Double Standards in Breakup Anthems

Written by Talia Zakalik | Designed by Macy Wilbur Photographed by Samantha Grobman

The Sexism of Breakup Songs, Plaguing Women and Empowering Men

Breakup songs are not a new phenomenon. Everyone from The Beatles to Beyonce seems to have a hit song that deals with the trials and tribulations of heartbreak. Many tears have been shed to “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston (a staple in the genre), and newcomers such as Olivia Rodrigo have already captured the hearts of young members of Gen Z through their relatable take on 21st century romance. Yet, there seems to be a double standard when it comes to who exactly is producing breakup music. Ed Sheeran has been praised for his vulnerability while female artists, such as Taylor Swift, have and continue to be torn apart for it.

A common label placed on Swift is “serial dater.” Pop culture fans tend to critique the way Swift seemingly goes through men and then proceeds to write music about them. What Swift does is no different from what all artists do. Painters, poets, and musicians all draw inspiration from failed relationships. Swift has spent her formative years in the public eye. She entered the music industry at age 14, and has built a brand around being relatable, which means producing lots of music about heartbreak. It is unfair to hold Swift below all other male musicians such as Bruno Mars, Frank Ocean, Drake, and Justin Timberlake, who have also made careers out of heartbreak. When one sits and listens to their albums from start to finish, the themes in each song parallel Swift's music. But, because they are men, they are applauded for having the courage to be so open while female artists are referred to as “overemotional.”

What many people also fail to understand is that Swift writes almost all of her own music. It truly is her choosing to publicize a lived experience. When artists make this conscious decision, it is unfair to turn around and judge them for it. Swift is not trying to present a distorted image of herself, on the contrary, she is trying to be as candid as possible, even if that means being met with backlash. The response she receives is rooted in sexism. It is easier to label Swift as a “whore” and engage in slut-shaming, which is all too common in dating culture, than to admit there is some merit behind the story she is trying to tell through her lyrics.

Much of Swift's criticism comes from Millennials and older generations. Gen Z seems to have a different take on basing a career around heartbreak. Olivia Rodrigo has been able to tap into that. After her very public split from Joshua Bassett, Rodrigo released “Driver's License.” The song became the new greatest heartbreak anthem. The public was in awe that someone who was only a teenager could so beautifully capture how it feels to be let down by the person you love. Rodrigo has explained that much of her musical inspiration comes from Swift. Both artists write their own music, and much of it consists of tales of relationships ending. When Rodrigo finally followed up with her first album Sour, it was clear that the public was on her side and not Bassett’s.

Another female artist who is met with lots of criticism when it comes to the music she produces about past relationships is Lana Del Rey. Much of her music is focussed on dating older men who tend to be wealthy, and Del Rey at times sounds submissive to them. Many people say that she is setting a bad example for young girls and should explore different topics in her music. But just like Swift, these are Del Rey's lived experiences. She is choosing to consciously place herself in a position where she could be ridiculed, yet chooses to because of how important these topics are to her. Fans of Del Rey argue that if one has a problem with the topics in Del Rey's music, they should direct their frustration at the men who groom and prey on young girls, and not at the woman who has lived through it. Her breakup music tends to be much darker, since it deals with more mature topics.

The tide has turned when it comes to the perception of female artists and their emotions. Gen Z has a tendency to celebrate openness and vulnerability, so it is no surprise that they as a generation would be proud of Rodrigo. Many of Swift's “haters” tend to be older women who were taught not to share their feelings about men in fear of looking weak or promiscuous. Yet, Rodrigo has broken this stereotype with the help of young people who find it powerful to speak their mind and share their emotions. The reason Gen Z is able to be very candid is because of social media. The power of being able to connect randomly with people online and find common ground with them is extremely impactful.

The rise of TikTok is the main reason breakup songs by artists such as Swift and Rodrigo have become much more popular. Currently, there is a trend on TikTok where people will use a sound that contains an iconic lyric from one of Swift's most heartbreaking songs, “Last Kiss,” from her 2010 Speak Now album. The sound goes, “So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep. And I feel you forgetting me like I used to feel you breathe.” Those who use this

sound have been using it to describe what it's like to miss your ex, your siblings, or even your dog who you now live far away from. The creativity behind this trend proves how versatile breakup music can be. There isn’t necessarily a need for one song to be about one specific type of heartbreak. The end of a friendship can hurt just as much as the end of a love affair. Another trend is with her song “Begin Again” from the 2021 album Red. The lyric from the song being used is, “You pull my chair out and help me in, and you don’t know how nice that is, but I do.” This song is about receiving a second chance at love, yet for this trend, this line is used in a humorous way. People used the sound in the background of themselves saying things such as “When he knows that you get distracted from assignments easily so he doesn’t text you.” All of these trends further demonstrate how versatile Swift's music can be.

A commonly forgotten fact is that many of Swift's songs deal with other issues in addition to breakups. The breakup songs are traditionally focused on because they are the most marketed by her team since she has built a brand around this. Those types of songs also draw in lots of media attention because Swift has such high profile heartbreaks. However, “Soon You’ll Get Better” from Swift's 2019 album Lover deals with her mom's journey with cancer. It is a slow song, with guitar strums reminiscent of Swift's days as a country singer. Swift sings, “I know delusion when I see it in the mirror. You like the nicer nurses. You make the best out of a bad deal. I just pretend it isn't real.” This song is Swift being vulnerable about a difficult and frightening time of her life, however, only a select group of people really know this song exists. “Never Grow Up” from Speak Now (2010) also deals with a different subject matter. “To you everything is funny. You got nothing to regret. I give all I had honey, if you could stay like that. Oh, darling don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow, just stay this little,” sings Swift. This song examines how difficult it is to watch yourself or someone else age over time and become a less innocent and more tainted version of themselves. Yet when people think of Speak Now, this is not the song that comes to their minds. They are most likely to remember “Dear John” or “Back To December.”

In Rodrigo's debut album SOUR (2021), 10 out of 11 of the songs were breakup songs. However, there has been no backlash over this. This is because of how sympathetic Gen Z has been to Rodrigo's split from Bassett. In many of Swift's relationships, the men she has dated are also beloved by the same audience that might enjoy her music. John Mayer, Harry Styles, and Jake Gyllenhaal have been the inspiration for some classic anthems, however these celebrities also have large fan bases. This escalates the drama. But in Rodrigo's case, the public saw Bassett as a slightly older guy who took advantage of Rodrigo and then left her for Sabrina Carpenter. This created a more nuanced love triangle, which is very different from Swift's break ups, where only what she shares in her music is what is ultimately known about her relationships.

These types of songs are not going away any time soon. Breakup music is therapeutic and much needed as a way to cope with the loss of someone in your life. However, it is important to maintain the same level of judgment when listening to male and female artists’ heartbreaks. Thankfully, it seems that the industry is slowly but surely moving in the right direction.