it now. And that’s one thing that I’ve probably learned too. Just how to embrace the moment.

Spend quality time with people you love

Strategies for Moving Beyond Troubled Waters

In the survey we asked women to share what they hoped for their communities to remember when we emerged from this crisis.

We share their responses below as a call to action to our communities and our allies.

WHEN WE EMERGE FROM THIS CRISIS, I HOPE:

That we learn to be gracious with each other, learn to listen to each other, and learn to accept help (mental health help) when necessary. Asking for help helps us thrive.

I hope we realize how we are all interconnected. We need each other.

Even stronger bonds with friends and a shared sense of purpose and drive; I am hopeful that we can emerge as a community less divided and ready to address inequities exposed that impact communities of color

My hope for my community is that we continue to move in a DEEP practice of keeping each other safe. Safe from harm, inside and outside of our homes. Safe from systems that oppress us. That we keep leaning into this space of transformative practices so that they become not a function of surviving a pandemic, but a practice we embody and commit to for all of us to thrive.

My hopes are that our community will continue to collectively tackle the struggle together like we always have during times of crisis. That we will uplift, encourage and tangibly support each other so that we are all okay. That we will collaborate and become a part of our own solutions for our communities.

I hope my community remembers...that we need rest, space for connection, and being together.

THE APPRENTICESHIP

OVERVIEW

For our inquiry around Black girls’ needs, we recruited four youth apprentices from local high schools in eleventh and twelfth grade who we then trained in basic research and storytelling. We began with a conversation among the apprentices around their own discoveries and needs during the pandemic and resurgence of widespread Black Lives Matter protests. We developed a set of questions and then the apprentices each tailored their own interview questions based on the insights they wanted to gain during their interview with a peer. These interviews were an opportunity for them to experience what it is like to deeply listen to another’s story. It was also a practical opportunity to test out their questions. Based on what they learned, the apprentices developed a focus group guide they used for four virtual focus groups held over Zoom. Thematically the guide explored two major topics: (1) the effects of social distancing on individuals and (2) how their own reactions to and participation in protest against anti-Black policing affected relationships with peers.

The apprentices were recruited through their peer groups to organize four focus groups for high school-aged Black girls in the Triangle area to specifically explore youth experiences related to social isolation and social change.

At its core, what we discovered is further evidence of the resilience of Black women and girls. Their testimonies were full of survival strategies, creative adaption, and care practices for self and others. We also bore witness to women and girls not just discovering new things about themselves during this period, but also putting those discoveries into practice. For example, two of the girls who participated in the focus groups spoke of discovering their own power through launching businesses and growing their brands during the height of pandemic stress and racial unrest in 2020.

Themes that emerged during the focus groups included:

SOCIAL DISRUPTION: Like everyone else, pandemic precautions meant the girls’ routines shifted drastically from inperson activities to virtual schooling, paused sports seasons, shifted school club activities, and restricted access to friends and support systems outside their home. This was stressful and, in some cases, resulted in anxiety and depression. However, for many, it also highlighted the importance of social interactions they previously had taken for granted. Be it going to the library at lunch or weekly church services, they gained a new appreciation for their previously held routines.

SELF-DISCOVERY: All of the participants shared that the social isolation gave them more time to learn and face different parts of themselves. Many reported not only self-discovery, but also growth as they explored new ways to care for themselves and manage their emotions amidst decreased social interactions.

ENGAGING IN INTENTIONAL ACTIVITIES FOR DISTRACTIONS: The social limitations that the pandemic caused opened up time for other activities. But besides opportunities, girls shared that cultivating hobbies and putting effort into things they valued (such as work, personal businesses, or religion) kept them motivated, busy, and distracted from pandemic-related stressors.

discovered that some of their non-Black relationships were not as supportive as they had been previously. Girls shared that over the summer of heightened protest, they gained clarity on the nature of relationships with their peers.

NEW SOCIAL MEDIA CONNECTIONS: Everyone being online meant new opportunities to discover online communities of interest. In particular over the summer and fall, Black artists gained increased visibility online and the participants discussed being excited to connect to new accounts and communities on platforms like Tik Tok.

THE UNEXPECTED

IMPACT OF

RACIAL JUSTICE ON PEER RELATIONSHIPS: As many of them began to use their own voices to speak up around racial injustice, they

In response to these themes, the four apprentices developed an online campaign that they titled “Reflective Revelations” based on the self-discovery and growth that their peers reported during the summer and fall months as they navigated social change and isolation. Using quotes from the focus groups, the apprentices crafted statements that affirmed wellness practices to support continued selfcare and discovery in Black girls. They created visual art to support the images on Instagram, and created a short video where they shared their own discoveries of self. Additionally, one of the girls created a poem in response to the stories shared during the focus group (the poem is included in this report). In December 2020, the local news station WRAL ran a news story on the apprentices’ campaign, highlighting the positive impact the apprentices the positive impact the apprentices made through this work, as well as the discovery of voice, self, strength, and possibility many Black girls made during the pandemic.

Figure 1 Art by Noire Meyers used in “Reflective Revelations” Campaign

DEJA PALMER- REESE

As I entered into 2020, all I could think about was how I was going to make the best of everything this year. However, I was unprepared for the trials that headed my way. I struggled with all the relationships in my life, which led to my grades dropping in school. As a result, I lost myself and I lost my drive. I was stuck in a place where I didn’t know what to do with my future, what to do for my community, and what to do for myself. Until August 25, 2020, 1:03 PM.

In the early afternoon of August 25, 2020, my sophomore English teacher, whom I’ve grown close to, sent me an email about a paid apprenticeship named Her Testimony by a group called The Beautiful Project for Black girls that would begin in September. She explained to me that the work for this apprenticeship would use research and other methodologies to find a way to help Black girls deal with and cope during the pandemic and the racial and social injustice of 2020. Then at a snap of my fingers, I realized this is something I needed. I knew that having the opportunity to help others and give back to my community would uplift me and give me hope to push forward and thrive. I instantly filled out the application and all its other requirements with hopes that this would be the chance for me to finally find joy in something. In early September, I found out that I got accepted, but what I didn’t realize was how this apprenticeship and the people would change my life forever.

The work of our apprenticeship focused on how as Black girls we could help and give back to our community of fellow Black girls as the racial/social injustice took over 2020. One of our tasks was to conduct focus groups to discuss with other girls and see how they have been impacted, but the first thing we needed to do was brainstorm collectively. As young Black girls coping with 2020, we knew that the answers we were searching for were not far away. The other apprentices and I discussed what the overall topic and theme were going to be for our focus group questions. We chose the themes of community and isolation, with the effects of COVID, the effects of racial and social injustice, and social media being the topics we would discuss during the focus groups. Before we got into the main topics, we started with an introduction about how well the girls deal with changes and how they feel about being alone. This was important because with how quickly the pandemic and quarantine happened, as the apprentices, we wanted to know how they were affected and this would lead us to the COVID section of the questions.

In the COVID section of the interview guide, we were going to be asking the girls how COVID specifically impacted them. The apprentices and I focused on how COVID affected teenage girls with being inside during quarantine, loss of school and extracurriculars, and the loss of connection between family members. The racial and social injustice topic would address how all of the police

brutality affected the Black girls, asking about the protest and if they participated, and other things like if they participated or knew if anyone did and how they can make an impact. Lastly, the social media section was looking at how social media positively or negatively affected youth during these times. We asked our peers if social media had brought them closer to other Black girls and people during quarantine and how social media kept them company and made them feel less isolated during these times. We then concluded the focus group with a discussion on what the girls think their future may look like and how they feel they have grown during the quarantine.

The responses from the girls with these questions were amazing. From our focus group, we learned so much about the girls and we could see we truly made an impact. The girls laughed with us and genuinely talked to us about their struggles. The apprentices and I gave these girls a safe space to freely talk about these things. As we looked over the transcripts we were able to find recurring codes from these groups: the desire for normalcy, the stressors/ stress, occupations, self-discovery, changes in routine, handling stress, loss, the impact of isolation, disruption, and knowledge of self. With these codes, we were also able to find the resonating themes between these girls and these themes were how time alone can often force people to form a stronger sense of self-awareness and the improved ability of the girls to adapt and respond to the continuous changes and losses that have occurred this year. From putting these all together, the apprentices and I were able to build our campaign to release to the public.

We took notes and bounced to and from the drawing board to make sure that everyone’s talents were represented, and we all went above and beyond. Aniya’s amazing video, Noire’s beautiful artwork, Chalina’s intelligent blog post, and my creative poem all fit together perfectly to make our campaign and Reflective Revelations. Our call to action for our campaign focused on the idea of the girls looking into their reflection in their mirror with their own positive and encouraging statements on the mirror, such as statements like I deserve time for me, I deserve respect, I deserve breaks for me, and I can grow through self-isolation. We knew that the whole idea with the statements was that they were helping the girls reflect on themselves. We knew that the statements would help the girls come to and find a new realization of themselves, whether that was finding out they enjoy new hobbies, they are an entrepreneur, or they genuinely have growing self-confidence within them. This gave us apprentices the idea to call the statements for the girls Reflective Revelations.

Our stress and hard work all felt like nothing compared to the feeling that came over us when we saw our campaign finally debut on The Beautiful Project’s Instagram. Aniya’s video of all of the apprentices and art started off the campaign, Noire’s art led the call to action for the campaign, Chalina’s introductory blog post described our story was, and my poem was the art that concluded our campaign. This poem meant a lot to me because I wanted to truly represent the voice of Black girls and make sure that they know that their voices were heard. I wanted to write something to let

them know that throughout these hardships that were thrown at you during 2020, you were able to rise above it and grow from it. I wanted to let these Black girls know that they are beautiful and that no matter what is going on, their community is always there to support them.

The feelings of joy and accomplishment during those 3 months could not compare to the feeling we all had the week the campaign went out. To hear people say how amazed they were at our talent and the staff saying how they were proud of us lifted me to a new level of clarity and love for myself and my community around me; which is why I was so sad when December came and it was time for the Her Testimony program to end. I was so upset because I remembered how much I didn’t want to stop, how I wanted to do more to help, and how I didn’t want to leave The Beautiful Project. Chalina, Noire, and Aniya became the friends that I never had yet always dreamed of and the directors became women that I adored and looked up to. These people at The Beautiful Project truly changed my life and the way I look at myself and the world around me. They cared about me and my well-being and became the family that I always wanted. Khayla, Jamaica, and Erin became the role models that I always looked for in my daily life and I’m forever grateful for the opportunity to work with them.

Then before I knew it, I was offered an extension to my apprenticeship that would also pay more and I truly couldn’t help to cry tears of relief and happiness. The money that I received is helping me move forward with the dreams of my future and

guiding me to take a step forward, but it wasn’t about the money. It was the fact that they saw something in me that no one sees and sometimes a person that I don’t see. These women at The Beautiful Project are truly a blessing because now I have strong, educated, Black women close to me. People who care about my wellbeing and care about making me flourish with my work, which is why I am so excited to be here today.

From January to June, I am working on vocalizing my story entirely, with all the good and the bad, the ugly and the pretty. I will be sharing my story as a young Black writer to help flourish within myself, but most importantly, to continue on the path to making an impact on others. The 7thgrade girl that started writing poems to tell her story has now grown and is here to help bring other young Black girls’ stories out. She’s here to help someone else find her path as a writer, entrepreneur or an artist. She’s here to help other Black girls who are trying to find themselves in this world that was built to work against them. I thank Aniya, Chalina, and Noire for being my backbone when it felt like no one else was there and being people that truly believed in me. Most of all, I thank Khayla, Erin, Winnie, Jamaica, Bria, and the rest of The Beautiful Project for giving me the light I need to push through my dark times and make this orchid bloom from concrete.

REFLECTIVE REVELATIONS

By Deja Palmer-Reese

Black queens

Let’s take off and fly above the occasion.

Focus on the things that physically keep us grounded, but mentally place us in a superior elevation.

And find a deeper passion and love for ourselves as a form of meditation, to ensure unadulterated positivity like a spiritual ventilation.

Then use that halcyon mindset to reflect on your spiritual revelations.

Understand that you are unquestionably strong. Became an entrepreneur when things around you went wrong. And they transfix themselves on how you the caged bird finds strength to still sing your song.

Because you have hope.

Heart as pure as bullion gold. And just like our alluring melanated skin, that hope never grows old.

However

If you do find it faltering and it leaves your light dwindling cold, your community is there to be a backbone and remind you that there is no need to impose yourself into any societal mold.

Because we believe in you. Stand statuesque tall, and wipe your eyes because we see it in you. Do you see it in you?

¨

Do you see that you flourished so much that now work has become less stressful and more healing?

Do you see how you have found new hobbies and ways to express who you are, and in yourself You found a deeper meaning

Of

beauty

Because beauty is you, and that is something you uncontrollably embody.

Never let them tell you Your bamboo hoops and diamond studded acrylics are too gaudy.

Never let anyone strip away the time and dedication you apply to your wellbeing.

Never let wavering friendships make you hide your opinions and feelings.

Never let your fear of change and what it may hold distance you from your manifestations and the future you’re seeing.

And most important of all, and queen listen when I say this.

Never be silenced or afraid of speaking your truths and being your genuine self. Because no matter what, you as a black girl, Without fear or harm, are able to freely express yourself.