Some Tips on Tipping

Written by Caterina Tomassini | Designed by Madeline Michalowski | Photographed by Avani Mitra

Let’s talk about restaurant etiquette. I’m not your mother, so I’m not going to scold you to take your elbows off the table, to hold your spoon the correct way or not to burp at dinner. Instead, I want to have a heart-to-heart conversation between me—a waitress—and you, a customer.

I am going to start by doing what your mother might be inclined to do, and put you in my hideous, non-slip black waitressing shoes:

Table 21 needs water refills, table 23 is ready for the check, 19’s dish is wrong, 31’s dessert is ready to be delivered (and melting because it’s ice cream), 17 is waiting to order, and 42 wants to speak to a manager.

If you’ve never served before, I’d assume that list is stress-inducing, and I also would bet my tip money on you not wanting to deal with that mental gymnastics. Managing multiple requests at once is part of the job, and our capability to do so effectively determines if we pay our rent the following week.

That is to say, tips are crucial to our livelihood, so I’m here to settle the argument: yes, customers should tip their servers.

Most servers in Massachusetts make between four and seven dollars per hour: AKA, well below the state minimum wage, which is $14.25. Without tips, we simply don’t make enough money to get by—yet I know what some of you argue: you chose to be a server, and tips are optional, so why am I obligated to leave one? Yes, we are willingly working as servers, but we’re also working with the expectation that we’ll make a livable wage. Many of you will respond, I, the customer, shouldn’t have to support your salary. Tell your company to take care of it.

I understand where you’re coming from. But enlighten me: how do retail workers get paid? Well, when you purchase a shirt from a store, the company makes money, then splits that money between investments, products, and paying the workers.

Same with the car industry: you buy a car, and part of the money goes to the salesman. You buy a necklace from the jewelry store, and part of the sale is used to pay the jeweler. Why are we so shocked, then, that the customer of a restaurant has to pay the server? If the money doesn’t come from the tip (which comes from the customer), the money is going to come from elsewhere. For example, your $12 burger will now increase by 20% because 20% is the anticipated tip. So, your burger now costs $14.40. Your $20 gnocchi dish is now $24, your $9 margarita is now $10.80, and your $30 steak is now $36.

But mathematics is besides the point. Serving is an undesirable job—it’s in the name: ‘serving.’ Who wants to serve people? Not just serve people, but sometimes serve up to eight tables at once. To satisfy that many people at once is a talent, to say the least, and comes with a plethora of other things customers don’t realize are occurring behind the scenes.

My restaurant, which is inside the mall, was the busiest I had ever seen on the Saturday before Christmas. I had been working a double shift, so when a table of four came in at 10 p.m., I was drained. Their order was fairly simple, except for one man who wanted to remove olives, salami and oregano from his pizza, add different toppings and ask for the bottom to be slightly burnt. I nodded and smiled at the man, confirmed his order and put it in. Unfortunately, the pizza came out with olives, and when I tell you the man was livid, I mean it. He told me it was the worst service he had ever received, he demanded I make him another drink, and when I brought the Moscow Mule to him, he said it was horrible. When I brought the table their bill, he threw f-bombs at me, looked me up and down, and left no tip.

I was on my twelfth hour of that shift, I had been bartending and serving at the same time, and I found out that a coworker passed away that morning, so I was exhausted, to say the least.

On days where we work double shifts, sometimes we don’t have a chance to eat anything. We often burn ourselves on hot plates, or have soup, sauces, or drinks spilled on our aprons. We are often the victims of rude customers who think it’s acceptable to degrade us, insult us, or swear at us. But as soon as your waitress returns to your table, she slaps a smile on her face, often extending her extensive knowledge of the menu, giving her recommendations, and ensuring that you have a pleasurable experience.

Not to mention, many servers like myself are college students who are trying to make ends meet, and often miss out on social events to make a buck. If you’re willing to drop big money on drinks and apps, why not throw a bone to the overworked and underpaid college student?

Given the reality that most restaurants in the U.S. are not going to magically start paying their workers out of pocket, we should help each other out. Especially now that you’re aware of our hourly wage, it would be morally wrong for you to choose to not pay your server. You don’t work for free, do you?

So, next time you are dining with friends, don’t think twice about tipping. You never know how much your server needs it! And besides, your restaurant experience made you happy, so why not reciprocate it!